Here I Stand
by Janiqua
Summary: The story of how Lily Evans blossomed from the scared eleven year old girl who feared magic into the beautiful young woman who flourished in it, and who found the courage to defy the Darkest Lord of the century. Warning: Minimal Deathly Hallows spoilers!
1. Existence

**A/N:** With a story as popular as Harry Potter, it's rather difficult to write fanfiction, because no matter what idea you come up with, it's almost certain that someone's written it before you. Therefore, you have to come up with some pretty original ideas to make a story your own. I am fairly certain that Lily Evans Potter has been written about by numerous fans on numerous occasions. I'm just following in their footsteps here, but I'm definitely going to try and keep this fiction as original as I possibly can. In the end, I'll leave it up to you, my readers, to determine whether or not I've done this successfully.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Harry Potter or the characters. This is just my interpretation on what might have happened. Because it is just my interpretation, there are bound to be differences somewhere, somehow. For that, I apologize ahead of time.

With all that said, please enjoy, and don't forget to review! Thanks!

**ooooooo**

**Here I Stand**

**The Life, Love, and Story of Lily Evans Potter**

**ooooooo**

There is no such thing as magic.

Anyway, that's what Lily Evans had always told herself. For an eleven year old girl with parents like hers, it was often very difficult trying to reinforce such a rule. Mr. and Mrs. Evans were always off on some wild adventure, hoping to prove that very sentiment absolutely, entirely, and irrefutably false. Magic _did_ exist, they insisted. After all, they had both seen traces of it…

For Lily, and her sister Petunia, Mr. and Mrs. Evans were a downright embarrassment. Their eccentric behavior had won fame at the girls' school, and there was nothing worse for an eleven year old than having famous parents.

As if it hadn't been bad enough growing up! Lily still remembered, with great remorse, her first few days attending school. She had only been five years old – the small, diffident little girl who had shied away from others. From a distance, she had seen her tiny peers playing with expensive dolls and other treats the likes of which she had never been given by her parents. It wasn't that her family was poor… they just didn't spend their money on such trifles. And, as little girls sometimes do, she crawled back home to her older sister and asked _why_.

"_They're too like regular little girls,"_ Petunia had replied, not without a hint of bitterness in her voice. _"Ask for a doll if you want, Lily. But if I were you, I'd be grateful for the blankey and the story books you've got. Don't go looking for mom and dad's disappointment."_

And so, she hadn't. You would think that in the Evans household, room for imagination would be limitless. But it was surprisingly different. Vacations were always spent on the road, and the Evans often did more searching and quest seeking than relaxing and actually enjoying themselves – at least as far as the two sisters were concerned. At the same time, Lily could honestly not remember once having what one might consider a "normal" conversation with her mother. Not once.

In the end, magic is what came between Lily, Petunia, and their parents. Magic is what separated them, and what distanced them. And the most pathetic thing about it all was that Mr. and Mrs. Evans never even realized it!

"_When I grow up,"_ Lily had determined, more than once. _"I'm gonna be more normal than anyone else in the world. My kids won't live with this kind of humiliation!"_

"_Are you kidding?"_ Petunia had demanded. _"When I grow up, I'm not gonna _have_ kids! Can you even imagine how we're gonna turn out? Lily, we're gonna both be worse than Scrooge! I won't put no kid through that!"_

Of course, with time, everything changed. With time, Lily grew to be the eleven year old favorite of the Evans household. She was very small, but for such a small little girl, she was all arms and legs. Her hair reached down past her shoulders and was a beautiful blend of red and brown that accented her almond shaped green eyes. She had a freckly face – though she had been told time and time again by hundreds of different people – or so it seemed – that those freckles would fade away by the time she was fifteen. And as far as fashion went, Lily often went out of her way to pick out the prettiest of clothing – just to make up for her lack of girlishness as a child.

She was really a bright, lively thing. She had learned rather early in life to make the most of those times when her parents weren't around. Everyone knew of _their_ peculiarity, but that hardly bothered them when Lily succeeded in making them laugh, or simply making them feel happier than they had felt without her. There was a compelling urge inside Lily's heart that yearned for acceptance from others – which is often the case for small children, but particularly for her. She didn't want her parents, or magic, or anything of that sort, being responsible for branding her a social outcast. In the end, it didn't really matter one way or the other if what the world saw was really her, or just a portrait of what she wanted to be, as long as she was accepted by those she would call her friends.

She did make friends easily enough. Her best friend, however, was Carla Fletcher. Around her, Lily felt like she could be herself, because Carla's parents were Mrs. Evans' closest confidants – and Lily's godparents. The two of them knew each other better than anyone else in the world, and for that matter spent more time together than with anyone else in the world. Lily could not imagine growing up without Carla. They were closer than sisters! They might as well _have_ been sisters, for Lily certainly didn't feel any closer to Petunia.

Petunia dealt with things rather differently. She had grown haughty and spent less and less time at home. At school, she flat-out ignored Lily, and whenever either one of their parents showed up on campus, she would turn and walk the other way. Petunia hated her family's little quirks, and much rather preferred snubbing them altogether.

So it was with mixed emotions that sunny afternoon in the summer of 1971 that Lily received her acceptance letter to a certain school made for a certain kind of person.

It had come in the mail for Miss L. Evans. The envelope was like nothing Lily had ever seen before. Shaped out of yellowish parchment, it was thick, heavy, and addressed in emerald ink. Her parents found that simply enchanting, especially when they turned it over and found that it was sealed with purple wax in the form of a coat of arms. Lily, who had seen _many_ different coats of arms in her day from all her family's travels, did not recognize it whatsoever. It was of a lion, an eagle, a badger, and a snake, all surrounding a large H. What it represented was anyone's guess.

"I suppose you had better open it, Lily," Mrs. Evans urged her, as she and her husband looked on. Petunia was standing on the other side of the room, pouring a glass of lemonade as if she had no other care in the world.

Cautiously, not knowing what to expect, Lily opened the letter and found herself reading it aloud: "Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Headmaster: Albus Dumbledore." It went on to list the man's various different ranks and achievements. "Dear Miss Evans, we are pleased to inform you that you have been accepted at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Please find enclosed a list of all necessary books and equipment, as well as the letter of introduction to give to your parents, as they might find this honor to be unexpected. Terms begin on September 1. We await your owl by no later than July 31. Yours sincerely, Minerva McGonagall, Deputy Headmistress."

Petunia turned from the counter with an annoyed look spread across her face. "What kind of smart-ass prank is that?"

"Petunia!" Mr. Evans turned towards his daughter in shock. "Your mouth!" The girl took a quick sip of her lemonade, turning away as she did so.

Lily felt her fist crumpling the letter, even as tears stung in her eyes. She couldn't help but agree with her sister – that someone was cruel enough to play a prank on them like this – and it hurt her to think that her family stood out enough to merit such unwanted attention.

Mrs. Evans, however, had reached for the envelope, and was now holding out the so-called "letter of introduction" for herself and her husband to read together. What it said, Lily had no idea, for she had fled from the room. This was the story of her life. Her parents were both freaks and now the world was taking it out on her; mocking them at her own expense.

She was preparing to storm out of the house and flee over to Carla's, but before she could even throw open the front door, the doorbell rang. Lily stopped dead in her tracks, a look of panic in her eyes. Who was it and why had they decided to come now?

Behind her, she could hear her parents talking excitedly as they hustled into the front hall. She herself could hardly move, and her heart was pounding heavily in her throat. A strange sense of foreboding had come over her, and even though she savagely repeated over and over again in her mind that magic did not exist, it didn't help.

"Lily, the door!" Mr. Evans stressed, as he and his wife were far too busy fawning over the strange introductory letter that she was still holding onto.

Lily's legs both felt like wooden stumps, but somehow she managed to walk the rest of the way to the door. Turning the knob and opening it, she found herself staring down at the smallest man she had ever seen in her entire life!

Lily Evans was only eleven years old. She wasn't even five feet tall yet, but it didn't seem to make a difference. The man was still decidedly shorter than her, yet old enough to have the fuzziest white hair in existence framing the lower half of his sallow, crinkled face. His beard was also dense and wiry. He dressed in dark, thick green robes, and had enormous, insightful brown eyes.

_What sort of prank is this?_ The man reminded Lily of a dwarf! Who would go so far as to hire a midget and dress him up like a dwarf just to insult her and her family? This was absurd!

"Oh, my…" Mrs. Evans was staring at the man in open mouthed wonder. She didn't seem to think of it as absurd. She seemed to think of it as some kind of miracle. Her husband, too, looked as if the very world was coming to a full circle, and that now there was order and completion when before there had just been chaos.

He had been standing there, staring at an old golden pocket watch, but now he looked up and beamed. "Good afternoon!" He focused on the frozen girl, speaking in a high pitched, squeaky voice. "Lily Evans, I presume?"

Lily didn't answer. She simply stared at him, overwhelmed. Her mother, however, was quick to rush forward. "Yes! Yes, this is Lily! I feel like I've seen you before! Haven't I?"

The small man nodded, stepping through the threshold and into their home as Mrs. Evans gestured for him to do so. She carefully held Lily out of the way, closing the door behind him.

"Yes," he was calmly stating. "I do believe we have met before. In preparation for this day, you and your husband have been allowed to witness certain small things to get your minds more open." He turned back towards Lily. "We have been expecting you, Miss Evans."

Lily's mouth opened as if she wanted to speak, but for the life of her she couldn't get out a single word. _There's no such thing as magic! There's no such thing as magic!_

"Though I must admit the two of you have been a wee bit of trouble even before the girl was born," he continued on, eyeing Mr. and Mrs. Evans both with good-natured criticism, so that neither one of them could have possibly ever looked better complimented! Lily was horrified. "The Ministry knew right away that for a pair of muggles, you'd either have a witch in the family before long or you'd expose the magical world for what it is. They've tried keeping you both in check, but your hearts keep getting in the way. What nuisances." He shook his head and sighed. "I'm Filius Flitwick, by the way. Hopefully, I'll be teaching your daughter at Hogwarts this September."

Petunia had stepped out of the kitchen, and was now staring at the scene rather expressionlessly. If any of this shocked her, she hid it well. But her mind was probably still marking the whole affair as a kind of elaborate prank, and was therefore probably enjoying herself immensely behind that mask of composure.

"I'm here to represent the school," Flitwick explained. "As muggles, you can't be expected to understand what is to happen and what is to be expected and all that sort of thing. I have been made available to assist you in any way possible."

Lily, who _had_ been taking the time to slowly creep backwards, now flew out of the front hall. Her parents both whirled around in surprise, and Petunia nearly dropped her glass of lemonade. But Lily ignored all that. The only thing that mattered to her was getting away. This whole thing had to be a joke, but something inside her sensed it wasn't. And never had she felt more afraid.

There is no such thing as magic! Lily had spent the last eleven years of her life clinging to that fact, that truth, and taking comfort in it. Her parents had quirks. Had fancies. But none of them were true, and Lily would go to hell before she would allow herself to be drawn into their little world of make-believe.

She sprinted out the back door and into the yard. Several large shrubs separated her family's lawn from the neighbors' lawn – or more specifically, from the Fletchers' lawn. Carla was over there tossing a ball for her dog to fetch, but she turned towards Lily in surprise as the girl passed through the bushes. At the same time, the dog forgot the ball and pranced towards her with a wagging tail.

"What's wrong?" Carla demanded as Lily collapsed, throwing her arms around the dog's neck as if it were her own. "Lily, what happened?"

"I must be growing crazy!" she panted, gasping for breath as the tears stung in her eyes and blurred her vision. The whole world seemed to be spinning. "I just got a letter in the mail accepting me into this school that's now got my parents' fancy! And this man appeared on our doorstep – I swear he's an ugly little hobbit or something! This whole thing's got to be a joke! I… I…" She shook her head, tightly clenching her eyes shut as she tried to block everything out of her mind.

Carla came and quietly sat down beside her, no doubt too baffled to understand what was really going on. She'd figure it all out soon enough, she was sure. Her parents were friends with Lily's, and whatever happened, they'd be quick to explain it all. But until then, Carla was more than willing to offer Lily her shoulder, as she had often done in the past whenever Mr. or Mrs. Evans had done something to upset the girl. This moment would be no different.

But what Carla didn't know, and couldn't possibly understand, was that it actually _was _different. It was more different than she had ever, and could ever, reasonably imagine.

**ooooooo**

**Dedication:** I dedicate this story to my sister. She's my best friend, and she helped me piece together a very important part of this fic. Without her, I wouldn't get anywhere in the world, so Michelle… this is for you.

**A/N:** I hope everyone's enjoying this. Please don't forget to review! I appreciate it so much. Thanks!


	2. Fear

**ooooooo**

Night had fallen, and it was nearing nine thirty. Lily was back at her house, hopefully hidden safely in her bedroom away from the man who still remained with her parents down in the family parlor. Filius Flitwick was his name. He had spent the majority of the evening with them, discussing with them the details of Lily's future at Hogwarts – as if the matter was already settled and that she would, in fact, be attending! They had paused only long enough during all of this to mildly request that Petunia walk over to Carla's and fetch Lily – which Petunia had only grudgingly agreed to do.

Now, Lily sat alone in absolute darkness – for her door was shut and the lights all turned off – curled up in the window seat as she gazed outside and upwards towards a sea of glittering stars. The moon was also bright and completely full, shining vibrantly in the heavens.

Of course it was full, she told herself with a scowl. Things like this _always_ happened during the full moon. What else should she have expected?

It was safe to say that this affair no longer qualified as a prank. Magic had been demonstrated directly from Flitwick's wand for Lily, her parents, and even Petunia to see. And as much as Lily hated to admit it, even the most talented of magicians, illusionists, or whatever it was they called themselves would have had a hard time matching what was shown at that house that night.

Mr. and Mrs. Evans were both _beyond_ ecstatic by all of this, of course. It was what they had spent their entire lives devoted to discovering. The opportunity it all presented to their daughter was literally a dream come true for them. It was more than they would have ever imagined. It made every vacation, every adventure, every lead, every hope, every chance that they had ever had in their entire lives seem worth it. _This _was what they had been waiting for! And Lily knew and understood all too well that if she turned her back on such an honor as being accepted into an entire _school_ devoted to witchcraft and wizardry, she would crush it all. She would ruin it! She would break the very hearts and tear out the very souls of both her parents. And Lily simply didn't have it in her to be so cold and inconsiderate.

But it placed on her shoulders a terrible burden that was just too heavy to bear! It created a sense of obligation. Lily was not going to attend Hogwarts out of her own desire or ambition. She was going to attend Hogwarts because if she did not, her parents would despise her. There really was no choice in the matter at all.

There's no such thing as magic…

Well, apparently there was. And apparently Lily was going to learn all about it, how to use it, and how to live with it, whether she wanted to or not. It left her feeling cold inside. Cold and hollow. Empty and helpless.

Her door suddenly burst open and Petunia stood in its frame, the light from behind her making her seem less like a human and more like a shadow. Lily's eyes jerked shut against the harsh glare as her arms began to tremble.

"You know what's ironic about this?" Petunia demanded rather brazenly. "You're just eleven years old! In a _normal_ family, it would be the parents finding magic hard to accept. The kid would just throw her arms up into the air crying out: 'Magic _does_ exist! I told you! I told you!' Or something dumb like that."

Lily uncomfortably pulled her legs up closer to her chest. She glanced over at her older sister wretchedly, feeling exposed and vulnerable. It was pointless objecting to Petunia's rude invasion, for Lily knew she just didn't care about things like that.

"It makes sense, though," Petunia carried on, not waiting for her sister to say anything in response. "In a strange, freakish sort of way. You always _did_ have a tendency to attract the peculiar."

Lily started, staring at Petunia in astonishment. "What are you talking about?"

The older girl scoffed, crossing her arms. "Don't you know? It never occurred to you that it was unusual for lights in the middle of a room to start glowing when the power was out? Or for mom's music boxes to start playing when you passed by them?"

Lily blinked. And suddenly she felt as if she were floating. "None of that happened 'cause of me…"

"Of course it did!" Petunia practically hissed. "And look what it's made you! You're the epitome of what mom and dad love! If they could have this chance you've been given, they'd take it in the blink of an eye! It wouldn't matter to them what might happen to the rest of us! If you ask me, they're probably both sitting down there right now just seething with jealousy!"

"None of that happened 'cause of me!" Lily insisted loudly, trying to ignore the rest of what her sister had just said.

"It's _your_ fault, Lily!" Petunia backed away, staring at the eleven year old as if she had never seen her before. "All the strange stuff that used to happened around you… Whether you noticed it or not, the rest of us saw it. I never made much of it before, but now I understand that _that_ was what kept our parents' obsession with the paranormal so heated and so strong! If you had just been _normal_ like the rest of us, they might have actually grown up! But now, that won't ever happen, will it? They'll be children living inside some dumb made-up world for the rest of their lives!"

Lily flinched. She was literally struck speechless by her sister's angry tirade. It wasn't… really her fault… that her parents were like the way they were… was it?

Petunia backed away from the door, shrewdly nodding her head. "And so will you." The severity in her voice was enough to create such apprehension in Lily's heart that she was nearly suffocated in a blanket of fear. Very few had as much influence over younger children as did their older siblings, and hearing Petunia speak in such a way brought terror into the mind of the eleven year old. She was shaking awfully now, and couldn't stop for the life of her.

Any _normal_ child would have been thrilled to find that magic actually existed. So it was in that moment that Lily realized with heart stopping agony that she really was, without a doubt, one of the least normal girls in all of Britain.

**ooooooo**

Filius Flitwick left the Evans' home the following morning, promising to return later in August to accompany Lily to Diagon Alley where she would be able to pick up her school supplies. Until then, the Evans were left to adjust to this stunning revelation and become more familiar with the magical world through various volumes of rather old, musty smelling tomes left by the squat Hogwarts professor.

It was supposed to be to Lily's benefit, since she came from a "muggle" family. But she wouldn't be prevailed upon to even skim a single page! Not that she needed to, anyway. Her parents literally both spent every free second of every day studying those books, as if there were nothing more to life apart from them. And if they weren't to be found doing that, they could almost definitely be found relating such newly learned information to either one of their daughters. The subject simply fascinated them! It was as if nothing else in the world could possibly compare with the true history of magic.

Lily, however, had a very different opinion. She was of a very different mindset. The more she thought about it, the more she did not want to go. Her plans had always been to go to a regular High School with her regular friends and live a completely regular life. She didn't want to attend some magical boarding school! She didn't want to be separated from Carla! Carla was her best friend! What would school of _any_ sort be like without her? Think of the loneliness! Think of the homesickness…

Of course, the Fletchers didn't know that Hogwarts was a school for witchcraft and wizardry. As far as Carla was concerned, it was just some obscure boarding school Mr. and Mrs. Evans had decided to enroll Lily in. Why Petunia hadn't been enrolled in it as well, none of them could even begin to imagine, but for the moment they were content to simply stay out of it. It wasn't any of their business.

Needless to say, Carla wasn't too happy about it either. But she at least tried to make the best of the situation, while Lily sank deeper into her own misery and self-pity. "My parents don't want me anymore," she often complained.

Before long, however, Carla guessed at the reason why Lily was being sent away when Petunia was not. "You're too scared! You gotta be sent away, or you'll never grow up! You'll spend the rest of your life relying on your parents. Petunia's independent enough as it is. She doesn't need the practice."

Needless to say, _this_ left Lily feeling more confused than ever before. According to Petunia, if she went away to a school of magic and make-believe, she'd never grow up. But according to Carla, if she stayed at home for the rest of her childhood, she'd always be the dependant, helpless little girl forever relying on her mom and dad, thus also never growing up.

How exactly was a kid supposed to grow up these days?

No matter where Lily looked, she could find no answers. The only thing she knew without a single doubt in her mind was that magic was a horror to be dreaded. And she dreaded it. She dreaded it more than she dreaded the dentist. Or the school principal. Or the lightning storms that had frightened her so much when she had been a little girl.

Magic scared her.

But as the summer slipped away, she grew to realize that whether or not it scared her, it was to become a part of her life that she simply could not hope to escape.

**ooooooo**

**A/N:** This chapter was kind of short, but I hope it painted a good picture of how Lily is going to be portrayed in her early years. For all of you die-hard fans of Harry Potter, don't panic. She'll turn out to be in-character as the years pass, but right now she still has a lot of growing up to do. I hope you'll all stick with me long enough to witness that transformation. Until then, please review and give me your thoughts and opinions! Thanks ever so much!


	3. The Boy in Diagon Alley

**ooooooo**

August was reaching its end, and Lily's parents were both growing anxious for Filius Flitwick's return, as he _had_ promised to come back and assist their youngest daughter in gathering her school supplies before the first term began. After all, _they_ certainly couldn't take Lily to Diagon Alley! They had no idea where it was or how to get there. They could only wait, with declining patience, as the days past by and as September drew nearer.

_Petunia was right,_ Lily realized while observing the two of them. _They want what I've been given._ Mr. and Mrs. Evans both felt all of the anticipation and excitement that Lily did not, and then some! The longer Flitwick took in making his reappearance, the more her parents seemed to yearn for him to come.

Lily herself was beginning to hope that maybe he _wouldn't_ come. Maybe she had been forgotten about, and she could breathe easily again at last. Maybe it really had been an elaborate prank all along, and there hadn't been any school to begin with. Once September rolled around, maybe she'd be attending her regular school with Carla and her regular friends again after all. Maybe there was nothing she needed to worry about…

Such were Lily's hopes as the days came and went, and as she walked downstairs into the kitchen for breakfast on a certain, particular morning. It was nearing eight thirty, but Lily, like her parents, was an early riser. In that way the entire family was similar; they hardly ever slept in. How sad it would be, she often thought, if that were all they had in common.

"Morning," she softly greeted her mother, who was standing by the stove frying eggs. She was still rubbing the last few traces of sleep out of her eyes, and barely registered her mother's response as she sat down at the table and picked up the magazine she liked to read from in the morning. The article was an old one – several years old to be exact – but it covered an ordinary topic, and in her family, one couldn't get enough of the ordinary.

Her mother brought to her a plate of eggs, and she was just settling down to eat them when the doorbell suddenly and loudly rang out. A toy bird popped out of the kitchen clock, cawing once to announce the half hour, and Lily was left with a strange, frigid sensation washing over her.

"I'll get it!" Petunia, who had just been walking down the stairs towards the kitchen herself, presently shouted as she changed course and headed for the front door. Lily could hear her opening it, and even though she wasn't anywhere near the front of the house and couldn't reasonably place a guess as to who it was that called, she suddenly knew without a doubt that the time had now come.

"Mom!" Petunia shouted from the front hall. "Dad! There's a dwarf here to see you!"

Mr. Evans, who had been sitting at the kitchen table along with Lily, was now on his feet and jumping towards his eldest daughter. "Petunia! For the last time, watch your tongue!"

Mrs. Evans dropped everything and turned towards her youngest daughter with the brightest countenance Lily had ever seen in her life. "He's here!" She was practically squeaking now, reminiscent to an overly eager child on Christmas Eve. Lily helplessly allowed the woman to draw her from the table, from the kitchen, and into the hallway.

From there, Petunia could be seen racing up the stairs while Mr. Evans apologized profusely to the short little professor for her unacceptable rudeness.

"Oh, not at all! Not at all!" Flitwick was laughing. "I'm a schoolteacher, Mr. Evans! I am well acquainted with the varying behaviors of young teenagers." As he made this reassuring remark his gaze happened upon Lily and he let out a satisfied sigh. "Why, there you are my dear. Are you ready to go? There is a lot to be done today."

For a moment no one spoke, and then Lily realized that they were all waiting for _her_ to say something. She jumped, feeling the color draining quickly out of her cheeks, and hastened to nod. "Yeah! I… I-I think so."

"Very good!" Flitwick turned back towards Mr. Evans. "You'll find Diagon Alley in London. It's bound to be rather busy today, so when we get there, you'll both stick close to me." His gaze transferred quickly between the man and his daughter. "I trust it's not a long drive from here to there. The heart of London is only a few miles away, but I'm not partial to muggle transportation. I can still remember a time when your kind relied merely on a horse and carriage."

Lily's mouth dropped open and the words spat out of her mouth before she realized what she was saying. "You're _that_ old?"

"Yes, I imagine it does rather seem that way," he nodded pleasantly enough. "Now then. There shall be places to park outside the Leaky Cauldron, and from there I'll show you how to get into the courtyard entrance of the Alley. Shall we go?"

Mr. Evans was all too eager to oblige, and he led both his daughter and the professor outside towards his car. Mrs. Evans, as much as it pained her, would remain at the house to stay with Petunia.

The drive was not a long one. And to pass the time, Flitwick spoke nonstop about what was to be done once they arrived. Lily, he made certain, had in her possession the list of required materials for her first term, and Mr. Evans, he confirmed, had money enough to exchange for wizard currency at the Gringotts Bank. The rest of the trip was spent with Flitwick explaining the difference between a Galleon, Sickle, and Knut.

Lily herself felt grateful that Flitwick was willing to do all the talking, and that the conversation was directed towards her father and not towards her. As long as she wasn't the center of attention, she thought she might be able to bear it all. As long as she didn't have to speak a word, and could lose herself to her thoughts and daydreams, she might not be overwhelmed by the sickening fear that now slivered its way through her gut and left her feeling spent and sullied.

They arrived deep within the city of London. Flitwick navigated for Mr. Evans the entire way – an interesting feat to say the least, as the short old man could hardly see out the front windshield as it was. Nevertheless, they eventually came to an old, worn out street that looked, even on such a bright sunny day, particularly soggy from the last rainfall. The buildings on either side of the road were all tall, and had a grimy feel to them. As Mr. Evans parked the car, Lily gazed out over the street from the back window, all the while wondering: what good was magic in a slum like this?

Each building was startlingly close to the next – there was practically no space at all between them. Mr. Evans and Flitwick both got out of the car, but though Lily had opened her side's door, she hesitated in parting from the familiar safety of the vehicle. People got mugged in streets like this!

"The Leaky Cauldron is right over here," Flitwick was saying, gesturing towards a tiny little pub tucked away between two other rather prominent structures. A moment ago, Lily hadn't even noticed the place's presence! It was _that_ inconspicuous. Now, however, it stood out ominously and Lily realized that once inside, she would be in a completely different realm.

Mr. Evans was commenting on that, but then he paused and looked back at Lily. "Are you coming?"

She nodded dejectedly, stepping out of the car and shutting the door behind her. A black streetlamp stood proud and tall a few feet away, and as Lily past by it, it began flickering even though it was still barely midmorning. Remembering Petunia's words from the month before, it was all Lily could do not to openly cringe at such an occurrence. Mr. Evans remained completely oblivious to the streetlamp, but when the eleven year old glanced at Flitwick, the old professor turned from it to her with a smile on his face. He didn't comment on it, though, and merely gestured for Lily to go on ahead of him. One by one the three made their way into the rundown pub.

If it were possible, the inside of the Leaky Cauldron looked even shabbier than the outside. It wasn't well lit at all, and although it was relatively empty, there seemed to be a haze about it that had been created from smoke. Lily literally thought she could smell ash! There was a certain atmosphere about the place that made her feel as though she were standing in the middle of a low-class bar, with no one to care about the fact that she was horrifically underage. Needless to say, her father drew her protectively close to him and kept her there as Flitwick waddled towards and through a back door.

It opened out into a walled-in courtyard. But as far as courtyards went, it was nothing to boast about. The pub's rain gutters were dripping, creating puddles on a cobblestone floor that was already littered with broken glass and old wrappers. Weeds and a trash can were all that settled in the place.

"Well, it's not a very spectacular sight," Flitwick admitted sheepishly as they walked over to the far side of the courtyard. "But then again, the most magical and wondrous of miracles can often be found hidden behind masks of ugliness. That's what makes them so difficult for muggles to see."

He pulled out his wand and tapped on a certain brick three times, eyeing Lily as she watched intently.

Mr. Evans was also paying close attention, but he spoke as well. "I've often found that to be true myself. After all, real beauty can't be fully appreciated without certain flaws."

Flitwick smiled and nodded, looking back at Lily. But she didn't see him. She was too distracted by the bricks; they were quivering and shifting, creating an enormous opening that grew wider and taller by the second, until it shaped itself entirely into a classic archway big enough to allow several cars to pass right on by.

The feeling that she had been standing in the middle of a dirty slum passed quickly away, and Lily was left with the strange sensation that time had rewound far into the past, setting her down in front of a crowded London marketplace where everything was happening at once and anything was possible.

There were stores everywhere, fashioned elaborately and classically, while selling everything imaginable – aside from what might be found in the muggle world. There were no cars. There was no electricity. There was only magic and what one would expect to find in a magical universe.

The people there all seemed to be on friendly terms with each other, and it was not traffic that made all the noise, but voices and laughter. Of course, there were shouts of annoyance and exasperation enough, but for the most part, the mass of men, women, and children running around and going about their daily activities created a sense of festivity around them. For Lily, it was like standing in the entrance to a magical carnival.

"By this time next year," Flitwick was telling her almost conspiratorially. "You'll be able to come and go from Diagon Alley as you please, and it'll feel like home to you."

All the fascination and all the awe she had allowed herself for a moment to feel suddenly vanished completely out of sight. Lily was left horrified by the thought of one day finding a place such as _this_ comfortingly familiar. It was just too bizarre… Shaking, though trying very hard to keep up a collected appearance, she reluctantly followed her father and Flitwick farther into the Alley. Behind them, the magical archway turned back into a wall.

It couldn't _technically_ be called an alley, she supposed. It was too big and it had too much in it. And it was cleaner! Next to the Leaky Cauldron, its courtyard, and the street outside, Diagon Alley might well have been a picture of perfect health and sanitation. Mr. Evans, his eyes wide with joy and childlike delight, couldn't help but continuously compliment the place. On the other hand, Lily felt like shrinking in on herself and fading away.

Eventually, they arrived in front of the largest and whitest building Lily had ever laid eyes on. It did look like it had stepped right out of a fairytale picture book, what with its great bronze doors and what had to have been a goblin standing beside them.

"This is the bank," Flitwick explained to the girl's impressed father. "We'll get your money exchanged here. Lily, do you still have your list?"

"Yes, sir," she said quietly, staring down at the paper in her hands. There were several books she needed to purchase, as well as robes and other clothing, a cauldron, phials, a telescope, scales, and a wand. Quite a list, she thought dejectedly to herself as she and her father followed Flitwick up the steps leading into the bank.

After they had taken care of the money situation, Flitwick led them around the alley, assisting them in all their purchases. Mr. Evans, who was actually quite good with numbers and puzzles, got the hang of Galleons, Sickles, and Knuts rather quickly. All in all, they spent more time allowing the man to admire the different stores with their various trinkets and curiosities than they did actually gathering school supplies. And through it all, Lily felt slightly dizzy.

And so the morning past away, and finally they reached their last stop. It was a tiny little store, and it looked like it had seen better days. Ollivanders: Makers of Fine Wands since 382 B.C. At least that's what the sign said over the door in peeling gold letters. Lily stared up at it apprehensively. Before now, she had just been obtaining quirky little odds and ends anyone could get on any other day. But in this store, she would be buying her _wand_. The conduit of a witch's magic. _Here_, Lily's life would _officially_ become paranormal. It made her nauseas.

"Come along, come along!" Flitwick urged, leading her and her father inside. A bell rang somewhere, and the entire atmosphere changed as Lily found herself staring at piles upon piles of narrow boxes that stretched from floor to ceiling all around her. Frightened that they might all tumble down upon her if she so much as sneezed, Lily wrapped her arms around herself and shuffled closer to her father.

At that moment, an old man appeared from behind the mountains of boxes and stood before them with a welcoming smile upon his face. His eyes, Lily did not fail to notice, seemed to glow like moonlight. "Why, good morning Filius!"

"Ollivander," Flitwick nodded pleasantly enough. "I've brought Lily Evans here to buy her first wand. She's new to the magical world, you see."

Mr. Ollivander's gaze swept over to where Lily was standing. "Then I must welcome you whole heartedly, my dear. Come. Come." He waved her forward, speaking in a gentle, delicate voice that seemed to understand Lily's hesitation all too well. She guessed that he had probably seen it many times before.

Obeying, she allowed him to reach for her right hand, confirming that it was indeed her stronger one. A moment later, she was shocked to find a flying tape measure springing up around her and taking sizes of her arm. Meanwhile, Mr. Ollivander turned and started sorting through his boxes as Flitwick explained to Lily and her father how wands were created, and how _they _were what chose the witch, and not the other way around.

The bell sounded out again as the door reopened behind them. Lily, Mr. Evans, and Flitwick all turned around to watch as a small eleven year old boy walked confidently into the store before his mother.

He couldn't _possibly _have been older than eleven. He had a mat of unruly black hair upon his head, as well as bright, vivacious eyes that seemed to take in everything around them behind a pair of glasses, and a smirk to top it all off. His gaze focused almost immediately on Lily and he whistled.

"James!" his mother sounded exasperated, as if she had been fighting him all day. He just grinned, and Lily felt herself blushing as she quickly turned away.

Flitwick, however, was beside himself with pleasure. "Mrs. Potter! How long has it been?" He waddled towards her happily, and the woman allowed herself to smile as the two of them embraced – James laughed at the sight of his mother bending over to reach the man. A moment later she was erect again, and Flitwick was facing the boy. "Is this your son?"

"Aye," the woman dabbed her forehead with a handkerchief; it must have been getting rather warm outside. "James, this will be your Charms Professor. Professor Flitwick."

James's grin widened, and he held up his hand. "It's an honor." Before Flitwick could respond, however, the boy's attention returned to Lily. She was attempting to peer at him subtly, but he must have seen her looking at him. He made a show of bowing to her gallantly. "James Potter, at your service!"

Lily stared at him openly now, unsure what to make of him. "I'm Lily."

"Lily Evans," Flitwick went on, sparing her the trouble. "She'll be a first year, just like you, my boy." He then looked at Mrs. Potter, gesturing towards Mr. Evans. Introductions were in order, and the Charms Professor wasted no time.

Fortunately, Lily was again spared from all that by the return of Mr. Ollivander. He was carrying an assortment of different boxes, and set them all down on a tabletop while motioning for Lily to come forward again. She obeyed.

After dismissing the tape measure, Mr. Ollivander opened one of the boxes and took out a particular wand which he then handed to her and told her to wave.

It felt rather long to her: ten and a quarter inches. But then again, it was the only wand she had ever held before in her life, so she really had nothing to compare it with. Carefully, she held it out in front of her.

There's no such thing as magic. The mantra returned to her now, but she knew it would do her no good. She glanced hesitantly at her father; he, Flitwick, and Mrs. Potter were all watching her curiously – though the boy, James, seemed to be admiring the heap of boxes to their left.

"Go on," Mr. Evans encouraged her with half a smile and sparkling eyes. She caught her breath, and stared back down at the wand. There's no such thing as magic. She told herself that stubbornly as she finally managed to wave the wand. And sure enough, nothing happened.

"Try this one," Mr. Ollivander suggested, taking the wand from her while handing her another. Again, she waved it, and again, nothing happened. James turned back around and looked at her, yawning obnoxiously loud.

"James Potter!" his mother hissed through her teeth. She suddenly produced her own wand and aimed it at him threateningly. The boy lifted his arms to shield his face, laughing as he did so. And as much as it pained Lily to admit it, he had an incredibly pleasant sounding laugh.

"Take your time, Lily," Mr. Evans suggested as Mr. Ollivander took back his wand and expertly pulled forth another from its fancy case.

"Willow," he said, holding it out to her. "Ten and a quarter inches. Rather swishy, I might add."

"That right there is a good wand," Flitwick stated, staring at it favorably.

Without even meaning to, as Lily took hold of the wand she felt a power rise up beneath her skin, and like a bud bursting out into bloom the magic blossomed in the air around her, causing every single lamp in the building to brighten tremendously.

The others could sense it, and their responses were immediate. Mr. Evans was gasping, and there were tears of joy in his eyes. Mrs. Potter and Flitwick were both grinning from ear to ear, and Mr. Ollivander had clapped his hands together in triumph. Only James was staring at the actual light bulbs – if that was what they were illuminating those lamps – while marveling at how much brighter they now glowed.

Mr. Ollivander took back the wand, congratulating Lily as he returned it to its case and began wrapping it up for her to buy. "A splendid wand for charms, if I do say so myself. You'll be most satisfied with it, I'm sure."

"Thank you," Lily whispered, feeling naked now that the wand was out of her reach. _What is this? I didn't even hold it for thirty seconds, and already I feel as though I _must_ have it back!_ She started shaking again. Violently now, so that everyone noticed.

"My dear, are you quite all right?" Mrs. Potter asked in concern as Mr. Evans hastened forward to support his daughter.

"I…" Lily felt dizzy again and leaned into her father. She shook her head. "I don't know…"

Mr. Ollivander was suddenly standing in front of her, holding out a phial for her to take. "It's okay. This _has_ been known to happen to some muggle borns as they use their first magic. It will pass, I promise you that." He helped Lily drink whatever it was in that phial, and sure enough, a moment later, she felt a lot calmer and a lot more at ease.

"Thank you," she whispered again, taking comfort in the arm her father held around her.

"Not at all," Mr. Ollivander smiled tranquilly. "It was a mild case, to say the least. In time, your body will adjust to magic, and you probably won't even remember ever having once felt this way."

"I hope so," she said, her gaze slowly turning towards the other eleven year old in their company. James Potter was his name. He was staring at the floor, looking decidedly bored – though Lily got the impression that he was just uncomfortable with her situation. He was, she imagined, no different from any other boy their age, and in her mind that made him nothing special. She looked away from him.

And moments later, when her father and Flitwick both helped her out of Ollivanders and back into the busy street of Diagon Alley, she did not look back for even a moment.

**ooooooo**

**A/N:** Well, that was definitely a longer chapter. It feels more like me. I hope that everyone reading this is enjoying it, and please don't forget to review! I appreciate it!


	4. Leaving Home

**ooooooo**

The first day of September rolled around with the utmost haste now that Lily had her wand, robes, and other supplies in possession. There was nothing else to wait for, after all, and if there really _was_ anything in the world that was magical, than it was that when you dreaded something, time picked up its pace and moved faster and faster until you were looking at that dreaded something straight in the eye.

Lily was sitting on the window seat in her bedroom, staring blankly outside as her mother and father struggled to get her large trunk into the back of the car. Behind her, Petunia was standing in the doorframe, her arms crossed and her face twisted into a scowl.

"I'm not going with you to the station," she presently informed the younger girl. "I'd rather stay next door. At least the Fletchers know a thing or two about normalcy."

"I wanna go with you," Lily heard herself whining. She turned around and gazed at her sister in distraught. "Can't you say something to them…? Can't you make them change their minds?"

Petunia scoffed, shaking her head in disbelief. "If you don't want to go, Lily, _you_ tell them. They won't force you to, you know."

"But…" Lily was at a loss. For such a warm day, the room around her felt colder than ice. "I can't… They'd be so disappointed…"

"And you think they wouldn't despise _me_ if I tried to keep you from 'going off and fulfilling your destiny'?" She was mocking their parents now. They had both heard the anticipative conversations Mr. and Mrs. Evans had shared, and now Petunia was quoting them with cruel dramatic license. "Give me a break."

"I don't wanna go…" Lily's voice was so soft that her sister unconsciously leaned forward to hear better. But then her words amplified, and Lily was nearly shouting. "Don't they know they're being crazy? Magic's not supposed to exist! I don't want it to exist! I swore I'd grow up and be normal!"

"It's not too late for that-"

"Yes it is!" she cried, staring down at the floor while struggling determinedly to keep her very real tears at bay. "I'm gonna be all alone Petunia…"

Downstairs they could hear the front door as their father threw it open. "Girls! Come on, it's time! We don't want to be late!"

"Heaven forbid that," Petunia grumbled, walking forward and reaching for Lily's hand. It looked – and felt – so much smaller than she had ever realized before. "Come on. Best get this over with." Together they walked downstairs, and Lily closed her eyes as she stepped outside, into the bright morning sunshine. She wondered how long it would take for her to return to this place, and feel comforted beneath the familiar roof that was, in fact, her home. She knew she would miss it terribly.

Mr. Evans was smiling at Petunia. "Oh? So you're coming after all?"

The girl shook her head, swinging her arm – as well as Lily's – forward and back. "Nope. I'm staying at Carla's. Just seeing Lily off."

Mrs. Evans was standing by the front passenger seat of her husband's car with the door already pulled open. "Are you sure you don't want to come and see the train? Professor Flitwick promised it to be quite a sight."

Petunia shook her head again. "No thanks."

"Suit yourself," Mr. Evans shrugged his shoulders as he went to lock the front door of the house. He then started towards his children again with a definite bounce in his step. He paused before Lily. "Are you ready?"

She looked up at him soulfully, and shook her head. His face softened considerably, and he nodded in understanding.

"This is a big step you're taking," he admitted while reaching for both her hands – which required Petunia to drop one. "It's all right to be nervous. But you're going to make us all very proud, Lily. You've got nothing to fear."

Lily nodded, feeling unconvinced as she stared down at the hard cement driveway. It was undeniable now. By going to Hogwarts, she would make her parents proud. By refusing to go, she would shame them. She turned towards Petunia one last time. "Are you really not coming?"

Petunia nodded once. And then she looked up at her father. "What time's the train leaving?"

"Eleven," he said, looking down at his watch. "We've forty minutes to get there. Plenty of time."

"Petunia!" Lily suddenly rushed towards her sister and flung her arms around her. Her eyes were clenched shut against burning tears, and she chose to ignore the older girl's obvious surprise. "I… I don't! I don't want… I'm gonna miss you!" She was so upset that she could hardly get out a sentence.

"Go on," Petunia said, pushing her away. Something in her voice said that… she was disgusted. "Go, Lily! Just go." She turned and stormed off towards the neighbors' house.

Mrs. Evans took two steps after her. "Petunia!"

But the young teenager did not stop, did not turn back around, and did not make any sign to show that she had heard her mother whatsoever.

Standing there in the middle of the driveway, watching Petunia disappear behind the bushes, Lily felt more isolated than she had ever been before in her entire life.

**ooooooo**

The drive to King's Cross station did not take half as long as the drive to the Leaky Cauldron had. Finding a place to park the car, however, was an altogether different matter; it seemed as though an extraordinary amount of people had chosen that day, of all days, to travel.

Not that Lily minded in the least. With all the confusion, noise, and activity, it was rather difficult for one to worry about anything other than sticking close to your family and luggage. For once, magic was the farthest thing from Lily's mind as she took in the sight of King's Cross. She had never been in a train station before, or even on a train for that matter! Whenever her family had traveled anywhere in the past, they had always gone by car.

"No need checking the arrivals board," Mr. Evans called to his wife as he dragged Lily's trunk towards the platforms. "Professor Flitwick made it clear that the Hogwarts Express wouldn't be listed."

_Hogwarts Express?_ Lily knew she would be making the trip by train, but she hadn't known the train was actually _named_ after the school! It was unbelievable! At this rate, Hogwarts would have its own mall and theme park to boot! Taking a deep breath, she hastened after her father with her mother directly behind her. It would probably be best right about now not to think about what extra features Hogwarts had to offer.

"Do you have the ticket?" Mrs. Evans called to her husband as she and Lily struggled to keep up. It was amazing how quickly the man could walk, even while dragging his daughter's belongings behind him.

"I do!" he called back, holding out the ticket for his wife to take. "We're looking for platform nine."

It wasn't that hard to find. The floor had somewhere turned cement, and above them, windows spread across the bowed ceiling. Brown brick barriers separated the platforms, each one of them sunken into arches, and over them there were plastic numbers that identified the location. And there was platform nine.

"Are you sure this is the place?" Mrs. Evans asked her husband skeptically as she and Lily both came to a pause. On the platform, they could see scores of men and women, all of whom were dressed in traveling clothes, but hardly any children. It did not look like a school's stop.

But Mr. Evans remained totally unfazed. "Of course it's not! I said we were looking for platform nine. I never said we were going there. Come on, this way!" He started towards the barrier separating platform nine from platform ten. Lily glanced up at her mother, but the woman's gaze was fixed on her husband.

"Come along, Lily," she said, reaching for the girl's shoulders and guiding her forward without even _once_ looking down at her. Together, they made for Mr. Evans.

When they reached him, he turned to face them proudly. "As of right now, we are standing in front of a portal that shall take us to platform nine and three-quarters. There, the Hogwarts Express will be waiting." His face was completely and utterly glowing as he said all this, and when he looked down towards his daughter he winked gleefully. "Professor Flitwick explained it all to me himself!"

Lily blinked.

"Well, isn't that something?" Mrs. Evans was grinning in excitement. "Walking through a portal? Can you even imagine that?" She whirled around towards Lily. "Shall I try it first?"

The girl nodded, outwardly expressionless. _She_ certainly didn't want to be the first one running headlong into a brick wall! _She_ didn't want to look like a fool in front of a thousand strangers! If her mother wanted to do herself even more injury than she had already, that would be _her_ problem. Not Lily's.

But when Mrs. Evans walked right up to that barrier and then kept going, she did not suffer an embarrassing collision at all. No. She merely vanished completely from sight in the blink of an eye.

Lily started in astonishment. She hadn't actually expected it to work! Had she? "Momma!" She rushed forward in a panicked attempt to reach inside that portal and pull back out her presently missing parent. But instead, she found herself flying in completely after her.

A tiny shriek escaped through her lips as the world around her darkened for a single instant, and then expanded into a realm like nothing she would have ever dared to expect. For at first sight, everything _seemed_ to be strikingly regular!

The platform was like all of the others she had seen up till now, and the men and women who had all congregated there with their kids and their kids' trunks seemed to be perfectly normal. The smells were all decidedly ordinary, and it was no warmer or cooler than it had been outside. There was a loud buzz to the place, as everyone seemed to be talking and giving or taking directions from one another. Even the bright red steam engine that sat waiting by the platform didn't seem even remotely magical.

"Just look at it, Lily!" Mrs. Evans was suddenly standing beside her with a look of growing wonder on her face. "How remarkable!"

A moment later, Mr. Evans had joined the two of them, and was, once again, positively beaming. "Platform nine and three-quarters. This is definitely the right place!" He glanced around, noticing how students were already bidding their parents farewell and climbing onto the train. "Let's get going, Lily! It won't be long now before the train leaves!"

"Wouldn't want that," Lily muttered, but with the platform as loud as it was, no one heard her. A second later, she felt her mother steering her towards the train. It felt like no time had passed at all when all of a sudden Lily realized that her trunk was safely set in a single compartment and she was back outside on the platform ready to say goodbye.

Tears suddenly welled up in her eyes again, but she tried with all her might not to shed them. There were students all around her and most of them were either laughing or jeering. They were all having a swell time, and Lily didn't want them to see her this upset.

Nevertheless, as her parents both kneeled down in front of her she found herself cringing. "Please don't send me away…"

Mrs. Evans' face melted into sorrow. "Oh, honey." She pulled her daughter close to her and held her tightly. Her father was standing back up again, watching over them both protectively. "I know. I do. You're my baby girl, Lily, and it's impossible to tell you in words how much I'm going miss you." She pulled back and stared lovingly into Lily's eyes. "I love you, my sweetheart. And you'll be home for Christmas in no time, just you wait! Then you can tell me how many friends you've made and how much you've learned, and everything is going to be okay."

Lily listened to all of this with a constricting heart. Nothing was going to be okay! She wasn't going to learn anything, because the simple thought of using magic was just too much for her to bear! And she wouldn't make any friends because they'd all be up to their necks in it, waving around their wands and creating spells and making potions! She just wouldn't fit in! She'd be lucky if they didn't all hate her two seconds after meeting her! How could anything _ever_ be okay?

A figure moving behind her mother caught her attention, and as she glanced up she realized that that boy from Diagon Alley was only a few feet away. James Potter. He was watching with a half amused, half concerned look on his boyish face. Lily quickly averted her gaze, focusing on her mother once again.

"Are you going to be all right?" the woman was asking, pressing a kind, warm hand against the girl's face.

"Yeah," Lily lied, staring down at her feet.

"I'm glad," her mother stood back up, and Mr. Evans stepped forward to lift his daughter up into an affectionate hug.

"Oof," he put her back down again in a hurry. "You've grown so much, Lily!" She looked up at him and his eyes were sparkling. It looked like he was on the verge of shedding tears himself. "Now, you be sure to write us, do you hear me?"

"Yes, daddy," she said.

"Good." He leaned down and kissed her forehead. "The train will be leaving soon. You'd best get aboard." She nodded, and he helped her up the steps. Moments later, she was sitting back in the compartment with her trunk, staring out the window towards her parents. All the while, dread was starting to rise up in the pit of her stomach.

The train whistled.

A moment later, it was moving beneath her feet.

_No!_ Lily's heart lurched. She needed to get off! Now! Before it was too late! Before she lost the chance to forever!

She jumped from her seat and was about to race from the compartment when its door suddenly opened on its own accord! Lily stumbled to an immediate halt, finding herself standing nose to nose with none other than James Potter! She was so shocked by this that she almost fell right over.

"Whoa!" James took a step back and scratched his head, noticing the girl's expression. "Didn't mean to scare you."

The train was moving faster now, and with each passing second it continued to pick up speed. Somehow James remained perfectly well balanced through it all, while Lily, on the other hand, had to reach for something to grab and support herself with. "What do you want?"

"Just to see if you, um, you know," he shrugged, "needed anything. You're not used to magic, are you?"

"No," she replied, her voice sounding hard and cold. "I'm not. And I appreciate the offer, but I don't need _any_thing right now. Not from you or _any_one else." She slid the door shut in his face without so much as saying goodbye to him. And then, she turned around and leaned her back against it, staring out the window rather helplessly.

King's Cross station was gone. Outside, she could see that they were already passing through various neighborhoods and into the country. She wondered dejectedly whether or not any of those houses in the distance belonged to her. Or to Carla. Or to any of her other friends.

She wondered if she would ever see them again. Right now, that was all she could hope for. But in a few months' time, this wizarding world might succeed in taking her in. In hypnotizing her or something. In changing her. In making her as devoted to magic and witchcraft as her parents seemed to be already.

Would she still be Lily Evans when Christmas arrived? Or would she be something else? Something _abnormal_?

"I'm all alone…" she whispered. The tears in her eyes blurred her vision. She felt herself crumpling into a heap on the floor. She was all alone… with a whole _world_ in front of her that she was a stranger to and afraid of. How was she ever going to survive it by herself? She felt lost. Unprepared. And, worst of all, petrified.

**ooooooo**


	5. First Impressions

**ooooooo**

It was impossible for Lily to determine how long she had been on that train. It was snaking its way through the countryside, and though every once and awhile she thought she saw something that looked familiar to her – for she had seen much of the countryside with both her parents – it felt for the most part as though she were a stranger traveling to a distant, foreign land.

It had been years since she had parted from the rest of her family. Rather, it _felt_ like it had been years. She knew it couldn't possibly have been that long, but to her, _that_ was hardly the issue. It scared her, how much closer the train was getting to Hogwarts with each passing second. And she couldn't stop it! She was a trapped and unwilling passenger. If the conductor was to suddenly lose control of the train and run it off its tracks, and were it to dive off a cliff so that it could meet a rocky, untimely end, the other passengers on board might _then_ be able to taste the awful helplessness that soured her dry tongue.

She was back in her seat now, no longer crumpled on the floor. A woman pushing around a cart had earlier poked her head into Lily's compartment, catching her completely off guard as she had still been on the ground. While the eleven year old had scrambled to get back into a proper seating position, the woman had asked if she wanted anything to eat. Lily had declined, and the woman hastened to push the cart away, feeling just as embarrassed as the red faced girl.

She had not been bothered since. Outside the sun had already set and stars were beginning to come out. The train had left at eleven o'clock that morning. If night was arriving, than she really _had_ been sitting there in quiet solitude for several long, dismal hours.

The door to her compartment was suddenly shoved open again, ending what was probably, by now, the record in amount of time a student had ever past on this train alone. Lily glanced up and saw an older boy looking in at her. She had no idea who he was, but he was wearing the school robes _and_ he had a large badge pinned on with the letter P spread across it, so she figured he was someone who knew what he was about.

"First year?" he asked her in a short clipped voice. She nodded forlornly, and he must have noticed. Staring at her, his entire countenance suddenly softened. "All right. The train will be arriving at Hogwarts in fifteen minutes. You'd best change into your robes." He smiled kindly. "I think you'll like it at the castle. We've got the best food around, and the mountains are beautiful."

"Thank you," Lily whispered, and the boy took that as his cue to leave. Once he was gone, however, she realized what he had said and her heart gave yet another savage lurch. Castle? This school was a _castle_? A _castle_ of all things!

She felt her mouth opening in disbelief. A quiet sigh of incredulity then escaped her, and she spent the next few minutes too astonished to even blink as her thoughts once again tried to overwhelm her. What else might she expect to find when this train reached its destination? Fire-breathing dragons?

Feeling rather dazed by this most recent revelation, Lily changed into her school clothes, which consisted of black robes worn over a white collared shirt, a striped tie, a plaid skirt, knee high socks, and black buckled shoes. A pointed black hat remained in her trunk for her to put on later, but she didn't feel the need to wear it right that instant. There was only so much she could reasonably take at once, and _that_ would have been asking for way _too_ much.

As she knelt down to carefully place her folded traveling clothes inside her trunk, someone outside the compartments began to shout. "We will be reaching Hogwarts in five minutes' time! Please leave your luggage on the train! It will be taken to the school separately!"

Lily glanced up towards the window and stared out into the darkness. It had been such a long train ride. A part of her didn't believe that it was ending. As long as it had been, she was now beginning to think that it hadn't been nearly long enough.

Gradually, the train came to a complete stop. Outside her compartment, she could hear a rush of voices as people clambered their way out into the long train corridor and made for the exits. Standing, Lily stared at the door, more than just a little reluctant to open it and leave its relative safety.

_Safety?_ It hadn't been the train offering her safety when she had still been standing inside King's Cross station. The dangers, she realized, seemed to be piling up on her. What had once frightened her was what now gave her security as the next threat began to advance. It hardly made sense, and Lily had never been more confused.

Eventually, though, she did manage to open the compartment door and step out into the hall. Most of the students had already gotten off the train by that point, and Lily found herself rushing to catch up with them.

Outside, the night had grown surprisingly cold. It must have been because they were in the mountains now, she thought. Most everything was dark. The train itself seemed to provide the only source of light, but that didn't faze many of the other students. They were all still talking and laughing with each other as though nothing were amiss.

Lily wrapped her arms around herself, carefully making her way through the crowd. She had no idea where she thought she was going, especially in the darkness, but it was just too cold to be standing still.

A light suddenly emerged through the shadows. Lily turned towards it almost instinctively; it was coming from an old lantern that bobbed over all the students' heads. Staring up at it, she realized that it was being held by a man!

She had never seen a man so… so _enormous_ in her life! He looked like he might have been some sort of wild animal – a misconception that no one could have blamed her for in such a setting. His face, which was nearly hidden beneath his massive, tangled beard and thick, wiry hair, could only be seen through the shadows cast by the lantern, and it was without a doubt a haunting image. He himself was of an incredible girth. For a moment, Lily wondered if he were not a piece of the very mountain itself, come to life.

But that was not the case. Holding the lantern up high so that everyone could see, the giant shouted out: "All firs' years! Over here! That's right! Firs' years, follow me!"

A rather large portion of the students that had been on the train began to nervously walk in the direction indicated by the broad, imposing giant. Lily herself was hesitant to follow, but then again, it wasn't as if she had much of a choice in the matter. Besides, that boy, James Potter, was prancing forward with absolute ease not more than ten feet away from her, and though, for once, he didn't seem to notice her, that could change at any moment and Lily wouldn't have him offering to "help" her again.

They stepped off the platform and onto solid ground. As Lily followed the other first years, it felt as if the earth beneath her feet was a bit uneven. It reminded her of the many midnight hikes she had taken with her parents over the course of several years, making it somewhat easier for her to keep her footing. Some of the other students, who were a bit less experienced with that sort of thing, tripped and stumbled a tad, but all in all, no one fell over or made an idiot out of themselves. Which, Lily supposed, was probably a good thing.

The path began to decline, and before long they were following the giant down a very steep hill. Their only light came from the stars above, the rising crescent moon, and the lantern up ahead. It wasn't very sufficient. Several of the students were grumbling as they tried to keep their balance, not to mention their pace. Even Lily, who was no stranger to walking after dark, found it difficult not to start running down the hill.

Before long, the ground began to soften and level out a bit. Ahead of her, the giant was shouting something over his shoulder at the lot of them. But what it was that he was saying in his accented voice, Lily couldn't even begin to guess… until she noticed that the other boys and girls were all craning their necks to see something.

She paused and peered upwards herself. In the distance, she managed to make out a very tall mountain that overlooked the vast, obsidian lake which presently had spread itself out before them. Nestled along the summit of the tall cliff that made up a great portion of that mountain stood the school. The castle. Hogwarts.

It was the most beautiful, captivating sight that Lily had ever seen in all her life. But it was also haunting… and clearly magical. The castle had to have had more than twenty circular towers and turrets, many of them pointing towards the stars with cone shaped roofs. There were hundreds upon hundreds of windows, all of them lit up and sparkling through the darkness like glittering fairies. Their lights reflected off the surface of the lake's tranquil waters just as well as the stars did themselves up in the heavens. It was spectacular, and it took Lily's breath away.

There was no feeling like it in the world. For a moment, Lily's fears and anxieties were all swept away as the castle that almost seemed to be adrift in the sky took her in and enraptured her. She felt as if she were floating. It was sensational, and it enchanted both her mind and her heart.

"In ta the boats!" the giant's voice sounded across the distance. "No more'n four ta one!"

Lily barely registered the fact that he had spoken at all. She couldn't look away from the castle. _This_ was where she would be living for the next seven years, vacations aside? It was impossible! There had to be some kind of mistake. No one lived in castles like these! They were for paintings. Museums. Artwork. But not for education. It felt almost… sacrilegious. Lily was not a princess! She had no place in a castle like this!

A small boy who was standing patiently behind her touched her arm. She looked over at him; he was dressed in the school's robes just as she was, and he had light brown hair and a rather sickly look about him. He seemed to be even more fragile than Lily had been feeling herself lately!

"Come on," he nodded politely towards the lake. "We need to get into the boats."

Lily felt her face flush with slight embarrassment; she hadn't realized she'd been holding up the others. Scrambling towards the fleet of boats waiting along the shoreline – most of which were already filled to the brink – she tried not to look at anyone, lest they be staring at her with hints of exasperated impatience.

The giant, however, offered her an understanding smile as she past him. "'Ere, watch yer step." He helped her into a boat that already had three others sitting in it. "There yeh go." He turned to help the next batch of kids into the remaining vessels. Moments later, he was yelling the word: "Forward!"

The boat Lily was in cast off and began to glide through the glassy waters. After riding on a train and walking over such solid earth, the boat ride in itself felt like magic. Lily looked back up at the school. She didn't speak a word, but continued to watch it as they drew close.

Eventually, they came to the edge of the cliff face. There was a curtain of ivy spread over it, and it draped down, blanketing a wide, cavernous opening. As the boats past through and into a kind of tunnel, Lily wondered at the grace and elegance found in such a romantic backdrop. It was beautiful.

They came to an underground harbor. Lily waited while sitting perfectly still in the boat as the other students climbed out onto the rocky, pebbled ground. It felt rather damp in there and it was definitely chilly, but no one seemed to mind as they all faced an enormous oaken front door.

"Everyone here?" the giant asked before turning around to knock on it three times. He was still in the process of doing so when Lily finally brought herself to climb out of the boat.

A moment later, however, the door was forcefully thrust open. Lily stopped short, catching her breath as a tall, erect woman appeared behind it with a rather stern face. She looked very much like some strict old headmistress at some stately old finishing school parents used to send their daughters to a hundred years ago. Her robes were emerald-green and decorous, and her black hair was pulled neatly into a tight bun. She did not look particularly happy to see them.

"Hagrid," she greeted the giant. "These are the first years, I trust?" Her voice was clipped and well-bred. Already Lily felt nervous around her, and she could tell that she wasn't the only one. Many of the other students were watching this witch with just as much apprehension as she felt.

"Aye, Professor McGonagall," the giant, Hagrid, responded. "That they are."

"Good," she turned her curt gaze onto them. "Please come with me." It was not a request. It was most definitely a command. She held the door open wider and gestured for them to all enter.

Lily was one of the last inside. The hall in which she found herself standing in was _beyond_ enormous. It was brilliantly lit up with flaming torches along the stone walls; the floor was also of flagged stone, while the high ceiling could barely be seen so far above their heads. A grand marble staircase stood facing them, and when everything was said and done, the castle was just as enchanting on the inside as it had been on the surface.

Professor McGonagall was presently striding past them at a steady pace, her shoes resounding fiercely off the floor. They all followed her across the room, eventually passing by one enormous set of doors through which much laughter and conversation could be heard. Lily guessed that the rest of the student population was already inside and waiting in that room.

But first, she and the others were brought into a very different chamber that was much smaller, emptier, and somewhat dimmer. Once they were all inside and the door shut behind them, McGonagall turned to face them. Lily could sense a lecture coming merely by watching the woman's severe expression.

"Welcome to Hogwarts," she said shortly. Lily glanced at her fellow first years as subtly as she could, wondering what they all made of this warm, friendly welcome. Most of them were watching McGonagall intently, wide eyed and pale faced. Some, she noticed however, seemed merely amused. Such as that boy, James Potter, who was standing closer to the front, but sideways, as if he wanted to watch the other students' reactions as well while listening to the professor.

"The start-of-term banquet is to begin shortly," McGonagall continued. "But first, you must be sorted into your houses. That will be done through the Sorting Ceremony, which is quite possibly the most important ceremony that you will undergo during your stay here at Hogwarts. The houses that you are sorted into become much like a part of your extended family, as you will have classes with the others in your house, as you will sleep in your house dormitories, and as you will spend free time in your house common room.

"The four houses are called Gryffindor, Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw, and Slytherin. They each have their own noble history, and they each have raised fine, upstanding wizards and witches."

There was another boy standing near James. For an eleven year old, he had a finely chiseled, almost aristocratic looking face with dark hair that fell casually, though elegantly, into his eyes – eyes that were both bright with vivacity and animation. His mouth was curled up into a mischievous half smile, and absolutely no one could deny that for an eleven year old, he was surprisingly attractive.

Presently, he and James were looking at each other, obviously paying very little attention to McGonagall's welcome speech. But then James noticed Lily watching him, and turning his head towards her, he winked. The other boy followed James's gaze and saw Lily as well. But by then, she had turned away from them both, and was looking back at McGonagall.

"While you are at Hogwarts, your triumphs will earn you house points, while your shortcomings will make you lose house points. At the end of the year, the house with the most points is awarded the house cup, which is a great honor. Each of you shall be expected to be a credit to whichever house you are made part of.

"The Sorting Ceremony will begin in a few minutes before the rest of the school. Please take this time to freshen up as best you can." Her eyes flashed towards James and the other boy. "I should also like to hope that you will take this time to settle down some, so that you might on your best behavior while in the Great Hall."

The two boys looked up at her, sensing that they were in trouble, and they immediately nodded their heads diffidently. Lily, however, sensed they were both merely sucking up, and truthfully felt no penitence for their conduct whatsoever.

With that said, McGonagall turned and left the chamber through a large pair of double doors. Lily and the other first years were all left unsupervised.

For a moment, no one spoke.

And then James was squaring off against the other black haired boy, each of them sizing the other one up and down. They were both immediately the center of attention.

"I saw you with those Slytherins on the train," James said at last, speaking with a bit of respect in his voice. "That took nerve."

The other boy shrugged. "Not really. They're all family, anyway, and they hope I'm joining them tonight in their house. So I get away with a lot."

"You're gonna be a Slytherin?" James questioned. He sounded almost as if he was challenging the boy to say something; as if there was a potential rivalry building up between them.

The boy, however, was quick to scoff. "You kidding? Slytherin's the _last_ house I'd be in. It's too full of bloody gits for me to take all at once. Believe me. I live with enough of 'em as it is already."

"Some of us are actually hoping to get placed in Slytherin," a boy towards the back of the room said in a soft, rather faint voice that nevertheless carried its way towards the front. Everyone turned, and Lily found herself staring at a very pale, sallow boy with a hooked nose. His black hair was practically dripping with grease as it fell across his face and down to his shoulders. He did not look like a particularly pleasant eleven year old.

"What?" James demanded harshly. "Were we talking to you?"

The boy's black eyes narrowed. "Why don't you keep your opinions to yourselves?"

The other black haired boy standing beside James rolled his eyes. "Bugger off, Severus. I'm no more inclined to speak lovingly of Slytherin than you would be to speak of Gryffindor."

Several of the students surrounding Severus began to voice their own opinions, most of which condemned Gryffindor. A couple of the others, however, defended the house, criticizing Slytherin as best they could. Within seconds, a heated debate had flared right up in the middle of that tiny little chamber filled with first years.

James and his new friend listened to it for a few seconds, but then they both shrugged and went back to their casual, private conversation as if nothing else in the world were amiss. Lily, however, was the only one who seemed to notice their withdrawal as she quietly backed away from the mass of arguing students. She pressed against the back wall, hoping to stay out of the quarrel she knew absolutely nothing about.

A moment later, the sickly looking brown haired boy who had earlier urged her on towards the boats was standing beside her. When she looked at him, he offered her a rather nervous, frazzled smile before sighing and turning his head in altogether different direction, without even waiting to see if she would so much as smile back at him.

Several more minutes past, and if anything, the heated debate only grew that much more inflammatory. And then there was James and his new friend, chatting away and laughing with each other, seemingly oblivious to the chaos that they had incited.

And _then_… the door through which Professor McGonagall had earlier left reopened. At first no one noticed, and the debate continued in all its glory for the stern professor to witness firsthand.

**ooooooo**

**A/N:** Just a short disclaimer. I got a lot of the description in this chapter directly from the books, and much of McGonagall's little speech came from the Sorcerer's Stone. I'm not stealing anything, and I don't take credit for anything that came out of it. With that said, I hope everyone enjoyed this chapter, and please don't forget to review! I mean it! Seriously. Thanks!


	6. The Sorting Ceremony

**ooooooo**

"What in Heaven's name?" McGonagall very quickly and very sharply pulled the large double doors leading out into the Great Hall shut behind her. The resounding slam pierced through the chamber and, an instant later, each of the first years were silently staring up at her in unspeakable mortification.

Well… each of the first years but for James and his black haired friend. The two of _them_ had both turned towards the professor with looks of accentuated innocence. How typical.

"I leave for but five minutes," McGonagall's own voice amplified her great displeasure, "after providing you all with strict instructions to settle down in preparation for the Sorting Ceremony! Never, in _all _the time I have spent here at this school, have I ever seen such behavior demonstrated by the first years on this day!" Her gaze came to rest on James and the other boy, both of whom made an effort to look even _more_ innocent than they had previously appeared. Unfortunately for them, to her well trained and practiced eyes, such expressions only gave them away.

She pressed her lips together, staring at them both severely. "I will be sure to continue this discussion with the two of you again in the very near future."

"We didn't do anything!" the black haired boy objected.

"I think I shall be the judge of that, don't you?" McGonagall replied curtly, and both he and James were struck speechless. The witch took a deep breath. "I have never been more appalled on the first day of September in my life! To think that a handful of children could be so blatantly disrespectful!" She viciously forced open the door directly behind her. When she spoke next, her voice was livid and dangerously quiet. "Now form a line and head to the front of the Great Hall!"

The first years all abashedly did as they were commanded. Lily glanced nervously at the brown haired sickly boy who was still standing beside her, but he politely gestured for her to go on ahead of him. James and his friend were at the head of the line, while the boy called Severus remained in the back.

The Great Hall, Lily found to her amazement, was like no other room in existence. It was just as large as the first hall she and the others had been led into, if not even _more_ so! There were so many candles floating around in the middle of the sky that she couldn't even begin to _guess_ their number!

And yes. It _was_ the sky in which those candles were floating. The room had no ceiling whatsoever! Lily quickly came to the conclusion that the Great Hall had to have actually been some kind of enclosed courtyard, for the moon and the stars were all clearly visible. It was ever so enchanting… the thought of being welcomed into Hogwarts while eating a festive dinner beneath the night sky.

And what a feast it would be! There were four incredibly long, massive tables covered with golden dishes and glittering goblets that displayed every kind of food a girl could possibly imagine – and then some kinds that she could not. Kinds that she had never even _heard_ of before!

At each of these tables there were hundreds upon hundreds of other older children, most of whom were turning around in their seats to get a better look at the arrival of the newcomers. It was a bit unnerving really, and Lily felt her stomach doing flip-flops.

And then… she saw the table at the front of the room.

It was turned so that those who sat behind it might keep a careful, watchful eye on any one of the students. It was the teachers' High Table, and there were _dozens_ of them, each one looking particularly unique and even more magical than the last.

One, however… one in particular managed to quickly capture Lily's utter and complete attention, as she was sure he captured the attention of all the rest. He was sitting in a large golden chair at the center of the High Table. He was dressed in decorative robes, and had on half-moon glasses that brought out his twinkling eyes and kindly features. His hair, his beard, and his moustache all gleamed silver and flowed past his waist. He was very much what Lily would have expected an old wizard to look like. She wondered silently to herself whether or not he was Albus Dumbledore, the Headmaster of Hogwarts.

Presently, McGonagall clipped briskly past the first years before leading them up to the front of the room. It was quite obvious that she was still very much displeased, and all the older students could clearly see this in her countenance. Lily could hear them beginning to whisper amongst themselves, no doubt wondering as to the cause for her irate manner.

But that didn't last for long, because in a matter of seconds the first years were all standing in a straight line before the rest of the school, with their backs turned against the teachers at the High Table situated behind them. It was a rather bleak place to be standing, for the sea of faces that stared up at Lily and the others left her feeling weak-kneed and nauseas all over again. There was nothing she would not have given, or so she thought, to have been able to escape that awful spotlight which presently blinded and tormented her.

A four-legged stool had somehow found its way into McGonagall's possession. She took it and callously placed it down in front of the first years. A moment later, a black stereotypical pointed wizard's hat was deposited on the surface of that stool. Lily, remembering that this was all to be part of some kind of ceremony, and hearing all the excited whisperings of the older students that now filled the room, couldn't help but catch her breath in ever increasing apprehension. Her heart was heavily starting to pound within her breast.

McGonagall stepped away from the hat and the stool. A moment past after that in which nothing happened at all. The whisperings all hushed as each and every one of the older students gazed up at that dirty hat in such eager anticipation that it seemed to hang off the very air around them, enveloping the room in a thick blanket of enthusiasm. For several _long_ seconds, Lily feared that she might suffocate beneath its mass.

There was a rip near the hat's wide rim, and as the first years all looked on, it suddenly snapped open, as if coming to life, completely on its own accord. Lily was strangely reminded of a Muppet – which did very little to ease her nerves – as it began to sing.

_"Oh, you may not think I'm pretty, but don't judge on what you see, I'll eat myself if you can find a smarter hat than me. You can keep your bowlers black, your top hats sleek and tall, for I'm the Hogwarts Sorting Hat and I can cap them all. There's nothing hidden in your head the Sorting Hat can't see, so try me on and I will tell you where you ought to be._

_"You might belong in Gryffindor, where dwell the brave at heart, their daring, nerve, and chivalry set Gryffindors apart; you might belong in Hufflepuff, where they are just and loyal, those patient Hufflepuffs are true and unafraid of toil; or yet in wise old Ravenclaw, if you've a ready mind, where those of wit and learning, will always find their kind; or perhaps in Slytherin you'll make your real friends, those cunning folk use any means to achieve their ends. So put me on! Don't be afraid! And don't get in a flap! You're in safe hands (though I have none) for I'm a Thinking Cap!"_

Everyone in the entire hall began applauding as the song came to an end. Some of the older students even began cheering and whistling their appreciation! The first years, however, could, for the most part, only stand staring at that hat with wide, astonished eyes. They were too shocked and too impressed to do much else – though James and his friend did both have grins splitting their faces in half. They seemed to think that the Sorting Hat was the best thing in the world!

In fact, it seemed astonishingly clear to Lily that all the excitement hanging in the air of this room had merely been out of anticipation for that one song! And why not? Who _wouldn't_ want to wait all year for another chance to hear some big old black hat come to life and sing a little tune? Lily thought that it was one of the strangest things she had ever heard of.

McGonagall stepped forward, her eyes fixed on the troublesome first years. Somewhere she had managed to pick up yet another item that was in the form of a long roll of parchment. "When I call your name, you will put on the hat and sit on the stool to be sorted." She very efficiently unrolled a section of that parchment and called out the first name. "Achen, Jack!"

A tall boy with dark, weathered skin stepped cautiously forward, his eyes flicking in every direction as if he were attempting to see everything at once, without missing a single detail. He picked up the hat, sat on the stool, and placed it on his head.

A moment later, the hat let out a yell: "RAVENCLAW!"

The students at one of the four tables began to cheer as the boy glanced back at McGonagall uncertainly. He was obviously wondering what to do next and remained sitting on that stool until she gestured for him to get up and go over to that particular table where he was to take a seat. He was quick to obey.

McGonagall called out the next name. "Aldwen, Ian!" The process repeated, and another boy ended up sitting with the Ravenclaws as well. Several more students were sorted, and then…

"Black, Sirius!"

The black haired boy standing next to James who had assisted him in starting a near riot not even half an hour ago walked up to the stool. He sat down and placed the hat on his head. Nothing happened.

A minute had to have past in which not a word was spoken. Lily frowned, wondering if something had happened, and she nervously glanced around the Great Hall, looking for some kind of answer. McGonagall was watching calmly. Well… she was frowning in what might have been considerable distaste, but Lily had a strong feeling that _that_ had more to do with Sirius himself than with the Sorting Hat.

All in all, no one seemed to mind that it was taking so long for the hat to reach a decision in regards to the boy. Lily wondered if this kind of thing happened often, and _then_ she wondered if a student had ever remained sitting on that stool for an hour… or a day… or even the entire year!

She suddenly felt strangely sick.

But then the Sorting Hat let out a triumphant "aha!" – which caused several of the first years to jump in surprise. "GRYFFINDOR!" Sirius threw off the hat – which almost sent it flying to the ground – and ran off to join the table that was now cheering for him.

Shortly after that, McGonagall came to Lily's name. When the girl heard it called, however, she was so astonished that she didn't move. Of course, she had known that it would be coming, for the letter "E" was at the front of the alphabet and she wasn't lucky enough to be so graciously overlooked. But even still, hearing her name called, in this place, at that moment, on such an occasion, was by far too unreal, too bizarre, and simply too surprising for Lily to even _register_ the fact that it actually _was_ real. And that there were actual people sitting in this room, waiting for her to step forward. And that it really wasn't a nightmare from which she would awaken at any moment. Instead, she stood there fixed to her spot, conscious only of how she could barely draw a breath.

McGonagall frowned, and repeated the name. "Evans, Lily!"

She could sense James staring at her. She could sense Filius Flitwick – who was sitting somewhere at the table behind the first years – staring at her. Everyone else was peering up at the first years, clearly wondering which one of the girls it was not answering McGonagall.

_I can't go up there…_

Everything in the Great Hall had fallen perfectly silent. Lily knew this… because every sound had amplified in her ears, but at the same time, all was quiet.

_I can't do this…_

McGonagall turned her head and glanced at Dumbledore. Lily, somehow, could sense concern in the former, and patience from the latter – despite the fact that she couldn't even see him! And that frightened her…

_I don't want to be a witch!_

McGonagall looked back at the line of first years. "Lily Evans?" Her voice was considerably kinder now, and what with the way she said it…

Lily couldn't help but look up at her fearfully. The two of them then made eye contact, and McGonagall's severe expression seemed to soften somehow. She nodded towards the stool.

Lily stayed frozen to her spot for two more seconds. She didn't want to! She didn't want to go up there and find out which house she would be living in! She wanted her own house! On her own street! Back in her own home outside London! _That_ was what she wanted!

But when those two seconds were up, Lily felt herself somehow walking forward, and somehow reaching the stool while feeling slightly out of spirit as she somehow sat down on it, rigidly placing the Sorting Hat on her head.

"Ah," a tiny voice whispered in her ear once she was settled into place. "So there you are. You've been keeping everyone waiting."

"I'm sorry," she whispered, so quietly that it would have been a miracle for even the Sorting Hat to hear! But it heard all too well.

"Indeed. You fear magic, no matter how much of it there flows in your veins."

"I don't want it," she admitted again, only this time for the Sorting Hat's benefit.

"Yes," it observed. "That makes you difficult to place. But there is magic within you, and strong magic too! You could very well become a prodigy one day. But there is more to you than just talent, Lily Evans. You have a gift. A special gift, I think. One that could make you even more powerful than the world may ever know."

Lily's heart tightened. She closed her eyes against her stinging tears. "I don't believe you." Her voice was little more than a breath of air.

"Are you still afraid?" the hat asked. Lily felt herself nodding. "I see. Well. Then there is only one house in which to put you. There is only one choice. And it is: GRYFFINDOR!"

Lily sat there shocked as the students sitting at one of the tables began cheering excessively just for her. Up until that point, Gryffindor had only been given one new student: Sirius Black. All the other houses already had plenty of first years, and the Gryffindors were starting to feel outnumbered. At this point they'd take anyone the Sorting Hat had to offer, even if it _was_ a frightened little girl who could not understand why she had been placed with them. Wasn't Gryffindor the house for those "brave at heart?" Lily certainly wasn't that! She was scared senseless! She should have been placed in the _opposite_ of Gryffindor!

"Well, _that_ would have been Slytherin," the Sorting Hat's voice whispered to her, interrupting her thoughts. "Now, if you don't mind, please place me on the stool and run along."

Lily could feel all the blood rushing to her face as she hastened to obey. While walking towards the Gryffindor table, she kept her head down and refused to meet anyone's gaze. There were a couple of older students who meant to congratulate her, but Lily could barely hear them and as there were tears in her eyes, they grew somewhat uncomfortable and turned back towards the Sorting Hat, choosing, for now, to leave the poor girl alone.

Several more students were sorted, and they were all placed in either Slytherin, Hufflepuff, or Ravenclaw. In fact, there were no more new Gryffindors until several more minutes had past and McGonagall reached: "Lupin, Remus!"

The sickly looking brown haired boy who had stuck close to Lily while in that last room and while on the path down to the boats outside now stepped forward and was sorted into Lily's new house almost instantly. Leaving the hat up on the stool, he walked quickly towards the table, thanking the older students for their congratulations as he went, before quietly sitting down next to Lily. She felt him looking at her, but she couldn't bring herself to return his gaze.

The "L's" ended, and McGonagall came to the "M's," the "N's," the "O's," and then, finally, the "P's."

"Pettigrew, Peter!"

Several long, silent moments… And then: "GRYFFINDOR!"

Lily glanced up dully to see a small, pudgy boy with thin, colorless hair and almost mousy features scrambling forward to join his new applauding table. He sat down closer to Sirius than to Lily or Remus. Not that _she_ particularly cared.

"Potter, James!"

Lily's eyes returned to the stool up front where she watched the self-assured, confident eleven year old stride forward. The hat needed only half a second to determine where _he_ belonged.

"GRYFFINDOR!"

Out of the five first years that had thus far been sorted into Gryffindor, James was the most vivaciously applauded yet. Sirius might have had an equally animated welcome, but his name was at the front of the alphabet and he had been sorted back when the Gryffindors hadn't come to realize how few there would be entering into their house that evening.

But James… there was something about him! A certain edge, a certain quality, a certain presence of mind that made it perfectly clear to all concerned that he was more of a Gryffindor than any of the others. When he walked forward to join Sirius and Peter at the other end of the table, he had all of what the Sorting Hat had mentioned earlier. Daring. Nerve. Chivalry. Courage. All of it seemed to rush together within him, making him the ideal Gryffindor. Not to mention the ideal role model for most of the first years, be they in Gryffindor or any of the other houses! He was, Lily could tell already, just by watching him, the most valued first year among them all.

More names were called. More children were sorted.

"Snape, Severus!"

Lily glanced up and saw the greasy haired boy who had earlier snapped at James and Sirius for speaking so poorly of Slytherin stepping forward. He took his seat on the stool and, just like James, found himself sorted in a matter of milliseconds.

"SLYTHERIN!"

He stepped off his stool and walked towards his new table with his greasy hair falling into his greasy face. The Slytherins applauded for him, and once he had joined them he seemed to vanish completely within their number. After that, even when Lily made it a point to look for him, she could not pinpoint where it was, exactly, that he now sat.

The Sorting Ceremony ended. McGonagall rolled up her parchment and walked forward to claim the Sorting Hat and the stool on which it lay. Then she disappeared, retreating out of the Great Hall with those possessions carefully in hand. For some reason, as soon as she was gone, a sinking feeling pulled Lily downwards. Something about McGonagall's presence, after she had kindly spoken Lily's name, had been reassuring. But now… that reassurance had gone.

The elderly man sitting in the golden chair at the center of the High Table suddenly rose to his feet. The entire Great Hall became painfully still as each and every one of the students – even James and Sirius! – gave him their utter respect and attention. There was no longer any doubt in Lily's mind as to who he was. He was, most assuredly, Albus Dumbledore, and now he was about to address the students.

"Welcome!" he called out in a strong, clear voice that resonated throughout the Great Hall. "For those of you who are here for the first time, I do welcome you all wholeheartedly! And for those of you who are returning, welcome back to yet another year at Hogwarts!"

There were a couple of cheers, but, for the most part, the room remained dead silent. Dumbledore's eyes, Lily noticed, continued to sparkle beneath the frames of his half moon lenses.

"Now, there are a couple of important facts that I am obliged to give you all before our wonderful feast may begin," he continued. "There are boundaries within Hogwarts' grounds that are forbidden to be crossed at any time. The older students should be aware of this by now, and the first years are to understand it now, and remember it for the entirety of their stay here.

"The forest on the grounds is forbidden to all pupils," he informed them. "It is filled with creatures that some of you might find difficult to imagine. Do not venture into their homes, for many of them do not appreciate such intrusions.

"Additionally," he went on. "There has been planted a certain willow tree outside. It is new to the school, and it has a fiery temperament. It will not stand disturbances, and none of you are to cause it any. Should you do so, I can promise you now that the outcome will not be pleasant."

Next to Lily, the sickly looking Remus sank forlornly in his chair.

"And now," Dumbledore seemed to not want to sit down. "On a much lighter note: Quidditch trials will be held in the second week of the term. Anyone who has attended Hogwarts for one or more years and is interested in playing for their house teams should contact Madam Hooch."

Farther down the table, James let out an indignant grunt. It was quite clear to everyone there that, whatever Quidditch was, _he_ had wanted to play.

Dumbledore was chuckling to himself. "Well then… at long last… Let us eat!"

Several students began to cheer, relieved that the time for socializing, catching up, and making new acquaintances – not to _mention_ the part about actually eating – had finally been returned to them. Within moments, everyone was eating and making jubilant conversation.

Lily remained completely stunned during all of this. Was she the only one who found any of it all the _least_ bit abnormal? The _least_ bit horrific? She had not eaten a bite of food since that morning – and even then, she had only been able to stomach a few spoonfuls of cereal. And yet… staring down at the piles of food sitting before her now… the potatoes, the roast beef, the chicken, the bacon, steak, fries, vegetables, fruits, all of it! It made her stomach feel dipped in slime and grease… She thought she would vomit.

The brown haired boy sitting next to her – Remus – was watching her again. "It'll feel worse if you don't eat."

She looked up at him sharply. "What will?"

His gaze dropped down towards his plate, which was, Lily did not fail to notice, just as clean as hers was. "Nerves… well, everything, really. And then, when you _do _want to start eating again, you can't stand it. You'll feel really sick."

There was something in the way he addressed her… He wasn't trying to lecture her. He didn't come across as the kind of person who thought he was superior. It almost sounded as if… he was speaking from experience.

"Why aren't you eating anything?" she asked.

He sat there for a moment, unable to meet her gaze as he considered. He seemed terribly uncomfortable with the question, but then… he finally shrugged and stared back at her with the most haunted look in his eyes that she had ever seen before. "I guess I'm just used to things feeling worse."

They both looked back down at their empty dishes. The other Gryffindors were all talking and laughing miles per minute – some were even making fun of the startled expressions the first years made when a handful of ghosts swept majestically into the Great Hall. It didn't surprise Lily that there should be ghosts at Hogwarts. Somehow… she doubted that there could be any kind of creature in this world – or any other for that matter – that she wouldn't have expected to find in such a place as this.

Other Gryffindors were complaining loudly that there were only five first years joining their house that term, while all the other houses seemed to have over twenty each! Somewhere, Lily heard it said that the Sorting Hat doesn't equally distribute students. It puts them where they truly belong. One year, for example, there might be a house with _no_ new first years in it at all, while during another year, one house might be assigned _every_ first year in the lot! It all depended on the students themselves, and was not meant to necessarily be fair.

_Gryffindor is where the Sorting Hat believes I truly belong…_ Lily could hardly believe it. And so she sat there silently, staring at her empty plate with an ever increasing sense of foreboding, as she waited for the evening to end.

**ooooooo**

**A/N:** I'm so sorry for the wait! I had hoped to get a chapter up over the weekend, but I was surprisingly busy. I had a lot to do for school and such. By the way, I know the Sorting Hat is supposed to sing a different song every year, but I can't come up with rhymes like that, so I just decided to use the same song that was in the first book. I don't think it really matters, but if that's a problem for anyone, then I'm sorry. I hope I can get the next chapter up really soon, but what with school it could take awhile. Hope you keep reviewing! Thanks!


	7. First Years

**ooooooo**

Hogwarts. A school of witches and wizards. A place of ghosts and poltergeists. A castle where pictures moved and talked, where coats of armor walked, staircases shifted, and doorways might well have been alive.

It was a place where anything could be expected to happen, even though everything that _did_ happen was never expected. It was a place where houses hid from each other, and where the Gryffindors found theirs in one of the many tall, spire towers. The entranceway was located behind the portrait of a Fat Lady, who would not let anyone through unless they knew the secret password. As if _that_ could possibly have made Lily feel anymore secure!

It was a place that had very little, if indeed any, forms of muggle entertainment. There were no television sets, stereos, or telephones – not that Lily could have ever claimed having any of those things anyway – and no means of finding or obtaining them. After all, who would need such things when one could entertain oneself with magic?

The first night in the Gryffindor Tower was not as bad as she had feared. In fact, it was perhaps the best one she could have ever hoped for! The entrance led into the common room, where most of the students had been quick to settle rather than quick to move along to their dormitories. There was a large fireplace with several big, comfortable looking armchairs resting before it, tables, and a few bookshelves pressed along the warm, thick and gray, stone walls. There was also a notice board, on which students could already be seen pinning up various notes and messages.

Because there were only five first years, the two Gryffindor prefects – one of whom was the boy that had suggested Lily change into her robes back on the train – found it rather easy to take them all aside and explain to them the house rules and regulations while the other, more experienced, students loudly and chaotically settled in.

The boy's name was William Brown. The girl's name was Emily Matheson. They were both fifth years, and seemed to be close friends. Every now and then, during their explanations, some of the other fifth years would do something to earn their attention, and while they looked on, they would both be amused and start to laugh. It made the rules seem to take forever to get through, but no one's attention landed directly on Lily herself, which was a relief, and as she watched and listened she couldn't help but wonder at how much at home all these students really were. James and Sirius, too, seemed to ease in nicely and become part of the most incredible picture in the entire school. Everyone seemed to be so happy, and so comfortable with the parts they had been given. Lily found herself envying them.

"Now," Emily was presently saying. "We normally have a lot more first years, and definitely more than just one girl." Lily looked up at her, but her gaze was on William, who was trying to hold a conversation with another boy on the other side of the room through mere hand and body signals. Somehow Emily managed to communicate clearly though, despite how obvious it was that her mind was elsewhere. "There're fourteen dormitories in this tower. A separate set of dormitories for the boys and the girls, and a separate dormitory for each of the different years. Seven years at Hogwarts, times two, makes fourteen."

Sirius scoffed derisively, as if offended that she had felt the need to spell out the math for him. James shoved him good-naturedly and a moment later they were both about to start tussling when a new presence emerged from outside the common room and ended _that_ contest before it had even begun.

In a matter of seconds, the entire room fell perfectly still and perfectly silent. Upon glancing over her shoulder, Lily found – to her relative surprise – that it was none other than Professor McGonagall herself standing before them all now, with her arms crossed, in the entranceway. She had that same severe look on her face, and when her eyes landed on James and Sirius, they almost seemed to harden.

"Professor McGonagall! It's good to see you again!" Emily smiled and looked back at the first years. "She's Head of the Gryffindor House." For the first time in all the time Lily had been acquainted with James Potter, he looked somewhat startled by such a revelation. "So if there's anything you need, she's the one to go to."

"Thank you, Miss Matheson," McGonagall cut in shortly. "Now if you don't mind, I would like a word with the first years." She turned towards the rest of the students in the common room. "No doubt you are all exhausted from your journey up here. It's been a long night. I would like to see you all getting into bed."

Several of the students objected to this. One boy even went so far as to shout out that: "The first years need more rest than we do!"

"That will be enough, Mr. Corwin," McGonagall replied in such a tone of voice that it was clear to everyone there that there would be no further argument. Grumbling unhappily, the older students all trudged towards either one of the two staircases that spiraled up towards the segregated dormitories. "Miss Campbell."

One girl, who looked like she was only twelve years old or so but more than ready for adolescence, stopped short and turned back towards the professor. "Yes, ma'am?"

"Come here for a minute," McGonagall requested, and the girl obeyed. Both of them then turned towards Lily. "Miss Evans, as Miss Matheson has no doubt informed you, the dormitories are, as a rule, divided into years. However in this case, you are the only first year in Gryffindor. Therefore, so that you need not room by yourself, you will be sleeping in the same dormitory as the second years."

Lily glanced at the other girl, who didn't look necessarily surprised, but nevertheless disappointed. On the bright side, when she met the younger girl's gaze there was at least a hint of acceptance in her own expression… even if it wasn't an overly ecstatic one. "Yes ma'am."

"An additional bed has already been placed in the room with yours," McGonagall carried on, addressing the second year. "Everything is in order. I trust you won't leave Miss Evans in too much isolation."

"I wouldn't, ma'am," the girl repeated, her gaze turning once again towards Lily. She smiled. "I'm Isabelle Campbell."

"Lily Evans…" It was the first time she had spoken since her conversation with Remus at dinner. Her voice was just as quiet and withdrawn as it had been then.

"Professor," James interrupted very cautiously. "There's no reason for us," he gestured towards himself, Peter, Sirius, and Remus, "to be concerned with," he glanced at Lily thoughtfully, "Miss Evans' living conditions, is there?"

McGonagall's piercing, hawk-like gaze landed squarely on James. "I am addressing Miss Evans' situation first to get it out of the way so that I might spend as much time as needed to tend to yours, Mr. Potter!" Sirius was trying very hard not to smirk as James fidgeted beneath the strict professor's fierce glare. A moment later, that glare fixed on him with equal awfulness. "That goes for you as well, Mr. Black."

_They're just like ordinary eleven year old boys,_ Lily thought to herself as she witnessed the whole affair. In her mind, she pictured the different troublemakers she had seen at her regular old school. She couldn't imagine what any of _them_ might be like with wands in their hands and, for a moment, she no longer feared simply for herself, but also for the entire castle!

"Miss Campbell, you and Miss Evans are now both free to go," McGonagall presently informed them. "As are you two, Mr. Pettigrew. Remus." She nodded to the two other boys who had, thus far, remained perfectly quiet. "Be sure to ask Mr. Brown which dormitory you belong to if you cannot find the way."

As Peter and Remus both started towards the boy's staircase, Lily saw James looking after the latter in obvious curiosity, no doubt wondering as to why McGonagall had been so familiar with him. Lily herself wasn't sure that she wanted to know, and instead followed close behind Isabelle.

They walked together up the spiraling stone steps that twisted higher and higher towards the tower's pinnacle. They past by two different thresholds – neither of which had actual doors – that opened up into two different rooms inside of which girls were all getting settled.

It was through the third opening they came to that Isabelle abandoned the stairs. She walked into a cozy little circular room that boasted nine beds – all of which were four-posters that hung deep red, velvet curtains! It was the greatest luxury Lily had ever seen, and for several eternally long seconds she found it all so overwhelming that she simply couldn't bring herself to leave the stairwell.

There were tapestries hanging all along the walls – most of which were crimson with golden lions woven in. There were elaborately decorated rugs on the floor, dressers and chests pushed up either against the walls beneath the tapestries or in front of the beds. There were several windows, each diamond paned, which looked down on the castle's magical courtyard. They all faced east, so that in the mornings Lily could come to expect the rising sun to wake her up gently.

Right now, however, it was the moonlight that lit the outside sky in a brilliant stream of silver. The feast had gone on for quite a long time, and Lily knew it was getting rather late. She was exhausted, and even Isabelle and the remaining seven girls – who were only a year older than her – looked fatigued as well. They were chatting quietly amongst themselves as they changed out of their robes and into their nightgowns.

One girl – who had to have been twelve years old but still looked small enough to be just ten – turned curiously towards Lily. "Are you going to stand out there all night, or are you sleeping in here?"

"I-" Lily glanced uncertainly at Isabelle. "I don't mind sleeping in my own room. I've been doing it all my life-"

"Don't be ridiculous," Isabelle cut in, almost sounding haughty. "The room you _would_ have been sleeping in won't have any beds, and _we're_ certainly not going to help you drag one up to it. Besides, these dorms aren't like normal bedrooms. You'd get too lonely."

One of the other girls, who was sitting on a bed, already in her nightgown, had her arms crossed and was pitched forward with a frown spread across her face. "Your name's Lily, right?"

The girl glanced over towards her and nodded hesitantly.

"Okay. The last thing any of us want is to baby-sit a first year," she stated crossly. "So if I were you, I'd get in here right now and try easing your way in as quickly as you can. Otherwise, you're just going to make us all miserable, and it won't be pretty."

"Pippa!" one of the others, a round-faced girl with wispy hair, exclaimed in disapproval.

"Shove off, Alice," Pippa retorted critically. "We spent all last year breaking each other in, and now we have to do it again with her. If she's going to be living with us, than she had better stop acting like we're some kind of freaks that she's got to be afraid of."

Lily flinched. She realized then and there that she must have been giving them all that kind of impression, for only a fool would assume that others didn't have the perception to see what was right in front of them. These girls could all sense her fear. The real question was whether or not they understood where it was coming from. Lily didn't think they did.

"It's her first day at Hogwarts, Pippa!" Alice argued. "She's new here and she's surrounded by certain older girls who obviously have forgotten what it's like to be a first year! She's got every right to be nervous!" Pippa rolled her eyes.

"Besides," another girl was running a brush through her chestnut colored hair. "There aren't any other first year girls that she could be nervous with." She dropped the brush down on her dresser and smiled at Lily. "I'm Mary." She gestured to the other girls. "You know Isabelle. That's Pippa, Alice, Charlotte, Morgan, Faith, and Harriet." She shrugged. "And we're the Gryffindor second years."

The girl named Morgan – the small girl who had looked like she was only ten years old – was shaking her head. "What's up with that anyway? There's eight of us and only one of her? What was that hat thinking?"

"Well, it's not her problem so much as it is those four boys'," Isabelle commented, buttoning up her nightgown. "In a couple of years, they'll be fighting it out over her and she'll get to take her pick." Lily's face turned an incredible shade of crimson.

Mary, who had been watching her carefully, now smiled knowingly. "You see? We're not all that bad. I come from a muggle family, and it surprised me how similar these girls are to everyone else I'd ever known. It's safe to come in here Lily."

Lily couldn't help hesitating… but in the end she was just so terribly tired that she couldn't bring herself to fight it any longer. She allowed these girls to coax her into the room, and then accepted Mary and Alice's help in getting all of her things in order before she changed into her own nightgown and climbed into bed.

As a whole, her first night in that tower had not been as disastrous as she had originally feared it would be. As soon as her head fell upon the softest of pillows in existence, her exhaustion truly did win out, and she found herself so heavily asleep that no dream could even _try_ to torment her. She hadn't slept so soundly since before the start her of summer vacation.

**ooooooo**

**A/N:** Well, it's another short chapter, but that was the best place to stop. I can't believe how many reviews I received for the last chapter, and I certainly hope they keep coming! I'll try to get the next chapter up soon. Keep reviewing! Thanks so much!


	8. Sighting the Phoenix

**A/N:** Hey, sorry for the delay! As always, school's been keeping me busy. Just a quick FYI… this chapter brings Lily and Remus closer together as _friends_. That's it. Anyway, I appreciate all the reviews I've received, and I do hope they keep coming! Thanks!

**ooooooo**

In all of Lily Evans' eleven years of vacations and road trips with her family there was one sight in particular that had never ceased to fascinate her. And it was the sea.

She had been to the ocean on numerous occasions – more times than she could even count! And it was breathtaking to see the powerful waves majestically rise and fall, sweeping forcefully, yet gracefully, against the rocky, sandy shorelines. But beneath it all, there were also traces of wistfulness to be found, and losses that could not be counted, grasped, or understood. Every wave that ever rose would, in mere seconds, fall again and be diffused. The wave could never rise again. It would be forgotten.

The tides changed with every passing day. They were never the same. In one instant they would live… and then they would be gone, changing nothing, but changing nonetheless.

As her first week at Hogwarts came to a close, Lily found herself, more than once, wondering if she now knew what it felt like to be a part of that surging sea. In less than two months, she found that she was everything she had once hoped never to be. Where she once had been lively, explorative, and even thought funny, she was now often timid, quiet, and lonesome. She had promised herself that she would never allow "magic" to interfere with her social life – but then again, _that_ promise had been made when she still thought magic was entirely fictional.

She had always yearned for friendship, companionship, and, more than anything else, acceptance. She had always felt a _need_ to be accepted by those around her. It was really nonnegotiable. If she wasn't liked, then, in her mind, the world must have been drawing to a swift and painful close. She just couldn't stand the thought of being an outcast! Not with parents like hers!

But now everything was different. The tide had changed, and Lily knew that it would never come back the same. She was a girl living a different life now – in a completely different world! A frightening world, at that.

Her first night spent within that castle had not been in anyway torturous. In fact, it had been relatively peaceful, and more than just a little promising. Over the course of the following week, however, she felt herself growing still more and more isolated. The girls in her dormitory had extended to her their hands of friendship – even though she _was_ just a first year while they were all seconds – but when it became evident that Lily was distancing herself from them and from everything else, they drew away as well. Even Mary and Alice, who had been the most patient with her, turned their attention elsewhere when they finally concluded that Lily could not be helped.

She was skittish – everything seemed to alarm her. When the owls swept into the Great Hall every morning to deliver mail, she often found herself wanting to dive beneath the tables. When the enchanted ceiling – for that's what she later learned the alleged sky actually was in that room – suddenly turned from calm to torrential, she would stop eating and retreat outside, where she trusted that any changes in the weather would be more moderate.

Her appetite _had_ eventually returned to her, though her diet was limited. She could eat enough to keep healthy, but when she watched some of the other boys – such as James Potter and Sirius Black – wolf down entire platters of meat and cakes, she felt ready to throw her food back up again.

Putting her school robes on for classes was always a struggle. She had _barely_ managed forcing on the black hat for her first lesson – there was something about it that she was greatly adverse to. Whenever she could, she kept it hidden out of sight, and preferred wearing a skirt with her white collared shirt and tie beneath a sweater, rather than her robes.

As far as classes went, the easiest one for her to handle was Astronomy. The other first years, especially those in the other houses, seemed to resent the midnight lessons. But to Lily, there was something comforting about gazing up at the moon, and up at those stars and planets, no matter how late it was, imagining that she could be doing this anywhere else without magic, while feeling the same mysterious qualities and exhilaration.

The History of Magic class also seemed to be abhorred. True, the professor was a monotonic old ghost that made the lessons seem fabulously dull, giving all the students every reason in the world to detest it. But like Astronomy, in it Lily could pretend – even if her teacher _was_ a ghost – that she was somewhere else, studying a perfectly normal lesson in mythology, which made the time she spent in that classroom relatively tolerable.

It was in the other classes – such as Charms, Herbology, Potions, Transfiguration, and Defense Against the Dark Arts – that Lily found herself constantly reminded of the fact that Hogwarts really was a school for witches and wizards. It took a great amount of imaginary might to make Herbology seem more like regular botany, and Potions more like normal cooking – something she eventually managed to do. But that left three other classes… and nothing in the world could make _them_ seem less magical.

At least the teachers in her Charms and Transfiguration classes seemed practiced and capable of handling wary first years. As much as Lily feared magic, she felt the greatest obligation in the world to learn how to use it. It was a child's obligation to her parents. Petunia had made it perfectly clear that Mr. and Mrs. Evans were obsessed with magic, which made Lily – who was herself a magical being – their pride and joy. If she did not develop her magic, if she did not allow it to grow and thrive within her, she could only imagine her parents' devastation. It was not something she wanted to witness.

And so, day after day, she forced herself to suppress her fears and revulsion, so that she might train, hone, and perfect every charm, curse, and spell Professor Flitwick and McGonagall had to offer. She did so quietly, hardly ever speaking a word. When it came to charms, she was obviously a natural and Flitwick seemed to favor her. She would come to receive high marks in Transfiguration as well, and though she _was_ less apt in that subject than James was, McGonagall showed greater patience towards her, and even some signs of consideration. They both must have sensed that Lily detested those skills she showed such competence in, and though they never spoke of it, nor ever asked Lily for her confidence, they treated her with greater kindness than with any of their other students… excluding Remus Lupin, of course.

It had come to Lily's attention – as well as to the attention of all the other Gryffindors – that Remus was indeed a sickly eleven year old. He had a disease – a kind of cancer, McGonagall had told them, while explaining to those few pure blood witches and wizards who were not aware of such illnesses that it was incurable and required frequent medical attention. "There are some diseases that not even magic can cure." Furthermore, Remus was not to be showered with the wrong sort of attention. If he did not wish to speak of his ailment, then no one was to pry.

As far as all around school marks went, Remus' grades were nearly identical to Lily's. He studied and honed his skills as much as she did. The two of them might as well have been outcasts together. For though the other students did well themselves – especially James Potter – none of them could be said to have the same devotion towards their books as Lily and Remus. They lost themselves to their studies whenever they could. They were quiet. They were shy. But for first years, they were undoubtedly the most well read.

Lily's least favorite class of all was, by far, Defense Against the Dark Arts. The teacher was Stephen Kodaly, and he showed none of the empathy demonstrated by both Professor Flitwick and McGonagall. No. He was by far too eager to "educate" than to actually guide his students. In his class Lily learned that she was not wrong to fear magic. There were dangers in such a world. Dangers the likes of which she hadn't ever imagined. In his class, her fears would amplify considerably, sometimes reaching the point where she would consider _all_ magic to be terrifically evil.

Why tap into powers that could result in such horrors? A lot of what she had seen magic being used for could be accomplished by muggles… it just took longer and was a bit more difficult. But everything about it was safer. Being taught to rely on magic, Lily often concluded, was a lot like being taught to rely on fire. It had its uses, but make one mistake and it might explode.

Another class that she detested was Flying. It was exactly what one might expect: witches on broomsticks.

James and Sirius both loved it. As Lily stood on the ground watching, the two of them shot up into the sky and flew for all the world to see. James himself could not be beaten. When he was in the air, he and his broomstick almost looked to be fused together, and for just a second, he alone made Lily a bit envious. For one second, she almost wished that she could be in his place.

Of course, James and Sirius were both given detentions for disregarding Madam Hooch's command that they all learn at the same pace, and whatever traces of envy that remained in Lily quickly dissolved when she was first told to push up off the ground. Needless to say, the thought of being however many feet up in the air with nothing but a stick between her and the ground was a terrifying one. It was the one class Lily was certain she could not pass.

And so her first week at Hogwarts came to an end. Professor McGonagall provided her with a school owl, that she might write a letter home to her family, and to Carla.

Carla, Lily was later told in a letter from her parents, had accepted without argument that Hogwarts was a school that required special postage for any and all correspondences. Therefore, all letters written to Lily from Carla had to be mailed through the Evans'. They would send her letters with theirs when the owl came to pick up and deliver. In that way, Lily could still confide in her best friend when she could confide in no one else.

It was during Lily's third lonely week at Hogwarts that she finally found a real friend in the form of Remus Lupin. She had guessed almost immediately that he was just as isolated as she was. They had talked often enough, but only as mere acquaintances. Lily had not forgotten about their camaraderie during their first feast at the school, but since then, they had exchanged little more than pleasantries.

Their relationship changed – strengthened – one day towards the end of September. The first years were all on break, and Lily was sitting outside in the beautiful, majestic courtyard, with its fountains and flowers and birds all stretched out before her. She had first seen Hogwarts at night, and it had been like a dream. Now she could see Hogwarts during the crisp afternoon, and in that courtyard it seemed reminiscent of Heaven.

She could not understand it in the least, no matter how hard she tried to. This school, this place, the castle and its grounds… it enchanted her. It called to her. It felt like paradise. But what was in it… the people, the magic, the unbelievable… it all frightened her nearly to her grave. It left her confused whenever she thought about it.

Presently, however, she was not thinking about it at all. She was too busy being caught up in its splendor to feel any concern, as she sat on a marble bench breathing it all in while ignoring the Astronomy homework she had placed on the ground at her feet. In the back of her mind, she knew that this would be one of those moments that would later frighten her… but at _that_ moment, it didn't matter.

"Lily?"

She started when she heard his voice, and then glanced over her shoulder to see Remus looking at her. He seemed to have been heading in some other direction, and probably wouldn't have stopped there at all if he hadn't of seen her out of the corner of his eye.

"Oh! Hi, Remus."

He glanced uncertainly in the direction he had been walking in, but then he changed his mind and turned back completely towards the girl. "Can I show you something?"

This most unexpected question brought Lily to turn herself around completely as well. "I'm sorry?"

Remus shrugged, staring at his feet for a moment as if he was somewhat flustered. But when he lifted his gaze again, there was a sparkle in his eyes. "I want to show you something."

"What?" Lily asked, genuinely curious. She got to her feet, picking up her books as she did so, while frowning. "_Why_?"

Remus, not for the first time since she had met him, seemed uncomfortable answering her questions. "I… Look, it's just that I see you everyday, and I can tell that… you're like me."

"How?"

"You… You're lonely."

They stood facing each other, but not looking at each other, in that courtyard for several long, silent moments. He did seem to be ill at ease, and he looked smaller and more pallid than she had ever seen him before. But whenever their gazes did meet, there was that light in his eyes. That hope.

He broke the silence before she could bring herself to do so. "Tonight's the first night… that I have to…" His face seemed to have pinched almost painfully, and he shook his head as if frustrated by something.

Lily knew immediately what he was trying to say. Professor McGonagall had warned everyone in the Gryffindor House that Remus required constant medical attention because of his disease. It would seem that he'd be spending that night not in the tower, but with some doctor or something. "I see."

"I know it's asking a lot," Remus whispered, sounding just as frightened as Lily had often felt in the past two months. "But I… need to have…"

"A friend?" Lily offered, feeling surprisingly pleased when Remus nodded. Despite everything, her desire for friendship kindled again now, at that moment, as it had kindled everyday of her life before Hogwarts came into it. As a girl she had always made friends easily, and it would appear that she could make them still, even while living in a world she feared so awfully.

Remus nodded again, as if to confirm his confirmation.

"All right, then," Lily whispered, walking to his side. "What is it you want to show me?"

A faint smile lit his face, and he gestured in the direction he had originally been walking in. Side by side, the two of them left the courtyard and followed a trail that led into a garden. It had been planted very close to the castle walls, which Remus made for and walked alongside of. They left the garden, but continued walking around the side of the castle. Eventually, however, he came to a stop and glanced up. Lily paused beside him, quickly following his gaze.

"I'm pretty sure that's the Headmaster's office up there," he told her, pointing upwards towards one of the towers at the very tip of the school. Lily backed several yards away, holding up a hand to shield her eyes as she attempted to get a better look.

It was impossible to see. Her neck simply couldn't crane back far enough for it to come into view. But if the Headmaster's office _was_ up there, then all he'd have to do is glance out a window and Lily felt certain he'd be able to see _them _with no problem at all.

"We're not out of bounds, are we?" she asked uncertainly, glancing down again to look at Remus. His gaze was still fixed upwards.

"No. But don't look down or you'll miss it."

Lily frowned and glanced up again. She had no idea what he hoped to be showing her. If it was coming out of the Headmaster's office, than it was no doubt something magical. Something _extremely_ magical. Unease flooded up inside of her, making her feel warier than ever before.

"They say _he_ was in Gryffindor," Remus whispered, never once looking down from the sky above.

Curiosity was beginning to mix in with her unease. Not to mention a strange kind of wonder that she was actually standing here like this, waiting for something she could not yet imagine. It was different from everything else that she had ever felt yet in her life. It was turning into a bit of anticipation.

Anticipation for something magical… She never would have expected that.

And then it happened.

Something leapt straight out of the wall or window of that tower high above them. Lily's mouth opened and her eyes widened as they took in the sight of what had to have been a bird. A rather large bird at that.

It was magnificent. Majestic and more radiant than anything else in the world had a right to be! Lily could not think of what words to use to even begin describing it! It looked almost like a swan, except that its feathers were all both crimson and gold – in the sunlight, it looked quite like those feathers were glistening and on fire.

It soared from the building. Lily and Remus both spun around to watch it for as long as possible as it gracefully disappeared out over the Forbidden Forest.

Lily exhaled, feeling her soul rise up in absolute rapture. For once her fears were completely gone, and she was left with nothing but wondrous bliss. She had never _dreamt_ of such a creature, and for the first time since her arrival at Hogwarts she felt as though she had actually made some kind of great discovery. As though she had been let in on some incredible secret.

For the first time, she felt free.

"What was that?" she asked in a whisper after several long moments had past away.

"A phoenix," Remus furtively whispered back, as if to tell her that this was to be a secret kept only between them. "I've seen it from here almost everyday. It's amazing. Phoenixes are supposed to be completely wild. Not at all tamable."

"It didn't look tame to me," Lily observed. She pressed her books closer to her breast. "It looked free."

Remus nodded. There was something wistful in his voice when he next spoke. "They give courage to those who are good. I wonder how long that courage lasts."

Lily looked at him in surprise. She wasn't sure how much time past between them in silence, but then she offered: "There isn't anything wrong with being scared of having cancer."

Remus blinked, and glanced at her in surprise. A moment later, however, that surprise dawned into some kind of realization, and he looked away quickly. "I wasn't sure that I wanted to come here at first. I was… afraid that I wouldn't fit in at all. I told the Sorting Hat that I wanted to be put in Hufflepuff. I thought it'd be easiest to make friends there. But…"

"It put you in Gryffindor," Lily nodded, thinking back to that night. "It put me in Gryffindor, because it knew how frightened I was. I don't understand why."

"You can't have courage without having fear," Remus said, shrugging. "My dad tells me that a lot. So I guess there isn't anything wrong with simply being scared." He looked at her closely. "Why _are_ you scared?"

Lily turned away from him very quickly. The tides were changing again; she could feel it. And nothing would ever be the same. Not when phoenixes could lift her up so high. Not when she could admit to a wizard what her true fears were.

"I hate it."

Remus tilted his head to its side. "Magic?"

Lily nodded.

"But you're so good at it," Remus looked confused. "You're quicker than all the other first years. You're always studying…"

"I hate it," Lily repeated quietly, staring at the grass. "But I do it, because I don't want my parents hating me." Something in her eyes started to burn. Tears, she realized.

No. She couldn't cry. Not now. Not in front of Remus. After all, they had just been gazing upon the majesty of a _phoenix_! It wasn't right that she should cry!

The tide had changed. It was gone and would never come back again. Only new ones. Only different ones. And yet, as Lily turned back around so that she might return up to the Great Hall, she could not tell whether or not she felt any different whatsoever.

**ooooooo**


	9. Trouble with Potions

**ooooooo**

As the weeks continued to pass, Lily continuously determined that, if there was at least one person at Hogwarts she could really call her friend, than there were at least two that she absolutely, without a doubt, could not. James Potter and Sirius Black.

She could barely tolerate either one of them! They were each pig-headed, witty, smart, talented, and popular even among the other houses – excluding Slytherin, of course. They were already on the road to becoming great legends, and it was only their first year! They both knew what they were about, and it was as if they both had destinies to fulfill or something, by getting into trouble!

To put it simply, they were bloody prats. And that was really saying something, coming from a girl who was too shy to want to condemn, and too kind to do so anyway. But it couldn't be helped. James and Sirius were both exceptions…

And why shouldn't they be? They were both exceptions when it came to everything else! They got away with things that no other first year would ever even _think_ about trying! By the start of November, they had been given detentions by every single one of the staff members – including, if one could go so far as to believe it, the giant Gamekeeper, Hagrid, and the Headmaster himself, it was rumored, for some kind of prank the two boys pulled on Halloween!

But despite it all, they never seemed to even once understand that what it was they did was wrong. Whenever they returned to the common room after "nobly" facing their punishments, their eyes were always glittering with mischief, and they would very quickly have all the older students surrounding them, questioning them for details about their sentences. Their attitude was that it wasn't _necessary_ for them to go to detention. They could have gotten out of it in the mere fraction of a heartbeat! But they never failed to go, because detentions at Hogwarts were always so fascinating. The teachers could be very creative without resorting to the caretaker, Argus Filch's violent methods of torture, and besides: if James and Sirius had been careless enough to get caught in the act of mischief, than they deserved each and every detention they ever received. They weren't too cowardly to want to get out of it.

But if they only received detentions for those crimes in which they had been "careless enough to get caught in the act of," one could only wonder how many other transgressions the two of them had made. They got away with practically everything!

Lily could not, for the life of her, even _pretend_ to come up with a time when she had ever actually seen the two of them doing their homework. But somehow, they always managed to receive close to the highest marks out of everyone! James was third next to only Remus and Lily herself.

They were both very nonchalant when it came to just about everything. Lily had very often seen students receiving what were known to be Howlers from their parents. They were letters… letters that tended to explode and condemn the poor student right there in the Great Hall for everyone to see and hear. No one ever wanted to receive one. But again, James and Sirius were both exceptions. James never was given a Howler by his parents anyway, so he really had nothing to worry about. Sirius, on the other hand, received ample amounts of exploding cards, and whenever he did, he did so with his face held high and a look of satisfied pleasure in his eyes.

If, in these ways and in _countless_ of others, James and Sirius could be the school's exceptions, than there was no reason as to why they couldn't also be the exceptions to Lily's characteristically shy and benevolent disposition. They made her so mad!

She was watching them both one afternoon during a Potions lesson. They were sitting at a table towards the front of the classroom, down in the dungeons, while Lily sat with Remus in the back. Altogether, there were only five Gryffindors taking the course at that particular level – the fifth boy was, of course, Peter Pettigrew, and he was sitting in the front with James and Sirius. Peter _always_ sat with James and Sirius. It was surprising, really, that the two boys would actually tolerate him – Peter was, in no way, an exceptional eleven-year-old. He was, after all, clumsy, inarticulate, slow, and rather dull. Extremely dull. Lily had seen Sirius staring at him in particular distaste more often than not. But James must have felt bad for him or something, and therefore, since the number of first year Gryffindors was clearly limited, he allowed the boy to keep company with him.

The rest of the dark, damp, and frigid chamber was scattered with Slytherin first years. That was the case for all of Lily's classes: because there were only five new Gryffindors, they found each of their lessons interwoven with the other houses'. Lily and the four boys would always be outnumbered by Slytherins, Hufflepuffs, or Ravenclaws, and it would be that way for the next seven years – which was probably another reason why James tolerated Peter so well. They needed to stick together as much as possible or they'd be outdone! And heaven forbid something like _that_ ever happening to James Potter.

They were, of course, brewing strange magical concoctions the likes of which Lily had never heard of before. Her cauldron was boiling, and its steam felt warm on her face. It was actually a rather uncomplicated recipe. Lily found herself stirring and adding ingredients with a natural ease – it felt just like cooking! She imagined that if she put it together exactly right, and slipped it into her parents' drinks once she finally returned home for the holidays, they'd forget all about magic and even grow adverse to it! _That_ motivation helped her get the assignment done much faster than any of the others could – especially Remus. When it came to potions, despite his proficiency in every other magical area, Remus could be an absolute dunce. It was definitely not his strong point.

He was struggling to catch up to her and she waited for him patiently, while watching James, Sirius, and Peter on the other side of the room. As a rule, she had learned, Gryffindors and Slytherins were not supposed to be friendly with each other. In fact, most of them seemed to _despise_ one another! So being in a class full of Slytherins was, for the outnumbered Gryffindors, oftentimes an absolute nightmare. And their teacher, Professor Horace Slughorn, remained perfectly oblivious to the entire situation! It was in that classroom that James and Sirius got away with their most audacious of mischievous enterprises.

Presently, for example, Sirius had gotten to his feet. That raised several eyebrows, for there was no one who believed even for a second that he had already completed the assignment. There was no reason for him to be standing up. Most of the class looked up to watch him suspiciously, including Remus. Professor Slughorn himself, who had been making rounds, observing and helping out different students, frowned.

"Is there something that you need, Mr. Black?"

Sirius whirled around in that casual, cavalier way of his in order to face the professor. "Yes, sir. I just spilled all that juice. Need some more." Every single one of the gazes in that room immediately swept towards the floor at Sirius' feet. And sure enough, there was a puddle of spilt liquid that had somehow managed to pour out of its crystal phial completely.

James was scoffing. "Looks like you're going to need a mop too, mate." Sirius grinned, shaking his head, and Peter looked up equally amused. No one else, however, seemed to share their sentiments.

Slughorn briskly waved James's comment aside. "Nonsense. I'll clean that right up." And so he did with a single wave of his wand. "Now, sit back down, Mr. Black. I will get you all the juice that you might require."

"Oh, you don't have to do that, sir!" Sirius objected innocently, gesturing towards the small black-haired Slytherin girl that the professor had previously been assisting. "I don't want to take you away from her!"

James quickly looked away, burying his face into his arms as he tried not to laugh out loud. Meanwhile, the girl in question narrowed her eyes resentfully as Slughorn considered the boy's words. Finally he nodded and gestured towards a large cabinet that stood in the corner of the dark cell that was, in fact, their classroom.

"The juice is in the blue bottle," he stated informatively. "Mind you measure it out carefully. If you-"

"I know, I know!" Sirius waved a hand, starting towards the cabinet. "Too much will interfere with the minced roots. They won't start to boil."

Remus jerked at that comment, and stared down at his own cauldron in sudden realization. Sighing heavily, he slumped down in his chair while shaking his head in grim defeat. Lily glanced at him sympathetically before looking back at Sirius.

Aside from Professor Slughorn, all eyes in the room were fixed on him. Each and every one of the Slytherins clearly expected Sirius to do _some_thing out of line. Something subtle. Something that just _might_ hint at mischief. Slughorn himself, however, was once again leaning over the Slytherin girl's cauldron, explaining to her some detail or other that she no longer cared about. Like all the others, her focus was directed towards Sirius.

Lily, who _was_ a rather sharp young girl, wondered why Sirius was making such an obvious little scene in front of the entire class. She sat back in her chair, sweeping her gaze across the room in an attempt to find some sort of explanation.

It came to her rather quickly. The cabinet was on the right side of the room. Sirius was standing by the right wall. As for James and Peter, they were both sitting on the left side of the room. Peter himself was situated between James and one of the other Slytherins. As _they_ were all watching Sirius carefully measure out juice in that back little right hand corner, _no one_ was keeping an eye on the other two troublemakers.

Lily's gaze landed on Peter. Peter of all people! Sure, he spent as much time as he could in Sirius and James's company, but up until now, that had never made him even remotely criminal! Lily couldn't believe it!

But as she watched, sure enough, he very carefully slipped the contents of a certain crystal phial into the cauldron of the Slytherin boy sitting beside him. He moved with a subtlety that was really quite frightening, for never in Lily's entire life would she have _ever_ guessed him to be even slightly subtle. No one else saw him. Not even through one's peripheral vision could Peter's movements be detected! He had to have been looked at directly in order to be seen – but that was just the thing. None of the Slytherins had ever even bothered to look at Peter Pettigrew directly before.

They were certainly sly dishrags all right. All three of them! James could be heard stifling a loud yawn, and moments later Sirius finally got around to completing his measurements. He quickly returned to his seat. A ripple of disappointment washed over the Slytherins – all of whom were apparently upset that points hadn't been deducted from Gryffindor. Silently, they all got back to work.

"Maybe if I just make it warmer, it'll start to boil," Remus finally proposed, holding his wand up hopefully. For an eleven year old boy who had probably never even _seen_ the inside of an ordinary kitchen, that idea must have seemed, to him, like a stroke of genius. Lily rolled her eyes.

"Make it as hot or cold as you like," she told him quietly. "But if it hasn't started boiling yet, than it isn't going to. Besides, if you make it any hotter, with all the extra juice you put in, those roots will catch fire."

"But _they're_ doing it," Remus objected, gesturing miserably towards James and Peter. Lily glanced over at them, noting how disinterested Sirius seemed, sitting where he was on James's other side as he watched his own cauldron start to boil. At the same time, the Slytherin next to Peter was keeping a very careful eye on the latter's concoction, watching as the bubbles started to dance all across its surface.

Lily blinked. For at that moment, it all came together inside her mind.

The phial that Sirius had dropped on the floor hadn't been Slughorn's juice at all! It had been something else entirely – probably something from the kitchens. Peter had given his juice to the Slytherin boy, while Sirius had given his to Peter! And then Sirius had gone up to get his own portion back, allowing all three Gryffindor cauldrons to presently boil with perfection! But… James and Peter were now making a show of attempting to use additional heat to get the cauldron boiling, for they no doubt claimed that Peter had accidentally used too much of the juice himself… And if the other boy fell for it, and if he followed their example…

Lily jumped to her feet. "STOP!"

But it was too late. As everyone else in the chamber glanced up at her in surprise – James, Sirius, and Peter all included – the Slytherin boy magically added heat into his mixture. A second later, fire shot straight up out of his cauldron like a long, narrow shaft of conflagration.

Several students screamed – the boy included – and they all rushed out of their chairs and away from the cauldron. Lily herself stood where she was, positively entranced. She had never seen anything like it! The flames… they did not blaze or crackle or even sizzle! No. They instead reached upwards towards the ceiling like beautiful rays of crimson sunlight would reach downwards towards the earth at dusk. It was like a very smooth, but very fiery, pillar of marble fire.

James whistled as he and Sirius were both pushed backwards towards the wall by the frightened, heavyset Peter. More than one "Whoa" could be heard echoing across the room.

Presently, Slughorn took two steps forward, waved his wind, and extinguished the fire. He then turned angrily towards the frantic Slytherin. "That reaction was not due to a mild miscalculation in your measurements! Just how much juice did you put in that cauldron? Did you think it would be amusing?"

"N-no sir!" the boy stammered, obviously still afraid. "I didn't! I measured it perfectly!"

"Blatant lies will gain your house twenty less points than what it had!" Slughorn warned him coldly.

"From his own house?" Remus whispered next to Lily in surprise as several of the other Slytherins began making loud objections. Lily herself set her jaw determinedly and walked forward.

"He didn't cause it!"

That shut everyone in the room right up and all eyes landed on her. For the first time, however, she hardly cared as she stubbornly promised herself to see to it that James Potter and Sirius Black both got what they deserved.

"I beg your pardon?" Slughorn asked, looking rather astonished, as did everyone else in the room. Lily glanced at James. Upon meeting his gaze, she offered him what she knew to be a very evil looking grin. He blinked back at her, no doubt wondering whether or not she would actually betray them. No doubt wondering how on earth she even knew _to_ betray them!

"It was James, sir," she bluntly informed the professor. "James, Sirius, and Peter."

It was the first time anyone had _ever_ included Peter in such an accusation. His face drained completely of color even as Sirius' darkened in indignation. But it was James who denied it first.

"You must be joking!" he exclaimed. "I know I can take it, and so can Sirius, but the _least_ you could do is leave Peter out of it!" He turned towards Slughorn, crossing his arms while stepping almost protectively in front of his cowering accomplice. "You can't actually believe her! I mean, we're talking about _Peter_ here!"

Slughorn looked back at Lily, not sure who to believe. "Miss Evans, are you absolutely certain of what you claim?"

Lily lifted her chin up squarely. "Yes, sir. I wouldn't lie like that!" The rest of the room seemed positively stunned by her words.

Slughorn scratched his head. "But they're in your own house…" It was Lily's turn to blink. What did _that_ have to do with anything?

"Great," the Slytherin boy whose cauldron had been the cause for all this confusion now looked positively outraged. "The _last_ thing I need is for a filthy Gryffindor mudblood to be defending me!"

Slughorn whirled furiously around towards the vulgar Slytherin, but he wasn't quick enough to protect him from James's sudden display of fury. He had pounced towards the boy with a ferocity that Lily had never seen before in her entire life! And the next thing she knew, James had him pinned up against the wall, savagely decking him in the face.

"Mr. Potter that will be quite enough!" Slughorn roared, his face uncharacteristically white. He held out his wand threateningly. "Get off of him!"

James obeyed slowly, but he was still shaking in rage. The Slytherin remained where he was up against that wall, perfectly motionless, breathing heavily as his gaze swept over the ceiling. His nose was bleeding.

"Fifty points shall be deducted from Slytherin!" Slughorn said harshly. "No one is to ever use the word 'mudblood' in my presence! Is that understood?" No one replied, but every Slytherin there was staring abashedly at the floor. The professor allowed them to wallow in their shame for several minutes, and then glanced over towards one particularly small Slytherin girl. "Accompany Mr. Baker to the hospital wing."

"Yes sir," she said quickly, and then both she and the boy were gone, having retreated from the room at an alarming pace.

"Miss Evans!" Slughorn turned back towards the astonished Lily. Never in her entire life had she ever even _once_ witnessed such a reaction to a mere _word_! Her face was frighteningly pale, and it took several moments for her to register what it was that the professor was saying. "What do you mean by accusing boys in your own house? It's unheard of! Especially as they are all obviously far too willing to defend _your_ honor."

Lily stared at him, too stunned to know how to respond. So _this_ was how it was done in the magical world? Students were placed in separate houses by means that were entirely out of their control, and then expected to show absolute and undying loyalty to whichever house it was they were given? What if they didn't like their house or the people in it? What if the boys were jerks and cruel and irresponsible? Were you just supposed to lie for their sakes? How was that fair? How was that even justifiable?

She shook her head, tears of anger burning in her eyes. "You know, you're right. You're absolutely right! How _dare_ I side with Slytherin over Gryffindor! Let's just forget who's really at fault here because obviously I'm the one who's made the biggest mistake!" She wouldn't make it again.

Refusing to wait for anyone to say anything in return, Lily abandoned her books and her cauldron so that she might run away from that terrible place and from the horrible people standing there. She couldn't bear to keep company with them for any longer.

**ooooooo**


	10. The War

**ooooooo**

The sun had set behind the mountain and now the purple sky could be seen reflecting off the clear waters of the crystal lake. Hogwarts, which stood in all its glory upon the top of the mountainside high above and behind her, presently began to sparkle as its jeweled lights came on, ready to ward off the darkness of night.

There was such beauty to be found here, Lily thought to herself as she sat quietly along the lake's peaceful shoreline. She gazed out across the water, hardly caring that she had completely skipped her last class – not to even mention dinner! Thoughts of attending either had both sounded absurd to her.

She had thrown off her hat during her flight from the dungeons. By now it could have been anywhere. For some reason, she found that sickly amusing. Out of everything she owned, she hated that pointed hat the most. If it had been lost forever or torn into little tiny shreds, she couldn't have cared less.

It had been hours since the Potions class. Lily had been sitting there in that same exact spot during the whole course of the latter half of the day. She wondered how long she would be sitting there until she could finally bear the solitude no longer. Or until someone came looking for her…

In the end, it was the latter that came about. For while she was sitting there, she clearly heard four pairs of footsteps walking down that pathway towards the lake. She closed her eyes, groaning inaudibly as she rose to her feet and turned to face them.

Remus was walking in front of the others, carrying not only his books, but Lily's as well. Behind him, Sirius was holding Remus' cauldron while James held hers. And behind _them_ stood Peter, who looked scared out of his mind.

Remus was still dressed in his school robes like she was, giving her the impression that he had not stopped to change or have dinner before he had set off to look for her. The three other boys, however, were all wearing slacks and nothing on top of their white collared shirts. Their sleeves were all casually rolled up to their elbows; their ties were all hanging loosely around their necks. Lily guessed that they had only recently joined Remus on his hunt. They were probably all well fed from dinner, too, while Remus looked positively famished.

They stopped walking when they were a mere three yards away. But to Lily, there might as well have been an entire three _miles_ between them, for she had never felt more isolated.

"Have you been here all this time?" Remus finally asked her after several seconds of heavy silence. Lily nodded somberly.

"We brought you your stuff," Sirius piped in helpfully, managing to sound more foolishly conceited than ever before. "You left in such a hurry."

A surge of bitterness welled up inside of her. She spoke severely. "You shouldn't have bothered."

There was no gratitude in her voice whatsoever. Sirius stared at her as if deeply offended. "What exactly is the matter with you? You've _got_ to be the world's biggest sneak, and yet we're still willing-"

"Lay off her, Sirius," James interrupted, speaking in a quiet voice that commanded his friend's acquiescence. He then took a step forward next to Remus, peering all the while at Lily through his calm hazel eyes. He spoke to her, almost apologetically. "We went back to Slughorn's office before dinner started. Me and Sirius. We let him know that we _were_ the ones responsible for setting Baker's cauldron off. We told him you were right."

"But not Peter?" Lily asked, watching as the boy in the back shifted uncomfortably from foot to foot. Both of his hands were held up in front of him, and he was drumming the tips of his fingers together nervously. He looked more like a rat than ever.

"No," James shook his head. "Not Peter. We promised him that if he did this with us, we wouldn't let him get into trouble."

"We were looking out for him," Sirius chipped in. "If you had just accused me and James, sure, we'd have admitted it. But we weren't about to let Peter take the blame."

"Even though he's the one who did it?" Lily demanded, feeling her heart start racing in anger. She looked past the three boys and at Peter. "Congratulations! Looks like you've now got two bigger, stronger, and more confident best friends to keep you safe for the rest of your miserable existence! I hope that makes you feel brave and powerful!"

Peter flinched. Obviously, Lily's words had hit close to home.

Sirius dropped Remus' cauldron onto the ground and took three furious steps forward. "At least he's _got_ friends!"

Lily's mouth opened, but no sound came out. She couldn't _believe_ what he had just said! Her temper flared furiously, but it was Remus who next spoke.

He was staring at Sirius as if he had never seen the boy before. "I'm her friend."

"You're everyone's friend, Remus," Sirius brushed that comment aside as if it counted for nothing.

James seemed to be of a like mind. "What right do _you_ have, Lily Evans, to be criticizing Peter on _his_ bravery when you aren't even half as brave as the lowliest of Slytherins?"

Lily felt like she had just been slapped. "What?"

"It's obvious that you're scared to death of everything in this school!" James angrily accused her. "I'm surprised the Sorting Hat even put you in Gryffindor! You're a sneak and I bet you're probably even afraid of your own shadow!"

Lily stared at him, speechless. His words, his accusations… They were cruel and they reminded her painfully of Petunia. _Kind of like your words do, too,_ a nasty voice jeered at her from inside her head. She started to shake.

But none of the others noticed, because Remus was suddenly standing between them all, staring at James and Sirius defensively. "That's not what it means to be in Gryffindor! If you're looking for someone who'd feel ashamed at being called a 'sneak,' then you'd better look in Hufflepuff! Lily did what she thought was _right_ down in that Potions room! Gryffindors aren't _supposed_ to be going around framing other kids – even if they _are_ in Slytherin! Gryffindors are supposed to be better than that! They're supposed to be like Lily! She stood up for someone you two stood on! That makes her braver than you guys put together!"

Everyone was staring at Remus in shock. But none of them could have possibly been more surprised than Remus was himself. That he had spoken so boldly and so severely to two other Gryffindors – quite possibly acquiring their lifelong resent – was exceedingly uncharacteristic of him. He blushed furiously, shoved past James and Sirius, dumped both his and Lily's books – which he still possessed – into his cauldron, picked it up – even though it must have weighed around fifty pounds altogether – and fled back up towards the school.

"Whoa," James exclaimed after several seconds had past in silence when Remus finally disappeared from sight. "Didn't know he had it in him."

"I don't think he did either, mate," Sirius agreed. They both glanced back at Lily questioningly, as if wondering whether or not _she_ had known.

But she was staring at James with such cold, piercing eyes that he actually took a step backwards as if in alarm. "What have _you_ ever been afraid of?"

The question seemed to startle him. "I-I'm not afraid of anything."

Lily nodded as if she had been expecting that answer. "Do you know what's really interesting about that?" James shook his head and she scoffed bitterly. "What's interesting is that I don't think you're just trying to be impressive. I really think that nothing frightens you. And that really makes me wonder why you think _you_ could possibly be a fair judge of someone else's bravery."

She started forward and both James and Sirius made haste to get out of her way. She didn't look at either one of them and paused only long enough to glance at Peter. "Honestly, you should really consider spending a day or two on your own feet rather than underneath _theirs_. You could shine. But if you don't figure out how to, then you'll just end up living in other people's shadows for the rest of your life."

Peter regarded her for a moment, as if thinking about her words. But then he scowled. "Bugger off."

Sirius smirked, clearly impressed with the boy. That, Lily thought, was definitely a first, and Peter knew it, too. He wasn't quite as dumb as everybody else seemed to think, and it must have been painfully obvious to him how Sirius had always held him in contempt. But now he was impressed, and that was something Lily knew Peter could grow addicted to. She realized she wasn't going to win this one.

Her tears were returning, but she wasn't _about_ to start crying in front of them. Turning quickly, she started after Remus up the hill towards the school. It was a struggle for her not to start running, for when she reached the school she didn't want to be winded and fighting tears at the same time! Not in front of all the other students… She couldn't endure the humiliation!

She hated them. James Potter. Sirius Black. And now Peter Pettigrew. They were all awful, horrible, insufferable prats! What right did they have to be like that? Did they actually think that it was acceptable? Or even the _slightest_ bit amusing?

She was walking through one of the school's flowery courtyards with its musical fountains and marble pillars, trying to wipe the tears from her eyes. It was dark now, and she could barely see where she was going. It was no wonder, then, that she didn't notice the other boy who almost seemed to be waiting for her there in the shadows.

"Lily Evans?"

She stopped short in surprise, turning back around to see who it was she had walked past. His voice had been barely a whisper but she knew it wasn't the wind because she heard someone sniffling a moment later. When she finally caught sight of him, she recognized him immediately. He was a first year, like her, for she remembered him from the Sorting Ceremony. She had seen him around in the halls between classes, and she knew that he had been sitting somewhere in the Potions room with her earlier that afternoon.

"Severus?"

He stared at her, startled by the fact that she had known his name. A moment went by in silence, and then he turned slightly away from her, so that she might not have to watch as he wiped his face on his sleeve.

Lily opened her mouth, slightly disgusted. "Are you okay?"

"Yes," he said quickly. "I-It's just a cold." It might have been the poor lighting, but Lily could swear his face was slightly more flushed than normal. Then again, it might also have been simply from his cold.

"I hope you feel better," she offered him quietly, not knowing what else to say.

He nodded. "I… found your hat." He scurried awkwardly away from her and towards a particular bench on which, sure enough, Lily saw her black witch's hat resting patiently. He reached for it with his right hand, stopped short, changed his mind, and picked it up with his left hand – for he hadn't used _that_ arm's sleeve as a tissue. Holding it slightly away from himself, as if conscious that he could very easily contaminate it, he brought it over and offered it up to her.

"Thank you," she whispered automatically as she very carefully accepted the hat. She stared down at it, despising it for all it was worth and wishing that it _had_ been torn to pieces. "How'd you know it was mine?"

"The label," he said quickly.

Right. Lily had forgotten that in the school's acceptance letter, the enclosed list of supplies had made it clear that all students were to label each and every one of their items of clothing. No doubt for instances just like this one. Lily sighed and turned away.

"I don't suppose _you_ think it was horrible that I chose to be honest this afternoon instead of loyal to my house?" she asked after a moment's pause, looking up at the stars that were just now starting to shine through the darkness.

Severus sniffled yet again. "Actually, you played the game perfectly. Baker's tongue lost _us_ house points. More house points than Potter and Black lost yours when they finally confessed. Your honesty won those points back triple, and now Slughorn's looking for you so that he can apologize by giving Gryffindor even _more_ points."

Lily scoffed quietly, looking down at her feet in disbelief. Petunia had the right idea, she decided. This whole world was nothing more than one big giant game that amounted to nothing! The winners were given the house cup at the end of the year, and nothing ever changed. "So no one else thinks that I betrayed the Gryffindor House? They all think that I was actually a _part_ of James Potter's dumb plan to get us more points?"

Behind her, Severus was nodding guiltily. "Of course that's the way the Slytherins would tell it. They'd never admit to having had a Gryffindor defending them. But… I don't think anyone could have mistaken your sincerity." Lily spun around to face him in surprise, but he wasn't looking at her. "You know, if it _had_ been planned out to work that way, then it would have been perfect. Legendary. You-Know-Who wouldn't have been able to do a better job!"

Lily stared at him blankly. "Wait. Do I know…? What are you talking about?" Severus must have realized that he had probably just said something he really shouldn't have. His blinked, and then blinked again, trying to figure out how to respond.

Behind him, James, Sirius, and Peter all suddenly appeared in the courtyard, and absolutely none of them looked at all happy by what they were seeing and hearing. Lily caught her breath in alarm as Severus whirled around to face them.

James handed Lily's cauldron – which he had still been carrying – over to Peter as he furiously stepped towards the Slytherin. "You did _not_ just mention _him_ to _her_!"

"Oh, I think he did," Sirius stated coldly, following James forward. "He's so full of the Dark Arts it's a wonder he actually had the prudence to say 'You-Know-Who' instead of his actual name!"

"Is that right?" James demanded, wearing the same dark expression on his face as he had when the Baker boy had called Lily a mudblood. "Maybe the Hospital Wing should have two Slytherins with broken noses tonight instead of just one!"

Lily could tell that the lot of them were all inches away from drawing their wands and attacking each other. She quickly pushed her way in-between James and Severus. Her eyes were no longer puffy with tears but blazing with fury. "How _dare_ you? Were you spying on us?"

"For you!" James shouted. He pointed at the boy behind her. "That kid's a bloody Death Eater! He _has_ to be! Talking about You-Know-Who like that! Like he's someone to be respected!"

"I have no idea who 'You-Know-Who' even is!" Lily shouted back. "But what difference does it make? He can't be worse than you!"

James stared at her in shock. In such shock, for that matter, that he couldn't speak a word for several long seconds in which no one moved or even dared to breathe. Lily was starting to get the impression that, just maybe, she had been out of line when James finally got his voice back. "You don't know what you're talking about."

"How could she?" Sirius demanded bitterly. "She doesn't even know what it means to be a mudblood."

James nodded his head and savagely jerked his finger back towards Severus. "_That's_ what he'll think of you, Lily Evans! He'll call you it! He might even try hurting you for it! He's the one who's just as bad as You-Know-Who! It's not me. It never will be."

"There's a war going on," Sirius informed Lily hatefully. "It started about a year ago. You-Know-Who commands the other side. The _dark_ side! We take those Defense classes for a reason, Evans, and that reason _is_ You-Know-Who!"

Lily felt her heart constrict painfully. _There was a war?_ "Why didn't I know about it?"

"Probably because it's a bit difficult to explain to muggles," James said in a softer voice. "And it's not something that _they_ should worry about, which is probably why your parents don't know about it. And it's _definitely_ something people want children sheltered from, which is why you never hear about it at Hogwarts! But it's definitely happening, Evans! People are _dying_!"

"There's no way you should _ever_ mention You-Know-Who lightly!" Sirius added, glaring at Severus in abhorrence. The look on the boy's face as he stared back at the Gryffindor made it perfectly clear that the feeling was mutual.

But then he sniffled. And then he was wiping his nose very quickly with his sleeve.

For several long, silent seconds, James stared at him in open revulsion before he finally looked back at Lily. "And all that aside, what in heaven's name would you want to be doing with something _that_ disgusting? I swear, someone _must _have written down the wrong name on his birth certificate! Surely his mum _meant_ to call him Snivellus."

A look of white rage spread across Severus's face as both Sirius and Peter began laughing. Lily herself felt an uncontrollable wave of anger, hate, and confinement crash into each and every last part of her body. She had reached her limit and could no longer go on keeping her real emotions locked up inside herself.

She closed in the distance between her and James, and then slammed her fist into his face – exactly as she had seen him do earlier to that Slytherin. James doubled over, stumbling backwards in surprise as both Sirius and Peter rushed forward to catch and steady him. In the meantime, Lily's cauldron hit the ground heavily with a resounding thud.

No one was laughing anymore. As James reached both of his hands up to his face, he stared at Lily in astonishment. That had been the last thing he had _ever_ expected her to do.

"I HATE YOU!" she screamed at him furiously. "I HATE ALL OF YOU!" She looked back at Severus to let him know that he was most definitely included in her loud declaration. "I HATE THIS PLACE AND I HOPE TO GOD I NEVER HAVE TO SEE ANY OF YOU EVER AGAIN!"

She pushed past the three Gryffindors so that she could regain her cauldron, and then she turned around and started for the school's main entrance. She didn't stop for anything, and tried desperately hard to ignore the looks of astonishment on the faces of all the other students who were still out and about that evening. She knew she looked like a mess, and she knew she couldn't blame them for their expressions – especially since, by now, most of them probably assumed she had just been part of some triumphant scheme to earn her house a heck of a lot more points.

None of them knew the truth. None of them understood. She doubted any of them would even _want_ to.

She started stomping up a certain flight of stairs when she past by a certain group of second year Gryffindor girls. Her roommates. She tried ignoring them, but they saw her and started after her.

"Is it true?" Pippa demanded, hastening to catch up with the eleven year old girl. "We've all heard the rumors. Did you really make a fool out of Slughorn with those other boys? Did you really earn Gryffindor over a hundred house points?"

"I don't want to talk about it!" Lily shouted at them, quickening her pace. They were all terribly surprised by her reaction and immediately fell back. That was the only thing she had to be grateful for.

She didn't stop until she was up in the Gryffindor common room. Remus was there, still in his school robes as he sat on a sofa reading some engaging book. There were a few older kids there as well, but not many. One of whom was the prefect, Emily Matheson, and she was happily playing Wizard's Chess with some other fifth year.

Lily ignored all of them but Remus. She practically _ran_ over to his side, bringing him to look up from his book in surprise. "Lily?"

"Is it true?" she asked, completely out of breath and sounding like she was about to start panicking. Everyone in the common room noticed her then, and stared at her as if she were possessed. "Is it _true_? Is there really a war going on?"

Remus' face drained of color, as did the faces of each and every one of the room's remaining occupants. Their expressions were all proof enough and Lily felt her cauldron slipping out of her hands. For the second time that evening, it landed heavily on the ground.

"How could they bring me to this school without ever mentioning the fact that there is very real evil going on-?"

"Not here!" Emily interrupted her, jumping to her feet and rushing forward. "There's no evil at Hogwarts!" She stood in front of Lily, grasping her shoulders firmly. "You're safer here than anywhere else! That's why no one talks about the war here! Because they don't need to!"

Lily's eyes filled with tears. Having magic was frightening enough! But having it during times of war was even worse. "At least tell me it's close to ending."

Emily looked desperately over at the other Gryffindors sitting in the common room with them. But there was nothing any of _them_ could do for her. They didn't have anymore of an idea as to how to go about handling such a situation as this than anyone could have ever expected them to. They were just _teenagers_ after all.

But Lily wasn't even twelve years old.

Emily sighed and sat down on the floor. She pulled Lily down with her and then just wrapped her arms around the girl as she wept.

Lily had never cried like that in her entire life. During that long hour, and for the remainder of the night, she wanted to go home more than ever before. But at the same time, more than ever before, she felt that she could not. Her home, after all, was simply too far away. Too far out of reach. Forget getting there anytime that night… She found herself seriously wondering if she would ever even get there _at all_!

**ooooooo**

**A/N:** Please review and let me know what you think! I'm eager to hear! You have no idea how much I appreciate it!


	11. A Much Needed Distraction

**Disclaimer:** Yeah, I'll admit it. Stephen Kodaly is not my character. I've temporarily stolen him out of another story – well, actually, a play – but I won't take any credit for him! He isn't mine, but I love characters like him. So. Yeah. Please don't arrest me.

**ooooooo**

The next morning crawled away painfully. It was like going at a snail's rate! Lily remained incredibly aware of every second in every minute of every hour. It was torture. Her life had suffered yet another incredible change, and the tide she was facing now was the most awful thus far.

The world of magic was in the middle of a war! Were things only ever going to get worse? There were times when it certainly felt that way. Presently, for instance, Lily couldn't imagine _ever_ feeling cheerful again.

She had gotten no sleep the night before. Emily had seen her into bed before any of the second years had even entered the tower, and when they finally _did_, they were quite obviously told to enter the dormitory silently for the sake of the poor younger girl. But it wouldn't have made a difference. Every time Lily shut her eyes, she could imagine terrified young witches being shot down by horrific spells cast from the wand of the faceless You-Know-Who. It frightened her, more so than her own magic had ever frightened her, and it kept her awake the entire night.

Now she was exhausted, and couldn't be bothered with even making an _attempt_ at performing the various spells being taught to her and her classmates during lessons that morning. She was exhausted, and she was cold and hungry. Eating breakfast had been entirely out of the question, and not even her thick robes were enough to keep her from shivering.

Remus sat beside her during Transfiguration, doing his best to be a comfort to her. James, Sirius, and Peter were, unsurprisingly, all sitting on the other side of the room, pretending that nothing had changed whatsoever. Pretending that everything in the world was exactly the way it should be, leaving them all invincible and carefree.

Lily didn't understand how they could be like that. The country was at war! Didn't that count for anything? Now, when she looked out at everything around her, and saw how everyone was constantly laughing and joking and going about their normal daily lives as if Hogwarts was some kind of grand utopia, she wondered how they could be so indifferent. Nothing seemed appropriate anymore. James had said it himself, after all. People _die_ during wars! And no one seemed to care!

When their lesson in Transfiguration came to an end, Lily had hoped to be the first person out the door – for she was all too eager to get away. To get away from class. To get away from magic. To get away from everything.

But as the students around her all stood up to leave, Professor McGonagall held up a hand. "Miss Evans. I would like a word."

Lily groaned, dropping her books back on the table. The other students – most of whom were Hufflepuff – gave her sympathetic smiles for they knew all too well how strict McGonagall was. None of _them_ understood. Remus, however, asked if she wanted him to stay. She shook her head. She thought she had an idea as to why McGonagall was holding her back, and she didn't want to risk Remus seeing tears in her eyes again, if that was what was to come from this conversation.

So Remus left, shutting the door behind him at McGonagall's request. The professor then motioned for Lily to take a seat in front of her desk. For a moment, neither one of them spoke. McGonagall watched her very closely, and Lily stared down at the neat and organized desk as if it was the most fascinating thing she had ever seen before.

"Professor Slughorn told me that he was looking for you last night," McGonagall said at last. "He informed me of what happened. Shortly after that, I found myself speaking with Miss Matheson. It would seem that you had a very busy day yesterday, Miss Evans."

"Yes, ma'am," Lily whispered, unable to meet the professor's gaze.

"You do understand that Hogwarts has been enchanted by the most powerful of wizards and witches?" McGonagall asked. "The grounds and the castle itself are magically protected. And even were they not, Professor Dumbledore's presence alone is enough to keep each and every person at this school perfectly safe. You are in no danger."

"Yes, ma'am," Lily whispered again, for all of this had been explained to her the night before. The problem wasn't that she thought _she_ was in any immediate peril. It was just that there were others…

"Miss Evans, you are only eleven years old," McGonagall continued. "There is no reason for you, or any other child for that matter, be they eleven or be they seventeen, to carry around the weight of such encumbrances. It is not that the war is being kept secret. In time, all muggle born witches and wizards become aware of it, and when they do, they are told as much about it as they want to hear, so long as the answers to their inquiries are within our knowledge. I am, however, sorry to say that not even we professors know everything."

McGonagall paused, as if waiting for a reply. But Lily gave her none. She merely continued to stare down at the perfectly organized, prim, proper desk. After all, what was there for her to say?

"This is a school," McGonagall finally reminded her. "It is good that in these walls children have found a haven where they are sheltered from the war. It is good that they can be happy here. That they can be _children_ here. There have been worse wars by far where children were not given such an opportunity. Muggle wars, no less. It is a blessing that Hogwarts remains open in such times."

"It doesn't change things…" Lily whispered, looking up at her at last. "Even when I was in Diagon Alley, no one seemed to care! It was like none of them even knew what a war was!"

"Diagon Alley has its own protection," McGonagall assured her. "It is a place where witches and wizards can come together in a sort of fellowship. The people you saw in Diagon Alley care. They care more than you know. Which is why they were all so happy to see that their friends were still safe. And that they could spend at least _one_ more afternoon in the company of those friends, as they used to everyday before the war began last year."

Lily shook her head. "I don't think I can feel that kind of comfort."

McGonagall sighed. "Miss Evans, I have seen several different young wizards and witches become aware of this war, and a fairly good majority – though rather I should say all of them – have felt the same initial shock that you have. But then they come to realize just how far away they are from all of that, and they are able to let go."

"You mean they stop caring-"

"I mean that they don't start living these years – which _should_ be their happiest – in constant, unending fear," McGonagall cut in. Lily felt herself tense, and she looked down again almost guiltily. Her professor sighed. "Miss Evans, it is impossible to watch you from day to day without…" She hesitated. And when she spoke again, she did so carefully. "You are one of the brighter of first years that I have ever taught. Are you quite unhappy here?"

Lily closed her eyes. What kind of question was that? Of _course_ she was unhappy! McGonagall _must_ have been a real genius to figure _that_ one out!

But then… if she admitted to it… would she be sent home? And if she were… what would her parents say?

"I'm not unhappy here," she said at long last, finding it difficult not to choke on her own words. When she looked up at McGonagall again, however, she could tell that the woman did not believe her. Not by a long shot. Lily squirmed under her piercing gaze. "Honest! I-" she hesitated herself, thinking as quickly as she could to come up with something, _anything_, about this place that she might use as a convincing example as to how much she "loved" being here. "It's the most beautiful place in the world!" she finally came up with. She stood up, looking almost desperate – and feeling that way – as she sincerely praised the castle and its grounds. "Just _looking_ at it is breathtaking! How…" She stumbled over her words at that part, but somehow managed to keep going. "How could I not love it here?"

McGonagall sat there considering her for several long minutes. Even still she did not look altogether convinced, but eventually she did nod her head. "The fact that a mere mention of the war raging so far away from this school that it might as well be on a different continent – or even on an altogether different world – reduced you to such a state as I hear tell you were in last night only goes to show how compassionate you are, Miss Evans. You have a gift, and it is in your heart. You are a credit to your house."

"Thank you, ma'am," Lily whispered, breathing a small sigh of relief. She couldn't believe what she had just done! The thought that she could actually get away with pretending to like being at Hogwarts was not something she would have ever ordinarily thought of before. She _hated_ Hogwarts.

But again… as she had once told Remus… she didn't hate it enough to risk having both of her parents hating her.

At that moment, the door to McGonagall's office abruptly opened, and both Lily and the professor looked up to see none other than the school's very own Defense Against the Dark Arts professor, Stephen Kodaly, poking his head inside. He flashed McGonagall a large smile – the likes of which Lily had never before seen coming from _him_.

"Minerva!" He pushed the door open completely and walked cavalierly inside. Lily glanced quickly back at McGonagall, noting how tense the woman had suddenly become. She wondered silently what was going on as she looked back at Kodaly. The man was positively beaming! "I'm so glad to have caught you!"

McGonagall sighed. "Now is not a good time, Professor Kodaly-"

He waved a hand at that. "Please, m'dear, call me Stephen."

Lily's eyes widened and her mouth slowly, unconsciously, fell open. _M'dear?_ Had Professor Kodaly truly just called Professor McGonagall _m'dear_?

McGonagall pushed abruptly to her feet and was staring at the perfectly oblivious professor with sparks of fire literally in her eyes. "Professor Kodaly! I am in the middle of a conference with one of my students! I would ask you to kindly _get out_!"

Kodaly gave the woman an extravagant bow – which immediately reminded Lily of James, for he had bowed to her like that when they had first met in Diagon Alley. "I am only much too eager to oblige! But perhaps we could meet again together tonight in the Great Hall? Say around seven?"

"Professor-"

Kodaly did not wait for McGonagall to finish her retort. He had already disappeared from the room – the last Lily saw of him was his arm waving farewell through the doorway. And then the door was shut.

**ooooooo**

Lily spent the rest of the morning and early afternoon in an absolute daze. She couldn't believe what she had just seen in McGonagall's classroom! Later that afternoon, when she, Remus, and the other Gryffindors, along with the Ravenclaws, piled into Professor Kodaly's Defense class, the man was exactly the same sort of fellow he had been all throughout September and October. It was as if nothing had changed. He hardly ever smiled and put such energy into lecturing his students on the ways to perform various counter curses that hardly any one of them caught half of what he was saying. He was a very well educated man, no one could deny that, but… Lily rather thought that he enjoyed simply being in the spotlight.

_He probably doesn't even care about this war half as much as the students who don't even know about it!_ Lily thought bitterly. If he did, she reasoned, he'd be taking his position as the teacher of this class a bit more seriously.

Though she had concentrated on absolutely none of her other classes that day, she focused as much of her energy as she could into concentrating on _this_ one in particular. She fought very hard to just listen to the words coming out of Kodaly's mouth, and to put meaning behind them so that she actually _could_ comprehend the lecture. It was a rather difficult thing to do on any other normal day – but on _this_ day it was particularly grueling. She was taxed, she was frightened, and she was confused. Nothing seemed to make any sense whatsoever! But… she knew she _had_ to learn because of the war… this was a subject she _needed_ to know… If this You-Know-Who person was as dangerous as James and Sirius seemed to think – James and Sirius of all people! – than she _had_ to know such defenses!

It was a strain trying so hard to learn from such a man. Lily held her quill with an intensity she had never had before as she took notes of the lecture. The effort she put into it nearly reduced her to tears yet again. It was just so frustrating! Her stomach churned and it was all she could do not to start shaking outright.

Remus noticed. And if Lily had been paying any attention whatsoever to the people around her, rather than just to Kodaly and his lesson, then she would have seen Remus glance over at James, Sirius, and Peter. She would have seen the three boys looking back in concern, and she would have seen James mouth an apology. Remus nodded and looked back at Lily uncomfortably, and for once, no one felt particularly eager to joke or make fun. It was a very long stressful hour.

It was only after the lesson was over that Lily noticed Remus actually _talking_ with James, Sirius, and Peter. That surprised her, and she wondered what was going on. She waited outside in the hallway for the four boys to follow everyone else out of the room, but when they did so, only Remus acknowledged her. While he stopped at her side, the three others didn't even bother to look at her, and continued on their way as if they all absolutely _had_ to be somewhere.

"What was-?"

"Never mind that," Remus interrupted her with a slight smile. Lily's frown deepened as her bewilderment rose. What was going on? "Do you like sports?"

The question stunned her. She stared at him blankly, wondering if she had heard correctly. "Do I like-?"

"Sports?" he asked, his smile widening. "You know? Like rugby and football and the Olympics and stuff."

"Those are all muggle hobbies," Lily told him, feeling more confused than ever. Why would anyone at Hogwarts – unless they were muggle born – feel even remotely interested in rugby or football?

"Just tell me whether or not you like them!" Remus insisted, sounding like an impatient, whining kid.

Lily shrugged. "I don't know. I've never…" It was an awful thing to say about a muggle family. But hers had never had much time for any kind of sport whatsoever! Her friends, however, back at school, like Carla Fletcher, had always gone on and on about sports. They had been all about the different games, different teams, practices, wins, losses… And Lily had always been left out. It was yet another thing her parents had deprived her from as a child. "I suppose so. I don't know much about sports."

Remus stared at her almost gleefully for a moment. His eyes were sparkling. "Come with me. I want to show you something."

The last time he had spoken such words to her, Lily had found herself watching a phoenix soaring towards the horizon. How could she refuse to go with him, when he had the power to show her such things? She nodded. "All right."

Defense Against the Dark Arts had been the last class of the day, and now there were students everywhere, running around, laughing, joking, and just having a grand old time before dinner started. Remus, however, acknowledged none of them as he cheerfully led the way outside.

The crisp, mountainous November air immediately brought Lily to wrap her arms around herself, but after a few more minutes she quickly began adjusting to the cold. And after awhile of walking in it, it even began to cease bothering her. It was actually a relief from when she had been inside. She found the day to be quite lovely indeed, even if nothing else about it seemed to be that way.

"Where are we going?" she asked Remus.

He looked back at her knowingly. "To the Quidditch field."

Lily came to an abrupt halt. "To the _what_ field?"

As Remus paused and looked straight at her, she could tell he was trying very hard to keep a straight face. "The Quidditch field. It's the wizarding world's favorite pastime. Today, the Gryffindor team has its first practice. You _have_ to come watch! I _promise_ you, Lily, it's definitely complicated enough to get your mind off of everything else!"

Lily stared at him skeptically. Was there anything complicated enough to get her mind off of what was plaguing her? "That's really hard to believe."

"Trust me," he suggested. "It'll do you some good." They set out again, and Remus spent the rest of the walk trying to teach Lily simply how to pronounce the word. Quidditch. And then she wanted to know how to spell it, and the next thing either one of them knew, they were at the stadium.

It was enormous! Lily wondered how on earth she had never managed to see or notice it before. There were dozens of incredibly tall stands – each one of them boasting hundreds of seats – that circled a field. The field had three golden poles that rose well up into the sky on either side of it, and at the tip of each pole there was a circular hoop. Lily stared up at them all in wonder. They were tall enough to be called skyscrapers!

"That's…" she whispered, awestruck. "Really, really high…"

"Come on!" someone was shouting.

Remus and Lily both glanced over to their right. They immediately caught sight of Sirius waiting beside one of the stands' entrances. He seemed impatient for James and Peter, who were both trailing leisurely after him, to catch up. "I'll race you both to the top!" James immediately started sprinting forward, leaving poor Peter following miserably far behind.

"Some friend," Lily whispered resentfully.

"Let's watch from a different stand," Remus suggested, and the two of them made their way to the left. As they climbed up and around the stairs and landings of the stand they eventually chose, Remus laughed about how, as a first year, James was too young to play on the Quidditch team. Lily found it amusing herself – not to mention satisfying – that there was at least one thing in this world that James Potter could not have.

By the time they were at the top of the stand, Lily could see tiny figures all clad in red and yellow walking out onto the field. They were so high up that, for a moment, Lily felt light headed and very, very dizzy.

"At least you're not going to be flying around on a broomstick," Remus told her helpfully, which _was_ something of a comfort. Seconds later, those seven tiny figures that _had_ been so far away were suddenly in the air, directly in front of her, and clearly visible. It made perfect sense to her now why these stands were all so tall.

"So how exactly is this game played?" she asked as the players all started flying laps around the field.

"Okay," Remus said, getting slightly worked up. Lily glanced over at him in surprise, noting for the first time how eagerly he seemed to want to teach her. "You've got seven players on a team, four balls, and six hoops. Each team defends three of those hoops from the other team's three Chasers."

"Chaser?" Lily asked.

"Right," Remus nodded eagerly. "That's one position. There are four positions on a team. Three players are positioned as Chasers. Now, one of the four balls is called a Quaffle. It's the red one. The Chasers try throwing the Quaffle through the other team's hoops. If they manage to do that, then their team scores."

"Okay," Lily took a deep breath, and Remus patiently waited for her to absorb all of that information.

"One of the other positions on a team is the Keeper," he continued after awhile. "They keep in front of the hoops, trying to defend them. Then you have two Beaters."

"And what do they do?" Lily asked.

"They protect the rest of the team," Remus stated. "You see, there are two black balls called Bludgers. They attack the players."

Lily stared at him in shock. "_Why_?"

Remus tried not to laugh. "To make the game more interesting! The Beaters get to carry around these clubs that they use to hit the Bludgers towards the other team's players."

"But that's dangerous!"

Remus nodded. "There's something dangerous about every sport, Lily. But don't worry. The other team has its own Beaters, so it normally just balances out. No one ever gets _too_ badly hurt."

Lily shifted uncomfortably in her seat. It sounded really dangerous…

"So that leaves the Seeker," Remus went on quickly, trying to get Lily's mind off of the Bludgers. "It's the last position, and the most important. The fourth ball is a tiny golden one with two silver wings. It's called the Snitch. Seekers have to find the Snitch and catch it. When they do, the game ends, and their team earns one hundred and fifty points. Whichever team then has the most points wins the game."

"Does it take long?" Lily asked.

Remus shrugged. "It really depends on how cooperative the Snitch is. It can have a bit of an attitude. It likes taunting the Seekers. But the game doesn't end until it's caught, or until both sides decide to just give up. Some games can last four minutes. Others can last hours."

"Wow," Lily blinked, looking back out towards the field. The players were no longer doing laps, but were actually starting to practice. And some of them, Lily thought she recognized. To her surprise, she found herself leaning forward almost eagerly to watch.

The Sorting Hat had told her that, although she feared magic, it still flowed strongly within her veins. Lily guessed she couldn't deny that. But it made her wonder whether or not there was something about Quidditch that made those with magic in their blood instinctively enjoy it. For as evening came, she found herself regretting that they needed to leave the stadium. She could have stayed there for hours!

Remus was right, she thought, as the two of them made their way back up towards the school. Quidditch _is_ a good distraction from the rest of the world. She only wished that the distraction could have lasted forever.

**ooooooo**

**A/N:** Thanks for all your reviews! Please keep them coming!


	12. Learn to Stand

**A/N:** This chapter's rating is going up to a T, just so you know. I appreciate everyone's reviews, and I hope to keep getting more! Thanks!

**ooooooo**

The start of the Quidditch season was, perhaps, the one thing – other than her friendship with Remus – that kept her going through the months of November and December. She continued concentrating on her schoolwork and ripening her skills for her parents' sakes of course, but her feelings towards her own powers never changed. They often frightened her and left her feeling as cold and as dreary as the very weather was outside.

Winter had arrived. The frost, which had been covering the grounds now for the past four weeks, slowly began giving way to snow. The lake froze over, and before long Lily found herself watching as several young witches and wizards spent hours on end out there upon it, with their skates. It looked so exhilarating, watching them glide over the smooth surface of the frozen water. The more talented of skaters would show off by leaping and twirling, looking very much like dancers. It all seemed so beautiful that Lily often envied them. She herself would never do anymore than watch them all grace the ice, for even if she had known how to skate – as her parents had certainly never taken the time to teach her – she doubted very much whether she would have enjoyed it, seeing as how none of those young skaters, no matter how talented they were, ever went out there without, in someway or other, incorporating some kind of magic into their fun.

But that wasn't the only new activity that sprang up with the coming of winter. After all, the school itself was freezing cold – only in the Great Hall, or in the house common rooms, could students find any relief whatsoever beside the warm, roaring fires. The hallways and classrooms, on the other hand, were each nearly as bad as the weather was outside! One _had_ to stay tremendously active to keep from freezing outright.

For instance, James, Sirius, and Peter were all up to their old tricks again. The potions incident from November had, in their minds at least, been completely forgotten. Once again, they felt no shame whatsoever in using whatever kind of spells and enchantments they could to light things on fire, keep people moving, and simply bring about as much laughter as they could to keep themselves and their friends warm – both on the outside and on the in. Lily supposed it was kind of them to, for once in their lives, consider others, and Remus must have been of a like mind for he was found more and more often in their company – not because he wanted some kind of share, but because he was slowly, though genuinely, beginning to admire them.

Meanwhile, during all of this, another, altogether different kind of game was developed by some unruly first years that Lily eventually became aware of. It was not played exclusively by them of course, but also by the second and third years, and in some extreme cases, the fourth, fifth, and sixth years as well. The sevenths stayed out of it, though. Their lot was, by far, too intelligent to even consider playing.

It had to do with the ground's new willow tree. The Headmaster, Dumbledore, had warned them all on the first of September not to cause that particular tree any disturbances… Of course, to several of the students, such a warning served only as a grand, inadvertent invitation.

The tree was known as the Whomping Willow. And the game's rules were simple: Touch the trunk of the tree while remaining wholly intact. It was no easy feat. That tree was, in a single word, murderous. Lily sometimes stood watching, at a safe distance from the closest distance one should _ever_ be to that tree, as students went to any and all lengths to prove that they could, in fact, get their hands on it without getting themselves killed.

Yes, it was stupid. And out of every stupid thing that a boy or girl might ever do at that school, Remus in particular hated it the most. He would not talk to anyone he caught playing it, nor would he even be tempted to go near it. He wouldn't so much as even walk past the tree's line of sight! James, Sirius, and Peter all seemed to understand, and they, too, were never found playing the game. Lily, however, often wondered if it was merely for Remus' sake that they overlooked such entertainment. It seemed more likely that they just didn't want to be caught dead resorting to something that had become so _unoriginal_ as touching that tree's trunk simply to prove their daring. They could, after all, prove _that_ by way of much more interesting, creative stunts.

And so, the days went by and time continued to pass. December began to reach its end, and in the blink of an eye, one might say, the holiday season began. It was almost a shame, Lily surprised herself by thinking, that she would be returning home so soon. It had become a very real treat just to walk inside of the Great Hall. The gamekeeper, Hagrid, had decorated the place from top to bottom with holly, mistletoe, and enormous Christmas trees that were all either lit up with candles or sparkling with icicles. It was an enchanted beauty, yes, but a part of Lily still wished she could have stayed for the Christmas dinner.

Even still, when the time had come for the students to board the train – which had returned to carry them back to London… back to their homes – Lily was the first one to get on. She was eager to see her family again. She was eager for a break from magic.

On her previous journey to the school from King's Cross station, she had sat alone. But this time around, she was happy to say that she had company. Remus was traveling home as well, and he sat with her, showing her what to buy off the cart that she had refused on her way up. Most of the food was candy, and all of it was magical – but since Lily was on her way home, she was in such a good mood that she found those enchanted pieces of chocolate to be tolerable… if not outright amusing.

When the train pulled into the station, it was snowing outside. Of course, the journey had been long enough for night to fall anyway, so it would have been dark outside with or without the clouds. As it was, the atmosphere itself was so enchanting that even the most skeptical of muggles would have found themselves believing in magic. And how could they not? It seemed as though magic was sprinkling down towards the earth in time with the very flakes of glittering snow. It seemed as though it was magic that mixed into the happy laughter, the rosy cheeks, the mere perception of a greater harmony throughout the city, and into so much more. At Christmastime, people had grown to accept its presence. There was no muggle who, as long as they knew true spirit, would have minded possessing magic in the midst of such a holiday. And at that moment, Lily felt absolutely certain that she loved Christmas more than she did any other time of the year.

The realization swelled up inside her heart as she stood outside the station, in front of the family car, with the snow falling into her hair, with her father throwing her bags into the back, and with her mother making such a fuss about her while standing at her side. Walking off of that train had been like a dream to Lily. Saying goodbye to Remus, seeing her parents for the first time in nearly four months, stepping through the barrier from the platform and into the station, watching all of the other Hogwarts students disappearing into the crowd… all of it had past by with Lily practically in a daze. But once she was standing outside in that snowfall, with her parents, and with the car in front of her, she felt a sudden burst of normalcy wrap around her like the greatest present she could have ever asked for. And it brought tears of joy to her eyes. She could not remember when she had last been so happy.

"Lily, are you crying?" Mrs. Evans asked, holding her small daughter in front of her as her husband brushed snow off the car's windshield.

The tears felt like little drops of ice on her lashes. "I'm just so glad to be back," she told her mother. "I've missed you." The response was acceptable to her mother, and they then piled into the car.

"How have you enjoyed school, my Lily?" Mr. Evans asked as he drove away from the station.

Lily had known that the question would inevitably come. Fortunately, she had had a bit of practice with Professor McGonagall back at the start of November. "I've never seen a place anywhere in my life that's even half as beautiful. The school's a castle, daddy! It's on a mountain, and everything about it is like nothing you can ever imagine."

She spent the rest of the ride home just talking about what Hogwarts and its grounds looked like, and her parents held on tightly to her every word. They were in such awe by her descriptions that they didn't even once ask about her teachers, friends, or lessons. And they never once suspected that she was still not altogether happy with her situation. It seemed, to them, as if everything in the world was a beautiful picture of absolute perfection, which greatly reinforced the conviction already blazing within her heart that they mustn't _ever_ find out about how she would rather not attend Hogwarts. They mustn't ever know! Not that. And especially not over the Christmas holidays. It would upset them too much.

But Lily wasn't worried about such things during those blissful, wonderful moments. Again, because the very atmosphere around her was, in itself, magical in the purest, most acceptable, muggle way. She _couldn't_ feel worry. She was just too happy.

Finally Mr. Evans pulled the car up into their driveway. Lily held her breath as she stared out the window and gazed upon her home. _Her home!_ She had finally found her way home again. Once, she had feared that, because of the war, she would never find this place again. But now that war was the furthest thing from her mind. She was home again! No words could express what a joy that was. Or what a comfort. It rejuvenated her soul. It made her whole once more.

And what was best was that it was a house. A normal house. Yes, Hogwarts was beautiful, and it was a castle, and it was a place people dreamt of. But _this_… this was a house. And it felt real.

Lily pushed out of the car as soon as Mr. Evans had parked it. She ran through the snow and up to the front door – which opened up to her immediately. Carla was inside with her parents and Petunia. The Fletchers gave Lily the warmest welcome that she had ever received before in her life! It made everything that she had gone through up until that moment completely worth it. To be home again… like this… made all of her trials and fears and burdens seem merely trivial at best. She felt like she had defeated them.

"I've missed you so much, Lily!" Carla said warmly as she and the girl embraced. "I got your letters! But you still have to tell me all about everything! Letters just don't cut it, you know!"

"I know!" Lily said, turning towards her older sister. Petunia was sitting up on the stairwell. She had changed her hair since Lily had last seen her. It was shorter now, and curlier. "You look good." Petunia grumbled something under her breath that Lily failed to hear.

"Petunia!" Mrs. Evans cried as she entered the house with her husband – who was carrying Lily's bags. "Did you invite the Fletchers over?" It was an accusation, but it was a surprised, pleased one. The Evans and the Fletchers were close friends. It wouldn't have been Christmas without them.

"Yes, mum," Petunia said, a bit more audibly than she had when answering Lily's question. She looked at her little sister then, and the girl understood that the Fletchers were really here so that they wouldn't have to bother with magic that night. For the first time in a long time, Lily actually felt grateful for Petunia. She offered the teenager a smile. But Petunia wouldn't smile back.

**ooooooo**

Lily could not remember ever having spent a better holiday in her life. Even with Petunia behaving like a positive wretch, the few days left before the twenty-fifth past by like a dream. It was better than you could have ever imagined.

In the end, when her parents asked that she perform magic for them, she excused herself by falling back on the rule that no students were allowed to perform magic outside of school. When her parents insisted, however, for just one small demonstration, she quickly transfigured a teacup into a rat and then back again, praying that no harm would come from it. And no harm did. Lily suspected that whoever it was that had to enforce such rules were probably all too busy dealing with other students, such as James Potter, to notice her one spell. In any case, that was the only magic her parents asked to see from her, and were then satisfied.

Petunia, however, had been horrified, and not only would she not speak to Lily for the rest of the day, but she would also not even bear to look at her. Lily was thankful, then, that she still had Carla next door to keep her company.

On Christmas morning, the two families exchanged gifts together, as if they were one. From Carla's parents, Lily was given brand new scarves, mittens, and a hat – which she simply loved. In all her life, she had never loved a mere, simple hat more than she did that one – probably because it was not a black, pointed one. From Carla, Lily was given a necklace… a necklace that was identical to one already worn by Carla herself. She said that they would help the two of them stay close, even when they were so far away.

Petunia gave Lily science and math books, saying that she didn't know what sort of things were taught up at that school, but that Lily might like something to remind her of what's actually factual in their world. The contemptuous way in which this was said earned Petunia a scolding from the adults, but what really must have disappointed the teenager was Lily's gratitude. Such books were exactly what she would have wanted! More so than even Quidditch, muggle math and science could distract her when she might require such distractions.

From her parents, Lily was given a camera. Petunia received a music box that must have cost just as much, for the Evans always tried to be fair, but it was clear that the camera meant more to them. They wanted Lily to take pictures of the school and of the children there. They wanted to see what all of Lily's friends looked like. They wanted more of a part in Lily's magical life. It was, Lily knew, a flattering present.

And so, Christmas came, and then it ended. Only a few more days remained before Lily would have to return to school, but at least now, with Carla's necklace to remind her of home, and Petunia's books to distract her when magic became too overwhelming, Lily felt more prepared to face Hogwarts than she ever had before. She thought that, now, she could survive it.

The day after Christmas found Lily sitting in her room with Carla. Petunia was somewhere downstairs making herself a light dinner, for Mr. and Mrs. Evans had both gone out to a party with some of the Fletcher's other friends, leaving the three kids more or less on their own for the evening.

"You know in the last couple of months, since you've left, I've been having the weirdest dream," Carla presently informed her friend.

"What do you mean?" Lily asked as she sat on her bed, flipping through one of her old magazines.

Carla was sitting cross-legged on the floor at the foot of Lily's bed, drawing in her new sketchpad. "I keep dreaming that I'm staring out my window towards your house, and that some owl flies up to it." Lily tensed, sitting up straight and staring down at her friend with widening eyes. Carla didn't seem to notice. "I mean, I always _feel_ awake, but then when I wake up in the morning, I swear it couldn't have been real. I mean… why would owls fly up to your house? It doesn't make sense."

"It's just a dream," Lily whispered, feeling guilty that she had to lie to her best friend. But she couldn't see any other way around it, for how exactly would Carla react if she told her that owls were what delivered the mail these days?

It didn't matter, however. Because at that moment, all dreams ended.

They heard the front door slam. They both glanced up at each other in surprise. Had Petunia decided to go somewhere?

"PETUNIA!"

Apparently not. It was Carla's father who had come in, and who was now screaming. His voice sounded so… so twisted and alien. It astonished even Carla! When Lily looked at her, her face was white, and her eyes wide in shock. Neither one of them could breathe. Their thoughts were not of what Petunia might have done that time. They were of something more… ominous.

"LILY! CARLA!"

Both girls were on their feet immediately. They didn't hesitate in running out of the room or down the stairs. Mr. Fletcher was at the foot of them, looking ashen and petrified. He looked like he could barely breathe, and as Lily descended the steps, Petunia appeared from the kitchen, looking as confused as her sister presently felt.

Mr. Fletcher's frantic eyes landed on his daughter. "Carla, your mother's next door. Go home now."

"Daddy, what happened?" she asked, barely able to even whisper.

"GO HOME!" he shouted at her, sending her sprinting towards the Evans' backdoor. From there, she would no doubt scramble across the lawn and into hers, where she would then find her mother – who would be in equal distress.

"Mr. Fletcher, what's going on?" Petunia demanded as the man grabbed her coat and handed it to her. He then grabbed Lily's coat and hastened to put it on her, as if she were still a five year old who could not yet don her own clothes.

"There's been an accident," he told the two of them. "We have to go to the hospital."

**ooooooo**

Lily could not understand. She was sitting in the backseat of the Fletcher's van, which was barreling its way towards one of London's many hospitals. Petunia was in the front, Mr. Fletcher was driving, it was snowing outside, there seemed to be a lot of people out on the road… everything about it seemed as regular as it would on any other day.

Moments ago, nothing had changed. Moments ago, she had been living the happiest week of her life. She had found her home again. The tides had seemed their most majestic.

But the tides were changing again. And now they seemed tumultuous. Lily could just not understand!

They had only gone to a party! They had gone in one car; the Fletchers had gone in another. There was nothing more simple than that! They had had dinner with friends in a way that they were not used to. It was the first hint that they had ever shown betraying real traces of normalcy in their blood. It was their first step… And look where it had gotten them.

Their car had slid on some ice. It had crashed. Mrs. Evans had died instantly. Mr. Evans was still alive, though just barely. And if Lily ever wanted to see him alive again, than they needed to get to the hospital. Right now.

"Mr. Fletcher…" she whispered presently, as he pulled the car into the hospital parking lot.

"What, Lily?" he asked, sounding anything but patient. He did not look at her. He was too busy concentrating on the parking lot. But Lily looked at him and could see lines across his face that she did not recognize.

"What is…? Why…? I don't know what's…?" Lily couldn't, to save her life, figure out how to phrase her particular question.

"Shut up, Lily," Petunia suggested coldly. But there wasn't just coldness in her voice. There was also stress. It was tight… tight with worry and with panic.

Mr. Fletcher parked the car and practically jumped out of it. Petunia jumped out with him, but Lily remained sitting where she was. She couldn't move. She couldn't think. She could barely see straight. She couldn't hear. She felt so dizzy.

"Where's the phoenix now?" It barely registered in her mind that she had whispered at all.

The backdoor of the car opened, and Mr. Fletcher was suddenly leaning over her, unbuckling her seatbelt, and pulling her from the car. He handled her gently, but even if he had not, Lily doubted she would have felt him. She felt nothing as they ran into the hospital. She felt nothing as Mr. Fletcher asked for Mr. Evans. She felt nothing as they were told to wait, for Mr. Evans was still in surgery. She felt nothing, in fact, until Petunia started to scream.

The teenager had pulled away from both her sister and their guardian. And as everyone in the room turned to stare at her, she turned furiously towards Lily.

"WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH YOU?" she screamed. Lily blinked, feeling a layer of sweat break out on her face. Petunia didn't stop there. "HAVEN'T YOU HEARD A WORD THAT'S BEEN SAID? DAD'S IN THERE RIGHT NOW AND HE'S DYING AND YOU'RE JUST STANDING THERE LIKE AN ABSOLUTE FOUR YEAR OLD! WAKE UP!"

"Petunia!" Mr. Fletcher started towards the girl, as did several worried nurses, all of whom feared how the other families sitting in that waiting room might react to this sudden, frantic outburst that left Lily standing in the middle of it all, entirely on her own. The room at that moment simply _had_ to have been ninety degrees – which she found odd, as it was still only December. Her coat fell from her shoulders and landed uselessly on the floor.

"YOU'RE A WITCH!" Petunia screamed at her little sister. "FOR ONCE IN YOUR LIFE, PROVE TO ME THAT BEING A WITCH IS A GOOD THING! WHY DON'T YOU DO SOMETHING?" She was being held by Mr. Fletcher now, who half carried half dragged her over to a small couch, where he then sat down with her in his arms. She was sobbing hysterically, and could scream no longer.

Lily remained standing where she was, watching her, and watching everything else. But everything that she watched seemed to be little more than a blur. The room was spinning. It felt so hot. And she was empty. There was nothing inside of her. Not even a beating heart.

Where was the phoenix? She felt certain that it should be here. The phoenix could… The phoenix could…

Could what?

Could cry.

Could heal.

Who had told her that?

_Had_ someone told her that?

She was a witch.

Her father was dying.

The room was spinning.

_I don't have my wand…_

But she was still a witch.

She turned around.

She ran out of the waiting room.

She could hear them calling after her. Objecting. Pursuing.

She outran them.

_Where am I going?_

The lights were shining all around her. So clean. So bright. So sanitary. So empty. So warm.

There were these doors. She didn't know where they led to.

She ran through them.

There were more doors. She ran through them as well.

Doors… Doors… Doors…

She didn't stop.

People all around her. Yelling. Reaching out towards her.

Something grabbed her arm. She broke free of it.

She ran through one last door.

Something… a heart? … It was pounding.

More men. All dressed in scrubs. Face masks. Gloves.

A table.

Blood.

"DADDY!"

He was lying on that table in the middle of an operating room, surrounded by doctors, covered in blood, broken, unrecognizable, completely unconscious… Lily stared at him in shock. How did she get here?

"What the hell?" Several doctors turned towards her in equal surprise. Within seconds Lily's ears were assaulted by a multitude of shouts and curses and cries for assistance. "Someone get that girl out of here!"

Lily's head started to spin once again. What was going on? The lights in that well lit room suddenly seemed to brighten extraordinarily. So extraordinarily, in fact, that everyone in that room fell temporarily blind – as did anyone else who entered the room. Only Lily could see without hindrance.

She walked forward, horrified by her father's mangled body. Had a car done this? Had the car that she herself had climbed into so happily, so willingly, not more than just a week ago, done this to him? And to her mother? Why would that car betray them like this? That normal car… a normal car had killed her mother… and her father… he was dying…

"NO!" Lily screamed, suddenly running forward. She climbed onto the table. There was blood everywhere. There were tools everywhere. Different bits of equipment. Monitors. Tubes. Everything you might expect in a hospital. Except for life.

Lily screamed again, louder this time, so that it sounded more like a wail. Like a banshee. She had learned about banshees in school. Their screams could kill. Lily thought her scream might kill. Might kill her, that was.

_Daddy, don't die! Don't die! Please wake up! Wake up! I love you so much! I love you! I can't do this without you! Daddy don't!_

She could hear his voice now. _"I've often found that to be true myself. After all, real beauty can't be fully appreciated without certain flaws."_

Flaws. This whole thing was a mistake. But there was no beauty to it at all. Just as there was no courage hidden somewhere inside Lily's heart. All of it was a mistake. A lie. A cruel, cruel joke.

The lights continued to brighten. Lily felt certain they might explode. Everything was so loud… she could not hear. She could not hear past her own screams.

_I love you so much! I don't want you to die! Come back to us!_

The lights seemed to have brightened as much as they could. Lily's screams suddenly got caught in her throat. She choked on them for a moment, and then she became silent. Everything was suddenly silent. And dark.

She collapsed. She lay still on that table, beside her father, with her arms wrapped around him. His blood covered her, and her tears mixed into it. A strange sense of acceptance swept over her. It was that… one of them was going to die in a matter of minutes.

_Don't die, daddy… Petunia would rather have you than me…_

Lily lay there, perfectly still, beside her father. She couldn't have moved if she had wanted to. She couldn't have made a sound. She just… blinked. And rested. Everything felt strangely, unexpectedly calm. It would soon be over.

_"I love you too much."_

_"Lily."_

_"Daddy?"_

_"Learn to stand."_

**ooooooo**


	13. Three Choices

**A/N: **Did anyone else think that what happened was horrible? I know I did, but you have to remember that Harry does have to go live with Petunia… not with his grandparents.

**ooooooo**

_"It's been done, Headmaster. I just heard not more than ten minutes ago. The Ministry has modified the memories of, I must say, a fairly decent number of muggle men and women. Miss Evans created quite a scene. I wouldn't have thought it possible. But it's been taken care of."_

_"Very good, Minerva."_

Where am I?_ Lily couldn't see. She couldn't move. Everything was dark… but comfortably warm. She felt as if she might have been floating in a pool of water somewhere. It was so relaxing. But then… it shouldn't have been. She remembered what had happened, and her heart suddenly constricted. It grew difficult to breathe, and she wanted to wake up and scream as loudly as she had before. Wailing like that… had been childish… but in a strange way it had also been soothing._

_Why am I here? Where's my father? My mother…_

_No one answered her unspoken questions._

_"What happened, Dumbledore? Her guardian took her and her sister to the hospital to see… And then? I'm not sure what-"_

_"And then," Dumbledore's voice remained quite steady. Calm. Powerful. When he spoke, he offered assurance. Understanding. Listening to it, Lily felt herself relaxing almost against her will. "And then Miss Evans demonstrated a kind of power that is indeed very rare. A kind of power that is most assuredly the greatest I have ever seen in all my life. It stems from that feeling of absolute, unconditional, unquestionable love."_

_"That is not so rare-"_

_"I think it would surprise you, Minerva, to realize just how rare it is. The Sorting Hat sensed it in her, I believe, when it placed her in Gryffindor. You see, in that operating room, Lily Evans saw her father as no child should ever have to. But unlike other children, Miss Evans went to him feeling not horror, but such unchallenged love that her very heart seemed to reach out to him. To save him. Unfortunately, in so doing, she nearly killed herself. It was lucky that the Ministry detected her use of magic. It was lucky we got her here in time. Madam Pomfrey was barely able to tend to her as it was."_

_"She… would have sacrificed herself to save her father…? But he still died!"_

_"He was past saving before Miss Evans even reached the hospital. Commendable thing about muggles, however, is that they can be particularly stubborn about who they feel they can save. But the gift Miss Evans gave to her family was that her father recovered well and long enough to give his other daughter a proper goodbye before his passing. That is something she never would have had, were it not for Lily."_

_There was silence. Lily felt lost in it. What was happening to her? Why was it so quiet? It was bad enough not being able to see or move! Now she couldn't hear… She felt so helpless._

Just drown in it,_ she told herself miserably. There was nothing for her back in that lonesome world. Her parents were both gone now… There hadn't been anything she could do. Why bother living in a world like that, where she had magic right at her fingertips, if she couldn't use it to save one life? Just one life! Had that been too much for her to ask?_

_"She must not leave Hogwarts," Dumbledore said at long last. "I have been made aware of her apparent distaste for magic, but the Sorting Hat would not have placed her in Gryffindor if she did not have it in her to learn acceptance."_

_"I understand that a witch's power must be developed to its fullest or she would risk losing a central part of her very soul, since it is in the soul that magic resides… but is it not cruel to ask that of her?"_

_"I do not think it is cruel, Minerva. No doubt she will want to leave Hogwarts, and in the end it is her choice to do so. But whether or not she realizes it, I do believe she has more of a chance here than right outside of London. I doubt she could heal there. I doubt she could heal anywhere else but here. Besides, I have been searching for witches and wizards like her for several years now, in light of Lord Voldemort's rise to power."_

_"My dear professor-"_

_"Minerva, please. I have indeed heard the rumors. That Voldemort's defeat is imminent. That I myself could destroy him now, with just a flick of my wand. But let me assure you that those rumors have been spread by the Ministry to create a sense of hope that should not exist. Voldemort does not grow weaker. In fact, I do believe it is altogether too likely that he grows stronger by the hour. This is not a war that is nearing its end. This is a war that has barely just begun. Voldemort has powers the likes of which I have never seen before in one man."_

_"How is that possible?"_

_"These are dark times, Minerva. And Voldemort is the darkest wizard to have lived in over a century. However, there is one kind of power… a power that, by his own admission, he has never seen before. And that power was demonstrated tonight by Miss Evans."_

_"But… But Dumbledore! You are not suggesting we turn Miss Evans into some sort of weapon! She is just a child! I told her myself that she had nothing to fear from He Who Must Not Be Named! That she was completely safe-"_

_"No one is ever completely safe," Dumbledore replied. "Though I certainly do not intend on exploiting Miss Evans' powers. I merely fear that word will get out from the Ministry. And that Voldemort might hear tell of what happened tonight. That he might understand it for what it was. You see, he and I have had something of an argument about such a power as love. And if he suspects that it exists in her, he might seek an opportunity to witness it for himself. If she does not remain at Hogwarts, then I fear she might become even more vulnerable than are all the rest of us, who actually have a place in this war."_

_"Do you… Do you suppose he will find out about her?"_

_"That is hard to say, Minerva. Voldemort has, no doubt, many of his own spies at work within the Ministry, though I daresay that the matters for which they are employed require such attention that they would not concern themselves with such a girl. In any case, I will do whatever I can to make sure that the whole affair remains a secret. And if I have any power at all, he will not know of her."_

_"I promised her she would be in no danger…" McGonagall sounded uncharacteristically timid. Perhaps that was what frightened Lily the most._

_"Trust me, Minerva," Dumbledore gently suggested. _"I will not allow those words to become lies."

His voice was solid now. _Everything_ was solid. Tangible. It was exactly like waking up from a dream. Or rather from a nightmare. It _had_ to have been a nightmare, for once she regained all five of her senses – instead of just the one – she jolted upright in a near panic. Where was she? She had no recollection of this room!

It must have been Hogwarts, for there was the Headmaster and Professor McGonagall directly in front of her! But how did she get here? Did she even leave? Maybe the entirety of her vacation had been a dream! Just a dream!

But if it had all been just a dream… why did her heart feel so fragmented? Why did her muscles all feel as though atrophy had worn them down? These questions were not metaphorical. She physically felt as though her body resented her command; as though her muscles would have rather dissolved; as though blood was seeping its way through tiny ruptures in her heart that should not have been there. The energy it had taken out of her merely to sit up nearly knocked her unconscious again.

"Poppy," the Headmaster had turned immediately towards the other end of the room, even as McGonagall rushed towards Lily and urged her to lie back down. A moment later, another woman joined the professor in making a terrible fuss over the girl. At least, that was what it felt like to Lily. In actuality, Madam Pomfrey quietly treated her patient with great gentleness and a well trained hand. The problem, however, was that, while Lily's muscles no longer responded to her, her senses had come flooding back with such an intensity that even the softest touch felt like a slap, and the quietest voice felt like a shout. Lily wanted to cringe, but her body did not listen to her.

The words she had heard in McGonagall and Dumbledore's conversation crept their way to the front of her memories. They echoed loudly in her mind. She had a power… The darkest wizard of the century might want to see that power… It was rare… It had nearly exchanged her father's life for hers… It had allowed Petunia the chance to say goodbye…

But what about her?

Didn't she get that chance?

_"Lily… Learn to stand."_

What did that mean?

"Where am I?" she asked as quietly as she could, for in her ears, she heard herself shouting. She needn't have bothered trying to be quiet, though. Her lungs couldn't have handled producing a louder sound even if she had wanted them to.

"The hospital wing at Hogwarts," Madam Pomfrey informed her while wiping her face with a cloth and giving her something to drink from a silver goblet. "You've given us all quite a scare, Miss Evans."

As real and as tangible as it all felt now, Lily was certain she had to have still been dreaming. After numbly swallowing whatever it was Madam Pomfrey had poured into her mouth, she shook her head. "Why? Why'd you stop it?"

The nurse's compassionate gaze swept over Lily's face. She looked so sad, and in her eyes Lily could see the reflection of her own misery. "There now. I won't have you asking such questions as that. If we hadn't of stopped it, then you would have…" She stopped short, as if the rest hurt too much to say. And for a moment, no one said anything at all.

Finally, the Headmaster stepped forward. "Poppy. Minerva. Perhaps I could have a word alone with Miss Evans."

Lily stared up at him, not so much out of surprise than out of dread. No student ever wanted to have "words" with their Headmaster. It normally meant that they were in some kind of trouble. After the conversation she had heard him have with McGonagall, however, she seriously doubted that she was about to face a scolding. But it made little difference. Albus Dumbledore was the Headmaster of _Hogwarts_! And, Lily had heard, he was considered to be the greatest wizard of the century – greater even than You-Know-Who, or He Who Must Not Be Named, or Volde-something, or whatever it was the guy was called. The _last_ thing Lily wanted was a private audience with _him_.

But Dumbledore was not to be denied. Professor McGonagall up and left, though not before giving Lily's hand a comforting squeeze. Madam Pomfrey left the Headmaster with a few quick instructions before she then too disappeared through a door on the other side of the room, leaving the eleven year old alone in Dumbledore's company. This was a man Lily had only ever seen before sitting up at his place in the Great Hall! She had never expected to _ever_ get any closer to him! But now… there they were… together in the same room…

Lily averted her gaze. She couldn't look at him. She tried not to think about his presence, either, but whenever she managed to do that, she instead thought about her father… and saw, in her mind, his twisted, deformed, unrecognizable face. She nearly broke out in tears again, and was feeling a bit overwhelmed as Dumbledore sat down on the stool he had just placed at her bedside.

"How do you feel?" he asked gently – so gently, in fact, that his voice did not cause Lily's ears to ring so painfully. It seemed that her senses were settling down again and returning to normal. For that, at least, Lily was grateful.

Not grateful enough, though, for her to answer him with such words. Her voice was barely audible when she told him that she felt miserable.

"Such, I am afraid, is to be expected," Dumbledore said. He seemed to have been ready to offer more, but then he paused, watching her expectantly. He must have sensed that she had something to say, and would not speak over her. It was a courtesy, really. Lily's lungs weren't strong enough for her to have a turn speaking over him.

"I heard everything you told Professor McGonagall," she whispered. "I don't know how I could have heard it, but I did."

Dumbledore's expression seemed to change slightly before her very eyes at that bit of news. He looked surprised, and then even more regretful than before. "I am sorry for that, Lily. I should not have had such a conversation with her in this room."

"You were right about me, though," Lily told him, turning her eyes away again and not daring to look back. "I do want to leave Hogwarts. I've got no reason to stay now." Her parents were…

She didn't have to feel obligated to them anymore.

"That would be regrettable, Lily," Dumbledore replied kindly. He didn't sound angry or impatient or anything like what she might have expected. He was just so… sincere. "Of course it is your right and choice to leave."

"I never wanted any of this," Lily said quickly, feeling some strange kind of need to explain to him. "I didn't ask for it!" She thought back to Petunia's words from when they had both been at the hospital. "There's only been one time that I've ever really _wanted_ to be a witch! But at that time, having magic meant nothing! It didn't work! So what's the point?"

"Magic, Lily," Dumbledore quietly explained, "is not what so many legends and tales, myths and stories, have made it out to be. It has its limits. You have only been attending school now, child, for a mere four months. And there are very few _grown_ wizards, with all their years of training behind them, who would have even known to try what you did tonight. I daresay even less of them would have been willing to try it themselves. Fewer still could have possibly found favorable success. You must not be so quick to judge magic pointless over a situation such as this."

"I haven't been quick," Lily assured him. "And it wasn't just this. I've seen magic that's fascinated me, I really have! There's Quidditch… and I saw this… beautiful, beautiful crimson bird…"

Dumbledore smiled. "My phoenix. Fawkes."

"Yes, sir," Lily nodded, still unable to look at him. "But none of it matters. Because none of it makes up for everything else that's just so awful! I can't stand it!"

_Learn to stand…_ Her father's words were echoing in her ears.

"I do not suggest that you leave Hogwarts," Dumbledore told her gently. "As I have said, it is your choice, but if you seek a life without magic, at this point you will never have it." Lily looked up at him now, and sharply. But to her surprise, at that moment, _he_ would not look at her. "In four months, I hear, you have shown a tremendous amount of potential. But that is not enough. There is still too much undeveloped magic flowing through your veins that needs more fostering. If you neglect that magic, it will find ways to seep out of you and into the life you wish to be so plain. If for nothing else, I recommend you remain at Hogwarts so that you can learn control, and how to suppress your magic properly."

"You just don't want me to leave," Lily quietly accused him.

"I don't want you to be unhappy," Dumbledore patiently corrected her. "But magic does not just magically snap out of our lives. To be completely free of it, you have to put forth an effort."

"So you're saying I don't have a choice?" Lily asked, too tired to feel angry, too hurt to feel defiant.

"On the contrary," Dumbledore replied. "You have three choices. You can stay at Hogwarts because you want to. You can stay at Hogwarts because you seek the necessary control to live among muggles. Or you can disregard my advice completely and live with the muggles now, while trying to ignore the magic that will undoubtedly and increasingly frustrate you with each passing day."

How was that a choice? Lily blinked, now understanding what it meant to be trapped somewhere.

"You don't have to make that choice right now, Lily," Dumbledore assured her. "No doubt there are other things on your mind."

Other things on her mind? Like what? The fact that her parents were dead? The fact that she had nearly died herself while trying to save her father? Or the fact that if word got out about it, she might become the next target of some psychopathic dark wizard? Oh, sure. There were _lots_ of things on her mind!

But she was just too tired. Tired of it all. She had already asked herself whether or not her life was just one long, downhill track. Wouldn't anything ever get any better?

No. Of course not. How could anything ever get better after this?

"I'm so tired," she finally told him, "of things always getting worse. I'm tired of being hurt… afraid… I just want it all to stop." Tears slid down her face. She was too exhausted to even notice.

"Well," Dumbledore said quietly. "There will be a time for that, as there is a time for everything." His words felt like a hot, wet cloth wiping dirt and filth away from an open wound. They stung – and her tears fell fiercer, so that she finally did notice them. But for once… everything else seemed to be perfectly still. Calm. She grew calm again. She looked up at the ceiling, no longer in agony, but feeling numb. Almost lifeless.

"Daddy…" her voice was just a whisper. She doubted even Dumbledore could hear her. Learn to stand. What did that mean? _What_ _did_ _it_ _mean_? It was the last thing her father had ever told her to do. She had to know what it meant! She had to do it!

But she was just so tired… She wanted to sleep… But she was afraid to sleep… She was afraid. How was it that she had been put into Gryffindor? She had no courage at all.

"Drink this," Dumbledore said, offering her another goblet that he seemed to have picked up right out of thin air. "You will sleep dreamlessly." Lily nodded quickly and he helped her to drink the purplish potion. She felt like an invalid lying there, being given her tonic in such a manner. But she hardly cared. She just wanted some relief.

A haze crept over everything around her. All the clarity she had had mere moments ago faded, and she was left feeling drowsier than she had ever felt before in her entire life.

_She could barely see anymore. It was as though her time awake had been nothing more than a dream. Or maybe this was the dream._

_Dumbledore stood up from where he had been sitting beside her, and pulled out his wand. He muttered a word in a language Lily did not recognize, and one of the room's windows swept gracefully open. The cold December air rushed into the room, but it was more of a relief than anything else. Besides, now Lily could see the night sky… the stars were out, the moon was bright, and they were all remarkably silver._

_She gazed out at that light, feeling her tears dry as she gradually began to lose consciousness again. But then she saw something that caused her eyes to widen and her breath to get caught in her throat._

_In the sky… in that beautiful, star speckled sky… there was a bird. A crimson bird whose feathers seemed to glow in a dazzling, shimmering radiance. A phoenix. It seemed to be soaring towards the very brilliance of the moon._

_Lily sighed in wonder. And then she was once again asleep._

**ooooooo**

**A/N: **I hope everyone reading this is willing to deign sending me a review. You have no idea how much I need them! Please, please review! They really do help. Thanks!


	14. A Brother

**A/N:** Thanks for all the wonderful reviews! I've really appreciated it!

**ooooooo**

The day of the funeral was a calm, tranquil one, despite it being held in the dead of winter. A fresh blanket of snow had fallen the night before, and now its surface sparkled like glittery silver beneath the afternoon sun, which also reflected off the icy tree branches. In fact, the entire churchyard seemed to be glistening… like the tears Lily saw in the eyes of every mourner in attendance. Perhaps, she thought, the day was crying as much as they were.

There weren't really all that many mourners present for the burial. Mrs. Fletcher had wanted to keep it private. Her family, Lily, Petunia, the priest, and a very few other close friends had gathered in that churchyard. No one else was welcome – though Lily _had_ noticed a certain cat watching from afar. Professor McGonagall had brought her here from the school. Lily doubted very much that after everything that had happened, she'd be left alone with a handful of muggles while away from Hogwarts. After all, she apparently had a power that might strike the interest of a certain dark wizard, should he ever hear about it.

But at that moment, Lily really didn't mind. Actually, she could hardly care less! With or without magic, she had still lost her parents… and with or without magic, she would still be there, not just watching, but _allowing_ a group of men to put her parents into the ground! Instinct was screaming at her to stop them. How _dare_ they do that to her mom and dad? How _dare_ they try burying the two people that meant the most to her? She had to stop them! She couldn't let them do it! Once they did…

Once they did, a new tide would be in. A tide that was awful. A tide in which she didn't have a whole family. Just Petunia. And Petunia hated her.

_"He was stable,"_ she had told Lily shortly after the girl had arrived for the funeral. _"The doctors couldn't believe it. They said it was a miracle. I don't know what you did, Lily, but you got him to wake up and I got to see him. But… But I didn't recognize him… He recognized me, but _I_ didn't recognize _him_! He told me that everything would be okay. That we'd all be okay… and then he died. He died, Lily! So how is anything going to be okay?"_

_"I…"_ Lily hadn't known what to say. And she couldn't understand why _she_ had to say anything! Wasn't Petunia older? Shouldn't Petunia have all the answers? Lily knew how horrible it was for her to think that. But at the same time, she couldn't help but wonder why an eleven year old girl like herself should even _know_ that such thoughts were horrible. It was all just too… too… too… _"I'm sorry. I couldn't… I tried to! I really did! I tried so hard!"_

Petunia had turned two cold, angry eyes onto her sister. _"Yeah? Well you didn't try hard enough!"_

Those words had stung. And because they had been spoken by her older sister, the pain had been even worse. Lily had tried as hard as she could! Headmaster Dumbledore had said that she had shown a power that day that had stemmed from love. Maybe… maybe she didn't feel _enough_ love… If she had felt more… maybe her father would still be alive. Maybe Petunia was right.

The burial ended. But even after the two coffins were completely covered with dirt and snow, Lily didn't want to leave. How easy would it be, she wondered, to dig those coffins back up, to tear them open, and to fall inside, so that she might be buried in their arms? She could find some rest there…

"Come now, Lily," Mrs. Fletcher wrapped her own arms around the girl and gently guided her away, allowing Petunia a chance to stand beside the two headstones in her own solitude. Allowing Petunia a chance to say goodbye, one last time. Why did Petunia get to say goodbye? Why couldn't Lily? It wasn't fair.

There was a reception back at the church, but unlike the actual funeral, it was open for everyone. Hundreds of families, or so it seemed, from all over Britain, came to pay their respects. The Evans had, in all their travels, made many friends – most of whom were as eccentric as they had been. Actually, Lily wouldn't have been at all surprised anymore to discover more than one of those families indeed being magical. It would have been rather fitting.

The reception went on for hours. Lily found herself sitting alone in one of the church's pews. She knew perfectly well how many of her parents' friends would want to talk to her, to offer her their condolences… but she didn't want to hear them. All she wanted was for them to go away.

"Lily…?" Carla was suddenly sitting beside her, looking terribly concerned. "Are you hungry?"

"No," Lily whispered, staring at the altar set at the front of the sanctuary.

"You have to eat."

She sounded like Remus. Lily smiled faintly, but it was an empty, soulless smile. "It's okay, Carla. I think I'm getting used to things feeling worse myself." Carla had no idea what Lily was talking about. After all, _she_ hadn't ever had this conversation before. This conversation… from the night on which Lily had first met Remus. It had only been four months ago… But it felt like it had been _so_ much longer. Lily missed him terribly.

The door to the sanctuary suddenly opened again, and Lily and Carla both looked up in time to watch Professor McGonagall entering with Mr. and Mrs. Fletcher at her side. The two girls were immediately spotted, and the three adults quickly made their way over to them – though McGonagall _did_ take a moment to first face the door and shut it tightly. Lily did not fail to notice a slight movement in her arm, either. And though her back was turned, making it impossible to tell for sure, the eleven year old girl had no doubt in her mind that they wouldn't be disturbed.

McGonagall faced her then, with an extremely drawn expression that seemed so, so sorrowful. "I'm afraid, Miss Evans, that it is time to discuss the matter of continuing your education at Hogwarts."

Lily's heart clenched. What it was _actually_ time for was for her to make her "choice." As if she really _had_ a choice.

Carla sat up straighter in her seat. "Lily isn't going back to that school! She hates it there!"

Lily quickly shut her eyes and looked down, so that she wouldn't have to see McGonagall's face in response to this. It would have been too horrifying.

When Mrs. Fletcher spoke, she sounded confused. "Lily…? I thought your parents said you loved it there…?"

"That's what Lily told them, mum!" Carla hastened to explain. "She didn't want to upset them! You know how they were!"

_You know how they were._ So people would already begin talking about them in such a blatantly past tense. For a moment, Lily nearly choked. And then she was on her feet. "I have to go back, Carla!" Even she had to admit that her voice sounded painfully like it was about to break in despair. "I have to go back!" She turned to face her astonished guardians. "There's something about me you should both know! _I'm a witch_!"

For a moment, there was complete silence. In it, Lily was barely able to even breathe. And then…

Mr. and Mrs. Fletcher looked at each other. Their expressions were grave. But, to Lily's surprise, when they glanced back at her, they did not seem the least bit skeptical. In fact, their reactions were quite the opposite.

"Of course you're a witch," Mrs. Fletcher said gently. "Do you think your parents could have kept a secret like that from us? We've known for three months."

Lily blinked. Even Professor McGonagall appeared somewhat startled – though undeniably relieved – by such a revelation. After all, it made _her_ particular job an awful lot easier.

"But…?" Lily looked over at Carla in confusion. Her friend, however, only stared back at her in equal bafflement. It was clear that _she_ had no idea what was going on. Lily's heart started to race as she turned back towards the Fletchers. "But you can't know! You never said anything-"

"Because of Carla, dear," Mrs. Fletcher explained, walking up to the two girls and sitting down on the pew in front of them. "We felt that it was your right to tell Carla about your gifts when you felt ready to."

"You did?"

Mr. and Mrs. Fletcher both nodded. Lily was stunned. She looked back at Carla yet again, and saw that her face was pale and pinched.

"You're a witch?" she asked, shaking her head in slight uncertainty.

"Yeah," Lily said dully. And then she leaned forward. "Carla, do you remember when you told me about how you were having dreams about owls flying to my house? Well… those… those weren't dreams."

**ooooooo**

When Lily found Petunia later that evening, the girl was standing by herself again, outside, by the entrance to the churchyard. She had her back turned from the church, and was staring across the sea of graves as if she were waiting for someone to come for her.

"Petunia…" Lily paused nervously behind her sister. "I… I have to tell you something." Petunia didn't answer her. She made no show of even acknowledging her. Lily sighed sadly, looking down so that her hair fell into her face. She timidly brushed it back behind one ear. "I'm… gonna have to leave soon. To go back to Hogwarts…"

Petunia spun around, finally willing to face her sister. "Absolutely not." She spoke as if she had all the authority in the world over such a matter. "That's out of the question, Lily. You're not going back."

Lily closed her eyes miserably. "I have to go back. They told me that unless I learned how to control my powers, I'd never be able to suppress them. And if I can't do that, then magic will follow me around for the rest of my life. I want out, Petunia. But I can't get out until I find the right way out."

"No," Petunia shook her head. "Our parents are gone, Lily! How are you going to explain this to the Fletchers?"

"I already have," Lily whispered. "Mr. and Mrs. Fletcher already knew. Carla… I think she took it better than I did."

Petunia's face darkened hatefully. She took two steps towards the girl, grabbed her shoulders, and shook her furiously. "Listen to me, Lily! If you go back to that school, I will never talk to you again!" She pushed her back, sending her stumbling several feet – it was a miracle that she managed to keep from falling! But her eyes were welling up with tears… and nothing could have prevented _them_ from falling.

"Don't say that…"

"Don't you dare go back to that school," Petunia replied threateningly.

Lily's breath became terribly ragged. "I have to. I don't have a choice." She paused, waiting for her sister to say something. But Petunia said nothing. The two of them stood facing each other, lost in a heavy, darkened silence that was full of pain and anger. Nothing could have spared them from it. "Petunia…"

Her sister's eyes seemed to flare. But she said nothing, as she had sworn she would. She brushed past her sister and trudged back towards the church. Lily spun around to watch her go, but Petunia didn't look back. She didn't look back for even a second.

**ooooooo**

Going back to Hogwarts was by far the hardest thing Lily had ever done in her life. Words could not express her anguish, leaving the Fletchers' home beside Professor McGonagall. Saying goodbye to Carla. Looking up at the second floor window through which Petunia was staring down at her. Gazing across the lawn towards the house in which she had grown up, but would more than likely never stand inside of again. It was already up for sale, being shown to various families who might like to own it one day. By the time Lily returned from school, it probably would be someone else's home. It certainly wasn't hers anymore.

When she got to the school, she found that all the other kids had already settled back in and were more than ready for their lessons to start up again. Only Remus was not among them, for not only was his cancer being treated, but apparently his mother had also fallen ill. Lily had no idea when he would be back.

So she was on her own, walking up to the Gryffindor Tower for the first time since she had left on vacation. God, it felt like that had been from another life altogether. It was so surreal, and Lily had never been lonelier in her life. She spent the entirety of her first evening back up in her dorm room, with the bed's curtains pulled shut. She wanted to lose herself. To not think about anything. To drown out the rest of the world.

The other girls would come up and talk and laugh and enjoy each other's company. No one spoke to Lily. They didn't seem to know she was there, and they _definitely_ didn't know about her parents. She couldn't bear to tell them.

Lessons started up again the next day. They all seemed to be so much more solemn than she had ever remembered them being before. James Potter, Sirius Black, and Peter Pettigrew had not changed – they all still spent every second that they could up to their necks in mischief. But somehow… they all seemed to fade into the background… just the same as everything else.

Lily felt detached. She never spoke. She never smiled. Somehow, even when words were required to cast spells for Charms and Transfiguration, she managed to cast them exceptionally with just a flick of her wrist. No words were necessary. This astounded Professor Flitwick and McGonagall, but neither of them asked Lily about it. They could sense how frail she was, and they wanted to give her some more time so that she could, hopefully, heal after such a tragedy.

The ghosts, Lily noticed, on several occasions, would see her and quickly float off in different directions. They were avoiding her. She wondered numbly whether or not they avoided all students who lost loved ones. It wasn't something she could particularly blame them for. But they didn't have to worry about her. She didn't want to see her parents as ghosts. She wanted to see them as living people again! She wanted to see them so badly that it hurt.

Evening came again, and Lily walked into the Great Hall to get some bread – she wasn't sure she could stomach anymore than that. To her right, a group of Slytherins were arguing heatedly with a group of Gryffindors. To her left, a group of Ravenclaws were discussing their different homework assignments. Beyond them, a group of Hufflepuffs were sharing with each other what they had received over their Christmas holiday. Lily herself was carrying with her the science book that Petunia had given her for _her_ Christmas present. She was more than ready to lose herself to chemistry.

She sat down by herself at the Gryffindor table, chewing on small pieces of bread as she opened to the first chapter. She read. She read. She kept on reading until her brain felt as if it had rubbed itself raw against her cranium. She wasn't sure if she could process so much information. But… it was better trying to do that than trying to face her own thoughts and memories, which would no doubt leave her in tears. The tides within her were raging.

Why did they have to leave her? She missed them so much! And as much as she hated the magical world, she found herself hating the muggle one just as much. After all, it had been a muggle car that had taken them away from her. Not a magical one. So in the end, she hated both worlds with equal fury. After all, both worlds seemed to hate her.

She looked away from her book and stared down dully at the wand she had rested beside it. That wand… she wondered how much power flowed within it. She wondered how much of her life she could erase with just one gesture… with just one word… one simple word… But which one? Which one could find for her what she so desperately longed to find?

Which word could set her free from all of this? Which word could release her? She knew she had read it somewhere… one word that could give her peace… rest… relief…

_Obliviate…_

She picked up her wand. She stared at it thoughtfully, wondering whether or not she should actually attempt using it. It was a Memory _Charm_, so Lily had no doubt that she could cast it successfully. She hadn't yet found a charm that she couldn't perform. But… was it worth casting? And how would she do it? With a mirror?

She glanced up towards the teacher's High Table. Dumbledore was there, chatting away pleasantly with Hagrid. His eyes, she noticed, turned to rest temporarily on her. She looked away quickly.

It would have been pointless looking for a mirror, she told herself finally. She doubted she'd have the courage to actually attempt it. It would, after all, be a terrific change for her, and there would be no coming back from it. And Lily had already gone through enough such changes to want to go through any more. She sighed, and dropped her wand back down on the table.

"Try eating something," a voice said very quietly from behind her. "It'll make you feel better."

Lily stood up so fast it was a wonder she didn't knock anything on the table over. She whirled around and saw Remus standing a few steps away. There was a look of sympathy on his own exhausted face. He looked so worn out, and Lily knew it wasn't just out of empathy. His own life was filled to the brim with his own sorrows. But still… he was setting his problems aside… so that he could tend to hers.

"Remus…" she started crying. She couldn't help it. He walked up to her and offered her a small square piece of chocolate, which she accepted, and then he wrapped his arms around her, holding her comfortingly. And it was then that she realized what it was that she had been longing for so much. She had… she had wanted Petunia to hold her like this. To hold her. To protect her. And to tell her that everything would be okay, as _she_ had been told by their father before he died.

She had wanted her sister. But… Petunia hadn't been a sister. She hadn't even been a friend.

Remus… He was whispering to her now that everything would be okay. He was treating her as she had wanted Petunia to treat her. He was… maybe he could be… maybe… if Petunia wouldn't be her sister… maybe he could be her brother.

**ooooooo**

**A/N:** Please don't forget to review. I need your reviews! Thanks.


	15. Trouble with the Willow Tree

**A/N: **Hey, I'm so sorry for the wait. It's been killing me…! Anyway, I had three major projects due this week for school, and two of them were actually due on the same day! It's been stressful to say the least. Anyway, now I'm back and I'm ready to write! By the way, thanks to everyone who's reviewed!

**Disclaimer:** Just a reminder: I can't take anymore credit for Stephen Kodaly than I can for the Potters themselves.

**ooooooo**

They say that time moves slowly when you're bored or wretched. So slowly, in fact, that each moment is drawn out so that an eternity might pass away in a single instant. So that every second can be heard ticking – or rather pounding – torturously in your ears. So that a kind of impatience, or a kind of anxiety, burrows so deeply inside of you that you can literally feel yourself, your body, your mind, or your very sanity, starting to disintegrate. For some, there is nothing more discouraging than a single tide that never changes.

But perhaps it would be more accurate to say that time moves slowly _only_ when you're bored. For though Lily remained unhappy throughout her entire second term, she was _never_ bored. If she was not concentrating on her studies, honing her magic, struggling for perfection, or fighting to gain absolute control over her powers, than she could either be found with Remus, or with her muggle science and math books. She kept herself occupied. She remained slightly detached from the rest of the school – excepting her one true friend. And so the days became something of a blur to her. They blended so much together that there was very little, if indeed anything at all, to set them apart. To distinguish them. And they past away as simply as the turning of a page.

The end of the year had arrived. For the most part, students could be found studying, practicing, completing last minute assignments, and doing just about anything they could to prepare for their exams. Of course, there would always be those few exceptions… James Potter and Sirius Black hardly _ever_ opened a book, and did so only on those increasingly rare occasions when they attempted to tutor Peter Pettigrew. Naturally, however, the first thing _he_ learned from the two of them was to rely less on friends and more on those who could actually get the job done – such as Remus Lupin – and he did so also increasingly.

In fact, several first years from Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw went to Remus for a bit of tutoring. They all knew he was extremely intelligent – but more than that, they knew he had a way of making complicated subjects seem simple. Even elementary – though Lily supposed those subjects all _were_ elementary, considering they were subjects suitable for first years. But there was also something else about Remus… He couldn't refuse a student. Lily had seen him go without eating a single meal because he was simply too engrossed in teaching students entire lessons – lessons that they might have learned had they been paying more attention in class – to even bother with food. He had this… this desire to be liked… to be appreciated… He cared so much about others that Lily supposed he wanted to feel others care about him. And so, he would do just about anything – even starve himself – to make friends. Lily knew what that was like. She had been that way herself once… so long ago… it felt like so long ago…

She was happy for Remus. Now he would not ever be the lonely little boy sitting by himself in a tight, tiny little corner. Kids would want him around them. They would want his help to get through these years at Hogwarts. And Lily could easily tell that that was a dream come true for him. He wouldn't trade their attention for anything.

Of course, she would of herself. With Remus constantly guiding other students through their various magical lessons, he was hardly ever available for her anymore. It was almost as if she had lost him to the dark, treacherous grip of magical education. That was ten more points from Hogwarts!

Since the first day of the New Year, Lily had taken inspiration from the house cup competition. She had found that neither the magical world nor the muggle one was at all appealing as a home. To begin with, the former had _always_ frightened her and she suspected that it always would. But then again, the latter had torn away her parents… she would never see them again. She loathed that world now just as much as she did the other. And so… she had put them both on a scale, and would weigh them using the same method as was used to weigh the four houses. Through points. So far, the muggle world was ahead.

Presently, she was sitting outside in the garden with her large history book resting on her lap. She had decided to reread as much of it as she could before the actual tests began – as she had for all her books in every subject. It would undoubtedly take her forever, but at least then she'd be too busy to feel depressed – which was how she always felt these days whenever she wasn't in the middle of something else.

Not too far away, she could hear the excited screams and shouts of those few students who were still stupid enough to not only neglect their studying, but to also continue playing that game of Whomping Willow Tree Trunk Touching. To them, it was the greatest kind of entertainment. To her, it was just another insignificant background piece. Besides, she could think of more irritating things at that school that would distract her from her work other than those shouting kids. At least here, so close to the murderous tree, she knew she wouldn't be bothered by James Potter and Sirius Black – both of whom still had much better things to do with their time than to waste it all on a game that would, by now, offer them very little glory.

It was that benefit, more than any other, that had Lily, as of late, spending a great deal of time studying in the near vicinity of the Whomping Willow. And in all that time, she had grown to be something of an expert concerning screaming daredevils. She had heard every kind of scream or shout there ever was, made by the thrill seeking students, and could distinguish between the cries of victory, disappointment, and amusement. Then again, she had also grown accustomed to recognizing the screams of severe pain that came from getting "Whomped." In fact, she heard one such scream at that very moment, and it was, out of all the others she had ever heard before, by far the worst.

Instinct brought her immediately to her feet, and the next thing she knew, she was sprinting towards the tree. Other kids were screaming now. Screaming in terror. Lily paused when she reached them, her gaze quickly sweeping towards the tree. It did not take her long at all to catch sight of a boy whose arms had been pinned to his sides by an angry branch. He was being held up in the sky, and another branch was viciously slapping itself across his face over and over again. If they didn't stop it, it looked liable to snap the boy's neck. Never before had the tree _ever_ been this vengeful.

"Oh my god," Lily whispered, staring up at the boy in horror. Her legs shook beneath her as she tried desperately hard to think of _something_ that might save the boy.

"DAVEY!" the other boys kept screaming, their faces white. They were all as useless as Lily felt. Something _had_ to be done! She had to… had to… had to…

Had to get help!

Without a word, she spun around and tore towards the school. She had no idea why she hadn't gone there directly in the first place, and she had no idea who she was going to go look for. Not that it really mattered. Any _one_ of the teachers would have been better than a handful of first year idiots.

As it turned out, Professor McGonagall and Professor Kodaly were the first two adults she happened upon when she got inside. The woman was towering above two third years – a boy and a girl – both of whom looked red in the face. Meanwhile, the man was subtly trying to edge closer towards his colleague, looking no less infatuated than Lily had once seen him before, standing in McGonagall's classroom.

"Honestly, Minerva," he was saying in defense of the two students. "I see nothing wrong in two people – who both care for each other – showing each other their affection." McGonagall looked as though she was ready to transfigure him into a rat and then step on him.

"Professor McGonagall!" Lily screamed, coming to a fast and painfully awkward stop. All eyes in the front hall immediately landed on her, but she was much too horrified at that moment to suffer from the usual agony that came with being thrust into the spotlight. "You have to come quickly! A boy's been caught by the Whomping Willow! It's trying to kill him!"

McGonagall's eyes widened and without a second's hesitation she would have swept out of the school and towards the tree. As it was, however, Professor Kodaly stepped in her path and haughtily crossed his arms. He stared down at Lily, not only in pompous disapproval, but also in extreme suspicion. "Now, Miss Evans! What on earth would tempt you to tell such a tale?"

"Miss Evans does not tell tales, Professor," McGonagall stated irritably, making a quick attempt to step around the man. But he stepped with her, refusing to allow her to pass.

"Nonsense, Minerva! There's no reason for you to exhaust yourself running to and from that tree every time a student makes such a claim!" He puffed out his chest. "Why, the last five times I've been summoned to that tree, there's been no such incident. The children seek to make fools out of us professors, and I won't stand for them tricking _you_, m'dear." He glared smugly back down at Lily, failing to notice the ire in McGonagall's expression. "Now, I'll ask you again Miss Evans. Do you and your fellow classmates find it amusing to waste your teachers' time by orchestrating such hoaxes?"

"NO!" Lily shouted, her desperation augmenting. She turned frantically towards McGonagall. "I'm not lying!"

"Professor McGonagall!" James Potter and Sirius Black were suddenly both at Lily's side. She had no idea where they had come from or how much they had heard – when she had entered the building, her eyes had sought out Professor McGonagall first, without giving _any_ of the other students standing nearby a second thought. For all she knew, they might have been there the entire time!

"Please!" James looked red in the face. "We were just joking when we told Professor Kodaly that a kid had been caught by that tree!" He gestured between himself and Sirius. "To us it _was_ just a game! But we only did it once!"

"We had no idea that other kids would start copying us!" Sirius quickly added. "Not that it's _that_ surprising. Guys _always_ copy us when they think we're funny…"

"But she'd never do that!" James put in, pointing at Lily. "She's better than that!"

"Of course I believe her!" McGonagall bellowed, catching everyone off guard. No one would have expected that she could _ever_ get that loud. She glared furiously at Kodaly. "Stand aside!"

But Kodaly seemed to be too insulted to see reason. He stared down at James, Sirius, and Lily in-between them, with a stiff, white, accusatory face. "So! You and your friends found it amusing to make sport of _me_, did you? Did the game get dull, Potter? Do you now seek to make it more dangerous through an attempt to fool Minerva as well? That would be just like you and Black, wouldn't it?" He regarded McGonagall almost protectively. "Never fear, m'dear. I will not allow-"

McGonagall's wand was in her hand. It would seem that she had had about enough of Kodaly and his unwanted affections. "_Expelliarmus!_" The room flashed scarlet. Lily screamed, raising her arms up to shield her face. She could feel James gripping her shoulder and pushing her behind him. The next thing any of them knew, Kodaly was lying on his back several yards away, staring up at the high ceiling as if in a daze. His wand was lying on the floor at McGonagall's feet. She looked positively lethal. The fact that she – no doubt the strictest professor in the entire countryside! – would actually stoop to attacking a fellow teacher was in itself a sign of how royally pissed off she was. Without a word, she transfigured herself into a cat and sprinted from the building at a lightning speed.

James and Sirius glanced at each other in absolute delight. "Wicked!" The other students in the hall all seemed to share that particular sentiment. In their eyes, McGonagall had just become the best professor on campus.

Lily, however, couldn't possibly feel impressed. She jerked away from James, ignoring Sirius as he commented on some Disarming Charm or other, and bolted back outside, after McGonagall, and towards the tree. Behind her, the other students all followed, but she hardly noticed. She was desperate to get back to the Whomping Willow. McGonagall might need help!

However, none of the students were quick enough to see Davey's rescue. By the time they got there, McGonagall had already seen him onto the ground and safely away from the branches. Now, she was helping him to his feet, attempting to stop the bleeding on his face – one of his eyes could not be seen for all the blood! The other kids who had been with Davey now stood supporting each other, trying to keep from sobbing.

"Look at him," James breathed in shock as he and Sirius once again reached Lily's side. He sounded somewhat fascinated and horrified at once by the sight, while she found that she could hardly breathe.

"Let's get you to the hospital wing, Mr. Gudgeon," McGonagall commanded, guiding him back up towards the school. She regarded all the other students in cold anger. "The next student that I find within fifty yards of this tree will be expelled. No questions asked." She then led Davey past Lily, James, and Sirius, not looking at any of them for even a second.

The boy and girl who had both been on the receiving end of McGonagall's disapproval when Lily had first found her and Professor Kodaly now stood waiting for her disappearance. And then, they turned towards each other eagerly and started snogging right there in plain sight – as if they were celebrating! Disgusted, Lily turned away and started marching after McGonagall towards the school. James and Sirius both followed close behind.

"Can you _believe_ that?" Sirius asked in awe from behind the girl. "It's not every day you get to see kids beaten to bloody pulps by a tree! But _this _time, we _also_ got to see a teacher beaten to a bloody pulp by another teacher! Two in one!"

"Bloody brilliant, if you ask me," James commented, equally amused.

Lily's hands both clenched into fists as she spun around in a near rage. "But _no one_ asked you, James Potter! How _dare_ you?" James and Sirius both stopped short, staring at her in mild apprehension. "Don't you even realize that this is all your fault? You two _love_ playing jokes, don't you? You play one on Professor Kodaly, and then the next thing you know, _everyone's_ doing it too because _they _certainly can't come up their own ways to get into trouble! You initiated a game that resulted in something similar to the 'boy who cried "wolf"!' And instead of feeling guilty for it, the two of you stand there joking about it!"

"We weren't joking!" Sirius objected quickly. "We were… admiring…"

"Because that's so much better," Lily noted sarcastically. The two boys glanced at each other, not for the first time stunned into near speechlessness by her wrath.

"Hey," James finally crossed his arms, staring back at her in frustration. "If you're not careful, Sirius and I are gonna become the 'Lily Evans Bad Temper Experts!' Come on! Don't you ever see the humor in _anything_?"

"Not in you!" Lily shot back. "You two are the furthest things from funny in the entire world!"

"Hey!" Sirius looked hurt. "There's no need for you to get our pride involved in this, Evans! You just might end up lowering our self-esteem."

"What if Davey Gudgeon loses that eye?" Lily demanded. "Did you see it? Kodaly held up Professor McGonagall because of a prank you two, and then who knows how many other students, pulled on him! What if, in the time he lost Professor McGonagall, the damage done to Davey became irreversible?"

James looked like he couldn't believe what he was hearing. "Oh come on, Evans! Kodaly's infatuated with McGonagall! You can't blame _us_ for him holding her up when, if he hadn't of had _that_ particular excuse at hand, he would have come up with another just as quickly to keep her at his side! Everyone knows that!"

"That doesn't matter!" Lily screamed. She threw up her arms. "I don't know why I even bother talking to you! Nothing I say will ever make you get it!" But then, inspiration struck. She stopped, growing painfully still as she regarded the two of them almost cruelly. They looked back at her, not recognizing the look on her face and finding that slightly alarming. When she took a step towards them, they both stepped back.

"Evans?" James asked nervously.

She narrowed her eyes. "The two of you like being clever. You like being sly and tricky. Cunning, even. My word, that sounds like a Slytherin trait, don't you think?" She forced a haughty smile before turning around and starting back up towards the school, leaving behind two stunned Gryffindors.

It was strange. She would have thought that getting the best of James Potter and Sirius Black would have brightened her day somewhat. But instead, it only made her feel worse, and she retreated into her dorm room where she stayed for the rest of the afternoon feeling so utterly and completely miserable that she would have given anything for a chance to take back her words.

**ooooooo**

Later that night, Lily finally forced herself to crawl out of her dorm and down into the Gryffindor common room. Remus was there waiting for her, with the book she had earlier left in the garden. He was the only one. Aside from him and Lily herself, the room was devoid of life.

"Where is everyone?" Lily asked as she accepted the book gratefully.

"The Great Hall," Remus told her, glancing towards the fire. "The Headmaster's giving them all a lecture. I'm betting he's very mad. He told us all on the first day of September not to mess with that tree. And now Davey Gudgeon's up in the hospital wing trying to keep his eye. There's definitely going to be consequences for this one."

"Are James and Sirius in trouble?" Lily asked hesitantly. She figured that, by now, the entire school would be aware of their involvement in Professor McGonagall's delayed rescue. And if, by some chance, the entire school _wasn't_, she knew that Remus, at least, would be.

He shook his head. "Not in as much as you might expect, Lily. As far as their particular pranks go, the one they admitted to pulling on Kodaly wasn't that extreme. They both got detentions, and between the two of them, Gryffindor lost twenty points. You earned the house ten points back by going to a teacher, so as far as our house is concerned, there's been no real damage."

"But…" Lily prompted.

"But," Remus sighed. "McGonagall got Kodaly sacked. We have, as of now, no Defense teacher."

"Good riddance if you ask me," Lily muttered. Even if the man hadn't been so quick to judge and so ready to leave a student at the mercy of the Whomping Willow, he had been irritatingly blind to the fact that he and McGonagall were in no way compatible.

"I feel kind of bad for him," Remus shrugged. "He had been played so many times. It's no wonder he reacted the way he did."

"A lot of mistakes were made concerning that tree," Lily replied, callously. "But I think the biggest one of all was the tree itself. Who in their right mind would have it planted at a school? That's just _asking_ for trouble."

Remus stared at her for a moment, and then looked away uncomfortably, giving Lily the impression that she had said something that she shouldn't have. As if that wasn't confusing enough, he then agreed with her! "You're probably right." His voice was so soft, and it sounded close to breaking. "Some things are too dangerous for schools."

Lily frowned. What had she said? "Are you all right?"

"Yeah!" He spoke just a little too quickly. And then, when he looked at her, he changed the subject. "James told me what you told him and Sirius. About them belonging in Slytherin. Don't feel bad about that, Lily. They both totally deserved it." It was like he could read her mind.

She looked away. "I don't know. I was out of line. They probably hate me now, don't they?"

Remus grinned. "Actually. They just don't get you. And that fascinates them. You're the only one, other than teachers and Slytherins, who ever feels the need to tell them off. You know, when it's teachers, they only pretend to listen, and when it's Slytherins, they just pull out their wands. But it's different with you because they can't help _but_ listen, and then what you say makes sense to them… in a strange way. They admire you."

"Great," Lily sighed and turned away. "That's the last thing I need."

"They want you to like them," Remus added.

She looked back at him irately. "Then they'd better learn to grow up!"

"They're just eleven," Remus reminded her. "We all are, Lily. There's nothing wrong with being children, is there?" He glanced down, as if wishing desperately for that to be true. His eyes clenched shut. "You shouldn't waste your childhood. Some people don't have the luxury of even having one." He should know. They _both_ should know. And Lily suddenly felt terribly selfish. "Besides." Remus looked back up at her. "They were both mature enough to admit to what they did. To help you, you know. It takes a lot of guts to do that."

"Yeah," Lily couldn't deny that. "Maybe they are Gryffindors after all." She sighed again, clutching her book tightly to her chest. She started towards the girls' dormitories, but then paused again and looked back. "How come we're not down in the Great Hall with everyone else? Don't we need to hear this 'lecture,' too?"

Remus shifted in his seat, looking uncomfortable again. "I don't. I really, _really_ don't like that tree. I asked Professor McGonagall to be excused, and she agreed."

Lily frowned. "I remember how angry she was this afternoon. I wouldn't have thought she'd be reasonable again so soon."

Remus ignored her comment as he quickly carried on with his explanation. "And when no one saw you come down for dinner, Professor Slughorn asked that you might be allowed some peace. That Davey Gudgeon kid is in his house, so he's feeling rather grateful to you right now. Professor McGonagall agreed."

Lily shook her head, scoffing, before heading back towards the stairs.

"Professor Slughorn said something about wishing you'd been placed in his house!" Remus called after her, now teasingly. "You fascinate him now, too! 'Since when has a Gryffindor ever looked out for a Slytherin?' He actually asked that! He knows you've done it twice now, and it amazes him!"

Lily didn't want to hear it. "Good night, Remus."

He was standing up and looking after her. "You're going to start fascinating everyone, Lily. Who's next?"

Lily paused at the foot of the stairs leading up to her room. Who _would_ be fascinated by her next? Remus' words brought back to her mind the infamous Dark Lord. She had yet to tell her friend about her so-called "gift" and who it might attract. At that particular moment, however, she didn't feel as though she _had_ any special gifts. She was just too angry, too resentful, to even think about love. But that still didn't change all the inexplicable things that had happened around her. Who would be fascinated by her next?

"I don't want to think about it." She started up the stairs towards her dorm room, and didn't look back for a moment.

**ooooooo**

**A/N:** Please review! And I'll try to get the next chapter up soon. Thanks!


	16. The Photograph

**ooooooo**

With the end of exams came the end of the second term. And with the end of the second term came the school's final feast. It was, quite possibly, even more spectacular than the first, because now everyone – even the first years – felt as though Hogwarts was more of a home than an enchanted castle, making them comfortable and at ease, rather than silent and awestruck. They celebrated – especially the Ravenclaws, who had won the house cup that year, and the Gryffindors, who were just thankful that the Slytherins had not. Up until that morning, Ravenclaw and Slytherin had been tied for house points. If it hadn't of been for a certain first year named Ian Aldwen, who scored higher on his exams than any of the others, which earned his house an additional five points, than it might very well have been Slytherin's house colors decorating the Great Hall instead that day. Which, Lily had learned, would have been Gryffindor's greatest nightmare come true.

It was, therefore, something of a surprise to her when she happened to glance in James's direction. He was sitting across from Sirius and next to Peter, staring at Ravenclaw's banners with half a look of disappointment on his face.

He shook his head. "Man, if I had known they'd be awarding points to the kid who got the highest all around scores, I would have beaten that Ravenclaw guy myself. We're only three points behind Slytherin! We could have won!"

Sirius chuckled. "Think so? That Ravenclaw beat Remus Lupin _and_ Lily Evans. What makes you so sure _you_ could have beaten him, mate?"

James smirked and crossed his arms. "Because I know magic better than all them Ravenclaws put together. I just didn't take these exams seriously enough, _Sirius_!" His friend rolled his eyes. "Don't worry. I won't be making that mistake again anytime soon. You just watch! From now on, _I'll_ be the one getting the highest all around test scores in the entire school!"

Sirius laughed, and this time Peter laughed with him. "Sure thing, mate." James chucked a small piece of bread at his friend, who quickly threw it back. The next thing Lily knew, the three of them were having a small, good-natured food fight. She rolled her own eyes and turned away.

It was true. She _had_ been beaten by a Ravenclaw. But, he _was_ a boy, and she a girl. If gender was taken into account, she would have earned her house additional points as well, for Professor McGonagall had already informed her that, out of all the first year girls, she had received the highest marks. She should be proud of such an accomplishment.

But Lily was not "proud." She could hardly care less about a bunch of examinations. She just wanted to prove that she had control over her powers, so she could leave the wizarding world once and for all. She had already been up to the Headmaster's office, asking if it was completely necessary that she return for a second year. And he, unsurprisingly, had told her that it was.

_"You will be turning twelve soon,"_ he had reminded her. _"You are not even a teenager yet. I daresay it will take you a couple more years, at the very least, to gain enough control over your magic to properly suppress it."_ His eyes, she noticed during their meeting, had the habit of glittering. _"You must be patient, Miss Evans."_

_"Yes, sir,"_ she had said, looking down. A moment later, however, she had looked back up at him with a new concern constricting her heart and making it rather difficult for her to breathe. _"You will… I will be allowed to go… You won't make me stay _here_ for the summer, will you?"_ She couldn't help but remember the possibility of the Dark Lord getting word of her, and taking an interest in her "gift" – if that was what it was. And as much as she did not want someone like _him_ coming after her, she sought the Headmaster's protection even less. Fortunately, he had seemed to be unconcerned.

_"Of course not,"_ he promised her solemnly. _"It has been nearly half a year since the accident."_ She had turned away from him at those words, unable to meet his gaze. _"There has been no talk of it. I do believe it has all been quite forgotten. You are safe, Lily."_

_"But I thought you said 'no one is ever completely safe,'" _she had quietly objected. Their meeting had not lasted much longer than that. Lily could tell that he was worried about her, as _all_ the adults seemed to be worried about her, along with Remus. It had indeed been nearly six months, and it was clear to everyone that she wasn't healing. She often wondered how long it was supposed to take a person to heal from such a loss as hers, but she never asked. She didn't know _who_ she could have asked in the first place, and she wasn't even sure that she could have suffered the answer if she had. Her heart still felt too raw, and her wounds reopened still too easily. The last thing she needed was an obligation to heal by a certain date. That, more than anything else, would not have been fair.

And so she found herself at the end-of-year feast, watching as students enjoyed one last meal together with their friends, exchanging addresses and phone numbers, promising to stay in touch and trying not to cry. Many of the first years couldn't bear the thought of not seeing their friends for an entire two and a half months. It seemed so unreasonable.

Lily herself couldn't sympathize with them. She honestly couldn't. She didn't know what it felt like to have two beloved homes that both competed for her favor. All the other students were sorry to leave their friends behind, but at the same time, they were eager to get back to their families. They were torn, and Lily honestly had no idea what that felt like. If she was torn, than it was not out of love, but out of resent. Which world did she despise more? The wizarding world? Or the muggle one? Neither of them offered her a real home. She was not happy to head towards one, nor was she sorry to leave the other. So she could not understand the bittersweet emotions that resonated from her classmates. She sensed them, sure enough, but she did not understand.

Her failure to understand lasted well into the night. She lay emotionlessly on her bed during the last one she would spend up in the Gryffindor Tower, listening blankly to the other girls cry and whisper their goodbyes – none of which were offered to her. And she failed to understand on the train ride back to the station in London. Kids would be running from compartment to compartment, trying to spend as much time as they could with all their individual friends, all over the Hogwarts Express. Only Remus willingly sat still in one place with Lily, keeping her company. He was the one person that she _knew_ she would miss, and therefore he was the one person around whom she thought she just _might _begin to understand. But in the end it wasn't enough, and she remained as confused a girl as ever.

At one point during the train ride, their compartment door slid open, and to Lily's utter annoyance, she found herself looking up to see James, Sirius, and Peter all piling in and taking uninvited seats beside herself and Remus. There was a lopsided grin on Peter's face.

"Hey guys," Remus said, offering them all a smile even as he glanced at Lily apologetically. She just sighed quietly, thankful that none of the three troublemakers noticed.

"Remus," James smiled back. "Sorry about barging in like this, but the last time I was on a train with Evans, trying to make conversation with her, I seem to remember her slamming the door in my face. Couldn't let that happen again." Remus almost laughed, and then looked at Lily questioningly. She just shrugged, and at that, Sirius _did_ laugh.

"Wish I could have seen that one, mate."

James shook his head. "I don't think so. At that point, you were starting to pick fights with older Slytherins, remember? If I were you, I'd not want to trade something like that for anything. Especially not for a dose of Evans' attitude."

Peter turned almost eagerly towards the astounded Lily, his pudgy head tilting slightly towards his right. "So what? You've hated James from the moment you met him?"

Lily stood up sharply, glaring at Peter with such resent that he instantly regretted the question. He inched away from her, cowering closer towards Sirius. "What! Did you come in here just to taunt me?"

"Of course not!" James said quickly.

At the same time, Sirius was pushing Peter away. "Lay off, mate."

"We came in here to say goodbye to Remus," James continued, resting an elbow carelessly on the other boy's shoulder. "We won't be seeing him again all summer!"

"We'd offer you a goodbye, too," Sirius added haughtily. "If we thought you wouldn't hex us for it."

"Maybe I should just hex you anyway and let that be that," Lily replied sourly. She walked towards the compartment door, pausing only to look back at her best friend. "I'm going for a walk. I'll see you in a little bit, okay?" Remus nodded understandingly.

"Bye, Evans!" James called after her. She rolled her eyes as she stepped out of the compartment. And then, holding the door open, she intentionally caught the irksome boy's gaze. He narrowed his eyes uncertainly, no doubt wondering why on earth she was looking at him that way. It became clear, however, when she loudly slammed the door shut, once again in his face. That made her feel a little bit better, and she started down the corridor savoring every last ounce of such satisfaction.

**ooooooo**

And so her summer holiday began. The Fletchers had all gathered at the station – though no where near the right platform – and were eagerly awaiting her return. After saying goodbye to Remus, Lily had been quick to find them and Carla – whom she had missed so terribly. It had felt like four lifetimes had past since she had last seen her friend, had last said goodbye to her, and had last feared never to see her again. If Remus was what made the magical world bearable, than Carla definitely was what made the muggle world so. Lily was grateful that they could be together again.

The drive to the Fletchers' home was not a long one. That in itself was extremely regrettable, for once they arrived, Lily could not help but glance towards the lot beside theirs. That house… her old house… There was a car parked in the driveway that she did not recognize. There was a man mowing the lawn that she did not know. As familiar as it was… it was alien to her now. It was someone else's home. She, who knew it by far better than its strange new family could ever hope to, was no longer welcome beneath its roof.

Lily had no idea how long she sat in that car gazing out at it through the window. Mr. and Mrs. Fletcher, along with Carla, had all piled outside and were now struggling with Lily's belongings, but she herself could only sit there, biting her lip as she stared at her old home. It would have been so easy to just melt down into nothing, staring at that house for all of eternity while imagining that nothing had ever changed. That nothing _could_ change.

But that would have been impossible. Even in a world as magical as the wizarding one, nothing could stop the changing of the tides. Nothing. Right?

"Lily?" Mrs. Fletcher walked around the car to her side and opened her door. "Are you coming, sweetie?" Lily nodded dejectedly and forced herself out of the vehicle. Trying desperately hard to not look at her old house any longer, she trudged miserably towards her new shelter. She would use that word, at least for now, since she honestly didn't think that any place could ever become a home to her.

Walking inside, the first thing Lily saw was her sister, sitting on the staircase as if she had been waiting for someone. The two of them instantly made eye contact, and what Lily saw in Petunia's gaze brought her heart to swell up with unexpected hope. Her sister looked so sorrowful! Maybe… maybe she would be willing to make amends.

But that moment past with heartbreaking swiftness. Petunia's eyes hardened and her expression turned cold. She pushed up to her feet and retreated upstairs without so much as a word.

_"Listen to me, Lily! If you go back to that school, I will never talk to you again!"_ Her warning echoed in Lily's mind, and all her hope quickly diminished, until there was none left at all. She should have known that nothing had changed at all between her and her sister. And more than likely, it never would.

**ooooooo**

That night, having been told that she would share a room with Carla, Lily found herself lying in a bed that was painfully unfamiliar. It was not at all like the four-poster on which she had slept at Hogwarts. It was harder, stiffer, and much more uncomfortable. That was points away from the muggle world. She couldn't sleep at all.

It wasn't the fact that she was spending her first night in a new environment. She remembered her first night at Hogwarts, and how easily she had fallen asleep then and there. She was no less exhausted now than she had been then, but it made very little difference. She simply could not fall asleep.

Carla hadn't wanted to. She had wanted to stay up all night and talk well into the morning about school and about magic. The Fletchers' both had, too. But the thought of doing so was too much for the miserable girl, and so she had insisted on going to bed. She was tired. Mrs. Fletcher had sent Carla up with her, and the girl had spent the next half hour lying in the dark while pleading with Lily to say something. But Lily said nothing, and eventually the girl fell asleep. Lily envied her.

Presently, and very quietly, she stepped out of bed. Not knowing what she was doing, why, or where she was going, she snuck out of the bedroom and onto the second floor landing. She quietly strolled towards the stairs, her bare feet hardly seeming to touch the soft carpeted floor. It should have been dark. It should have been extremely dark. But her eyes were well adjusted, and moonlight was shining through a circular window on the wall high above the front door, and level with the landing.

There were several pictures and photographs hanging on the walls. For a moment, Lily found it particularly odd that none of the people in any of them were moving. It seemed so natural to her now that pictures, be they snapshots or paintings, should move. Wasn't it difficult to remain fixed in one place for so long?

Lily caught her breath. They were frozen like that. They were trapped! Her gaze fell across one picture… one blown up picture of her parents… they were together outside their house on a beautiful day with their arms wrapped around each other… they looked so happy… They looked…

But they were frozen like that. What if, on the inside, they were panicking, because they couldn't move? What if they were scared? What if they wanted to be free?

Frantic, Lily reached up and tore the framed photo from the wall. Her heart was pounding and her face was breaking out in sweat as she urgently forced the picture out of its frame. She had to find a way free them! The frame dropped to the floor. The glass cracked. One of the ceiling lights flickered for a second, and then went out again. Lily could find no visible way of releasing the image of her parents.

And then it struck her.

This was a normal photograph. Her parents weren't _supposed_ to move. Because it was just a picture. Just an ordinary picture. There was no magic here. There was no life.

Her knees buckled under her, and she sank to the floor. Everything felt like an ethereal dream. Her time at Hogwarts felt like a dream. This moment felt like a dream. It wasn't the people in that photo who were trapped. _She_ was trapped.

Tears filled up in her eyes. She looked at the picture again. Was that what the faces of her parents had looked like? She had forgotten… She hadn't even _noticed_ that she had forgotten! They were fading. She was losing them.

She stared up at the ceiling fearfully, as if it was slowly and ominously descending down upon her, ready to crush her flat. But when it did not, her fear turned to rage. "WHY? WHY WON'T YOU LET ME GO? LET ME OUT!" There was no one to listen to her. There was nothing. Everything remained silent and still.

She screamed. She shrieked. Not for the first time, she felt like a banshee, wailing herself to death. She got to her feet and pounded a fist forcefully against the wall. It didn't hurt. The wall vibrated a bit and seemed to have dented, but she felt no physical pain. She screamed even louder and once again the ceiling lights flashed. They flashed so brightly that Lily felt certain the entire house was exploding.

And then she sat up with a jolt.

Everything around her was dark, still, and silent. She was sitting in a bed in a strange, unfamiliar room, soaked to the skin in sweat, but otherwise unharmed. None of it had happened. It had all felt like a dream because, for once, it _had_ been a dream. Or rather a nightmare.

Lily sighed heavily, her shoulders rising and falling. Using both her hands, she pulled her hair out of her face, staring at the clock on the wall that was visible only by moonlight. 4:05 in the morning. And she had had a nightmare.

It remained perfectly vivid in her mind. Funny thing was that what scared her most about the nightmare was that the pictures hadn't been moving. Funny thing was that what scared her was the normalcy. Why did normalcy scare her like that in her subconscious when it was magic that scared her so much in her wakened hours? It didn't make any sense.

Lily shook her head and once again climbed out of bed. She naturally felt a sense of déjà vu as she slipped out of the room and walked onto the landing. She immediately located the picture from her dream, and she once again removed it, first from the wall, and then from the frame. She carefully put the frame down on the floor, leaning it upright against the wall so that, this time, the glass would not break. And then she righted herself, staring down at the picture of her parents leaning happily in each others' arms. It no longer bothered her that they wouldn't move. It was good that they didn't move. For now she could keep them with her. They wouldn't leave her. She would never be without them.

She hugged the picture to her chest and walked over to the top step of the stairwell. She sat down and leaned forward, almost as if praying that she and the photograph could blend together into one. She didn't want to _ever_ forget her parents' faces.

_As long as I can keep on picturing them, I can reach them. As long as I can remember them, they won't be gone._ Her eyes were moist again. God, she was tired of crying.

How long, she surprised herself by wondering, would it be until she could go back to school?

**ooooooo**

**A/N:** Ooh, thank you for all the reviews! Please don't stop sending them! I'm really excited about getting on to Lily's second year, and I work much faster with encouragement! Thanks so much!


	17. Black Lessons

**ooooooo**

A year had past. More than a year had past. Summer had come, and now it was gone again, and Lily was a year older than she had been on the day that magic had entered her life. She was a year older than she had been when she had first met James Potter in Diagon Alley. She was a year older than she had been when she had parted ways with her parents at King's Cross Station. She was a year older.

Now, she had done all those things over again, only this time with the Fletchers' instead of with her parents. She was twelve. Her parents were gone, and she found herself standing completely alone on platform nine and three-quarters, unaccompanied by her guardians or by their daughter, who remained her closest muggle friend. She had not bothered to mention to them the little detail that allowed them all onto the magical platform with her. She did not _want_ them with her. If she could not leave her parents behind waving goodbye as the train carried her off into the distance, than she did not want to do so with anyone. It would have been… like making a replacement… like committing some terrible kind of treachery.

And so, she had bidden Carla and the Fletchers' all farewell outside. She had dragged her own luggage, complete with her entire second year's list of supplies. She had borne her own weight. And she had found her own way. She could only wish that every journey in life was as easy to traverse.

Now, she stood motionlessly next to her belongings, staring up at the train with very little, if any, expression written across her face. This day had come so fast. It seemed like so much time had past – much more than just a year, although that was impossible – and yet… it had all gone by in the time it took to step from one room into another. A part of Lily was glad she would be going back to Hogwarts. She had grown tired of crying. She was tired of being bound to her childhood… bound to a world that she could neither escape nor reenter. She was just so tired of it all. She wanted to stand, as the soul of her father had told her to before death. But she still didn't know how. She still didn't know what it meant. And she still didn't know how she was going to go about learning.

There were families all around her. She felt as if she was standing in the middle of a flock… and she was still as much of a black sheep as she had ever been. Only this time, she was it alone. No one seemed able to see her. She might well have been invisible. If it seemed strange to anyone that a small twelve year old girl should be standing by herself in the middle of a busy train station, they didn't bother to make a fuss.

"Hey, Evans! Is that you?"

Or at least they _hadn't_. Lily turned her head, and was shocked to see none other than Sirius Black himself make an attempt to rush her way after having practically dived around another man in a rather typical Sirius Black manner. It was all she could do to keep from groaning out loud. The _last_ thing she needed was _him_ – although by far preferable over James Potter – being his incredibly irritant self before they even got onboard the train!

However, her impression of the situation changed rather drastically when the large man that had originally been standing between her and Sirius spun around after the boy and grabbed him by the scruff of his neck, forcefully holding him back. Lily blinked as Sirius rebelliously tried squirming his way out of the man's grasp. She had never, in all the time she had known him, ever seen him look angrier or more disgusted with another person. Well. Maybe she had once. Maybe she had, back in the garden with Severus Snape the year before. It was quite obvious that Sirius regarded this particular man in the same way he regarded that particular Slytherin. Therefore, it was not at all difficult for Lily to guess why on earth Sirius would be so eager to trade his company for hers. _Hers!_ Of all people! Nor was it difficult to guess who the man was – for Sirius greatly resembled his father… Not that Lily would ever be the one to tell him that.

Presently, the man forced Sirius in the direction of a particularly sour looking old witch who wore an unfashionable black dress – as if she were in mourning – and had the same disgustingly yellow, taut complexion as did a corpse. A bitter, angry, decomposing corpse, to be exact. She now grabbed Sirius's arm so tightly with her skeletal fingers that the boy visibly winced. Lily couldn't believe her eyes. That wasn't… Sirius's _mother_?

There were several other families standing in the near vicinity of the Blacks'. And all of them seemed to be either the angry or the arrogant type. Slytherins. Lily recognized several of the students that were still hanging around their parents in that particular part of the platform. And they were all Slytherins.

For the first time since becoming a Gryffindor, Lily felt a hint of house respect and defensiveness. There was nothing worse for a Gryffindor than being surrounded by a large bundle of Slytherins. She could sense that Sirius would rather spend the rest of his miserable existence with her than with any one of them. And so… she did something that no sane Gryffindor would ever do. She willingly approached the Black family.

"Hello, Sirius," she said coolly, interrupting the boy's father, who had been lecturing him for trying to walk off in the middle of their "conversation." Somehow, Lily honestly doubted that _that_ had been the case.

Immediately the conversation died and every single gaze in a one hundred mile radius – or so it seemed at the time – fell upon her. She caught her breath, as she hadn't been the focus of such attention in an extremely long time. Sirius was staring at her with a mixture of hope and incredible disbelief spread across his face. Behind his parents, a smaller boy who also resembled the older Gryffindor but for being a bit more unpleasant looking, glared at Lily with a large, spoiled pout. And as for his parents… they both seemed to consider her, at a single glance, to be as greatly significant as a slug. An intrusive slug no less.

"Sirius," his mother said softly, though rather more like a venomous snake than Lily was particularly comfortable with. "_Do_ introduce us to your young friend."

Sirius looked like he would rather drink from a toilet. But he obliged nevertheless, shrinking visibly as he did so. "Lily Evans," he grumbled. He looked back at her wretchedly. For a moment, she _almost_ thought that she knew what he was feeling. "My parents."

She looked back at them uncertainly. If those really _were_ Sirius' parents, than maybe she hadn't given him enough credit. The poor boy looked like he'd trade places with an orphan any day, and she wouldn't blame him! "It's a pleasure." No. It was the _farthest_ thing from a pleasure in the entire world! And one could very easily hear that in her voice. Sirius glanced at her in what could almost be called pleasant surprise, even as his parents' looks dissolved into even harsher scowls.

"Evans," Mr. Black seemed to chew on her name. "I've not heard of your family, girl. Your father would be a muggle then, no doubt?" Lily glanced at Sirius long enough to see his eyes widen in alarm. He shook his head quickly and fiercely, but his mother reached an arm around him and grabbed hold of the front of his neck, forcing him still. She was awfully bold, Lily thought, to dare do such a thing in public. She herself had never been particularly fond of Sirius Black, but there _were_ limits to the amount of disciplinary abuse that she could bear watching parents inflict on their children – even if the child in question _was_ one such as him. _This_, however, did not seem to be disciplinary at all, and was definitely crossing the line!

Her arms stretched stiffly down to her sides, and her hands tightened into clenched fists. She never would have expected _this_ feeling of protectiveness. It placed within her a kind of audacity she had never before felt in the presence of a grown woman. _Especially_ if that woman was a witch. And so… she blatantly ignored Sirius' warning. She blatantly opened her angry mouth. "My parents _were_ both muggles."

Mrs. Black scoffed. If she had caught Lily's use of past tense, she made no notice of it. "Humph. A mudblood, then."

"MOTHER!" Sirius hissed as loudly as he could with her hand clenched around his throat. He thrashed about and squirmed furiously, looking like some sort of wild pup desperate to tear free. And then he did, more than ready to grab Lily and make a frantic break for the train.

"Sirius Black!" his father said in a chillingly low voice that somehow managed to carry its way across the station. His son stopped short as if he had been suddenly rooted and then frozen to his spot. Stunned people, Lily observed woefully, had more freedom than did _this_ particular twelve year old.

Before any of them could say anything more, however, she took a step closer to Sirius and crossed her arms. "That's the second time I've been called that. Are you ever going to get around to explaining to me what on earth it means?"

She found herself once again the center of attention. But, to her amazement, that didn't bother her as much as it would have the year before. She found that, for some reason, if she was consciously trying to protect someone else, it didn't matter to her one way or the other whether or not she was in the spotlight. So long as Sirius wasn't.

"You don't know…?" Mrs. Black stared at her both in surprise and in even greater disgust.

"Worst kind of mudblood," Mr. Black grumbled.

Sirius stared at his parents loathingly before looking back at the girl. "It's stupid. And the best way to disappoint them is to ignore them."

"Sirius," Mr. Black's voice become even more threatening. The boy looked up at him as rebelliously as he could, but the difference in their sizes seemed to be growing more and more apparent to Lily by the second. Sirius really _was_ nothing more than a pup compared to his dad. And that alarmed her.

At that moment, however, his younger brother crossed his arms and claimed his share of attention. "It means you're unclean! Untouchable! Contaminated!" It was almost humorous listening to a child such as him trying to use big words such as those. If they hadn't of been so… offensive… she might have laughed. "And if we were to cut open your hands, you wouldn't bleed wizard's blood. You wouldn't even bleed muggle blood! You'd bleed disgusting, soiled, watery mud!"

"Shove off, Regulus!" Sirius spat, looking ready to pounce. Looking ready to rip the kid to shreds. Meanwhile, Lily saw that Mr. and Mrs. Black both seemed to be simply beaming with pride. If their elder child was to be such a failure, at least they could take extreme consolation in their second son. They must have been incredibly proud.

Lily glanced down at her hands. She tried to imagine them not bleeding red blood, but brown mud. And then she tried to imagine that blood, flowing through her veins that very moment, as being nothing more than mud. Dirty. Vile. Repulsive. Mud.

Very gradually, she began to remember exactly why it was that she hated the magical world as much as she did. It didn't seem to help matters at all that there were those now in the magical world who hated her just as much. Quite possibly even more. And they didn't even know her!

There were several other Slytherin families watching her now. Watching and paying very close attention. Some of their children were openly pointing and snickering, making her face uncomfortably warm. She certainly didn't _feel_ as though she were in the company of dignified wizards – which was how she had always imagined grown up Slytherins to be. No. Their parents weren't dignified in the least. They were contemptuous. And their children were spoiled brats.

"You belong in a swamp," Regulus continued cruelly. "A dark, shadowy swamp where your baby brothers and sisters pop out of its muddy depths and-"

"Maybe you should head for the nearest swamp, Regulus," Sirius cut in bitterly. "Next to _your_ bedroom, it'll be just like camping outside Buckingham Palace."

Regulus made to lunge towards his brother, ready for a fight. It didn't seem to matter to him one way or the other that he was a heck of a lot smaller and weaker than Sirius was, but in the end it didn't really matter at all because his father quickly grabbed his arm and held him back. At the same time, their mother strode towards Sirius and grabbed him by his chin. She jerked it savagely, forcing him to look up at her.

"Now you listen to me and you listen good," she hissed softly, her eyes narrowing into slits. "You will not speak to your brother that way!"

"And you, Regulus, will not surrender to his provocations," Mr. Black added, speaking just as threateningly to the kid as he had to Sirius. "He is your brother." The man looked back and forth between his two children. "If it is the last thing I do on Earth, I _will_ teach you both the importance of staying true to your family!"

All around Lily, she could both see and hear the other Slytherins being told by their parents to listen well to the lesson that the "venerable, noble Black" was imparting onto his own worthy progeny. For it was a lesson hard but well learned.

"Our society is being overrun by _her_ kind," he nodded savagely in Lily's direction without actually looking at her. "Muggle born mudbloods. It certainly doesn't help any that the number of blood traitors grows with each passing day. If we can't stay true to our own race of pure bloods, than at least we can stay true to our family."

"And we _will_ stay true to our family!" Mrs. Black contributed. She jerked Sirius's face – which she still had a hold of – fiercely to emphasize her words. "Don't forget that, boy!"

"How can _he_ stay true to our family?" Regulus asked crossly, glaring at his older brother. "He's a _Gryffindor_!"

Mrs. Black released Sirius and turned on her younger son so quickly that Lily was hardly able to perceive it. She backslapped Regulus powerfully enough to send him flying straight into his father, who was the only thing that kept him on his feet. The other families were all quiet now, but not out of disgust by Regulus' treatment. No. They were waiting to hear how the Black family would explain their eldest son.

Mrs. Black's attention was so intently focused on her boy, however, that she didn't seem to notice anyone else. "How _dare_ you presume that Sirius doesn't have a reason for being in that house of traitors? A purpose? He does! Or mark my words, he _would_ have been placed in Slytherin as you will be!" She glanced over at Sirius, who was silently fuming, and then past him at Lily, who was watching the unfolding scene with mixed emotions – none of which were particularly pleasant. She smiled a most malevolent smile. And when she spoke, she spoke not questioningly, but with complete certainty. "You won't forget your place in all of this. Will you."

Sirius looked like he very dearly wanted to snap back at her .To make some sort of biting retort. But he didn't. Instead, he stared miserably at the platform floor.

His father chuckled. "Poor child. We all know that tasks like yours are difficult to bear. It's only natural for you to feel such bitter resentment. But you will be stronger for it, and you _will_ bring honor to our family."

Sirius crossed his arms grudgingly, but still couldn't come up with something to say. His mother walked up to him and affectionately patted his cheek with one hand and his shoulder with the other. Lily saw how tense her touch made him, and her stomach turned.

"Go now," she pushed him gently towards the Hogwarts Express. "Kreacher has seen all your luggage safely onto the train. Stay out of detention this year!"

It seemed strange to Lily that Sirius' mother would advise him to stay out of "detention," rather than out of "trouble."

"We'll see you home for Christmas then, boy," his father stated in an almost professional tone – the kind adults used with business associates. "Have a lucrative term." With that, there were two very loud pops, and the next thing Lily knew, the entire Black family, sans Sirius, had vanished. She blinked. _Where'd they go?_

It certainly didn't seem to bother Sirius any that his family had disappeared on him. No. He had, in fact, been waiting for them to do exactly that. He breathed a very loud sigh of relief, relaxed considerably, and turned towards Lily. He reached for her elbow and very quickly, though surprisingly gently, led her away from the Slytherins and their smirking parents.

"The next time I call for you," he whispered into her ear rather harshly. "Wait for me to come to you. Don't _ever_ walk up to my parents, Evans!"

"Sorry…" she whispered back, knowing full well that she wouldn't have been able to speak any louder than that even if she had wanted to. Her voice seemed to have left her. "I… I…"

He glanced at her sideways in obvious concern. "Are you okay?" He was actually, genuinely concerned for her. He no doubt feared that his parents' words, not to mention Regulus' words, had left some sort of scarring impression on her. He knew perfectly well that she disliked magic enough as it was. The last thing she had needed was his little brother's _wonderful_ definition of the word "mudblood."

By that point, they had reached Lily's own bags and luggage, and she came to a rather quick halt, feeling particularly flustered. He turned to face her completely as she struggled for the words to express her thoughts. "Yeah! I mean… I'm sorry I got here this early, but it's not like they actually hurt me. I should… I should be asking you that." She looked up at him, finally able to meet his gaze. "Are you? Okay, I mean?"

Sirius exhaled, shrugged, rolled his eyes, and did pretty much everything a twelve year old boy could to appear nonchalant. "I'm fine. All that stuff they said about my being placed in Gryffindor for some higher purpose was just an act. When they're not sending me Howlers, they're just ignoring my existence altogether. If you'd believe it, they only handle me roughly like that when we're in public – which isn't that often. They're just trying to keep up appearances. That's the way it always is with my parents. You can't believe a word they say."

"But she had you by your…" Lily's hands both went up to her neck. She couldn't bear to say the word out loud. "You should tell someone…"

Sirius shrugged. "It's not like it's a big secret or anything, Lily. My parents were both Slytherins. My entire family was pretty much Slytherin. You'd have to be real naïve not to expect that kind of treatment in my house-" He stopped short, either having noticed the change in expression that had come over Lily's face, or having realized what it was he had just said. It was probably a bit of both, actually.

Lily scoffed delicately, and looked away. "Naïve. I guess I really am the 'worst kind of mudblood' after all."

Sirius shook his head. "No. Lily-"

"It's okay," she told him quickly. "I don't care. My own sister's told me crueler things than that. And don't take this the wrong way or anything Sirius, but the things my sister says hurts me much more than any of the things _your_ family could ever come up with."

"Yeah," Sirius conceded. "Because she's your sister. But that still doesn't make it right-"

"You're incredible," Lily interrupted, stunning Sirius into silence. She looked up at him, and forced herself to give him as pleasant a smile as she could. "You were raised by those people! Who taught you the difference between right and wrong?"

Sirius opened his mouth. But once again, Lily had somehow stunned him into silence. His mouth closed and he tilted his head contemplatively.

Lily could literally feel her smile softening so that it was more natural. "I think I misjudged you, Sirius. You deserve to be in Gryffindor. You're stronger and braver than I've ever been. And you're good. Remus told me before school let out last spring that some people don't have the luxury of having a real childhood. I guess… I'm glad you get to have so much fun when you're at school. Don't stop being a twelve year old boy anytime soon."

Sirius grinned mischievously. "Does that mean you'll stop nagging on me and James?"

Lily scoffed again and rolled her eyes. "Don't ask for a miracle, Sirius Black. I'm not sure I'll ever be able to give you that particular one."

He sighed. "Well. It was worth the asking." He grabbed the handles of all her baggage. "I'll get these onto the train for you. After spending two and a half months in _that_ _house_, I don't mind the chance to at least _pretend_ that I was raised to be civilized." Lily nodded appreciatively, and together, the two of them set off towards the train.

Meanwhile, from a distance, two very different twelve year old boys stood in each others' company, having watched and listened to nearly the entire conversation. James Potter was practically speechless. "Bloody hell. I think I just found the girl I wanna marry."

Remus chuckled. "You wouldn't think it, but she really does see the good in other people. She cares, James. She cares a lot more than anyone I've ever met before. I think that's why she's so easy to upset."

James shrugged. "I just kinda… you know… thought she was mean."

"She's not," Remus told him.

"No," he agreed, still looking to be rather stunned by all that he had just witnessed. "She's really, really not."

**ooooooo**

**A/N:** Hey everyone! Great reviews! Keep sending them, 'cause I'm, as always, looking forward to them! Thanks!


	18. Second Years

**ooooooo**

And so her second year at Hogwarts began. It surprised her. Walking into the castle on that first night of September had almost been… a comfort. Because it felt so safely familiar to her. All summer she had been plagued by the haunting familiarity of her neighborhood. Everywhere she turned, there had been phantoms of her parents and of her life from before… they died. It had been simply awful. But here the worst phantoms were created mainly by the ghosts of Sir Nicholas, the Bloody Baron, or the Fat Friar. Possibly also by the poltergeist, Peeves. But they did not haunt _her_, as those outside of London had haunted her. No. Coming to Hogwarts gave her relief from her own tortured memories. And that, she thought, was a blessing she hadn't expected.

The Sorting Ceremony on that night had taken a rather peculiar amount of time to get though. But by the end of it, the older Gryffindors were all very pleased to say that they had much more of an addition to their house than they had had the year before. There were some fifteen new first year Gryffindors! It was almost as if the Sorting Hat meant to apologize for being so uneven that last time. Now, they had more eleven year olds than they knew what to do with! Lily felt terribly sorry for the prefects.

Their first night back at the school was, again, comfortingly familiar. Walking up to the tower while basking within the magical walls that so easily enchanted, listening to the numerous conversations underway all around her that seemed to blend and mix together into one almost harmonic symphony of words and laughter, and sensing the hope, the ambition, the love for life, the joy, the utter ecstasy that resonated from practically every single person in that school! It was, by far, preferable to the life she had been living at the Fletchers'. With Petunia. Who had not said a word to her throughout her entire summer holiday.

Getting away from Hogwarts, getting away from magic in general, seemed to have been a good thing. Because now that she had come back, she felt ready for the oncoming year. She felt ready, and ready to get it over with.

There still remained an empty room in the Gryffindor girls' dormitory tower. Last year's seventh years were all gone, leaving one room vacant for the incoming first years, but the room that would have been claimed by the second years stood empty, for the only second year for that particular generation would be bunking with the third years. Pippa, Isabelle, Alice, Mary, Charlotte, Morgan, Faith, and Harriet. Again. Not that any of them were particularly thrilled with the arrangement. But they didn't complain.

They didn't complain and they didn't bother each other. While the other girls talked and laughed and, every once in awhile, threw pillows at each other, Lily crawled onto her own bed, reveling in the four-poster's soft warmth. It was a good bed, she thought, feeling a little bit like a princess. After all, who lived in such castles with such luxury other than royalty? She felt like she could have almost been one.

_But you're not,_ a voice in her head told her sternly as she found herself holding one certain photograph of her parents. A photograph she had once seen in a horrible nightmare. She stared at it most regretfully, for it was becoming difficult to recognize the couple's faces. Who were these people? Where… When had she last seen them? God, she missed them.

Silently, Lily tucked the already wrinkled photo under her pillow, where she had been keeping it hidden all summer. She always wanted it to be close to her. When she slept, it was what kept her safe. Even if the people in that picture were unable to move or speak or vanish without a trace, only to reappear once again when she very least expected them to, they still took better care of her than all the rest of the world put together. She relied on their care that night, once again, as she fell asleep, both deeply and soundly.

Classes began immediately the following day. And as they had last year, Lily, James, Remus, Sirius, and Peter all found themselves sitting in with other houses, as the five of them were too few to fill up any one room by themselves.

None of her classes were at all that difficult. It almost seemed as though her powers had actually grown some in the two and a half months she had taken off! In Transfiguration, only James seemed able to keep up with her and the pace that Professor McGonagall had set for them. He was actually better at transfiguring objects than Lily was herself, and what was more – he seemed to _love_ doing it. It was as if that was what he was made for. While the other students, including Remus and even that Ravenclaw boy who had earned the highest marks on their final exams last spring, found themselves struggling to perform the more advanced spells, Lily and James both transfigured with relative ease. Together, they earned Gryffindor ten points.

Over the summer, the Headmaster had appointed a Dina Marlow as the new Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor. She was a short, sturdy blonde with severe blue eyes that demanded respect. _She_ demanded respect, but not only that. From the moment her students walked into her classroom, they found themselves expected to be silent, motionless – unless they were taking notes or demonstrating the spells she taught them – and perfectly attentive. There was no freedom under _her_ supervision.

Naturally, James and Sirius could only take about twenty minutes of that, and then they were up to their usual no good. They both cherished their freedom, and were willing to fight for it. Very little time had past at all before they were Professor Marlow's least favorite students, for if there was one thing that she could not stand, it was foolery. The woman had even less of a sense of humor than Professor McGonagall!

In any event, it was a good thing she and James had won ten points in Transfiguration, because Professor Marlow was _beyond_ quick to take them away. She took away house points for everything, and not just from James and Sirius. Displaying the power and the authority she had over the students seemed to be her altogether favorite pastime. It didn't matter to her which house it was, so long as the house had points she could deduct. Before the end of the week students began to actually _sympathize_ with James and Sirius, despite the fact that the two of them were among the few who actually deserved the trouble they found themselves in. But this year, Lily found that she didn't mind their antics half as much as she had before.

She had seen a different side to Sirius Black. Unable to imagine what sort of childhood he had had as a kid in that family, she couldn't help but see why he felt the need to let go, to stretch out just a little, and to relax – however he saw fit. He deserved a chance to behave mischievously. And as for James… the more and more she saw of him, the more she found that she honestly couldn't imagine him being any other way. He was a born troublemaker. _And_ he was just twelve years old. Was there really a point in hating him for that?

Astronomy was yet another class that seemed to have grown more advanced, if not more difficult. They were introduced to more complex star charts that delved deeper into celestial cycles and phases. There really was magic to be found in the heavens, Lily learned. They touched the planets beneath them, such as Earth, and changed them. Even the very tides themselves were affected by what one could see in the sky.

The tides… which were always changing.

They were changing… even now.

**ooooooo**

Lily and Remus were walking together on their way to Professor Slughorn's Potions class. They went at a relatively slow pace, for they still had _plenty_ of time before the lesson began and they were too busy enjoying the warm, fresh air that filled the school's corridors through the open windows. As second years, they knew all too well that once they were down in the dungeons where Slughorn's classroom was, they'd miss the comfort.

As it was, they were walking down a particular set of narrow side stairs towards the first floor when, suddenly, none other than Peter Pettigrew flew around the bend and attempted to run up. Instead, he flew into Remus, who let out a surprised shout before the both of them tumbled down to the floor. It was all Lily could do to remain upright on her feet, but once she did manage steady herself, she hurried the rest of the way down after them.

"Remus! Peter! Are you all right?" The two of them were lying sprawled out on the ground looking rather dazed when she reached them. She knelt down next to Remus and helped him sit up. "You didn't hit your head or anything, did you?"

"No," he said, looking over at the other boy. "You okay, Peter?" Lily turned towards him and helped him sit up too as he nodded, now looking more embarrassed than anything else.

"You shouldn't be running like that!" she told him sternly. "This castle's made out of stone, Peter! I know you, James, and Sirius have a different idea of what's funny than I do, but you honestly can't find cracked skulls humorous!"

Peter's mousy face turned an even brighter red. "It's James! A-And Sirius! They're in trouble! I was looking for help!"

Lily and Remus both sat up straighter in alarm. "What sort of trouble?"

"_Their_ sort!" Peter chirped as if that explained everything. And in a strange, pathetic sort of way, it kind of did. "They went too far this time! It got out of hand! They're going to be in so much trouble if they can only get out of trouble first!"

Lily and Remus glanced at each other. They hadn't ever seen Peter look so frantic before. What could possibly have happened?

Anything, if it concerned James and Sirius.

"Where are they?" Lily asked.

"Show us," Remus demanded. Peter looked like he would much rather go find a teacher. But then again, the last thing _he_ wanted was to get into any kind of trouble. Lily and Remus were among the smartest of second years in the entire school! Surely, he thought, _they'd_ be able to handle this! What the teachers' didn't know wouldn't hurt them. But more importantly, what they didn't know wouldn't hurt _him!_

"This way," he said, scrambling to his feet and running in the direction from which he had come. Lily and Remus quickly pushed upright and ran after him, easily catching up. Peter was, after all, not the most athletic of twelve year olds.

But he had endurance to say the least. They had to have run past several different corridors, finding themselves farther and farther away from the more populated parts of the school with every passing step. At one point, they ran past a small bundle of lost little first years who all seemed to panic at the sight of three older kids who might as well have been running for their very lives. Probably expecting some kind of horrible creature to be on their tails, those small first years hurried after them as if _their_ lives depended on it as well.

Finally, they arrived at a large intersection of several different corridors, all of which were leading off into different directions. If the poor first years hadn't of been lost before, they'd definitely be lost now. But that wasn't the part that alarmed Lily. It wasn't even the part that alarmed _them_ anymore! Getting lost had just become the _least_ of their worries.

For there were, standing before the lot of them, at least twenty silver suits of armor – all larger than Lily could ever hope to be – and more menacing in appearance, what with their visors lowered over nonexistent faces, their shields raised, and their swords at the ready, than even an entire legion of wild Bludgers! More were spilling in from the different corridors that met at that intersection, and in the middle of it all stood James Potter and Sirius Black, looking slightly concerned, as the armored knights closed in around them. Meanwhile, Peeves, the Hogwarts poltergeist, floated above all their heads cackling loudly in overjoyed amusement.

The first years stood stunned, as if unable to believe what they were seeing. Lily couldn't blame them. _She_ could hardly believe what she was seeing! "What did you do?"

"I don't think you want to know!" Peter replied, breathing heavily as he leaned against one of the stone walls. But then he answered her question anyway. "They wanted their own troops!"

Remus couldn't help it. He chuckled, crossing his arms. And then he called out to James and Sirius. "Nice plan, mates! But I don't think enchanting the suits of armor at this particular castle to do your particular bidding is a smart one."

Sirius threw up his arms in mock disbelief. "_Now _he tells us!" Overhead, Peeves cackled even louder. He was normally able to offer them at least a jibe or a taunt or some such thing to make them all feel even dumber than they looked. But this time, he could barely so much as even breathe, let alone speak, through all his laughter! Taunting was entirely out of the question. But _that_ only made it seem worse.

"Forget it," Lily suggested, looking over at Remus and Peter. "Let's just leave them to their own mess. Some teacher'll be by to investigate before too long anyway, what with all this racket. I only wish we had a camera." Remus' grin widened wickedly, but Peter and the first years all continued to look clearly petrified.

"What did you say, Evans?" James shouted from the middle of the room. He tried to rush at her, but one of the knights swung his sword around and effectively blocked the boy's escape route. He was stuck. It was the funniest thing Lily had seen in over a year. She covered her mouth with both of her hands, trying to stifle her laughter.

"Come on, Remus!" Sirius shouted over all the clamor. It was difficult to hear over Peeves' laughter and the stomping of the knights' metal boots. "Do something!"

"What do you want me to do?" Remus called back, holding up his arms. "I don't even know how you got them like this! How am _I_ supposed to undo it?"

"Where are _your_ wands?" Lily asked loudly, so they could hear. "Why can't _you_ undo it?"

Both boys immediately pointed up at Peeves. Everyone – Lily, Remus, Peter, and all the first years – followed their pointing fingers with their eyes and saw that the poltergeist had two wands tucked neatly into his belt. No wonder he thought the situation was so hilarious.

Remus laughed again. "Nice. Good job, Peeves!" The poltergeist looked over at the boy and winked.

The two boys trapped in the middle of all that chaos were starting to grow frantic. They were both bouncing up and down on the balls of their feet, objecting as loudly and desperately as they could. "Come on! You aren't just going to leave us here! Give us a break! Please!"

Remus glanced over at Lily and she nodded. A moment later, the two of them both had their wands up in the air and pointed directly at Peeves. _"Expelliarmus!"_ The poor poltergeist had no idea what had hit him. Lily didn't know about Remus, but she had only ever seen the Disarming Charm used once – by Professor McGonagall no less. She had never actually used it herself before, and most certainly not on a poltergeist!

Nevertheless, there was a bright flash of red light, and the next thing Lily knew, Peeves was spinning wildly through the air, backwards, straight towards a stone wall. He wasn't laughing any longer. Not only had Lily's charm been perfect, but it had been reinforced by Remus. No. He most definitely wasn't laughing. He was shouting in loud dismay.

Now, he hadn't actually been gripping either one of the two wands he had stolen poised for attack, so he technically hadn't been armed. But it seemed reasonable to Lily that a creature such as Peeves was _always_ armed and ready for something. She had read somewhere that a great deal of magic came from the wielder's intentions. And so it did. Not only did Peeves drop James' and Sirius' wands, but he also dropped an assortment of other various odds and ends – most of which James and Sirius made grabs for as soon as they had grabbed hold of their wands again. Peeves himself had literally flown right through the wall – it was as if he hadn't been there whatsoever. And he wasn't exactly quick to come rushing back, either.

The first years were all terribly impressed, and they stared at Lily and Remus as if the two of them were all powerful gods. "Wicked!" Peter noticed this and frowned, but neither the boy nor the girl in question did, because they were still too distracted by the suits of armor.

"How are we going to-?" Remus asked uncertainly, looking over at Lily as if hoping she had all the answers. Fortunately, at that moment she might of.

"Let me try something," she suggested, taking a deep breath as she held up her wand again. She was about to try casting yet another spell that she had never before attempted in her entire life. Well, she thought, there's a first time for everything. _"Finite Incantatem!"_

The change happened immediately. The suits of armor stopped short and glanced around as if in uncertainty. For a bunch of armored knights wearing visors down over their absent faces, they honestly looked as if they were confused. Then, they sheathed their swords, turned around, and faster than Lily would ever have anticipated, they filed out of the corridor, no doubt heading back to wherever it was they had come from.

Now, _everyone_ stared at Lily as if she were a god. Including James, Sirius, and Remus. "How'd you do that?"

Lily shook her head, staring down at her wand in amazement. "I don't know. I read about it somewhere."

Sirius smirked, punching James playfully on his shoulder. "Told you all that reading she does would pay off someday!" He nodded.

"Going to keep those are you, mate?" Remus asked James, staring down at all the souvenirs the boy had picked up from Peeves and was now holding preciously in his arms. He grinned.

"I'm willing to compromise," he informed his companions. "If those knights don't want to work for me, that's fine. I still got my spoils of war, didn't I?"

"Technically, those 'spoils' are mine and Remus'," Lily reminded him, crossing her arms disapprovingly. "Don't you think we earned them?"

James's face flushed, but to Lily's surprise, he actually nodded and sheepishly handed them out to her. "Take all you want."

She stared down at them in distaste. James was supposed to be the king of all jokers. Couldn't he tell when she wasn't being serious? Then again, had he ever even _seen_ her when she wasn't being serious? She shook her head. "No thanks."

Remus eagerly stepped forward. "I'll take them!" Everyone stared at him in amazement, causing his face to flush. "Come on. Don't you think I know a good opportunity when I see one? Give them up, James!"

James shook his head with an incredulous smile drawn over his face. "All right, mate. If you want them, they're yours." He handed the boy all that he had collected from the poltergeist. "Poor Peeves. Must have taken him a long time to collect all this stuff. And then it's all gone in the time it takes you to say a single spell."

Remus turned expectantly towards Sirius, but _he_ just held his "spoils" closer to his chest. "Nope. No way. Sorry. Snooze, you loose. These toys belonged to Peeves! There's no way I'd give them up for the world, Remus! They're mine now, and you aren't about to guilt me into handing them over like you did James." He regarded his best friend with a smirk. "You're too easy."

James batted him over the head and a moment later, the two of them were off running down one of the many corridors, pausing only long enough to call for Peter to come run with them.

"Peter, wait!" Lily quickly stepped in front of him before he could oblige his two friends. He stared at her in surprised uncertainty as she faced up to him. "Remember what I told you last year?" He didn't answer her. He just looked terribly uncomfortable.

Remus turned towards the first years, looking just as uncomfortable himself. He walked over to them, greeted them, and started showing off his new "toys." They were all very impressed.

Lily, however, gave her attention entirely to Peter. "You've come a long way since then! You don't have to do everything James and Sirius do! You don't have to stand in their shadows! I know you can be better than that. You can live your _own_ life."

"I'm just twelve!" Peter said roughly, shoving past her and racing after James and Sirius as fast as his pudgy, tired legs would let him. Lily turned and looked after him gravely, wishing that he would just listen to her!

"It's okay," Remus said quietly. He was standing beside her again, though with an awful lot of now excited first years clustering around him. Lily glanced at them first, for a second, finding that she recognized most of them. They were, in fact, Gryffindors. Which meant that she would now probably _never_ hear the end of this. She sighed and looked back at Remus. He offered her a smile. "He knows you mean well. One day, he'll be grateful for you. Promise."

Lily shrugged. "Maybe." She glanced down at all the different odds and ends that now lay in his arms. "Just a question. What are you going to do with all that stuff between now and Potions?"

When they had literally ran into Peter ten minutes ago, they had been on the way to their next class. It would be starting _real_ soon now, and Lily seriously doubted they had much time to spare getting down to the dungeons. Remus seemed to agree. His face drained of all color, and he looked around in a near panic.

"I'll be right back!" he declared, before bolting down one of the corridors. Lily had no idea where he thought he was going and laughed as she turned her attention towards the first years.

"And what class are you all trying to get to?"

They stared at her as if she were not just a god, but the answer to all their prayers. "Transfiguration."

Lily smiled and let out a deep, contented breath. "I'll get you there. And don't worry. Professor McGonagall can be strict, but she's also the Head of our House and she's fair. I think you'll really like her class. Most of the first years last year seemed to, anyway."

With that said, they were off. The first years all quickly started talking a mile a minute, and Lily found herself listening to them not only in interest, but also with pleasure. She had forgotten how good it felt to smile. How good it felt to be happy.

**ooooooo**

**A/N:** You've just witnessed another turning point in Lily's life. Things are going to start getting better for her now, for awhile at least. Growing up is always going to have its rough patches, so if any of you really, really, really liked reading about a miserable Lily, don't worry. She's still going to find that it's not easy being a witch. In any case, I'm really going to work hard to make sure that she remains unique from all the other Lily's out there in other stories. I hope you all continue to review and let me know if I'm doing a good job. Thanks!


	19. Suppressed Emotions

**ooooooo**

Lily's popularity skyrocketed. Whether she liked magic or not, she couldn't resist being drawn into the center of all Gryffindor attention. The first years who had seen the entire incident with the suits of armor were quick to tell their friends all that had happened, and as if by some chain reaction, by dinner, the entire house had heard the story. James, Sirius, Peter, and especially Remus were quick to corroborate it, and Lily herself did not lie when asked if she had first helped take out Peeves and then single-handedly battle an army of enchanted knights. People were amazed!

The story gained even _more_ credibility when, halfway through dinner, an angry Peeves swept furiously into the Great Hall. "THIEVES!" He hovered in the air before the Gryffindor second years. "THIEVES AND TROUBLEMAKERS!" He grabbed some grapes and then started throwing them at Sirius and Remus. Hard.

"Good heavens," Dumbledore stood up, staring at the unfolding scene in amusement. The other teachers were all on their feet as well, but none of _them_ looked to be at all amused. "What seems to be the trouble, Peeves?"

Lily could feel every eye in the Great Hall staring in her direction. Originally, she hadn't seen a problem with sitting next to James, Sirius, and Peter for once, but now she had to correct herself. When was there ever _not_ a problem concerning those three boys at a meal?

Peeves pulled himself up higher into the air, closer to the ceiling, so that everyone could see him clearly. And then he pointed down at the Gryffindors, sticking his tongue out loudly as he did so.

"Peeves!" Professor McGonagall snapped threateningly. The poltergeist bristled. And then he started circling over James and Sirius shouting so raucously that he was barely understandable.

_"THEY WERE PERFORMING MAGIC IN THE HALLS! THEY ENCHANTED THE SUITS OF ARMOR! THEY NEARLY GOT THEMSELVES KILLED! AND THEN THEY ATTACKED ME! THEY STOLE MY VALUABLES! THEY OUGHT TO BE PUNISHED!"_

Argus Filch, the caretaker who had always seemed to be fighting his own personal war against the poltergeist, actually barked with laughter. "Good! If you ask me, those coats have never been cleaner! Besides, your so-called _valuables_ are better off with 'em than with you!" Peeves shrieked furiously.

Lily glanced across the table at James and Sirius. The two of them were paying rapt attention, but at the same time, they both had looks of wonder expressed all over their faces. Was Filch actually taking the side of a _student_? It was unheard of! They'd made history!

But then the new Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor, Dina Marlow, had to go and try ruining it for them. "Certainly you can't believe that anything a student might get his hands on from a _poltergeist_ is better off with said student? This is serious. They must be dealt with. Immediately." She turned towards Professor McGonagall, expecting _her_ to lay out the punishment.

"Should we not first hear the students' side of the story?" McGonagall demanded, folding her arms characteristically. She and Marlow then both glared at each other in mutual disdain, which brought a smile to Lily's lips. Would there ever be a Defense teacher that McGonagall actually approved of? "I don't know about you, but _I_ certainly don't believe everything that comes out of a poltergeist's mouth." Professor Marlow scoffed.

"Which of the Gryffindors are you accusing, Peeves?" Dumbledore interrupted, looking at all the students sitting at that particular table with those twinkling eyes of his. He seemed to find it hilarious that they were all gathered in the Great Hall like that, trying to hold a reasonable conversation with a poltergeist that never saw reason.

"The second years," Peeves barked, mimicking Professor McGonagall by floating directly to her side and holding himself in the exact same manner as she – right down to her perfect posture and crossed arms. "All of them."

"Surely not Mr. Lupin or Miss Evans!" Several of the teachers found that to be a bit of a shock. Most hardly seemed to believe it. Only Professor Marlow looked ready to side with the poltergeist.

"Of _course_ Mr. Lupin and Miss Evans!" Peeves shot back, mimicking the tones of all their voices. "They're the ones that hit me with the Disarming Charm that allowed Potter and Black to steal _my_ valuables in the first place!"

Lily jumped to her feet. She wasn't about to wait around for any of the adults to respond to this accusation. She intended on responding to it first. "Well it would have _had_ to be us, wouldn't it? James and Sirius certainly couldn't disarm you! Not without the wands that _you_ stole from them first!" Peeves laughed loudly, as if what she had just said had been the funniest thing in the world. But when he realized that no one else was laughing, he shrieked and tore towards the ceiling. The enchanted sky turned dark with stormy clouds as Peeves disappeared from sight.

Dumbledore clapped his hands once and then rubbed them together. "Well. I guess that settles things."

"You… guess… that…?" Professor Marlow looked confused. "But sir!" She raised a hand towards the second year Gryffindors. "Surely they cannot be allowed to keep such hazardous loot! Who knows what sort of dangerous garbage that poltergeist was in possession of?"

"Do not fear so, Professor Marlow," McGonagall interrupted, raising her chin up slightly. "I will personally sweep the Gryffindor Tower. When I find Peeves' stolen belongings – if he has had any stolen at all – I will see them confiscated and points deducted."

"Man," Sirius leaned into the table, resting his chin against his hands. "There goes that awesome weekend I had all planned out. Hate teachers."

"Don't worry," Remus whispered, leaning towards Sirius so that only he, Lily, and James could hear. "I didn't put my share in the tower. There's another room up on that floor called the Room of Requirement. I'll tell you all about it later."

Lily groaned. "Don't bother. I'm not sure I want to know." The last thing she needed right now was to risk getting into anymore trouble. James and Sirius, however, didn't share her sentiments, and that evening they eagerly awaited Remus so that they, along with Peter in tow, could set off and put to very good use all of Peeves' so-called "valuables."

Lily herself spent the entirety of her evening too distracted by the dawning realization that, if she took the chance presented to her now, she could very easily gain something of a social standing. She could have a place inside Gryffindor. She could have _so_ much more than what she did already. All the first years had practically begun exalting her as it was, and their devotion only increased when Emily Matheson filled them in on how Lily was the only female second year. Last year, they learned, she had gone through everything that they were going through right now, only she had gone through it entirely on her own. They were all awe-inspired by such a revelation.

All of Lily's roommates heard the story as well, and witnessed the scenes caused by Emily and the first years in the common room. At first, however, they had found it hard to believe. Only when they recalled the incident in the Great Hall were they somewhat convinced that it might be true. After all, this was Lily Evans they were talking about! Lily – who was antisocial. Lily – who hated magic. They couldn't imagine her behaving any differently, and to be perfectly honest, Pippa and Isabelle didn't particularly want to. Because if they did, they would have to reevaluate her. Change their opinions of her. They had grown comfortable with the arrangement that had been unconsciously made between them in their dormitory. They didn't want that comfort being compromised.

In time, however, the other girls, especially Mary and Alice, came to find Lily as a nice, agreeable, incredibly pleasant girl that they wouldn't mind finally getting to know better. And in return, they found that Lily was herself becoming a lot more open, receptive, and engaging than they would have ever thought possible. She was blossoming before their very eyes. Slowly, perhaps. Slowly and self-consciously. But most assuredly.

Lily herself could not believe or understand the change that was coming over her. Had it happened simply because she was on better terms with James Potter and Sirius Black? Somewhere she had heard that friends rub off on each other. That friends define each other. And that friends bring out the best in each other. Was Lily's personality starting to bloom because she was feeling more self-assured and confident now that she wasn't afraid of or resentful towards the witches and wizards surrounding her? Such as James and Sirius? She certainly didn't know. But it wasn't just her. Remus was changing, too. They were all changing. Maybe it was just because they were all growing.

How much could you grow in a year? Lily felt no older than the first years and she felt no younger than the third years. She couldn't perceive any physical difference in her body. Her hair was longer, but she felt just as small as ever. In her mind, she honestly did not know what had happened to that little girl who had always been crying. She hadn't outgrown tears. Not at all. She had just become too fed up with them.

And as for magic… She could not imagine ever getting past her fear of it. She could not imagine ever accepting it or ever wanting it. What she did still want was to merely live a normal life. She wanted that more than anything else in the world. But Dumbledore _had_ said that it would take some time for her to learn how to properly suppress her magic. Maybe… it would help if she learned to suppress her fear of it. Was it right that a twelve year old girl be miserable every day of her life? Was it fair?

Such thoughts were what past through her mind with greater and greater frequency as the weeks began to go by. Once she had been torn between her fear of magic and her obligation towards her parents. Now she was torn between finding some semblance of happiness and her obligation to fear magic. She truly loathed obligations, for she found that no matter what she did, she couldn't escape them. No matter how much she wanted to.

But her friends… They began to remind her of the way she had lived before learning that she was a witch. Once she had been full of vivacity. Once she had been a bright and lively little girl. She had felt the need to make others laugh. To make them feel as though her presence alone could make them happier than they were before. She had been that way once. No one would have guessed it if they had met her only after her discovery of magic. But it was so. And those qualities… they were beginning to return to her, more and more, with every passing day. Her heart had not felt lighter in over a year.

**ooooooo**

November came, bringing with it the cold and frigid weather that marked the start of the new Quidditch season. It was the most anticipated part of the term, and there was absolutely nothing else that Lily could possibly look forward to more. There was nothing else that could even compare! She had not forgotten how much Quidditch had done for her the year before, despite how much she had so terribly _loathed_ magic and everything to do with it. She could only imagine how much better it would be now. Now, when she could finally, honestly say that she was perfectly content with her lot in life.

The only problem was that now she was a bit more popular than she had been the year before. Now there were a few more Gryffindors eager to share with her the complete Quidditch experience. Meaning… they wanted to get her onto a broomstick. They couldn't _imagine_ a second year not knowing how to fly! Especially the pure blood first years who had been on broomsticks for their entire lives! It seemed to them almost scandalous that there should be an older witch who couldn't get into the air. And so, whenever they could, they tried to convince her to let them give her instructions. What they didn't seem to realize was that, as much as Lily loved _watching_ Quidditch, she feared flying with a passion that was so much _greater_ than her fear of magic. She could not suppress it.

And so, on the day of tryouts, when everyone else was down at the stadium cheering on their friends or cracking jokes about their rivals, Lily concealed herself in one of the castle's many courtyards. She loved being out in those gardens. Flowers never asked people to recklessly straddle flimsy broomsticks and fly up a hundred feet into the air where Bludgers were trying to kill everyone in sight. It was just as bad as being asked to play the pawn in a game of wizard's chess! Lily wouldn't do it and that was that.

She was lying facedown on a stone bench, reading from her history book while daydreaming about Quidditch players finding themselves up against wild phoenixes, when the last person she would have ever expected to find away from the stadium on that particular day stepped out into the courtyard. She sat up quickly. "James?"

"Hey, Lily," he said, looking uncharacteristically flustered. He was staring at his feet and rubbing the back of his head, as if he would rather be anywhere else in the world. "Can I… can I join you?"

"Why?" she asked suspiciously. He met her gaze then, and she realized that she must have sounded rude more than anything else. She felt her own face flush. "I mean… why aren't you down at the stadium? Aren't you trying out today?"

"I…" James glanced longingly over his shoulder towards the Quidditch field. "I actually needed to talk to you." He looked back at her uneasily. "Lately, you've never been… you know… alone… and I've needed to ask you something… alone."

"And you're skipping Quidditch tryouts to do that?" Lily asked skeptically. It just didn't sound like him. What could possibly be so important that he had to ask her without anyone else knowing about it? And that he would actually skip Quidditch tryouts to do it?

"It's for a friend!" he said quickly, his face flushing again. "Look, I'm not used to this! Besides, I already told William Brown that I'm not playing this year. My dad's saving up our money so he can buy me a really good broom for next year, but he'll only do that if I concentrate really hard on my grades this year!"

Lily grinned. "Oh, really? Then you better start staying out of trouble, Potter!" James didn't smile back. He honestly didn't seem to be in the mood for making fun. Lily's grin faded. What was going on?

"Lily…" James began almost cautiously. "If you knew something about someone… something _really_ important… that that someone didn't want you or anyone else to know… and if you've known it for a really, really long time… like say for a couple of weeks… and you've been trying as hard as you can to get that person to admit to it, at least to you, not to anyone else… but he's too stubborn to… or too afraid to… and you're getting really, really, really frustrated with him… and you can't bear to keep it a secret from him that you know his secret any longer… what would you do?"

Lily blinked. She wasn't sure that she had followed a word of that. "I'm sorry?"

James groaned and fell awkwardly onto the bench beside her. "I've got a friend who's got a bit of a problem and he won't let me or anyone else help him with it. He's trying to pretend it doesn't exist or something. It's a big secret I guess. I figured it out a few weeks ago, and I've been trying to drop hints that he can confide in me, but he isn't picking them up!"

"Beating around the bush doesn't sound like you, James," Lily observed, wondering who on earth he could be talking about. "It's not Sirius, is it?"

"Oh, it's very serious. I mean, most people wouldn't-"

"Sirius Black, James," Lily cut exasperatedly in, while rolling her eyes. "I'm asking you if it's him. Your friend."

"Oh," James looked like he wanted to drop dead right there and then. He closed his eyes, resting his forehead in his hands. "Right. Of course. Sirius." He looked back up at her and shook his head. "No. It's not him. If it were, I'd probably just choke it out of him."

"That sounds more like you," Lily noted. "Who is it then?"

For a moment, James stared at her as if he actually intended on spilling his guts. But something was stopping him. In all her life, she had never seen him look more lost. It was truly pitiable. But then he shook his head. "I can't tell you that until I figure out how to get him to tell me. It's only fair."

Lily supposed she had no right to argue with that. So she sighed. And then she thought for a moment. "Is he in danger?"

"I don't… know." James looked down. True, he had never looked more lost. But even truer than that, he had never sounded more honest. "I… wish I could say for sure."

Lily stared at him for a very long moment. And then she smiled softly. "Just be as honest with him as you have been with me, James. Let him know that you're there for him. It… it really helps people to know they're not alone. Believe me. I know that better than anyone."

He caught her gaze understandingly, and then looked down again. "I figured. That's why I had to ask you. You're better at this kind of thing than anyone else I could think of."

Lily frowned. _What?_

He must have heard exactly what she was thinking, for he quickly went on. "People say it a lot, Lily, but I don't know if you've ever really heard. You're really… nice. Nicer than most people." He stumbled awkwardly over his words. Words that reminded Lily of another man's words. Albus Dumbledore's words.

_"And then Miss Evans demonstrated a kind of power that is indeed very rare. A kind of power that is most assuredly the greatest I have ever seen in all my life. It stems from that feeling of absolute, unconditional, unquestionable love… She must not leave Hogwarts… Voldemort is the darkest wizard to have lived in over a century. However, there is one kind of power… a power that, by his own admission, he has never seen before. And that power was demonstrated tonight by Miss Evans…"_

She took a deep breath, trying not to shiver. Why did James have to go and remind her of that?

"What I guess I want to say is… thanks," he stood up, facing her as he did so. His mouth opened again, and Lily suspected that there was more he wanted to say. But he didn't say it. Instead, he scratched the back of his head again – rather awkwardly – and turned away. "I'll see you later! Bye Evans!" He hurried off. One day, he might very well become good with the ladies. But at that moment, he was still just a clumsy twelve year old who had a lot of learning yet to do.

Lily herself, however, was not thinking of such things. She was too busy staring after James, wondering in fascination how suddenly people could surprise you. Could frighten you. Could make you see things in an entirely different light. And just by catching you off guard with a single sentence that you would never have expected to hear out of them.

It was because everybody kept secrets. Whoever James's friend was, apparently _he_ was keeping a rather big one. Kind of like she was. And she hadn't even _remembered_ that until James had surprised her with one of his own.

She still hadn't told anyone that her fear of magic was far from gone. She hadn't thought about it in awhile, but now she couldn't help it. Was it really so obvious that she had a… a… a gift? If she were to come face to face with the Dark Lord, would he recognize it in her? And if he did… what would he do to her? That was what scared her the most. Albus Dumbledore had said that if He Who Must Not Be Named were to ever realize it existed in her, he might want to see it for himself. How… _how_ would he go about doing that?

_You're being stupid,_ she told herself harshly. She couldn't go around panicking every time someone told her she was kind! That went _way_ beyond obsessive paranoia.

But still it frightened her. And it frightened her that she had had such fear buried up inside her. It frightened her how easily such suppressed fear had been able to leak out. Maybe there _was_ a danger to suppressing things. Maybe the Headmaster was right. Maybe she _did_ need years and years of magical training before she could do it properly. _This_ was the last thing she needed.

It is in the soul that magic resides. She had heard that from Professor McGonagall. If she did suppress her magic, would she also be suppressing a part of herself? What if it was the part of her that was capable of loving so? Could she bear to give that up too?

_I don't know what I want anymore!_ Lily took several deep breaths. She wouldn't cry. She _wouldn't!_ She was stronger than that now… But she was afraid.

_"__I've got a friend who's got a bit of a problem and he won't let me or anyone else help him with it. He's trying to pretend it doesn't exist or something."_ That was what James had told her. She scoffed. Maybe it was _her_ that he was actually talking about!

Whoever it was, she hoped that James could get him to be more honest with himself than she had been with herself these past nine weeks. She hoped that everything turned out okay for him.

No. She hoped that everything turned out okay for everyone. Everyone!

Right. As if there weren't enough pressures piling up onto her back as it was already. Now she just needed to add the rest of the world and make it whole.

**ooooooo**

**A/N:** Please review! I'm dying for reviews! Thanks so much!


	20. A Much Better Name

**ooooooo**

The stars were brilliant that night. There were so many of them, glittering majestically across the dark quilt that was, in fact, the sky. That sky… not only was it so extraordinarily vast, but it was also so far away… so far away that the same stars could be seen from any one point on that island. From any one point on that continent! It was a comfort to Lily to think that if she stared at any one star – it didn't matter which – for enough time, then maybe at that very same moment Carla would look up at it too, and they would be connected. It would bring them closer.

But it also brought her closer to the Dark Lord, who might also look up at any moment and catch sight of the same star she gazed at. And that particular thought tore away all the feelings of comfort she had ever had before. The sky… which sometimes offered such security… would at other times enclose around her and the greatest evil of all. Ever since James had left her that afternoon, she couldn't stop thinking about it, no matter how hard she tried.

It was well after curfew. She _should_ have been up in her dorm room with the rest of the Gryffindors. But she couldn't bring herself to leave that enchanting courtyard. Instead, she rested on her back on that stone bench, staring up at the sky while contemplating its size and purpose. It was fascinating… being a stargazer… She knew that centaurs could read the heavens to interpret future events, but she greatly doubted that _she_ ever could. Especially now, when she was just a twelve year old. She didn't know how to or what to look for. Besides, she wasn't interested in reading the future. She just wanted… she just wondered… if her parents could see her from the stars. If they were watching her. If they were… if they were proud of her.

Someone suddenly came running into the courtyard. It was such a surprise to Lily that her heart jumped into her throat and then stayed there, without beating. Her entire body went rigid and she wouldn't have moved if her life depended on it. She would be caught! She would be given multiple detentions! It didn't matter to her that whoever had entered the courtyard with her was obviously just another student. In situations like these, you never knew who you could trust to gossip.

She wouldn't have been able to see through the darkness anyway, but as she was lying on a stone bench and wouldn't dare to move, not even to turn her head, it was quite impossible for her to identify which student was intruding on her. All she could tell was that, through his ragged breathing, he was a boy and that he had been running. Now he was trying to catch his breath even as he continued stumbling his way towards Lily. She couldn't tell whether or not he knew she was there, but she figured he didn't as he seemed to be greatly worn out.

Suddenly there were two _more_ students spilling into the courtyard. Lily couldn't see them either, so she didn't know exactly how she had known the number, but she could definitely hear them running after the first. Very, very quietly – as subtly as she could – she rolled away from them and off the bench. She then crawled underneath it, praying that whoever they were, they wouldn't hear her. In the end, they didn't, for they began to speak freely, without hinting that they were at all aware of eavesdroppers.

"Remus!"

Lily's attention perked right up. That had been James! No doubt the other was Sirius then, which meant that they were chasing… Remus? What was going on? She caught her breath.

"Remus! Remus, just listen to us!" James sounded almost desperate. But he was also trying to be quiet so that he might not draw any of the staff's attention, which brought out more impatience in his voice than anything else.

"No!" Remus sounded like _he_ was in a full-blown panic. He found it a lot more difficult to keep his voice down than James had.

"Come _on_, mate," Sirius was even more impatient than James – which wasn't too big of a surprise, Lily supposed. "You can't outrun us." A fourth figure came trudging into the courtyard, _his_ breath heavier than the rest of theirs put together. "Look! You can't even outdo Peter!"

"What's… _that_… supposed… to mean?" the newcomer asked, trying to sound offended between the large gulps of breath he now took. Sirius just chuckled and apologized.

"You think this is funny?" Remus demanded, having stopped completely.

"Just a smidge," Sirius shot back, his impatience turning smoothly into frustration. "Honestly, Remus! You don't have to run from us! We just want to talk about it with you! Is that too much to ask?"

"I don't _want_ to talk about it!"

"No kidding," James observed dryly. "Why else would you force us to chase you from the tower all the way down here? You're very lucky we're trying so hard not to crowd you, Remus, or else we'd have tackled you to the ground by now!"

"James!" Remus sounded completely desolate, as if someone had just told him that _his_ parents had died. It was a struggle for Lily not to crawl out from underneath that bench and rush to his aid, but something told her that if one more person came running wildly in his direction, he just might lose it. "Please! Please just leave me alone!"

As carefully as she could, Lily pulled her wand free from her skirt's pocket. She aimed it at James. When she spoke, her voice was a whisper so soft that it would have been impossible for anyone more than a foot away from her to hear. _"Petrificus Totalus!" _James immediately went rigid, his arms and legs instantly snapping to his sides. A moment later, he had fallen over onto his back.

"Bloody Hell!" Sirius jumped away from him in surprise. Peter cowered, stumbling backwards in alarm while Remus stood stock still, unable to believe his luck. "What happened?"

"We're in trouble," Peter groaned. "Oh, we're going to get into so much trouble!"

"Quiet, Peter!" Sirius ordered, pulling out his own wand as he turned around in a complete circle, keeping an eye out for any sign of James's attacker. "Who's there? Don't think you can hide from me!"

Lily rolled her eyes and said the spell again, this time aiming her wand at Sirius. Direct hit! In a matter of seconds, the boy had landed as stiff as a board right next to his frozen friend. Peter squeaked, but Lily gave him no time whatsoever to react in any other way. She preformed the spell one last time, and tried not to laugh as he joined the other two down on the courtyard ground. How many people could say that they had taken out James Potter and his two best friends with such incredible ease? Now she had no qualms whatsoever about crawling out from beneath the stone bench.

She stood up and turned towards Remus, who stared back at her in amazement that was obvious even in the impenetrable darkness.

"Lily…?" His voice sounded so close to breaking that all her reserves came pouring back into her. Maybe this _hadn't _been such a good idea…

She remained where she stood motionlessly, allowing the stone bench to separate them. If James, Sirius, and Peter really _had_ been chasing Remus all around the castle and its grounds, than the last thing he needed was for her to try walking any closer to him. She knew he'd run away from her as well. "Look, Remus, I swear I have no idea what's going on with you guys. But they're acting like jerks again. Let me help you…?"

Remus hesitated for a moment, and then looked back down at James, Sirius, and Peter. Getting away from _them_ was all that mattered. He figured he could use all the help he could get – especially Lily's. After all, he trusted _her_ far more than he trusted himself! Therefore he nodded, as he couldn't refuse her, and she wasted no time. She went to him and took his hand in hers, guiding him deeper into the courtyard, and then into the garden where they caught sight of a rather familiar trail. A trail that they had both taken together before. A trail that no one else seemed to know about.

They started to run. Remus, who had been running for at least the past quarter of an hour, amazed Lily, for she had no idea how he managed to keep from collapsing. But they didn't stop, and they remained close to the castle's wall, eventually reaching the clearing that was directly below the Headmaster's office. Only there did they pause to catch their breaths. Only there did Remus allow himself to sink to the ground, where he then struggled to get back in control of himself. Lily remained on her feet, turning back around so that she might keep a look out for anyone who had dared to follow. As far as she could tell, however, they were alone. She sighed deeply, and looked back around towards Remus. "Are you okay?"

He looked up at her, and even in the dark she could tell that he most definitely was not. "I'll live, I'm sure."

She sat down next to him and leaned her back against the castle wall. Not that she had any idea of what was going on, but she couldn't believe James's impudence. "I don't know who he thinks he is, Remus! Just when you think you can actually start liking the guy, he does something incredibly idiotic that reminds you exactly why he's always been so intolerably intolerable!"

Remus rested his face silently in his hands, leaving Lily with the unmistakable impression that he just couldn't bear to talk to anyone at that moment. Not even to her. She gazed at him gently for awhile, wondering what had happened, and then she settled back down and once again looked to the stars. Remus didn't need an interrogation right now. He'd rather be by himself. But Lily didn't want him to be alone when he could so desperately use a friend. So, she resolved to be silent if that was what it took for her to be allowed to remain at his side for as long as he might need her.

**ooooooo**

It felt like hours had past. Lily herself had lost all track of time. Neither she nor Remus had said a word since they had sat down, nor had they moved at all. Remus' face was still buried in his hands, and though Lily sensed he was not crying, she wondered if he wasn't about to at any moment. Something had happened… something between him, James, Sirius, and Peter. She could only wonder what it was, but she dared not ask. She knew perfectly well that, if he had asked her to share with him her deepest fears, pains, and emotions, she'd hate him for it. And she didn't want to be a hypocrite.

Finally he looked up at her. "You don't think they're still lying there frozen, do you?"

She impulsively smiled just by the thought of it. "Yeah. I think they most definitely are." She caught his gaze, and her amusement must have been at least mildly infectious, for he smiled himself and looked down, shaking his head.

"I guess we can't just leave them like that, can we?" He sounded like he didn't want to be the one to get them back on their feet. Lily didn't particularly blame him. Those three boys liked their freedom – well, at least James and Sirius did. She couldn't imagine how furious they must be to have been rendered helpless like that and then left alone for so long. Poor Peter must be close to panicking!

"You can," she told him pleasantly. "I can't. I guess I can stick around long enough to revive them after you're somewhere they can't find you." She regarded him for a moment. "There has to be someplace in this castle that you can go to where they won't look."

Remus nodded. "Yeah. There is." He looked up at the moon. It was half full that night, and he shrank away from it. "It wouldn't be very Gryffindor of me, though."

"Gryffindor…?" Lily let out an exasperated groan. "Remus, you don't have to put on a brave front everyday of your life just because you were sorted into Gryffindor! It's okay to be afraid!"

"Not _this_ afraid!" Remus objected, beginning to sound frantic again. He turned towards the girl desperately. "I'm afraid of _myself_, Lily! You have to understand, there's this _thing_ crawling around inside me, and every single day of my life, I fear that it's going to kill me!"

Lily remembered how, the year before, she had been told, along with all the other Gryffindors, by Professor McGonagall, that Remus was sick with a kind of cancer. Of course, he _had_ to have been talking about that… right? It made sense, in a frightening way, that in the mind of a twelve year old boy, such a cancer would take the shape of a monster inside him. He had every reason to be afraid. And Lily knew she could relate.

She gazed at him solemnly. "I do understand. There's something inside of me that I can't seem to get rid of either, Remus. And I've been wanting to since I first found out about it last year."

He knew exactly what she was referring to, and he shook his head. "Lily. The magic inside you is more incredible than you know. It's beautiful. It's not trying to…" He couldn't go on with that sentence. He shook his head again and closed his eyes. He looked like he was in such pain…

She didn't want him to be in any pain at all! "It doesn't matter how beautiful or horrible it is, Remus! All that matters is the way it makes you feel! And I've been so frightened by it that I used to want nothing more than a chance to just scream and scream until I could drown in it all!"

He looked back up at her. "And give up everything you have just for the chance to be like everyone else?"

"I-" Lily hesitated. That question was one of the hardest anyone could have ever asked her to answer. She bit her lip and clenched her fists. "There's so much I've already lost, Remus. I don't know what I have left _to_ give up."

He nodded and looked away. "You're a lot braver than I am."

Those were words she never would have expected to hear. She reached for his hand. "Your father told you that you can't have courage without also having fear. Remember?" She caught his gaze, and he looked so miserable. "Well, _my_ father once said that real beauty can't be fully appreciated without certain flaws. I know it's hard to understand. I certainly didn't understand it at all when my father died. But Remus… whatever it is inside of you… you wouldn't be the same person without it. You wouldn't have been the boy who was _always_ there for me last year when I needed someone like you more than anything else in the world without it. And believe me, I wouldn't sacrifice _him_ for anything."

Remus considered her. He looked closer to tears now than ever before. "I don't-"

"You're a good person, Remus," she heard herself assuring him. "I wasn't alone last year because of you. And I just… I don't want you being alone either. I don't want you _ever_ being alone. You deserve better."

He stared at her solemnly. "Thank you."

For a long time, neither one of them spoke. They sat together in silent camaraderie once again. And once again, Lily felt closer to him than she ever had to Petunia. She wished he really was her brother.

Overhead, a beautiful song began to weave its way out into the night. Lily and Remus both instinctively glanced upward, but neither one of them could see the magnificent bird who was no doubt responsible for the heart lifting music. But it gave them warmth, as well as peace.

Lily sighed. "Phoenixes… They give courage to the good." She almost felt like laughing. "There's not a greater creature in the world!"

Remus stood up suddenly and offered her a hand. "Let's go." She stared at him for a moment in utter surprise. But then she smiled, nodded, and accepted his offer. He helped her to her feet, and then glanced back towards the courtyard from which they had fled. "I think I can talk to them now."

Lily nodded again. "I know you can."

**ooooooo**

Needless to say, James and Sirius were _not_ at all happy when they were finally able to move again. Lily and Remus stood watching rather nervously as the two of them got to their feet. Behind them, Peter also sat upright, but unlike his friends, he was too frightened to risk further angering the girl who had paralyzed him in the first place.

"Were you planning on leaving us like that all night, Evans?" James demanded furiously, walking towards her and Remus with fire in his eyes.

She held her hands behind her back and stared at him innocently. "Honestly, Potter, I thought the curse would wear off. I didn't think you'd still be lying here. Otherwise we would have come back a different way!"

"You're full of it, Evans," Sirius angrily informed her. "Attacking the way you did! That's foul! That's foul and it's low and it's not something an honorable opponent would do!"

"Honorable opponent?" Lily scoffed. "It's not like we were dueling, Black! Besides! You deserved it! You were acting like a git!"

"_You're_ a git!"

She touched her heart in mock offense. "You think _I'm_ low? Well I think you're terribly clever, Sirius Black!" She could tell that he was about to spit out a fast retort, but she held up her wand quickly, which silenced him in an instant. She glared at him for a moment, and then at James and Peter. "Oh, for heavens' sake!" She lowered her wand and took a step backwards, gesturing towards Remus. "I still don't know what's going on, but if you three still want to talk about whatever it is, now's your chance."

Nothing could have surprised James, Sirius, or Peter more. They stood there stunned for a long moment, not knowing whether or not they should believe her. Finally they turned towards Remus, all anger and resent completely forgotten, and sought in him a confirmation. He nodded.

James immediately swung back around towards Lily. He almost looked like he could kiss her. "I knew I could count on you!" He hopped towards Remus, swung an arm around his shoulder companionably, and led him towards the bench. The two of them sat down, with James obviously feeling pleased and Remus obviously feeling embarrassed. Sirius and Peter both eagerly sprang forward and sat around them.

The three boys all began talking at once, leaving Remus with the difficult task of distributing his attention among them. But it was good. And as Lily stood watching, it struck her that the four of them seemed to fit together. It was almost as if they seemed to… belong together. Naturally, James and Sirius were perfectly compatible, but with Peter always tagging along after them… it was like Remus was the missing piece that put them all together. The four second year Gryffindor boys.

No. Ever so slightly, Lily shook her head. They'd need a much better name than that. She turned towards the school and started making her way back out of the courtyard and its garden. Behind her all the talking stopped, and she could sense their eyes all falling in her direction.

"Hey, Evans!" James called after her. "Where are you going? You're a part of this too, now! Stay."

Lily paused and glanced over her shoulder at the lot of them. Remus was watching her carefully. She couldn't tell whether or not he wanted her to know what it was about him that James and his friends had figured out. And so she shook her head. "Sorry, Potter. But I'm _not_ a 'part of this.' And if any of you ever want to come back this," here, she glanced specifically at Remus, "then you'll have me to come back to." Remus nodded gratefully. He wasn't about to take her words for granted, no matter how loudly James and Sirius objected.

Lily smiled pleasantly and waved them all goodnight. She was finally getting to be a little bit tired, and now wanted her bed more than anything else.

**ooooooo**

**A/N:** Please review! I'd really appreciate it! Thanks!


	21. Fanny Campbell

**ooooooo**

The tides had changed yet again in Lily's life. For after that night, she and Remus found that they could only spend less and less time in _each others'_ company, because unless they found themselves too busy actually doing their homework, they were constantly being held in _other people's_ company. It was one of the minor drawbacks to being popular. As James had once pointed out, Lily was hardly ever alone anymore! There were now always first years striving for her attention, as well as some of the friendlier third years – like Alice – who made it difficult for Lily to refuse. And as much as she regretted spending less time with Remus, she found that she genuinely admired the other girls – like Alice – and was truly grateful for their friendship.

In fact, ever since the start of the term, Lily and Alice had themselves grown to become quite close. After the incident with Peeves and the suits of armor, which had marked the start of her rise to popularity, Lily had finally found it in herself to pick up the camera that had been her parents' last gift to her. She had taken many pictures with it in all that time – and the one person who appeared with her in more of the shots than anyone else was not Remus, as one might have expected, but Alice. The two had quickly grown to become as inseparable as Lily had once been with the boy – who was himself growing towards becoming inseparable from James, Sirius, and Peter.

It wasn't that much of a surprise to Lily – who had actually seen it coming since the night the five of them had spent in the courtyard. Remus was a part of James's clique now. And Lily found that she was gradually becoming a part of her own. They were finding their places. Sure, it had taken them over a year, but no one was really counting. Well… mostly no one. The point was that, despite the time it had taken, Lily was finally beginning to feel at home there. And for someone who had been feeling without a home for so long, that was one sensation she would not have traded. Homes… She knew better than anyone that they were to be cherished.

And so they moved from November into December. Students began counting down the days until the holidays – one thing that Lily was _not_ looking forward to – and the only ones who continued seeing her as the frightened little girl up to her neck in self-pity were two of her older roommates: Isabelle Campbell and Pippa. _They_ would not be bothered with her. Lily herself, who was turning slightly back into the little girl she had been before her discovery of magic – the little girl who loved having friends and couldn't bear being disliked – found this to be quite regrettable. But on the other hand, she would never completely be that little girl again – for too much had happened in the last year that remained too much a part of her – and so she had the strength to endure their indifference, no matter how much she wished it could be otherwise.

Meanwhile, as far as classes went… every single one of them had become altogether more enjoyable. Surprising as that sounded, it was probably because her classes were all reserved exclusively for second year students. She was not bothered by first years or third years or anyone else of the sort when she was sitting in any one of her lessons. She was given a chance to spend time with Remus – whom she hardly ever saw anymore – and she had learned not to take such chances for granted.

There was a notable improvement in her magic. As talented as she had been before, when she had hated everything to do with magic, she was even more so when she found that she was at peace with it. Her teachers were all amazed – and not only with her. For at the end of their first year, James Potter had made a loud declaration that, from that point on, _he_ would be the one receiving the highest marks in the school for second years. At the time, Sirius had been absolutely certain that he had only been joking. But he was quickly coming to realize that there _were_ actually times when James Potter could be serious.

Besides, James wanted his father to buy him that fancy broomstick for the following year. He _had_ to do well these two terms in order to hold up his end of their little bargain. And so he competed with Lily. The two of them studied and practiced harder than anyone else, quickly becoming the best known prodigies of their year. Many teachers began to favor them.

But that didn't stop James from having a little bit of fun while he was at it. He, Sirius, and Peter got into just as much trouble as ever, if not even more! _And_ they started getting Remus into trouble with them! Not that Remus seemed to mind. As the days went by, and then the weeks, he had never looked happier. Whatever the secret was about him that James, Sirius, and Peter had uncovered, it was obvious to Lily that sharing it had done him good. He looked healthier for it, and was no longer miserable by the thought that he had been found out. In his mind, getting into trouble was worth it.

In any case, the number of pranks that were pulled in that school increased significantly since Remus joined James's club. Hardly a day went by without something or other going wrong for faculty members, for Slytherins, or – most especially – for Peeves. The poor poltergeist found that he needed to start, not just _running_ for his money, but _sprinting_ as fast as a troublemaker like him possibly could to keep his reputation as Hogwarts' greatest nuisance. It wasn't easy for him. James, Sirius, and Remus were quickly proving to be prankster champions, and with Peter keeping lookout for them, while every once and awhile making use of his astonishing subtlety, they were hard to beat.

Eventually, they mastered the fine art of charming suits of armor – though never more than one at a time, for they dared not risk repeating their past mistakes. And not even Lily could deny that watching one such knight running after a bothersome Slytherin was particularly entertaining.

Whenever they were expected to take a quiz or write a paper in their history class, they would charm not only their bits of parchment, but everyone else's as well, to float above the desks – making writing quite impossible. Their professor loathed them for it – but was never once able to prove they were the culprits.

They also took a great pleasure in muggle pranks. Because they were all pure bloods, no one would have expected _that_ from them, but then again, James and Sirius _loved_ surprising people. Lily herself had no idea how they had learned about such stunts, but there _was_ something amusing about watching a Slytherin open the door to a classroom, only to have a blackboard eraser that had been lodged between the door and its frame fall down onto said Slytherin's head. Who said that muggles couldn't beat wizards anyway?

And so the Marauders' made their humble beginning. The Marauders. Lily had figured they would need a better name for their little group, and so, sure enough, they made one. She was fairly certain, however, that she was the only one, aside from them, of course, to actually have heard the name in use. And even then, they didn't know that she knew. For whatever reason, they were, for the time being at least, trying to keep it a secret. Lily had only heard the name once, and on accident at that. Funny the way things like that worked out.

And so the holidays drew closer than ever before. Lily dreaded them. She had already decided that she would be staying at Hogwarts for Christmas this year – and quite possibly for every year. She couldn't go back to London! Not in the winter!

Not in the winter… when a person couldn't look outside without catching sight of a road blanketed in snow and ice… with cars driving carefully to and from place after place… Party after party… She couldn't do it.

She was trying to explain why she couldn't do it to one of the first years without going too much into detail one night late in December, when Professor McGonagall walked into the common room. There was a grave look on her face, and it was clear to everyone that something was terribly, terribly wrong. All went silent, as every eye in that tower focused intently on the professor, while dread mounted up higher and higher in their stomachs. They didn't know what was going on, but McGonagall would not have that look on her face were it not for a reason. And Lily was quite certain that she didn't want to know what that reason was.

After a moment, McGonagall spoke in a voice that was quiet, but heavy with sorrow. "Isabelle," she turned her attention towards the third year girl. "Please come with me. Your parents are outside waiting to see you."

Lily looked over at the third year, who had been sitting on the floor with Pippa. Both girls' faces were stark white, and neither of them seemed capable of moving. Slowly Isabelle shook her head. "I don't want to…"

McGonagall took a deep breath and bowed her head. "Miss Campbell… You need to see your parents. They need to see you."

"Why?" Isabelle asked in a soft, quivering voice. Lily could see tears filling up in her eyes. She knew. She already knew what McGonagall was about to say. It was as if she could sense it.

"It's your sister," McGonagall told her, trying hard to keep her voice from shaking like Isabelle's. "She's been… terribly hurt."

Isabelle was immediately on her feet, rushing past McGonagall towards the portrait hole that led out of the tower. Pippa tried to follow her, but the professor caught her by her arm and held her back.

"Please, professor!" Pippa objected, trying to break loose. "I know Fanny! She's like my sister too!" The other students were all turning away. Lily noticed that. None of them could bear to watch. It felt like they were all being intrusive, sitting there watching their friend make such a scene. It wasn't right. Lily bit her lip, but she nevertheless did watch.

"Not now, Pippa," McGonagall told her gently, though holding her close. "There will be a time for you to be with Isabelle, but right now she should be alone with her family."

"It's not fair!" Pippa shrieked, tears pouring down her face. "Fanny never did anything wrong! She couldn't have been! It's not… it's not true!" She pushed away from McGonagall, stumbling backwards and shaking her head. "I don't believe you."

McGonagall looked like she was at a loss for words, and Lily didn't necessarily blame her. "Pippa…"

"NO!" the girl shouted. "YOU'RE WRONG!" She frantically spun around and raced up the stairs that led to the girls' dormitories. One third year boy jumped up and attempted to race after her, but the moment he reached the fifth step, the stairs melted into a long, smooth ramp that sent him sliding back down into the common room. An alarm went off, sounding loudly in their ears. Boys weren't allowed up in the girls' dorms, and it would have been quite funny under any other circumstances. But right now, no one was laughing. Not even James or Sirius.

Professor McGonagall held one distressed hand up to her mouth and then used her other to shut off the alarm with her wand. She looked to be so terribly sad, Lily thought to herself as she regarded the woman. A moment later, the woman was looking at her as well, and their gazes met. And as the teacher and her student stared at each other, a million thoughts seemed to pass silently between them. A kind of understanding past between them. And Lily suddenly knew what she felt she had to do.

Without a word, she took a deep breath and got to her feet. The first year and Alice, who had both been sitting next to her, watched in surprise as she started towards the stairs that were only now transfiguring themselves back into actual steps. Lily knelt down and wordlessly helped the dazed third year back onto his feet. And then she did successfully what he had tried to do. She followed Pippa upstairs.

The girl was lying on her bed, her face buried into her pillow. She didn't seem to realize that Lily was standing right there behind her, as if keeping vigil. Several long moments past. Lily had no idea what to say or what to do. She could feel her own heart _bleeding_ in sympathy. She understood, painfully well, what it meant to have someone you loved so much in a hospital. She only hoped that fate would be kinder on Isabelle and her sister than it had been on her.

After awhile, Lily moved forward and sat down on the bed next to Pippa. She couldn't think of what to say, and so she said nothing. Instead, she just sat there, taking Pippa's hand gently into both of hers.

And when she did so, something warm poured out of her. It poured out of her hand and into Pippa's, coursing tranquilly through the girl's very veins until it reached her heart. She sat up quickly and stared at Lily in astonishment. Lily herself wore a look of surprise on her face that Pippa couldn't have failed to miss. She let go immediately and stared down at her hands in wonder. _What was that?_

"Lily?" Pippa asked uncertainly.

"I don't know," she whispered back. She couldn't look away from her hands. They didn't look any different… Had she imagined it? "I didn't mean to…" Had she? Hadn't she meant to comfort the thirteen year old? What was…?

_"And then Miss Evans demonstrated a kind of power that is indeed very rare. A kind of power that is most assuredly the greatest I have ever seen in all my life…" _The Headmaster's words… Lily caught her breath. And then…

"I'm sorry."

Both girls had made the apology at the same exact moment. They glanced at each other again in surprise. And then they both looked away again in embarrassment.

"I'm sorry for treating you so poorly," Pippa whispered after another moment. "You don't deserve it."

"I'm sorry for your friend," Lily replied, just as quietly.

Pippa nodded, wiping away some of her tears. "Not too long ago, Headmaster Dumbledore created this… this force, I guess… called the Order of the Phoenix. Its members are fighting You Know Who and his Death Eaters. Fanny Campbell joined right after she graduated two years ago. If she was hurt, it was probably during a fight or something. Death Eaters aren't known for being particularly merciful."

The war. It was still raging out there somewhere. There would be no break from it. Not even for Christmas. Christmas… It was quickly starting to become Lily's least favorite time of the year. She looked down.

"If that _is_ what happened," Pippa went on, looking back at Lily. "Do you know what she would say if she were here right now?"

"No," Lily whispered, staring at the floor. It was the only part of the room that didn't seem to be spinning.

"She'd say… 'If you think I look bad, you should see the other guy.' She used to say that all the time, whenever she got into a fight with some other kid. She and Isabelle might be sisters, but they aren't anything alike." Pippa was trying desperately hard not to start crying again.

At that moment, Alice walked into the room. Mary, Charlotte, Morgan, Faith, and Harriet were all behind her. "But that's just like Fanny. She's a real fighter. She always pulls through, and she'll pull through this one, too."

"She better," Lily added, finally looking up again. "The way you're all describing her… She sounds like someone I want to meet." Pippa managed a weak smile and the next thing Lily knew, the girl had her arms thrown around her in an appreciative bear hug. It was the closest Lily had ever been to that particular roommate.

**ooooooo**

Amazingly enough, Lily found that she would _not _be staying at Hogwarts for the Christmas Holiday that year after all. In light of Fanny Campbell's recent injuries, Isabelle, who did not fancy spending her Christmas in a hospital, asked her parents if Pippa could not be there with them. Of course, her parents had both agreed that their daughter could bring all the support she might need to get through this ordeal.

In the end, each and every one of the girls rooming with Isabelle insisted that they go too. For though absolutely none of them wanted to be away from their families during Christmas, being there for Isabelle was more important to them. And Lily was no exception. It would be her second year in a row, now, going to a hospital for Christmas. That frightened her terribly – the last thing she wanted was to go and make a habit out of it! But in her heart… she knew it was the right thing to do. Fanny Campbell was only in that horrible place because she had been fighting an evil so terrible that few would even dare to look at it! She deserved all that Lily could give to her.

They arrived at St. Mungo's Hospital for Magical Maladies and Injuries on Christmas Eve. It was snowing outside, and Lily had never in her life been more grateful for magical transportation than she had been on that night. The hospital was in London. The last thing she needed would have been having to get inside of a car. No. They had all gone by way of a Portkey – or an object that normally looked to be no more significant than a piece of litter, but was in fact used to teleport witches and wizards to different parts of Britain.

The hospital itself was not at all what she had expected. It looked _nothing_ like the ordinary hospitals that she was used to – for which she was extremely relieved. If St. Mungo's had in any way resembled the hospital in which her father had died, she didn't know if she would have been able to bear it.

It was divided up into different categories – artifact accidents, creature-induced injuries, magical bugs, poisons, spell damage and so on – each of which took up its own floor. Since Fanny Campbell had been injured by a Death Eater's curse, she had been categorized under spell damage and was now recovering on the fourth floor. And so it was on the fourth floor that Lily and the other third years spent most of their time waiting.

They could do little else _but_ wait, as they were very rarely allowed into the actual ward where patients were recuperating. There was a visitors' tearoom right upstairs from where they were, which was convenient but hardly ever frequented. Lily and her friends would have rather been nearby in case Isabelle needed them – which, with her, could have been at any moment. She often came running out into the corridor where they all waited with tears pouring down her face. The hospital was, after all, extremely crowded and extremely busy. It did not have the luxury of offering its patients private rooms. The fact that a war was raging in the countryside did not help at all. Fanny Campbell was not the only one recovering from the Death Eaters, and her wounds were not nearly the worst. The ward in which she stayed was overflowing with other occupants who had injuries that were by far more terrible than anything a thirteen year old girl should ever have to be exposed to. In the corridor with her friends, Isabelle found some relief from all that, and so it was in the corridor that Lily and the others waited to be there for her, as dozens of other families waited to support dozens of other recuperating friends and relatives.

It was like something out of a bizarre, twisted nightmare. The corridor in which they stood was lined by enormous paintings up and down every wall of notable witches and wizards – most of whom had been famous Healers in their day. Naturally, they were all moving, talking, and gallivanting from portrait to portrait with surprising freedom that only served to further contribute to the chaotic disarray plaguing the corridor. Crystal bubbles floated in the air above all their heads, giving off light from the candles positioned inside them. There were strange smells, distant screams, and an awful lot of tears. It was a terrible thing indeed, Lily thought despondently, to be standing in a hospital in the middle of a war. _Especially_ during Christmas.

Presently, a female Healer dressed in thick lime-green robes walked out of the ward and into the corridor. Several families ceased talking and crying long enough to look up at her hopefully, but when they saw Isabelle standing slightly behind her, they turned back away again. Lily, Pippa, Alice, and the others, however, all rushed forward.

"What's happening, Isabelle?" Pippa asked nervously, taking her friend's hand. The poor girl looked so exhausted that she might have dropped dead at any moment.

"Fanny has regained consciousness," the Healer informed the cluster of girls before Isabelle could say anything at all. "She would like to meet one of her sister's friends."

Morgan blinked. "But she already knows all of us…"

"She wants to meet you, Lily," Isabelle cut in, looking directly at the second year. Lily met her gaze and saw that her eyes were pink and puffy. She sniffled and Pippa wrapped an arm around her. Lily herself was finding it hard not to cry. As it was, she could barely swallow and there was a bitter taste in her mouth.

"Just me?" she asked.

The Healer nodded. "I'm afraid she's only permitted four guests at a time. And as her parents and sister will both be there with you…" She trailed off because there really wasn't a point to her finishing that sentence.

Lily took a deep breath. "All right." She nearly choked on those words. She herself had not been inside the ward yet, and as much as she wanted to meet Fanny, as she had only heard wonderful things about the young woman, she was not looking forward to _this_.

The Healer held open door for her, and Lily waited only for Isabelle to take her hand to lead her inside. She immediately wished she hadn't. The room had over twelve beds in it, and every single one of them was taken. There were a couple of cots on the floor providing for extra patients. The place really _was_ overflowing.

The occupants were all bandaged up in some way or other – there were no open wounds. But in the corner, one Healer was redressing a man's arm, and when Lily saw the damage that had been done to it, she had to turn away quickly so as to not be sick right there in front of everyone.

Isabelle's family all looked extraordinarily alike. And Fanny had one of the most resplendent of faces Lily had ever seen. Even lying there on that bed, with both of her arms in slings and a bandage around her forehead, she looked like she was so strong. So resilient. Alice was right about her. She was a fighter, and she looked like she would pull through this, given time. She smiled brightly when she saw Lily. "It's hard to believe you're actually here."

Nothing could have surprised Lily, Isabelle, or her parents more than those words. The Campbells' all stared back and forth between their eldest daughter and the girl in obvious confusion. "Fanny, do you know Lily?"

At first she nodded, but then she laughed slightly and shook her head. "No, but I've heard of her." She focused all her attention once again on the twelve year old girl. "Professor Dumbledore told me about your father. I'm just… I was flattered that so many of Isabelle's friends would come spend their Christmas here, but for you to…" Only now did tears form in her eyes. "Thank you."

Lily glanced down at the floor uncomfortably. She could sense that Isabelle was staring at her in utter bewilderment, no doubt wondering if her sister hadn't gone crazy. Lily herself wondered that… but then she remembered that Fanny Campbell was part of the struggle against He Who Must Not Be Named. Perhaps she had heard about Lily while helping Dumbledore cover up the incident at the muggle hospital from the year before. "You're welcome." Her voice shook something awful and was even weaker than Isabelle's.

Fanny's expression softened considerably and understandingly. "It really is good to meet you."

Lily wasn't sure she agreed. Fanny Campbell looked too young to be lying in a hospital bed like this! And _she_ certainly wasn't old enough to know what to do with a complete stranger who not only knew who she was, but also what had happened to her parents! She took a deep breath. "I wish it could have been different."

Fanny nearly laughed again. "Well, I know I definitely would have preferred not getting thrashed myself, but you should see the other guy!"

"Fanny!" her parents both exclaimed in astonished disapproval, although Isabelle was visibly brightening with her sister's continued optimism.

Fanny lifted her chin up higher. To Lily's utter amazement, the young woman was not at all depressed by what had happened to her – despite the fact that it was Christmas Eve… and despite the chances that she might never fully recover, and could very well stay crippled for the rest of her life! She was proud by what she had done. And she wouldn't have traded it, either. Presently, she was staring at her family with complete self-assurance. "I only did what I needed to. There are things in this world worth fighting for. There are things worth _dying_ for. I know I look bad right now, but if another Death Eater ever shows up in my way again, I would do it all over again."

The Campbells' both glanced at each other in concern. But underneath it all, Lily saw that they really were proud of their daughter. And Isabelle was proud of her sister. She had done a good thing, and had been terribly hurt because of it. But she wasn't complaining. No. She was too powerful. Lily only wished that she could have that kind of strength.

"Why don't you concentrate on getting better for now and worry about saving the world later, honey?" Mr. Campbell suggested, and Fanny nodded cooperatively. As for Lily… she didn't want to be in that room any longer. And so, she turned around, intending on fleeing back out into the corridor.

"Lily!" Fanny called after her, and she paused long enough to glance back over her shoulder one last time. Fanny was beaming at her. "Merry Christmas."

Lily hesitated, not knowing what to say. Her vision became suddenly obscure as tears began flooding down her face. Was there really such a thing as a merry Christmas? She doubted it. "It was nice meeting you, Fanny. I hope you recover quickly." She couldn't bear being there! She felt like she couldn't breathe!

She missed her parents so much…

Turning back towards the corridor, Lily had to cover her mouth with both her hands to keep from being sick. She hurried towards the door, wanting nothing more than to just get out.

**ooooooo**

**A/N:** What a long chapter! I hope you all kept with it. I'm so glad I have over a hundred reviews now! Please keep them coming 'cause I'm eager for more. Thanks so much everyone!


	22. Lily's Promise

**ooooooo**

Night had fallen once again at Hogwarts. It was very late – quite possibly morning already, but still too dark to see much of anything. Were it not for the full, brilliant moon shining through the window and into the tower with all its glory, Lily doubted very much that she would have been able to see anything at all.

December had reached its bitter end. The next day marked the beginning of the second term, and, with it, the start of its classes. Lily couldn't sleep. All the other girls seemed to be sleeping soundly, but Lily, not for the first time, found that she just couldn't join them. And so she had instead gotten up and gone to sit beside the window, where she could stare out at the dazzling sky and see it reflecting off the glistening snow that blanketed the school grounds. The landscape itself, she observed while taking a deep breath, seemed to be completely full of its own magic. A beautiful magic.

"Lily?"

So she wasn't the only one awake, after all. Turning her head, she saw that Isabelle was sitting up in her bed, with her legs curled up and her arms wrapped around them. It didn't surprise the younger girl at all the she should be awake as well.

"Yes?" She spoke softly, so as to not disturb the other girls that actually _were_ trying to sleep.

"What happened to your father?"

It was the first time since Lily's meeting with Fanny that Isabelle had dared to ask such a question. Lily suspected that the thirteen year old had been dying of curiosity for awhile now, because honestly! How was it that her sister, who had left Hogwarts before Lily's arrival, knew more about Lily than she did, when she was Lily's roommate! The desire to know would have been too strong for Isabelle to resist. And so, Lily had suspected… She had been preparing her answer for over three days now.

"He died," she admitted quietly. "With my mother in a car accident. It happened last year… three days ago. My father made it to the hospital. That's where I last saw him." She could sense Isabelle's shock. And then her disbelief.

"Why on earth did you come with us to St. Mungo's Hospital?" she demanded after several long moments had past. "You shouldn't have had to! Two Christmases in a row? That's not fair-"

"Of course it's not fair," Lily cut in, staring out the window while trying to keep her whispering voice steady. "It's not fair for anyone. No one should have to spend their holidays inside a hospital. But… there _is_ a war going on out there… And because we're at Hogwarts, we get to be safe. And because we're safe, a lot of people seem to forget about it… even if only temporarily. But I don't want to forget. I don't want to stop caring." She caught her breath, closing her eyes.

Isabelle solemnly considered her words. And then she shook her head. "I don't think you have to worry about that." She hesitated. Lily knew that there was more she wanted to ask, but that first she needed to work her way up to having the courage. "Why… how come my sister knew about your parents?"

Lily's eyes opened and she looked back at Isabelle. She didn't want to talk about it. It hurt too much to talk about! And yet… an entire year had gone by… and she had hardly talked to anyone. She had hardly even talked to Remus! Isabelle… her sister was still in the hospital even now. Mightn't she understand better than anyone else in the world? "When I heard about my parents, I didn't react very well. An awful lot of magic was exposed. The Headmaster… he wanted to take special care to cover it all up because he didn't want You Know Who hearing about it."

"Why would You Know Who…?" Isabelle trailed off when she saw Lily looking at her so forlornly. It really wasn't her place to ask such a question. "I'm sorry… Why didn't you tell us?"

Lily shrugged, once again looking back outside. "If your sister had died… would you have wanted to talk about it?" Isabelle didn't answer. She couldn't imagine how it would have felt if Fanny had died. Silently, she climbed out of her bed and walked over to the window seat where she sat down beside Lily. Together, the two girls stared out into the night, where it had begun to snow.

**ooooooo**

December faded into January. Winter melted into spring. The days began to lengthen and the flowers started to bloom. Lily's friendship with Isabelle and Pippa became as strong as her friendship with Alice and Remus. With them, she found that she was happier than she had ever been since becoming a witch.

Where once there had been only horrors, there was now a beauty that could be seen wherever she looked. Fanny Campbell had recovered quicker than her Healers had thought possible. And though her arms would never regain their full range of motion, she herself was as healthy as she had ever been. And as happy as well. If _she_ could heal so quickly and so utterly, Lily wondered why it had taken _her_ so long to heal half as much. In her twelve year old mind, it didn't seem right.

The Easter holidays arrived, but Lily did not go home like so many of the other students. She had opted instead to remain at Hogwarts with Alice, Isabelle, and Pippa so that the four of them could work together on creating her third year schedule. There were several different classes for her to pick from, but third years were only allowed two additional electives, so she had to choose carefully. Fortunately enough, her three best friends had all agreed to help her.

It seemed that the most popular electives consisted of Ancient Runes, Arithmancy, Divination, Muggle Studies – which surprised Lily, and Care of Magical Creatures. Of course, there were several others, and all of them seemed interesting to Lily. Obviously, she didn't need to take Muggle Studies, as she came from a muggle family, and after hearing Pippa going on about Divination, she decided that that wasn't a class she particularly wanted to take either.

In the end, she found herself applying for Care of Magical Creatures and Arithmancy – which dealt with magical numbers. After all the time she had spent solving problems out of that math book Petunia had given her for Christmas two years ago, she figured it would be a good way of putting to use her acquired talents.

As for James, Remus, Sirius, and Peter… they had all decided to sign up for Care of Magical Creatures and Muggle Studies. Why _they_ wanted to take Muggle Studies was beyond Lily – although it was possible that they were just looking for a relatively easy course that might help them come up with simpler though cleverer prank ideas. Anything's possible.

The year ended as quickly as it had the year before. It felt like no time had past at all, and then the next thing she knew, she was sitting at the very last feast of the last term. Her friends, Alice, Isabelle, and Pippa were all around her, as were the other third years and first years. James, Remus, Sirius, and Peter, however, all sat well away from her, but when she looked at them, she knew exactly why it was that James seemed to literally be glowing.

The Gryffindors had won the house cup that year, thanks to the additional points that the Potter boy had won for testing higher than anyone else in the school. He had accomplished exactly what he had said he would accomplish, and he had already been told by his father that he would, in fact, be receiving the best broomstick that a boy could ever dream of possessing as a reward. There was no question that he would be playing Quidditch next November.

The following day saw them all aboard the Hogwarts Express. Lily, Alice, Isabelle, and Pippa all naturally shared a compartment which was constantly being invaded by other Gryffindors – and sometimes by a Ravenclaw or Hufflepuff – who wished to say goodbye. It was a lot different from her ride home aboard that train the year before. But then again, there was so much that was different. There was so much that was better.

She had made a home out of Hogwarts. And while she was there, she had felt herself beginning to heal. Now, when she thought about returning to the Fletchers in London, it no longer seemed to be just a place where she could find shelter. No. It felt like it _could_ be a home to her. She felt like she _could_ be torn between two homes now, as was everyone else. She was eager to see Carla again. She was even looking forward to seeing Petunia.

Unfortunately, the feeling was not mutual. While Lily had changed so much during the course of that last year, her older sister hadn't whatsoever. Petunia didn't talk to her when she arrived at the house from King's Cross station, nor did she even look at her. Even now she was trying to pretend that her sister just didn't exist.

The Fletchers' themselves, however, were quite elated to find that the youngest Evans girl had come so far in just a year. Lily no longer had any qualms about sharing with them all she had learned at Hogwarts, and talked for hours on end about magic, satisfying all Carla's curiosities. The only thing that she could _not_ do for them, for fear of expulsion, was to actually cast a spell. And that much, she regretted.

In the end, however, she could not have asked for a greater improvement. The snapshot of her parents – which had stayed under her pillow for so long – was now given a different frame, and placed on her bedside table. She now preferred having it somewhere that she could look at it when she fell asleep at night.

**ooooooo**

Petunia was outside with a man. Lily couldn't believe it!

July had come rather quickly, and outside it was surprisingly warm for the London suburbs. Lily herself was thirteen years old now, and Petunia sixteen. Even still, the man in question looked like he was at _least_ five years older than the eldest Evans, and if the Fletchers had not been out shopping in the middle of the city, Lily felt absolutely certain that this man would not have _dared_ to make a visit like this.

Presently, she and Carla were standing side by side in their bedroom, staring out through the window and down at the pair. It was so obvious they were flirting with each other that Lily was literally stunned silent. She couldn't believe her sister's lack of decorum! Sure, it was one thing to be seen flirting with a boy, but Petunia was having at it with a grown man! An ugly man at that… _And_ she was doing it in plain sight! That was quite possibly the most astonishing part about it.

"What do you figure?" Carla eventually asked, cutting into the ominous silence of the bedroom. "Should we break them up?"

"Probably," Lily spoke hesitantly. Petunia already seemed to hate her guts. The last thing she needed was to give her sister a reason to kill her in her sleep. A part of her greatly wished that James and Sirius were there to do the dirty work for her. "I don't know."

"Come on," Carla grabbed her arm and started dragging her towards the door. "I think I might have an idea." Together, the two girls ran down the stairs and barreled out the front door. Petunia heard them both immediately and whirled around in obvious alarm. She wouldn't have trusted either one of them for a heartbeat.

"Petunia!" Carla whined in an almost babyish voice. "Lily needs help writing a paper for her school! She's got all the information she needs and everything, but she doesn't know how to start it!"

Lily could have dropped her head into her hands in utter exasperation. She had wanted to get Petunia away from the strange man, not look like a complete idiot! Especially since Petunia was a lot sharper than either one of the two girls had expected.

She reached for the man's hand and held it tightly in hers. "Vernon, this is Carla, the daughter of the man I'm staying with. And this," here she paused and stared at Lily rather venomously. "Is my little sister, Lily." She went on then, addressing the thirteen year old before giving anyone a chance to say anything. "Take the day off and go to the park or something. I'll help you write your ruddy paper this evening."

Lily and Carla glanced at each other in disappointment. So much for _that_ plan. It was quite obvious that Petunia wouldn't be so easy to intimidate. Or… so they thought.

The man named Vernon smiled and squeezed Petunia's hand. "Oh, none of that. We can both help her write her paper right now." Petunia's face paled considerably. It was quite obvious that she was trying to do an incredible amount of quick thinking. Lily beamed.

"I'd really appreciate that, sir! It's for my Potions' class. The topic's all about different types of poisons and how to go about nullifying possible antidotes." She gave him her sweetest smile, while trying desperately hard not to laugh at the expression that had come over his face. The moment was perfect. It really _was_ a shame that James and Sirius weren't there to witness it.

"Lily," Petunia spoke in a threatening voice. But the younger girl paid her no heed whatsoever.

"Oh, but you should just hear about my topic for Transfiguration!"

"Trans-what?"

"Trans-figure-a-tion," Lily spelled it out slowly for him as if he were a little five year old trying desperately hard to learn how to pronounce a rather simple word.

"Lily!" Petunia shouted angrily. She spun around towards Vernon. "I'll talk to you again tomorrow! Please excuse me!" She pecked him lightly on the cheek with her mouth, and then spun around to grab Lily's arm. She proceeded towards the house, dragging her sister with her furiously. Carla followed gleefully. And from the front yard, Vernon stood watching their retreat in complete and utter bewilderment.

Once the three of them were inside and the door had been closed, Petunia shoved Lily angrily towards the stairs. "What the bloody hell do you think you're doing?"

Lily steadied herself and stared back at her sister in equal ire. "Getting you away from that creep! Petunia, you're not old enough for a man like that!"

"I'm old enough for my age!" Petunia shot back. "It's not your bloody responsibility to decide who I get to see over _my_ summer holiday!"

"Where on earth did you meet a man like him?" Carla asked, walking forward to stand beside Lily. They both crossed their arms and glared at the older girl.

Petunia hesitated, slightly out of breath. But then she shook her head. "I don't have to tell you that! I don't have to tell you anything!" She then turned back towards Lily accusingly. "You know, for someone who's only staying at that bloody school long enough for her to learn how to 'properly suppress her powers' and then throw them out the door, you're taking an awful lot of pleasure in them, aren't you?" She didn't wait for Lily to respond. Instead, she simply pushed past the girl and stormed up the stairs to her own room, where she furiously slammed the door shut behind her.

**ooooooo**

Lily had no idea what to make of Petunia's accusation. Was it true? Was she showing signs of actually _enjoying_ her magic when she had sworn she never would? Was she changing her mind?

No. She stood alone in her room, pacing back and forth frantically. She did _not_ take pleasure in her magic! She didn't want to… She wanted to be _normal!_

_Then why, _she asked herself accusingly,_ didn't you apply for Muggle Studies?_ That would have made more sense, right? Stick with the muggle world. Don't bother with additional electives. How would taking _those_ classes help her learn how to suppress her powers anyway? They wouldn't! They were just miserable, confusing distractions.

She thought back to her first year at Hogwarts. She remembered the first time she had ever ridden on the Express. She remembered all her fears, all her concerns… She remembered wondering, on that night, if she wouldn't still be Lily Evans by that year's Christmas holiday. She had feared that the wizarding world might take her in, hypnotize her, and change her, making her devoted to magic and witchcraft. Making her abnormal…

Had that happened? How? When? Why hadn't she noticed? Why was this happening to her? It wasn't fair! She had only wanted to be happier – because there was only so much depression one girl her age could take before going completely crazy… She hadn't actually wanted to start _enjoying_ magic!

This couldn't be happening…

"It's not," she sat down abruptly on the edge of her bed. "It's not happening. I won't let it." She took several deep breaths, trying to calm down. _Just make yourself a promise._ She glanced over her shoulder and saw the wrinkled photo of her parents in its frame on her bedside table. They looked like they had been so happy together. So full of life. She wished they were here now.

It was strange. When they were alive, Lily had spent much of her time wishing that they could have been like everyone else's parents. That didn't even matter to her now. She just wanted them back. She just wanted them to help her sort through all of this. She was so confused.

Tears glistening in her eyes, she looked away. She took another deep breath and then stared at the floor. "I'm going to get through this. I'm going to learn how to control my magic so that I never have to use it again. I'm going to live a normal life. And if I ever have children, they won't have to grow up the way I am. I'm going to be just like a muggle. No one will ever know the difference. I promise."

Her heart felt lighter already. It stopped racing, and she grew calm again. It would be okay now. She wouldn't break her promise. It _would_ be okay.

She hoped.

**ooooooo**

**A/N:** I know the second year went by a lot faster than the first, but can you imagine how long this story would be if I wrote over ten chapters for every one of her years at Hogwarts? It would take forever! And I'm not sure I want it to take forever. Hmm…

By the way, I'm just guessing with Petunia's age. I have no idea whether or not she's three years older than Lily. But for my story's sake, let's just pretend she is. And Vernon! Wow. I just figured he had to be a little bit older, because in the first book it's said that he's the director of a firm. Even if it is a drill making firm, directors generally have to be somewhat experienced, right? Anyway, I hope it's not too bad. He and Petunia aren't major characters in this story anyway, so if you don't like it, please just ignore it.

But don't stop sending in reviews! I've been getting such great reviews! I hope they keep coming! I would love that so much! Thanks everyone!


	23. Third Years

**ooooooo**

When Lily received her package from Hogwarts that August, it was larger than she was used to. Not only did it have the usual list of supplies that she would be required to obtain before September first, but it also had an additional letter from Professor McGonagall, and what looked to be something like a permission form.

A permission form for Hogsmeade! Alice had told her all about it. Apparently, once students reached their third year, they were permitted to visit on certain weekends a village that was entirely magical. There were no muggles there. Mary, Lily's one roommate who was, like herself, a muggle born, had assured her that there was no other town in Britain quite like it… at least that she had ever been to. Lily smiled slightly before glancing at McGonagall's letter.

First, it was a reminder that the new school year began on the same day as it always did. Then it explained the permission form – just in case Lily had forgotten or something. And then, finally, it suggested that all students drop by Diagon Alley on the twentieth – which was only five days away. Apparently Professor McGonagall believed that that particular afternoon would prove to be the safest, due to certain "repair work" currently underway.

_Well_, Lily thought. _That was a nice way of putting it._ No doubt Diagon Alley was losing some of that protection McGonagall had insisted it owned. No doubt the Ministry of Magic had set aside a specific day for the alley to tighten its security so that students could do their shopping in relative safety. Things were getting out of hand.

At least the other kids still had Hogsmeade to look forward to and distract themselves with from the war. Not to mention Hogwarts itself. As long as those places were kept safe, the Dark Lord and his Death Eaters would remain more or less irrelevant in the minds of a good majority of those students. Lily herself wasn't so reassured.

Walking down into the Fletchers' kitchen, she found the entire family – including Petunia – putting together sandwiches for lunch. Not feeling hungry in the least, Lily handed Carla's dad the letter and the permission form.

"What's all this?" he asked in slight surprise. She was quick to explain it to him, while trying very hard not to look at Petunia. She could feel her sister's eyes boring into her resentfully.

"Can I come this year?" Carla asked eagerly, remembering how Lily hadn't wanted her company the last time she had gone to Diagon Alley. The poor muggle girl wanted more than anything else in the world to see such a place for herself.

"What's this about repair work?" Mr. Fletcher interrupted without giving Lily a chance to respond to his daughter. He glanced at her curiously, but she just shrugged. She hoped that if she didn't take much interest in it, then he wouldn't either. Maybe she could keep him and the rest of his family under the impression that it wasn't something they needed to read too deeply into. Maybe she could keep them blissfully ignorant to the fact that there was indeed a war raging – and possibly keep them ignorant of it even long after it ended! They didn't need to know. They didn't need to carry around that burden of awareness. They were muggles – even Petunia. A magical war should not have to concern them.

Needless to say, Carla's desire to accompany her would make it a little bit more difficult to keep it all a secret. Then again, refusing her would be an altogether quick way of getting her to ask questions. And the last thing Lily needed was for them to grow suspicious that she wasn't being entirely honest. It was definitely a tricky situation, to say the least.

"Well?" Carla demanded impatiently.

Lily started and looked back at her almost anxiously. "Okay! But I have to be honest with you. There are some witches and wizards out there who aren't exactly comfortable around normal people. When we're there you can't just start talking about anything to anyone. They might not thank you for it." That was a bit of an understatement.

Carla rolled her eyes. "Right, Lily. That sounds just like every other city. Don't talk to strangers. I know."

Lily smiled. "Good." She turned towards Mr. Fletcher. "Will you please sign that?" She gestured towards the Hogsmeade permission form.

Petunia sneered. "Why? Are you actually planning on going?"

Lily felt her stomach tighten. It was so hard battling Petunia! The girl never gave her a break! She stared at her in frustration – frustration that had been growing all summer. "Actually… yeah. For the exercise." She smiled innocently. Petunia's eyes narrowed scornfully and she shook her head and looked away. Mr. Fletcher quickly signed his name and handed the form back to the thirteen year old.

"Well then," he said with a smile. "I guess we'll all be going to Diagon Alley in five days."

Petunia scoffed and pushed out of her chair, getting to her feet. She stomped out of the kitchen. "Count me out." Lily watched her go and then turned towards Carla, who merely shrugged and offered her half of a sandwich.

**ooooooo**

Professor McGonagall's letter hadn't been kidding about the repair work. It looked like an entire block had been nearly burnt down! Several lots that once had had the most interesting of stores selling the most enchanting of products now bore only the dark, ashen skeletal remains. It was awful.

Lily had sensed that tensions were high the moment she walked through the arch in the Leaky Cauldron's courtyard. There were people everywhere making absolutely certain that Diagon Alley remained completely secure as hundreds of families gathered their children's school supplies. A fair majority of those families wore expressions of anxiety and sobriety masked behind their stiff smiles and half-hearted greetings. The war was troubling them. Getting the Fletchers out of there with them none the wiser would truly be a miracle in itself, the girl thought dismally.

They were presently walking out of the bank – which had fortunately been on the other side of the alley from all the destruction. Carla was taking in the entire place in as much fascination as one would reasonably expect from a muggle – though thankfully with enough restraint to keep herself from attracting too much attention. She, as did her parents, had empathy enough to observe all the other witches and wizards' extreme gravity, and did not wish to disrespect them.

"Where are we going now, Lily?" Carla asked, speaking loud enough to be heard above all the noise – which was quite possibly one thing about the alley that would never change – but moderately enough not to sound too out of place.

"Flourish and Blotts," Lily told her, staring down at her list of supplies. She was in need of at least two more books for her two new classes. "It's a bookstore. It's not that far from here." This was her third time visiting Diagon Alley. She was starting to learn her way around rather well.

However, it took Lily a bit longer than she had anticipated to actually get inside the bookstore. For as she was guiding the Fletchers towards it, she heard someone calling out her name. Isabelle?

She stopped and turned around so abruptly that Mrs. Fletcher had to stumble backwards in order to avoid running into her. But that didn't matter to Lily at all because, sure enough, she could see the two Campbell girls scurrying towards her.

She grinned. "Isabelle! Fanny!" The three of them all embraced at once. It was awkward to do such a thing under normal conditions, but with Fanny's arms bent slightly out of place, it was especially difficult. "I'm so glad to see you!"

"Likewise!" Fanny stated, as enthusiastic as ever. They all pulled apart, and Lily introduced them to the Fletchers. Unlike Lily and Isabelle, Isabelle and Carla seemed to hit it off the moment they said "hello," to each other. They became quick friends, which even Fanny would later label as being extraordinary, since Isabelle very rarely ever encountered actual muggles – especially muggles her own age. During dark times like these, meetings like this one between Isabelle and Carla truly were signs of hope and promises for peace. Lily herself felt particularly proud that she had been a part of it.

Her pride didn't last for long, however. For at that moment, a young black haired boy came flying out of the building she and her companions happened to be standing beside. He collided heavily against Carla – which nearly sent them both stumbling to the ground – before hurrying on his way. Lily was quick to rush forward, ignoring the jumps and yelps of surprise from the people around her, so that she could help steady her friend. And as she did so, she glared after the boy responsible – whom she immediately recognized even though he hadn't stopped to apologize and was by now quite a distance away.

"SIRIUS BLACK!"

The boy froze, having heard her shout after him, and now he glanced back almost guiltily. He then turned completely. "Hey, Evans!"

Carla looked indignant. "You _know_ that boy?"

Isabelle rolled her eyes. "Unfortunately."

Lily crossed her arms. "In a hurry, are you?"

Sirius was now cautiously approaching them, and keeping a very close eye on the building from which he had so recently escaped. "Look, I'm just trying to ditch Kreacher."

"Who?" Isabelle asked disdainfully.

"Kreacher," Sirius repeated, making a sour face that Lily could tell didn't exactly win the favor of Carla's parents. "My mum's bloody house-elf. If you ask me, the thing would be better off with its head on a plaque already."

"What?" Lily, Carla, and Isabelle all asked at once. It would have been impossible for Sirius not to notice their shocked expressions, and sure enough his face turned slightly red. He made it a point of looking away.

"What's a house-elf?" Carla asked after a moment of awkward silence. She glanced curiously at Lily, who could only shrug. _She_ certainly hadn't heard of one before.

"Servants," Fanny explained quickly. "They're bound to the houses of wealthy wizards. Hogwarts actually has several hundred working in the kitchens. And as far as house-elf treatment goes, those are the lucky ones."

Carla turned towards Sirius suspiciously. "You don't hurt it, do you?"

He actually laughed at such a question. "Are you kidding me? If I lay a finger on that thing, _I'm_ the one who's going to get bloody well beaten!" Once again, he noticed the horrified expressions on the Fletchers' faces. "Corporal punishment."

Fanny regarded the boy disapprovingly. "And you won't get into trouble for abandoning it at the Menagerie?"

Sirius shrugged. "Actually, I'm kinda hoping that someone thinks he's for sale." At that moment, there was a terrible shriek from inside the building in question. Several other witches and wizards paused to stare at the place in alarm, but when they realized that it was only just the Magical Menagerie, where creatures that varied from tortoises to cats to tiny little furballs were sold, they shrugged it off and continued on their way. Sirius winced.

"What was that?" Carla asked nervously.

"House-elf," Fanny and Isabelle both said rather bluntly at the exact same time. A tiny smile crept its way onto Lily's face and she looked at Sirius knowingly.

"Well," he bowed to the ladies gracefully – just as James had once done. "It's been a real pleasure. But I really must be going." He waited only long enough to regard Lily one last time. "See you at school, Evans!" She didn't even bother dignifying that with a response. Instead, she just shook her head and watched as Sirius turned and bolted away.

"Well," Mrs. Fletcher said after a moment. "He was certainly a… lively young chap."

"Right," Isabelle scoffed and crossed her arms. "You should meet James, his evil twin." Sarcasm was dripping off her tongue, and it caused Lily to laugh. None of the others, however, knew who James was and therefore didn't know what to make of the joke or of the fact that Lily had found it amusing.

At that exact instant, the doors to the Menagerie reopened and the ugliest thing that Lily had ever seen in her life came crawling out. It was not something she would have expected to see in public, and she suddenly found that it was all too easy to understand why Sirius had been so desperate to get away from it. It was old, bald, wrinkly, and disgusting. It had two batlike ears, bloodshot eyes, a snout-like nose, and, to top it all off, would have been completely naked but for the filthy rag of a loincloth it wore around its middle. She unconsciously found herself backing away from it in a bit of a hurry.

"Lost!" it was screaming in a hoarse, froglike voice. "Young Master lost!" It started babbling incoherently as it ran down the street after Sirius. Lily actually found herself hoping that the poor boy managed to stay free of the thing.

"I'm guessing that's the famous Kreacher," Fanny confirmed Lily's suspicions with a nod. She turned towards Mr. and Mrs. Fletcher apologetically. "They don't all look like that. Some of them are actually quite respectable."

"Do you own one?" Mrs. Fletcher asked slowly.

Fanny shook her head. "No ma'am. Our family couldn't afford one. Besides, Isabelle and I are just second generation witches. Our parents were both muggle born, so we're not exactly 'noble' enough." With that, she turned towards Lily. "Have you got your books yet?" Lily shook her head.

"Perfect!" Isabelle said, beaming. "Let's finish our shopping together!" Everyone there felt all too eager to agree.

**ooooooo**

The first day of September came swiftly after that, and Lily happily found herself approaching the platform at King's Cross station. And as she had the year before, she found that she was approaching it alone. She didn't want to worry about the Fletchers trying to get off of it by themselves, and so she had said goodbye to them outside.

Walking through the barrier onto platform nine and three-quarters had become perfectly natural to Lily over the past two years. And although it was still as captivating and as wonderful as ever to look up and catch sight of the magical train, the Hogwarts Express, for the first time in over two months, the sight of all the other witches and wizards with their families and trunks of luggage was now almost to be taken for granted, and could now almost be lost entirely in the background. Lily smiled. A part of her could only wonder at how good it felt to be back.

Alice had been waiting for her by the train. When the two made eye contact, the older witch positively beamed and rushed forward to embrace her friend. "Isabelle said she saw you in Diagon Alley! I was there that day! I wish we could have run into each other!" Lily agreed and together they got onto the train. Sure enough, Isabelle was already sitting in one of the compartments with Pippa. They had been saving seats.

"Have you seen Sirius Black?" Pippa asked about fifteen minutes later, after they had all greeted each other and had exchanged all the proper pleasantries they could stand. Lily shook her head. "His little brother's going to be attending this year. I heard his mother tell the kid to keep an eye on him. It looks like Black's going to be getting supervised by an eleven year old."

Isabelle scoffed. "Good luck to him. Not even Sirius Black's house-elf can keep a proper eye on the boy – and he was no doubt _ordered_ to! There's no way some eleven year old brat will be able to do the trick."

"You don't think?"

The voice had been decidedly male and entirely unexpected. Lily and her friends all yelped and whirled around towards the compartment door – which Alice had neglected to shut. So now James Potter and Sirius Black himself were standing out in the corridor, peering in at them in amusement.

Sirius grinned at Isabelle rather mischievously. "You know, Campbell, I really, really appreciate that. You're absolutely right, of course, but it still does me some good hearing others say it out loud. Can I get you anything?" His expression turned mockingly concerned.

Alice spoke up immediately, sounding quite eager to make use of Sirius' subjugation, whether he had meant it or not. "Ooh, Isabelle, tell him to fetch us some Cauldron Cakes! And make him buy them while you're at it!" Isabelle glanced from the girl to the boy pointedly.

But Sirius was holding up his hands. "Come on, ladies! It's my third year! Don't you know by now not to take me seriously?"

James shook his head, unable to keep silent for more than two minutes. "No one ever takes you seriously, Sirius." The girls all grinned wickedly, but Sirius just rolled his eyes.

"As if _that_ pun hasn't been done to death," he grumbled. Letting out a sigh, he looked down for a moment. But a moment later he was himself again. He sprang up, gave the girls a cheerful salute, and shot off down the corridor.

James watched him go and then glanced back in at Lily with a smirk. "See you at school, Evans." He winked, which caused Alice, Isabelle, and Pippa all to snigger. Feeling her face flush, Lily hastened to push James completely out of the compartment and shut the door. She turned back towards her friends, knowing full well that they wouldn't stop teasing her for that one until their arrival at Hogwarts.

**ooooooo**

**A/N:** All right, I know it's a short chapter. I'm sorry about that. Anyway, I'm sad to say that my week off from school is now over, and so I'm going to have to start slowing down again to do my homework and all that. I'll try to keep posting as often as I can, but it'll be really hard to keep getting a chapter up a day now. I will certainly do the best that I can, and believe me when I say that reviews will get me working faster! Thanks so much!


	24. A Change in James Potter

**ooooooo**

Despite all the destruction that had been caused – most assuredly by Death Eaters – in Diagon Alley earlier the month before, Lily's third year at Hogwarts promised to be the most exciting year yet. All throughout the start-of-term banquet, the starting feast of the new school year, she heard talk and gossip of what she could expect as a thirteen year old, and it all sounded positively grand. There would be new classes. There would be fieldtrips into Hogsmeade. And the seventh year Gryffindor Quidditch Captain, William Brown, couldn't stop talking about James's new broomstick – which was easily the best of the best.

There wasn't a whole lot that was more delightful for a student than to enter his third year. It was definitely a milestone, and Lily honestly could not believe that two whole years had gone by since she had started out as a witch. So much had changed in all that time. So, so, _so_ much.

Eight first years were sorted into Gryffindor that night, and absolutely none of them were related to Sirius Black in anyway. No. His little brother, Regulus, was most definitely a Slytherin. Sirius himself, however, didn't seem to consider that to be a terrible disappointment, and actually seemed hopeful that his parents would ignore him flat out now that they had a child of whom they could be proud. Noting that, Lily genuinely wished for him the best.

Presently, she glanced over at the staff table and once again took notice of the new Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor, a Charlie Pryce. He looked laid back enough – much, _much_ more so than Dina Marlow had been. He was tall and bulky, bald – though he did wear a short, neatly trimmed brown beard – and had a bright gleam in his eyes.

Lily looked over at Pippa. "Why was Professor Marlow replaced?" It seemed rather strange that this should be her third Defense Professor in just three years.

Pippa grinned, popping a grape into her mouth. "Well, officially, she resigned. But I heard my parents talking about it, and my father said that she was caught over the summer with a sixth year Ravenclaw boy." Lily's eyes widened in disbelief. That couldn't be right!

Isabelle scoffed. "Go figure. And here I thought Ravenclaws were supposed to be intelligent." She and Pippa looked at each other and started laughing hysterically. Neither one of them had cared for Dina Marlow whatsoever. They were only too glad that she was gone.

Alice, however, bristled. She had resented Marlow as much as anyone else, but she also obviously thought that a situation like this one should be taken seriously, not laughed at. "What nerve."

"I don't understand," Lily was shaking her head. "Professor Marlow was always so… so demanding and tyrannical. She wouldn't have had anything to do with a… a student… would she?"

Pippa and Isabelle glanced at each other again, apparently wondering if Lily was for real. When they saw that she was, however, they commented cheerfully on her youthful innocence and then took the next ten minutes explaining to her that anyone as stuck up as Dina Marlow was bound to be corrupt in some way or other. Welcome to the magical world of the 1970's!

After the feast, the new fifth year prefects took the time to lead the nerve-wracked first years up to the Gryffindor Tower. Meanwhile, Lily, Alice, Pippa, and Isabelle, each of whom, by now, knew their way around the castle like the back of their hands, trudged behind more slowly with a large group of other girls – some of whom were second years, some of whom were fourth years, and some of whom were even fifth years! It was their first night back at Hogwarts, after all, and absolutely none of them were in any hurry to waste it by going up to bed.

"I see Peeves has been up to his usual no good," someone commented, pointing towards the poltergeist who was circling above Argus Flich's head while looking positively euphoric. The first day of September was quite possibly his favorite day of the year, because it meant the return of hundreds of students whom he took great pleasure in tormenting. Kind of like how he was presently tormenting the caretaker – who matched the poltergeist's good mood with a flood of his very own angry frustration.

Lily grinned and glanced over her shoulder. Not too far away, she caught sight of James, Sirius, Remus, and Peter, all of whom had congregated on the train and had yet to be apart. "Hey Potter!" She saw him visibly perk up at the sound of his name being called, and he glanced her way faster than did any of the other students who undoubtedly would have been interested in watching an exchange pass between the two. Peeves himself, who had learned by now to _always_ keep an eye out for any and every sign of his greatest rival, froze like a floating statue. Lily felt a bit of anticipation rise up in her stomach as soon as James's gaze met her own. "Are you going to say 'hi' to Peeves or not?"

Barely even turning his head, James glanced from her to the poltergeist, who remained hovering above the sputtering old caretaker with a look of defiance spread across a twisted face. The entire corridor grew silent and still. And then James smirked, crossing his arms. The fact that he was holding a wand in one hand was barely even noticeable. "You know, Peeves, if you keep that look on your face long enough, it'll grow permanent."

Peeves dipped closer to the ground, causing Filch to back away while cursing angrily. "The Potter boy… Pottery, pottery, pottery… sculpted out of clay. All he needs now is a good coat of paint." Peeves suddenly shot up towards the ceiling where he then very quickly produced a small red balloon, which he did not hesitate to chuck at James. The boy, however, sidestepped casually, easily getting out of the balloon's path. But in so doing, he inadvertently allowed it to collide directly against Sirius' face, who shouted in surprise as the balloon burst apart, covering him from head to foot in red paint.

"PEEVES!" Filch shrieked as several of the students burst into laughter – Sirius himself included. The poltergeist, however, responded merely by turning towards the caretaker and sticking his tongue out disdainfully. James took that as an opening.

He threw up his wand rather quickly. _"Accio!" _How a third year had learned to perfect a Summoning Charm was beyond Lily, but within seconds there were countless wads of gum – some tearing out of their wrappers, some already half eaten – flying towards the boy. He then waved his wand a second time, and all those pieces of gum stopped short and turned around. Peeves himself barely managed to turn his head in time to witness this and to shriek as all that gum assaulted him and then stuck to him like glue. He tried using his hands to peel off the wads sticking to his arms, but his fingers were immediately ensnared by the gum's downright stickiness. He struggled for a moment, trying uselessly to pull his hands free. And then he shrieked again and zoomed away.

The entire corridor burst into applause, cheering for James as Filch grumbled to himself and stormed off, and as Remus and Peter both sympathetically patted the paint strewn Sirius on his back. James himself, however, just continued to smirk as several teachers came flying into the corridor to see what the commotion was all about.

"Good heavens, Mr. Black! What on earth happened to you?" Professor McGonagall was obviously among them, and she stared down at the boy in obvious distaste. It took Remus and Peter's combined efforts to explain to her how Peeves had pelted the boy with a paint balloon.

Meanwhile, James took that time to walk up towards Lily and her friends – all of whom were watching him come appreciatively. "How was that for a hello?"

Pippa was shaking her head, though greatly amused. "Charming as ever, Mr. James Potter." He nodded to her and then looked back at Lily. He leaned in closer to her, so that she alone could hear him whisper in her ear.

"I sincerely hope you found that amusing," he told her somewhat sharply. "I don't go around humoring just anyone." Lily felt herself frown. She didn't understand the tone in his whispered voice. It was almost as if he was being… stuck up. But James wasn't stuck up! What was going on with him?

He presently took a step away from her and, as he had on the day she had first met him, bowed to her gallantly at the waist. Lily blushed furiously as all her friends started to laugh and make fun of her yet again. James righted himself with a triumphant gleam in his eyes. Giving her one last look, he turned around and made his way back over to Remus, Sirius, and Peter – all of whom were still at odds with Professor McGonagall.

**ooooooo**

Lily did not know what to make of the sudden change that seemed to have come over James Potter. He was ruder, haughtier, and just plain old snobbier than she would have ever thought possible! It was like he was a completely different person from the boy she had come to know so well and admire so much over the past two years. He was, put simply, _mean_.

It wouldn't have been half so bad, she reasoned rather glumly on more than one occasion, if the people surrounding them might have noticed the change as well. But they didn't, and Lily felt as if she was alone in her observations. After all, James _was_, to the other Gryffindors, to the other students, and especially to all the teachers, first and foremost a troublemaker. And that had not changed.

But something else _had_. Lily saw it more and more everyday in their classes together. Be it Transfiguration, History, Herbology, or any of the others, James behaved like he owned the school. Somehow, he managed to continue receiving the highest marks in every class, but at the same time, he lost Gryffindor more points by himself than any other student had ever done before – and mostly just because of his attitude! He was constantly gaining more and more friends – and even seemed to have made followers out of several first years! The guy was unbelievable.

Lily still remembered, rather vividly, the third year Gryffindors' first joint lesson with the Ravenclaws in Defense Against the Dark Arts. Ian Aldwen, the boy who had scored the highest on the final examinations during their first year, was in that class as well, much to his dismay – as he was the one person James took the greatest pleasure in reminding that _he_ had received the highest marks during their second year.

Their new professor, Charlie Pryce, had started the lesson off with a bit of a speech. "This year, this class will not be quite as conventional as some of you are used to. I myself find that it is a great waste of time studying up on basic defensive principles and formulas that, in the heat of an actual confrontation, will prove to be rather evasive. No, no, no, no, no! _This_ year, you will instead be presented with different situations where you will learn to break away from that habit of resorting to conventional, and dare I say predictable, defensive strategies. You will develop instincts and reflexes, and you will learn how to trust them and how to follow them. You will learn to see things simply. You will learn how to be resourceful. Resourcefulness is key to defending oneself against the Dark Arts. In this class you will not be studying and writing papers about specific dangerous creatures or anything of the sort. I expect you to all already know such basics. This is your third year. It's time you actually learned resistance."

He had then pulled out his wand, and focused on James. "Now, boy, why don't you come to the front of the class and help me demonstrate, hmm?" James glanced subtly back and forth between the professor and Sirius – who had let out one quick, enthusiastic cheer – before he pushed himself up to his feet and joined the man, who then told him to get his wand ready.

Lily herself couldn't help but shrink in her seat. Defense Against the Dark Arts had always been her absolute least favorite class, because it constantly reminded her just how much she feared magic. It reminded her just how much she wanted to live without it. Not for the first time, she found herself silently asking the now familiar question: why tap into powers that could result in such horrors? It was like playing with fire, and she dreaded it.

But James didn't. He didn't even take it seriously!

Professor Pryce had faced him. "Now, we are about to have something of a duel. I am going to attempt disarming you and I want you to do whatever it takes to keep your wand. Should I succeed in taking your wand, I will give you two chances to reclaim it – which I believe you will find to be most generous. It's not likely that you would be given more than one chance – if even that – in a real duel. The point of this exercise is for you to resist. Let us begin."

"Professor!" James interrupted quickly, tucking his wand back into his belt. "If I may…" He started speaking quickly but with surprising clarity. "I'm pretty decent at resistance, if I do say so myself. But this is a classroom full of Ravenclaws." He gestured to several of the students who were watching most intently. His gaze, however, lingered on Ian. "These kids are smart. I won't deny that. It's just I think their intelligence makes up for their lack of instinct. If you really want to start teaching resistance, I suggest that you not bother with me and focus instead on them."

With that said, James spun around on his heel so that his back was boldly exposed to Professor Pryce's raised wand, and returned to his seat. He sat down rather haughtily, smirking at his three best friends. Sirius stared back at him, shaking his head with a half smile – he was both amused and impressed by James's audacity. Everyone else, however, could only stare at him in astonished disbelief.

"Well…" Professor Pryce looked rather flustered. "Very well, then." It was clear that he was a heck of a lot more experienced dealing with the Dark Arts than he was with a troublesome boy. He turned towards Ian Aldwen. "Then let's have you come up and give it a go." Poor Ian's face turned beat red and he got to his feet miserably. And James just wouldn't stop smirking!

After the lesson had ended and the Ravenclaws had all bolted towards the door, desperate to get out, Remus had turned rather disapprovingly towards James. "What was that all about? If I didn't know you any better, mate, I'd think you were actually _trying_ to get out of the chance to hex someone! Are you feeling okay?"

James scoffed and rolled his eyes. Professor Pryce was still standing at the front of the classroom, working to clean up the mess that had been created by several of Ian's rather feeble, ineffectual spells, but that didn't stop James from speaking his mind. "Of course I'm okay! I did exactly what I was told to do!"

Lily, who had her hand on the door's handle holding it open so that she could leave, stopped short and looked back at James in disbelief. Professor Pryce himself paused and glanced at the boy in interest.

"How do you figure?"

"Well," James pulled free his wand and carelessly tossed it up and down in the air. "He said he was going to attempt disarming me. So I resorted to the simplest, easiest means of resistance."

Sirius grinned. "You talked your way out of it."

Remus threw his head back in exasperation – though he really wasn't _that_ surprised. "Well, that's rich."

James shrugged and looked over at Professor Pryce, who was, despite himself, smiling in amusement. "You might call it cheating and all, but you still fell for it, and I still have my wand."

Pryce walked towards him in approval. "Exactly, Mr. Potter. You've just grasped the entire point of this lesson! There's a war going on out there. When you're faced with danger, you have to be ready to do whatever it takes for you to protect yourself. That is what I have come here to teach you."

Lily let go of the door handle, causing it to slam shut rather loudly. Peter, who had been paying extra careful attention to the professor's words of wisdom, jumped a good foot in the air as everyone else glanced at her in surprise.

James crossed his arms. "Oh dear. If it's not the Temper of Lily Evans." He glanced up at Professor Pryce. "You might want to pay attention. She knows how to give a _real_ good lecture."

"What's the _matter_ with you?" Lily demanded, walking right up to James. "Whatever Professor Pryce is here to teach us, I'm sure it's not that you should get out of situations like that by turning your opponent's attention towards someone weaker than yourself!"

"This isn't a dueling class, Evans!" James replied vehemently. "We aren't here to practice honor, we're here to practice resistance!"

"How brave of you," Lily snapped, turning back around. She stormed out of the room feeling positively wretched. James was definitely changing. And she couldn't even begin to understand why.

**ooooooo**

After that, Lily made it a point to avoid James Potter at all costs. It was a little difficult, as he was in all of her classes but for Arithmancy – which quickly became one of her favorites for that very reason, but in the end, she found that it wasn't impossible either, as he was obviously trying to avoid her as well. Still, it didn't change the fact that she bore witness to a number of his little schemes, and none of them were quite as innocent as they had been the year before. It didn't take long at all for her to start missing terribly the twelve year old boy that James had been during their second year.

As all of this was going on, she wished desperately that she could have had someone to talk to about it. Someone who had a chance of understanding… like Remus. He might have been able to help her bear it. To make sense of it. To make it understandable. And that was the one thing that Lily _dearly_ wanted. To understand. But Remus was hardly ever alone anymore – hardly ever without James at his side! And she couldn't very well go up to him, pleading for his help, when the subject of all her woes was standing right there beside him! It would never work.

Still, a part of her sincerely hoped that he was just going through some kind of a phase, and that in a couple of days he would become the boy she remembered him being once again. She was just too stubborn to even consider that James might never be that boy again. That he might be growing up. That he might be changing forever. She didn't want to allow it! Therefore, it took her a rather long time to accept the fact that James Potter was no longer someone she wanted to be associated with.

During Transfiguration, he would change cups into a miniature lions, and spoons into snakes. He would then have them all do dramatic battles – in which the lions always came out triumphant.

During Astronomy, he liked casting spells that made both the students and their professor fall asleep – since those lessons did take place, after all, around midnight. He thought that made it particularly entertaining.

He once snuck into the Charms classroom early, before Professor Flitwick had arrived, and cast a spell that made all the furniture twice as large, making the poor professor feel twice as small. Sometimes Sirius would help him commit his crimes, and though they both very often received detentions for their pranks, they were never too greatly deterred.

But that wasn't the worst of it. The first time the "Marauders" struck, it was during a Care of Magical Creatures lesson. The first time they struck, it wasn't exactly what one might have called a particular success, nor was it funny. As far as pranks went, if it could have indeed been called a prank, it had been well thought out, well devised, and _could_ have been incredibly well executed – but _that_ had depended on luck as much as on everything else. And not even the "Marauders" had perfect luck, thank god, during their first few little schemes.

In any case, third year beginners in that particular class were not actually expected to handle magical creatures. Before anything else, they were expected to learn simply the basics. They took notes on general diseases, general injuries, general treatments, and so on. The first kind of animal that they actually _did_ get to touch was not in any way magical at all! It was merely a cat, used to help students learn how to properly apply bandages without getting themselves clawed.

Needless to say, by the second week, many of the students were getting impatient to see an actual magical creature. And James Potter, of course, was no exception.

Their usual lessons took place in a rather large room on the ground floor of the castle. It was a particularly crisp September afternoon, and one look outside the window revealed a shower of leaves falling wistfully towards the earth. Lily herself would have rather been out there, but that was beside the point. She took her seat beside a couple of Hufflepuff girls whom she had made friends with, while ignoring James, who was on the other side of the room, as best as she could. Their teacher, Professor Kettleburn, had yet to arrive.

Several minutes past, and no one came. It was as if the class had been completely forgotten about. The Hufflepuffs all thought it was great – they'd much rather have time to spend with their friends than have to bother with doing their schoolwork. Lily, on the other hand, was starting to get impatient. She glanced over at James, Sirius, Remus, and Peter, but none of them seemed to be at all concerned either. She sighed, feeling rather isolated.

It was more of a relief to her then, than anything else, when a small little house-elf crept nervously into the room. Fanny had been absolutely right about them. Some _were_, in fact, more respectable than Sirius' house-elf, Kreacher, had been. This particular elf was clean, and its bat-like ears flopped up and down regularly. It wore a tattered old bed sheet, and its large green eyes were both opened extra wide. There was no doubt that it wasn't exactly comfortable around a handful of third year witches and wizards.

"What are you doing up here?" a Hufflepuff asked, upon noticing the tiny creature. "Shouldn't you be in the kitchens?"

"It is true…" the creature said in a wispy, high-pitched voice that differed so greatly from Kreacher's croaking one. "Flimsy should be in kitchens, but… but was ordered to show students in Professor… Kettleburn's classroom to… to forest… where Professor is waiting with… the creature of today's lesson…"

The students all glanced at each other in wonder. Even James, Sirius, and Peter, Lily noticed upon glancing their way, looked surprised. Remus did too, she thought, but in a very different way. She watched as the boy turned towards James and mouthed the words: "House-elf?" But as James was looking back at him, Lily could not see his face as he replied. She wondered what that little exchange had been about.

"Please… come with… Flimsy," the house-elf seemed to beg of them, half expecting them all to laugh at it. But no one did. The Hufflepuffs all stood and nervously walked out of the classroom with Lily, James, and the others behind them. The kids from the other house all started whispering to each other nervously. _The forest? Had it meant the Forbidden Forest? But wasn't that forbidden? _They were obviously growing more and more uncomfortable with the situation the closer they got to the tree line. Lily herself felt a tight knot forming in her stomach.

It was indeed a beautiful autumn day outside, and so she tried to take comfort in that as they past over the grounds. The edge of the woods grew visible, and there remained no sign of their professor. Flimsy was looking around in a near panic at the thick mass of large, impenetrable trees that it was guiding a handful of students into. It did not look happy.

James, however, was thrilled with the idea of walking headfirst into the menacing forest. He would have been the first one in, too, were it not for the fact that Hagrid himself, the school's giant gamekeeper, suddenly appeared walking out of the trees directly in front of them. He had been whistling some tuneless melody, going about his day's work with relative ease and in obvious comfort, when he noticed the students and the house-elf. He stopped short in surprise. The house-elf, who had frozen itself at the sight of the enormous figure, now squealed and dove behind a Hufflepuff.

"Now what's all this?" Hagrid demanded, striding towards them so hurriedly that several of the other kids backed away in apprehension. "Don' any of yeh know this place is out o' bounds?"

"Please sir…" a Hufflepuff girl said quickly, her voice shaking. "We were told Professor Kettleburn was in the forest waiting for us for today's lesson!"

"Rubbish!" Hagrid snorted. "No third year goes inte the forest ter see them creatures, them creatures comes out ah the forest ter see yeh third years! Now honestly, what're yeh all doing 'ere?"

"But it's true!" The students all started to object, frantic that they were going to get into serious trouble. Finally, one boy had the sense to turn around and grab Flimsy.

"We were told be this house-elf!" he wailed, throwing the poor thing towards the gamekeeper. "It told us we were to come to the forest! We only did what we were told!"

Hagrid seemed to be rather well acquainted with the house-elf in question. "Flimsy! What's gotten inte yeh? Don' yeh know better 'an ter bring students inte the forest?"

"Flimsy was told to, sir!" the house-elf was in tears now. It obviously didn't want to get into trouble anymore than the students did. "Told by the Marauders!"

Hagrid's face knotted in bewilderment. "Told by who?" Lily glanced immediately at James and Sirius, both of whom were watching in extreme interest – though that in itself wasn't much of a surprise or too suspicious, as _everyone_ there seemed to be doing exactly the same thing. Everyone, that was, except for Remus and Peter. Peter, Lily noticed, seemed to be in as close of a panic as Flimsy was, and Remus was staring at his feet. It seemed that he was trying to make it a point not to look at anyone – especially not at her.

"The Marauders!" Flimsy repeated, falling to its knees. "Oh sir! They came to the kitchens the night before last and instructed Flimsy to do as Flimsy has done or risk facing a terrible, most terrible punishment! And try as Flimsy might, Flimsy never saw their faces!"

In the end, despite the fact that Hagrid's arrival had ruined the Marauders' plan to get a group of students into the forest, they still got away with it. Flimsy had not been able to identify who the Marauders were, or even how many of them had been in the kitchens handing out orders that night. Their infamy grew rather quickly, however, as the first thing that the Hufflepuffs did after their lessons was spread the tale to all of their friends, who in turn spread it to all of _their_ friends. Before long, there were Gryffindors relating it in extreme excitement to Lily herself – even though she had been there to witness it all!

It was obvious that the prospect of invisible Marauders greatly troubled the staff. Professor Kettleburn, it was later revealed, had been late to class that day because he had himself been distracted by _three_ house-elves. And when _they_ had been questioned, _they_ hadn't been able to tell the teachers anymore than Flimsy had. They were, in fact, following orders they received from the Marauders – who they hadn't been able to actually see.

And so the first few weeks of school went by. Lily, who knew very well that the culprits behind those scams that later came to be known as the latest "Marauder Striking" were in fact James, Sirius, Remus, and Peter, was never able to gather evidence enough to convict them. But even if she had been able to, she knew perfectly well in her heart that she would have remained silent, for she did not want to get Remus into trouble, nor did she want to get into another row with James. One thing, however, was definitely for sure. James Potter was a different person than he had been last year. And Lily was growing to realize that there was nothing she could do to change that.

**ooooooo**

**A/N:** Wow. This chapter turned out a lot longer than I expected it to. I guess that's always the case, though. Please keep sending your reviews! I love them so much! Thanks!


	25. Pryce of Defense

**ooooooo**

Defense Against the Dark Arts had always been, without a doubt, Lily's least favorite class. But now it wasn't even _that_ anymore. No. Now, it was a class to be hated. Despised. Dropped out of altogether. Lily never wanted to step foot inside that miserable room ever again. Professor Pryce knew absolutely _nothing_ about teaching students! Sure, he might have made a _wonderful_ drill sergeant, but this was a school for crying out loud! Not a branch of the military!

Such thoughts were what past through her head as she lay sprawled out against the cold stone floor of the Defense classroom towards the end of October. Her entire body ached, and she felt so tired that she greatly doubted she'd ever be able to get back up onto her feet again. This was torture…

Professor Pryce hadn't been kidding when he said that their lessons this year would be unconventional and more hands-on than what they were used to. All the tables and chairs had been cleared away magically into a rather large closet – their teacher didn't even have a desk at which _he_ could sit! Though he did have an office, and Lily supposed that counted for something at least.

Presently, she was recovering from the Disarming Charm. She couldn't believe how much it hurt having one's wand magically confiscated! It felt like getting flung through the air by an enormous battering ram! This was unbelievable!

She moaned despondently, slowly sitting up. The entire class had been paired off into groups, and she wasn't the only one trying to get back up as they all worked to perfect that particular spell. Actually, most of them had already perfected it, and were now learning the fundamentals of Shield Charms – which were incredibly more advanced. Lily wondered, not for the first time, if Professor Pryce wasn't quite taking into account the fact that they were all merely third years. Most of them weren't ready for magic of that level.

Of course, that excluded James Potter. From her vantage point on the ground, she could see him surprisingly well on the other side of the room. He had paired off with Peter Pettigrew, and both of them were at present completely disregarding the exercise that they had been assigned so that James could instruct his friend on how to better handle his wand. He really was acting cockily, though. It was quite obvious that he saw himself as superior to even Professor Pryce! The fact that he probably was when it came to teaching, however, was what truly incensed Lily.

She herself had been paired off with Ian Aldwen, the Ravenclaw genius. Neither one of them were particularly adept at that class, despite their potential in all others. Ian, who could always cast his spells with relative ease, had great trouble aiming his wand, and was more likely to strike down someone standing behind him than the foe that he was facing off against. And as for Lily… she found that she too could still cast the Disarming Charm as easily as ever… but that she no longer had the stomach for it. Attacking a poltergeist, she learned very quickly, was a heck of a lot easier than attacking a human being. She… she just couldn't do it!

It hadn't particularly made that much sense to her at first. She had punched James Potter in the face two year ago, after all, and she had stunned him the year before, along with Sirius and Peter. It wasn't that she had been _born_ adverse to using magic on other people and occasionally showing human aggression… but something about doing it during Defense Against the Dark Arts had turned it into something that felt wrong. Wrong and positively _revolting_.

That was _because_ it was for Defense Against the Dark Arts. When she had punched James, it had been out of righteous anger. When she had stunned the three of them, it had been to protect Remus. But in this class… Professor Pryce made it a point to constantly remind them that they needed these skills in preparation for a confrontation with the Dark Arts. He had no qualms about assuring them that, more than likely, they _would_ be facing terrible dangers at some point or other in their future lives. Lily was reminded every single time she walked into that room of the evil that some witches and wizards possessed. Of the evil even _she_ could possess, should she ever abuse her powers! It terrified her.

And so, she could no longer bring herself to disarm other people. She greatly doubted that she'd ever be able to use the Full Body Bind Curse again, or any other for that matter. She had somehow gotten into her head the absurd notion that the more magic she used against actual people, the more like a Death Eater she would become…

She knew she was alone in that particular mindset. Most of the other students seemed to think that Defense Against the Dark Arts would make it easier for them to keep from bearing such a destiny. They didn't understand… that the more Lily learned of the evil in the magical world – and with Professor Pryce teaching them, she definitely learned more and more with every lesson – the greater her aversion towards all things related to it became. Including magic. Whatever injuries she had ever caused James, Peeves, or anyone else, through her magic or through her fist, even if she had done so for all the right reasons and out of ignorance, hurt her now more than them! She wished she could take it all back.

What kind of person could actually wave their wand and intentionally harm another? Even if it was just for practice? Lily's rational side assured her that she was positively overreacting. That she was being absurd, illogical, and ridiculous. But she couldn't help it. She felt like someone had handed her a revolver and told her to shoot a schoolmate in the leg so that she might prepare for the off chance of coming face to face with a psychotic murderer whom she would have to kill in order to live. And that didn't sit right with her, no matter how she tried to look at it.

Therefore, she found herself growing worse and worse in that class. Up against her, Ian, who really wasn't all that great himself, looked more and more like a dueling whiz. Presently, however, he looked exactly like a rather concerned thirteen year old boy. This had to have been at least the fifth time he had blasted Lily to the floor with the Disarming Charm, and she wasn't getting back up.

"Are you okay?" he asked, kneeling down at her side. Her face was definitely flushed, he observed, and her breath was ragged. She glanced up at him, but wasn't given a chance to reply.

"On your feet, Evans!" Professor Pryce came storming in her direction. He _had_ been instructing two of the other Ravenclaws, but now he seemed to think that she required his immediate attention more than anyone else. Lily only wished that he hadn't spoken quite so loudly. Now, pretty much everyone was looking at her – including James, Remus, Sirius, and Peter. Ian stood up and hastened to back away as Pryce bent down and forcibly pulled her to her feet – she was much too exhausted to feel particularly offended by such treatment. No. She could only feel the blood of humiliation rising into her face.

"Yes, sir…" Not only was her voice incredibly soft, but it shook something fierce. She wondered if that was some kind of grisly aftereffect to having been disarmed so many times at once.

Pryce frowned and regarded both her and Ian. "Miss Evans, have you been attempting to perform the Shield Charm since class began… _again_? How many times do I have to tell you that if Mr. Aldwen does not wish to fall behind the rest of his peers, he must have a turn to practice it as well?"

"Actually, sir," Ian cut in, coming to Lily's aid. "We really _have_ been trading off as you told us to… Honest!"

"Indeed?" Pryce did not look at all impressed. "Then why is it that Miss Evans has picked herself off of the floor more times than anyone else in this entire school, while you have not landed on it once, Mr. Aldwen?"

Ian's face paled. Unlike James, he was not the kind of student who could readily respond to a teacher's scorn with composure and wit. "Well, she hasn't actually… uh…"

"She hasn't actually made an attempt to attack you even once," Pryce summed up rather quickly, nodding his head shrewdly. Disapproval burned through his eyes as he turned back towards Lily. "I don't know why I keep hoping that you'll come to class one of these days actually willing to participate. Honestly, I-"

"I _do_ participate!" Lily objected, pushing away from him. When nothing else could, the injustice of his words offended her greatly. "How many times did you say I've had to pick myself back up? Of _course_ I participate!"

Pryce narrowed his eyes, obviously insulted that she would dare to interrupt him. All expressions of any geniality that he had ever felt before in his life were gone now, for if there was anything in the world that was intolerable to this man, then it was no doubt the prospect of having failed to turn a student into a fighter. That seemed to be his only goal in life, and so far, Lily was proving to be the most disinclined. "Then might I suggest that you pick up your wand and attempt to disarm Mr. Aldwen of his! If you do not, I daresay you will be facing detention!"

Lily's legs were both trembling so severely that she seriously doubted she'd be able to perform the Disarming Charm even if she wanted to. "Excuse me, sir, but isn't this a _defense_ class? Why shouldn't I focus more on the Shield Charm than the Disarming one?"

"Because," Pryce replied coolly, though callously. "You will not _need_ a Shield Charm in the first place if you are capable of disarming unfriendly wizards. Understand?" Lily stared at him defiantly, but only for a moment. Then she found herself turning grumpily away. Pryce, however, wasn't about to let her off the hook. "Now I want you to perform a Disarming Charm in front of the entire class. If you do not, than I can guarantee that you won't be having an evening to yourself for the rest of the week."

Lily had never been threatened with detention before. The notion that _she_ might end up with one was so bizarre that for a moment, she didn't take him at all seriously. "I…"

"Professor Pryce!" Remus had suddenly bounded towards the man, more than ready to speak on behalf of the girl. "Can't you see that she doesn't like hexing people?" Pryce eyed the boy critically, as if he found such sincerity to be distasteful. Remus sighed. "Look, you put all the chairs and tables into storage, right? Can't you just pull some of them back out and set them up as targets or something? That way, Ian can practice his aim, and Lily'll be able to practice the charms she'd rather not use on her friends."

Lily tilted her head, gazing at Remus appreciatively. Even his arrogant friend, James Potter, could be seen nodding his head as if greatly impressed. She realized then and there just how much she had missed having the two of them around to rely on. She wished that things could still be the way they had been the year before.

Pryce, however, had other plans. He glared at Remus coldly. "I won't thank you for trying to teach my class, Mr. Lupin. If Miss Evans' greatest weakness truly is her dread of striking down those people who mean to harm her, than she will not overcome it by practicing on chairs and tables."

"But that's just the thing!" Remus shot back heatedly. "Ian doesn't mean to harm her! He's her friend!" Pryce looked like he was about to say something, but the boy beat him to the punch – which had possibly been quite rash of him. "I don't know what you expected when you applied for this position, professor, but it's the responsibility of the teacher to adjust to his students' needs, and not the other way around! If we can't learn by a certain method, you're the one who has to find a different method that we _can_ learn from! You don't just push us like that until we break!"

"What about my telling you not to teach my class gave you the impression that you could turn around and lecture _me_?" Pryce demanded in a soft, dangerous voice. "That's fifteen points from Gryffindor, Mr. Lupin, _and_ detention here on Friday." James and Sirius both took indignant steps forward, but their teacher wasn't about to stand for mutiny. "Don't make me take away thirty points more and hand you both out detentions as well." The look that had crossed James' face was unmistakable. Any and all favor that Professor Pryce might have had was now utterly and completely gone.

"Now," the teacher looked back at Lily. "Pick up your wand and face me. We'll see if we can't get a Disarming Charm out of you yet."

It felt like she was walking towards her own execution. Everyone was staring at her as she achingly made her way over to her wand, which had landed several yards away from both her _and_ Ian Aldwen when he had disarmed her. Slowly, she reached down and picked it up. Her heart was beating heavily in her throat.

Professor Pryce was urging the other students to back away towards the walls. He wasn't going to go easy on Lily, and he wanted to make sure that everyone else was safely out of the way. When she turned back around to face him, her dread had skyrocketed. She knew that unless she thought of something incredibly genius incredibly fast, than not only would she once again be blasted to the floor, but she would also be greatly humiliated and even put in detention! She hated this place… oh, she hated it more than any other.

_And what has he taught us?_ The question made her blood boil in anger. He didn't want them to be predictable. He didn't want them to be conventional. Instead, they were to be resourceful and instinctive. Well, instinct was telling her that she just _couldn't_ attack another person! Not even a person like Professor Pryce! So where did that leave her?

"Remember, Miss Evans," Pryce said, turning towards her menacingly. "If you cannot confiscate my wand, than you _will_ be spending detention with me every evening for the remainder of the week." It was a Tuesday.

"Yes, sir," she grumbled miserably. What on earth was she going to do now?

Professor Pryce held up his wand readily, waiting for her to make the first move. She slowly held up her own wand, trying hard not to panic. But by this point, _that_ was pretty much impossible. Her entire body ached, she was sweating now, and she could barely breathe.

She felt so trapped. She just couldn't do it! The Headmaster had said it himself… she had a gift. Only now did she truly understand that even gifts came with prices. Painful prices.

"I'm waiting," the jerk of a professor was trying to egg her on. But the more he pushed her, the more desperate she became. She just couldn't…

Or could she…?

There was another way. A way out! A way that not even _he_ could possibly have foreseen. Lily caught her breath the moment that such a realization struck her. Remus was right… There were _always_ different ways to get something done.

She threw up her wand. _"Accio!"_

Sure enough, Professor Pryce had not seen _that_ one coming. The Summoning Charm. James had used it on Peeves their first night back. And though Lily had never used it herself before, it wasn't the first spell she had ever performed perfectly on her first attempt. Pryce's wand slipped cleanly from his fingers and soared gracefully towards Lily. She caught it, and held it up for everyone to see.

For an impossibly long minute, no one spoke. Several students had gasped, and James and Sirius could both be heard snickering triumphantly, but no words were uttered. Professor Pryce himself could not shape his mouth properly to form any words, and was instead staring at her in complete disbelief.

Lily couldn't help but smirk. "You told us we were to break away from conventional, predictable defensive strategies, didn't you? You were right, professor. That does work a lot better." She spoke out of spite, but doing so felt remarkably refreshing. Was this what it's like to be James Potter? She glanced at him, and saw him grinning in admiration. For a moment – just a moment – she forgot that he was the school's greatest jerk, and the two of them were comrades again.

Professor Pryce quickly regained his composure, and nodded. "Quite impressive, Miss Evans. I see you're not completely useless after all."

At that moment, the loud bell that signaled the end of class rang out and Lily immediately threw the professor's wand onto the floor. She was then the first one out of the awful room, feeling, as she went, all of her satisfaction melting back down into fatigue. She wanted nothing more than to just fall asleep and never wake up again.

Several of the Ravenclaws presently ran after her, including Ian, along with James and Remus. Peter was no doubt still with Sirius, who had no doubt lingered in the Defense classroom to further taunt Professor Pryce. Lily hoped that he, at least, was able to feel all the satisfaction that she no longer could.

"Lily, that was brilliant!"

"Inspired!"

"You definitely showed that git, didn't you?"

The praise seemed to be unending. It seemed to be coming at her from every direction. She didn't want it! Professor Pryce hated her enough as it was already! Experience had taught her enough for her to know all too well that, before the night was over, every single bloody person at Hogwarts would know the story. The _last_ thing she needed was for Pryce to be reminded of it when it became the latest school legend. He'd never forgive her for it.

Defense Against the Dark Arts was about to become a heck of a lot worse, she noted miserably.

**ooooooo**

She was walking stiffly through the corridors the following afternoon, eager to get outside where she could relax and simply enjoy her break. She loved those days when she didn't have Defense Against the Dark Arts! Her entire body was still sore from her last lesson, and she wasn't at all eager for her next one, where she'd no doubt be pushed to her limits all over again – if not even more so than ever before!

Upon later reflection, however, she realized that she probably should have spent more time actually enjoying her present freedom rather than worrying about her later concerns, for at that moment, those concerns arrived, and she would of given absolutely anything to have felt enough pleasure to make up for her sudden deprivation. Professor Pryce had suddenly rounded a corner and, upon spotting her, made for her side.

"Well, if it isn't Miss Evans," he said snidely, his lip curling in distaste. "The latest heroine of all third years. I must say I'm surprised. Considering how famous you've become in a matter of hours, I wouldn't have expected you to be by yourself."

Lily rolled her eyes and kept on walking towards the nearest way out of the castle, picking up her pace as she went. "Actually, that's precisely _why_ I'm by myself. I don't _want_ any attention."

"I see," he said, walking with her. His legs were much longer than hers were. He had no trouble at all keeping up with her. "It's uncanny, then, how easily you seem drawn to the spotlight." His words did not comfort Lily one bit. "You know, girl, it really was clever of you to get out of having to hex me by stealing from me instead."

Lily stopped short and stared at him in disbelief. "I didn't steal from you!" If anything was uncanny about any of this, than it was only of how easily Pryce could turn anything around to suit his own ends. Of how easily he could suggest to Lily that, no matter what she did, she was still in the wrong.

"Don't misunderstand me," he said, though sounding amused. "You showed all the qualities in my class yesterday that I desire to bring out in all my students. The resourcefulness. The surprise. The quick wit." He turned around to stand directly in front of her. "It is admirable how you chose to take a situation that was out of your hands and turn it into something that you could control. But mark my words, Lily. If you cannot learn to get over this… this _distaste_ you seem to have for hexing antagonists, than you will _never_ survive in the magical world. Not with this war raging."

Lily glared at him with all the loathing in the world. "That's perfectly fine, professor. Because I have absolutely no intention of even _living_ in the magical world!" That seemed to shut him up pretty quickly, much to Lily's relief. He stared down at her in astonishment, as if she had just said something that was both remarkably fascinating and horrifically disgusting.

And then his mouth twitched. "I can see that the Potter boy was right about you. You _do_ have a temper."

Lily sneered. "Maybe. After all, I'm not even finished yet!" She held up her arms in utter frustration, feeling that, maybe now, it was time for her to let go of her emotions and allow herself a chance to rant and seethe. "Why can't you just, for _five minutes_, forget about the war? Think about something else? Not everyone in this school obsesses over it the way you do! Maybe _some_ of us don't want to grow up to be fighters! Maybe some of us just want our lives to be uneventful! Quiet! Long and peaceful! Who are you to decide what makes a person useless? You can be just as successful away from all that!"

Pryce scoffed. "That's where you're mistaken, Miss Evans. Those who cannot contribute to our efforts against He Who Must Not Be Named and his Death Eaters will never have a place in any society."

Lily narrowed her eyes, but before she could reply, their little confrontation was interrupted. Horace Slughorn, the Potions Master, appeared through a doorway on the right, a few yards ahead of Lily. She glanced up at him, feeling a moment's hope leap into her heart. As for Pryce, he noticed that she had been distracted and turned around to follow her gaze. When he saw Slughorn, he sighed, obviously displeased. It seemed the feeling was mutual, Lily noted, upon observing the look of repugnance on the other normally amiable old wizard's face.

"Horace," Pryce grumbled, nevertheless trying to be polite.

"Charlie," Slughorn inclined his head before turning towards the girl. His look of disgust melted instantaneously into a charming, pleasant smile. "Well, hello Lily! Fancy this, and I was just looking for you, too!"

In that moment, Horace Slughorn became Lily's absolute favorite teacher. She smiled back at him, with an expression of such sincere relief and gratitude on her face that the old Potions Master was caught quite off guard. "Yes, sir. If there's anything you need at all, I'm willingly at your disposal."

"No, no, no, it's nothing like that," Slughorn assured her congenially. "I've merely been meaning to ask you if you would not like to join me and a couple of other students for something of a dinner party after your visit to Hogsmeade this Halloween."

Before Lily even had time to feel surprised by this offer, Professor Pryce laughed again, though hardly in amusement. "_Dear_ Horace, you might not wish to waste your time with this girl! She said herself that she has 'absolutely no intention of even living in the magical world.' She doesn't meet the standards that you have so apparently set for your little _Slug Club_."

It was one thing, Lily thought, for a professor to treat his students with derision. Disrespecting an actual colleague, however, was _entirely_ unnecessary! Slughorn seemed to share a rather similar opinion.

"Come, come, Charlie," he spoke kindly and almost understandingly. "Just because some young ladies show more potential even _without_ their magic of becoming more successful than do full-blown wizards with _all_ the magic in the world does not mean you have to suffer such bitter envy."

It was a struggle for Lily not to burst right out in peals of laughter. She did, however, grin widely in delight. Pryce glared at her, and then at Slughorn, and then he was spinning on his heel and storming off.

Slughorn watched him go with a sigh. "Poor young chap. I tell you, some people just don't know how to be honest with themselves." He glanced back at the girl. "So what do you say, Lily? Can I expect you?"

"Yes, sir," she said in content, smiling at him once again. "It would be my pleasure."

**ooooooo**

**A/N:** Sorry for the delay! As I said, I've been plagued with schoolwork. Some of it really isn't fun… Anyway, I'll get the next chapter up soon, and don't any of you forget to review! Thanks!


	26. Self Discovery at Hogsmeade

**ooooooo**

When Halloween morning came, and the students who were either in their third year or above found themselves standing happily in the Hogwarts entrance hall waiting eagerly for Filch to finish checking off his attendance list so that they could all start the long hike down to Hogsmeade village, Lily found that she had absolutely no idea of what to expect. All she knew for sure was that there was enough excitement buzzing in the air around her that morning that, had it been the first day of Quidditch, a fair majority of the students would _still_ have rather gone off to the school's nearby neighbor.

Everyone was talking about it. Lily didn't know how many times she had heard about the delicious sweets served at Honeydukes, or about how wonderful the butterbeer was at The Three Broomsticks. Zonko's Joke Shop was the one place that James and Sirius were looking forward to visiting, and several of the older girls spent hours, it seemed, going on dreamily about Madam Puddifoot's… whatever that was.

Alice couldn't _wait_ to get there either. She had already asked Lily if _she_ could be the one to give her the grand tour of the place, and was looking forward to it about as much as all the third years were combined. Lily herself could hardly stand still in her own excitement. Halloween had never been her all-time favorite part of the year, for in her childhood it had _always_ meant going off on another wild goose chase with her magical seeking parents. There were just too many memories… For the past two years she hadn't been able to go exploring with them on Halloween, because, for one, she had been at school, and because, for two, her parents were both dead. She could remember now her first Halloween after it had happened… It had been very difficult. It had been excruciatingly painful.

But on _this_ Halloween, she would be off exploring the wonders of Hogsmeade! It felt like she was paying tribute to the memory of her parents or something by doing so. It lightened her heart considerably, for she found that it was better to cherish and honor the memories of lost loved ones, rather than to live an entire life in constant, unending grief. She could honestly not wait to get there.

The road into Hogsmeade was a very familiar one, seeing as how it was the one that led up to the station at which the Hogwarts Express dropped off and picked up its students. Alice had already told her to expect that, for the station was a part of Hogsmeade itself. The rest of the village was directly beyond it.

It was a beautiful morning. Though quite cool, the sky was clear and the sun reflected most resplendently off the tranquil waters of the lake. Birds were dancing in the air all around them, and every now and then, out of the corners of her eyes, Lily thought she could see certain varieties that were entirely unfamiliar to her. She could feel the magic in the air, and not for the first time she found that she treasured this place more than she had _ever_ treasured any other. It was during times like that when she could finally accept – even if only for a heartbeat – how little her magic frightened her anymore. During times like that, she no longer lived in a nightmare. No. It felt so much more like a dream. An incredibly peaceful dream. One from which she did not want to wake.

That dream continued and intensified the closer they came to the village. They rounded a corner, passed by the Hogsmeade Station, and then made their way farther down the road until the village itself came into sight. The moment Lily laid her eyes on it, she stopped short and caught her breath.

It was incredible! Perhaps not quite as spectacular as Hogwarts, but still just as enchanting. There were stores and houses lining either side of the road that ran through its center, and absolutely all of them had an air of venerability about them that made Lily feel as though she had fallen back in time. It was so picturesque… so quaint… and so… so familiar. And as she had known with the road on which she had walked up to the train station, so she now knew with an absolutely certainty, as she inched her way deeper into the town, that she had been there before as well.

A look of wonder stole its way onto her face, and she found herself slowly turning round in a tight circle, trying to catch sight of everything all at once. The Tudor-like buildings… their decorative signs and old mailboxes… the brass hanging oil lanterns… the trees… the people… It felt like she was being consumed by an overwhelming sense of déjà vu.

Alice, who had already begun pointing out certain landmarks in the village, couldn't help but notice. She smiled understandingly. "It's wonderful, isn't it? Coming to this place and getting away from the castle for a change? This village is the only one in Britain that's entirely magical! And we're-"

"I've been here before!" Lily suddenly exclaimed, no longer able to keep her incredible astonishment quiet. Alice froze, staring at her in surprise.

"What?"

Lily glanced at her friend uncertainly. "At least… I _think_ I have. I've definitely seen it before… somewhere."

Alice hesitated, considering her words very carefully. Third years who were from muggle families had no business saying that they had frequented Hogsmeade before their first visit with the school. It made no sense at all. "You mean you… stumbled upon it accidentally when you were returning to the train?"

"No!" Lily knew exactly where Alice was coming from. It was impossible that she had ever been there before! The witches and wizards who lived there no doubt had magical protection to keep lost and exploring muggles from ever finding it. They didn't want to risk such exposure. But… Lily simply could not deny the shivering sensation inside her heart. "It wasn't in the last three years. It was… a long time ago."

"Did you dream it?" Alice's eyes widened as her imagination searched for some sort of feasible explanation. "Maybe you _did _dream it! But maybe it wasn't a dream! Maybe it was a vision! Maybe you saw yourself standing here years and years ago!" She inhaled deeply, as if she had made some sort of remarkable revelation. And then when she next spoke, she spoke with complete earnestness as she slowly nodded her head. "Maybe you should have signed up for Divination."

Lily stared at her in exasperation. "Come off it; that's not what I mean!" She turned back around, observing the mass of students who were all struggling to get inside Honeydukes. "When I was here, it wasn't crowded like this."

"I should think not!"

The voice came from behind them. Lily and Alice both whirled around in surprise, only to find that they had been overheard by none other than Filius Flitwick. Being one of the school supervisors, he had accompanied the students to the village and was now looking up at the two girls rather pleasantly. "After all, you were here in the middle of the summer, Miss Evans. All the students were away spending their holidays at home."

Alice's mouth dropped open. "You mean…?" She turned towards Lily. "So you were…?" She looked so incredulous. Lily, however, couldn't take her eyes away from Professor Flitwick. What he had just said to her… it was unbelievable… but she somehow knew that it was true.

"When my mother first saw you," she said slowly, thinking back to that day a little over two years ago when she had received her first Hogwarts letter. "She said that she had seen you somewhere before."

Flitwick nodded, obviously impressed. "You have a remarkable memory, Miss Evans."

Alice shook her head, growing quite confounded. "But wait! Lily's parents were both muggles! You met her mum here? But how?"

The professor chuckled as a faraway look came over his eyes. It seemed as though he was remembering something that had been quite agreeable to him. "You were three years old, Lily. Even before you were born, your parents both had something of a record in our world. They were always looking for magic. And when they searched for it, they nearly _always_ found it. Of course, the authorities saw to it that their memories were constantly being adjusted, to make sure that the big secret was kept safe and all, but no magic could have ever possibly changed their natures. Somehow, no matter what we tried or how hard we tried it, they never completely forgot the many wonders that they discovered. They took magic too much to heart, you see. And in their hearts, they would never forget. It was a shame that they weren't magical themselves, for they would have been rather good at it."

Lily couldn't help herself. She smiled and looked down, feeling her face flush. It was strange… listening to Flitwick speak of her parents in such a way… but at the same time, it also felt indescribably heartwarming.

"It was about ten years ago," the little professor stated. "Don't ask me what brought your parents way out here, for I couldn't even begin to guess. There is no muggle map that has Hogsmeade on it. There was no possible way for them to have known of its existence."

Lily shook her head. "With my parents, when it came to gathering magical information, anything was possible."

Flitwick smiled. "So it would appear. But you were born a witch, Lily. Hogsmeade may be protected from muggle discovery, but certainly not from you. Somehow, you managed to wander off from your parents, and you ended up right over there outside the post office." He pointed and both Lily and Alice followed his gaze. And sure enough, it looked strikingly familiar to Lily. Her heart began to pound.

"What happened then?" Alice asked most eagerly, turning back towards the professor. To her, this seemed to be more like a fascinating yarn than an actual piece of Lily's past. But despite that, Lily wanted to hear the rest just as much.

"Well," Flitwick went on. "She was naturally discovered, but no one knew what to make of her. Three year olds don't just appear alone and out of nowhere, you see. The last thing anyone in this village ever wanted was trouble, and for all we knew, she could have been a changeling or some such thing. An eye was kept on you, Lily, but no one went near you." She wasn't sure whether or not she should be offended by that. But she didn't say anything. "Albus Dumbledore was sent for, of course, but your parents arrived before he got there."

He paused for a moment, staring at the girl kindly. "They loved you, Lily. It's a funny thing, really. They stumbled across magic so many times… and their memories were ever being adjusted. But it seems that every time, they held on tighter to those memories. It grew more difficult to keep them in check, because they were growing more and more impervious to that particular branch of magic. They, um… developed a kind of strength. And I daresay the authorities who tried to keep them in line were ultimately responsible for them developing that kind of strength. The more your parents sought out the magic that was denied to them, the more they seemed to attract an incredibly different kind of magic. A kind of old magic so few of us ever get the chance to see."

Lily felt her heart freeze in place. For a moment, she couldn't move; couldn't speak. She was just too stunned.

Alice seemed to be equally unnerved, but at least she could still talk. "But Lily's parents were muggles! How could they of-?"

Professor Flitwick chuckled. "I'm not an expert in old magic, girl! But I can tell you this. It has nothing to do with being a witch or a wizard, capable of waving around a wand. Old magic is in the very fabric of our reality. I daresay it is what muggles so often refer to as a 'miracle.'" He focused on Lily. "When your parents lost you, they quickly began to panic. And the only thing that mattered to them in the entire world was finding you again. Finding you and then keeping you safe for the rest of your life. Perhaps it was old magic – which I believe is at its best when used within a family – that allowed them to break past the protection that shelters Hogsmeade, where they found you. I've never seen a pair of muggles quite so happy in my life. The love they showered on you then was infinite, Lily. Infinite and immeasurable. Unlike anything in the world. It would not surprise me in the least for you to still have traces of that love imbued within your heart and soul."

_My gift…_ Lily stared down at him in amazement. Was it true? Was that where her gift had come from? Because her parents had been so devoted to their quest for magic, despite having been denied it so often by the wizarding authorities, had they truly attracted old magic? And then, had that magic been embedded inside her own heart when they had found her again, after having lost her? Such love was everlasting… and it was powerful. What was it that Albus Dumbledore had once said about it?

_"A kind of power that is indeed very rare. A kind of power that is most assuredly the greatest I have ever seen in all my life."_ It was the greatest. And it seemed to flourish within Lily.

Somehow… it had all started here. Slowly, silently, she turned away from Alice and Professor Flitwick. She took in the village around her; it was not at all what she had expected to find when she had awoken that morning. Here… some ten years ago… her story had begun. Fate… If that was what it was, then it was indeed a strange and ironic sort of thing.

"They loved you, Lily," Flitwick said once again. "They gave you a gift, and they never once even realized it." He glanced uncertainly at Alice, but in the end, what he wanted to say was just too important. He had to say it now, or the chance might not ever come again. "I know you're not exactly comfortable with your magic. But Lily… your parents were both devoted to it. Perhaps… perhaps you should try seeing it through their eyes."

**ooooooo**

**A/N:** A lot of this chapter was just me making up my own theories and interpretations regarding old, ancient magic. I've no idea how true it is to J. K. Rowling's intent. I hope that's okay. It fit with my story, and it explained a lot. I know this chapter's a short one compared with the last few, but this is what I thought was appropriate. Please review and share your thoughts. This chapter's very important to me, so don't forget. Thank you all so much!


	27. The Slug Club

**ooooooo**

For the first time in almost two completely whole years, Lily Evans felt close to her parents. But not just close… she felt _extremely_ close, which was strange, because she didn't really have any actual _memories_ of Hogsmeade. She just had this sense that it was familiar to her. Increasingly familiar. And that the more time she spent there, the more it felt like… home. She could see her parents more clearly in her mind now than she had in what felt like ages, even _with_ the framed picture of them she kept beside her bed in her dorm room. And no matter where she looked, she felt… almost as if she was being _graced_ by her parents' presence. She felt closer to them now than… even when they had still been alive.

When they had been alive, she had resented them. She had been ashamed by their abnormal interested in the unreal. And, she realized now that she had also been greatly influenced by her own sister's opinions, and by fears that she had never truly justified feeling.

_"Ask for a doll if you want, Lily. But if I were you, I'd be grateful for the blankey and the story books you've got. Don't go looking for mom and dad's disappointment."_ Petunia's words. Petunia's installation of fear inside of Lily. The thirteen year old had no idea whether or not her older sister had done it on purpose – probably not, though, as they had been much too young at the time for such malice – but it had still been done. Children were impressionable. That was one fact that could not be disputed.

If there was one thing Lily felt while exploring Hogsmeade aside from the comfort of its familiarity, than it had to be regret. A gentle, resigned sort of regret to be sure, but regret none the less. After being obligated to her parents, and then obligated to her fear, she now realized that she had been obligated to her sister all along. And why _should_ she be obligated to her sister? It was quite obvious that Petunia hated her! And if not her, than at least everything else about her.

Lily… she knew why her sister felt that way. She understood, because she had felt the same for the longest time. But now… her sincere desire to live a quiet, normal live without magic was being questioned by the love she sensed at Hogsmeade. By her parents' love. Here, in this magical village, she did not need to question Professor Flitwick's assertions concerning her parents' affections. She knew that they loved her. She knew that they had given her an amazing, incredible gift. That was more than Petunia had ever done for her.

And so, for the first time in a rather long time, she felt motivated to use her magic and to continue attending Hogwarts, not out of obligation towards anyone or anything in particular, but out of personal desire. If her parents had been so devoted to such magic in their lives, then she wanted to find out for herself exactly _why_. Why had they been like that? What was so fascinating about it in their eyes? She wanted to make that discovery. She felt that she _had_ to know before she could honestly decide whether or not she truly wanted to live with or without magic.

_"Learn to stand."_ Those three words had been the last she had ever heard from her father. Or, rather, the last she had ever felt from him. And she still didn't know what they meant! Something told her now that, in order for her to learn, she had to first understand her parents in a way that she had never even _tried_ to before.

It was time for her to be fair.

_"Why didn't you tell me about any of this before now?"_ Lily remembered asking Professor Flitwick not more than an hour past. _"You should have told me! You should have brought me here two years ago! Why did you wait until now?"_

_"Because," _he had told her kindly. _"If I had brought you to Hogsmeade before you reached the customary age, you would have been suspicious of my intentions. And if I had told you that you had been here as a child, you would not have believed me. This was a discovery you needed to make on your own. I would not have brought any of it up at all, now or _ever_, if you had not remembered it first."_ He had smiled at her fondly, then. _"The only important thing is that you did in fact remember. You made your own discovery. Trust yourself, Lily. You just proved to all of us today that your heart is much like your parents' were. It's strong… and it won't let you down."_

_Trust myself…_ The concept seemed like such a new one. _Did_ she trust herself? Could she ever learn to? And what exactly was it about herself or about the world around her that made it so that she _needed_ to trust herself? It was all so confusing, so daunting, so overwhelming that she didn't even know where to begin. Eventually, however, she came to the realization that if she were to begin anywhere, she might as well begin where it had all begun. There. Right there at Hogsmeade.

And so, she and Alice had set off, attempting to explore the village once again. This time, Alice did not pretend to be some kind of tour guide. She did not lead Lily around from place to place like some kind older expert. After all… had not Lily been there first? They explored together. To Alice, it was almost as if she were visiting the place for the very first time. And in the end, when they, along with the rest of the visiting student body, turned back towards Hogwarts, the both of them felt completely spent and yet elated, high spirited, and free. Definitely free. There were no more obligations binding and suffocating Lily. Even if it was just temporary, she felt lighter than a phoenix's feather.

The sun was setting in the west as they hiked towards the castle. The entire sky was bathed in a very warm, crimson gold light that left Lily breathless. She stared at it, not for the first time wondering at the beauty found in the countryside – even on a night like Halloween! And for once in her life, everything seemed peacefully tranquil… exactly as it should be.

Inside the castle, or outside on the castle grounds, students seemed to literally be everywhere enjoying the holiday. They greeted the older kids as they returned from the village, who in turn were quick to join in on any of the countless activities taking place there as well, whether it meant eating magical candy, decorating, playing silly little games, or somehow getting into trouble some other way. All of it brought to Lily's mind the kind of magic that had more to do with a moment than with an actual wand. It was one of those moments – one of those days, really – that seemed to last forever, that was definitely cherished forever, and that was then sorely missed once it had past.

Lily stood outside the castle for a long time, gazing out towards the lake where other children were playing and laughing, with Alice as her only companion. A small, satisfied smile had crept over her face, and anyone else would have observed that it brought out the green in her eyes. They truly seemed to shine.

"I think this is the best Halloween that I've ever had," she said quietly, several minutes later. Alice glanced at her in surprise, but didn't say anything. It wasn't one of those things a person could easily respond to, given everything that the two of them had both just learned earlier that morning. "It felt like my parents were here to share it with me."

Alice hesitated for a moment. And then she commented: "I'm sure they were." They _always_ were. It was a comforting thought. "The Halloween Feast will be starting soon. I heard there's going to be even _more_ bats this year than last year!"

Lily laughed. "Yeah? I guess that's one less thing I've got to worry about." She brushed some of her dark red hair out of her face. "I've been invited to go to some kind of dinner party by Professor Slughorn." Alice stared at her in open surprise, which caused her to falter. "What?"

"Nothing," Alice said quickly, trying very hard to mask her astonishment. "It's just that… getting invited into the Slug Club is kind of a prestigious honor. There aren't very many third years who are cut out for it. Slughorn must really see something in you."

Lily frowned, remembering the words that Professor Pryce had said when she had first received her invitation. _"She said herself that she has 'absolutely no intention of even living in the magical world.' She doesn't meet the standards that you have so apparently set for your little Slug Club."_ What had that been about?

"I've never been invited myself," Alice presently admitted. "But Emily Matheson has, and I've heard they're generally pretty entertaining. Professor Slughorn apparently knows how to throw a party."

Lily shrugged. "I guess I'll find out." She then feigned a sigh of disappointment. "And here I was looking forward to witnessing James Potter pull off yet another idiotic Halloween prank!"

Alice brushed that aside. "Don't worry about it. His pranks get better all the time, so even if you miss one, the next will more than make up for it. And no matter how good those Slug Club parties are, I doubt the same can be said of them." Lily agreed. To the west, the resplendent colors of the sunset finally ebbed away and overhead, a flurry of bats swept towards the Forbidden Forest as a startling preview for what most of the students would face upon entering the Great Hall.

**ooooooo**

It felt more than just a little peculiar walking away from the Great Hall later that evening, when the Great Hall seemed to be the destination of everyone else in the school. So much noise came from it, and an atmosphere of genial festivity could be felt even from outside. It was rather difficult resisting the natural urge to automatically follow the rest of her friends, but somehow Lily managed to make the walk towards Slughorn's office. He had, after all, done her a favor, and she couldn't very well return it by snubbing him.

Surprisingly enough, however, she found that she could feel a similar kind of atmosphere filling the corridors surrounding the Potion Master's office just as much. Before long, she could also hear different voices and laughter and even _music_ coming from the room which was now in her sights. Its large door stood open, and several older students surrounded it, obviously having the time of their lives, as they waited for space enough to get inside.

Lily stopped short, hesitantly. She didn't know or even _recognize_ any of them. She had already spent her entire day at Hogsmeade – there was only so much excitement a girl could take in one sitting! She glanced around, as if in search for someone she _did_ know. Like Emily Matheson. Were the seventh year Gryffindor to show up at that exact moment, Lily would have been, by far, the most relieved girl in the entire school. But Emily didn't show up in answer to her prayers.

_Oh, come on! What's the worst that could happen?_ Lily's day had been entirely too wonderful for her to hesitate and be nervous now! She walked towards the office, doing her best to ignore the fact that she would no doubt be, if Alice had been right earlier, the youngest girl in the room. As it was, the older students were much too wrapped up in their own amusement to even notice the thirteen year old as she slipped past them and made her way inside.

It was, without a doubt, just as well decorated as Lily knew the Great Hall was upstairs – minus the bats. There were carved pumpkins everywhere – and the candles inside them were all that illuminated the room, giving it a rather haunted feel that amused the boys and thrilled the girls. Several skeletons lined the walls – though in an orderly way that spoke wonders for Professor Slughorn's propriety. A couple of ghosts were in attendance, though none that Lily recognized. Nearly Headless Nick and the other house ghosts were no doubt up in the Great Hall with the majority of the students. But the mere fact that the ghosts _weren't_ familiar contributed greatly to the chill.

The place was crowded. Lily hadn't ever been in Slughorn's office before, but it surely wasn't big enough to comfortably fit _this_ crowd inside of it! There were students everywhere, and even a couple of adults she didn't recognize. House-elves were running around in every which way getting their various tasks accomplished – though Lily didn't recognize any of _them_ either. Flimsy certainly wasn't there, and thank goodness neither was Kreacher!

She wandered around a bit, eventually finding a table serving refreshments. It _was_ supposed to be a dinner party, and as Lily browsed around the food – some of which she recognized and some of which she didn't – she could see that Professor Slughorn had spared no expense in treating his students.

"Ah! Lily! I can see you made it!"

At the sound of his loud, jovial voice, Lily spun around quickly and found herself facing up to her charming host. He was making his way through the crowd towards her while smiling, waving, nodding, saying hello, and going about other such pleasantries to everyone else who caught his eye. But through it all, he made his way towards her.

"Good evening, professor," she said amiably enough when he reached her. She clasped both of her hands behind her back, feeling slightly awkward and out of place, though she couldn't even have begun to guess why.

"Yes indeed," he replied cheerfully. "Halloween! It is without a doubt one of the most remarkably high spirited of holidays! Come now; let me introduce you to some of my other guests."

Most of them, Lily learned as the next hour and a half wore on – in which she met more people than she could remember ever having met in one place before – were either present students of his or past students. And if any of the past students had anything at all in common with each other – other than their association with Professor Slughorn, of course – than it had to be that they were all remarkably successful in the magical world. Some of them were even celebrities!

Presently, one man – Lily wasn't sure of his name, for she had heard by far too many in that one hour and a half to remember them all – regarded her intently. "I've heard our dear old Professor Slughorn speak highly of your competency with potions, Miss Evans."

Lily hesitated. Was she supposed to acknowledge that or be modest? She had no idea what sort of behavior was expected from her at a Halloween dinner party, and even now she _still_ wasn't particularly comfortable in addressing her own proficiency. "Thank you, sir."

The man scoffed, turning towards Slughorn. "Another quiet one. I suppose they _do_ tend to be more successful than the obnoxious ones… Who was that other potions prodigy you introduced me to during your last little party, professor? Are you still in the habit of sticking the best with the best?"

Slughorn smiled sheepishly. "Well, that _would_ be a little difficult, Edward. Young Lily is a Gryffindor after all, and Severus a Slytherin." He glanced down quizzically at the girl, whose heart had literally jerked to a stop at the mere mention of the boy. "Lily, you're acquainted with Severus, are you not?"

Lily looked up at him almost guiltily, not knowing what to say. The last time she had had any real contact with Severus Snape had been when she had first found out about the war. She had told him, along with James, Sirius, and Peter, that she hated him and never wanted to see him again. "Perhaps not as well as I should be, professor."

The Potion Master's friend seemed amused. He crossed his arms knowingly. "She answers questions like that rather carefully, doesn't she?"

"She's very diplomatic," Slughorn agreed, changing the subject away from third year prodigies, much to Lily's relief. "It's a rather valuable quality, Lily. Diplomats broker peace. During times of war, they have just as much to offer as any combatant. If not even more."

Lily felt her face flush, and she was suddenly very glad she had come that night. Of course she knew exactly what Slughorn was referring to. He must have overheard more of Professor Pryce's argument with her earlier that week about her refusal to curse and hex people than she had originally thought. And now, after having already helped her out of the corner into which she had been backed by the Defense Professor, he was also offering her words of encouragement. He really did seem to be a very kind man – even if a little self-centered. "I just wish that could be said about _this_ war as well, sir."

Professor Slughorn considered her for a long moment, no doubt sensing her sincerity. Not for the first time, he found it surprising… and more than just a _little_ admirable. But then he caught sight of someone behind the girl, and quickly took advantage of that. "Why, there's Severus right now!" He caught Lily by her shoulder and steered her towards an out of the way table that was flanked by two particularly ghoulish looking jack-o'-lanterns. A thirteen year old boy with hair that was greasier than ever stood staring dejectedly into the face of one.

"Severus, young chap!" Slughorn called cheerfully out to him as he and Lily drew closer. The boy heard them, obviously, but when he turned around to face them, he did so rather slowly and almost reluctantly. The Potions Master didn't seem to notice. "Come, now! What are you doing over here all by yourself?"

Severus didn't answer. For he had suddenly noticed Lily, and was now staring back and forth between her and Slughorn apprehensively. Unlike James and Sirius, it seemed all too likely that Severus would have taken Lily's last words to him to heart, and he was probably just waiting for her to verbally lash out at him… Empathetically, Lily could almost see something about his expression that told her he had come to even quite expect such verbal lashings. She frowned.

"I trust _you_ know Lily Evans," Slughorn was saying, drawing the boy away from the pumpkin. "After all, you're both in Potions together, and I daresay that, together, the two of you are the brightest I've ever taught!"

Lily found _that_ rather hard to believe. Professor Slughorn _always_ seemed to be praising her during Potion lessons. Lately it seemed as though she couldn't get through a single class without finding herself in the spotlight. But Severus… he _never_ stood out. Lily _never_ heard Slughorn showering _him_ with praise. If he really was as good with Potions as she was, than how come _he_ never shared center stage with her? How come _he_ got to remain in such blissful obscurity? How was _that _fair?

Severus glanced at her cautiously then. "How are you?" His voice was just as soft as ever, but it sounded more timid than it had the last time she had heard it. He couldn't possibly have been very comfortable here. Lily wondered why he had come.

"I'm…" she hesitated. It really was kind of awkward. She hadn't spoken to him in almost two years! She didn't understand _why_ it felt so awkward! "I've had a good day." She shrugged. It would have been too difficult trying to tell him that her day had been practically like heaven. The last time she had seen him, she had been completely miserable. They had almost… found some camaraderie in that. But if her misery was gone now… then their chance for that kind of shared understanding went with it. She didn't want to disappoint him.

He nodded. "Me too." She could tell that his words were false as he could tell that hers were understated. But she didn't try to question him… It wasn't her place to question him.

"Well, well," Slughorn eyed the two of them thoughtfully, and then turned back towards some of the older students. He paused only long enough to politely excuse himself before rather abruptly scurrying away. Lily found that both she and Severus were staring after him in horror.

"Ah…!" Lily glanced sideways at Severus. His face looked uncharacteristically white, _and_ it looked moist. When he glanced back at her, she could tell that Slughorn's hasty retreat had caught him just as off guard as it had her.

"Happy Halloween," he said hurriedly.

"You, too," she replied, just as hurriedly. They both simultaneously turned awkwardly away from each other, and scurried away.

**ooooooo**

That night, Lily sat on her bed in her dorm room up in the Gryffindor Tower. It would have been completely dark, for it was _definitely_ after curfew – but on Halloween, no one _ever_ went to bed on time. Instead, the girls all stayed up late with their wands magically illuminated so that they might cast shadows in every direction. In an ancient castle tower like that one, it was, to say the least, rather haunting. Of course, it didn't help matters that they were all telling each other ghost stories!

Lily herself wasn't paying much attention. Her thoughts had fallen back to all that she had learned at Hogsmeade, and she held the framed picture of her parents lovingly in her hands. When all the other girls jumped or gasped or sometimes even burst out in laughter, she found that she herself was only mildly affected. It did feel as though nothing in the world could frighten her now.

Presently, Morgan was speaking in as spooky a voice as she could muster: "…and some say that the girl's spirit _never_ left the school. Just as the monster that killed her _never_ left the school. It still lurks here… somewhere in the shadows… waiting… for its master to return and reopen the Chamber."

Two girls gasped. Two other girls giggled. Most, Lily noticed offhandedly, were too busy staring at the shadows around the room to do either, as if half expecting them to come alive.

"If it _is_ still here," Mary casually said after a few more minutes had past. "I don't think it's in the school. I think it's in the Forest."

"Why's that?" Harriet asked eagerly while leaning forward, evidently hoping for another ghost story to give her another thrill.

Mary shrugged. "Have you heard the rumors? Some of the creatures in there have been… disappearing. No one knows what to make of it." Lily frowned, looking at the girl curiously. With Mary, you could never tell when she was or wasn't being serious.

"It's not because of the monster," Charlotte cut in disdainfully. "I heard Hagrid talking about it. Someone's hunting them, and he's not happy about it. Poachers."

"Poachers?" Pippa scoffed, climbing under her bedcovers. "That's ridiculous! There aren't any poachers at Hogwarts! You must have heard wrong." Charlotte shrugged, as if it didn't really matter all that much to her one way or the other.

"Come on," Isabelle said, clapping her hands together in excitement. "I've got another story! This one will scare you even more than the last one!"

"What last one?" Pippa demanded sardonically. "The one about poachers?"

"Shut up," Isabelle waved her hands at her friend, and then glanced over at the only third year in the room. "All right, Lily. Put that picture down and pay attention! I'm determined to get a scream out of you yet!" Lily grinned, and obligingly did as she was told. A moment later she was leaning forward just as intently as all the others, listening closely as Isabelle wove together for them a story about overgrown Devil's Snare that slowly destroyed an entire muggle village.

**ooooooo**

**A/N:** Hey everyone! Sorry it took so long… Anyway, I'm not sure whether or not Snape was ever a part of the Slug Club, but in HBP, Slughorn really did seem kind of friendly with him at one of his parties, so you never know. Snape really was a Potions genius, so anything's possible. Please review! Thanks so much!


	28. Quidditch

**A/N:** Here we go! It's a long chapter for you! Sorry for the wait… Quidditch! I hope you like it. But even if you don't like Quidditch, if that's even _possible_, don't just skip this chapter. Something important happens. And don't forget to review! Thank you all so much!

**ooooooo**

It was here! It had come at last! On a cold, blustery November morning, the day had finally arrived! The day of the year's very first, highly anticipated, Quidditch match between Gryffindor and Slytherin!

The level of excitement was at an all-time high, as it _had _been for the past week and a half! Never before had the school seen so much energy emanating from its students – which was, in itself, not necessarily a good thing. Even the quietest, shiest of students had grown restless, and what with the upcoming game, hardly anyone could so much as even _concentrate_ on attempting their homework!

And who could blame them? The rivalry between Gryffindor and Slytherin was practically an epic legend! Their teams were the two best in the entire school – and even though Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff each supported their own individual teams first and foremost, they _did_ follow either of the two competitors as devotedly as they would actual professionals! In any case, many of the matches played between those two houses above that particular field proved to be so much more dramatic and electrifying than matches played even at World Cups! Or so it was said…

There was just too much history between the two. Gryffindor and Slytherin. The rivalry delved incredibly deeply and had spanned over the course of so many centuries that there was absolutely no other feud even _capable_ of competing with it. Of _course_ every year the entire student body overflowed with buzzing excitement! Hogwarts Quidditch had long since evolved into something that was much more like a journey than a mere means of magical entertainment, and every new season was a new stretch of the road ahead. Every season was a brand new tide. And no one wanted to miss it.

Presently, Lily was shivering uncontrollably way up in one of the many jam-packed stands that towered hundreds of feet – or so it seemed – above the field. What with the rather fierce November chill and the particularly strong winds, it was indeed uncommonly cold that morning, and she, along with several of the other girls, had neatly and effectively braided her hair out of her face before making the long climb up, and was now tightly wrapped in a cloak, scarf, and mittens. Not for the first time, she was particularly grateful that she wasn't on the Gryffindor team herself. Even if she _hadn't_ been petrified simply by the mere _thought_ of flying around on a broomstick with wild Bludgers rocketing after her, trying to knock her down hundreds of feet to an inevitable and painful demise, she wouldn't have been able to stand the cold.

All around her, the incredibly high stands were filled to the brim with excited fans chattering and grinning eagerly. None of them seemed to care about the sharp, uncomfortable chill; those who noticed merely hopped up and down for warmth while waiting impatiently for the match to begin.

Not too far away – although in another stand – Sirius Black was preparing to do the commentary. It was his way of feeling involved, Lily supposed, since he hadn't actually been offered a chance to play himself. Remus and Peter, naturally, were both at his side, and Professor McGonagall at his back, watching him carefully.

"Well folks, it looks like the two teams have finally decided to make an appearance!" Sirius declared enthusiastically, his voice having been magically amplified so that everyone – even the players themselves – could hear with relative ease. Lily glanced down and, sure enough, found that she could clearly see several tiny little figures all dressed in either red or green.

Alice and the other girls beside her began to cheer just as loudly as the rest of the boys and girls in the stadium. Lily herself felt a joy, a kind of blissful elation, well up inside her heart; she _loved_ watching Quidditch! She loved it with a passion! Ever since that day Remus had first introduced her to it… While the other students all cheered at the top of their lungs, she sighed happily and leaned forward to watch.

"We can see Slytherin Captain Alec Eaton leading his team onto the field," Sirius commented, not without a hint of derision in his voice that was completely erased when he switched over to the other side. "And there is William Brown, Captain of the Gryffindors! This year will be his last, ladies and gentlemen, so let's wish him a good, undefeated season!" Many Slytherin supporters laughed at that, as if it had been the greatest joke they'd heard all year. It didn't matter though, because they were easily overpowered by the loud approval of the Gryffindor fanatics.

"Joining the Gryffindor team this year is none other than James Potter!" Sirius went on proudly. "Playing Chaser now that Polly Strain has graduated. We'll see if he can't live up to her remarkable legacy!"

Lily rolled her eyes. Somehow, it didn't surprise her one bit that Sirius would make this game all about his best friend. If Professor McGonagall had an ounce of sense – which Lily _knew_ she did – then she'd arrange it so that commentators consisted of students who were not actually in either of the two contending houses. Perhaps, on some level, even if she would _never_ admit it, the woman actually enjoyed listening to Sirius praise his house while abusing the other.

The two teams kicked off the ground. James was inevitably the first one up, and as he ascended, he maneuvered his broom around in smooth, graceful circles that showed it off quite impressively. Lily didn't know that much about broomsticks herself, but even _she_ could tell that its quality was exceptionally fine and that his own proficiency upon its back made the extra year of waiting well worth it on his part. The other players couldn't even begin to match his speed and grace, no matter how hard they tried.

The game began almost immediately after the fourteen players kicked off the ground, and not even two seconds had past before the Quaffle found its way into the hands of a Slytherin, who rapidly set off towards the Gryffindor's Keeper, easily evading each of the players pursuing him as he went.

Meanwhile, the Bludgers seemed to be _everywhere_ flying around savagely in _every_ possible direction. And despite the fact that Lily knew perfectly well there were only two of them, in her mind it always felt like there were dozens more. Her gaze was constantly being drawn back to them; the most fascinating and horrifying aspects of the brutal game.

The Slytherin with the Quaffle was soaring in front of the three Gryffindor goal posts, with nothing separating him from them but the Keeper. He spun his broomstick around rather fancily before sending the ball flying towards the goal. The Keeper dived, catching the ball perfectly and shooting it towards James all in one breath. The boy caught it quickly and cradled it lovingly in one arm before starting off towards the other side of the field. All around her, Gryffindor fans were cheering, and Lily feared she might drown in all the pandemonium.

Her heart, however, leapt into her throat – as she was sure everyone else's did – when James was cut off from his destination by the two other Slytherin Chasers. Each one of them looked positively murderous. James paused, but only for a moment, to take them in. And then he was soaring farther up towards the clouds.

Both of the opposing Chasers stared up after him. Only one, however, was able to pursue, because the other suddenly received a very painful looking smack to the head by a Bludger. Not too far away, one of the Gryffindor Beaters – William Brown to be precise – sat on his broomstick looking cocky.

James, meanwhile, was ascending nearer and nearer to the heavens. Lily craned back her neck, looking straight up towards the sky, and she _still_ found it rather difficult to catch a glimpse of him anymore. He had simply flown too far up to be clearly visible from the stands. For a moment she wondered just how he could possibly breathe way up there, but she quickly shrugged the thought off. James wasn't _that_ much of an idiot after all.

The Chaser who had been following him, however, didn't seem particularly inclined to make any more of a pursuit than he already had, and now he sat hovering on his broomstick with a fierce little scowl spread across his angry little face.

The game seemed to come to a momentary standstill. Even the Beaters paused, temporarily ignoring the Bludgers that continued to shoot randomly at different players – becoming the only drive any of them had anymore to move at all. Without a Quaffle on the field, after all, there was very little they could do.

Lily fidgeted nervously in the stands. Her friends whispered to each other in quiet excitement – they could only speak so loudly, after all, when their breaths were caught so tightly in their throats. James had to be out of his mind!

And then he was descending – faster than a bolt of lightning! He rather looked like a bolt of lightning for that matter, as his broomstick kept erratically changing directions. For one horrifyingly long moment, Lily feared that he had completely lost control of it! It was a new broom after all, and such things were known to happen.

Apparently she wasn't alone in her assumption. Everyone – whether they were on their brooms playing the game or watching from the stands – froze and stared up at him in raw terror. Even the Slytherins found themselves quite unable to move; as much as they hated the Gryffindors, not even they would have opted to watch a thirteen year old boy fall off his broom and plummet helplessly towards the ground.

"Oh my God," Lily whispered, before covering her mouth with both of her hands. This couldn't be happening! This was _exactly_ why she feared flying with such a passion! Humans weren't meant to fly! It tempted nature way, way too much!

But then… James pulled towards the Slytherin goal posts with such swiftness that no one had time to so much as even blink! He chucked the Quaffle with all the force he could muster and then he _scored!_ He scored! He actually did it!

"Ten points to Gryffindor!" Sirius shouted exuberantly, not in the least bit surprised. It was almost as if he had been expecting the bluff – for that was what it had most assuredly been. James was sitting there, hovering in place, completely and utterly at ease among his astounded peers, both friends and foes alike. He had been maneuvering his broom the whole time, and now he was smirking rather haughtily at the success of his daring strategy.

A moment later the stadium erupted in cheers. Even the Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws that sided with Slytherin couldn't help but clap their hands appreciatively. The Slytherins, however, looked positively incensed, and Lily couldn't help but feel the same. How _dare_ James try something so outrageously dangerous? And during his first game at that! Did he have a death wish or something?

The game quickly commenced once again. The Slytherins had the Quaffle and were quick to gain ten more points for themselves. And then twenty. James was not given another chance to get a hold of the ball, for the Slytherin Beaters were now double teaming him, effectively keeping him on the run even when the Bludgers were on the other side of the field! Apparently they assumed – or else hoped that – their own Chasers could look after themselves well enough without them.

"And how is _that_ fair?" Alice demanded angrily, watching the game close-up through binoculars. "The _least_ they could do is hand James a bat of his own! He's completely unarmed and up against two Beaters!"

But then again, perhaps not as unarmed as she would have thought. For suddenly William Brown was in the air above them all. "Get out of the way, James!" he shouted quickly before sending a Bludger flying straight towards one of the boy's unwanted guards.

James, however, did _not_ get out of the way. He looked up defiantly at the oncoming Bludger and then did something that was even _more_ stupid than his wild dive had been. He took _both_ of his hands off the broom and reached up towards the murderous ball. Lily shrieked as the Bludger rammed its way right into James's gut – the force of which sent him spinning several yards through the air. But somehow he wasn't hurt! No. He didn't even let go of the ball! Instead, he hugged it close to his chest, regaining altitude as he flew up towards the Slytherin Beaters.

They were both staring at him in amazement, as were half the spectators in all the stands! That Bludger was bucking awfully, trying almost _desperately_ to get out of James's bear hug. It thrashed and fought, jerking the boy wildly around both left and right – almost pulling him cleanly off his broom! But somehow James held on. He held on for almost thirty seconds – which didn't seem like much, but was in fact a remarkable feat – before he spun around in a quick three-sixty while letting go. Bludgers were powerful balls as it was, but what with the additional force of James's throw _and_ the ball's particular need to escape, it became reminiscent to a forceful comet! And it plowed directly into the first Slytherin Beater, which pushed him straight back into the second. Both of them nearly fell out of the sky.

James didn't waste a single moment of his time. He turned and soared straight towards the other two Chasers on his team – one of whom had the Quaffle. Calling out to her, she quickly turned and, without any hesitation at all, passed it towards him. Quaffles are by far a hundred times more manageable than a Bludger. It was all too easy for James to whip around towards the goal posts with a momentum that was _daunting_. And without even breaking a sweat, he scored yet again!

The crowd was pretty much going wild. Gryffindor fans _loved_ James Potter, and they cheered for him as they had never cheered for anyone or anything in all their lives. And the more they did so, the more evident James's haughty little smirk became. Lily could bet that he loved all this attention. She herself, however, only frowned. Was it even _possible_ that a third year, who had never played on the Gryffindor Quidditch team before, could be this good? James certainly wasn't playing like it was his first game. He was playing like he was a professional!

"Unbelievable!" Sirius shouted dramatically as the match went on. "I hope everyone just witnessed Chaser James Potter successively dodge Bludger after Bludger and Beater after Beater as clearly as I just did, because if not, they're going to regret it! And here he is, flying down the field like a bat outta hell, straight towards the – Gryffindor scores!"

The two teams were tied now. It felt like there was static in the air as everyone either screamed ecstatically or held their breaths anxiously. James himself looked like he was having the time of his life!

And then the whistle blew.

Everything in the entire stadium stopped. Froze. It was as if someone had immobilized everyone there!

"And what do we have here?" Sirius wondered, sounding just as confused as everybody else. It was only, after all, his first shot at commentating, and not even _he_ was quick enough to keep up with and address every single player out there every single second of the game. James had held the spotlight throughout most of the match. Of course his best friend wouldn't pay attention to anyone else. Not even to the Seekers…

It didn't take long, however, for all that confusion to melt away into sudden comprehension. The players clad in green had all raised their arms into the air and were grinning and jerking their heads up and down like victorious thugs. One Slytherin in particular seemed to be especially proud of himself. And Lily almost immediately understood why. For in his hands she could see the golden Snitch.

"Oh, you've got to be _kidding!"_ The words were out of Sirius' mouth before he could stop himself. The Slytherins and their fans were all screaming in delight, even as the Gryffindors and _their_ supporters shouted out angry, scornful objections. Lily glanced over towards the commentator, but could barely see him at such a distance. Nevertheless, she somehow _knew_ that he was standing over there, positively _seething_. "Well, it looks like the Slytherin Seeker has caught the Snitch. They win the game."

Maybe commentating really wasn't suited for Sirius. Admitting that Slytherin had beaten Gryffindor was without a doubt the ugliest thing he had ever done in his life. Lily herself had no idea exactly _how_ he had brought himself to manage saying it in the first place.

James suddenly moved. Lily saw him from the corner of her eyes, and as everyone else paused, turning to look at him curiously, she somehow sensed oncoming trouble and narrowed her eyes. What was he up to? The way he flew… the way he maneuvered his broom with such delicate grace, there was very little room in her mind for doubt. He was up to his old tricks again…

He positioned himself directly in front of, though a few yards away from, Alec Eaton, the Slytherin Captain, who was at least three times larger than the boy. And then James said something, though no one in the stands could hear a word of it. The next thing any of them knew, the boy had leaned forward – so far forward, in fact, that his head was dipping down underneath his broom. He was bowing to Eaton!

The Slytherin's face turned a deep, deep crimson – and not out of embarrassment at that! This boy was _mad_. Very mad. So mad, in fact, that he was suddenly lunging forward, directly towards his offender.

Lily heard herself shriek. But James had definitely been expecting the attack. Giving into gravity, in his present position, it was all too easy for him to drop several yards towards the ground, his body spiraling sickeningly. Just watching him swirl towards the earth like that made Lily rather nauseas; never before had she ever wanted to throw up like this on someone else's behalf.

A second later, however, James had pulled up. Steadying himself, not in the least bit disoriented, he quickly turned his head to catch sight of Eaton and smirked as he watched the older player fly directly towards the poor Slytherin Seeker who had _dared_ catch the Snitch before the Gryffindor's could. The Seeker in question was a lot smaller than Eaton was, and not quite fast enough to get out of the way. At the same time, Eaton himself proved to be a tad bit slow and forcefully crashed into his teammate.

The power of that collision brought Eaton to an immediate halt; it was a wonder to Lily that he didn't end up with whiplash or something! The Seeker, however, proved to be a lot more unfortunate, for _he_ was propelled right off his broomstick!

Lily shrieked, and louder this time, as did everyone else surrounding her. A boy was off his broom! A boy was off his broom! He was falling! Descending! Plummeting at an unforgiving speed towards the unforgiving earth! He was going to die!

But then James was there. Lily couldn't believe what she was seeing, but it was so. James Potter was on his broomstick, hovering between the Slytherin and his untimely death. And when the boy fell past him, James reached up with both his arms and caught him around his midriff. The force dragged them both down as James pulled the Seeker close, holding him in a tight bear hug that nevertheless had the Slytherin pitched forward at a rather odd angle. Slowly, and with amazing care, he continued to descend towards the ground, having once again regained control of his broom.

The stadium erupted. It felt like everyone in the entire world was screaming in Lily's ears, and she couldn't bear it. People were cheering, complaining, going out of their way to release the sudden tension that had swept completely over them… There was just too much. To make matters worse, the wind suddenly picked up stronger than ever, and for a moment, Lily almost lost her balance.

_I have to get down!_ She turned and pushed her way through the crowd, earning several indignant objections as she went, all of which she ignored completely. Alice was calling after her in slight surprise, but she went ignored as well. Lily found the sturdily constructed stairs and hastened to make her way down.

Back on the field, everyone had taken the time to land. James had helped the Slytherin Seeker onto the ground, where he was now violently throwing up. Apparently the prospect of falling hundreds of feet towards the ground had appealed to him about as much as it had to Lily. His teammates were all standing a short distance away, watching in concern as both the Quidditch referee and Madam Pomfrey arrived on the scene. Together, the two of them looked over both the boy _and_ James – who might have pulled a muscle or broken a bone or something of such nature by making a catch like that. And as for Alec Eaton… well. He had definitely just lost any chance he might have had at becoming the most popular guy in school. After all, _James_ wouldn't be held responsible for any of this. _He_ certainly hadn't acted out of anger, nor had he attacked anyone. No. In fact, he had acted quite the opposite, by saving a Slytherin's life! No doubt he'd be praised as a hero before the day was done. Possibly before even the morning was done! Unbelievable.

Lily couldn't reach the ground fast enough. The stands were just too high! Her legs were starting to hurt, too, sprinting down the steps like that. She could literally feel her cheeks flushing; it felt like there was a bit of ice lodged in her throat, and it was so jagged that it burned. Eventually, however, she made it all the way down – and in one piece at that! Gasping for breath, she turned towards the Quidditch field. The players were still all there, though from the ground they were a lot more difficult to identify.

Just thankful about _being_ on the ground again, Lily turned away from them and started trudging up towards the school. It seemed like the only sensible thing to do, for no matter how much Lily enjoyed the wonderful diversion offered to her by the game of Quidditch, she no longer had any desire to linger in that stadium! At least not for the time being.

**ooooooo**

The time being ended later that evening, when Lily found herself standing alone, directly in the center of the field. There was no one else there. No one with her. On game days there never was a team that felt the particular need to schedule a practice. No. They all would much rather be up at the school – even the two teams that hadn't played – where they could either celebrate in the Great Hall or sigh, moan, and groan in their common rooms, depending on which team had won.

That evening, however, Lily was disinclined to follow that tradition. The Quidditch field was hardly ever empty once the season began, and earlier that day she had determined to schedule her own, private, practice.

There was a broomstick lying at her feet. It was just _waiting_ for her to summon it up into her hand. But… it was harder than she had hoped it would be to get past her fear. She… she just kept picturing that Slytherin kid falling! She kept picturing James acting like a moron! If he had messed up, even just a _fraction_, he could have very well ended up falling towards the ground himself! And there wouldn't have been anyone there to catch him. And so, Lily hesitated. And hesitated. And hesitated.

_I can't do this…_ She wasn't even completely sure why she even _wanted_ to. What would it prove? Who cared whether or not it ever even _was_ proved? It wasn't as if _she_ would ever be on the Quidditch team!

It was just that… basically everyone at Hogwarts knew how to fly. And she didn't. James had never played in an official Quidditch match before in his life, and look at all that _he_ had been able to do! She felt like she was being left behind… and that it would be impossible to ever catch up. She felt… inadequate. Incompetent. Not to mention scared witless. Those were all feelings she didn't like. They confused her. How could she enjoy watching Quidditch so much, and yet fear flying with such fervor? It made no sense.

And the only thing she wanted was to _make_ sense of it. Unfortunately, this was the only way she could think of how to do that.

Taking a very, very deep breath, she outstretched her right hand. "Up!" Immediately, the broom obeyed, and Lily found herself clutching it so tightly that her entire fist turned white. Her heart steadily began to race. Despite the frigid November weather, she felt warmer than she would have on a hot summer afternoon. This was a mistake…

_Don't think like that!_ She mounted her broom defiantly. She was going to do this! She _had_ to! Hesitating for a moment, she felt so tense that she might have easily cracked then and there, before shattering once and for all into millions of tiny little pieces. She gulped.

And then, after another moment of terrified hesitation, she quickly pushed up off the ground, trying desperately hard not to think about how she had only tried this once before, back in her first year, during Madam Hooch's Flying lessons. It hadn't gone so well, she remembered. And sure enough, she immediately felt the same sickening sensation as she had back then, rising farther and farther up into the air with nothing but a twig resting between and the hard, painfully solid ground. Unable to stop herself, she cried out in alarm.

She couldn't have been more than twenty feet up. And yet… the ground looked so far away! Her feet dangled down dangerously with nothing to rest them against. Her stomach felt light and empty and she thought she was going to be sick.

She couldn't do this. The realization struck her with such heart stopping certainty that she grew dizzy… faint… her vision blurred… her ears rang… the next thing she knew, she was falling.

Somewhere… she heard someone screaming.

**ooooooo**


	29. The Bear Trap

**ooooooo**

She was screaming. Nothing else seemed to matter. Nothing else seemed to even register! All she knew was that she was screaming. Loudly. Frantically. Horrifically. It was the worst sensation she had ever felt in her entire life!

"Lily!"

Something gripped her shoulders… something hard; something solid. It didn't hurt at all… but then again, there wasn't a part of her that hurt whatsoever. She felt disturbingly numb. She couldn't feel her legs. She couldn't feel her arms. Yet somehow, she remained perfectly aware of them. She remained aware of how they shook; of how they felt so light and were yet so difficult to move: dead weight that weighed absolutely nothing at all. It was exactly like having spent two hours violently throwing up: the aftereffects to which were never pleasant.

Her screaming presently began to cease, as outright sobbing took its place. Slowly, the world around her began to retake its form within her perception, but still not as clearly as it should have been. She could make out the stands. She could make out the goal posts. She could separate the ground from the sky. But it had all taken on a rather misty kind of covering. For a moment there, she feared she going to need glasses, for the world had become nothing more than a blur. One large, distorted image that she couldn't even begin to grasp.

"LILY!"

She had been hysterically whirling her head around in every possible direction, trying to see everything at once so that she might regain her bearings as quickly as she could, except for what was right in front of her. Only now, having been taken completely by surprise by the unnecessarily loud outburst directly in her face, did she grow still. Her eyes, wide with shock, landed on the man who was even now leaning over her, holding her by her shoulders.

Professor… Pryce…? His eyes were narrowed, his brow creased. He looked almost… contemplative. But then Lily's moment of clarity deserted her. Her teacher and the world around him seemed to fade in and out, back and forth, through her tearful vision. Nothing seemed to make sense to her, and she perceived, more than she felt or caused, her hands reaching up towards the man's face. She pushed him away from her, though she really was too weak to have much of an effect.

"Lily!" Pryce's voice sounded slightly more urgent as he rested her back down on the ground, ignoring her flailing arms as best as he could. "Come to your senses, girl! I need you to tell me where you're hurt!"

"I'm sorry!" she heard herself crying out between her sobs. She didn't know why she chose those particular words, but they were the only ones that came to her when she opened her mouth. "I'm so sorry! It wasn't supposed to be like that! I just wanted to know that I could do it, but I can't, and it scares me so much! It was too much! I'm sorry!" She continued rambling on like that even as she wept, unable to stop herself from doing either, but she grew too incoherent in the process. She didn't know what it was that she was saying at all, and she seriously doubted that any of it made anymore sense to Pryce, who regarded her intently.

"Are you hurt?" he interrupted, asking her so forcefully that she dared not refuse to answer. Shuddering, she looked up at him fearfully, feeling rather like a cornered fawn.

"I…" Hesitating, she shrank away from him. And then she looked past him, watching as the broom she _had_ been attempting to ride fluttered towards the earth like a falling feather… or a dead leave – which was much more suitable to the season. _How much time had passed?_ It couldn't have been more than a minute. Less than a minute ago, she had been up there on that broom! It seemed completely impossible now. Absurd, really. And more than anything else… sickening.

She rolled around underneath him as quickly as she could, feeling the contents of her stomach rising up into her throat. It all burned like acid as she threw it up, exactly as that Slytherin Seeker had earlier that morning. And it hurt. Her entire body hurt now that the shock was wearing off, and it shook awfully. Her hair fell into her face; it looked drenched, and she had a slight feeling that her face was just as wet as well. Her fingers gripped tightly at the grass, and she could see that there was blood on them, mixed in with a little dirt.

"We best get you to the hospital wing," Pryce said above her, pulling out his wand. Lily turned to look up at him anxiously, but was given no time. Before she could react in any way whatsoever, she sensed a warm flash of light wash over her, and then she descended into darkness.

**ooooooo**

She woke up some time later, feeling groggy and disoriented. _What happened?_ All around her it was dark – there were a few candles emitting a comfortable fragrance, but other than that, the room was unlit. The bed she was lying upon was an unfamiliar one, though not so alien that she didn't recognize it at all. She was in the hospital wing, and it had to have been late at night.

Everything was silent, and Lily couldn't sense anyone else around her. Bracing herself, she slowly sat up. However, she needn't have bothered wasting the effort it took to be cautious: she was surprised at how relaxed and cooperative her muscles were. Her body didn't hurt at all! Magic, she reminded herself, did indeed have its perks. People could fall off of a cloud and walk away from it unscathed! Not that _she_ would ever attempt doing such a thing! No, no, no, no, no! She had had enough of heights and falls to last her an entire lifetime! She had tried flying on a broomstick once, she hadn't liked it, and now she had even given it a second chance! See if she _ever_ got onto a broomstick ever again!

Feeling a hundred times better, but still not completely sure of how well her physical condition was, she crept out of her assigned bed with great care. To her relief, she felt no worse for wear than she had that morning. She was healed! And she swore never to be in that position again.

She slowly edged her way through the shadows and towards the window. Pushing it open, she stared outside. Cold November air kissed her face almost instantly, and when she exhaled, she could see her breath. Overhead, the stars were bright through the thin wisps of cloud cover, and the moon was deep and full. It reminded Lily that she had Astronomy homework due the next night. She couldn't remember whether or not she had done it already.

_Probably,_ she rationalized. Getting homework done early was, by now, practically second nature to her. If she could trust herself at all, and Professor Flitwick had said that she should, than she could trust that she had everything she needed done already.

Oh, for Pete's sake! What was she _thinking?_ She had just fallen off of a broomstick, for crying out loud! She was spending the night in the hospital wing! What on earth was she worrying about homework for? If she should be worrying about _anything_ right now, than it should be about –

Professor Pryce…

She hadn't thought much of it before… but then again, she hadn't had much of an _opportunity_ to think about it before. When she had fallen off her broom, she hadn't been on the ground for more than a minute, and yet he had already been there, ready to rush to her aid. Walking into the stadium, she hadn't noticed him at all. So where had he come from? What had he been doing there? And… why?

Behind her, the doors to the hospital wing were suddenly flung open. Lily jumped, having been taken completely by surprise, and as she whirled around in alarm, she instantly caught sight of Madam Pomfrey guiding two other professors towards an empty bed. Between the two of them, they were carrying an unconscious boy with a dreadfully mangled, bloody right leg. Lily nearly choked when she saw it, letting loose an ugly, garbled little sound that reminded her slightly of a quiet, indignant shriek.

The boy, she recognized. He was Davey Gudgeon, the Slytherin who had been beaten by the Whomping Willow at the end of her first year. What sort of trouble had he gotten himself into _now_?

Presently, Madam Pomfrey regarded Lily with a bit of surprise visible beneath a look of grave concern caused by her more immediate problem. As the two other teachers eased Davey down onto the bed, the nurse made towards the girl. "As good as it does me to see you up on your feet, Miss Evans, you must get your rest!" She tersely guided the girl away from the window and deposited her back down onto her own cot. "Now get to sleep!"

But Lily could not tear her gaze away from Davey. She had inadvertently locked it onto him, and could now only stare at his injured leg while feeling a horror that outweighed all the others she had felt that day. God, it had been a long one… "What happened to him?" Her voice sounded scratchy and frightened.

"Quiet!" Madam Pomfrey snapped at her, having rushed over to the boy's side. She carefully and expertly began to examine it, while at the same time gesturing for one of the other adults to attend to Lily. They were both men, and neither of them were at all familiar to the girl. Glancing at her hesitantly, and then glancing down at their own bloody hands, Lily could tell they weren't particularly comfortable with the nurse's command.

Fortunately, at that moment, they were both saved by the arrival of Professor McGonagall and Argus Filch. Filch, Lily noticed, was carrying something… something big that she couldn't identify. Something steel. A contraption of some sort. He snarled at Lily when he saw her looking at it, and though Professor McGonagall's immediate attention had been focused entirely on Davey, when she heard Filch's growl, she turned towards Lily.

Their gazes met, and their expressions were identically frightened. Professor McGonagall looked frightened! She scurried rather quickly over to Lily's bed, hastened around it, and then sat down, pulling the girl gently towards her so that she was no longer facing Davey's direction. "There, there, Miss Evans, why aren't you sleeping?"

Lily didn't answer her. She didn't know what to say, and even if she did, she doubted she would have ever found the words to say it properly. Once she tried to turn back around to stare at Davey again, but McGonagall quickly stopped her. She was only a thirteen year old girl, but even _she_ could tell that the boy's injury was no ordinary one. If it had been, it would have been healed by now. So… something bad had happened. Something extremely bad. And McGonagall didn't want the girl bearing witness to it.

The door to the hospital wing opened yet again, and Lily sensed someone else rushing inside, though she knew not who it was until he spoke. And then she recognized him to be none other than Professor Slughorn. "I came as quickly as I could! What happened?"

"Someone take him outside and explain it to him!" Madam Pomfrey ordered briskly and to no one in particular as she worked. "Filch, let me have a closer look at that!"

There was so much commotion going on behind her that it was indeed an ordeal not being allowed to watch. More than anything else, it was frustrating. Lily wanted to see what was happening! She wanted to know what was going on! She was scared, confused, and the sense of urgency filling up inside that room was so enveloping that she felt if she couldn't move or lend a hand in any way to help, it would suffocate her! She had to _do_ something! Feeling restless, she tried turning around again.

"Lily!" McGonagall pulled her back, growing impatient with her. "Sit still! It's not your place to watch!" She spoke quietly, so as to not distract Madam Pomfrey, but severely enough to alarm Lily.

"What happened?" she asked, just as quietly, as she stared up at her teacher with wide, soulful eyes. One thought in particular had lodged its way into her mind, and unless she knew for sure, it would seep its way deeper and deeper into her heart, filling her with a dread that would consume her. "Tell me what happened to him!"

"Hush," McGonagall glanced worriedly behind Lily, which she didn't think was particularly fair. She tried to follow the elder woman's gaze, but was once again hindered. McGonagall looked back at her understandingly, but nevertheless in disapproval. "Please, Lily. For your sake."

"I've no recognition of this hex," Madam Pomfrey presently whispered, though Lily found that she could hear her if she strained her ears. "But I think I can counter it, at least for now. Argus, if you don't mind, would you please inform the Headmaster?"

"Presently, ma'am," Filch agreed before shuffling quickly from the room. Lily drew her legs up and wrapped her arms around them as tightly as she could. Perhaps, that way, she could keep from turning around – though she couldn't even begin to imagine what the adults were trying to shield her from.

She looked up at McGonagall again, almost desperately. And when she spoke, her voice was so soft that it was a wonder the woman had even heard her at all. "It didn't happen because of the war… did it?"

McGonagall started at that question, staring at the girl in more surprise and astonishment than Lily thought was particularly necessary. But then her expression melted into comprehension, and she took a deep breath. "No, Lily. It has nothing to do with the war." Her tone, not to mention the way she had reacted, gave Lily no reason to think she was lying.

"I don't understand…" she whispered, feeling her eyes well up with tears once again. "What happened to him?" Her previous query concerning the war must have reminded McGonagall, who must have forgotten, that she was indeed a girl who both feared and loathed that particular struggle more so than any other thirteen year old – more so, quite possibly, than any other student in the entire school, no matter what their age! And no matter how much Lily had changed, or how much she had grown, or how far she had come since her first realization of the war, her regard towards it continued to remain no different. McGonagall could see that clearly now, and must not have been willing to risk farther damaging what she probably still considered to be Lily's delicate emotional condition.

"Do not trouble yourself with thoughts of war, Lily," the woman gently suggested. "Davey Gudgeon is a mischievous boy who walks headfirst into trouble. You remember how he got himself into it with the Whomping Willow. This time he was foolish enough to enter the Forbidden Forest. Honestly, the place is out of bounds for a reason! Why children don't understand and take heed of that is beyond me!"

Lily fidgeted slightly, hearing the door behind her open once more. Several people entered now, and there was a great deal of loud, confused conversation going on.

"He will be all right, won't he?" Professor Slughorn was asking Madam Pomfrey most desperately.

"Where is it? Let me have a look at it! I might recognize the hex on it!" Professor Pryce was in the room now, as well. How he had gotten wind of the situation was anyone's guess. "It might give you a better idea of what measures you should take now, Madam."

"Out! Out! Out now!" Madam Pomfrey sounded overwhelmed, frazzled, and impatient. In the past, Lily had always assumed that the woman's insistence on there only being so many people in the room at a time was merely for the sake of her patients. Now, however, she began to wonder if it wasn't also, at least partly, for the sake of her _own_ state of mind. "Headmaster, _please_!"

"Everything will be quite all right now, Charlie, you can go," came Dumbledore's very calm, very familiar, welcome voice. "Minerva. You as well." The very _last_ thing that Professor McGonagall seemed to want to do was leave her student behind, but aside from a moment's hesitation, she made no argument. She stood up and followed an antsy Professor Pryce from the room. Now, Lily had no one to keep her looking the other way, but to her great, great surprise, she was hesitant to move even an inch.

She did move eventually, but very slowly, and rather apprehensively. A large part of her feared what she would see more than anything else. And what she saw was a nerve wrecked Professor Slughorn standing slightly out of the way next to a somber Argus Filch. Madam Pomfrey was once again tending to Davey as best she could while the Headmaster himself stood next to a large desk that Lily was certain hadn't been there ten minutes ago. Resting on its surface was the steel contraption that she had caught a glimpse of earlier. It was, to her astonishment and horror, a bear trap, and it was, in fact, covered in blood.

"Oh, hell." The words were out of her mouth before she could even thing about stopping them. Everyone in the room heard her, and with the exception of Madam Pomfrey, they all turned to stare at her. Professor Slughorn, who hadn't even noticed her presence until that moment, gazed at her now with a look of surprise and horror. Filch, however, was scowling at her again, leaving her painfully aware of the fact that he'd be _more_ than willing to use the bear trap on _her_ if given a chance and a reason. In the end, only Dumbledore seemed to be completely composed – though that wasn't too much of a surprise. He even graced the girl with a gentle, reassuring smile.

"I hear you took quite a fall this evening, Miss Evans," he said amiably, as if such were small talk and perfectly appropriate in situations like these. "I trust you're better now."

Lily stared at him miserably. A large part of her had hoped that no one else would ever know about her botched up attempt at flying. Professor Slughorn was looking at her curiously now, despite everything, and would no doubt later ask her about it. It wasn't as if she needed reminding! "Yes, sir."

"Two injuries in one night," Dumbledore said with a sigh, shaking his head as he held up his wand. "One irreversible malady. It is a difficult time of the month, to say for sure." As Lily watched, the Headmaster swished his wand through the air above the bear trap, speaking several words that she did not recognize in such rapidity that she could not understand a word of them. And when he was through, she found herself wondering if she had heard him speaking at all, or if she hadn't just imagined it.

Nothing in the room had changed at all, or if it had, she hadn't noticed. When it all came down to it, however, she supposed that something _must_ have happened, and she was just too inexperienced to know better, for Dumbledore backed away from the bear trap looking satisfied. "Ah."

"What is it, Albus?" Professor Slughorn asked anxiously, and this time even Madam Pomfrey looked up to await his answer. The Headmaster didn't answer right away, however, for he seemed to be busy considering something of great importance.

When he finally did look back at Slughorn, and at Madam Pomfrey as well, he appeared to be perfectly at ease, though Lily had a feeling that that was more for her benefit than for anything else. "The hex was merely one to keep prey from escaping. It is most fortunate indeed that young Mr. Gudgeon does not qualify as such." He nodded at the nurse reassuringly. "I do not fear that it will take him any longer than half a week to make a full recovery. There will not be any lasting damage." The poor woman looked completely and utterly relieved by such news, and went back to her patient without a word. Dumbledore then glanced specifically at the Hogwarts caretaker. "I trust, Argus, that you will dispose of this for me?"

"Upon my word, I will," Filch promised. He shot Lily one last withering glare before he gingerly picked up the bear trap and fled from the room.

Meanwhile, Professor Slughorn had trudged over to the bed opposite Lily's and plopped down onto the mattress. He looked thoroughly exhausted and ready to drop dead. He shook his head miserably, staring at the floor. "Poor boy… What the devil was he doing in the forest?"

"Perhaps two more suitable questions would be how far in did he go, and how was he able to crawl back out?" Dumbledore corrected gravely. "To hunt in the Forbidden Forest is audacious enough as it is, but to do so close enough to the castle for an adventurous young boy to inadvertently stumble into a trap such as that…" He shook his head and then turned once again towards Lily. "Miss Evans, it is no secret that the Forest is out of bounds for all students at all times. But in times such as _these_, that rule must be _strictly_ adhered to more so than any other, even if the reason for such measures cannot be made widely known. Do you understand?"

"Yes, sir," she said so quietly that, for a moment, she wasn't even completely sure herself whether or not she had spoken out loud. Nevertheless, her understanding must have been clear on her face, for Dumbledore looked pleased. And grateful. Lily had never seen him look so grateful before. Not like that, anyway.

_"Have you heard the rumors? Some of the creatures in there have been… disappearing. No one knows what to make of it."_

_"I heard Hagrid talking about it. Someone's hunting them, and he's not happy about it. Poachers." _

So the rumors _were_ true. Lily remembered what she had heard her roommates whispering about back on Halloween. There must have been real substance behind all that gossip… accurate substance, too. But the Headmaster wanted the students to all be kept unaware… not that Lily particularly blamed him. She tried to imagine what it would be like if word got out that there really _were_ poachers in the Forest. Would the students all erupt in chaos? Or would they not even care?

So few of them seemed to even care about the war! Next to _that, _how could a band of inconsequential poachers hunting magical creatures deep within the heart of the Forest make even the slightest bit of difference in their lives? It might not! And so they might not care. But then again, they just might. And they just might panic, and want to go home. After all, look at what had happened to Davey Gudgeon! If it could happen to him, it could happen to anyone, right?

It wasn't supposed to be like this at Hogwarts! They were all supposed to be safe at that castle! And if anyone was going to get hurt for anything, if should be for doing something stupid like falling off a broomstick! Not for walking into a bear trap! This was all so wrong!

She pressed a hand over her mouth and turned away, feeling nauseas. The _last_ thing she wanted was to throw up again. "Why don't you stop them?" she asked eventually, breaking a long silence that had lasted several minutes. "Can't you go in there and just flush them out or something? Throw them in jail?" She looked up at the Headmaster almost resentfully, and saw that he was watching her with utter kindness. As was Professor Slughorn.

"If only it were that easy," Dumbledore sighed, sitting down on a stool that Lily _knew_ hadn't been there ten minutes ago. "There is something that you need to understand about the Forbidden Forest, Lily. It is so much more than just a forest. It is a home to more creatures than you can possibly know. And it is _their_ right to defend it. Of course, the Forest has the same protection as does everything within Hogwarts' bounds, but should some threat get past that protection, and should it seek shelter within the Forest, our jurisdiction is limited. _Especially_ when the threat is not directed at us, but at the Forest itself. The creatures that live there are proud enough to want to defend it themselves. It is not our place to aid them unless we are so bidden."

Lily shook her head miserably. It wasn't fair! "But-!"

"Rest now, Lily," Dumbledore commanded, speaking softly and yet sill over her. "There are yet still many problems in this world that are not yours to mend. Everything will turn out all right in the end." Lily had no idea if he meant those words, or if he was just trying to get her to let it all go. As if she could! As if she'd be able to sleep through the night now, and then wake up the next morning as if nothing had ever happened! That was asking for a miracle.

She shook her head. "I want to help."

"I daresay you will, somehow or other. It's in your nature… though perhaps not in the way you expect to right now," the Headmaster said somberly. In other words, she thought sullenly, she'd help the way a child could help, and that it wouldn't be much of a _real_ help at all. Dumbledore smiled knowingly. "Now enough of that, Miss Evans. Keep your friends away from the temptation of entering the Forest, and that will be a greater help to us than you can possibly realize. Okay?"

She looked away from him and sighed. She really _did_ want to do more to help. But at the same time, at that moment, a kind of weariness washed over her that tauntingly reminded her of just how much _she_ had been through that day. There was just too much going on. She was still incredibly exhausted, and by now she must have spent even _more_ energy fearing for Davey Gudgeon and because of what had happened to him. And so… a part of her was actually… relieved… that she wouldn't be asked to help in any other way than she already had been. Relieved… and also guilty. "I'm sorry."

"For what?" Dumbledore asked gently, but Lily could not think of how to best phrase her answer. If anything, his question only made her all the more confused… and she was so very tired at that… so very, very tired.

"I'm sorry," she repeated, turning away so that she could crawl back beneath the covers of her bed and lie down again. Her heart felt heavy. Her entire _body_ felt heavy – which was in stark contrast to when she had fallen off her broomstick earlier that evening and had afterwards felt so light. But of it all, her eyes were what felt the heaviest, and so she closed them and was lost to darkness.

_"Poor child," she thought she heard Professor Slughorn say afterwards. "What on earth was she apologizing for?"_

_"I suspect she feels as though she should be stronger. She's very modest, Horace. I don't suppose she realizes just how brave she is… Now, Poppy. What with all the excitement, I trust you will not forget about Remus?"_

_"Of course not, Headmaster…"_

_Everything then grew silent._

**ooooooo**

**A/N:** Hi everyone! I'm so very sorry it took so long. My computer died over the weekend, and I had to wait to get it fixed! Believe me, I was more irritated than any of you could possibly have been even put together. Anyway, I'll get the next chapter up soon and don't forget to review. Reviews help, a lot. Thanks so much!


	30. Going Through the Motions

**A/N:** Hey everyone! Sorry for the wait. This chapter took me a lot longer to write than I thought it would. Unfortunately, I've been getting somewhat blocked lately. Well, actually, a lot lately. It's probably just because I've finally graduated from high school and I'm going to be starting my summer job really, really soon… Like tomorrow soon. I don't know. But I swear, I'm working as hard as I can, and I've not yet given up on this piece! Please review. You have no idea how much I need positive feedback right now. Thanks so much.

**ooooooo**

The first Quidditch match of the season between Gryffindor and Slytherin had quickly become _the_ topic matter of all conversation throughout the school – at least among most of the students. No one, not even the _Slytherins_, could help but picture James Potter's fantastic performance over and over again in their heads. He had been incredible! He had been unstoppable! He had become a star.

The worst part about it, Lily often thought afterwards, was that he was _perfectly_ aware of it. James Potter's head had inflated exponentially, and not even the constant reminders supplied by Slytherin rivals that Gryffindor had, in fact, ultimately been defeated were enough to bring the boy back down to Earth. After all, Chasers had very little to do with whether or not a team's Seeker managed to catch the Snitch and win the game. James by himself had outshined _everyone_ else on the field put together – especially after rescuing one of the Slytherin's very own the way that he had. He hadn't merely become a star that day… he had also become a hero. And he didn't want _any_one to forget it.

"'Thank you _so_ much for the practice, Eaton! Honestly, I'm very much obliged! Now that we've seen you at your best, we'll have a better feel for you the next time we meet up here! And _then_ we'll show you what _we've_ reallygot. I hope you're ready for it, but if not, I'll understand. I'll even offer to hand out a couple of tips to your players if it pleases you!' And then he bowed. He bowed! He actually said all that to the Slytherin Captain with a bow and a straight face! Well… maybe not a _straight_ face, but close enough! Can you believe it?"

The castle corridors were literally filled and overflowing with dozens of such admirers making like protestations that praised James Potter. And if they _weren't_ praising him, they either had to be Slytherins or Slytherin fans who spent their time condemning him. Which was perfectly all right with James. As long as he remained at the center of attention, he really couldn't care less whether or not people loved him or hated him.

"You know _I_ was supposed to be the Chaser on our team this year," Isabelle casually informed her friends some time later. "But after watching that one match, I'm really glad James got the position instead. As fun as it is to actually be playing Quidditch, I doubt very much that any of it would have been even half as entertaining if it hadn't of been for him."

Lily had stared at Isabelle then in quiet disbelief. "You would have made an excellent Chaser. I would have had more fun watching you." It was God's honest truth. Lily couldn't help but remember James's wild, unpredictable, rather _dangerous_ playing strategies that had all so easily fascinated his fellow students. Was she the only one who saw their similarity to kamikaze attacks?

Isabelle, however, had scoffed at her for her words. "It's very nice of you to say that, Lily, but let's be real about this. There's no competing with James Potter. And you'd have to be a real idiot to want to try." Nevertheless, her face had grown slightly flushed the way faces sometimes do when their owners are pleasantly embarrassed. Isabelle loved playing Quidditch. No matter what she said out loud, she cared greatly about the game and was flattered by Lily's praise. Which naturally only served to further irritate the thirteen year old girl. Who did James think he was?

He no longer _walked_ anywhere. He swaggered. He held his head up high. He intentionally messed up his hair. To him, there was at every waking moment of every single day some reason or other to smirk. He goofed off. He played tricks. He received plenty of detentions, but not nearly as many as he deserved. And worst of all… he was dragging Remus, Sirius, and Peter down with him. Lily couldn't stand it!

It certainly made her own fall from off the back of a broomstick and then the despair she had felt later on while in the hospital wing that much more difficult to recover from. No matter where she went or whom she turned to for company, all she ever heard anymore was of how excellent James was at Quidditch. Next to him, when it came to flying, she _had_ to have been the most incompetent person on the face of the planet, and that wasn't something she enjoyed being reminded of! Worse still, from all that she heard in other news, it sounded almost as if the single reason why Davey Gudgeon had walked into that forest to begin with was because of a hope that, in so doing, he could draw some positive attention away from the Gryffindors and back towards Slytherin. Was that so terrible? He hadn't deserved to walk into a bear trap! How was that right? How was that even fair? And why… why, why, _why_ was she the only one who seemed to even care?

For weeks after that, not a single night went by where she wouldn't first pick up the framed picture of her parents and gaze at it longingly before going to bed. She missed them so terribly, and the one thing she wished for more than anything else in the entire world was for a chance to go to them with all her grievances. She wanted to hear their voices… their assurances that everything was going to be okay. She had heard Dumbledore's… but it wasn't the same. It _couldn't_ be the same. She just wished that… she knew for sure that her parents were proud of her. Sometimes she worried that they wouldn't be. Parents who had children like James could be proud. Parents who had children like Isabelle could be proud. James was strong and confident, not to mention talented. Isabelle was laid back and unconcerned, willing to give others their chance to shine. Lily wasn't like that – or at least she didn't feel like it. She didn't have that kind of conformity, and no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't see James as anything more than what he was, no matter how easily everyone else seemed able to. So what would her parents have to be proud about?

Of course, her lessons in Defense Against the Dark Arts with Professor Pryce did _precious_ little to boost her self-esteem. The first one she had had after the Quidditch match – and after her fall – would ultimately prove to be particularly difficult to overcome. She would remember it well in her mind for a very, very long time.

She remembered having had made it a point to approach him early, before the lesson began, and before any of the other students had filed their way into the classroom. She couldn't forget that Professor Pryce, despite all his faults, had in fact been there for her, for whatever the reason, when she had fallen. He had been there for her, and he had gotten her safely to the hospital wing. For all she knew, his doing so might have actually saved her life! Despite everything, she _did_ owe him a little bit of gratitude for that, at least.

She found him seated at a desk in his office, reading off of an old, wrinkled scrap of parchment. Behind him, there was an open window where an old sandy-brown feathered owl sat perched upon the sill. At Lily's entrance, it turned two rather vicious looking dark amber eyes in her direction. Its beak, she noticed nervously, quietly snapped open and shut in a silent show of subtle hostility. She hesitated, not wanting to provoke the thing's obvious potential ire.

Pryce had glanced up at her for a moment, but didn't verbally acknowledge her presence at all until he had set down the bit of parchment he _had_ been reading from, had written a hastily scribbled response to it, and had handed it over to the owl. The bird widely extended its wings as it accepted it in its beak. Then it gracefully turned around, keeping its eyes locked on Lily even when its body no longer faced her direction, but the outside world's. It didn't seem to be particularly fond of her… and she couldn't help but reciprocate such frigid sentiments.

A moment later, the bird had left. Looking grimly satisfied, Pryce finally turned his attention towards the thirteen year old girl. "Miss Evans. I trust you are feeling better?" His voice and the expression on his face both seemed perfectly calm. Gentle, even. But in a… rather unsettling way. Lily felt her stomach tighten.

"Yes, sir," she glanced towards the open window. She could still see the shape of the owl, though it was growing smaller and less perceptible by the second. For a moment, she found herself almost wishing that she could follow it… but then she remembered how far up it was in the sky by now. Her stomach turned at the thought, and she feared she would be sick in front of him again.

"What can I do for you?" Pryce asked, walking towards her with his arms clasped behind his back. Lily looked up at him. He was, she noted – and not for the first time – an extremely large man. Much larger than her, anyway. It made him intimidating. She didn't know exactly what to say.

"I…" she hesitated, trying to keep as composed as she could. "About what happened last night…" Her mind was going blank. What had she come here to say again? Thank you? No… that couldn't be right… What had he been doing in that stadium to begin with? Had he followed her there?

The man tilted his head slightly in deliberation. He then seemed to reach some sort of a decision, and took a guess at why she was standing there before him. "Miss Evans, if you are here to thank me, you might want to hold off until after the lesson today. I know how… sensitive you can be in certain situations."

Lily stared at him in growing apprehension. What was he talking about? And did she even want to know? "I'm sorry?"

Pryce allowed himself to smile. And his smile, she found, was not at all the warm, pleasant one that she had seen him give to his favorites in the past. No. _This_ smile was hard. Brutal. "What I saw in you yesterday, Miss Evans, was something that I daresay I have been waiting for since the start of our latest term! For once, my dear, you displayed an actual willingness to attempt overcoming what is, no doubt, yet another one of your petty, ignorant fears." Lily blinked, not knowing whether or not she should feel complimented or insulted. She picked insulted and took a small, involuntary step backwards, away from the man whose smile only widened at the sight of such trepidation. "And though you might have failed, and might fear flying even more so now than ever before, your determination was truly admirable. Today, I am _going_ to see it again, in you and in your classmates. Believe it or not, Miss Evans, but you are now well on your way of being broken from your habits. If you can get onto a broomstick, after all, than you can most certainly hold up your wand offensively. You'll become a fighter yet, girl! I'm sure of it now."

_You'll become a fighter yet… I'm sure of it now… you'll become a fighter yet…_ The words echoed over and over again in Lily's mind. Her eyes were opened wide, and she found it difficult – nearly impossible – to breathe. He couldn't be serious! She – she, she, she wasn't a fighter! Not now… not ever!

"I have a pretty powerful feeling that you in particular will find this lesson to be… exceptionally profitable, to say the least," he informed her lightly. "It's a bit of a game, you see. On broomsticks."

Lily's heart stopped. Literally. She could feel it sitting in her throat like a bit of extra dead weight. This couldn't be real…

"For safety's sake, the two brooms will both be enchanted," Pryce went on, successfully ignoring the fear that was quite evident on her face. "Neither one of them will make it more than five feet off the ground, I can promise you that. Two students will face off on them, and practice their dueling. The winner will be allowed to dismount. The loser will remain on the broom for another round. Won't that be fun, Miss Evans?"

Lily thought she was going to be sick… Well, either that or smothered to death by her own suffocating dread. "You can't do that!" Her voice, she realized miserably, was weak and not at all convincing. Professor Pryce seemed to almost be aglow.

"Are you going to stop me, Miss Evans?" he asked patiently. "I've already received the Ministry's approval. It's good practice for balance, agility, and coordination. Not to mention multitasking-!"

"What do you want from me?" Lily interrupted, her voice growing somewhat stronger as a hint of anger slowly began seeping its way into it. Only _he_ could have come up with an exercise that exploited her two greatest weaknesses at once. But why? What had she done to deserve this? She wasn't naïve enough to think that it wasn't personal. "What have I done to you?"

Pryce stared at her in what was obviously feigned surprise. "Miss Evans, I am only here to help you. To guide you. Like all teachers do for their students. All I want is to see you overcome the obstacles that keep you from true greatness."

"We've had this conversation before," Lily reminded him bitterly. "I don't want greatness! I just want to get through school and live my _own_ life!"

"In times like these," Pryce shot back smoothly and with great ease. "It _takes_ true greatness to do something simple, even like that."

Lily glared at him unhappily. Bitterly. Resentfully. But she didn't know what to say. There were tears of anger burning in her eyes, but she felt helpless to stop them. She felt trapped and cornered. And she didn't like it at all.

**ooooooo**

Fortunately, she wasn't the only one. Pryce's little exercise had, at first, merited great enthusiasm from the other students – and particularly from James… at least until he realized that they really _wouldn't_ be flying more than five feet up off the ground. To him, such a limit was truly insulting. Besides, he hadn't yet forgiven Professor Pryce for treating Remus so poorly so often, and he wasn't about to change his opinion towards the man over something like _this_. He was better than that!

Naturally, Sirius and Peter followed his lead, as did each and every one of the Ravenclaws – who steadily grew less and less comfortable with the idea of dueling on broomsticks the closer they all got to the Quidditch field. Lily herself felt like she was walking towards her own execution, and Remus, empathetic as he always was, quickly noticed. He walked beside her, doing his absolute best to comfort her without drawing anyone's attention. The last thing Lily needed was for _James_ to discern the turmoil bubbling up inside her heart as well. Just the fact that Professor Pryce was triumphantly aware of it was _more_ than enough. She didn't want James's ridicule too.

Two broomsticks had already been set out on the field by the time of their arrival. The fact that James had to use one of _them_ instead of his own certainly hadn't helped Pryce's cause in any way. The derision on his face was clearly perceptible.

"All right," Pryce said loudly so that everyone could hear him as he walked forward and summoned both of the brooms to his hands. He turned to face his less-than-eager pupils. "Who wants to go first?" Every single one of the present third years – with the natural exception of James Potter – shifted uncomfortably where they stood and glanced at each other uncertainly. They needn't have bothered, though, for their professor hardly gave them any time to volunteer. "Mr. Potter? Miss Evans?" It was quite obvious that he was not asking.

He immediately started straight towards Lily, pausing only long enough to shove one of the two broomsticks into James's hands. The fact that he didn't bother to even _look_ at the boy brought a scowl to the young star's face. He reached Lily a second after that, noting how her bright green eyes had locked onto the broom he was about to hand her. They were both wide with fear. Delighted, Pryce couldn't see how on earth the clever girl was going to worm her way out of _this_ one. She _would_ learn how to defend herself offensively whether she liked it or not!

"Listen to me, girl," he whispered harshly as he gripped her left arm and forcibly handed her the broom. "I'm trying to make this as painless for you as possible. You don't like the Potter boy – that much is clear. All you have to do is hex him off his broom _once_. If you can do that, I won't make you ride that thing ever again. Do you understand me?"

Lily didn't look at him. She _couldn't_. The only thing she found herself even remotely capable of looking at was the broomstick in her hands. She couldn't believe what he was asking her to do… She couldn't _believe_ it!

"I don't think I've ever been more humiliated in my life! This is by far the most degrading exercise on the face of the planet!"

Professor Pryce whirled around and Lily finally found herself looking up. James was already on the broomstick, hovering five feet off the ground with indignation written all over his face. It was perfectly evident that he was trying to climb up higher and gain more altitude, but was unable to. Lily didn't see how she was _ever_ going to knock him off that broom. No matter what Pryce said, if she played his game, he'd see her on that broom for the entire lesson! That thought… the fear that went with it was unbearable.

The broomstick slipped out of her fingers. Ever so slowly it fell… and fell… until it landed on the grassy field. For a moment, the world seemed like it had come to a standstill in which Lily was the center. She felt cold and rigid… rather like a statue. Nothing else seemed to matter but the fear in which her heart was entangled.

"Aw, come _on_ Evans!" James suddenly whined, snapping her out of it. "Don't be such a poor sport! I'll go easy on you!"

Lily shook her head and glared at Professor Pryce. "I'll take your detentions. But I am _not_ going to do this for your amusement." Turning on her heel she started back up towards the castle, not even waiting long enough to see the look of unsuppressed fury wash over the man's face.

And take his detentions she did. For the next two evenings, she stood in his classroom resisting his various, and often cruel, attempts to coax out of her different and terrible hexes and curses that might one day serve her when in the face of great danger. They were the worst sort of detentions she could have ever _possibly_ imagined, and she feared how long they would last.

Fortunately, they didn't last longer than that at all. Somehow or other, Professor McGonagall had gotten word of Lily's fate, and quickly came to put an end to Pryce's disciplinary methods. Needless to say, he became yet another Defense Professor that she could have happily done without. Meanwhile, the animosity between Pryce and Lily quickly escalated to an all-time high. He _hated_ her, and she couldn't _stand_ him. The thought of spending the rest of the year in _his_ classroom was enough to give her nightmares. She didn't know how she would endure it.

But left with little other choice than that, she somehow managed, feeling all the while like a miserable failure. It didn't help that, this year, she was at the head of her class academically – despite Defense Against the Dark Arts. What with Quidditch and all, James was starting to slack a bit in his lessons and had actually fallen _behind_ her! Remus and Ian Aldwen were no better. But that didn't help. It didn't help at all! She _still_ felt like, somehow, she was failing. Failing what, or failing whom, however, she couldn't even begin to say…

Days passed, and then weeks. All of the joy she had felt after her first, or rather second, visit into Hogsmeade began to fade away. She still continued to attend Professor Slughorn's dinner parties – whenever he threw them – and she still continued to spend as much time as she could with Alice, Isabelle, and all her other friends. But she felt like there was a mask over her face. She felt like she was merely _pretending_ to be happy, as she had done somewhat – though not to this extreme – during her first year. She was going through the motions again. She laughed with her friends, and amused most of her teachers, and argued with James whenever she wasn't too busy trying to avoid him.

When Christmas came, she was thankful that she could spend it at the school, instead of in London or at a hospital. When the holiday ended, and Sirius returned to school with a flying motorcycle, she was as critical as would ever be expected. When the Marauders began to strike out at the school again with a hilarious vengeance, she did her best to resist turning them all in, for as much as she would have loved to see James Potter get what he deserved, her friendship with Remus remained as strong as ever – despite how little time they ever got to spend together. Which was perhaps a good thing, for if the two of them spent anymore time together than they actually did, she was fairly certain that he would have noticed by now. He would notice that something was wrong.

And something _was_ wrong. Lily could hide it as much as she liked, but as the year wore on, she found it increasingly difficult to deny. Her desire to find the good in magic that her parents had so obviously seen and loved grew harder everyday. She was slipping. She felt like she was falling. And for the life of her she didn't understand _why_! And she hadn't the slightest idea of how she could possibly protect herself…

**ooooooo**


	31. The Defense Exam

**ooooooo**

She was not ready. The end of the school year had arrived once again, and Lily found that having finished yet another term at Hogwarts had not brought her any closer to gaining the necessary control over her magic to live without it. It had been two and a half years since her parents' funeral when she had made her decision to stay. And unless the Headmaster was blatantly lying to her, despite all the progress she had made since then, she was still not ready to leave the school for good. She was still not ready to live a perfectly ordinary life, without magic. And try as hard as she might to suppress her powers, according to the Headmaster, if she left the school now, those powers would continue to seep through into her life like sand in a sieve. There was nothing she could do about it but continue on with her education and return to Hogwarts for a fourth year.

In all honesty, when she had gone up to meet with the Headmaster about her present situation, he had been rather surprised to see her. Or at least that was how he had _appeared_ – not that Lily would have blamed him were he _truly_ surprised, but a part of her sensed that he could see right through her act and into her very soul. She might be fooling everyone else with her contented exterior, and he might go along with that for her sake, but truth be told she supposed it wouldn't be _that_ farfetched for him to know what was actually in her heart.

She had thought, at the beginning of the year, that she no longer feared or hated her magic. She was good at it, and she had made so many friends, and for awhile there she really _had_ been happy. She had felt close to her parents again. She had found a bit of independence – particularly from her sister. And she had accepted her place at Hogwarts with relatively pleasant ease. But now… she felt like she was back where she had started. Her life was coming around to a full circle. She was growing more miserable by the day, and she just wanted that feeling to go away! And if her magic had to go with it, then who was she to argue?

She had told Professor Dumbledore that her apparent behavior was no more than her attempt at making the best of her situation. If people thought that she was genuinely happy at Hogwarts, it was only because she could do without their pity. She still wanted to leave the school for good and live her life like a perfectly ordinary muggle. She still wanted to keep the promise that she had made to herself the summer before. Of course, the Headmaster had expressed his sincere regret for her position in the matter, but nothing could be done. She would have to stay. Not that _that_ was much of a surprise!

Exams were on their way, and, disappointed though she was, she quickly settled down to prepare for them. If she absolutely _had_ to come back next term, she might as well keep up her act and make do. After all, she couldn't get lower marks than James Potter just because she was feeling wretched. Nevertheless, exams that year were bound to be more grueling than ever before. And not just because they were way more advanced than ever before, or because she had the weight of two additional classes on her shoulders, or even because of her misery! No. They _all_ taxed her mind so much because every single time she thought of them, she could not help but think of what Professor Pryce was going to require of _his_ students, and what she was going to have to do in order to pass _that _class. That one thought alone could very well have been the very source and epicenter of _all_ her grief. Take it away, and who knew exactly how different her outlook on life at Hogwarts might have been. Without Professor Pryce making her so completely, thoroughly miserable, would her act at happiness truly have been an act? Or would she actually have been happy? If only he hadn't of ever come to teach there…

She still remembered the speech he had given during his latest lesson concerning the exam. He had said that, as he had started the year off unconventionally, so too would he end it. His students would not be sitting at desks taking written exams, nor would they be demonstrating practical exercises in front of each other. No, no, no, no, no. They would be divided up into pairs and placed in situations that would require of them defensive skills. They would have no foreknowledge of what those situations might be, or even _when_ they would be placed in them! Everything was to be completely unexpected, as things in life _always_ were – especially in times of war. With all her being, Lily wished that he would just stop using the phrase "in times of war"!It was driving her mad!

In any event, not knowing when or what she would have to do, or whom she would be partnered with during this exam was literally a torture. And not only to her! Hardly _anyone_ was comfortable with the idea – and that included Professor McGonagall, who had been coaxed into commenting on it during one of her own lessons after several of her students had complained about it. But there was nothing even _she_ could do. For as they had with the man's little broomstick exercise, the Ministry of Magic had already approved of Professor Pryce's exam method, which meant, of course, that there would be absolutely no deterring him, not even by the Deputy Headmistress.

James Potter, however, was naturally the one exception to that generalized rule. _He_ seemed perfectly satisfied with the exam, and was more than once heard boasting about how easy it was going to be to pass. And not just to pass, but to surpass! He wasn't at all the _least_ bit afraid. Lily found that she couldn't _stand_ that! Arrogant prig… And Sirius Black and Peter Pettigrew were no better! The two of them were just as smug as their friend, not that the latter had any right to be. And ever since Sirius had returned to Hogwarts from his Christmas holiday with that accursed motorcycle, he had been just as self-involved as James always was, growing worse by the day. The end of the year, Lily often found herself thinking, was quickly shaping up to becoming the absolute worst – quite possibly – in the entire history of the school! If only it would _end!_

The day before her first couple of exams were to take place had finally arrived, and Lily found herself – amazingly enough – not studying, but sitting up in one of the stands at the Quidditch stadium. It was the year's last match, and raging between Gryffindor and Slytherin no less! But unlike their first game, _this_ time James was definitely making good of his words from back then. Gryffindor was up two hundred and twenty points. Even if the Slytherin Seeker _were_ to catch the Snitch, his team would still lose. The match was as good as over, and had already lost any and all of the excitement that it usually had for Lily. Sitting where she was, she heard herself sighing deeply even as she wondered whether or not hell had frozen over. She had never before thought that the day would come when Quidditch failed to distract her from any of her woes.

Hardly a moment after the match was through, she found herself walking back up towards the castle feeling as dejected as ever. Behind her, the entire school seemed to be celebrating… well, either that or condemning Gryffindor and everyone who had anything to do with them, which was just so typical. She kept a perfectly amiable outward expression about her as she retreated, not wanting anyone to suspect that something might be wrong, but inside, she was happier knowing that she could get away. She really didn't feel like celebrating.

"Lily!"

Apparently, her feelings really weren't a factor in this matter. Forcing a smile to her lips, she turned round and watched Alice racing towards her. Well maybe not _racing_, but definitely scurrying. Her face glistened with sweat, for what with summer on its way it really _was_ getting warm out. But despite that, when she grinned, she looked more vivacious than half the Slytherin girls put together. Lily held her hands out towards her friend, and Alice clasped them companionably. "You're surely not going back to the castle already?"

"Actually," Lily nodded. "Considering the exams tomorrow, I'm surprised I seem to be the only one." Releasing one of Alice's hands, she turned back towards the school with a nod. "Why don't you come with me?"

Ever so slightly, so that it was barely even perceptible, Alice's face fell. It was only when she hesitated in her response, however, that Lily realized she really _would_ be making the rest of the hike by herself. "Actually, I think I'm going to stick around. There's, um… someone I think you'd like to meet before we all leave."

_That_ wasn't something that Lily had been expecting. She frowned, tilting her head in slight curiosity. "What are you talking about, Alice?" The girl smiled – somewhat sheepishly – even as her face colored, and _that_ expression clearly told Lily absolutely everything she needed to know about the situation. Her mouth dropped open in genuine surprise and delight – the first delight she had felt in far too long. For despite her depression, her friends were, after all, still her friends, and when they were happy, she couldn't help but be happy… for them at least. "Who is it?"

"His name's Frank Longbottom, and he's absolutely to _die_ for," Alice practically squealed in squirrelly jubilee. She might have been jumping up and down. "He's the sweetest, Lily. I really want you to meet him."

Lily felt her face soften considerably and she squeezed her friend's hand before letting it go. "All right, but not just yet. If he's as wonderful as you say he is, I better freshen up before I let him see me." She winked, assuring Alice that she was kidding. "But really, the last thing I want to do is meet a guy when I'm worrying so much about exams. Can you imagine how awkward that would be?"

Alice rolled her eyes. "Whatever, Lily." But she let it slide and, without so much as a goodbye, turned back around towards the stadium. Lily stood there motionlessly for awhile, watching as her friend hastened back into the party, trying to imagine what it would feel like to follow her. She sighed, accepting how far she had distanced herself from all of that as she once again made for the castle. The sky had turned a gorgeous crimson as the sun set, and if for nothing else, she found that she could take comfort at least in that. Not everything in this world, she reminded herself, was as gruesome as magic.

The walk up to the castle, and then up to the Gryffindor Tower, did not take long at all, and was actually rather relaxing. Surprising enough, that fact only depressed her even more, because, for the very _life_ of her, she could not interpret her own attitude. Was she happy there? Or did she hate it there? Sometimes, she didn't know exactly _where_ she stood anymore, and the confusion frustrated her beyond all repair.

When she reached her empty dormitory room, she pulled off her robes so that she was only wearing her white collared shirt and skirt. After retying her black oxfords and rolling up her sleeves, she grabbed her books and made for the library – where she knew beyond the shadow of a doubt that she'd be able to find a quiet little corner where she could study without interruption. More than anything else, _that_ was what she thought she needed right now.

Of course, upon walking into the library, she quickly realized exactly how much she had been mistaken. Remus was there, and when her gaze landed on him, she felt her heart skip a beat in complete surprise. She nearly dropped her books, too. What on earth was _he_ doing there?

_Obviously, the same thing you're doing,_ she told herself scathingly. And sure enough, he was sitting at a table there, half reading from a book while half scribbling on a piece of parchment. Like her, he had taken off his robes, rolled up his sleeves, and loosened his tie in an attempt to get more comfortable as he studied. He seemed so absorbed in what he was doing that he didn't even notice she was there. She took a minute to debate whether or not she wanted things to remain that way.

It wasn't that she didn't want to see Remus, because, in all honesty, she did. She really did. After all, he was one of her best friends – practically a brother, even! – and he had always been there for her in the past. But that was precisely what she was afraid of! She didn't _want_ him figuring out exactly how miserable she had been lately. For some reason, and one that she couldn't identify at that, she was… growing ashamed of herself. And that wasn't something you shared with someone you cared so much about. It was just too embarrassing…

Slowly, stealthily, hoping not to attract even the slightest bit of Remus' attention, Lily turned back around and reached for the library's door handle. Bet before her fingers had even grazed its surface, the door itself was pushed open, knocking powerfully into her arm and shoulder. This time she _did_ drop her books while letting out a startled cry as she came face to face with none other than Professor Pryce. It was _all_ she could do not to let out a painful moan as she hurriedly dropped to her knees and gathered all her books back together again.

So much for not alerting Remus to her presence. She could literally sense him looking up at her even as the strict librarian walked around her desk and crossed her arms in stern disapproval. Meanwhile, Professor Pryce had taken a step back to watch her in cold amusement. Looking up at him resentfully, she could see the glint in his eyes.

"My apologies," he said slyly as Remus pushed to his feet and rushed over to help his friend. "I certainly didn't expect you to be standing right there, Miss Evans." But he _had_ expected her to be there. As Remus helped her back up to her feet, Lily was left with the unmistakable impression that Professor Pryce had been looking for her.

"Do you need something?" she asked coldly through gritted teeth. The man's smile twisted into a rather more malicious kind of smirk that unnerved her terribly. It must have unnerved Remus some, too, for she felt him pull her closer into him as if offering her his protection. She would have accepted it willingly, and in a heartbeat, too, if she thought that she was actually in some sort of danger.

"Actually, yes," he told her blatantly, his cold gaze shifting from her over to Remus and back again. "The two of you are partners for your Defense Against the Dark Arts exam. And now is the time for you to take it."

**ooooooo**

"Where are we going?" Lily demanded as she and Remus followed Professor Pryce across the Hogwarts grounds, away from both the school and Quidditch stadium – where most of the other students and staff members could still be found celebrating.

"To your testing ground," Pryce replied vaguely, glancing up towards the darkening sky. Unsatisfied with his answer, and feeling more than just a little bit uncomfortable, Lily followed his gaze and watched as a sandy-brown owl flew overhead and towards… towards the Forbidden Forest. They were headed towards the Forbidden Forest!

Lily stopped short in astonishment, so taken aback that she almost forgot to breathe. Remus, who hadn't said a word since the three of them had left the library together, paused to look back at her in concern. "Lily?"

Even without her robes on, Lily found that the evening's atmosphere was decidedly warm, and disturbingly so. Ahead of her, Professor Pryce came to a stop as well and glanced back at her shortly. It was obvious that he absolutely was _not_ in the mood for any of her regular misgivings. "Is there a problem?"

"You're taking us towards the Forbidden Forest," she quietly accused him, watching suspiciously as he rolled his eyes and crossed his arms in clear impatience. "The forest is out of bounds, Professor Pryce! We're not to go in!"

"_We_ aren't going in," he told her quickly, the tone in his voice brooking no argument. "The two of _you_ are going in. I'm only taking you as far as the edge of the woods." He didn't seem to be the least bit fazed that, in so doing, he was breaking one of the greatest of all school rules. In fact, the look of uncertainty on Lily's face actually seemed to almost please him – or rather it _would_ have pleased him if he hadn't of been in such an obvious hurry to get the both of them on their way.

Lily didn't trust him. She didn't trust him one bit. Nor did she have a particularly good feeling about any of this. _"Keep your friends away from the temptation of entering the Forest, and that will be a greater help to us than you can possibly realize."_ The Headmaster's words echoed strongly in her mind, leaving her somewhat dizzy in disquiet. "Are you trying to-?"

"Miss Evans!" Pryce cut in threateningly. His eyes were suddenly ablaze and his face had darkened considerably. Lily found herself unconsciously stepping backwards in alarm. She hated it when her teachers lost their temper – even teachers like Professor Pryce – and especially when it was because of her. "We are talking about your end-of-the-year exam! You have no say in the matter!" He crossed his arms menacingly. "Of course, you can choose not to take the exam. Or better still!" He glanced quickly at Remus before looking back at her. "You can try your hand at dueling Mr. Lupin!"

Lily shrank away from him, visibly chastened. He knew how to threaten her. He knew how to get _exactly_ what he wanted out of her. And she didn't know what was more frightening. The fact that her teacher could manipulate her so, or the fact that she literally _was_ about to walk headfirst into the forest when Professor Dumbledore himself had told her not to. Catching her breath, she averted her gaze and stared forlornly at the ground. It was all Remus could do to keep from springing to her side and catching her in his arms – which he didn't think would have been particularly appropriate in front of their teacher.

Professor Pryce took that time to sneer at her. "You know, I _do_ like that plan better. Forget about your original task, Miss Evans. I want to _see_ you battle Mr. Lupin! I want to _see_ you toss a hex his way! Get out your wand now. We're going to finish this once and for all."

Lily glanced back up at him furiously, but in defeat. It was hard enough keeping tears of absolute rage out of her eyes, but actually forming words to speak to this man was like shoving a blazing hot poker down her throat. "Please… I'll go with Remus into the forest." Professor Pryce scoffed at her for that before turning back around once again and setting off towards the tree line. As he went, Lily took several deep breaths and tried to keep from panicking – which she found to be a lot more difficult than she would have liked.

Remus walked up to her understandingly and took her hand in his. "Don't worry," he whispered so that Professor Pryce might not overhear. "James, Sirius, Peter, and I go in there _all_ the time!"

She looked at him quickly, feeling suddenly hopeful. "Really?" Her expression must have been too much for him, for he hesitated, looking somewhat uncertain.

And then his face fell. "Well, no." He shrugged. "But it can't be that bad, can it? It's just an examination. Not even _he_ would send us in there unless it was absolutely safe, right?" Despite his words, Remus didn't sound particularly convinced, and that did precious little to ease Lily's nerves.

"Let's just get this over with," she said weakly before starting after Professor Pryce. Remus walked at her side and didn't say another word after that – not that she blamed him. She didn't either. There was nothing to say, and even if there was, her constricted throat made speaking next to impossible.

In a matter of minutes, they had reached the edge of the forest. There wasn't another soul in sight, and as Lily turned her head in every which way, trying desperately hard to seek one out, she grew more and more aware of just how dark it was in those woods. Shadows didn't even seem to be a _factor_ anymore, as there wasn't any light to create them. The trees overhead reminded her of giant phantoms that towered above the earth, watching from within their menacing hoods. There were no paths or trails to be seen, but, instead, undergrowth enough to reach up to her waist! If Pryce expected her to navigate her way through _that_, than he was even more awful than she had given him credit for! She had nothing more than a skirt to protect her legs…

"I have set up a magical boundary past which neither one of you will be able to proceed," Professor Pryce told them at present. Remus glanced at Lily with an encouraging smile that almost seemed to say: _you see? He's taken necessary precautions to keep us safe. There's no reason to be scared. _"You won't be harmed, so I won't have anymore of your pestering, Miss Evans!" Lily felt her face flush angrily, though Pryce either ignored her or didn't notice. "Inside this boundary, you will be faced with a challenge. Depending on how the two of you handle it, you will either pass or fail this exam. Do you understand?"

"Yes," Lily replied sullenly, pulling out her wand. Remus followed her example a bit more slowly, even as he looked up at their teacher in open bewilderment.

"But, sir, if you're not going into the forest with us, how are you going to moderate?"

Professor Pryce smiled knowingly. Unsurprisingly, it was not a smile that offered Lily any kind of reassurance whatsoever. "Don't worry, boy. I certainly do have my ways. Now. The two of you will have only until midnight, so I suggest that you hurry up and get on your way. I daresay that it isn't as much time as you might like to think."

**ooooooo**

**A/N:** I know that's a horrible place to leave off. If you want to know what happens, just review. I'll write the next chapter as quickly as I can. Thanks so much!


	32. Poachers

**A/N:** This chapter is a bit dark, so I'm moving the rating up temporarily to a T, just to give you all something of a warning. I hope you enjoy!

**ooooooo**

The world, Lily soon concluded as she made her way deeper into the blackest pits of night, had come to a rather swift and unexpected end. She had never realized before that the boundaries of _her_ reality were marked by the edge of the forest. Somehow, when she and Remus had crossed over it, they had stepped into a completely _different_ plane of existence and were now stealing their way through a land that was as unholy as it was dark, as treacherous as it was rural, and as frightening as it was foreign.

The trees themselves had grown to be both taller and broader than Lily had ever thought possible, and though there was no longer as much underbrush scratching, ensnaring, and hindering her as there had been before, those trees reminded her so much of long, skeletal arms reaching up from the soil that she almost would have preferred the attacking shrubbery. A silvery-blue fog had gradually swept over the land, and while caught up in its mystic tendrils, traces of phantoms were brought to mind.

This strange black world that Lily Evans had never before dared to enter was not, in all its heavy eeriness, the least bit silent. Together, she and Remus treaded over dead, crumbling leaves, past brooks and streams, and sometimes… even through short little bursts of shrieking wind. Somewhere, an owl constantly seemed to be hooting, and whenever there _was_ enough moonlight peering in through the tree branches to create shadows, in addition to those created by their wand light, Lily thought she could hear the whisperings of gremlins or goblins or some other such spook that she knew not of.

Despite all this, she and Remus could not yet have possibly been in those haunted woods for more than an hour or so. And for as much of that time as they could, they walked side by side with their hands clasped together. Hardly a word passed between them, but even so Lily would not have traded his company for anything. His presence alone was enough to offer her such a feeling of security that she felt she could keep up on her feet when she might otherwise have crumbled in on herself in despair. It was incredible how much a sense of camaraderie could do for one's morale.

Now, before they had parted from Professor Pryce, the man had spoken of a barrier that would keep them from wandering too far into the forest and that would protect them from danger. Lily herself had yet to see such a barrier, and found herself wondering exactly how much of the forest she and Remus would be allowed to tromp through. So far, it seemed like an _awful_ amount! She couldn't even begin to imagine how much ground they would have to cover before confronting the challenge that the professor had mentioned… whatever _that_ was. She only hoped that it wasn't proportional to the expanse of land they had been given free reign of – for if it was, it was going to be one _mighty_ trial. One that she feared she wasn't in the least bit prepared for.

The ground beneath them presently grew moist, mossy, and slick. Lily slipped on it and, were it not for Remus, would have fallen. Fortunately enough he _was_ there to catch her, and he held her up as she voiced her repulsion with a whine. The forest was growing more and more unbearable by the second, and there was not a place in the world she wouldn't rather have been. She was close to tears now, and, not for the first time, she just wished that this night would _end!_ "I don't know how much more of this I can take…"

"You're doing fine," Remus assured her as he helped her through the moss and back towards solid ground again. "Most other girls would have given up by now. If you ask me, you're exceeding expectations, Lily."

"Well, I certainly don't _feel_ like it," she grumbled, looking both left and right as if actually _searching_ for some kind of monster. The shadows made from their wand light seemed to jump out at them from all around, and Lily had half a mind to just extinguish the shine to get rid of the apparition. But then they really _would_ be lost in the darkness… Lily shuddered, unnerved by the knowledge that her own instincts might betray her. Funny; that was precisely what her Defense teacher had lectured about on their first day of class back in September. _Obviously_ Professor Pryce could talk big, but fell short when it came to actually teaching. Lily wondered if she had learned anything substantial at _all_ that year in Defense Against the Dark Arts.

"Are we supposed to be looking for something?" she asked a few seconds later when she once again recovered her voice. "Or are we just waiting for something to jump out at us?"

"I don't know," Remus said quietly. He was silent after that, but Lily could tell it was only because he was concentrating on something with all his might. He was trying to figure something out. What was the point of this examination? What was Professor Pryce's strategy? How long would they be walking aimlessly through the forest and would they ever reach the barrier? Pryce had said that they only had until midnight, but until midnight to do what, exactly? "It's supposed to be unexpected…"

"Unexpected…" Lily's stomach turned. A chill ran down her spine, leaving her decidedly unsettled. Something wasn't right here. Aside from the fact that she was cold, tired, and frightened, there was something that felt out of place. It left a bitter taste in her mouth, making her wonder whether or not _these_ were instincts that she could trust… or if she was just being paranoid.

She lifted her wand upwards towards the canopy above. The light almost seemed to reflect off the black branches – though her eyes _did_ catch sight of that owl she and Remus had been listening to for the past hour. That owl… it seemed familiar to her somehow… Old… sandy-brown… dark amber eyes… it was the same bloody owl that she had seen Professor Pryce use for his private correspondence! Professor Pryce… Something was terribly, terribly wrong.

"There are poachers in these woods," she whispered, moving closer to Remus. They were practically in each other's arms by now. She could feel his body stiffen and heard his breathing grow arduous at her observation. Meanwhile, in her mind, she played over and over again the Headmaster's words that commanded her to keep her friends out of the forest, for all their sakes. She pictured Davey Gudgeon and his blood-soaked, mangled leg. She pictured the bear trap. She was so sickened by it all that her vision suddenly fogged over, and obstructively enough at that to completely paralyze her. She felt like she couldn't move! Nor could she breathe. Panicking quickly became the least one of all her fears.

"Lily?"

Remus' voice sounded far away. _So_ very far away. So distant. A part of Lily was actually surprised that she was even able to recognize it! She felt like she was about to fall off a broomstick from a hundred meters up, and _that_ sensation alone was enough to leave her absolutely senseless.

"Lily!"

She snapped back to life so suddenly that she thought she _must_ have gotten whiplash. The world, at that moment, was spinning like a violent tornado, and she knew that if she didn't move quickly, she'd be swept up by it and flung helplessly to meet her end. "We have to get out of here now!"

Remus was left with very little time to feel at all surprised or confused by what she was saying. Her words made very little sense to begin with, and considering how far into the forest they had already walked, getting out immediately would have been next to impossible. And so he found himself just standing there dumbly, trying to work out in his mind exactly what Lily could possibly have meant by her sudden little outburst. Before he could ask or say anything at all in consolation, however, the shadows themselves came ripping to life around them. Quite literally, too.

It was as if a curtain had been lifted. Where once there had been nothing more than unwanted, additional shadows, there was now a large flood of colossal, menacing shapes and figures, clad _entirely_ in dark material to better their invisibility, pouring in at them from _every_ direction imaginable! And while moving at a speed that actually seemed to be faster than lightning, they _easily_ managed to form a complete and impenetrable ring around the two children.

Remus spun around in alarm even as Lily screamed. But before she could do anything more to help herself, two large, extremely powerful arms coiled their way around her waist and pulled, forcing her backwards. The hand that she had still held clutched tightly in Remus' then tore loose as she was pressed against the solid body of an assailant she could not see. "REMUS!"

His own hand must have felt hers pull away, for he was turning his head to look back around, even as she screamed, to find it again. In that moment, Lily recognized a ferocity in him that she had never before been aware of, even in all the time that she had known him! And despite the fear she could see in his eyes, she just _knew _that he wasn't going to freeze or give into it. There was a fortitude in his set jaw, and an intensity in the air around him, that made _that _much easily apparent.

But Remus was still just a small, sickly thirteen year old boy, while their attackers were huge, fully grown men. Not even _he_ could protect her from such a threat! Several of the thugs were already lunging forward, but, surprisingly, Remus' reflexes were just as sharp as James's were when he was up on a broomstick hundreds of feet in the sky! Dropping to the ground, he rolled away from his aggressors – which caused many of them to stumble over each other – even as he held up his wand and blasted them all with the first few curses that came to his mind.

Meanwhile, the man restraining Lily scowled at the boy's unexpected show of resistance. He barked out a loud command in such a gruff voice that she couldn't understand it at all, before jerking her up off her feet. Her breath caught in her throat as her mind struggled to comprehend what was going on. Instinctively, she began fighting back… but to no avail. Her kicks, slaps, and elbows might as well have been directed towards a brick wall for all the good they did her. When the man turned around and began striding even deeper into the forest, while carrying her along with him, he did so with complete and utter ease. Lily couldn't stop him, couldn't break free, and couldn't even slow him down!

Terrified, she began fumbling with her wand. What she was planning on doing with it, she hadn't the slightest idea, but she knew that she couldn't just _let_ herself be taken away! She had to fight back! It became difficult to breathe as her mind wrestled against the overwhelming petrifaction induced by panic as she worked to come up with a spell that might save her. But she wasn't quick enough. Her captor must have anticipated a fight, for he suddenly shifted her into just one of his arms instead of them both. With one of his hands free, he was then able to reach for her wand.

"No! No! No! No! No!" Lily panicked, dreading what would happen if she lost her only means of salvation. She started screaming again as she clutched her wand tighter, holding it as far away from him as possible. She was somewhat more successful in this attempt than she had been at freeing herself, for at least this time the man was actually forced to stop moving. He was easily three times her size, however, which, in the long run, made her much too small to stand a lasting chance against him. His hand eventually did catch hers, and once it had, he effortlessly began to pry the weapon loose.

"STOP IT!" she shrieked as he confiscated the wand and tucked it safely away down by his waistline. She immediately tried reaching down to reclaim it, but his hand came back up swiftly before she could and caught her wrist, causing her to cry out loudly in pain and frustration.

"Sssshhhh," he purred, obviously taking great pleasure in her helplessness while squeezing her wrist so tightly that it stung. Tears formed in her eyes as her strength began to leave her. For a moment, she feared she was going to vomit. Where was Remus?

Presently, and without so much as a warning, Lily's captor let go of her. She felt herself falling, and perceived the man starting forward again as if forgetting completely that he had ever even _had_ a prisoner. Too late did she realize that he was still clutching her wrist. She had barely enough time to feel the ensuing pain of a rough landing before her body was dragged over bristly leaves, sharp branches, and hard roots. The man was striding too quickly for her to get a hold on _anything_, and it was too much of an effort even to just regain her footing. She _tried_ to. She struggled as hard as she could, but completely in vain. She didn't know who these people were – except that they were _probably_ poachers – but if they were all like _this_ particular man, than they were all easily ten times stronger and in better shape than she could ever hope to be. This _couldn't_ be a mere school exam. There was no longer any doubt about that. It was a nightmare, and Lily found herself fearing that she was never going to wake.

It felt like an eternity had passed before her captor finally stopped walking. With a single flick of his wrist, he managed to jerk Lily up onto her feet, only to then, once again, push her downwards. Crying out, she reached upwards to grab hold of the slender tree that she was practically flung against, before sinking miserably down to her knees. Looking up, she then caught her first real sight of the poacher. And, sure enough, he was every bit as big as she had originally feared, and even though that didn't make him _quite_ as large as Hagrid, that was still enough to frighten her into submission. Shameful as it was, she found herself cowering.

Two more of the poachers appeared from different directions, blocking off possible escape routes that she _might_ have tried taking advantage of – were she not so exhausted. She didn't know how long it had been since she and Remus had first entered the woods, but in all that time she had worn herself out. She felt like she didn't have any strength left at all.

Moments later the rest of the poachers appeared. There were six of them altogether: three of whom had surrounded Lily, and three of whom were now manhandling Remus towards the lot. The boy, who had put up _much_ more of a fight than Lily had, was now blindfolded and had his arms bound tightly to his sides by thin black cables – which were obviously magical, as they hadn't been tied by knots anywhere to be seen. And though Lily was beyond horrified to see him in such a predicament, it _did_ do her some good to know that she wouldn't be alone anymore. "Remus!"

He stopped short at the sound of her voice. "Lily?" Having _had_ hoped that, somehow, she might have gotten away, there was no mistaking his present desolation. She had to go to him! Irrational as it seemed, she felt that, if she could only get close to him, his presence alone would be enough to keep both of them safe. Pushing herself as quickly as she could back onto her feet, she scrambled towards him as if her very life depended on it – which wasn't that hard to believe – only to be stopped short once again by the same man that had caught a hold of her previously. For the second time in less than twenty minutes his arms wrapped their way around her tiny waist, which caused her to shriek loudly in extreme protest.

"Easy! Easy there, poppet!" he spoke into her ear rather pleasantly, and in obvious amusement, as she fought and struggled to break free. "There'll be plenty of time for that soon enough, I promise. But if you don't behave yourself, I can also promise you that each and every one of us will be _more_ than willing to part ways in less than a fraction of a heartbeat. We'll take you away from your friend here, and you'll never get to see him again for the rest of your miserable, godforsaken life."

That threat _frightened_ her. It frightened her more than she thought possible! The thought that a _stranger_ could talk about controlling her life in such a manner was more than any thirteen year old could reasonably bear. Falling limp in his arms, it was all she could do to keep from bursting into tears. Why was this happening to her?

"Hear that, boyo?" one of the other poachers declared, grabbing the back of Remus' neck and squeezing it so tightly that he winced painfully and bent forward with a small gasp. "If ye don't do exactly as ye're told, we'll take her one way and ye the other. Then ye can waste away imagining how we'll have fun with her." He chuckled, shoving Remus to the ground.

The boy sat up immediately, looking painfully dishelved but otherwise just angry. With the blindfold on, he couldn't possibly have known whether or not Lily had been harmed, but if there was even the slightest chance that she was in any pain whatsoever, he looked fairly ready to murder those responsible without a moment's hesitation. "Don't you dare hurt her!" The other poachers started chuckling as well while watching Remus struggle furiously against his bindings. Of course, if the cables really had been conjured up by magic and were thus fastened around him without tied knots, than his efforts were clearly in vain. No doubt that amused the poachers even more.

"Do you think you can get away with this?" Lily quietly interrupted them, while noticing how Remus grew perfectly still even at the slightest sound of her voice – as if it alone sustained him and he dared not miss a word. The others did as well, and turned towards her in what could almost be described as anticipation. She felt herself immediately shrink away from such startling attention – which, as it turned out, wasn't exactly that much of an improvement, as it only brought her up tighter against her captor's chest. She bit her lip, trying to keep her disgust from overwhelming her. "People are going to look for us. Very powerful witches and wizards are going to look for us!"

One man to her left scoffed at that remark, and then shrugged it off. "Let them look! From all that I've heard about the two of _you_, this forest will be the very _last_ place that any of _them_ will ever even _think_ about looking." To her great dismay, Lily couldn't possibly bring herself to dispute that. Most everyone at Hogwarts considered her and Remus to be two of the very most sensible in the entire school! No one would ever believe that either one of them might even _consider_ waltzing headfirst into the Forbidden Forest. Except for…

Wait a minute… What all had a bunch of poachers heard about her and Remus? Of what possible interest could the two of _them_ be? What was…? Why were…? Too many questions bore their way into her mind at once, and they all left her feeling unnecessarily dizzy and depleted.

Meanwhile, Remus was fighting to get back up on his feet – which was probably a lot harder to do with tied arms and covered eyes. "You're wrong! They _will_ be looking for us here! Professor Pryce knows where we are! He'll find us!" Those words, however bold, managed only to evoke further laughter from each of their captors – a sound that chilled Lily right down to her very core.

One, however, merely shook his head as the wave of amusement passed, and then grinned down at the boy rather cruelly. "Professor Pryce? You mean the man that literally _led_ you into these woods? Don't be stupid, boyo. He handed you over to us just as assuredly as he brought us here to begin with."

_What?_ Lily's head snapped up sharply in astonishment. He wasn't being _serious_, was he? Professor Pryce didn't… he _couldn't_ of… but then… could he? Oh god…

She suddenly began choking on the very air she breathed as realization struck her in the face. Charlie Pryce had betrayed them! He had helped the poachers get into the forest, and then he had spent the rest of the year stalking her and Remus! She found herself remembering how _he_ had been the one to find her when she had fallen off her broomstick that day back in November. He really _had_ followed her there… God only knew how much time he had spent stalking her since… stalking her… hunting her… And now…

Remus was shaking his head, suddenly losing a great deal of his confidence. "No… That's impossible. Dumbledore would have known-"

"Albus Dumbledore," the man holding Lily said in a condescending, arrogant voice that stood for no protest, "spends by far too much of his precious time these days looking for Death Eaters to remember that not all of his adversaries follow He Who Must Not Be Named."

"Charlie Pryce may be a lot of things," another added smugly. "But he certainly isn't a Death Eater, and therefore didn't have any problems whatsoever in claiming the position he now holds at your school. Lucky for us. This has easily been by far the best hunt we've had in a long time."

Lily's blood was running cold. Sweat was dripping down her face. In her mind, she once again pictured Davey Gudgeon's bloody leg. And in her mind, she remembered words spoken by the Headmaster that night in the hospital wing. _"The hex was merely one to keep prey from escaping. It is most fortunate indeed that young Mr. Gudgeon does not qualify as such."_ They hadn't been hunting Davey… but they were most definitely hunting her and Remus – which still didn't make that much more sense to her now than it had before. "What do you want with us? It's not like we're some kind of game! We're not animals!"

"Well, we know _you're_ not, poppet," one replied carelessly, turning towards her with a smile and running his fingers lightly down through a strand of her hair. "We _do_ try to keep the hunt limited to magical creatures of course, but in _your_ case we decided to make an exception."

Lily stared up at him blankly. The way he had said that… _But what about Remus…?_ She glanced past the poacher and towards the boy, who was standing where he had been a hell of a lot stiffer than she had ever seen him before. What was going on? Looking back up at the man towering in front of her, she began to shake rather violently. "You have to be kidding me…"

He leaned forward, closing in the distance that had separated his face from hers. Consequently, she shied away and looked down, closing her eyes tightly while trying to ignore his hot breath on her face. "No, poppet. I would never do that."

"Enough," the man holding Lily barked, taking a step backwards and bringing her with him. The other one that had just gotten down right into her face straightened back up again, looking rather self-satisfied and contented… at least for the moment. "We've already spent enough time here as it is! The sooner we can get these two back to camp and safely tucked away, the sooner we can get out of this bloody forest and start the appraisal. I'm itching to sell."

She had been turned into a trophy. Mere property that was about to be put up for auction. These men – if they could be called men – were talking about her and Remus as if they were nothing more than pieces of everyday merchandise! It wasn't _right_, and it left her more than just sick with fear… it had hurled her into a nightmare. Just a few hours ago, her greatest concern had been end-of-year exams, but now… Now her world was turning upside down and falling to pieces all around her, leaving her with absolutely nothing to hold onto for protection. She couldn't keep her tears from falling any longer. "Remus…"

"Let her go. _Please_, just let her go," Remus started begging. He took a few cautious, hesitant steps forward, but before he could feel his way any closer to Lily, one of the poachers playfully moved in front of him and shoved him backwards… he landed heavily on the ground with a small groan.

"STOP IT!" Lily shouted, immediately trying to break free once again so that she might go to Remus' aid. "LEAVE HIM ALONE!" The man holding her suddenly found her to be a bit more obstinate than she had been previously. He scowled his displeasure, wrestling with her in growing impatience.

"Hold still!" Eventually he managed to get her arms pinned down to her sides in an extremely tight bear hug. Lifting her up off the ground, he then ran one of his arms down her legs, holding them together as well so that she couldn't kick anymore than she could slap. She was small enough for him hold her like that effortlessly, and once he had her, it didn't matter how hard she struggled because it didn't do her any good. Taking a deep breath, he glanced back towards his comrades in clear annoyance. "Stop standing around! Our break is over, gentlemen. Now, I _want_ to get these two stored away someplace safe, and I will not say it again! Do you hear me?"

A fair majority of the poachers mumbled their acquiescence at this command and then followed his lead. At the same time, two others reached down and grabbed separate bits of the cable pinning Remus' arms to his sides. Hauling him up, they didn't even bother to turn him around so that he might at least face the right direction, but merely began dragging him thoughtlessly along as they started on their way once again.

In those short few minutes, Lily's heart had begun to race and pound harder, faster, and more furiously than it ever had before in her entire life. Meanwhile, the darkness hovering along the path in front of her grew thicker, felt stickier, and loomed more horrifically than it had any right to. Perhaps it wasn't darkness at all. Perhaps it was some sort of demon, pulling her into a dark prison from which she would never escape. Either way, she knew her life was ending. She had stepped into a completely different world upon entering that forest. And by some strange, foreboding premonition, something within her promised that she wouldn't ever be able to find her way back out again.

**ooooooo**

**A/N:** I really didn't want to just drop it off right there, but seeing how it's already an extremely long chapter, I decided that I also didn't want it going on and on endlessly without a break. And so… the more you all review, the faster I'll get the next chapter posted! Thanks so much!


	33. The Mirror

**ooooooo**

Hours seemed to pass as the poachers forcibly guided their two prisoners deeper and deeper and deeper into the night. Wherever they had set up this "camp" that Lily's captor had first spoken of, it wasn't _anywhere_ near the school at all! Surely the Forbidden Forest wasn't as vast as _this_! It couldn't be! But it was…

In the time that had elapsed since their capture, Lily had been placed back on the ground and was now allowed to walk. Remus' blindfold had also since been removed, and though his arms were still bound to his sides by that bloody cable, at least he could now see as he walked close beside his best friend. It was pretty much obvious that he was not in the least bit thrilled about being cooperative with the poachers, but he especially could tell how much the girl needed him with her right now for as much support as he could possibly give. He wanted her to know that he would be there to protect her. And that he _would_ protect her… at all costs.

"I still don't understand," he presently complained as the poachers surrounding them continued driving them past streams and trees that all looked so identical and familiar to Lily that she had long since grown lost and completely turned around. Were they walking in circles? Even if she _were_ to escape now, she'd _never_ find her way back to the castle! Gradually, a growing part of her was starting to shift out of her previous state of denial and into more of a state of defeated acceptance. There was nothing she could do to stop this from happening.

"What's that?" the man walking to her right demanded, though without missing a step, without slowing down his pace, and without glancing in the two captives' direction. His arm, which he had been holding up so that his wand's light might help his fellows pierce a bit of the present darkness, remained unwaveringly so.

"Why Lily?" Remus asked, the matter of his question causing the girl to tense. She glanced at him disconsolately for a moment before turning her head back around towards the poacher, knowing only one thing for sure. She did _not_ want to hear the answer.

"'Why Lily?'" the man scoffed in clear amusement. The others all seemed to be smiling now as well, joining in on their friend's delight – which only made the girl in question feel _that_ much worse. She would have slowed down her walking to a mere, melancholy crawl in response to such misery, but the moment in which she did so, the moment in which her legs failed to carry her fast enough to satisfy the man behind her, was the moment in which he shoved her brutally forward. Meanwhile, the one to her right began his explanation. "I'm sure you're both aware of the fact that the Dark Lord's followers have, as of late, been amassing more and more Death Eaters to their number. His army is growing, and before too long, they are going to outnumber the Ministry of Magic. Two to one."

"How does _that_ have anything to do with Lily?" Remus demanded, clearly having been taken by surprise. For Lily to be associated by these men with the Dark Lord was absolutely the _last_ thing that he had been expecting! She wasn't even pure-blooded! It didn't make any sense.

"Well," the poacher continued. "Word on the streets is that your venerable Albus Dumbledore used to be something of a friend to He Who Must Not Be Named. And that the two of them know each other much better than anyone else in the entire world." Lily turned her head sharply at that remark and stared at the man in wide-eyed disbelief. There wasn't any way…! How on _earth _could that be possible?

She was supposed to be _safe_ from the war! She was supposed to be separated from it! At Hogwarts, she and all the other students were supposed to be kept as far away from danger as a person could ever feasibly get! But how was she, or anyone else for that matter, _ever_ going to be kept safe when the very man protecting them from it all was a personal friend to the Dark Lord? _"No one is ever completely safe."_ Professor Dumbledore had said that himself. And god, wasn't it the truth. Lily shivered, staring down at the ground in shock.

"But then an argument broke out between the two," the man was saying now, though his words were barely registering in Lily's mind at all anymore. "I myself don't know what the argument was about, but according to Charlie, neither one of them could ever refute the other's claim. They've been trying unsuccessfully to prove their conflicting points to each other for years. But now…" He clucked his tongue and seemed to savor in the moment. "Now… this young girl has entered the picture."

Lily could feel Remus' eyes landing squarely on her, but she found that she couldn't look back at him. She couldn't _bear_ the thought of meeting his gaze! She hadn't told _anyone_ about her gift – if that was even what she could _call_ it anymore. The Headmaster _had_ said that the Dark Lord might be interested in witnessing it, were he to ever find out about it, hadn't he? Apparently these poachers were of a like mind, so didn't that make it less of a blessing and more of a curse?

"You see, boyo, if Charlie is right about the little poppet, than she could very well be the answer to their disagreement," the man went on leisurely, finally turning his gaze towards Remus – and in time to enjoy watching a look of absolute horror dawn onto his face, too, as he realized the meaning of such words.

He slowly started shaking his head in disgusted disbelief. "You… you're just… just going to hand her over to You Know Who?" Lily's eyes tightly clenched shut at the thought. She didn't _want_ to imagine what might happen to her if she was presented like so in front of He Who Must Not Be Named! But of course her imagination quickly came up with several horrific possibilities anyway, leaving her pathetically weak and trembling in unsuppressed terror.

"That's the idea," the man now said heartlessly, as if he had been in the practice of selling children every single day of his life. "In exchange for omission. We don't want our families or ourselves being drawn into this war. If He Who Must Not Be Named agrees to permit us to go about our business unchecked, than we'll hand over the evidence in a heartbeat."

Remus looked back at Lily, but she still wouldn't meet his gaze. Or rather, she _couldn't_. She didn't know why… but she just felt too ashamed. Because this "gift" wasn't really a gift at all! It was a flaw… There was something _wrong_ with her and it was going to get herself _killed!_ She wasn't sure how, but a part of her just _knew_ it… And it was enough to make her cry.

"Lily…" Remus felt his own heart clench painfully as he watched her. He hadn't known… He hadn't had any idea! What kind of friend did that make him? Why hadn't he known? Why hadn't she told him? A part of him couldn't help but wonder… didn't she trust him? But then again, who was _he_ to ask such a thing?

He couldn't even _begin_ to imagine how a thirteen year old girl like Lily Evans might be able to resolve some argument raging between Dumbledore and the Dark Lord. He couldn't see how that was even _remotely_ possible! But looking at her… he could tell that _she_ believed it, at least, and that he, more than anyone else in the world, should understand what it meant to have such a secret.

"We're here," the poachers at the front of the group declared, coming to a quick and rapid halt. Remus and Lily stopped short behind them immediately, their exhausted legs taking quite a bit of relief at the sudden chance to rest. Lily herself was particularly amazed that she was even capable of remaining upright after all that exertion – a part of her wanted nothing more than to just collapse right down, then and there, onto the ground!

The camp that they had come to was, in actuality, nothing more than a small little clearing. There were a couple of pitched tents, a _large_ covered wagon, several wooden crates, and a few other miscellaneous items. But the worst of it, Lily immediately saw, was unsurprisingly the evidence that she and Remus truly were in the captivity of a band of poachers.

Never, in her entire life, had she ever seen so much… death. It was worse than any hospital imaginable! There were animals hanging up to dry from trees, carcasses lying spread out on the ground, skins, bloody bear traps, bloody wires, bits and pieces of… god only knew what… And then… there was the smell.

Without so much as a warning, Lily had spun around completely and began tearing away from the camp faster than anyone would have ever thought possible. But before she could get even more than ten feet away, her legs gave out from beneath her and she found herself falling heavily onto her hands and knees. The next thing she knew, she was vomiting all over the ground. It was worse than when she had fallen off her broomstick back in November. It was a _lot_ worse. She thought she was going to die from it this time!

Somewhere, coming from behind her, she could hear Remus' voice. She didn't know exactly what it was that he said, but a moment later he was kneeling down at her side, his arms having finally been cut free from their bindings. Pulling her into a warm embrace, he held her there protectively. "It's okay. You're okay. I've got you."

Listening to his calming words, Lily was slowly able to recover. She found it rather difficult to breathe at first, and her face was drenched in a mixture of sweat and tears, but she was slowly able to get a hold of herself again. She just… needed to close her eyes… and maybe then be fortunate enough to wake up from this nightmare and find herself back in her room, tucked safely away beneath the warm covers of her bed.

But she had no such luck…

For no sooner had she opened her eyes once again then Remus was suddenly being torn away from her. She screamed, instinctively reaching out for his hands and grasping them as tightly as she could, praying not to lose him. And he didn't let go of hers, either! He held on so desperately that even _he_ worried about crushing her delicate bones. However, up against two fully grown men who were even now carefully and methodically working to separate them, it didn't particularly matter how hard they clung to each other, or how loudly they protested, or even how wildly they fought! For in the end their hands _were_ pulled apart, and while Lily was held still by one, Remus was dragged away by the other. She continued to scream even as he continued to struggle, but both did so in vain.

Meanwhile, two of the other poachers had brought forward a completely solid wooden crate, and were now holding up its lid. Helpless to do much of anything, Lily could only watch with tears streaming down her face as Remus was unceremoniously dumped into it. The lid, which _would_ have been as solid as the rest of the wooden crate were it not for one tiny little oxygen hole, was then slammed shut with a terrible thud, signaling for the others to quickly lean over it with their hammers and nails.

"STOP IT!" Lily shrieked, but no one listened. She fought to break free, thinking only about helping Remus, but couldn't do it. The man holding her back was just too strong! It didn't take long at all for the poachers to finish hammering the crate shut, and then, to make matters worse, once they had, they held up their wands and magically reinforced their work. There was no way in the world Remus could break out of that thing now! She could hear him pounding on it from the inside, but, despite that, the crate didn't so much as even wobble!

_Now_ the man holding her was obliging enough to let her go. And once he did so, she scrambled forward faster than her quivering legs should have reasonably been able to manage. "REMUS!" She nearly collided into the crate – which wasn't at all that large. Not even a small thirteen year old boy like him would have been able to sit up straight inside the thing. Lily's heart pounded faster and faster inside her throat as she tried to open it, as she tried to break it, as she tried to do just about anything imaginable that might possibly get the boy out! But, try as she might, there just wasn't any way. Spinning back around, she turned almost desperately to face her truly amused captors. "You _have_ to let him out! Please let him out!"

One man shook his head with a wicked smile. "No."

Frustration and helplessness welled up within her until she thought she was going to drown in it all. "Why? Why are you doing this to us? Are you going to lock me in a box now, too?"

The man rolled his eyes. "Don't be stupid, poppet. We know perfectly well that _that_ isn't necessary. You aren't going to run off without the boy, now are you?" Lily stared at him, her voice lodged in her throat. She couldn't answer. But then again… she clearly didn't have to. For, obviously, they were all _perfectly_ capable of seeing right through her, no matter what she did or said!

"Besides," one of the others added, even as he took the time to produce a small wooden pipe that he then lit and began to smoke. "We're civil enough to refrain from boxing in actual people. We only cage wild animals."

Lily thought her heart was going to burst. "Remus isn't a wild animal!" The poachers all glanced at each other and began chuckling, obviously sharing in some kind of a private joke that Lily found to be particularly infuriating. Her hands tightened into fists, and her nails dug so deeply into her skin that she could literally feel her own blood start seeping through.

One man suddenly started towards her. She tensed, looking up at him fearfully but somehow managing to keep from backing away. She knew that, what with the crate sitting directly behind her, she would have tripped over it had she tried. The man was kneeling down in front of her, so that the two of them were eyelevel, and presently caught her chin roughly in his hard, strong hand – which caused her to flinch rather painfully. He smirked. "Didn't anyone tell you? Your friend's a bloody werewolf, poppet."

Lily's eyes widened, but then, before she could so much as even take a breath, the man had moved his hand around to the back of her neck and now shoved her aggressively away from the crate. Stumbling, she landed hard on the ground and, for the longest time after that, didn't even _try_ moving to get back up. It was just too hard… and she was by far too overwhelmed.

_Remus…? A werewolf…? How could that be?_

From where she lay, she watched miserably as the poachers abandoned her, confident that she wouldn't try and escape, while setting about the task of breaking down their camp. They had what they had come for after all, and now they had every intention of leaving. Two of them moved to lift up the crate that now held Remus within its confines and they carried it over to the covered wagon, where two other men stood waiting to haul it inside. Once that was taken care of, they returned to the front of the vehicle and waited for another crate to be brought up to them for storage.

Within fifteen minutes, they had packed away every single one of the crates that had been lying scattered about the campsite when the band had first arrived. Now, they were all securely fastened inside the wagon, no doubt surrounding and covering the crate that Remus had been shoved into, effectively burying the boy alive. Ever so slowly, Lily found herself able to sit back up again, and she wondered whether or not anyone would ever be able to so much as even _hear_ him from outside the wagon now, should he choose to start yelling for help. It seemed altogether too unlikely. She blinked past tears of utter despair.

Now that the crates had been stored, the poachers split up assignments. Most of them went on to pack up the animal skins and carcasses, though some of them started cleaning their hunting tools and tearing down tents. Eventually everything would go inside the wagon, and Lily, despite everything, found herself hoping that she might be one exception.

**ooooooo**

Everything from inside the box was dark. It was dark, cramped, and growing rather difficult to breathe. Remus, who was on his knees and bent so far forward that he thought he could smell, and possibly even _taste_, the dust covering the floorboard, was barely able to move enough to even see the pathetic excuse of a breathing hole up on the lid! He wouldn't have been able to fit even his pinky finger through that! Were they trying to suffocate him?

He had quickly lost track of time. There was simply no way of telling it trapped inside a box like this! Nor did he know exactly _where_ this was… He had felt the poachers pick up the box, and had felt them carry it somewhere… he guessed that he was probably inside the wagon now, but couldn't be sure. Unsurprisingly, it was hard to be sure of anything at all through the solid, impenetrable wood. And even _with_ the tiny little hole up on the lid, he couldn't hear a single word that was spoken outside.

He thought he _might_ have heard someone say: "Label it." And almost immediately after that, something had started scratching along the outer surface of his prison. This was just great! It wasn't enough for them to just toss him inside a box! _Now_ they had to stamp it to keep from mixing it up with something else! They were treating him like garbage!

Moments later, something rather heavy landed on top of the crate. And for one terrifying instant, Remus feared that the lid was going to come crashing down on top of him, crushing him painfully to death! But amazingly enough, the lid managed to hold… Not that that improved his situation any. He _had_ to get out of here! He kept wondering whether or not Lily was also trapped inside a box somewhere – and the thought that she was terrified him beyond all reason. He _had_ to find a way to spare her from that! To save her. She was like a sister to him! He knew he'd sooner die than let anything happen to her!

While moving was not exactly the easiest thing for a person to do in such a position, Remus somehow managed to reach his left hand into his left back pocket. Feeling around, he quickly located the small, perfectly squared two-way mirror that he had stolen from Peeves the year before. He knew that it didn't look like much, and that it certainly didn't _seem_ to be anything more than a mere piece of glass – especially since it didn't even have a handle! But this mirror… if anything could save him and Lily now, he knew it would be this.

Holding it up to his mouth, he closed his eyes and whispered the word "James," while praying to god that it worked. Of course in the past it had _always_ worked, but these conditions were undeniably a little different, and they weren't at all preferable. "James! James! James! JAMES!"

"WHAT?" The other boy's face immediately appeared right where Remus _would_ have seen his own reflection, had it not been too dark to see much of anything. He looked to be somewhat frustrated, agitated, and also a little bit impatient at the moment, but just the fact that he was _there_ was enough for Remus' stomach to flip in utter jubilation. It worked!

He couldn't help but smile widely in utter and sheer relief. "God James. Am I glad to see you!"

James's head enlarged as he moved the mirror on his side up closer to his face. "Remus, where the bloody hell are you? Do you have any idea what time it is?" He sounded like a strict, angry parent or something – which definitely caught Remus off-guard. What was…?

James must have detected his friend's astonishment, for then, without so much as a warning, his entire countenance changed as an impish smile curled across his face. "I mean, honestly! How could you just go off and break curfew without me? And after skipping _my_ Quidditch match, too! Peter's starting to get a tad bit worried, mate."

Remus shook his head in slight amusement. Typical James. For awhile there, he had feared that this would be the end of everything. But now… it was _amazing_ how much one person's positive attitude could do for the spirit. Everything would be okay now. "James, I need you to listen to me. I probably don't have much time to explain this to you, so you've got to pay very close attention, all right?" Everything would be okay. He just needed to keep on telling himself that, over and over and over again if necessary. It would be okay. There was still hope left. It wasn't over. He was _going_ to make it through this, and then, sometime in the years to come, he would look back on it as just a memory. A simple memory of yet another one of his many childhood adventures. He just couldn't give up… and hope that Lily hadn't given up yet, either.

**ooooooo**

For someone who was accustomed to flying around on a broomstick at breakneck speeds hundreds of feet up in the sky when he had absolutely nothing but the wind in his face to slow him down, James Potter felt like he had never moved faster in his entire life than he did that night, moments after receiving Remus' call for help via their two-way mirror. It was unbelievable.

Behind him, Sirius and Peter were both sputtering out questions, doubts, and uncertainties as they followed him through castle corridors and down the stairs towards the quickest way outside as quietly as they possibly could – which was, considering the circumstances, practically impossible. _They_ hadn't heard Remus' entreaty, and since James hadn't fully explained the situation, as he had heard it, to them, they had very little idea of what was going on. All they knew was that, apparently, Remus was in trouble and Lily was in danger. Which didn't seem to make the slightest bit of sense to either one of them. In fact, Peter had even gone so far as to wonder out loud whether or not this was someone's idea of a stupid joke.

The possibility that it was hadn't even occurred to James _once_. They were talking about Remus and Lily here! Yes, the boy knew perfectly well that he fully deserved falling victim to some kind of prank or other, for all the ones that he had pulled in his life, but _this_ wasn't something you joked about! Lily had warned him against playing the 'boy who cried "wolf"' game back at the end of their first year, and he wasn't about to play it now! This was real. There was no doubt in his mind about that.

He hadn't ever thought that his midnight strolls might one day come so much in handy. For even without his invisibility cloak – as he was in by far too much of a hurry to bother with it now – he was able to navigate his way down through the school without drawing anyone's attention to himself or to his friends with perfect ease. They made good time, too. Hardly ten minutes had passed before the three of them were sprinting outside into the warm night air, which quickly fell upon them like an uncomfortable, clammy blanket. Poor Peter looked like he was ready to pass out from all the exertion, and even Sirius was breathing heavily and working up a sweat. To them, this was torture.

James, however, barely took the time to catch his breath before he found himself turning in a direction that he very rarely ever visited. He bolted forward, much to Peter and even Sirius's dismay. Where was he going? In the end, however, it didn't really matter one way or the other, because the three of them were friends. Sirius and Peter would follow James wherever the boy decided to go – even if it was at a speed of a hundred miles per hour!

The night outside was dark. The moon had waned to a crescent and the stars were barely visible, which didn't particularly make matters any easier. It was a miracle that no one tripped, fell, and broke an ankle, and even _more_ incredible that James was able to find what it was that he was looking for! The school's gamekeeper.

Hagrid lived in a small wooden hut at the edge of the Forbidden Forest. At nighttime, the place turned black and became almost impossible to distinguish from the rest of the woods surrounding it. Three young boys like James, Sirius, and Peter practically had to be on top of the thing in order to even notice its existence! But once Peter did, he stopped short with wide, terrified eyes. Were they really going after Hagrid? _The_ Hagrid? The same half-giant that Peter knew to reside within this very same cabin? James had to be out of his mind!

Sirius slowed down his pace as well, letting out an exasperated sigh as James started pounding heavily on the cabin's front door. "James! Mate! What are we _doing_ here?"

"Getting help!" the troublesome thirteen year old replied. He started yelling, to top it all off. "HAGRID! Are you in there? Wake up!" He pounded even harder on the door, for once in his life not caring whatsoever about all the racket he made. He was worried about Remus, yes. But it was, to his amazement, not Remus', but _Lily's_ face that continuously came to mind. She was in trouble… He couldn't stand the thought, and _that_ brought him to behave positively outrageously. Never before had either of his two companions ever seen him act so madly! So out of control! They stood there behind him, watching in stunned amazement as he literally tried knocking down the door.

"He's gone mental, hasn't he?" Peter asked quietly as a light inside the hut finally switched on. Moments later, the door flew open – Sirius in particular took the time to appreciate its strength, as it somehow managed not to fly completely off its hinges. Looking up, the three young Gryffindors then found themselves being scrutinized by an old, clearly thunderstruck gamekeeper.

"An' wha' the bloody devil's going on?" he exclaimed in an exceptionally loud, confounded voice that caused Sirius and Peter both to step backwards in slight alarm. "What're yeh doing out ah bed?" The giant's eyes narrowed suspiciously, for _he_ knew perfectly well who these three boys were – mischief-makers to the last. "Up te no good, ah can well imagine!"

Sirius and Peter glanced at each other nervously, but James didn't even so much as blink an eye. He took control of the situation faster than any third year had a right to. "It's Remus, Hagrid! Remus and Lily! They're both in the forest right now! Poachers got 'em!"

"WHAT?" Hagrid, Sirius, and Peter all started shouting at once. Since they all knew about Remus' condition, absolutely none of them had any trouble whatsoever in guessing possible motives that a group of poachers might have for going after the boy. And not even Peter could suggest that it was something James might joke about.

"You know the forest better than anyone!" he was desperately reminding Hagrid at present. "You care about what goes on in it more than anyone else in the world! Please! Tell me you know where they are!"

Hagrid hesitated for a moment, but no longer than that. James was absolutely right. He _did_ care about the creatures being hunted by those bloody poachers. He cared so much it hurt! Albus Dumbledore _had_ made the proper choice when he had stated that the forest had jurisdiction over the poaching case, and that no witch or wizard was to interfere unless the creatures of the forest first requested it. _They_ had the right to defend themselves. But that hadn't stopped Hagrid from keeping an eye on those poachers. And a very _close_ eye, to say the least. He knew _exactly_ where they camped.

"Ah know," he told James quickly. "An' if 'em poachers really do got Remus an' Lily, we can't just stand around 'ere!" He turned back inside his hut for a quick second, only to reemerge then with a large crossbow and a pink umbrella. He stepped outside and shut the door behind him, turning towards the forest. "Yeh three better get back up te the school. Tell the Headmaster what yeh told me!"

James immediately shook his head, holding up his wand stubbornly. "There's no way you're going without me! Remus is my friend!" And Lily… God help those men if anything had happened to Lily!

Hagrid spun around fast and angry. "Ah can't go in there wit' the three of yeh! The forest is off-limits to students!"

James set his jaw in obstinate determination. "Well then. I guess I'm going by myself!" And without a moment's hesitation, he struck out faster than lightning towards the Forbidden Forest. At that speed, he might as well have been riding upon the back of a broomstick!

"JAMES!" Hagrid, Sirius, and Peter all shouted out at once. Absolutely none of them could _believe_ such behavior! What was that git thinking? As quickly as he could, Hagrid immediately set out after the boy – either to stop him or to help him… Sirius wasn't sure which. But as he watched, a stroke of brilliance suddenly fell over him. He turned towards Peter urgently.

"You should do what Hagrid said! Get back to the castle and warn Dumbledore!"

Peter stared at him in _complete_ confusion. "What? Why? Where are you going?"

Sirius, however, was already off and running in a completely different direction. When he answered his friend, he answered calling over his shoulder. "To get faster transportation!"

Peter instinctively bolted after him, not wanting to be left alone with the task of admitting to a teacher that he was out wondering the grounds after curfew. "I'll come with you! I can help!"

Sirius paused long enough to glance back at the boy with an air of gentle disbelief. "I don't think so, mate. You'd probably just slow me down. Get Dumbledore!" And with that, he started off again, running faster than what he believed possible for Peter to keep up with.

The abandoned boy stood where he was after that for several long, lonely minutes, not moving even an inch. So that was what Sirius thought of him… If anyone had been there to see, they couldn't possibly have been able to miss the look of pain that swept over Peter's face. He didn't know _how_ much time had passed, but he certainly didn't make a move to go back to the castle. He wasn't _about_ to become Sirius's little messenger boy! Not even to save Remus' life.

**ooooooo**

**A/N:** Now _that_ was an extremely long chapter! And an omniscient one, too! Let me know what you think! I always love reviews! Thanks so much!


	34. Rescue

**ooooooo**

Most of the fog blanketing the woods had, at least in Lily's jarred perception, long since drifted off, leaving behind only a few thin tendrils of mist that served only to further add to the startling, grim eeriness of the night. Wisps of smoky vapor had begun distorting the amber glow of several lit lanterns that a few of the poachers had taken the time to illuminate and sling over low hanging branches around the camp. Everything seemed to be deeply immersed in a dreary haze that did absolutely nothing to help keep Lily from sinking into a tired, defeated, trancelike stupor of her own.

Completely overwhelmed, and still in quite a bit of shock, she found that it was growing more and more difficult to think with any kind of clarity whatsoever. Instead, she was sinking… sinking… right down onto her knees and into something of a dream. A dream that was oddly familiar… and yet not at all so.

_"Honestly, Remus! You don't have to run from us! We just want to talk about it with you! Is that too much to ask?"_

_"I don't _want_ to talk about it!"_

_"Remus, you don't have to put on a brave front everyday of your life just because you were sorted into Gryffindor! It's okay to be afraid!"_

_"Not _this_ afraid! I'm afraid of _myself_, Lily! You have to understand, there's this _thing_ crawling around inside me, and every single day of my life, I fear that it's going to kill me!"_

_"You're a lot braver than I am."_

_"Hey, Evans! Where are you going? You're a part of this too, now! Stay."_

_"Sorry, Potter. But I'm _not_ a 'part of this.' And if any of you ever want to come back from this, then you'll have me to come back to."_

_"She must not leave Hogwarts. I have been made aware of her apparent distaste for magic, but the Sorting Hat would not have placed her in Gryffindor if she did not have it in her to learn acceptance."_

_"There's a war going on. It started about a year ago. You-Know-Who commands the other side. The _dark_ side! We take those Defense classes for a reason, Evans, and that reason _is_ You-Know-Who!"_

_"Listen to me, Lily! If you go back to that school, I will never talk to you again!"_

_"WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH YOU? HAVEN'T YOU HEARD A WORD THAT'S BEEN SAID? DAD'S IN THERE RIGHT NOW AND HE'S DYING AND YOU'RE JUST STANDING THERE LIKE AN ABSOLUTE FOUR YEAR OLD! WAKE UP!"_

_"Petunia!"_

_"YOU'RE A WITCH! FOR ONCE IN YOUR LIFE, PROVE TO ME THAT BEING A WITCH IS A GOOD THING! WHY DON'T YOU DO SOMETHING?"_

_"DADDY!"_

_"He was stable. The doctors couldn't believe it. They said it was a miracle. I don't know what you did, Lily, but you got him to wake up and I got to see him. But… But I didn't recognize him… He recognized me, but _I_ didn't recognize _him_! He told me that everything would be okay. That we'd all be okay… and then he died. He died, Lily! So how is anything going to be okay?"_

_"I… I'm sorry. I couldn't… I tried to! I really did! I tried so hard!"_

_"Yeah? Well you didn't try hard enough!"_

_"_My_ father once said that real beauty can't be fully appreciated without certain flaws. I know it's hard to understand. I certainly didn't understand it at all when my father died. But Remus… whatever it is inside of you… you wouldn't be the same person without it."_

_"Phoenixes are supposed to be completely wild. Not at all tamable… They give courage to those who are good. I wonder how long that courage lasts."_

_Don't die, daddy… "I love you too much."_

_"Lily."_

_"Daddy?"_

_"Learn to stand."_

Learn to stand? _That_ was impossible! She couldn't even get off her knees! She couldn't protect herself. She couldn't protect Remus. She couldn't do _anything!_ And her father wanted her to stand up on her own? Yeah right! Tears burned like acid in her eyes and throat as she stared miserably into the fog induced hazy, distorted light of an obscure lantern. She couldn't do anything… Maybe Professor Pryce had been right about her all along.

"Here. Drink."

Lily cringed, but otherwise didn't move as one of her captors knelt down in front of her and held out an open flask of… something. Staring at it, she couldn't help but feel tempted for a moment to accept. Her throat _burned,_ and she was thirsty enough to crave just about anything that might even _resemble_ liquid – no matter what kind.

But then she thought of Remus. _He_ certainly wouldn't have been allowed to drink anything, even if he _hadn't_ of been locked up inside a crate somewhere within that bloody wagon! And so she found herself shaking her head. She'd rather die of thirst than quench it, knowing that Remus couldn't quench his.

The poacher sitting in front of her sighed, clearly exasperated. And when he next spoke, he did so warningly, as a stern parent might address a misbehaving child. "Drink the tonic, poppet! It is painfully clear that you're dehydrating – which, for the record, doesn't seem to be the very worst of your ills, either! Now you don't have a choice in the matter, so drink!" And once again, he held out the flask.

Lily stared at it in disgust, the look on her face speaking much louder than words ever could. Frustrated, the man turned away and started grumbling to himself. For a second there, Lily thought she might actually have won that time… But then the man spun back around and practically fell down on top of her!

She squealed, having been taken completely by surprise, and landed heavily on her back with both of her legs bent awkwardly beneath her. Thankfully though, despite the odd angle, neither one of them felt broken… Nevertheless they hurt immensely, _especially_ when her attacker sat on them using absolutely _all_ of his weight, immediately stopping her as she tried desperately to roll over and crawl away. Having thus been so effectively pinned down, Lily could do nothing more than scream and hold up her arms in a pathetic attempt to block her face. "STOP IT!" But he wasn't listening.

Moving patiently and with a practiced ease, he dexterously took her two wrists in a single hand, roughly pulling her back up into a sitting position. Holding out the flask, he gave her one last chance to accept his offer. "Drink!"

She shook her head, looking away. Tears poured down her face and her entire body started to tremble. She already knew that she wasn't going to win. But her heart couldn't bear the thought of just giving up! Maybe… maybe _that_ was why her heart felt like it was breaking. "No…"

"Very well." He carefully set the flask down onto the ground so that none of its precious contents might spill out. And then, he turned two particularly cruel eyes towards her. Watching him nervously, Lily couldn't help but cringe, guessing from his expression that he wasn't just _about_ to humor her. And she'd be right.

Moving meticulously, he reached his now free hand around her head and securely entwined his fingers into her hair. Lily caught her breath as he pulled, snapping her head back viciously. And then she was shrieking, gasping in complete and utter pain! The man let go of her wrists, watching almost sympathetically as her hands flew automatically towards the one in her hair, fighting to pry it loose. She didn't even notice how he sighed at the ease of his victory, or how he was reaching once again towards the flask.

Presently, he twisted her hair savagely and waited for her gritting teeth to part once more in a silent cry of anguish. He could tell that she was quite obviously in a great deal of pain, as her voice had already gotten caught up in her throat. But even so, he didn't wait for it to lessen any before he shoved the flask directly into her mouth.

Ice cold, spicy liquid poured onto her tongue like nothing she had ever tasted before. She couldn't describe it, but that it was sickening _and_ that its mere _flavor_ caused both her blood to momentarily freeze and her heart to stop. The next thing she knew, she was screaming and crying harder than ever, recoiling sharply while flinging her arms forward wildly.

"Whoa, easy there!" he said with a smile, his good mood quickly returning as he shifted his own body against hers, keeping the flask firmly in her mouth. She felt like an uncooperative baby being bottle-fed! It was _perfectly_ clear that he wanted her to drink absolutely as much of the tonic as possible. Screaming, however, and refusing to swallow, caused more and more of the disgusting liquid to spill from her mouth, which gave her some slight hope. She redoubled her efforts, for something in her heart was telling her _not_ to drink that tonic! Unfortunately, however, the man had already noticed and was now patiently letting go of her hair. He carefully pulled the flask away from her, sliding his hand over her mouth before she had the chance to spit anymore of it onto the ground. Tightening his grip, he pushed her head even further backwards to make it particularly difficult for her to keep from swallowing.

_Don't! Don't! Don't!_ She repeated the word over and over again in her mind, fighting to keep the liquid from going down her throat. Meanwhile, she threw her arms at him, struggling to push him away, but completely in vain. He was able to ignore her struggling with perfect ease. Sitting on top of her, he looked _more_ than ready to carry on smothering her to death for as long as it took to get her to swallow.

_You can't!_ she told herself fiercely. If her assailant was so terribly adamant that she drink this tonic, than it most certainly could _not_ be a good thing! Unfortunately, this wasn't something that she could keep up for very long. Clenching her eyes shut tightly, she felt the very last ounce of her self-control ebb away, and she gave in, swallowing painfully.

"That's my girl," her assailant said soothingly as he _finally_ let go of her completely and slid off her legs. Lily knew that she _should_ have bolted then and there, without a moment's hesitation. She told herself to run! To get away! To make a break for it as quickly as she could! But… her body wouldn't let her.

The effects of the tonic were immediate. Her body started to tingle. Her muscles started to relax. Her heartbeat slowed and her breathing came easier. Suddenly, she felt herself slumping over. She would have fallen completely if the poacher hadn't of been there to catch her! Holding her gently in his arms, he brushed a few strands of stray hair out of her face before once again tilting the flask into her mouth.

_He's sedating me,_ she realized in terror as more of the liquid poured down her throat. She couldn't fight it at all now. As soon as it entered her mouth, she felt herself swallow unwittingly. There was absolutely nothing that she could do. In her mind, she was truly starting to panic – a feeling that was not reciprocated at all by her unwinding body. Her tension was beginning to ebb away entirely, and her arms, growing heavy, both fell to her sides.

"That's it. Just a little bit more." Through all this, the poacher didn't stop talking even once, and whispered words of encouragement and approval to her as he watched the tonic take effect. Meanwhile, her head was growing just as heavy as her arms had, and started to loll backwards. Gradually, she lost control of her self completely. She didn't _feel_ at all tired anymore, but even still, her body grew so limp and so heavy that she could not move at all. And at the same time, something repulsively warm and sticky was starting to crawl across her skin like some kind of a growing membrane… she could feel it cover her from head to toe, wrapping her in its invisible cocoon. She thought she was going to be sick again.

"You're almost done," the poacher assured her, his voice growing more and more maddening by the second. The tonic, despite its freezing temperature, started to burn in her throat, but she couldn't stop drinking. She couldn't stop, and _didn't _stop, until there was absolutely nothing left to drink at all.

"Good girl," her torturer said, clearly pleased as he tossed away the flask. Moving slowly and with unwanted care, he then helped her to lie down on her back. Clearly taking his time, and seeming to enjoy every moment, he smoothed out her skirt and hair with deliberate solicitude. Lily felt like she was being artfully arranged as he straightened out her legs for her and placed her arms down directly at her sides.

"There," he said when he was through. "Now you'll be comfortable." Sitting back, he appraised her like one evaluating his work. "You're going to be just fine now, my dear. The effects of the tonic _will_ take some time to wear off; I won't lie to you about that. But by then, your body will have fully recuperated from the shock you've been put through tonight. By the time we get you to the Dark Lord, you're going to be in perfect condition."

Lily barely had strength enough to so much as even _whimper_ in her growing dismay! She would rather have shared Remus' fate by being thrown inside of a tiny little box than to be rendered so completely helpless here on the ground. She felt less like a prisoner now… and more like a doll. It didn't help matters any that just the mere _mention_ of being taken before the Dark Lord had become _more_ than enough to paralyze her in absolute terror – amplifying the effects of the tonic twofold!

As things were, being terrified was astonishingly overwhelming when one's body didn't respond to the fear. She was actually starting to feel physically _comfortable_ – despite the leaves and pebbly soil! Her body was so relaxed… a part of her wanted to escape her fear by giving in completely to slumber.

**ooooooo**

The wind that blew in James's face was incredibly refreshing. After all, there was absolutely _nothing_ in the entire world that was better than the complete and utter freedom that came with soaring high above the ground. He reveled in it – hardly caring that, for once, the means of such exhilaration did _not_ come from his favored broom, but instead from his best friend's prohibited motorcycle.

He still remembered the priceless look of astonishment that had crossed good old Hagrid's face when Sirius had first appeared with it. James, despite his athletic nature, had not been able to outrun the giant for long. Hagrid had caught up with him relatively fast, and while the two of them had stood around arguing about whether or not James could possibly be of any real help in rescuing Remus and Lily, Sirius had suddenly dropped through the tree branches like some kind of an extremely large, diving hawk. The terrible commotion he made in so doing, however, was enough to send several very _real_ birds flapping wildly and squawking loudly towards the sky in adamant protest. Not that James had been paying much attention to _that_. No. He had been staring at his best friend in extreme appreciation.

_"Get on," _Sirius had said smugly, obviously satisfied with the two reactions. Hagrid had been staring at the thing as if he had never seen anything quite like it before in his entire life! But even still, he somehow knew exactly what it was.

_"Now just wait ah minute!" _he objected loudly while James climbed on behind Sirius. _"That thing there's ah most definitely not allowed! Shouldn't even be on school grounds! Where were yeh hidin' it?"_

_"Like I'm going to tell _you_," _Sirius replied with a laugh. _"You think I want it confiscated the moment we get Remus out of this mess? Not bloody likely! Get on, Hagrid! Seat's adjustable! Now, I _know_ you want to try it out, and I can make it so that even someone _your_ size can fit on it, but let's not take our time! We've got friends to save!"_ And so they had.

Hagrid himself became all too willing to oblige. Having made his dutiful protestations, he hadn't felt the least bit guilty afterwards about climbing onto the extra large seat behind the two boys. He was only using it to speed up a rescue, after all. Where was the harm in that? And so, Sirius had taken off once again, directing the motorcycle up past the treetops and back into the sky. From such a vantage point as that, Hagrid was able to navigate the boy with perfect ease towards the poachers' campsite – for even from _above_ he could find his way through that forest as he could no where else, not even through the one roomed cabin he called home!

Knowing that they were now _well_ on their way to rescuing Remus and Lily, James found himself using those few short minutes in the sky to catch his breath and regain a little bit of his composure. Going in against a handful of fully grown and capable poachers, he _knew_ that he needed to be as calm and levelheaded as possible. He needed to be strong.

_Just remember everything Pryce taught you about fighting,_ he told himself, trying to ignore the irony. As it turned out, according to what Remus had told him, Pryce was, in actuality, the bad guy here. It looked like Lily had been right all along… again. He couldn't help but smile and shake his head in amusement. True, there was nothing amusing about the situation whatsoever. But… James was flying through the sky on an enchanted motorcycle! No burden weighed too heavily from way up here.

"We're comin' up on it quickly now!" Hagrid shouted over the wind – not that he really needed to for James and Sirius to hear his naturally boisterous voice. Leaning over them, he pointed towards what James could already recognize as a clearing. Slowly he held up his wand, feeling his heart steadily begin to pound in mounting anticipation. But Hagrid hadn't finished. "Remember when we get down, ah want yeh both gettin' behind me! Ah reckon it's goin' te be dangerous, so-"

He never got the chance to finish his little speech, however, for Sirius had suddenly leaned his motorcycle into a dive that would have given even James on his broomstick a very good run for his money! Hagrid yelled while the two boys both whooped in utter delight. Not even the sharp sticks and leaves and branches that attacked their arms and faces as they crashed through the slight canopy and towards the earth managed to detract from their exhilaration at such a plummet! It was a thrill to be sure.

They landed heavily, colliding against the ground with force enough to knock the wind momentarily right out of them. The motorcycle, fortunately enough, managed to keep upright as it sped forward, remaining completely in Sirius's control. And as he brought it to a fast, perfectly smooth, graceful stop, the six men occupying the clearing all spun around to face it in unbridled astonishment.

"Bloody hell?"

Surprise had given them a clear advantage. James didn't know why on earth Hagrid wanted to waste it by directing him and Sirius to the rear. Best that he just pretend he hadn't been listening. Jumping off the motorcycle while ignoring the giant's frantic objections, James sprinted towards what he could now identify as a large wagon. Holding up his wand, he shouted out the first spell that came to his mind.

_"Expelliarmus!" _

The night air lit up around them as crimson magic seemed to explode from James's wand, crashing directly into one of the awestruck poachers and sending him careening backwards against the wagon. Dazed from such unexpected force, the man sank down to his knees with an audible groan, his wand lying on the ground several yards away by his assailant's feet. James couldn't help but smirk.

Meanwhile behind him, Hagrid had also clambered off the bike and was now taking out two of the poachers himself – and merely by grabbing them and shoving them together at that! There was a reason why people feared giants – especially giants who took personal offense even at the mere _suggestion_ of poaching.

Slowly, the poachers overcame their shock and started defending themselves. Of course, they targeted Hagrid as he was the greatest threat. Therefore, it was to their extreme dismay when absolutely none of their spells, hexes, and curses seemed to have even the slightest affect against him. Remaining quite oblivious to their attacks, Hagrid could have easily taken them all out single-handedly if he had had to. Perhaps it would have been a different situation entirely if the poachers hadn't packed up all their equipment into the wagon beforehand. Perhaps, if they still had their fancy traps available, they might have been able to snare the half-giant. But the situation as it was couldn't have been _more_ in Hagrid's favor even if he had actually planned it all out! And what with the two boys' help, the first wave against those poachers put them in the lead.

Three against six. Those had been the odds. Considering who those three were, the initial fight was over before it had even begun! James disarmed some. Sirius ran some down with his motorcycle. And Hagrid knocked the rest completely senseless. All in all, as far as rescues went, _this_ one wasn't too shabby. Not too shabby at all! Except for…

"Well, where are they?" Sirius demanded, looking around the clearing for some kind of hint as to where the prisoners were being held. Parking the motorcycle, he climbed off in slight confusion as he used the light of several hanging lanterns to search for Remus and Lily. But they were nowhere to be seen!

James felt his smug, self-satisfied airs fade considerably as worry bubbled up in replacement of them. Hagrid immediately made for the wagon and Sirius shadowed him anxiously – but not before shooting his friend an uneasy frown. What was going on? Hadn't they found the right bundle of poachers?

Finding it suddenly difficult to breathe, James hurried away from the battlefield – if it could even be called that – and away from the stunned, groaning poachers – some of whom were even now starting to regain their senses and push back up onto their hands and knees as they slowly recovered. The one man that James had disarmed and sent flying into the wagon had already begun crawling towards his wand, ready to retaliate. But before he could, Sirius saw him and quickly moved around him to kick him in the face.

James, however, ignored all that as he sought desperately to catch his breath. What was wrong with him? He went on adventures around the school all the time – practically every single day! How was this one any different? _Aside_ from the fact that these were indeed real poachers out on a real hunting trip? It wasn't! He knew that, what with Hagrid there as backup, he wasn't in any immediate danger. He was actually quite used to this sort of thing – what with Peeves and Filch and numerous Slytherin enemies and all. So why on earth was he fighting off a panic attack?

_Lily…_

The mere _thought_ of her being hurt or quite possibly gone, out of his life forever, was easily enough to send him stumbling over his own two feet! And as he fell forward, it was literally _all_ he could do to grab hold of a low hanging branch in time to keep from landing full on his face! The force of his weight against that branch caused it to shake, and the light of a lantern he hadn't seen hanging nearby undulated vibrantly in a direction that had, up until that moment, been completely obscured by shadows. Shadows that had been rather effective at covering Lily's motionless body.

Lying still on her back, her head tilted slightly to her left, she looked almost as if she were sleeping peacefully. But that couldn't be right… James had never seen _anyone_ in his entire life sleep so motionlessly! She didn't look like she was even breathing! Besides, he _knew_ Lily! She wouldn't be able to _sleep_ at a time like this!

Barely hearing his own strangled cry, and perfectly oblivious to both his racing heart and to the sweat dripping down his face, James literally _dove_ to Lily's side. Her eyes were closed, and her lips slightly parted. She looked so fragile…

"Lily?" James could scarcely get her name out as he knelt down and cautiously pulled her up into his arms. Reaching one hand down towards her far wrist, he searched desperately for a pulse – not failing to notice how unusually sticky her skin felt against his own. What had happened to her? He could just _barely_ feel a pulse, and considering the way her head was falling limply backwards, it was easy to believe that she might be close to… "No!" He heard himself shouting loudly as he started to shake her – hoping that somehow he might be able to snap her out of it. "Lily! Wake up!"

Behind him, Hagrid was literally tearing apart the wagon – having discovered for himself the animal carcasses and hunting traps. There was no doubt in anyone's mind that he was _beside_ himself in anger. And over all the racket he made in so doing, he wouldn't have been able to hear James's shouts even if he hadn't of been so wrapped up in his own righteous indignation! How _dare_ they?

Sirius, on the other hand, spun around the moment he heard James's initial cry. And upon seeing Lily, he found himself momentarily freezing to his spot. Was she…? He turned back towards the wagon as if hoping to find some sort of explanation… …_only_ to find himself looking up at one rather angry poacher.

The man had gotten back onto his feet when no one else had been watching. Now, he threw up his arm long enough to summon forth enough strength to powerfully slam his fist into Sirius's face. The boy yelped in a mixture of pain and surprise as the force of the attack sent him reeling to the ground.

Spitting at him, the poacher turned towards Hagrid and the wagon. This the half-giant _did_ notice, and he glanced over his shoulder in time to watch the poacher hold up his wand. _"Incendio!"_

The wagon instantly erupted into flames. James half spun around, though not far enough to drop Lily, while Sirius sat up to watch in surprise, even as Hagrid leapt away bellowing out a loud curse. The poacher himself started to laugh maniacally. "And there goes the werewolf!" His eyes seemed to glisten in mad delight.

"REMUS!" Sirius shouted in instant comprehension. His friend was somewhere inside that wagon! That wagon that was now on fire! Scrambling to his feet, the boy _would_ have hurried forward – had he not been caught short by the poacher and then thrown viciously back down to the ground. The man didn't wait for him to recover either, but instead quickly held up one knee and reached down towards his boot in order to produce a lethal looking knife which he had no qualms whatsoever about showing off. From where he lay sprawled out on the ground, Sirius stared up at him in horror.

"Damn," James watched in shock as Hagrid fought to extinguish the flames – using his umbrella! – _and _as the poacher bent down to grab Sirius's arm. It was a new feeling to him, really… not knowing what to do. Around him, the other poachers were climbing back up to their feet as well, while looking positively murderous. And as _they_ were all standing directly between James and his friends, he hadn't the slightest idea as to how he could possibly get past them in order to save Sirius. Round Two had started – and no matter how easily won Round One had been, the rematch was looking to be a _lot_ worse.

Sirius could see nothing but the knife. He could sense the poacher's presence and could feel the hand gripping his arm as he was pulled to his feet, but the only thing he could _see_ was the blade. It came at him so fast that he was actually surprised when _he_ proved to be quicker. Flinging up his own knee, he managed to kick the man directly between the legs before twisting around savagely enough to break free. Several more of the poachers instantly lunged right at him, and it was all he could do to dodge their attacks. Meanwhile, Hagrid had finally put out the fire that had been ravaging the wagon. Who knew that his umbrella was actually a wand? And having done so, he didn't _hesitate_ for a single moment before jumping inside of the skeletal remains. Plowing right through the smoke and rubble, he sought _desperately_ for some kind of clue that might tell him where Remus was… but he found none!

"Ugh…"

From where she lay in James's arms, Lily had quietly let out a moan. It was hardly more than a whispered breath, really, and for a moment James wondered if he hadn't just imagined it. But no. Upon glancing down at her, he saw that her eyes were indeed fluttering open! And though her body still remained completely limp, completely motionless, there was no doubt in his mind whatsoever that she was finally stirring! And despite everything, James couldn't help but feel the relief wash through him as her gaze sought out his.

"James…?"

Her voice was so soft… Her lips had barely moved at all! Her head still lolled backwards – which brought James to pull her up against his chest, freeing a hand that he could then use to support the back of it. "Save your strength, Lily. I'm here."

His words sounded a _lot_ more reassuring out loud than they had in his head, allowing a slight smile to form on Lily's face as she closed her eyes once again. It was… a trusting smile. She was trusting him with her life! James could only hope that, for once, he might not let her down… Because one of the poachers had finally noticed him, and was even now beginning to advance.

Seeing how James was so terribly sidetracked with the helpless girl, his would-be aggressor held up his wand with a cruel, triumphant smirk. Staring up at it, the boy found himself feeling, for the first time _ever_, genuine alarm course through his body. Not liking the feel of it at all, James forced himself to look away, and instead met the poacher's gaze. And that man's eyes… they really were horrific – brightened both in anger _and_ by an unquenchable thirst to hunt… to kill. James unconsciously leaned in over Lily, praying to god that he could shield her from whatever it was about to come. He wasn't about to let _anything_ happen to her!

Needless to say, it was impossible for the poacher not to recognize such protectiveness. He chuckled tauntingly. "Don't worry, boyo. We're taking real good care of her." And with that, he aimed his wand. James instantly clenched his eyes shut, holding Lily up against him tighter than he ever had before as he braced himself for what he suspected was bound to become an onslaught of pain.

But… strangely enough… it did not come.

In fact, several minutes passed in which all was silent! Growing considerably confused, James cautiously looked up to see what was going on. The poacher was still there all right, having not moved at all, so why wasn't he writhing in agony? What was the deal?

The _deal _was that something beyond the boy was approaching the clearing. He could suddenly sense it, and it was enough to take his breath cleanly away! _That_ was what had caught the poacher's attention! And even now, the man couldn't help but stare at that tree line in mounting horror. His wand slid out of his hand and fell as if in slow motion towards the ground.

Something was coming. Something truly magnificent. The fact that James was literally holding his breath barely even struck him as relatively important next to such a presence! Gradually, the rest of the men in the clearing became aware of it too. And forgetting Sirius entirely, they all turned to face it with initial looks of bewilderment and wonder. What could it be?

Sirius himself didn't seem particularly affected by it at all at first. Undeniably grateful for a chance to back away and recuperate from his ongoing struggle, he nevertheless failed to show any of the same outward signs of dread and despair that the poachers were all beginning to share. Instead, he retreated back towards his motorcycle, panting heavily as he watched with narrowed, suspicious eyes.

James didn't _want_ to move. Like Sirius, he didn't feel the slightest bit _afraid_ by what was coming – as the poachers all seemed to. But… something had him captivated. Something pure. And it wasn't something he could willingly fight. So he gently placed Lily back onto the ground and crawled away to a vantage point where he could both keep an eye on the paralyzed group of poachers _and_ search for whatever it was so enthralling them. He found it immediately, and was rather astonished to see that it was in fact just a gleaming source of white light!

White light that was growing all the more brilliant by the second! The amber glow of the hanging lanterns faded immediately into the background next to such radiance. Not even the stars or the moon above could compete with it! Such brilliance was practically _blinding_ in all its splendor! It was so incredible!

A moment later, however, it began to take solid shape in front of them, no longer quite as bright as _he_ grew tangible. He was still every bit as glorious as he had been though, having not lost an ounce of his perfection. His strong, slender legs carried him gracefully into the clearing. His body spoke of elegance and beauty. His neck was long and supple; his mane like pearly water. A single horn spiraled towards the heavens from the center of his brow, and in his eyes – in such pure, innocent eyes – there was an unmistakable expression of grief. If Sirius had not been affected by it before, he most certainly was now!

"It's a unicorn…" he whispered as the creature paused over Lily's still body. Tears lit up within his own eyes as he literally _felt_ the unicorn's sorrow. It was like watching a tiny, helpless little child weep after some terrible, terrible tragedy, only so much _worse_ because it was an innocent unicorn! And it had even the _poachers_ all trembling in indescribable, unimaginable anguish. What had they done?

"He's 'ere," Hagrid whispered from where he stood watching unhappily in the wagon. The creature that the Forest had been waiting ever so patiently for to defend it… he had _finally_ arrived.

**ooooooo**

**A/N:** Don't forget to review! And BTW, just so no one's confused, everything that was in italics at the very beginning of the chapter was just pieces of conversations Lily remembered having in the past with different characters at different times. I didn't think it was at all confusing myself, but then again I wrote it, so of course it's not confusing to me. Anyway, I just thought I'd clear that up for anyone who thought it was. This chapter was extremely hard to write. And it took me quite a long time! So please review! I appreciate it so much! Thanks.


	35. Going Home

**A/N:** Take a moment to consider this… If one unicorn can affect these poachers in such a way, how terrible does that make You-Know-Who? That he can kill one… and drink its blood?

**ooooooo**

_Lily was drifting through absolute darkness, isolated and completely alone. To make matters so much worse, the stickiness of her skin made it feel as though all _kinds_ of things were crawling up and down her arms, legs, and even her face! It was terrible, and she was helpless to stop it! Helpless… she had never been more so in her entire life. The world around her kept on spinning so fast, and she just couldn't keep up with it! No one was waiting for her, either. No. They were all running on ahead with so much momentum that they couldn't stop themselves – couldn't even notice that she wasn't running along beside them. Petunia… Carla… Alice… Pippa… Isabelle… Fanny… her teachers… her parents…_

_Even Remus._

_They had left her behind. They had left her alone. And so she found herself lost to a realm of shadows, lying defenselessly on her back high above a pool of oblivion. She felt almost as if she were floating… and she feared that, before long, whatever it was she was floating in would draw her down beneath its surface… and drown her._

_Opening her eyes weakly, she gazed up into the darkness above her. Something was moving through it… a person… he was descending quickly down upon her, wearing black robes that billowed out behind him – she could hear them fluttering. The man continued to fall until he was standing beside her – her body seemed to hover in the air before his chest._

_She tried to move, tried to look at him, but even now she could not. She could barely even turn her eyes! But she knew he was there. She could sense him… feel him… His face was obscured by the black hood he wore. His features were masked. There was no way she could identify him… but somehow… she did. He was the Dark Lord that everyone was so afraid of. He was Voldemort. And as she floated there in front of him, he held up a thick, prickly piece of black rope which he then proceeded to wrap slowly around her neck. Having done so, he fastened it there securely before starting to pull. The rope immediately tightened, squeezing her neck painfully but not enough to strangle her completely. After all, he wanted to take his time._

_Lily's mouth opened, but she couldn't breathe. She couldn't move and now she couldn't even breathe! She would never escape… All those people who had left her so far behind… she wondered if they would miss her. If they would even notice how she was gone. Had she touched their hearts? Had she made a difference? Or would her passing be completely meaningless to them?_

_Silently the tears fell down her face. They stuck to the stickiness of her skin. They burned, making her cry harder. The noose around her neck slackened for a moment, allowing her to breathe again before it tightened even worse than before. He was going to torture her!_

"NO!"

_A voice echoed strongly through the darkness, pushing the Dark Lord savagely away from her and causing the noose to shatter as if it were breaking glass. And a moment later, both the pieces of it that were left over and Voldemort himself were gone, leaving Lily once again floating through the darkness, completely alone… That was, if she had ever even been alone to begin with._

"LILY! WAKE UP!"

_Whose voice was that? Where was it coming from? In the distance, she thought she could hear others as well, but those were voices that she couldn't make out. Only one was close enough for her to comprehend. And it sounded so familiar… if only she could get to it…_

"Ugh…" she moaned, opening her eyes once again. Blinking, she found herself in an altogether different realm. A realm in which she knew she belonged. It might still have been dark there, but the darkness was pierced by moonlight and starlight and amber light that shined through various lanterns. It was… so much more welcoming.

She was being held up by someone. Someone whose grasp was protective… comforting, really. It took a moment for Lily to focus on who it was, but once she had, recognition immediately followed. "James…?" Was it possible? Where on earth had he come from? This _had_ to be another dream! It was the only explanation!

But then… he was pulling her close. One of his hands found the back of her head, and supported it gently. "Save your strength, Lily. I'm here." He sounded so confident, as always. And the way he was holding her… Lily had never felt so secure in her entire life. It brought a smile to her lips. It _wasn't_ another dream. And after all that had happened… she _would_ find her way back home again. James would lead her there.

Somewhere above the two of them, she heard the voice of a poacher. "Don't worry, boyo. We're taking real good care of her." She felt James tense. She felt him holding her even tighter than before. But for the first time, she was not afraid. Even if he was, she couldn't be. Maybe… in some small way… the tonic really had been good for her.

Presently, James eased her onto the ground again, resting her gently on her back before edging away. That he would leave her suddenly so unguarded was something of a surprise to the girl, and she opened her eyes to find out why – she hadn't even noticed that they had been shut in the first place! But it was so hard to see…

Something was coming. Something strange and beautiful. Something more magical than… than even the Headmaster's phoenix! It was innocent. It was pure. Lily only wished that she could turn her head to look at it! She felt something within her rise up and pour out like a flood of richness that washed all the stickiness away from her skin, and made her feel clean… light and content. Another soft smile spread across her lips as a unicorn came and stood at her side.

A unicorn…

She gazed up at him thoughtfully, thinking quite suddenly about her parents. As a child, she had always wanted fairy decorated lunch pales. But her parents hadn't agreed to that – such decorations were mockeries. Now Lily thought she understood what they had meant. Every time she had ever pictured a unicorn… she had never pictured one justly. These creatures were _so_ much more glorious than she had _ever_ imagined! Words could not describe it…

_If only mum and dad could be here… _This was the kind of magic they had always looked for. Here was the beauty and the wonder they had seen in it. How could they be blamed for wanting a life in which there were unicorns? You couldn't go back to the normal, mundane existence of a muggle's world after catching such a sight! No wonder they had wanted into hers so badly.

Into hers… Her world… Where there was darkness to be sure – in poachers and in war – but where there was also equal brilliance to match it – such as the brilliance of the beautiful creature standing above her. Lily blinked past the tears she now shed – but shed for her parents instead of for her.

_I love you both so much! And I want to make you proud!_

The unicorn's muzzle gently touched her face, and as it did, Lily felt a rush of warmth spread through her body, lingering mostly in her heart. And because of it, she found strength enough to sit up. "Hi," she said quietly to the creature, sensing his sorrow as she turned to meet to his gaze. He looked as if he had been crying.

Without pausing to think for a second, Lily instinctively moved in towards the unicorn and wrapped her arms around his neck. He had been crying! She had to ease his pain…

All around them, everyone was watching. James, Sirius, the poachers, Hagrid. They couldn't help _but_ watch in absolute astonishment. Technically, Lily still shouldn't have been able to move. And as a general rule, unicorns did not like to be touched – not to even mention _held!_ They were all speechless, Hagrid in particular. It was like something out of a dream…

The unicorn lifted himself back up, pulling Lily along with him. And as soon as she was steady on her feet, she let go of him while looking into his eyes. "I'm so sorry for your loss." It was a terrible thing, and she could see how much it hurt the creature, that poachers had been able to kill in such a forest. A terrible injustice had been done. And even the poachers themselves were beginning to see that, as they sat on the ground writhing in terrible, self-induced agony… and regret.

The unicorn walked past Lily. She followed him with her eyes, but remained standing where she was. She felt stronger than she ever had before… and when James looked at her, he could see that strength burning from within. She was radiant. Who would have guessed that such radiance came not from the unicorn, but from a memory? Lily only hoped that, should _she_ ever become a mother, she might be able to touch her own children as she was now being touched herself.

The unicorn stopped at the broken wagon. Using his horn to brush past a lot of the rubble and several decomposing crates, he concentrated on one. One that seemed to be surprisingly intact, considering the earlier flames that had so devoured the wagon. Hagrid immediately guessed at the cause and, diving towards it, he easily pried open the lid. Forget spells and enchantments meant to keep it sealed shut, for they had all been worn out protecting the crate from the fire! Seconds later, Hagrid was helping Remus climb out of the box – the boy coughing too awfully to move very well by himself.

"What… took you…?" he asked wretchedly between gasps. And as Hagrid pulled him away from the wagon, he quickly looked around the clearing until he caught sight of Lily. Only when he saw her standing near the edge of the trees, calm and perfectly safe, was he able to relax enough to listen to Hagrid's feeble response. Even when he saw the unicorn – who was now turning his back to the wagon – he still continued to listen to the gamekeeper in silent confusion.

Meanwhile, Sirius – who had recovered well enough from his earlier skirmish with the six poachers, but who didn't particularly want to go at it again – took that time to leap away from his motorcycle. Skidding quickly from one poacher to the next, he confiscated their wands and cursed them with the full Body-Bind. No one, not even the poachers themselves, tried to stop him.

The unicorn returned to the trees, glancing over his shoulder only long enough to cast one last, sorrowful gaze across the six offenders. May they never set another trap again. He turned his head back around and started gracefully forward, moving faster and with greater ease than anything else in the world ever could. Within seconds he became nothing more than a white light once again. Within minutes he was gone completely, and the clearing was once again lit up only by the amber lanterns. The forest grew dark around them, but the sorrow still lingered, so that for the longest time, no one could talk or move or even breathe. There had just been too much spilt blood for it to be appropriate.

Eventually, however, Hagrid was able to collect the bodies of the frozen poachers. One by one, and with Sirius's unnecessary, unbidden help, he shoved them all onto what was left of the wagon, pausing only twice to watch when the boy made grabs for two different wands on two different persons. Remus' and Lily's, no doubt. Sirius was reclaiming them for his two close friends.

Meanwhile, Remus and James had both hastened over to Lily. She was starting to grow tired again, for she had hardly slept at all that night, and even after waking up from the effects of the poachers' tonic, she was still physically exhausted. When Remus held his arms out to her, she fell into them appreciatively.

"You're a werewolf," she whispered then, as if just remembering. Remus tensed for a second there, but when Lily made no sign whatsoever of wanting to move away from him, he felt he was able to relax. And she could perceive him nodding his head. "It's okay, you know. I don't mind."

And she didn't. There was something dark prowling inside him, yes. But _he_ was everything that was good in this world. And if the world could be like him – if it could be so good _despite_ its prowling monstrosities – than she thought it was a world in which she could surely live.

"Do you think everything can change so much for the better as quickly as it can for the worse?" she asked quite suddenly, pulling away from him and staring intently into his eyes. Remus stared back at her for a long second, obviously thinking very deeply about the question. After all, it had only taken _seconds_ – the length of time it took for a monster to bite a child – for _his_ life to change so drastically. But whether that change had been for the good or for the bad, he had still yet to determine.

Finally, however, he graced her with a nod. "I hope it can everyday of my life." Lily smiled softly, pleased with the answer. But James was starting to feel left out – and also inexplicably envious of his friend.

"Of course it can!" he said, cutting in while demanding some attention – which Lily and Remus both willingly gave. "Happens all the time! Like when I got onto a broomstick for the very first time!" Lily winced at that particular example, but James was being serious. "I'm not kidding! You might not like flying, Evans, but the very best day of my life was when I first discovered broomsticks!"

"How can you be so perfect one second," Lily asked with a quiet sigh of acceptance. "And then so perfectly irritating the next?" She moved towards him then, not waiting for his response, and embraced him. Catching him completely off guard by doing so, he remained for once completely speechless. And then he found himself embracing her back.

"Either way you look at it," he eventually said when she pulled away from him. "I'm still perfect." Meeting her gaze, he grinned mischievously. "You're words, not mine." She smiled and looked away.

"Yeh two all right?" Hagrid asked, suddenly appearing next to Remus while dragging the wagon carefully behind him. He was addressing both the boy and the girl, a look of concern expressed clearly on his face. Lily looked up at him and nodded, as did Remus. They were fine. Amazingly enough, they were safe.

"Hey James! Remus!"

Both boys glanced immediately towards Sirius, who was sitting astride his enchanted motorcycle, grinning challengingly. "You two wanna fly back?" The way he asked, it was altogether too clear that he fully expected them both to accept. And so it was to his great surprise and disappointment when the both of them – _including_ James, as he cast a look towards Lily – stated that they would much rather walk.

**ooooooo**

Upon walking out of the forest, the very first thing Lily saw was the castle. For even though the stars and the moon could only offer so much illumination, and the windows of the castle were all unlit, it still seemed to stand out as clear as day, and was as enchanting as it had always been. A large part of Lily had dreaded never seeing it again. Looking upon it now, she realized something that she never had before, until that very night when she had awoken from a nightmare in James's arms. Hogwarts was her home.

Somewhere… somehow… it had become a home to her. She was living a remarkably wondrous life within magical castles that were filled with enchanting things! And in the forest outside, there were unicorns. It was everything her parents had ever wanted and more. And now, after having so nearly lost it all forever, Lily had never in her life been happier to see any other place in the world. She was home.

Remus paused next to her and reached for her hand. He squeezed it, and she glanced back at him with a smile. "We first met like this, you know. Staring up at the castle through the darkness."

"Come on," he replied, and the two of them once again started after James and Hagrid – who even now continued to drag the burnt up wagon filled with paralyzed poachers behind him. They didn't stop until they had reached the school.

**ooooooo**

The days that later followed seemed to pass by in just a few short heartbeats. Time moved quickly, and Lily almost felt as if she were even now caught up in some kind of blissful dream. She had been practically _moved_ into the hospital wing, along with Remus, and the two of them were literally _always_ in each other's company. James, Sirius, and Peter seemed to be constantly present as well, attending to them as did Alice, Isabelle, Pippa, and practically everyone else in Gryffindor! No one could believe what had happened, but knew that _something_ surely must have, for all exams had been completely called off as a majority of the teachers were out searching for Charlie Pryce. Apparently, he had been forewarned of the rescue by a suspicious looking owl, and had taken leave of the school altogether long before Hagrid and the third years had managed to return. As of yet, there was still no word as to whether or not he had been apprehended.

_"He shouldn't have escaped!"_Lily remembered listening to Sirius's angry complaints. She remembered watching him turn on Peter. _"I told you to get Dumbledore! Weren't you paying attention?"_

Poor Peter had looked as if he were about to have a heart attack. _"I tried!"_ he had defended himself. _"I didn't know Pryce was a part of it! Besides, it felt like I was standing in front of that gargoyle statue trying to get in to see Dumbledore for ages!" _At that point he had stopped talking and begun scratching his head in befuddlement as a new thought entered his head. _"Do you reckon he actually sleeps in that office?"_

His friends had all stared at him as if he were out of his mind. But then… the absurdity of such a notion caught up with them, and they all started laughing out loud – including Sirius! After that, Peter had been forgiven and the incident forgotten. But that _still_ didn't change the fact that, even now, Pryce was out there somewhere, and probably up to his neck in no good. Lily could only hope that she never saw him again.

_He knows,_ she found herself constantly recollecting. _He knows about me. About my gift or curse or whatever it is. _The Headmaster wasn't too happy at all. How Pryce had found out about it in the first place was still something of a mystery. And what he would do with that information now seemed to be of great concern to Albus Dumbledore. He was doing all that he could trying to rectify the situation, and was also avoiding conversations about it with Lily. He was trying to shelter her, and she wasn't quite sure how she felt about that.

Thankfully, though, Remus hadn't asked her too many questions about it whatsoever in all the time that had elapsed. He had heard the poachers talk about her as if she could somehow resolve an argument issuing fiercely between the Dark Lord and Dumbledore, and of course he naturally wondered how such a thing could be possible. But when Remus had wanted to keep his secrets – and even when he had been willing to share them – Lily respected his privacy. Now that their roles had reversed, Remus found that he could only do the same.

And so the days passed. Despite everything, Lily felt a happiness mounting up within her that had been too long absent from her life. Far too long. The world had changed… Either that or she had. In any case, there was a beauty to it now that was stunningly refreshing to her. And when the time finally came for her to board the train to return to London for the summer holiday, for the first time she actually found herself looking back towards Hogwarts, and feeling decidedly saddened that she had to go.

**ooooooo**

**A/N: **I hope I didn't end it too quickly. And I hope the transition wasn't too fast. This story is becoming _really_ hard to write, but I'm doing my best and would definitely appreciate some feedback! Thanks a million!


	36. Sibling Rivalry

**ooooooo**

She was fourteen. Fourteen years old, and standing in the middle of the Fletchers' kitchen at two thirty in the afternoon, wondering how on earth she had gotten there. Not for the first time, she was feeling a little bit overwhelmed by the cultural differences of a life at Hogwarts and a life outside London. One minute, she was living like a fairytale princess within an enchanted castle, and the next, she was standing in her suburban home putting together a messy sandwich for a late lunch. It was like having a double life! She was fourteen years old and already living a double life. How on _earth_ had she gotten there?

Taking a deep breath, Lily picked up her sandwich and, leaning her elbows against the counter, began to eat. The food was good – even if it wasn't _quite_ up to Hogwarts' standards – and she savored the taste of it in her mouth. Was it really so bad living a double life? At Hogwarts, she got to see phoenixes and unicorns and watch people play Quidditch! Outside London, she didn't have to worry about wars or poachers or bad guys discovering her gift! How could you beat a deal like that?

_That a girl! Just keep on seeing things optimistically! If you can do _that,_ then maybe you won't be quite so miserable anymore! James _did_ say that things changed for the better all the time, didn't he? For once in your life, just _try_ to believe him!_ Lily took another bite of her sandwich and smiled happily.

"You _can't_ be serious!"

The fourteen year old girl snapped to, immediately recognizing her sister's rather acerbic voice. Standing up straight, Lily spun around to see Petunia staring in disgust at the mess she had made while putting together her sandwich. Oops.

"_Tell_ me you're going to pick up!" the older girl practically squealed, unable to tear her gaze away from the unclosed jars of mayonnaise and pickles, the unclosed bottles of ketchup and mustard, the unclosed bag of bread, bits of shredded lettuce and cheese – which littered the table – and, worst of all, the pile of crumbs. Never in Petunia's entire life had she ever seen someone make a bigger mess all for the sake of a sandwich! Lily winced, looking back at her own work understandingly.

"I just thought I'd eat first," she tried to explain meekly, hoping not to further heighten her sister's ire. "And clean up on a full stomach…"

"While letting all the food spoil?" Petunia demanded furiously, rushing forward and shoving Lily aside. The girl stumbled backwards quite a bit, took the hint, and quickly got out of the way. Standing by the kitchen table, she took another bite of her sandwich and watched as her sister whipped around the room putting food away and throwing out garbage. All the while, she lectured crossly. "Honestly, Lily! What's so difficult about putting the lid back on a jar and returning it to its proper place? It only takes a second, and _then_ you can eat your fill!"

"I guess I'm just not used to it," Lily shrugged. At school, whenever she made potions for Professor Slughorn she wasn't required to put her ingredients back where they belonged right away. Students cleaned up at the _end_ of the lesson. And for the longest time, she had always assumed that absolutely everything about potion making reflected cooking in a kitchen completely. Maybe she had gotten a bit carried away.

"No, I suppose you wouldn't be," Petunia snapped back, turning around to glare resentfully at her little sister. "After all, you're a witch, right? You just have to snap your fingers to make everything around you nice and tidy!"

Lily's mouth dropped open at such an injustice. That was _so_ not true! "What did you say? I'll have you know that I can do _plenty_ without magic! I haven't picked up my wand since I got off the train last June!"

"And what have you done around the house to show for it?" Petunia asked, crossing her arms challengingly. She didn't even wait a second for Lily to reply before carrying on with her accusation. "I'll tell you what! You've made messes! Huge messes! Messes that _I_ have to clean up!"

"Only because you've become such a perfectionist that you won't even give me a chance to before you barge right in and take care of it yourself!" There were very few people in the world who were quite so talented at angering Lily like this. James was one of them to be sure. Pryce had been able to manage it, too. But Petunia… she _easily_ took the lead.

Presently, she was scoffing in disbelief. "_I'm_ a perfectionist? When was the last time you took a look at yourself, Lily? Everything you do, you have to do flawlessly! It's almost as if I _have_ to be this neat and organized just so that I can find a way to compete with you!" The words were out of Petunia's mouth before she could even think about stopping them. And once they had been said, everything else in the room immediately changed.

Lily blinked, feeling all of her anger evaporate quite suddenly. And at the same time, her sister's face was draining of all its color with astonishing rapidity. For the longest time after that, neither one of them could speak a single word, but instead stared at each other in silent horror. Finally, however, Lily found herself stepping forward. "What did you say?" Petunia merely shook her head, allowing her hair to fall shamefully into her face.

"Just forget about it," she snapped quietly, making for the kitchen door as quickly as she could. Not too far away Lily heard the phone ring, but was unable to move even to answer it. Instead, she stood stock-still, the sandwich in her hands completely forgotten about as she replayed her sister's words over and over again in her mind.

Petunia was competing with her? But she was older! Wasn't it supposed to be the other way around? Besides! Petunia _hated_ everything to do with magic! Why on earth would she even _want_ to compete with her? Lily wasn't perfect! No. Half the time, she was scared witless, depressed, lonely, and confused! Confused like right now. It didn't make any sense!

_Petunia's the only family you've got left. _In her heart, Lily thought she could hear her own voice talking back to her. Talking back to her while defending her sister no less! _When do things like this _ever_ make any sense?_

"Lily," Carla stuck her head almost cautiously into the room from the door through which Petunia had made her escape. "You have a phone call from someone named Mary. Says she goes to school with you."

More than just a little distracted, Lily nodded her thanks. "I'll be right there." Sensing that something was greatly amiss, Carla thankfully didn't say another word, but instead left it at that. And Lily remained standing exactly where she was, unable to bear the thought of anymore of her sister's terrible, hurtful words.

**ooooooo**

Summer ended after that all too quickly, and Lily found herself once again back onboard the Hogwarts Express riding towards the castle. Never before in her entire life had she actually expected to be _this_ grateful for such a deliverance from the muggle world! But… she thought that if she could get away from Petunia for any length of time, she might have it easier coming to grips with the harsh reality of their relationship. That it had always been strained, Lily had no doubts. But she had _never_ seen it as some kind of a competition before!

This wasn't fair. Why did Petunia have to be that way? She was seventeen for crying out loud! Couldn't she be just a little bit more mature? _Well, why can't you be? _Lily crossed her arms and stared out the window with a pout. But before she had anymore time to feel anymore sorry for herself, the door to her isolated compartment slid open to reveal none other than Sirius Black himself staring in at her. "Have you seen James?"

Lily glared back at him for a moment, the ugly expression on her face painfully apparent. "No," she said sourly before looking out the window again, clearly wanting him to go away. Unfortunately for her, her attitude had caught his immediate attention. Frowning, he tilted his head and regarded her inquisitively.

"What's wrong?"

"Oh, nothing," she replied, her voice filled up completely with bitter sarcasm. "I just have the absolute worst sister on the face of the planet!" Tears bristled in her eyes, and she turned even further towards the window, hoping to block them from sight. She didn't want _Sirius_ of all people watching her cry. Not that he couldn't _guess_ as to what she was doing in any event. It _was_ rather obvious.

For an extremely long minute, he stared at her while biting his lip, wondering what on earth he could possibly say to cheer her up. She was easily the most sensitive teenager on the entire train, and the absolute _last_ thing he wanted was to put his foot in his mouth and make her feel even worse than before. Eventually, however, he decided that the best route would probably be to just play it cool, and so, he shrugged. "Yeah, well. What else is new? I've got the absolute worst brother on the face of the planet, and the absolute worst parents, and the absolute worst house-elf. You wanna start a club?"

Despite everything, Lily couldn't help but smile. Wiping the tears from her eyes, she glanced over at Sirius appreciatively. God was she glad to be going back to Hogwarts! Surprising as it sounded, she had missed Sirius and even _James_ more than she cared to admit. After all, no matter what the situation, those two always seemed to have an extraordinary talent for lightening the mood. "Thank you."

Sirius grinned at her and winked an eye. "Anything at all for a lady!" He held out his hand to her. "Come on. You don't want to sit in here all by yourself. I know what compartment Alice is in. She said something about telling you something about how there's someone or other she wants you to meet."

Lily nodded. "Frank Longbottom, I think." She accepted his hand and allowed him to help her out of her seat and then out of the compartment. "She was going to introduce us last spring, but what with everything that happened…" She trailed off, but didn't have to finish for Sirius to know exactly what she was referring to. And so she settled with a shrug. "I think she's quite taken with him, actually."

Sirius grinned mischievously, and together, the two of them made their way down through the train's narrow corridor in search of their fellow comrades. Here was to a fresh, brand new school year! So far, Lily found herself thinking quite happily, it wasn't off to that bad of a start. And if things kept improving like they were right at this moment, she knew it would be her best one yet.

**ooooooo**

**A/N:** I thought I'd write an extremely short chapter to balance out my past few long ones. But length aside, it's a pretty important one for Petunia. Please review and tell me what you think! I really appreciate it. Thanks so much!


	37. Fourth Years

**ooooooo**

The Great Hall was absolutely filled to the brim with students that first evening back at the start-of-term banquet. Half a dozen of the new first years sat at the Gryffindor table, and though the house was missing quite a few of its beloved number – those who had graduated the year before – there was still, and without a doubt, an air of expectation and anticipation rising for a new term filled with new adventures – at least in the case of some – and new lessons, and new starts, and new promises. Lily had never been more excited in her life!

The candles were hovering above the table resplendently. The enchanted ceiling above was sprinkled with so much starlight that it looked almost as if it were a sea of golden glitter. The food was as wonderful as ever – better even! And the ghosts were out, and it almost sounded as if there was music in the background! No one could have asked for more!

Presently, Lily was sitting at her table in the midst of several of her friends: Isabelle, Pippa, and the rest of her roommates. Alice was sitting across from her, completely engrossed in the conversation she was having with Frank Longbottom – whom Lily had _finally_ been introduced to. He was a bright, cheerful young boy with dark hair and animated eyes, celebrating the start of his seventh year. That he was two years older than Alice hardly seemed relevant to anyone, as they both seemed to fit so incredibly well together. They looked truly happy.

Lily sighed in content, taking a sip of her butterbeer while listening to all the voices and laughter resonating in the air around her, blending together into one pleasant symphony that no one in the world would have minded drowning in. Here, she thought, there was true beauty, and a kind of tranquility that she had once never known even existed. It was like heaven.

Well… for the most part, anyway. Glancing up towards the High Table where the teachers and staff members all sat, Lily couldn't _help_ but feel the quiet dread mounting up in the pit of her stomach when she thought about the year's new Defense Against the Dark Arts professor. As of right now, she had no idea who it would be, since Charlie Pryce's old chair remained completely and utterly unoccupied. During the Headmaster's starting speech, he had stated regrettably that the new professor would not arrive until the next morning, and that the students would have to settle for introductions only when their lessons began. He hadn't even presented them with a name! All things considered, Lily was starting to grow more and more apprehensive in regards to that particular issue.

She turned sharply and quite suddenly towards Isabelle and Pippa. "What do you reckon the new Defense Against the Dark Arts professor will be like?" Both girls, who _had_ up until that moment been talking and giggling rather cheerfully with one another, immediately froze before turning two rather sheepish, secretive looks towards the fourteen year old. In that single second, Lily knew right away that they were both _perfectly_ aware of who was going to be filling that position. Whether or not they would actually tell her, however, was a completely different matter.

"I heard she was someone _awful_," Pippa said at last, which caused Isabelle to nearly squeak as if in astonishment. The two of them glanced quickly at each other, and seemed to share in a silent conversation from which Lily was painfully excluded. Staring at them suspiciously, she wondered what exactly it was that they weren't telling her.

"That's… right," Isabelle said slowly after a moment, looking back at the younger girl with an expression of exaggerated solemnity. She started nodding her head, her eyes opening exceptionally wide. "She's just bloody _terrible_. Gets into fights _all_ the time."

"Really?" Lily played along with them for a moment, not knowing whether or not to believe them. The impression given to her was that they weren't being entirely serious. But on the other hand, she simply couldn't _imagine_ a defense professor who wasn't incompetent, lecherous, or antagonistic. Anything else almost seemed too good to be true. Looking back and forth between the two older girls, a small smile nevertheless tugged its way onto her face. "So I'm facing yet another year of 'the-best-defense-is-a-good-offense'?"

"NO!"

"YES!"

Isabelle and Pippa had shouted out their answers exactly at the same time, and then found themselves staring at each other in red-faced horror. Lily raised her eyebrows, taking another sip of her butterbeer as she watched the two of them struggle to sort through _that_ slipup.

"I suppose it could be either," Pippa carefully tried correcting herself at last, while Isabelle sat back and distracted her flapping tongue with a few bites of food. "I mean, come on! In the heat of battle, is there really an actual difference between defense and offense? I always picture two people grappling with each other, and whoever's strongest comes out on top."

"No, no!" Isabelle cut in, throwing up her hands and placing one on Pippa's shoulder. "You're describing a wrestling match! Humans have evolved, Pip! Civilized fights aren't anything at all like that! Especially in our world! We don't grapple. We brandish! Right Lily?" Both girls looked back towards the younger one, awaiting her reply like eager six year olds.

They were trying to change the subject. Whoever the new defense professor was going to be, they didn't want to tell her. Lily couldn't _begin_ to imagine why, but thought that, for the moment at least, she might as well just humor them and let it go.

**ooooooo**

The Gryffindor common room was strangely quiet that night, as _most_ of the students were up in their dormitories unpacking and settling back in. Already feeling remarkably settled as it was, Lily eased into the large, comfortable armchair that rested by the fireplace, where she enjoyed a moment's peace through a bit of personal solitude. It felt almost as if someone had taken an extremely soft, thick blanket and wrapped her up in its warm, gentle folds; seldom did she ever feel _this_ secure. She knew that she would never willingly relinquish such a feeling as this, even for the world! She was safe… For once in her life, she was safe. And so she sighed, once again, in deep content.

Presently, James Potter came stumbling down the stairs that led up to the boy's side of the tower. Trying not to disrupt the quiet game of Wizard's chess being played at the foot of those stairs, he pirouetted awkwardly before diving towards the notice board. Lily looked up in surprise, for she knew James well enough by now to know that when he was moving awkwardly as that, _some_thing had to be up.

Not bothering to hide the fact that she was staring openly at a boy from any of the few remaining Gryffindors in the common room, Lily watched as he started tacking a large piece of parchment in the very center of the board – hardly caring that he was covering at least three other notices in so doing. And when he was done, he took a large step backwards and brushed his hands together, looking up at his work in satisfaction. So much so, he actually started _chuckling_ to himself as he turned back around… and found himself directly meeting Lily's gaze. His laughter instantly died under a cough, as he quickly tried to straighten up and appear a tad, wee little bit more solemn – which naturally, of course, made him seem all the more suspicious.

Bracing herself for some kind of trouble, Lily silently pushed out of her chair and started walking purposefully towards the boy and the notice board. A part of her had no clue as to _why_ she was making such an investigation, for she knew what James and trouble meant, and she generally tried to avoid it. But right now… she was feeling strangely different. She couldn't explain it at all, but _some_thing inside her was starting to stir. And it was almost as if there was a part of her that actually _wanted_ to find some kind of trouble!

James watched her come rather nervously – which definitely signaled that something was amiss… but what? He obviously wanted to make it known, or he wouldn't be posting it up on the notice board that _everyone_ looked at practically everyday! And he couldn't just tell Lily that she alone wasn't _allowed_ to look! All he could reasonably do was hope that, whatever it was he was up to, she wouldn't be able to figure it out and expose him. Oddly enough, for once in her life, that was _exactly_ what she wanted to do! Upon reaching the notice board, she stared up at the spare bit of parchment he had advertised… and found herself reading a sign for a sale!

She glanced at James questioningly, noting the sheepishness on his face. "You're selling all your stuff? Everything you bought at Zonko's last year?"

"No!" he replied sharply, his large, hazel eyes peering through his glasses at her in embarrassed defiance. "We're keeping some! But just the essentials."

Lily considered that in surprise. "'We'? So it's not just you, then? And by 'essentials', do you mean only the most powerful, dangerous, and forbidden of objects?"

"No, I mean objects like that mirror Remus used to save your life last spring," James replied, trying to sound forceful and perhaps even a bit cheeky, but managing only to appear that much more dubious in her eyes.

"I see," she said, shifting all her weight onto her other leg and crossing her arms, staring up at James in mock severity. "So did you enchant all your stuff? Did you hex it? What did you do, James? Cause I definitely want to hear."

"For your _information_!" James replied stiffly, growing slightly impatient with her even as he subtly glanced in the direction of the stairs. If Lily hadn't known him any better, she'd say he actually looked somewhat eager to retreat! But why? It wasn't as if she was standing in front of Peter Pettigrew! This was the legendary James Potter! He _lived_ for confrontations! On a good day, at least. Right now, he looked uncharacteristically unsure of himself. "For your information… we really _are_ trying to get rid of all our things! Sirius, Remus, Peter, and I want to try something this year. But if we're going to do it, we can't let ourselves keep getting distracted by different things. We have to focus."

What on earth was _that_ supposed to mean? Lily blinked, not knowing exactly what to make of it at all. They needed to focus? What could they _possibly_ be planning _this_ time that required them to _focus _and get rid of all distractions? Then again, did she _really_ want to know? Sure, a part of her was feeling inexplicably adventurous right now when it came to debunking James Potter, but did she really want to go so far as to impede on something bound to be so unusually hectic? Shouldn't she take smaller steps first?

James saw her hesitate, and took advantage of it. "Look, we're going to study real hard this year. We'll stay out of trouble. We'll stay out of your hair. You won't even know we're around! This is important to us, Lily. You have no idea." The sincerity in his voice was catching her painfully off guard.

_What are you up to, James Potter?_ She considered him for a moment, and then turned uncertainly back towards the bit of parchment tacked up onto the notice board. What on earth was she _supposed_ to do now? And _why_ did she suddenly feel so obligated to help? Sighing, she found herself reaching up towards his message and quietly pulling it down, resigning herself to the sad truth that James Potter could hold power over whomever he pleased – which sometimes even included her. "All right, but you don't want it hanging up right here in the middle where Professor McGonagall's bound to see it, do you?"

James could not have looked more surprised if he had even wanted to! First he stared at her incomprehensively. Then came a look of dawning realization which left him dumbstruck. And finally, he stood there watching in a mixture of delight and amusement as Lily carefully tacked the notice back up in the lower left hand corner. McGonagall would more than likely skip right over it, but if even just _one_ of the students saw it, word would still get out about the so-called sale quicker than lightning. James was somewhat surprised – and embarrassed – that he hadn't thought of it himself.

"Great," he finally said, feigning annoyance as Lily looked back at him in triumph. "The year you decide to get a sense of humor is the year we all decide to take a short break from mischief making. It almost like someone's pre-arranged idea of a joke! Not very fair, if you ask me."

Lily grinned, but her curiosity was starting to bubble up exponentially inside her, preventing her from coming up with any kind of appropriate response. The Marauders were taking a 'short break' from mischief making? Why? How? It couldn't be that they had finally decided to grow up a little and mature, could it? Nah. That didn't make a whole lot of sense. So what was it? "Enlighten me, Potter. What're you up to?"

Having regained much of his composure by that point, James merely smiled back at her and winked his eye. "I'd tell you, Evans. But since it's law breaking, I'd rather you not know." The way he said that… Lily honestly had no idea whether or not he was speaking in jest. Her smile weakened slightly, and she tilted her head in bafflement. But before she had any time whatsoever to further her interrogation, James had taken a large step away from her. Bending one of his arms behind his back and the other one in front, he once again bowed extravagantly at his waist before her.

Now, _everyone_ in the common room was staring at them. Some things you just couldn't ignore – and this kind of traditional gallantry was one of them. Lily felt the usual flush of color rise into her face – this was starting to become a yearly kind of ritual! "I wish you would stop doing that!" she hissed quietly, hoping that no one else would hear.

James glanced up at her with a satisfied smirk. Righting himself, he repeated the same words spoken to Lily earlier that day by Sirius Black. "Anything at all for a lady!"

Lily groaned, rolled her eyes, and shook her head. "What, do you boys have that line rehearsed or something? Give me a break, already!" She started to turn around, but barely managed half a step before she was staring back at him right in the eye, her curiosity returning with an overwhelming vengeance! "You guys aren't _really_ going to break the law, are you?"

James offered her another crooked smile. "It's completely up to you, Evans, on how literal you want to take my meaning. After all, I'll never tell." He started back towards the stairs that led up to his dorm room, apparently ready to leave it at that. But something else seemed to be on his mind – something completely different from pranks, games, and felonies. Pausing, he looked back at Lily. "I hope this year's better for you, Evans. I already said you've got a sense of humor. So try having a bit of fun with it. It won't kill you, you know."

Lily stared at him quite solemnly, more or less speechless. Hadn't she ever tried having fun in the past before? Well, in all honesty, no – at least not as much as she should have. Especially not during her first year… or the year before. She unconsciously thought of Charlie Pryce… and immediately regretted it. She wondered where he was right at that moment… and whether or not he hated her with every fiber of his being. She thought about what this year's Defense Against the Dark Arts professor would be like… and tried _not_ to think about Pippa and Isabelle's mutual description of her. If she really _was_ as terrible as they both said…

James wasn't going to wait for her to say anything. She could see it in his face that the conversation was over. Not that she particularly minded, for she couldn't for the life of her come up with anything to say back to him! Instead, she watched motionlessly as the fourteen year old boy walked away. He started up the stairs, and though Lily couldn't bring herself to pull her gaze away from him, he didn't bother to even once look back at her. She knew she wasn't going to see or talk to him again for the rest of the night.

_"So try having a bit of fun."_ It certainly couldn't hurt. After all, how much better would her life be if, instead of just trying to get by with it, she actually tried to _do_ something with it? This year, why _not_ try and find a touch of fulfillment? What would make her happiest?

Her gaze swept across the room. There really _weren't_ a whole lot of Gryffindors enjoying the quiet that night. There were the two playing Wizard's chess by the stairs… and another second year named Jane hunched over a table as she furiously wrote what was probably a letter for home. Watching the three, absolutely none of them managed to strike a chord within Lily. And since playing Quidditch – one of the few things she _knew_ to be entertaining – was undeniably out of the question, she wasn't left with very many options.

Fate, however, or merely good fortune, seemed to be on her side that night. As Lily started walking serenely back towards the armchair in which she had originally settled, yet another Gryffindor boy walked down the stairs and into the common room. But unlike James, _this_ boy was a first year, and seemed to be fretfully lost. Standing fixed in place, he glanced around himself with wide, upset eyes. Unconsciously, and without even a second thought, Lily started towards him. After all, it seemed like the only decent thing to do.

"Hi there," she said, offering him a gentle smile. The boy turned towards her with something of a hop – obviously startled. And as Lily gazed down at him, she realized for the first time just how much she had grown in these last three years! No longer was _she_ an eleven year old, runny nosed first year! She was fourteen now! The freckles dotting her face had already started to fade away forever. Her dark red hair was thicker and more lustrous than it had ever been before. And her body was starting to develop a little bit of curvature. She really was growing up into her teenaged years! Perhaps that explained – at least partially – why the little boy's expression had changed into something resembling great awe.

"Hi," he whispered back quite shyly.

Lily bit her lip, suddenly _extremely_ self-aware of herself. "Are you looking for something?" The boy nodded, and so she held out her hand – which he immediately accepted. Together, the two of them turned back towards the front of the common room, and with Lily there beside him, the boy suddenly underwent a skyrocketing increase in bravery. Holding his head up a little bit higher, he shuffled over towards a bookshelf where he found a small brown mouse sleeping pleasantly. And yes, Lily noted in amusement. It _was_ a mouse, and not a permissible rat. She smiled, relaxing considerably as she hoped, for the boy's sake, that Professor McGonagall didn't notice the tiny little creature's numerous distinctions.

"Is that better?" she asked him as he released her hand and held the mouse up to his face. Glancing away from his pet long enough to grin widely at her, he nodded. And Lily found herself asking yet another question, all the while hoping that she was guessing the creature's gender correctly. "What's his name?"

"Peanut," the boy replied proudly. "And I'm Albert." He almost reminded her of Remus when _he_ had been eleven years old. He seemed to be just as shy, but just as eager to please. Lily thought she knew exactly how he must be feeling on his first night at Hogwarts. He seemed like a good kid.

"I'm Lily," she told him genially. When he glanced back up at her again, she could tell that he was listening to her every word wholeheartedly. It really was kind of flattering, and Lily was happy that she had made another friend – even if he _was_ three years younger. A friend, after all, was always still a friend. "And if you ever need anything, just come right up to me and I'll see what I can do to help, okay?"

"Thank you," he said shyly, his timidity once again returning by such an offer. After that, it only took a matter of seconds for that timidity to overcome him. Giving in completely to it, he repeated his thanks and shot away from her, running back up the stairs towards his own dormitory. Lily shook her head with a satisfied sigh as she watched him go.

Albert… the eleven year old boy with a pet mouse named Peanut. Lily didn't know either one of them whatsoever, and yet… she still felt that same kind of compassion towards them… and towards the rest of the first years. She couldn't think of what lengths she wouldn't go to, or what measures she wouldn't take, to make absolutely sure that none of them felt any of the loneliness that she had, and that Remus had, and that who knew how many others had, during their first years. And if she was going to do something that year to find touches of fulfillment, then it might as well be that. Getting rid of the loneliness at Hogwarts.

Without so much as blinking an eye, without hesitation, and without a second thought, Lily marched over towards the second year girl who was sitting at the desk and writing her family a letter. "Jane!"

The girl glanced up immediately and greeted the other with a bright, warm smile. "Hey, Lily! How was your holiday?"

Lily considered that for a second and made a face. Automatically remembering her sister's cruel accusations and confession, it was all she could do to keep from sinking back down into that fit of depression Sirius had somehow managed to pull her up from. "Let's just say I'm _extremely_ glad to be back at school. You?"

"Missing home already," Jane admitted, gesturing towards her letter. "But still excited. I know what to expect now, so this year's _got_ to be better, right?"

"I promise you, it will be," Lily assured her, thinking back to her own second year. As of yet, it had been without a doubt her happiest. _Every_ year should be like that one! It had been so completely filled with laughter. Sighing, Lily snapped back to the present and glanced at Jane inquisitively. "Look, I hate to be a bother, but could you loan me your quill and a scrap of parchment for minute?"

Jane eyed her rather shrewdly. "Taking Potter's good advice, are you?" She slid her supplies across the table gracefully towards the older girl, who was even now glaring back at her with forced indifference.

"I have no idea what you're talking about," she said stiffly, which caused Jane to giggle. Lily did her best to ignore her while taking the quill in her hand. She started scribbling down a message as quickly – but also as neatly – as she possibly could.

_Any first years who think they might want or need tutoring in History of Magic, Charms, and or Potions, or who would like to find assistance in any other area, please contact Lily Evans._

Already a wave of satisfaction was coursing through her veins. She couldn't believe how good she felt! Dropping the quill, Lily gave Jane her thanks and bounded over to the notice board, where she tacked up her message happily. And though a part of her knew that this wasn't _quite_ what James had had in mind when he had advised her to "try having a bit of fun," she honestly couldn't bring herself to care. It was what she wanted. For the first time in as long as she could remember, she truly knew what she truly wanted, and she wasn't about to let the opportunity slip by.

**ooooooo**

**A/N:** I wrote Jane as if she had been introduced before, even though this was the first chapter with her in it. I wanted to try portraying Lily's continual rise in popularity by writing in new characters that already know her. Anyway, so tell me what you think! Keep on sending in those reviews! I love 'em so much! Thanks!


	38. Wisdom

**ooooooo**

Lessons began immediately the following morning. Lily found herself scheduled to take Transfiguration and Herbology first, followed by History of Magic in the afternoon and Defense Against the Dark Arts at the end. Her other classes – Charms, Potions, Astronomy, Care of Magical Creatures, and Arithmancy – were all scheduled for different days, and she would have to wait a little while longer before attending any of them. Not that she particularly minded. There was only one class that she was anticipating anxiously, and a part of her was actually quite relieved that she didn't have to wait more than a day to take Defense Against the Dark Arts. After all, the sooner she could put the first lesson in that class behind her, the sooner she would no longer have to suffer through such suspense as this.

Pippa and Isabelle's warnings kept replaying over and over again in her mind. _She's awful! She's bloody terrible! She gets into fights all the time!_ Had they _really_ been joking? Lily remembered thinking that they had, but over the course of several hours her memory of their tones and expressions became increasingly blurred and distorted by her own true fears. In her mind, she honestly couldn't remember their jesting… just their upsetting words. Words that, when put next to her worries, were genuinely starting to terrify her.

_This is all Pryce's fault,_ she told herself angrily as she settled into her seat in Professor McGonagall's Transfiguration classroom. The room was filling up with Hufflepuff fourth years, and as the girls of that house with whom Lily was familiar all sat down around her, the boys immediately fixed their attention on James, Sirius, Remus, and Peter, ready to be entertained. It was to their disappointment then, when those four particular Gryffindors proved to be less than eager to cause trouble. In fact, they proved to be anything but! And as Professor McGonagall began her lesson, they paid closer attention to her words than they ever had before in their lives.

_"Look, we're going to study real hard this year. We'll stay out of trouble. We'll stay out of your hair. You won't even know we're around! This is important to us, Lily. You have no idea."_

Staring at them from time to time, Lily couldn't _help_ but feel her suspicions rise. What were they up to? Presently, as they actually started _doing_ some of their own transfigurations, she watched as James flat-out ignored his assignment and turned to assist Peter until he got the transformation down perfectly. Never before had Lily ever seen James Potter do that for his friend! They really _were_ being serious about lessons this year! She wondered if such diligence would pertain to all their other lessons as well, and if it did, how long would it be until they got tired of it and reverted back to their old mischievous habits. Would they? What on earth was going on?

Professor McGonagall herself didn't seem to be particularly fooled by their mysterious behavior anymore than Lily. _She_ could obviously sense that something was amiss, and more than once eyed the four boys warily. In her mind, there could only be one reason as to why they would act in such a conscientious manner. They were trying to get her guard down, so that they could then try something when her back was turned. But she wasn't about to be made a fool of by them! And so she found herself snapping irritably at each and every one of Peter's earlier mistakes, strictly correcting the other student's errors, and simply keeping a harsh watch over the rest of her class like some kind of nasty hawk. Lily had never before seen the woman act in such a way! It was a miracle in itself that Professor McGonagall at _least_ left their house points alone!

But… Lily didn't think it was that they were looking to make a fool of anybody. As she worked on her assignment, she thought about what _she_ suspected James, Sirius, Remus, and Peter to be up to. And she continued to suspect throughout the rest of the class and then well into Herbology, where they started to learn about the various properties of some kind of magical root – the name of which eluded Lily as she was hardly paying any attention whatsoever to the lesson. It was just too difficult when she continually kept on catching sight of James, Sirius, and Peter practicing the transformation of different things whenever the professor's back was turned.

_So, they want to get better at Transfiguration, _Lily thought to herself. Not that _James_ particularly needed to. Transfiguration was _easily_ his best subject! And yet… there he was, practicing as if his spells weren't even adequate! It could only mean one thing. It could only bring one conclusion to Lily's mind. Whatever it was they were up to, it heavily involved transfiguring. And so if she could determine what it was that they wanted to transfigure, then she might be able to figure out what it was that they were planning. For they _had_ to have been planning _something_. And unless Lily knew what it was, she seriously doubted that she'd ever find _any_ piece of mind, at least where they were concerned, for an extremely long time. Well, at least it was a nice distraction from Defense Against the Dark Arts. Juggling between the two, Lily found that _somehow_ she was able to keep from panicking.

Herbology soon ended, and most of the students started heading back up towards the castle from the greenhouse. Lunch would be starting soon, and it wasn't a meal that was generally missed. Lily herself, however, made for the lake instead, where she took off her shoes and socks, her school robes, and the witch's hat that was only now starting to grow on her. She waded into the water – though not deeply enough to get her skirt wet. It was a warm September day, after all, and she hoped that in so cooling herself off, she might be able to relax.

A gentle breeze picked up. The water felt refreshingly cool, and the sun kissed her face warmly. It was definitely an invigorating blend, and for several minutes Lily's mind felt wonderfully free from all its burdens. She could have stayed there like that forever…

Unfortunately, forever didn't last very long, and before she knew it, she was listening to the scoffing voices and jeering laughter of several young boys approaching from behind. Lily instinctively turned around, and found that there was in fact a group of six second years making their way down the trail towards the lake. When they saw her looking at them, however, they stopped short and sneered. One of them, in particular, Lily thought she recognized.

Regulus. Regulus Black. Sirius's brother.

Suppressing a groan, it was all Lily could do to walk out of the water and back up to her belongings in complete indifference. It was time for lunch anyway, and she knew that several of her friends would be waiting for her. She knew it wouldn't be friendly to keep them so.

"Lily Evans," Regulus called tauntingly from where he was standing with his friends. The lot of them started towards her once again, and they were all wearing expressions of mockery. If any of them knew that she was two whole years older than them, they hardly seemed to care. But then again, that wasn't too surprising. Lily still remembered the first time she had met Regulus Black. When Sirius had insulted him, he had launched towards the older, bigger, and stronger boy, ready for a fight and without even a second thought! Two years later, Regulus was almost as tall as his brother – which made him taller than her – just as good-looking – despite his age – and every bit as confident in himself.

Presently, he gestured to his friends. "We've been having something of a debate over here! Now we _know _that muggles bleed ordinarily enough. So if muggles give birth to witches, then they can't be born with mud already in their veins, can they? Which means it can't be genetic. It _has_ to be the magic saying that muggle-born witches just can't handle that kind of power. They aren't meant to have it! That's why their blood turns into mud, right?"

Lily sat down on the grass and calmly started putting back on her socks and shoes. She had _way_ too much to deal with right now, what with her constantly looming Defense class right around the corner, to merely stand back and _allow_ a handful of second year brats to get the best of her! And so, she answered him in perfect composure. "You know, Regulus, not only do I think you're taking the whole mudblood thing just a wee bit too literally, but you're also kind of trying _way _too hard here to be impressive. So why don't you just call me what you've come to call me and be done with it?"

Regulus stared at her in astonishment, as did all the other Slytherins in his company. They couldn't believe what she had just said! Outside _their_ house, _no one_ at Hogwarts spoke that particular word with such a calm exterior! It had to be some kind of a first!

Smiling to herself, Lily got back onto her feet and made her way up towards the school. On passing the six Slytherins, she didn't pause even for a second to give any of them a second glance. After all, she had other places to be right now and other concerns to occupy her time with. Besides, she was hungry and ready for lunch.

**ooooooo**

Defense Against the Dark Arts had descended at last upon the five Gryffindor fourth years and their Ravenclaw companions. All too soon, Lily found herself sitting in the familiar, despicable room – although the fact that its seats and tables at least had been returned to their proper places distinguished it enough from the year before to assure her beyond the shadow of a doubt that Charlie Pryce really was gone… and wasn't coming back. Still, it certainly didn't help that none of the students in that particular room knew so much as even the professor's identity! For all Lily knew, someone even _worse_ than Charlie Pryce could walk in at any moment! And then what would happen?

History of Magic had ended in the blink of an eye. Lily had been by far too worried to take any notes down in _that_ class, and throughout her break from lessons afterwards it had been truly a struggle to keep from panicking. Now, she could do naught but sit in her seat next to Ian Aldwen and pray that her new teacher would be, in all manners, better than her predecessor.

_She's awful! She's bloody terrible! She gets into fights all the time!_

Lily could have cursed Isabelle and Pippa then and there! Why did they have to tell her that? She would have figured it out for herself eventually, and then be spared from all this suspension! She felt like it was suffocating her! It was too difficult to remind herself that her friends had been joking by this point. Her last Defense Against the Dark Arts professor had played a major role in abducting her and Remus not even four and a half months ago! How could she ever trust one again?

How she had even managed to find her way into this room to begin with was still something of a mystery to her. A part of her had desired to go straight up to the Headmaster and demand that he excuse her from all such lessons… for the rest of her life! She didn't want to be here! But she was, for she knew how the Headmaster – how pretty much _everyone_ – saw Defense Against the Dark Arts as one of the most important subjects taught at Hogwarts. After all, during times of war, it _had_ to be.

Still, she wished her particular case could be different. And Remus', too. Glancing over towards him, she thought she recognized his expression. And she could tell that he was looking forward to the start of this lesson about as much as she was. Turning his head slightly, he caught her looking at him and offered her a small, meek smile of encouragement. It alone didn't make her feel that much better, but just the thought of him being there with her – even if he _was_ sitting on the other side of the room with James, Sirius, and Peter – did more for her than he would ever know. It was the unconscious thought of him, she realized quite abruptly, that had been instrumental in her making it this far. _He_ had been how she had managed to find her way into this room! Not that _that _was much of a surprise. Lily found herself thinking about the Headmaster's phoenix. Remus had been the one who had originally showed him to her. He was _always_ giving her courage. Always helping her find her way. She hoped to god that she didn't let him down now.

The door to the classroom suddenly swung open. Lily's heart constricted painfully in her throat as each and every one of the students aside from her turned around to see who it was. But she couldn't. She couldn't do it! She couldn't bear it! Pippa and Isabelle's warnings echoed loudly – almost painfully – in her mind.

_"SHE'S AWFUL! SHE'S BLOODY TERRIBLE! SHE GETS INTO FIGHTS ALL THE TIME!"_

Lily sank in her seat, closing her eyes as tightly as she could. And behind her, the new professor started walking towards the front of the room.

"I am so _dreadfully_ sorry! Didn't mean to be tardy at all. It's just my first day back and already I'm setting a horrid example! Don't mind me."

Lily practically fell out of her chair at the sound of her new professor's voice. It was one that she actually recognized! Opening her eyes as quickly as she could, she looked up to find herself staring directly at a young woman with such a jovial expression brightening her face that no one seemed to notice her two slightly misshapen arms. It was Fanny Campbell!

Never, in Lily's entire life, had she _ever_ been more surprised to see anyone. She literally couldn't speak as she was struck completely speechless! This was unbelievable! Fanny Campbell was to be their teacher? Since when did anything _that_ incredibly wonderful _ever_ happen to the fourteen year old? Wasn't it too good to be true? But no. It was true all right! And Lily felt something within her snapping in two, making her feel lighter than she had ever thought possible.

Fanny was grinning quite cheerfully. And she wasn't the only one. A smile was crossing Lily's face as well – such a smile that she had never worn before in her entire life. Several of the other students were smiling slightly, too, as Fanny's good moods were always quite infectious. "Welcome to your fourth year of Defense Against the Dark Arts! In case some of you aren't aware, I'm Professor Campbell."

On the other side of the room, Sirius was tilting his head while staring at her with a frown. "Wait a minute… I know you! You're Isabelle's sister!" No wonder she and Pippa had known who this year's Defense professor would be. Now their jests made perfect sense! Lily could have almost laughed out loud right then and there.

Meanwhile, Fanny was nodding her head. "And you're Sirius Black. I remember." She held up her wand and pointed it at the boy. "Don't think I won't be keeping an eye on you, young man. I won't tolerate disruption in this class."

"Disruption?" James couldn't help it. He was openly gawking at her, probably having expected another class like the year before. Despite everything, _he_ at least had enjoyed Pryce's lessons. "This is Defense Against the Dark Arts!"

"So it is," Fanny allowed, glancing towards Lily for the first time and winking an eye at her. The younger girl beamed, lifting her chin up while smiling widely. This year was getting better and better by the second! Fanny turned her attention back to the rest of the class. "But one thing you have to remember is that there isn't anything in the magical world more serious than Defense Against the Dark Arts. It is by _far_ the gravest. I don't know what kind of ideas your previous teachers have planted in your heads, but I am here to tell you that this subject isn't a game. Now, I'm not going to try frightening you all by telling you we aren't going to have any fun in here, because I myself really do like having fun and can't live without it. But there's a time and a place for that, and if and when I decide to give a lecture, I expect you all to pay attention. Understand?"

The students all grumbled their acknowledgement, feeling slightly put out. They must have been hoping that, upon seeing Fanny for the first time as a woman not much older than themselves, she might prove to be more like a substitute teacher and less like an actual professor. Boy, were they in for a disappointment. Even _Lily_ could feel her smile fading just a little bit at Fanny's words. Here was a Defense professor that she could trust, yes… but it was still, after all, a Defense class. And wonderful teacher or no, Lily simply couldn't abide such a horrendous subject!

"Okay then!" Fanny clapped her hands together enthusiastically. "Why not begin?" She half turned towards the blackboard behind her and held up her wand to it, speaking softly under her breath. Satisfied, she turned back towards her students. When she next began to speak, several words started forming on that board, spelling out for them the key points of her lecture. "Let's see now… Before we actually start getting into real defensive lessons, maybe we should first begin by delving a little into the actual psychology of the Dark Arts. Now, I understand that a few of you are Gryffindors, and therefore more than likely despise anything to do with the Dark Arts…" Here, she glanced towards Sirius and James, both of whom were wearing expressions that quite obviously confirmed her speculation. "Nevertheless, most of you are Ravenclaws, and I would definitely like to hear some of your opinions. Why do you think wizards and witches turn to the Dark Arts?"

For a long moment, no one spoke. _This_ certainly wasn't like anything they had ever expected to come out of a Defense lesson! Several of the students took that time to glance at each other in confusion, and Lily herself was one of them. This really wasn't the kind of conversation she wanted to be a part of…

But then, Ian raised his hand. Fanny glanced at him and nodded. Slowly, the Ravenclaw genius took a guess. "For some, the Dark Arts can prove to be extremely seductive. A lot of people are drawn towards power, and the Dark Arts is a way for them to get a kind of power. Using it, they feel almost as if they can do whatever they want and get away with it."

As Ian said this, Lily found herself looking at him. And when he finished, her gaze moved past him and towards the other four Gryffindors. James and Sirius were both sitting stiffly in their seats, looking disgusted. Remus was staring at the surface of the table, and Peter was sinking uncomfortably in his chair.

"There is that bit of freedom in the Dark Arts," Fanny acknowledged, continuing to nod in agreement. "But even in the muggle world, there are criminals who break the law everyday to find that kind of power over their own lives. However, most of the time, _those_ criminals work alone. Or in pairs. With the Dark Arts, it's become a heck of a lot more organized. So organized, in fact, that you might say it's some kind of evil political party."

"Which is why the Ministry's not been able to squash 'em all into dust, right?" James asked resentfully, staring at Fanny with crossed arms. "Cause they're so _organized_? So organized that they can even create their own bloody well effective army?"

"But I thought they were all being led by just one wizard!" a different Ravenclaw interrupted. "By You-Know-Who! He's the only one with any kind of freedom! None of the others have any power at all, because they're stuck following him!" He scratched his head in confusion. "So it _is_ like a faction!"

"It's organized crime!" Sirius barked back. "It's not a faction! It's the bloody Mob!" On the blackboard at the front of the room, the words that had been appearing after Fanny's initial speech now began to summarize the opinions of the students. Lily found herself watching them appear in complete fascination. Anything at all to distract her from what was being discussed.

"Whether it is or not," Fanny cut in calmly. "A lot of wizards and witches find it perfectly acceptable. Now, remember that the Dark Arts is like nothing in the muggle world. The people who practice it risk an awful lot more by doing so than any muggle ever did through organized crime or in a party such as, let's say, communism. Now, who can tell me why?"

Surprisingly enough, it was Peter who answered, and no one else. "Muggles don't have prisons like we do. We have Azkaban." For a moment no one spoke, and the silence that hung in the air was nearly suffocating. Frowning, Lily glanced quickly around the room in bewilderment. _What were they talking about? What was Azkaban?_

"So why risk it?" Fanny asked after another moment. "If a wizard knows that he could end up in Azkaban – which is a fate pretty much worse than death for many people – than he must also know that the power and freedom given to him by the Dark Arts can't possibly be worth it, right?"

James scoffed and shook his head. "Anyone crazy enough to practice the Dark Arts is probably too arrogant to have that kind of foresight. It's like what Aldwen said. They're bloody gits who think they can get away with anything. Other people get sent to Azkaban. But certainly not _them_!" He shook his head in derision.

"Then why be subtle?" Fanny asked. "Most practice the Dark Arts in the dead of night, when no one's watching. Very few are bold enough to test their luck by practicing it openly. But people who think they can get away with anything generally like to be in the center of attention. It's hard fathoming the number of wizards and witches out there that practice the Dark Arts because they _are_ afraid of being sent to Azkaban and they _don't_ want to risk it. But still they do."

"Well, what else _can_ they do?" Sirius demanded hotly, finally losing his patience. "They're _evil!_ It's _more_ than organized crime! It's more than mere point of views! They're evil. They're greedy. They're power hungry. They like hurting other people. And they only follow You-Know-Who out of ambition. They want what he has, but they aren't dumb enough to try taking it from him by force! They're too cunning for that. But they _certainly_ aren't loyal to him! And the moment he's gone, someone _else_ will take his place, and it'll just start all over again! They know Azkaban can't hold them all, and so they only fear it up to a certain point. They think that evil will _always_ be around, and so they'll always have a place somewhere! They're evil, psychotic, _lunatics_ and that's all there is to it!" The passion in his tirade had turned his face red and caused him to breathe heavily. The words appearing on the blackboard were now being written entirely in capitalization for emphasis.

"You're forgetting something very important, Sirius," Fanny said calmly, not in the least bit affected by his tirade. Somehow, despite the tension building up inside everyone else, _she_ remained perfectly composed. "Something that really ought to be taken into account."

"What's that?" Sirius asked through gritted teeth. Lily glanced from the boy back up to the older girl, suddenly more attentive than she had ever been before during a Defense lesson.

Fanny waited for a moment, until she had _everyone's_ attention and not just the boy and girl's. Only then did she speak. "Fear. Fear and confusion." Sirius scoffed, rolled his eyes, and looked away. It was perfectly clear that he did _not_ want to hear any of it. But Fanny was being completely sincere. "Some who practice the Dark Arts were raised to, and don't know any other way. Now, I won't deny that most of them hate, with a _passion_, absolutely anyone that doesn't share in their heritage and might, therefore, be different somehow. But there are cases in which they might be, let's say, lonely… so much so that they'd do anything to shake that sense of isolation. Some might be in a lot of pain, and are looking for some way to quell it. Some-"

"Now you're just making up excuses," James spat bitterly. "There _isn't_ any excuse for using the Dark Arts! None whatsoever! It's like Sirius said. Only the most degraded and evil practice it!" The room was growing thick with strained tension. All in all, Lily thought it was turning into an extremely intense first lesson.

"Not everything in this world is black and white," Fanny said carefully. "Know your enemy. It might just be that once you can identify where he or she is coming from, you can do more than just defend yourself. You can actually fight back."

"You can fight back easily enough with a well laid curse," James replied stubbornly, causing Lily to flinch – though no one seemed to notice.

"That's true," Fanny agreed. "And you might even defeat the person! But have you truly won? Conquest, victory, and triumph don't always necessarily have the same meaning. Don't you think that fighting the Dark Arts is more about purging the world of evil, and less about actually hurting your enemies?"

"Get rid of your enemies, and you get rid of the Dark Arts," Sirius said callously.

"Or," Fanny countered. "Get rid of the Dark Arts. Period. Then you won't have to get rid of anyone."

Lily, who _had_ been watching James and Sirius, turned her head back around towards Fanny sharply. Was such a thing truly possible? The idea had never even occurred to her before! But then again… she thought about the poachers from last spring. And she thought about the unicorn. That magnificent creature's presence _alone_ had been enough to leave the poachers all in tears, too broken from remorse to put up anymore of a fight. If something so good could affect men so terrible in such a way…

Professor Pryce had always said that those who couldn't fight would never stand a chance. But the unicorn that had saved all their lives hadn't fought at all. Maybe Pryce was wrong. Maybe Fanny was hitting closer to the truth than any of them realized. Could Lily actually fight against the Dark Arts effectively without ever lifting up her wand to hurt another soul?

"There comes a time when wisdom can do more than sheer violence," Fanny told them all. "And if there's one thing that I want you all to learn this year, then it's that. I'm told that my predecessor already taught you basic resistance. Rest assured, this year you will continue developing such skills. But it's also time that some of you learned to think with your hearts. Because if you ever find yourself squaring off against another person, you have to remember that you're squaring off against a _person_. Someone who has friends. Family. And a life that you might not ever be able to fully comprehend. And once you're able to do that, then you truly will be separated from You-Know-Who, his Death Eaters, and everyone else like them."

**ooooooo**

**A/N:** I know this chapter touches up on a subject that's probably _incredibly_ controversial – especially in the wizarding world. James and Sirius certainly didn't like the sound of it! But I think it's important for Lily. I'm trying to show different sides here! I hope I didn't get too far off track from J.K. Rowling's own personal intent… Anyway, I want to hear your opinions! Tell me what you think about the whole subject! I might expand on it based on what you say… Well, I don't know. But definitely keep reviewing! I can't wait to hear! Thanks so much!


	39. Tour Guide

**ooooooo**

"Can you _believe_ her?"

"Reckon _that_ was the worst Defense class I've ever sat through!"

"Wonder whether or not we're actually gonna _learn_ anything this bloody term…"

Those were just some of the grumbling complaints made by James, Sirius, and Peter as the lot of them filed out of the classroom at the end of the hour. All around them, everyone was talking – either more about the strange, fascinating new concept that had just been presented before them, about what they thought of the new professor and the new term ahead, or quite possibly about something else entirely that had absolutely nothing to do with Defense Against the Dark Arts whatsoever – but they were _all_ still talking. It made it next to impossible for Lily to comprehend whatever it was that the boys' were saying, even though she was walking through the door and out into the corridor directly behind them. All things considered, however, it was pretty easy to tell that they were more than just a little upset.

"Did you _listen_ to her?" James demanded once he and his friends were safely outside the classroom. The four of them gathered close together in a tight little knot, none too happy as the bespectacled, young, black-haired boy indignantly took the spotlight. "'Yes, the Dark Arts _are_ bad, but _we_ have to make exceptions for the poor, lost, lonely, and confused ones who are _just_ as evil as all the rest of them, but who _still_ deserve our pity!' Bloody hell is that all about?"

"I don't think you're being very fair," Remus said quietly, though clearly disapproving James's mockery. "Professor Campbell's just trying to enlighten us a little. I heard someone say that she's a part of the Order. So she can't be _that_ bad, can she?"

"She's not," Lily said, walking forward to stand next to Remus. She had heard enough out of them, and wouldn't stand for any more – Fanny had done too much for her! _And_ she was the sister of one of Lily's best friends! Needless to say, however, James, Sirius, and Peter all turned to face her with glowering stares. But somehow, she managed to ignore them all. "If Fanny Campbell, of _all_ people, can speak that way about the Dark Arts, you'd do well to listen, James Potter! Or did you not see the way her arms were bent? That was done to her by a Death Eater."

Those last two sentences were whispered, so that only the four Marauders could hear them said. And once they understood their significance, their faces all paled considerably. Horrified, they stared at Lily speechlessly for several long minutes. And in the end, they might very well have remained so for the rest of the afternoon without her knowledge of it, because she then pushed her way past them and continued on down the corridor without another word and without once looking back.

Who did they think they were, criticizing Fanny like that? Lily had suffered through three years of Defense Against the Dark Arts! And now that a teacher had finally been found who might possibly be able to make the class even just _slightly_ a bit more bearable for her, James, Sirius, and Peter had to go and find her intolerable! Where was the justice in that?

Lily seethed, and carried on down the corridor in near vehemence. She didn't stop until she had walked down a flight of stairs, rounded a corner, and found herself standing in the school's enormous entrance hall, wanting nothing more than to just get outside and into one of the castle's many magical gardens.

That plan, however, was soon forgotten as two other girls came running into the hall behind her, laughing and calling out her name all the while. "Lily! Lily, wait!"

The fourteen year old stopped short and glanced over her shoulder. Having expected as much, she wasn't in the least bit surprised to see Isabelle and Pippa hastening their way over towards her with mirthful smiles and glistening eyes. They were obviously greatly amused about something or other – and Lily thought she could guess why. Her anger subsided immediately, and she felt that utter relief washing over her yet again. All in all, it had been a really good day!

Grinning widely herself by the time her friends reached her side, Lily found herself throwing her arms around them and joining in on their laughter.

**ooooooo**

The Great Hall was packed for dinner that evening, and was an awful lot louder than normal. Probably due to the weather outside, Lily thought to herself pleasantly as she filled her plate up with a rather large slice of steak. As gorgeous as the afternoon had been, the evening was plagued with thunder and lightning. Overhead, the enchanted ceiling was completely shadowed by dark storm clouds that would, every now and then, light up from bolts of sizzling electricity. Harmless as they were, several of the younger students couldn't help but stare up at them apprehensively.

Lily herself didn't particularly mind. She had dealt with worse things before than mere thunderstorms! Besides, there was a strange, natural kind of beauty to it that somehow managed to enhance the wonder of such an enchantment. It was magic. Magic and nature mixed together in such a way that left her truly invigorated.

Needless to say, she was one of the few who appreciated it. For many of the students, even if it didn't frighten them, it _was_ something of an inconvenience, and they wouldn't have minded the weather settling down at all. Glancing left and right, Lily caught sight of several Gryffindors trying to hold a conversation only to be interrupted by a bright flash and a rumbling grumble. None of them looked particularly grateful for it.

And then… there was James. Catching sight of _him_ through the corner of her eye, Lily turned her head and found that there were several eleven year old girls training their eyes fully on him, giving him their utmost attention. They all looked close to petrified.

Frowning, Lily leaned in towards the lot of them, straining to hear what James could _possibly_ be saying. However, it _was_ really difficult to hear… She could only make a few of his words. "…monster… lurks… shadows… …chamber…" There was a sudden flash of lightning, which James _had_ to have timed perfectly with his words – for it caused every single one of those young girls to cry out and jump in startled surprise. Their tormentor started chuckling in good humor. "But only if you believe in that sort of thing."

Lily narrowed her eyes. It would seem that James Potter, who had three full years of enchanted thunderstorms under his belt to know exactly when the next magical bolt of lightning might strike, was using the ceiling to his advantage while trying to terrify those poor girls with ghost stories! And there was Sirius, Peter, and even _Remus,_ all sitting right next to him, watching him do it in pure enjoyment! Not that Lily actually thought there was really any harm in ghost stories, for she enjoyed a good one every now and then herself, but wasn't this kind of pushing the line?

_Not necessarily,_ she admitted grudgingly to herself, remembering the inexplicable desire she had felt the night before to challenge James Potter – and to possibly even beat him at his own game. That feeling was returning to her now. She _wanted_ to see him get a taste of his own medicine for a change! For once in her life, she wanted nothing more than to see _him_ be the victim! Was there any real harm in _that_?

Biting her lip, all the while wondering if she could, Lily held up her wand. Immediately, several gazes swept towards her – including Remus'. James, Sirius, and Peter, however, all remained conveniently oblivious – as did the frightened first year girls. There was already way too much on _their_ minds for them to be paying any particular attention whatsoever to one redheaded fourth year. If they had, however, they _might_ have seen this one coming…

"Lily?" Alice asked quietly, glancing from her to her wand and then over towards James. The boy was leaning forward with a smirk twisting its way across his face. It was clear that he was just about ready to tell those girls yet another horror story, and they were all helpless to snub him. Their eyes were wide… their faces white… and a bolt of lightning was zapping its way across the ceiling.

Lily immediately aimed her wand at James and cast her spell. Several students jumped – and a look of astonishment lit up Remus' face. Thunder crashed. The first years screamed. And James was immediately on his feet.

It was all Lily could do not to burst out laughing. There he was! The fourth year Quidditch champion, standing in the middle of the Great Hall wearing clothes that had been transfigured from their normal fashion into a darling, flowery pink dress!

Everyone started howling with laughter. Sirius himself spat out whatever it was he had been drinking, and Peter looked like he was choking on a piece of chicken. Several teachers got to their feet and rushed forward to see what all the commotion was about. Upon spotting James Potter, however, most of them just rolled their eyes and turned away. They were _more_ than willing to leave him for the Head of his House. Which happened to be Professor McGonagall.

As Peeves sailed overhead, pointing and laughing gleefully at his worst enemy's embarrassing predicament, McGonagall stormed towards the boy rather crossly – having still not forgiven him for his earlier behavior in her classroom. "What is the meaning of this, Mr. Potter?"

He looked up at her in complete astonishment. "This isn't my fault! I have no idea what's-!" He stopped short, having finally spotted Lily. She grinned at him, winked, and waved the hand in which she still held her wand. His jaw dropped. "EVANS!"

Lily quickly shoved her wand out of sight, and just in time, too! Professor McGonagall had whirled her head around towards the girl and was now studying her rather suspiciously. Slowly, her gaze swept over the other students sitting beside the fourteen year old, reading them carefully as well. For a second there, Lily thought she could see the corners of McGonagall's mouth twitching slightly upwards – as if she was about to smile!

But then she was shaking her head and staring back at James. "That is enough out of you, young man! Now follow me!" She spun around and started walking towards the main entrance to the Great Hall. James watched her go, standing fixed to his spot unable to _believe_ that she would parade him like this to the other side of the room! What on earth was she thinking? Pulling his own wand free from the purple sash that was now wrapped around his waist, James quickly transfigured his clothing back to normal before racing after the professor. Upon passing Lily, he shot her a quizzical glance that was still more surprised than anything else. Her grin widened as she quickly turned away, laughing with her much amused friends.

After that, everything in the Great Hall gradually resumed its regular atmosphere. None of the first year Gryffindors were even the slightest bit nervous anymore, as pictures of James's startling attire continually replayed themselves over and over again in their minds, offering them a relatively decent distraction from the magical storm raging on the ceiling above. No one had been the slightest bit offended. When Lily had once again dared to glance in the direction of James's friends, she caught sight of Sirius, who immediately raised his glass to her in cheers.

Several minutes later, James himself came trudging back into the Great Hall. Alice saw him first, and wasted no time in pointing him out. Glancing over her shoulder, Lily saw that he was still shaking his head in bemusement, but didn't look the slightest bit upset. He caught her gaze then, and suddenly changed directions, walking straight towards her. Feeling ready for absolutely anything, Lily climbed out of her seat and turned to face him. He paused only a few mere inches away. "All this, and after I promised to leave you alone this year?"

She smiled sweetly at him. "You're the one who told me to have a bit of fun, Potter. Besides, after you terrified all those first years! I thought the _least_ you could do for them now would be to lighten the mood a little. Worked, wouldn't you say?"

"Maybe too well," James replied, crossing his arms. A small smirk played at the corners of his mouth. "I don't think you're given enough credit around here, Evans. For someone who doesn't like to duel, you certainly have a way with punishing people. I'll have to remember not to underestimate you again." Lily's eyes sparkled as she watched him walk away and rejoin Sirius, Remus, and Peter – all three of whom greeted him teasingly. The first years were all still laughing. And every face in the room seemed to be bright with content. Lily sighed pleasurably.

The meal ended shortly after that, and all the Hogwarts children began dispersing from the Great Hall. Lily – along with Pippa, Isabelle, Alice, Frank, and several of the others – had all started walking away from the Gryffindor table themselves when a tiny hand suddenly clamped its way onto the fourteen year old girl's arm. She stopped short and looked around in surprise.

It was Albert! The first year she had met the night before! He was staring up at her curiously, and behind him, there was a handful of other eleven year olds, some of whom weren't even in Gryffindor! Lily blinked. But then she made a guess as to what they might possibly be after, and her expression softened considerably. She smiled at the youngest students with extreme warmth. "Hi!" They all returned her greeting, though undeniably with more timidity. Meanwhile, closer to the front of the room, Lily's friends were all beginning to stop as well, while looking back at her in confusion.

"Lily?" Pippa asked bewilderedly.

But the girl just waved her hand at them dismissively. "I'll catch up with you later!" Having pretty much shooed _them_ all away, she gave her full attention to the pile of first years standing in front of her. "Want a tutor already?"

Albert shook his head, his face flushing considerably. Seeming to be more or less completely lost yet again, he looked to his companions for some much needed help. And that help came in the form of one rather heavyset young girl with two brown pigtails. She spoke in a loud, strangely deep voice. "Actually, we've been having trouble finding our way around the castle. Al said you'd give us a tour!" The poor boy's face turned an even brighter crimson at _that_ remark.

Lily nodded understandingly – trying very hard not to laugh. Albert looked horrified enough as it was already. He certainly didn't need to be the cause of her amusement too! Instead, she forced herself to focus on the girl. "Some of you aren't in Gryffindor."

"Uh-uh," the girl shook her head, probably still too new at Hogwarts to know that much about the houses' rivalries. "I met Albert on the train up from London. I'm in Hufflepuff. My name's Lydia."

"I'm Lily," she replied, shaking Lydia's hand. She glanced towards the four remaining first years. One of them she _did_ recognize as a Gryffindor. And if she remembered correctly, the girl's name was Ada. But the other three were strangers. "Are you all in Hufflepuff too?"

"I am," a blonde haired boy said. "I'm Richard."

"But we're Ravenclaws," the small girl standing next to him said proudly. She pointed to the other girl, who was taller than her and kind of lanky. "I'm Annie. This is Bridget. I met Richard on the train, too!"

"I reckon word really _does_ get around at this school," Lily noted. If she was following this correctly, then Albert must have told Lydia about her generous offer to help out when needed the night before, who must have told Richard, who must have told Annie who must have told Bridget. And Ada could have found out from any one of them, or by seeing Lily's message tacked up on the notice board back in the Gryffindor common room. All in all, if _that_ was how quickly word spread of a willing tutor, than Lily couldn't even _begin_ to imagine how quickly gossip and rumors might start flying about in the castle! It really was quite startling, to say the least. Nevertheless, she took a quick breath and nodded keenly. "Okay. One tour of the school, coming up! But it'll have to be a relatively quick one, because we definitely don't wanna get caught wandering around the school corridors after curfew."

"Oh, never you mind that, Lily! Never you mind that!"

Professor Slughorn suddenly appeared out of nowhere at Lily's side. She stared up at him in complete astonishment, as did all the first years, while he looked back down at her with a favorable smile. "I think I can manage talking Minerva into making an exception for you this evening, my dear. As well as each of _your_ supervisors," he added, glancing quickly at the first years. He then looked back at Lily, positively beaming. "After all, you're doing a very generous service right here!"

"Thank you, professor," Lily said pleasantly. The first years, most of whom all probably knew already that Professor Slughorn was Head of the Slytherin House, seemed to be trying very hard not to openly gawk at the man. For whether or not they were aware of the actual _house_ rivalries, they most _definitely_ knew enough about Slytherin! And all things considered, something like _this_ wasn't quite what they had had in mind concerning the man in charge of the nefarious House. Lily smiled.

"Well, you all enjoy yourselves," the Potion Master advised, giving Lily a quick wink. "I'll see you in class tomorrow, dear." She nodded, and the seven of them all turned to watch as he marched his way over towards Professor McGonagall.

"He… seemed nice," Lydia said, sounding somewhat uncertain. She glanced up at Lily. "I was told he wasn't…"

"Well, then I guess you really _can't_ believe everything you hear," Lily said with a shrug. She focused on the kids again. "So much for a quick tour! We'll go on a long one, then. How's that sound?" They all readily consented, not having the slightest bit of a problem with that idea. Lily smiled, and turned back around towards the Great Hall's entranceway…

…only to find herself standing once again face to face with Regulus Black! She stopped short, catching her breath in surprise. "Oh!" The first years all piled up around her, glancing at the Slytherin in confusion. Who was _he_ supposed to be?

Regulus studied her for a moment, not talking – and for once in his life not looking completely hostile. He just… seemed baffled by something. And Lily, having absolutely no idea what to say to him whatsoever, found that she could only gaze back in equal wonder. What did he want?

After a long moment, Regulus graced her with a terse nod, and then walked around her and back towards his own table. There were still quite a few Slytherins congregating there, and none of them seemed to be at all aware of their fellow's baffling behavior. Lily glanced over her shoulder and watched him for a second longer, stunned completely.

"Who was that?" Ada finally asked, cutting into her thoughts and staring up at her curiously.

"Sirius's brother," she replied simply, looking down at the girl while trying very hard to keep her wits about her. "His name is Regulus."

"He looked like a git," Albert noted quietly – though probably just to himself, for he quickly covered his mouth when he realized what he had said aloud. His face darkened considerably once again.

"No," Lily said charitably. "It's just that… He doesn't normally act that way."

"What way?" Lydia asked rather brusquely. "You mean like an intimidating, stalking, mysterious, dark young stranger? That way?" Lily couldn't help it. The first year's open frankness caused her to laugh. She laughed and nodded.

"All right, enough of that," she said at last, finally deciding that it would be best if she changed the subject to something that was a little bit more welcome. "Let's start this tour now, shall we?" The first years agreed, and together, they all made their way out of the Great Hall.

**ooooooo**

**A/N: **I know the whole idea of transfiguring James's clothing into a dress isn't all that original, but you have to remember: Lily's Lily. She's not a Marauder. Anyway, don't forget to review! I need them. I love them. Thanks so much!


	40. New Additions

**ooooooo**

The autumn season seemed to pass as lightly and as gracefully as a falling leaf. Everything was peaceful! So peaceful, in fact, that it almost seemed to border on the paranormal… For one, James was positively true to his word. He and the other three Marauders behaved practically like perfect gentlemen! There were no pranks. There was no deception. They seemed to be spending absolutely _all_ of their time engrossed in one book or another – neither of which appeared to have any relation whatsoever to any of their lessons at all – with the possible exception of Transfiguration…

By the end of October, visits into the village of Hogsmeade began breaking into the monotony of Hogwarts life. At the same time, tutoring the first years had become an incredibly favored pastime – and not just hers, but theirs too! Lily was a hit! And it did _not_ take long at all for the first years to start descending down on top of her like crashing missiles. Word had spread of her kindness, her patience, her cooperativeness, and her unprecedented ability to provide much needed and greatly desired clarifications. Hardly any Gryffindor, Ravenclaw, or Hufflepuff missed out on a chance for something like _that_. And though the Slytherins were often heard whispering about their deficiencies – as only the absolute _worst_ of students could even bring themselves to attend such a tutorial – Lily found that most of them really did have promise. Promise that no one wanted to see wasted.

Unsurprisingly, however, her initial decision to help out the first years whenever they might require such assistance quickly became a considerable burden. She couldn't catch a breath! It soon took absolutely every ounce of patience and self-control that she possessed merely to keep from jumping out a five story window! And so, it was to her extreme relief – if not slight astonishment – to find that she had the immeasurable support of the entire faculty! She couldn't have asked for more! Professor McGonagall, Professor Slughorn, and Professor Flitwick in particular seemed to be _more_ than ready to help – they were actually eager! And very enthusiastic! It was through their efforts that Lily was able to arrange twice-a-week meetings in a spare classroom that any first year who so desired might attend. And it could not _possibly_ have been more of a success!

Her teachers truly were amazing. And for once in her life, Lily found that there was not a single one among them whom she wasn't particularly fond of! They were fantastic! And after being taught for an entire year by a man like Charlie Pryce, it was no small wonder that she found herself believing in angels. After all, wasn't Fanny Campbell one of them? Defense Against the Dark Arts had become _so _much more endurable under her watch, and the fourteen year old actually found her interest to be increasing more and more with each and every passing day!

Incredibly enough, there was no repetition of their first lesson. For even though Fanny _did_ continue encouraging such thought provoking conversations – in replacement of dry lectures, of course – they continued to be just that. Mere conversations. James and Sirius stood for no more arguments, squared off for no more confrontations, and pretty much began to ignore their lessons altogether. It didn't matter what Lily, Remus, or anyone else might say about Fanny's credibility, knowledge, and integrity; the two of them simply weren't interested. The issue of good and evil was very black and white to them – and _anyone_ who might try and teach them _any_ differently just wasn't worth their time! They openly studied other topics when they should have been paying attention, and receiving detentions did absolutely nothing to faze them out of that. Whenever Fanny's lessons required her students to stand up and actually perform magic, James and Sirius would only get up and practice their dueling – just as Charlie Pryce had taught them to the year before. The man would have been extremely proud of them, Lily had no doubt, for they 'resisted' Fanny's every effort to rein them in. No matter how or what she tried, they only did as they saw fit – and not a single thing more. In Lily's mind, their attitude towards Defense Against the Dark Arts remained _the one thing_ keeping them from behaving like true gentlemen… if only they cared.

In any case, there was just too much good going on inside the castle for Lily to concern herself with either of them. Things were changing. Improving. Growing _so_ much better! And she was starting to feel exactly like one being swept away straight into the heart of paradise. She still remembered the first time Fanny had asked her class to take out their wands. And how could she not? It had been the absolute _last_ thing that she had ever wanted to hear. But then…

_"Now, I know this is not a Charms class,"_ Fanny had said, while producing an incredibly large dart board that she then magically suspended in the air. With a second flick of her wand, she made it so that the board would swing left and right like a floating pendulum. _"But when you're in an actual duel, there's absolutely nothing more vital than possessing the ability to act with speed and accurateness. So, I'm going to teach you all a simple Hover Charm! And by the end of the lesson, I'll be tossing darts into the air, and you'll be charming them. Once they're charmed and floating, you'll then direct them straight on towards the target. And whoever hits the bull's-eye wins!" _

Now, that _had_ to have been a real difficult lesson for James and Sirius to ignore! Every other face in the entire room was masked with wonder – especially Lily's. Fanny was instructing her students to play a game! And one that didn't require them to curse, hex, or duel in any way whatsoever, but to charm! Charming was like second nature to Lily! For the first time ever in Defense Against the Dark Arts, she was being asked to perform magic that she might actually find herself enjoying! That she might actually find herself losing track of time to! It was all that she could have ever hoped for!

Observing the majority of her classroom's interest, Fanny had smiled and winked. _"I told you I can't live without having fun!" _It truly had been hard for her students not to start jumping up and down in pure jubilation.

The Hover Charm had not been at all difficult to learn, and before too long, the students were each taking their individual turns catching the darts right out of the air and sending them zipping towards the moving target. The fact that the dartboard did indeed move made the task that much more difficult to achieve, but not nearly impossible. In fact, Remus himself became quite proficient at it shortly after they had begun. He certainly did have commendable skills – and quickly became one of Fanny's obvious favorites. The fact that, the year before, he had been nearly persecuted by Professor Pryce made Lily appreciate their present professor all the more. Fanny was absolutely _everything_ that Charlie Pryce had not been, and that pretty much transformed her into the fourth year's idol. She was everything Lily wanted to be.

And so, the autumn season passed lightly and gracefully… and very quickly. November came, and with it, Quidditch. And though Lily still had no idea as to what James, Sirius, Remus, and Peter were up to, she knew that it couldn't _possibly_ interfere with James's game. And it didn't. He still flew – and with such poise and refinement _despite_ that unpredictability that always managed to lead the Gryffindor team to victory. Lily only wished that he didn't let it go to his head… and that Isabelle could have had a chance to play. Unfortunately for her, however, she played Chaser, and none of the Gryffindor Chasers had graduated the year before. She remained off the team.

Now, through all this, if there was _one_ thing in the world that Lily might describe as seemingly slightly awry, it would _have_ to be concerning a certain young Slytherin. Regulus Black. In her entire life, she had never _seen_ a more contradicting twelve year old! He was literally impossible to figure out! One minute he might be hanging out with his friends, behaving just like any other typical second year Slytherin might – by laughing, joking, taunting, spreading rumors, and so on. The next, however, he might be seen alone, completely by himself while… brooding. But no matter when it was that Lily saw him, she somehow always managed to meet his gaze. And whenever she managed to do that, never once did he fail to offer her a terse, but otherwise conciliatory, nod. And if the fact that she was Gryffindor while he was Slytherin had anything to do with it whatsoever, he certainly didn't seem at all eager to point it out. It didn't even seem to bother him that she was what he so often called a 'mudblood' anymore! It was like, ever since she had seen him that night in the Great Hall, he had been maturing. Was that even possible? It was almost as if… one could almost believe that… Regulus was the fourth year… and Sirius was the second.

Lily did not know what to think of that. It certainly gave her a lot to think _about_ throughout the first half of that semester, that was for sure! But no matter how long or how hard she tried, she just _couldn't_ come to any conclusions whatsoever. The Slytherins were, in general, very tricky people – the Sorting Hat said so itself every year! But did that make them terrible, evil, hurtful people?

Those thoughts returned to her one evening – during yet another Slug Club dinner party – when Lily found that Professor Slughorn's seating arrangements had placed her right next to Severus Snape… another Slytherin. And somehow… she got the distinct impression that those arrangements had not been a mere coincidence. She still remembered the first time she had actually attended one of these little parties – a friend of the professor's had asked if he was "still in the habit of sticking the best with the best?" And since then, not a party had gone by where Professor Slughorn did not at least _try_ to place the two of them together. And so, it did not come as a terrible shock at all when Severus finally walked over to the table and rigidly took his seat beside her. For a long moment, neither one of them moved… and then they were slowly glancing at each other… and then Lily finally offered him a gentle smile… which he returned… although his _did_ seem slightly more reminiscent of a grimace than anything else. Lily quickly stared down at her plate.

What was up with all these Slytherins? Why did they all have to behave so… so… well so bizarre? It was infuriating! It was –

_"You're forgetting something very important… Something that really ought to be taken into account… Some who practice the Dark Arts were raised to, and don't know any other way… …there are cases in which they might be, let's say, lonely… so much so that they'd do anything to shake that sense of isolation. Some might be in a lot of pain, and are looking for some way to quell it. Some…"_

Lily bit her lip guiltily. It wasn't that there was something the matter with the Slytherins… There was something the matter with _her!_ Since when had she become so prejudiced? Was _this_ what happened to Gryffindors who lost sight of reality in the world? Was _this_ what came from being happy for too long? Happiness was blinding… was that it? Maybe that explained James and Sirius… Did Lily really want to be so much like _them_?

Feeling suddenly miserable, she sank in her seat. It was all she could do to keep from moaning! Had she started growing judgmental of the Slytherins? Had she started behaving too… too Gryffindor? She remembered something her father had once said… Something about how real beauty couldn't be fully appreciated without certain flaws. On the other hand, however, if people were too wrapped up in all that beauty, would they be able to even _see_ the flaws? And as incredible as it was living inside a magical castle like some kind of enchanted, fairytale princess, did that mean Lily would be unable to acknowledge the poor treatment given to those around her – possibly even _by_ her? Perhaps the real question was… did she want to make that kind of exchange? Even for all the happiness in the world?

Severus must have noticed how stiffly she was sitting in her chair, and how tightly she was gripping her knife and fork. She hadn't made a move to eat even a single bite off her plate – and the Slytherin must have been presented with the wrong idea. Assuming that it was his presence alone that so disgusted her, he quietly excused himself and left the table.

_Oh! No… _Lily quickly did likewise before jumping to her feet and hastening after the boy – all the while praying that she didn't lose sight of him, for he was fairly adept at disappearing. And he was subtly fast as well! Surprisingly so! He had somehow managed to make it all the way over to the door already – and without attracting _any_ attention whatsoever at that! Lily herself was not so lucky. Every time she moved, it seemed as though someone else had caught sight of her, and was naturally hoping to strike up a conversation with her. It was all she could do trying to continually excuse herself while working her way out. By the time she finally _did_ reach the door, it felt like hours had past!

Rushing into the corridor outside, she looked left and right as quickly as she could. She _had_ to find Severus! She didn't know what on earth she'd say to him, but she _had_ to at least _find_ him! Which way had he gone? He was already out of sight… "Severus!"

She had shouted out his name without even giving a second thought! And, unbeknownst to her, her cry _was_ heard down the corridor by one certain Slytherin. He paused in his step, too surprised by what he had heard to respond in any other way. His face flushed uncharacteristically, for once losing a trace of its sickly pallor. "Severus?" He heard her cry drawing nearer, and so he picked up his pace once again, fleeing from her faster than ever, and not stopping for anything. Lily never did catch up.

**ooooooo**

It was a beautiful day outside – even if a little crisp – which made it a slight shame that the first years all had to be cooped up inside the tutorial room – at least in Lily's mind. None of _them_ seemed to particularly care. They all actually seemed to be having fun brewing extra potions! Lily watched them with a smile for a moment, before turning back towards Richard and Bridget – the two of whom actually _weren't_ developing potion skills, but greater knowledge in the History of Magic. Quite frankly, _that_ class was one of the hardest – simply because most people found that it was so painfully tedious – and Lily sensed that it would be more productive tutoring kids two or three at a time in that particular area.

"That's right," she said, nodding at Bridget. "The term 'renaissance' does mean 'rebirth.' You could almost say that the muggles thought they were being born again, as intelligent, prosperous artists and scientists. They took things slightly less on blind faith and slightly more on solid fact."

"Which is why our two worlds split up!" Richard proclaimed excitedly. Lily nodded.

"Well, at least partly. Of course, there _were_ other reasons…" She trailed off at that point, as the door to the tutorial room suddenly flew open. Practically every first year in the entire classroom jumped in surprise – which caused one of the potions to overflow with bubbles. Glancing at the door, Lily found herself staring in astonishment at none other than Regulus Black!

He was standing slightly in front of a tiny Slytherin first year who was wearing her golden hair in braids around the back of her head. She didn't look particularly thrilled to be there, and was staring up at Regulus uncertainly. When the boy gestured for her to go on into the room, she shook her head violently. For a moment there, Lily feared that Regulus might actually lash out at her in pure impatience!

She jumped to her feet immediately and swept towards the front of the room, stopping only when she was standing next to Regulus. Her heart was pounding – for she couldn't even _begin_ to imagine what to expect from all this. In her mind, she couldn't stop thinking about her temporary sense of heartache during Professor Slughorn's last dinner party. Did she truly treat the Slytherins with the same sort of indifference as the rest of Gryffindor? Why couldn't she be kinder than that?

"Hello," she said, forcing herself to sound pleasant as she glanced from Regulus to the first year. "I'm Lily."

"So I've heard," the girl grumbled dryly. Lily bit her lip, trying to ask herself why the girl might be so cold. Trying to understand where the girl might be coming from. And though a part of her found that much relatively easy to figure out – considering how she _was_ a Slytherin, after all – another part of her kept reminding herself not to think that way. Sure, the houses were all rivals! But that didn't mean they had to be at war with each other, did it?

"Erin," Regulus said warningly before turning tersely towards Lily. "She's not exactly doing what you'd call 'well' in her classes. Any of them, for that matter. Old Slughorn's threatening to toss her into remedial… you fill in the blank." The girl's expression darkened, and she glared at Regulus furiously.

Meanwhile, Ada was shaking her head. "Heaven forbid a _Slytherin_ from getting thrown into a remedial class. Think about the disgrace!"

Lily glanced at the Gryffindor first year as if she had never seen her before. "Don't be like that." The look of shock and dismay on the fourth year's face, and the chagrin in her voice, was enough to warrant a little bit of remorse in Ada's expression. She turned away quickly, and Lily glanced back towards Regulus and Erin. "Well, I only tutor three subjects."

"Potions, Charms, and History," Regulus nodded. "Yeah, I know. But I can help her out with the rest, and those three classes are just about as good a place to start as any, right?"

Lily was about to agree, but Erin interrupted with yet another violent shake of her head, remaining stubborn as ever. "I'm not going in there! There're too many… too many…" It was relatively easy to guess what the Slytherin girl was getting at, but at the same time, she was staring up at Regulus and noting his look of displeasure. And she certainly knew better than to try testing _him_.

Lily hesitated for a moment, and then finally turned towards Sirius's younger brother. "Look, why don't you just come in with her?" Regulus and Erin both shot the Gryffindor incredibly surprised looks of astonishment. Embarrassed, Lily felt the heat rising towards her face as she tried to explain. "I… I just don't want her being uncomfortable… That's all…" She focused on Erin. "Would you be more comfortable if Regulus were in here with you?" The girl blinked. And then she shrugged.

"Man," Regulus grumbled, shaking his head. "If I did that, I might as well just teach her everything myself."

But Erin shook her head quickly, staring at Regulus slyly. "I hate to be the one to tell you this, Black, but you aren't exactly the world's greatest teacher." She looked back at Lily. "All right. He stays, I stay." Lily had to _fight_ to keep from grinning, and instead turned pointedly towards Regulus with her arms crossed. It was quite clear what message she intended to impart to him.

He tossed up his arms. "Fine!" Irritably shoving Erin into the room ahead of him, he started walking in after her… walking… with a slight, nearly indistinguishable bounce in his step that Lily hadn't ever seen before. She frowned, feeling inevitably suspicious as she closed the door shut behind them

From somewhere towards the back of the room, she thought she could hear someone whisper: "I _knew_ this would be too good to last." But she couldn't tell who it was, and a part of her didn't particularly care to know.

**ooooooo**

**A/N:** And so it begins… Please review.


	41. Bent and Broken

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Great Expectations. It was written by Charles Dickens, and _way_ before my time.

**ooooooo**

_"But you said to me," returned Estella, very earnestly, "'God bless you, God forgive you!' And if you could say that to me then, you will not hesitate to say that to me now – now, when suffering has been stronger than all other teaching, and has taught me to understand what your heart used to be. I have been bent and broken, but – I hope – into a better shape. Be as considerate and good to me as you were, and tell me we are friends."_

Lily sighed, feeling the tears well up in her eyes as she read from the last few lines of an incredible – if not tragic – old novel sent to her from London by Carla. The book itself was brand new – but the story was… timeless. Oh, how heartbreaking the words were! They made her own life seem to be so peacefully serene; so tranquil! She wouldn't trade places with Estella for anything. Just the mere _thought_ of a life lived without love… It would be so unendurably cruel. So intolerably senseless. What was it that Pip had said, several chapters back? That it went against nature to feel nothing but indifference… And wasn't that the truth?

_I took her hand in mine, and we went out of the ruined place; and, as the morning mists had risen long ago when I first left the forge, so the evening mists were rising now, and in all the broad expanse of the tranquil light they showed to me, I saw no shadow of another parting from her._

"Oh," Lily closed the book and stared up at the sky. From where she sat on a stone bench in one of the castle gardens – with golden leaves covering the earth while water sprinkled harmoniously in a fountain – the sky above looked so bright and wondrously clean. So magical. Everything was beautiful. Everything was pure. And, for the millionth time since she had first begun reading this delightful, yet touching story, she found herself giving thanks that she herself had not been raised to live so coldly. So coldly, and completely isolated, too! It was _easy_ feeling pity for Estella. And it was also easy to pray that, in the end, her fate just _might_ turn out to be kinder than before… on her, and on Pip, too.

_"I have been bent and broken, but – I hope – into a better shape."_

_I saw no shadow of another parting from her._

Maybe there really _was_ redemption enough for everyone in this world. Lily hoped so anyway, as she eased her way down backwards to lie on the bench with her book pressed against her heart. If _she_ had the gift to love, and the Headmaster seemed to think that she did, perhaps it really wouldn't be such a curse. After all, _she_ certainly didn't want to be like Estella – who knew what love was only by definition, and who couldn't actually feel it herself. The way Dickens wrote his characters… It was as if there was nothing in the entire world more terrible than that – which Lily found rather easy to believe. And if _she_ could love, then between her and Estella, _she_ was the luckier one.

"Lily?"

The fourteen year old shot upwards, having been caught completely off her guard and _completely_ by surprise. Turning her head, she saw that it was Regulus Black standing not at all that far away from her, intruding on her solitude with a mild look of curiosity spread across his face. Mindful of what she had been reading, Lily quickly reached for her satchel and shoved her book back into it, all the while praying that the Slytherin wouldn't see the title, and wouldn't know what it was. She stood up, feeling slightly flustered as she greeted the second year. "Hi, Regulus. How are you?"

He shrugged, walking up to her and glancing around the garden admiringly. "Do you spend a lot of time here? It's quaint."

That was about the last thing Lily had expected to hear from him. She tilted her head slightly, giving him a second glance. Was he being for real? How, how, how, _how_ could this be the same boy that had twice called her a mudblood? It was like he had become a completely different person! The evening before, when he had brought Erin into the tutorial session, he had behaved with perfect civility. And now _this!_ Had he finally grown up? How were his parents ever going to react?

She offered him a slight smile, painfully aware of the color rising into her face. "I like it. And you're right. It _is_ quaint. But not very many people come here, so it's a good place to read letters and stuff."

Regulus stared at her in surprise. "Letters?" He glanced at her bag. "But I thought I saw you shove a book in there."

"Books, too," Lily nodded hurriedly. "I had actually just finished reading it." She saw the look of interest creep its way onto his face, and so was quick to end that part of their conversation. After all, the book really _had_ been touching – at least to her. The absolute last thing she wanted in the world was to get into a nitpicking, analytical discussion about it with a twelve year old Slytherin – not that she feared he might actually have _read_ the book himself or anything, but some people just liked to argue. "I don't think you'd like it. I mean, it _was_ written by a muggle after all, and about a hundred years ago at that."

"Oh," Regulus nodded understandingly, and then stared at the fountain. For a moment after that, neither one of them spoke a single word, and the ensuing silence quickly grew to be painfully awkward. Lily uncomfortably pulled the satchel's strap over her shoulder, and eyed Regulus hesitantly. What did he want now?

"Actually," he said presently, as if reading her mind while finally looking back at her – with _near_ timidity. "I needed to thank you. Not just any Gryffindor would have invited two Slytherins into a tutorial session the way you did last night. It really was considerate. And, I think it'll really do a lot for Erin, too. She's a smart girl, you know; she just needs a better example."

Lily found herself staring at her feet. She had no idea what to say – who knew that Slytherins could swallow their pride long enough to thank Gryffindor mudbloods? She wished she could understand what it was that she was feeling… and, for one extremely short second, she thought she could see the advantage of being indifferent… the way that Estella was all the time…

"I'll make it up to you."

Lily's head snapped up at _that_ remark in less than half a second. "What?" Had she heard correctly? He'd make it up to her? He'd make _what_ up to her? She actually _liked_ being a tutor. She didn't _want_ to be rewarded for tutoring first years, even if they _were_ Slytherins. Did he think that Erin had been some kind of a problem? Sure, it had been a little tense in the room – but it was _always_ tense whenever Slytherins and Gryffindors found themselves put together. That didn't mean Lily would have been obliged to turn Erin away at the door. What was Regulus _thinking_? She started to shake her head. "You don't have to make up anything! I-"

"Oh, _please_!" Regulus scoffed, rolled his eyes, and crossed his arms. He quickly looked back at her in disbelief. "What, did you think I'd be too oblivious or something? To know exactly how much grief you'll be given for tutoring a Slytherin? Come on, Lily, I'm not _that_ insensitive to what's going on around me. It could get a little rough for you, you know. I'd feel a hell of a lot better if I could just do something – anything – to… to thank you."

Lily paused, regarding him very carefully. He sounded – and even _looked_ – perfectly sincere… "Anything?" _"I have been bent and broken…"_

Regulus seemed to reconsider for a moment, but then he shrugged with a sheepish smile crossing his face. "Well, naturally, I'd prefer it if you didn't request I do something that'll get me expelled… But other than that, I'm yours to command."

_"…but – I hope – into a better shape…"_

Lily nodded. "All right." She dropped her satchel, walking up to him. He watched her approach with perfect composure, seemingly not in the least bit worried that he had basically just given a _Gryffindor_ absolute control over his life – for the moment, at least. But Lily didn't have anything extreme in mind. She wasn't quite like that. "Have you got something sharp?"

Regulus blinked, having _not_ expected that. He glanced down at his person – he was only wearing pants, shoes, a collared shirt, and a tie, after all. His wand, Lily could see, was carefully and securely tucked away into his belt, but _that_ wasn't nearly sharp enough for what she was thinking of. Regulus probably guessed that, too, for he hardly even acknowledged its presence, and instead looked back at her with a shake of his head.

Having already anticipated as much, however, Lily quickly turned away, towards the fountain, where she then knelt down and started digging through the golden leaves that decorated the earth. It didn't take her long at all to find what she needed: a small, sharp, arrow shaped rock that fit perfectly in her hand. Righting herself, she turned to face Regulus once more and held it out to him. Tilting his head curiously, he slowly and silently accepted her gift.

"Use that to cut your hand," Lily told him quietly, as he held it up to his eyes. Startled by what she had said, however, he then very well nearly dropped it and immediately returned his attention entirely back to her. She couldn't meet his gaze. It was hard enough trying to keep from turning away completely! A part of her couldn't _believe_ what she was asking. She just didn't have the right…

But Regulus didn't argue. He braced himself – for he was only twelve years old – but he didn't argue. He had given her his word, and so he quickly used the stone's sharp edge to slice open the skin on his palm. And as soon as he had done so, Lily held her own hand right out to him. "Now cut mine."

Regulus's eyes widened, and he unconsciously stepped backwards while shaking his head in avid protest. "No." It was an easy enough thing to cut open and wound what was his, but god help him if he should touch or hurt _her_ in any way. "Forget it."

"Come on, Regulus," Lily insisted gently, touched more by his hesitation than frustrated by his refusal. "It's not that big a deal. It won't even hurt me that much! I just want to show you something." He was watching her uncertainly, so she gave him as encouraging a smile as she possibly could, which caused his expression to soften considerably.

Holding the back of her hand with his uninjured one, he used his other to dig the bloody stone deeply into her palm. The two of them winced at exactly the same moment as a sharp, searing pain tore its way through her hand and all the way up into her very arm. A line of crimson blood then began trickling out of her cut. Regulus saw it, and dropped the rock as if it had burned his skin or something. "I'm sorry," he said, backing away from her in dismay.

Lily smiled again, understandingly. Looking up at the younger boy, she reached for his bleeding hand and held it next to her own. "Don't you see? Our blood's exactly the same. You might come from a wizarding family, while I come from a muggle one… But we're both still human, right?"

Regulus blinked, staring at their two open wounds as if he had never seen blood before in his entire life. His mouth opened slightly, but for the life of him, he just couldn't think of what to say. "I…"

Lily pressed both of her hands against his. "Just give it some thought for me, okay? And then you'll have paid me back in full." Letting go, she turned to pick up her satchel once again. Starting out of the garden, she paused only long enough to say, "I'll see you around, Regulus." And then she was gone, without speaking another word.

**ooooooo**

The moon was round and full that night, and while most every other Gryffindor slept soundly in their individual dorm rooms higher up in the tower, Lily found herself occupying one of the comfortable armchairs down in the common room. She had pushed it over to rest beside one of the windows, and was now curled up in it while gazing out at the stars and the silver disc hovering up there in the sky… the silver disc that frightened Remus so.

He was out there now, she reminded herself. Right now, out there, somewhere… he was a wolf. She wondered if it hurt at all… transforming, that was. It had to at least be physically exhausting, for he definitely always _looked_ exhausted the morning after. And… he always looked so ill. Had he been born a sickly child? Or was it simply because of the wolf? Lily just didn't know. She knew next to _nothing_ about werewolves.

The moon was so bright… It affected so many things. The ocean's tide. A person's temperament. A creature's behavior. Was that why werewolves transformed at the full moon? What was it about the planet's satellite that caused such reactions? Was it all just because of magic? She just didn't know!

Frustrated, she pushed out of her armchair and set about the room, meaning to release some of her pent up energy. But before she had taken even two steps, someone gasped, something _else_ fell, crashing its way onto the floor, and a loud curse sounded from somewhere directly in front of her.

Lily caught her breath, her heart leaping its way up into her throat. What was going on? In an _instant_ she had her wand out, grasped firmly in her hand. "_Lumos_." The room was quickly bathed in light, but to the girl's astonishment, there was absolutely no one standing in front of her. There was no one else in the room whatsoever! But she could hear breathing… She could hear surprised, angry muttering… coming from the floor…

Blinking, Lily glanced down and held out her shining wand. There was… there _were_… two legs… and an arm… but nothing else!

Too surprised to even _scream_, the fourteen year old scrambled backwards and literally collapsed onto the armchair. What was going on? What was happening? This couldn't be real. It just couldn't be real! Not even with _magic_ could three severed limbs congregate in the middle of the common room and start whispering to themselves! She had to be dreaming!

"What the bloody hell has gotten into you, Peter?"

Lily blinked. _Sirius?_

Sure enough, the boy suddenly appeared sitting awkwardly on the floor directly in front of her – claiming that severed hand as his own – while looking as though he had just thrown off an imaginary cover that had been blanketing him from head to toe. And in so doing, he also revealed Peter Pettigrew – who looked as though the living daylights had just been spooked right out of him. _He_ was presently staring at Lily in abject terror, completely oblivious to the fact that Sirius was glaring angrily right at _him_.

Seconds after _that_, James appeared out of thin air himself, tossing off the same imaginary cover that Sirius had – which only _then _grew to be visibly recognizable as a strange, silvery gray, practically _fluid_ looking cloak, the likes of which Lily had never seen before in her entire life. She knew that her mouth had dropped open, but she just couldn't bring herself to shut it as the Quidditch star straightened out his glasses. "What happened?"

"_Someone_ wasn't paying attention!" Sirius hissed angrily, glaring at Peter as though wishing to see someone or something strike him down dead at that very second. It was only then, when the accused _still_ didn't acknowledge Sirius in any way whatsoever, that the boy turned to follow his friend's frightened gaze. His eyes met Lily's within two seconds. "Oh! Oops."

James squinted, noticing the girl at last. "Evans? That you?" Still too shocked to speak, Lily could only nod her head in astonishment. The boy sighed, got to his feet, and gathered up the cloak into his arms. Sirius stood as well, leaving Peter alone sprawled out on the floor. "Yeah. You definitely just caught us at a bad time."

"What?" Lily finally managed to get a word out, though it sounded kind of exasperated, confused, and terrified all at once – and slightly louder than it probably should have been.

"Keep it down!" Sirius hissed, waving his arms. "What, do you want everyone else to know we're here? If McGonagall finds out about this, she'd have our heads!" Peter flinched, no doubt visualizing his own execution. Lily found that she could still only stare at the three of them in shock. She couldn't move at all… she couldn't even blink! Noting that, Sirius turned hastily towards James. "She's stunned senseless. If we knock her out and leave, maybe when she comes to, she'll think it was all just a dream."

James stared at his friend as if he had just lost his mind. And Lily felt a surge of anger sweep through her body. She jumped up and literally dove towards her offender. "You listen to me, and you listen _real_ carefully, Sirius Black! If you so much as ever even aim a _wand_ at me, whether it's in my dreams or not, I'll make sure you quickly regret it! Do you understand?"

"Aye," Sirius backed away quickly, and even went so far as to position James in-between the two of them. "I didn't mean anything by it, Evans! Just joking. That's all."

"Yeah, and it was very funny," Lily shot back through gritted teeth. She then fixed her attention onto James, who was even now clutching the cloak tightly in his arms. She gestured at it wildly. "And what in heaven's name is that?"

"Nothing," the boy replied automatically, quickly stuffing the cloak underneath his untucked shirt. "It's just an um… an um… an invisibility cloak."

"What?" Lily demanded for the second time, and with the same amount of confused exasperation as before. An invisibility cloak? Well, they just had _everything_ in the wizarding world, didn't they? "Where did you _get_ that?"

"It's mine!" James shot back indignantly. "It's my family's!"

"And it's _not_ your business, Evans!" Sirius added, practically jumping forward. He stood defiantly next to his friend and made a swooping gesture towards the girls' side of the tower. "So. If you'll just be on your way, then we'll be on ours!"

Lily felt her face darken. Who did he think he was, talking to her like that? Looking back at James, she could feel the tension mounting in the air all around them. "You told me you'd stay out of trouble this year! Well, Potter, if you ask me, sneaking out of the Gryffindor Tower at night is _hardly_ what I'd call staying out of trouble!"

"It is so long as we stay _out_ of trouble and don't get caught!" Sirius snapped back without giving James a chance to say anything at all. His face was red and his head looked just about ready to explode. "Honestly, Evans! Who died and made you a prefect? Why don't you just bugger off and get yourself lost for a change?"

Lily glared at him through narrowed eyes. Slowly, she started shaking her head while wishing for a moment that looks alone could kill. Or at least paralyze. "Sirius," she said rather quietly – but with unmistakable venom in her voice. "Please tell me. When exactly was it that you started behaving less maturely than your own little brother?"

It was almost as if someone had slapped the boy right across his face. He honestly had _not_ seen that particular accusation coming! Stunned speechless, Sirius looked as though he wouldn't have been able to move even if his life depended on it. Several long minutes passed, in which a horrified James glanced quickly back and forth between the boy and girl – neither one of whom seemed able to tear their gaze away from the other. And then, _finally_, Sirius was able to regain his voice – a voice that was, however, hardly anything more than just a mere whisper. "What did you say?"

Lily stared back at him. It was once again _her_ turn to be completely and utterly speechless. What _had_ she just said? And _why_ on earth had she felt the need to say it? "I… I…" She found that she couldn't do a single thing more than shake her head, _painfully_ aghast. What exactly was she supposed to do now?

**ooooooo**

Meanwhile, unbeknownst by any of _them_, there were in fact two others still awake. Two others… from a very different house, occupying their very different common room. And though it _was_ just as dark there – possibly even darker – at such a late hour, _that_ was where any and all similarities between the two came to an end. After all, Slytherin _was_ absolutely everything that Gryffindor was not. Wasn't it?

Presently, young little Erin sat up straight in her seat, staring suspiciously across the room at Regulus Black – who was even now fingering that same arrow shaped rock as he had been all evening. His hand was cut, and both it _and_ the rock were covered in dried up blood. For the life of her, Erin couldn't figure out what it could possibly mean! Since returning from his little excursion earlier, he had hardly spoken a word whatsoever! And not just to Erin, but to anyone! It made no sense. What could possibly have happened?

"You never did give me your report," she finally reminded him scathingly. "Since I've been your little accomplice, I feel that I've got a right to know. Did she fall for it?"

Regulus glanced up at her absently and nodded once before looking back down at the bloody stone. "Of course she fell for it. I can only think of one person who's ever been able to tell when I'm not being particularly honest." He still kept on fingering that stone… almost tenderly. Erin narrowed her eyes in confusion. But then she concentrated on the twelve year old's face once again. He was smiling… "My dear, dear older brother is definitely in for it this time. And even if he _does_ see it coming, there's no way he's going to be able to do anything whatsoever about it."

**ooooooo**

**A/N:** Yeah, the book Lily was reading from was definitely Charles Dickens' Great Expectations. Personally, it's one of my favorites! And though I normally wouldn't have included it, I really do think that small things – like what kind of books a person reads – does a lot to help define them. Simply put, Lily's the kind of girl I'd see reading a couple of the classics. Anyway, I definitely want to hear from you. Please don't forget to review. Thanks so much!


	42. Into a Better Shape

**ooooooo**

It had grown cold in the Gryffindor common room. Intolerably so. But what with it being late in November after all, _that_ was a fairly small wonder. Dark, thick clouds swept over the light of the full moon, and in the stone gray chamber of an enchanted, mystical castle tower, the only source of illumination came from a young girl's shimmering wand. Unfortunately, there was no warmth to be found in that whatsoever. Indeed, there was no warmth in the room at all.

In her present situation, Lily would have welcomed a bit of warmth. Standing in the shadows, with her arms both held up against her breast as if in defense of her very own heart and soul, she felt colder than she had been all year. And if that wasn't bad enough, she was starting to feel fragile as well. Fragile, weak, and feeble. The way she was gripping her wand… it looked like it was about to slip right through her very own fingers. She thought she could see it falling to the floor already.

James was watching her – she could sense that much, even if she couldn't pull her gaze away from Sirius to save her life. The way _he_ was looking at her right now… It wasn't so much that he had been _hurt_ by what she had said. Her words had merely astonished him; that was all. And even now, that astonishment was melting away into mere confusion as he tilted his head slightly, without looking away from her. He repeated his question, but somewhat louder this time. "What did you say?"

Lily felt like she couldn't breathe. She _knew_ that she wasn't thinking nearly fast enough, for she just didn't know what she could possibly say to save herself now. If she had been hoping to keep her acquaintanceship with the boy's brother a secret, she had undeniably just lost her chance. "I…"

Sirius took a step towards her, his face now masked by a myriad of expressions all too difficult to read. "Exactly how would you know whether or not I'm more mature, less mature, or maybe even identical to my brother? Didn't he call you a, um…" Here, the boy wore an unmistakable look of repugnance. "…a you-know-what the last time you two met? The _only_ time you've two met?"

Lily unconsciously stepped backwards, shivering all the while. Blast the cold! What she wouldn't give for a little bit of proper heating right about now! Sirius's dark eyes were bearing intently into her own, and all she wanted was to look away. _Why_ did she feel as though _she_ had committed some sort of crime? Fidgeting nervously, she was finally able to turn her head – but found that she could only stare uncomfortably down at the floor directly to her right. "Actually, I… um… I tutored a girl named Erin last night. She's a Slytherin, and your brother introduced us. He… he stayed the hour… to make sure that she was, um… settled."

"Settled?" Sirius stood gaping at her in absolute disbelief. "Are you out of your bloody mind?" His reaction was only what Lily could have expected. And _now_ she knew what it was that she was feeling. It was guilt. Of all her friends, Sirius understood the most what her situation with Petunia was. Not that he felt precisely the same way towards his brother as she did towards her sister or anything – for Lily actually _wanted_ to be on good terms with the older girl – but he at least knew what it was to be at odds with a sibling. Lily should have told him what Regulus had done. If their situations had been reversed, after all, she knew that she would have wanted Sirius telling her.

"What's the matter with that?" Peter, at present, asked rather timidly from where he still sat in a heap on the floor. Lily had no idea what _he_ was trembling about – for he was shaking like a cornered mouse. After all, at this point it would have been perfectly safe to say that _his_ earlier blunder with the invisibility cloak had been long and completely forgotten. Therefore, he probably should have just kept quiet as his words very well nearly brought on an avalanche when Sirius turned towards him furiously.

"I'll tell you what! Regulus is a bloody, deceitful, little git!" When he looked back at Lily, the anger she saw on his face caused her to flinch. _Did he really hate his brother so?_ "Look, I can't even _begin_ to imagine what he might possibly have said to you, but whatever it was, I can _promise_ you that it was a lie."

"He didn't say anything!" Lily objected, risking a glance back up at Sirius. "I mean, he did say things, naturally, but not anything specific. He was perfectly civil. He just said that he wanted to thank me because most Gryffindors wouldn't even consider tutoring a Slytherin."

"For good reason," James added softly, crossing his arms. But for once in his life, no one was paying any attention to him whatsoever – of course with the possible exception of Peter Pettigrew. Lily and Sirius were just, by far, too intent on each other to even _hear_ his remark.

"He was perfectly civil?" Sirius asked, nodding his head patronizingly. "Evans. Just last August we had the Minister of Magic at our house. Regulus treated him with the utmost disdain. He doesn't know _how_ to be perfectly civil!"

"Oh, the Minister of Magic," Lily felt her own mounting anger wash away any and all of the guilt that she had been feeling. "I see. How nice it must be for you, coming from a family wealthy enough to warrant such attention as _his_ during a time of war."

"That's completely beside the point!" Sirius shot back. "I've known Regulus all my life! And I've known you long enough to understand your definition of the word 'civil.' Trust me, Evans. Regulus is behaving every ounce the Slytherin that he is! Sly! Cunning! Willing to use any and all means necessary to achieve his ends! Does that sound at all familiar to you? Because you've only heard the Sorting Hat singing it four times now!"

He had a point. Lily knew she couldn't deny that. But… that only led her to wonder exactly what Regulus' 'ends' were. Just because he might use a little bit of cunning to achieve them didn't necessarily mean that there was something treacherous about them… did it? Surely not _all_ Slytherins were terrible, awful people… were they? A large part of her simply did _not_ want to believe that. And so she asked him, very slowly and very carefully: "Aside from acting like a typical younger brother… what has Regulus ever done?"

She met his gaze again, and saw him hesitate. The anger within her had diminished considerably, and now she could see in his eyes that he was hesitating just by staring back into her own sorrowful, soulful ones. It was remarkable, really… how much thought, expression, and emotion could be revealed simply by looking into another person's living, feeling eyes. There was their soul.

Sirius hesitated; and then he sighed and looked away, suddenly deflated. When he next spoke, he did so gravely. "My brother is fascinated by the Dark Arts, Lily. You have no idea." He took a deep breath, refusing to look at anyone. It might have been that he was greatly ashamed, and Lily found herself looking at James in concern. She could see that he was feeling it as well, staring at his friend quite soberly.

She turned back towards Sirius almost desperate. "But he's just twelve!"

"Aye," he nodded, still staring at the floor. "You think I don't know that? He's in over his head, my parents don't care, and if I tried pulling him away from it, I know I'd get beaten. You've met my parents, Evans. Unless we're in public, they pretend I don't exist. But the moment I try 'setting a bad example' for Regulus is the moment I get myself flogged. He's built up the kind of fascination for the Dark Arts that you can't just get rid of in a couple of months. I've seen it. I live with it. And you can't tell me that I might be wrong about him, because you just don't know. He's my _brother_. He's my brother and I've given up trying to help him."

"Somebody has to," Lily whispered, touched by the boy's words despite herself. She could sense the sincerity in Sirius's voice – and it pained her. No one dreaded the Dark Arts more than she did, that much was indisputable. But… the thought of Regulus being caught up in them – of _any_ twelve year old being caught up in them – was just too much to bear! The boy was just too young! Twelve year olds… they weren't even teenagers yet… they were too innocent to find themselves entangled in something so unquestionably evil. So if Sirius had hoped to convince her to stay away from his brother, she knew that he was failing. Because his words had touched her… she didn't want to leave Regulus alone to such a fate. If Sirius had given up… then someone needed to take his place.

"No!" The boy looked back at her sharply, probably guessing exactly what it was going through her head. He shook his own, closing in the distance between the two of them. "Not you. Lily, you _hate_ the Dark Arts! You can't even hex a person! For the love of god, _why_ would you want to even try fighting it now?"

Lily faced up to him as steadfastly as she could – which wasn't at all that much. Her heart was hammering in her throat even as doubt plagued her mind and soul. "You don't always have to be able to toss a hex at someone to fight the darkness inside them. I learned that from Professor Campbell." From Fanny… She could see James scoffing in the background, but Sirius, standing rigidly in front of her, remained perfectly and completely fixed on her gaze.

"If he's acting 'civil' around you, then he's singling you out for something, Lily," he said warningly. "I mean, it's not like it's some kind of a big secret… how you feel about the Dark Arts. You're my friend. I don't want to see him hurting you because of me."

_Hurting me…?_ Lily frowned, as she remembered her meeting with Regulus from earlier that evening. She had… asked him to cut her hand… and he had not wanted to do it. Had that look on his face been some kind of a lie? Could anyone simply summon up such an expression as that, without it meaning anything? There was something in him… something that wasn't entirely tainted by the Dark Arts… Lily was sure of it! And… even if it _did_ mean facing up to the one thing that terrified her more than anything else in the entire world… if she could help him… then wouldn't it be worth it?

_If a unicorn can affect men as terrible as those poachers… why can't I affect Regulus in a similar way?_

"Then I guess I was put into Gryffindor for a reason," Lily finally said, meeting Sirius's gaze once again. His eyes were widening, and she thought she could see traces of worry mounting up in them. She smiled softly. "I can't let a single fear control my life or the choices I make. I'm sorry, Sirius. But I won't give up on trying to help your brother. I just won't. I can't."

**ooooooo**

_I won't give up._

It was definitely a climb, getting up to the Hogwarts Owlery. Located at the top of the castle's west tower, it was one of the highest spots on school grounds. The view itself was absolutely impeccable – easily one of the most beautiful in the countryside – but still not many people came to enjoy it simply because of all the owl droppings, and thrown up bones, and whatever else might be found littering the floor due to the admired creatures.

Lily herself didn't own an owl. Whenever she corresponded with the Fletchers, she always borrowed either Remus' or one of the school's. It had always suited her needs in the past, but lately she'd been wondering whether or not that was something she needed to change. Most witches her age had an owl – and those who didn't generally _always_ had a cat. Lily had no pets of her own – unless she counted Carla's dog, as she often did. But it wasn't the same.

In any event, such thoughts weren't at all part of the reason why she was climbing up into the tower. She wanted to get to the Owlery merely because that was where Isabelle had promised she would find Fanny. And at that moment, Fanny was precisely the woman Lily wanted to see. The two of them hadn't been able to spend even half the time together that the girl would have liked – for Fanny had duties now as a teacher, and also her sister and other old friends from school that she wanted to keep an eye on – which naturally took up most of that time and kept her very well from Lily. Not that she had minded… until now at least. Now, the fourteen year old wanted someone else – someone new and different and knowledgeable – to help her find a different perspective on the whole Regulus Black issue. She wanted to know if he could be helped… or if Sirius was right in that he was beyond saving.

Presently, she climbed into the circular stone room. It was painfully cold up there, for in late November, to be up in a room that high in the air with no windowpanes whatsoever definitely welcomed in the frigidness. Lily wrapped her arms tightly around herself, gasping quietly as sharp, freezing cold little needles prickled her face. If Fanny hadn't of been there, she would have been incredibly disappointed.

But the older girl was, sure enough, standing at one of the many open windows while staring off into the distance almost forlornly. Having heard Lily, however, she turned around and graced her student with a quiet smile that was most unlike her. "Hi, Lily. It feels like I haven't seen you in awhile."

Lily stood where she was motionlessly, wearing a concerned frown. "What's wrong?" What had happened to the young woman's usual enthusiastic optimism? Fanny was holding herself the way people did when they lost something. Had…? Had…? Lily felt her concern turn into fear. "What's happened?"

Fanny snapped to at that rather quickly, and shook herself. It was like she was waking up from some kind of trance, and her smile broadened into a grin that was much more familiar to the fourth year. "I'm sorry, Lily. It's nothing. Nothing at all. I'm afraid that sometimes I just find myself missing the good old fight."

_"I only did what I needed to. There are things in this world worth fighting for. There are things worth _dying_ for. I know I look bad right now, but if another Death Eater ever shows up in my way again, I would do it all over again." _

That was the Fanny whom Lily had been introduced to. The fighter. The warrior. The member of the Order of the Phoenix. Not some young, passive schoolteacher. But no matter. It was the teacher that Lily was here now to see. Not the fighter. "Is everyone okay?"

"Definitely," Fanny quickly assured her, stepping away from the window. She started towards the Owlery's entranceway with something of a bounce in her step. "And so my work here is done!" Feeling Lily's eyes on her, however, Fanny never did make it all the way to the door. She paused long enough to look back at the girl, and regarded her thoughtfully. "Or would you like some company for awhile?"

Lily took a deep breath and nodded. "That's actually what I came for."

**ooooooo**

Having only been inside the Defense Against the Dark Arts office once before in her entire life, it was somewhat frightening to walk inside it now. Lily found herself hesitating, because what if Charlie Pryce actually was inside there, hiding out in some dark, shadowy corner? What if his volatile owl sat perched on the windowsill as it had once before, waiting and watching for Lily hatefully? What if they saw her, and chose that moment to reveal themselves? To hurt her again? She did _not_ want to enter that office! Whether it belonged to Fanny now or not was irrelevant. The room had once been _his_… And Lily dreaded going in.

Of course, these were fears she kept to herself. Anyone else would think them to be irrational and absurd. This was _Hogwarts_! The Headmaster wasn't about to make the same mistake twice – and no poacher would risk it. She would be safe, especially with Fanny there beside her. And so when the older girl opened the door and gestured for Lily to walk in, the fourteen year old forced herself to oblige. After all, if she couldn't even face an office, how on earth was she going to be of any help to Regulus whatsoever?

Fortunately enough, the room had its fair share of differences. It seemed brighter, and much more cheerful. There were portraits hanging on the walls, as well as beautiful tapestries. The floor had been carpeted – no doubt by magic – and flowers set on the windowsill. There was no sign of any owls – for which Lily was thankful. She did not want to think about Pryce's any longer.

"Would you like something to drink?" Fanny asked pleasantly enough as the two of them sat down beside the desk – which somewhat surprised Lily as her friend actually sat on the same side of it as she did. She didn't place the huge table between them, but remained right next to the girl companionably. It certainly made Lily feel worth more, and much more comfortable. Nevertheless, she declined with a shake of her head.

"Right," Fanny took a deep breath, meeting Lily's gaze. "You know, teachers really ought not talk about their students. You said you were concerned about Regulus Black. In that case, you're supposed to tell me why that is, and let me handle it. Not the other way around."

Lily nodded understandingly, having told Fanny back up in the Owlery only that she wanted to talk about Regulus, because she was worried about him, and nothing more. "I know. But I don't… I don't think this is something you can help me with. I don't think any of the teachers can." Lily paused. She didn't really know how to explain. The matter seemed so much clearer the night before when she had been arguing about it with Sirius than it did right now. Putting what she felt into sensible, convincing words… it was truly a struggle. "Can you… can you at least tell me how he behaves in your class?"

If Sirius was right about Regulus, and how he was only putting on a show whenever he was around Lily, then maybe if she could get an idea of what he was like whenever he _wasn't_ around her – and by someone like Fanny, who could be trusted to remain perfectly objective at that – then maybe she could get a clearer picture of what she was dealing with.

Fanny sighed, coming to a decision of her own. "Lily, Regulus is two years younger than you. I'm not having the same lectures with his class as I am with yours. They're still trying to learn the fundamentals. The simplest of defensive spells. All I can say is that Regulus seems to truly like the subject. He can be headstrong at times, but then again, so can Sirius."

Lily leaned in forward, almost desperately. "But is he civil to you? Can't you tell me that?" She was begging now. Begging to be told all about Regulus' character. And Fanny was left feeling an ensemble of emotions; namely confusion, suspicion, and concern. It wasn't like a Gryffindor to be so interested in a Slytherin. At least not like this. Lily was imploring her for information – not because she loathed Regulus. But because she cared about him… as Fanny was beginning to realize she cared for most anyone.

"Regulus behaves towards me in a way that I am sure would make his parents proud," she finally admitted with a deep sigh. What would be gained in trying to keep a truth like that secret from the girl? All she _really_ needed to do was ask another student to get the same information, but then again, Fanny supposed she probably seemed somewhat more credible than any mere student. And Lily really was a good, smart young girl.

"Thank you," she whispered presently, suddenly looking so crestfallen that Fanny instantly regretted her admission. Lily got to her feet and slowly turned towards the door. That was all she had wanted to hear. Sirius was right, after all. She _did_ know what his parents were like. And she didn't want to think of anyone making _them_ proud.

"Lily," Fanny stood up after her quickly. "What's this really about? I want you to trust me. Why are you thinking so much of Regulus Black?" The girl paused. _Why was it?_ She glanced down at her hand… the hand he had cut open with that stone arrowhead. She had cleaned it the night before, and now there was only the faintest trace of a scratch that would be gone completely in a couple of days. But… the thing that was really setting her on this path that worried so many people… was that Regulus had hesitated.

She had told him to cut his hand, and he had done so without blinking an eye. But, when she had asked him to cut her own… he had hesitated. Something like that couldn't be _acted_. He had genuinely not wanted to hurt her. And that was why… She looked back at Fanny. "Because I believe in him."

**ooooooo**

**A/N:** Please don't forget to review. I wanna hear thoughts from everyone! Thank you so much. I really appreciate it.


	43. Peter's Confession

**ooooooo**

The afternoon was a crisp one, but even still, most everyone was spending it out of doors. Not even the cold weather could keep them from enjoying their weekends – at least for the most part. Lily herself found that she just had too much to think about to enjoy much of anything right now. Apparently Sirius wasn't kidding about his brother. Fanny Campbell's words had most definitely confirmed that much at least. And now… Lily had no idea what to do.

Standing at the diamond paned window in her dormitory room, she gazed out across the distance, taking in the mountains and the lake and trees. It was so beautiful. To her right, there was a very small blue candle sitting on top of her dresser. Its wick was continuously lighting up a flame that would then go out, only to relight itself once again seconds later. Lily knew that she was the one who caused it, even though her wand was presently not at hand. Petunia had once told her, shortly after she had received her very first Hogwarts letter, that she had always used to brighten lights and lanterns when she was younger. Apparently, the talent was very quickly returning to her – and it was definitely a comfort. After all, she was using up stored up energy when she worked the magic that lit the candle, and then unlit it – which kept her from feeling altogether too restless. In fact, it was very much a help in keeping her mind and body more or less relaxed.

The fragrance wafting upwards from the candle was soothing, and its smoke almost seemed to be something other than smoke… as if her magic was transforming it into incense. The candle lit. The flame went out. The cycle repeated. And Lily never once needed to even turn her head. She stared out through the window towards the horizon, basking in the moment. The quiet. There was magic in the air around her. It was coming _from_ her. And it almost seemed to be glowing exactly like the candle was itself whenever the wick was alight.

In that instant, Lily thought she could hear someone ascending the stairs towards her dorm, and she found herself whirling around quickly. The glow in the air itself dissipated while the candle remained perfectly lit as Morgan – one of her many roommates – poked her head inside the room rather inquisitively. "Hey, Lily. Peter's downstairs right now. In the common room. Says he wants to talk to you about something." Here, the girl wore a frown of befuddlement. "He sounded kind of odd. You know how people get sometimes, don't you? When they're in the middle of a crisis?"

Lily blinked. Was Peter having a crisis? It didn't have anything to do with Sirius or Regulus, did it? The candle next to her blew out completely – which startled Morgan immensely – as the fourteen year old hastened towards the threshold. Hurrying past the older girl, she gave her thanks and quickly started down the stairs, not stopping once until she was in the common room where she then caught sight of Peter pacing left and right in clear agitation. He was running his hands through his hair while literally biting his lip off – it was a wonder that his mouth hadn't begun to bleed yet! "Peter?"

The boy jumped, spinning around towards the girl in terrible distress. He was barely able to manage sputtering out her name, and the fact that he was even there right now, completely alone and, for once in his life, out of James and Sirius's sight, in itself was enough to prove to her that this meeting was of no small consequence. Right now, Lily could tell that he needed her absolute and full attention, even if he couldn't quite speak her name properly without a great deal of effort. Something was wrong, and a part of her didn't quite know what to make of it. She found herself moving towards him, and taking his hands directly into hers. His skin felt clammy and… sickeningly warm. "Peter, what's the matter?"

"I…" He hesitated, glancing towards the stairs from which Lily herself had just descended. Turning to follow his gaze, the fourteen year old saw that Morgan was slowly and curiously making her way into the room. It was painfully obvious that Peter wasn't quite comfortable with the notion of her standing right there, where she could hear absolutely everything that he wanted to say.

Lily thought quickly for a moment and then turned away from them both. She started for the tower's portrait hole. "Come with me." Peter didn't need to be told a second time. He cast one last look towards Morgan before hustling out after the other fourth year. Now, since most of Hogwarts' aspiring young students were all busy entertaining themselves somewhere in the great outdoors, it stood very much to reason that, _inside_ the castle, there _had_ to be loads of places where two certain Gryffindors might find privacy enough to talk without interruption. But what was truly surprising to Lily, however, was that it was not _her_ to find such a place. It was Peter. In fact, they had barely stepped foot into the corridor right outside the Fat Lady's portrait before he was scurrying away towards the stairs.

"Peter?" Lily hurried after him, feeling a wave of confusion washing all around her. Where was he going? And did he even _want _her following him now? Maybe he had changed his mind and was running away from her…? But no. When he reached the top of the staircase, he glanced back at her with a flushed face and gestured for her to continue on after him. And so she obeyed, her mind spinning with so much apprehension that she almost felt dizzy. After all, Peter _was_ a Marauder – and though James had assured her he'd be staying out of trouble that year, Lily was starting to feel as though _that_ was just a little too much to hope for. And there was no question that, where the Marauders were concerned, any number of things might presently be the matter with Peter Pettigrew.

They continued on downstairs until they reached the third floor, where Peter then abandoned the stairwell and began tromping his way through the corridor. Lily followed with a little more grace, and before long the two of them came to an awkward pause standing in front of one of the castle's many rather peculiar stone statues – which appeared to be the likeness of some cantankerous old humpbacked witch bearing only a single eye. Lily herself found that she couldn't help but blink the two of her own, incredibly grateful that they were both wholly in tact – as was her spine – and that she wasn't unfortunate enough to be in the crotchety old witch's place.

Presently, Peter was glancing down at his person while clumsily fumbling for his wand. Lily herself, however, couldn't bear to look away from the statue – she thought it astonishing how real the woman seemed. The artistry of the carving gave extreme credit to its sculptor – whoever that had been. Eventually, however, her thoughts were interrupted as Peter finally found his wand and held it up to the statue. "_Dissendium_," he whispered, tapping it lightly against the stone. Immediately, and right before Lily's very own eyes, the old witch's hump itself began to move!

"Peter…" she whispered apprehensively, stepping backwards as a very small opening appeared that seemed to lead straight on into complete and utter darkness. Her companion quickly glanced over his shoulder at her, while wearing a look of surprise. It wasn't everyday that he found himself in the position to offer someone else any kind of reassurance whatsoever – and it obviously did him some real good. His earlier panic seemed to lessen, not weighing quite so heavily on his shoulders anymore, as he climbed over the statue and slid towards the opening.

It took a great deal of effort for him to squeeze his way through it, but, surprisingly enough, not that much time. Lily had to admit that the way he went about doing it did indeed look practiced, which led her to deduce quite suddenly that Peter had done this before! He had done this many, many, many times before… She frowned, narrowing her eyes suspiciously.

"It's okay!" Peter called back to her. "No one shall know we're here!" It had to be a secret passageway or something, she reasoned, while working her way up and over the old witch and sliding into the very small hole with a heck of a lot more ease than Peter had done. She was met with the boy's illuminated wand. "See?" he asked, glancing around the narrow passageway that almost seemed to be a bit too small for someone of his size. "There's no harm done."

"Where are we?" she asked as the inside of the witch's hump closed heavily on them with a soft, quiet, but definite thud. She jumped, gasped, and spun back around towards it in alarm. "What happened?" Were they locked in?

"It's okay," Peter said again, holding his hand out as if meaning to touch her shoulder but then thinking better of it. He pulled away quickly and glanced in the other direction, gazing down the dark, shadowy, earthen tunnel in obvious comfort. He seemed to like it there very much. "This passage leads straight on into Hogsmeade. Of course, naturally, it was _James_ who found it, back during our second year. We used to sneak into the village every night, using this place." He breathed in deeply and exhaled rather wistfully, Lily thought. "I've kind of missed it."

"So what, you've found more interesting things to do?" she asked curiously, wondering, not for the first time, what it was exactly that the Marauders were up to this year. It had to be something… enormous. And Peter seemed to confirm that with the uncertain shrug he gave her.

"It's not really for me to say," he whispered. "I wasn't exactly fond of the idea of sneaking into Hogsmeade myself – at least not at first. But then I grew used to it, and even kind of looked forward to it everyday. Now… it's something else we're doing that I don't quite like, and if _that_ ever changes, then by the time I _do_ like it, they'll be ready for something else! It always happens like that. I'm always a step behind them." It was a harsh, vicious cycle, wasn't it?

Lily stared at him sympathetically, though not quite sure of what to say. His back was turned to her, so that even with his wand lit it was nearly impossible to see anything at all in the darkened passageway. She took the time offered to her now to reach for her own wand. "_Lumos_." It didn't help much, but Lily supposed that a little extra light proved to be better than no light at all. She took a deep breath, and focused entirely on Peter once again. "It doesn't have to be that way. I've told you before, haven't I? Just be yourself for a couple minutes everyday… They'll still be your friends even if you aren't always tagging along behind them. You're capable of it, you know. You've got more than you give yourself credit for…"

"No…" Peter whispered, slowly turning back towards her with a look of absolute misery spread across his face. "I really don't…" Something about the way he said that… There was something seriously bothering him, and it was starting to greatly unnerve the girl. What was the matter? She took a step towards him, but he responded to that with a greater step backwards of his own. He was staring at the floor pitifully. "I did something, Lily! Something awful…"

The girl blinked, hesitating as surprise batted her heart. "What are you talking about?" Had he brought her here meaning to make a confession? And why _her_? In the past, he had always seemed to greatly loath talking to her… He looked so upset… What could he possibly have done?

"I wasn't meaning to tell anyone," he hurriedly whispered, still not looking at _her_, but at everything else at once. "I mean, I might've, but everything worked out so I thought I'd just leave it at that and pretend it never happened. But now… with all those lectures we've been having in Defense Against the Dark Arts… and the way you talked about Regulus last night… I've not been able to get it out of my mind! It's terrible…" It was guilt plaguing him, Lily realized. She stepped towards him again, but he quickly spun around and cringed. Her heart was racing, and she almost thought she could sense his too.

"Peter?"

He looked back at her, and slowly peered up into her gaze. His eyes, she could see, were flooded with sorrow. "Last spring when those poachers took you and Remus… Sirius told me to go get Dumbledore's help. I didn't. I didn't even _try_ to."

Lily froze and blinked. _That_ was what this was about? Wait a minute… Peter had _lied_ to them? Her mouth opened, but only a jumble of astonished, meaningless sounds managed to break their way out. A part of her was greatly relieved that none of this had anything to do with Regulus whatsoever – for that was what had been currently taking precedence in her mind. But as for the rest of her…

Ever since this whole thing had started with Regulus, she had barely given the poachers a second thought. Of course, she had been wary of walking into Fanny Campbell's office because of Charlie Pryce – whom she still greatly, greatly feared – but other than that, the Slytherin had created a pretty effective distraction from it all. A distraction, she realized right now, that she had taken every advantage of. She _hated_ thinking about what had happened last spring. She hated it so much that any other subject, no matter _what_ it was, grew welcome. Now… Peter was shoving _this_ into her face… How could she reasonably react? How could she _possibly_ recover? "You… what…?"

The boy turned from her again and fell onto the ground. He leaned his back up against the dirty, cobwebby earthen wall and wrapped his pudgy arms around his bent up knees. "It's kind of hard to remember… Everything happened so fast… and unexpectedly. That was the day of the Quidditch game, remember? I had been celebrating with James half the night, worrying about exams the other half, and all the while wondering where Remus was. We were down by Hagrid's hut when James finally told us you two had been kidnapped. I didn't know what was going on. I was tired, agitated, and the others were in an uproar. I couldn't _think_! And then Sirius was telling me how useless I'd be and that I ought to go and get Dumbledore. By that point… I think I just gave up. It didn't register to me at all that something bad might actually happen to any of you. It… it just felt like yet another misadventure. I… was so sick of it. And I was sick of being given the jobs that even incompetent first years could do. So I… I… quit." He shrugged his shoulders at that, and buried his face into the arms he still had resting against his legs.

Lily stared at him, a thousand and one thoughts rushing painfully through her head. Her own legs were trembling, and she felt lightheaded and empty. Suddenly, she could remember what it had felt like… a poacher sitting on top of her… his fingers tangled up roughly in her hair… pulling… snapping her head back… forcing her to drink…

She whirled around quickly, breathing heavily, shaking, and sweating. It suddenly felt very hot, miserable, and cramped in that secret little tunnel. Peter's words left her dazed and very confused. She hadn't thought it possible… This was supposed to be behind her! Why did it have to haunt her so? "Who else knows?" She barely recognized that voice as her own.

Behind her, Peter shook his head. "No one." He was staring up at her again, apprehensively, sensing her turmoil and fearing a terrible rebuke. "I'm sorry. I didn't… I didn't… I don't _like_ Campbell's lectures… I'm not… a good Gryffindor… I just… You said you wouldn't give up on Regulus. I hoped… maybe… you wouldn't… me, either…"

Lily looked back at him sharply. She couldn't catch her breath. She tried to, by taking several long, deep ones, but that only seemed to make it worse. She hadn't realized before how much she dreaded even _thinking_ about what had happened to her and Remus – not to even mention talking about it! Then again, would it be any different for anyone else? Those poachers had terrified her! Was forgetting about it utterly and completely just too much to ask for? "I can't… I don't know what to tell you…"

Peter closed his eyes and nodded wretchedly, as if having expected that much. "I'm sorry." He was shaking, too. Lily sat down next to him, and for the longest time after that, neither one of them could even speak a word. There was just too much to think about. But then… "You don't think there's anything left for me? You hope that Regulus can find redemption… but I can't?"

"That's not what I think," she answered, as firmly as she could – which didn't say much of anything for her resolve. She stared at the dirty wall in front of her. "In the long run, I don't think you made that much of a difference. The way everything turned out…"

"Pryce still escaped," Peter reminded her – which, however, only caused her to flinch fearfully and look away, making the boy feel even worse about himself than he had before.

Lily's voice began to shake as she next spoke. Her words… at that moment, they were difficult to stomach. They were even harder to say aloud. Her heart felt like it might shatter to pieces, but still she knew she had to say _something_ to him. That's what he was looking for. That's why he was confiding in her. He needed something to be said… to help him. She didn't know who deserved what, or how she even felt about him right now. But her words… weren't words she'd ever come to regret… no matter whom she spoke them to… or for what. "I don't know of a crime you can't come back from. I've always believed in you, Peter. I've told you that more than once, haven't I? And I still do. I can't say you didn't make a mistake, because everyone does, and that was definitely one of them. But you can, somehow, make amends for it, I'm certain. You can come back from anything… if you really want to."

"What if I'm not brave enough?" Peter asked, sounding very much afraid of everything around him… including himself. "Or strong enough?"

Lily looked at him looking back at her. He was still shaking… but she wasn't so much anymore. Somehow her words had calmed her. They were giving her back her strength… strength that… emanated from her heart. Her gift. If she forgave him, maybe they could both move on. And then… she wouldn't have to wallow in this chasm of unwelcome memories. "You _can_ be. You _are_ in Gryffindor, Peter. If you lose your way, you can find it right back again, no matter how lost you get. I believe you can do that. The bravery is there. It's in you. I know you can find it."

Peter just shrugged, shook his head, and looked away. He didn't seem to be at all convinced. "It was better three years ago. Do you ever feel… as if you're just… deteriorating or something?"

Deteriorating? Lily took another breath, and reached for his hand. He tensed when she held it, and stared down at it in clear alarm. When she climbed back up to her feet and pulled him with her, he hardly resisted at all. "I think everyone feels that way sometimes. Except for prats like James Potter." That remark got half a smile out of him at least. Lily felt encouraged. "Come on, Peter. You haven't done anything unforgivable. We can't change what happened. Besides, it was… all really out of our control, wasn't it? So we'll just… learn from it."

"And do what now?" Peter asked, sounding slightly more hopeful, but still undeniably forlorn. Lily hesitated, glancing for a moment at the inside of the stone statue's hump, and then down the darkened corridor that supposedly led straight into Hogsmeade. She looked back at the boy and grinned.

"How about we sneak into the village?"

Peter's eyes widened considerably at _that_ remark. His face flushed, and he started muttering incoherently about something or other. That Lily would even _suggest_ something so utterly and completely against the rules seemed almost to be impossible. What did she mean by it? Was she being serious?

Her expression was kind as she squeezed his hand reassuringly. "You said yourself that you missed doing it, and that you always felt like you were a step behind James and Sirius. Well, they aren't here right now. It's just me and you, and you're a step ahead. I want you to show me how it's done." The look on his face now was becoming one of greater desire than anything she had ever seen before. He knew she was humoring him… giving him this chance – this gift. But he wanted it more than anything! Oh, he definitely wanted it. A chance to be in the lead… without James or Sirius overshadowing him. A chance to be with Lily. A chance to be himself.

"Go on," she urged him gently, while nodding her head. "Let's go to Hogsmeade together."

"All right," he agreed in half a daze, turning around and starting down the narrow, winding path that eventually led into the magical village. Lily followed close behind him, never once letting go of his hand.

"Shall I tell you a secret?" she asked as they walked. "One only Alice knows?" Peter didn't answer, as he was too busy watching his steps while holding his lighted wand up for the both of them to use, but she could sense how much he wanted to know, so she continued. "I love going to Hogsmeade. I was there as a very, very small child, and almost feel safer even on the village streets than I do here at the castle! Because my parents were there too, once… and sometimes… I think that I can sense them. It's like… in Hogsmeade I can pretend I'm a child again, and that my parents are still alive, shopping in one of the stores while I'm off exploring the rest of the village. If I can just… stop for a second and look… I can find them…" Lily glanced at Peter pensively. "Do you think that's ridiculous?"

He shook his head immediately. "I don't think there's anything at all ridiculous about it." The girl smiled softly, putting all thoughts of Pryce and poachers behind her. No matter what Peter might or mightn't have done, those weren't thoughts she wanted to dwell on anymore. _Just get passed them…_ If she knew the truth, and if she could accept the truth, then it wouldn't come back to haunt her ever again. She could move on with her life. And maybe… she could help Peter finally move on with his as well.

**ooooooo**

**A/N:** So here I am, writing several chapters about Regulus Black, and all of a sudden I toss in one that's just about Peter. Sorry 'bout that. I know he's not exactly the most popular of characters, but in the long run he's one of the most significant, so I can't very well just ignore his existence, can I? Anyway… tell me what you think. I'll get back to the situation at hand with Regulus immediately, but everyone has got to review!


	44. Benefit of the Doubt

**ooooooo**

When Lily and Peter entered the Great Hall two and a half hours later, both feeling more than ready for a large, decent evening meal, they were unexpectedly greeted, almost at the door, by an obviously confused, slightly frazzled Remus Lupin, along with a handful of the tumultuous Gryffindor first years who regularly attended the girl's tutorials. They were all talking at once, each one vying for attention while making it practically impossible for any of the fourth years to get a word in edgewise. And though Lily definitely made an effort to look, she wasn't able to catch sight of or find even a trace of either James or Sirius. The two of them were noticeably – almost painfully – absent.

That had to be a first, Lily thought as the slight chaos continued to ensue around her. The Gryffindor table was in the midst of pandemonium, and neither James nor Sirius was there to witness it. Shaking her head and taking a deep breath, Lily held up her hands as if in surrender. "Whoa! One person at a time! What happened?" The first years all continued talking over each other – evidently too wound-up to listen to any kind of reason whatsoever. Lily sighed and glanced over at Remus – suddenly able to guess why it was exactly that he looked so agitated. But he wasn't facing her anymore. Leaving her alone to deal with the first years, Remus was now talking quietly and rather intently with Peter – whom he had pulled off to the side of the room.

Feeling slightly left out, Lily returned her attention to the first years. They were starting to wind down a little at last, making it slightly easier for the fourteen year old to interpret what it was they were all trying to say. It was something about James and Sirius… a fight… and major detention. And somewhere in the middle of all that, Lily thought she heard the word 'Slytherin.' Sinking slightly in on herself, it was all she could do to keep from moaning loudly. What on earth could they possibly have done _now_?

As all of this was going on, it would have been extremely unlikely, nay impossible, for the rest of the Great Hall not to notice. And at the other end of the room, Professor McGonagall had jumped to her feet and was now on her way over towards the anxious students with a frown of displeasure crossing her face. She clapped her hands twice, and the entire room fell silent, turning to look.

"That's enough," she told the first years strictly. "Enough Gryffindor house points have been lost today. Don't make it worse for yourselves." The first years all hung their heads and grumbled their way back to their seats, looking miserable. So _that_ was why they were all in an uproar, Lily thought to herself as Professor McGonagall watched them go. James and Sirius got into _plenty_ of detentions, even when they _were_ trying to stay out of trouble. It was _never_ that big a deal. But if they had lost Gryffindor a number of house points, then of course the first years – all of whom had yet to grow used to such a punishment – were going to gripe and complain up a storm. Lily wondered how much had been lost, but at least figured that Gryffindor was probably now in last place – considering their unhappy reactions. She risked glancing at Remus – who only nodded his head despondently.

"Miss Evans! Mr. Pettigrew!" Professor McGonagall's voice brought Lily back to the present, and she looked up at her teacher attentively, while Peter backed away and practically cowered behind her. The Head of their House looked to be in an extremely sour mood right now. "Where have the two of you been these last few hours?"

"Just out for a walk," Lily said sincerely – and she wasn't lying, for they honestly had been. She merely… chose to omit where that walk had taken place. And though they had naturally returned from their little excursion into Hogsmeade covered in dust and grime from the secret passageway, they had already been up to their dorm rooms where they had freshened up sufficiently enough before proceeding down into the Great Hall. There was absolutely no way that the professor could guess they had been out of bounds whatsoever. Though… Remus knew them better and was watching them peculiarly. It must have seemed odd to him… for Lily and Peter to be out 'walking' together.

In any event, Professor McGonagall had no reason to doubt the girl – who had always been perfectly honest and responsible in the past. She accepted that explanation with a curt nod of her head. "I am sure it would interest you both to know that Gryffindor has lost a hundred points today and is now in last place. You would do well in the future to remind Mr. Potter and Mr. Black that any sort of hostility, aggression, and especially outright violence, will not be tolerated in this school!" With that, she spun on her heel and marched stiffly back up to the High Table where all the other staff members – including a slightly amused Headmaster – sat watching.

Lily took another deep breath and, still feeling a tad bit confused and particularly overwhelmed, turned beseechingly towards Remus. "What happened?"

He looked back at her hopelessly and shrugged. "I can only tell you what I saw, Lily, because I have no idea _what's_ going on!" Reaching for her arm, he led her quickly out of the Great Hall with Peter trailing close behind. They didn't stop until they were halfway up the stairs – where anyone could see them, but, if they were quiet, not overhear them. Remus focused on the girl. "James and Sirius were in a bad mood all day." He glanced temporarily at Peter. "Heaven knows where you were, mate, but I have to say I wish I'd been there, too. I've not seen them like that in a long time. And they wouldn't explain why! They didn't tell me anything!"

"Skip that part," Lily suggested impatiently, waving his words aside. "Remus! What happened?" Her heart was beating heavily in her chest. She already knew _why_ James and Sirius were upset. They obviously still hadn't gotten over the fight they'd had with her the night before in the common room. But _that_ didn't explain much of anything concerning their present predicament.

"Well, we went out looking for trouble," Remus admitted, his face flushing slightly as he knew perfectly well that James had promised not to do such a thing this year. "They were just… they needed some kind of an outlet, you know? We thought about pestering Peeves… and doing the school a service by throwing him for a loop or something. But then someone caught James's attention. He didn't speak a word! Just changed directions and went into the library. The door had been open, and when I looked in I could see that Sirius's little brother was talking to Madam Pince."

_Oh, no…_ Lily felt her heart sinking. Madam Pince was about the harshest librarian on the face of the planet! She liked students in general about as much as Argus Filch did, and probably only kept her job at Hogwarts because of her devotion to each and every one of the volumes of books in the castle's collection. Lily couldn't even _begin_ to imagine how she might have reacted to James's sudden intrusion.

"Sirius went in after him, but I stayed in the corridor," Remus breathlessly continued. "The two of them started shouting at Regulus – it was actually funny at first. I've never seen quite that look on Madam Pince's face before. I thought she was going to have an apoplexy or something. And Regulus was just standing there smirking as if it was the greatest thing in the world! Next thing I knew, James was on top of him decking him in the face. And that's where things got out of hand."

Lily could feel her mouth hanging open in outright horror. "He _punched_ him?"

Remus nodded, knowing how sensitive Lily could be about such things, and then tried to put a lighter spin on it. "It's not as bad as it sounds… I mean, Regulus is practically as tall as Sirius now anyway – and every bit as sturdy as James. I'll admit he _is_ two years younger than us, but he definitely didn't have the disadvantage he would of if they had been using wands-"

"Remus!" Lily exclaimed, not at all amused. The boy grimaced, and nodded his head abashedly.

"I know. Not funny," he took a deep breath. "Okay. Sirius started pulling James off the kid, but then Regulus said something straight to him, which set _him_ off, and I swear it must have taken Madam Pince five whole minutes to get the three of them apart! By that time, McGonagall and Slughorn were both there – as well as several other teachers and students – and it was just such a mess! Regulus was taken to the hospital wing while James and Sirius were taken to see Dumbledore. I've not seen either one of 'em since."

"Wow," Peter blinked, glancing at Lily in stunned amazement. "And to think we were in Hogsmeade during all this!"

"You were _where_?" Remus glanced back and forth between the two in shock. No doubt that was the last thing _he_ had been expecting! Peter, however, unmindful of his friend's astonishment, simply nodded and began his very own, slightly abridged, explanation of what _they_ had been doing all this time. Lily herself, on the other hand, didn't feel any particular need to wait around and listen. Regulus had been assaulted! She had to find him!

Breaking away from her two friends, she started running the rest of the way up the stairs as quickly as she could. Peter and Remus both started, turning to watch her go in surprise even as they desperately called her back, but she blatantly ignored them. The only thing that mattered to her right now was finding Regulus. If she still hoped to lead him away from the Dark Arts, then she knew _something_ had to be done about James and Sirius's utter stupidity, the bloody gits. It was a good thing she didn't know where _they_ were right now, or she might have gone straight in pursuit of them to give up even more Gryffindor house points. She was positively seething!

What on earth had compelled James to punch him? Lily would have thought for sure that Sirius be the one to strike first, but that hadn't been the case at all. Sirius had actually tried pulling James away! What was the deal with that? Those two… they were both just so bloody unpredictable it was maddening! She could have strangled either one of them then and there.

Now, if Lily had just stopped long enough to think about it, she wouldn't have rushed straight off towards the hospital wing. Madam Pomfrey could fix broken arms in a matter of minutes, so it couldn't possibly have taken her more than a few seconds to tend to whatever wounds James might have given Regulus during their little skirmish. Nevertheless, Lily _wasn't_ thinking, and so made for the wing as quickly as she feasibly could.

Astonishingly enough, Regulus _was_ there – or rather, he was standing outside the two doors with his back pressed up against a wall as if he were waiting impatiently for someone. He didn't actually _see_ Lily coming right away, because his eyes were closed, but he opened them quickly as he heard someone approaching. And upon recognizing her, his expression lightened considerably. It was like his entire attitude was changing… just for her.

Lily stopped short, only then realizing how long ago he must have been released. If he was standing in the hall like this, just waiting… She _had_ to remember that Sirius knew his brother better than she did. She _had_ to remember what Fanny told her about his behavior in her classroom. Regulus was not a courteous boy. He just _wasn't_. What he actually was… was fascinated by the Dark Arts. She couldn't forget to bear that in mind, and approached him more guardedly – not that he seemed to even notice.

"Hi," he said pleasantly when the two of them were standing together. "I thought you might come here. And… I just…" He scratched the back of his head almost nervously, and his face actually _flushed!_ Could a twelve year old really force himself to flush like that? He shrugged. "Actually, I'm just kidding myself. I _wanted_ you to come." He was whispering and staring at the floor as if greatly ashamed, and it was truly difficult to hear what he was saying. Lily hesitated, and glanced around the corridor. There was no one else in sight.

She fixed her attention back onto Regulus. When she spoke, she did so gently. "I'm sorry about what happened. You told me that I was going to be the one getting all the grief, but apparently it's fallen onto you. And I really am sorry."

"No, it's a good thing," he told her sincerely, finally looking back up at her. There wasn't even a hint of deception in his eyes. "God only knows I deserve it more than you do, Lily. You don't have to apologize for anything." He looked so much happier than she would have expected a Slytherin to ever look. It wasn't the cruel kind of pleasure seen in most Slytherin expressions. It was a look of true content. Lily found that she could only wish he looked like that all the time… and not merely in her presence.

"I know what you're trying to do," she told him then, still speaking as gently as she possibly could. It wasn't at all that difficult… After the conversation she had had with Peter not even three hours ago, she felt more than capable of staying calm through just about anything that might come her way. "I know that, because I'm close to Sirius, you probably mean to hurt me."

Regulus froze, staring at her soberly and quite unable to interrupt. His face had paled considerably, but other than that his expression remained more or less completely stoic. Whatever it was going on in his head right now… Lily couldn't even begin to guess. Nevertheless, she continued addressing him softly.

"I want to give you the benefit of the doubt, Regulus, I really do. But I can't understand why you'd behave as civilly towards me as you have been, but to no one else." She paused, watching him as he glanced meditatively back towards the floor. He still didn't speak a word; it was like he had nothing to say. "Yesterday I told you to cut my hand, because I wanted to show you something. I told you that you wouldn't hurt me, and you didn't. Right now, there's something else I want to show you even more, but this time I can't say for sure whether or not you'll hurt me, because I just don't know. Still… I want to show it to you, even if it does hurt. Because it's important, and for some people it's really hard to find."

Regulus looked up at her sharply. Lily couldn't read the look on his face, but it wasn't how she would have pictured a disdainful Slytherin. He was listening to her. It was as if he really were taking her words to heart. And so she found herself wondering…

"I have an older sister," she said suddenly, catching them both _completely_ off guard. "Before my parents died, they had this impression of what magic was, and they were devoted to it. Petunia and I hated it. But now… I honestly don't. I see things closer to the way my parents did, and Petunia resents me for it. Sometimes, I just wish that she'd see me for _who_ I am… and not for _what_ I am." She shrugged, watching Regulus solemnly. He had averted his gaze completely, and now swallowed. Lily bit her lip. "Do you understand?"

He hesitated for a moment, and then nodded. "I understand completely." His voice, more than anything else, remained unchanged. Unaffected. He might have understood, but Lily couldn't tell whether or not it meant anything to him at all.

"You shouldn't feel like there isn't anyone who cares," she told him. "I… don't think I can be friends with someone who is purposefully cruel – even if they're kind to me. But… if you want someone to give you the benefit of the doubt… and… if you really aren't… or if you don't want to be… what they all think you are… find me. And I'll listen."

**ooooooo**

"Detention for getting into a bloody row with my own brother! You'd think they'd make exceptions for family, but no! Now we have to help Campbell map out her Defense lessons for the next two weeks! Two weeks! Weeks of discussing the bleeding mentalities of Death Eaters! Can you _believe_ that?"

When Lily stepped into the Gryffindor common room that evening, she was met by a ranting Sirius Black. He was pacing back and forth in front of the fireplace, seemingly oblivious to the number of older _and_ younger students he had watching him, all clearly fascinated. To many of the first years, _this_ spectacle was worth each and every one of the points their house had lost that afternoon. Meanwhile, Remus and Peter were both listening to their friend patiently, though trying very hard not to laugh, and James was huddled up by a window – in the same exact armchair that Lily herself had been using the night before. _He_ seemed to be in a realm unto his own.

Lily sighed deeply, and started towards the stairs leading up to her dorm room. Everyone saw her, and apparently had been waiting for her. The first years were on their feet again – as were Alice, Isabelle, and Pippa – fighting for her attention as they had been in the Great Hall. Wasn't she ever going to be allowed a break?

Maybe… For James was suddenly on his feet as well. He whistled – loudly – and the entire room grew both still and silent. All eyes turned towards him – and he didn't look any happier than Sirius. Lily met his gaze, and could see his disapproval. "I hope you know what you're doing, Evans."

"It doesn't concern you at all," she told him calmly. It had been such a long day… and she was growing tired of fighting. "Aside from _maybe_ Sirius, it doesn't concern _anyone_ here, for that matter. You should have left well enough alone, Potter."

"He's a _Slytherin_," the boy spat in disgust, as if that was the answer to absolutely everything. Lily rolled her eyes and looked away. He's a Slytherin. Case closed. Did James really think like that?

She shook her head and looked back at him. "He's Sirius's younger brother. You know, to some people that means something. I'm sorry if it doesn't to you." She once again made for the stairs, and this time no one tried to stop her. To the first, second, and third years, she was absolutely amazing. They had never seen anything like her at all. On the other hand, to the fifth, sixth, and seventh years, she was a complete mystery. What had happened to the shy, diffident, frightened little girl that she had been when she had first arrived at Hogwarts? Now, she was an outspoken, confident young teenager who stuck her neck out for Slytherins… just because they belonged to her friend's family… or just because she believed in them. And as for the fourth years… as for James, Sirius, Remus, and Peter… they could only feel concern. Because Lily _was_ sticking her neck out for a Slytherin… and they truly believed that Slytherin would repay her by slicing it open.

Lily herself, however, was too exhausted to care much about any of their thoughts or opinions about her. Most of them didn't know. Didn't understand. And honestly… she didn't expect them to. After all… she hardly understood herself.

After speaking to Regulus, Lily had made her way straight on to the library. Madam Pince greatly deserved some kind of an apology, and the fourteen year old seriously doubted that any had been given – or that any _would_ be given – by the three main offenders. And so she had gone… because in a way, it really was her fault that the fight had occurred in the first place… wasn't it? She was the one standing in-between James and the two Black brothers… wasn't she?

Needless to say, Madam Pince had not been in a very agreeable mood – not that she ever was, but it was particularly bad that night. Lily was herself slightly amazed that she had managed to get in and out without losing her head. But that wasn't what truly stood out in her mind when she reflected upon her little excursion into the library. No. It wasn't even close.

She remembered apologizing to Madam Pince for James's, Sirius's, and Regulus's behavior. She remembered turning to leave. And then she remembered thinking about what Remus had told her… When he had seen Regulus in the library earlier that afternoon, the boy had been talking to the woman about… something. Lily had hesitated, but her curiosity had been too much. It had compelled her to look back at the librarian.

_"Madam, can I ask you something?"_

_"What?"_ Madam Pince had been in a terribly foul, snappish mood, and hadn't even given Lily a second glance. Instead, she had gone right on back to her pile of books and began sorting through them once again as if she and they were alone in the world.

_"What book was it Regulus was looking for when he was here?"_

_"I don't know." _Only then did Madam Pince look back at Lily, and she did so almost condemningly. _"All he wanted was a list of any novels I might have at this school written a hundred years ago by muggle authors. Whatever good that might do him."_ She scowled suspiciously then, for it _certainly_ wasn't very often that students came by in search of muggle pieces of literature.

Lily remembered blinking. He had seen her reading the day before… and he was curious as to what the book had been… but… _why?_ She had left the library after that – but not without thanking Madam Pince – and now she was left to wonder about it in her dorm room. Nothing made sense anymore.

Presently, Alice was standing by the threshold, still on the stairs, but seriously considering walking in. "Lily…? Are you all right?"

She glanced over towards the fifth year and nodded dejectedly. Alice entered, and made her way quickly, but quietly, over to her friend's bed where she then sat down. The two of them met each others' gazes, and Alice smiled. "Us girls all think you're doing the right thing. Granted, we have no idea what the hell's going on, but we still know _you_, Lily. And we think you're doing the right thing."

"The right thing…?" Lily couldn't help it. Half laughing, half crying, she fell into Alice's arms, and the two of them sat there silently well into the night.

**ooooooo**

It was cold the next morning. Colder than it had ever been in November before. And while all the other students sat huddled in the Great Hall, trying to keep warm while eating a hot breakfast, Lily found herself walking outside. She hadn't any appetite. And even if she did, she wouldn't have wanted to be in the center of everyone's attention yet again. She still couldn't believe even _half_ of all that had occurred in just a couple of days! What with befriending Regulus, fighting with Sirius and James, listening to Peter's confession, thinking about poachers, exploring Hogsmeade when she wasn't supposed to be off school grounds, James and Sirius fighting with Regulus, her latest conversation with Regulus, her more recent fight with James, and everything else that was coursing through her heart and soul, Lily was at her wits' end. She felt like she was up against the world… completely alone.

Eventually, as she walked, she came upon the Whomping Willow and, standing a safe distance away from it, she paused to stare for a couple of minutes. It was a large tree, certainly, but at that moment it didn't look at all menacing. If Lily didn't know any better, or maybe simply because she actually _did_, she'd say that the tree was sleeping. She sighed, deeply, and hoped to god that she never reached the point where she would feel the need to strike and lash out at absolutely anything moving that got too close. It must be a terribly lonely kind of existence…

A twig snapped, and then some fallen leaves rustled and crunched, as someone else came towards her from behind. Lily sank a little in on herself, for she hadn't exactly been looking for company. Nevertheless, she glanced over her shoulder to see who it was. And who it was had been the absolute _last_ person she had expected to find.

It was Regulus. He had followed her there, and with both of his hands he was holding a single cup of warm tea, which he then presented to her. "I thought you might be cold, so…" He shrugged, and watched solemnly as Lily approached him and accepted his offering. She took a sip without a moment's hesitation, and never once regretted it.

**ooooooo**

**A/N:** I _definitely_ want reviews for this chapter. No exceptions! I really appreciate it!


	45. Winter

**Disclaimer:** I don't own The Great Gatsby.

**A/N:** Again, the only reason I'm even _mentioning_ another book is because I feel Lily really is the kind of girl who would read it. Anyway, enjoy!

**ooooooo**

The first fall of snow came that year – as though by cue – on the first day of December, bringing with it the start of yet another enchanting, mild winter. The days began to shorten, but the weather remained perfectly ideal – and suited the castle exquisitely, creating a fine picture where just about everything and nothing seemed to glitter with a glowing, sparkling, dazzling silver light. The castle, the grounds, and even the overcast heavens above, seemed to be filled with the most charming and heartwarming of radiances.

But beauty aside, as the days continued to pass, more and more of the students began to complain. For though it was indeed cold, the sun itself constantly seemed to shine – melting both the snow and the ice alike. It was never cause for any distortions whatsoever to the lovely countryside, but it did make for a rather wet season – and most of the students were not at all grateful for _that_. Lily herself, however, never truly noticed. Through her eyes, the world itself was turning flawless. She couldn't think of an extended period of time when she had ever been happier.

Her days were filled, for the most part, with schoolwork. What with tutoring first years on the side, attending Slug Club meetings, Quidditch games, and visiting Hogsmeade whenever the chance was offered, she found that, in order to keep from falling behind in her own lessons, she had to spend nearly every spare second of every single day hard at work studying. And even when she treated herself to a stolen moment with any of her friends – no matter which house they might belong to – she was hardly ever seen without a book, a bit of parchment, and her quill! She was perpetually diligent, yet somehow… impervious to stress. No one _ever_ saw her irritated, frustrated, or short of temper anymore – unless the cause was somehow related to James Potter – nor was she ever victim to anything overwhelming. She was happy – quite possibly the happiest in the entire school – and people loved her for it. She grew to be treasured – extremely – though very few people – herself most definitely _not_ included – seemed to be even remotely aware of the fact.

Through the month of December, everything seemed to be moving so fast. The staff prepared for the Holidays, Hagrid decorated the castle – particularly the Great Hall, and students struggled to gather Christmas gifts together for their friends and family. Rumors spread that Professor Slughorn was going out of his way to put together a Christmas party for his handpicked favorites, and one that they wouldn't be likely to soon forget, either! Lily heard many of her friends speaking wistfully about it. So few of them were invited to such parties, and more than one told the fourteen year old how envious they were of her good fortune.

Defense Against the Dark Arts began having many of its lessons outside right in the wet snow. Fanny encouraged them to participate in watery, magical snowball fights, using their wands to create shields that would hopefully keep them dry. And, despite everything, James and Sirius could not help but go along with it. For as much as they bitterly resented her – they just _couldn't_ say 'no' to such a sport. And neither could Lily. For the first time in what seemed like her entire life, she found that she was able to use her wand both defensively _and_ offensively. It was a small step to take for sure, as it was only just a game played entirely in the spirit of fun, but it was a step nevertheless in eradicating the harm done to her by Charlie Pryce.

As often as she could, Lily spent time with Regulus Black. He no longer attended tutorial sessions with Erin – who had stopped frequenting them herself two weeks later – much to the other first years' delight. But still, they sometimes visited the castle garden together, oblivious to the wet snow and cold air as they walked and spoke of any number of things. Those were some of the very few instances when Lily was not multitasking with a textbook in her hands. Regulus was changing… even Professor Slughorn seemed to think so.

After Potions class one day, Lily and Severus had found themselves remaining in the dungeon room slightly longer than the rest of the students. Not for the first time, Professor Slughorn had assigned them to work together on a slightly more advanced potion than the others' were – for they both had a talent that "must not be squandered on simple basics." The fact that such "simple basics" were what had been assigned to a classroom filled with fourth year students only went to show just _how_ advanced Lily and Severus's potion actually was in itself. And sure enough, it did indeed take them until after class to get it done, and then to clean up all the materials and ingredients that went with it.

Professor Slughorn had taken that time to lounge back comfortably in the chair behind his desk, where he could chat away almost blissfully about potions, parties, and possibly even a ball being thrown sometime in the future, if he could ever get the other staff members to agree to it. At that remark, Lily thought she had seen, from the corner of her eye, Severus's head jerk slightly, but when she actually glanced up and looked at him, his expression remained unchanged, which convinced her that she had only just imagined it.

"Professor," she had said then, pausing in her work long enough to interrupt the Potions Master. He glanced at her favorably – which was only to be expected, of course. He was _always_ eager to grant her favors, and though she hadn't ever asked for anything before in the past, now she found that she was actually counting on him. "I was… wondering if I could invite some of my own friends to your Christmas party on Saturday…?"

Now, Severus's head _did_ jerk, and he glanced at her silently even as Professor Slughorn leaned forward in his seat with a knowing sparkle lighting his eyes. "Hoping to give young Mr. Regulus Black an invitation, are you?" Lily blinked, feeling her face flush even as Severus looked quickly away again, his mind completely unreadable.

"I… I…" Lily was, for several seconds, at a complete loss for words – which seemed to amuse Professor Slughorn. Finally, however, she had been able to make due with a simple shrug, and looked down at her hands, which had been resting on the table. "I hadn't thought that far ahead, sir. I just… know that some of my friends wanted to come, and since it's Christmas and all, I thought it'd be a nice treat for them." Severus's shoulders seemed to sag even more than they usually did, and Lily glanced from him back up to the professor uncertainly. "You know I'm friends with Regulus?"

"Well, people do talk, my dear," Professor Slughorn reminded her softly. He looked thoughtful for a minute, as if reflecting on some strange happenstance or other. "In just a few weeks, that boy has grown so much…" He turned back to her and smiled, looking more like himself once again. "It's a shame you weren't put in Slytherin, Lily. If you could just spend a bit of time with the entire lot, I'm sure you'd have them all whipped into shape in a matter of days."

"But then Hogwarts wouldn't have such a notorious house anymore, would it?" Lily smiled pleasantly while her teacher laughed in amusement and nodded in agreement. Inside, however, where neither he nor Severus could see, she wondered about that. Had Regulus really grown so much? In that case, she ought to spend more time with him, and truly concentrate on helping him change. On helping to make his life easier… happier. And not just for his sake, but for Sirius's too! Because… a part of Lily felt that… if _she_ couldn't have the relationship that she so desperately wanted with Petunia… then maybe she could at least help two brothers experience it in her stead. That was what she hoped for… more than anything.

"Certainly, my dear," Professor Slughorn had replied at last. "Invite whomever you please. After all, there will _always_ be room for any friend of yours! The same goes for you, Severus." The boy barely managed to give him even a _meager_ nod of his head in response. There just wasn't anyone that hewanted to invite. Slug Club parties… had always given him a chance to be beside Lily… without anyone else there to vie for her attention. The thought that it might be any different whatsoever at Christmastime had, until now, not even once crossed his mind.

Not that it made much of a difference anyway. Lily invited _more_ than enough of her own friends for the both of them! And as overwhelming as it very quickly became for Professor Slughorn that Saturday evening, he met it all with very good cheer. Laughing, he had made his way through the crowd, right up to Lily, and said: "You really _are_ a clever young woman, aren't you? I _do_ wish you had been put in Slytherin! I feel like I've been robbed by Minerva."

Lily, standing between Alice, Remus, and Peter – none of whom would normally have been invited to such a party – had quickly shaken her head. "No, sir. I wouldn't have had the courage to attempt something like this had I been put anywhere but Gryffindor!" The party, because of her, had grown into an all-out celebration. All her friends who had so desperately wanted to attend in the weeks before were there now, and it truly _was_ something they wouldn't be forgetting anytime soon.

**ooooooo**

Christmas came and went, though Lily never left the school. She still couldn't bring herself to spend the holidays at the Fletcher's, or with Petunia… It had been three years since her parents had died… and Christmas still held a very different meaning to her than it did for most anyone else. She wouldn't have been comfortable spending it in London.

But she wasn't alone at Hogwarts. Though her closest friends had all left, including Alice, Remus, Isabelle, and even Regulus, there were still others there to occupy her time. And several of the younger ones – be they first, second, or third years – asked for her to continue on with her tutoring. Since she had only begun doing so that year, the older students complained that they had been terribly deprived, and wished that, even if it was _just_ for the holiday, she might help them out a little with Charms and Potions. None of them went so far as to ask for a History of Magic tutorial, however, because honestly! Who in their right mind would want to study History of Magic over the Holiday break?

On Christmas morning, Lily remembered waking up to find a pile of wrapped packages all solely for her. They seemed to have come not just from Hogwarts and London, but from all across Britain! Apparently, not even the students who _had_ in fact returned to their homes could bring themselves to forget about sending her something on that greatly celebrated day. Lily had never seen more presents before in her entire life!

But, perhaps, the most intriguing gift of all was not to be found in her dorm room. Instead, it was found lying downstairs in the Great Hall, on top the Gryffindor table. When Lily had arrived for breakfast that morning, she found that those few students remaining in her house were all crowded around it, poking it thoughtfully and rather bemusedly. Wrapped in brown packaging, it was _clearly_ addressed to her, and also appeared to be enchanted so that only she could lift it from the table.

"I wonder what it is…"

"Who could have sent it?"

Everyone around her was speculating, and by that point, even students from Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw were gathering around to look. The package was small and rectangular. Even before Lily had finished opening it, she somehow _knew_ that it was a book. The _real_ surprise, however, was which book it turned out to be. The Great Gatsby. An American book, by F. Scott Fitzgerald… a muggle. Who would be sending her a muggle book? The only one who knew she read such things was… Regulus…?

Upon opening the book, Lily found that there was an incredibly short, rather puzzling message inscribed in the most beautiful, intricate writing she had ever seen. And the only thing she knew for certain was that it couldn't possibly have been the result of any normal quill. The letters decorated the inside of the front cover, and read: _Happy Christmas, Lily. H.B.P._

"Lily…?" A third year was presently tugging on her arm, interrupting her thoughts while peering over her shoulder rather curiously at the message in the book. "What's that mean? H.B.P.? Who is that?"

"I have no idea," Lily replied, feeling completely lost. Holding up the book and examining it pensively, she didn't believe that Regulus had been the one to send it to her. Not only were the initials H.B.P. irrefutably different from his, but somehow it just didn't feel right. Someone else had left it here for her, and she couldn't even begin to guess who it might possibly be. Nevertheless, she was content enough to sit down with the rest of the Gryffindors and, turning to the first page, began to read.

**ooooooo**

The weeks passed by quickly after that, and well into February everything at Hogwarts continued to remain good and quiet. It was… peaceful – at least on the surface. Underneath, a kind of tension seemed to be rising exponentially. Fanny Campbell herself was seen more and more often glancing towards whichever window was closest to her at the time, staring almost longingly into the distance. She seemed to be spending less and less time outside class with any of her students, and more and more time with the Headmaster himself. Lily knew that such behavior was greatly upsetting to Isabelle – though she never said precisely why – and not even Pippa, who knew her best, could make sense out of it.

But Fanny wasn't the only one. There were _several_ teachers and staff members who also seemed to be at least partially more detached than they usually were. Professor Slughorn in particular had become nervous and rather fidgety in the weeks following his renowned Christmas party. It seemed like an entire year had gone by since he last played host to his cherished Slug Club. Something was wrong. And many of the students were whispering that it had everything to do with the Dark Lord, and the fact that the war itself seemed to be twisting round into _his_ favor, instead of the Ministry of Magic's. People were dying… and more and more of Lily's acquaintances – if not her closest of friends themselves – began receiving word of terrible, _horrible_ tragedies from home that left them all in tears.

Yes, there was no doubt that, at Hogwarts itself, the people, the staff, and especially the students, were all kept safe. And there was no question that everything within its walls carried on peacefully and still. But… there were shadows all around. They seemed to be growing inside several of the students' hearts. Shadows of fear. Uncertainty. Pain and doubt. And even, as much as Lily hated to consider, outright anger and disdain. It was bottled up tightly inside staff members, students, Slytherins, and even some Gryffindors who just _hated_ the other side so, so much…

But no one seemed to want to blemish the look of absolute serenity at the castle, even if it was just a 'look,' and so they continued on hiding it up carefully within themselves, where no one else could see. Before long, it became the responsibility of students like Alice and Frank – who had both started sharing such affection and consideration towards each other – and Lily herself, to keep up the morale and good cheer at the school.

_If only the Marauders were still up to their necks in mischief,_ Lily surprised herself by thinking more and more often as those days swept by. She was certain that, if James, Sirius, Remus, and Peter would only _try_, they could brighten up the place in no time whatsoever. But… they were hardly ever seen by anyone anymore. Instead, they were always off by themselves, doing _something_, obviously, but god only knew what. It certainly didn't bring any amusing distractions to the rest of the school, that was for sure… unfortunately…

On the other hand, there was _one_ good thing that constantly seemed to bring a smile to Lily's face, and that was Regulus Black. In all the time that had passed since the start of their initial friendship, he had become one of her closest of intimates. She spent as much time with him as she possibly could – and he did likewise.

He wasn't like most twelve year olds. He didn't run around bursting with energy, and he didn't try breaking every rule at the school just for the thrill of doing so. He… he genuinely liked walking through the castle garden with Lily, talking about… well… just talking about anything, really. They never seemed to be at a loss for words.

"Are you trying to tell me that not even your _parents_ can tell when you're lying?" Lily asked once, as they used their wands to freeze over some snow into a large block of ice that they then began magically sculpting into the shape of an angelic figure. "But when I met them, they seemed perfectly able to read right through a person!"

"They are," Regulus casually informed her. "But you see… they were the ones who actually taught me how to lie. So I've basically been taught by the best… and I probably just learned too well. I can't even begin to count the number of times I've lied to them, without them ever realizing it. I can get away with just about anything I want to." He paused then, considered what he had just said, and looked at her rather sheepishly. "It's a different story with my brother. For some reason, he _always_ knows when I'm lying. I think the only reason he lets me get away with it – at least at home – is because he actually _likes_ seeing our parents made fools of. And I know he lies to them whenever _he_ can, but he's not very good at it. They're both scary, you know. If you _do_ get caught telling them a story…" He trailed off shaking his head while focusing his attention on the ice in front of him, which left Lily with the frightening realization that punishments in the Black house were no small matters. Regulus and Sirius's parents were cruel… She knew that all too well.

"Maybe you just shouldn't lie to them," she suggested quietly, terrified by the thought of what those two boys had to live with. She couldn't imagine it… the thought of fearing one's own home… the thought of fearing one's own _parents!_ It made her stomach feel weak and churn rather sickeningly.

"I have to lie," Regulus replied, looking back at her meaningfully. "If they ever found out how much I like spending time with you…" He trailed off once again, and Lily found herself smiling despite everything. It felt surprisingly pleasant… being told such a thing.

She glanced down for a minute, and shook her head. When she next met his gaze, her eyes were sparkling playfully. "Now how do I know you're not lying about that?"

His expression remained completely and utterly sincere. At that moment, he just didn't share in her playful spirit. It almost seemed that… this matter was by far too important to him. "I don't have anything to gain by lying to you about this. But… I feel like I've got everything to lose."

**ooooooo**

When they walked into the Great Hall that evening, the room was jam packed full of students and teachers – as it always was – and nothing seemed to be even slightly amiss. People were engaged in conversations, laughter, food, and the ghosts were floating around overhead watching, pointing, waving, and just enjoying themselves as they did every night. No one would have guessed that this meal might prove to be any different from any other.

But…

No time seemed to have passed whatsoever from the moment when Lily and Regulus took their first few steps inside the room to the moment when a large, vicious looking great horned owl soared in after them. It was enormous! Charlie Pryce's own bird wouldn't have been able to even _begin_ competing with it – which was really saying something! Several of the students cried out in surprised astonishment as the creature literally dove towards them, only to pass over their heads rather threateningly before diving somewhere else.

Immediately, Professor Dumbledore and several of the other staff members rose to their feet. The Headmaster himself was wearing a startlingly grave expression – the likes of which were incredibly rare. He held up an arm, and, to Lily's horror, aimed his rather long wand at the menacing creature! Cringing, she turned away quickly and tried to shut out the horrified gasps made by the other students. _What was happening?_ Next to her, Regulus had reached for her hand, and was now holding it almost protectively. But when she looked at him, she could see that his eyes were following the owl in open fascination. He was impressed!

Presently, the bird seemed to have noticed Professor Dumbledore's wand. It hesitated for a fraction of a second, and then swooped towards the Slytherin table, where it dropped the black envelope that it _had_ been carrying in its beak. The envelope, Lily could see even at such a distance, was smoking at its edges… She didn't think she had ever _seen_ a Howler come before that wasn't in a red envelope… What…?

Regulus took an almost eager step towards his house's table, but stopped quickly when Lily didn't follow him – for there wasn't anything on the face of the planet that would convince him to let go of her hand right now. Not that he needed to, anyway. When Howlers came in their smoking envelopes… upon being opened, their messages could _easily_ be heard by anyone and everyone in the room. It didn't matter where Regulus stood, he wasn't about to miss _anything_. And neither was Lily…

The owl immediately fled from the room, quickly disappearing completely out of sight. But _it_ had already been forgotten. Alec Eaton – the captain of the Slytherin Quidditch team – held the strange black envelope in his hands and was literally _tearing_ it open. It was… terribly, frighteningly peculiar… the look of anticipation on Eaton's face. Generally, Howlers were dreaded and despised! But then again… they were also generally presented to one person in particular… not to an entire _house_!

The envelope erupted – sending Eaton flying backwards right off the bench and onto the hard, heavy floor. His face, arms, and hands, Lily could see from where she stood, were covered in blood. Several students screamed and leapt from their tables. Lily herself spun around and found herself being embraced by Regulus. _He _still didn't seem to be even the _least_ bit afraid.

By that time, Professor Dumbledore had crossed the room and was at the Slytherin table. But before he could do anything more, the Howler had risen towards the ceiling. It began to speak – very loudly – and in a voice that chilled Lily right down to her very core, freezing her heart painfully into place. She tensed, and Regulus only held her tighter.

**_"THOSE WHO STILL THINK THEY CAN DEFY ME WILL SOON BE PAINFULLY CORRECTED. I AM IMMORTAL, AND GROWING TO BE MORE SO WITH EACH AND EVERY PASSING DAY. TELL HORACE I HAVE CREATED MY FOURTH. _MORSMORDRE_!"_**

The envelope burst into green flames that then lifted even higher towards the ceiling. Slowly, they twisted and crackled dangerously into a very frightening shape… The shape of a man's skull… with a snake slithering its way out through the open jaw… as if in place of a decomposed tongue… Lily, who had risked glancing up at it for a second, did not have to know what it meant to know that it was the most awful, hideous thing she had ever seen before in her entire life. Leaning back into Regulus's arms – who didn't seem to be even slightly capable of pulling his own gaze away from the beastly sight – she felt her body shaking savagely. She didn't know how long she stood there, but it felt like it must have been an eternity. Her eyes were clenched shut, but even still… she felt as though she could literally _feel_ the gaze of that fiery green skull… looking down on her, and on everyone else in the room.

**ooooooo**

**A/N: **Please review. I know a lot happened in this chapter, but that only means you might have a lot to comment about! As always, I'd love to hear from you. Thanks so much!


	46. Slughorn's Mistake

**ooooooo**

"The Dark Mark. You-Know-Who's own personal symbol. He's the one who sent the Howler, he is. _Had_ to have been him. As far as I know, no one else can summon the mark quite like that – they'd actually have to be present, with their wands in hand, to do it. That was an incredible display of magic last night, let me tell you!"

The following morning found most of the younger students down at the Quidditch field, where the Heads of each House had decided to put them until further notice. All classes had been temporarily postponed, until the Headmaster could sort through the previous night's events, and now the Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw Quidditch teams were playing against each other in a quickly scheduled match that would hopefully offer the younger students a sufficient enough distraction from the terrible, _frightening_ incident that had occurred in the Great Hall.

Lily herself, having grown so used to tutoring the first years, would not normally have considered categorizing herself in with the 'younger students.' She felt older than that, smarter, more capable… And she knew that she wasn't the only one… James and Sirius had both been positively outraged! Fifth, sixth, and seventh years were permitted to remain up at the castle where they could carry on with their usual daily routines, and that meant Lily's own _roommates_! For some reason, James and Sirius had been greatly offended by that particular notion, and both believed that they, at least, were sharp enough to do the same – which, Lily couldn't deny, was typical of them.

It certainly didn't help matters whatsoever that the Gryffindor team wasn't up there in the sky right now, too! James _hated_ watching other people play, and that, more than anything else, was putting him into a bloody foul mood that seemed, unfortunately, to be infectious. People could literally hear him bellowing complaints from the other side of the stadium!

Now, Lily herself was not presently all the way up in the stands like everybody else. Terrified of heights, and growing more so all the time, she had climbed only about a third of the way up the seemingly firm, sturdy wooden steps that had been in use for god only knew how long… She knew it was a foolish thing to fear, and that knowledge, more than anything else, normally helped her reach the top. But after last night… It was the first time she couldn't make it all the way up, and she guessed the reason was probably because of what happened last night. She had been horrified…

But she wasn't alone. Sitting on the wooden steps, hanging onto the rail, she tried watching the game _while_ listening to Regulus Black talking about the Dark Arts, but found that it was difficult. This time, Quidditch just _couldn't_ distract her. She wasn't eleven years old anymore! She had grown up so much… And a children's game played on broomsticks, for once, could not keep her fears at bay. The memory of that… horrendous skull… with its snakelike tongue… burned freshly at the forefront of her mind.

Maybe _that_ was why she had asked Regulus to remain with her, not even halfway up the stand, where he could explain to her all that he knew. Maybe… if she could just _comprehend_ what was happening all around her… it wouldn't frighten her so much. She had read somewhere that… people fear what they don't know. She knew she needed to understand. She couldn't go on continuing to be so blissfully ignorant!

"But," she said softly now, for she had found that it was rather difficult speaking any other way, after all that had happened. "We're supposed to be safe at Hogwarts, aren't we? The war isn't supposed to reach us here. I thought that, with Professor Dumbledore-"

Regulus, who had, up until that moment, been exerting an unusual amount of energy by bounding up and down a number of the steps behind her, now came to sit beside her. It was very cold outside, but he was breathing heavily and she couldn't feel it herself at all. "Don't get me wrong, Lily. Of course I'm not saying that anything's changed. You-Know-Who's met his match with old Dumbledore! People say the two of them are equals. You-Know-Who isn't about to test his luck by coming here."

"Then why the Howler?" Lily asked, glancing at him while looking not in the least bit convinced. She could feel the turmoil bubbling up inside her, threatening to leave her in an exhausted heap on the ground, wasted away and atrophied. "It practically exploded in Alec Eaton's face!"

Regulus shrugged. "Well, Eaton should have known better than to pick it up. Besides, he's fine now. It's been said that the Dark Lord has control over animals such as owls – though I suppose snakes are his preference. Anyway, he probably knew _exactly_ where that Howler was going to land. And since Slytherin's undeniably his favorite house, I doubt very much that he intended to do anyone there severe injury. If anything, he was just showing off his own brutality, knowing perfectly well that Dumbledore would have anyone hurt taken immediately to the hospital wing. No real damage was done at all."

"It's still cruel," Lily snapped bitterly, looking away quickly. She stared out across the field, not really seeing much of anything. Her head was starting to hurt, and she wanted nothing more than to crawl back into her bed, sleep, and never wake up again. "If Professor Dumbledore really is his equal, he should _do_ something about it!"

Regulus gazed at her for several long minutes. He wanted to say something comforting, but he wasn't used to thinking about the war from this particular angle. It was a hell of a lot easier when his parents were discussing the matter with any one of their estimable guests, he decided then and there. Nevertheless… the more he found himself thinking about how to talk to Lily about it… the more… "Well… he _does_ have the Order of the Phoenix, doesn't he? That's something, I guess. And I don't think you'd want him away from Hogwarts for long. The castle's magically protected, of course, but at this point, if You-Know-Who really _wanted_ to get inside, I'm sure he could find a way. That is… _if_ Dumbledore weren't here. The man's a shield in himself!"

"He didn't stop the Howler," Lily pointed out miserably. "Or the owl itself, for that matter. He had his wand out, but he didn't do anything!"

"What would you have had him do?" Regulus asked, trying very hard to be gentle. Sometimes, things just weren't quite as obvious to Lily as they were to him – despite the fact that she was indeed two years older. She just… she was too nice to understand the way dark wizards thought. She had started paying more and more attention to Fanny's lectures during Defense Against the Dark Arts, naturally… but some of the concepts were just too difficult for compassionate young girls to fully grasp. And Regulus simply wasn't the kind of person patient enough to make it as a teacher. "If Dumbledore had actually started blasting an owl with his wand, there would have been more chaos than there was already! And, believe it or not, I'm guessing he actually _wanted_ to hear what the Howler had to say!"

"Why?" Lily asked, feeling herself cringe. "Why? Why? Why? Why? _Why_?"

"Can't ever have too much information," Regulus told her. "Even if you know beyond the shadow of a doubt that he's lying to you, it's still a good idea to hear what he's got to say. Because you can read into his words… possibly even get inside his head. Dumbledore's supposedly a genius when it comes to taking just a few sentences from another person's lips and creating entire theories out of them that tend to be more or less surprisingly accurate. Which is why it's so incredible that You-Know-Who actually sent the Howler in the first place! Generally, he's a lot more careful than that. Doesn't normally like making big spectacles. Otherwise, Dumbledore might figure him out and get in the way of whatever it is he's up to."

"What _is_ he up to?" Lily asked quietly, sinking in on herself while waiting fearfully for Regulus's reply. She didn't know exactly what it was that told her he'd be able to explain, for she _certainly_ didn't expect him to actually know the answer! But he might be able to speculate, she thought, and that would give her _something_ to go on, at least.

Regulus, however, was currently hesitating, staring at her uncertainly. For the first time… he found himself wondering… was this something they _really_ needed to be talking about? The Dark Lord was a very dark, very evil entity – and though Regulus had _never_ had a problem with that before, not even last night in the Great Hall, now… now… he looked at Lily… and could see how much it frightened her.

His parents would have laughed at her fear. Before he had befriended her, _he_ probably would have, too! But now he knew her… he knew how strong she was… and how very brave. After all, she had stuck up for him, hadn't she? When no other Gryffindor ever would – especially not when Sirius and Potter pressured so strongly against it. Lily was like no one else he knew. She was like no one else he would _ever_ know. And some treasures… they were just too precious to blemish with something that was – he realized now for the very first time in his entire life – as terrible as the Dark Lord.

He looked down at his hands. Despite everything, he couldn't bring himself to lie to her. But… telling her the truth… made him feel slightly sickened inside. When it came to the Dark Arts, it was the first time he had ever felt this way before. "He's trying to convince the world, possibly even himself, that he's immortal." And who knew? Maybe… maybe he really was.

"Is that even possible?" Lily asked fearfully. The thought obviously terrified her. What with everything she already knew about the Dark Lord, she couldn't think of _anything_ worse than the hopelessness of knowing his reign might never end.

Regulus sighed, and looked back at her delicately. He reached for her hand and held it, which surprised her and brought her to look straight into his eyes. He wanted her to hear this… to _know_. "I promise you… I'm very well acquainted with the Dark Arts. I mean, there's no use in trying to pretend otherwise. Not at this point. I know about things twelve year olds really aren't supposed to, and I'm sure my brother's mentioned that at least once by now. But… I don't know of _anything_ that can make a man immortal, Lily, except for the Philosopher's Stone – and I can _guarantee _you he doesn't have that."

As he said all this, Lily continued staring at him in frightened astonishment. His words obviously came as a shock to her, and she really didn't know how to respond to them. She had heard about the Philosopher's Stone, of course, as she supposed most people did who spent long periods of time reading. But never before had anyone actually spoken about it directly to her like _this_! It was nauseating, really. The world felt like it was spinning so fast!

"I _promise_ you, Lily," Regulus went on, reaching for her other hand and holding them both firmly in his own. "I promise… if he thinks he's immortal, he's deluding himself. And though I… I know this probably won't seem very impressive to you right now… I still… I want you to know that if I ever hear of anything else that might possibly be able to grant someone immortality…" He shrugged. "I'll just get rid of it for you." He spoke that last sentence as if it were no big deal. As if he made such promises everyday of his life, and fulfilled them with the greatest of ease. He sounded confident… the way James often sounded confident… and arrogant.

"That's typical, isn't it?" she whispered almost soundlessly, staring down at their clasped hands. "For people our age to make such bold statements without thinking them all the way through. You'll get in over your head, Regulus. Way over your head. I don't want to hear you saying things like that. Because you're right. It _isn't_ impressive! It's foolish, and I…" She looked up at him and met his gaze once again. "I care too much about you to want to listen to you talking about something like that! It's dangerous, and from the sound of it, it's too late anyway! I mean… what difference will it make if he really _is_ already immortal?"

Regulus didn't know. She was asking him questions that he had never before even considered. And… she was telling him things that he had never before expected to ever hear. He felt… strangely different… which wasn't at all that bothersome, either. "I expect it makes a rather huge difference. I mean, is it ever too late? Anyway, I said it before, didn't I? You can't ever have too much information. _And_, just because the guy _might_ be immortal – not that I think he is, or anything – that still wouldn't give a person the right to just sit down and give up."

As if to emphasize his words, he jumped to his feet and then quickly urged Lily to do the same. "People shouldn't ever sit down, Lily! Not when there's still life in them!"

Despite everything, she found herself gently smiling. Then, while brushing a strand of red hair out of her face, she said: "_I_ meant to show _you_ something this year. I never thought it might happen the other way around as well. Thank you, Regulus."

How many times in his life had he ever been properly thanked? Regulus didn't think that even _he_ knew! But… it hadn't been at all that often. He smiled at her, and then pulled her close to keep her warm. Together, the two of them looked quietly back up at the sky, and began watching the Quidditch match in earnest.

**ooooooo**

Professor Slughorn did not show up for any of his Potion classes whatsoever in the days that followed. In fact, he was so scarcely seen that some began to believe he had fled from the castle altogether! Which wasn't the case at all, but it still seemed to be a rather popular theory. Regulus had told Lily that he was absolutely certain He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named's sole purpose in sending the Howler had been merely to taunt the Potions Master for some reason or other – in which case he seemed to have succeeded immensely. Triumphed, actually. It was horrible!

In any event, Potions was not the class that it had once been. Without Professor Slughorn there to teach it, they were all given their lessons by Professor McGonagall – who did not actually allow them to create potions of their own, but who instead made them all read their textbooks, take notes, and write extended papers on various different potion principles and such. After all, she was not as qualified in that particular field as Professor Slughorn was, and could therefore not be expected to do anything more. It was all too unfortunate, really, for such assignments bored the minds of more students than even History of Magic! And that included James and Sirius…

How long ago had it been since December, Lily often wondered, when Professor Slughorn had been happily reclining in his chair, talking about Slug Club parties, Christmas, and possibly even future balls? She missed that. She was surprised by just how _much_ she missed it! And how much she desperately wanted it back…

Their lesson came to an end one day, and instead of leaving the room with the rest of her classmates, Lily found herself piling her belongings tightly together at her table… where she then just abandoned them! It was high time, she silently decided, to get her teacher back! She had waited long enough, hoping that he might return on his own, or that one of her other professors might manage convincing him to recover from whatever shock it was that the Dark Lord had put him through. But no… It was like… no one seemed to care except for her.

"Miss Evans," Professor McGonagall interrupted sharply as the girl started walking towards a side entrance that led into the Potions Master's private office. Lily paused, knowing what was coming but, for once in her life, just not caring. If some things were worth fighting for, as both Fanny and Regulus seemed to believe, than _this_ was definitely one of them. She glanced almost defiantly at the Head of her House, who had presently risen to her feet. But surprisingly… it was not so much disapproval on Professor McGonagall's face as it was… concern. "I do not think it would do much good. The Headmaster himself has been down numerous times to talk to Horace, but he won't see anyone."

Lily considered that. Maybe then she _was_ jumping to conclusions about who did and did not care, aside from her, but that still didn't change her mind. Whether or not Professor Slughorn would see the Headmaster was, at least to her, completely irrelevant. She had to at least _try_! And so she nodded her understanding to the professor before continuing on her way towards the office door.

When she reached it, she knocked on it softly. "Professor? It's Lily." Speaking gently, but also loudly enough to be heard through such a heavy door, was difficult to do, but not impossible. She found that it was harder trying to decide what she could possibly say to him right now that might convince him to open up his door, when he wouldn't even permit Professor Dumbledore entry! She bit her lip, thinking quickly. "Won't you let me in? I've really… _really_ missed… I…"

She had no idea what she was saying, and behind her, she could sense Professor McGonagall watching sympathetically. The woman pitied her… Lily thought she could feel that as well, but she wasn't _about_ to let it pull her down… she wasn't about to give up! "Come on, Professor… You know me! I'm really concerned about you. So much so that… that it's hard to think! It's hard to concentrate. I can't _bear_ the thought of someone close to me being hurt! You have to let me in!"

Still there was no answer. Lily knocked on the door harder than she had before, and pressed her body up against it, trying to hear what was going on in the room beyond. But she couldn't make anything out. She sighed, suddenly feeling closer to defeat than she would have ever thought possible. Undeniably closer… but still not quite there yet. "I don't know how many times Charlie Pryce told me I'd be utterly and completely useless in this world… unable to give anything to anyone…"

Professor McGonagall started at _that_ remark. Of course she knew that Charlie Pryce had singled out Remus, and that he had been central in both his and Lily's abduction the year before… But Lily had never spoken much about the cruelty Pryce had shown to her in particular… not when she could help it. It really _had_ hurt… and even still, she could feel her heart constricting painfully in her chest when she remembered such terrible words. She couldn't even begin to guess what it was that had compelled her to bring them up in the first place, now, after all this time.

She turned away from the door, but wouldn't meet Professor McGonagall's gaze. She wouldn't have been able to stand the sight. Instead, she stared at the floor. "Maybe he was right all along."

Abruptly, the door behind her snapped slightly ajar. Lily turned around in surprise, even as Professor McGonagall's own expression transformed into one of astonished disbelief. It had worked!

Slowly, the fourth year held her hand out to the doorknob, and peered cautiously into her teacher's office. She didn't want to startle him… Meanwhile, Professor McGonagall started inching her way slowly towards the door of the classroom itself – through which all the other students had left not even five minutes ago. However, Lily ignored the woman, and concentrated only on what was directly in front of her. "Professor?" Stepping into the completely darkened office, she shut the door quietly behind her.

There was no light whatsoever. The windows had all been boarded up, and there were no candles or lanterns lit. Lily shivered, unable to imagine her Professor Slughorn stewing in the darkness like this for a couple of days, entirely by himself! It wasn't like him! And it… it frightened her. She didn't know why, but she was frightened for him. "Professor…"

"Lily, I don't want to ever hear you saying something like that again," the man said, in a quiet voice that was filled with deep anguish and despair. It came from the far side of the room, and it sounded _so_ close to defeat. "You are worth more than Charlie Pryce can possibly know. And one day, you're going to give this world so much. I can see that already."

"You're hurting," Lily whispered, taking a few rather cautious steps towards the sound of his voice. She couldn't see anything! It wouldn't do at all for her to trip over something now and land on her face. "You're hurting and you won't let anyone even try to help! So I'm not… I'm not entirely convinced that I _can_ do anything. Anything at all." But as she spoke, a kind of warmth seemed to emanate right out of her body. It spread across the room, lighting several of the candles that had been recently distributed throughout. With their aid, Lily could see Professor Slughorn sitting in a leather armchair with his face buried in his hands. Upon perceiving the light that was now illuminating his office, however, he glanced upward in amazement. His eyes, Lily noticed right away, looked so tired… She had always known that he was an elderly man… but only now did she truly comprehend that. Only now could she truly see the age and all the years that lined his face… making him appear to be less animated than he had once been, and possibly even older than the Headmaster himself – which Lily knew to be preposterous.

He smiled wearily. "You truly do have talent, my dear. I've always been able to recognize it in my students." He sighed, and gazed at his hands in obvious depression. "You aren't like him, see… No… I don't think you are."

"Like who?" Lily asked, wondering if he was still upset about the Howler… or if this was about something else altogether. _'Tell Horace I have created my fourth.'_ What did _that_ mean? And how exactly did Professor Slughorn know He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named? What was their connection?

Lily suddenly caught her breath. Was _he_ the one that Professor Slughorn had just compared her to? Looking at the Potions Master… seeing the expression on his face… and remembering everything that had happened in the past few days… she couldn't even begin fathoming that it might be someone else! "Like the Dark Lord, you mean?"

Professor Slughorn visibly flinched, and looked away. "Like Tom Riddle," he corrected softly, getting to his feet and walking to stand before one of the shining candles.

"Oh," Lily said, as if that answered everything. In truth, it answered nothing, and only left her feeling all the more confused. Who was Tom Riddle? And how did he fit into all of this?

"I misjudged him, Lily," the professor admitted, drawing his words out so long that each one seemed to last an entire minute on its own. She had never heard in her life a voice that was filled with so much guilt… and so much grief… "I don't know how to say this… especially to a child… but Tom. He truly is immortal now. And now… everyone will know that it is my fault. All my fault."

His words went against everything that Regulus had told her. So much so, that she didn't know what to believe anymore. The Dark Lord's real name was Tom Riddle… He had been Professor Slughorn's very own student… and he had also been a favorite… just like she was. Her teacher thought that he was immortal now. And though most of the other students seemed to share Regulus's opinion, and believed the dark wizard only to be bluffing, if Professor Slughorn believed it… mightn't it possibly then be true?

"Don't say that," she begged him, taking several desperate steps forward. "I know I don't know anything about immortality or You-Know-Who or even the Dark Arts in general! But if you say that, you'll be giving him exactly what he wants, won't you?" Professor Slughorn glanced at her, and she could see that his eyes were watering. The next thing she knew, her own eyes were flooded with tears as well, and they poured heavily down her face. She almost felt like she was choking on them. "It isn't supposed to be this way!"

"Lily…" It must have truly surprised him to see her standing there crying. She wondered numbly whether or not he had ever seen a student of his weep before. After all, he had never seemed to be the kind of man often found in situations such as these. No… In the past, he had always been so full of geniality and warmth… as if nothing in the world could trouble him. But now… Now he watched her, truly affected by her tears, yet seemingly unable to do anything about them. Maybe he just didn't know how. They were both at a loss for words.

However, the silence passing between them was then interrupted by a quiet tap on the door at the front of the room. Lily and Professor Slughorn both turned their heads in time to watch as the Headmaster himself gently pushed the door open, and walked calmly inside. His gaze passed delicately from the girl to the professor and back again. She quickly tried wiping her eyes dry with her hands, but that only managed to rinse her fingers as much as her face. She stared down at her feet abashedly.

"I seem to be intruding," the Headmaster observed softly.

"No, no," Professor Slughorn's voice choked and trembled when he wanted nothing more than to keep it calm and steady. "I assure you, Albus, you're not." He probably hoped that Professor Dumbledore would provide Lily with the comfort that he could not.

But she didn't want it. Not from him, anyway. And so she shook her head. "I should go. I have to… tutor tonight…" How was she ever going to tutor anyone like this? She was still silently sobbing, and her tears felt like they would never cease. She looked up at Professor Slughorn and did her absolute best to smile. However… she was sure it was the weakest one she had ever given. "I hope you'll be returning to class soon, professor. Everyone wants you to come back."

The man truly did look touched. And Professor Dumbledore seemed to be, if Lily didn't know any better, mildly satisfied at that himself. She couldn't even _begin_ to imagine why. Nevertheless, she left it at that and started quickly from the room. She hadn't realized how much it would hurt talking to her professor when she had first set out to do so… and… and she didn't understand why!

Did everything in life have to hurt so much? Her heart told her that it wasn't supposed to be that way, but… her own, personal experience was telling her that it was. Which one was she supposed to listen to? What part of herself was she supposed to trust? Because right now she couldn't bear it! She just… wanted it all to go away…

**ooooooo**

**A/N: **Please review. As always, I appreciate it!


	47. The Night of the Ball

**ooooooo**

Eventually Lily's tears did dry, as they do for all things. After all, no one can spend their entire lifetime sobbing their eyes out! They'd sooner run out of tears altogether! Lily _had_ thought that she'd run out of tears a long time ago. She _had_ thought that she'd simply done her fair share of crying, and that even if her heart _was_ in pain, she just wouldn't have had it in her… she just wouldn't have had anything left at all to show the world her grief… her sorrow. How was it fair that she should be wrong about this as well?

For though her tears had dried, she just _couldn't_ forget about shedding them. Her heart ached for the turmoil in Professor Slughorn's, and for the guilt that he was living with. He did return to class, fortunately enough, and for all else he picked up right back where he had left off, as if the Howler had been nothing more than a terrible dream. As if none of it had ever happened. He was as cheerful, lively, and vivacious as he had always been, and when, during his entire first week back, his students intermittently asked him about the Howler, what it had meant, and why he himself had taken leave from class for so, so long, he always gave them the same reply:

"The Howler was a cruel prank… I myself was excused from Hogwarts to look into it… There is no fact behind it at all… Rest assured, nothing has changed whatsoever…"

So that, apparently, was the cover story, and Professor Slughorn wasn't the only one going along with it. _All_ the teachers seemed to agree that it had been nothing more than a simple joke, which comforted both the students and their parents immensely. It was _amazing_ how readily such explanations were believed by those who truly didn't want to see the truth. Before long, it wasn't even remembered by the students as something _malicious_ anymore, but as something grand! Like fireworks! Before long, every house except for Slytherin looked back on it fondly, with smiles and laughter, claiming that it had been a successful operation meant only to mock the Dark Lord as he had never been mocked before. More than likely, the rumors began to spread, it had been preformed by the Marauders – who had, after all, been absent themselves long enough to prepare for such an undertaking. Only _they_ could have pulled it off and gotten away with it.

Of course, _those_ rumors didn't exactly go over too well with James, Sirius, Remus, and Peter… but unfortunately there was nothing they could reasonably do about it without giving themselves away. And _that_ was, without question, the _last_ thing they would ever do. And so, to keep their secret identities completely secret, the infamous Marauders took credit for the Howler and quickly became the greatest of all legends to ever grace the school… at least among the students. Among the teachers – who actually knew better than to believe such tales themselves – they merely became scapegoats used only to help reinforce their cover story that would hopefully prevent a widespread panic from occurring. How long would it take, Lily often found herself wondering in the days that followed, before they came to regret using the Marauders so brazenly. For there was no way in the world James and Sirius would tolerate such exploitation sitting down.

In any event, it did not take long for everything at Hogwarts to start returning back to normal. Professor Slughorn even got around to scheduling that ball he had spoken of back in December – having finally convinced the rest of the staff that, considering everything that had happened recently, a ball might be just the thing that would put the Howler behind them for good. And so it was planned for the weekend after the Easter Holiday – which gave everyone _ample_ time to make the necessary arrangements that went with holding a ball. Naturally, the girls needed it the most, for they all desired to look their absolute best and therefore hoped to spend their holiday shopping for beautiful and exquisite dress robes that would make _them_ the talk of the school.

Lily herself, however, was one exception. While the rest of the world seemed to spin around her faster than ever, leaving her dizzy and confused, she couldn't help but remember the Howler and everything that she _knew_ it to mean. Professor Slughorn seemed to be himself again, but Lily could tell, even if no one else could, that he was just masking his own insecurity. He still despaired at every reminder given to him of his own part in the Dark Lord's rise to immortality – whatever his part had been, for Lily certainly didn't know anything more than that! And though the students and their parents seemed to be perfectly content once again, she could see that the rest of the staff was not… They had to mask their own concern just as much as Professor Slughorn had to mask his. And that frightened Lily terribly; was she truly the only one who noticed? It made her feel lonelier than she had ever been since her very first year at Hogwarts.

Needless to say, she was quite at a loss for words when the first of _many_ young lads asked if she would attend the ball with them. It took her completely by surprise, for even though she knew perfectly well what the basic concept of a ball was, and that several of her friends – such as Alice – already had their partners decided upon, _she_ had been _far_ too detached by her own worries to even think about who she would be going with. If she even decided to go at all.

The first boy to ask her had been a Ravenclaw. Ian Aldwen, to be specific, and though he was indeed a friend of hers, when he caught her hand one day at the end of Defense Against the Dark Arts and asked if she hadn't already decided who she was going with, she found herself too stunned to reply at once. Was he… asking… her?

"Remus!" she finally managed, despite the fact that it was completely untrue, and for the life of her she couldn't even begin to guess what had compelled her to make such a declaration. Except for… the fact that _he_ was like a brother to her… and at this point… she didn't think her heart could bear to accept anyone else. It had been beating so fast, and she was suddenly, inexplicably frightened… of something she couldn't even identify.

Fortunately, Remus and his three best friends had been close enough to Lily and Ian to hear the entire exchange. They all quickly turned their heads around to stare, and when Lily felt them, she could feel her face turning beat red. They were going to deny it! They were going to do or say something that would give her away! Poor Ian would hate her after this! She couldn't _stand_ it! And though a part of her wanted nothing more than to just run away as quickly as she possibly could, she found that she couldn't move. She was just too petrified!

But then… Remus walked up beside her and took her hand in his. He smiled good-naturedly enough, for Ian was his friend too. "Why don't you ask if she'd save you a dance, mate?" And that was it. Remus didn't deny anything! After all this time, he had grown so much bolder, and he was now just as quick as James and Sirius – if not even more so! With him standing next to her, covering for her, Lily could feel herself calming down immensely. Everything would be okay…

"Would you?" Ian asked hopefully, and Lily found that she was so relieved she could hardly refuse. After that, they had all walked away happily enough – despite the fact that James and Sirius weren't exactly thrilled with Remus for securing a partner before either one of them. Not that they had anything to worry about. Of the four Marauders, only Peter was left without a flock of girls following him around wherever he went – although he did manage to ask one Hufflepuff who agreed to go with him.

In any event, Lily was quick to realize that, just because she already had a partner, she wasn't exactly what one would call safe from would-be suitors. Several of the other boys seemed to think that they could change her mind, and possibly even convince her to go with them instead. It was truly overwhelming, for she had never before realized just _how_ much she was fancied at this school. And it terrified her, for she didn't want to hurt anyone's feelings.

"Maybe I just shouldn't go…" she found herself confiding to Alice, Isabelle, and Pippa one night. She had this… awful feeling about something… It wasn't simply the mind-boggling realization that she could have just about anyone in the entire school that she so desired… It was also the fact that there was a war going on – possibly right outside the castle grounds! This ball was meant to be a distraction from that, but… she was still perfectly aware of it, and so very scared. "There's just too much going on at once…"

"Poor Lily, must be getting old," Pippa joked with an amused smile crossing her face. "She can't even handle popularity anymore."

"You _have_ to go!" Isabelle begged her pleadingly, while throwing a pillow at Pippa, who caught it with a laugh. "Hogwarts hasn't thrown a ball in years, and isn't likely to again! You can't miss it! I'll arrange your hair for you! If you want, I'll even help you find a dress over Easter Holiday! You won't have to worry about anything, I promise!"

Lily certainly hoped that she was right.

**ooooooo**

Needless to say, when the night of the ball came, Lily's mind was in as much of a jumble as ever. She couldn't remember ever wearing anything _this_ fancy before in her entire life! Her dress was blue with a square neckline and long, flowing sleeves; it almost seemed to sparkle in the light! Isabelle, who seemed to know a _lot_ about fashion, had picked it out for her, and Lily had to admit that she didn't mind wearing it in the least. It was a very beautiful dress. But… it was just that… on top of everything else that had been bothering her lately… going out to shop for a ball gown over the holiday with another witch hadn't exactly appealed to Petunia in the slightest. And dealing with her irate older sister _never_ made anything feel any easier. Lily felt like she was being pulled to pieces in several different directions, and couldn't do anything about it!

Isabelle seemed to take forever putting her hair up. But when she was done, Lily found that her long red locks had been knotted up onto the back of her head with several ribbons braided into them. It didn't look bad at all, and Isabelle was quite proud of her work. "You look like a princess, Lily! Now everyone's going to want to dance with you!" The other girls in the dorm room quickly agreed, which didn't particularly make Lily feel any better. Knowing for the first time just how popular she was, and that she was indeed turning into an extremely beautiful girl, only made her feel terribly self-conscious. And _that_ was a feeling she did _not_ like!

Slowly, the group of girls made their way down into the common room where they would meet their partners – _if_ their partners were in Gryffindor. Lily herself stayed behind Isabelle and Pippa, hoping that no one would see her. She didn't feel at all ready for this ball, and couldn't believe that it had arrived so quickly. At the same time, she couldn't _believe_ that she had agreed to go in the first place! What had she been thinking?

The common room was already filled to the brim with students waiting to spill down into the Great Hall. It was incredibly loud, as people laughed and talked and shouted across the room at their friends. When Lily and her roommates finally stepped off the stairs, several boys whistled, and she could feel the color rising to her face. It didn't take long at all for Isabelle and Pippa's partners to find them, and they were amongst the first to leave through the portrait hole.

"Lily?"

The girl glanced over to her left just in time to watch as Remus pushed his way through a mass of the older boys. Like most of them, he was wearing green dress robes that, for once in his life, seemed to be in new, fairly good condition. In fact, he looked to be all-around more handsome than she had ever seen him before! Unfortunately, however, he seemed to share that opinion in regards to her, for as soon as he paused in front of her and got his first good look at her, his eyes widened in surprise even as his face turned bright pink. "Hi…"

"Don't look at me like that!" she whispered unhappily, grabbing his hand and pulling him away with her into an empty corner. "I don't want you looking at me like that!"

Remus got in control of himself as quickly as he could. "Sorry. You just… you look beautiful."

"I know!" Lily cried as if it were without a doubt the absolute _worst_ thing in the entire world. Glancing back out at the crowd of Gryffindors, she could see that several of the boys around her were gracing her with fleeting looks and unwanted attention. It was all she could do not to sink in on herself in dismay. "Everyone's staring at me…"

"Come on," Remus said lightly, unable to keep a smile from his face. He offered her his arm, which she slowly accepted. "It won't be as bad as you think. There's going to be a lot more people in the Great Hall than there are here, so you won't stand out as much." A part of Lily wished to say that she didn't want to stand out at all! But there wasn't much she could do about that now, and so she followed when Remus led her out through the portrait hole.

The decorations in both the entrance hall and the Great Hall were positively stunning. Professor Slughorn had gone out of his way to invite some of his past favorites to return to Hogwarts and supply the place with flowers of every size and color, as well as ivy and other magical vines that climbed ornamentally over all the walls. There were fairies all around, and butterflies and bluebirds. On the far side of the room, beyond even the teachers' very own High Table, every kind of string instrument that Lily had ever heard of before – and then some kinds that were completely foreign – were waiting to be played. Even when the music began, the instruments seemed to rotate so that only a few were playing at once. It gave variety to both sound and style, but in the end, it was all just a part of the same thing. It was a celebration. A celebration of the reemergence of spring. Everything seemed to be budding, and the castle itself had become one large garden, far lovelier than any other Lily had ever seen.

Once again, her inner turmoil was practically put to ease just by the sheer beauty of Hogwarts itself. It had been a long time since she had felt such a mixture of emotion, but she took comfort in it. After all this time, she knew _all_ too well that she preferred such peace over any kind of turmoil, and took in as much of it as she possibly could. Anything at all to keep from being miserable, right?

When the dancing began, she and Remus found themselves out on the floor. It was more fun than she would have wanted to admit, and it didn't take her long at all to relax some and enjoy herself as her partner led her in pirouettes around the room. Remus himself looked like he was trying hard not to laugh, for it was just that exhilarating! When the first couple of songs came to an end, she found that she was perfectly ready and willing to stay with him for the rest of the evening – but that was when Ian Aldwen stepped in and asked for the dance that she herself had promised him. Since she couldn't very well refuse, Remus let her go with a wink and a smile before heading off in search of Sirius.

The next few hours seemed to pass in the blink of an eye. And as the night wore on, Lily lost track of the number of partners she had danced with. It was surprising, really. After Remus, she didn't dance with the same boy twice, and yet she knew every partner she accepted. How many people did she actually know at this school? Whenever she stopped to get a drink or a bite of food, it was always with Alice or Isabelle or one of the other girls, and the only men with whom she found herself conversing when she wasn't out on the dance floor were friends of Professor Slughorn – or Professor Slughorn himself. And no one, absolutely _no one_, said a single word to her without first assuring her that she looked positively beautiful.

She had never felt this way before. She couldn't describe it. It was like she had been transformed into someone else entirely different from Lily Evans. Someone who was now actually _glad_ that she had come. Someone who wished there were balls to attend every other week. Someone who… might actually be royal. Every girl needed to have at least _one_ chance to feel like a princess. Lily supposed that this must be hers.

Surprisingly, it was almost eleven o'clock before she caught her first real glimpse of James Potter that evening. Unlike most of the other boys, _he_ was wearing dark red robes that almost reminded her of his Quidditch uniform. Wasn't that typical? She was taking a sip of her drink from a silver goblet, with Alice and Frank talking excitedly beside her, when she saw him dancing playfully with one of the first years – who, along with the second and third years, were only allowed to attend if their grades exceeded expectations in all their classes – which was more than likely exactly the reason why Regulus was _not_ there. The two of _them_, however, looked like they were thoroughly enjoying themselves, despite the looks cast by some of the older girls who were impatiently waiting for their own opportunity to dance with the Quidditch champion. James was probably perfectly aware of them, too, Lily thought with a sigh. He still needed to be in the spotlight whenever he could. Not that that wasn't to be expected. James was James, after all. She would have turned her attention back to Alice at that point, but before she could, she noticed the boy in question looking at her, and accidentally met his gaze.

He stopped short so suddenly that he nearly caused the poor little girl he was dancing with to stumble and fall on her face. But he quickly steadied her, and smoothly at that, all the while telling her something that caused her to grin. She looked around quickly for Lily and, upon spotting her, nodded her head enthusiastically before bounding away and out of sight. Lily nearly choked at that, having taken a sip of her drink just a little bit too quickly. James was walking towards her now, and he was wearing a look of pure fascination! Oh, God…

Lily, knowing that she couldn't pretend to have _not_ seen James, turned almost desperately towards Frank. "You have to dance with me!" He and Alice, who _had_ been in the middle of their own conversation, both froze and stared at Lily in astonishment. She could tell what they were thinking. Was she out of her mind? Lily found that she could barely breathe, and quickly took both of Alice's hands in hers. "You're my best friend! All I'm asking is for just _one_ dance!" Then, looking pleadingly at Frank: "You wouldn't mind terribly, would you?"

"Lily?"

All three of them glanced at James, who had finally reached the girl's side. And though an obvious look of comprehension was washing over both Alice and Frank's faces, James didn't seem to notice. His gaze was focused entirely on Lily, who could barely meet it. Her heart was hammering so fast, and it was surprisingly difficult to keep from trembling. What was the matter with her?

"You look beautiful," James said, all the while staring at her as if she were a complete stranger that he had never before seen in his entire life. Not even _Remus_ had looked at her like this! "Do you… want to…?"

At that moment, the next song began, and Frank did not hesitate to step forward. "Lily?" he asked, offering her his arm. She took it quickly, and clung to it as if it were the only thing in the world keeping her safe from harm.

"I'm sorry, James," she said quickly, having had a _lot_ of practice in the past few weeks at telling various suitors that she was already taken. "I promised Frank a dance." And before the fourteen year old boy could say even a single word in response, the two of them were off in each others arms, dancing their way across the floor. James spun around quickly to watch them go, astonished, shocked, and speechless. It was all Alice could do not to laugh.

Stepping right up next to him, she patted his arm good-naturedly. "Better luck next time, mate. And don't stare so much. It doesn't flatter her at all." James gawked at her for a moment as she walked off towards Pippa, and then quickly scanned the room once again for a sign of Lily. He couldn't _believe_ how beautiful she was! How had he never seen it before? She was radiant! She was spellbinding! So much so that… that Frank Longbottom should _not_ be the one dancing with her right now! _He_ should be!

Glancing in every direction imaginable, James desperately sought out _something_ that might distract himself from thoughts of Lily Evans. But there was nothing. After all, when one caught a glimpse of such perfection, it was impossible to eradicate all thoughts of it. Lily was a princess! And James couldn't believe that he was only noticing this _now_.

**ooooooo**

When the song ended, Lily thanked Frank for saving her from James and quickly excused herself. She _had_ to get as far away from the Great Hall as she could, and as quickly as possible, lest he find her again and demand a turn to dance with her! Because, as horrible as it would no doubt be, Lily feared that, if James Potter _did_ ask, she might not be able to refuse.

The entrance hall was just as jam packed with students as the Great Hall was, and Lily could tell that it would be a trick getting past them and to the stairs. Besides, she was felt like she was sweating and simply _needed_ a breath of fresh air. Seeing that there actually _was_ a path to the open doors, Lily wasted no time whatsoever in making for it. Before long, she was outside and able to breathe properly again.

The weather was still refreshingly cold, despite the fact that spring had long since arrived. Lily took comfort in it, relishing in the fact that she had escaped at last. It was darker outside, though the moon was half full and the stars were shining brightly. A few of the older couples were enjoying the night as well, taking walks with their hands clasped tightly together, as fairies danced in the air around them. Music from the Great Hall could be heard in the distance, and even as Lily started walking down the path that eventually wound its way into Hogsmeade, she listened to it happily. The ball was meant to distract students from everything else in the world, she reflected as she walked. Well… it had definitely been successful.

Feeling satisfyingly revitalized, Lily turned leisurely around back towards the school. In the distance, she thought she could see the Whomping Willow, but it was too dark to know for sure. Overhead, a large owl flew through the darkness and towards the school. Lily mildly wondered whose it was, and what message it was delivering.

By now it _had_ to have been after eleven. She wondered how long the ball would continue. It surely wouldn't last past midnight, would it? Maybe it was time that she started back up to the Gryffindor Tower. She could have a little bit of privacy before going to bed. After having had hours of attention, it would definitely make for a nice change.

She glanced up at the castle. Even in the darkness it was as enchanting as ever, what with its lit windows and the exquisite music echoing from within its halls… Lily paused and took in the sight. Standing there, she knew immediately that she could spend the rest of her life at Hogwarts, and be perfectly happy.

A cloud passed over the moon, darkening the sky. Surprised, Lily looked up at it, for the night had been completely clear just moments ago. Something moved on the pathway behind her, and she turned around expecting to see another student. But it wasn't another student. It was too big to be a student!

It was a large, fully grown man who suddenly, but silently, charged. She didn't have anytime to scream at all, or even to open her mouth in protest, before he had an arm wrapped around her waist. Pulling her close to him, he pressed his other hand against her mouth, covering both it and her nose with a folded piece of cloth.

Lily immediately recoiled, pushing him away from her as hard as she could. She tried twisting around; she tried uncovering her mouth; but her struggles were only used against her. Her attacker allowed her to turn away from him, but then forced her back up against his stomach. He pressed the cloth tighter against her face, nearly crushing her head in the process, as it was now sandwiched between his hand and chest.

She closed her eyes tightly, wondering what was going on even as her head began to swim. She hadn't been dizzy before now… She hadn't been dizzy before in her entire life! And she couldn't breathe… He was trying to suffocate her…

"You look beautiful tonight, Miss Evans," a chillingly familiar voice whispered in her ear. Her eyes opened at once in shock and terror. She couldn't believe it! It couldn't be real!

For several seconds, she struggled against him as frantically and wildly as she could. But all for naught… There was something on that cloth… It was making her so dizzy… lightheaded… weak…

_Not again…_

Darkness enveloped her, and she fell limply in Charlie Pryce's arms. He smiled cruelly, and picked her up. Turning, carrying her unconscious body with him, he disappeared silently into the shadows.

**ooooooo**

**A/N:** Did you actually think he was gone for good? Please review! I appreciate it so much!


	48. Within the Shrieking Shack

**ooooooo**

Regulus Black could hardly believe what he was seeing. Bloody hell…?

It was too dark to perceive much of anything going on at such a distance, and since he wasn't exactly supposed to be there in the first place, as he was just an average second year student too inadequate to be invited to old Slughorn's little party, he had made it a point to remain safely hidden in the shadows. Technically, since it was well after curfew by now, he _ought_ to have been fast asleep down in his shabby, pathetic excuse of a Slytherin dorm room. But Regulus couldn't sleep.

The entire school had been talking about this ball ever since Slughorn had announced it! Regulus had seen firsthand the number of boys who had asked Lily Evans to accompany them on this night. It had surprised him, really… the burning jealousy that tore at his heart whenever he thought about _her_ with one of _them_. They didn't deserve her. Hell, he knew that not even _he_ deserved her! _He_ deserved her least of all! It actually didn't particularly bother him that she would be going with Remus Lupin. After all, she had asked him to take her, and not the other way around. The way she had explained it to him, Regulus was actually grateful to Lupin for getting her away from that Aldwen character. Besides, Regulus knew what Lily's relationship was with Lupin. And so it didn't bother him.

But still… Regulus found himself a bit worried that Lupin might not be with Lily the entire evening. He found himself worried that someone else – some lowlife, arrogant suitor that thought too much of himself – might pester her. She didn't deserve that! Regulus needed to be at that ball! He needed to make sure that no one undeserving got too close! And… a part of him had really wanted to see what she would look like at a ball…

She was amazing. Sneaking around the school and the entrance hall, doing major reconnaissance, he had managed to catch several glimpses of her from afar without getting caught by any of the grown supervisors. And even if he had been, just one sight of _her_ would have made it all worth it. She was more beautiful than Aphrodite! With her hair pulled back and braided with ribbons, and with her blue dress sparkling lightly whenever she moved, she had him enchanted at first sight. It eventually grew too difficult to breathe, and so he had escaped outside into the shelter of darkness.

He hadn't been able to understand any of it. The way Lily made him feel. The way his heart raced whenever he saw her at a distance, and the way that it stilled whenever she was close. She pacified him – lately _even_ when just thoughts of her alone were present! He knew that she was taming him, but for some reason, he just didn't care!

Pacing in large, restless circles through the darkness beneath the quiet sky, he had spent hours trying to understand what he knew he never would. Lily treated him as no one ever had before. With kindness… and, more importantly, with faith. How could he repay her for that? Would growing tame be enough? He… he had to hope so.

Sitting down on the ground, Regulus wrapped his arms around his legs and stared dejectedly up at the Whomping Willow. This place… it was where he had started his friendship with Lily all over again. Hell, it was where he had practically started his very own _life_ all over again! And it was where he sat now, having contemplated it all for what felt like an eternity, when he saw something that was truly unbelievable.

He couldn't see very well through the darkness… but it looked like a large man carrying something in his arms… He was headed straight towards the Whomping Willow! Bloody hell…?

Cautiously, and very, very quietly, Regulus maneuvered himself onto his hands and knees, and started crawling his way forward towards the tree, wondering what could possibly be going on. Squinting, he peered through the darkness, finally able to make out enough to realize that the man was in fact carrying a girl. An unconscious girl, from the look of it. However, he couldn't identify either one of them, and so he continued crawling nearer as quietly as humanly possible.

The man paused several meters away from the volatile tree. Carefully placing the girl onto the ground, he pulled out a wand. Regulus tensed, immediately sensing that, whoever she was, she was definitely in danger. The man was bending over her, grabbing her arms and forcing them together. With a flick of his wand, he then conjured up a rope that securely fastened her wrists in place. Turning, he was quick to do the same to her ankles.

A second later he glanced up at the tree, allowing a flicker of light – either from the moon or the castle itself – to shine on and illumine his face. Regulus recognized it instantly, and his heart grew painfully cold. Professor Pryce! His good-for-nothing first year Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher! The man that had assisted several poachers into the Forbidden Forest! That had helped abduct Lupin and –

And Lily…

Regulus glanced back down at the girl tied up on the grass. And suddenly… he was able to identify her through the darkness as well. Lily…

It was all he could do not to panic. That way Lily! She was down there, helpless, and completely at Pryce's mercy! Did anyone know that she was missing? Did anyone know that Pryce was back? Where were the teachers? Where was that famous Hogwarts security? He needed to do something! He needed to protect her! But how? Was he supposed to engage a fully grown criminal in combat? Or go running for help? He was only twelve years old… but then again, he was also a Black…

If Regulus ran off looking for help, Pryce would have plenty of time to do as he pleased with Lily! Hell, he might even be able to get her off school grounds and Apparate her away, somewhere far away, where Regulus would never be able to see her again! He could kill her… he could torment her… And why, in god's name, was he staring at the Whomping Willow like that?

Suddenly, Pryce pointed his wand towards the tree. Immediately, a large branch that had been lying on the ground jumped to life and slammed its tip up against one of the tree's roots. Regulus blinked, failing to understand the point of _that_, and feeling particularly confused by it. _What was he up to?_ But then… the man reached for Lily's bound wrists and started dragging her towards the tree – which remained completely and utterly indifferent to his approach! It didn't try to stop him. It didn't lash out at him. It didn't even move a single inch! It was… as if he had paralyzed it or something.

Regulus caught his breath. And as he watched, both Pryce and the girl disappeared into the ground beneath the tree. It was like they had descended into some kind of burrow leading down into the earth. For all he knew, that was _precisely _what had happened! Well, there was nothing for it, now. Who would believe him if he tried to explain that Lily had been forced into the ground underneath the Whomping Willow? He somehow _knew_ that the tree wouldn't remain paralyzed for long. If he wanted to protect her, he needed to follow Pryce. Now. He just didn't have _time_ for anything else!

Scrambling forward, it was all Regulus could do to keep calm. It only took a matter of seconds for him to get directly in front of the tree. If it came to life now… he'd be "Whomped" for sure. He could hear his heart pounding in his ears… he could feel his face dripping with sweat… his legs were trembling and his body was cold. What was he supposed to do now?

Looking around desperately, he soon caught sight of a large gap in the roots. There! That _had_ to be how Pryce had descended into the ground! Stopping short, he fought to catch his breath. He needed to mind his surroundings now. If Pryce heard him coming… Regulus didn't want to _think_ about what might happen. As quietly as he could, he sat down next to the gap and carefully stuck his feet in. Slowly, he eased himself the rest of the way in and slid down a short slope that led into a dark, underground tunnel. Without a moment's hesitation, he crouched down into a very tiny ball, all the while hoping that the darkness would cover him up sufficiently enough. It did, and upon looking upwards, Regulus could see Pryce's silhouette – for the man had evidently illuminated his wand to see where he was going – as he trudged his way up the tunnel with Lily once again in his arms. Regulus bit his lip nervously.

Quietly, he pulled out his own wand and held it firmly in his hand. Under no circumstances would he allow Charlie Pryce to catch him unarmed! Taking a deep breath, he started making his way through the tunnel after his old schoolteacher. And god help the man if anything happened to Lily.

**ooooooo**

Back inside the castle, the ball was carrying on as if nothing had happened. Students were dancing and laughing and enjoying themselves – as were many of the teachers supervising the event. Everything was so brightly lit that it was almost dazzling, and the music swelled throughout the Great Hall, having reached its climax. The room itself seemed to be alive with magic, and it was a true delight to just about everyone present.

Except for James. Having spent the last quarter of an hour searching unsuccessfully for Lily, he was feeling downright dismal. Where was she? He had asked _everyone_, and no one had seen her. He had even run all the way up to the Gryffindor Tower, demanding that the Fat Lady tell him whether or not Lily had passed by earlier. But no… she definitely hadn't. Somewhere, she was still out and about, roaming around the castle in that exquisite blue dress. But for the life of him, he just didn't know _where_!

Something was troubling him. He didn't know exactly what it was, but had, at first, thought that it might have something to do with the fact that he couldn't stop thinking about Lily in a way that he had _never_ thought of her before. But now… he knew it was something else. Something… that was wrong… pure and simple.

Returning to the entrance hall, James pushed his way through the crowd and on towards the castle's front doors. They stood open, and several of the students had already spilled outside. James made his way past them as well, and suddenly noticed Peter standing rigidly off by himself, looking at something _he_ couldn't quite make out. Frowning, James hurried over to him.

Peter jumped when he sensed his friend, but after that, he didn't waste time with any kind of formality. Seeing the look of worry lining James's face, Peter could tell that he wasn't the only one feeling rather ill at ease. And so he pointed his finger, bringing James to look quickly up at the sky, where he then managed to catch sight of a large owl soaring away from the castle and towards the Forbidden Forest. When Peter spoke, he did so in a trembling, frightened voice. "Last time I saw that owl… I was… walking up to the… the school from Hagrid's… It was the night those poachers…"

That was all he needed to say. James quickly deduced that, in such a case, _that_ particular owl _must_ have been the one that had warned Pryce to make his escape last year. And if Lily couldn't be found… "Peter, go up to the Tower and get my invisibility cloak. I'm going to find Dumbledore. Be ready if he's not exactly willing to let us help." Peter stared at his friend stupidly, not quite sure of what was going on himself. But James met his gaze meaningfully. "I think Lily's missing."

And that was all _he_ needed to say.

**ooooooo**

Lily groaned, slowly returning to consciousness. Her head was pounding painfully, and there was a strange, foreign taste in her mouth. She felt undeniably nauseas, and couldn't, for the life of her, see a thing. Where was she?

Pryce… Charlie Pryce… She remembered him attacking her… pressing something up against her face… Had she been chloroformed? How? How could he have possibly gotten back onto the castle's grounds? How had this happened? And _why_, why, why, _why_, was it happening to _her_?

She could hear herself whimpering. Where was she? It almost felt like she was lying on a mattress. But if that was the case… she realized desolately that she could be absolutely anywhere in the entire world! The Forbidden Forest certainly didn't have any mattresses in it, and she couldn't possibly believe that Pryce would be dumb enough to go so far as to carry her back into the very school itself! More than likely… he had forced her off the castle's grounds… and had Apparated her to the other side of the country.

It was all she could do not to throw up. Her stomach was churning threateningly, and her headache alone felt blinding enough to hinder her vision even if it _hadn't_ of been too dark to see a thing. Feeling utterly miserable, Lily raised her right arm in the hopes of checking her pain by massaging her forehead. To her extreme dismay, she quickly discovered that she couldn't move one arm without moving the other. Her hands were tied!

Alarm shot through her, and she sat up quickly. Her head practically exploded in pain, but she did her best to ignore it. Blinking heavily, she _fought_ to adjust her vision, stopping only when she could finally _see_ the rope that was tightly binding her wrists. And now that she was consciously aware of it, she couldn't _help_ but feel the pressure that was also compressing her ankles. They were just as trussed up as her hands were.

"Oh god…" Lily immediately started twisting her arms around, flailing and thrashing them violently about in every direction imaginable as she desperately sought to loosen the ropes, even if only a little. But it didn't work. They didn't give at all, and whenever she so much as even _moved_, they actually began to tighten… excruciatingly. They had obviously been enchanted, and were definitely _meant_ to keep her powerless. Her fingers gradually started to grow numb, even as the ropes bit painfully into her skin. It hurt so much that she literally cried out, feeling the tears forming in her eyes. Before long, she had no choice whatsoever but to sit perfectly still like a good little girl and wait.

The ropes loosened again, but only so much so as to allow her blood to circulate through her hands. They still fastened her wrists together without mercy, and the moment that she tried freeing herself a second time was the moment in which they squeezed even tighter than before. There was nothing she could do to stop it.

_I don't have my wand,_ she realized in a near panic, as she started glancing frantically around the room in which she was imprisoned. She hadn't brought it with her to the ball, for she honestly hadn't expected to need it. And now, she was trapped helplessly, completely alone inside a room that brought to mind some kind of dark, dank, broken down, abandoned manor. There was dust and cobwebs all over the place – including the large four-poster bed on which she had been deposited. The hangings were soiled, the one window was completely boarded up, and there was a foul stench that certainly didn't help ease her queasiness whatsoever. She thought she was going to start crying. _This can't be happening…_

Quite suddenly, a door slammed shut from somewhere else inside the house. Lily jumped, looking towards the closed one on the other side of the room that she was in. Beyond it, she could now hear several footsteps, creaking floors, and hushed voices. She tensed as they started to come closer. Somehow… she just _knew_ that whoever was out there didn't mean to release her.

The doorknob started to shake and jingle as if someone were using a key to unlock it. Lily could feel her body shaking, and her head ached worse than ever before. She couldn't breathe… _Someone help me! _Oh, god, was she going to die here?

Seconds later, the door flew open rather abruptly, and such a brilliant light flooded its way into the room that Lily was forced to turn away very quickly while holding her arms up to shield her face. Behind her, someone gasped as if in pure astonishment while someone else strode calmly into the room.

"You sound surprised, Mr. Prewett," Charlie Pryce's amused voice filled the chamber and caused Lily to cringe. She slowly lowered her arms and looked back at them both in terror. Her attacker, who was holding a large lantern in one hand and his wand in the other, stood proudly over her with a satisfied smirk crossing his face. Behind him, there was another man that Lily had never seen before in her entire life. He was smaller than Pryce, but looked powerful enough in his own right. He had relatively thick auburn hair and two dark, intelligent, particularly watchful eyes. Presently, he was staring at Lily almost uncertainly.

"You said you were going to wait for the end of the term to make the exchange," he reminded Pryce in a voice that was nevertheless calm and casual. Lily trembled, understanding exactly what such words meant. She was going to be sold… "I don't have your money."

Pryce chuckled, turning back around to face the man. "Of course you don't. I won't go back on our arrangement, Mr. Prewett. The exchange _will_ take place as it was scheduled to, you have my word. I only meant to do you the courtesy of presenting you with your property beforehand. You see, in my line of work, buyers tend to want to see what they mean to purchase before the deal is made. They like previews."

"Hmm," Prewett took a couple of steps closer, and Lily instinctively shied away. Her head was pounding so painfully… it was hard to think clearly, and she just wished she could wake up from this terrible nightmare! Prewett crossed his arms pensively. "Pray, remind me again why the Dark Lord would be interested in her?" Lily froze, her eyes widening in terror so great that she almost feared passing out. Meanwhile, Pryce had walked over to an old, broken down, ruined dresser, and set the lantern carefully on the floor in front of it.

"Only because she is the very answer to a timeless question that has plagued thousands of people both in the wizarding world _and_ muggle one," he replied calmly, righting himself and turning to stare at both Prewett and the girl. "Including the Dark Lord and Albus Dumbledore himself! Which is more powerful? Love or hate?" Seeing the man's look of skeptical incredulity, Pryce continued. "It was almost two years ago. I was teaching at the school, bidding my time until a moment came when I could coerce the werewolf into the forest. I overheard two other teachers talking in the Great Hall at breakfast one morning. Flitwick and that old bat, McGonagall. The day of the very first visit many of the older students are permitted to take into Hogsmeade was drawing near, and Flitwick mentioned being concerned about one student in particular. Lily Evans."

Lily stared at the man in shock. Was _this_ how he had learned of her secret? Breathing grew to be more difficult by the second – it was almost painful! And she was shaking so hard that she thought she could hear her bones themselves rattling beneath her skin. Literally. The room seemed to be spinning all around her, and she thought she was going to be sick.

"That had obviously surprised McGonagall, and she certainly was quick enough to question him about it. However, he only replied by saying that Miss Evans had visited Hogsmeade before, and that, given her delicacy, he was concerned by how she might react to the village if she recognized it. Of course, she _was_ a delicate child. Even _I _could see that much, and I had only been her professor for two months, while they had known her for two long years. After that, McGonagall spoke of the girl having a gift, to which Flitwick readily agreed. And this caught my interest. As far as I could tell, Miss Evans was anything _but_ gifted. She didn't even want to have the slightest thing to do with magic! And so, I set out to interrogate McGonagall. Took me some time to get the Veritaserum I required, but when I finally did, everything else was set perfectly in place. Not even Dumbledore was aware of it – though I daresay he had other things on his mind, what with everything that had been going on in the forest, and the war itself to boot. But I got McGonagall, make no mistake about that, and she told me everything she knew of the girl. And come morning, she was none the wiser! Excuse me that I don't reveal anymore than that, for my tactics at collecting much needed information are far better kept secret."

Prewett inclined his head. "I can't deny you're a credit to your profession, Mr. Pryce. But I must say, it surprises me – the risks you took simply because one teacher said to another that a girl was gifted."

Pryce sneered. "It was more than that, believe me. Miss Evans has…" He paused, and glanced at the girl almost fondly. She shrank away from him in growing terror, which only seemed to heighten his good mood. "Well, she definitely has a kind of aura about her that beguiles. She's worth the effort, even if there _was_ nothing to back Flitwick and McGonagall's claim. But as it is, Dumbledore and the Dark Lord have argued for years about whether or not love is stronger than the Dark Arts. Apparently, Dumbledore believes that the girl has it in her blood to prove _him_ right, irrefutably. Now tell me that _that_ would not interest the Dark Lord!"

Prewett smiled and took a deep breath, nodding his agreement. "No doubt, no doubt. Now tell me… Who all have you told this to?"

Pryce hesitated, narrowing his eyes slightly at the strange question. "I've kept it all a secret. Only the poachers with whom I operated last year knew of it, although I'm quite certain that, by now, Dumbledore's seen to it they won't ever be in a position to speak of it again. Personally, I'm not too keen on the idea of allowing someone else a chance to procure and sell her before I do, and so I've told no one. Why do you ask?"

Prewett's smile broadened even as he scoffed in derision, his very eyes beginning to sparkle triumphantly. "Just checking to make sure you haven't made this mess too difficult to clean up, Mr. Pryce." And then, before the man could even utter a single word in response, Prewett held up his wand and aimed it ruthlessly._ "Expelliarmus!"_

**ooooooo**

**A/N:** Please review! As always, I appreciate it!


	49. The Killing Curse

**ooooooo**

James ran as quickly as he could up the stairs and through the corridors that eventually led to Dumbledore's office. _He wasn't at the ball… He wasn't at the ball…_ The boy certainly had _asked_ if anyone had seen the Headmaster at the ball, but apparently he had retired hours ago on important business. If he could be found anywhere, James was told, it would more than likely be up in his office. And so that was where he proceeded at a speed bested only when he was on the back of a broomstick.

It seemed to take forever for him to reach the school's most famous stone gargoyle. James himself had, on more than one occasion, been forced in front of the statue by an angry professor bent on making him pay for his various crimes. But _this_… this was the first time he had ever stood _willingly_ before the gargoyle. Had to be a record…

_Now what was that password?_ The last time James had been taken to see the Headmaster had been when he and Sirius got into that fight with Regulus down in the library. Stupid git had been asking for it, but did _he_ get in trouble? Of course not! Bloody Slytherins…

James took a deep breath and concentrated on remembering the password. It seemed unlikely that Dumbledore would have the same one now that he had had last term, but it was the only chance James had. He didn't want to consider how much time would be wasted if he was forced to return downstairs to ask for McGonagall or some other teacher's help. Not that they would give it to him anyway. If Dumbledore really was on important business, they wouldn't want a fourteen year old nuisance bothering him, would they?

"Bloody hell…" James felt the frustration welling up inside of him. He had been too angry with Regulus to concentrate on memorizing Dumbledore's bleeding password! Other than the fact that it was probably some sort of candy, he had no _idea_ what the word might possibly be! Too frustrated to try anything else, James found himself slamming a fist against the gargoyle's face.

But then, out of nowhere, and for a reason James couldn't possibly understand – at least at that particular moment – the gargoyle came to life! It jumped aside, as James had seen it do on numerous occasions, and exposed the wall behind it – which was now splitting apart. The boy almost felt like laughing as he lunged forward towards the spiraling stone staircase that lay beyond the separated wall and that would then carry him up to the Headmaster's office – in theory.

In actuality, however, it did no such thing. For the stairs were not magically moving upwards, as they normally did, but downwards. And when James tried to run up them, he found himself instead being carried back down again to where he had begun! It was more frustrating than when he had been at odds with the uncooperative gargoyle! And it was all he could do not to utter a string of long, inappropriate vulgarities.

"Ah. Mr. Potter."

James froze, looking up in astonishment. There was Professor Dumbledore! Riding down the stairs in perfect composure! _That_ was why the gargoyle had moved aside for him! The Headmaster had been on his way out! The boy quickly stepped backwards, making room for Dumbledore to stand next to him in the corridor. For several seconds, the two just stared at each other silently.

And then James blinked, snapping back to the present while remembering exactly _why_ he was there right now. He stared up at the elder wizard in horror. "It's Lily! I think she's in danger, sir! She's not at the ball! She's not in the Tower! No one's seen her! And Peter thinks this owl we both saw outside might be Charlie Pryce's!"

A look of concern creased Dumbledore's face, and he reached a hand out to grasp James's shoulder. "Come with me." He turned back towards the spiraling stairs, which had at some point or other reversed themselves so that they were once again moving upwards, and guided the boy forward. Together, the two of them rode up to the top, where they then paused in front of a large, polished oak door that had on it a brass, griffin shaped knocker. Dumbledore opened it quickly, and James found himself being urged inside the familiar room.

It was a circular office that boasted more than one open window and a fireplace to the side. The walls were covered with portraits of various Headmasters from the school's past, and on a large desk, there was a clutter of papers and several other oddities that James couldn't identify. They were, however, remarkably akin to all the other unrecognizable instruments and gadgets assorted throughout the place. Dumbledore certainly was a collector – there was no question about that.

The old man was standing in the threshold of his office door, appearing to be somewhat torn. It _almost_ seemed like he was unable to decide whether or not he should follow James the rest of the way in. Regarding the boy quite seriously, it was perfectly clear to James that now was not the right time for any formalities. And so… he got straight to the point by asking the one question that had been truly bothering him up until now. "How could Pryce get back to Hogwarts? Is it possible?"

Dumbledore inclined his head. "Yes, I'm sorry to say that it is _all_ too possible. More than likely, Pryce is one step ahead of us already. Mr. Potter, I must ask that you remain here until I manage to sort this all out. I don't want you running headfirst into trouble." And with that, the Headmaster actually stepped outside and shut the door!

"HEY!" James practically squealed, bounding towards it in pure indignation. "You can't lock me up in here!" He grabbed the handle and frantically tried turning it, but, to his extreme dismay, it wouldn't so much as even _budge_! He was _definitely_ locked in… James seized his wand angrily and tried casting just about every single one of the spells that he knew, but the door remained solidly shut. There was just no beating Professor Dumbledore.

"LET ME OUT!" James shouted angrily, throwing down his wand and pounding on the door as violently as he could. Poor Peter would be waiting for him with the invisibility cloak, but now he couldn't even get past a bloody door! What had he been _thinking_, going to Dumbledore for help? This was outrageous! "YOU CAN'T TREAT ME LIKE THIS! I OBJECT! YOU _HAVE_ TO LET ME OUT RIGHT NOW!"

But Dumbledore didn't come back for him, and no one came to help.

**ooooooo**

_"Expelliarmus!"_

Lily screamed as Charlie Pryce was thrown violently through the air. His wand seemed to leap right out of his own hands and directly into Prewett's, who caught it expertly even as he shook his head in scorn. When Pryce crashed heavily against the far wall and sank into a heap on the floor, his attacker seemed to be unutterably satisfied. "Did you _really_ think you could get this close to Hogwarts after everything you pulled last year without Albus Dumbledore's awareness? He's the greatest wizard in the world and _certainly_ won't be had by the likes of you!"

Lily caught her breath, her eyes widening in astonishment and her heart pounding almost painfully in her chest. Was this man on _her_ side? She looked from him to Pryce, who was sitting curled up on the floor wandlessly. But… to her surprise… he didn't seem to be at all concerned.

"Let me guess," he said, staring up at the other man with a sly smile once again crossing his face. It caused Lily to cringe, and seemed to surprise even Prewett. Or rather… _especially_ Prewett, who looked down at him suspiciously. "You're a part of Dumbledore's players, aren't you? That so-called Order of the Phoenix? What did you do? Intercept my message to the Dark Lord's followers?"

Prewett nodded. "And impersonated a Death Eater. That is correct. But no matter. You're in my hands now, Mr. Pryce, and I'm going to see to it that you're put away into Azkaban for a long, long time." Still aiming his wand directly at Pryce, Prewett momentarily glanced at Lily. "Are you all right, Miss?"

Lily was still shaking something fierce, and still found it increasingly difficult to breathe. But it wasn't out of fear… She was just _so_ relieved that it felt like she was going into shock or something. She couldn't answer his question… It was all she could do just to sit there and keep from hyperventilating!

"Miss Evans?" Prewett asked again, concern sounding in his voice. He took a small step towards her, and Pryce followed his gaze to stare almost hungrily at the girl. But before anything else could be said or done, there was a slow, quiet movement made back by the edge of the doorframe which immediately caught Lily's attention.

"Regulus!" she gasped in astonishment as the boy cautiously poked his head inside the room, staring at the scene before him rather suspiciously. Pryce instantly turned his head towards the door even as Prewett himself whirled around to see the twelve year old holding up his wand.

"Where did _you_ come from?"

Regulus, who had followed Pryce all the way from the castle through that dirty, underground tunnel, had taken great care to remain safely hidden – even when the man had dumped Lily in the bedroom and retreated back downstairs. The boy, having first crept up the staircase after them, and having then concealed himself inside a small, stiff, dark closet, had known that he couldn't possibly get an unconscious Lily down the stairs and past Pryce without gaining his attention. And so he had waited, listening quietly inside that closet until Prewett had arrived. When the two men had then walked inside the room where Lily was being held, Regulus had crept out of the closet, had silently crossed the landing, and had then stood hovering outside the door, listening closely to everything that was said. Now, knowing that the tables had turned on Pryce, he stood clearly visible inside the doorframe, holding up his wand and ready to help.

But that had probably been a mistake. For the moment that Prewett had turned his back, Pryce was on his feet again. Lily screamed as the man pulled a knife right out of his boot and jammed it violently into Prewett's flesh. Regulus backed away quickly as the two men grappled each other to the floor, blood gushing everywhere. However, Prewett had most definitely been grievously injured, and it did not take long at all for Pryce to get his hands back around his own wand. Pulling it forcibly away from its previous confiscator, Pryce then looked up and aimed it directly at Regulus. _"Crucio."_

Agony, unlike anything the boy had ever felt before, consumed him, and a moment later he was on the ground, screaming and writhing about in pain. Lily's own scream died in her throat as her heart literally stopped beating. She hadn't ever seen anything like it before, and certainly didn't know what was going on. All she knew was… Regulus was being tortured… he might even be dying!

Prewett himself was still struggling to stop Pryce, despite his bleeding wound. But the latter was on his feet now, while Prewett was still on the floor. Pryce kicked him, savagely, and reached down only long enough to pull the man's own wand away from him – which he then snapped in half. Growling, he kicked Prewett once again in the face, which sent the man sprawling across the floor. "Don't make me kill you!"

"STOP IT!" Lily shrieked, wriggling her arms around yet again in another desperate attempt to loosen the ropes and break free. But it was no use. Her bindings only tightened so painfully tight that she almost feared shattering the bones in her very wrists! She couldn't help it now. When Pryce turned his gaze back onto her, she started sobbing. "Leave them alone!"

Her tormenter walked up to her, seemingly forgetting about Prewett and Regulus altogether, and reached his free hand down to roughly stroke her face. A moment later, he had his entire arm wrapped around her throat, and he dragged her off the bed. She screamed, unable to steady herself on her feet due to her bound ankles. Pryce pressed her back up against his body, practically strangling her with his neck hold, even as he held his wand up to her face. "Sshhh."

He started laughing as Lily was reduced to tears, and stared down at Prewett triumphantly. The man had lost so much blood that he could barely move, and lying on the floor, he looked half dead already. It was painfully clear to everyone there that Pryce had won. And no matter how hard Lily struggled, there was simply nothing she could do.

"You see, Miss Evans?" Pryce whispered playfully into her ear. "Being able to resist is everything. The moment that you can't… The moment that you're helpless… Is the moment you might as well be dead." He dragged her towards the door, forcing her to look at Regulus – who was still lying in a heap on the sooty carpet, twitching in insurmountable agony. Lily closed her eyes tightly, but she couldn't block out the sound of him screaming. "Should I kill him now? Should I end it for him?"

"Please just leave him alone…" She could barely speak; her voice was astonishingly quiet and trembled terribly. Had she ever begged before? She couldn't remember… But she knew she was definitely begging now. "Stop it…"

"For you, my dear, anything," he replied, still whispering, but almost comfortingly. "I'll let him go, but after that, you must agree to do everything I say. I was fortunate to get to you tonight, under Dumbledore's watch. Made arrangements with Prewett here to sell you at the end of the term, so no doubt he wasn't expecting another kidnapping until then. Even still, he's probably on his way here right now, as we speak. That'd be just like him, wouldn't it? So when I release Mr. Black, you and I are going to leave this place, and you won't make a fuss, will you?"

Lily couldn't breathe. The only thing holding her upright was Pryce's arm around her neck, and if he let go, she knew she'd be on the ground in half a second. Her entire world was spinning out of control, and if there was one thing in the midst of it all that _wasn't_ mere chaos she couldn't recognize, than it was Regulus… being tortured… She had to stop it! "I'll do whatever you want, just let him go!"

Pryce chuckled approvingly and pointed his wand directly at Regulus once more. With a single flick of his wrist, the boy grew still. His screaming stopped. He no longer twitched and writhed. His entire body seemed to be covered from head to toe in dirty, grimy sweat, but other than that… surprisingly… it only seemed to take about a second for him to catch his breath and push up onto his hands and knees – furiously. And as Pryce pulled Lily several steps backwards, a look of complete and utter madness spread its way across the boy's already contorted face.

There was nothing in the world more painful than the Cruciatus Curse. Lily might not have known what it was, but Regulus certainly did. Not only was it illegal, but the pain was unendurable, and the fact that someone – one of his own past teachers, no less – had _dared_ to use it against him was by far the worst crime that had been committed that night. Pryce might well have been able to get away with just kidnapping Lily… but _this_! This truly was, in every possible way, completely unforgivable.

"Bastard!" He jumped to his feet, lunging forward so quickly that not even Pryce was ready for him. Lily shrieked as Regulus slammed heavily against the two of them, which caused Pryce to stumble backwards. Unable to handle the boy when he was being hindered by the girl, Pryce threw her savagely away before turning to slam a fist into Regulus's face.

With her ankles tied, Lily couldn't even _try_ to catch herself, and instead landed painfully on the floor. Coughing, she sat up quickly to watch in horror as Regulus was hurled violently up against a wall. He almost fell to his knees again, but somehow managed to secure his footing. Meanwhile, Pryce towered over him irately. "Ungrateful little brat! How _dare_ you-?"

_"Avada Kedavra."_

The words were out of Regulus's mouth before Pryce could so much as even finish his sentence. A blinding flash of green light filled the room, and the next thing Lily knew, the man had fallen onto the ground, where he then lay motionlessly… soundlessly… lifelessly… All that time, he had been so _impossibly_ formidable… But now… he was nothing more than a pile of meat on the floor.

Regulus stood still, with his back pressed up against the wall, and with his wand held out in front of him. He didn't look scared or hurt… just slightly surprised by what he had done. For the longest time, no one moved or spoke a word. Prewett was on his knees, one hand pressed against the floor, the other pressed up against his wound. His face was pale, and he was staring at Regulus as if the boy were some kind of monster. And Lily… she was shaking again. Practically hyperventilating again. Charlie Pryce was dead! And Regulus had killed him?

She couldn't take it. Her head was pounding so painfully… She felt like she couldn't breathe… She couldn't even see past her own tears anymore! _I don't want this… I don't want any of it…_ Moving stiffly, she lay back down on her side and closed her eyes as tightly as she possibly could, all the while praying for darkness to come. It did, and within seconds at that. She surrendered to it, hoping, praying, that it would drown her in its coils for the rest of all eternity. That it would drown her… and never let her go.

**ooooooo**

Someone was shouting… loudly. It felt like ages had gone by since she had last heard anyone sound _this_ angry. Who was it? What happened? Where was she?

Lily opened her eyes and found herself staring up at a dimly lit ceiling. She was lying in a bed – a comfortable bed that seemed to be startlingly familiar. She had been there before… Groaning, she rolled over onto her side and looked around. Sure enough, she was in the hospital wing back at Hogwarts. And on the bed next to her was the man who had tried saving her. Prewett something… or something Prewett… That was his name, wasn't it? He was sleeping, and, for the most part, seemed to be okay. Madame Pomfrey's magic certainly did work wonders, didn't it?

Another loud shout came quite suddenly from the corridor right outside. Lily blinked, wondering what on earth was going on. The shouting sounded like a woman, but she couldn't imagine anyone at Hogwarts who had a voice like _that_. It almost hurt her ears. Thankfully, however, she didn't have a headache any longer – and aside from the fact that she was feeling strangely, inexplicably empty on the inside, nothing else seemed to be physically the matter with her. She was just… incredibly drained.

"That's my mother," a voice said from behind. Lily frowned, rolling over onto her other side to see Regulus Black. Unlike Prewett, he was sitting up on his bed, perfectly conscious, with his arms wrapped forlornly around his legs. He killed a man, Lily remembered. But he had done it to save her life! Besides, Pryce had tortured him. He had taken pleasure in hurting him. That had to count for _something_, didn't it? Regulus looked at her, and she could see the haunted expression on his face. "Dumbledore says they probably won't arrest me or anything. But… seeing how I _did_ cast an Unforgivable Curse on someone… my staying here is completely out of the question."

Lily shook her head. "I…" It was much, _much_ more difficult for her to speak than it really ought to have been. "I don't understand…"

"I'm getting expelled," he said bluntly, holding up two empty hands for her to see. "Dumbledore arrived at the Shrieking Shack – where you were being held – with several Aurors shortly after you collapsed! When they saw what I had done, they took my wand and snapped it in half. Dumbledore tried defending me, of course, but what can he do when his student willingly killed a man?"

Lily flinched. "Regulus…" She tried sitting up, but failed miserably. She was just too weak! Tears were brimming in her eyes. It wasn't fair. There was just too much happening at once… and it was all happening much too fast! "I don't want you to go…"

He stared at her sadly. But before he could say anything, the door to the hospital wing flew open. The next thing Lily knew, she was completely surrounded by at _least_ a dozen different men and women. Professor Dumbledore, Madame Pomfrey, Professor McGonagall, and Professor Slughorn, to name a few. There were also several Aurors… and the Blacks… Mrs. Black had been the one shouting. Now, she strode purposefully towards the bed on which Regulus sat.

"Come on, boy! We're leaving!" Grabbing his arm, she jerked him savagely to his feet and started pulling him away from the beds and back towards the door.

"Wait," Lily whispered, trying to get up… trying to stop her… trying to get to Regulus… "Please…"

"Miss Evans," Madame Pomfrey was at the girl's side in half a second, holding her down as she tried to get up.

"No… Let me go… Regulus… wait!" Her voice was desperate, but still hard to hear. Only Madame Pomfrey and Professor Dumbledore himself seemed to know that she was even awake. But neither one of them did anything! It was all Lily could do to keep from sobbing frantically.

"We'll send for his belongings in the morning," Mr. Black informed Professor Slughorn coldly, while putting his hand firmly on Regulus's back.

"Dad, wait!" Regulus glanced over his shoulder at Lily. There was fear in his eyes… Fear like nothing she had ever before seen on his face up until now! "I want to say goodbye-"

"Absolutely not!" Mrs. Black snapped furiously. She practically _threw_ the boy into the corridor that led out of the hospital wing, marching stiffly after him with her husband at her side. "How _dare_ you, Regulus? You think I don't know what she is? I won't have you disgracing this family anymore than you already have, you ungrateful little brat!"

Her voice eventually faded into the distance, but Lily still pleaded for Regulus to come back. The tears were falling down her face now, and everyone remaining in the hospital wing turned to stare at her. She could feel their pity… their horror… and their inability to change any of it…

Now, Lily Evans was not normally the kind of girl to throw a tantrum. But at that particular moment, she just _couldn't_ control herself. Regulus was being taken away from her! They weren't even letting him say goodbye… She started screaming, thrashing about wildly as she tried to get past Madame Pomfrey and off the bed… She just wanted to see Regulus again! She didn't want him to go! It wasn't fair! Why couldn't she see him? Why couldn't she be with him? She didn't understand! If he _had_ to leave… why couldn't he at least say goodbye?

The Headmaster suddenly appeared standing directly at her bedside. She looked up at him in pure anguish, but wasn't able to do or say anything at all before his hand fell lightly upon her face. Gently brushing his fingers against her eyelids, he closed them for her. And at that moment, a very different kind of darkness from the kind that she had earlier experienced descended upon her. There wasn't anything she could do. Thinking only of Regulus… the darkness enveloped her… and within heartbeats… she was lost to it completely…

**ooooooo**

**A/N:** I know that I'm giving myself an awful lot of creative license here, but tell me what you think. I'm always ready for reviews, and can't wait to read them! Thanks so much!


	50. Children

**ooooooo**

Children. That's what they were, after all; those students. Just children. They often liked to think they had all the power in the world. All the control. But in the end, it wasn't them. It wasn't even their teachers! And though Lily read every single one of the books she could get her hands on, and had experienced in her imagination the joys and triumphs of friends and companions who did not stand for separation, it didn't take her long at all to discover that sometimes, in real life, not everything had such happy endings. Sometimes, the villains _did_ win, and no matter how hard a child might object, his parents would still ultimately get their own way. Because _they_ had power… and children just didn't. Regulus would not be returning to Hogwarts. And Lily… she had no choice but to accept that. After all, they were just children. And even in a magical world, there was nothing they could do to change what had already been done… and what decisions had already been made.

She did not leave the hospital wing for several weeks. Her body had recovered quickly enough, but in the days that followed Professor Slughorn's spring ball, she remained quiet and detached. She could barely sit up, and walking remained completely out of the question. Madame Pomfrey believed that her condition was very likely due to posttraumatic stress. In less than a full year, she had been kidnapped twice – because of the same man. She had watched him stab another, and had then watched one of her best friends commit murder. Now, that same friend was being taken from her, and not only would she never see him again, but, more than likely, she wouldn't even be allowed to ever communicate with him again! She had been through so much… and despite all the magic, all the medicine, and everything else Madame Pomfrey had at her disposal, there were just some wounds in this world that couldn't be healed overnight.

No one was allowed to visit Lily. Madame Pomfrey just wouldn't permit it. The girl was weak. She was having too much difficulty recovering. No doubt she'd be overwhelmed if every single one of her friends were allowed to drop by for a chance to see her. Turning them away at the door quickly became part of the nurse's daily routine. Only one student managed to get past the barricade that was, in fact, Poppy Pomfrey. And that was, unsurprisingly, James Potter. He was able to get far enough into the hospital wing to check up on the girl when he "accidentally" took a swan dive right off the front of his broomstick, falling almost a hundred feet. Unfortunately for him, Lily had been sleeping at the time, and his efforts were for naught.

Now, Madame Pomfrey was rather used to shooing away nosy students, having done so for years, but it was a completely different matter, and caught her quite by surprise, when Hogwarts' very own staff members started dropping in one at a time, hoping to see the girl. The Headmaster, she expected, and Minerva McGonagall as well, since she was the Head of Lily's House. But then came Horace Slughorn, Filius Flitwick, Fanny Campbell, and after that, practically everyone! Before long, Madame Pomfrey was at her wits end! Who would have thought that looking after one fourteen year old girl could be such a hassle?

Lily had friends everywhere. But the thing about her, Madame Pomfrey quickly came to realize, was that she saw each and every one of those friends uniquely. Quantity wasn't a comfort to her whatsoever when one was missing. No one could replace Regulus, and since he was gone, she suffered. There had been no closure to their parting. But there was a finality to their separation. And it was devastating.

Despite the few visits from the Headmaster and Professor McGonagall that _were_ allowed, Lily hardly ever spoke a word to anyone. She barely ate, and getting out of her dress and into her more comfortable nightclothes had been quite a struggle in itself. She wore her hair in two loose braids to keep from having to deal with tangles, and since she could hardly get out of bed anymore, magic was needed in order to keep herself clean.

A letter had been sent to the Fletchers, informing them of the situation. And though Mr. Fletcher was just a muggle – not even technically _related_ to Lily – he arrived at the school within days, asking for Lily to return home with him. Of course, Madame Pomfrey had flat-out refused. She wouldn't have Lily traveling anywhere until _she_ was satisfied with the girl's recovery! Professor Dumbledore invited Mr. Fletcher to remain at the castle in the meantime, all the while imploring to him the importance of Lily's continued education at the school. In the end, he believed that it should be _her_ decision to leave Hogwarts, and no one else's. But… as the case had been with Regulus… Lily was just a child… and if Mr. Fletcher insisted that she go… there was nothing she or anyone else could do about it. After all… she was only fourteen years old.

The days passed and Mr. Fletcher hardly ever left Lily's side. He read to her. He tried to engage her in conversation. He learned a lot about simple healing tonics from Madame Pomfrey – who eventually became a good friend of his. He often spoke about Lily's parents – which seemed to do the girl herself the most good. Whenever she heard talk about her mother and father, her face seemed to liven up a bit. She even contributed to some of his stories! It reminded Madame Pomfrey that, even though people were often brutally taken away from their loved ones, given time, those loved ones _could_ go on living. Lily _would_ come back from this, she often told herself. The poor girl just needed a bit more time!

**ooooooo**

Now, it was hardly possible for everyone at Hogwarts to have the same patience, fortitude, and conviction that the head nurse did. When it came to Lily and her opinion of magic and the wizarding world in general, no one knew how bumpy it could be better than Remus, James, Sirius, and Peter. Sometimes she hated it. Sometimes she loved it. But after something like _this_, the four boys feared that she might not find the joy worth the pain. She might choose to leave… and live a muggle's life. She might choose to forget magic. To forget _them_! There was no unicorn to save her this time.

James, who was only now discovering just how beautiful she was in every single, possible, _imaginable_ way, could not _bear_ the thought of her going home. He didn't want her to leave. He didn't want her to forget him. Of course, as a fourteen year old, he _did_ have a tendency to be a bit overdramatic, but such a characteristic only augmented his fear. He _had_ to think of _something_ that would heal her. That would make her see the beauty in the wizarding world. That would make her want to stay. And so… he began to contemplate.

**ooooooo**

"What have you got there?" Madame Pomfrey asked one morning as Mr. Fletcher stepped into the hospital wing while carrying with him a small bundle of letters. It was the start of May, and outside the room's open window, the weather looked gorgeous. Lily, who was finally able to at least sit up and stare silently outside, turned her head long enough to watch her guardian hold them up for the nurse to see.

"They're letters for you, Lily," he said, making for the stool in which he always sat at her bedside. "From your friends. I think they're hoping to cheer you up a bit. Do you want me to read one to you?"

"No thank you," the girl whispered, looking back out the window. It was impossible trying to determine what she might be thinking, for her expression always remained completely blank these days. Even her eyes – her beautiful, sparkling, emerald green eyes – seemed to have lost all their light.

Mr. Fletcher studied her for a second, took a deep breath, and then nodded. He gently placed the letters down on the table by her bedside. "I'll just put them here, so you can read them when you're ready to." Lily didn't respond, and took no notice of the pile of letters, even when they began to increase.

**ooooooo**

"Are you sure about this?"

"Course I'm sure! Why? Aren't you?"

"Well, it's just that… what we're doing, it's not exactly a prank or anything, is it? It's not exactly in our jurisdiction, is it?"

"So what?"

James Potter and Sirius Black were standing in the corridor directly outside the hospital wing after curfew one night, when they _should_ have been sleeping. Hiding under James's invisibility cloak, they were about to embark on one of their dodgiest missions yet. Saving Lily.

"If Madame Pomfrey or anyone else realizes she's missing, it'll be seen as another kidnapping," Sirius pointed out, but James hardly seemed to care. He just turned his head and wondered – quite loudly – why his best friend was acting like Peter. Sirius seemed to get the message, and sighed in defeat. "Okay, okay. But I'm blaming _you_ if I get sent home like Regulus!"

"How's that going to work, anyway?" James asked, looking back at his comrade-in-arms rather curiously. "I mean, you've still got to spend your holidays at home, don't you? If your folks don't want Regulus and Lily communicating, what's to stop _you_ from passing along information between them?"

Sirius shifted his weight uncomfortably to his other leg. "Um… They've sent Regulus away. He's not living at the manor anymore. He's, um… apprenticed to our cousins now… the Lestranges', I think." It was obviously not a topic he wanted to pursue. "Come on. We're here for a reason, aren't we?" James nodded, and together, the two of them quietly pushed open the door that led into the ward.

Surprisingly, even though it was _way_ after midnight, Lily was still awake. Sitting up in her bed, she was staring out the window, completely oblivious to the fact that she was no longer alone. Her heart was still aching… but it wasn't just for Regulus anymore. It was for a lot of things. She had had a lot of time to think… and she was afraid again. She was afraid of the fact that, in the magical world, words themselves could torture… and kill. She was encumbered by the thought that, if it hadn't been for her, Charlie Pryce would still be alive, and Regulus would still be at Hogwarts. He had killed to save her. A man was dead because of her. And it frightened her how long it had taken for such a realization to fully hit her in the face. Pryce had been dead for over twenty-four hours before she had finally been able to truly _register_ the fact. It hadn't bothered her at first. The only thing that had bothered her was that Regulus was gone. What kind of person did that make her?

Her heart was bleeding with guilt. And with fear. For even though she _knew_ that, what with Pryce's death, no one else would be coming for her now, she still couldn't help but wonder how she would ever feel safe again in her life. Everything around her felt so dark – and it wasn't just because of the night. She felt like she couldn't see anything whatsoever. She felt like she was lost… and feared that she would never find her way back home again.

"Lily?"

The girl didn't so much as even jump in surprise, but merely turned her head, almost impassively, to watch as James and Sirius appeared out of nowhere standing directly at her bedside. In Sirius's arms was James's cloak. His invisibility cloak. She had forgotten all about it…

"Come on," James said now, leaning forward to pull back her bedcovers. Lily remained as she was, sitting perfectly still, unwilling to do or say anything whatsoever, as she watched him. It almost seemed to be that she just didn't care. That none of it made even the slightest difference to her. She made no objection at all – not even when James picked her up in his arms while telling her that they were going for a walk. He hesitated after that, however, as he realized just how light she was. She wasn't eating, he just _knew_, for she didn't weigh anymore than a child! No wonder Madame Pomfrey was so overprotective! He glanced quickly at Sirius, and nodded his head forlornly.

The boy quickly threw James's invisibility cloak over the lot of them, and together, they made their way out of the hospital wing. Moving slowly, cautiously, but steadily none the less, they made their way downstairs until they were standing in the entrance hall. There, they rendezvoused with Remus and Peter.

"Peeves fell for it, just like I said he would," Remus whispered proudly as Sirius slipped out from beneath the cloak and walked towards him. "It'll take the idiot all night to find that orb, which'll no doubt keep him from causing any kind of ruckus. Everyone else is sound asleep – and that's including Filch – thanks to your potion, mate. No one'll know that we're gone."

"Good," Sirius sighed in relief before glancing at Peter. When he next addressed the boy, he did so as quietly as he could, so that James and Lily – who were patiently waiting several feet away beneath the cloak – wouldn't be able to overhear. "You're _absolutely_ sure that she said she feels safer there than here?"

Peter glared at his friend in clear annoyance. "_Yes!_ God, Sirius, how many bloody times do you have to ask me that?" _Doesn't he have any faith in me at all?_

"I just don't want anything bad to happen," Sirius told him earnestly. "It's not too late to take her back. I mean, if Madame Pomfrey thought that something like this would help…"

"No," Remus said sharply. "We have to do this." He met Sirius's gaze. "Because something bad already _has_ happened, mate. So we don't have a choice." Sirius still didn't look entirely convinced, but he nodded his agreement nonetheless and turned back towards James.

"Let's go."

**ooooooo**

Hogsmeade was quiet that night. But for the four boys and Lily herself, there was absolutely no one out and about on the dimly lit village streets – which were illuminated only by a few well spread streetlamps, the moon, and the stars themselves. Nevertheless, it was enough. Lily had started trembling the moment they had entered the village – and considering how long the walk had been, James somehow _knew _that it was not because of the cold.

_"Shall I tell you a secret? … I love going to Hogsmeade. I was there as a very, very small child, and almost feel safer even on the village streets than I do here at the castle! Because my parents were there too, once… and sometimes… I think that I can sense them."_

That's what Lily had said several months ago, according to Peter. James had asked the other Marauders if they had any ideas that might help Lily to cope. And, surprisingly enough, it was Peter who had answered! It was Peter who, more than even James this time, deserved the credit! They never would have come up with this brilliant little scheme without him. And, already, it seemed to be working…

"What are we doing here?" Lily asked from beneath the invisibility cloak as James carried her down the High Street. He paused, gently set her down on her feet, and slipped out from underneath the cloak. Meanwhile, Remus, Sirius, and Peter all gathered closely around her.

"Lily, when a phoenix dies," Remus said quite suddenly, reaching for the cloak and carefully pulling it off her as well. It felt like she was shedding… some kind of sticky sheath she couldn't identify… as memories of the phoenix living at the castle came flying back at her. "They're immediately reborn. It doesn't matter how painful or how long or how arduous that death is. When they're reborn, it all goes away. They don't feel it anymore. They might not even remember it! They can live again. It's like they've been set free, and are, at long last, completely whole. Completely healed."

Lily stared at him, unable to say a word. But there were tears in her eyes. She was still capable of crying. She _was_ crying, and she turned away from him quickly, only to find herself looking at Sirius. She turned away from _him_, but there was Peter… And then James… They were surrounding her, and somehow… she just _knew_ that this time… they wouldn't let her hide her tears…

"Was Regulus really your only friend?" Remus asked her then, as gently as he could. She looked back at him, her lip trembling, her body shaking. _Oh, god…_ He was watching her like one who was heartbroken. "Or don't we count? Just because he's gone now doesn't mean that _we_ won't still be here to comfort you! You might not be a phoenix or anything, Lily, but we still want to _know_ that you'll be able to live again! That you'll be able to heal!"

Lily's face twisted into an expression of unendurable grief and pain. She raised her hands up to cover her face, and the next thing she knew, Remus had his arms around her. He was holding her tightly. It only took seconds for Peter to step forward and hold her as well – and then for James and Sirius. All four of them were holding her…

"It's okay," Remus whispered to her. "You're safe with us, Lily. And you know that it's good when it's dark, right? Because when it's dark and you lose your way… all you have to do is look up and see the stars shining to find your way home again."

"But they don't shine every night…" she whispered at long last through her tears. Her voice sounded half broken… either that… or half healed already.

"I know," he assured her, pulling her even closer to him. "But then… didn't your father tell you once that real beauty couldn't be appreciated without certain flaws? So I guess that… if all you can see in the world are its flaws… you just have to look extra hard to find the beauty." He stepped away from her then, and the other three boys followed his lead. Holding her shoulders at arm's length, he offered her a soft, gentle smile. "You can feel him here, can't you? Your father? You have to remember that… just because the people you love and care for are ever so far away from you… they're still thinking about you… and watching over you forever."

_"Lily."_

_"Daddy?"_

_"Learn to stand."_

**ooooooo**

After that night, Lily's condition quickly began to improve, assuring both Madame Pomfrey and Mr. Fletcher – as well as the rest of the school – that she was indeed recovering. None of them could understand why – for they were left completely unaware of the Marauders' late night intervention. But, within days, the girl was back up on her feet, walking on her own, and eating enough to satisfy even the school's head nurse.

She started reading the various letters that all her friends had sent to her, wishing her well and hoping to see her again before the end of term. They missed her, and didn't want her to leave anymore than Remus, James, Sirius, and Peter did. Surprisingly enough, it didn't take long at all for Lily to realize that she herself didn't want to leave them either. She didn't want to _ever_ leave, and was very quick about informing her rather astonished guardian of that particular little fact.

**ooooooo**

The days that followed found Lily returning to the Gryffindor Tower – where everyone welcomed her back with gifts and candies galore. They – as in all her friends – had her laughing and smiling again in no time. But smiles and laughter… they only went so far as to show what was on the surface. More was required to see what was truly in her heart.

The man who had attempted rescuing Lily from Charlie Pryce had been a man by the name of Gideon Prewett. When he heard about her recovery, he returned to the castle as quickly as he could with the rest of his family, hoping to check up on her and see for himself that she was, in fact, okay. He introduced her to his brother, Fabian; to his sister, Molly; to her husband, Arthur Weasley; and to his two little nephews, Bill, who was about four, and Charlie, who was about two. Lily fell in love with _them_ immediately. The two little boys… It didn't even bother her that Charlie shared Pryce's first name! They were just both so full of energy and life… purity and innocence… Whenever Lily held little Charlie in her arms… she was amazed by how wonderful it all seemed. It made her want to live… to breathe… to carry on more than anything else ever had.

Children… Babes… That's what Bill and Charlie Weasley were… But they helped replenish Lily's strength… They helped her feel in control again. More than anything else, they gave her hope that could be seen deeply within her heart, for anyone who cared to look.

**ooooooo**

**A/N:** Please review! I always love hearing from you all!


	51. Fanny's Departure

**ooooooo**

It was pouring outside the Hogwarts Express as the train carried its students back towards London. It was _hardly_ a promising way to start the summer holiday. Nevertheless, it made leaving the school slightly more bearable than it might have been, and Lily found herself sitting in a compartment with her friends, staring outside the window at the fog and rain, contemplating what the future held in store for her.

She reckoned that now, more than ever before, she would be brutally pressed to remain in London come September. Petunia had _never _wanted her at Hogwarts to begin with, and now, after everything that had happened over the course of that terrifying spring, she somehow just _knew_ that her guardians wouldn't want her there anymore, either. They'd say that it simply wasn't safe enough – as if any school could _ever_ be completely, perfectly, one hundred percent safe. They'd be afraid for her; Lily was actually quite surprised that Mr. Fletcher had been willing to return to London a full week before the term ended. She was amazed that he had actually trusted the school to take care of her for so long. After all, just because _she_ still desired to attend didn't mean that _they_ would feel any better about allowing her to do so. But then, _they_ probably wouldn't feel any better about anything whatsoever until she agreed never to leave their house again!

She sighed deeply, but went completely ignored by Isabelle, Pippa, and Alice – the three of whom were presently in the middle of a discussion concerning Frank Longbottom. Now that he had graduated, Alice forlornly divulged to her sympathetic friends, he would be continuing on with his education towards becoming an Auror. Tragically enough, she had no idea when the two of them might next be together – for becoming a Dark Wizard hunter was no easy feat, _especially_ during such a terrible war as this. She couldn't very well say that she was happy for him, because, as proud as she most certainly was, there wasn't anything else in the world more petrifying than the prospect of something happening to him. If he was killed… or if he went missing… or got captured… the possibilities were too endless to endure.

"Besides," she said miserably as she munched on a licorice stick. "He's going to be _gone_! How am I supposed to bear two whole more years of Hogwarts without him?"

"Well, I reckon the same way you bore it before _meeting_ him," Pippa said ironically, earning an elbow in the side from Isabelle. She tried very hard not to laugh as she shoved the girl away from her. "I mean, _honestly_, Alice! You think I don't know how bleeding well you did on your O.W.L.s? And _don't_ look at me like that! I'm perfectly aware of the fact that we haven't gotten our results back yet, but it hardly matters! You're going to have outstandings for every single one of them! So stop pouting and start thinking about becoming an Auror yourself!"

"Just think about how terribly _romantic_ it would be for you and Frank to not only be married, but to also be _partners_ in the Dark Wizard hunting business!" Isabelle beamed, sighing blissfully as she allowed herself to dream. "The two of you might even be the ones to vanquish He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named! Together, you'll go down in history! Just _think_! One day, our children's children might study the two of you in Professor Binns' classroom!" Not even Alice could help but laugh at _that_ remark.

"I hope you're dropping Divination, Isabelle," she said mirthfully. "It's quite clear to everyone that you've no aptitude at foretelling the future." Isabelle threw a handful of Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans at the girl, and the next thing Lily knew, her companions were in the midst of a food fight that would no doubt get them all into quite a lot of trouble should they be caught by the witch who pushed the trolley – or by some other strict supervisor. It was, without question, an awful lot of fun.

Lily smiled as she watched them showering each other with candy – she even contributed to the mess herself by throwing a few pieces of chocolate at Pippa. But then she turned to look back out the window, her thoughts drifting far from the present. Naturally, contemplating about Aurors and Dark Wizards brought, at least to _her_ mind, memories of her most recent and last conversation with Isabelle's older sister. Fanny. Her Defense Against the Dark Arts professor. _She_ had been the absolute _best_ instructor that Lily could have ever possibly hoped for in such a particular field of study. After Charlie Pryce and the other two, Fanny Campbell had been like an angel sent from heaven. But now… she was leaving… claiming that her work at Hogwarts was done.

Lily had been standing up in the Owlery for longer than any student had a right to. She had written an extremely long letter to Regulus, sending it to Number Twelve Grimmauld Place with Sirius's owl – via his own instruction. Having done so, Lily then rather desperately, though undeniably foolishly, settled in to wait for the owl to return with some kind of a response. It took _hours_… during which time, Fanny ascended the steps of the tower in search of her.

"Lily Evans," she had said, crossing her arms good-naturedly. "We certainly do run into each other often enough up here, now don't we?" Lily had smiled back politely, but in no way enthusiastically, as she nodded her agreement. Fanny then came to stand beside her. "Actually, I was looking for you."

"Did I forget a paper?" Lily asked, immediately fearing the worst. Trying to get caught up in all of the classes that she had missed during her month of absence was hardly short of hell. Despite the fact that her teachers were all _extremely_ understanding and cooperative on that particular front – assuring her not to worry about a thing – probably because they feared overworking her so shortly after her recovery and still felt guilty about using her, however inadvertently, as bait to get to Pryce, Lily _still_ felt that she absolutely _had_ to keep up with her peers. There wasn't any way in the entire world that she would allow herself to fall behind. Besides… the struggle that it was taking for her to do so was a welcome distraction. It kept her mind safely away from Regulus… Pryce… and that terrible, terrible, _terrible_ night.

But Fanny hadn't been there to talk about overlooked assignments. She even went so far as to laugh at such a ridiculous notion! "Good heavens, no! Come now, Lily. Since when have I ever had anyone in _your_ class writing papers?" Lily flushed a little and looked down, having written so many in the preceding week that they were all starting to blend and mix together. It was extraordinarily difficult trying to determine whether or not she should presently be amused at herself or outright embarrassed by such a mistake! Not that Fanny gave her any time to be either which way, however. She changed topics immediately. "It _has_ been a rather long year, though. Hasn't it?"

Lily eyed her curiously, even as she tried guessing what Fanny meant by having that tone in her voice. She sounded so, _so_ tired and… and worn out… but also restless and distant. As she walked over to stand beside one of the many open windows, she gazed out towards the horizon with a look of hunger on her face… A look of hunger that was reminiscent to a caged eagle's who was starving to be free again. Lily hesitated, suddenly inexplicably afraid. "No, they all seem long to me."

Fanny turned and held her arms out for a moment, only to bring them down against her thighs with a huff. She looked back at the fourth year apologetically. "I'm sorry, Lily. I wish I could have done more for you this year."

"You can do more for me next year," Lily said quickly, her fear starting to grow. A rising suspicion was burning in her heart, and she did not want it to be proven right. What were her chances of _ever_ finding another professor in Defense Against the Dark Arts who was even _half_ as good as Fanny Campbell? She couldn't go!

But there she stood, smiling sadly and shaking her head. "I only wish that were so. But I think you and I both know perfectly well that we're not at all alike. You could spend the rest of your life tutoring those first years without a moment's regret. And you'd be so good at it. But me? I only came here to start with because Albus Dumbledore thought it'd be best having someone he could trust after having someone like Charlie Pryce. Make no mistake about it, Lily, I'd _much_ rather be out there in the heat of battle. I just… can't _abide_ the quiet! You know, it's not good enough for me to wake up every single morning already knowing exactly what to expect. Life needs to be exciting. It needs to be meaningful and filled with _something_ that can assure me I'm still breathing."

Lily stared at her feet. "You make it all sound so exhilarating. But I… It wasn't that way for me at all. Being in danger, I mean." It had been terrifying. And if she could spend the rest of her life without _ever_ feeling that way again, she'd be all the happier for it. "I don't understand how you can 'breathe' like that."

Fanny stepped towards the girl, holding her slightly misshapen arms out in front of her – which reminded Lily that she wasn't some kind of a naïve, innocent little schoolgirl out on a quest for adventure, but rather a seasoned war veteran who understood exactly what her purpose was in life. Now, she took the fourth year's hands into her own, held them tightly, and gave them a comforting squeeze. "I hope you never have to." She smiled, tilting her head slightly in clear amusement. "You'll forgive me if I confess that my lectures were all, for the most part, completely against my nature. I've never admitted it to anyone before, but I _always _found myself tending to side with James and Sirius. You remember what they said back on the first day of class? 'Get rid of your enemies, and you get rid of the Dark Arts.' That's always been my philosophy."

Lily was confused, and somehow knew that Fanny could tell. She was as easy to read as a book, and just couldn't keep a look of bafflement off her face. "Then why did you teach us any differently?" Her other Defense professors… they had _always_ taught whatever was in their minds – as if they were hoping to create little disciples out of their students. Pryce in particular had been that way, and just thinking about it caused the girl to shudder.

"Why…?" Fanny took a deep breath and shook her head. "It's not my place to teach personal philosophies. It's my place to teach effective curriculums. And I daresay you proved my point this year with Regulus, Lily. I mean, not only did you understand my lessons better than anyone else in the entire school, but you actually put them to good use! What you did for Regulus Black… it's unprecedented, and you have no idea how proud I am of you for that. And now… now I can leave Hogwarts happily knowing that my efforts here weren't for nothing. You've made a difference already, Lily. A positive one, at that. You didn't even need your wand."

_Don't cry…_ It was all Lily could do to keep the tears from filling up in her eyes again. Why did this have to happen to her now? "But he's gone! He's gone and you're leaving! Fanny, _you_ were the best professor I've ever had in that class! I don't want a different teacher! Everyone's leaving…" She covered her mouth, feeling slightly sick, and closed her eyes tightly. "It's my fault… It's my fault he's gone! It's my fault Professor Pryce is dead! I can't bear it! I don't know why I thought I could do any good-"

"It's not your fault," Fanny interrupted, for the first time sounding neither amused nor remorseful, but firm and resolute. "Absolutely none of it. Charlie Pryce forced you, against your will, to the Shrieking Shack that night. Regulus made a choice to follow him, _and_ to use that particular curse on him. It wasn't anything that you had any control over whatsoever."

"I know," Lily said, running her hands through her hair in agitation. "But I just can't accept that." She looked up at Fanny desperately. "Please don't go!"

The woman's smile returned to her, soft and kind. "I wish I could stay if only to make things easier for you. But I'll go mad here Lily, and then I won't be any use to anyone. But really, you should take comfort in that. It only goes to show how far away this war is from Hogwarts. The school is the safest place for you to be in the entire world! Especially now that Pryce is dead and your secret's not in danger of exposure." She pressed her hand gently against Lily's face. "You've grown so much this year. You're stronger than ever, and you've got more friends than even I do! You're going to be just fine, Lily. I promise you that."

"I don't believe you," Lily shook her head miserably and pulled away from her, staring at her feet again. There were owl droppings, leftover rodents, straw, and other such waste littering the floor, but somehow _that_ wasn't what bothered her. "You're just trying to cheer me up, that's all. I'm not any of those things. The truth is that… I'm not the same person that I was." Three, almost four years ago, Lily's greatest fear had been that, one day, she might change into someone – or something – else. Something entirely different! She had feared that the magic might hypnotize her… might make her love and worship it… might even make her abnormal… But she had _never_, not even _once_, expected it to be like _this_. "I'm disgusting! This room is cleaner than me! I used to be so innocent and naïve and now…" She shook her head, unable to continue. Now… she had seen someone _die_! It felt like the world itself had stopped its spinning.

"There's nothing wrong with you," Fanny assured her confidently, wrapping her arms around the girl. "Time will wash the grime away, and though I admit you'll be hard-pressed to get that innocence and naïveté back, you'll be stronger for it." Taking a step backwards, she then closely scrutinized the girl up and down. "And you know what? You've got something that most people don't have. I mean, sometime or other, _everyone_ grows out of their youthful innocence… but they don't all become so pure as you."

"I'm not-"

"Darkness has touched you, Lily," Fanny continued, refusing to allow the girl a chance to object – though she clearly wanted to. "Real darkness. But it hasn't stained you. It hasn't stained you; it hasn't tainted you; it hasn't even left a trace of itself! You are, in every way, the purest girl I know. Is it any wonder why everyone seems to favor you so much?"

Lily wrapped her arms around herself, unconvinced. _Not everyone…_ She thought of Petunia… She thought of Mrs. Black… She thought of Charlie Pryce. They all _hated_ her. And some time after that, when Sirius's owl had finally returned, and she was once again standing by herself, completely alone up in that particularly drafty tower, she was presented with a Howler from Mr. Black himself that made it perfectly clear she was not to consort with Regulus ever again. So much for things ever getting any better.

**ooooooo**

When Lily quit the train and entered the station back in London, she was quickly and heartily welcomed by the Fletchers', Carla, and even Petunia! It was the first time her sister had _ever_ met her there with their foster family, which took Lily quite by surprise. They embraced – but it was of an awkward sort, brought on only by Petunia's genuine relief that nothing too injurious had happened to her little sister. After that, and on the rest of the way home in the Fletchers' car, Petunia failed to speak a word, and didn't even look in Lily's general direction. Not that that particularly bothered the younger girl. _She_ was just grateful that Petunia was even there in the first place! It meant more to her than her sister would ever know.

They made it home, and Carla helped Lily unpack. Very few words were exchanged between the two – Lily could tell that Carla wanted to be told absolutely _everything_ that had happened with Charlie Pryce, but was presently struggling fiercely to find the right words and the necessary courage to ask. She _knew _that the matter must be of extreme delicacy, and didn't want to upset her best friend. Lily, however, didn't want to talk about it, and therefore didn't offer any of the information that would have pleased Carla immensely.

_This is bloody terrific,_ she found herself thinking irritably instead. _I'm going to be treated like a fragile doll for the rest of the summer if I don't do anything!_ Shoving her schoolbooks all underneath her bed, she looked up at Carla inquisitively. "Would you like to try some Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans? They're quite an adventure in themselves." She held them out to Carla, who accepted tentatively. And the moment that she tried one, Lily found herself smiling at the look of astonishment sweeping across her face.

Yes, she was an underage witch who had been put through hell and couldn't possibly use her magic for the next two and a half months. But that didn't mean she couldn't get into mischief and have a little fun to keep the Fletchers from treating her like a wounded, delicate little child. She didn't think she'd be able to bear it for an entire summer!

And so whenever Lily Evans was presented with an opportunity to follow in the Marauders' footsteps, she took it quickly and almost gleefully. She showed off her books, she showed off her various trinkets, candies, tools, toys, materials, and whatever else she might have at hand, to prove to her guardians that she was made of stronger stuff than they might realize. She walked an incredibly fine line between obeying the law and casting spells that would no doubt get her expelled from Hogwarts permanently – but never once did she cross it. She didn't have to. Carla was enchanted within a day. The Fletchers were impressed within a week – particularly Mr. Fletcher, who could see for himself the change that had undergone in his charge… and the improvement that she had made in such a short time. He was very pleased, and made sure that everyone knew it.

Only Petunia seemed to feel any differently. _She_ was horrified and disgruntled by the audacious displays made by her younger sister. How could _she_, now, more than ever before, revel in the magical world that had nearly cost her her life? It didn't make any sense at all! And so the eldest Evans once again found herself struggling to keep up, and began to clean and organize every room in the house as she never had before in her entire life. It was going to be a long summer, there was no doubt about that. But by the end of it, Lily felt perfectly confident that she _would_ be returning to Hogwarts. And for the most part, she absolutely couldn't wait.

**ooooooo**

**A/N:** Please review! Tell me if you thought it was convincing! Always love the feedback. Thanks so much!


	52. Fifth Years

**ooooooo**

If Diagon Alley hadn't been in poor enough condition as it was already, it was now teetering on the brink of absolute bankruptcy. The Ministry of Magic could no longer hide the fact that the war against the Dark Lord and his Death Eaters was far from over. In fact, it only seemed to be heightening dangerously with every passing day – and in the Dark Lord's favor, at that. Even the _muggles_ were starting to notice the number of so-called bombings and acts of sheer violence that simply couldn't be properly explained by anyone whatsoever. It was starting to worry them greatly, as it rightly should, even as it was starting to spread a panic across the rest of the wizarding community. No one felt safe anymore. No one felt confident. No one felt anything but constantly increasing fear. How in the world were they to survive against an enemy such as He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named? It was all beginning to feel so… so entirely hopeless…

Or rather… it was starting to feel hopeless _outside_ of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. For the children, adolescents, and faculty members who were fortunate enough to take shelter within those bounds, there still remained a great distance, and a number of magical barriers, which kept them safe from the war and all those who fought in it. Hope remained… as did a carefree lightheartedness that filled the castle and its grounds with wondrously rejuvenating energy and spirit. It was, after all, precisely as Fanny Campbell had explained it to Lily preceding her departure the spring before, wasn't it? If being posted at Hogwarts was such a dull and tedious assignment to a woman like her, than it truly _must_ be the safest place on the planet.

All the students seemed to think so, anyway, and as Lily began her fifth year at the castle, she found herself surrounded by friends and classmates who were all busy talking, laughing, joking, and simply having the time of their lives, as if there wasn't any such thing as a war going on anywhere in the entire world. The Marauders especially, Lily noticed while sitting at the Gryffindor table in the Great Hall during the year's very first banquet. James, Sirius, Remus, and Peter. Huddled together, the four of them _already_ seemed to be conspiring against the rest of the school – and they hadn't even been there for a full twenty-four hours yet! _Something_ had their complete attention, and it didn't take long at all for Lily to figure out that Remus had been made a prefect. Go figure. No doubt James and Sirius would _never_ lay off him for _that_ particular crime. He was definitely in for a long run, and Lily allowed herself an amused smile as she took a sip of her pumpkin juice.

"You know it's unheard of, don't you?" Isabelle presently asked her, which caused her to look back around at the older girl questioningly. _What was unheard of?_ Isabelle – who had been the one to tell Lily that Remus was a prefect in the first place – held up her own badge claiming the position. "Every House has two prefects, right? A boy and a girl? Normally, they're both in their fifth year. I mean, last year it was Mary; now, this year, it's me. But it ought to be you, Lily. You're the only fifth year girl, after all, _and_ I daresay you qualify for the position more than I do. It's unheard of!"

"But I don't _want_ to be a prefect!" Lily shot back sincerely – which was God's honest truth. She didn't even want to _think_ about the responsibilities such a position required. Besides, after everything that had happened to her with Regulus Black and Charlie Pryce the year before, all she wanted now was a bit of familiarity. A bit of comfort and ease. A bit of normalcy – if that was even possible at a school like Hogwarts. Who would want to become a prefect simply by default? It didn't even _occur _to Lily to feel cheated by Isabelle, who had earned the position in her stead. No. Rather, she felt as though her friend had taken a great burden from her shoulders, and for that she was grateful and relieved. "You're doing me a huge favor, you know."

Isabelle smiled and nodded her head. "All right, but the first thing I'm gonna do now that I'm in such a position of authority is order you to carry on tutoring first years, Lily Evans! If you think you're gonna be allowed to quit, you've got another thing coming!" Lily's face paled considerably. Of course, she _had_ been thinking about doing just that. Yes, tutoring had been an awful lot of fun – there wasn't any question about it. But… it was also extremely demanding. It took commitment, effort, creativity, patience, skill, and fortitude… and was at times more than just a little exhausting. It taxed her, and again, after all that had happened the preceding spring, she would have liked nothing more than a relatively quiet year during which she could continue recuperating. Besides, she had her Ordinary Wizarding Level exams to look forward to this year. Her O.W.L.s. According to Alice, they were standardized tests given by the Wizarding Examinations Authority, and were extremely critical to each and every one of the students' futures. Now was not the time for her to be concerning herself with the first years. Was it?

"I think that's a _great_ idea!" Pippa practically sang her agreement with the new Gryffindor prefect, even as she slapped Lily on the back. "What better way is there for you to get back up on your feet than to start doing what you love again? Keep tutoring, Lily! You're _so_ good at it!"

"You tutor," Isabelle said threateningly, pointing her fork at the fifth year. "Or I'll hand my prefect badge straight back to Professor McGonagall and tell her to give it to you! _And_ I'll see to it that no other Gryffindor accepts it! It'll be you, or it'll be no one! You just see if I don't, Lily Evans!"

Lily's mouth hung slightly open. She didn't know what to think or say. Of course she didn't doubt for a second Isabelle's willingness to make good her threat… but still… was she even in a position to be tutoring this year? Her heart almost didn't feel completely up to it. Tutoring… That was how she had met Regulus the year before… No. There was just too much on her mind right now. There was just too much going on in her life. She had to worry about her O.W.L.s. She ought to spend every free second that she had studying and getting ready for them. The first years deserved someone who could give them their absolute full attention. And Lily just couldn't!

But then… she found herself turning her head towards the portion of the table reserved for the eleven year old newcomers. They were all sitting there together, eating their food, looking around nervously – but also in fascination – as they became acquainted with each other, with the Great Hall, and even with the ghosts that soared around them. Right now… their lives were so simple and carefree. Lily wondered if they even knew it! She could see the innocence on their faces. She could see it in their eyes. She wished she still had that… It wasn't fair how long ago she had lost it! It wasn't fair and… she knew that…

…If she could protect theirs… if she could keep them from losing, so early in their lives, the youthful innocence that she had lost… she would. She would do absolutely everything in her power to keep them safe, happy, and at peace. There wasn't anyway in the entire world that she would allow what happened to her to happen to them. O.W.L.s were just O.W.L.s. She found that she didn't care about them half as much as she did for the first years – be they Gryffindor, Ravenclaw, Hufflepuff, or even Slytherin! She wanted to help _them_. She had proven to the Fletchers' over the course of her summer holiday that she _was_ strong enough to continue following the path that had been set in front of her. Now… she needed to prove it to herself.

Smiling softly, she looked back at her two close friends and nodded once with all the enthusiasm she could muster. They both grinned, their eyes sparkling with triumphant approval. Now, they thought, the year could truly begin.

**ooooooo**

And begin it did. Lessons commenced the following morning, presenting Lily with classes in Potions, Charms, Care of Magical Creatures, and Arithmancy. Astronomy would take place that night around midnight, as it usually did, and the remaining subjects would ensue later on in the week. Lily found that none of them seemed to be getting any easier whatsoever, but were, in fact, even on the very _first_ _day_, more strenuous than ever before! As her professors each went into long, detailed lectures concerning that particular year's extreme significance, she realized with a start that it would take absolutely everything she had to keep from overwhelming herself.

Now was the time to determine the course of their entire lives, the students were told by their animated teachers. After all, the scores they received for their O.W.L.s determined what N.E.W.T. classes they would be allowed to take during their remaining two years at school. N.E.W.T.s were the Nastily Exhausting Wizarding Tests, and were taken at the end of the students' seventh year. _They_ determined what careers students could pursue after graduating. It all came down to this, and if the fifth years messed up now, they'd have an excruciatingly hard time getting back up on their feet. Career advice would also be offered by the Heads of each House, and with such guidance as that, students would be expected to start paving the way to their futures. Now was the time…

"The grading system is simple enough to understand," Professor Flitwick explained during his Charms lesson. "An 'O' is for Outstanding. An 'E' is for Exceeds Expectations. 'A' is for Acceptable. These are passing grades. 'P' is for Poor. 'D' is for Dreadful. And 'T' is for Troll. These are failing grades. And do _not_ let me catch _any_ of you receiving T's for _any_ of your classes! That _would_ be extremely bad form, now, wouldn't it?"

Lily was not at all comforted. She had no _idea_ what she wanted to do with her life! Was fifteen truly the right age to be contemplating such things? Witches and wizards were legally considered adults when they turned seventeen, but still! Four years ago, she hadn't even _wanted_ to be a witch! Two years ago, when she had just started her third year and had once been confronted by Charlie Pryce, she declared herself adamantly against having a place in the wizarding world.

_I made myself a promise…_ A promise to be free of magic… to… to live a normal life without it… Was she now supposed to have changed her mind so utterly and completely that she could decide what career path she wanted to follow in a magical community? Why did it all have to be so confusing? Why was being fifteen years old so terribly hard? _I don't want this… do I?_

Transfiguration started the next day, and after Professor McGonagall promptly assured her students that absolutely none of them would be returning to take her class the following year without an 'Exceeds Expectations' or 'Outstanding' on their O.W.L. exam, she began her lecture on Vanishing Spells.

Defense Against the Dark Arts followed, and Lily found herself facing yet another hour enduring what she detested more than anything else in the world. The newest professor was a middle-aged man with a pleasant face. His name was Roger Bedford, and though his lessons proved to be not even half as interesting as Fanny's were, they were, fortunately enough, neither half as bad as Charlie Pryce's. The students found themselves learning about more complicated defensive strategies and safety measures. Professor Bedford promised to teach them about charms such as the Fidelius Charm – which concealed secrets within a single person's living soul – and other magical barriers that could serve as security alarms for homes or locks for doors and windows. Keeping friends, family members, and other loved ones safe from harm seemed to be that year's theme. Sirius, unsurprisingly, found such a prospect to be exceedingly dull, but Lily found herself inclined to pay close attention. After all, her family was filled with muggles. If she couldn't manage to learn such things, how would she be able to protect them?

Of course, they were all also required to learn the jinxes and counterjinxes that were necessary for passing the Defense Against the Dark Arts O.W.L. Lily was _not_ looking forward to that at all, and the first time she had been asked to perform a hex for Professor Bedford stuck out painfully in her mind as one of her worst day's yet. However, all things considered, there was at least _one_ good thing about those lessons that she simply couldn't find a way to criticize. For unlike Charlie Pryce, Professor Bedford made absolutely certain that _none_ of his students _ever_ cast a spell of any sort outside of a perfectly controlled, completely regulated environment that would keep everyone safe from harm. It was sort of like a magical safety net. No matter what hex Lily might be asked to perform, the net would keep it from hurting her partner. It would still have its intended effect, but in the end, there would be no damage whatsoever.

Unfortunately, for all the control Professor Bedford had _within _his classroom, he had very little outside it, and the Marauders were quick to make use of all that they were taught. Within their first week back at Hogwarts, they succeeded immensely at making it perfectly clear to the rest of the school that, after their long leave of absence the year before, they were now ready to get back in the game and make up for lost time. No one had forgotten the little fiasco with the Dark Mark last February, least of all the Marauders, and now, it seemed, the time had come for them to get some payback for being stuck with the blame. They had their reputations to uphold, after all, and it quickly became quite clear that the teensy, weensy little fact that Remus was a prefect made no real difference to any of them.

The earliest sign of trouble lying ahead came on the second night of their stay at Hogwarts, shortly after dinner, when Lily began her tour of the castle with the new first years. They had made their way up to the third floor without incident, but when they entered the trophy room, which was filled to the brim with old awards kept on display within their gleaming crystal display cases, several of the eleven year olds made startling observations.

"This shield's dedicated to Prongs for 'a remarkable demonstration of Transfiguration' dated tomorrow night?"

"What kind of name is Wormtail?"

"Look at this cup! 'Dedicated to Messrs. Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs, the Marauders of Hogwarts!'"

Lily blinked. "The what?" She walked over towards the cup in question and stared at its inscription in absolute astonishment. They had their own personal _names_ now? What on earth? For several long seconds, she found herself frozen speechlessly to her spot, too incredulous to move an inch. The other children, however, were quick to scamper about the room, peering nosily at each award in clear fascination. _They_ had never heard of the Marauders before, but the messages left behind in that trophy room were enough to gain their full attention and admiration. Who in the world could be, at once, so bold and so talented as to transform the famous room into such a joke as this?

Slowly, Lily started walking her way up and down the aisles, reading the inscriptions quietly to herself while the others read them out loud to each other, laughing and joking about them in clear, excited amusement. For the most part, it was all just a lot of the same thing… tributes to the Marauders – either individually or all four together. Several seemed to include Peeves as well – though merely to shower the Marauders with superiority over the poltergeist. _That_ wouldn't go over well, Lily thought to herself with a sigh. Peeves, who _loved_ spending time in the trophy room, was _bound_ to notice these.

"Well," she said at last, rather enthusiastically, which successfully brought the first years' attention back towards her. "As I've already said, this is the school's trophy room. Now, normally these awards go to students who actually deserve them, but as you can see, the very amusing plagues of our castle, and humanity in general, have gotten into them. All we can do now is pray that they'll recover and carry on with the rest of our tour." She knew perfectly well that she really ought to at least _mention_ the little crime scene to one of the adults – which meant Argus Filch, of course – but for some reason she presently found herself feeling rather disinclined to even bother. How was it her business if James, Remus, Sirius, and Peter wanted to get into trouble that year? For now, _she_ wanted nothing more than to just ignore them, and leave them alone to their own mischievous ends while she got on with the rest of her life.

But, unfortunately, as she led the younger students outside the trophy room, she found herself unsurprisingly being bombarded by questions that the terribly curious first years had regarding the Marauders – which prevented her from forgetting about the incident altogether. And as it was, she found them all particularly difficult to answer.

"Are they students here? What year are they in?"

"Yes-"

"Do you know their real names?"

"Er…"

"Do they do this sort of thing often?"

"Definitely."

"Are they looking to recruit?"

"Doubtful."

"What other things do they like to pull? Just pranks?"

"I guess they-" Lily was interrupted by a terrific shriek that resounded furiously throughout the corridor – and quite possibly the entire castle! Without a second thought or a moment of hesitation, she bolted towards it as quickly as possible with the first years awkwardly scrambling after her. They didn't stop once until they reached the source of the frantic, maddening cries – and then they had to lean forward, either against a wall or with their hands on their knees, to catch their breaths. They were still in the third floor corridor, but were standing in front of an extremely large painting that Lily herself had never seen before. To her amazement, it was a portrait of the school's very own poltergeist, Peeves himself!

The first years all covered their ears and clenched their eyes shut, trying to block out the horrible sound of Peeves's shrill screaming. Lily had never in her entire life seen him _this_ furious – not even back in her second year when she and Remus had blasted him with that Disarming Charm. "GET ME OUT OF HERE! IF I DON'T GET LET OUT OF HERE _RIGHT NOW_ THERE'S GOING TO BE HELL TO PAY!"

"Peeves?" Lily's eyes widened in astonishment. She took a step towards the painting, watching as the poltergeist slammed his fist irately against the canvas from the inside. "Are you… are you _trapped _in there?"

"WHAT'S IT LOOK LIKE?" The poltergeist howled. By that point, several other students who weren't taking part in Lily's tour arrived on the scene. And shortly after _them_, the teachers started appearing as well – which included a rather satisfied, smug Argus Filch. Peeves took particular notice of _him_ and made a vulgar face.

"I wouldn't be smirking if I were you, Filthy Filchy! It's obvious you've not been in the trophy room recently, isn't it?" Peeves cackled as the school's caretaker lost all his amusement. Cursing, he spun around and shot off in the other direction, which only angered the poltergeist further. "HEY! AREN'T YOU GOING TO SEE ME OUT OF THIS FIRST? COME BACK HERE!"

"Check that out!" one of the first years' exclaimed rather loudly, even as he pointed his finger up towards the painting's top left-hand corner. Lily, as well as just about everyone else, quickly looked up to follow his gaze. "It's signed! Just like the trophies are! It's signed the Marauders!" And, sure enough, the signature was written up there in large, flowery, shimmering golden writing: 'Care of the Marauders.' Lily couldn't help it. It was _funny_! And so she laughed.

"Did you see who they were, Peeves?" asked an older Ravenclaw girl who had been heading up towards the school's West Tower. "Did you see the Marauders?"

"NO!" Peeves shrieked passionately. "BUT MARK MY WORDS, I'M GOING TO FIND OUT WHO THEY ARE, AND WHEN I DO, I'LL TEACH THEM NOT TO MESS WITH ME! NOW GET ME OUT OF THIS DAMNED PAINTING!"

"All right!" Lily said quickly, turning back around towards the first years. "I think that's enough of that!" And she was absolutely right. The teachers, most of whom were ignoring Peeves to the best of their ability, hurriedly forced the students out of the corridor. Every single one of them seemed to be _more_ than ready and perfectly willing to just leave Peeves exactly where he was until the Headmaster could arrive and take care of the situation himself.

As Lily led the first years up to the fourth floor, they all pranced around her cheerfully and energetically, laughing and chirping vivaciously while talking about Peeves, the Marauders, and all the other unexpected pleasures that filled the castle's hallways. And again, Lily found that she simply couldn't help it. She laughed with them, and shared in their fun, promising them that if things continued carrying on in this manner, Hogwarts would feel like home to them a lot quicker than it had to her.

Unfortunately, _that_ particular remark didn't have quite the effect on her charges as she'd intended. Not that she'd been intending for it to have any effect on them whatsoever, but she _certainly_ hadn't wanted them to stop and stare at her in surprised bewilderment. One little girl even went so far as to step up towards her with wide, soulful blue eyes. "What do you mean? Didn't Hogwarts feel like home to you?"

Lily hesitated, realizing quite suddenly that she had just admitted to being unhappy back in her first year. She hadn't meant to… She hadn't really even been thinking much about what she said… These kids were just _sharp_… and startlingly observant at that. She took a deep breath. "That was a long time ago, Sarah." The little girl blushed tremendously at the sound of her name. She was in Hufflepuff, after all, and wouldn't have expected a fifth year Gryffindor to remember it so easily. But Lily did. Looking around at her unlikely group of eleven year olds, she realized proudly that, even though she'd only known them for about an hour or so, she could remember each and every one of their names. She smiled kindly. "I used to get homesick." Boy, was _that_ an understatement.

She thought back to her first year. She had feared magic so much… the mere _idea_ of it used to be enough to sicken her – literally. Pippa and Isabelle had hated her for it… Now they were two of her best friends! She used to be the most isolated little girl in the entire school! Now… she was the most popular. Things certainly had changed immensely in just four years, hadn't they? Would they continue doing so, now that she was entering into her fifth? And in four more years, where would she be then? Out of school, obviously… But would she be living in the wizarding world…? Or the muggle one?

She sighed, noticing that the children were all still watching her with surprising intensity. And so it was beginning… Before long, they'd all favor her just as much as everyone else in the world did – at least according to Fanny Campbell. She might as well have accepted that prefect's badge. Something was telling her that, in the end, _she'd_ be the one with the influence to use it. "Come on. This tour's not even halfway done yet, and we've still got a lot of ground to cover."

**ooooooo**

**A/N:** I know I've already dedicated this story to my sister, but I have to do it again, because she pretty much requested the scene with Peeves trapped inside a painting – which she actually thought up during work a few days ago. I myself thought it was hilarious, and can only hope that you all did, too. Please review, and I'll update as quickly as possible. Thanks so much!


	53. What's in a Name?

**ooooooo **

In the end, it took Lily _hours _to show the first years all the way around the castle – and not only because of its incredibly vast expanse, either. She wanted to make sure that her charges knew the layout of the school well enough to keep from ever getting lost again! Of course, that wasn't exactly the easiest feat in the world to accomplish, now was it? At Hogwarts, some of the hallways _did _seem to go on forever. Stairwells changed, doorways were always quick to confuse, and landmarks simply couldn't be trusted whatsoever. There were secrets to the place that Lily herself didn't even know, and probably never would. To this day, she _still _got turned around sometimes and had to go back and retrace her steps. There just simply wasn't anyway around it. _But_, she promised them that as long as they remembered the basic fundamentals of the castle's magical design, navigating their way from one end of the school to the other would no longer seem like such an impossible undertaking. They'd all be fine.

Needless to say, it was well after curfew by the time she was finished, but, since she did have the staff's permission to be out, _that _particular little fact didn't faze her at all. She led the Gryffindors and the Ravenclaws straight across the school towards their particular dormitory towers, and then showed the Hufflepuffs and Slytherins down to theirs in the sublevels of the castle. Now, she found herself climbing back up towards the seventh floor – for what felt like the umpteenth time – too exhausted to say a word… not that there was anyone around for her to say anything to in the first place… The muscles in her legs were burning, and she would have liked nothing better than to just crash heavily down upon her bed and sleep for days.

It was eerily silent in those halls. Aside from her, the students were now all safely tucked away in their dorm rooms, the teachers were probably sleeping themselves as well, and the figures caught up within the portraits suspended on the walls hardly seemed to move at all. Peeves was no doubt sulking pathetically somewhere off in a dark, dank, miserable little corner of the school, and _if _there were any ghosts haunting or wandering about the corridors that night, they certainly weren't doing it anywhere near her. All was quiet.

Lily knew that she really _ought _to return to the Gryffindor Tower immediately, but she had climbed those steps so many times that night that she really was tired and in need of a short break. Having reached the third floor once again, she didn't see anything wrong with making her way back into the trophy room – just to see if the various inscriptions on the old awards had been returned back to normal yet or not. Everything was pitch-black… She needed to illuminate her wand just so she could see where she was going! But once she was there, she found that she might as well just put the light back out again… There was nothing of extreme interest for her to be looking at anymore. Those old cups, shields, and trophies… their inscriptions had been magically corrected. Now, not even a single one among them was dedicated to the Marauders. Lily sighed deeply, wondering why _that _was such a disappointment to her.

Nevertheless, she remained in the trophy room to rest, staring silently at the different awards as she allowed her muscles a moment's relief. She read several of the inscriptions, eventually coming across one – a shield – that was dedicated to a T.M. Riddle for 'special services to the school' quite some time ago. Lily paused in front of it. T.M. Riddle? Why did that name sound so familiar to her…?

_"You aren't like him, see… No… I don't think you are."_

It came back to her quite suddenly. Last winter… After the incident with the Howler in the Great Hall… She had spoken privately with Professor Slughorn in his office…

_"Like who? … Like the Dark Lord, you mean?" _

_"Like Tom Riddle."_

According to Professor Slughorn, the Dark Lord, He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, had once been as much of a child prodigy himself as the Potions Master now considered her to be. Tom Riddle had once been a student here at Hogwarts, too! He had walked these same corridors… He had graced these same rooms with his awful, evil presence, just thirty some odd years ago! Hell, Lily might right now be standing in the very same, exact spot as he had once, looking up at his prize in sick satisfaction. She shuddered, suddenly very uncomfortable to be standing here alone in the darkness – which was starting to feel thicker and more ominous by the second.

It was time to go. She wasn't about to linger _there _for any longer! Wrapping one arm around her stomach, using the other to hold her wand aloft, she made her way very quickly out of the trophy room. It was astonishing, really, to discover for one's self how rapidly things could change in the very atmosphere that engulfed a person. Five minutes ago, Lily had been tired, yes, but in no way troubled whatsoever. Now, however, she felt a wave of energy washing through her that undoubtedly came straight from her own frightened source of adrenaline. The shadows seemed to be looming over her. She half expected the Dark Lord himself to pop out at her from around some corner… like _that _corner she had coming up in front of her just now…

She slowed down to a crawl, her heart pounding in her throat, her face dripping with sweat. It might just have been her imagination… but she thought she could hear approaching footsteps… Who else, other than her, would be out wandering the halls at this hour? And what in the world were they thinking by it? Yes, there _were _footsteps, most definitely… and an illuminated wand… she could see its light reflecting off the walls – it wasn't because of her. Who was it, then? A student? A teacher? A demon? They were so close now! Lily waited, catching her breath…

And watched as James Potter himself came waltzing around the corner. Upon seeing _her_, he recoiled sharply, practically squealing in surprise. Lily just exhaled deeply, hanging her head in extreme relief. It was just James… Not the Dark Lord or one of his minions… Just James… She had been really stupid, hadn't she? Expecting something worse?

Presently, James caught his own breath, and looked up at Lily tentatively, his face flushing. _Was _his face flushing? It was hard to tell for sure, she thought, standing in the shadows as they were – but what on Earth would his face be flushing for? _Now_, he was scratching the back of his head uncomfortably. "Hey… Lily. Having a good evening?" His words were rushed… She couldn't remember ever seeing him this flustered before!

"Oh, it's been swell," she said sardonically, her attitude changing quickly as she watched him fidget almost _nervously _on his feet! She found herself crossing her arms, trying hard to ignore his strange, unexpected behavior, lest she accidentally let her guard down. There would be nothing worse right now than for _him _to figure out that she had been, however temporarily, afraid of the dark. "Highly entertaining, too. I'm guessing Remus is to be Moony from now on, considering he's the one who has issues with the moon, right? So… Which one are you?"

James's eyes widened in shock. Scurrying backwards, he stared at Lily as if she had just slapped him in the face. "How… How do you know about that? That it's us, I mean?"

How _did _she knew? _Aside _from process of elimination – since James, Sirius, Remus, and Peter were the only four students in the entire school even _remotely _capable of bearing such dual identities? She had overheard them using the word 'Marauders' as a name for themselves once… during their second year… She frowned, trying hard to remember the specifics. "Two years ago… It was after you skipped Quidditch try-outs to talk to me about responding to friends who kept secrets from you…"

"Yeah," James nodded slowly. "That was after I found out about Remus and his… furry little problem." Lily smiled. "You've got a good memory, Evans. Do you remember body-binding us that night? What happened to you? You _used _to be so good at hexing people!"

The thought did not appeal to her whatsoever. She huffed impatiently and looked away, trying to rid herself of the sudden guilt that was pouring over her. It didn't take James long at all to realize he had just shoved his foot in his mouth. His eyes widened again, even as he hastily tried to correct himself. Unfortunately, his words all seemed to come out in a rather confusing jumble of stuttering rhetoric that made very little sense. Eventually he _had _to stop himself and settle for a simple, pathetic apology, during which he stared at his feet in horrified self-condemnation.

"Anyway," she said quickly, rushing back to their former topic of conversation. "I seem to remember Sirius suggesting it as a name for you lot, sometime after that…"

"Impossible!" James interrupted her arrogantly, crossing his arms. "There's no way _we'd _be careless enough to…" For the third time in less than five minutes, the boy's eyes widened in horror. "Unless it had been when… Oohh…" He whistled, taking off his glasses to rub his eyes as if suddenly extraordinarily tired. Lily tilted her head in bewilderment, and when she next caught his gaze, he half smiled, half grimaced. "We… well, _I_… myself and Sirius, I mean… we kind of… concocted a potion that lowers inhibitions slightly… It was only meant to wheedle a bit of creativity outta Peter!" He started speaking defensively, seeing the familiar expression of disapproval on the girl's face. "Sometimes he feels left out, you know? We thought we'd make him feel a bit more comfortable speaking freely with us."

Lily crossed her own arms severely. "And it didn't strike you odd that someone who's _supposed _to be one of your best friends doesn't _already _feel comfortable speaking freely with you?"

James waved _that _remark casually aside. "Give us a break, Evans. We were only twelve. Anyway, we _all _ended up drinking the potion that day. You should have _heard _some of the things that came out of our mouths! Padfoot's absolutely _wild_!"

"Padfoot?"

"Sirius. But I suspect you already know the kinds of things we thought up. I mean, if you heard us talking about becoming the Marauders, it had to have been then, when we were-"

"Intoxicated?"

James's expression looked pained. He could sense, hear, and probably even _taste _Lily's own personal distaste for everything he was saying. She was disgusted, and there simply wasn't any question about that. "Look, it's not like we were drunk or anything. And Peter's really come a long way! I mean, it's not so much a drag being round him anymore… _I'm sorry, but it's the truth!_" He backed even farther away from Lily, looking almost like one terrified of the girl – which would definitely have served him right. He wasn't exactly winning her over by charm, now was he? "Anyway, _that _would have been the _only _time when you could have possibly heard us. Naturally, it was Moony who first came up with the name, and we were all delighted. I suppose we were also giddy enough to be overheard for once without our knowledge of it. Especially since when we were just kids at the time!"

Lily sighed and rolled her eyes. It was getting late, and she was much too tired to go on arguing with him indefinitely. "We're _still _just kids, Potter." She started forward, meaning to return to the tower before collapsing out of sheer exhaustion. James, however, stood between her and her destination – which meant that she had to brush past him to get by. Normally, she wouldn't have thought much about something so mundane… but he made haste to get out of her way, as if he couldn't _bear _being close to her. Wondering whether or not she should be insulted, she struggled to suppress a groan and looked back at him miserably. "Shouldn't you be out causing havoc with your friends right now? Why are you tormenting _me?"_

James's mouth dropped open as if he couldn't _believe _what she had just suggested. To her amazement, he was struck momentarily speechless! But then he somehow managed to mumble: "…Not every night… guy gets a chance to talk to a… a… like this…" He looked like he was choking on something.

_I was right,_ Lily thought, closing her eyes in horrified dread. _Hogwarts is headed for trouble this year._ She had always expected to see pigs flying around, or Hell frozen over, before James standing in such a stupor as this. It didn't bode well at all. "Fine," she snapped. "I'm not sure I want to know, anyway. You'd best be off, then. I suspect Padfoot, Wormtail, and Moony are all wondering what's keeping you!" She started stomping away.

James, however, was frowning, and quickly started after her, calling her back. "How do you know _I'm _not Wormtail?"

She paused, and he stopped short. "The same way I know everything. Process of elimination. I can't even _begin _to imagine how you guys came up with such idiotic names for yourselves, but-"

"But," he interrupted quickly, a lopsided grin crossing his face. He stared at her smugly – almost condescendingly! "You _knew _someone like me would _never _settle for a name like 'Wormtail,' didn't you? For all your self-righteousness, you're just as prejudicial as the rest of us lowly folk, aren't you?" Now, Lily _did _turn around. And this time, she _was _offended.

"I take it back," she said softly – almost dangerously. "You're not as _sharp _as I thought you were. Maybe you really _ought _to be Wormtail. Then _Sirius _can be Prongs, and Peter: Padfoot. How's that sound?"

"Don't be thick," James said, scoffing at the suggestion in clear amusement. "That wouldn't make much sense at all, now would it? What you've got to remember, Evans, is that everything has to be put in its proper context-" He stopped short, with the same expression on his face that kids have when they've been caught with their hands in a cookie jar. "You know, I probably shouldn't be telling you all this. It's _way _too much information."

"Then keep it!" Lily snapped fiercely, her face flushing in anger. Or was it shame? She couldn't be certain... Was it James's impertinence that infuriated her? Or was it that his words had some truth to them? She hated the thought that they did... and definitely didn't want to consider the possibility that maybe she _was _being unfair... guessing that James was Prongs simply because she figured Peter had to be Wormtail. She couldn't begin to imagine why that was... but it greatly, greatly upset her. And she found herself taking it out on James. "I don't want to know. Honestly, Potter! Can you tell me which is worse? The fact that you constantly prove to be an arrogant prick? Or the fact that you behave that way even though we all know you're better than that? It horrifies me! Your pranks. Your nicknames! What's next? Crime?"

James's face blanched. Lily herself wasn't quite sure exactly what she was saying, for her mind was swirling around in several different directions, and words kept spilling out of her mouth too fast for her to keep up. She couldn't remember half the things she said, despite the fact that she had just spoken them mere seconds ago! She couldn't concentrate, and no matter how hard she tried to regulate her words, she couldn't stop them from coming, and couldn't begin to imagine where they were coming from. It was enough to drive her mad! _James _was enough to drive her mad! She didn't understand... why she could appreciate him one moment and despise him the next! He had to be the most outrageous boy she knew. And yet... he knew her. He knew her better than she would have liked, while she, on the other hand, felt like she didn't know him at all.

In any case, her words definitely seemed to have an affect on him. "I... Well, you see..."

"Forget it," she snapped, spinning on her heel and storming off as quickly as humanly possible. She couldn't bear to be this close to him any longer. She had to go... clear her head or something... while trying _not _to frighten herself this time with thoughts of the Dark Lord. And so she started running, exhausting her incredibly tired, weary muscles while trying to keep at bay her constantly mounting concerns shadowing over the year ahead. What was to become of her? The O.W.L.s... Careers... Tutoring... Classes... Marauders... James... She couldn't keep up! Had it been this torturous the year before? With Regulus? She remembered it being difficult... Things were getting harder with every passing year, and she found that all she wanted was to keep on running.

Over the summer, she had horrified her older sister with her magical, witchlike behavior that had so fascinated the Fletchers. That was how she fled from all her troubles. As the new school year began, she quickly realized that it wouldn't be as easy fleeing from such things at Hogwarts. After that night, as the days started sweeping by, as the Marauders grew to be more, more, and even _more _infamous, as her peers started discussing their lives while the first years simply fretted over their education, Lily did not know how to escape her growing woes. She tried taking comfort in Hogsmeade whenever she went to visit, but even _that _seemed harder now. Memories of how James, Remus, Peter, and Sirius had helped her to recover that night in the village last spring haunted her there. She felt closer to _them _now than she did to her parents because of it. Nothing helped. Not Hogsmeade. Not her friends. Not her first year students. Not even the Slug Club. More than ever before she began to truly miss Fanny and Regulus. The year before had had its difficulties... but she wanted it back so much that it sometimes hurt simply breathing. And she _knew _that people were noticing. And talking. The first years especially. They were growing fond of her, and though she tried sheltering them from her own depression, it sometimes seemed impossible. It was filling up inside her, spreading like a disease. It was tearing at her heart, mind, and soul, leaving her questioning whether or not she could possibly make it through her fifth year, and wondering how she'd ever be able to survive the rest of her very _life _if she couldn't even do this.

**ooooooo**

**A/N:** I'm so sorry! I can't believe how long it's been! I hope I still have readers... Chapters are definitely going to be written slower now, because I'm at college and my own classes are starting. I'm taking several courses, and because it's my first year, I really need to concentrate on keeping my GPA up. But I'm determined _not_ to give up on this piece - because writing _is _my greatest passion, so all I ask is that you bear with me and keep on sending those reviews! Thanks so much!


	54. Inconsideration

**ooooooo**

Despite Lily's most suffocating affliction of overwhelmed distress, the beginning of her fifth year at Hogwarts seemed to pass by in a matter of heartbeats. The only interludes from what would otherwise have been a long, relatively quiet term were those created by the Marauders. "Marauder Strikings," such moments were called, and they offered the students during those first few months – especially the fifth years, who had their O.W.L.s and their very future _careers_ to look forward to – a bit of a reprieve from the daily monotony of school, classes, and homework.

There was always something new and different to anticipate and expect, especially now that _they_ had free reign to plot and conspire, plan and execute, without _ever _getting caught or seen. Many of the rumors that were constantly being spread among students spoke of these four mysterious entities having at their disposal tools and resources the likes of which not even the great Albus Dumbledore himself possessed! And not even Lily, the _one _person outside their roguish band who knew their names, could find evidence enough to refute that particular claim. As far as she knew, the Marauders only had James's invisibility cloak and a couple of two-way mirrors in their immediate possession. And though, yes, such items _were _enough for the four young troublemakers to wreck some severe havoc within the castle walls, it was still hard imagining that – even _with _them – James, Remus, Sirius, and Peter could accomplish all that they did without ever leaving behind any witnesses whatsoever. It was almost as if… they knew ahead of time where people were… and where they would be. But surely _that _wasn't possible! Was it?

_Of course it is, _she often told herself. _What exactly were they up to last year? With them, absolutely _anything _is possible! _And so it was. Whenever students least expected it, they would find themselves falling victim to trick stairs that hadn't ever been there before. They would find themselves spotting a frazzled cat – Filch's Mrs. Norris to be exact – scrambling down a corridor with large pink bows tangled in her fur. They might even spot bows tangled in _Filch's_ hair – which might simultaneously be dyed a deep, deep emerald to heighten its hilarity. Nothing within that castle was sacred anymore! But… there was _one_ thing that most everyone at Hogwarts seemed to notice… which Lily did not.

Yes. It _did_ seem to be true that nothing was at all sacred to the Marauders. Before the end of November, absolutely everything that one could possibly imagine had, at one time or another, been enchanted to the satisfaction of those four gits. Similarly, absolutely every_one _within that school had, at one time or another, fallen victim to a prank of some kind played by one or all of those gits. And that _included _the ghosts, the staff, and even Professor Dumbledore! But… strangely… it did not include Lily. Not _once_ did she ever accidentally walk over a trick step. Nor did she ever find her head enlarged. And she _never _received any of the Howlers that were as of late constantly being received by other students care of the Marauders. No. She was the one person they all left alone. And though such a thought never even once occurred to her, it was of great interest to many others, for it made the unsuspecting girl as legendary as the Marauders were themselves.

"Everyone loves her," older students began explaining to the first years. "So much so that… that not even the _Marauders_ are willing enough to pull their pranks at her expense." And so it definitely seemed. The Marauders might have had free reign to do as they pleased within the castle, but if there was anyone who incited true and utmost loyalty from all her peers, it was without question Lily Evans. She didn't even realize it! And consequently… no… even _inconsequently_… she never took advantage of it.

In any case, she had by far too much to think about to spend her time fretting over the treatment she was constantly receiving. Since the start of the term, she had been feeling increasingly overworked, spent, and confused. It seemed like there was nothing the other fifth years – excluding the Marauders, of course – loved to do more than discuss their futures. It seemed like there was nothing the _older_ students loved to do more than question Lily about what she thought _her _future might look like. And as for the younger students… well… the only thing any of _them _seemed to want was for Lily to shower them all with attention. Half the time, she wasn't even sure _how _she managed to maintain appearances – for she definitely didn't want anyone to notice how increasingly difficult it was becoming for her just to keep on holding on. She didn't want anyone to see her slipping. She didn't want anyone to see her fall.

It really was no secret that she had something or other on her mind. Everyone could sense it. Could see it. Could feel it. That something was troubling her… But… they couldn't tell what it was, and since, for the most part, Lily managed to keep it locked away, hidden inside of her, where it couldn't interfere with her life and all-around seeming joy, they tried not to think too much about it. It wasn't that they didn't care… It was just that whenever her friends questioned her about it, an expression of sorrow would cross her face that hadn't been there before, and that always managed to catch them off-guard. Dwelling on such thoughts increased her misery, leading her friends to the conclusion that she would be better helped if she remained distracted. As long as she continued smiling and laughing – which she did – successfully convincing even the _faculty_ members that she was as cheerful a girl as there ever could be – which she also did – no one seemed to worry too much about her. They told themselves that she was merely feeling a little stressed due to her upcoming exams. Such a thing wasn't unheard of, after all. They told themselves that it was stress… that she'd be fine.

And so time began to pass, and with it came the Quidditch season. Isabelle, Lily came to understand, had spent her entire summer holiday on the back of a broomstick getting ready for November try-outs. There was no doubt in anyone's mind that she was a good player, and so it was to everyone's disgust when, on the day that try-outs came, the seventh year Gryffindor Captain, Gregory Corwin, informed those who showed up that he wanted to focus less on actually winning the Quidditch Cup that year and more on training the _younger_ players in order to create a team that would ultimately grow to be unstoppable.

"I'm not going to waste _my _time and effort teaching students who will be graduating in a year or two how to play like pros when I _could _be training more and more of the second and third years to be the best they can be, so that this team remains undefeated for at least the next four or five years," Corwin announced almost ruthlessly. "And that means whoever here's a fourth year or older might as well go back to the common room."

Lily, who despised broomsticks herself with a fiery passion, had nevertheless felt greatly, greatly offended on behalf of her close friend. What kind of Gryffindor did Corwin think he was? It wasn't fair! If Isabelle didn't get this chance to play, she might not _ever _get a chance to play! She had said so herself, as she, Lily, and their roommates all walked together out of the stadium that day. "It really doesn't matter. Right, Lily? Quidditch is just a game, and there's more important things going on in the world for me to thinking about. Next year I'll just… concentrate on passing my N.E.W.T.s."

"I'm sorry," Lily had told her, in a tone that expressed all too clearly to each and every one of her roommates that she sincerely felt for and sympathized with Isabelle. The older girl looked down, brushing a strand of hair out of her face while trying to keep her composure. She was almost as good at doing so as Lily herself had become over the course of four to five years. But it wasn't enough, and so, that evening, the fifteen year old set out to look for James. After all, if anyone could convince Corwin to change his mind and allow Isabelle onto the team, Lily knew it'd be him.

Surprisingly, it took a lot longer for her to find the boy than she initially would have expected. And upon walking through the Entrance Hall, she couldn't help but hear the familiar shrieks and screams of yet another Howler coming from inside the Great Hall. Or was it… No… Actually… wait… it sounded almost as if there were a _lot _more shrieking and screaming going on than usual. Needless to say, over the course of the term the Marauders had grown particularly infamous for sending students Howlers. But right now… it sounded almost as if there were a _lot _more Howlers delivering prank messages than just one! What was going on?

Quickly assuming that the Marauders were responsible, and that James would in fact be in there watching with a satisfied little smirk of amusement planted on his face, Lily set her jaw and rushed through the doors into the Great Hall. But what she found… not even _she _had seen coming. Yes, there _were_ more Howlers than just one… There were half a dozen.

Lily's eyes opened wide in astonishment as several professors struggled to contain those feral letters. But try as they might… they might as well have been dealing with a hydra! Every time they managed to destroy one, two more would inevitably rise up from its ashes! And every time they tried to actually catch one and pin it down, it somehow broke free! There wasn't any stopping them!

"Bloody hell," Lily breathed, taking in the awesome, terrible sight while trying not to cover her ears. She wouldn't have been alone in doing so, however, for most of the other students sitting at their tables – while _trying_ to eat their dinners – were doing just that. But somehow… for some reason… Lily worried that she might lose whatever control she still possessed by doing so – not that she could have identified what control she thought she had at all were someone to ask. Needless to say, it wasn't too great of a surprise to her when she located Sirius, Remus, and Peter sitting by the other Gryffindors – looking completely unaffected by the uproar those Howlers were causing. In fact, Sirius seemed quite pleased with himself. How typical.

Gritting her teeth, Lily hastily made her way over to them, stopping short only when she arrived at a vantage point clear enough for her to catch sight of the poor student those Howlers had been conjured up to harass. It was Severus. Severus Snape. There were countless exploding letters – their numbers increasing by the second – and they were all shrieking out taunts and jibes that were directed towards the fifteen year old Slytherin. Lily felt her face flushing in anger – an emotion that she hadn't truly felt since the start of the semester. But that wasn't all. While the staff members each tried handling the situation, Severus seemed to be ignoring them, choosing instead to rummage through a small pile of books that he had with them. He seemed to be looking for something, and couldn't, for the life of him, find it. Lily herself hesitated, feeling half tempted to brave her way past those Howlers in order to help him.

In the end, however, she turned back towards Sirius – just in time to watch as Remus turned towards the boy himself in obvious impatience. Neither one of them had yet to see the girl – although Peter was definitely staring at her in alarm while sinking slightly in on himself. And as for James… he was nowhere in sight. Lily sighed in exasperation, narrowed her eyes, and once again started forward. She could see Sirius glancing at Remus, who was concentrating on _him_ with a hardened intensity. After a moment, the first boy sighed, nodded his head, and glanced down at the wand he was casually, almost carelessly, holding in his hand – which he then flicked so subtly that no one else seemed to notice. Within seconds each and every one of the Howlers burst into tiny flames, much to the faculty's bemusement, before crumbling into piles of ash on the ground. Only then did either boy notice Lily's approach.

"Having fun?" she asked as all the other Gryffindors, Ravenclaws, Hufflepuffs, and even a few Slytherins, began to applaud their flabbergasted professors. Peter himself inched away from the three, tapping his hands together lightly while trying – and failing miserably – to look like he didn't know any one of them. Sirius and Remus, however, acknowledged Lily with expressions of, respectively, delight and disgust. Not that Remus' disgust was directed toward _her_, but rather still toward his friend's latest display of behavior.

"Actually, yeah," Sirius informed her presently, before Remus could, while leaning back and crossing his arms in self-satisfaction. "Just giving that bloody git a taste of what he deserves." It was no secret among the Marauders that Lily knew who they were. James had been quick to inform his friends of her knowledge the night that she had revealed it to him.

She scoffed. "Right. Whatever. Where's Potter?"

The question obviously surprised Remus and Peter, both of whom started in surprise, staring at her questioningly. Sirius, however, merely smirked – as if he had been waiting for that question all night – and leaned forward conspiratorially. "Not in. But he did ask us to take messages for him. What cha need?"

Lily didn't even bother suppressing a moan before turning towards Remus. "Please. Remus, just tell me." She was starting to lose track of the reasons _why _she needed to find the boy. Was it to ask for his help in getting Isabelle on the Quidditch team? Or was it to complain about the way Sirius was treating Severus with those bloody Howlers? She had to find him soon, though, lest things became too complicated for her immediate taste.

"Honestly, Lily, your guess is as good as mine," Remus replied in complete sincerity, his voice genuinely filled with regret. "The Howlers were… really just a diversion. By now, James could be anywhere."

That didn't sound good. Diversion…? Diversion for what? Lily glanced back and forth between Sirius and Remus, wondering just what was going on. "What do you mean?" She knew the Marauders. She liked to think that she knew the way their minds worked. And if _this _had just been the diversion, she didn't even want to _think_ aboutwhat the actual joke might be.

Sirius had turned towards Remus, and was now glaring at him with an expression that clearly said: shut up. The last thing they needed was a worked up Lily Evans getting on their backs. After all, they knew her as well as she knew them… if not even better. Remus, however, couldn't bring himself to acknowledge Sirius's glare – just as he couldn't meet Lily's gaze. He looked torn and disgruntled, caught between his friends.

"Come on, Remus," Lily encouraged him somberly. "You're a prefect now. You can't just go on ignoring what you know is right." Her words finally brought the boy to look up at her, though it was so obvious how upset he was that Lily immediately regretted playing that particular card. It didn't _feel_ right… She shouldn't be asking Remus to betray his friends' trust – even _if_ his friends didn't deserve such loyalty!

_Not that it makes a difference, _she heard herself argue. _I'm just going to ask for his help, right? Just trying to do Isabelle a favor. _And all this fuss over Howlers and Severus Snape… it had absolutely nothing to do with any of it. So it wasn't _really _like Remus would be going against his friends. Right? "I need to find him."

"For what?" Sirius asked quickly, looking back at her as though hoping to draw her attention away from Remus. These guys were up to something, and they clearly didn't think she'd approve of it. The fact that Remus was a prefect now… made everything so much more complicated… especially when gits like her used such ranking against him.

He really was a good person. Better than her! And he spoke quickly, before she even had time to answer Sirius's inquiry. "James went up to the Slytherin table and started talking to Snape. _We_ sent those Howlers. When they started harassing him, James grabbed one of his books and tore off before anyone else could get there to help. He could be anywhere by now."

So _that _was why Severus had been rummaging around through his pile of books. James had stolen one. That bloody little… Lily took a very deep, very calming breath – not that it succeeded in calming her whatsoever – as she tried to wrap her mind around such an idea. _James was… a thief now? _

Sirius and Peter were both staring at Remus as if they had never seen him before. It was clearly agitating the boy – so much so that, before Lily – or any of them for that matter – could say anything at all – whether out of gratitude or resent – he rapidly got up to his feet and stormed off towards the Entrance Hall. Lily felt her heart constricting as she turned to watch him go. "Remus…"

"Good one, Evans," Sirius scowled, pushing away from the table himself now. He brushed past her, clearly intent on pursuing his friend. "If you _really _want to find James, we _were _supposed to rendezvous with him down by the lake. Who knows. He might already be there." Without another word he started running after Remus, leaving Lily behind to wallow in her guilt. A part of her didn't quite understand what had happened. Hadn't she just been looking for a way to help Isabelle? When did everything become so turned around?

Moving slowly… almost cautiously… Peter stood up and faced her. "It's not you Sirius is mad at, Lily. He's just frustrated because of how confusing things have been for Remus lately."

Apparently Lily wasn't the only one good at hiding emotions. She glanced at Peter in confusion. "What are you talking about?"

The boy shrugged. "You aren't the only one pressuring Remus to start acting like a prefect. The professors have all been doing it too. It's almost as if… it's almost as if he was only chosen because McGonagall wants him to keep James and Sirius in check. I guess he doesn't feel like he deserves the badge. If you think about it, he hasn't even used it once. He doesn't like disciplining people. _Especially _us. And to make things worse, this _is _our fifth year. Coming up with a plan for your future is a lot harder for Remus than it is for most people. I mean… who's ever going to employ him? Knowing what you know about him?"

Lily felt like choking at Peter's words. And here she had thought that _she _had it bad this year! What was the matter with her? When had…? When had she become so selfish? So self-centered? She hadn't even _noticed _that something was wrong with Remus! What was…? "I don't believe this…" Meeting Peter's gaze, she could tell that he was painfully uncomfortable. "He doesn't deserve-"

"Neither do you," Peter interrupted quietly, glancing down and staring at his feet. Lily couldn't begin to imagine when he had become so insightful. It didn't seem like him… Or maybe she just didn't really know him as well as she thought she did. What was happening to her? She didn't understand! She only wanted to make it right!

Presently, several of the other Gryffindors were starting to settle down, now that the Howler onslaught had abated, and began to notice Lily's presence. A couple of them called out to her, but she barely heard them. She couldn't stop thinking about Remus. He was supposed to be her best friend. He was supposed to be her brother! Why was it that Peter – of all people – was now the one who had to explain to her what was going on in Remus' life? When had she become so oblivious? It hurt her… Such a realization physically hurt her. She felt like crying. "I have to go."

"Lily," Peter tried reaching out to her, maybe intending to stop her, but he wasn't quick enough. The girl had spun around and was now making her way out of the Great Hall at such a pace that he couldn't even hope to keep up with her. And so he stood where he was, watching miserably as she left him far behind.

**ooooooo**

Sure enough, by the time Lily reached the lake she could see James Potter sitting by the edge of the water with his bare feet sticking in as though there was no such thing as November frigidity. He was holding a book open on his lap – a book that Lily recognized from all those times in Potions when Professor Slughorn had paired her off with Severus. It was _his _textbook, and James was reading it like it was the most fascinating – and yet horrifying – thing on the face of the planet. The look on his face could not mask his revulsion.

Nor could Lily's. But she could not figure out what disgusted her the most. The fact that James had stolen that book from Severus… Or the fact that she hadn't been able to see just how hard things had been for Remus lately. She couldn't stop thinking about it! Why hadn't she noticed? She had made herself a promise just over two years ago to live a normal life without magic. And now, because she hadn't been able to figure out whether or not she still wanted to keep that promise, she had felt unnecessarily miserable. Why? She didn't have the right! Only Remus did! After all, Peter hadn't been wrong whatsoever in implying that no one would ever hire a werewolf. Lily hadn't even accepted her rightful role as a Gryffindor prefect! Somewhere along the line, she had become the world's greatest joke, and it was killing her!

For several long minutes, she found herself standing stock-still behind James, not knowing what to do or what to say. Was she really being quiet enough for him not to notice her there? That in itself seemed like a miracle, for Lily wouldn't have been at all surprised even if they could hear her heart, mind, and soul screaming louder than several banshees all the way back up at the castle! She startled trembling.

James suddenly cursed, recoiling sharply as if something in the book had tried to bite him. Jumping to his feet, he dropped the thing and backed away from it in horror. Lily herself must have reacted to that somehow, though she couldn't remember exactly how when she later reflected on it. Nevertheless, James couldn't help but notice her now and let out a loud shout that was clearly of surprise. Lily had actually surprised him!

After a long, awkward moment, he managed to catch his breath and walked towards her. "Lily Evans… You startled me."

She couldn't look at him. She couldn't meet his gaze. Instead, she stared at the book lying on the ground just inches away from the water. "I wouldn't have thought that possible." Her voice was soft. It was shaking. James started to say something, but she quickly interrupted him. She had to hurry, after all. Right now, there was nothing she wanted more than to find Remus. And the more time she spent here with James, the less time she'd have to do that. "I need to ask you for a favor."

James blinked, his mouth half open in amazement. Lily was… asking for _his _help? Then there really _was_ a first time for everything! And yet… if there was one person in the entire world that James would have done absolutely anything for, he already knew it'd be for her. "Okay…"

"Help Isabelle get onto the Quidditch team," Lily told him, still speaking in that same quivering voice. Still unable to look anywhere but at Severus's fallen book. Still thinking of nothing other than Remus. She felt like she was running on automatic. She felt like she wasn't even really there. "She deserves it more than anyone."

James opened his mouth to speak again, but nothing came out. He already knew that Gregory Corwin was the biggest git in Gryffindor, and that he was stubborn to boot. Getting a sixth year onto the team wouldn't be an easy matter. "Lily, I-"

"There's more," she interrupted quickly, walking forward. James watched her come, felt the color rising in his face when she was close enough to touch, and found himself strangely relieved that she wasn't looking at him… that she wouldn't see him sweating. He backed away from her, certainly not expecting her to crouch down in order to pick up the book that he had dropped. Therefore it came as a definite surprise to him when she did, and caused him immense alarm. Holding it firmly in her arms, she finally met his gaze as she stood back up. "I've been Severus's partner in Potions enough times to know how much he writes in this book. Whatever you've read in it, I want you to keep it to yourself."

James's eyes narrowed ever so slightly. He couldn't understand entirely the way she was behaving at that particular moment, but a part of it was starting to feel slightly familiar. "Don't tell me you're actually considering giving this guy a chance?" Lily felt her own eyes narrowing in incense, which greatly unnerved the boy. "All right! So maybe you weren't wrong about Regulus. But Lily, not every Slytherin is going to end up like him! Some of the things Snape's written in that thing… He's managed to turn a _potions _book into a Dark Arts book! You can't help him!"

Something snapped inside the girl, and she very well nearly slapped him across the face. "Don't you _ever _tell me who I can or can't help, James Potter!" All she had wanted was to help Isabelle! But now… she had to help Remus, she had to fix whatever it was that was wrong with _her_, and _now _she was realizing that she also needed to help Severus as she had tried to help Regulus the year before.

"Just look inside the front cover!" James argued, his voice amplifying considerably. "He calls himself the Half-Blood Prince, Evans! Doesn't that strike you as a little twisted?"

_Half-Blood Prince? _Why did that sound so… so…? Familiar wasn't the right word. But there was something about it… Lily couldn't concentrate on that right now. Instead, she took a step closer to James. "If you tell _anyone _about that, and that _includes _Sirius Black, then God help me, I'll make sure you regret it! It's _not _your place to be invading Severus's privacy!"

"Stay away from him, Evans," James ordered her – though it didn't sound so much like an order as it did a warning. A grave warning. "He's bad news."

"Some would say that a guy who actually enjoys watching Howlers torment other students is bad news," Lily retorted angrily. "Just get Isabelle on that Quidditch team for me. I'll give Severus his book back, and maybe then you won't get arrested for theft." She left it at that, turning sharply on her heel before storming off in much the same manner that Remus had earlier that evening. She felt like she couldn't breathe, and that she had to _fight_ to keep her tears at bay.

How had things come to this? Everything felt so wrong! So wrong and too difficult to bear… She couldn't begin to imagine why she felt so desperate to save everyone. She just… needed to find a way to make up for her own inconsideration. And if that meant saving every single soul in Great Britain and the rest of the world… then she'd just have to _force_ herself to find a way to do it… no matter what the consequences.

**ooooooo**

**A/N:** I wanted to make this chapter longer, but if I did that, it would have ended up being _too _long, if that's even possible. I hope everyone reviews, because I definitely love the support. Thanks so much!


	55. Consideration

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Pride and Prejudice or anything else written by Jane Austen anymore than I own Harry Potter. Oh well.

**ooooooo**

By the time Lily managed to return to the Great Hall after confiscating Severus's potions book from James, there was no longer any sign of the Slytherin anywhere at all. While members of the staff were _still_ trying to magically clean up the horrible mess created by the Howlers, several of the older students still remained to finish their meals – for _they _certainly hadn't felt intimidated enough by the startling incident to retreat to their common rooms hours before normal. Nevertheless, it looked like Severus had fled the scene, which left Lily with no other choice than to keep his book for awhile longer.

The prospect of doing so hardly upset her. She didn't mind delivering his book the following morning, or the next morning, depending on when she saw him. What _truly_ upset her was that Peter, too, had left, and that she now had no idea where to begin looking for Remus. After all, wasn't _he _the one, more so than even Severus Snape, that Lily felt so compelled to rescue? She hadn't been considerate enough of him recently. She needed to make it right…

_Yes, _she silently snapped at herself. _You keep saying that! Well, stop saying it and start actually _doing _something! _Her heart was pounding steadily in her throat as a kind of urgency rose up inside her. To make things right, she needed to think of something – and _quickly _– that would solve all her problems. Trying not to forget to breathe, she turned around and, yet again, made her way back out of the Great Hall. She couldn't remember a time when she had ever walked so slowly, so painstakingly, up the stairs towards the Tower while trying to put her mind at ease.

She had Severus's book. She _would _see that it got back to him. But there wasn't anything more she could do for him at that particular moment. And she _had _asked James to help Isabelle onto the Quidditch team. He hadn't exactly said that he'd be able to, and they hadn't exactly parted on the best of terms, so she really couldn't say for sure whether or not he'd be of any help to her. It didn't seem like something she could count on. But whether or not that particular problem had been solved, there _still_ wasn't anything more that Lily could do. At least not at that moment. So where did that leave her?

_"WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH YOU?" _

Petunia's words from four years ago suddenly rang vehemently in Lily's mind. She stopped short, her entire body growing tense, as her heart literally stopped beating.

_"HAVEN'T YOU HEARD A WORD THAT'S BEEN SAID? … YOU'RE A WITCH! FOR ONCE IN YOUR LIFE, PROVE TO ME THAT BEING A WITCH IS A GOOD THING! WHY DON'T YOU DO SOMETHING?"_

Lily's knees felt weak, and trembled as several merciless emotions that she hadn't felt in years tore their way into her body. Slowly she sank down to the ground, so that she was sitting in a tiny little curled-up ball on the stairs. Everything seemed to be spinning.

_"You were right about me, though. I do want to leave Hogwarts. I've got no reason to stay now."_

She could hear the conversation she had had with the Headmaster directly after her parents' deaths.

_"I never wanted any of this. I didn't ask for it! There's only been one time that I've ever really _wanted _to be a witch! But at that time, having magic meant nothing! It didn't work! So what's the point?"_

_"You have three choices…"_

Three choices… To stay. To leave. Or to learn exactly _how _to leave. She had chosen the third option. It really was the only one, after all, that had seemed to be at all acceptable.

_"I'm going to get through this. I'm going to learn how to control my magic so that I never have to use it again. I'm going to live a normal life. And if I ever have children, they won't have to grow up the way I am. I'm going to be just like a muggle. No one will ever know the difference. I promise." _

But now… ever since she had discovered Hogsmeade… ever since Professor Flitwick had told her about… about…

_"They loved you, Lily. They gave you a gift, and they never once even realized it. I know you're not exactly comfortable with your magic. But Lily… your parents were both devoted to it. Perhaps… perhaps you should try seeing it through their eyes." _

And so she had! And now… now she… she just didn't _know_! Hogwarts was her home! Magic was her life! But did she want it to become her future as well? How could she decide? She felt so lost! Where was everyone? There were tears burning in her eyes, but from where she was sitting on the staircase, there wasn't anyone around to see. Or so she had thought.

"Lily?"

The girl jumped before half rising, half turning around, to see none other than Frank Longbottom himself standing up on the landing above! He was obviously heading towards the Gryffindor Tower, but had been, at least until _now_, going by a different route. _Now_, however, he was staring down at her in obvious concern. "Are you okay?"

"Frank," Lily forced herself to smile while using one hand to brush away her tears. "What are you doing here?" It was a surprise, really. Frank had graduated the year before. All the worries and concerns that Lily and Remus were fighting to control… they were no longer shared by him.

Walking down the steps towards her, Frank wouldn't let the subject be changed. "I came to surprise Alice. What's wrong?" He was going to be an Auror one day, Lily reminded herself. There just wouldn't be any getting past him. Nevertheless, the closer that he came to her, the farther she backed away, walking down the stairs rather awkwardly.

"It's nothing," she told him, trying to sound convincing. She reached the bottom step before realizing it, and when she tried taking yet _another_ step down, her foot met with the floor much quicker than she had anticipated. It caused her to stumble, and Frank was quick in rushing forward to steady her. He definitely had good reflexes.

"You're shaking," he observed, his voice filled with concern.

"No I'm not," Lily heard herself denying. She tried pushing away from him, but her body felt weak. She was just too tired. And, somewhere along the line during those few rather distressing moments, she unconsciously dropped the book that she had been holding onto so tightly before. "Remus…"

"Come on," Frank suggested, literally picking her up and carrying her the rest of the way to the Tower. He ignored her objections, for they were barely more than whispers. Lily herself wouldn't remember whispering them at all come morning, for she was just too tired… and found herself sinking into unconsciousness.

**ooooooo**

Severus Snape walked out from behind one of the statues carved next to the very stairwell upon which Lily had collapsed. He had been encamped there since leaving the Great Hall, and now, staring up at the landing upon which Longbottom had appeared – and then disappeared with Lily in his arms – he found himself wondering if maybe there _was _such a thing as fate. After all, why had the girl chosen _these _stairs to sit down on? And why on earth had _he _chosen _that _particular statue to take refuge behind? It seemed positively absurd!

Glancing down at the floor, Severus presently observed the book that Lily had dropped. It didn't take him long at all to recognize it as his own. Nothing made sense anymore. Why had that damn thing been in Lily's possession? Reaching a hand into his robes, Severus tightly clutched his wand, struggling to control the tumultuous emotions barreling through him. It felt like getting hit by a sledgehammer.

Walking up to the fallen book, claiming it rather savagely, he swore that he'd have vengeance on Potter. He knew perfectly well whose fault this all was. And now, if that bastard had used his own book to turn Lily against him, there'd be hell to pay. Severus couldn't remember a time in his life when he had ever been angrier.

**ooooooo**

When Lily woke up, she did so hours later, the following morning, in her own bed, to the sound of several voices whispering agitatedly above her. _Is she really going to be okay? Maybe we _should_ take her to go the hospital wing? No, Frank said she's just exhausted. How'd she wear herself out? What's wrong with her?_

Lily moaned and opened her eyes. It took her a moment to recognize Alice, Isabelle, Pippa, Mary, Charlotte, Morgan, Faith, and Harriet. Her roommates. "What happened?"

"What happened?" Pippa asked, almost derisively. "What happened is that you're freaking out, Lily Evans! It's only November, for crying out loud! What are you going to do when the O.W.L.s actually arrive?"

"Pippa!" Alice hissed, sounding horrified by the other girl's attitude.

"What?" Pippa hissed back. "For the love of god, Alice, why don't you go downstairs and start snogging Frank? That's what he came for, isn't it?"

"Lay off," Mary shoved Pippa away from Lily's bed before focusing back on the girl in question. "How do you feel?" It was the question they had all been waiting to ask. Its answer was what they had all been waiting to hear.

Slowly, Lily turned her head and stared at the window, considering what to say. Outside, the sky was a surprisingly clear blue, and she could somehow sense that the sun was shining brightly. For mid-November, she already knew that it was going to be a beautiful day. "Honestly… I feel fine."

It was the truth. As Lily sat up, her body no longer felt so weak. Her mind no longer felt so ill at ease. While she had been sleeping… No. She couldn't remember what had happened while she had been sleeping. All she really knew… was that fifteen years of age was simply too young for a girl to be that stressed out about her future. Paying no heed to her friends' objections, responding to them only with words of poise and self-assurance, she got out of bed. She was still dressed in the same clothes she had worn the preceding day, but it didn't matter. Without a second thought, she made her way down from the tower and into the Gryffindor common room.

It must have been a Saturday or something. She had lost all track of time, but there were several Gryffindors sitting in those armchairs while reading, writing, or just passing the time away in complete boredom. In any event, four of those Gryffindors turned out to be Remus, James, Sirius, and Peter – all of whom jumped to their feet when they saw her. The others, including Frank Longbottom, all looked up in surprise, but made no motion as she hastened forward. Behind her, her roommates were all scrambling down the stairs in quick succession, eager to see what she was up to now.

"Lily," James hustled his way over to her, his face lined with concern. "Frank told us what happened. Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," Lily replied, her eyes sparkling in joy. It felt so liberating… feeling one's weights lifted right off one's shoulders. She felt _almost _willing to fly. Tearing past James, she ran right up to Remus and took his hands in hers – catching him, and everyone else in the room, quite off guard. "I'm so sorry, and I won't ever leave you alone again. Will you come with me?"

James's mouth literally dropped open as he spun around in astonishment to witness this unexpected turn of events. What was going on? Lily looked positively _radiant_ that morning… Why Remus?

The sixth year girls behind them were all whispering to each other in clear excitement. Trying hard enough to understand all that was going on as it was already, Remus found it agitating and increasingly difficult to concentrate with their constant prattling. What was Lily talking about? And would he go with her _where_? Did it really even matter?

"Of course."

The words were out of his mouth before he even realized it. But that didn't matter, because the smile that spread across Lily's face was worth even the pout crossing James's. Remus felt no regret when Lily made for the portrait hole, pulling him along with her by their clasped hands. Together, they left the Tower, and this time, no one followed.

"Where are we going?" Remus asked as they made their way down the halls and down the stairs towards some unknown destination. It felt like… well, it almost felt like going on an adventure with James Potter for the very first time.

Lily was beaming. "You'll see." She couldn't explain it. A part of her actually _wasn't_ quite sure how Remus would respond to all of this. She didn't want to end up ruining what might ultimately be the one thing capable of freeing her from her woes… at least for the next year or two… before she even had the chance to try. And so… she didn't say another word until they arrived right outside Professor McGonagall's office.

When Remus realized where they were, his eyes widened in alarm. Who ever went to see Professor McGonagall _willingly_? _Especially _during the weekend? "Lily…?" But she had paused only long enough to catch her breath, pat her hair down, and straighten out her skirt. Glancing at him quickly in order to give him an encouraging smile, she grabbed the door handle and pushed it open without even bothering to knock.

Needless to say, Professor McGonagall – who was sitting at her desk grading essay papers – was quite astonished when she found herself being bombarded by the intrusion of her two best students. Struck completely speechless, she could only watch and listen as Lily walked right up to her and started speaking.

"Professor McGonagall, I know that a lot doesn't get past you, so you've probably already noticed how much of a wreck I've been this term. I want it to stop, but I know it's not going to as long as I have to worry about deciding what kind of future I want to have. So I'm not taking your career advice this year. I'll sign up for every O.W.L. Hogwarts has to offer, and next year I'll take every class. But I _won't_ decide what I'm going to do with my life. Not yet."

As Lily said all this, Professor McGonagall's expression softened ever so slightly. A smile even crept up onto her face! And when the girl was done with her speech, there was a momentarily silence before the head of Gryffindor turned towards Remus. "Am I to expect a similar outburst from you as well, Mr. Lupin?"

Poor Remus was standing rooted to his spot, tenser than a board. His face had lost all its color, and he looked positively horrified. "I… I…" Very, very slowly, the boy glanced at Lily. "Are you sure about this?" After all, it would only be delaying the inevitable. But… there wasn't anything wrong with having a few delays. Lily knew that, academically, she and Remus were at the head of their year. They wouldn't fall behind.

And so she smiled, nodding her head with more confidence than she'd ever felt before in her entire life. "Yes. I'm completely sure."

**ooooooo**

Something was wrong. Something was terribly, positively, and _completely _wrong! James couldn't believe it! What was the matter with him? It was… Really, it was a new kind of feeling for him. One that he wasn't sure he liked. Burning jealously.

It wasn't that he didn't like Remus anymore. He wasn't even mad at the boy! He was just… insulted that Lily hadn't raced up to see him! If he was mad at _anybody_, then he was mad at _her_. How _dare _she? Didn't she know… couldn't she see that… that _he _wanted to be the one who was always with her? That he… that he…

_I'll show her! She'll regret ignoring me! _Storming up the stairs, James didn't even bother knocking before he stormed into the seventh year boy's dormitory. He knew Gregory Corwin to be inside, going over the list of second and third years who had tried out for the team. Fortunately enough, when the boy barged in, he seemed to be completely alone.

Completely alone, and quite unalarmed at that. When Corwin glanced up to take in the sight of a red-faced, slightly disheveled, fifth year Quidditch champion, he didn't seem to think too much of it. "Potter. You need something?"

"Yeah," James said quickly, although obviously breathless. He started bouncing slightly up and down on his feet. _She'd regret it! She'd regret it! She'd regret it! _"You know that rule you made about not placing anyone on the team older than thirteen?"

"What about it?" Corwin sounded annoyed. After all, James wasn't the only one who had come running to complain.

But the boy wasn't there to complain. _She'd regret it! She'd regret it! She'd regret it! _"I think it's a good rule. But is there any chance at all you'd make one exception?"

"One exception?" Corwin asked, rolling his eyes. Getting up to his feet, he towered over James threateningly. "I don't think so. It really wouldn't be fair to any of the others, now would it? But just for curiosity's sake, who's the girl?"

James unconsciously took a step backwards. Girl? How did…? Oh. He wasn't exactly being very subtle about it right now, was he? "Isa- I mean… it's um…" He hesitated, staring thoughtfully at the increasingly impatient Corwin. Should he? It wouldn't exactly be… No. It _was_ time that he finally started acting like a true Marauder. "It's Lily Evans."

"Lily Evans?" Corwin's expression changed, then and there, to genuine confusion. "I sorry, but… Doesn't she hate flying?"

Yeah. She _hated_ flying with a passion. James knew that perfectly well, but in response to Corwin's inquiry, he merely shrugged. "How would I know? She said she wanted Isabelle Campbell on the team. But personally… I want _her_ on the team."

Corwin scoffed. "Yeah, well, you're not getting her on the team. I've already made up the roster."

James took a bold step forward. "You offer her a place on this team! If she asks, tell her _I _pled for Isabelle, but that you'd much rather have her. And if you don't, Corwin, I swear you won't win a single game this season."

Corwin actually _laughed _at that particular threat. He might well have been a jerk, but he definitely wasn't a Gryffindor for nothing. "Then I guess we're losing this season. Honestly, Potter. Do you think that just because you're a great big old star on the Quidditch field means you get to have your way all the time? This isn't your show. It's mine. And just for the record… Lily Evans is _way _out of your league."

"Don't mess with me, Corwin," James shot back angrily. "Cause I'm _way _out of yours. And I can make your last year here a living hell."

"I'd like to see you try," Corwin replied, crossing his arms challengingly. He wasn't even the _slightest_ bit afraid! Well, he _obviously _didn't know what he was getting into.

James moved faster than lightning. He moved faster than he ever did even on the back of a broomstick! Grabbing his wand, he held it up and aimed it right at Corwin's head. Seconds later, that head was swelling up so large that the seventh year couldn't support its weight anymore and had to lie down on his bed to keep from falling over. He let out an astonished cry before trying – and failing miserably – to sit back up… to grab his own wand… to retaliate… With a head _that_ big and _that_ heavy, after all, there just wasn't anything he could do but shout and thrash about like a fish out of water.

James smirked, knowing perfectly well that he'd receive detention for this, but failing to care. Feeling altogether too smug and self-satisfied, he brushed a hand through his hair – liked the feel of it – and started ruffling it almost playfully. Turning round on his heel, he made his way towards the stairs, perfectly willing to abandon Corwin there like that, and casually strutted his way back down into the common room.

**ooooooo**

"I can't believe we just did that!" Remus exclaimed loudly as he and Lily walked through the castle gardens together. It felt like… they hadn't done so in an extremely long time. And Lily found that she was blissfully savoring every moment of it. "Did you see the look on McGonagall's face?"

"Hey, I think she really approved of it!" Lily replied, picking a blue flower from a bush and twirling it around in her fingers. "I mean, I _know _she agreed to it, but I think she really respects our decision." And why shouldn't she? As far as Professor McGonagall had known, Lily still desperately wanted to live the rest of her life as a normal muggle without magic. By saying that, as of now, she didn't know exactly what she wanted anymore, Lily had taken a huge step, and for that the professor was extremely glad. And as for Remus…

There wasn't any reason to go and remind him of his unique situation when he was still yet a boy. He could still be sheltered from all that for a few more years. He shouldn't have to worry about who would or would not hire him when he wasn't even out of school! Neither _one_ of them should be worrying about such things! No. They should be taking more advantage of the time they still had to be children. And so… there they were… walking through the gardens as if they were walking through paradise. Lily wouldn't have traded it for anything. She honestly couldn't remember the last time she had felt so lighthearted and content.

As the two of them strolled on through the morning, they eventually made their way out of the gardens and up to a rise where the forest and the mountains and the lake were all at once clearly visible. It was surely breathtaking to behold, and Lily felt a familiar sensation ascend within her heart and soul. She sighed. "Ah. 'What are men to rocks and mountains?' Even when I'm here, I sometimes forget how much I love this place."

Remus frowned, looking at her in bafflement. "'What are men…'? Lily, what are you talking about?"

She turned towards him with an enchanting smile. "Just quoting Jane Austen. And I really didn't mean it the way you think I did. I'm just… I'm just grateful that I don't have to worry about finding my place in the magical community yet. I'd much rather admire the scenery, wouldn't you?"

Remus shrugged. "Sure. But… when were you reading Jane Austen?"

It was Lily's turn to shrug. "Not too long ago. Carla likes to send me old novels. She's… um…" Lily felt her face flush. She glanced down and brushed a few strands of stray hair out of her face. "I guess she's my adopted sister." Even now she sometimes found that difficult to say. That she was adopted.

Remus noticed this, naturally, and must have felt a bit awkward, for he was quick to change the subject. "So I guess you're really into literature, aren't you?" Lily smiled again and nodded, feeling even more flustered than before. It was kind of embarrassing, really… admitting it… Even if she was only admitting it to Remus! Those books were written by muggles! Muggles who had all been dead for over a century! She had to be the _only_ witch at Hogwarts…

Remus suddenly started chuckling. To Lily's extreme dismay, he was laughing at her! Her mouth opened in slight offense, but before she could say anything, he wrapped an affectionate, brotherly arm around her shoulder. "Hey, did you ever even _consider_ making a career out of _that_? I mean, just _think_ about it! You could become Hogwarts' next librarian! You could be the next Madam Pince!"

All her dismay fled instantly at those words, and she found herself laughing along with him. "Heaven forbid!" They started walking again, and Remus moved away from her. For awhile they were silent, enjoying each others' company. It wasn't very often that they were able to do so anymore… what with everything that was going on in their individual lives.

"Hey," Remus suddenly said, breaking the silence as he looked at her in curiosity. "Speaking of old books… Did you ever find out who sent you the Great Gatsby last Christmas?"

Lily shook her head. "No. Unless someone can tell me what H.B.P. stands for, I haven't got a-"

_H.B.P.?_

Lily stopped short so suddenly that it felt like running into a wall. H.B.P.? Half-Blood Prince? That was what Severus Snape was calling himself these days! At least according to his potions book…

His potions book! She didn't have it anymore! "Oh, God."

"Lily?" Remus turned around towards her in concern. "What's the matter?"

"I have to go," Lily stated, her face draining of color. She turned around and started racing towards the castle, pausing only long enough to tell Remus over her shoulder that she'd see him later. Right now… she had an extremely pressing matter to attend to!

**ooooooo**

**A/N:** I know it's a quick update. But what can I say? Three-day weekends rule! Please review. I really appreciate it.


	56. The Memory Potion

**Disclaimer: **I did not write and do not own the Great Gatsby. It's a good book, though. You should all read it!

**ooooooo**

As quickly as was feasibly possible, Lily raced her way back upstairs towards the Gryffindor Tower. She couldn't even begin to make sense of the myriad of thoughts and emotions pouring through her addled head. _Did _H.B.P. stand for Half-Blood Prince? It… it… it _could _stand for something else entirely, couldn't it? Like… Like High Blood Pressure or something! Right? _Right? _It didn't have to mean that Severus Snape mysteriously left her Christmas presents last year! Besides, how in the world would _Severus_ _Snape_ know that she enjoyed old muggle literature? It wasn't possible!

She kept telling herself that _nothing_ was impossible – especially at Hogwarts. Nevertheless, as she shouted the password at the Fat Lady, scrambled through the portrait hole, and made her way up to her dorm room, she found herself plagued by a fluttering heart, by sweat glistening on her face, by warmth flushing to her cheeks – none of which were due to physical exertion or even pleasure! On the contrary. This was all extremely distressing! Nothing was impossible at Hogwarts… But… she had thought that… she had wanted _this _to be. She had hoped that she could keep at least _one_ secret about herself. A secret that she had shared – yes, maybe with Remus – but… but mostly with Regulus.

Last year… he had been in the library looking for muggle books. He didn't know that she knew about this… But after seeing her read that day in the garden, he had wanted to try reading just for himself, hadn't he? It was the first example of hers, set for him, that he had ever actually even _tried_ following. Didn't that… count for anything? She didn't want any Slytherin other than Regulus sending her books! Severus might mean well… But it wasn't fair!

The common room was still packed to the brim with Gryffindors when Lily finally got there – excluding Frank Longbottom and Alice, of course, both of whom were probably off together somewhere in their own little world. Lily envied them. Sirius was playing some kind of a magical poker game with Peter and a couple of sixth and seventh years, while James was on his way down from the boy's tower. They were all quick to perceive her presence, and when James saw her, a small, ever so slight, smile crossed his face. "Hey, Evans."

"Not right now, James," she retorted breathlessly, practically leaping towards the stairs that spiraled up to her room. Taking them two at a time, she felt like her world was spinning out of control. It was extremely dizzying. She had wanted a quiet, peaceful term! And though she wouldn't trade what she had had last year with Regulus for anything at all whatsoever, a part of her truthfully wasn't quite sure whether or not she wanted to go through that again! She just… wanted things to be simpler. Much simpler.

"Lily?" Isabelle and Mary were on the stairs behind her, obviously curious as to what in the world could be the matter now. She had collapsed the night before… awoken jubilantly this morning… and now almost seemed ready to collapse again! It was amazing she could continue functioning at all when she was constantly suffering from conditions that erratically continued to spring back and forth in such a manner. It was almost as if she were residing within an unending tumultuous tempest! It couldn't possibly be a good thing.

After what seemed like an eternity to Lily, she _finally_ reached the threshold to her room and past through it eagerly. Not one to waste even more of her time with fruitless searching, she grabbed her wand and quickly held it up. "_Accio books_!" Needless to say, it worked like a charm.

"Oh my god," Isabelle's eyes widened in astonishment as she and Mary arrived behind the fifth year – just in time to watch as every single book in the entire room sped towards Lily as if she were some kind of a vacuum sucking them all in. Spell books, class books – all of which belonged, not only to Lily, but also to Alice, Isabelle, Pippa, Mary, and every other female sixth year in Gryffindor – piled up on the floor in such a mess that would _horrify _absolutely_ any_ old librarian and not just Madam Pince.

"Lily, what's gotten into you?" Mary demanded as the girl knelt down on the floor and started rummaging through the texts. There was a potion book! But it was Harriet's. There was a potion book! But it was Charlotte's. Tossing them aside, Lily continued searching… but completely in vain. Severus's book just _wasn't _in her room! Which meant that, by now, it could be absolutely anywhere.

"Lily?" Mary asked again, taking a step forward and bending down long enough to pick up a single book that had somehow managed to catch her eye. "Charles Dickens?" She raised an eyebrow. "Lily, this is like… the most advanced level of Muggle Studies you could ever possibly take. And you're not even _in _Muggle Studies!"

"What is that?" Isabelle demanded, walking forward and snatching the book right out of her friend's hands. Lily immediately jerked around, moving so sharply that her crimson hair whirled over her shoulders like a whip.

"Don't touch that!" she cried, holding her wand up again so quickly that the two older girls barely had time to even blink before every single one of the books in that room magically founds its way back to its proper place. "It's not here," she breathed, pushing up to her feet and bolting back towards the stairs while trying to ignore the shared looks of astonishment on her roommates' faces. She'd have to come up with a way of explaining all this to them later. Right now, however, she was by far too desperate to figure out how she was going to handle this situation concerning Severus's potions book!

Ignoring everyone downstairs in the common room as she flew by – forcing herself not to worry about the spectacle she was no doubt making, much to their amusement – she pushed her way out through the portrait hole and into the corridor beyond. In doing so, however, the portrait itself slammed over the hole with a resounding bang, causing the Fat Lady to object profusely.

"I'm sorry!" Lily glanced over her shoulder in order to better apologize to the painting, but didn't stop running. Therefore, when her shoulders were both unexpectedly caught by two surprisingly strong hands – attempting to keep her from an embarrassing and potentially painful collision – she was quite taken aback by it and let out a startled gasp.

"Easy there, Evans!"

Looking up, Lily found, to her horror, none other than James Potter staring down at her in feigned solemnity! In all honesty, however, he seemed to be more amused than earnest. There was something in his eyes… a kind of furtiveness that troubled the girl and… and… Had he brushed his hair that morning? "James… What are you…?"

"I've needed to talk to you," he whispered softly. Almost… intimately. He hadn't released her shoulders yet… "And I figured, what with you in such a hurry and all, it would only be a matter of time before you made your way back out here. Thought I'd catch you before you disappeared on me again."

"James, it's Severus's potions book," Lily interrupted quickly, feeling uncomfortably rigid. "I can't find it! I had it last night, but then when Frank…" She trailed off, for she could tell, just by looking at his face, that he wasn't paying any attention to her at all anymore. Yes, his eyes might have darkened slightly at the mere mention of the name: Severus… but it stood very much to reason that such a reactionwas simply instinctive, didn't it? His mind, on the other hand, was somewhere else entirely.

"I talked to Corwin about Campbell," he presently, and rather abruptly, informed her. So drastic was this change in conversation that it took Lily quite some time to wrap her mind around it fully, and by the time she finally _did_ manage to comprehend, he was already off again, talking faster than she could possibly process information. "He's a bloody git as you well know, and I hate to say it, Evans, but he wasn't exactly what I'd call receptive to the idea of putting Isabelle on the team."

Lily blinked, taking a few rather deep breaths. There was just… too much going on at once! She couldn't keep up! Not that it was much of a shock to her that Corwin really was such a miserable, stubborn prig, but she… couldn't help but wonder… Why was James talking like this? Why was James _acting_ like this?

"Lily," he said, still speaking _very_ quietly. As close together as they were, she could barely hear a word he was saying! Why was her heart pounding? She leaned towards him to hear… and… her heart was pounding… "I know you hate it when I say this… But I think you should stay away from Corwin. He's a… Well, he's a disgrace. He told me he'd sooner put _you _on the Quidditch team, and it actually seems like he wants to."

Lily's heart stopped pounding as quickly as it had begun. She could feel all the warmth in her body leaving her… abandoning her… stranding her there with this strikingly cold sensation in the pit of her stomach. When had she boarded such a treacherous roller coaster? It was making her painfully nauseous … "What?"

"I told him to can it," James went on hurriedly, sounding slightly pleased with himself. "That you hated flying, but he doesn't care! We got into a pretty sizable argument, and though I think I won that particular round, there very well might be consequences. Whatever he says, Evans, I don't want you trusting him! He's smart. He'll try tricking you, I know it."

Gregory Corwin… had always been something of a prat… but he had never struck Lily as untrustworthy. Whatever happened to house loyalty? And team spirit? When had things gone so terribly wrong? "James… I… I can't do this right now!" Pushing away and sliding past him, she tried desperately not to reveal how terribly flustered she was by all of this. But upon pausing and looking back, she could see by the mere expression on his face that it was painfully obvious, at least to him, how she wasn't anything less than _completely_ disconcerted. She could barely even breathe! "I can't be on the Quidditch team!"

Desperation quivered in her cracked voice. Flying terrified her! And, for the briefest of seconds, a look of genuine sympathy crossed James's face. He nodded. "I know. No matter what he says, _I _won't let him put you on it."

"Thank you," Lily whispered. For a moment after that, the two of them stared at each other in silent solemnity. Then, Lily turned around and started sprinting down the corridor towards the stairs. So much had already happened in just that one morning that she could hardly think straight anymore! What was going on? A part of her dearly wanted to cry… And so soon after having dearly wanted to laugh. It just wasn't fair!

It wasn't fair… Nor was it quite how it seemed. For even as Lily ran down the stairs, farther and farther away from the Gryffindor Tower, James Potter remained where he was, watching her go with a smug, extremely self-satisfied smirk crossing his face.

**ooooooo**

Hours later, the sun began its long, wistful descent in the darkening sky signaling that night was well on its way. Lily, who was not aware of this, having lost absolutely _all _track of time, found herself standing completely and utterly alone in the potions room dungeon, deep within the bowels of the castle – which was at that particular moment dark, _extremely _cold, and eerily quiet. Professor Slughorn was, at present, probably upstairs feasting on a grand supper in the Great Hall – as he definitelypreferred society's blissful company over the lonesome solitude of this miserably dank little place. Lily certainly didn't expect him back anytime soon, which pretty much gave her free reign to do as she so pleased in that travesty of a prison.

She wasn't sure exactly what it was she meant to be brewing. Originally she had set out to find a way to relieve her guilt; how could she _possibly _have allowed herself to lose sight of Severus's book? She simply _had _to be, by far, the most irresponsible creature on the planet! It wasn't right! But whether it was right or not, by now, whatever it was that she had originally set out to brew would more than likely not be the final resultant of her efforts. It was as if her hands each had individual lives of their own, and that somehow they had managed to take charge of this mysterious concoction. She no longer had any idea as to what they were brewing anymore. They did all the work for her while her mind numbed itself completely and took respite from the day's events.

But that didn't last for long. Behind her, the door to the potions room slowly began to scrape its way open. Upon hearing it, Lily had just enough time to turn away from the table on which Professor Slughorn's cauldron – which she had temporarily borrowed for use in this little excursion – currently sat, only to find herself bearing witness to the entrance of none other than Severus Snape himself! It didn't take him even half a second to likewise notice Lily, and when he did, he froze stone cold. As usual he _appeared_ to be positively indifferent, but… his eyes, as piercingly dark as they ever were, seemed to be more than just slightly surprised.

Lily herself immediately spun back around, her own eyes opened wide in incredulity. She couldn't believe this! It wasn't as if things weren't bad enough already! Now she had to actually face up to him! Why? Why? Why? Why? And _why _right _now_? Couldn't she at least be given a chance to rest?

Behind her, she could hear the door scraping shut again, and so closed her eyes very tightly. Had he left? Or was he still there? He was always so quiet! Her body went rigid again, and her heart again began to pound. It was the same feeling she had experienced earlier that morning when caught by James. Caught. Trapped. And cornered. She couldn't bear anymore of this.

He was still in the room. He was standing behind her… next to her… basically towering over her… She couldn't breathe. What had happened to all the air? Why were her knees trembling so?

"Are you trying to remember something?" he asked at long last, which was in itself enough of a surprise to make Lily jump. She glanced down at the ingredients lying scattered about on the table before which she stood. And sure enough… they were all ingredients that, when mixed and brewed together properly, could make a very strong memory potion. She hadn't even… realized that…

But it wasn't a memory she hoped to recover. No… if anything, it appeared to be that her hands were hoping to help her make a potion that would ultimately allow her to… "Forget." It required the same ingredients… but with one major variation. Blood. And as there was an athame lying right there on the table beside Professor Slughorn's cauldron… She turned and looked at Severus rather gravely. "I'm… trying to forget something." Forget what? Her problems? How pathetic did _that_ make her?

Severus's dark eyes were boring deeply into her own. "Expelling memories with a concoction such as this is rather dicey, Lily. More so than even with Memory Charms, because the blood you require seals it with a piece of your very own soul. What do you possibly want to forget?"

Lily flinched. For speaking of memories… one was returning to her then and there. One from four… five years ago… when she had been eleven… shortly after her parents' deaths. She had considered using a Memory Charm on herself… And then she had been kidnapped twice. Her sister hated her with a passion. Regulus was gone. Corwin meant to have her on the Quidditch team. There was actually a great deal in her life that she wouldn't mind forgetting. In fact, the _real_ question that _ought_ to be asked here was: what in her life did she possibly want to _remember_? What in her life… would she be at all happy thinking about… years from now when she was old and decrepit? As it was, she couldn't think of _anything_… aside from a few short, stolen, rather fleeting moments spent with her closest friends.

She glanced back down at her cauldron and forced herself to smile. "Just listen to you, Severus." Her voice was so soft… she wondered if he could hear her at all. "You don't even need a textbook. You already know everything there is to know about potions." She picked up her wand and, with a single flick of her wrist, magically replaced all the ingredients, magically stored away the potion, and magically returned the cauldron to its proper place. Having done so, she then turned more fully towards Severus, who was in turn watching her rather carefully. And much to her surprise, she found that he seemed to be… openly impressed! It was the first time she had ever seen him open about _anything_! What in the world was she supposed to make of it? "Why are you looking at me like that?"

He averted his gaze immediately, staring down instead at the athame – the one tool which Lily had failed to put away. The next thing she knew, he had it in his hands and was carrying it back towards Professor Slughorn's desk, for it belonged in one of his many drawers. It must have surprised the Slytherin, Lily thought, to find that she even _knew_ about its presence there. It wasn't like ordinary cutting knives. It was sharper… made for the tougher ingredients of the most complex of potions. Having put it away, Severus turned back around – though now refusing to meet her gaze. "I would offer to leave… But as it now appears you've finished, I won't force you to walk with me."

Lily blinked. She wasn't surprised by the tone in his voice. It seemed to be perpetually cold and severe. She wasn't even surprised by his words! It was typical of him to send her away. What surprised her was… that she didn't want to go. Not yet. "You wouldn't be forcing me."

He looked up at her sharply. "No," his eyes were flashing. "I don't think anyone could force you to do anything." He slowly – almost methodically – crossed his arms in front of him. It was somehow perfectly clear that, despite her words, he was waiting for her to go. If he even _wanted _her company, than he certainly wasn't showing it – not that Lily had any reason to suspect he did. It was just that… somewhere along the line, she had grown accustomed to others – particularly boys – competing for her attention. It made no difference what house they were in, they _always_ seemed to want her company. But now…

Lily bit her lip. It didn't really matter what Severus wanted. She had a confession to make. And she couldn't bring herself leave him until she had. "I'm…"

It was like a star had gone out. Everything she had _wanted_ to tell him… about James… about Sirius… the Howlers… his book… and her own sorrow for losing it… All the things she'd wanted to impart… seemed to blink right out of existence, leaving her standing there stranded in her own hesitancy. "I…"

He was regarding her with _such_ intensity… She didn't even notice the grease in his hair… the oil on his brow… or anything else that might offend… so powerful were his eyes. James's eyes always seemed to be bright with mischief. Remus' eyes were always deep with understanding. But Severus… _his _bloodshot eyes were hard and penetrating… like an abyss into which she might fall and despair.

"Why did you have my book last night?" he finally asked her, an eternity or so later. It was as if he could read her mind… Either that or he had seen all that had happened to her the night before. Either way, Lily could feel herself trembling as a flood of warmth swept through her body. Why was it that she felt so terribly guilty? Had she honestly done something wrong?

"I meant to return it," she whispered. "But I didn't know where you were." And then she had lost it. She had _lost _it! In a moment of weakness, she had allowed herself to lose his book! She couldn't keep from berating herself. What must he think of her? "I'm sorry."

"What's done is done," he told her coldly. "I have it back now, so it doesn't matter." He was trying to sound dismissive. He didn't need her. And he certainly didn't need her sympathy. That was the impression he gave the girl, and though she couldn't be surprised by it, she found herself regretting.

"Doesn't it?" she asked. "What happened yesterday…" The joke had been cruel. James and Sirius shouldn't have done what they did, for Lily was certain that Severus didn't deserve it. She only wished that she knew how to impart such conviction. "I _am _sorry!"

Turning his head, Severus took a deep, impatient breath. "Enough." How often was he ever apologized to anymore? His mother had long since stopped in imploring for his forgiveness after displays of his father's harsh brutality. Apologies… had always only meant that… she was too weak… while he was helpless. Glaring at Lily, he could scarcely keep from hissing. "You have done nothing to me."

"I just wanted to do something _for_ you," she replied quickly, staring down at the ground in genuine humility. Turning away, for she could no longer hope to come up with an excuse to stay, she forced herself towards the door. He was better at making potions anyway. This place… he had more of a right to it than she did.

"Lily?"

She stopped short immediately and looked back at him. When their gazes met, for a single fraction of a second, she thought she could see a piece of his soul… And it was filled with despair. "If you're thinking about using that potion… If you're going to forget anyone… Forget me."

_Forget you…? _The room was colder than ice in winter, and Lily felt like her body was sculpted out of it. There was something tragically heartrending about being asked such a thing as this. It hurt her… Physically and to her very core. She was trembling again. "No. I won't ever forget you, Severus. I might not be able to give you anything, or help you, or do anything for you… But at least I can remember you, and keep you in my thoughts." _Half-Blood Prince… _Who else could H.B.P. be but him? She had tried denying it before… but couldn't rightfully do so any longer. It was true, simply put, and it made her smile sadly. "Why the Great Gatsby, Severus? Why did you choose to give me that last Christmas? How'd you know I'd read it?"

If it was a surprise to him whatsoever that she had figured all this out, he predictably showed no sign of it. Instead, he stared at the floor in what could only be described as shame. "I didn't know you'd read it… But it's because you're in Gryffindor… and I'm not. Nothing either one of us can do will ever change that." Nothing could change it… No matter how hard people tried, they couldn't change their stations… They couldn't make their lots in life any different… any better… Those who tried… were just pathetic little frauds. At least, that was the interpretation Severus Snape had made.

But Lily shook her head. "You don't have to change it to be happy with who you are. There's nothing wrong with you-"

"I'm a Slytherin _half_-breed," he informed her through gritted teeth. Who had ever heard of such a thing?

"I know," she replied quickly. "But that's not so bad. Maybe… maybe you could be what finally brings pure-bloods and…" here she braced herself, "and… mudbloods… together!"

The boy openly scoffed his derision. "You're extremely idealistic, Lily. Don't _ever_ expect _anything_ to work out that way. Not even the Dark Lord himself is a pure-blood, and _he's _certainly not bringing two races together!"

"You're not the Dark Lord," Lily reminded him in an extremely quiet whisper. The… the Dark Lord…? How did Severus know so much about _him_? "You could be greater… better… Can't you see it?"

"See what?" Severus demanded, just as softly. "You don't know anything about me, Lily. And I'm _not _going to become another Regulus Black! Do you understand?"

"I never said you-"

Like a tidal wave, Severus advanced on her. "This world doesn't hold anything in it but disappointment! I learned that long ago! So before you start trying to pacify me with uselessly high expectations, you had better appreciate the pain of having them crushed to bits beneath another man's fist! I didn't send you that book so you could enjoy it, Lily!"

"No," the girl agreed, surprising herself with her daring. "You sent it to me because despite everything that's coming out of your mouth right now, you've already got expectations. You want to be someone you're not, but all you ever do is pretend! You won't even try! _I_ know there's something good in you, Severus, but if you want the rest of the world to see, than _you're _the one who has to show them!"

He shook his head. "You're wrong. If I stop 'pretending,' as you so kindly put it, I can guarantee you won't like what you see!" He slid past her and made for the door that could so easily lead him out towards refuge from this startling confrontation. "You should listen to Potter, Lily. He understands my character a lot better than you do."

Lily turned in order to follow him, her eyes both blazing in angry turmoil. "You think I'm naïve? It's not as if I believe the world's made up of kind, considerate people, Severus Snape! Remus Lupin wasn't the only one wronged by Charlie Pryce, you know!" The boy stopped short and glanced back at her sharply, obviously quite stunned. Her body was shaking again – it had been _such_ a long day. Maybe Isabelle was right… Maybe she _was _losing it… She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "You're not a bad person. You don't disgust me. And… And I _want _to be there for you when you need me!"

Severus silently turned away again and opened the heavy door. Lily caught her breath as he made to step out… only to hesitate once more. Sighing himself, he looked down as if in defeat. "You already are."

Lily's eyes widened at _that _particular remark even as her heart fluttered wildly in her throat. But before she could say a word, or respond in any way whatsoever, the boy was gone… abandoning her to the cold, dark shadows of the castle's dungeon.

**ooooooo**

**A/N: **It seems like I've _finally_ got some spare time on my hands, so I figured I'd better write as much as I could as quickly as I could. I hope that doesn't detract from the quality of the story… Please review and let me know what you think… Thanks so much!


	57. Best Friends

**ooooooo**

The Great Hall felt like its gravitational pull had quadrupled by the time Lily stepped foot inside it that night. Everything seemed heavier… distorted in some way. After her conversation with Severus, she couldn't imagine why anything else should seem to be even remotely as burdensome. For even if one _could_ argue that their little exchange had ended as well as it had begun, there was just no questioning its intensity. This room shouldn't have been able to come so close to comparing!

But it was what it was. Lily might have found some closure concerning Severus and his stolen book, but that didn't change the fact that she was still swimming against so many other torrential currents at the same time, and felt like she was about to be dragged under every single one of them. James… his attitude hadn't been the only part about their earlier encounter to frighten her. There was still Corwin… And there were apparently still her friends! She could see them now, sitting together at the Gryffindor table – minus Alice, who was still no doubt off with her knight in shining armor – watching as she warily approached.

_They just don't know what to expect, _she told herself silently. After all, she hadn't exactly been a particularly predictable fifteen year old lately! Still, it was enough to cause her heart to grieve… seeing the nervous looks in her roommates' eyes… seeing them flashing each other apprehensive glances… as if fearing yet another one of her explosions.

"Ah! Lily!"

The exclamation came from the far side of the Great Hall. Lily froze, sensing it as every single remaining eye that had not already been fixed on her turned to look. There was no doubt in her mind that Professor Slughorn hadn't meant to draw everyone's attention towards her, but it occurred nevertheless, and her face flushed exponentially because of it. Rooted utterly and completely to her spot, she waited as the Potions Master skipped his way right up to her and presented her with another one of his beaming smiles. "It's getting to be that time of the term, my dear! I've arranged for a bit of a get-together this Wednesday evening. It would please me greatly to hear what some of Hogwarts' brightest young minds can come up with for a Fall Festival. Can I expect you to attend?" It wasn't so much of a question – or even a confirmation – as it was a formality.

Lily offered him a half-hearted smile. "Yes, of course." She couldn't tell whether or not her voice betrayed her present state of mind. Somehow she managed to keep it steady and surprisingly congenial, but Professor Slughorn knew her just about as well as any of her other teachers. And sure enough, a tiny hint of concern furrowed his brow. He eyed her carefully before inquiring after her health. It was all she could do not to squirm uncomfortably – holding his gaze, however, was entirely out of the question. "I…"

"Lily!" Remus, who had been sitting next to Peter and Sirius – both of whom were watching just as attentively as the prefect had been – now jumped to his feet and stumbled over the bench to get to her. He was astonishingly graceless in so doing, for he was in quite a hurry, and as the table shook in response to his waywardness, Sirius reached up his hand quickly to steady his goblet. Everyone was gawking, and the poor boy's face grew as red as Lily's own. He glanced at her awkwardly, as if wondering what to do next, and she sympathized with him. Sometimes it was extremely difficult to remember that he was himself a Marauder, for he, more often than not, dreaded such attention just as much as James and Sirius pined after it. Nevertheless, he _was_ a Marauder, and definitely deserved the title. "I'm sorry to interrupt." Turning towards Professor Slughorn, he took a deep breath before subtly glancing down at the badge pinned to his robes. He hated that badge, and normally it almost always seemed to be magically camouflaged or something! That particular moment, however, seemed to be something of an exception, for it was practically sparkling! "I meant to speak with you earlier, professor. It's about two of your second years. I… I think they've been trying to sneak into Hogsmeade."

Leave it to someone who had helped turn sneaking into and out of the magical village a virtual profession to spy two less experienced would-be troublemakers. Lily, however grateful for the unexpected reprieve, couldn't help but shake her head in astonishment. As far as she knew, Remus had yet to exercise his power as a prefect. Why was it that the first time he finally did so was in order to rescue her?

Not that she _could_ be rescued or anything. After sending the boy a grateful smile as he walked off with a suddenly exasperated Potions Master, Lily turned back towards her roommates. She had only managed to evade one obstical in her desperate swim upstream. If she couldn't keep up her quickly fading endurance, she feared being dragged under. Slowly, she resumed her walk towards Isabelle, Pippa, Mary, Charlotte, Morgan, Faith, and Harriet, none of whom were looking at her anymore, but at each other, whispering quietly amongst themselves. Cautiously, Lily sat down next to Pippa. "Is Alice eating with Frank?"

"Well, I don't know that they're _eating_ anything," Isabelle told her frankly, taking a bite out of her apple. "But it's safe to assume they're enjoying each other's company." She swallowed, tossing her hair behind her shoulders. "And what about _you_, Lily? It almost seems as though there're several gits keeping company with you!"

The intense weight in the room that had seemed to be pulling her down suddenly shattered. Lily stared at the sixth in shock, not knowing where on earth this particular outburst had come from. "Isabelle… what…?" She shook her head slightly, realizing then and there that dinner would prove to be without a doubt as elusive as lunch had been. She didn't think she could stomach any of it whatsoever.

"Don't act all innocent, Lily," Isabelle retorted, glaring at her friend in what could only be described as disgust. "I spoke to Gregory Corwin! Potter's in detention right now, apparently on _your _behalf, because you asked him to get _me_ on the Quidditch team! Do you think I want your help in getting on a broomstick? I thought I told you to lay off, but you had to go ahead and be my agent anyway! If anyone's getting on that team now, it's _you_!" Lily's face quickly drained of any and all colors that had been remaining in it.

"I don't want to be on the Quidditch team!" she assured the older girl, almost desperately. "You know that-"

"The only thing _I_ know, Evans, is that you really ought to go home," Isabelle spat angrily, jumping to her feet. Unlike Remus, she was like grace personified, winning countless captivated stares by pretty much every boy in the entire room… including Sirius. But Lily didn't notice any of that as her friend glanced back at her one last time in revulsion. "You can't stand broomsticks. You engross yourself in muggle literature. Why don't you just crawl back into their world and become one?" Without waiting for a reply, the girl stormed her way out towards the Entrance Hall like a mighty whirlwind, oblivious to everything but that which was in her path; such unfortunates were quickly swept aside with the kind of force that drew Sirius in like a magnet. Winking at Peter, he got to his feet and instantly ran off after the girl.

Winded, Lily sat where she was unable to move – unable to breathe! What just happened? James had warned her about Corwin… but he _hadn't _warned her about this! She couldn't bear it! Her life felt like it was crumbling to pieces, and she found herself missing Regulus. Had this happened a year ago, she could have gone to him now… without having to worry about the presence of James or Sirius as she did whenever she sought out Remus. When had everything spun so completely out of control? She didn't want this. She hadn't asked for it. Maybe… maybe it _was _time that she went home…

"And that's the Gryffindor prefect, everyone!" Pippa suddenly broke the silence with an angry snarl, much to Lily's surprise. She found herself glancing at her friend – whose eyes were brightly lit up with a blaze of furious hellfire. "Bloody cow." She met the fifth year's gaze. "Don't you give her a second thought, Lily. I mean to hex the hell out of her come two this morning!"

"Pippa!" Lily glared at her friend soulfully. There were tears in her eyes, but even still she could not mask her disapproval. All in all, she looked thoroughly miserable; it had been such a painfully long day! "Don't say that." Isabelle was Pippa's friend! As she was all of theirs! Lily didn't want anyone getting hexed, nor did she want anyone to even _joke_ about hexes. Especially not her friends!

"She had no right to talk to you like that!" Pippa argued furiously. "I don't even know why she's upset! The Pippa Campbell I know certainly wouldn't believe anything coming out of Gregory Corwin's mouth! Everyone in Gryffindor's been acting on edge for the past week now, it seems, and I'm getting so sick and tired of it! If the ice doesn't break soon, I'm going to crush something!"

"And then everything will be broken," Lily softly pointed out, getting to her feet. Her friends, and then some, all watched her with expressions of either outright confusion or absolute admiration painted across their faces. "No sense in that when we could try fixing it."

"Fixing it?" Pippa scoffed, but with quite a bit less ire. She shook her head. "After something like _that_, why would you even want to?"

It really didn't make much sense, Lily knew she couldn't deny. Her entire heart was howling for rest, for safety, for even just a _shadow_ of a semblance of peace. Her head was barely still above the water, and she was weary of the endless struggle. Her conscious desire undoubtedly sought refuge, but unconsciously she found herself following instinct. Instinct that told her she couldn't give up on anything – particularly not her friends. It felt like her endurance was failing her, abandoning her, leaving her for the dogs, which was why this all felt like more than she could handle despite the greater pains she had suffered in the past. Where this source of constant adrenaline stemmed from, allowing her to persist in this never-ending battle to find some kind of piece of mind, was well beyond her comprehension. She focused on Pippa wearily. "Because you're important to me."

**ooooooo**

Walking outside the castle that night, in the freezing cold November weather, was incredibly similar to swimming in ice-cold water. Lily was freezing! But there was something tangible about it… For the first time in almost as long as she could remember, it felt as though she were actually breathing. Breathing in daggers of sharp, sharp ice cycles, perhaps, but still breathing nonetheless. For the first time in too long, she felt utterly aware of everything going on around her. It was as if she had at last woken up from a long night's sleep, and that everything up until now had been nothing more than a dream. She sighed… If only that were so…

She hadn't expected the Quidditch field to be so brilliantly illuminated. But then again, Isabelle _was _a sixth year, and a talented one at that. It didn't surprise Lily that she knew a thing or two about magically lighting up an arena. She was on a broomstick now, flying with astonishing speed from one end of the field to the other, throwing her own personal Quaffle into hoop after hoop before summoning it back to her so that might try again. She never missed a goal; not once. Lily couldn't even _begin_ to imagine how she hadn't managed a place on the team long before now, for she deserved it. She was quite possibly as proficient a Chaser as James Potter himself could ever hope to be! It wasn't fair…

Standing in the very center of the grassy field, Lily tilted her head back to gaze up at one of her dearest friends. How had it come to this? When they were at school, Isabelle was like a sister to her. If they couldn't somehow find a way to… to fix this… Lily didn't want another Petunia in her life. After all, Petunia Evans was one Petunia too many, as much as it hurt Lily to believe. But then again… maybe Isabelle had been on to something after all. Maybe it wasn't Lily's older sister who was the problem. Maybe it was Lily herself. Maybe she just wasn't cut out to be anyone's younger sibling at all. She wasn't perfect… Why did everyone seem to expect so much from her?

Having realized the girl was there, Isabelle dove towards the ground, stopping herself only when she was hovering a few short yards above Lily's head. "Is there something I can help you with?" Her voice was biting. It told Lily quite plainly that this wouldn't be as easy to fix as she had originally hoped. She tried not to shiver, and she tried to convince herself that it was only because of the cold.

"I shouldn't have gone to James," she admitted quite sincerely. "I only wanted to help you, Isabelle. But I guess I'm just not as good at helping people as I used to be. If I ever even was to begin with." Her sister's words suddenly resounded loudly in her mind. _"WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH YOU? HAVEN'T YOU HEARD A WORD THAT'S BEEN SAID? DAD'S IN THERE RIGHT NOW AND HE'S DYING AND YOU'RE JUST STANDING THERE LIKE AN ABSOLUTE FOUR YEAR OLD! WAKE UP! YOU'RE A WITCH! FOR ONCE IN YOUR LIFE, PROVE TO ME THAT BEING A WITCH IS A GOOD THING! WHY DON'T YOU DO SOMETHING?"_

Who had she ever really been able to help? Not her parents… Not Regulus… Not Severus… Maybe she honestly wasn't anything more than a fraud. Why did she think it would be any different with Isabelle? This curse she had… If she was supposed to have such love in her heart, then why was it that everyone who loved her back seemed to find themselves in so much pain? Professor Dumbledore must have been mistaken about something… For none of this could possibly be right…

"Don't think your self-pity is going to get you off the hook this time!" Isabelle spat back rather tartly, her face sour and furious. "It's time you grew up, Lily Evans! Don't you remember the first thing Pippa told you when you arrived here five years ago? We're not about to baby-sit you and hold your hand as if you're nothing but a lost little three year old! I know you better than that! You've been hanging onto some kind of wild emotional rollercoaster ever since the day we met, and you know what? The ride's gotten old! You should have disembarked a long time ago!"

"You make it sound as though I enjoy it!" Lily felt a wave of indignation washing over her; anger culminating and, at long last, tearing through her misery. There was almost something purifying about it. "You have no idea what it feels like! I try and I try to do right by the people I care about, Isabelle! But it's so hard! I wake up in the morning, and I'm terrified it'll be the last day I get to see someone I love! What if tomorrow something were to happen to Pippa? What if, over the Christmas Holiday, she were in a car accident? What if her parents arrived at school and pulled her out? What if I never got a chance to tell her good-bye?"

"What if? What if? What if?" Isabelle shrieked, descending towards the ground and jumping off her broom with tears of rage streaming down her face. "What if a Death Eater stormed into your house while you're here at school and tortured your sister so mercilessly that she can now barely move her arms? What if you had to live every single day of your damn life waiting for the news that she's at last been killed? That isn't a life, Lily, that's self-torment! And as much as I hate to break it to you, you're not the only one feeling it!"

It was as if she had been slapped across the face. She stared at Isabelle in horror as a tight knot twisted in her gut. She could no longer even _hope_ to keep from trembling. Instead, she found herself shaking violently as the world spun itself right out of orbit. It hadn't been more than a day since Peter reminded her of the precarious situation Remus was in. And already she had blinded herself to Isabelle's! She was the worst kind of fraud… and she hated herself with every fiber of her being because of it. "I don't know what to do…"

Isabelle shook her head. "I'll tell you what to do." She walked right up to Lily and slapped her – for real, this time. It stung painfully… and it brought even more tears to her eyes… but somehow… because of it… something within her began to stir. "Deal with it!" Spinning on her heel, she walked right back up to her broom and wasted no time whatsoever in mounting. She pushed up off the ground and glanced back at her friend. "Why don't you try flying?"

Lily instinctively shook her head, taking a step backwards in alarm. "The last time I got onto a broom, I passed out, fell off, and got sick. I can't fly, Isabelle. I wasn't made to."

The sixth year shrugged. "Your loss then." With that, she maneuvered her broom around and shot off towards the hoops, summoning the Quaffle with a wave of her wand so that she might carry on practicing alone. Lily lost track of how much time passed after that. She remained standing where she was in the middle of the field, craning her neck backwards to better watch as her friend swept across the sky like a shooting star.

"She really is good."

The voice came out of nowhere, startling Lily. She jumped and, upon spinning around, was horrified to discover Gregory Corwin himself standing not even two yards away. Her heart immediately lodged itself in her throat while all of James Potter's warnings came rushing back to her. This was the git who wanted her to join the Quidditch team… who wanted to see her on a broomstick… who might as well have wanted to hurt her… She had no idea what to say to him. She had no idea how to even handle his presence! The mere thought of flying terrified her almost as much as did the memory of Charlie Pryce! It paralyzed…

Corwin saw her looking at him and sighed. "I've a pretty good idea what's going through your head right now, Evans. You either think I'm a prat who won't let Campbell play. Or, you think I'm a prat who wants to force you to play. Am I warm?" There was something in his voice… something about his present manner that told her things weren't quite as they appeared. Corwin didn't seem to be in the least bit menacing, and though James had told her not to trust him, that he would do just about anything to trick her, Lily found herself considering just who it was claiming the title "Marauder."

"Let me guess," she heard herself whisper. "The joke's on me this time, isn't it." It was not a question. For whatever reason, James had manipulated her. She had seen over and over again the fate of those poor souls who found themselves on the receiving end of his increasingly cruel ploys. Up until now, she herself had never be counted among them. But now… James had taken what he knew to be her weakness… and he had used it against her. She had never truly understood what it felt like – until now – to be one of his victims. It nearly broke her heart.

Corwin shook his head. "It isn't a joke, Evans. Potter's twisted. Word is, you tamed a Slytherin last year." Lily felt herself flinch. She hadn't _tamed_ Regulus! It wasn't as if Regulus were some kind of wild animal! He was by now a thirteen year old boy who deserved real friends and a family that could actually love him! "At this rate," Corwin continued. "Our two houses are going to experience a complete role reversal. I'm just glad this is my last year. I'm not going to be around to see it happen."

"Why won't you let Isabelle play?" Lily asked, successfully ignoring the voice in her head that was trying to remind her Isabelle didn't _want_ her speaking on her behalf.

"I'm sorry, Evans," Corwin assured her sincerely. "I made my policies, and I'm sticking by them. That's how I was raised, and that's who I am. Potter's giving me grief for it, so I know it's going to be one hell of a long season. But I'm not standing down. Please don't ask me to." He had principles. Well… that made him better than some, at least.

Lily nodded, and began her long trudge back up towards the castle. Corwin watched her go, but didn't follow. Once she was out of sight, Isabelle descended back down to earth, slid off her broom, and stood next to the seventh year in absolute solemnity. Even though the magic from her wand kept the darkness at bay, the night seemed to be so thick, heavy, and everlasting. "What do you think?"

Corwin glanced down at the shorter girl and sighed. "I don't know her half as well as I should. She's beautiful. You can tell she really cares." Isabelle nodded, for it was the truth. In fact, if anything, Lily often cared too much. Corwin crossed his arms. "Potter's obsessed with her, you know."

"Well, if he hurts her, I'll just have to return the favor," Isabelle replied nonchalantly, nevertheless wiping a few remaining tears from her eyes. "I've picked up a few things from my sister. He won't know what's coming to him."

"Don't be too sure," Corwin stated warningly, staring at her with surprising intensity. "Git's a bloody menace with a wand. And his head's so big he thinks he owns this school. Not a good combination, if you ask me."

"I know," Isabelle assured him, starting after Lily. It was getting late. If they were caught outside after hours, they'd all be facing serious detention time. "I'm worried about her, you know? I wish I could do more. She's not a selfish girl. The only reason she thinks she is… is because I suggested it to her, and she's too gentle to know better."

"Just don't give up on her," Corwin suggested encouragingly. "One of the hardest things in the world is to heal. She'll make it."

Isabelle nodded. "I certainly hope so."

**ooooooo**

**A/N:** Well, you finally got your chapter! I am so, so sorry about the wait! I can't say that I have any real excuses, but I _do_ want to finish this story. I love this story! I promise you I won't give up on it! But you've all gotta keep sending me reviews, 'cause it'll help to know you're still interested. Thanks so much!


	58. Return to the Shrieking Shack

**ooooooo**

Professor Slughorn's Fall Festival had, in a manner of hours, quickly become one of the most highly anticipated celebrations of the entire term, not that _that _was much of a surprise. Over the course of the following week, hardly anyone at all in the entire castle under the age of seventeen could even begin to fathom discussing anything else! And by the time Wednesday evening had come and gone, preparations for the weekend-long event took immediate precedence over every other daily activity, including lessons, homework, and even Quidditch practice! It only went to show how prudent the Potions Master actually was to schedule his festival on a weekend when there were no games to vie for the students' attention.

Hogwarts itself seemed to be literally buzzing with a flurry of commotion as everyone who could possibly lift a finger to help volunteered to do so. Lily herself found a job in supervising the first years whom she tutored as they practiced the most basic of spells to help decorate different areas of the school. Flicking their wrists, they would levitate autumn colored tinsel up to the top of the walls where no one else but Hagrid could reach, lining the corridors with such adornments while trying their absolute hardest to ward off Peeves – who apparently considered them rather easy prey. Not that it wasn't within reason for him to think so. On more than one occasion, Lily found herself stepping up to defend her students from the rather arrogant poltergeist with threats of summoning Professor Dumbledore, Filch, or even worse… the Marauders themselves! That one got Peeves almost every time – for Lily's apparent immunity from the wiles of the four mysterious rogues certainly hadn't escaped him anymore than it had escaped anyone else – excluding Lily herself, for if she had ever even made such an observation to begin with, which surely she had not, she had most definitely learned better over the course of the proceeding week.

The truth was, it did still sting. After quitting the Quidditch field that night, Lily had returned to the Gryffindor Tower only to discover several _frantic_ students hovering in the air upside down as if by their very ankles! And standing in the midst of it all had been James Potter, ruffling his hair with one hand while twirling his wand around in the other. Three third year boys had all been clustering around him, practically salivating as he carelessly explained to them exactly how he had managed to pull off something like _this_.

When he saw Lily, a small, self-satisfied smirk had crossed his face, and he directed his attention towards those who were hanging by their feet. "Relax, mates! Trust me when I say you'll all get your fair share of compensation for this bit!" He swung his wand around, instantly and rather gently settling them all back down, right side up, on the floor. "Who's up for a late-night tutorial? I've got dungbombs we can set off in the corridors after, and anyone who tries to stop us will find themselves hanging out to dry! Who knows? Maybe we'll bag ourselves a few Slytherins while we're at it!"

Lily had not been in any mood to fight. After her confrontation with Isabelle on the Quidditch field, she had just wanted to crawl into bed. Fortunately enough, _most_ of her fellow Gryffindors had been more put off by James' attitude than enraptured, and several of them suggested he go to hell. Besides, Sirius had pointed out from where he sat watching the whole affair by the fireplace, it was too late in the evening for most of the younger students to be out causing havoc. They didn't know what they were doing, the poor, inexperienced, rather harmless little guys. More than likely they'd just get them _all_ thrown into needless detention – which James, who had already been marked for punishment that weekend because of his earlier attack on Corwin, probably could not afford.

Since that evening, Lily had done her absolute best to avoid the upsetting upstart, just as she avoided Isabelle. Though their conversation on the field that night had seemed to break a little bit of ice, there was still too much left, it seemed, for either one of them to face the other. Instead, Lily found herself falling back heavily on old habits… trying to convince everyone around her that nothing was wrong… that she was happy… and that she could make it through this. Isabelle had suggested she find a way to deal with her problems as did everyone else in the world – for they surely had their fair share of them as well. Lily just wished she knew how to… For ever since that night, her life had felt increasingly like a lie. There wasn't anyone in the world she could help! And there wasn't anyone in the world she could trust! All her life, she had pretended differently… Even when she was a child, and her parents were yet alive, she had pretended…

Pretended… She was _always _pretending! Isabelle had every right to be angry! But Lily didn't… she just didn't know how! How did the sixth year face each passing day living with the fears that she did? It seemed impossible that anyone could deal with such turmoil – it hurt so much! She missed Regulus. She longed for him to return to school, though she knew he never would. She wanted… She felt like she was missing something, and she didn't know what it was so that she could be full. All she knew for sure… was that she felt so lonely.

And so she pretended. Helping with the preparations for Professor Slughorn's Fall Festival, she wore smiles, she laughed at jokes, she tutored, she protected her kids from the devious advances of a mischievous poltergeist… but it wasn't enough. It wasn't enough to pull herself out of the bottomless chasm she seemed to have so ineptly slipped into! It was just… so impossibly deep… But for the first time… she wanted out.

"All right, you lot!" she called for the attention of the first years in her charge, and they all immediately snapped to, glancing at her as if she were some kind of royal majesty. Not for the first time, such obvious regard brought warmth and color to her cheeks; she didn't know if she'd ever grow used to this! "I'm going to run a quick errand. Why don't you all go find yourselves some lunch and get started on the homework I _know_ some of you've yet to do for classes this afternoon?" The eleven year olds all glanced at each other guiltily before obliging. Poor buggers. They were still relatively new at the whole concept of 'homework' – at least for such a rigorous curriculum – and more often than not still needed their hands held by a good solid older influence in their lives. Lily didn't mind the responsibility.

After their dismissal, she found herself scouting the corridors for a familiar face. It didn't take her long at all in finding it, either, and she quickly made haste to call out to him. "Peter!" He had been in an upstairs classroom with two older Ravenclaws, both of whom were sitting on a desk entertaining themselves while watching the clumsy fifteen year old struggle with even _more _decorations. Why James, Sirius, and Remus weren't there to lend him a hand, Lily didn't know, and didn't particularly care. Grabbing his arm, she drew him away from the disappointed Ravenclaws and into the hall – quite obviously to his relief. "I need to get to Hogsmeade. Are you willing to helping?"

He stared at her, slightly surprised that she felt the need to even ask. "I… uh… sure." Despite his awkward tongue, his face had brightened considerably, and he seemed to be swelling with delighted anticipation. Any chance he got to spend with Lily was a chance he wouldn't think twice about – and being a Marauder definitely had its fair share of benefits. He seemed to be growing less and less pusillanimous by the day, and as much as either one of them hated to admit, they had James, in part, to thank for that.

**ooooooo**

It was freezing cold in the village that afternoon, but even still witches and wizards flocked to the streets in such numbers that if any of them even noticed the presence of two Hogwarts students at all, they hardly took the time to give it much thought. Lily was shivering, rubbing her arms together while Peter's teeth chattered. Why they were out there, the young Marauder had no idea, but he hardly cared anymore than any of the other tourists seemed to. After all, just being in Lily's confidence was enough, and he wouldn't trade it for an explanation, or even the world!

Lily herself was obviously quite distracted. It had been a silent affair, slipping into the village as they had; no words were lost between them whatsoever. And now that they were there, Lily found that she could not remember exactly what errand it had been she meant to run. Instead, she found herself falling into something of a trance, wordlessly wandering along the streets, past stores and inns, searching for something she didn't know she could find… something she didn't know even existed… In the end, she found herself drawn back towards the castle, but not _to_ the castle. When the bend in the road came at last, she brought herself to turn towards the last place on earth she ever thought she would approach again.

When Peter recognized the direction in which she intended to go, he stopped short in sudden alarm. "Lily!" He caught her wrist, holding her back while violently shaking his head. "Let's go back to the castle! We can get some lunch before class…" Lily had turned towards him gently and touched his shoulder with her free hand. It was enough to hush him, and as he gazed into her beautifully green eyes, the knot in his stomach suddenly untangled. What was this stillness washing over him? Did it come from her? Did she not realize the effect she had on him?

She seemed so sad… Glancing back over her shoulder towards the Shrieking Shack, where Charlie Pryce had held her prisoner the spring before, she caught her breath. It was the first time she had so much as even stepped foot in the horrible place's direction! Because of her… last stay there… Regulus had been… he had been…

Lily swallowed painfully, her shivering caused from a new sensation quite unrelated to the cold. But in her heart… she found herself wondering if one could climb out of one's chasm… if one could make it back out into the light… without first confronting the edge over which one had fallen. "For the first time, Peter, I think I know where I have to go." She started on her way again, and to her extreme relief, the Gryffindor boy followed closely behind her. And then the next thing she knew he was beside her, holding her hand nervously in his own.

"The Shrieking Shack is where Moony spends most of his… err… restless nights," Peter quietly informed her as they made their way up the trail towards the supposedly haunted old spook. As it came into sight, Lily observed in relative astonishment that it looked like it was about to collapse! How it managed to cage a wild, rampant werewolf every month, she had no idea. "I should be used to it by now," the boy continued muttering nervously, and Lily found herself listening almost gratefully to the sound of his voice. Anything at all to distract her from what just might end up resulting out of this madness was more than welcome. A part of her agreed with Peter. They shouldn't be testing their luck. They shouldn't be going there. Least of all her! After what she had been put through… Did she honestly believe any good could come from this? It was going to be a painful mistake. She should turn around and go back _now_!

_"Lily…"_ The word seemed to be whispered in the very wind itself. _"Learn to stand…" _It swept through her body like a sheet of cold, yet surprisingly refreshing, ice water. Her heart pounded as she walked all the way to the steps leading up to the shack's pathetic excuse of a porch. Peter was still mumbling softly to himself, but so intelligibly that Lily could no longer hear or understand him, and therefore could no longer take even the _slightest_ bit of comfort in his words.

The front door was boarded shut. As Lily walked up the steps, slowly approaching it with Peter at her back, she cautiously pulled free her wand and glanced around, as if hoping not to find anyone watching her. Her heart was beating steadily, like a pulsating rock in her breast, while the rest of her body felt disoriented and feeble. Why was she doing this? What was she trying to prove? And who was she trying to prove it to?

Isabelle had told her that she needed to _deal_ with her problems? Was this what she was doing? Coming to terms with her own troubled history? It seemed absurd that she had a 'history' which she needed to come to terms with at all! She was only fifteen! Holding up her wand, she summoned forth the magic required to remove the front door's make-shift barricade. Having cast her silent spell, she waited only long enough for the boards to land on the porch's wooden surface before, with eyes tightly clenched shut, pushing her way past the heavy, slightly corroded old door.

The Shrieking Shack's front hall was just as she would have imagined it. Dark. Dusty. Lined with cobwebs. Broken down. Clearly in need of major renovation. But then, what could one expect, when the building's sole inhabitant – who only frequented it a few short nights a month – just so happened to be a werewolf? It was a wonder the place still even stood at all!

It was quiet there. All was still, and were it but for the shadows created by the two friends' presences, Lily would have feared the place to be some kind of different realm, completely and utterly devoid of life. Hogwarts might have been worlds away, for all the isolation she felt here! How Remus managed to stay sane in such a lonely place, Lily couldn't even begin to imagine. She shivered, wrapping her arms tightly around her stomach. Everything about the precarious building seemed to be… terribly unnatural.

"Lily…?" Peter whispered, and she turned towards him imploringly. Something in her expression warned him… He had grown highly proficient at interpreting such warnings… A part of him knew what was coming even before she said it, and a far greater part of him dreaded her words like no others. It wasn't fair! Were he James, Sirius, or even _Remus_, he knew he wouldn't suffer to be so casually cast aside! Were only he more obstinate…

"Peter," she reached for his hand and squeezed it tightly. "You helped me get this far." And he _had_! She honestly didn't believe she would have made it all the way here, to the shack, by herself. Even now, though she knew she had to do this alone, just knowing that Peter was still here with her, in this terrible place with her, was more than enough. She just wished… she knew how to express such assurances to him now, when all she could see on his face was fear and concern for her wellbeing. "This is something I need to do…"

"Are you sure?" Peter asked, trying to sound in control of himself when breathing had grown slightly difficult and sweat was dripping down his neck. "You don't have to do everything by yourself…" If everyone did everything by themselves… the world would be a very lonely place indeed. Not only to those stubborn, self-reliant fools – not that Lily was a fool! – but also to those – like him – who only wanted to help!

Lily gazed at him silently for several minutes. The longer she spent standing here with him, the longer she could justify delaying the inevitable. After that, however, she glanced at the floor and brushed a strand of hair out of her face. "This… I have to." She glanced up at Peter again and could easily see how much he didn't like it. Nevertheless, he didn't argue with her anymore than that, which might have been one reason why she knew to ask him along, instead of any one of her other friends. Peter, she knew, wouldn't keep her from doing what she thought was best.

Breathing deeply, Lily released his hand and turned to gaze forlornly at the set of stairs leading up to the second floor landing. Even if she couldn't do this… she had to try, right? The first step was always the hardest… There was a hole in her stomach, and it seemed to be expanding… she felt like her body was deteriorating from the inside out… it hurt so much to breathe.

Walking up to the staircase was like walking up to the gates of Hell. When she reached it, she found herself sensing something particularly ominous… warning her that there would be no turning back once she made her next step… Only fools did what she was about to willingly! Would it be worth it? Or was she about to make the greatest mistake of her life? Tearing open fresh wounds that hadn't even _begun _making their full recovery?

_Peter's waiting right behind me,_ she reminded herself silently, taking another slow, deep breath. _All you have to do is call for him, and he'll be at your side in a heartbeat. Don't be afraid! Learn to stand…_ She still had no idea what "learn to stand" even meant! Her father's last words to her… Every day of her life she thought about them! But she couldn't interpret them! It was as if something heavy and shadowy purposely meant to obscure them from sight! Either that… or a part of her just didn't _want _to understand. Understanding… Knowing… Awareness… Sometimes, a small bit of innocent ignorance went a long way. It was easier… more bearable. Maybe Lily was afraid… what new responsibilities would she find herself bearing when she finally learned what it meant to "stand"? Yes… She was afraid.

With a fluttering stomach, she gripped the staircase railing. She gripped it so tightly her knuckles turned pale white! And then… she took her first step up. The floorboards creaked ominously, causing Lily to stop short and wince. This place! If she didn't know any better, she would have believed it haunted wholeheartedly as well! Glancing towards the upper landing, she found herself taking in the sight of what, in better, brighter, cleaner, safer conditions, might have once been considered beautiful architecture. The balustrade alone… But now it was just a bare, filthy and decomposing skeleton, certainly possessing the look and feel of true eeriness. There were phantoms in this place… Phantoms Lily didn't know if she could face…

She continued her ascent. Step by step, she climbed… Step by step, it took every ounce of strength she bore not to glance back… for if she were to do so… she knew she would lose what was left of her resolve. Step by step by step by step… By the time she finally did make it to the landing above, her quivering heart seemed to be skipping beats! There were clouds and pockets of dust sifting through the air, and it was a wonder she hadn't yet succumbed to any bursts of fitful sneezing! Ever so cautiously, she continued to the left. She didn't know why she chose to start in that particular direction… but it almost seemed right.

Somewhere on the balustrade rail, a single, motionless spider watched her slow progression. She was walking in circles as she walked towards a certain door hanging partially off its hinges. That door… The walls might have had eyes fixed intently on her, and she feared they could see her mounting alarm. Beyond that door…

_"I don't have your money."_

Lily's eyes widened, her heart jumped in place, her skin crawled, her breath caught in her throat, as phantoms of the spring before closed in menacingly around her. She stopped short, staring at the damaged door as if it meant to tear her apart even as it beckoned her forward. She found herself now unable to resist. As if slipping into a ghostly daze, she stretched out her arms and jerked the door the rest of the way open. Glancing nervously inside, she caught sight of the four poster bed on which she had been dumped by her abductor. The windows were all completely boarded up. It was here that she had witnessed… that she had experienced… her greatest nightmare…

_"The exchange _will _take place as it was scheduled to… buyers tend to want to see what they mean to purchase…"_

Charlie Pryce had hoped to sell her. Even now, she could still remember how it had felt… helpless to control her own fate… bought and sold against her will… like some kind of lifeless commodity… It was among the worst degradations she could imagine in the entire world! But to be purchased by a Death Eater… to be taken to the Dark Lord… How narrowly had she escaped that fate? It terrified her…

_"Regulus!"_

_"Crucio."_

_"Don't make me kill you!"_

The fight that had occurred in this room… As Lily walked into it, it felt like she was spinning… spinning… faster and faster and faster – she couldn't stop it!

_"Leave them alone!"_

_"You see, Miss Evans? Being able to resist is everything… Should I end it for him?"_

_Regulus… You were tortured… I can't stop crying… _There were, in fact, tears in her eyes again. She was always crying. She was always afraid. And her world was spinning out of control.

_"I'll do whatever you want, just let him go!"_

_"Ungrateful little brat! How _dare_ you-?"_

_"Avada Kedavra."_

Her knees buckled. She didn't have the strength to do this anymore. Collapsing, Lily landed heavily on the floor; the wood was covered in ten different kinds of grime, and it had been softened by rot and decay. Strangely, it seemed fitting… Lily had been called pure in the past, but the truth was… when had she ever felt clean? Curling into a tiny little ball, she lay there crying in the absolute silence. Peter was just downstairs… If she called out to him… he would be there in heartbeats…

_No… _she shook her head, forcing herself to sit up. _I have to do this…_

Something moved through the darkness behind her. She could sense it… approaching her… bearing down on her… intending to do her any amount of harm… Slowly, though instinct was telling her not to, was telling her to curl back up into a ball and wait for it to go away – or to at least _hope_ for it to go away – she found herself turning her head to look.

_He _was there, standing threateningly in the doorframe. Charlie Pryce. With a cruel smirk slowly twisting its was across his face, he reached for the door and jammed it shut; broken as it was, it nevertheless effectively blocked her only means of escape. Lily felt something wrap around her heart… she felt something crushing her heart to bits… All warmth fled from her body as terror the likes of which she had never known before heavily pressed against her. Smothered her. Suffocated her. Strangled her. She couldn't even scream.

_He's supposed to be dead! This can't be happening! It can't be! It's not possible!_

The man walked towards her, looking down at her in pure delight as she stared up at him in pure petrifaction. And then he turned halfway around, glancing back behind him as if expecting someone to be there. Lily, though she desired nothing more than to just close her eyes as tightly as she could and pray that he left her alone, for some reason just couldn't help herself. She couldn't stop herself from looking. And when she did so, she found herself staring down a long red carpeted corridor that most certainly hadn't been there before. Its walls were blanketed by thousands upon thousands of angry, hissing snakes, all of whom were slithering over each other in furious, possibly desperate, but futile attempts to reach her. They, however, did not capture much of her attention. For on the other side of that fearsome corridor there was another figure, tall and mysterious, dressed in a billowing black robe, covering his face with the mask of a skull. A skull… out of which's mouth a snake had stretched like some sort of grisly tongue.

Something snapped inside the girl. Suddenly able to move again, she awkwardly got to her feet and scrambled backwards in a desperate flight… only to find herself falling again… falling… down heavily onto the bed… The next thing she knew, her wrists were bound in front of her… and her ankles were tied as well. Looking up, she could see Pryce advancing on her… as he had that night… He grabbed one of the bed's posts and began to pull. To Lily's extreme horror, he began dragging the bed towards the corridor… he was taking her to see the Dark Lord…

She heard herself scream.

**ooooooo**

**A/N: **Please review! I updated quickly for you, so I demand feedback! Thanks so much!


	59. A Gryffindor at Last

**ooooooo**

He had dragged the bed into the corridor. The sound of hissing snakes was deafening; they were everywhere! Some of them were rattlers, and the sound which _they_ produced was even worse. Terrified, Lily sat on the bed struggling futilely against her bonds. This couldn't be happening! It couldn't be happening! It just couldn't! Charlie Pryce was dead! Regulus had…! Regulus had…!

Tears streamed down Lily's face as she gave up on her bonds and struggled to roll off the bed. Reason eluded her – it would be impossible to flee with her ankles tied as well! But she couldn't just sit there! Pryce was dragging the bed deeper and deeper into the corridor. She felt like the snakes were closing in around her. She had to make it back to the room within the Shrieking Shack. She _had_ to! But getting off the bed was hopeless. Somehow… she found herself tangled in its sheets. No matter how hard she fought to get free… they just pulled her back and would not let go!

"Oh god…" Turning her head around, she glanced frantically towards the room behind her. But it was… farther away than it should have been… They couldn't possibly have traveled so deeply into the corridor! The room from which they had come… was barely even visible anymore! The two walls on either side suddenly began bending… they came together like closing doors… trapping her in this infested corridor… There was no way back.

"Peter!" she whispered his name, remembering his presence, and then heard herself screaming it. "PETER! PETER, YOU HAVE TO HELP ME!" Pryce heard her cry, and began to chuckle humorlessly to himself. She glanced back at him in terror, shaking, suffocating, sweating altogether too feverishly. "Please. Don't do this. You have to let me go!" If he heard her plea, he offered her no response. Instead, he continued pulling the bed… deeper and deeper down the corridor… towards the patiently waiting, ever expectant Dark Lord.

Lily's panic was such that she feared a thousand bloody knives were digging into her chest. She couldn't think… she could only scream… struggle… and sob… but in vain… as the sound of rattling, hissing snakes threatened her sanity. It was torture being inflicted without any end in sight. For no matter how far into the corridor Pryce dragged the bed on which she sat, they seemed to be no closer to its end than they had been five minutes ago. At this rate… they would be making their way along this corridor for all of eternity! She couldn't escape… she'd sooner slip into a pit of despair the likes of which no one ever returned from. And so she screamed… for she could not think of what else to do.

**ooooooo**

Peter had been in the process of boarding up the door again – a task which he, as a Marauder, had long since grown accustomed to – when he first heard Lily's cry. There was no mistaking it. Whatever she was doing, wherever she was within the Shrieking Shack, something had frightened her. No… Correction. Something had _terrified_ her! "Lily?"

She had told him that this was something she needed to do alone… She might not _want_ his help… Wrought by indecision, Peter temporarily forgot the door as he turned towards the staircase leading up… Up to Lily… Her cries… They didn't sound like your everyday startled yelps. They sounded completely and utterly petrified. They sounded like she was in physical pain. Did it really matter how much Lily had clearly wanted to attempt this on her own? If James, Sirius, or Remus were here in his stead, what would any one of _them_ do? Wasn't the answer obvious?

Following the sound of her screams, Peter bolted up the stairs as quickly as his two pudgy legs would allow. He gripped his wand with awkward tightness, unable to wield it in the relaxed manner that seemed so natural to his closest of friends. No matter how many times they tried to coach him, he had never been able to manage it, and now was certainly no exception. She had gone through a door to the left of the stairs. When Peter reached it, though it was clearly broken, he found himself unable to push past it. Somehow, it had been wedged shut, and try as he might, he couldn't seem to pry it loose.

"Lily!" he shouted loudly, pounding savagely against the door. "LILY!" He could hear her screaming from the other side. He could perceive her panic, even though he couldn't see her face. Something was terrifying her beyond all measure, and he couldn't even enter the room with her! What if she were in actual danger? What if…?

Peter's heart suddenly stopped beating as a new, horrific, and rather unwelcome possibility occurred to him. They couldn't have… No… They couldn't have! There was no possible way!

No possible way… Yeah right. Peter didn't have to remind himself that where two of his three best friends were concerned, _all_ things were possible. He shouldn't have overlooked it. Hell, the truth was, he probably shouldn't have forgotten about it. If James found out he had brought Lily here, where there was… where there was a _starving_, utterly _enraged_ boggart currently dwelling… he'd hex him all the way to Hades!

Peter could still remember Sirius finding the thing all the way back in October. They had been out in the forest after dark again, not exactly minding their own business, when Sirius accidentally ran into a striking likeness of some particular relative of his Peter had known next to nothing about – aside from the fact that he was apparently some kind of Death Eater. Later, James had managed to coax out of him something that might have resembled an explanation. The Black was _definitely_ a Death Eater, and had terrified Sirius even as a small child. Back then, his presence had served as a warning to the impressionable boy. Don't grow up to wallow in darkness. Otherwise, he'd become just as terrifying as his hideous old relative. Just as monstrous. Sirius hadn't wanted that. He hadn't wanted it at all, and so he had begun doing everything in his power to become anyone else. Not a Black. Not a Death Eater. And most definitely not evil.

In any event, walking headfirst into that particular relative had issued forth quite the response from Sirius. Peter was pretty much certain he had never heard such a long string of elegant profanities in his entire life! Only when James and Remus had both jumped together towards their best friend's aid, while Peter himself held back to offer them whatever cover he could from a distance, and the man transformed himself into a silver moon, did James rightly deduce it could be nothing more than a common burrow dwelling boggart. Fending it off, he and Remus had then turned back towards Sirius – who had already started back for the castle. After that, he hadn't exactly been in any mood for conversation whatsoever. It had taken days for James to wheedle out of him all the information that he had.

And then… he had joked about capturing the thing. About setting it loose in the Shrieking Shack, so that if any wayward Hogsmeade tourists got it into their thick skulls to make an adventure out of exploring the haunted building, they'd find themselves up against something real. They'd find themselves leaving with an actual story to tell their friends and family. But as far as Peter had known, it had only been a joke. After all, Remus spent the night here every single month! Surely he didn't want to have any boggarts rooming with him! It was completely and utterly absurd! Wasn't it…?

There was no denying how much James had changed lately. Especially since Quidditch had started back up again. If he fancied turning the Shrieking Shack into an actually haunted house, Peter didn't believe for a second that he'd hesitate in doing so! Something was definitely terrifying Lily; the sound of her screaming was more than evidence enough of that. If there was a boggart in there with her… knowing Lily Evans… Peter didn't even want to _think _about what kinds of things she might be seeing. He had to help her!

"LILY!" he shouted, banging on the door with all the strength he could muster. "LILY, LISTEN TO ME! IT'S A BOGGART! IT'S A BOGGART, LILY! WHATEVER YOU'RE SEEING, IT'S NOT REAL!" James Potter definitely had a certain way with people, and knowing how he was constantly able to infuriate Peeves, Peter could only imagine the effect he might have had on this particular boggart. After all, what in the world could possibly frighten the great and powerful Prongs? Knowing his luck, the bloody transforming little git was as incensed as they came! Which was bad news for Lily… especially since she had no idea what it actually was. Somehow, he _needed _to get inside that room! He needed to rescue her! He just… he didn't know how!

**ooooooo**

It didn't make any sense. She felt like… She felt like it had been hours since her bizarre capture… Hadn't hours gone by? And yet they weren't any closer to the Dark Lord than they had been when they'd first begun! Was Pryce taking her to He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named or wasn't he? Sometimes psychotic, bloodthirsty lunatics enjoyed drawing torture out to make it last longer, or so she had heard, but this was insane! Why were they still in that forsaken corridor? A part of Lily… was just growing impatient for it to be done with!

It seemed slightly over the top. The red carpet. The snakes curtaining the walls. The extremely long, superfluous passage through the corridor. Honestly, with each and every one of Pryce's elapsing tugs, drawing the bed farther from its room, but no closer to the Dark Lord, Lily was presented with more and more time to overcome her initial terror, and to consider what it was exactly that was actually going on. Charlie Pryce was dead. Her secret was supposedly safe from the Dark Lord. They were still inside the Shrieking Shack, for they certainly hadn't left, and yet the Shrieking Shack didn't possess any corridors like this! Otherwise she felt absolutely positive that someone would have mentioned it by now. Something just… just wasn't right about any of this! It was almost… completely and utterly… "Ridiculous…"

The world left her mouth before she could stop it. And, much to her astonishment, it caused Charlie Pryce to flinch! He stopped short, dropping the bed's post, and glanced back at her. There was an angry glint in his eye, but just the mere fact that he was having such a reaction as this in the first place told her more than anything else in the world ever possibly could. "Ridi… Ridi…?" It was a boggart! This whole thing… it was merely an apparition created by one extremely powerful boggart! And how were boggarts fought? "_Riddikulus_…"

Pryce turned towards her completely, opening his mouth and letting loose the kind of shriek only banshees were known to make. Lily winced as the sound of it tore at her eardrums, but nevertheless managed to retaliate by shouting out her spell. In the long run, it did nothing against her captor, or even against the corridor! The only effect it had at all was in freeing her of her bonds. The bed sheets fell away from her as well, and Lily wasted no time whatsoever in grabbing her wand and rolling off the mattress. Grappling between reason, instinct, and panic, panic once again gained the upper hand, and Lily found herself bolting as quickly as she could down the corridor from whence they'd come.

Pryce was walking after her almost casually. If he had been alarmed by her most recent discovery, he no longer made any show of it. Lily's fear had not lessened with the knowledge that she was dealing with a fear-sucking fiend from the darker side of the magical world. In fact, it seemed to be augmenting now that she was on the run. Chases… They always seemed to entertain the hunters so… while thoroughly petrifying the hunted.

For the second time, the corridor's walls began to bend. Like closing doors they came together, cutting off her only means of escape. Lily stopped short, at an absolute loss; what was she supposed to do now? She couldn't quite remember how long it had been since she first learned about boggarts, but she did know they were overcome by laughter. Laughter…? It hadn't occurred to her before… what kind of fool laughed in the face of such terror? Maybe if James were here… but he wasn't!

The snakes were crawling off the walls. They were slithering their way towards her. Upon turning around, she saw that they were coming at her from every direction. And Pryce was standing there in the midst of them, a hungry smile cracked across his face as he watched. Lily aimed her wand at him. She couldn't just _let _him take advantage of her fear like this! He wasn't real! "_Riddikulus_!" It did nothing. For once in her life, one of her spells had no effect whatsoever. It had been so long since she last had resolve enough inside herself to attack another… perhaps she no longer had the strength to lay a curse… even to save her life. _I can't do this…_

The snakes were at her feet now; there were so many of them! And the next thing Lily knew, they were rising. Like a rising tide, they were piling themselves on top of each other, burying the girl up to her knees! She shrieked, wading her way through them in a desperate attempt to get to the wall which had closed her in. It was still curtained by snakes, but at this point, all Lily wanted was to find a way out! Digging through them, she started banging on the wall as if hoping to break it down. "PETER! PLEASE, IF YOU CAN HEAR ME GET ME OUT!" Behind her, Pryce was laughing again.

**ooooooo**

"LILY!" Peter continued hammering the door with astonishing fruitlessness. It wouldn't open! He had even tried hexing the accursed block of wood, but all his spells were simply for naught. And as he struggled to get in, he found himself coming to realize exactly how it was that a werewolf could be held prisoner in this place. Even with magic, there was no blasting one's way through the walls, doors, or windows. If the door had been jammed shut, it apparently would remain jammed shut… no matter what he did to try breaking through. "LILY!" He could hear her crying for his help. Never in his entire life had he ever even _once _so desired to run headfirst into danger such as this! But she needed him…

"It's just a boggart, Lily!" he heard himself shouting through the door. "You can fight a boggart, can't you?" He knew perfectly well she hated to fight… however, there were times when fighting was necessary, weren't there? Professor Pryce had tried teaching them that… staying alive during a war wasn't easy. Granted, the man had turned out to be a complete psychopath who had wanted to sell Remus, but still… surely, when it came to survival, he had known what he was talking about, right? Dumbledore _had_ hired the man himself, after all, right? His lessons stayed with Peter, even so long after the boy's respect for him had withered into nothing.

_"There's a war going on out there. When you're faced with danger, you have to be ready to do whatever it takes for you to protect yourself."_

Such words had stayed with Peter. Over time, they had even become a source of prudence to the boy which had aided him on the misadventures he faced with the other Marauders. There wasn't anything he couldn't do, so long as he had both a clear way out and either James Potter or Sirius Black watching his tail… keeping him safe. But in those times when protection was unfortunately hard to come by, like right now for instance, finding it often required a good, possibly even great, deal of displeasure. If saving herself meant that Lily needed to wield her wand, no matter how much she hated doing so, why on earth didn't she wield it? Wasn't that how the world worked? Doing what you'd rather not for the sake of your own life? Lily had to realize that! She just _had _to! Because Peter didn't know how to help her! He couldn't even get past that forsaken doorway! But… but he didn't want anything to happen to her… He didn't want to lose her!

"Fight it, Lily!" he tried encouraging her, though he wasn't even sure whether or not she could hear him. "FIGHT IT!" If he couldn't save her… he needed her to save herself! Because he needed her in his life! He _needed_ her!

**ooooooo**

The snakes had buried her all the way up to her waist. The feel of their slippery scales… the sound of each hiss… their rattling tails… they were mocking her… no longer attempting to frighten her outright, but patiently working her into the grips of despair. If they could hold her there, they could feed off her fear indefinitely. Who knew how long it would last?

_It's only a boggart… It's only a boggart… _But was it? Boggarts weren't supposed to be this powerful? Were they? The boggarts she had read about… they were only capable of transforming themselves! They were shape-shifters. They weren't known to create illusions of this magnitude! It wasn't possible for them to deposit people in the middle of long, never-ending corridors infested with terrifying snakes such as these! It just wasn't! Which meant that… this _couldn't_ be a boggart, and therefore had to be real. It was the only feasible explanation!

_I… can't…_

Pryce was towering over her. Looking at him, Lily heard herself whimper as his body suddenly enlarged. Somehow, he managed to grow monstrously huge – more so than even Hagrid! – without affecting the corridor itself whatsoever! She shrank back, stumbled, and found herself being buried alive by reptiles as she landed on the ground. They were pouring over her… She screamed, but found that her cries were muffled by the weight of the terrible serpents. The lot of them were astonishingly heavy! She couldn't get back up!

Crushed beneath such weight, Lily could feel herself giving in. She surrendered, clenching her eyes shut tightly, letting go of her tears. They slid down her face like falling cascades… _This is just too hard… Regulus… Peter… Remus… Sirius…_

_James…_

She could feel herself descending into darkness.

**ooooooo**

_"Ah. So there you are. You've been keeping everyone waiting."_

_"I'm sorry."_

_She had been sitting in the Great Hall… on a stool five years ago… with an astonishingly insightful black wizard's hat propped on top her head. It had been… peering into her heart, she thought. And… it either knew more about her than she herself did… or it was too incompetent to merit its position._

_"Indeed. You fear magic, no matter how much of it there flows in your veins."_

_"I don't want it."_

_She had feared it so terribly… it was a wonder that magic itself was not what she faced when confronting a boggart. Strange… She did not belong there. Those who knew her best… Isabelle… were probably right if they believed she ought to return to the muggle world. There wasn't any place for her at Hogwarts._

_Or was there?_

_"Yes," the hat had said. "That makes you difficult to place."_

_Difficult…_

_Not impossible._

_"But there is magic within you, and strong magic, too! You could very well become a prodigy one day. But there is more to you than just talent, Lily Evans. You have a gift. A special gift, I think. One that could make you even more powerful than the world may ever know." Even then… on her first day at the castle… the hat, at least, had been aware of her…_

_"I don't believe you."_

_"Are you still afraid?"_

_Yes. She was always afraid. Wasn't she defined by her fear?_

_"I see. Well. Then there is only one house in which to put you. There is only one choice. And it is: GRYFFINDOR!"_

_That had astonished her. Truth be told, it often still did. She wasn't a Gryffindor. She didn't have it in her. Gryffindors were… meant to be brave and strong. Lions at heart, every single one of them. She had been told by the Sorting Hat that the opposite of Gryffindor was Slytherin, which didn't make much sense to her. Wasn't the opposite of courage fear? Slytherins were many things, but they had never struck Lily as particularly easy to scare. If any of them were in her place… if Regulus or Severus were in her place… would they be even half as paralyzed as she? No. So… what _was _cowardice… if not the opposite of courage? And what actually was_ _the opposite of courage? And where did she fit into all of it?_

_"…the Sorting Hat would not have placed her in Gryffindor if she did not have it in her to learn…"_

_"What was that?"_

_"A phoenix. They give courage to those who are good." What she wouldn't give for the presence of a phoenix right about now! Fawkes was… How many times had Fawkes soothed her restless mind? Just thinking about him now… did more good than she would have thought possible. She was a Gryffindor… She still remembered the first time she had felt true house loyalty. It had been just a few short years ago… the first time she had encountered Sirius's parents outside the Hogwarts Express. They had been abusive. And she had been indignant. Angry on Sirius's behalf. She was enough of a Gryffindor for that, wasn't she? She was enough of a Gryffindor…_

_Snakes symbolized the Slytherin House. Snakes serving as the tongues of nefarious skulls symbolized the Dark Lord. What Gryffindor allowed herself to be beaten by a handful of snakes? She couldn't… She had to be stronger than that! SHE HAD TO!_

_Squeezing her wand, she forced it up in front of her. _"RIDDIKULUS!"

**ooooooo**

There was a sharp crack that almost sounded reminiscent of whip. Every snake in the entire corridor – all one thousand of them – suddenly went rigid. From where she sat on the ground, she could see them clearly as they all stood on end – like vertical rods. The next thing she knew, they were firing off towards the ceiling – no different than rockets! The corridor's entire roof was literally torn apart by such a powerful reptilian blast, but strangely enough there wasn't any rubble. There was just the gorgeously cerulean sky outside, blemished only by the mass of shooting snakes, all of which were being propelled in every possible, imaginable direction.

Slowly, Lily got back to her feet. Her fear was gone. In its place, she found herself left only with a fierce resolve the likes of which she had barely even touched on in the past. Glancing at Pryce, she was mildly satisfied to see that he was no longer the size of a house. He, too, had been staring up at the sky, observing the sudden, rather unexpected end of his reptilian fleet, when he sensed the girl's gaze. He turned his head to meet that gaze, and for a good long minute, the two of them just glowered at each other in furious defiance.

And then Lily held her wand back up again. "I want you out of my life now. And for good this time." Abruptly, the corridor disappeared, and she found herself standing where she originally had been back in the Shrieking Shack's upper room. The sky was no longer visible, as the ceiling was still intact, and the bed was back in the place where it belonged. Outside the closed door, she could hear Peter pounding furiously while crying out for her to fight it. A small smile crossed her face. She wasn't alone. "_Riddikulus_."

There was another crack. And as Lily stood there watching, Charlie Pryce began to shrink. He shrank and shrank and shrank and shrank… until he was barely even an inch tall! No longer anymore threatening than a miserable, tiny little ant, he shook his fist up at her like some kind of angry leprechaun mourning the loss of his pot of gold. Lily laughed at him scornfully. "Well it serves you right, Thumbelina!"

Sweeping past the bloody little bugger, Lily hastened to the door. "Peter?" She hit the wood roughly with the palm of her hand, but it was clearly stuck. How was _that _fair? After everything she had been through recently, and there were _still_ more obstacles! Wouldn't she ever be given a break?

"Are you all right, Lily?" Peter asked from the other side. He could easily hear the sudden change in her tone of voice, but didn't know quite what to make of it. What was going on?

"I'm fine!" she assured him, kneeling down to the floor so that she could observe the one hinge that was still intact. Brushing several strands of hair out of her face, she held the tip of her wand up to that hinge and flicked her wrist. Within seconds, it came loose, and the door sagged pathetically. Lily got back to her feet. "I'm gonna try to come out!" Peter took a step back from the door, and Lily wasted no time whatsoever in kicking it down. Magical barriers or no, if the door was off its hinges, it wasn't going to defy the laws of physics. Lily stepped out onto the landing, glancing at Peter with a slightly coy grin. "It's done."

He blinked, staring back at her in obvious confusion. "What's done?"

"My Sorting," she explained, as if that alone were enough of an answer. When she saw that he nevertheless couldn't even begin to _remotely_ follow her, she cheerfully took his arm in hers, leading him back towards the stairs with a tantalizing smile. "I think I've finally become a Gryffindor."

**ooooooo**

**A/N:** It's too bad the website's acting up. I take a break for nearly three months, and then when I finally try getting back in gear, the website's not dishing out alerts or reviews! Of course, by the time you all read this, it might be fixed, so don't let _anything_ stop you from reviewing, you hear me? Anyway, I was a little apprehensive about this chapter. I'm not sure boggarts are supposed to be quite that powerful. But if there's even just _one_ out there that can do what the one did in this chapter, leave it to James Potter and Sirius Black to find it! Please tell me what you think! This chapter was extremely important to Lily, but also to Peter, and I want feedback! Now, please! Thank you!


	60. Winter Blossom

**ooooooo**

Needless to say, by the time Lily and Peter returned to Hogwarts that afternoon, their classes had long since been dismissed. It was an extremely rare occurrence that either one of them missed a lesson, _especially_ the young Marauder when not with James or Sirius, so when they arrived back in their common room, they were both unsurprisingly and immediately confronted by Alice, Pippa, Mary, and a great majority of the other Gryffindors in their house – including the three other fifth years who had initially spread the word of their absences to begin with. Again, it was needless to say that everyone was extremely curious.

"Where were you?" Alice demanded, catching Lily's hands while ignoring the cowering figure behind her; Peter, though arguably many things, was not at all eager for interrogations, and kept glancing sheepishly at an obviously exasperated James. Lily decided then and there that she wasn't going to give _him _much of her attention – it was more than likely just what he wanted, anyway. She could only imagine the size his head would explode to if he ever found out how thoughts of the Marauders – among other things – had helped her overcome the boggart – which apparently, according to Peter, they were in part responsible for. Sometimes, she just couldn't believe James Potter's audacity!

"When Remus came asking if we knew where you were, at first I couldn't believe it!" Alice was going on, obviously overreacting. Lily couldn't help but gently smile at her friend's concern. "You _never _cut class! You know better! If word gets back to McGonagall, she's bound to be on your tail, and then you could end up in detention!"

"Shove off, Alice," Pippa elbowed her friend out of the way. "McGonagall isn't _about_ to give Lily detention. Aside from the fact that she's clearly the favorite around here, Lily's practically bought immunity from Filch the day she started tutoring first years." The girl then glanced sideways at the boy attempting to use the fifth year as a human shield. "Too bad I can't say the same thing about you, Pettigrew. You actually just _might _end up spending the Fall Festival keeping Potter over there company." Peter's face turned crimson even as James' darkened considerably. It was no secret he had detention that weekend, and would therefore be missing out on Slughorn's greatly anticipated celebration. It wasn't something he was particularly happy about. As if he didn't deserve it!

"Relax, you lot," Lily gracefully interrupted them, with such mirth sounding in her voice that she quickly won their attention. She smiled, catching sight of Isabelle – who was sitting in a large armchair on the other side of the common room with, surprisingly enough, Gregory Corwin – the two of them seemed to be in the extremely brutal grips of a rather ruthless game of wizard's chess. Temporarily distracted, however, Isabelle and Corwin were both watching her intently, and at the sight of Lily's smile, their expressions both seemed to brighten considerably. "I just had some things I needed to deal with. Peter helped me."

"Did he now?" James asked, running a hand through his increasingly messy hair as he approached the two. Despite Lily's recent resolve not to pay _him _even the slightest bit of mind, the rest of the Gryffindors' attention immediately – almost as if by instinct – landed solidly and squarely on him. Especially Peter's. There was a hard, furious glint in James Potter's eye, and the boy knew without a doubt that if _he _had come face to face with the boggart Lily had struggled so to beat, it would have been something similar to this that the boggart would have turned itself into. He started trembling as James regarded him coldly. "Great job, mate! I suppose now you can inform Professor McGonagall how terribly you want to make a career out of customer service. It would suit you."

"James!" Lily admonished, her disapproval causing several of the younger students to choke on their laughter. Somehow, the situation had abruptly transformed into a bit of a popularity contest. James's witticism, along with the astonishing shade of scarlet that had reddened Peter's face, no doubt seemed incredibly hilarious to them, but at the same time, the very last thing on earth anyone of them wanted to do was offend Lily Evans! And so the two of them found themselves vying against each other for dominance over the rest of the house's allegiance, unfortunately with Peter caught in-between… The poor boy looked ready to melt in on himself and disappear off the face of the earth!

"You're just so fond of helping people, aren't you, mate?" James drove on relentlessly, ignoring Lily as he hadn't ever done so before in his entire life. "What is that, the only thing you're good for? Wouldn't be surprising, would it?" Peter's face slowly began turning from red to gray… slowly began changing from humiliation to nausea… He was being put back in his place! Lily could still remember the quiet, introverted tagalong he had once been, back during their first few years at Hogwarts; he had always used to scorn her attempts at befriending him, terrified that she might set a rift between him and his so-called friends: James and Sirius. Since then, he had come such a long way! It was like he had grown into being a completely different person! A better, grown-up person. But… at that particular moment… Lily realized with heart-wrenching clarity that James Potter didn't appreciate the improvement. In fact, right now, he seemed to be utterly and completely set on ruining absolutely everything Lily had worked so hard and for so long to help Peter achieve! It wasn't right!

"James!" _What sort of friend could be so cruel? _Peter was staring at the floor now, shaking like a sick dog, as the Quidditch champion ambled the rest of the way over to him, casually draping an arrogant arm around his shoulder.

"Nothing to feel bad about, really," he informed the boy in a conspiratorial voice that was more patronizing than reassuring. "We all need our gofers, and you could do a heck of a lot worse, if you ask me. Right Sirius?" He glanced lazily over at the two remaining Marauders. The look on Remus' face was one of uttermost disgust, but Sirius merely had his arms crossed as he watched the scene unfolding before him in genuine interest.

"I think a kid could answer that one, mate."

Lily's attention immediately shifted from one Marauder to the next. She glared at Sirius with a mixture of fury and desperation lighting her eyes. "That's enough!"

"She's right," Remus cut in, much to everyone's surprise. Lily herself looked at him with an expression of such hope and gratitude that, had he seen it, his heart likely would have melted. As it was, however, he was concentrating solely on James. "Besides, I'm hungry. Why don't we just go find something to eat?" Though he had grown satisfactorily in the past five years, Remus Lupin was still incredibly small for his age, and frail supposedly by illness. He _never_ seemed to have much of an appetite for food, aside from chocolate, and the mere fact that he was asking for some now assured Lily that he was just looking for an excuse to get James off Peter's back. And it seemed to work.

"Sure thing, mate," he said affably, spinning around and guiding Peter cheerfully towards the portrait hole. "Let's make a party out of it, shall we? Fifth year Gryffindors only!" He glanced over his shoulder enticingly to look back at Lily. "Coming, Evans?" All eyes were immediately fixed on her and, somehow, she was easily able to perceive that at least half of them honestly expected her to obey! After all, wasn't it common knowledge that there were very, _very _few people in the world capable of resisting the beguiling nature that seemed to define James Potter? They seemed to have forgotten the teensy little fact that she was, herself, most definitely one of them.

"I'd rather go to detention, thank you," she spat back resentfully, crossing her arms in an obvious display of ire. Unfortunately for her, James Potter had, through the years, become quite the expert when it came to handling a mightily cross Lily Evans. He knew perfectly well how to make a situation go from bad to worse, and he had no qualms about causing it to do so now.

"Detention, huh?" he smirked triumphantly. "You go ahead and do that, Evans. Then you and I can have an entire evening to spend together! Trust me when I say I'll be looking forward to it!" His words struck Lily speechless, and she could only watch in painful silence as James led Peter out of the common room, with Sirius and an obviously reluctant Remus following close behind.

**ooooooo**

In the weeks that followed, Lily could not remember ever feeling more furious in her entire life. The Fall Festival had come and gone – she barely even remembered a moment of it! November gave rise to December, Christmas, and then to January; the season that year seemed to revolve completely around Quidditch, as if the sport were some kind of a vacuum sucking everything in. During those few and far between moments when the students' attention actually _wasn't _centered on Quaffles, broomsticks, and Golden Snitches, their eyes all still seemed to be literally glued to the latest havoc wreaked by the ever elusive Hogwarts Marauders. Lily couldn't even beginto describe how terribly she resented the simple little fact that James Potter could be found at the heart of both. Despite the fact that she alone knew the actual identity of the school's famous, dearly beloved Prongs, she wasn't oblivious to the smug satisfaction that crossed his face every time he heard whispers of admiration, and it was a great pain to her! How could he be such a prat?

Peter seemed to have fallen out of reach. Perhaps it would have been better had James flat-out rejected him. At least then Lily would have been able to go to him, and embrace him, and try showing him that he could do _so _much better than he was! But that wasn't how it happened… Not by a long shot… James had left a rope out for the boy, and Peter was clutching onto it so desperately that it was almost as if he believed he would die should he happen to let go. He didn't want to lose his friends! Lily had promised him that they would still like him even if he gained a backbone, but that hadn't been the case. And as much as he cared about her… he just _couldn't_ bring himself to turn away from James when there was still a chance – no matter how slight a chance – that he could still find acceptance. That was all he wanted, after all. Once upon a time, Lily would not have thought such a simple desire to be so horribly expensive. In the weeks that passed, Peter found himself slowly descending back down into what he had been years ago. Starved. Deprived. Alone. Afraid. Overly eager to keep those friends who didn't deserve him. He found himself laughing when they laughed. Jibing when they jibed. Basically doing pretty much everything that they did, and when they did it. All because of James Potter.

It was utterly _astounding_ what irreversible damage could be done by just the right amount of choice words. If James had just left Peter alone…! Why couldn't he have? It wasn't fair! In the weeks that followed, Lily grew closer than ever before to Isabelle Campbell, who kept telling her that she couldn't rescue everyone. The fact that she had, for the most part, succeeded with Regulus made her expect too much of herself, Isabelle reasoned. But not everyone was like Regulus. Not everyone could be saved.

Lily didn't accept that. Even if there were those who couldn't be, Peter wasn't one of them! He had been doing so well recently, she just couldn't bear it! But… she knew better than anyone… just how difficult it was climbing out of the chasm you _thought_ you hadescaped from, only to find yourself falling back in. Peter might not want back out, or at the very least might not _think _he wanted back out. But even if he did, he might not have the resolve to overcome such agonizing discouragement. James had forced him back down, and nothing the young Quidditch star ever did anymore offered the poor boy any chance or room to get back up. It was an impossible situation that infuriated Lily to no end. She felt helpless to do anything at all.

And so she studied. She had promised Professor McGonagall that she would take every single O.W.L. there was, and she still intended to do so. She engrossed herself in her work, stopping to rest only when she was sleeping, eating, tutoring, or helping Professor Slughorn with something or other for his little club. Despite her anger, her life nevertheless, gradually at first, but then more and more so, began changing – for the better, she thought. Her routine remained the same as always, but her demeanor grew resplendent. Even when she was positively fuming with incense at something James had done, there was a vivacity to her spirit that hadn't seemed awake at the beginning of the year. She was animated. She was near bursting with liveliness.

For the most part, whenever her mind wasn't too greatly occupied by bitter thoughts of the Marauders, she was actually growing to be quite happy. Some things, such as her concern for Peter or dislike of James, simply couldn't be outweighed by the swell of the daily current of activities. She had so much to do, and a lot on her mind. Whether or not she noticed it, she _was _one of the most popular girls at Hogwarts, and everyone seemed to want her opinion on this, that, or the other thing. She had grown used to being interrupted while she studied, and as the year wore on, she found second and third years sneaking their way into her tutorial sessions. Some of them were even Slytherin! Not that _that _ever made much difference. Whenever Lily was tutoring, if nowhere else, there seemed to be, at least for the moment, true peace and tranquility within the castle.

Unfortunately, the same could not be said for outside. The war against the Dark Lord was constantly growing more and more desperate… more dire… more deadly… Every single day, or so it now often seemed, another student found it increasingly difficult to laugh or even smile. Lily found herself incredulous that she hadn't noticed it back at the beginning of the year. Isabelle had been right, she often thought, to hate her. Everyone was struggling with something, and Lily had been too caught up in the grips of her own inner turmoil to realize it. She regretted and resented herself for being so blind, but promised not to let it happen again. In the midst of such a terrible war, her sister and her foster family were more or less safe. They _were_ muggles, after all. They had no place in the magical community. So what she needed right now was not to allow her natural fears to get the best of her, but to concentrate on providing, for the smaller children at least, what her heart told her they needed.

Comfort…

Hope…

Reassurance…

_Lies… _she sometimes thought… _for who could possibly tell a handful of terrified eleven year olds the truth without making it seem that much worse to them? _The truth was, people weren't just dying everyday out there. They were being slaughtered. Tortured. Manipulated. Violated. Destroyed, utterly and completely, in more ways than one. The truth was worse than Lily could possibly imagine. And it was, for some of these children, their very lives! Compared to such things, her own worries often seemed to be such trivial and meaningless concerns. Honestly! Why did she let James bother her so? If he wanted to be a pigheaded buffoon, then so be it! She had more pressing matters to attend to! Like the children who had nightmares every night! Someone needed to take care of them!

Someone needed to keep them from feeling the loneliness she so often had in the past. She wanted to protect them. War was a terrible thing, and it often did things to children… She wouldn't have anything happening to the first years! Or the second years! Or any of the students, really, be they thirteen or seventeen! As the weeks wore on, she found herself doing more than just studying and tutoring… resenting James and fearing for Peter's sake… She found herself fighting her very own personal war… against war itself… by doing everything in her power to keep it from claiming herchildren's peace of mind.

She did not realize it… but her 'gift' was blossoming as it never had before. It was flourishing. And before long, everyone around her seemed able to feel it. It was strong. It was pure. And it was greatly appreciated – _especially _by the staff. Lily had no idea how much they all depended on her. In these troubled times, she was more than anyone could possibly have hoped for. She was practically a miracle! For in the midst of a dark, freezing cold, and stormy winter, she had become like a flower blooming, promising a long, beautiful, and refreshing summer yet to come.

**ooooooo**

**A/N:** This chapter's not quite as long as I would have liked, but you take what you can get, I guess. Please review! I appreciate it so much! Hopefully, I'll get more chapters up soon, but finals are coming up, so I _will _have to study. Unfortunately.


	61. Slightly Smitten

**ooooooo**

"There you go! Now just pour a ladleful of this into your vial, and you'll be all set!" Lily cheerfully instructed Sarah, a young Hufflepuff first year who was greatly struggling to keep up with Professor Slughorn's fast paced curriculum, one evening late in the spring. It was steadily approaching the end of the year, and already the younger students were all being encouraged to start studying for their upcoming exams. From what Lily could tell, however, most of them had barely even begun cracking open their books, either overly confident in their abilities or simply content to procrastinate just awhile longer, as was the common practice there at Hogwarts – or at any other school in the world for that matter – especially where the younger students were concerned. After all, they hadn't experience to know better, and even if they had, Lily had long since come to learn that such procrastination was simply a part of human nature.

Not that it wasn't something she sought desperately to remedy. Over the past few months, she had grown extremely attached to this particular group of first years – although _that_ was something she certainly didn't deny having felt the year before concerning her first group of first years, some of whom were actually present in the room that evening, blending in with this lot as they vied for her tutelage. In any event, she didn't want to see them failing. Nor did she want to see them panicking in the days to come. What she wanted was for them all to be ready, and since she herself felt adequately prepared for her own upcoming O.W.L.s, she was perfectly willing to give them all the attention they might require to see them so – since they obviously lacked the inclination to study on their own.

And so there she was, one evening in the middle of May, supervising little eleven year old Sarah as she completed a Forgetfulness Potion – which Lily knew from a certain, extremely reliable source to be a very prominent part of the practical exam in Professor Slughorn's class. If only the young Hufflepuff knew she had just successfully brewed the tonic she needed to pass the term, she'd be positively aglow! Lily couldn't help but smile. The year was off to an extremely good conclusion – one of the best she had yet experienced. Now, if it might only continue to flow with such painless ease until the train landed them all in London the following month, she'd be one extremely happy fifteen year old.

"Lily, I don't think I can do this…" twelve year old Albert – the young Gryffindor who had, the year before, inspired the girl to take up tutoring in the first place – presently complained as he held his wand aloft, aiming it at the piece of wood and a bundle of shoestrings he meant to transfigure into a frame and cords which could then be used to magically construct a fairly decent harp. For a second year, it was a rather difficult task to accomplish, but Lily wanted to challenge her students. She knew that _then_ they would all be ready.

Unfortunately, transfiguration wasn't one of her better subjects. While she still remained at the head of her class, along with James Potter, she felt nevertheless rather hesitant to call herself a suitable teacher in that particular field. All she could really do was encourage him to keep on trying until he managed it – for by now he was impressively close to perfecting his stance, hold, and intonation to get the job done. He merely needed to enhance his power, tone his skills, and grow confident enough to perform a spell that might have been slightly more advanced than he was particularly used to. Whether or not he managed to pull it off successfully, however, was entirely irrelevant, since he would definitely be surpassing any and all of Professor McGonagall's expectations that year. Lily didn't have a single doubt about that. She was greatly pleased with all of her students' progress, and never missed an opportunity to assure them of it. "You're doing fine, Al. Just keep trying."

"Lily…" Another young boy from Ravenclaw was presently holding his hand up from where he sat at a desk on the opposite side of the room. He had an open history book before him, next to which he and a few other first years had been watching several different charmed figurines – each of which Lily herself had provided them with – as they played out various scenes from the distant past. She had hoped they'd prove to be more interesting than a page of small, harsh black type that seemed slightly more proficient at putting students to sleep than keeping their attention. So far, much to her delight, the figurines seemed to be working.

After patting Sarah encouragingly on her shoulder, Lily started making her way over to the Ravenclaws. A gust of warm night air swept past the open window outside, and with it there came such a stream of happiness pouring through her body that her very fingers started tingling. She wouldn't have been able to keep from smiling even if she wanted to.

At that exact moment, the door to the tutoring room flew open, causing several of the overly intent first years to jump in surprise. Lily turned, brushing strands of scarlet hair out of her face as one of her dearest friends hastened into the room, carrying something in her hands while looking faint with apprehension. Lily's brow furrowed. "Alice? What's wrong?"

"Lily," Alice was breathing heavily, and her cheeks were both starting to flush. "I need to talk to you!" She held up her hands, and Lily could see that what she was carrying was nothing more than a torn envelope. Had she sprinted here all the way from the Owlry? What could possibly be in that letter to put Alice in such a state? Lily couldn't imagine that anyone had been hurt – otherwise the sixth year would be in tears. But Alice wasn't crying. Was she starting to blush?

"Alice, I would love to talk to you," she sincerely assured her friend, though walking up to her apologetically. "But I'm in the middle of a tutorial right now. I can't just walk out on everyone." Alice stared at her in disbelief, and then swept her gaze over all the other students in the room. She shook her head before looking back at the fifth year tutor.

"Do you have any idea what time it is?" she asked, finally seeming to catch her breath. "Lily, you aren't in the 'middle' of anything. You passed the end over half an hour ago!" Lily frowned and glanced at the lit candle she had charmed upon entering the room that evening. And sure enough, much to her surprise, it had burnt way past the mark that signaled the session's end. Something told her she needed to put an alarm on that thing.

"Okay," she said slowly, a small, sheepish smile crossing her face. She glanced towards her students apologetically. "I suppose Alice has a point, doesn't she? I shouldn't be keeping you here any longer. I'm sorry about losing track of time." If she didn't know any better, she'd say an awful lot of those kids actually seemed disappointed. Nevertheless, they grudgingly gathered their stuff together and slowly filed out of the room. The first year Ravenclaw who had been waiting for Lily to help explain something or other regarding the history of magic went so far as to even shoot Alice a resentful glare before stepping out into the corridor. Lily scratched the back of her head awkwardly before waving her wand at the slight mess left behind. Once it magically began to clean itself up, she turned towards Alice again, giving the girl her full attention. "What's this about?"

Wordlessly, Alice handed her the envelope, which Lily accepted in mild confusion. She glanced down at the torn paper for a moment before looking back up at the older girl, who nodded her acquiescence. With a shrug, Lily reached inside the envelope and pulled out the folded bit of parchment inside. Quickly scanning over it, she immediately recognized it as a letter from none other than Frank Longbottom – as if that was much of a surprise. She didn't know what to make of it at first, for it seemed no different than any other letter sent to one's beloved. Frank was a surprisingly poetic man. It was easy to see what Alice saw in him.

_"…I would love for you to visit me this summer. I've been spending a lot of time with my mother recently, and she's expressed a desire to meet you…"_

Lily's gaze happened upon those two particular lines almost by chance, and when she read them, she could feel her eyes widening in astonishment. "Wait a minute, wait a minute!" She looked up at Alice in shock. "He wants you to come meet his parents?"

"No, just his mother," Alice said faintly. "His father… well, his father died ages ago." She snatched the letter out of Lily's hands, looking increasingly flustered. "You have to understand… Everything I've heard about Augusta Longbottom… That woman is one of the most highly respected in the wizarding community! She's upper class, and I wouldn't know the first thing to say to her!"

"She's upper class and she's a witch," Lily reminded her friend, speaking in a light tone underlined by her own incredible awe. Whatever this relationship Alice had with Frank… it was getting serious… "Don't forget I'm muggle-born, Alice. I'm the last person you should be asking for help." She hadn't the slightest idea what kind of conversations went on in _normal_ wizarding families! How was she supposed to know what kind of things ought to be said in a proper, downright wealthy wizarding household?

"Actually, Lily, you're not…" Were it possible, Alice's face flushed an even darker crimson. She started shifting her weight uncomfortably from leg to leg, and Lily was left with the unmistakable perception that her best friend was hesitant to ask her for help! As if she _could_ help, but honestly! If there was anything Lily could do at all to help make the girl's upcoming trial less strenuous, than of course she would do it, without question! Why did Alice seem so nervous? Didn't she trust her?

"Alice, what-?"

"There is something you can do!" Alice interrupted, staring at Lily with such sudden hope lighting her eyes that the fifteen year old was quite taken aback. First Alice had been hesitant and nervous… Now she was practically glowing… "Something I think only you can do. I know _I _certainly can't!"

Lily's head felt like it was spinning. What on Earth…? "Alice, what are you talking about?"

"There's only one family I know of that can compare with the Longbottom's in both wealth and respectability," Alice hastily informed the fifth year, which only caused Lily's head to spin even more. Nothing could possibly have prepared her for what came next. "And that's the Potter family."

Lily blinked. Alice had come to an abrupt stop, and was now holding her breath as she stared anxiously at her friend, whose expression had temporarily gone blank. The Potter family. The Potter family? "As in James Potter?" Potter was, after all, a common enough name. Surely Alice could be talking about any numberof Potters! There wasn't any way-

"Yes," Alice replied weakly, causing every speck of color to drain quite rapidly out of Lily's face. "James comes from an extremely affluent family, Lil. You have no idea! Granted, neither one of their families are even half as rich as Sirius Black's, but you understand I'd rather not hear about the lifestyle of a group of… um… Slytherins."

"No," Lily numbly agreed. There was a huge difference between knowing how to impress a woman like Mrs. Longbottom and a woman like Mrs. Black. But going to _James_ for help? Lily could feel a knot tighten in her gut. "Are you suggesting that I get James to tell you what kind of conversations his mum has with other respectable women?" It would have to be that, wouldn't it? Lily could see Alice's expression light up again in absolute delight. Delight that her friend had so quickly and easily caught her drift. Typical.

"I know how you feel about him, Lily," the sixth year quickly assured her. "It's no secret he's a bloodthirsty prat. But I don't know what I'm doing. And I _don't _want to make myself look like a git in front Augusta Longbottom! I need help, and I know if you ask him, he'd be willing-"

"If _I _ask him?" Lily stared at Alice in disarray. What was it that made _her _so different from any other Gryffindor female? When it came to James Potter… "Alice, the last time I asked that pillock for anything, he put a hex on Gregory Corwin and then flat-out lied to me about it!" A barely perceptible smile crossed Alice's face, but Lily perceived it nonetheless. "Do you think this is funny?"

All traces of the smile vanished at once. "Of course not!" Alice held the letter up to her mouth. Desperate urgency was crawling its way back into her eyes, and Lily couldn't help but feel moved to pity. Those two… Frank and Alice… they were such an amazing couple; Lily didn't want to see anything come between them. Not _anything_! But there wasn't any doubt in her mind about one teensy little fact… If Alice felt she had made a fool of herself in front of Frank's mother, she wouldn't ever be able to live it down. She might very well be haunted by it for the rest of her life. Lily had already determined she'd do absolutely anything for her friends. But… did that include asking _James_ _Potter_ for help? When Lily couldn't stand him anymore than she could a rotten little toad? After everything he had done to… to… to, to, to Severus? To Peter?

Lily sighed. "Look… It's getting late. Potter's probably out causing trouble with his friends. Let's just go back to the Tower and figure out how to ask him tomorrow." _After I've had several, several hours to prepare myself for absolutely anything! _"This is going to be harder than my bloody O.W.L.s…" Alice smiled in sympathetic understanding, but her eyes were shining with bright appreciation. Lily sighed again, deeply, in resignation before wrapping an arm around Alice's shoulder and companionably guiding her out of the room.

Men. Why did they have to cause such trouble?

**ooooooo**

Less than a fraction of a second later – or so it felt to the increasingly apprehensive fifth year – Lily found that it was the next day, and she was sitting in Professor Flitwick's Charms room towards the end of the hour. It was her last class of the afternoon, and though she had had an entire day to fortify herself for yet another one of her unpredictable conversations with James Potter, she couldn't help but feel painfully ill-equipped. One night simply wasn't long enough! It didn't give her nearly enough time to prepare! She wasn't ready to ask that boy for anything! She couldn't believe Alice would put her through this! She couldn't believe Frank would put Alice through this! It wasn't fair…

Professor Flitwick's lesson that day had basically been little more than a review. The fifth years' O.W.L.s were all approaching rather swiftly, and though Lily herself felt confident in her abilities, as did James and Sirius, apparently, everyone else in the room seemed overly grateful for every opportunity they were given to practice their Charms. The fifteen year old sighed, for the umpteenth time in less than twenty-four hours. What was wrong with her? She couldn't stop staring at James! And he was beginning to _notice_ – much to her dismay.

"Frank Longbottom…" she shook her head, forcing herself to look away from the Potter boy and instead concentrate on her work. The next time she saw Frank Longbottom, she was going to give him a piece of her mind! This was all his fault! Uncomfortable, Lily squirmed in her chair.

The lesson seemed to have ended before it had even begun. Lily could feel not only James's eyes curiously boring into her, but Sirius's, Remus', and Peter's as well. So Potter had fixed their attention on her too, had he? She loathed him with every fiber of her being. Trying hard not to scowl, Lily quickly jumped to her feet, gathered her belongings, and marched out of the Charms room before anyone else had a chance. That, she later reprimanded herself, more than anything else had probably confirmed to Sirius, Remus, and Peter that James wasn't making it up if he had told them that something was on her mind.

Lily was halfway around the corner, making for the library as hastily as she could, when Alice herself appeared, almost as if out of nowhere. Both girls were more than just slightly overwhelmed, and both girls jumped when they nearly ran into each other. "Alice!" Lily found herself struggling to catch her breath as she brushed strands of hair behind her ears. Her friend looked slightly sick as she, too, panted for extra air. It was absurd, really! They were both simply too old to be getting the jitters on behalf of one jerk of a fifteen year old boy!

"Are we really going to do this?" Alice asked, obviously having second thoughts. She caught Lily's hands in her own. "I know you don't like him! If you don't want to, Lily, you certainly don't have to! I wouldn't mind! I really wouldn't!" She could back out. Lily could back out! She didn't have to degrade herself asking James for help!

And yet…

"Come on, Alice," she said in the steadiest voice she could possibly muster. "Who else are you going to ask? Isabelle?"

"No," Alice lightly replied. "I can never find her alone anymore." And wasn't _that_ the truth? If someone had tried telling Lily back in November that Isabelle would end up dating the one man who wouldn't allow her on the Quidditch team, Lily would have thought him insane. But, sure enough, Isabelle and Gregory Corwin were every bit as much of an item as Alice and Frank Longbottom were! Who would have thought?

"It's going to be okay," Lily quietly assured her friend, though, in fact, she wasn't at all sure that it would. She met Alice's gaze. "You _are_ studying to be an Auror, right?"

Once again, a small, barely perceptible smile lit the older girl's face. She nodded. "Frank and I are going to work together. Isabelle's already taking bets that it'll be us who defeat You-Know-Who."

Lily nodded. She'd heard it all before, and though she didn't exactly appreciate jokes, statements, or such predictions involving her friends and the Dark Lord, she didn't know quite what to do about them. Isabelle liked to dream, and everyone knew she was dreaming more than she was actually being serious. Nevertheless, it made for a good opening when Lily glanced over her shoulder and saw the four Marauders finally sauntering their way out of Flitwick's classroom. "Then this shouldn't be any problem whatsoever."

James, who had been listening to whatever nonsense it was coming out of Sirius's mouth this time, stopped short upon catching sight of the two girls. Lily already knew he suspected something was up – the number of times he had caught her looking at him over the course of each class that day! Something told Lily he wanted an explanation, and sure enough he chose that particular moment to start walking towards her.

"Good afternoon, ladies," he said smoothly, running a hand through his increasingly messy hair – much to Lily's disgust. According to Alice, this prat had a whole _heap_ of money, and he couldn't even afford a decent haircut! He was focusing on her now. "I trust you're ready for all those O.W.L.s you and Remus decided to take, Evans, instead of accepting McGonagall's career advice like ordinary students."

"Ordinary?" Lily shot back at him, feigning surprise. "Is that what you'd call yourself, then? After all, I do believe you took advice from her, didn't you?"

James scoffed as Sirius, Remus, and Peter curiously approached the three from behind. "Of course not! I already know what I'm doing with my life, and all I needed from McGonagall was a list of requirements."

"And what's that?" Lily demanded. It was utterly impossible trying to be civil with him!

There was a hard glint in James's eyes. His gaze flicked from Lily to Alice and then back again. "I'm going to defeat Voldemort!"

His words resonated in the air around them. For several long seconds – for an entire eternity! – Lily forgot to breathe. She could feel Remus and Alice both stiffening. She thought she could see Peter flinching. She herself felt as though someone meant to suffocate her. She had never heard… Only Professor Dumbledore had ever… spoken the Dark Lord's name before…

She shook her head, forcing herself to snap out of her temporary state of shock. A heartbeat later, she glanced at Alice in defeat. "I'm sorry. We'll find someone else to ask. I can't talk to him." The girl nodded slowly, looking painfully numb, but as they both turned away and started down the corridor, Lily's words effectively captured James's attention. What had she meant to ask him? "Maybe Professor McGonagall can help… She's a dignified witch, isn't she?"

"Whoa, whoa, wait a minute!" James hastily scurried his way around them, cutting them off and bringing them both to a halt, much to Lily's displeasure. He looked slightly flustered – though _that_ was only due to his mild surprise and extreme curiosity. Catching his breath, he clapped his hands and rubbed them together in anticipation. "How can I be of service?"

Lily glared at him resentfully. "You can get out of our way!"

"Lily…" Alice was glancing back and forth between the two in sudden rejuvenated hope. She could easily forgive James for his offensive tongue, but she couldn't very well cast aside this chance. She needed James to teach her how to behave admirably in front of a venerable old matriarch. Lily groaned, momentarily closing her eyes in dismay. Why must this be so difficult?

She fixed her gaze on James. "Alice has been given the opportunity to meet with an extremely distinguished witch this summer, and would like to know how your family behaves while hosting company."

"Really?" James's eyes started sparkling mischievously as they darted back and forth between the two.

"Really," Lily confirmed rather sourly.

"You could have asked for my help!" Sirius chirped from behind. Lily glanced over her shoulder at him rather skeptically.

"Death Eaters?"

He stared at her blankly for a moment, but then nodded thoughtfully. "Good point." A small smile crept its way onto Remus' face as Lily looked back at James.

"No games, Potter," she warned him in a strict, dangerous voice. She easily recognized the look on his face; her request had presented him with a myriad of ways in which he could twist this whole situation around and take advantage of them all. To what end or for what purpose, she hadn't the slightest idea, but he _did_ have the chance, and a large part of her was already steeling herself in preparation of it. "Please."

James hesitated, meeting her gaze. She felt her eyes locking onto his – as much as it pained her. Hazel eyes. Emerald eyes. Hazel. Emerald. For a long, whole minute, the two of them simply _couldn't_ look away from each other. And Lily's heart steadily began to pound.

But at that moment, they were interrupted by several third years rushing out of a classroom down the hall. It seemed their teacher had decided to keep them for an extra ten minutes or something, for they had only just been dismissed. Lily felt the rising tension that had been well on its way up towards some climactic peak now begin to dissolve as thirteen year olds scurried past them, completely oblivious to their thoughtless intrusion. In all honesty, however, Lily found herself wanting to thank them!

James seemed to have deflated slightly with their passing. Shoving his way through the unexpected swarm, he hastened over to Alice. "Come with me," he said, extending to her his arm. Lily wasn't quite sure what astonished her more – the fact that James was suddenly looking so completely sincere, or the fact that Alice was actually accepting his offer! Granted, she _did_ look slightly flabbergasted to be doing so, but James… James was wearing a pleasant sort of smile that had Lily caught completely off guard! And as he started down the corridor, leading the sixth year with him while chattering away rather amiably about a dinner party his mum had held the summer before, Lily felt her stomach twisting tightly in disbelief.

She turned, watching them go until they rounded a corner and were out of sight. "What… just happened…?"

Sirius, Remus, and Peter had all walked up to her side, and she glanced at them now in open confusion. It was rather disconcerting to see how amused they all looked… rather like they knew something she didn't… "Can't say," the rebel Black informed her casually. "But since you're the one asking, Evans, my guess would be he's slightly smitten."

Lily couldn't help it. Her cheeks warmed, and if she had a mirror handy, she somehow _knew_ her reflection would be a bright pink. "Excuse me!" She pushed her way past them, running faster than her legs could feasibly carry her, all the while trying to ignore Sirius's amused laughter in the distance.

**ooooooo**

**A/N: **This chapter was fun to write! I hope everyone's enjoying it! Exams are finally over for the semester, and I'm in an extremely good mood! The only thing that could possibly make it any better is if everyone sent in a dozen reviews! You have no idea how much I'd appreciate it! Thanks so much! LOL!


	62. Uncharted Territory

**ooooooo**

There came a knock on the door that separated the classroom from the corridor outside. Lily glanced up sharply in alarm. The tutor room was supposed to be completely empty, devoid entirely of life, at that particular hour. She couldn't imagine who would want to be there – nor could she fathom why whoever it was felt the inclination to knock before entering. Her heart weighed heavily in her breast. Maybe if she didn't say anything…

"Lily?"

It was Remus. Lily swallowed hard; of course Remus would know she'd be here! No one else would care so much about her privacy to knock before opening the door to classroom! She should have guessed. But it was too late for that, and now she could only speculate as to whether or not Sirius and Peter were both there as well. She wasn't particularly sure she wanted to face any of them right now. What on Earth had she been thinking? Running away from Sirius's comment like that? It only made things that much worse! It only made her wonder… why _had _she let the dreadful boy's words get to her so? He was just being a prick!

"Lily, I know you're in there," Remus' voice wafted through the heavy wood. "There's no one with me! I just want to talk." So he'd given Sirius and Peter the slip. Lily could only imagine what those two boys might be up to now. In another lifetime, they might actually have been enjoying themselves together, but thanks to James Potter, Peter was back to being the subservient, self-effacing, little introvert he had been back during their first few years at school, and there was nothing she could do about it! Nor could she imagine Sirius Black enjoying such company as that without either James or Remus present in order to help balance the scale. She hated it… so much…

"Not right now, Remus," she called out to him, pacing around the room in disgruntled self-consciousness. She didn't enjoy feeling such humiliation, and she certainly didn't want anyone witnessing it. How could Sirius have said something like that? _"But since you're the one asking, Evans, my guess would be he's slightly smitten." _Slightly smitten indeed! James Potter wasn't slightly smitten with her! Even if she could accept the possible chance that more than just a handful of boys at that school found her attractive, she just couldn't believe that James was one of them! After everything they had been through… If James was, as Sirius put it, 'smitten,' then he certainly wouldn't go out of his way to behave so intolerably when he knew her, by now, well enough to know how she couldn't stand such things! The chance that he might be _that _bloody stupid seemed inconceivable to her! Not to mention the teensy little fact that it shook the very foundations on which everything she had always assumed their strange, outlandish relationship was based! Once upon a time, they had been good friends. This was… well, it was downright embarrassing! And it changed things. She didn't know how to respond to it. She didn't know how to handle it. She wasn't even certain whether or not 'it' was even real!

"Lily, you're overreacting," Remus gently persisted. "And I wish you'd open the door. Anyone could walk by and witness this." Which _would_ be rather difficult to explain, now wouldn't it? Lily didn't think she could take such public exposure in such a state as this. Besides, the last thing she needed was for rumors to spread. Biting back a miserable groan, she walked over to the door and opened it, allowing Remus inside. Maybe she _was_ overreacting…

"He said James was smitten," she reminded her friend forlornly after closing the door behind him. Remus met her gaze with one that looked half sympathetic, half amused. Lily didn't know quite what to make of it. "I don't think he was talking about Alice, was he?" That question actually caused the boy to smile, which only added to Lily's pile of woes. She turned away from him quickly, walked over to a table, and sank down onto its stool in utter despondency. "Great. Now you're laughing at me." And didn't she deserve it?

"No!" Remus objected quickly, grabbing a stool and positioning it on the other side of the table at which she sat. "Of course I'm not! Lily, I'm laughing at James and Sirius! Those two can't stop making fools of themselves, and it's really been entertaining Peter and me."

Lily stared at him skeptically. "Fools of themselves? Remus, everyone at school wants to be them!"

"Right," Remus couldn't deny something like that. He knew the truth of it just as well as anyone else did. "Then perhaps not during the day. But they _do _love making fools of each other, and Sirius isn't going to let James live this one down. That's the only thing I'm laughing at, I promise." She knew him well enough to know he wasn't trying to correct any blunder he might have made earlier. He, at least, was being forward. Not that that made her feel in anyway, shape, or form, at all better. In fact, if anything, it only made everything that much worse.

"So now I get to be the subject matter over which Sirius humiliates James, but of course _only_ when no one but their closest friends are around to watch? I'm sure they don't want their reputations as being on the bloody titans' level of superiority getting tarnished, now do they?" She couldn't help but scoff at such a notion, even as Remus' face flushed in honest embarrassment. But Lily wasn't finished yet. "Now I think I understand why those two have been such outright gits all year long. Every time either one of them tries to do anything even remotely civil, the other one rides him for it." She stared at her friend accusingly. "And you think it's funny."

Remus' already flushed face reddened considerably, and he shook his head. "No. That's not the way it works, I swear. They don't tease each other for behaving like gentlemen. Sirius only does it when-" Remus stopped short, having clearly not meant to say such a thing. He took a deep breath, wondering where to go from there, and Lily frowned, staring at him in curiosity.

"Sirius only does it when…" she prompted him, wondering whether or not she truly wanted to hear the answer. Remus didn't look at her. In fact, he didn't seem quite capable of it. For some reason, he had lost his breath in the past five seconds and was now attempting to regain it, his gaze, all the while, darting from the open window to the door and back again. He almost seemed slightly dizzy.

"Look, I'm only fifteen years old!" he finally confessed, words spilling from his mouth so quickly that she could barely keep track of them. "I'm still just a kid, and humans are among the strangest creatures on the planet! I know there are times every so often when you don't want to be around a woman anymore than you do a werewolf, and I know sometimes growing up only makes guys stupider than you'd think possible, which must be extremely frustrating for women, but you can't hold it against us! I honestly don't understand it all myself, but James _likes_ to go strutting around pretending he's God's gift to mankind. So whenever Sirius has the opportunity to point out that he's _not_, he's gonna take it, and I won't lie to you about it; it's generally pretty funny. They don't tease each other for behaving civilly, Lil. They tease each other for behaving like gits – _especially _in front of women!"

It took Lily several long seconds to wrap her head around _that_ unexpected little outburst. Remus had always been pretty good at the monologues when the occasion called for it, and somehow always managed to take his audience quite by surprise. She took another deep breath, staring at the table in wonder. "Oh."

"I won't deny it," Remus went on less forcefully, staring at the table himself. "James and Sirius _have_ been gits this year. I'm a prefect now, and really shouldn't be making excuses for them… but they're still good guys, you know? They'd both give their lives for you in a heartbeat, Lily. We all would. You know that, don't you?"

"No!" Lily said sharply, staring at Remus in sudden alarm. She got to her feet so quickly the stool almost toppled over! Remus glanced up at her in dismay as she shook her head frantically. "You don't say things like that to me!" Her reaction caused his face to pale, and he hastened to stand up as well.

"Lily, I didn't-"

"Remus!" She wove her fingers into her hair, brushing her crimson locks all behind her head in clear exasperation. "Why does everyone think it's okay to talk about You-Know-Who and giving up their lives as if it were perfectly normal? It's _not _normal!"

"Lily!" Remus practically vaulted over the table in his haste to get to her. "It's okay! I'm sorry." He grabbed her and wrapped his arms around her in the kind of embrace she used to long for from Petunia, but now knew never to expect. Tears formed in her eyes as he held her there. "The only reason I said it was because I know it won't ever happen. It _won't_."

"How can you be so sure?" Lily asked rather weakly, pulling far enough away from him to look deeply into his eyes. His eyes… were overflowing with concern, as well as with something else she couldn't quite identify. They were staring back at her almost helplessly.

"Well I…" he hesitated, but only until some thought or other passed through his mind and caused him to smile. "Because apparently James Potter is smitten with you, Lily Evans! And he won't let anything harm anyone he's fond of!" Lily moaned and lightly pushed Remus away. It was hard to stay angry at him – especially when he was obviously trying so hard to cheer her up.

"That's the last thing I need." She smiled softly and looked down at her feet. "I guess I really am kind of overreacting, aren't I?"

Remus shrugged. "When the day ever comes that you don't overreact, then I'll be worried. Professor Dumbledore says it's one of your greatest strengths."

"Professor Dumbledore?" Lily glanced up at him in genuine surprise. The way he said that… made it sound as if the two of them were in each other's confidence or something… which might not be so hard to believe on the one hand. Remus was a werewolf, after all. No doubt he spent more time in the Headmaster's office than any other student did who wasn't ever in trouble, simply because Professor Dumbledore would want to know firsthand he was alright. Lily knew that she and Remus were a lot alike… At least she hadn't reached the point yet where the Headmaster needed her to check in with him every so often. "Really?"

Remus' face had flushed again – that was another thing he hadn't meant to say aloud. "Forget it. I keep putting my foot in my mouth." He took a deep breath, shaking his head. "You aren't tutoring anyone tonight, are you?" Lily frowned slightly at the unexpected change in conversation. "Our O.W.L.s are coming up real fast, and we did promise Professor McGonagall we'd take all of 'em, right? I could really use some help in potions, Lil. Otherwise, I'm bound to become a troll." He was done with that conversation. Obviously, he wanted them both to move on with their lives, and she wasn't particularly sure she could blame him.

And so, she opted to smile and shake her head companionably. "You're not going to become a troll, Remus. You might do dreadfully poor, but you're not going to become a troll." The light tone in her voice caused the boy to smile himself again. And not for the first time, Lily found that she liked the look of him when he did so. She wished the world didn't have to be a place where laughter wasn't always on everyone's face. It just didn't seem right.

**ooooooo**

Her dormitory room was quiet that night. Alice still wasn't back yet, and it was long after curfew. The other girls had all been understandably curious – for it certainly wasn't like her to be out after hours when Frank wasn't visiting the castle. But after a certain point, no one else other than Lily had wanted to stay up and wait for her. The interrogation, they all decided, would unduly commence the following morning when they all awoke. Little did they know… if Alice was still outside, then she was undoubtedly still with James Potter, which meant she could be up to her neck in god only knew what kind of trouble! Lily should never have let the two of them out of her sight!

Quietly, she slid out of bed and wandered over to the window seat, where she sat down and gazed outside. The stars were shining brilliantly that night. They didn't seem so far away, and Lily was still looking up at them when she realized she was holding something in her hands. Glancing down, she quickly recognized the photograph she still had of her parents… holding each other in their arms… happier than anyone she knew… Was Alice that happy when she found herself with Frank? Of course, she probably was. She loved that boy with every fiber of her soul! It left Lily wondering… would _she _ever be that happy? And if she ever was, who would be the one causing her such joy? She felt impatient, and desperately wanted to know…

The door to the girls' room was suddenly and quietly pushed open. Lily turned her head sharply, in time to watch as Alice snuck into the room, putting out her wand light as she did so. Lily barely had enough time to catch the look of pure jubilation on the older girl's face before they were once again bathed in darkness. The young fifteen year old frowned. What had she been up to? "Alice?"

"Are you still awake, Lily?" the future Auror whispered through the night, quietly making her way across the room and towards the window. "Have you lost track of time again?" The mirth in her voice was obvious. Lily was facing one extremely elated Gryffindor!

"Have _I_?" she asked in poorly disguised bewilderment. "Alice, it's well after midnight! Where have you been?" The girl plopped down on the window seat beside her, positively beaming.

"London!" she said, much to Lily's disbelief. "James helped me sneak into Professor Bedford's office, and we used the Floo Network to get there!" Suddenly, it wasn't so hard to believe anymore. Lily stared at her friend in open astonishment – not that she seemed to notice. She looked like Christmas had come early that year. "I got to spend the last few hours with Frank! I'm telling you, Lily, it was pure heaven!"

Lily, however, wasn't entirely sure exactly what it was she was hearing. Of course she had learned all about the Floo Network over the course of the year, and how it connected different parts of the wizarding world together, but she hadn't realized there was actually a local connection here at Hogwarts! "Alice, you could have gotten caught!"

"But that's what's so remarkable about James Potter, Lily! When you're with him, you can't help but feel invincible!"

"Hogwarts is supposed to have magical protection that keeps people _out_!" Lily persisted heatedly, trying to keep her voice down despite her growing anger. "What if you had gotten there, only to discover you couldn't get back?"

"Trust me, Lily. I wouldn't have gone had James not assured me he'd been using the network to sneak off grounds every week! He knows what he's doing. And to be perfectly honest, I'm not sure I would have minded being stranded in Frank's company."

Lily wanted to yell at her in utter frustration. What she out of her mind? What kind of arrogant git did James think he was, putting her best friend in such a precarious position like that? They couldn't just waltz away from Hogwarts whenever they so desired! It was the most reckless thing she had ever heard of in her entire life! Shaking her head, Lily pushed away from the window, and after dropping the picture of her parents back on her bed, she started pacing around the room. Alice watched her with a light grin on her face, obviously refusing to let Lily's anger spoil her good mood.

"Nothing happened, Lil," she assured the girl. "We're both back. We're both safe. And now, thanks to James, I feel like I can take on the world! And that includesAugusta Longbottom _and _He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named-!"

Lily spun around sharply on her heels, glaring at Alice irately. "You've gone metal. And here I thought you were supposed to be smarter than that. You're fixing to become an Auror for heaven's sake!"

"That's right," Alice nodded, getting to her feet tranquilly. "What I did tonight was nothing compared to what Aurors do on a daily basis, Lily. We were careful. James knew perfectly well what sort of conversation I was going to have with Frank, and definitely didn't want to come. But when I said I wouldn't go alone, he didn't argue. And neither one of us went anywhere without asking Frank if the way was clear first!"

Lily stared at Alice in astonishment. "Frank agreed to this?"

"Of course he did," Alice replied, smiling dreamily. "He wanted to see me too, you know." She walked over to Lily and clasped the girl's hands in her own. "I love him so much… James knew… when he was describing to me the different dinner parties his mother's hosted in the past, we started talking about Mrs. Longbottom and what I might expect from her. And then we started talking about Frank. And somehow… he knew how much I wanted to see him. When he told me that I could, the thought of missing out on such an opportunity… it was too much! I just needed to be with him." The sincerity in her voice was striking. And as she had with Remus, Lily found it extremely difficult to stay angry.

She sighed. "Just promise me you won't do it again."

Alice grinned. "Of course I won't! It was just a one-night-visit, Lily, I swear. Besides, like I said, I wouldn't have gone without James, and how often do I spend time with _him_? Summer's almost here, and after tonight, I think I can last until then. I'm turning seventeen in a few weeks, and then I can get my Apparition license. After that, seeing Frank will simply be a matter of sneaking into Hogsmeade!" Lily stared at her in utter disbelief for a long minute, and then she pulled her hands free, using them to cover her face. What on Earth had James done to her best friend?

"I guess you really do have the heart of an Auror," she whispered, peering through her fingers at the older girl. Alice was still smiling, her arms wrapped around herself as she rocked back and forth, obviously lost in thoughts of Frank.

"He didn't do it for me, though," she suddenly observed, focusing on Lily again with surprising intensity. The fifth year frowned, moving her arms down in open confusion.

"What are you talking about?"

"James," Alice replied, her forehead creasing in contemplation. "I could tell it wasn't for me. And when I was with Frank, I caught him looking at us with an expression I sometimes see Isabelle wearing during Quidditch matches." She rolled her eyes. "If you ask me, there's little point in that girl snogging Gregory Corwin if he won't let her play." She met Lily's gaze. "Haven't you ever thought it strange Potter doesn't have a girl when just about any girl here at Hogwarts would willingly throw herself at his feet should he only ask it of her?"

Lily's heart started pounding heavily in throat. "So? Sirius doesn't have one either." A sneaking suspicion was crawling its way through the back of her mind, warning her that Alice was jumping headfirst into uncharted territory. "I think I'd like to go to bed. It's really late, and I'm tired. Since the others are all going to demand an explanation from you in the morning, you might like to spend the next five or so hours coming up with some sort of alibi. Goodnight, Alice."

"Night, Lily." Her dreamy expression had found its way back onto her face, and she sank down contentedly onto her bed with a blissful sigh escaping through her lips. Lily stared at her for a moment, shook her head, and then crawled under her covers. Picking up the picture of her parents once again, she could only pray that Alice didn't get her heart broken in the years to come. As romantic as it was, being an Auror with the man she loved might prove extremely dangerous. And Lily didn't want to see anyone getting hurt.

**ooooooo**

**A/N: **Here's another one! I hope you enjoyed it! Please review, and I'll get started straight away on the next one! Thanks so much!


	63. After Exams

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Order of the Phoenix and I'm not trying to plagiarize anything!

**Author's Note: **Remember, this is _just a fanfiction_! I've kept it as close to the book as feasibly possible, so that's something at least, I hope… Do enjoy!

**ooooooo**

He wouldn't stop looking at her.

As the next few days swept by, and as the next two weeks led into June, Lily found that James Potter would _not_ stop looking at her. He never spoke to her… He never approached her… And after the conversations she had had, first with the boy's fellow Marauders, then with Remus, and then finally with Alice, she had definitely made it a point not to approach him. They had been living their lives as though some sort of invisible barrier meant to divide them… meant to keep them apart… but would nevertheless allow through its shield passing glances… and friendly smiles.

James was taking care not to stir up trouble whenever she was around. The Marauders were definitely still at work – the things she heard other students whispering about in the corridors were enough to assure her of that! The Marauders greatly enjoyed their roles as troublemakers; she had never in her life witnessed more prefects and professors herding up to the hospital wing victims of their magical trickeries. She had never witnessed more students being flung into the air, suspended upside down – as if by their very ankles – and left to just… hang around until help arrived. She had never witnessed more… well… more chaos! But James… he took great care to be on his best behavior whenever she was looking. And now that she had stopped actively searching for a confrontation with the boy, it was almost as if… the two were on friendly terms again… as they had been in years gone by. Every time she saw him… he wouldn't stop looking at her… and maybe… she couldn't stop looking at him.

_"Can't say," _Sirius had enlightened her. _"But since you're the one asking, Evans, my guess would be he's slightly smitten."_

_"Haven't you ever thought it strange," _Alice had questioned, later that same night. _"Potter doesn't have a girl when just about any girl here at Hogwarts would willingly throw herself at his feet should he only ask it of her?"_

Such notions had been hounding her for nights on end! James Potter was a bloody inconsiderate fool! All she needed to do was take a look around herself! It would be utterly impossible for even a blind man to miss the reaping of that terrible boy's unpardonable antics! He wasn't the James Potter she had once known anymore. He was Prongs, without a doubt, from cover to cover. And while Lily might not have minded so much being found attractive by James Potter, the mere consideration that Prongs' found her so as well was more than she could bear. She didn't know how to handle it. She didn't know what to do with it. She couldn't very well go on ignoring it much longer – as she had the advances made by just about everyone else – for every single time their eyes met… something in her gut twisted… leaving her slightly dizzy… It never felt quite like nausea… but what else could it be?

The week of their O.W.L.s had, at last, arrived. Lily found that her schedule was slightly tighter on Monday and Tuesday, with her Potions, Charms, Care of Magical Creatures, and Arithmancy Theory Examinations all held in the mornings, and their practical portions all held in the afternoons. Wednesday, the fifth years were all required to get some rest, for they would be up well after midnight testing their knowledge in Astronomy. Thursday presented them with their two Herbology Examinations and, for some "overachievers," as Isabelle liked to call Lily and Remus, a survey covering the History of Magic – which actually didn't have its own practical portion. And finally, the O.W.L.s ended on Friday, with both the practical for Defense Against the Dark Arts and its theory portion in the morning, followed by Transfiguration right after lunch. Lily certainly wasn't looking forward to that day's morning exam, but fortunately enough Professor Flitwick had been called to proctor it. Out of all her teachers… Lily had quickly decided that being tested by an old Dueling Champion who actually _knew_ her, rather than someone else, such as Roger Bedford, was entirely preferable.

"But he'll only be overseeing the theory portion of the exam," Pippa had carefully explained to her the Sunday before the week began. "Examiners are coming from the Wizarding Examination Authority to watch your performance during the practical."

"Now, I don't remember having to throw around any curses," Alice added, thoughtfully recollecting her own experience from the year before when she had taken her own O.W.L.s. "But there were definitely a lot of counterjinxes and defensive spells."

"The counterjinxes shouldn't be too bad," Isabelle put forth helpfully from where she sat on Gregory Corwin's lap in one of the common room's large armchairs. "You've helped out the professors this year, haven't you, Lily? Putting to right all of the mysterious Marauders' wonderful hexes?" She grinned sarcastically during that last sentence – as a Gryffindor prefect, _she _was the one cleaning up a fairly large chunk of James's messes. Lily, however, had always given her a hand whenever she could… at least up until recently…

"I don't want to do this…" she often heard herself insisting. It was bad enough she had to take part in a Defense Against the Dark Arts practical. The fact that she had to stand up in front of an audience – even if it did only consist of one stranger she'd likely never hear from again – was biting at her nerves. It certainly didn't help that there were only four other Gryffindors taking the exam – and that they were hardly ever seen in the common room anymore! She had hoped to make a study partner out of Peter – and try fixing the damage done to him by James – but unfortunately never got the chance. Whenever she saw him, he looked scared out of his wits, and was all but clutching tightly onto James's arm. Something in the back of her mind assured her that he wasn't about to let go.

The week slowly past. But as each day went by, Lily gratefully found that the weight on her shoulders steadily began to lighten. Of course there had only been one class particularly worrying her – all the others she had felt prepared for weeks in advance! Nevertheless, each exam she was able to scratch off the little chart she had scheduling the week's events was one less exam she needed to be juggling with. And for that, she could breathe deep breaths of pure relief.

Her greatest relief, however, came Thursday, shortly after handing into Professor McGonagall her History of Magic paper – the Transfiguration professor had been proctoring that particular exam, and she herself had found it mildly painless, considering what it was. Upon exiting the Great Hall, where all the examinations were being held, Lily found herself completely ambushed by Isabelle and Corwin, both of whom were grinning widely from ear to ear.

"We've just been done to the Quidditch stadium," Gryffindor's Quidditch-team captain casually informed the fifth year. "The place is understandably abandoned, and we decided to go at it one on one."

"He totally lost," Isabelle added, looking up at the boy rather fondly. "You've got nothing on me, Greg! I _know_ how to play Quidditch!"

"Aye," Corwin sheepishly admitted, before looking back at Lily. "Anyway, if you wanted, the three of us could slip down there together right now. Isabelle and I are more than willing to help you perfect some of those defensive spells causing you all that trouble."

Lily closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She had been denying it for so long… but… what would she honestly gain by denying it any longer? "You know, I think I've given up all hope on the Defense practical. I really appreciate the offer, but-"

"Don't be a git," Isabelle argued, grabbing Lily's arm and dragging her through the Entrance Hall. "The written exam's all memorization, so you're bound to pass that one, right? The practical's just basic, _ordinary _self-defense! No one gets hurt! If you think about it, all you're really doing is putting a Charm on yourself so that no one can hex you! We all know you're a genius when it comes to Charms, Lil, so get a move on it!"

In all honesty, Lily had never actually thought of it that way before. And after Isabelle grudgingly admitted that the metaphor hadn't been her observation, but Fanny's – whom she'd been asking for a bit of help on her friend's behalf – Lily could feel her heart lightening considerably. Maybe she wouldn't fail Defense Against the Dark Arts after all. She spent the entire evening with Isabelle and Corwin, both of whom proved to be a lot more effective than Charlie Pryce, Fanny, and Roger Bedford all combined in their attempts to get her dueling. For though she never actually switched from defense to offense, she _did _hold up her wand, she _did _show some enthusiasm, and she _did_ surpass all her own expectations. It was more than she ever would have believed possible!

After an evening spent like that, she didn't anticipate falling back into her earlier state of anxiety and trepidation when breakfast arrived the following morning. But sure enough, sitting outside with her friends by the lake, where _they_ were munching on food provided for them in the Entrance Hall – since the Great Hall was roped off for examinations – Lily would not have been surprised if she suddenly started sweating blood. She did not feel ready for this!

"Just drink a lot of juice," Alice suggested, conjuring up a cup, which she then handed to her friend. It was actually quite a gorgeous day, but that hardly did anything other than irritate the fifth year. Was the world mocking her with its bright blue sky? Its warm, fresh air? Its gentle breeze that was presently coaxing tranquil ripples out over the crystal clear water? When she herself felt so close to panicking that a bit of storm clouds and some rain would have seemed much, much more appropriate?

"What good's juice gonna do?" Pippa was now asking, staring at Alice in pure disdain. "It's not like she hasn't already done everything she possibly can to get ready for the bloody thing! We even had her in bed before eleven last night! When does _that _ever happen?"

"Just drink it," Alice ignored her fellow sixth year as Lily held the cup in both her feeble hands. "Eat, too! There's nothing worse than taking an exam on an empty stomach." Lily willingly obliged, and even gave Alice her thanks, but it hardly did anything to soothe her nerves. And once breakfast was over, she found herself reluctantly trudging her way back towards the castle's Great Hall, all the while listening to her friends promise they'd be waiting until she got out. Then, they assured her, they'd go outside and celebrate with an enormous feast of a lunch! She'd be thankful _then _that the day was so beautiful, and after that, Transfiguration would seem like a light, refreshing breeze! Despite all their warm assurances, however, Lily couldn't help but feel as though she were heading to her own execution.

The Great Hall was already jam packed full of students from each of the three other houses by the time she arrived, as usual, and though she consciously found herself scanning the room for James Potter, she couldn't see him anywhere. Filius Flitwick was at the front of the room, delivering instructions as the students filed in and took their seats alphabetically. Thus, unlike James, Sirius Black was actually rather easy for her to pinpoint – he was only a row ahead of her and a few seats down. Not that _his _presence did much for her nerves, however…

"The practical portion of the exam should take about an hour," Professor Flitwick informed them once they were all in each of their seats. "There are a lot of you, and only a handful of examiners, so it's only to be expected, as I'm sure by now you're all aware. When I call your name, you will enter the antechamber through the door behind me and proceed on directly to the first available examiner. Let's begin." He held up a long, thin scroll and began reading names off the parchment. "Achen, Jack – Aldwen, Ian – Appleton, Susan – Arlington, Heather." The four students hastened from their seats and made their way past Professor Flitwick into the antechamber. Lily herself tried not to moan as she sank in on herself miserably.

**ooooooo**

"Eddington, Wilber – Edgegrove, Tiffany – Evans, Lily – Fountainhead, Jacob."

Lily sat up sharply. Professor Flitwick had called her name! She had been taking these practical exams all week, and knew perfectly well how she was expected to get up and walk into that antechamber with the three other fifth years. She had been doing it up until now without so much as even blinking an eye, but now… Now, she was going to be tested on Defense Against the Dark Arts. Swallowing hard, Lily numbly got to her feet. She could feel her legs shaking, and had to take a deep breath before she could start walking again. Professor Flitwick was watching her carefully in open concern, but somehow she managed to shoot him a reassuring smile before hastening after the others. The last thing she needed was for him to worry about her collapsing under all this pressure – as she knew at least two other students had already done. It wasn't going to happen to her!

When she made it into the antechamber, she found that, unsurprisingly, Professor Griselda Marchbanks was the only examiner left without a student. Since she was extremely old, partially deaf, and renowned as the head of the Wizarding Examinations Authority, most fifth years tended to avoid her. Lily felt her heart sinking slightly. She should have gotten out here faster…

Fortunately enough, the examination in itself wasn't half as bad as she expected. The counterjinxes she was asked to perform were practically nothing at all compared to some of the counterjinxes she had performed in the past, defying the Marauders. And as for the defensive spells… It appeared Isabelle and Corwin had used on her the same strategy she used on her own students! The three of them had practiced spells the day before that were apparently more advanced than these examiners expected out of fifth years! She was able to perform them all with extreme ease!

Afterwards, when she returned to the Great Hall, it was all she could do to keep from laughing out loud in pure, joyous delight. Everyone was watching her as she emerged, hardly paying any attention at all to Professor Flitwick as he called out the next four students. But despite that, Lily found there was only one face in the crowd whose gaze she could meet. And, much to her surprise, that face belonged to James Potter. He was watching her – again – with a rather inquisitive smile that slowly changed into one of pleasure the longer that she grinned at him. She felt like she was floating, and when she spun around and plopped back down on her stool, it was almost as if she had danced there. She could sense James's gaze was still on her, and _that_ sent a wave of satisfaction coursing through her body. She had done it! She felt certain she had passed – perhaps not with an Outstanding grade, or anything – but a pass was a pass! And now that James knew it, for whatever reason, it felt as though her world had brightened considerably.

**ooooooo**

"Five more minutes!"

The written portion of the final exam was nearly over, and after that Lily only needed to take Transfiguration, and then she'd be done for the entire summer! Which only meant that she'd be going back to the Fletchers', where she'd be spending two whole months in the riveting company of one _nasty_ older sister, waiting impatiently for letters from Alice to arrive, describing whatever adventures she might have gotten into while at Frank's house, in the company of one formidable old matriarch… Now that she was sitting there with only five more minutes left, a part of her wasn't entirely certain that she _wanted_ to return to the muggle world! Life had become so wondrous here… She didn't want to leave it!

"Quills down, please!"

Lily jumped in surprise. Had those five minutes already past? Where did the time go? She glanced down at her answer sheets in alarm. She knew she'd scribbled something down in response to each question – otherwise she knew she wouldn't have allowed herself to daydream like that… But she hadn't taken the time to double-check her work! What if she had made some sort of foolish mistake?

"That means you too, Stebbins!" Professor Flitwick squeaked, and Lily found herself glancing over her shoulder in time to see a red-faced Hufflepuff at the back of the room dropping his quill in dismay. "Please remain seated while I collect your parchment! _Accio!_" Lily glanced down at her table in time to see her answer sheets fly away from her. The question sheet she'd be allowed to keep, but she'd probably never see the parchment on which she'd responded again for the rest of her life.

The parchments Professor Flitwick had magically summoned to himself were moving quicker than he had anticipated. Much to the amusement of all those students who actually _weren't_ worried about their O.W.L.s, the poor man was knocked off his feet when they unceremoniously crashed into him. Lily herself couldn't help but smile broadly. Now that the pressure of Defense Against the Dark Arts had past, she found herself feeling lighter than she had in… well, forever, it seemed! Three students were helping Professor Flitwick back up to his feet, and Lily could only wish that she was one of them.

"Thank you… thank you," Professor Flitwick glanced at each of them gratefully before once again attempting to gather up the rolls of parchment. "Very well, everybody, you're free to go!" Lily immediately hopped to her feet, springing blissfully around the desks and towards the door. Everywhere she turned there seemed to be a familiar face, and she found herself unable to resist smiling and waving at them all, praising them for getting this far while assuring them that they all did fine – which of course wasn't something she knew for a fact, but found herself wishing nevertheless. She could have sprouted wings! She could have started soaring then and there!

Just as they had promised, Lily found Alice, Isabelle, Pippa, and all her other roommates, along with Gregory Corwin, waiting for her out in the Entrance Hall. Corwin himself was looking slightly flustered – but that was only to be expected. Students who were taking their N.E.W.T.s had been tested in the Great Hall at the same time as the fifth years taking their O.W.L.s. He had just finished his own Defense Against the Dark Arts examination, but apparently didn't feel quite as relieved as Lily did that it was over with. And while Alice, Pippa, and all the others greeted the fifteen year old with wild exuberance, Isabelle was standing in Corwin's arms while holding up his question sheet as if hoping to analyze its difficulty. Her eyes were practically bulging from their sockets – there was a _reason_ why seventh year examinations were called Nastily Exhaustive. Lily found herself feeling slightly grateful she had two whole more years before _she_ needed to take them.

"So all you've got left is Transfiguration?" Pippa asked as the lot made their way out of the castle and back down towards the lake where Mary had apparently set up some kind of picnic. The girls had been right, Lily thought, as soon as she stepped foot outside. She _was _suddenly glad the day had turned out so lovely. Storm clouds and rain… They didn't fit her mood at all anymore.

"Right after lunch," she brightly informed the older girl, in answer to her inquiry. "And I'm actually looking forward to it!"

"Of course you are," Corwin grumbled unenthusiastically. Lily glanced at him in amusement, in time to see him wearily rub a hand across his face. "Transfiguration's an easy subject when you're still in your fifth year."

"Look at it this way," Isabelle said lightly as they all arrived at the water's edge where, sure enough, Mary had set out some baskets in the stereotypical picnic manner. "If you fail, maybe then you can convince Dumbledore to let you try again next year. Then you won't have to leave!" Corwin gave her nasty look, which caused her to giggle, and the next thing Lily knew, they were in each others arms again. Alice stared at them with a sigh, and shook her head. At least she wouldn't have to pine after a loved one all by herself next year, Lily thought to herself as she tore off her shoes and socks. She'd have Isabelle for company.

"Let's have lunch in a little while," she suggested, shaking off her robe so that she was dressed only in her skirt and white collared shirt. "I'd like to cool my feet off." It was, after all, a gorgeous day, and seemed like such a terrible shame that no one was taking advantage of the lake. Wading into the water, she glanced over her shoulder with sparkling eyes, inviting them all to follow. Alice and Pippa both hopped to, with Charlotte and Morgan quick on their heels. Faith and Harriet, however, were content enough to sit down beside Mary by the baskets of food. Meanwhile, Isabelle was staring at the water disdainfully, despite the fact that she clearly wanted to remain in Lily's company. Fortunately enough, at least for her, Corwin was quick to kick off his shoes and pick her up in his arms. Holding her thus, he splashed triumphantly into the water.

"What's the matter, Isabelle?" Harriet taunted from where she sat in the grass. "Afraid of getting wet?"

"Hey, at least I'm out here!" Isabelle shouted back before screaming as Corwin started spinning around in extremely fast, dizzying pirouettes. "Don't drop me!"

Lily was laughing at the sight of the couple, when Morgan unexpectedly turned towards her and splashed water straight in her face. "Hey!" Lily stared back at the girl in pure amazement. When, exactly, was the last time she had ever taken part in a water fight? It seemed like an eternity ago… Back when she was a child and her parents were still alive, dragging her and her sister across the countryside on yet another one of their wild goose chases – which now didn't seem quite so wild after all… In any event, the prospect of taking part in a water fight presently appealed to Lily more than she would have ever thought possible. Grinning from ear to ear, she splashed Morgan back, and then splashed Charlotte, who retaliated by splashing Alice.

"Not me!" the girl squealed, pointing at Corwin and Isabelle. "Them!"

A look of alarm spread across Isabelle's face. "No, don't you dare!" It seemed like a good idea, so when Pippa, Charlotte, and Morgan both started splashing in Corwin's direction, Lily quickly followed their lead, laughing all the while. Isabelle was shrieking as Corwin, his eyes sparkling in delight, attempted to avoid the girls' attacks by making his way deeper into the lake. Isabelle had her arms wrapped around his neck tighter than she would have held the neck of a pegasus, thousands of feet up in the sky. "Gregory Corwin, where do you think you're going? There's a giant squid in this lake!" But that didn't stop him. The only thing that stopped him was his sudden loss of balance. Lily covered her mouth in poorly concealed delight as the two both crashed underneath the water. Alice, Pippa, Charlotte, and Morgan were all screaming with laughter, and when Corwin and Isabelle both broke the surface seconds later, Corwin was chuckling as well. Isabelle looked rather put out, but a small smile was nevertheless starting to tug on the corners of her lips. She splashed the boy playfully before allowing him to gather her up in his arms once more.

Shaking her head, Lily glanced back towards the shoreline to see how Mary, Faith, and Harriet were enjoying the show. To her surprise, however, none of _them _were paying even the slightest attention. In fact, their heads weren't even turned in the water's direction! Lily frowned. _What's going on…?_ Curious, despite all the fun she was having in the water, she started back towards the embankment, determined to find out what had distracted her three hydrophobic friends.

_Well_, she thought after a moment. _Something's definitely up._ A crowd had gathered around a beech tree and a couple of bushes. Lily couldn't imagine what was going on, but when she glanced over at Mary, and met the older girl's gaze, she could tell right away that it wasn't exactly school appropriate. The laughter died in her throat, and without even pausing to put back on her shoes and socks, she made her way forward.

As she pushed her way through the crowd, it took her several long, heart stopping moments to catch sight of both James and Sirius standing around a thrashing, twitching, practically convulsing form on the ground, and to work out what could possibly be going on. James was saying something that caused a couple of the other onlookers to chuckle, and the next thing Lily knew, he was holding up his wand in a very relaxed, almost lazy sort of way.

_"Scourgify!"_

The figure lying on the ground suddenly jerked and, upon rolling over in helpless wretchedness, began spitting out pink soap bubbles from his mouth. Now that Lily could see his face, she immediately recognized him as Severus Snape, and she immediately felt her heart constricting in cold fury. "Leave him ALONE!"

James and Sirius, both of whom had been staring down at Severus in absolute disdain, now looked up at Lily as if having expected her for awhile. James was running a hand through his hair – again – and appeared to be quite pleased with himself. Any pleasantries she might have exchanged with him over the course of the past few days suddenly made her feel quite sick. So they had lately been trading a few encouraging smiles with each other! Did that make a performance like _this _suddenly acceptable?

"All right, Evans?" James asked nonchalantly, expertly twirling his wand around, as if trying to look impressive. It was the first time they had addressed each other in ages, and it almost felt like he expected her to fall for him then and there. She remembered the way they had looked at each other… both when she had asked him to help Alice and, earlier that morning, when she had returned to the Great Hall after finishing her practical for Defense Against the Dark Arts. He had been a different person then. Who was this boy in front of her now? And how was it even possible that she could loathe anyone so much as him?

"Leave him alone," she repeated, making her way out of the crowd and starting forward towards the two monsters. Sirius was backing off, but James stood his ground, watching her approach almost eagerly. Lily felt her knees start to buckle. "What's he done to you?"

James regarded her as one would a child who had asked the stupidest question known to mankind. "Well, it's more the fact that he _exists_, if you know what I mean…" People were laughing all around her, and Lily got the distinct impression that they were laughing _at _her. Upon turning her head to glare them, however, they quickly shut up – at least for the most part. Sirius was still shaking his head in clear amusement, grinning like the dump git that he was.

Lily shot them both one nasty look. "You think you're funny. But you're just an arrogant, bullying toerag, Potter. Leave him _alone_." Just when she had thought that he might finally be getting over whatever phase it was making him act like such a prick, he had to go and pull a stunt like this! Or maybe… maybe this was what he had wanted all along… Maybe the joke was on her again. Maybe he had only _pretended_ to be a chivalrous young gentleman, so that he might then crush her hopes beneath the bottom of his disgusting shoe at such a time as this.

"I will if you go out with me, Evans," he said quite suddenly, interrupting her thoughts and calling her attention back to the present. Several onlookers gasped, catching their breaths at James's display of audacity. Lily felt her face burning as every eye in a one hundred mile radius landed on her, waiting for her response. James was staring at her intently… almost provocatively. "Go on… Go out with me, and I'll never lay a wand on old Snivelly again."

So that was it, then. Once again, the great and mighty James Potter meant to take advantage of what he knew to be her weaknesses. He knew she wouldn't hesitate to aid a helpless Slytherin. And now… it almost felt like he putting her to the test. As if she hadn't had enough tests to deal with already! "I wouldn't go out with you if it was a choice between you and the giant squid!" Unconsciously, she remembered Isabelle's earlier plight in the water. James regarded her coolly, obviously not impressed by her unfavorable answer. He wasn't smitten with her, she decided then and there. He just wanted to beat her.

"OY!" Sirius yipped. Severus was suddenly holding up his wand again, aiming it at James. Lily jumped as a brilliant flash of light surged through the air towards the Quidditch champion, and the next thing she knew, he was whirling towards the ground, blood flying everywhere. Before she had any opportunity to feel even slightly alarmed, however, he retaliated angrily, turning back towards the Slytherin and lashing his wand out furiously. There was a gash on his cheek, and blood was trickling down his face, but it obviously wasn't much of a hindrance, for, with a second flash of light, he had Severus hanging upside down by his ankles in the air. Of course, the boy's robes fell over his head, allowing everyone to see his unhealthy legs and aging underpants.

Lily felt as though the world was spinning out of control. Everyone around her was laughing and cheering – including James, despite the fact that his face was oozing blood. For one horrifying moment, he brought to her mind the image of a ravenous, hungry sadist. "Let him down!"

"Certainly," he replied good-naturedly, waving his wand. That he could be in such a humor now only heightened her disgust. Severus landed heavily on the ground, but wasted no time whatsoever in catching his breath. Rather, he grabbed his wand and awkwardly stumbled to his feet.

_"Locomotor mortis," _Sirius took a preemptive strike, causing Severus to land heavily back on the grass where he had been, like a stiff piece of wood. And that was all Lily could take.

Grabbing her wand, she marched forward in utter fury. "LEAVE HIM ALONE!" She knew she wasn't thinking straight when she actually aimed the thing at James's face. It had been years since she had ever even _considered _hexing someone, and the realization that they had somehow managed to push her so far now caused both troublemakers to eye her wand warily. No doubt they hadn't really meant for things to get this far out of hand… but they had, and Lily was so righteously furious she was willing to cast aside her own distaste for violence in defense of a certain Slytherin.

James looked properly chastened, but the words he spoke did nothing to help his case. "Ah, Evans, don't make me hex you." He would, too, if that's what it took to keep her from lashing out in such an uncharacteristic way. But Lily took it as an opening.

"Take the curse off him, then!" She wasn't kidding. She was speaking through gritted teeth, and if James didn't oblige, she didn't know what she'd do next. Honestly, she didn't really want to find out. Neither, apparently, did he.

Sighing deeply, he waved his wand over Severus and spoke the countercurse. "There you go," he said in resignation, watching as the Slytherin angrily got to his feet. "You're lucky Evans was here, Snivellus-"

"I don't need help from filthy mudbloods like her!" the boy snapped back in an angry, breathless squeal that caused more than one onlooker to either gasp or stiffen. Lily herself dropped her previously held-up arm as shock tore its way through her body. The sudden silence must have weighed heavily on the Slytherin, for he then glanced around as if in disoriented confusion. Seconds later, he found himself staring directly at Lily, and he almost looked surprised to see her still standing there.

"Fine," she stated coolly, trying to keep her voice from trembling. "I won't bother in the future." Regret immediately blazed across Severus's face, but Lily didn't think anyone else noticed it. And she wasn't entirely sure she cared about it. Having already been pushed to her breaking point, she didn't think she could take anymore of this. And so… for the first time… in as long as she could remember… if not in her entire life… hurtful, hateful words poured out of her mouth. "And I'd wash your pants if I were you, _Snivellus_." She turned away from them then, wanting nothing more than to just run… and run… and run…

"Apologize to Evans!" she heard James shouting from behind. It made him sound so much like an angry teacher trying to discipline an unruly child, and _that_ brought tears of anger to Lily's eyes. She flew back around in disgust.

"I don't want _you _to make him apologize!" she screamed, startling the boy enough that he jumped and looked back at her in open confusion. At that moment, she felt the sickening desire to pull his hair free from his very roots. "You're as bad as he is…" Even a stranger would have been able to detect how close her voice was to breaking.

And he looked offended. "What? I'd NEVER call you a – you-know-what!"

As if _that _was what had angered her! She'd been called a mudblood before! It wasn't that big a deal to her! Shaking her head, she glared at him in pure hatred. How could he be so shallow? "Messing up your hair because you think it looks cool to look like you've just got off your broomstick, walking down corridors and hexing anyone who annoys you just because you can – I'm surprised your broomstick can get off the ground with that fat head on it. You make me SICK!" And she had never felt more so in her entire life. The smell of blood was in her nose. Tears were spilling down her face. She spun away from him once again, feeling _terribly_ humiliated as every eye outside the castle followed her. She had to get away! She couldn't take this! Her heart felt like it was bleeding, and there just wasn't any spell in the entire world that could fix it.

**ooooooo**

**A/N: **Wow. What a long chapter! Considering JKR, I hope it didn't disappoint. I'm really nervous about this one. Please review. I'd appreciate it so much! Thanks!


	64. Goodbyes

**ooooooo**

The world had come to an utter stop. Lying in one of the castle's gardens, on a marble bench, staring up silently at the deeply indigo sky upon which the waxing moon rose, it felt as though nothing else in the world mattered. It was a beautiful evening, and none of the gardens were abandoned. Not too far from where she lay, a Ravenclaw couple strolled hand in hand, admiring the lush flowers. Lily was not alone there… but even then… it felt as though time had come to a standstill. If only it had… For then she could spend the rest of eternity here in this quiet garden, without ever having to face up to the incident at the lake.

She had no idea how she'd managed to pull through Transfiguration after that humiliation. Her face had finally stopped burning, but her heart, if not still bleeding, was definitely as sore as ever. It ached, as though every inch of it were now covered in bruises. Had James done this to her? Or was it Severus? Isabelle had expressed a fervent desire to curse both boys straight on into oblivion, but one look from Lily, and Corwin had gone to great lengths to dissuade her. He was a good guy, despite everything, and Lily knew she'd thank him for it later. The last thing she needed right now were more hexes.

She hadn't been able to help. All she had wanted to do was call two Gryffindor prats off one helpless Slytherin. But even after the scene she'd made, according to all the rumors, James and Sirius had gone right back to torturing Severus as soon as she'd left. Despite everything she'd done… despite the utter degradation she had gone through… it had all been for naught. She wanted to throw a tantrum, or go on a rampage, or something. The frustration welling up inside… There wasn't any emotion more infuriating than frustration! She was trying so hard to make a difference! James Potter was an intelligent boy. Why couldn't he understand?

_I want to go back to London… _It hurt that such was her desire, when just that morning it had been her dread. Not for the first time, she wanted to leave Hogwarts, but for the first time in far too long, she wasn't quite sure whether or not she wanted to come back. She had one more year with Alice, Isabelle, Pippa, and the rest. And then, after that, they would all graduate, and she'd be stuck in Gryffindor with James and Sirius. Was that something to look forward to? Well… at least she still had her students.

Lily sighed deeply and sat upright. No doubt dinner had long since been served, and was now over with. Examinations had ended, and students could once again eat in the Great Hall. She herself, on the other hand, had made herself scarce. Rumors were high and flying. By now, everyone in the entire castle will have heard what transpired between her and the troublesome boys. It was too embarrassing… everyone looking at her like that… whispering behind her back… either admiring her or laughing at her… It was just too much! She'd sooner run and hide out here in the garden. Not that it was much of a hiding spot or anything… In any event, she couldn't very well remain out here all night. Eventually, she'd _have_ to return to the Gryffindor Tower. And she'd rather it be sooner, so that even if she found herself enduring countless looks and breathless whispers, she might not find herself running headfirst into the Marauders with no one else around to convince them not to make another scene. She couldn't bear it.

Frozen. That was what she felt like, even though the night was warm. It wasn't because she had been called a mudblood. Such words meant nothing to her. After all, Petunia, her very own sister, often spoke more hateful things to her than that. What really bothered her was that it had been Severus… Perhaps she expected more from him. Though she knew from conversations they had shared together in the past that Severus thought very little of himself, and was constantly expecting disappointment, warning her against idealism lest she be disappointed too, a part of her had nevertheless hoped that he was wrong… that after such a talk with her, he'd be okay… as Regulus had been… She'd hoped that Severus had listened to her… had minded her words… and taken them to heart.

_"You're not a bad person. You don't disgust me. And… And I _want _to be there for you when you need me!"_

_"You already are."_

Had those words been nothing more than a means to shut her up? She could remember them as if they had been spoken yesterday. Severus had clearly not been comfortable with their conversation. He had been angry. Upset. He had wanted out. But Lily, passionate as ever, wouldn't let him go without first saying her share. His words had given her hope that maybe she _could _help him as she had helped Regulus. Maybe she could… But Severus was a Slytherin. And if he hadn't been put in that particular house due to his blood – for Slytherins were all supposed to be what some in the magical world described as "true" – then he had been put there because he was a cut above the rest, at least when it came to cunning. Maybe those three words which he had spoken to her… Maybe they meant nothing to him at all whatsoever.

Biting her lip, Lily slid off the bench and started back towards the castle's Entrance Hall. Making it to the Gryffindor Tower would be quite a hike, and she'd feel better about making it now rather than later. The sooner she could climb into bed… the sooner she could forget about all of this. It was getting darker by the second. Students were still out and about, running up and down magical, moving staircases, laughing and singing, celebrating the end of exams. Filch was yelling at a small group of fourth years, all but dragging them by their ears to detention. Peeves was apparently in the middle of a duel with one of the portraits – Sir Cadogan, Lily thought. And in the midst of it all, someone, somewhere, was setting off fireworks. What a way to end the school year.

**ooooooo**

The train ride home was long and quieter than any other. Lily shared a compartment with Alice and Pippa – Isabelle was off somewhere else with Gregory Corwin, sharing with him one last goodbye. It seemed bittersweet, but that could only be expected. There was a war going on, and outside Hogwarts no one was ever truly safe anymore. None of them knew when they'd be together again.

Alice was reading a letter aloud from Frank, much to Pippa's amusement, but her voice nevertheless failed to disrupt the utter stillness of their journey. Lily was glad to be going home, but she couldn't possibly anticipate anymore farewells. The magical world… had too many of them. No. The world in general did. Was it worth it?

_"Lily…?"_

_Albert had been waiting for her in the common room that night when she had arrived. And, much to her surprise, he hadn't been the only one. In fact, several Gryffindor second years, and every single one of the first years, had all been waiting for her together, sitting spread out across the room, either by the fireplace or in the armchairs or on the floor. Lily hadn't expected them, and so stopped short in surprise, staring at them as if she had never seen them before in her life._

_"We were wondering if you'd tutor us one last time before the holiday starts," Albert explained, his face flushing considerably. He had been clutching his mouse, Peanut, like one would a cherished gift, taking from it both comfort and strength. Nevertheless, he was staring awkwardly at the floor, every once in awhile glancing back up at her with hope filled eyes. "I know we've all finished with our end of the year exams and all, but you're really only supposed to be tutoring first years, aren't you? Some of us… well… we just… want one more…?" And then they'd have to say goodbye. _

_Technically, Lily _had_ begun only tutoring the first years. She wanted to make sure none of them felt as lonely or as miserable as she had her first year. But somehow…she didn't think she'd ever stop tutoring these kids. Albert himself was a second year, going on third now, and he hadn't missed a single one of her lessons. If they were coming to her now, like this, it was because they had heard about what happened earlier that day, and they wanted to help her recover._

_But that made little sense. None of them had been by the lake! If they knew what had happened there, it was because they had heard about it through rumors. The rumors, however, at least the ones she had heard, all described her as powerful and fierce, standing up to two bullies with all the strength of a lioness – she was a Gryffindor, after all. There was no greater compliment. These little guys shouldn't be here to comfort her. They should be here to applaud her. At least… that's what she would have expected._

_But then… she saw something move from the corner of her eye. Turning, her gaze landed squarely on the staircase that spiraled up to the boy's dormitories. And there, for half a second, she thought she caught sight of Remus Lupin, before he disappeared in the blink of an eye. So this was his apology, then? He wasn't the one who needed to apologize. And she wasn't the one who deserved it, anyway. Nevertheless, when she turned back towards Albert and each of the others, she couldn't resist them. They were practically her students anyway, and she knew then and there she would never refuse them. She dreaded their goodbyes… more than anyone else's._

"Lily, are you paying attention?"

She was back on the train again. Alice and Pippa were both studying her intently, no doubt seeking entrance into her thoughts. Lily offered them a sheepish smile and shook her head. "Sorry. I was just thinking. This is going to be a long summer, isn't it?" A long summer over which almost anything could happen. Alice was going to meet with Augusta Longbottom. Corwin was going to be looking for a long-term occupation. She would be receiving her O.W.L. results. And life would go on… as it always did… whether for better or worse.

Pippa was shrugging. "No longer than any other, I'd reckon." She started sorting through the different candies she had bought off the trolley earlier on. "Don't know about you two, but I'm starting to get hungry. Feels like we've been on this train all our lives." Which did seem hard to deny. The Hogwarts Express… often felt like this.

"No, thank you," Lily quietly shook her head when Pippa offered her a chocolate frog. "I think I going to go for a walk." The sixteen year olds both glanced at each other quickly before shrugging, and Lily got to her feet. Stepping out of the compartment, she started idly towards the front of the train – knowing from experience that the Marauders, when they weren't out wandering about as she was herself right now, liked the compartment in the very back. With the possible exception of Remus, she honestly hoped to god she didn't run into any of them.

It wasn't as quiet out in the corridor as it had been in her compartment. She could hear rowdy passengers all around her, and the woman who pushed around the trolley was definitely in business behind her. Despite the fact that it was growing dark outside, no one seemed to be even remotely tired. No doubt both the train ride and thoughts of summer were rejuvenating them all mind, body, and spirit. It must have been very refreshing, Lily thought, determined not to let jealousy bite at her.

She was making her way towards the far side of the car, where the lighting was of poorer quality, bathing one or two of the compartments in rather dim shadows. It was quiet, or at least more so than anywhere else on the train, and seemed to fit Lily's current state of mind. She wondered who it was occupying the compartments, and whether or not they'd want company. Turning halfway around, towards the one on her right, Lily reached out and fingered the door, hesitant to enter. There was something about it… warning her to leave well enough alone.

A loud, biting bark of laughter from behind caught Lily's attention, and she spun her head around in time to catch sight of James Potter's back. He was on the other side of the car, entering from the next one over, but he was still locked in conversation with whomever it was that he now meant to leave. The sound of his laughter chilled Lily to the bones. All he needed to do was turn around… and he would see her…

There wasn't any time for hesitation. Lily slid open the darkened compartment's door, rushed inside, spun around, and slid it shut once again. Grabbing her wand, she aimed it as quickly as was humanly possible, muttering the word: _"Colloportus!" _under her breath. There was a tiny squelching sound, and after that, she knew the compartment's door would be sealed. James couldn't get inside. Turning around, she leaned her back against the door and took a deep breath… only to discover none other than a startled Severus Snape himself squinting back at her as if barely able to make her out.

"Oh!" Lily felt her face redden considerably. Whose idea of a joke was this? "Severus! I didn't know you were in here!" Unconsciously she kept her voice down, as if taking instinctive precautions not to allow James Potter to find her. She had no reason to believe he was even _looking_ for her, but wasn't dumb enough to hope that he wouldn't come calling if he just so happened to hear her voice. "I only meant to…" she made a slight face, feeling rather dizzy with embarrassment, "hide, I guess…"

Severus didn't say anything in response. Instead, he resorted to glowering at her, obviously unappreciative of her sudden foray into his privacy. His hands, Lily couldn't help but notice, were both not only shaking something fierce, but also clutched tightly around his wand. She felt her body grow painfully still, and she found herself standing there helplessly, having no idea what to do.

"Do you think you passed your O.W.L.s?" she asked after a long beat, feeling stupid and extremely out of place. The dense, smothering silence was getting to her, and there was that intensity in Severus' eyes that always managed to fluster her. She couldn't bear the weight of it all, and so hoped that a few words might lighten _something_, at least. "I suppose you did outstanding in Potions. Defense Against the Dark Arts, too. Better than I did, anyway. That's one class I'm sure I'll never be good at…" she trailed off, swallowing hard. Severus' eyes had narrowed to slits, and she supposed such a conversation wouldn't appeal to him much. She sighed. "Look, Severus…"

What she had said to him that afternoon at the lake suddenly returned to her. Of course she hadn't meant to be cruel to him herself. There wasn't any excuse for it. She had just… She had been so angry! All she wanted to do was scream. So much for her extraordinary gift of love. She wondered whether or not Professor Dumbledore was disappointed. "I'm sorry. For everything that happened after the Defense examination. I shouldn't have said what I did to you. You didn't deserve it." After all, hadn't he also been pushed to the limit? _Past _the limit? A line had most certainly been crossed that afternoon, and if she could justify saying the things that she had said, surely she could justify his words as well. Truly, there could only have been two people at fault for what had gone down. Just two. James and Sirius.

Severus hadn't moved an inch. Not an inch. He wasn't even shaking anymore. Nevertheless, the look on his face was as harsh as ever, and Lily found herself averting her gaze. "I think I understand now… you really don't want my help. I mean… you said it yourself, didn't you? You're not Regulus Black. I never thought you were, or anything, I promise, but I'd understand if everyone thought it looked that way." _Regulus… _Lily closed her eyes, taking another deep breath. "I'm sorry. You've made your point clear, and if you really don't want me in your life, I'll just leave it." He looked so hard… not unfeeling… but numb. Lily met his gaze again, and wondered what it was that he saw when she stared into his black eyes. "Bye, Severus. I hope everything works out for you."

She turned, moving with extreme deliberation. James seemed to have left, for there wasn't any sound of him on the other side anymore. Removing the magical seal she had placed on the door, she quietly slid it open and stepped back out into the corridor. Severus didn't try to stop her, so she shut it again, just as quietly, and started back towards her own compartment, whilst struggling to ignore the freshly opened wounds torturing her soul.

**ooooooo**

_"Potter was in here looking for you," Pippa had lightly informed the fifteen year old upon her return. "It was a good thing you went out on that walk when you did. Otherwise, he wouldn't have missed you." Not much of a comfort, really…_

_"I just don't know what to make of him," Alice had commented after that. "He's a really smart, entertaining young man in private. I'd even go so far as to call him empathetic! But put him in front of a crowd of people…" She had shrugged, shaking her head in genuine bewilderment. The truth was, James Potter needed to grow up._

_"We could always sick Isabelle on him," Pippa grinned. "She's not the fighter her sister is, or anything. I mean, when _Fanny_ was in school, that girl set the record number of punches ever thrown at Hogwarts! Isabelle's not like that, but Greg said she seemed more than willing to make an exception where Potter's concerned."_

_"That's the last thing we need."_

_"Easy for you to say."_

_"Fanny was lucky she never got expelled!"_

_"Expelled? For taking out James Potter, Isabelle would likely get a metal!"_

_"For what? Service to the school?"_

_"I'll say!"_

_"Don't count on it."_

_"Please," Lily had suddenly interrupted them, staring out the window numbly, watching as the darkness blanketed the entire countryside. "We're going home. I don't want to talk about James Potter."_

_She didn't want to talk about James Potter. Ever again._

**ooooooo**

**A/N:** I know it's a relatively short chapter, but that balances everything out, I guess. Please review! I appreciate it!


	65. Trespassing

**ooooooo**

It wasn't possible. It _couldn't _be! It defied the very rules of existence throughout the entire world! One simply did not score outstandingly in every single one of one's classes! _Especially _for Defense Against the Dark Arts! It just _wasn't possible!_ There could only be one explanation. It had to be a mistake. It had to!

Receiving mail in the midst of August had never, in her entire life, been so utterly and completely flabbergasting. The Fletchers' home was resplendent that day, filled to the brim with loud, bustling activity everywhere one turned. Petunia had definitely outdone herself this time, Lily thought in a daze, sitting at the kitchen table with her recently opened package from Hogwarts lying sprawled out in front of her. Carla was presently chasing after her barking dog, trying to calm him down now that the owl had left. Mr. Fletcher was at the oven, pulling out a large pie for his wife, who was talking loudly on the phone, giving directions an old friend who planned on dropping by later that evening – much to Petunia's discomfiture. _She _had actually been expecting both her guardians to be out at a dinner party that night – they had only canceled their plans recently due to their old friend's unexpected arrival in London.

It was hard not to laugh at Petunia's fix. She had been keeping her relationship with Vernon Dursley secret from the Fletchers these past three years, much to her little sister's astonishment. Not only was the man several years older than her, but he worked for a drill company. A _drill_ company! Whoever heard of such a thing? There was no way the Fletchers would approve of it, should they find out, but since Petunia had expected them to be out, she'd told the man that it would be safe for him to visit. Now, not only were the Fletchers staying in, but they were also expecting company, and try as Petunia might, she hadn't been able to contact Vernon in order to tell him not to come after all. She was looking positively green that morning, and so found herself cleaning… and cleaning… and cleaning…

It was turning into an interesting day, to say the least. Lily glanced down at her package again. Surely there had been some kind of misunderstanding! According to her O.W.L. results, she had received Outstanding marks in every single one of her classes. That wasn't possible, was it? No. It was not. It could never be. Something was wrong.

"And we're going to be serving dinner around six-thirty," Mrs. Fletcher informed her friend quite cheerfully before glancing over towards the closet from which Petunia was dragging out a vacuum cleaner. "No, no, no, no, no! Petunia, dear! You've already done the carpets twice this week! That's quite enough, thanks!" The older girl shot her guardian a rather sour glare, but Mrs. Fletcher didn't see it. Her attention had been called once again back to the friend on the other end of the line. "That's right! That's right!" Lily shook her head in amusement, watching as Carla finally managed to grab her dog's collar. Petunia continued dragging the vacuum out of the closet, completely disregarding the command that had been given her, and nearly crashed into her foster sister, who was at the same time pulling the dog towards the backdoor.

"Watch where you're going, Petunia!"

"You first!"

The dog started barking again, and Mrs. Fletcher had to yell to be heard over all the pandemonium. Lily took a deep breath, stuffing her O.W.L. results back in their envelope before delicately picking up the second letter she'd received that morning. This envelope was much smaller than the first, and she had waited to open it second since it clearly wasn't school related. Besides, she wanted to actually enjoy this letter. It was from Alice.

_I hope everything went well with Mrs. Longbottom, _she thought silently to herself, opening the envelope and pulling out the parchment inside. It came with several pictures, which both surprised and delighted the girl. Temporarily ignoring the letter, she held up the photos admiringly. They were all of Frank and Alice, which was only to be expected, and they had all been shot outside one of the loveliest homes Lily had ever seen before. Later, upon actually reading Alice's letter, she would discover that the house was to be Frank's, just as soon as he was married. Mrs. Longbottom intended it to be her son's wedding gift. Alice had never looked happier in her entire life.

Presently, Petunia, who must have caught a glimpse of Lily's pictures, started screaming. "PUT THOSE AWAY!" Lily jumped, practically scared to death, and dropped the pictures on the table before whirling around to stare at her sister in alarm. Carla, having heard the cry, came running back into the kitchen, just as both Fletchers walked over to the table in surprise. They certainly weren't used to Petunia screaming like that.

"What?" Lily asked in objection, shaking her head in disgust before turning back around. The Fletchers were both staring at the pictures sitting on the table in openmouthed wonder, and as Carla scrambled forward to get a better view, an astonished gasp escaped through her lips. It took Lily a moment to realize what had them all so fascinated, and then she couldn't help but blush in forgetful embarrassment. Of course! Her makeshift family had never seen moving photographs before, and both Frank and Alice were practically dancing in each other's arms! The Fletchers' expressions were truly entertaining.

"It's okay," she assured them, laughter resounding lightly in her voice. "I'll put them away before Mr. Wright arrives." In fact, she'd put them away now, and humor her sister. Gathering the photos back together, she carefully slipped them inside the envelope and started reading Alice's letter. Meanwhile, the rest of the household all went back to what they had been doing. Eventually, however, things began to settle down, and once Mrs. Fletcher had gotten off the phone, Petunia needed to wait only until both she and her husband had left the kitchen. Then she made a beeline for the only _quick_ source of communication in the muggle world.

"Is this Grunnings?" she asked anxiously as soon as she had finished dialing. "I have an important message for Mr. Vernon Dursley! … No, this is not Petunia! … I understand he is not to receive personal phone calls! My name is not Evans, it's - … Would you just deliver my message?" Lily thought she could hear something click, and, upon glancing at her sister, could see that the secretary at Grunnings had hung up on her. Petunia had never looked more offended in her life. "Ugh!"

"Well, what do you expect?" Lily couldn't help but ask innocently. Petunia glared at her loathingly, which hardly fazed her. "You call there everyday, Petunia! Is it any wonder the man can recognize your voice?"

"No one asked you for your opinion, Lily," her sister snapped in open irritation, slamming down the phone. "No one cares to hear it." She stormed back out of the kitchen, and _that_ actually did faze Lily. She flinched, sinking in on herself in utter dejection. Those were the times when she missed Regulus Black the most. He knew, better than anyone really, what it was like to have a strained relationship with one's older sibling.

**ooooooo**

By the time six-thirty rolled around, Lily had stored away all traces of her magical life. The Fletchers, Carla included, were all warmly welcoming Mr. Wright to their table – who was a friendly looking man around forty-five years old. He had greeted both of the Evans girls, upon introduction, with a sparkling smile.

"Look how much you've grown!" he had exuberantly exclaimed. "Why, the last time I saw you, Petunia, you were about that high! And you, Lily! You were still in your mother's womb!" He had known their parents. While such a fact did absolutely nothing to soothe Petunia's nerves, for she was _painfully_ on edge, constantly glancing at the grandfather clock to check the time in growing apprehension, Lily had found herself wanting nothing more than to jump up and down in excitement.

"You knew my mother?" she asked eagerly, causing Mr. Wright to beam merrily. It felt like Christmas!

"A long time ago," he informed her with an infectious grin. "Your father and I went to school together as children, and your mother always seemed to be dreaming about something beautiful." By the time dinner had been served, Lily could no longer tell who the man had come to visit. He was obviously a dear friend of the Fletchers', but it felt like every story he told was meant solely for her ears alone. Petunia's ears, too, perhaps, had she cared to listen. In fact, she was by far _much_ too preoccupied to pay the man even the slightest bit of attention. Lily remembered exactly why that was when the clock struck seven, half an hour later, and the doorbell rang.

"I'll see who that is, shall I?" Petunia was on her feet and dashing from the dining room before the Fletchers could so much as even blink their eyes in surprise. Carla, who had known about Vernon for as long as Lily, could barely suppress a chuckle, and upon meeting her foster sister's gaze, she burst out laughing. Vernon Dursley was more trouble than he was worth!

A minute past in which Petunia did not reappear in the dining room. Neither Lily nor Carla made much out of it, but the Fletchers and Mr. Wright were all starting to wonder who could possibly be at the door. If they decided to get up and investigate, Lily knew _she _wasn't going to stop them. That Dursley character! He could march right back to wherever it was he came from!

But that was when voices started to rise. Petunia was either yelling at someone, or giving them a tongue-lashing. Lily glanced at Carla in confusion, but she only shrugged. Mr. Fletcher was getting to his feet, concern spread across his face, and when he marched out to the front hall, Mr. Wright followed close behind.

"What the devil?"

Tension in the house was suddenly unexpectedly high. Lily sat stiffly in her chair, next to Carla, and across from Mrs. Fletcher, both of whom had grown slightly pale as Petunia kept shouting. There was someone else talking loudly, as well, and Lily thought it was Vernon – though she hadn't spoken to _him_ in ages. Those voices gradually began growing closer to the dining room, and Lily found herself wishing she had her wand handy. What could possibly be going on out there?

"Excuse me," she pushed away from the table, ignoring Mrs. Fletcher completely when the woman urgently told her to remain in her chair. She couldn't just sit tight! Petunia was, for better or worse, still her older sister and she wasn't about to let anything happen to her! Slipping out of the dining room, she made for the staircase as quickly as possible. Her wand was in her bedroom, and once she got a hold of it, she promised herself everything would be alright!

"Lily!"

She was halfway up to the second-floor landing when James Potter's voice sounded out of nowhere. Caught completely by surprise, Lily pitched forward, stumbling on the stairs before managing to catch herself. That was James Potter! What, for the love of god, was _James Potter _doing in her house? Lily thought she was going to choke as she slowly turned around to see none other than the messy haired Quidditch champion standing in the front hall below. Mr. Fletcher was directly at his side, a hand on his shoulder, while Mr. Wright stood beyond them near Vernon Dursley, who was clutching both of Petunia's hands in just one of his own. Petunia herself looked red with fury, and was practically shaking in rage. Lily had never seen her like that before! Nor had she ever seen the front hall of the Fletchers' house quite that _crowded_ before. It made her feel incredibly grateful to be where she was, halfway up the stairs, well above the lot of them.

Nevertheless, her hand gripped the railing so tightly that her knuckles turned white. "What are you doing here?" A large smirk played at the corners of James's lips. He was dressed in a black leather jacket that was foreign to her, and what with his uncombed hair, she could only imagine what thoughts were passing through Petunia's head right now! Whatever they were, however, they couldn't possibly even _begin_ to compare with whatever thoughts were bound to start racing through Lily's own, as soon as this initial shock wore off. She could feel her heart steadily beginning to race… her lungs steadily beginning to burn… the room steadily beginning to spin…

James took a step past Mr. Fletcher, sauntering his way casually over to the foot of the stairs. "Come on, Lily! There's only one reason why I'd be here. To see you, of course!" Mr. Fletcher, who no doubt recognized James from the brief time he spent up at the castle during Lily's fourth year, right after her kidnapping, was now staring at Vernon Dursley in obvious distaste. Apparently he didn't realize that the young wizard standing in front of him wasn't exactly the same boy he had been two years ago. Otherwise Lily felt sure he'd have chased him out by now.

"Look," she said, slowly backing her way farther up the stairs. "I don't know how you found this place or how you got here, and frankly I don't care. But you're not staying." This couldn't be real… This whole day seemed like one crazy dream! Outstanding O.W.L.s! Stories of her parents! And now James Potter standing right below her, looking up at her with a mixture of delight and anticipation! Who did he think he was? This was trespassing! He belonged in the wizarding world! He couldn't just invade her life here in the muggle one! It wasn't fair!

His expression changed, but only for a split-second. There wasn't nearly enough time for her to ascertain what it had turned into. "I know. Believe me, I wasn't planning to. Gotta get back home before Sirius realizes I'm missing." He shook his head, his eyes sparkling in amusement. "Did you hear he ran away from home two weeks ago? I've been letting him stay at my place, of course, and it's been like having a brother!"

"Wait a minute…" Lily felt her guard dropping long enough for her to take several steps down the stairs. "Sirius ran away? Is he okay?" She couldn't help but picture the boy's parents. She remembered meeting them several years ago on the platform shortly before boarding the Hogwarts Express. She remembered meeting them in the hospital wing the year before last, when Regulus had been expelled. And she remembered quite vividly the Howler Mr. Black had sent her the one time she had tried communicating with Regulus after that. Those people were terrible! They were even worsethan James! She didn't want to even think about what might have transpired between the members of that family to finally compel Sirius to flee. It must have been awful!

James took a step back, allowing Lily space at the foot of the stairs. He was taller than she was, and she found herself suddenly looking up at him instead of the other way around. He almost seemed to be glowing in triumph, as if because of it. "He's fine. Well… for the moment, anyway. I'd hate to be in his shoes if he gets caught. Word on the streets is his mother's righteously upset."

"Weren't you just leaving?" Petunia snapped with such ire in her voice that James actually winced and glanced over his shoulder at her in extreme dislike. Lily blinked, suddenly remembering herself. James! He was just trying to distract her! Confuse her! Trick her into not sending him away! Confound him! What was he doing here?

She backed up the stairs again, putting as much distance between them as she possibly could. James looked back at her quickly, forgetting all about Petunia as he watched her ascend in obvious discouragement. "Lily, wait!"

"Why?" she asked tersely, feeling the tension in her muscles. "What are you doing here, James Potter? Can't you wait two months before tormenting me again?" The door to the dining room opened, and both Carla and Mrs. Fletcher poked their heads out in curiosity. Great. Now there were two more witnesses involved! As if Lily didn't feel crowded enough already!

James sighed, trying to appear more, instead of less, solemn for the first time in his entire life. "Look, is there somewhere we can talk in private?" He glanced around the packed room in apparent discomfort. But Lily wasn't fooled. This boy _lived _for moments like this, when he had the entire spotlight all to himself! "I won't take more than five minutes, I promise." She glared at him in such obvious disbelief that Mr. Fletcher finally took the hint and stepped towards James.

"All right, son, I think it's time you left." He placed a hand on James's shoulder, but when he tried urging the boy towards the door, he didn't move. He barely even acknowledged Mr. Fletcher's existence! Instead, he continued to stare up at Lily almost desperately.

"You give _everyone _the benefit of the doubt!" he pled, grabbing the staircase's banister when Mr. Fletcher again tried pushing him towards the front door. "I mean, Lily, you give it to everyone! You gave it to Regulus! You gave it to Snape! Can't you give me five minutes? _Two _minutes?" She had never heard him beg before. He sounded so different from the sadist who had, with blood dripping down his face, tortured Severus so.

"Why should I?" she snapped furiously. "You know perfectly well how to behave, James Potter! You just _don't_! If you wanted to act like one of the good guys, then I know you would! You don't need my help! You're capable enough without it!" If he wanted to be a prick, she couldn't very well force him not to be! Besides… he gave her too much credit. In the end, she hadn't been able to do anything at all to save either Regulus or Severus… had she? So what good could she possibly hope to be for him?

"It's harder than you think!" he argued, which only earned him a rather spiteful laugh.

"Oh, is it, then?" she crossed her arms. "Everyone in the entire school wants to be just like you! I reckon some of them even want to _be _you! You can act in whatever way you like and they'll _still _want to be you! So what is it exactly that makes being a decent person all that difficult?"

He hesitated, obviously giving her question some serious contemplation. "I just…"

"You know what?" she interrupted harshly. "You go back to wherever it is you live and spend the next couple of weeks thinking about it, okay? Tell Sirius I'm sorry he has such a hateful family." With that, she spun on her heel and started the rest of the way up towards her room. James made to follow her, but Mr. Fletcher's grip on his shoulder tightened almost painfully. The boy might have gotten away with entering his house, but he'd be damned if he allowed James to follow that girl up the stairs!

"Lily, wait!" he called after her desperately. "I love you!"

She stopped short so quickly she half expected to topple over backwards and fall down the stairs! Her hand shot out to grab hold of the railing once again, in a frantic attempt to steady herself. Nevertheless, her head felt like it was spinning, and she couldn't breathe! Had he just said…? Of course she'd been told he was smitten with her… but… this…? Ever so slowly, she turned back around and looked down at him with terror written across her face. Carla and Mrs. Fletcher were both standing completely in the hall now, watching with blank, pale expressions. Vernon Dursley looked slightly eager to go, and Petunia as well. Mr. Fletcher and Mr. Wright were both listening in utter confusion. But, for all their presences, Lily felt completely alone, completely exposed, and terribly vulnerable. James was staring at her with such intensity… somehow… she just _knew _he believed what he said. And that by itself, more than anything else, was enough to finally break her heart. "You're such a fool…"

James's expression melted… twisted… changed… somehow… so that he looked like one who had suddenly realized he _didn't_ know where he was headed to after all… like one who was about to discover for the first time in his entire life that he actually was lost… "What?"

"How can you say you love me?" she asked him, feeling the sting in her eyes that promised tears were about to fall. "You don't even know what love is."

James slowly started shaking his head. Mr. Fletcher must have sensed something in the boy that told him to release his shoulder. He took a step back, for James looked like he might soon need room to breathe. "Lil…"

"Don't!" she shook her own head, backing farther up the stairs until she had finally reached the top. "You don't even act like a real friend! The way you treat Peter… it's almost as if you don't even see him as a person! You torment everyone weaker than yourself for the fun of it! What was it you said about Severus? The fact that he merely _exists_?" James's face flushed in right embarrassment, but Lily wasn't through. "With friends like you, Potter, who needs enemies? Who needs You-Know-Who?"

He eyes widened at that remark in utter revulsion. "You can't believe that… Lily!" He once again made to follow her up the stairs, but when she started and took another step backwards in alarm, he stopped himself. "Lily…" His voice sounded pained. He looked like he was in physical agony. "I would never hurt you. Not like that. I promise."

"No?" The tears were filling her eyes now. They were sliding down her face. "Then you should stay away from me… and everyone I care about… because every time you talk to me… you break my heart." If she didn't know any better, she'd say she just shattered his. Why'd he have to come here? Why'd he have to say those words to her? Why was all this happening? Had she done something wrong? She scored an Outstanding for every O.W.L. she took! Why did she deserve this?

"I never thought…" James whispered, pain flooding his into his hazel eyes.

"I don't know what to say to you," she told him sorrowfully. "People who love others… they don't care about their own reputations… or fortunes… or happiness… They just… disregard everything important to them… so the people they love can be elevated in their place… If you cared at all about Peter, you wouldn't treat him so terribly. But the truth is you put him down because you want to look good instead. The only person you know how to love is yourself. It's surely not me."

"I'm sorry," James told her so brokenly that, for a moment, she almost believed him. "I just…"

"Please," she shook her head. "Go home." She turned away. Her room wasn't far. She could take shelter there. Maybe she'd write Alice… Alice was seventeen now. She'd earned her Apparating license. Sirius had run away from home… maybe Lily could, too. Right now, she felt like running… more so than she ever had before in her entire life.

At least James had given up asking her to wait.

**ooooooo**

**A/N:** Please keep sending me those reviews! For this chapter especially. If you can't tell, it's a bit of a turning point! Thanks so much!


	66. Summer's End

**ooooooo**

Lily lay on her bed long after she had scribbled a hasty letter out to Alice and sent it via the owl that had delivered to her Alice's own – it would seem the intelligent bird had been waiting outside her window for such a response. Lily was absolutely certain it would have revealed its continued presence had she not written to her friend by noon the following day. In any event, the poor girl was about to receive two and a half pages full of Lily's woes, and writing them down on paper had hardly done anything whatsoever to ease the suffering in her heart. And so… she lay on her bed, clutching her pillow tightly, as she struggled not to cry.

Downstairs, Mr. Fletcher and Petunia had, for the past fifteen minutes, both been having it out with each other. Lily didn't think she'd ever heard her sister yell like that in her entire life. No. Not even to _her_. The fierce, brutal argument had ended with Petunia shrieking at the top of her lungs, "YOU'RE NOT MY FATHER!" And then she had stormed up the stairs, across the landing, and into her own bedroom, slamming her door behind her as she crossed the threshold. Lily couldn't help but wince on her guardian's behalf. What an evening this had been!

She herself wasn't angry with any of the Fletchers, or even with Petunia, for that matter. None of them had invited James Potter into the house, after all. In fact, she distinctly recalled her sister actually being on her side! Trying to get the boy out! Truthfully, Lily would rather not have been hiding in her room… She only was… because of Mr. Wright's presence… and the fact that she had never felt more humiliated in her life! This was worse than that afternoon by the lake! This was worse than anything she had ever been put through! This had been in front of family and close, _close _friends! Did James Potter know no bounds?

There was a tiny knock on the door, and when Lily glanced up, she could see Carla slipping into the room. After all, it was hers too, and Lily had been waiting for her to come and make claim to it. That wasn't what bothered her. What bothered her was the burning of her face – the humiliation coursing through her veins – that she wished she could just forget about! She didn't want to share any of it with anyone. Already she could feel regret rebuking her for involving Alice in this. She wasn't _ever _going to live it down.

"Lily?" Carla whispered, plopping onto her bed and grabbing her own pillow to squeeze in her arms. "Are you all right?"

Lily took a deep breath and shook her head. Other than that, she quickly found it impossible to move; it felt as though her body had turned to stone. Either that or some invisible force the likes of which she knew naught was now attempting to weigh her down… to crush her. Why? Why? Why, why, why? Why tonight? Why did he have to come here and show himself like this tonight? It wasn't fair! "How is everyone?"

Carla sighed. "Overwhelmed. Mr. Wright's doing his absolute best to console mum and dad right now, and dad's definitely angrier at Petunia than you. I mean, at least that James character is your own age!"

"Well at least that Dursley character's probably a decent human being," Lily shot back bitterly. She might not like the guy anymore than the Fletchers did, but there was no way he could possibly be worse than James. She kept picturing how… how the boy had _tormented _Severus Snape. She couldn't understand it! Maybe the Sorting Hat really was broken… it didn't seem as though any of them truly belonged in Gryffindor after all.

"I wouldn't go so far as to call him that," Carla broke into Lily's thoughts with a rather severe, biting one of her own. "From what I was able to piece together out of dad and Petunia's argument – which, believe me, I'm extremely accomplished at doing – when Vernon realized he'd been discovered, both he _and _Petunia attempted to accuse your James of, I don't know, kidnapping or something! Vernon apparently 'saw him trying to drag Petunia from the house.' He claimed to have rushed in to save her. Of course dad didn't buy a word of that. He said he's met James before and knows he's honestly a good kid."

Lily scoffed derisively. "He _was _a good kid. Once. But he's turning sixteen soon, and now he's nothing more than an offensive git!" She thought about Carla's words, and couldn't help but grimace. No doubt they were all thinking she had turned herself into a heartbreaker or something… treating James the way she had… To outsiders looking in, it must have bordered on cruelty! And _Petunia! _"Oh… god…" Her voice was cracking. "My sister… must _hate _me now!" As if she hadn't already hated her before!

"Actually," Carla cut in optimistically. "I think, right now, Petunia's angrier at the world in general than at you. And I think if she hates anyone right now other than dad, it's that James of yours. Not you. I don't mean to defend the boy you just sent packing or anything, Lily, but you've got to give him some credit. He didn't let your sister scare him off, after all, now did he?" Of course he didn't… But… while Carla might find such a thing impressive, Lily had known James for five years. His best friend was Sirius Black, and look at what kind of family that kid came from! It wasn't about siblings. No, it most definitely wasn't.

"I'm sorry," Lily whispered, her body slowly starting to shake. "I didn't mean for any of this. I didn't mean for any of it." It was a mantra she kept on repeating for well into the rest of the night, and then for the rest of the summer.

**ooooooo**

The rest of the summer was spent in painful tension – at least for the two Evans sisters. Neither one of them could so much as even lookat each other – mostly because Lily found herself too ashamed to meet anyone's gaze, much less her sister's, while Petunia simply remained as spiteful as ever. They were not at all pleased with each other, or with each other's trouble with men. Petunia seemed to think, and implied on more than one occasion, that Lily's encounter with James had been intentionally set up. That the whole thing was a show, perhaps to spoil her own evening with Vernon Dursley. Such accusations, Lily found, were more painful than anything James could have ever possibly done to her.

Over the weeks that followed, she received numerous letters from Alice, each one assuring her that if she wanted to get away from her house, all she needed to do was write back in the affirmative, and the older Gryffindor would Apparate to London and take her away. Often enough Lily felt tempted to, but guilt kept her at home. Now that Mr. Wright had left, the Fletchers were all completely alone in trying to mend fences with the girls. Since they were obviously having no luck whatsoever with Petunia, Lily actually felt herself obligated to stay for as long as she could. Their family had done so much for hers… It would have been wrong for _this _to be their reward…

Diagon Alley that year was in rough shape. When the day came for Lily and Mr. Fletcher to make their annual trip, the girl received an unexpected letter from Fanny Campbell telling her to stay at home. All the books and supplies that she might possibly need for her sixth year, the vivacious member of Professor Dumbledore's Order would see sent to Hogwarts with Isabelle. Lily and her foster family, however, were _not_ to venture anywhere near the place! It had simply grown too dangerous.

_Yes, _Lily had thought miserably, upon rereading the letter. _But try explaining that to the Fletchers. _They were all still conveniently ignorant of the little fact that there was a war raging. Not even Petunia knew! Lily hadn't wanted any of them worrying about something they had no control over. And so she found herself doing something she never would have even considered doing once upon a time. She flat-out lied to them.

"Apparently, I've already got everything I need," she cheerfully informed Mr. Fletcher, all the while stuffing Fanny's letter into her pocket. "Sixth years don't need to go to Diagon Alley! The school only encourages it because students bring the place good business. I'll be able to manage just fine!"

"But what about your books?" Mr. Fletcher had asked, scratching the back of his head in obvious bafflement. Lily offered him an evasive smile.

"One of my friends is entering her seventh year," she stated eloquently, "and offered to give me all her old ones! She doesn't have anymore use for them, and didn't want to throw them out!" When had she become such a quick thinker? When had she become so good at lying? The sad truth was she could probably thank James Potter for this… She hated lying to her guardians, but justified it by assuring herself that it was simply one of those things where honesty did more damage. She wanted to return to Hogwarts. She wanted to see her friends again and she wanted to keep tutoring first years. It would… it would be better for everyone this way… wouldn't it?

Nevertheless, keeping the Fletchers in the dark about it did very little to soothe her own nerves. How bad was it, exactly? If Fanny didn't want her venturing into Diagon Alley, it must be extremely dangerous. The Dark Lord… and Death Eaters all around… killing… pillaging… rampaging… She spent her nights tossing and turning, suffering from horrific nightmares the likes of which she had never experienced before in her entire life. More than once she was awoken from the depths of some such terror by an extremely concerned Carla, who never failed to ask what her dreams were about. Of course Lily never cared to answer, choosing instead to crawl out of bed and into the shower. Everyday she found herself cleaning her bed sheets, for every time she woke up, she seemed utterly drenched in layers of sweat.

"I don't remember them," she found herself assuring everyone when they insisted she explain. "I always forget in the morning." Eventually, when she could take no more of it, she wrote to Alice, beseeching the older girl to send her a package of certain ingredients, so that she might brew herself a sleeping potion. Drinking that before bed each night helped her sleep soundly. She was not bothered by dreams of any kind, and summer came to a swift end.

**ooooooo**

**A/N: **I know! This one's so short it's almost painful! But I couldn't think of how to make it any longer! I'll try getting the next one up soon, and hopefully it won't be such a filler! Still, I hope everyone reviews. Comments help me write faster, you know! Thanks!


	67. Sixth Years

**ooooooo**

The start-of-term feast that September seemed mildly more intense than usual. Whatever had happened in Diagon Alley, it was without a doubt on everyone's mind. Very little celebrating was done that evening, even among the first years right after their Sorting, which seemed painfully unjust to Lily. She had never seen a group of eleven year olds so utterly dejected in her life. The worst part about it was that no one would tell her what happened and, astonishingly enough, there didn't seem to be any Daily Prophets – the wizarding world's most famous newspaper – lying around for her to read!

"What's going on?" she asked Isabelle for the umpteenth time after attempting to work out a means in which she could repay the girl's older sister for picking up her newest things and sending them to the school ahead of her. Isabelle, however, told her to forget about the money. After all, Lily only had muggle currency, and unless they could get to the bank in Diagon Alley, there wouldn't be anyway to convert it. The Campbells had no need of pounds; and, besides, they were friends, and if friends couldn't do each other favors in times of war, then when could they? As for Lily's original question, Isabelle ignored it, and went on ignoring it for quite some time.

Professor Dumbledore's annual speech that year seemed shorter than all the others, but there was one piece of news that caught Lily's attention. "For students who are in, or who have passed, their third year, I want to make it perfectly clear that there will be no visits into Hogsmeade until further notice." Lily couldn't believe it. She glanced around the Gryffindor table in incredulity, but most of her friends seemed perfectly capable of accepting such a revelation. It was in times like those that she wished more than ever she didn't live with muggles. She had no idea what was going on! And if they couldn't even go to Hogsmeade now…

She glanced towards the other end of the table and immediately caught sight of the four Marauders sitting together in unusual solemnity. She hadn't seen a single one of them all day, even when they had been on the train, which was slightly remarkable but, all things considered, not something she was terribly upset about. Sirius and Peter both looked like they had gained some weight – which actually flattered Sirius, as he was generally malnourished following the summer holidays, but Peter… _He _seemed tired. Worn out. His hair looked increasingly colorless, and his clothing unkempt. It broke Lily's heart to see him so. Meanwhile, Remus was decidedly taller than he had been the preceding spring. He still couldn't compete with Sirius, but he seemed to have grown into himself, and no longer resembled the awkward, sickly little child he had been five years ago. And as for James…

Lily unconsciously caught her breath when she saw him. He had a fork in hand, and was pensively using it to fiddle with his food. How he had managed to get food on his plate before Professor Dumbledore had finished speaking, she didn't know, but he wasn't eating it anymore than he seemed to be listening. He looked like he was in his own little world… a world that no one else could penetrate. What went on there was anyone's guess, for no one else would ever be able to perceive it… or comprehend it… James Potter looked alone that night. And if he had any idea why their weekends in Hogsmeade had been pulled off, it didn't seem to bother him. In fact, it was as if the very world itself held very little interest for him, and were it to stop spinning, he might not have cared. Lily knew she ought to be concerned by this… but found the only feeling she could stomach was bitter satisfaction. It was what he deserved! What happened over the summer… it changed things. It changed things irrefutably, and nothing would ever be the same between them again. She didn't know what was to become of their relationship. Their friendship was definitely ruined; they could never be friends. And Lily… she could only wonder where that left them… and where they would go from such a place…

Her thoughts were suddenly interrupted when Alice, sitting right next to her, sighed in unexpected, unbefitting bliss. All eyes were immediately on the seventh year, who responded to such attention by blushing furiously. "Sorry," she whispered, glancing down at the ring on her finger. Lily had heard all about the promise she'd made with Frank on the train ride up to the castle. It wasn't official yet, but they were practically engaged. That large house Lily had seen them standing before in all those photographs… that house was going to be Alice's! Well at least one person had cause to celebrate that night.

"I feel really guilty about not being more miserable," the girl admitted later on, once the Headmaster had finished speaking after the feast officially began.

"Well, you should," Pippa retorted, biting angrily into large roll of bread. "Of course, you _are_ getting married," she proclaimed, despite the food in her mouth. "You probably still wouldn't be miserable even if the damn school exploded!"

"The school is not going to explode!" Mary chided irritably. She'd been sitting in the same compartment as Pippa for the entire journey from platform nine and three-quarters, and was obviously growing impatient with the girl's sour attitude. "Please keep your voice down, Pip, if you must insist on saying such things! You might frighten some of the first years."

"'You might frighten some of the first years,'" Pippa mocked, rolling her eyes as if she could care less. "Honestly, Mary, if those kids get scared by _me_, they're going to be in a lot of trouble out there in the real world, now aren't they?" She scoffed, shook her head, and finished her roll. Meanwhile, Lily stared at her in open dismay.

"What is going on?" she demanded, quietly for Mary's sake, but nevertheless as insistently as ever. If they didn't answer her questions, she determined that she'd just have to keep on interrogating them until they did. Something wasn't right… and it was putting everyone on edge so that friends were snapping at friends! Only Alice seemed immune. Lily wanted to help, but since she didn't even know what the problem was, she just couldn't figure out how! She spun around from Alice to Isabelle to Pippa to Mary, growing slightly desperate. "I mean, enough is enough! You're not just going to keep me in the dark all year about this, are you? Will someone _please _tell me?" Her friends all glanced at each other warily, no doubt wondering whether or not Lily was capable of handling the truth. It was all she could do not to yell at them in frustration. "I'm not a little girl anymore! I'm sixteen! And I'm more of a teacher at this school than any of you, so stop sheltering me!" She still spoke in quiet tones, for the younger students weren't sitting at all that far from her, but her tones themselves were fierce and obstinate. She wouldn't be ignored! And she did not want to think of herself as a child anymore. If Alice could get engaged… she could cope with the reality of war… right?

Isabelle sighed, finally leaning towards her. "Something happened in Diagon Alley the morning Fanny sent you that letter," she informed the girl quietly, speaking in whispers that were barely audible even though she was practically speaking directly into Lily's ear. "Several families apparently decided it would be safer for them to do their shopping as a group, which I suppose is reasonable enough. But when they got there, they were all ambushed by Death Eaters. Several adults were injured, and now all the children are missing." Lily's heart stopped beating as shock coursed through her body. _No…_ "And if you look over at the Slytherin table," Isabelle went on, having not finished. "You'll notice it's slightly less crowded than usual." Lily whirled her head around in disbelief. But… it was… exactly as the older girl had observed. "Several families have pulled their sons and daughters out of Hogwarts. Considering what happened at Diagon Alley, the castle is undeniably the safest place for everyone's children, and you'd think it'd be more crowded here than ever before. However, word on the streets is those missing Slytherins are off to become the next generation of Death Eaters. The war is getting out of hand. And our side is losing."

So that was what was going on. Lily swallowed hard, sweat breaking out on her brow. It was a very good thing, then, that she hadn't forgotten to pack her sleeping potion. Something told her she'd be having nightmares without it. "How old…?" She met Isabelle's gaze; since the two were huddled so closely together, she could see her own reflection in the older girl's eyes. "How old are the missing children?"

"Eleven," Isabelle replied. "They were going to be first years. Seven of them, total. Seven's an extremely magical number. Professor Dumbledore has members of the Order out looking for them. Fanny's helping, of course. But The Ministry of Magic has all but given up. They think those kids are as good as dead."

Lily closed her eyes tightly and looked away. Maybe she'd misjudged herself. She could sense tears coming. Maybe she wasn't quite as grown up as she'd thought. She couldn't… It wasn't… She didn't even know these children! And yet, she felt… almost… as if _she_ had lost them! She could only imagine what their families were going through. "I'm so sorry…"

"Security's getting real tight around here," Mary continued, jumping in so that Isabelle might take a breath. After all, spreading news such as this wasn't the kind of job one person should have sole responsibility over. It was easier… when friends helped lighten the load. "Now that You-Know-Who seems to be going after children, it's really no wonder they don't want us visiting Hogsmeade. That village would be like a feeding ground for Death Eaters."

"But Hogwarts is still safe?" Lily asked, relieved to see her friends all nodding. She didn't want to even think about little Albert, or Sarah, or Richard, or Lydia, or any of her other students getting hurt. She cared so much about them… it was enough to cause her stomach to ache. She loved every single one of them. She'd… she'd… she'd trade her own freedom for theirs in a heartbeat if she had to! As she would have for those seven little kids in Diagon Alley, had she only been there… despite the fact that she didn't even know them… or anything about them… other than the fact that they were just so young… and that their families were probably all out of their minds in fear… and despair… She just wished there was something she could do for them! "We shouldn't be here… We should all be out looking for them!"

Isabelle nodded her head knowingly. "See? This is exactly why we weren't going to tell you!"

"She would have found out sooner or later," Pippa argued snidely before focusing on the sixth year. "We should all be out looking for them." Her voice was cold and contemptuous. "Because we're all so proficient with our wands and surely won't get in anyone's way! Why don't you use that intelligent brain of yours, Lily, and _think_? We're all seventeen. We're all of age. Do you honestly think any of us would be sitting here right now if Dumbledore would allow us to lend a hand? The Order of the Phoenix is for graduates only, and like Isabelle said, the Ministry of Magic isn't looking anymore. So you can forget about helping those kids, and concentrate on learning how to Apparate!"

"Pippa!" Mary scolded, seeing how the girl's words were affecting Lily. The sixth year's heart felt like it was ice, and it felt as though the ice were lodged in her throat. She was cold. She was shivering. She didn't know how she was going to be able to concentrate on learning anything. Everything felt so… surreal… and terrible. It had to be a dream. This war… It had to stop.

"We need you here, Lil," Isabelle cut into her thoughts, almost as if she could read them. Lily glanced at the seventh year, her bright green eyes slightly and questioningly narrowed. They needed her here? For what? For her to cry and feel useless? What good did that do anyone? "This is going to be a hard year for everyone. The professors are all up to their necks in work. A fair majority of them support Dumbledore's Order, so they're all going to be juggling responsibilities instead of giving their full attention to the students. And speaking of the students, we outnumber the staff by far. Who's going to take care of the younger ones, Lily, if not you? Out of everyone here, you're the last person who should be out looking for those seven kids. You're sitting right where you're needed most."

Lily stared at her for several long, painful minutes. In other words, this year promised to be the most taxing year yet. Especially for her. How was she supposed to make it? How was she supposed to be strong enough? _"Learn to stand." _Her father's last bit of advice to her. She didn't think she could. "I'm sorry."

**ooooooo**

The students had all begun to file out of the Great Hall and towards their individual common rooms. Lily, feeling depressed and agitated, remained with the two new Gryffindor prefects, helping them wrangle the first years. The ghosts were floating through the tables now, and she couldn't help but wonder if she hadn't died and joined their numbers. Her body almost seemed, to her, too light… too transparent… too empty…

A sudden commotion caught her immediate attention over towards the Hufflepuff table. It looked like a Slytherin prefect was taking advantage of the surrounding confusion – most of the staff stood by the Great Hall's large entranceway, or were out overseeing the rest of the castle. Some, like Professor Dumbledore, had already retreated back to their individual offices, and in any event, there were no teachers around to witness the prefect as he took that moment to harass some of Hufflepuff's first years. Lily felt a wave of revulsion wash through her that lasted even when Hufflepuff's prefect rushed to the first years' rescue. The fifth year girl, however, was clearly outmatched by the Slytherin boy. It took Lily a moment to recall their names… Vaughn Derricks and Mallory Smith… Poor Mallory looked ready to collapse and the term had only just begun!

"All right, first years, listen up!" The Gryffindor prefect, Humphrey Mallard, had gathered together the eleven year olds, obviously not observing Mallory and the Hufflepuff first years' plight whatsoever. "This is Lily Evans!" He gestured towards the sixth year, and all eyes landed on her. "She tutors! She gives tours! She's basically taken over Professor McGonagall's job-"

"Excuse me," she quietly interrupted Humphrey, having barely heard a word. Quite oblivious to the fact that every Gryffindor first year present was staring at her in curiosity and interest, Lily made her way over towards the Hufflepuffs. From the corner of her eye, she thought she saw James, Sirius, Peter, and Remus all watching Vaughn in extreme distaste. Sirius looked ready to pounce, but James, amazingly enough, was gripping his friend's arm, holding him back. Lily shot him a second glance, and could see his face was creased, furrowed, and taut all at once. He looked like he was thinking about something harder than he ever had before in his entire life. Lily had no idea what to make of it.

By then, however, she had reached the Hufflepuff first years. Mallory was standing between them and Vaughn, who towered over her almost threateningly. There was a cruel smirk splitting his face in two, and Lily heard him say, "He'll be after them next, you know." He nodded at the first years, causing the lot of them to flinch. Lily caught her breath. They certainly hadn't come all this way for something like this!

Pushing past Vaughn while pretending to completely ignore both him and Mallory, Lily joined the frightened children. "I'm willing to reckon you've all been pushed to the brim tonight, haven't you?" They stared up at her in wide eyed bafflement, obviously wondering who she was and whose side she was on. Behind her, Lily heard Mallory whisper her name in relief, whereas Vaughn seemed to be choking. She turned around to face him, and noticed he looked both put out by her arrival and slightly resentful. His face was turning red. She shook her head. "If you don't mind too terribly, Mr. Derricks, I'm supposed to be taking the first years on a tour of the castle right now. However, if you can't even distinguish between the Slytherin table and the Hufflepuff one, maybe you'd like to tag along?"

"Evans…" he looked ready to pull out his wand. If he did, Lily wasn't quite sure what she'd do in response. Just because she'd grown more comfortable with her own didn't mean she'd be able to fight him back. Once again, however, she caught sight of James Potter from the corner of her eye. He was taking several steps towards the confrontation, with Sirius and Remus both behind him. Before they got too close, however, James stopped, as if meaning to keep his distance. Nevertheless, Lily found herself slightly more confident, despite everything, knowing that the Marauders were all there, ready to step in if things got out of control.

"Well, Vaughn?" she asked, staring at the Slytherin challengingly. He glared at her a second longer, and then sneered before shaking his head and turning around. Lily waited until he'd marched all the way to his friends before glancing back at the first years again. "Would any of you be interested in taking a tour of the castle?" They were all staring at her with those same wide eyes, but their expressions were now lit with wonder. Looking slightly numb, they bobbed their heads without a word. Lily offered them the kindest smile she could possibly summon at such a time, before motioning them towards the Gryffindor table, where the Gryffindor first years were all waiting, watching in equal fascination.

Before she could join them, however, Mallory called after her. "Lily!" Upon turning around, the Gryffindor found herself facing one extremely relieved Hufflepuff. "Thank you! That was…" She shook her head as if trying to clear her thoughts. "Thank you."

Lily found it decidedly more difficult to smile at a girl who was older than eleven. It was just… hard to wear that mask of carefreeness in front of everyone. The smile that she managed for Mallory was not at all one of reassurance so much as it was one of sorrow. "We just have to keep our eyes out for each other. That's all." Speaking of which, Lily turned her head towards the mass of Gryffindors where she had originally spotted James backing her up. He wasn't there anymore. And when she looked a second time, she couldn't even find a trace of him anywhere in the Great Hall! He and his fellow Marauders had all but disappeared.

Biting back a sigh, Lily hasted towards the first years. A group of Ravenclaws had joined the young Gryffindors and Hufflepuffs, and were even now being quietly brought up to speed on how Lily had just chased off a frightening Slytherin. She felt herself flushing – she didn't mean to become the talk of the school already! How did she constantly find herself put in these situations? "All right! All right!" She turned her head again to see if there were anymore first years that might join them. Unfortunately, however, the only first years left were Slytherins, and when she caught sight of them, she could only watch in helplessness as Vaughn and the house's female prefect herded them away, obviously intent on keeping their lot isolated. Lily breathed deeply. Something told her this was going to be an extremely long year. She looked back at her group of first years. They were all waiting for her expectantly, and she gave them another gentle smile. "How about some introductions? My name's Lily."

**ooooooo**

The castle seemed to be growing. Lily couldn't remember how much time the first two tours she'd ever led had taken, but surely they hadn't lasted quite _this_ long! It was approaching midnight by the time she and the young Gryffindors reached the Fat Lady's portrait. Mallory and another Ravenclaw prefect had already met up with the group after the tour ended, relieving her of several students – none of whom seemed particularly glad to be parting company with her. The Gryffindors, on the other hand, all looked utterly thrilled to have Lily all to themselves. It wasn't quite the same lighthearted experience that it had been the previous year, when they had entered the trophy room to discover a chamber filled with tributes to the Marauders, and then Peeves trapped in a painting, but it was what it was. The year was off to a rough, rocky start, but Lily couldn't help wondering… weren't the closest friends made when times were hardest? She wasn't sure… It sounded doubtful… but it was something to hope for. And Lily had lost so much hope already… she didn't want to lose her first years as well.

Remus was standing in the corridor outside the portrait hole waiting for her. He shot the children all a warm, welcoming look before speaking the password and assuring them it was safe to climb inside. "Humphrey Mallard's up there waiting to point you towards your rooms. I'm just gonna borrow Lily for a couple of minutes, that's all."

"Goodnight," she called after them as they trudged their way towards the common room. Once they were out of sight, the Fat Lady's portrait flew shut, and Lily was alone with Remus. It was the first time they had been this close together in two months, and she had honestly missed him. Without further ado, she wrapped her arms around him in a warm embrace. "I'm so glad to see you! How was your summer?"

He waited a few seconds before pulling back from her, and then answered the question. "I Exceeded Expectations in every class except Potions. For that one, I did Poorly." She smiled sympathetically, trying not to blush too hard as she thought about her own grades. There was time enough for that later, and Remus, insightful as ever, didn't ask how she had done. "My actual holiday went by uneventfully. I guess in times like these, that's a blessing in itself." He had pulled away from her, yes, but he was still holding her hands rather tightly in his own. There was something extremely protective about the way he gripped them. "I saw you helping out Mallory Smith. I can honestly say Vaughn Derricks wasn't expecting an intervention like that. Are you all right?"

Lily hesitated. She knew she couldn't very well lie to him, since he'd be able to see right through her, but it wasn't something she wanted to talk about. "It's not like he hurt me or anything, Remus. I'm a big girl." She tried to ignore the nagging little voice in her head reminding her how she'd used that very same argument to wheedle information out of Isabelle and the others. She hadn't been able to support her claim in the discussion that followed… What made her think things would be any different now? The truth was, it stung more than she'd realized to think that any Slytherin could possibly be as cruel within the castle's walls as those who weren't completely _ignorant _often found.

"Big girl or not, I don't want you to get hurt," Remus told her earnestly. "Things are changing. We're losing the war right now, and the Dark Lord's followers are growing bolder by the day. I don't know if you heard or not, but Sirius ran away from home. He's living with James now. There could be a… slight possibility that his mum'll come looking for him. In which case, she'll be on a tirade, and I don't want you getting involved."

_There're probably ten dozen reasons why he's saying all this, _Lily thought. And none of them were unwarranted. She sighed. "Let me guess. James probably asked you to warn me away from all the Slytherins this year, right?" A small smile formed on Remus' face.

"It's not just him, Lil," he assured her. "We took a vote… it was kind of unanimous. Don't go looking to get yourself hurt. You've already done more than any of the other students in this entire castle… put together!"

"How is Sirius?" she asked, ignoring his last comment. It wasn't something she wanted to listen to. She might have done more… but it often felt like she hadn't done enough! She had tried… but accomplished nothing. Despite the Outstanding marks she'd made on all her O.W.L.s, she felt like she'd failed everyone. "When he ran away from home… was he okay? Is he going to be okay?"

"Well…" Remus shrugged uncomfortably. "He seems to be doing fine, but he's a little impatient with James. Apparently, _he's_ not been acting the same since August. Don't know what that's about. Other than that, though, Sirius isn't too worried about his folks. He doesn't turn seventeen for a couple more months, so technically he's not an adult yet, which means if his mum does come looking for him, he'll be in a bit of a fix…"

Lily bit her lips, her concern for Sirius steadily augmenting, while, at the same time, feeling slightly confused about James. What did Remus mean? He hadn't been acting the same? He hadn't been acting the same, how? She shook her head in a desperate attempt to clear her thoughts. If she tried sorting through every problem in the world at that moment, she'd probably just end up dying of fatigue. She hated to admit it… but her roommates might be right. Everyone had their limits, and she was growing more exhausted by the second. "You're not going to let anything happen to him, though?"

Remus smiled reassuring, squeezing her hands. "Of course we're not. James might be acting a bit weird, but he's not _that _far gone. I reckon the Blacks won't know what hit them if they _do _show up and try forcing Sirius away. If worse comes to worse, we'll hide him in the forest and get Hagrid to bring him food." Lily smiled slightly, much to Remus' relief. "Listen, Lil. You aren't alone. Things changed over the summer, but no matter what happens, the Marauders will always be on Dumbledore's side. You just worry about yourself and the first years, okay? We'll take care of the rest."

"You promise?" she asked, and Remus didn't hesitate to nod his head. Her smile broadened – not by much… but it was something. She pressed against him then, taking comfort in his embrace. It was more, she knew, than she could ever possibly hope for from Petunia. "Remus… I don't think you have any idea how glad I am Professor Dumbledore accepted you into Hogwarts."

**ooooooo**

**A/N: **So I'm trying to get more than just Lily's relationship with the Marauders into this story. I also want to portray her life in the midst of a war, and I gotta tell you… it's not easy. I hope this chapter was okay. It's a bit overwhelming, I'll be the first to admit. I think this year's gonna be one of the hardest for me to write, so I'd definitely love positive feedback, and maybe constructive criticism. As I've pointed out throughout the chapter, things are starting to change… so… please review! Thanks so much!


	68. Brainstorming

**A/N: **I'm not quite sure what the laws would have been concerning domestic abuse in Great Britain back in the 1970's, so just bear with me in this chapter. I feel like I'm guessing here, especially since we're dealing with the wizarding world instead of the muggle world. My only advice is to just go with it. Besides, I really don't think it's that big a deal, anyway. Please keep sending me reviews!

**ooooooo**

Lily's eyes snapped open and she sat stiffly upright, like one who had just remembered something urgent. Unfortunately for her, it was not urgency that plagued her, but a dream which had broken through her thoughts, despite the potion she had brewed. Apparently deep sleep wasn't enough of a remedy anymore to ward off nightmares. At least she wasn't in a cold sweat or anything… and her roommates hadn't woken up. Somehow, watching them sleep, Lily was given the distinct impression that _they_ were all carefree. Whether or not such was the case, however, hardly mattered. The fact was, she had been awoken by worry and they had not. It wasn't fair.

Slipping out of bed, Lily quietly left the seventh year dorm room. The seventh year… She herself was but a sixth year! Who would she be rooming with when her friends all graduated? She didn't want to think about how lonely it was going to be… Alice had learned to survive without Frank… Isabelle was learning how to survive without Corwin… And they both seemed to be doing just fine. But next year… Lily was going to have to figure out how to get by without _both _of them, as well as without Pippa, Mary, Charlotte, Morgan, Faith, and Harriet! She was going to be by herself! The lone seventh year… with four Marauders to boot.

_Let's not get ahead of ourselves, _Lily told herself severely, as she made her way down the spiraling staircase towards the common room. Along the way, she paused at every miniscule landing that led into one of the other dorm rooms. The younger girls would all be asleep, of course, but she just wanted to check and make sure they were all sleeping soundly. The first years, in particular. If any of them were suffering from the same sort of nightmares that she endured… There _had _to be something she could do about it!

"Well, Miss Evans, I certainly have heard rumors tonight, proclaiming my imminent replacement." Lily, having had been gazing silently at all the sleeping first years, now started in surprise, whirling around to find herself facing none other than Minerva McGonagall. The Transfiguration Professor was either still dressed from the day before or had already gotten dressed for tomorrow, and her hair was, as usual, pulled back into a rather tight bun. She had her arms crossed and was staring down at the girl critically. "I can see you're already taking your nightly rounds."

"I couldn't sleep," Lily felt her face flushing. Did Professor McGonagall take nightly rounds? It was certainly the first time _she'd _ever heard about it! Maybe because it was the first night at school? Or because of the war? In desperate times, such as these, surely the professors all took extra measures to ensure their students' comfort. "I didn't expect you…"

"Follow me," McGonagall suggested, after regarding the girl for another moment or two. "Let's not wake the first years." Lily hesitated, but knew well enough the middle of a dorm room filled with sleeping eleven year olds probably wasn't the ideal spot to hold a conversation. Obligingly, she allowed the head of her house to guide her the rest of the way downstairs, where they both sat across from each other at a table in the common room. It must surely have been well past midnight, for the hourglasses had all run out, and the embers in the fireplace seemed cold. "Now," Professor McGonagall turned two hard eyes towards Lily once again. "From one late night traveler to another, what seems to be troubling you, Miss Evans?"

Lily would have been surprised if the older woman didn't already know the answer to that particular question. Professor McGonagall knew just as well as any other professor how the girl felt about the war. It wasn't exactly the school's best kept secret, after all. Nevertheless, it _did _surprise her that her professor showed such an interest in her concerns all of a sudden. Some teachers were more considerate than others; there wasn't any doubt about that. Had it been Fanny Campbell sitting across from her right now, Lily would have expected something like this. But this was Professor Minerva McGonagall, for crying out loud! "I just… I heard about the seven children in Diagon Alley. And I… guess I wanted to make sure nothing happened to the first years."

"I believe I already assured you that Hogwarts has been enchanted by the most powerful witches and wizards the world has ever seen," McGonagall reminded her stridently. "And while your concern for the first years is admirable, its only benefit for you will be undue stress. It would be more prudent for you to get your sleep."

"I tried a sleeping potion tonight, and it did no good," Lily informed her quietly, staring down abashedly at the table's wooden surface. She was supposed to be brilliant at potions. How could one so simple as a sleeping potion have no effect? "And even if I could stop worrying about the students here… I couldn't about those missing children." She glanced back up at her teacher cautiously, and could see that McGonagall's expression had softened slightly. The woman honestly wasn't even _half_ as intimidating as most students here believed. Her heart was, Lily thought, and always would be, in the right place.

"They will be found, Miss Evans," she assured the girl in a quieter voice. "If not safely returned." Lily glanced up at her in surprise, and McGonagall nodded. "Professor Dumbledore understands He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named better than the Ministry does, and believes the Dark Lord only seeks to make a point. He has no real interest in any of those children…"

"Then why did his Death Eaters take them?"

McGonagall hesitated, her face etched in concern. Then she sighed, pulling forth her wand and conjuring up two small goblets full of maroon-colored liquid. Taking a sip out of one, she thought about how best to respond. Meanwhile, Lily silently picked up her own goblet, more out of respectful recognition than actual thirst. She had a feeling she'd not be up to drinking anything at all, whatsoever, for quite some time. A moment later, McGonagall started speaking again. "It is one way that You-Know-Who garners support. Professor Dumbledore seems to believe this is nothing more than a reminder to some of his more reluctant Death Eaters not to betray him."

"Is Professor Dumbledore generally right about things like this?" Lily asked, knowing full well it was a rather foolish question, but unable to help herself. Albus Dumbledore was said to be the most powerful wizard in the world, and she _had_ heard in the past that he was more than just slightly acquainted with the Dark Lord. She ought to have more faith in him… But the truth was… she wasn't quite sure just how much faith she could put in _anyone _anymore… Not after James… and Severus…

"Yes," Professor McGonagall was presently assuring her. "Yes, I daresay he is. And he doesn't give up, either. No doubt you've heard it whispered that our side is losing this war. That doesn't mean we've lost, Miss Evans. Not yet." Lily averted her gaze again. That only meant… that the war was still a far cry from ending. Before it was through, how many more people would die? How many more would be blackmailed into serving the darkest wizard known to man? Using children as hostages… It was the foulest thing she'd ever heard of!

"Professor McGonagall…" she glanced up at the woman after several minutes had past in silence. "Is there… is there a way to turn Hogwarts into a kind of safe haven?" The woman raised an eyebrow at that suggestion, and waited for Lily to continue. The sixth year took a deep breath. "I mean… if the students don't feel safe returning to their homes for whatever reason, couldn't they stay at the castle? Indefinitely?"

"Students have always been allowed to spend their holidays at Hogwarts, excepting the two summer months, of course," McGonagall reminded her. "Considering recent events, however, I suppose it wouldn't be unreasonable to extend that allowance and make it year round, with the Ministry's approval."

"What about students whose parents want to pull them out?" Lily asked, thinking immediately of Sirius. She'd been told by Remus not to involve herself in the Black family's domestic issues, but at that particular moment, she just couldn't help herself! "Can't they stay at the castle, too?"

McGonagall was examining her critically again. "We cannot simply disregard parents' wishes, Miss Evans. There are lines that not even Professor Dumbledore himself can cross. Unless the student is of age, our policy is that parents generally know what is best for their individual families, and therefore we cannot step in…" She hesitated, but only until Lily's bright green eyes had gotten the best of her. "Unless the case is extreme. It is, unfortunately, not in our power to remove children from certain unfavorable living conditions…"

"But?" Lily prompted, wondering how much her professor knew about Sirius Black, or whether or not she could simply read minds. It really didn't make that much of a difference, she nevertheless decided, so long as Sirius – and any other student like him – got the help he needed. Something of an idea was slowly taking shape in her mind.

"We won't send a child to his own execution," McGonagall finally allowed. "Of course, we'd require sufficient evidence of the fact-"

"What about during a war?" Lily quickly interrupted, her voice growing steadily more animated as she brainstormed various different possibilities. McGonagall could definitely tell she was up to something, for her attitude had completely changed! A second ago, she had been thoroughly depressed by the war, but now she almost seemed to be strategizing! "If we could _prove_ that certain parents are intending to force their children into becoming Death Eaters… children who don't want anything to do with Death Eaters… couldn't exceptions be made for them?" The way Professor McGonagall shrewdly seemed to consider Lily's suggestion made the girl feel almost as though they were conspiring together. Perhaps there _was _a way…!

"I would have to take the matter up with Professor Dumbledore," she said at last, much to Lily's delight. Had she been eleven years old, she doubted very much that anyone, _especially _Minerva McGonagall, would have paid her even the slightest mind! But she was a sixth year now, and finally felt more like an adult than ever before. But the professor wasn't finished yet. "And then he would have to take it up with the Ministry of Magic. If such a decree were to be made, however, the evidence necessary to confirm the parents' intentions would absolutely have to be conclusive. I daresay nothing less than proving them to be Death Eaters themselves would suffice."

"In which case, they'd be arrested, wouldn't they?" Lily asked knowingly, earning a single nod from her professor. "I can't imagine any Death Eaters taking a risk like that," she speculated thoughtfully. "If such a decree existed, they'd not chance it. They'd sooner just let their children remain at school. Sirius would never have to leave!" Her increasing excitement had suddenly betrayed her. Realizing what she'd just said, Lily froze, staring up at the professor in dismay. McGonagall, however, didn't look at all surprised.

"Ah," she nodded her head a second time, glancing down at her hands – which were resting folded on the table. "I wondered if Mr. Black's name wouldn't come up in this little conversation of ours." She took a deep breath and let it out again, focusing on Lily with a sorrowful gaze. "The truth is, Miss Evans, while such a proposal is in itself reasonable, the Ministry of Magic is not run by the most reasonable of witches and wizards. I cannot say whether or not they would approve of such a decree, but even were they to do so, it would not be official for quite some time. Several months, at the very least." Lily felt her stomach tightening painfully… She hadn't thought of that! "If Mr. Black is still attending Hogwarts by then, I would go so far as to call him the last person in need of the Ministry's help."

Lily bit her lip, all hope dying in her mouth. It tasted like ash on her tongue. So much for that plan, then… "I don't suppose you know he ran away from home this summer?" If Mrs. Black _did _come looking for Sirius, his little escapade certainly wouldn't be a secret any longer, and therefore Lily didn't feel particularly guilty about revealing it to the head of her house. Not that she needed to, however.

"Yes, I am aware," Professor McGonagall quietly assured her. "I did send him this year's letter and his O.W.L. results, didn't I?"

"So what would you do?" Lily asked, looking up at her forlornly. "If his parents come looking to punish him for it… There has to be some kind of loophole, right?" Much to her desolation, however, Professor McGonagall could only shake her head.

"I'm afraid not," she told the girl somberly. "I will speak to the Headmaster regarding your suggestions for any of the other students, of course, but should Mr. Black's parents arrive at the castle to remove him from school, there is nothing that can be done for him at present." She must have noticed Lily's crestfallen expression, for her own grew increasingly soft. "I am sorry, Miss Evans." Despite everything that had happened the year before, Sirius was still Sirius, and Lily didn't know whether or not she could bear losing him as she had lost his little brother. _Regulus… _

She had learned, after the boy's expulsion, just how little power children had over their own lives. She had learned that the world simply didn't work the way it did in books and fairytales. There were stories where children completely foiled their parents and villains alike, triumphing over every hardship, obstacle, and complication thrown their way. Stories where friends could simply not be torn apart. Stories where the good guys always won. But when Regulus had… been taken from her… she'd learned the painful truth. Reality was so much crueler than that! Twelve year olds like Regulus… Fourteen year olds like her… They had no power over anything in their lives. And the parents always won.

But Lily wasn't fourteen years old anymore. She was almost of age in the wizarding community! She was practically grown up now, wasn't she? It felt like… she was in the grips of an excruciatingly personal struggle against the Black family. She had lost Regulus… She couldn't let those horrible people have Sirius as well. She was so much older now… She had done outstandingly on all her O.W.L.s… She didn't want to think of herself as helpless, even though she had nothing whatsoever with which she could back up her claim to power and strength. And yet… she felt strangely determined… If her first idea had been a bust, she needed only to come up with another… and then another after that… until she found one that stood half a chance at proving successful.

"I can say this, though," Professor McGonagall presently broke into her thoughts, even as she rose to her feet. "The Blacks are an extremely proud family. The last thing they want on their hands is a scandal involving their first born son. Especially in times such as these." Lily glanced up at her sharply, and noticed the slight approval in her professor's eyes. "It is to your credit, Miss Evans, that you care so much about the Black children. There are very few others in the world who would give either one of them even half the mind that you have. But now I must insist you get back to bed. You will be receiving your new schedule tomorrow, and after that lessons will soon begin. I trust you still intend on taking every available class, is that correct?"

"Yes, ma'am," Lily confirmed, getting back to her feet as well. It was the agreement she had made with the head of her house the year before, in exchange for not receiving career advice. Remus had made the same bargain himself, but Lily already knew he wouldn't be taking advanced Potions that year. Professor Slughorn simply didn't accept students who had done poorly on their O.W.L.s. At least that was one less thing the boy had to worry about. Lily doubted very much he thought of it as a great and terrible loss.

_"…slight possibility that his mum'll come looking for him. In which case, she'll be on a tirade, and I don't want you getting involved." _Thinking of Remus brought back to her mind, once again, the warning he had given her earlier that evening. If he knew she was up right now, having this discussion with Professor McGonagall, he'd be understandably alarmed. Lily knew it was only that he didn't want her getting hurt. He didn't want her heart getting broken anymore. But… what he either didn't know or failed to realize… was that Lily had already had her heart broken so many times, maybe she could start building up an immunity or something. Besides, she'd been involved in the Black family since they tore Regulus away from her. She just couldn't stand back and watch now! Not when things had grown so personal.

**ooooooo**

Classes began the following day, as McGonagall had said, and for the most part they were as strenuous as ever. Spells grew more complicated, theories more in-depth… While teachers seemed gracious enough to assign sixth years less homework than they did fifth and seventh years – all of whom were studying for their O.W.L.s and N.E.W.T.s – they more than made up for it with their extensive practical expectations. They were more concerned with the students' overall performances than they were with busywork. The one exception, however, much to Lily's delight, was Defense Against the Dark Arts.

Roger Bedford had taken his leave. Though the details weren't entirely clear as to _why _he had resigned – which was relatively unusual since Hogwarts didn't keep its secrets altogether very secret – general speculation was that it had something to do with the war. One popular explanation was that he had returned to the Department of Magical Law Enforcement to aid in the struggle against He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named. Of course, the second most popular explanation was that he had been bitten by Professor Slughorn's vampire guest the spring before, and could no longer stand to be teaching during sunlit afternoons. Needless to say, one never knew who to believe in situations such as those.

His replacement was a man named Christopher Crimson. The professor was, according to most of the students, a bumbling idiot, but Lily rather liked him. He had a kind enough smile, and even though he might have been more than just a little clumsy, dropping his things all over the place, and constantly sneezing, wearing these wide-rimmed bifocals that were just too big for his face, he wasn't bad at casting spells. It might have taken him the entire hour just to get through half a normal lesson, considering how awkwardly words seemed to leave his mouth – he was every bit as clumsy at delivering a lecture as he was at holding a goblet of pumpkin juice – but he _was_ intelligent enough. Nevertheless, Lily thought for sure the Marauders would tear him apart… but…

More often than not that first week, James Potter spent his energy actually _helping _Professor Crimson express to the other students his various concepts and instructions. He behaved more like an assistant – earning Gryffindor several house points – than he did a rebel. It was… painfully unexpected… and Lily didn't know what to make of it. Of course James still wasn't the ideal sixth year! She caught him on more than one occasion grinning stupidly at Professor Crimson's clumsiness, or rolling his eyes in derisive scorn at Professor Crimson's inept communicative abilities. He hadn't much respect for the man, that was obvious. But at least he didn't seem overly eager to go out of his way causing trouble. That was something, right?

As for Sirius, that first week went by in strange tranquility. Remus had told her that the boy wasn't too concerned about his folks, but whenever _she_ took notice of him, he always seemed to be slightly tenser than he had been the year before. She often observed him glancing over his shoulder, as if half expecting there to be someone behind him. Fortunately enough, there never was. Lily often wanted to approach him and ask how he was coping, but… as was only to be expected, he always seemed to be an arm's distance away from James… as if taking as much comfort in the boy's presence as Peter. After all, who knew how much longer they'd be in each other's company? In any case, Lily was taking great pains to avoid the boy who had caused her so much turmoil the previous summer. She wasn't about to go anywhere near him.

After that first week had ended, however, and still nothing happened, Sirius began to relax. Word in the corridors claimed that two of the seven missing children from Diagon Alley had now been found alive and well – just as Dumbledore predicted. The summer's horrors were slowly starting to mend, and with them, Sirius grew more confident that he was, at last, free. After all, if his parents hadn't come for him yet, surely they weren't coming at all!

Tutoring, for Lily, quickly became one of the freshest breaths of air she could feasibly hope for – now that Hogsmeade was so far out of reach. With all the advanced magic she found herself dealing with, the simpler spells and potions and history lessons were really quite relaxing. She enjoyed teaching the first years, and they seemed to be as grateful as her previous students had been to receive extra practice. Since it was the start of the year, however, older students weren't quite yet as anticipative – though they _did_ often poke their heads into the tutor room just to say hi. And, unfortunately, there weren't nearly as many Slytherins as there had been once upon a time. Vaughn Derricks, the house's prefect, was clearly going out of his way to make sure that none of _his_ first years spent any time whatsoever in the company of a Gryffindor. Nevertheless, there were two – occasionally three – who proved sly enough to sneak away. It was quite impressive, really, for even though such sneakiness seemed to be the mark of a Slytherin, they _were _only eleven, and Vaughn was as much a Slytherin as any. Lily couldn't help but wonder how they managed it, and found herself one night seeking answers.

She had just finished her tutorial the Friday night after classes began. As first years began clambering their way out of the tutor room, she called for the three Slytherins to hold back a minute, feeling more like a teacher everyday. Once the room was clear of all other Gryffindors, Ravenclaws, and Hufflepuffs, she focused on the three rather pleasantly. In total, there were two girls and a boy. Janet, Brenda, and Grant. "I just wanted to make sure none of you were getting in too much trouble with the rest of your friends…"

"Our 'friends,' if that's what you'd even call them, don't know we're here," Brenda snapped huffily. "Now if you'll excuse us, we have to get back to the common room before 'they' notice we're missing!" With that, she and her two fellow Slytherins marched their way out of the room. Lily herself hesitated only for a split-second, and then hastened towards the door. Poking her head outside, she watched as they sped off, waiting only until they turned a corner before racing after them. Pausing at the bend, she glanced around as stealthily as she could, catching sight of them as they descended down a set of stairs. In such a manner she followed, until they reached the dungeons.

_What am I doing? _she questioned herself as she made her way down into the coldest, darkest region of the castle. At this rate, she'd end up following those kids all the way to the Slytherin common room! That wouldn't be like her! If she got caught… She wasn't exactly a Marauder, now was she? She doubted very much she'd be able to wheedle her way into a reasonable cover story.

At that moment, however, the three children suddenly stopped, much to her surprise, in front of a classroom. The Potions classroom. Lily, who had been following closer behind them than was probably wise, stiffened in alarm – for she did not want to be seen – and quickly ducked her way into a small, shadowy alcove along the dungeon corridor's wall. It was cold, damp, and filthy, but that lost every ounce of import when the door to the Potions room opened and Severus Snape walked out. Lily caught her breath in surprise. Straining to hear, she couldn't afford to exhale as the sixth year Slytherin began his interrogation.

"How was the tutorial?"

"It went well," Janet informed him diffidently. All three of the first years were staring up at him in obvious, fearful respect. Severus might not have been a very popular student when it came to the rest of the school, but in Slytherin… he had seniority over Vaughn Derricks _and _a great knowledge, not even Lily could deny, of the Dark Arts. He wasn't someone to be taken lightly.

"I was able to perform a levitation spell!" Brenda gleefully told him, hardly able to keep a hint of smug, self-satisfaction out of her voice.

"Good," Severus snapped coldly – but nevertheless with approval. "Derricks doesn't suspect a thing. He's as dimwitted as they come. Follow me." And without further ado, he swept deeper into the castle dungeons, with the first years trotting close behind. Lily couldn't remember the last time she'd ever felt so amazed. Severus Snape was not, even on a good day, fond of company. And yet… there he was, helping three kids get in and out of her tutorial! It didn't make any sense!

Lily had promised the boy she wouldn't be a bother to him anymore… so she already knew she'd not question him about this… And yet… she still couldn't help but wonder… What other strange and unexpected twists and surprises were being held in store for her this year? If tonight was anything to go by… then by the time June rolled around, pigs might be flying and muggles using wandless magic.

**ooooooo**

**A/N: **_Please _review and assure me this chapter didn't disappoint! I appreciate it so much!


	69. New Challenges

**ooooooo**

The first week of school had ended. Two of the seven missing children had been found and safely returned to their families. She had three Slytherins attending her tutorials – which was, in all honesty, more than she could have possibly hoped for, after the start-of-term feast. Of course, they were all being abetted by the increasingly enigmatic Severus Snape, which was definitely a mystery in itself which Lily didn't think she'd ever be able to solve. And, last but certainly not least, Sirius Black finally seemed to be completely free of his vile, horribly detestable parents! It had definitely been an eventful start to yet another year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Maybe, despite all her doubts and painful misgivings, this would be the year the war ended after all.

Monday classes had come to an end, and Lily found herself completely free until her tutorial began after dinner. Instead of meeting her friends outside by the lake, however, as she had done everyday of the preceding week, Lily found herself wandering carelessly towards the library. Carla had yet to send her a good book this term – after all, she'd only been gone a week! And though the library tended to carry solely reference books for the students' academic needs, every once in awhile Lily would find something suitable for light reading. Once, back in her fifth year, she'd found William Shakespeare's entire collection! Not that she'd read it all, or anything. Just knowing it was there, however, reminded her there was more to the library than Madam Pince and Hogwarts: A History.

Aside from the crabby old librarian, Lily found the place predictably abandoned. Noticing Peeves, as she made her way towards the far end of the room, floating around one of the upper shelves in an aisle that was presently out of Madam Pince's line of vision, Lily took extra care, when putting down her belongings at a reading table, to charm them so that troublemakers like the poltergeist wouldn't be able to touch. Then, she strolled down a different aisle, glancing at every shelf for some title, or maybe even the name of some author, which might capture her attention.

Five minutes passed and she was still looking. Of course, she hadn't made much progress, for it did take time to remove a book from the shelf, skim quickly through it, and then put it carefully back in its place. There was just so much to choose from, and whenever Lily found something that might look readable, she couldn't help but wonder whether or not there wasn't anything even better. Surely, if she just kept patiently at it, she'd find the most incredible novel to have ever been written just waiting for her to read! She didn't want to miss it, and so she kept looking, nevertheless remembering, all the while, what other books she'd found and where they were shelved… just in case.

"Fascinating thing about books."

Lily jumped, nearly dropping the one she was holding in such great surprise. She hadn't heard anyone approaching! How was it that she could be so easily caught off guard these days? First Professor McGonagall and now… She whirled around to see who it was that had snuck up on her. To her complete and utter shock, there was a man dressed in decorative robes, with a long silver beard, wearing half-moon glasses. The Headmaster…

He offered her a kindly smile, placing his hand on a shelf – as if using it to support his weight – while gazing at the countless tomes it maintained. He looked exhausted, Lily couldn't help but observe. She wasn't the only one, then, who was tired of the war. Nevertheless, there was that familiar sparkle in his eyes. Tired or not, Albus Dumbledore was still as spirited as they came. "I'd wager there's nothing more magical. With just a few short paragraphs, readers can be whisked away into different worlds, lives, and adventures. They need not even cast a spell to do so."

"I love reading," Lily agreed with him, placing her book back on the shelf. "I think if I had enough time, I'd read every book in here." And then she wouldn't have to waste time searching for the best, most engaging one! If she could read every book in the library, she knew she'd find it sooner or later. Unfortunately, no one had time enough to do _that_. Especially when they were taking as many advanced classes as she was, and tutoring to top it off! Besides, there was also the Restricted Section of the library to consider… It would be utterly impossible coming up with an excuse to read every single one of those, after all…

Professor Dumbledore was still smiling, and he took a deep breath. "There's nothing quite like the smell of pungent mustiness, no?" He glanced at her in time to see her make a face. Now _that_ was one thing she didn't agree with him whatsoever on! "Come, come, Miss Evans! It wouldn't be the same reading any of these old volumes without their rank aromas!" His insistence was slightly comical, and Lily couldn't but smile herself. It was hard to imagine that this gentle, friendly old wizard was the only one He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named ever feared. Albus Dumbledore seemed more like someone's great-grandfather than a renowned, mythic old warrior.

"I suppose not," she quietly allowed, glancing down at her feet. The truth was, Professor Dumbledore _was _that renowned, mythic old warrior! Not only was he the Headmaster at Hogwarts, but he also had control over the Order of the Phoenix, which Isabelle Campbell often claimed to be the world's only hope right now. It was twice as effective as the Ministry's Department of Magical Law Enforcement, and though Isabelle was probably prejudiced because of her older sister, Lily didn't think she would exaggerate about something like that. And now… that man… Albus Dumbledore… was standing right there in front of her… in the middle of a library… talking about _books _no less! It seemed utterly absurd, and Lily felt color rising to her cheeks.

"I should get out of your way," she whispered, suspecting him to be an extremely busy man who was merely too polite to give any of his students the cold shoulder, even when in a hurry. She turned around to make a hasty retreat, only to discover that the aisle she happened to be in dead ended at a stone wall. No doubt Madam Pince arranged her library so that it'd be easy to corner mischievous students like this. Lily felt her stomach tense and she glanced back at the Headmaster rather sheepishly.

"Nonsense," he told her, seemingly oblivious to her discomfort. "It was actually your company I sought after when I entered the library to begin with, Miss Evans." That was the last thing Lily would have ever expected, and she found herself staring at the Headmaster rather stupidly. Why…? What…? _Surely_ he must have more important matters to be attending to than anything that had anything whatsoever to do with her!

"I don't understand," she thought she could hear herself saying – for she was decidedly overwhelmed and couldn't be sure about anything whatsoever at that particular moment. Did this have something to do with her gift or curse or whatnot? Or did it have something to do with her O.W.L. results? Maybe there _had _been a mistake, after all, and she'd actually not received so many outstanding marks. Or maybe, if there wasn't a mistake, then receiving all around outstandings meant she had to do something… Do what, she had no idea, since anything was possible at this school…

"All will be explained," he promised her kindly, offering a bit of a reassuring wink. "Why don't you gather up your belongings, and we'll make our way up to my office?" He stood aside, offering her room to pass, and she knew she couldn't refuse him. Feeling slightly numb, she walked back out to the reading table and took the charm off her book bag. Together, she and Professor Dumbledore then proceeded towards the exit. They were only halfway to the door, however, when they heard Madam Pince, who was, as usual, patrolling her way up and down the aisles, shrieking very angrily.

"DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW LONG IT TAKES ME TO ORGANIZE THESE BOOKS, YOU FOUL, EVIL, SPAWN FROM THE PITS OF HELL?"

Seconds after that, Peeves came zipping out through one of the bookshelves and towards his escape, cackling rather gleefully as the librarian tore after him, wielding her typical feather duster. Lily stopped short, watching them in astonishment even as Professor Dumbledore chuckled quietly to himself. Apparently he found it slightly amusing that the local poltergeist had rearranged who knew just how many of the library's books. Was it any wonder why he tolerated the mischievous spirit? Especially in times such as these? Good humor was hard to find, and never underappreciated. Lily, despite everything, found herself smiling as well, and when she left the library, following the Headmaster up the stairs towards his office, she felt somewhat more at ease.

She had never been inside his office before. Watching the stone gargoyle that guarded the entrance, at a single word, jump to life both startled and amazed her! This castle was so full of magic that she found herself wondering whether or not it wasn't alive itself! The spiraling staircase rose up on its own accord, so that neither Lily nor the Headmaster needed to climb.

When she actually stepped foot inside the place, she found herself gazing around at a room slightly reminiscent of a magical laboratory or something. There were gadgets all over the place – not that she recognized any. Some of them were emitting small puffs of smoke, some of them were spinning, some were glowing! Lily heard herself gasp, and the next thing she knew she was rushing forward, eagerly exploring like some kind of curious little girl. She had never seen anything at all like those silver instruments in her entire life, and she found herself practically pirouetting around in an attempt to see everything. Several portraits hanging on the walls of elder witches and wizards commented on her behavior – seemingly appalled that anyone, especially a young woman, could be so animated in an office. This wasn't a playground, after all. Professor Dumbledore, however, said absolutely nothing about her unexpected burst of energy, and actually seemed pleased that she was feeling so explorative. A smile was crossing his face.

It was while Lily thus danced around the room that she found herself nearly crashing into a large golden perch upon which sat a large, beautiful, ruby colored, swanlike bird, with golden talons and serene black eyes. Her heart stopped beating as she froze, catching her breath in surprise. It was the phoenix she had seen twice back in her first year! When she and Remus had been standing together outside, and then later when her parents had died, and the phoenix appeared in the sky outside the hospital wing's large window. Fawkes… Lily knew he belonged to the Headmaster… But she hadn't expected to see him here… like this… "I don't believe it…" The creature moved with grace that rivaled that of a unicorn's. When he turned his head to peer at Professor Dumbledore, who was moving to stand next to her, it was as if magic itself had taken living form.

"Phoenixes are remarkable creatures, Miss Evans," he acknowledged, gazing at the bird fondly. "That you are appreciative of Fawkes is to your credit." He placed a gentle hand on her back and guided her around towards his desk. There was a visitor's chair, on which he gestured for her to sit before plopping himself down in his own seat on the other side of the cluttered table. She herself tried not to appear too disappointed about having been led away from the phoenix. She admired Fawkes tremendously. Being close to him… made the world and all its cares seem positively trivial. Being close to him… made her feel as though everything would, in fact, turn out all right.

"Professor McGonagall was kind enough to share with me a few of your own suggestions, Miss Evans, concerning the future safety of our students here at the castle," Professor Dumbledore suddenly informed her, which effectively put an end to her pleasant thoughts and momentary bliss. His words brought her snapping back to the present, where, in reality, problems were immense and, at the rate they were going, nothing would ever be okay again… at least for quite some time. Feeling uncomfortably weighed down by numerous invisible burdens, Lily silently waited for the Headmaster to continue, which he promptly did. "I am pleased to inform you that the Ministry of Magic will allow students to remain at school for their summer holidays as long as the war continues. The announcement will be made in a few more days when everything has been finalized."

Lily knew it wouldn't have been inappropriate to smile at such good news. Of course, loving parents might fight it discouraging… not having their children home… but if it meant their safety, surely they'd be able to endure, wouldn't they?

"The Hogwarts Express will continue to run," the Headmaster went on serenely. "Students who do not feel the need to remain at the castle will not be forced. I am sure, after all, that many older years won't be as appreciative, cooped up like this, with no end in sight." Lily couldn't help but picture James Potter. Who knew what sort of trouble _he'd _get into without a change of scenery every now and then. And then she pictured Alice and Isabelle. How would they feel about not seeing either Frank or Gregory Corwin over their holidays? Of course, they were both seventeen and graduating this year, so any new decrees wouldn't affect them for very long…

"You're probably right about that, sir," she quietly acknowledged. Now that that was taken care of, she found herself wondering about her _other _suggestion. The suggestion Professor McGonagall had said would take far too long to be of any use whatsoever to Sirius Black… not that it looked like he needed it anymore anyway. "Did you ask the Ministry about allowing students to remain at Hogwarts whether their parents like it or not?"

"Ah, yes," Professor Dumbledore looked like he had been waiting for her to address that particular matter. "Unfortunately, the Ministry does not care much about surrendering the parents' prerogatives, Miss Evans. If the Blacks want to remove Sirius from school, they will always have the right to do so." Lily glanced up at him sharply, recognizing his powerful discerning abilities. There wouldn't be any fooling this man. He really was as intelligent as they came.

"But if we can prove they're up to no good," she insisted, remembering her conversation with Professor McGonagall. "Isn't the Ministry supposed to be suspicious or paranoid or something?"

"Miss Evans," Dumbledore was every bit calm and supportive, but there was an underlining tone in his voice that commanded her not to argue. "It is not your responsibility to prove that the Blacks, or anyone else for that matter, are Death Eaters. Sirius is an extremely capable young man who can, if he so desires, make that claim himself. In which case, proper authorities will make a thorough inquiry, and Sirius will be kept safe from harm. You need not worry so."

_Besides, _Lily silently reminded herself. _Professor McGonagall _did _say the Blacks wouldn't want to cause a scandal. If there's a way to publicly humiliate them… _"What about other children? Not everyone's as capable as Sirius. Not everyone has the strength to stand up against their parents. What'll happen to them?" She met the Headmaster's gaze; he was watching her appreciatively, which caused her face to flush.

"Know that I am keeping my eye on all of them," he told her compassionately. "I will do everything in my power to protect them." As comforting as such words were, Lily found she wasn't completely reassured. There would always be someone… always someone whose cries for help went unheard… Who would keep such innocents safe? Who would show them the kind of love, care, and protection that, all too often, didn't seem to even exist on Earth? Who… _would? _More like who _could? _Lily swallowed hard, closing her eyes.

"I feel like I should be doing more," she admitted, opening them again and gazing up at the Headmaster. "Even though everybody keeps telling me that I'm already doing enough." She thought of Isabelle and Pippa. She thought of Remus. "I feel like it's not making any difference."

"So it is with everyone your age," Dumbledore cheerfully assured her, his twinkling eyes sparkling brighter than ever before. "I daresay inadequacy is a common enough sentiment. I myself have felt it… more often than I care to admit."

Lily frowned, confusion coursing through her body. _What…? _When had Professor Dumbledore ever felt inadequate? He was probably the least inadequate wizard in the entire world! It didn't seem possible-

Slowly the Headmaster got to his feet and turned around, gazing out his window towards the mountains and the Quidditch field. "Perhaps if I had been more perceptive…" He looked back at Lily. "We cannot allow our what-ifs to plague us, Miss Evans. In times when you feel discouraged, or wish to be doing more than you already are, my only advice to you is not to ever stop showing your concern for others. The ability to love is something too many in this world will never have a chance to comprehend. If only they could be taught."

**ooooooo**

_If only they could be taught… _When Lily left that office and started making her way down to the Great Hall for an early dinner – not that she expected to be capable of eating anything – she couldn't help thinking that if she were even _half _the tutor people thought she was, she'd be able to teach her students everything. Including consideration, benevolence, and compassion. She just… didn't know how to go about doing that without making it less of an academic tutorial and more of a therapy group.

It was still rather early, so there weren't very many people in the Great Hall yet. The Gryffindor table was all but abandoned, as was Slytherin's. A small group of Ravenclaw fourth years were clustered together at theirs, but they were having a bit of a study session while they ate, so they didn't see Lily enter. Mallory Smith, on the other hand, waved her over to the Hufflepuff table, where she was sitting with two other friends, as soon as their gazes met. Lily found herself not even giving the invitation a second thought, but joined Mallory immediately. It felt… strangely foreign to be sitting at a different table… and yet there wasn't anything wrong about it. Students, she decided then and there, ought to be able to eat with whomever they pleased, and not solely with members of their own individual houses. The divisions in this school were so utterly ridiculous!

"How was your first week?" she heard herself asking Mallory after greeting the girl and her friends.

"Honestly, I wasn't expecting so much responsibility when I got this badge," she admitted, glancing down at the pin on her robes that identified her as a prefect. Lily smiled sympathetically as she carried on. "Sometimes is feels like I have to be present for anything at all to get done around here. And I've learned the hard way how little respect Slytherins have for authority. I can't even begin to understand how you manage to tutor them, Lily!"

"Well," she shrugged. "My other students are all relatively cooperative, and they outnumber the Slytherins. Besides, I think the only three who actually show up really do want to learn something. They aren't there to waste time causing _me _trouble."

"Doesn't that make you lucky?" Mallory sighed, resting her chin on her hands. "I don't think I can do this for an entire year. On top of it all, I've got to worry about taking my O.W.L.s this spring! Whoever came up with the bright idea of making fifth years prefects ought to be sent to Azkaban."

"That's a little harsh, don't you think?" Lily gently chided. She could sympathize with the girl's plight, of course, but that certainly didn't mean she found such jokes amusing. Mallory glanced up at her in surprise, and then shrugged.

"If you say so…" The words were hardly out of her mouth when Lily saw her stiffen. She sat up straighter in her seat, staring across the Great Hall at someone who had just entered. Frowning, Lily turned to follow her gaze and saw the Slytherin prefect, Vaughn Derricks, entering with a large group of his friends. Almost immediately they spotted Mallory, and Vaughn smirked, waving a hand at her as he strolled his way over to his house's table. Lily wasn't sure she understood.

Looking back at Mallory, she asked, "Is he still giving you a hard time?"

"Not me," the Hufflepuff quietly assured her. "Just the first years. He's always saying things around them… Like You-Know-Who wants them… and that they ought to be ashamed of being in Hufflepuff, since students are only put in Hufflepuff because they don't belong anywhere else. He pretty much calls them slow, stupid cowards every time he sees them."

Lily stared at the girl in horror. "He does?" Anger started coursing through her veins. Those first years were… they felt like _her _responsibility! And anyone who dared to hound them were actually, in a way, hounding her. She'd not allow it. Before Mallory could so much as even speak a single word in response, Lily was on her feet, storming defensively over towards the Slytherin table. One of Vaughn's friends saw her advance, and quickly informed the prefect of it. "Vaughn Derricks!"

The boy was on his feet in an instant, spinning around towards her challenging. Lily, however, thanks to years of practice with the Marauders, was _more _than ready to accept that challenge. "Are you going to stop bullying Hufflepuff first years, or what?" She could sense everyone in the Great Hall – though there weren't that many – turning to witness the unexpected scene. Had she looked behind her, she would have observed Mallory jumping to her feet in astonishment.

Vaughn was scoffing at her derisively. "Have you come to defend them, Evans? Can't say I'm all that surprised. Those pathetic buffoons can't do nothing by themselves, now can they." It wasn't spoken as a question, but as a simple fact. Lily felt her face burning in extreme displeasure.

"I think you'd be surprised," she informed him angrily. "Hufflepuff is going to win the House Cup this year!" Everyone in the entire Great Hall froze at that remark. _Hufflepuff _was going to win? How often did thathappen? _Had _it ever happened? It didn't seem altogether very likely… And yet, Lily found she just didn't care. When Vaughn started to laugh at such a notion, and then when his fellow Slytherins shared in his amusement, all she knew for sure was that, somehow, she absolutely had to see it done. For her students' sakes. She couldn't just let Vaughn go around humiliating and degrading them for being sorted into Hufflepuff! If she did, they'd more than likely end up feeling ashamed of themselves for the rest of their lives! Maybe she was overreacting… but Hufflepuff was _not _the odd house out. It had its own claim to fame, just like all the rest! And she had never felt more determined to prove anything in her entire life.

Professor Dumbledore had advised her never to stop showing her love for others. But that had only been advice for those times when she was feeling inadequate, right? Starting a competition like this against the Slytherins might not have been the greatest display of compassion she'd ever shown them before, but at that particular moment, Lily wasn't looking to combat inadequacy. She was looking to combat injustice, and this was the only strategy she could come up with on the spot.

"Nice joke, Evans," Vaughn was wiping tears from his eyes. "I didn't realize you had it in you."

"It's not a joke," she told him coolly. "I promise you, Vaughn Derricks. Hufflepuff will make Slytherin look like toe rags this year. See if they don't!" With that said, she turned around and marched her way out of the Great Hall.

**ooooooo**

**A/N: **Please review! I crave reviews! I'm trying very hard not to get in over my head with this one, so let me know your thoughts! Thanks so much!


	70. The Dreaded Arrival

**ooooooo**

Needless to say, more and more Hufflepuffs began attending her tutorials. Not only did she have the entire house's group of first years to deal with, but also their second and third years – all of whom she'd tutored in the past. Occasionally bundles of older students would drop by as well, although they merely wanted some sort of explanation or confirmation. Had Lily Evans truly made such a declaration? At Hogwarts, one could never tell which rumors ought to be believed. After all, who would ever expect Hufflepuff to win _anything_? No one in their right mind would place a bet on them, whether it was for the House Cup, Quidditch Cup, or any other Cup out there. Then again… they were talking about Lily Evans… and she had a reputation of her own…

She believed in people. The older students remembered her belief in Regulus Black. She'd believed in him, and, in return, he'd become one of her dearest friends. In return… he saved her life… at the cost of his education… Lily Evans had a way with people. The entire student population at the castle had grown to believe that when she put her faith in someone, she wasn't ever disappointed. Whether or not that was reliably accurate – for Lily herself certainly didn't think so – was of little importance. It was, simply put, the reputation she had earned, and there wasn't much she or anyone else could do about it. Perhaps that was why the Hufflepuffs all found themselves hoping… Maybe this year they _would _win the House Cup! Maybe this year they _did _stand half a chance!

"It's really not all that difficult," Lily informed a large group of Hufflepuff first year stragglers one evening after her tutorial, when they asked for hints on how to best earn house points that year. "Different professors give and take for different reasons." She took a few minutes to offer them various examples, such as how Professor Sprout particularly appreciated students who volunteered in the school's greenhouses. "House points also get handed out to students who do well in class. If you know the answer to a professor's question, answer it. If you think you know the answer, but aren't quite sure, answer it anyway. Professors don't usually deduct points if you're wrong, but if you're right, they'll hand 'em out like candy."

"What about actually performing spells?" one little girl asked eagerly. "Professor McGonagall gave one of the Ravenclaws five points today for performing a Switching Spell correctly."

Lily smiled knowingly. "Yes. Good performance does help a lot. If you want, I'll see about getting Professor McGonagall and Professor Flitwick's syllabi for the year. After regular tutorials, I'm willing to stay an extra hour to help you guys get a head start in Transfiguration and Charms." The first years all stared at her as if she was some kind of angel, but Lily hadn't finished yet. "Don't get too excited, okay? This is only going to start cutting into your free time. You still have to finish all of your homework on schedule, and you have to keep yourselves fresh by getting to bed early. An extra hour of tutorials is an awful lot of work." The first years assured her they didn't care. They also assured her they'd keep their extra lessons secret, for they certainly didn't want the other houses getting jealous. _They _were the ones who were going to win the House Cup that year, and they weren't about to let anyone get in their way! Watching and listening to them, Lily couldn't help but wonder what sort of mess she'd gotten herself into…

That night, as she made her way back towards the Gryffindor Tower, she found herself unexpectedly ambushed by – much to her surprise and slight dismay – the four Marauders. She'd been hoping to avoid James and Sirius for as long as possible – which she had always known wouldn't be forever; that really _would_ have been hoping for a miracle… But she still couldn't help feeling anything other than apprehension at the sight of James Potter. Summer had been very painful because of him… Their strange, unexpected, and rather startling conversation never ceased to torment her.

_"You give _everyone _the benefit of the doubt! … You gave it to Regulus! You gave it to Snape! Can't you give me five minutes? _Two _minutes?"_

_"Lily, wait! I love you!"_

_"I would never hurt you. Not like that. I promise."_

She remembered his words like he spoken them that very morning. She could not, however, remember any of the words she'd spoken in return. Other then the fact that they had been excruciatingly painful… hateful even… she just didn't know. She told herself that, whatever she'd said to him, he'd deserved it. She'd say them all again, too, if given the chance. But she… she'd just rather not. She'd rather not say anything to him at all, no matter how impractical such obstinacy was. She didn't want him to hurt her again. So when she found herself surrounded by the Marauders in the corridor of the castle's seventh floor, she unconsciously edged towards Remus, unable to meet James's gaze. "I didn't expect to see any of you here."

"We could say the same!" Sirius briskly quipped. "But, seeing as how we were all actually looking for you, it'd probably not be the most honest reply we've ever given." He grinned cheerfully, clearly well amused. His attitude being rather infectious, Lily found it difficult not to smile… at least for the two seconds preceding James Potter's present piece of criticism.

"We heard about your little bet with Slytherin, Evans," he said softly, and when she literally _forced_ herself to look at him, she found that he seemed to be every bit as cautious around her as one would be around a sleeping Hungarian Horntail. He wouldn't make eye contact with her, and he was obviously uncomfortable. Lily swallowed hard, nearly choking on what she could only assume to be her heart lodged in her throat. Had James not gotten over their encounter last August either? She'd always considered him fairly decent at rebounding from disappointments… What was she supposed to do with an attitude from him like this? "It's nice of you… wanting to help Hufflepuff prove themselves to those bloody gits."

"But?" Lily asked, sensing there was a 'but' on its way.

"But," Sirius answered, confirming her suspicion. "We," he gestured to himself, James, Peter, and Remus, "don't want Hufflepuff to win the House Cup. We want Gryffindor to win the House Cup. Got it?"

"Oh, I get it all right," Lily assured him, not feeling any of the cold apprehension around Sirius that she did around James. She could square off against the Black any day of the week, especially when it came to something she believed so strongly in, such as this, without feeling even slightly worse for wear. When confronting Vaughn, she had been overwhelmed by righteous fury. But now, confronting Sirius, she only felt friendly rivalry. "If you want us to get the House Cup this year, you're just going to have to fight for it. And trust me; I want you to fight for it. That way, when Hufflepuff beats us fair and square, Slytherin can't say we went easy on them."

Despite everything, her words awakened James's more characteristic exuberance. He stared at her with a mixture of surprise, skepticism, and admiration lighting his face. "You actually think Hufflepuff can beat Gryffindor?"

"No, I _know _Hufflepuff can beat Gryffindor," she stated confidently, meeting James's gaze for the first time in weeks.

"They'll need to brush up on their Quidditch," he quickly pointed out, averting his eyes again, even as he awkwardly shifted his weight from one leg to the other. "It's difficult winning the House Cup without first winning the Quidditch one."

"I'll keep that in mind," she replied evenly.

"Good," James clapped his hands together and started rubbing them. He was starting to look eager for a way out. "Well then, I guess all I can say is good luck to Hufflepuff. Either way, Slytherin's still gonna lose, so we might as well be grateful for that much, at least. Night, Evans." He didn't even wait long enough for Lily to return the pleasantry before he stormed off down the corridor, with Peter hastening after him like an ungainly shadow.

"Night…" she said quietly, looking after him. She didn't quite understand why they were being so civil with each other… almost as if they were trying to pretend last summer hadn't actually occurred. Ignoring their wounds… It might numb the pain, but Lily found herself wondering how long it would be before they both bled to death because of it.

"Tell the Hufflepuffs we _both _wish 'em luck!" Sirius teased as he himself made after his friends. "They're definitely gonna need it!" He laughed good-naturedly before breaking out into a jog. Lily rolled her eyes before looking at Remus, who offered her a sympathetic, supportive smile. Patting her on the arm, he went on to follow his friends at a more dignified pace. Lily sighed, realizing they had just left the common room, which meant, considering their ever approaching curfew, they were no doubt off to stir up some sort of trouble. For the first time ever since she'd started attending school here, she honestly hoped they were all caught and thrown into detention, merely so that points would be deducted from Gryffindor.

All for the sake of Hufflepuff.

**ooooooo**

Defense Against the Dark Arts the next day proved to be as dull, slow, and tedious as ever. Lily loved it! Professor Crimson had promised them they'd be able to actually use their wands that day, but at the rate they were going, she seriously doubted it. Professor Crimson had, in the middle of his explanation, picked up a glass of water from his table when someone – and Lily suspected it'd been Sirius – magically blasted the window open. Their poor teacher had been so startled, he'd dropped the glass, causing it to break even as water spilt all over his desk and the parchments cluttering it. The Ravenclaws all started laughing, and when Lily glanced back towards the Marauders, Peter was as well. Remus rolled his eyes, even as James playfully shoved a triumphant Sirius – which pretty much confirmed her suspicions. She suppressed a sigh; it wouldn't do any good playing the sneak with this particular professor. Crimson had yet to deduct any house points whatsoever; and the only time he actually _awarded_ them was when James decided to be helpful. She'd pretty much accepted the fact that Crimson wasn't going to be at all useful in her efforts to aid Hufflepuff.

Besides, thanks to Sirius's little intervention into their lesson, they probably wouldn't be practicing any spells. Professor Crimson was having too much of a struggle fighting to get that window closed. She wouldn't have been at all surprised if the black-haired Marauder had charmed it to remain wedged open as it was. Several minutes passed, and the professor was still stubbornly trying to get it shut – much to the Ravenclaws' amusement. And, despite Lily's Outstanding Defense Against the Dark Arts O.W.L., she still detested the class enough to feel grateful when a certain Marauder unexpectedly brought it to a halt.

At that moment, however, the classroom door was pushed open, and none other than Minerva McGonagall stepped inside. Professor Crimson didn't notice her at first, but Lily felt it when she entered the room – as did all the other students, for that matter. Their laughter died in their throats at the somber expression on the woman's face. For several minutes, the only sound breaking the silence was Professor Crimson's frustrated muttering and grunting as he tried forcing the window to slide down.

"If I were you, professor, I would try a countercharm," McGonagall said at last, breaking the silence and startling Crimson. He jumped backwards in surprise, knocking over a chair, before glancing at the Transfiguration professor with a flustered expression on his sweaty face. Lily half expected to see impatience in the woman's eyes, but… much to her dismay… McGonagall merely looked slightly glum. Had something happened?

"Is there… something I can… do for you… ma'am?" Crimson asked in his characteristically slow, tongue-tied voice. He sounded like one recovering from a stutter.

"Yes, there is," Professor McGonagall assured him, turning towards the four Marauders. "Sirius… I need you to please accompany me upstairs." _Sirius? Not Mr. Black, but Sirius? And 'please'? _Lily's heart stopped beating even as the troublesome young Marauder's face grew frightfully pale.

"Why?" he asked, slowly getting to his feet. James glanced around in confusion, looking from his friend to his teacher in growing denial. It couldn't be what they feared it was. It just _couldn't! _Not two weeks into the term! If it was going to happen, it would have happened long before now! But not like this!

"I think you already know the answer to that," Professor McGonagall told him gently. She offered him a small, sympathetic smile, as if hoping to reassure him that everything would be just fine. How could it be just fine, Lily wondered, if Mrs. Black had arrived to take her son away? Her heart twisted painfully. In the middle of a classroom like this… in the middle of a lesson… what could they do to protect Sirius? McGonagall was insistent. "I need you to come with me now. Your mother does not want to be kept waiting."

Lily looked back at Sirius. _He_ was staring questioningly at James, whose face the girl could no longer see – as he was returning Sirius's gaze. But she could tell when he nodded, and, upon looking back at Sirius, she could see his expression change from panic to mildly concerned determination. James Potter was planning something…

She remembered Remus' words back on the first day of school. _"I reckon the Blacks won't know what hit them if they _do _show up and try forcing Sirius away." _Still, the thought of Sirius living the rest of the year inside the Forbidden Forest did nothing to appease her nerves. She hadn't exactly fond memories of the place… Something else needed to be done! She couldn't let Mrs. Black win! And she couldn't very well leave all this up to James Potter. She didn't exactly trust his judgment.

"Sirius," McGonagall presently interrupted the two boys' silent conversation. Sirius glanced up at her in solemn dread, which brought a look of pain to her face. She obviously loathed having such a job at that particular moment. Whatever the woman was, she certainly was not of a mind to deliver one boy to his imminent demise. "Now, please."

"Yes, ma'am," he slowly started trudging his way towards the door. McGonagall stood aside to let his pass, then thanked Professor Crimson for his time before she followed him out and shut the door behind her. Lily glanced towards James, and saw him sitting stiffly in his chair, apparently biding his time until the best possible moment. Then she looked at Remus, who was watching her carefully as he waited for James's signal. When she met Remus' gaze, the boy, ever so slightly, shook his head. Whatever might be going through her mind right now… he obviously didn't want her acting on it.

_"I can say this, though. The Blacks are an extremely proud family. The last thing they want on their hands is a scandal involving their first born son. Especially in times such as these." _McGonagall's words came zipping through her head at such a high speed she wondered if she wasn't thinking straight. But she knew what she needed to do. And, amazingly enough, she wasn't afraid to do it. Despite the Blacks. She had to help Sirius! She couldn't just sit tight and allow James's half-baked plan, whatever it was, to get them all expelled! Mrs. Black had taken Regulus away from her. This was her fight now.

"Sorry," she whispered, staring at Remus. She saw his eyes widen… saw him turn frantically towards James… before she looked away. "Professor Crimson?" Her melodic voice was in such smooth control that its unexpected resonance did not startle the man whatsoever. He glanced at her in acknowledgment. "May I go to the bathroom, please?"

"Certain…ly…"

Lily shot one last glance over her shoulder as she got to her feet. Peter was in the process of gulping. Remus looked closed to panic – frightened solely on her behalf. She already knew he didn't want her getting hurt. And James… James was staring at her intensely… slowly shaking his head – as if that could change her mind! She turned away from him, hastening towards the door. Every single Ravenclaw in that room watched her go, no doubt wondering exactly what the Marauders were all wondering. Was she bloody well crazy? Probably…

Once she was out of the Defense room, she started running faster than she'd ever run before in her entire life. She had to be quick. If she wasn't… The Gryffindor Tower was several flights up, and once she got there, she'd have to run all the way back down to cut off the Blacks – and _that _was only if they were actually using the front door! She could only imagine what would happen if Mrs. Black meant to travel by Floo powder.

By the time she made it to the Fat Lady's portrait, she was soaked to the skin in sweat, breathing heavily, red-faced, and enduring sharp pangs in her legs and stomach. There wasn't anything worse in the entire world than sprinting up so many flights of stairs! After that, she was barely able to so much as even gasp out the password! Climbing up through the hole, she made her way towards the seventh year dorm.

Quickly grabbing what she'd come all this way for, she turned back on her heel and started once again down the stairs towards the common room. She was halfway to the portrait hole, however, when she saw it fly open, seemingly on its own accord. The next thing she knew, James and Remus were both climbing through it with looks of dire urgency crossing their faces. She stopped short in alarm, feeling like a trapped deer.

"Evans!" James flew towards her, suddenly remembered himself, and jerked to an awkward stop. Remus nearly crashed into his back. Lily bit her lip stubbornly as the boys both glared at her in disapproval. "What do you think you're doing?"

"I'm going to save Sirius!" she replied vehemently, although she wasn't quite sure how she planned on backing up that particular statement now that she'd been cornered. "Get out of my way."

James shook his head, holding up his wand. "I'm not about to let you risk your neck for Sirius. He can take care of himself, and I've already got a plan to 'rescue' him that doesn't involve you!" Lily stared at his wand apprehensively. She had her own in reach, of course, but she still wasn't ready to wield it in an actual duel. Especially when she knew that, next to James Potter, she wasn't any stronger than a first year. James wasn't joshing her, either. "I don't want to body bind you, Evans, but I will for your own good."

She knew there wasn't any getting around him. And even if there was, she'd just have to waste more time trying to get around Remus – who she already knew shared James's sentiment. She was outnumbered and outmatched… which meant the only hope she had left was her own resourcefulness. If she couldn't get out through the portrait hole, then she needed to find a different way out. And a quicker way out at that. From the corner of her eye, she could see the fireplace…

Thinking fast, Lily held up the camera she'd climbed all this way for. "Smile!" She snapped a quick picture, which caused the flash to go off brilliantly. James jumped, shouting out in surprise as he was temporarily blinded. Lily took that moment to dash towards the fire.

"Lily!" Remus leapt after her, practically moving on instinct. He couldn't let anything happen to her! The time it took her to pause beside the pouch hanging on the mantelpiece and extract a handful of Floo powder was all he needed to catch up to her. Grabbing her arm, he spun her around desperately. "Stop this!"

"I'm so sorry, Remus, I hope you can forgive me!" He might have been like a brother to her, but every now and then brothers behaved like obnoxious gits, and had to be outsmarted. Closing her eyes as tightly as she could – as if that made what she was about to do any better – she roughly threw her handful of Floo powder directly in his face.

Remus jumped, coughing loudly, and released her arm as he frantically wiped his face and eyes. Lily's heart cried out for him, but she didn't have time to apologize again. James was after her now, and it wouldn't take Remus long to recover either. She quickly grabbed another fistful of Floo powder and tossed it into the fire. Instantly, the flames turned green and, as if they had been lying dormant up until now, loudly roared to life.

Lily had never traveled by Floo powder before. She had read about the process, and she'd seen others using it. Alice had described it to her the day after she'd gone to London with James. So despite her lack of experience, she did have some idea of how it was done. For the second time in under a minute, Lily clenched her eyes shut, gripping the camera she held tightly in her hands. She couldn't mess this up… Not this… If she did… she didn't even want to think about what the consequences might be… for Sirius…

Her heart racing furiously in her throat, Lily jumped into the emerald flames. "Headmaster Dumbledore's office!" She hadn't realized what it would feel like… On the one hand, it was almost as if a fan were blowing extremely warm air against her face; her ruby red hair billowed out behind her like a fiery mane. On the other hand, it felt like she'd been caught in the grips of a great tornado saturated with smoke and ash. She was being pulled around in impossibly fast circles… spinning… and spinning… and spinning…

**ooooooo**

**A/N: **What a wonderful place to leave off! Just kidding… Please review, and I'll update as fast as I can. Thanks so much!


	71. Disowned

**ooooooo**

Lily had never wanted to scream more in her entire life. How fast was she moving? Thousands of miles per hour? There were fireplaces in every direction – she had no idea which one to go through. How could people _bear_ traveling like this? Didn't they ever get motion sick? Dizzy? Faint? Lily thought the world was ending… and then…

She fell forward, landing on a hard stone floor. She was on her knees; her left hand supported her weight on the ground while her right one cradled her camera. She was positively covered from head to toe in soot, and she was coughing like an asthmatic. But then she realized where she was… and who she was keeping company with.

Professor Dumbledore was on his feet, walking towards her in mild surprise. "Good heavens, Lily! I had a sneaking suspicion you might be dropping by, but I must say not even I foresaw this…"

There was no one else in the office. Struggling to catch her breath – instead of a mouthful of smoke and ash – Lily stared up at the Headmaster in extreme urgency. "Where'd they go?" Had to find them… Had to catch up… Had to stop them… Had to… Had to…

Professor Dumbledore's eyes were sparkling in good humor. "You just missed them. Professor McGonagall is seeing them both to the Entrance Hall, where I do believe good Mrs. Black has an enchanted carriage waiting to fly them home." Lily was on her feet in an instant – whatever feelings of disorientation she pushed off to the side. She didn't have time for them right now. _Sirius… _

Fortunately enough, the Headmaster didn't try stopping her as she threw open his office door and bolted towards the presently descending stairs. If he had half a mind to, he could have prevented her from leaving. She might have been able to evade the infamous Marauders, but she'd _never _be able to beat Albus Dumbledore! She wasn't that stupid! Instead of stopping her, however, the man chose to follow her. Together, they made their way past the stone gargoyle and after the Blacks; Lily looking anxious and breathless; the Headmaster looking calm and serene.

Their quarry hadn't made it that far down the hall whatsoever. Sirius was making as great a scene as he possibly could, shouting angrily and trying to break free of the painful neck hold his mother had him in. Professor McGonagall was watching in obvious distaste, but apparently Sirius was no longer a student at Hogwarts, and therefore there was nothing she could do to help him. The words that were streaming forth from Mrs. Black's mouth were utterly terrifying – the things she threatened to do to Sirius if he didn't start obeying her every command… Peeves was flying around overhead, laughing like a full-blown maniac. No doubt this was a sight he enjoyed very, very, very much. _And _it was a sight that was perfect for Lily's needs. She held up her camera.

The flash was loud and radiant. It startled _everyone_. Professor McGonagall jumped. Peeves hissed. And Mrs. Black froze long enough for Sirius to break free. He nearly fell over in a desperate attempt to scurry away from his horribly ruthless captor. Gasping for breath, he brushed his growing black hair out of his eyes and looked around at Lily in obvious surprise. No doubt she was the very last person on Earth he'd ever expected to see standing there, holding a camera like that, covered in a filthy, thick layer of soot and grime. His expression twisted in confusion.

Mrs. Black's expression, on the other hand, when she turned to look at Lily, upon recognizing her, twisted into complete and utter fury. The unbridled hatred radiating in her eyes bordered on absolute insanity. Lily couldn't quite understand how a woman like _that _had managed to procreate two boys like Sirius and Regulus. "You…" Lily felt a moment's alarm as the older woman turned to face her completely, gripping a long wand tightly in her right hand.

Within a split-second, both Professors Dumbledore and McGonagall were standing between the crazy old bat and the young teenager. Neither one of them seemed to be particularly fond of Sirius's mother. "I shouldn't have to remind you," Professor Dumbledore said slowly, somehow managing to sound at once both calm and threatening, "that while it is not our place to question how you might discipline your own children, Mrs. Black, we cannot permit you to raise your wand against one of our other students." Sirius shot Lily a look of the purest envy she'd ever seen. Her face flushed, and she tightened her grip on her camera.

"I want that picture," Mrs. Black told Professor Dumbledore through clenched teeth, her face taut, her eyes bulging, her entire body practically shaking with rage. "I'll not have her slandering me with that!" She was an extremely perceptive woman, then, if nothing else. Blackmail was high on Lily's list of priorities, and Mrs. Black was already anticipating her every move.

"Slander?" Professor Dumbledore sounded genuinely surprised. He turned to glance over his shoulder at Lily. "You're not planning on libel, Miss Evans, now are you?" Professor McGonagall also risked looking at the girl, and Lily thought she could see a hint of approval in the woman's eyes.

She looked up at the Headmaster as innocently as she possibly could. "I don't know what you're talking about, sir. I just wanted a picture to show Carla, and maybe my sister, Petunia. You know." She deliberately focused on Mrs. Black. "So that they can see what a horrible woman Sirius has to live with when he obviously doesn't want to!" Mrs. Black's teeth were bared, and Sirius was holding his breath, glancing back and forth between his mother and Lily in increasing trepidation. Lily could hear him whispering her name.

"I want that picture," Mrs. Black repeated forcefully, glaring at Dumbledore. "That wretched girl has no right to it whatsoever! She didn't ask to take it, and I'll be damned before I let her hand it over to some godforsaken reporter looking to humiliate me!"

"What's the matter?" Sirius asked spitefully, gaining his mother's immediate attention. "Afraid what all your friends will say when they find out you had to drag me kicking and screaming away from Gryffindor?" Mrs. Black's eyes narrowed to slits threateningly, but Sirius had only just begun. "You told everyone there was a reason why I got myself put into Gryffindor. Wanted them to think I'm a spy, right? Professor Dumbledore was a Gryffindor, and you had them all believing I was looking for information on him that I might hand over to you and Voldemort!" Lily saw both Mrs. Black and Professor McGonagall jump at the sound of the Dark Lord's name. Sirius was definitely on a role here. "Maybe when Lily sells that picture to the Daily Prophet, the reporters can do more than just reveal how much I hate you with every fiber of my soul! Maybe they can also prove you're as Death Eater as they come!" Mrs. Black raised her arm furiously, and Lily, her eyes widening in terror, held up her camera once again. When the blow came, she snapped another picture, capturing on film the woman backhanding her son with such force that the boy was sent crashing heavily to the hardened stone floor. He groaned painfully, and had Professor McGonagall not stopped her, Lily would have gone running to his side in concern.

Professor Dumbledore presently moved to stand between Mrs. Black and Sirius. His eyes were cold and angry, and, much to Lily's astonishment, there was a mighty looking wand in his hand. "Mrs. Black, your son has just charged you with being a Death Eater. Are you aware of how serious such an accusation is?"

"Of course I am," she snapped furiously, gripping her own wand so tightly that her knuckles turned white. "However, the brat is a troublesome, ungrateful menace who has no qualms whatsoever about ruining an upstanding woman's reputation. You cannot believe anything he says."

"I believe it."

The voice was a new one, and everyone standing in that corridor quickly turned their heads to see none other than James Potter and Remus Lupin entering the fray. And while Remus appeared properly apprehensive, James merely looked like Quidditch had come early or something. He glanced at Lily. "Mind if I see your camera?" The tone in his voice clearly assured the girl that he'd come up with a new plan, working off of hers. Therefore, she willingly tossed it to him, not quite sure where this sudden burst of trust was streaming from. They'd been through a lot together, there was no doubt about that… They'd survived a forest full of poachers together… Maybe, on some strange, hidden level, Lily still believed she could rely on him when the occasion called for it. Like right now…

James handed the camera over to Remus, and the boy immediately spun on his heel, retreating as quickly as he could, so that no one else could confiscate their recently acquired, damning evidence. Looking smug, James crossed his arms and glared at Mrs. Black. "Sirius is my best friend, lady. If he calls you a Death Eater, I'll buy it. And if you take him away from school, and I don't hear from him, I'll do absolutely everything in my power to find him again. And that includes going to the Daily Prophet. They get pictures like the ones on Lily's camera, and there's no sign Sirius even exists, I wonder what they'll make of that. You'll end up with a one way ticket straight to Azkaban."

Mrs. Black was positively seething – but she restrained herself from resorting to violence, for she was obviously outnumbered, and she didn't like the look of the Headmaster's wand. Nevertheless, she glared at him resentfully. "You just heard him say it out loud. They mean to blackmail me – an innocent woman! If you do not retrieve that camera for me this instant, Albus Dumbledore, I will make sure you live to regret it!"

"Technically, Mrs. Black, they have not blackmailed you," Professor Dumbledore replied calmly, much to Lily's amazement and Mrs. Black's disgust. "There is nothing unreasonable about Mr. Potter's statement. Unless, of course, you actually are a Death Eater planning to do away with your own son, there is no reason whatsoever for you to be even slightly alarmed by the meager concerns of two or three teenagers."

"I myself find it hard to believe that anyone other than a Death Eater would feel safe enough to pull her own child out of Hogwarts," Professor McGonagall strictly contributed to the confrontation. Mrs. Black glared at her in equal dislike. "In times such as these, there is no safer place for children." Mrs. Black did not want a scandal on her hands. But _this _was quickly shaping into one. They were winning, Lily realized with heart stopping, joyful disbelief. There were actually winning!

Abruptly, Mrs. Black turned to face the boy who was slowly climbing to his feet and pushing past Professor Dumbledore in order to get a better view of everything that was going on around him. Their gazes caught, and Sirius froze like a cornered rabbit. Mrs. Black's eyes were practically on fire. "If you do not return home with me right now, Sirius Black, you will no longer be a part of our family."

The boy stared up at her in skeptical disbelief. "You're going to disown me?"

"You will be nothing to me," she spat at him loathingly. "Damn you… Regulus was _expelled _from this school, and you aren't even half the son he is!" Lily flinched, and saw Sirius glance at her in concern. "I will forget you were ever born! I will blast your name off the family tapestry! You will be nothing! Starve out on the streets for all I care! If you do not come home with me _NOW!"_

"There's no way I'm going home with you!" he shouted at her angrily. "I'd _prefer _starving out on the streets than choking on another bite of your detestable cooking, you ugly old witch!" Her nostrils flared. Her jaw practically twisted. Her eyes were bulging. Her face was at once red and yellow – perhaps, Lily thought to herself, the lot of them had discovered a brand new color.

"Then I guess this matter is settled." She glared furiously at Professor Dumbledore. "Good day, Headmaster. I am afraid, since I have no more progeny to send to this accursed school, we will no longer have reason to cross paths again." With that, she nodded curtly, glared at Lily one last time with hate dripping from her eyes, and stormed off by herself towards the castle's Entrance Hall. Without a word, Professor McGonagall hastened after her, no doubt eager to ensure the woman left without causing anyone else anymore trouble.

Peeves, who had hardly stopped cackling over the course of the entire confrontation, now grew slightly dejected. He glanced from Sirius to Dumbledore in obvious disappointment. "So he's not leaving?"

"No, Peeves," the Headmaster replied. "He is not leaving." Sirius couldn't help himself. When he heard those words, when he saw the poltergeist sigh and miserably soar through a solid stone wall, a grin crossed his face and he started laughing in pure relief. Professor Dumbledore glanced at him with a small smile of his own; it was, Lily observed, however, not nearly as carefree as the boy's was. The man actually looked concerned about something. "Sirius, please go find Remus and send him to my office. Then I'd like you to head over to the hospital wing."

"I'm not hurt," Sirius objected, despite the fact that his mother had nearly strangled him to death, and had then proceeded to slap him hard across the face. Dumbledore shot him a look that clearly warned him not to disobey. Sirius sighed. "All right. Yes, sir."

"Mr. Potter. Miss Evans," Dumbledore then turned his attention towards Sirius's two rescuers. "I would have a word with you both as well. Come with me." He started down the corridor towards his office, and Lily glanced at James in concern. The boy didn't look fazed, however. After five years, detention was hardly an issue with him anymore. He'd pretty much accepted and grown used to the fact that he'd be facing any number of punishments every day of the week. Lily herself thought detention would be well worth it… for this. Sirius would be staying at Hogwarts! He would never have to go back to the Blacks again! He was free.

"You all right there, Padfoot?" James asked quietly, before following the Headmaster towards his office. Lily hesitated herself, waiting to hear the boy's response.

"Course I am," he assured his friend gleefully. "This has probably been the best day of my entire life! And you want to know what's really funny about all of it?" James smiled, nodding his head eagerly, which caused Sirius's own grin to widen considerably. "That old cow… She's not really a Death Eater! Neither is my dad. I just made that up."

James scoffed, shook his head, and rolled his eyes. Apparently his friend really was a troublesome, ungrateful menace who had no qualms whatsoever about ruining an upstanding woman's reputation, as his mother had so astutely proclaimed. "You're lucky Dumbledore had your back, then, mate."

"No joke," Sirius glanced at Lily and winked. "You two better hurry up and get yelled at. Then it'll be my turn to yell at you after dinner." After all, he'd said it to Lily before. Back at King's Cross Station several years ago, when she'd first met his family on the platform. _"Don't _ever _walk up to my parents, Evans!" _She remembered that all too well. However, she was way more likely to follow Remus' advice than she was Sirius's, and she hadn't even listened to _him_ when he told her not to get involved. Sirius could yell at her all he liked; it didn't change the fact that she had followed her heart into that confrontation. And she knew she'd do it again, in an instant, without ever even giving it a second thought, at that. She had no other choice, lest she live the rest of her life in shame and regret… which was why the possibility of detention bothered her no more than it did James.

"I'll see you then," she told him, glancing over at her partner-in-crime. "Shall we?" James turned towards her with a shrug, assured Sirius he'd see him again shortly, and proceeded towards the stone gargoyle which was still standing aside waiting for the two expected students to pass. Lily followed him up the stairs that rose towards Professor Dumbledore's office, all the while trying to imagine what was in store for her. Reason assured her that the Headmaster couldn't be tooangry… he _had_ allowed her to chase after the Blacks in the first place, now hadn't he? Surely he had known what she'd meant to do when she arrived in his fireplace. After all, he'd been teaching for years, and therefore must have some semblance of insight into the minds of desperate adolescents. When they reached his door, Lily glanced at James; he didn't return her look, however. Rather, he made to turn the knob and enter the office.

Feeling relatively impulsive while giving it no thought whatsoever, she grabbed his hand to stop him. James started before freezing in surprise; he slowly turned his head towards her in astonishment. She could feel her heart's steady beat pounding in her ears. What was she doing? The way his hazel eyes were boring into hers… What was she doing? "Thank you." It felt like someone else entirely had control over her words. She felt distant… almost as if she were watching from somewhere else. "You had my back and… you've had it before, too. I… I am grateful."

His expression changed; he was staring at her glumly. She couldn't help but wonder what he must think of her. One day she was declaring her undying hatred towards him… and the next she was giving him her thanks… She had thought they'd never be friends again. Maybe… Had she judged that too early? James presently offered her hand a little squeeze. "You could have trusted me, you know. Remus and I… we had a plan to help Sirius, and we could have handled it just fine ourselves… without putting you in reckless danger."

"But how much danger would it have put you and Remus in?" Lily asked, despite the voice in her head assuring her that there wasn't any danger in the entire world the Marauders couldn't escape from. "I've already seen one person I care about get expelled. And even if you had pulled off whatever plan it was you'd hatched, Mrs. Black wouldn't have stood for anything less than expulsion to settle the score."

"Well, now she's got a score to settle with you!" James reminded her tersely. "Besides, I didn't think you cared about me. Wouldn't it make you happy if I got expelled?" His eyes flashed at the mere thought of such a reaction, even as she flinched in dismay.

"James…"

He didn't wait to hear her out. Instead, he roughly jerked his hand free. "Never mind. We shouldn't keep Dumbledore waiting."

"James!" She quickly positioned herself between him and the door. Though she knew he was right, and that they shouldn't delay any longer, the Headmaster hadn't expressed any hints of impatience with them yet. He could wait another minute. James, on the other hand… She didn't think _he_ could wait for anything at all anymore. He glared at her, but she ignored the glare's silent message. "You want me to trust you? Well… after what just happened today… I think I'll be able to now." He blinked, needing a moment to work out what she'd just said. Now it was her turn not to wait for a response. Turning sharply, she pushed open the door to the Headmaster's office and hastened inside.

**ooooooo**

All in all, she, James, and Remus got off pretty lightly. They were expecting detention. All they received was blame for losing their house forty points – which didn't bother Lily whatsoever. She was rooting for Hufflepuff, after all.

_"Though your actions were both brave and admirable," _the Headmaster had reasoned in his office that afternoon, _"marking you as Gryffindors, I cannot simply ignore the fact that you openly defied the wishes of a parent. You have both angered a woman who does not merely forget grudges. And, with all that aside, you also have class right now, which you both appear to be skipping."_

_"Professor…" _Lily had glanced up at him shortly after that, unable to forget her own reckonings. _"When I arrived in your office, you let me chase after Mrs. Black. If you knew you were going to punish me for it, why didn't you stop me?" _James had stared at her then – well, actually, he hadn't stopped staring at her since they walked in. This time, however, there was a look of pure awe and wonder expressed across his face.

Professor Dumbledore's eyes had been twinkling more than usual. _"At the risk of soundly slightly arrogant, Miss Evans, I must say I knew you wouldn't be in any danger. Besides, had I been a sixteen year old in your place, I would have done exactly the same thing myself." _Lily had beamed at such words. She and James might be getting slightly punished for skipping class and causing a grown woman so much trouble… but they themselves weren't in any at all. Not really, anyway. They'd proven themselves to be good, loyal, and true friends, faithful to Sirius. The Headmaster, though he oughtn't be encouraging such rebellious behavior towards another student's parent, nevertheless respected them for it.

Later that night, Lily had faced Remus. While James described to Sirius, Peter, and whoever else cared to listen – which pretty much included every single Gryffindor in the common room – how the girl had outsmarted everyone short of Albus Dumbledore himself, Lily sat apart from them with her concerned friend.

"I just don't want you getting hurt," he told her quietly, squeezing her hand. "You've been through so much…" Her parents' deaths. Charlie Pryce. Poachers. Regulus. Remus didn't know much about how her 'gift' might answer some sort of argument between Headmaster Dumbledore and the Dark Lord, but he remembered the poachers mentioning it, and it still often weighed heavy on his mind – though he respectfully never asked her about it. She _had _been through a lot… And she could appreciate how he feared for her. "I promised you James, Peter, and I would take care of Sirius and everything else this year, so you wouldn't have to."

"I haven't forgotten," she assured him, smiling so softly it was hardly a smile. "But there are things I have to do myself. You can't protect me from everything."

"Doesn't mean I don't want to try," he quietly admitted, which only caused her smile to broaden. She pulled him into a sisterly embrace, and for a long time the two of them just held each other. For better or for worse, they'd survived. They'd pulled through. They'd won. She'd been helpless to fight Mrs. Black last time. Even now, she still felt like she'd failed Regulus. But this time it was different. This time, the children _had_ managed to triumph. This time, they _had_ managed to overcome every obstacle thrown in their path. Sirius was safe. His family had disowned him. Strange as it sounded, it felt like the greatest accomplishment Lily had ever achieved in her entire life. More so than even her O.W.L.s.

Presently, she found herself glancing over at James, who looked more animated than she'd seen him in a long time as he described how Lily had used Floo powder to escape him and Remus; he didn't seem even remotely hesitant to portray himself and his friend as the bad guys in that story. He didn't seem to care about his reputation, or about how Isabelle Campbell was glaring at him resentfully for being such a hindrance to the redheaded sixth year. Lily Evans was the heroine of this story, and when James Potter told it, he let absolutely nothing – not even himself – detract from the spectacular vision of her he meant to create. Lily felt the color rising to her face. What could she say to this? Even Sirius was listening to his friend in wide-eyed wonder. She felt slightly at a loss of what to do… or what to feel… looking at James.

He was different. There just simply wasn't any arguing about that. He was different… and… and maybe rescuing Sirius wouldn't be her greatest accomplishment that year after all. Maybe something else would be. Something… she found herself hoping for.

**ooooooo**

**A/N: **I know I hate cliffhangers when I'm reading stuff, so I wanted to get this chapter posted earlier, lest I become a hypocrite. But, let's face it. Good stories generally have cliffhangers. It's inevitable. Besides, I was doing Christmas stuff today! Anyway… please review! Thanks so much!


	72. Tournament

**ooooooo**

The term began to pass swiftly after the day of Mrs. Black's defeat. There had never been a time when Lily had felt so alive! A part of her felt like she honestly understood what it was Sirius must be feeling. Freedom. Complete and utter freedom. At last. But it wasn't just that… Her life, at least for the time being, felt as though it actually had some form of purpose in it. Some direction. She knew where she was headed, and her desire to get there was so strong, no one could stop her. After all… If she could outsmart James Potter, Remus Lupin, _and _Mrs. Black, rescuing Sirius from the worst fate he had ever imagined, while gaining Professor Dumbledore's genuine respect, losing only forty house points in the process… was there anything in the world too much for her? Was there anything in the world she couldn't handle? No. Compared to something like that, guiding Hufflepuff to victory would be – if not simple or easy – nevertheless quite achievable. And she would achieve it.

There was never anything quite so fulfilling as watching the yellowish gemstones piling up in the Hufflepuff hourglass down in the Entrance Hall, signaling their number of house points. While they weren't yet in the lead, they were, for the first time in generations, keeping up with Gryffindor and Slytherin's hourglasses. The Hufflepuffs were without a doubt holding their own, and as the season changed into autumn, the Slytherins grew increasingly threatened. Vaughn Derricks – if he hadn't taken Lily's challenge seriously at first – was definitely starting to now. Something, he must have realized, had to be done about those pesky, bothersome Hufflepuffs.

"Shouldn't be too hard to put them back in their place," he said one morning at breakfast in the Great Hall, timing his words perfectly so that Lily heard them loud and clear when she past by, heading towards the Gryffindor table. She stopped short, thinking immediately of Peter and how James had treated him the year before. Her stomach tightened and twisted painfully, even as anger sped up her heart rate.

Slowly, she turned around and faced Vaughn Derricks. He was smirking at her while his friends all laughed. She thought of James… and how she hadn't been able to protect Peter. But then she reminded herself how she'd atoned for failing Regulus by rescuing Sirius. Maybe… she could also atone for failing Peter by helping the Hufflepuffs. She wasn't about to let any of them whatsoever be "put back in their place," as Vaughn was so good enough to describe it. And so she set her jaw and clenched her fists. "You're only making me want to fight that much harder for the Hufflepuffs."

The Hufflepuff table wasn't at all that far from the Slytherin one, and the students there all heard Lily's assertion. They turned around slowly to watch the confrontation in apparent dread as Vaughn leaned towards the Gryffindor. "Is that supposed to scare me, Evans? You're wasting your time and effort on those-"

"Professor Slughorn!" Lily saw the Potions Master strolling his way from one end of the Great Hall to the other, and felt herself grinning broadly as she waved him over. Vaughn turned in surprise to watch the head of his house approaching. What was Lily planning _this _time? By now, most of the Great Hall was watching, glancing from the Gryffindor to Professor Slughorn and back again.

"Why, good morning, Lily!" he clasped his hands behind his back, graciously inclining his head to the girl. "I trust everything is going well for you today?" He clearly had his favorites, and though Vaughn Derricks was a prefect in the man's own house, he simply wasn't one of them. Or, if he was, he didn't even come close to comparing with Lily Evans. She thought she could see his face turning red in disgust.

She smiled up at Professor Slughorn as brightly as she possibly could. "It's going swell, sir! I wanted you to be the first to witness a spell one of my students managed to perform at my tutorial last night!" The Potions Master's eyebrow shot up in surprise, and Lily nodded exuberantly. "Her name's Cait, and I have to admit she's been working harder than anyone else in the entire group! I know I'm not a teacher myself or anything, but I feel like…" She hesitated, frowned, and started snapping her fingers as she searched for the right word to describe exactly how it was she felt.

Professor Slughorn, however, beat her to it, smiling in amusement. "I understand perfectly, m'dear. There always is that overpowering sense of pride when a student finally shows such commendable progress. Let's see this spell now, shall we?" Lily grinned, winked at Vaughn, and practically jumped towards the Hufflepuff table. The poor first year in question, Cait, was staring at Lily and Professor Slughorn in white-faced dread. She looked like the Grim Reaper had arrived for her early or something.

"It's okay, Cait," Lily told her gently, as she moved a goblet towards the girl. All the other first year Hufflepuffs quickly scooted away from her, as if praying not to get caught up in their little demonstration. Lily took that as her cue to sit down beside the girl. "You're going to be just fine," she whispered into Cait's ear. "Just do it like you did for me last night."

Cait nodded shyly, pulling out her wand. Vaughn Derricks climbed off his seat and stalked forward, no doubt hoping to intimidate the Hufflepuff under the guise of curiosity. Cait, however, managed to ignore him as she carefully directed her wand towards the goblet and closed her eyes tightly in concentration. Muttering something under her breath, the girl flicked her wrist quickly before pulling her hand back and opening her eyes again, breathing sharply. The goblet didn't seem to have changed at all. But when Professor Slughorn picked it up with a frown on his face, Lily knew Cait had done herself proud.

"Is this…?" Professor Slughorn glanced from Cait to Lily in astonishment. The Gryffindor, with her eyes glowing brightly, nodded her head vivaciously. The Potions Master looked quite awed. "Well, I'll be…" Cait, who had been struggling with several different charms at Lily's tutorial, had nearly ended up in tears – she'd been so frustrated. Lily had given her a goblet of pumpkin juice, hoping to calm her down, and, much to her surprise, Cait had taken her wand and transfigured the pumpkin juice into butterbeer. Transfiguring liquids was an unusual trick, and Lily had spent a good chunk of the remaining hour exploring different solutions Cait could come up with. Right now, according to Professor Slughorn, the girl had transfigured her drink into a modest potion that, despite its simplicity, was nevertheless not something the castle's house elves served to students. "That is quite remarkable! I think… for _this _Hufflepuff deserves a good twenty points! As does Gryffindor." He glanced from Cait to Lily and back again. "The two of you are a credit to Hogwarts. Your houses should be extremely proud." And then he pouted, glancing at the sixth year redhead. "I do so wish you had been put in Slytherin, m'dear."

Lily nodded. It was a sentiment he shared with her more than once every term. "Though it _is _a shame Slytherin will be losing the House Cup this year." Professor Slughorn laughed, shook his head, put the goblet back down on the Hufflepuff table, and walked away whistling. Lily turned towards Cait, gave her a quick, excited and congratulatory hug, before stepping back to watch as the girl was praised quite ecstatically by the rest of her house. Smiling triumphantly, the Gryffindor glanced at Vaughn Derricks. _He_ was watching the scene with a furious expression twisting his face almost abnormally. She made towards him with crossed arms.

"Maybe now you'll know better than to talk about putting people in their place," she spat at him resentfully, "when they're by far better than you."

**ooooooo**

And so the year went on. September gave way to October, which then gave way to November. The Quidditch season was soon to arrive, and Lily remembered what James Potter had told her. If Hufflepuff wanted to win the House Cup, it needed to have one remarkable Quidditch team. The two Cups practically did go hand in hand – it was incredibly rare for one house to win the Quidditch and another to win the House. Lily certainly had never seen it done herself before.

Unfortunately, Quidditch was one thing she couldn't help the Hufflepuffs with. She enjoyed watching the sport. She understood the rules of the game. But… she couldn't play it herself and couldn't quite comprehend how tournaments worked or how different teams progressed to different rounds. It seemed like such a complex system, and she had never bothered to take the time necessary to work out a tournament's structure. Now, however, there just seemed to be so much at stake… Hufflepuff _needed _to win this year! And Lily just couldn't settle with her normal routine; watching games without knowing or caring why certain houses played each other as they progressed towards the end of the season. She needed to know what was going on. She needed to be ready. She needed someone's help.

"I got the season's line-up from Potter!" Isabelle told her one night in the seventh year dorm room – Lily had been too nervous to ask James about it herself. He'd been behaving remarkably so far that year, she'd never deny that. But… now that Corwin had graduated, he _was _Gryffindor's Quidditch captain… Lily couldn't help but fear that… if she asked him anything at all related to the sport… she might awaken in him something she didn't want awakened… Besides, she didn't want any of her roommates – all of whom were presently crowding around her and Isabelle – feeling neglected. It had been such a long time since she'd been able to loiter around with them.

"It's double elimination," Isabelle explained to her, always glowing in absolute joy whenever she got a chance to reflect on Quidditch. "Generally six games, sometimes seven if it's a particularly exciting season. Double elimination means each team has to lose twice before getting sacked."

"Okay," Lily acknowledged. So far… so good…

"The first two games are already lined up," Isabelle told her. "Hufflepuff versus Slytherin. Gryffindor versus Ravenclaw. The next two games are between the winners and losers. For example, if Slytherin and Gryffindor both win, they play each other, while Hufflepuff plays Ravenclaw, because they both lost. Now, whoever loses _that_ game, between Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw, will have lost twice."

"Which means they can't go any further?" Lily questioned.

"Precisely," Isabelle nodded. "And that's where things get tricky. The game between the two winners… whoever loses it has to play the winner of that last match between Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw. So, if Gryffindor beats Slytherin, _we_ automatically go to Finals. If Hufflepuff beats Ravenclaw, Ravenclaw gets eliminated, and Hufflepuff has to play Slytherin. Both teams have already lost once, and whoever loses that game gets kicked out like Ravenclaw. Whoever wins, on the other hand, gets to go to Finals and play Gryffindor. Six games total."

"But if Gryffindor loses, we'll have only lost once," Lily noted, wondering how _that_ was fair. Isabelle just grinned.

"Which would definitely make the season an exciting one," she stated cheerfully. "A seventh game would have to be played. A bit of a rematch. The undefeated team has to be defeated twice. There's no room for flukes in a Quidditch tournament. If you want Hufflepuff to win this year, then their team can't afford to lose a single game. Because I honestly don't think they'll be facing Ravenclaw in the Finals. Which means if they lose a match, and still manage to make it there, they'll be up against either Gryffindor or Slytherin. And they'll have to beat the team twice in order to win. I promise you, Lily. Hufflepuff's not good enough to do that."

"But Hufflepuff is playing Slytherin first!" She remembered the line-up Isabelle had given her. How was _that _fair? Shouldn't Hufflepuff be playing Ravenclaw or something? Whoever had come up with this brilliant schedule clearly had a mean sense of humor!

"You're right," Isabelle told her with a shrug. "If Hufflepuff loses its first game…" She sighed deeply. "Well. If Hufflepuff loses its first game, they're all gonna have to break down several walls with their bare hands to win the Cup. I think you're asking for a miracle here, Lil." Maybe she was… Gryffindor and Slytherin were the best two teams at Hogwarts. It was almost as if they were in a completely different league!

"Maybe Hufflepuff doesn't need to win at Quidditch," Mary suggested helpfully, glancing from Isabelle to Lily. The redhead looked back at her hopefully. "I mean, think about it. They've been doing just fine for themselves up until now. Last week they even went several days with more points than anyone else! If they stay ahead, it doesn't matter who wins the Quidditch Cup!"

"Don't be stupid," Pippa snapped at her. "Houses earn points for winning Quidditch games! There's no way they can stay in the lead if Gryffindor and Slytherin keep winning." She turned her head around towards Lily. "There's only one way that Hufflepuff can win this thing. They have to chance a victory against Slytherin. Then, if Gryffindor beats Ravenclaw, we can probably give them the game. So long as Slytherin doesn't make it to Finals, Hufflepuff can get that cup. Either by beating Ravenclaw, or by Gryffindor handing them another victory. I'm sure you can talk James into it-"

"That wouldn't be fair!" Lily bit back quickly. "Gryffindor is _not _going to hand over the Quidditch Cup to Hufflepuff! I don't want them to!"

Pippa rolled her eyes. "That's a noble sentiment, Lily, it really is. But that's the only chance Hufflepuff's got!"

"Forget it!" Lily snapped. "We aren't going to ask our own house to cheat!" Hadn't she already asked enough from James this year? He deserved more. He'd been doing so well lately. In all honesty, he had as much right to the Quidditch Cup as Hufflepuff did. It was his first year as captain, after all. Lily had no intention whatsoever of blemishing his name by asking him – during his first year captaining! – to hand over victory on a silver platter to Hufflepuff. It would have been wrong. It would have been unjust.

"You know…" Isabelle said slowly, the tone in her voice catching everyone's attention. Lily glanced at the seventh year in curiosity, quickly recognizing the look on her friend's face. It reminded her of James and Sirius. She had an idea, then. "I'm not all that bad at Quidditch myself." It was only astonishingly bad luck that had prevented her from making the team before now. Bad luck that her honey, Gregory Corwin, hadn't even attempted to reverse, much to Alice and Pippa's disgust. "I wasn't planning on trying out this year…"

"What?" Pippa stared at her friend in dismay. "Isabelle, this is the last chance you've got!"

"Quidditch isn't that important to me anymore," Isabelle admitted, glancing down at the floor upon which she sat. "I mean, it's not like I want to join a professional team. I'm gonna be a Healer!" She didn't want anyone else having to live with their arms bent out of shape, as her sister did. She didn't want anyone else having to live with the pain that she must. Lily knew… Fanny had always been the soldier. Isabelle wanted to be the rescuer. She shook her head, releasing a deep sigh as she glanced back at Lily. "Anyway, maybe I could spend some time with the Hufflepuff team. Help them practice. Give them a few hints. I could even show 'em a few plays I've come up with myself! Plays no one else has ever seen before!"

Lily grinned. "That's a great idea!" Isabelle Campbell had spent years watching the different teams play, wishing for a chance to play herself. She'd had plenty of time to dream up strategies she'd use against the Slytherin players. She knew their moves. She knew their strengths. Their weaknesses. She even knew a thing or two about outflying James! Or so she said… Personally, Lily didn't think _anyone _could outfly James Potter. But even still, it wouldn't hurt Hufflepuff any to take advantage of Isabelle's expertise, especially since she was willing to share it. "I'll tell Mallory!" Mallory Smith, the Hufflepuff prefect, was the house's Quidditch captain's best friend. They'd accept Isabelle's assistance… Lily didn't have any doubt about that.

**ooooooo**

The first match between Hufflepuff and Slytherin came in December. It was a Saturday morning, and Lily found herself sitting at their table in the Great Hall for breakfast. Mallory was there, along with her best friend, the team's captain, Nathalie Irons. Nathalie looked like a wreck! She was pale faced, shaking slightly, and had dark circles under her eyes. "We're going to lose. We're going to lose. We're going to lose."

"Come on, Nat!" Mallory gazed at her friend in dismay. "Pull yourself together! You're supposed to be the captain! You're supposed to be optimistic here!"

"Well, normally I would be!" Nathalie snapped back. "But what with everyone predicting Hufflepuff victoriously acquiring the House Cup this year, I'm feeling a little bit of pressure right now, considering how big a role Quidditch has in that!" She didn't want to let everyone down. She didn't want to be responsible for proving Vaughn Derricks right. Lily felt her face flushing considerably. If Hufflepuff _didn't _win the Cup… it would all be her fault for even suggesting that they could!

The walk down to the Quidditch stadium was one of the longest she'd ever undergone in her life. Everyone was there! Normally, the only games this crowded were between Gryffindor and Slytherin. But, as this first game was a match between the school's underdogs – who were actually the present favorite, thanks to Lily – and their antagonists, it wasn't something anyone wanted to miss. The crowd was enormous, and since Lily had walked down with Mallory and a large group of Hufflepuffs, she had no idea where to find Isabelle, Alice, Pippa, or any of the others.

"I'm going to go look for my roommates!" she told Mallory loudly, over all the noise. It felt like they were at a carnival or something. All they needed were a couple booths and prizes. Mallory waved her goodbye, she wished them all good luck, and then they parted company. As Lily wandered around the stadium grounds, keeping an eye out for fellow Gryffindors, she noticed at the foot of each stand there several Ravenclaws offering to paint people's faces yellow and black, offering to hand out flags and banners with badgers covering the material, offering to do just about anything at all to help the entire school show Hufflepuff their support. Slytherin didn't have nearly as many fans. Lily couldn't help but smile, and she raced over to get her face painted.

After that, she had to accept the fact that her friends weren't anywhere to be found in a crowd that large. The game would be starting soon, and she needed to find herself a seat up in one of the stands. Figuring she'd probably find someone she knew in any of them anyway, she randomly selected one and made her way to the stairs.

"Hey, Evans!"

Lily stopped short and glanced over her shoulder. James had found her! She could see him folding up a piece of parchment, which he then carefully tucked away inside his robes – she wouldn't have been at all surprised if he'd magically sewn in secret pockets or something. When he glanced up from what he'd been doing, Lily could see that his face was painted yellow and black, just as hers was. She found herself smiling. "What was that?"

"What was what?" he asked innocently, changing the subject as he hurried past her and started up the stairs. "Did Isabelle explain how these tournaments work adequately enough?" He glanced back over his shoulder to look at her as she followed him up. "If you've got any questions, I can always give you an honest answer!" He winked playfully before continuing on his way. Lily shook her head, rolling her eyes. He was in a good mood today!

It had been cold enough that morning – there was snow everywhere! – but up in those stands, it was downright freezing. One _had_ to jump around screaming at the top of one's lungs just to keep warm! Lily wondered how many people walked up to the hospital wing after these games, looking for a cure to hypothermia. The two teams were out on the field now, and moments later, the game began.

"GO HUFFLEPUFF!" Lily heard herself screaming encouragement the whole through, while Sirius Black sat in a different stand commentating like he always did. Remus and Peter were both sitting next to him, and Lily couldn't help but wonder why James had decided to sit with her instead of with them. Maybe he still…?

She couldn't think about that right now! The Slytherin Chaser had scored a goal, and now Hufflepuff was behind! She started screaming louder than ever, even as James stood beside her yelling insults at Vaughn Derricks – who just so happened to be one of the team's Beaters.

Nathalie was shouting something. The next thing Lily knew, the Hufflepuffs were all swooping into some kind of formation she'd never seen before. Even _James_ stopped shouting long enough to watch in curious surprise. It happened so fast Lily didn't even know what she'd witnessed. All she knew was that, seemingly out of nowhere, all three balls, the Bludgers and the Quaffle, were thrown towards the Slytherin Keeper. Rather than getting knocked off his broom by the two terrifying black ones, he ducked out of the way, allowing the Quaffle through the hoop. The entire stadium seemed to erupt in cheers.

"Huh," James crossed his arms, leaning back slightly, obviously impressed. "Well, I'll be damned." Apparently he hadn't actually expected Hufflepuff to score – at least not this early in the game. Lily grinned. Isabelle had promised she'd give Nathalie a few tips, and apparently Nathalie had taken them greatly to heart. There was hope after all.

"LET'S GO!" she shouted, clapping her hands exuberantly. "YOU CAN WIN THIS!" James glanced over at her, and had she been paying even the slightest attention, instead of watching the match between Hufflepuff and Slytherin as intently as she was, she would have noticed. She would have noticed how he didn't look away from her. Not even once, throughout the rest of the entire game. She would have noticed… how it seemed he had eyes only for her…

The Slytherins had not been happy about the Hufflepuff's goal. Nor were they happy when Hufflepuff continued to score on them. Isabelle had done the team a favor, teaching them plays and strategies they never would have come up with on their own. But… the seventeen year old had forgotten to take into account one teensy little thing… Slytherin was, for the most part, pretty good about playing fair when up against Hufflepuff or Ravenclaw. The only time the team got downright dirty was when they were up against Gryffindor. But Hufflepuff was playing good that day. Hufflepuff was playing astonishingly good. And Slytherin no longer cared to tolerate it.

The Badgers didn't stand a chance when the Serpents started getting nasty. Players were thrown off their brooms, given bloody noses, pushed, shoved, beaten, and abused! Gryffindor was used to such rough treatment, for they dealt with it every time they faced their rivals. They'd learned how to play around it. Hufflepuff, however, wasn't quite as fortunate. They'd gotten in over their heads, and were, before long, losing once again. Shortly after that, the game ended, and Slytherin had won.

Lily felt her insides unraveling in despair. "No…" She stiffened, closing her eyes miserably. Hufflepuff had lost! If they lost again… they'd be done for. There wouldn't be any getting the Quidditch Cup, and then they probably wouldn't receive the House Cup, either! If she had ever wanted to burst into tears, it would have been right then.

"Don't worry."

James's voice caught her off guard, and she jumped, glancing around at him in astonishment. He was staring at her sympathetically, and when he saw her returning his gaze, he gave her an encouraging smile. "Hufflepuff's not out yet. Our team will beat Ravenclaw. Hufflepuff will, too, if they play even half as good as they did today. And if they keep improving like this, when they have their rematch against Slytherin, they'll be ready."

Somehow… when she heard such words coming from James Potter… who knew Quidditch like the back of his hand… it really did comfort her. If _he _thought Hufflepuff stood a chance… then they surely must, right? "But isn't that only if Gryffindor can beat Slytherin? How can you be sure you will?"

"Trust me," James replied somberly, and Lily remembered how, when standing outside Professor Dumbledore's office several weeks ago, she'd assured him that she'd now be able to do just that. "Gryffindor will beat Slytherin. I promise."

**ooooooo**

**A/N: **I hope this chapter makes sense. It's been several years since I last played a sport, and even then, I don't know how tournaments are run at a magical British school. Anyway, I hope it doesn't disappoint, and I'm looking forward to everyone's reviews! Thanks so much!


	73. Isabelle Shines

**ooooooo**

"Okay!" Isabelle slammed down a large folder on the Hufflepuff table during dinner the night after the Hufflepuff-Slytherin match. The Great Hall was, for the most part, empty that evening, as the Slytherins were all off celebrating somewhere while the rest of the student population came and went as erratically as they pleased. Lily, however, found herself eating with the dejected Hufflepuffs, who all looked thoroughly depressed – particularly their captain, Nathalie Irons. Isabelle, on the other hand, was smiling broadly, as cheerful as ever, stubbornly determined to see them through. "I honestly didn't think the Slytherins would play that dirty. Take it as a compliment! They generally only treat Gryffindor like that!"

"It's no good," Mallory told the seventh year quietly. "We've been trying to tell Nathalie that all day." And so they had been. Nathalie was, again, a terrible wreck. She felt like the season had ended before it'd even begun! Her team only had one more chance at this. If they lost another match, they wouldn't be getting the Quidditch Cup, and that was all there was to it.

"Look," Isabelle sat next to Nathalie and took hold of her hands, giving them both a comforting squeeze. "You want to know why Quidditch is so popular? Why any sport is popular, for that matter?" Nathalie glanced up at her questioningly, having not expected such an interrogation. Isabelle was grinning so happily one would have thought Hufflepuff _had_ defeated Slytherin. "It isn't because the game's just exciting or breathtaking. It's because the game's a story in itself! People don't want to see jerks like Slytherin winning all the time! People don't even want to see Gryffindor winning all the time! When our teams are always winning, people get the same story over and over and over again. They don't like that. What makes the story different, unique, and interesting is when teams like yours come around, Nathalie. So you lost your first match. Get over it. It's not losing that defeats you. It's losing, and then quitting because of it, that defeats you."

"Yeah!" Lily nodded her head in agreement, gaining the entire table's attention. "Hufflepuff is still in this tournament! Now I heard James Potter say if you play Ravenclaw half as hard as you played Slytherin today, you'll win without breaking a sweat!" That got the group's attention. James was the most famous player at the school. His words had more credibility than Isabelle's and Nathalie's entire house's put together! Lily grinned. "And if you keep practicing and improving, James's thinks you'll be ready for a rematch against Slytherin."

"Gryffindor will have to beat both teams first, but that shouldn't be too much of a problem," Isabelle went on as enthusiastically as ever. "And if you can beat them too, then the only house standing between yours and victory will be ours!" Nathalie stared at her for a moment, the hope fading from her face. She groaned and covered her head in her hands. How on Earth was Hufflepuff supposed to beat Gryffindor – not just once, but _twice_? It seemed impossible.

"Even if you don't win the Cup, making it to the Finals will give Hufflepuff plenty of house points," Lily reasoned, looking around at Mallory. "Our goal is to win the House Cup, remember? Not the Quidditch one. Just keep the points you've already earned, try to gain more, and if you make it to the Finals, that should be enough."

"Now look," Isabelle slid the folder she'd slammed onto the table over to Nathalie. "I've got enough information here to sell to Quidditch Through the Ages! Every foul, dirty trick that's ever been played by Slytherin, I've incorporated into this binder, along with useful ways to evade them, _and_ strategies to beat them fairly at their own game." Nathalie blinked, opening the folder and glancing at the pile of parchments inside. Everyone around her sat staring at Isabelle in absolute shock.

"No way," Mallory whispered. "How did you get all that?"

Isabelle was practically glowing. "My sister, Fanny, actually started it. And don't ask me how she got some of that material. I pretty much know for a fact that some it wasn't exactly acquired legally. She's always wanted to be an Auror, you know, and so she's been putting together things like this since day one, year one of her education. She taught me how to do it – though unfortunately not the illegal part." She glanced at Lily with a sigh. "Fanny never did want me following in her footsteps. Anyway!" She beamed happily. "I was going to sell the information, but first I'd like to see how effective the strategies at combating such brutality really are. My sister and I worked hard trying to come up with them. Congratulations, Hufflepuff! You guys get to be my guinea pigs! And if it works, you should have no problem making it to Finals!"

"Where we'll have to play Gryffindor…" Nathalie stated, feeling slightly numb. Lily patted her shoulder reassuringly.

"Finals are months away, Nat," she reminded the girl gently. "You keep on training your team, and by then you just might be ready to play Gryffindor." Nathalie took several deep breaths before pulling Isabelle's folder closer and engrossing herself in its material.

**ooooooo**

It had been a rough day, there wasn't any doubt about that. But somehow, they'd managed to get through it. The hour had gotten late, and Lily knew it was approaching curfew. She was sitting by herself in the tutor room; there were rarely ever tutorials held over the weekend. Everyone needed a break, after all, especially on days like those. Lily felt ready to drop dead, but she nevertheless sought the quiet to finish an essay for Defense Against the Dark Arts. Though most of her teachers didn't assign that much homework, preferring, instead, to supervise sixth year students performing their spells in class, Professor Crimson was an exception. He gave out homework like no other, merely because he needed the students to cover the material they'd not gotten to in class, along with their scheduled take-home assignments. It greatly upset most of the other students, but Lily wasn't complaining. She'd do any amount of busywork if it meant she didn't need to brandish her wand in some kind of mock duel.

Presently, however, she knew the hour was late, and so she packed her books into her bag, flung it over her shoulder, and made her way out of the tutor room. Walking into the corridor, however, was like walking into a wall of ice. While the rooms were all magically heated, the hallways were about as frigid as the world outside. Lily stopped short, gasped in shock, and wrapped her arms around herself in a futile struggle to get warm. How long had she been studying in the tutor room?

Shaking her head, Lily started towards the stairs. The sooner she got up to the common room, the happier she'd be. Rounding a corner, however, she found herself nearly running headfirst into Vaughn Derricks! "Oh!" She tensed, stopping short in surprise, but Vaughn, seemingly in a hurry, pushed past her without saying a word. He didn't even have the decency of begging her pardon before he disappeared down the corridor. Lily glared after him in disgust before continuing on her way. A part of her was curious as to what he'd been running from, but experience with troublemakers assured her that she really, really didn't want to know. It probably wasn't anything good, and she'd do well not to get involved.

Making her way up to the seventh floor no longer seemed like such a taxing effort. She'd flown up all those stairs at a breakneck speed before, so a quick walk through the cold was actually slightly refreshing. It kept her warm, at any rate. She was just starting to enjoy it when she heard someone coming up behind her. There wasn't any mistaking it, for she heard footsteps and she thought she could hear breathing… But when she turned around to see who it was, the corridor was empty.

Lily blinked, feeling a chill that wasn't at all related to the cold running down her spine. Of course these castle corridors weren't completely straight and rectangular. There were thousands of alcoves, grooves, and niches people could hide in. Statues and sculptures and suits of armor, not to mention tapestries, that people could hide behind. There were all sorts of places! But Lily, for the life of her, couldn't understand why someone would hide like that. Besides… most of those hiding spots were only good if one didn't know to look for them. "Is someone there?"

There wasn't any answer. Lily frowned, curious despite herself. She walked back into the corridor, glancing around for any hint that a person might be there. However… there didn't seem to be anyone. Had she imagined it, then? _James has an invisibility cloak… _Lily caught her breath. Surely he wouldn't…! Would he…?

Biting her lip, Lily turned back towards the stairs and hastened up them. She only had one more flight to go and then she'd be on the seventh floor. Shortly after that, she'd be climbing through the portrait hole, safe and sound in the common room. Then she could go to bed, and this hectic day would be over at last. Reassuring herself with such thoughts, however, did very little to still her racing heart. The shadows on the walls almost seemed to be moving, and she could suddenly hear footsteps progressing towards her from behind again.

_Two can play at this game,_ she thought angrily, scurrying through a door to her right – the girl's bathroom. The lights inside were all turned off – for it _was_ getting rather late. Students shouldn't be using bathrooms outside their various dormitory suites anyway. Closing the door as far as she could without depriving herself of a vantage point to the corridor outside, she held her breath and waited. However, no one came. She stood there waiting for five whole minutes, but there wasn't any sign of anyone following her. Either she was paranoid and had imagined it, or it was someone underneath an invisibility cloak.

Nevertheless feeling slightly shaken, Lily slowly crept out of the bathroom, and then started running the rest of the way to the Fat Lady's portrait. Red-faced and extremely out of breath, she whispered the password so that none but the Fat Lady herself could hear, and scrambled through the hole up to the common room. Everyone still seemed to be awake, and the warmth and energy she found there overwhelmed her so greatly she collapsed heavily onto an armchair, struggling to catch her breath.

James, Sirius, and Peter were all sitting around a table cheering on Remus as he effectively slaughtered a seventh year boy's chess pieces. No one knew that game better than he did, after all. He commanded his own pieces like a well trained general. Not even the older Gryffindors stood a chance against him.

After several long minutes had passed, Lily glanced over to her left, where a fourth year sat doing her homework. "Jane!" The fourth year jumped and glanced at Lily in surprise. "How long has James been here?" Jane glanced around towards the group of boys who were playing chess.

She shrugged, looking back at the redhead. "I really haven't been paying all that much attention, Lily. But Remus started challenging everyone in Gryffindor to chess matches about," she glanced at an hourglass, "two and a half hours ago, I'd say. James was here when he started, and I don't think he left…" She shrugged again before turning back to her homework. Lily sighed, rubbing her eyes wearily. She wasn't in the mood for something like this… Crawling towards the stairs leading up to the girls' dorm, she paused long enough only to glance one last time in James's direction. The boy hardly seemed to have noticed her arrival. Instead, he clapped and cheered loudly next to Sirius and Peter as Remus put the boy he was playing against into check mate.

**ooooooo**

The next Quidditch match was scheduled for the Saturday directly before the start of the Christmas Holiday. Gryffindor would be playing Ravenclaw, and whichever team won got to spend their entire vacation celebrating their victory. There hadn't been any doubt in anyone's mind that Gryffindor would be that team. At least… there hadn't been until Gryffindor's Seeker, a fourth year boy named Joseph Samuels, showed up in the Great Hall that morning sicker than a dog.

"You need to go to bed, Joe!" Several of his friends were all urging him to turn around and march right back up to the Gryffindor Tower, for he was sweating and shaking and looked whiter than Nearly Headless Nick. One girl even went so far as to feel his forehead, loudly declaring that he had a fever. It was winter outside. It was even snowing! Joe couldn't possibly play in such weather! He'd just end up catching his death!

"What happened to him?" Lily asked from where she sat with her roommates on the other end of the table. Everyone was watching him, including the Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws. Moments later, Professor McGonagall arrived. She took one look at the boy and started ushering him back out of the Great Hall, no doubt taking him either back to the Tower or up to the hospital wing. It didn't really matter which, for either way, he certainly wouldn't be playing Quidditch that day.

"Maybe he was poisoned," Pippa suggested dryly. Everyone glanced at her in dismay, and she only shrugged. "Let's face it. Gryffindor has the disadvantage now. And if we lose, the only team standing in Slytherin's way to the Finals would be Ravenclaw." Hufflepuff might be able to beat Slytherin once, but were they really up to beating their antagonists _twice_? Lily took a deep breath, tangling her fingers in her hair and resting her elbows on the table. Poor Joe… She hoped he wasn't too sick. Madam Pomfrey could handle a mere fever, but if Pippa was right and he _had _been poisoned… Lily found herself praying he'd be okay.

"Campbell!" James was suddenly standing across from both Lily and her friends, on the other side of the table. They all snapped immediately to attention, looking up at him in honest surprise. Isabelle looked like she was about to slip into a state of pure denial as she acknowledged James's presence.

"Yes…?"

"It looks like we're down a player for this game," he told her somberly, glancing over his shoulder towards the rest of his team – they were all sitting together attempting to eat breakfast, despite the alarm and anxiety that was obviously coursing through their veins. Joe was a good Seeker. Not only did his unexpected illness have them all sick with fear for his wellbeing themselves, but it also had them all wondering whether or not they could win this match. James glanced back at Isabelle. "I'm supposed to assume, since you didn't even try out this year, that you don't exactly want to play Quidditch, but let's face it. You haven't stopped wanting to play since you arrived at this school. So how about it?"

Isabelle shook her head frantically. "Sorry, Potter. I don't play Seeker. I've never been able to spot a ball that size moving that fast in my-"

"You'd be playing Chaser," James interrupted, much to the seventh year's surprise. She stared at him for several long seconds, too astonished to say anything at all in response. "I'll be the Seeker for this game. We can't let Ravenclaw win." At that moment, he glanced sideways at Lily. "I made a promise."

**ooooooo**

The Ravenclaw-Gryffindor match was one of the most exciting matches to have ever been played. Hufflepuff obviously hadn't been the only team working extra hard that year to improve! Not even the matches between Gryffindor and Slytherin managed to so delight their fans. It was a game unlike any other, with a "story," as Isabelle had described it, more different, unique, and interesting than even Hufflepuff's. For the story that day belonged to her. She was not a part of Gryffindor's normal team. She hadn't practiced with them. Very few of them had ever even seen her on a broomstick before! But she played with them like one who had been born to fly.

In fact, James seemed to be the one having more trouble than anyone else at adjusting to the temporary setup. Instinct drove him to chase after the Quaffle, to foil any and every play made by the Ravenclaws, to score, to show off, to lead his team to a triumphant, stylish victory! He wasn't used to sitting back and simply ignoring everything happening around him. He wasn't used to having only one concern out there, and that concern being a sneaky little golden ball with two white, mocking wings! Maybe it wasn't as exhilarating to him. Maybe it wasn't enough of a challenge. Whatever it was, James soon grew fed up with it. And _that_ was when he decided to end the game. _That _was when he tore off from one of the field to the other, scouring the entire stadium for the ever elusive Golden Snitch. His search was slightly unconventional, for the tricks he performed on the back of his broom were like nothing anyone had ever seen before. None of the Ravenclaw Beaters could attack him with their Bludgers, for he was never in one spot long enough for them to get good enough aim. He was all over the place, diving, spiraling, swooping, curving… He quickly became something of a distraction to the Ravenclaws, allowing Isabelle to score more than once. It was almost as if he were dancing out there…

"He could use a partner," Alice had noted, clapping Lily on her back. The sixth year felt herself blushing profusely – never before had she ever been more grateful towards the red and gold paint masking her face.

Shortly after that, James spotted the Golden Snitch, and swiped it gracefully out of the sky. The referee blew her whistle, and the game had ended. Gryffindor won, despite Joe's unforeseen incapacitation. The stadium broke out in cheers, but compared to some other games, it wasn't much of an eruption. Ravenclaw was not a despised house like Slytherin was. Their fans would have one less thing to celebrate over the holidays, and Lily couldn't help but sympathize with them. They'd played a good hard game, and she did feel more than just slightly guilty for favoring Hufflepuff all this time. She might have been on a mission, but that didn't mean she wanted any of it to be at Ravenclaw's expense.

And so she'd glanced at Alice. "Tell James and Isabelle I said they both played a good game, would you? And then find out how Joe's doing for me?"

Alice stared at her in surprise. "Of course I will! But where are you going?" Lily was already on her way down the stairs towards the bottom of the stand.

"To throw my own party!" she called over her shoulder, smiling merrily to herself. Since her parents' deaths, Christmas had always been a time of pain and misery for her. But so far this year it was shaping up rather differently. Maybe she was healing. All she knew was that she didn't dread its imminent approach, and actually found herself longing to share a celebration with the Ravenclaws because of it.

**ooooooo**

Unfortunately, her first year Ravenclaw students obviously did not feel like celebrating after such a loss. They had all heard the predictions made, declaring Gryffindor's victory weeks in advance. They also knew all too well how the favorite this year was Hufflepuff. Everyone wanted the Badgers to win, which didn't give the Eagles much of a chance whatsoever. It wasn't exactly the ideal way for the first years to begin their academic career at the school, and Lily felt bad for them.

"But Quidditch isn't everything," she told them, having gathered them all around her in the Entrance Hall when they'd returned from the stadium that afternoon. She saw their dubious expressions, and heard herself sigh. "Honestly, it should be a summer event if it's going to ruin your Christmases! No sport or competition is worth that!" She wondered if a group of eleven year olds, despite their house's characteristic intelligence, could reasonably be expected to understand something so important. The looks on their faces told her nay. Here was the flaw to her master plan. She could help Hufflepuff attain victory. But she couldn't help Ravenclaw… and they were downhearted because of it.

_What am I doing…?_

_Teachers aren't supposed to have favorites… Neither are tutors…_

_How am I supposed to fix this?_

"I'm sorry," she heard herself telling them. "Christmas is more important than Quidditch. The other houses… They all get to be caught up in their fights and competitions and intrigue… But they aren't the ones I want to celebrate with. It might not mean much to you now, because I know how much you wanted your House to win. But…" If they had been older, she might have reminded them about all that was going on outside of Hogwarts. Christmas was a chance for them to celebrate… forgetting about war and destruction and violence and cruelty… They shouldn't waste such opportunities. But these kids were only eleven. She wasn't _about_ to bring up Death Eaters or the Dark Lord to them. And so… she found herself saying, "But… if we can't celebrate Christmas because of something like that… when are we ever going to be able to celebrate it?"

The first years all glanced at each other uncertainly. They had lost their first match. They already anticipated losing their second… and the House Cup as well. But Lily… She had a point. And whether or not she was willing to mention the war to them, they still knew about it… They knew about it better than any other group of first years passing through that school, in any event. They were perfectly aware of how shallow and superficial such depression was in times such as those. Besides, they were just eleven! Being depressed during the holidays wasn't something they particularly enjoyed. Celebrating, on the other hand…

"Quidditch is supposed to be fun," Lily told them, trying to recover and sound cheerful again. "You aren't supposed to get like this after a loss! If you lose, you don't have time to feel dismal. You have to get right back up and work harder so that every time you play another team, you make it harder and harder for them to beat you. Eventually, they won't be able to! But either way, you've got to remain strong and faithful to yourselves. You try your hardest, and no matter what happens you won't have to live with regret. Trust me. The last thing you want is to grow up bitter, old, and sour, right?" She saw them all making faces. Her words weren't exactly original or awe-inspiring, and had those kids been any older, teenage rebellion might have kicked in, and they might have told her to shove off and let them wallow miserably in peace. As it was, however, they were just eleven years old. Their minds were still young and impressionable. They all admired Lily, and took her words to heart when older Ravenclaws might have laughed scornfully in her face for such a speech as that.

"Sometimes people have nothing left to lose," Lily whispered softly, after several seconds' silence. "Because they've already lost everything."

_"In times when you feel discouraged… my only advice to you is not to ever stop showing your concern for others." _Professor Dumbledore's words suddenly rang loudly in her mind. They echoed… resonated… and warmed her heart. _"The ability to love is something too many in this world will never have a chance to comprehend. If only they could be taught." _She had wondered how to teach them something so important… since it couldn't very well be taught in the middle of a tutorial.

"But even then," she told them, as if in a trance, her voice so melodic it had them all quite captivated without her once noticing, "there can be something more for them to grip, especially during the holidays. Christmas is the brightest time of the year. Don't let anything tarnish that light. Believe me, it's the worst thing you'd ever do." She thought of her parents… How many Christmases had she thrown away because she'd lost them? It didn't seem right… that losing Quidditch could be just as devastating to anyone. "Please don't make my mistake."

"How would we celebrate?" one little girl asked after several minutes had flown by in absolute silence. Her words, particularly her last five, hadn't been lost on them, then. They were willing to give it a try, and that was a start, at least. Now, where to go from here?

Lily smiled, trying not to laugh at herself. "I actually hadn't thought that far ahead, yet," she admitted. "Come on. Let's go see if Professor Slughorn hasn't got anything up his sleeves. He generally throws pretty good parties, and will probably be able to conjure one up on the spot just for us."

"Isn't he the head of Slytherin's house?" one boy asked, staring up at her in surprise.

"Yes," Lily admitted, this time quite unable to prevent herself from laughing. "Yes, I daresay he is. But he wishes I was in Slytherin. I'm sure if I ask him, we'll have ourselves a party with one flick of his wrist." And so they went. And so they celebrated. And so the Ravenclaw first years had Lily all to themselves for an entire afternoon. It more than made up for their team's defeat at the hands of Gryffindor.

**ooooooo**

**A/N: **It's Christmas, so I thought I'd write a Christmassy chapter. I hope you all enjoyed it! Please review. I appreciate it so much! Thanks!


	74. Trust

**ooooooo**

Classes had ended for the Christmas Holidays, but never before had so many students opted to remain at school. Only a few choice Slytherins, along with several seventh years from the other houses – including Alice and Isabelle, who wouldn't even consider spending the season away from Frank or Corwin – felt bold enough to stray from the safety of the castle. It really did seem to be a terrible shame, for while losing a Quidditch game wasn't reason enough to slip into depression over the holidays, being stuck at a drafty old school instead of with one's family most definitely was. The party Professor Slughorn had helped Lily throw for Ravenclaw's first years had been heartwarming and magical in more ways than one… But as the days drew closer to Christmas, no heart in the entire castle felt warm, despite all the magic in the world. It still didn't bring them any closer to their families.

Joe Samuels, the Gryffindor's Seeker, had recovered from his illness just fine. It didn't seem like he'd been poisoned, but nothing anyone said could convince Pippa otherwise. She told James quite plainly that no one on the Quidditch team was to eat or drink the day before or the day of their next match without checking first to make sure that nothing had been tampered with. James naturally thought she was making a big deal out of nothing, but nevertheless promised her he'd see to it with a large smiling lighting his face. She was amusing him, Lily thought, watching the scene from a distance.

But, then again, everything seemed to amuse James Potter these days. Lily suspected it was a guise he wore in order to attempt keeping the ill ease plaguing everyone else away from him in such times as those. She never knew for certain whether or not he was successful at it, for he wore his mask well. While Remus and Peter occasionally both stood outside, magically levitating balls of snow up to an open third floor window, he and Sirius would take quick possession of them and fling them at whomever just so happened to pass by. In the long run, such antics did very little to change the fact that they were all still stuck at Hogwarts. They might have offered temporary reprieves, for which everyone was grateful… but even still, no one wanted to spend their Christmas at school, and Lily knew James was no exception.

At least the castle had never looked more beautiful. It was, in every sense of the word, a winter wonderland. Since so many children were being held there, the staff literally went to great lengths to make the school seem more like a paradise than it ever had before. There were Christmas trees on every floor! There were candles and candelabras and stars enchanting the ceilings as they did in the Great Hall. There was tinsel and silver bells and large sleds outside. Some of the older students received permission to take the younger students out on rides, so long as they didn't venture out of bounds. Lily herself went on a couple of them, for, like everyone else, she also sought any distraction she could from the constant reminder that the world itself was not as it ought to have been. The war was taking everything away from them. It spared not even one happiness, and Lily just wanted it to end.

And so, she found herself out on one such sleigh ride when she saw it for the first time. The sleigh itself was large and silver, and it might have blended in with the snow had it not also boasted golden trim. Pulled by two beautiful horses, driven by Ian Aldwen – a genius sixth year Ravenclaw – Lily had been sitting beside two Gryffindor first years, singing carols with them, while enjoying the light snowfall. With Hogwarts towering behind them and the Forbidden Forest not far to their left, it did remind her slightly of some enchanted realm in which the fairies and unicorns she'd used to dream about as a child – before her parents' antics had started to embarrass her – might have made their home. Not for the first time, she wondered what had happened to those dreams. They had died in her by the time she'd turned five years old and started attending school with other muggle children. She didn't think she would have allowed them to… if she'd known then what it would be like now without them. When was the last time she'd ever written a letter to Father Christmas, and sent it up the chimney by way of the fire's smoke, so that it might reach him? She was too old for that now, and what with the war… even if she'd been younger, it wouldn't have felt quite right. Rather, it would have been a mockery she'd not be able to bear.

Such were her thoughts as Ian drove the silver sleigh across the silver snow. They were, however, interrupted when she caught sight of something she'd never seen before bounding over and around the snow banks off to her right. She frowned, turning in her seat to get a closer look. It was big… chestnut brown… with two elegant antlers… The way it moved… Only the Headmaster's phoenix and the unicorn she had seen in her third year possessed more grace than that creature before her. She'd never seen a wild animal venture forth from the forest, but watching it leap in a zigzagging line, as if it were flying and dancing both at the same time, she knew it wasn't a tame animal. It was too proud… and very beautiful.

Ian must have seen it too, for he suddenly jerked the horses pulling the sleigh to a stop. "Look at that!" he pointed a finger for the first years, and they all turned their heads to gawk at it as well. "I've never heard anything about stags living here! Especially stags like that!" The magnificent creature must have sensed their pause, or seen it, or something, for it came to a halt itself, lifting up its head with the same regality found in Kings. Glancing in their direction, Lily felt almost certain that it was looking at her. She caught her breath.

"I wonder if it's Hagrid's," one first year speculated thoughtfully. But Lily shook her head.

"No," she whispered. "I don't think it is…" She dared not look away from the creature, but she nevertheless caught Ian's hand. "Where do you think it came from? The forest? Why hasn't it ever shown itself to students before? I'm sure someone would have mentioned it." Ian, however, could only shrug, staring at the stag in openmouthed wonder. He shook his head.

"Don't know…"

The stag's gaze only lasted for another short minute, and then he turned around and started off, bounding away with the same grace and speed it had demonstrated before. The first years all sighed, and Ian took up the reins again, smiling as if he'd just received some sort of blessing. As the horses started dragging the sleigh around back towards the castle, Lily found herself staring over her shoulder after the creature even long after it had disappeared from sight.

**ooooooo**

And so Christmas came and went. The New Year arrived, and the students all slipped outside the castle to watch the fireworks Professor Slughorn had set up for them. They were simply dazzling, awe-inspiring, and breathtaking. Lily knew she wasn't the only one to appreciate them, for afterwards, when the students started making their way back to their various common rooms that night, many of them seemed to be wearing expressions of content. They missed their families, to be sure, but they were enduring it well, and Lily had that much to be thankful for.

Shortly after that spectacular night, the Slytherins and seventh years who had gone home for their holiday returned to the castle as the new term began. Alice and Isabelle both seemed positively rejuvenated after their visit with their loved ones, and Lily noticed several people envied them. She couldn't deny that she herself was one of them, for she greatly wished she had what they did.

Now that January had arrived, so too did the lessons that made a student's sixth year both unique in its own right and greatly, greatly anticipated. Over the course of every spring term, the Ministry of Magic sent to Hogwarts an approved instructor who would teach students old enough to learn the fine art of Apparition – which was basically, from what Lily could tell, a kind of teleportation. Alice had hoped to use it in Hogsmeade so that she could visit Frank every weekend. Unfortunately for her, students weren't allowed into the village anymore, so long as the war continued.

"It's a twelve week course," Isabelle explained to her over dinner early one evening. "Any sixth year can take it at a cost of twelve galleons – though I have heard rumors that the Ministry's deliberating on whether or not they shouldn't push the age back to seventeen. If you're lucky, Lil, they won't before you get your license. Otherwise, you're just gonna have to wait until next year to take the test."

Lily felt slightly pale, and she stared down at her food without much of an appetite. "I heard you can lose body limbs Apparating from place to place…"

"Yep!" Pippa cheerfully declared, drinking some of her pumpkin juice. "That's called splinching. And if it happens to you before you've enrolled yourself in a course and received your license, you can get in serious trouble, my friend."

"Maybe I'll…" Lily hesitated, picturing her body severed in multiple pieces. "Maybe I'll just take the course next year." She saw her roommates staring at her as if she were out of her mind, and her face flushed. "Well, I don't exactly have twelve galleons, do I?"

"That's not a problem!" Isabelle assured her, glancing around at the other Gryffindors. "We'll fundraise for you!" She smiled reassuringly. "Come on, Lil, it's never too early to learn how to Apparate. It's one of the most useful skills a witch can have!" No one could deny that. It was a good thing, the sixth year thought, that Apparating on Hogwarts grounds was utterly impossible – excluding, naturally, the Great Hall within which lessons were conducted. Otherwise, those four mischievous Marauders would soon be able to get away with absolutely anything! They'd never be caught…

Speaking of the Marauders, Peter Pettigrew suddenly appeared in the Great Hall. Lily couldn't help but observe him as he frantically hastened his way over to the Gryffindor table, looking like one who was caught in the grips of utter panic. Something was definitely wrong, and experience assured Lily that if the boy meant to find help here, where neither James nor Sirius were present, they must have been the ones in trouble themselves. It was all she could do not to groan. James had come so far this year! He'd improved so much! What could he have possibly done to endanger himself now, putting Peter in such a state as this?

"Wow, Pettigrew," Pippa snapped as the boy scrambled towards them. "What's the matter? Did you see a ghost?" Peter stopped short, glancing at her forlornly as his face turned bright pink.

Not that far away from where the girls were sitting, Nearly Headless Nick had heard Pippa's nasty remark. As Lily chided her for it – she could never bear watching her friends torment the boy – the ghost spun around to face her in slight offense. "I do happen to be sitting right here, you know."

"Sorry," Pippa said, looking properly abashed. She glanced at Lily. "Sorry." And then she finally glanced at Peter. "Sorry." Lily rolled her eyes, knowing that Pippa was just being Pippa. There never seemed to be anything she could do about the girl, even though that hardly made the words she spoke anymore acceptable. Pippa never meant anything by them, but they were still rude and inconsiderate, and Lily often resented her for them. Nevertheless, she tried to ignore her friend as she focused on Peter. Something told her that _this _was going to be more important.

"What's wrong?" Lily watched as Peter attempted to respond. His eyes, however, kept flickering away from the redhead and towards all the other Gryffindors sitting at the table. Obviously they were distracting him, and Lily knew, again from experience, how much Peter loathed audiences. He had the worst stage fright, and couldn't even ask Lily for help in front of a large group of people. Not for the first time, she felt a moment's resent towards James for allowing Peter to get like this. He'd literally not said a word to her since they'd become sixth years! It hardly seemed fair that the first time he acknowledged her presence was when he needed her help to bail his friends out of trouble. Sighing deeply, Lily climbed out of her seat and started around the long house table.

"Lily, don't!" Pippa whined, turning to watch her leave. "We all know why he's here. Let his bloody friends get out of trouble themselves for a change." Lily shook her head. If Peter came looking for help, she already knew she'd give it to him. It gave her an excuse to spend time with the boy, and maybe she could try fixing some of the damage James had caused.

"Come on," she told Peter companionably, taking his arm in hers. "Let's go find somewhere else to talk." The boy wouldn't meet her gaze, but anxiously – almost savagely – jerked his arm free, bobbed his head, and started out of the Great Hall. Lily blinked, feeling slightly hurt and rejected, but still, nevertheless, opted to hasten after him. It was a better choice, after all, than staying at that table where she'd no doubt have to face friends who'd been offended by Peter's attitude on her behalf.

He was practically hopping from foot to foot, unable to stop fidgeting as they arrived in the Entrance Hall. It was freezing cold there, but Peter was sweating profusely – almost like a pig. He looked scared, and increasingly so, glancing around in every which way as if expecting to find someone there watching him. When Lily asked again what had happened, he jumped and stared at her hesitantly, reluctantly, uncertainly… "I'm not supposed to tell anyone…"

The suspense was starting to frustrate the girl. After everything they'd been through, Peter should know by now that he could trust her! Could someone honestly slip that far? She didn't want to believe it. "Okay. You're not supposed to tell anyone what?"

The look on his face was almost foreign to her. But if she had to take a guess at translating it, she'd say his expression was one of guilt, underlined with fear and that instinctive desire to keep on surviving, no matter what. He only hesitated for a moment, and then the words came pouring out like pent-up water bursting forth through a dam. "Sirius and I were upstairs earlier today, waiting for James to get back with Remus, because he'd been in the library studying. It's the full moon tonight, and we wanted to make arrangements for-" He jerked to a stop, looking like he'd been about to choke. Lily frowned, praying all the while that whatever trouble the Marauders had gotten themselves into this time didn't involve any werewolves. Reason told her that it couldn't possibly, since the moon had yet to rise and thus Remus was still in his human form, but… instinct whispered that no one was that lucky.

"Anyway," Peter continued. "Sirius and I were waiting. We were talking about something… can't remember… It might have been about Hufflepuff… But that was when Sirius saw Snape walking into the corridor." Lily caught her breath even as her heart jumped into her throat. Severus was involved now… Things were suddenly starting to look an awful, awful lot worse. "Sirius couldn't just leave it alone. He started taunting Snape. Snape pulled out his wand. The next thing I knew, the two of them were fighting." Lily cringed, pressing her hands up against her head. Why must Sirius always be like that? James might have been growing up this year, but obviously his best friend still had quite a ways to go yet before he did, too.

"Was Severus all right?" she asked, glancing at Peter in concern.

"Actually," Peter said, staring at the wall behind her, refusing to meet her gaze. "He was better than all right. It wasn't like last year, Lily. Snape put up a fight." She stared at the boy in shock. He'd…? He'd…? He'd _what_? Peter started shaking his right leg in an attempt to exert some energy. He seemed to be falling apart at the seams. "I thought they were going to kill each other. Snape managed to disarm Sirius, but that didn't stop him. They ended up wrestling on the floor. I… I might have… kicked Snape in the face."

_"Peter!"_

He glanced at her sheepishly. "Well, I had to get them away from each other, didn't I?" Lily shook her head and stared up at the ceiling in disgust. Just when she thought she knew someone… Peter continued. "He got a bloody nose, and just kind of sat there… I dunno… maybe he was in shock or something. I think that might have ended it. I mean, they didn't even scramble to get their wands back. They just sat there. And then Sirius…" Peter's face scrunched up as he struggled to remember what his best friend's words had actually been. "He said… he knew why Snape kept following us. He's been stalking us all year, you know." Lily frowned. _Stalking…? _That was an interesting word to use… She thought back to that night after the first Quidditch match between Hufflepuff and Slytherin. Had she been stalked then? If Peter noticed her suddenly shuddering, he gave it no mind as he continued his story. "Sirius accused Snape of spying on Remus. Said he knew Snape had seen Madam Pomfrey leading him towards the Whomping Willow." Lily's heart stopped. Peter himself looked slightly ill. "He told him. He told him how to get past the tree and into the tunnel underneath."

"Oh, god," Lily turned away from him and started pacing around back and forth. Sirius… How bloody thick was that boy? Severus… He had no idea what would be waiting for him at the Shrieking Shack, should he actually attempt to follow Remus there! This couldn't be happening…

"We're going to get in so much trouble…" Peter whispered, shaking his head in indescribable terror. "Snape's going to get hurt, and then we're all going to get in so much trouble." He walked up to Lily and grabbed her hands frantically. "Lily… I wasn't supposed to tell anyone… not even James… but I don't want to get expelled!" It was her turn to pull away from him. She stared at him, feeling momentarily confused. Who was this boy she barely recognized? What sort of evil had he witnessed? How… How… _How _could Sirius have possibly done such a thing when he knew better than anyone how much she'd risked just to save him? Was this how he meant to repay her? And what about Remus? Didn't Sirius know how it would affect _him _should anything at all damaging happen to Severus? Lily couldn't believe it…

"Where is he?" she asked, staring at Peter with a black expression that hid rather well the tumultuous, overpowering fear and anger that even now worked to tear apart every remaining fiber of her sanity.

"Who…?" Peter asked, staring at her nervously. "Snape?"

"Sirius," she corrected through clenched teeth. What time was it? The moon hadn't risen yet, so there was still a bit of it left – if not much. It wasn't Severus she wanted to find, for she had no idea what she'd say to him. She had promised not to interfere in his life anymore… Ultimately, Sirius was responsible for this mess, and he should be the one cleaning it up.

"He went down to the Quidditch field with James…"

Lily didn't even hesitate, but tore out of the Entrance Hall and into the freezing cold faster than she ever had before. Since the castle corridors themselves were drafty and frigid, she was wearing a Gryffindor scarf and a cream-colored sweater, but other than that, she was hardly dressed for the world outside. She wasn't even wearing legwarmers beneath her skirt! She could hear Peter scrambling after her, but didn't wait for him. Despite the cold, she didn't slow down until she caught sight of the stadium – and then she started running. The sun had already set, the sky was dusky, and the world seemed to be caught up in a haze. Sirius and James were both up on broomsticks – Sirius had a Quaffle, and was throwing it in different directions so that James could either practice or invent new ways to shoot it towards the hoops. Neither one of them seemed to notice her tiny figure running onto the field, but she managed to change that in just the amount of time it took her to grab her wand. Tossing her arm up towards the sky, she shot red sparks directly at the two boys – both of whom dove out of the way in surprise.

Seconds later, both James and Sirius were on the ground, jumping off their broomsticks and running towards her curiously. When James saw how she was dressed, he looked genuinely alarmed. Sirius, on the other hand, was glaring suspiciously at Peter, who was cowering behind the girl miserably.

"Are you trying to catch your death out here?" James demanded, staring at Lily as if she were out of her mind. She would have answered him, but the run down here had taken away her breath, and she needed a few moments to catch it again. When her teeth started chattering, James slid out of his own jacket and forced it around her shoulders, glaring at Peter himself now. "Why the devil did you let her out here without a coat on?"

"Sirius!" Lily interrupted James even as she pushed past him in order to confront his friend. "You have to stop Severus! Don't let him-"

Her words had confirmed to him his own suspicions, and he furiously started advancing towards Peter. "I can't believe you told her that, Wormtail! I thought we agreed to keep it quiet!" Peter shuffled backwards so quickly he tripped in the snow and landed on his butt. James scratched his head, glancing back and forth between the three in sincere bafflement. A part of Lily felt some relief, knowing that he'd not been in on the joke, but most of her just couldn't believe there was a joke at all!

Furious herself beyond all measure, she strode towards Sirius and grabbed his arm aggressively, forcing him around. "I thought you didn't want to be like your family! I thought, when I stood my neck out for you last September, I was doing it for someone worth saving! But you just sent Severus off to his death, didn't you?"

"He's a Death Eater, Evans!" Sirius spat, jerking his arm free angrily. "He's been stalking Moony all year! You should've seen the things that came out of his wand this afternoon! If he's stupid enough to go out of bounds, it's not my fault! And if he gets himself killed, that's one less servant to Voldemort we've got to worry about!"

Lily slapped him hard across the face. "How dare you? Don't you have any respect for anything?" Sirius looked back at her slowly, raising a hand up to his cheek in astonishment. He never would have guessed she'd actually hit him! "I can't say whether or not he's a Death Eater, because, unfortunately, I don't know him half as well as I wish I did. But if you throw away even a Death Eater's life so callously, you should be ashamed of yourself!"

"Why?" Sirius asked challengingly, raising his voice in his own frustration. "Explain to me why, Evans, because I don't understand! Why should I feel ashamed about ridding the world of one more evil? They kill without even thinking about it! They'd torture _you_ if they could, just because your parents were muggles! Sometimes people have to be callous, because if they can't bring themselves to fight evil, evil's going to win, Evans!"

She stared at him disparagingly. "You really can't see how you did something wrong, can you?" He looked back at her obstinately, without saying a word. Lily felt her anger twisting into despair. "Sirius… It's good that you want to fight evil… But you can't do it by resorting to methods of such brutality! You'll eventually become brutal yourself. And then, who knows! You might end up just like them!"

Sirius shook his head. "I promise you, I'm nothing like them."

"Does somebody want to tell me what's going on?" James interrupted, walking towards the boy and girl with a look of utter confusion drawn across his face. He had his arms crossed, and beneath the surface Lily could sense he was extremely worried about all this. She turned to face him.

"Sirius told Severus how to make it past the Whomping Willow and into the tunnel," she explained shortly. "He's going to go see Remus tonight!" James's eyes widened in disbelief, but a single glance at his best friend assured him it was true. Catching his breath, James turned and started running towards the edge of the field. Lily blinked, too surprised to say anything at all. This was… not what she'd expected! Shouldn't James be siding with Sirius right now? Where was he going?

Without stopping to think, Lily raced after him, leaving behind both Sirius and Peter, neither of whom seemed to be at all eager to rush off to save Severus Snape. Well, Lily thought, who needed them? If she and James couldn't stop Severus by themselves, then no one could!

James, however, must have sensed her pursuit. Stopping short, he spun around and roughly caught a hold of her when she practically crashed into him. They stumbled for a moment and then just stared at each other, both wearing expressions of utmost urgency. Lily shook her head. "James, what are you doing? We have to hurry!" It was getting darker by the second. Who knew exactly when the moon would rise? If they didn't beat Severus to the Whomping Willow…

"Lily, I'm going by myself," he told her firmly, much to her astonishment. His hands were gripping her shoulders tightly… There was something protective about them… It sent chills down her spine.

"No," she shook her head. "You could use my help! Severus will listen to me!" James and Severus hated each other. If the Slytherin really wanted to know what Remus' secret was, no excuse on the planet would deter him! Especially not if it was told by James Potter! Severus would only suspect, and not without reason, that the boy was merely attempting to cover something up. But Lily… Maybe _she _could convince him otherwise!

"I can handle Snape!" James assured her confidently. "_And_ I can handle werewolves! But you're not getting involved in this, Lily, it's too dangerous!"

"Too dangerous for me, but not for you?" she argued, her heart racing faster than her tongue. "We're wasting time arguing! Just let me come with you!"

"Lily!" he sounded painfully torn… and when she met his gaze, she could see in his hazel eyes just how long he'd been waiting to hear her speak those words. _Let me come with you… _She caught her breath as he took a breath. "After we rescued Sirius from his mum, you said you could trust me." Lily blinked. She remembered speaking those words… and they astonished her now… because she knew what was coming, but found the issue here to be more than just trust. James wouldn't break eye contact with her, and she found herself quite unable to look away. "Do you still trust me now?"

"Yes," she heard herself gasp. There were tears in her eyes. She wondered where they came from. They felt like ice dripping down her face. "But what if you need help? How do you know you can handle them by yourself?" She didn't… She didn't want him getting hurt! Not him…

James heard the concern in her voice, and it caused him to smile slightly. "I'll be careful," he promised, before turning back around and continuing on his way, faster than she'd ever seen him move before. She remained standing stiffly where she was, wishing there was something more she could do, wishing she didn't have to just wait there for him to save the day himself. She felt scared… and helpless.

Suddenly, as James ran, he fell.

Lily's heart immediately caught on fire, and she started running forward in terror… only to slam against some invisible, nonexistent brick wall which sent all her breath careening right out of her lungs. So great was her shock that she couldn't move an inch, and couldn't breathe whatsoever.

James wasn't James anymore. He had changed! He had… He had… turned… into… He had turned into a large brown stag!

Lily's mouth felt like it had been unhinged. Her eyes felt like they were popping from their sockets. That was the same exact stag she'd seen with Ian Aldwen and those two Gryffindor first years the day she'd gone on that sleigh ride! Even the elegant tines of the creature's very antlers were shaped no differently! Tines…? No… They were more like prongs.

The stag glanced over his shoulder and quickly looked back at her. Then, without further ado, he started forward again, bounding off towards the Whomping Willow with much more grace and speed than even a broomstick would have ever been able to give him.

**ooooooo**

**A/N: **Here's another chapter I'm kind of worried about. I know the Whomping Willow incident happened during their sixth year, and I'm guessing Lily knew that James was an Animagus. So this chapter's an incredibly important one, and, like "Snape's Worst Memory," I really want it to be original, but I also want to keep it true to JKR. Please review, and tell me what you think. I appreciate it more than you know. Thanks so much!


	75. Selflessness

**ooooooo**

The world started to spin and Lily felt herself stumbling forward, like a zombie walking aimlessly. When her knees buckled, and she landed heavily in the snow, she could barely feel the cold, though the snow pressed against her bare hands began to melt. James was, like Professor McGonagall, an Animagus! He was an Animagus! Animagi were required to register with the Improper Use of Magic Office! If James was a registered Animagi, she would have heard about it long before now! Which meant she'd been keeping company with a criminal!

_An incredibly powerful criminal, _a part of her acknowledged – the part of her that couldn't help but feel impressed that a sixteen year old was capable of transfiguring himself into a stag when such magic was so extraordinarily rare. The only living Animagi whose name she'd ever even heard of before was Professor McGonagall!

"That git!"

Lily could hear Sirius trudging through the snow behind her. Since she could only hear one set of crunching footsteps, her guess was Peter hadn't chosen to accompany his friend. Nevertheless, she felt herself stiffen as the bolder, crueler Gryffindor drew near. "He's either a bloody genius or he's the stupidest person to have ever been born!" He knelt down beside her, his face expressionlessly stoic. "Are you all right, Evans?"

Lily stared at the boy blankly for a long minute. Surprise, shock, and utter amazement had temporarily managed to consume her so entirely that she'd actually forgotten what she'd been doing there in the first place. One look at Sirius, however, brought it all plowing back against her with such force she felt almost as though she'd been run over by the Hogwarts Express! Which was more overwhelming? The possibility of Remus Lupin in his werewolf body either biting or maybe even killing Severus Snape? Or the possibility of James Potter getting caught unregistered and thus sent to Azkaban? It didn't particularly matter. All she knew for sure was that she didn't want to be overwhelmed, suffering from a full-blown panic attack, in the horrendous company of one Sirius Black! She looked at him then as if she didn't know him, but found him to be the most repulsive creature she'd ever laid eyes on. "Get away from me."

Her words, or maybe it was her tone, caused Sirius to actually flinch. Taking a deep, frustrated breath, he shook his head in exasperation. Pushing up to his feet, he started pacing around back and forth. "I don't know what you want from me, Evans! It's not like he's actually going to die!" He chuckled quietly to himself, as if he found even the slightest chance that Severus might to be funny. "Otherwise, I'd probably be down there watching!" Lily knew he was joking, because of the sarcastic tone in his voice, but the joke wasn't funny.

She slowly, almost weakly, forced herself to rise. Her entire body was shaking, and now she really was starting to feel the cold. She wanted to start snapping back at the boy who badgered her so endlessly, but found any and all words to be painfully elusive at that moment. Over and over again, she pictured James leaping away as a stag, before seeing in her mind's eye Severus getting torn to pieces by the werewolf in the Shrieking Shack. And she'd been worried about losing body limbs during an Apparition lesson… What did she know about anything?

"The truth is," Sirius went on, pacing and pacing and pacing, without even once really looking at the girl to whom he spoke. Had he even given her the slightest glance, he might have noticed the tears pouring down her face. "Snape's a resourceful little blubber head. I reckon he got put into Slytherin for a reason, didn't he? He might not be able to take on a bloody werewolf, but I'm sure he can give Moony the slip without hurting himself, especially now that Prongs has gone to his rescue!"

"Why," Lily asked, barely able to hear herself – to catch what she said, Sirius actually needed to stop pacing and strain his ears, "are you suddenly acting as though you didn't want him to get hurt?" The boy met her gaze, and if he saw her tears, he paid them no mind. Instead, he just smiled innocently.

"Honestly?" he quipped. "I'm kind of hoping right now you don't go running off to tell McGonagall we're all Animagi." Lily felt her face blanch. _No way…_

"You can _all _transform into animals?" She spun her head around to stare at Peter, who was obviously taking pains to walk around them without catching their attention. He stopped short like a frozen rabbit, staring at Lily and Sirius in absolute dismay.

Sirius took a moment to contemplate her question, and then nodded as if it was hardly that big a deal. "Yeah. You could say that. Well… Technically, Moony doesn't count, since he's not able to choose when he becomes a wolf. But I'm a dog. And Wormtail's a rat."

"I don't care!" Lily shouted, looking back at him furiously. Why was he making light of a situation like that? She'd been willing to use a picture to blackmail the boy's mother, yes, but she didn't want anyone thinking she'd use such an incriminating secret to coerce a friend into feeling remorse! That was… if he could still even be called that… The people she wanted as friends… they ought to feel remorse on their own! Without the aid of an external force! Did that mean Sirius couldn't be her friend anymore? It was bad enough he'd done what he had to Severus in the first place! But this… "The only thing _you _can turn into, Sirius Black, is a monster that makes _Remus _look like the dog!" His eyes widened considerably at that remark, and Lily didn't wait for him to think up a response. Instead, she pushed past him roughly and stormed her way towards the castle.

_It's going to be okay, _a part of her whispered reassuringly, in an unconscious effort to both comfort herself and calm herself down. _James is good at getting out of trouble. He'll be able to keep Severus safe from harm, and maybe – just maybe – Remus won't ever have to know! But it's going to be okay. It _has _to be! _

"Evans!" Sirius was following her. Obviously, he was just as stubborn as James Potter! He didn't know when to quit! "Is that it, then? I cross one of your lines, and suddenly I'm no better than a Death Eater?"

"One of _my _lines?" Lily scoffed, unable to stop pacing her way towards the castle in order to face him. "Oh, that's rich! Why don't you go around the school asking everyone you meet what they think about your nasty little prank?"

"What makes you think any of them would even care?" Sirius demanded from behind. Lily fumed as he then took the liberty to race around her and start climbing up the slopes backwards so that they could continue their argument face to face without even slowing down. "Not even his fellow Slytherins pay much attention to him!"

"I never thought I'd actually say this, but if that's really the case, it's an honest shame _you _weren't put in Slytherin!" she spat at him bitterly. "Maybe then you'd leave him the bloody hell alone!" Sirius stopped short with a look of utter fury twisting across his face. For the first time, Lily thought as she walked around him and continued on her way towards the castle, she could recognize his mother in him.

Sirius no longer continued to follow her, and she didn't bother to glance back and see how he was handling such hateful words from her. And the more she thought about them, the more hateful they became. Sirius loathed Slytherin as much as he loathed his own family – which wasn't that unreasonable, considering he was related to most Slytherins anyway. But she… after having fought so hard to spare him from his family… had just wished him into the one house he'd sooner die than enter. Was it cruel of her? Of course she had every right to be angry with Sirius, but did that mean she could justify being spiteful as well? Regret and self-loathing ate at her heart… terror and the aftereffects of unbridled shock made her feel sick… Tears were pouring down her face and all she wanted to do was collapse again. How was she ever going to make it all the way up to the Gryffindor Tower?

She could see the castle looming ahead of her. She was almost there now. Through the growing darkness, several different shapes and figures were leisurely making their way out towards her. It didn't take Lily long at all to recognize them as her roommates, and when they saw her, upon recognizing James's coat and the look on her face, they immediately realized something was painfully wrong. "Lily!" They descended on her like a flock of mother hens. "What's wrong? Why are you wearing that? Why are you crying!?" Lily stopped moving as they surrounded her and gripped her arms and shoulders. Mary even reached over to feel her forehead. "You didn't catch your death out here, did you?"

She wanted to tell them it was nothing. She wanted to tell them not to worry about her; that she was fine. And even if that wasn't necessarily true, she wanted to at least assure them there wasn't anything they could do to help. But she found that to be impossible. She was so tired… shaking… her body felt like it was starting to tingle. She'd felt this way before… couldn't remember when…

Something was pounding in her ears…

A heartbeat?

_"Lily…"_

She didn't know whose voice that was…

Sounded familiar…

_"Learn to stand…"_

She couldn't…

She felt herself falling.

**ooooooo**

_"It never ceases to amaze me how much trouble these children can get themselves into!"_

_Madam Pomfrey? Was she in the hospital wing?_

_"Will she be all right, Poppy?"_

_Professor McGonagall? Just how sick was she?_

_"This time! Granted, it wasn't quite as serious as it was the last time she released such power! Nevertheless, if it keeps on happening… I would definitely appreciate some answers myself, Albus! I thought she'd gained control!"_

_The Headmaster…?_

_"Such powers cannot be controlled, Poppy. They stem from the heart."_

_"Does anyone know exactly what happened?"_

_"From what Lily's roommates have told me, and, more importantly, from what I have gathered from her fellow sixth years, I've a fairly good idea," the Headmaster replied. "However, it is not a prudent conversation to be holding here in the hospital wing."_

_They were there… all three of them… the Headmaster… the head of her house… and the head nurse… But Lily… felt so alone… dreaming… of times when not even magic could save her father's life… though she'd tried so hard to save it… nearly giving up her own… dreaming… of worlds where phoenixes were missing… of forests where unicorns turned their backs indifferently… of lives that were lived without families… without love… without consideration…_

_"Are we to contact her guardians?"_

_"Let her try to recover first. It's bad enough her friends are now witnesses… I would rather not have word getting out about her, Minerva. I would rather not have Voldemort overhearing it."_

_This had something to do with her gift, then. Or rather her curse… When her father had died… But this wasn't the same thing! No lives had been lost! She'd just… she'd just overreacted a little! It hadn't been love; it'd been anger! Perhaps maybe guilt, but nothing more. She didn't understand. She didn't understand any of it anymore._

**ooooooo**

When Lily awoke, she found herself lying in a bed in the middle of the hospital wing. There was daylight pouring through a window, so she knew at least the night had ended. She hoped Remus was okay. She hoped James and Severus were both okay! Neither one of them seemed to be with her here, for upon sitting up, Lily observed that the ward was quite empty. Not even Madam Pomfrey was present! It didn't seem likely that even a Quidditch champion and a powerful Slytherin could both recover from a werewolf injury faster than she could from whatever it was that plagued her.

A part of her remembered the conversation that had occurred over her head when she'd been unconscious. It made no sense! Lying back down, Lily thought about everything she knew about her 'gift.' According to Professor Flitwick, her parents had had a constant knack for finding magic they weren't supposed to. As a result, their memories were always being adjusted – not that that ever had much of an affect on them. Rather, it helped them develop a strength which attracted older magic. Ancient magic, really… Magic which they'd then tapped into when Lily was three years old, missing in Hogsmeade Village. Despite the protective magic that kept muggles at bay, her parents had managed to find her there. Sometimes, when she visited the place, she could still feel them… as if that day had been yesterday.

_They're the ones with a gift, _Lily thought unhappily. Professor Flitwick believed they'd passed that gift onto her, which was why she'd nearly killed herself when her father had been dying in that hospital. And now it looked like she'd nearly killed herself again. Over what? Fury? Or helplessness… She couldn't help Severus. She _obviously _couldn't help Sirius! But she wanted to… She wanted to make everything all right for everyone she just couldn't protect, for whatever reason. The resulting helplessness… hurt so much. Had it been that she'd felt when her father was dying in that hospital?

The candles on the chandelier hanging in that room suddenly caught aflame. Lily started, for it was the middle of the afternoon and such illumination wasn't needed with the sun shining through the window! She stared at the flames for a minute, watching as they then proceeded to go out again. Had she imagined it?

The door leading into Madam Pomfrey's office was presently pushed open and Lily turned her head to watch as the nurse approached her, holding in her hands a large goblet that probably contained some sort of healing tonic. If the woman seemed to be surprised that the girl was awake, she made no show of it. Instead, she helped the girl sit up and motioned for her to drink the tonic. "How do you feel?"

"Confused," Lily admitted, for she felt physically better than she had in ages. "How long have I been asleep?"

"A day and a half," Madam Pomfrey replied smoothly, pulling the goblet away from the girl when she was satisfied her patient had swallowed enough of it. Personally, Lily wasn't quite sure what the point of it had been. She felt no immediate effects, and if anything could be said about magical concoctions, it was that generally they worked very quickly. Such thoughts, however, quickly took root in the back of her mind. She'd been sleeping for a day and a half? No wonder she felt so well rested…

"When can I go back to the common room?" she heard herself ask, growing numb. A day and a half? She could only imagine what all the rumors would be, trying to explain something like that! What must her friends be thinking? What must her _students _be thinking? It was all she could do not to groan miserably. Something was telling her it would be an incredibly long time before this whole crazy situation blew over like a passing hurricane.

"Whenever you prove strong enough to walk on you own," Madam Pomfrey replied shortly. "After you speak to Professor Dumbledore. I've already sent him a message letting him know you're awake." It always amazed Lily that the nurse could know exactly what was going on in that ward even from the seclusion of her private office! She glanced down at the blanket under which she lay. The Headmaster wanted to talk to her… Of course, she probably should have expected that much. There wasn't anyway something like this could happen without warranting a discussion with the wizard. Already Lily felt herself dreading it. The last thing she wanted was a conversation about powers she feared and loathed. Why was this happening to her?

As if on cue, the doors to the hospital wing opened, and Albus Dumbledore himself appeared. His face was lined with concern, and his eyes looked tired beyond compare. Lily might have gotten plenty of sleep in the last thirty-six hours, but he didn't look like he had gotten any at all. A simple nod towards Madam Pomfrey was all the nurse needed to signal her back into her office. Once they were alone, the Headmaster shut the door behind him and conjured up a stool on which he sat at Lily's bedside. She found herself looking away from him. She didn't know what to expect from this meeting, which frightened her.

"How do you feel, Lily?"

"Confused," she offered him the same answer she'd given the head nurse. Hoping to stall for as long as possible, she glanced at him for a split-second before once again looking away. "How's Severus? Remus?"

She thought she could sense him smiling kindly, which somehow managed to warm her heart. "Fortunately, neither one of them were harmed. Mr. Snape did have quite a scare, but thanks to Mr. Potter's timely appearance, a true catastrophe has been avoided." Lily felt herself breathe a sigh of deep, deep, unimaginable relief. "I've been receiving different stories," Professor Dumbledore continued. "Mr. Snape, though he has kindly agreed not to divulge Mr. Lupin's little secret – of which Mr. Potter assured me you are aware – nevertheless seems to believe all four of your fellow sixth years tried to kill him. He wants them all to be expelled, and has no qualms about proclaiming his opinion. Mr. Potter, on the other hand, is adamant that the whole affair was quite the misunderstanding."

"And what does Sirius say?" Lily asked, surprised that her voice didn't sound more bitter. She looked up at the Headmaster and saw that his eyes were twinkling characteristically. Maybe things weren't quite as bad as she'd feared…

"Mr. Black admits his crime," he told her, much to her amazement. She stared at him blankly, having not expected such honesty when James was trying to cover for him. "Sirius and I had a long conversation yesterday. I'm afraid I must leave out all the confidential little details, but I can honestly say he did confess to having acted alone. There's no need to look so astonished, Lily. He took whatever it was you said to him very much to heart."

"How much trouble is he in?" she asked worriedly. Sirius Black was astonishingly good at evading trouble, but there wasn't anything in the entire universe that could make her believe he'd convinced Albus Dumbledore of his own remorse when he was anything but remorseful… in which case, he deserved nothing less than expulsion. Lily, despite everything, feared for his future.

"He has more detention than he ever has before," the Headmaster told her. "And, suffice it to say, Gryffindor has lost more house points than it ever has before." Lily took a deep breath at that revelation. Well, on the bright side, at least Hufflepuff was now in first place…

"And what about me?" she finally asked, knowing that she'd not be able to stall any longer, and that Professor Dumbledore hadn't come down here to discuss a handful of troublesome sixth year boys. Considering her own problems, however, she greatly wished he had. The sooner this was over with, the sooner it was behind them, the sooner she could forget about it, the better. "How much trouble am I in?" She stole a glance at him in time to watch the sparkle leave his eyes.

"None," he told her gravely, after breathing several deep breaths. "Though the power you displayed was felt by nearly everyone in the castle, very few know it came from you, or that it has anything to do with your sudden illness. Your roommates are, of course, exceptions, but even they know not the nature of it, and have promised not to mention it to anyone. Regardless, you must be careful, Lily."

"I don't understand it!" she told him, waves of frustration undulating throughout her body and soul. She glared at him as if it were his fault this 'gift' had come upon her, shivered, and felt the tears biting her eyes. "It's supposed to be because I love too much! But love and kindness was the farthest thing from my mind-"

"Lily," he cut in gently, shaking his head ever so slightly in sorrow. "It is not possible for one to love too much."

"Fine then!" she snapped, not knowing why such verbal technicalities made any difference. "But when it happened, I wasn't feeling love at all!"

"Lily," he sighed, taking another deep breath. She stared at him, feeling unusually resentful as she waited for the lecture she knew to be coming. "Love is not an emotion that consciously comes and goes. It stays with us, and is strongest in times that are the most trying. Whether or not you knew of its presence, you must have still felt it, for it attracted very old magic that nearly consumed you again." As it had when her father died…

"It can't be love," she argued miserably, staring away from him. "Love is supposed to be a good thing. It shouldn't hurt so much!" If it was a gift, she didn't deserve it. The way she'd handled Sirius that evening… She wasn't a loveable person! She was so quick to anger! She overreacted to everything – which, for some reason, Remus said Professor Dumbledore believed to be one of her greatest strengths. If such a description fit one who supposedly had such a 'gift,' then her idea of love was completely different from everyone else's!

"There's so much more to love than what you think, Lily," the Headmaster assured her quietly. "It is absolute selflessness. And such selflessness can be frustrating when no one around you seems willing to appreciate it." Lily blinked, staring at him in astonishment. Selflessness…? She'd never thought of… Professor Dumbledore smiled gently. "You're willing to do just about anything for those you care about, are you not? Sometimes, Lily, the people who feel the most love in the world seem, at least to others, not to feel any whatsoever. How many small children have accused their parents of not loving them when their parents are rightfully strict?" Lily looked away from him, her heart pounding painfully. A part of her was grasping tightly to every word that came out of his mouth. Another part of her wanted to ignore him completely. She couldn't handle this! It was too much to think about at once!

"It's hard," she whispered, both hands clutching her blanket. Her knuckles were turning white. "I didn't ask for this!"

"You didn't ask for two extraordinary parents who loved you?" Professor Dumbledore asked gently, his smile understanding. "I know. But they did. And you are who you are. I cannot see into the future myself, Lily. But I do believe that the world will be better for it. Brighter. And more beautiful."

**ooooooo**

**A/N: **I'm cringing right now, waiting for criticism… This story has so much canon in it, I'm growing slightly nervous about using my artistic license. Anyway, I hope this chapter met everyone's expectations. Next chapter we'll get to see more of the Marauders again, and how they're faring. Please review! You have no idea how much I appreciate it! Thanks!


	76. Aftereffects

**ooooooo**

She'd missed the first Quidditch match of the new term. It had been between Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw, and she had missed it. She'd slept right through it the day after the full moon. Hufflepuff had won, as was expected, and was now one step closer to the Quidditch Cup – and, more importantly, the House Cup! Depending on who won the next game, which was pitting Gryffindor against Slytherin, Hufflepuff might have its rematch painfully soon! Lily hoped Nathalie Irons was handling herself well in anticipation of it.

Such were the thoughts she found herself occupied with. Were it not for Quidditch, and various strategies that needed to be thought out so Hufflepuff could win for sure this year, Lily would have found herself eternally burdened by painful memories of her parents, of Sirius, Severus, and the Shrieking Shack, along with terrifying thoughts about the war and her own cursed gift. She couldn't simply endure it anymore. She half expected it to suffocate her! She feared waking up one night only to discover the weight of it all crushing her lungs so that she couldn't breathe. She feared slipping into an irreversible state of panic. She had to push it all out of her head or risk losing her very mind! And so, she concentrated on Quidditch, and how she wouldn't miss anymore of the remaining games. She couldn't afford to.

Needless to say, it wasn't always necessarily easy to disregard such horrors. In the days that would follow, she would start to hear whispers and rumors of wild, literally _wild_, magic whizzing around the school, faster than a Golden Snitch! It brightened all the lights and candles and fires in every room and fireplace! It illuminated chambers that normally dwelled in shadows. It left everyone feeling such warmth that it might have been a beautiful summer day, only it carried with it a foreign kind of energy of which the sun knew not, which caused everyone's skin to tingle. Within seconds, the sensation had been gone, and the lights had all lost their augmented radiance. More than one witch and wizard feared having imagined the entire experience. It would leave Lily, in the days that followed, feeling uncomfortable and guilty of something she couldn't identify. She wanted so hard to forget it all… but despite that, everyone else in the castle seemed eager to commit it to their memories. If only they knew who'd been responsible…

When the evening came on which Madam Pomfrey was satisfied with Lily's recovery, she summoned Alice and Isabelle to the hospital wing, entrusting her charge to them, and assuring them they'd both be out of Hogwarts if anything whatsoever were to happen to the sixteen year old on their climb back to the Gryffindor Tower. Lily found herself quite suddenly being treated like a fragile doll that could break at any moment. She wasn't sure quite why that was, considering how no head nurse – especially not this one – would suffer Lily's discharge were she not completely healthy and out of danger.

Nevertheless, as the three of them trekked through the halls of the castle, making their way towards their dorm, Lily felt herself constantly being touched either on her arm, shoulder, or back, as her friends shepherded her towards their destination. "I can walk on my own," she reminded them quietly, and they respected that for a few moments before they started handling her again as if she were still too weak to handle herself. It was frustrating, but a part of Lily knew they only did it because they were concerned for her – Madam Pomfrey's earlier remarks did remarkably little to convince them otherwise.

So they made their way up to the Tower. There were, of course, other students in those corridors and on those stairwells, and they all asked after Lily's health – assuming she'd merely taken ill, perhaps with the flu. They had no idea what the real cause of her malady was, and if Lily had her way, they never would. As the Headmaster had said, it was bad enough her roommates all knew about it. She wasn't looking forward to facing them in the least, and they were her closest friends! She couldn't imagine how she'd feel if the entire castle knew what they knew. Exposed would be an understatement. She'd be more than ready and willing to go back home to her sister and the Fletchers for the rest of her miserable life.

Fortunately, however, things weren't that bad, and when she arrived in the common room, she found every Gryffindor in the house to be there waiting for her return. Much to Lily's surprise, the place looked fit for a party! There were balloons and everything! Even a crimson banner with large golden letters that spelled out, "Welcome Back!" And when all her friends started cheering and applauding, she couldn't keep a smile from crossing her face.

Isabelle, however, definitely could. "Potter!" She dove forward, lunging into the crowd, and the next thing Lily knew, her friend had one messy haired, bespectacled boy by the front of his tie. "I thought I told you no decorating! Lily's not feeling well and needs to go straight to bed!" Yep, Lily thought, shaking her head ever so slightly. Isabelle was _definitely _a Healer in the making.

"It's all right," she told the seventh year with laughter resonating quietly in her voice. "I feel fine." Again, Madam Pomfrey wouldn't have released her otherwise. Isabelle didn't look particularly convinced, but when Lily raced over to an empty armchair around which several first years were cluttered, asking after them and how their lessons were faring, the older girl was left with little choice. Everyone started talking loudly, and as older kids began goofing off and passing around food someone had managed to swipe from the kitchens, the younger kids all collected together near the tutor.

It was hard to believe she'd only been gone for two nights. The way she was being greeted back into the Tower had Lily wondering if she hadn't been gone for several months. The only Gryffindors who seemed to be missing… were those she'd hoped to be the first welcoming her back.

Sitting up, Lily glanced around scrutinizing the room. There were people everywhere – it was often hard to believe the common room could be large enough to fit them all. Alice hadn't left her side once, but was sitting in an opposite armchair talking with the first years as well. Isabelle was still squaring off against James, yelling at him disapprovingly while he took the brunt of her displeasure with a cheerful grin crossing his face. All of Lily's other roommates were mingling with all the other Gryffindors. Most of the girls were talking and eating, while most of the boys were tearing around the room in pursuit of each other, rough housing and laughing loudly. Through the midst of them, Lily caught sight of Remus and Peter playing wizard's chess in one direction, and Sirius in a completely different one, reclining lazily in a wooden chair with his feet propped up on the top of a desk. He almost looked ready to fall asleep.

"Excuse me," she said quietly to her present companions, slipping out of her seat. They all looked up at her, watching her walk away in disappointment, but she already knew she'd return to them. Right now she needed to… tend to something slightly more significant. Remus was the one who truly looked ill – more so than he had in years! Next to him, Lily's own ailment might have been nothing more than common allergies.

Peter noticed her approach first, and Lily suspected his sudden pallor had very little to do with the Queen Remus' Bishop had just obliterated. Shrinking backwards, Peter averted his gaze and mumbled out a mute hello. Remus immediately turned his head, and when he saw Lily, a smile quickly crossed his face that she knew to be forced. Nevertheless, he got to his feet quickly and embraced her. "I'm so glad you're feeling better, Lil! I was worried sick about you!" He certainly did look the part, but Lily didn't think it was because of her.

"How are you?" she asked him several seconds later after they'd pulled apart – Remus still held her shoulders with two protective, if not quite _firm_, hands, but they were no longer in each other's arms. In response to her question, however, his gaze flickered quickly over towards Sirius. Lily followed it with her own and found that James had somehow managed to escape Isabelle's wrath. Now he was sitting casually on the desk that bore Sirius's feet. The two of them were talking lightly with each other, as if everything in the world was exactly the way it should be. Lily frowned. "I can see they're still joined at the hips."

"You should have seen them yesterday," Remus whispered quietly, refusing to meet her gaze when she looked back at him. "They had such an awful row I didn't think they'd ever forgive each other. Prongs started it by telling Padfoot he'd gone straight to Dumbledore. Padfoot was furious, but then Prongs started talking about how you were in the hospital wing, and how it was all his fault for starting the whole thing. It got really, really bad, Lily. I half expected them to pull out their wands." Lily flinched, glancing back at the two troublemakers. They were both laughing at something or other. She couldn't imagine how they'd managed to pull through. "Padfoot said something about how Prongs had been acting differently all year. Said this year was the dullest he'd ever experienced. Prongs told him he needed to grow up and start taking responsibility for his actions. Told him the world already has its fair share of careless people in it, and that's why everything feels so broken. They kept at it like that without pause for more than fifteen minutes. Prongs got the last word in, saying he might be different this year, because he was growing up. But Padfoot was different, too. The Padfoot he remembered wouldn't have betrayed everyone's trust. That was when McGonagall arrived. I've never seen her look like that, Lily. She was livid, and managed to take Padfoot to see the Headmaster without even speaking once! I think we all knew what she wanted."

Lily shivered. "How come they're not yelling at each other now?"

Remus shrugged, still unable to meet her gaze. "Padfoot was gone for hours. You're not the only one who missed Hufflepuff's match against Ravenclaw. I don't think there's ever been a student in the history of the school that's spent so much time in the Headmaster's office. I have no idea what they talked about, but when Padfoot came back, he seemed almost subdued. He apologized to Prongs, and told him he'd stay at Hogwarts with the younger kids over the summer, so that he didn't have to bother anyone at the Potters' house. Of course, Prongs told him not to be an idiot, and shortly after that they'd both completely forgiven each other." Remus smiled slightly, but it was definitely a humorless kind of smile. "They remind me of a married couple sometimes."

Lily sighed, shifting slightly as she tried to look Remus in the eye. He didn't cooperate, however, but kept his gaze fixed solidly on her shoulder. "How are you taking all of this?" she asked him gently, her stomach twisting uncomfortably in anticipation of aching pain. Remus' face scrunched up for a moment, and she thought she could see tears in his eyes…

But then he turned away from her, as if trying to cover it up. "I'm fine, Lily." When he looked back at her, he was desperately trying to smile again. "Nothing happened. No one was hurt. Snape's keeping quiet. All things considered, we should be counting our blessings right now. And look at you! You're on your feet again!" He was trying so hard to be optimistic. Lily could only shake her head somberly, assuring him she wasn't buying it. He sighed, his face falling, and abruptly changed tactics. "You know I should be asking you that question. After all, you're the one who was confined to the hospital wing." Lily said nothing, and Remus _finally_ caught her gaze. "I wasn't there when it happened, but… I've heard tell… That's why the poachers were interested in you three years ago, wasn't it?" His voice had softened so considerably that no one but Lily could hear him. She felt her heart tighten stiffly. "The power everyone's talking about… it can… resolve some sort of argument between Dumbledore and-?"

"Stop," Lily interrupted him forlornly, and Remus obeyed. For several minutes, the two just stared at each other silently, an emptiness weighing heavily between them. Remus did not want to admit how he felt about being used by Sirius. And she did not want to contemplate the nature or the possible consequences of bearing such a gift. The two of them felt like family, but even between them, there were some things they'd simply rather not address… Thus isolated from each other, they found their sudden, unexpected reticence to be a hard, painful burden they wouldn't share with anyone.

**ooooooo**

Later that night, Lily found herself lying awake in bed. Her roommates were all in theirs as well, but she could sense some of their consciousness despite the hour and the penetrating darkness. The past few days had been cumbersome, but exhaustion had yet to get the best of them. Lily herself had recently slept thirty-six hours straight, and wasn't particularly ready to risk doing so again. A part of her wanted to slide out of bed and shuffle over to the window seat, but… in the middle of January, it was simply too cold to do that. Instead, she remained lying where she was, restless and miserable.

"Alice…?" she whispered, and immediately heard her friend clambering out from the shelter of her own covers. Moments later, the older girl was on the bed with her, lying down next to her companionably.

"How are you feeling?" she asked in a low, soft voice to keep from disturbing everyone else. Nevertheless, Lily knew they were all straining to listen in to their conversation. That was just like them, but couldn't be helped. They were worried about her, and Lily suspected, had it been anyone else, she'd be eavesdropping herself as well, just to make absolutely certain that someone she cared for wasn't in too much unnecessary turmoil.

"What happened that night?" she heard herself asking, against her own better judgment. "I remember walking back towards the castle, and you all being there waiting for me. I remember collapsing… but after that…" She shook her head. Somehow, she'd demonstrated great power, but she just couldn't remember it… Alice was resting her head in her hand, her elbow propping her up. She took a moment to stare off blankly towards the space in front of her. She was clearly remembering something phenomenal.

"You collapsed," she whispered reminiscently. "And then your body got really warm and really light, so we knew you weren't dead. We started screaming, though, because we thought you might be dying. But then… I felt something that was… almost soothing. The snow all around you started to melt, and… I can't describe it, Lil, but it was magical. Something pulsated out of you, and all the lights in the castle seemed to brighten. People have been talking about it nonstop. It was incredible!"

And so it seemed to have been. As the days started passing, such was the most popular conversation. No one seemed capable of focusing on anything else. What, they all were wondering, could possibly have caused it? In the end, a fair majority of them settled with a surprisingly believable explanation. Whatever it was, they reckoned it had something to do with the legendary Marauders – who were these days getting blamed for every mysterious, unexplainable happenstance that went on at Hogwarts. Several of the students – particularly the older ones – were slowly beginning to suspect the identities of the four mischievous troublemakers, which explained beautifully why Gryffindor had virtually no remaining house points whatsoever. It was astonishingly good luck for the Hufflepuffs, however, for at such a rate even if Gryffindor won the Quidditch Cup, they'd have to work extra hard to obtain the House as well, which meant Slytherin alone stood in Hufflepuff's way.

As for the Marauders, Lily couldn't help but observe how split they seemed to be right down the middle. James and Sirius might have recovered, but every single time Sirius caught sight of Peter, a look of disgust crossed his face. Peter personally couldn't bring himself to keep away from James, so he endured Sirius as best he could. It would have been better had he not, Lily often suspected. Time spent away from the two boys would have done Peter some good, lessening a great deal of needless tension between the lot of them. James, try as he might, could not reduce it on his own. For while _he_ was greatly pleased that Peter had gone to Lily that evening, considering it a fortunate display of spine and courage, Sirius considered it a cowardly act of selfishness. Peter hadn't done it for Severus Snape, the boy seemed to think, but for his own precious skin. It disgusted the Black, and when the three of them were together, it weighed heavily on their minds.

Remus, on the other hand, seemed unable to face any of them. He spent most of his time assisting Lily in her tutorials, refusing to speak a word that had anything to do whatsoever with anything other than academics. He looked lonely, Lily often thought, and particularly ashamed of himself. She wished she could help him, but knew he wanted to help her just as badly with her own problems. They were thus at a standstill, unwilling to pull each other into their own personal tribulations and therefore unable to do anything at all. It hurt Lily immensely, but what was she supposed to do?

Her first Apparition lesson came and went. As she had been told to expect, numerous sixth year students splinched as they practiced with their instructor in the Great Hall. She, on the other hand, did not. Focusing so intently on what she was doing and where she was going when she performed the magic prevented her from thinking too much about more painful matters. It proved to be a better distraction from her woes than even Quidditch! And so she found herself pursuing the practice with enthusiasm that pleased her friends – who had been worried about her initial reluctance – and natural ease that astonished the instructor sent from the Ministry – though very few others. Lily's talent for most form of magic – particularly Charms – had become famous throughout the school. In fact, she herself had been the only one expecting any less than perfection at everything she attempted… including Apparition.

By the end of the students' first lesson, Lily found herself capable of teleporting several feet – while most students, including Peter, were barely able to teleport at all! Of course, there was another exception to that generalization, and it was James Potter. He had a whole lot more talent than Lily, and took great pleasure in holding it over Sirius's head. Around his best friend, James was like a little kid again, showing off as he Apparated in circles around the boy. Several students laughed at the spectacle, feeling slightly better at their own inadequacy when they realized Sirius Black was having just as much difficulty as they were. At least, they no doubt thought, James Potter was taunting his best friend over it instead of any one of them.

After the lesson was over, Lily found herself cautiously approaching James. It was the first time she'd dared to, ever since that evening several nights before. She just… hadn't known what to say to him! It certainly didn't help that Sirius was always hanging around him, but Lily couldn't be sure of her own feelings. That James was a hero, there was no doubt. That he deserved her thanks, there was no doubt. But he _was _an unregistered Animagus, and no matter what Professor Dumbledore had been told about that day, Lily knew perfectly well that that tiny little detail had been successfully omitted.

He still loved her… He'd confessed it the summer before, and she had broken his heart. Nevertheless, she often still sensed it. It might not have been love… _real _love… as Professor Dumbledore knew it… but it was something. Infatuation, maybe? She wasn't sure… She wasn't an expert… but it was something. She found herself reluctant to break his heart again, but she just didn't know! How was she supposed to handle him? Could a girl even be friends with someone she knew loved her? Was it fair to him? Or was it better to just… keep distant? She'd wanted to ask her friends, but feared doing so. She would have had to admit to them something she'd been denying for so long. Besides, would any of them even have an answer? Alice and Isabelle… they both knew they loved Frank and Corwin back!

Needless to say, she was more than just cautious when she approached James after their lesson that day. The boy was standing with Sirius and Peter, both of whom looked slightly put out as he laughed carelessly about something or other. Lily caught her breath as both Sirius and Peter glanced at her in surprise. It wasn't too late for her to turn around and walk away…

James glanced over his shoulder to see who his two friends were looking at. When he recognized Lily, his already bright eyes brightened considerably. "Oh, hey Evans! Feels like it's been awhile, doesn't it?" He seemed cheerfully oblivious. Whether or not he was at all aware of her discomfort remained to be seen. On the other hand, Sirius noticed immediately, and hardly suppressed a groan. Assuming himself to be the cause of her ill ease, he grumbled a goodbye to James and stormed off. Lily winced.

James watched his best friend head towards the Great Hall's exit and looked back at Lily sympathetically. "Don't mind him. Remus, Peter, and I… we've all been growing up just when he's finally got a chance to behave like a kid without fearing how his mum'll react. I think he just… feels left behind."

"Which excuses him from betraying not only Severus, but Remus as well?" Lily asked. It was a halfhearted question, however, and James could tell she didn't want to accuse anyone of anything anymore. She was so tired of angry confrontations. Peter, on the other hand, heard her words and anticipated the worst. Grabbing his bag, he edged away from the two before tearing after Sirius. Lily watched him go, and with a groan and a shake of her head, she stared at the floor before closing her eyes. Things weren't how they were supposed to be. It hurt so much!

"Hey," James looked like he was about to reach out towards her, but then thought better of it. Crossing his arms, he bent his knees slightly so that he was looking up at her, trying to make eye contact. "Things didn't turn out the way Sirius wanted them to. No one had the reaction he foresaw. He knows he crossed a line, and isn't going to do it again."

"Thank you," Lily whispered, catching him completely by surprise. He took a step back, staring at her in bewilderment when she finally met his gaze again. "You risked your life for Severus's. Whatever house points Sirius lost for us, you should have earned them back triple." James studied her for a moment, chewing on her words. They were more than he'd hoped for, anyway.

"I think Dumbledore could tell I was trying to cover for Sirius," he said after that. "He doesn't award house points to students who aren't entirely honest with him." Lily smiled softly, and James did as well. He held out a hand to her, and Lily found herself taking it because she didn't know how else to react. He gave it a comforting squeeze. "You don't have to thank me for anything, Lily. Just promise you aren't going to tell anyone why my best friends all choose to call me Prongs."

She should have seen that one coming. Her smile melted, and she looked up at him in slight urgency. "You should get yourself registered, James!" she whispered. "Before you turn seventeen and get caught as an adult who can be thrown in jail!"

James's smile broadened. "Don't you know by now? I never get caught!" His expression turned serious. "Besides, Remus doesn't want anyone to know. Especially not Dumbledore. We picked our little nicknames because we wanted to make things easier for Moony. What with his furry little problem, we thought some extra companionship every once in awhile might do him good." Lily's eyes widened in horror as she realized what he meant precisely by such words. They… They… spent time with Remus during the full moon? She shook her head.

"You don't…"

He smiled again, this time sheepishly. "I know what you're thinking. Dumbledore wouldn't approve, either, which is why we don't register. You have to understand, we're not doing it because we get a kick out of it… well… all right, we do. But that's not the main reason!" She stared at him disbelievingly, and he scratched the back of his head awkwardly. "We do it for Moony. You have to admit, these past two years have been good ones for him. He looks healthier, happier… For once in his life, the end of the world doesn't come every month. That's why we do it!"

Lily took a deep breath and turned her head. There wasn't any sign of Remus anywhere, but had there been, she already knew what he would have looked like. He'd been looking like it for the past week. "Unfortunately, thanks to Sirius, he's been looking sicker and sicker and downright miserable." She met James's gaze again, and the urgency was back, shining brightly in her emerald eyes. "Something has to be done, or I don't think having a special little nickname like yours is going to do him much good anymore."

"I know," James assured her somberly, giving her hand another squeeze. "And I'll think of something." He always did, after all.

**ooooooo**

**A/N: **Send me your reviews! They've all been an extreme help, and you have no idea how much I appreciate them! Please keep them coming, and I'll update soon! Thanks!


	77. Stalker

**Warning: **This chapter's rating has definitely gone up. Please bear that in mind.

**ooooooo**

Unfortunately, tending to Remus' wounds proved to be a lot more difficult than anyone could have possibly imagined. It was exactly like trying to return to Peter his self-esteem – virtually impossible. James's arrogance had practically ruined the boy last year, while Sirius's callousness practically ruined Remus this year. Lily didn't even want to think about what might happen next year because of those two bothersome Marauders, nor did she want to know who their next victim might be.

Hopefully, she often told herself, it wouldn't be anyone. Hopefully Sirius would soon grow up as his best friend had, and then they could all finally forget that there had ever been such a time as this. They could forget… They could move on… They could recover. Lily wished that day wasn't so far from now. She wished there was a way that she could just snap her fingers and magically end the school year. She was growing impatient, for every time she saw Remus' lonely, humiliated, and used countenance, she knew they were all still waiting for a miracle.

Nor was it just Remus. The disregard and the indifference which Peter had faced so often the year before returned to him now through Sirius. Sadly, it was worse than ever, since Sirius honestly didn't seem to care one way or the other whether or not Peter remained his friend. He'd just as soon forget the boy even existed, and nothing not even James himself did or said seemed capable of changing his mind. The Marauders were falling apart, all because of one little prank pulled against one unfathomable Slytherin. It wasn't fair. It wasn't right. And Lily had no idea what to do.

The common room was hard to sit in these days. James, Sirius, and Peter always seemed to be there – when was the last time they'd snuck out? – and every time Lily was forced to watch the three of them keep such strained company tore at her heart until she thought it would bleed to death. The best and only shelter she could find anymore was in fact the tutor room, where refuge came in the form of first years, sometimes second and third years. The responsibility she felt towards them offered almost as much of a distraction as did Apparition practice – but Lily found that she greatly preferred her duties over teleportation. The younger students were quickly becoming her very life, and the time she spent in the tutor room lengthened from just nightly tutorials to daily counsel. When the first years realized she'd taken to studying and doing her own homework, whenever her professors deigned it necessary to assign such, within that particular classroom, they often dropped by to keep her company, or to ask for her opinion, or for comfort. It was a trying time with the war outside, and more students needed her now than ever before.

Of course, Remus still often spent time there as well. Lily knew how he also loved to teach, and before long he began smiling again – though his smiles were, in general, reserved for the children. Occasionally she would receive one too, but not nearly as often as she wished. It was hard, knowing that if she could just open up to him, he might as well in return. Everyday, she told herself to speak with him… but everyday she failed to. It didn't seem fair that, in order for Remus to share with her his feelings over Sirius's treachery, she first needed to share with him her feelings over the possible interest someone like the Dark Lord might have in her. The two were hardly proportional! As cruel and as nasty and terrible as Sirius had been, he had absolutely nothing on He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named! He couldn't even be compared with a Death Eater! Not really, anyway… So why wouldn't Remus talk to her about it? She wanted to scream the question at him. Why was he being so stubborn?

James had promised he'd think of something… but he wasn't thinking quickly enough! Lily never would have guessed she'd ever want him reverting back to his reckless old ways, but at least back then he'd been somewhat effective! Maybe he was just… waiting for the right moment? Maybe what they really needed was another full moon… in which case, February had better hurry up and roll around! Lily was getting tired… and impatient…

Remus was sitting next to her one night in the tutor room, late in January. The tutorial had ended two hours ago, and while Remus read from one of his own textbooks, Lily was staring blankly at the novel she'd been struggling to engage herself in since Carla had sent it to her the week before. Unfortunately, her mind was too on edge for her to focus. It started wandering every time she read a sentence, and she found herself gazing at Remus from the corner of her eye, wishing she could just talk to him! She could do it now. There was no one else around to overhear. She could tell him how, sometimes, she had nightmares about a shrouded figure who could only be one man searching for her… and… upon finding her – for he always found her – how he brutally tortured those she loved, so that he might see her tap into her gift and fight to save them. Only… she wasn't ever able to… and… if Professor Dumbledore was there… the shrouded figure would always face him, telling him that he'd been wrong.

Lily shivered, hating with a passion those dreams that plagued her. She tried different potions, and sometimes they worked, keeping her nightmares at bay. Sometimes, however, they didn't, and she was left enduring horrors she feared might one day become realities. Remus, sensing her discomfort, glanced up at her in concern. "Are you okay?"

She looked at him sharply and answered a little too quickly. "Of course I am!" His expression spoke of skeptical doubt, and she forced herself to take a slow, deep, calming breath. Looking at him again, she tried to smile – which was difficult. "I think I'm going to go to bed. I've been having a lot of late nights recently, and I'm tired. Do you want to head up to the common room with me?"

It might have been getting late, but there wasn't any doubt in either one of their minds that the three other Marauders would still be awake, lingering themselves in the common room. Remus sank in his chair slightly, glancing at his book reluctantly. "Actually," he said, looking back at her with guilt and shame on his face. "I think I'm just going to stay here for a little bit longer… I'm sorry."

"That's fine," she assured him, gazing at him sorrowfully even long after he looked away. They weren't that different, she often thought. She had her gift… and he had a wolf… At least hers didn't transform her into a bloodthirsty monster every month. What must it feel like…? She'd seen Severus looking at him on more than one occasion during class, and she knew Remus had seen him, too. The Slytherin's expression was always unmistakable. Remus had nearly killed him. Every time they saw each other, he was reminded of it. What must it feel like…? Knowing he might kill…? Knowing there was nothing he could do to prevent it…? He might even kill his best friend… whoever that was these days.

No matter what Lily thought about her own gift, she didn't have to worry about every full moon… She didn't have to pray that the night would end quickly, before she had the chance to tear out someone's throat. Remus did. And if that wasn't bad enough, now he also needed to pray that the friends he'd once considered to be the greatest blessings in the world didn't trick others into going near him when he _could_ kill them. He had never expected it would come to this. It was hard enough trying to live with the fear that someone might accidentally stumble upon the Shrieking Shack during the full moon. The last thing Remus needed was Sirius Black helping them to actually get there! It wasn't fair… and Lily didn't blame him for taking it this hard. She just wished James would hurry up and make it better!

_I'll remind him, _she told herself firmly, getting up from her seat and gathering together her belongings. "Good night, Remus," she said as pleasantly as she could, walking towards the door. He glanced up at her one last time.

"Night, Lil." He smiled so softly it was hardly a smile, and she waved her hand before stepping out into the corridor. It was, as usual this time of year, as cold as it was dark. Lily held up her wand, as she did every night, and magically lit it. Starting down the corridor, she made her way towards the stairs.

She was halfway up the first flight when she heard it. Footsteps… like she had back in December. They were behind her, and at first she thought they might be Remus', having changed his mind. She paused, waiting for him to call out to her, or to at least catch up with her, but when she stopped walking, the footsteps behind her stopped as well. Lily bit her lip and turned around, holding out her wand to see if there was anyone there.

The shadows were thick that night. Impossibly thick. If she didn't know any better, she'd say a fog had come up within the castle! Was that possible?

It must have been. Despite her wand light, she could no longer see anything around her. The black fog, if that's what it was, grew too impenetrable. Holding her wand up to her hand, Lily could see her palm, but when she directed it towards the stone steps upon which she stood, she couldn't see anything. What was going on?

"Remus…?" she whispered, glancing around blindly in fear. This was Hogwarts! It was supposed to be safe! But this fog… wasn't natural… The cold was getting to her… If she could feel her way up the stairs… If she could make it to the Tower…

_"Expelliarmus…"_

The voice came out of nowhere; Lily couldn't tell if it was above her or below her. All she knew for sure was that her wand was suddenly pulled out of her hand, leaving her not just defenseless, but blinder than ever before. The fog suddenly thickened considerably, wrapping around her menacingly, and when the light of her wand disappeared, she couldn't see a thing.

_"Don't move," _the voice commanded her. Lily felt her heart start to race as she broke out into a layer of sweat despite the cold. The voice wasn't natural. It sounded like it had been magically altered to be, at once, loud and soft, deep and harmonic, sweet… like honey. Again, she couldn't tell if it was coming from above or below. Standing stiffly halfway up a flight of stairs, Lily felt cornered.

Remus… He wasn't that far away… Just down the corridor in a classroom! If she screamed-

_"Don't speak a word," _the voice rang out, and Lily felt any scream she might have mustered die instantly in her throat. However, glancing around, wishing she could see through the dark, she wasn't able to suppress a whimper, which caused whoever it was stalking her to chuckle mirthlessly. _"Lily," _he sang her name, which echoed around her coldly. _"You're so beautiful."_

She flinched, shaking in augmenting terror. Fearing that she wouldn't be able to remain steady on her feet much longer, she edged towards the wall, intending to lean against it for support.

_"DON'T MOVE!" _

Lily recoiled sharply, cringing as tears formed in her eyes. The command had been loud and angry, yet something told her he hadn't been overheard by anyone. Not even Remus… "Please," she whispered, but wasn't able to complete her plea.

_"NOT A WORD!"_

She was angering him! Lily wrapped her arms around herself, feeling sick. The fog was getting colder, and it was starting to smell less like unsubstantial condensation and more like smoke. She couldn't breathe…

_"Don't talk," _the voice commanded again in a softer tone. _"Don't move. Don't scream. Just listen. You are so beautiful."_

Lily turned her head in terror, trying to pinpoint where the voice was coming from.

_"Do. Not. Move."_

She froze. She couldn't keep from shaking, but other than that she didn't move an inch. She closed her eyes tightly, but that didn't make any difference whatsoever. She felt the tears sliding down her face and did everything that she could to keep from whimpering. Remus…

He was watching her. Despite the dense, suffocating cloud of smoke, despite the dark, he could see her plain as day. She could feel his eyes boring into her, slowly tearing her apart. The world started to spin… she couldn't breathe… Why was this happening?

_"I love you, Lily."_

Her heart stopped. The voice was getting closer… it was dripping with pleasure and excitement… it was wrapping around her torturously. She couldn't breathe…

_"I love your eyes… I love your hair… I want to run my fingers through it… So beautiful."_

She whimpered, crying harder now.

_"I want to touch your face…"_

He was right behind her. Lily forgot his command completely. Instinct was screaming at her to survive, and he was right behind her! Spinning around, she lashed out with both her arms and a leg… only to meet empty space. She shrieked, losing her balance, and fell. Crashing down the rough, jagged stairs, she landed heavily on the stone floor. Somehow she managed not to bang her head or snap her neck, but the rest of her body protested loudly. No doubt she'd received several scrapes, scratches, and bruises, but something told her that wasn't her biggest problem right now.

Someone grabbed her hair and jerked it savagely. She hissed, but before she could scream again, a hand clamped over her mouth. He squeezed tightly, making it impossibly difficult for her to bite him, while hurting her in the process. Releasing her hair, he pressed the back of her head against the floor, sat on top of her, and grabbed both her wrists with his one free hand as she desperately tried slapping him away. Whimpering pathetically, she continued to squirm beneath his weight as best she could, but it was useless, and with her hands caught and forced to the ground above her head, he had her completely and utterly powerless.

He leaned over her, but she still couldn't see him. The fog or smoke or whatever it was still proved to be too thick. But she could sense him staring at her admiringly, which terrified her. _"I told you not to move. Not to scream. You should have listened." _His mouth pressed against her forehead, and Lily screamed. With his hand fixed as tightly as it was over her mouth, however, her cry was stifled and inaudible. No one heard her. No one was coming to save her. The more she squirmed, the more helpless she felt.

He pulled away from her, shushing her quietly. _"Ssh. Beautiful… So beautiful. You're my love now, my love. I'm going to hold you now and forever." _Without moving his hand from her mouth, he released her wrists and quickly slipped his free hand between her back and the floor. Moving his weight off her, he jerked her up and pulled her close to him. She cringed as he pressed her against his chest, wrapping his arm around her and effectively pinning her own arms to her sides. Somehow he managed to keep her mouth covered, and no matter how hard she tried twisting away from him, he kept her quiet.

_"There now,"_ he said tenderly as the two of them sat there together. He started rocking her like one would a child or a doll. _"I have you… I love you." _He gradually began to tighten his hold on her. Lily found herself sobbing as he applied more and more pressure. She couldn't squirm anymore. She couldn't move at all.

_"I love you," _he repeated directly into her ear. _"Everything about you. Your teeth. Your hands. Your-"_

"LILY!"

Her eyes widened. That had been James!

Something powerful crashed into them, and the next thing she knew, she was on the floor again. She winced as someone moved to rip her away from her attacker. Suddenly, her mouth was free, and she wasted no time whatsoever in screaming as loudly as she could. The fog began to disperse, and Lily found herself able to clearly see James trying to scramble past her so that he could get an open shot at whoever was underneath.

As quickly as she could, she untangled herself from groping arms and legs and began crawling away. Seconds later, two other figures appeared above her, and upon looking up at them, Lily caught sight of Sirius and Peter. It was all she could do not to cry in absolute joy as Sirius helped her to her feet. She wrapped her arms around him, feeling safer than she had in years when he then proceeded to return her embrace.

"Are you all right, Lily?" Peter asked, and she pulled far enough away from Sirius to wrap one arm around him as well. Bringing him close to her, she found herself clinging to them both as if holding on for dear life.

On the ground at their feet, James was on top of someone, pounding him hard in the face over and over and over again. "YOU STUPID… BLOODY… BASTARD!"

A door down the corridor opened and slammed. Within seconds Remus was running towards them, holding up his lit wand, a look of concern expressed plainly across his face. Taking in the sight before him, however, his concern turned to all-out fear. "What happened?"

"Wormtail wanted food," Sirius explained, not letting go of Lily, and for once not minding Peter's close proximity. "We were following the map when we noticed Derricks a little too close to Lily for James's liking." Lily's heart stopped in shock. Derricks? Vaughn Derricks? The Slytherin prefect? _He_ did this to her?

She remembered the night of the Hufflepuff-Ravenclaw Quidditch match. She'd seen Vaughn in the hallway! She'd thought he'd been in a great hurry, but he could easily have turned around to follow her. She glanced fearfully over her shoulder, and, sure enough, that's who it was getting his face punched in by James. There was blood everywhere. The guy wasn't even fighting back anymore! Lily caught her breath in alarm. "Stop it! James! Don't kill him!"

He heard her and stayed his fist immediately. Vaughn was completely stunned. Paralyzed. And he was coughing weakly. James stared at the damage he had done for a moment, and then drove his fist one last time into Vaughn's gut. Then he pushed up to his feet and turned to look at Lily. "Are you okay?" She couldn't stop shaking. What kind of question was that? James must have realized it was stupid, for he glanced at Peter even as he reached for his wand. "Wormtail… Go get help."

"NO!" Lily's reaction was immediate, and only afterwards did she realize how childish. She pushed away from Sirius, startling both boys considerably as she wrapped her arms tightly around Peter. "Don't leave!"

"Lily, we're all right here," Remus told her, taking a step forward as James bit his lip and turned once again towards Vaughn. He aimed his wand at the Slytherin and conjured up ropes that proceeded to tie him down. "We're not going to leave you alone." Lily didn't answer him, but clung to Peter tighter than ever before. Sirius regarded them both for a moment with a strange expression on his face, but then nodded.

"I'll go get Dumbledore." Without waiting to give Lily a chance to object, he tore off down the corridor at breakneck speed. James watched him go before focusing back on Vaughn. Remus came to stand next to him while Peter continued to hold Lily. She was crying profusely now, and allowed the boy to help her sit on the floor. James saw, and must have thought they were still too close to Vaughn. A moment later and he was using his foot to shove the Slytherin away.

Vaughn started sputtering out jumbled words, but through his bleeding nose, none of them made any sense. James shot him a derisive look. "What's that, Derricks? I can't understand you. Maybe you shouldn't be altering your voice like that, mate. Can't be good for the larynx."

"Prongs!" Peter was staring at something down the corridor. When both James and Remus turned to look, they caught sight of something bright that was casting a large shadow against the wall. They could all hear shuffling footsteps as someone approached, but they weren't quite so menacing as Vaughn's had been, since there was unmistakable wheezing accompanying them.

James groaned. "Filch." And, sure enough, within seconds the old caretaker arrived, holding up a lantern with a scowl etched across his face. Making eye contact with James, that scowl multiplied ten times in a show of extreme dislike which the boy only felt equally in return. "Now before you go jumping to conclusions, I'd like to assure you we're not out here causing trouble!"

Filch glanced down at the bound and bloody faced Slytherin before looking back at James with a sneer. "Oh, no? If you ask me, boy, it looks like you're causing plenty of trouble! I have half a mind to hammer your thumbs to your toes and then listen to you make up your clever, witty little lies!"

"He's not lying!" Peter exclaimed from where he sat on the floor with Lily still in his arms. His words caught everyone by surprise, for no one would have expected Peter, of all people, to actually contradict someone as frightening as Argus Filch! "Lily was attacked! James rescued her! Sirius is getting the Headmaster!"

"The Headmaster?" Filch let out a loud bark of laughter. "Why do I find that hard to believe?"

"Well," Remus cut in reasonably, crossing his arms in a very businesslike manner. "If Sirius isn't getting the Headmaster, then you've got to wonder where he is and what he might be up to. He's just as bad as James. You never know when he'll strike next." Filch froze, taking Remus' words very seriously. Ever so carefully, he turned his head, almost looking like he half expected the missing Marauder to pop out with some sort of volatile trick up his sleeve. Several minutes passed during which the lot of them waited silently and stiffly. Tension had already been high enough, but now it was steadily increasing, and Lily found herself wanting nothing more than to leave.

Moving shakily, she got to her feet. Peter tried to stop her, but he was so afraid of hurting her that he put forth very little effort. Nevertheless he stood with her and tried to keep her from walking. "Lily, you shouldn't move."

"What happened to her?" Filch asked suspiciously, eyeing James as if he were the culprit.

"It's like what Peter said," Remus informed the caretaker. "She was attacked by Vaughn Derricks."

"A likely story!" Filch snapped. Vaughn, sensing that the man's distaste towards the Marauders was clouding his judgment, started struggling weakly against his bonds. He even went so far as to try making up some kind of a story that would get him out of trouble, but with his bloody nose, nothing he said was at all intelligible.

"I want to go," Lily whispered, trying to push past Peter. "I want to go. I want to go." She couldn't stay there. The longer she stayed there… the more of a chance Vaughn had to break free and come after her again. If she had been listening to reason at that point, she would have known there wasn't anyway in the world Vaughn Derricks could get past James, Peter, Remus, and Filch, but reason had temporarily taken flight. She was still afraid… and she felt alone and vulnerable.

James glanced at her, and after shooting Filch one last glare, he walked over to her and took her in his arms. Lily stiffened, but only for a moment. A moment later, she felt herself succumbing to his embrace. It was warm… protective… and safe… More so than either Sirius's or Peter's. The way he held her… was different from any other hold she'd ever experienced before. It took her breath away, and caused her to shiver. She didn't understand…

"You're safe now," James whispered to her, and for the first time she truly believed it.

There was suddenly a great deal of loud scuttling and clambering echoing throughout the corridor as several different people rushed onto the scene. Sirius was one of them, and he had with him Professor Dumbledore, Professor McGonagall, Madam Pomfrey, and even Professor Slughorn! How they had all been gathered so quickly together might have mystified Lily in any other circumstance, but at that particular moment she couldn't have cared less. The fact that they were all here now was the only thing that mattered. She was safe…

Peter and Remus both jumped towards the Headmaster and immediately began shouting explanations. Filch also strutted forward, offering his opinion on the subject while glaring at Sirius resentfully. Vaughn started struggling against his magical bonds, trying to get a word in edgewise himself, but only Madam Pomfrey paid him any mind as she knelt beside him and started healing his bloody nose.

Lily, however, felt quite oblivious to everything going on around her. She was safe… She didn't need to hang onto every word that was spoken. The only thing she needed to hang onto was James… He was holding her now… and she didn't want him to ever let her go.

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**A/N: **Poor Lily's not getting a break! Please keep reviewing and let me know what you think! Thanks so much!


	78. Interrogations

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"We were reading in the tutor room when Lily decided she wanted to go back to the Tower. Five minutes later, I hear James yelling at the top of his lungs, calling someone a bastard!"

"We were just coming down to check on Remus. Thought he'd be back in the common room by now. But when we got here, we saw this bloke harassing Lily!"

"You can't believe anything he says, Professor! We saw what we saw!"

"Vaughn Derricks! You're a prefect! I can't imagine such behavior coming from you!"

"I didn't do anything, sir!"

"It's a pity we can't hang them all up by their toes! Then we'd get an honest answer out of them, mark my words!"

"It's a _pity_ we don't have more reliable witnesses."

"We have Miss Evans," the Headmaster stated calmly, nevertheless managing to silence Remus, Sirius, Peter, Professor Slughorn, Vaughn Derricks, Filch, and Professor McGonagall, all of whom seemed to have been talking at once. They immediately spun around to face the girl – Vaughn, who was still tied up on the ground, had to crane his neck to see. Lily cringed, all the fear and alarm she'd somehow temporarily forgotten about in the safety of James's arms suddenly and abruptly returning to her. She buried her face in his chest.

What was she supposed to tell them? She'd been maliciously attacked before, but by Charlie Pryce and a bunch of poachers. Grown men! Was she supposed to admit that a fifteen year old had gotten the best of her? Was she supposed to admit that she couldn't protect herself from a younger boy? She was supposed to be stronger than that! She was supposed to be braver! What Vaughn had done… If it had happened to Fanny Campbell back when she was a sixth year, she would have beaten her would-be attacker to a bloody pulp, and then she would have walked away with her head held high! Was she supposed to admit to someone like Professor Slughorn, who constantly praised her, that she'd been paralyzed with fear? Was she supposed to admit to someone like Professor McGonagall, who had watched approvingly as she outsmarted Mrs. Black, that she'd been so weak? Shame coursed through her, and she didn't want any of them to see.

"Out of the way, Potter!" Madam Pomfrey was suddenly standing beside them both, and she waited for James to reluctantly release Lily and take a very, very small step backwards. Lily immediately turned her head, but the nurse wasn't looking to scrutinize her face. Instead, she began to examine Lily's torn clothing, and the cuts and scrapes on her arms and legs. Several minutes passed in silence as everyone watched her work.

Vaughn, who was no doubt very uncomfortable tied up on the floor, grew slightly restless. Struggling against his bonds, he glanced towards the head of his house almost pleadingly. "Professor-"

"Quiet!" Slughorn responded, waving a hand at him without once looking away from the girl. Vaughn scowled, rolling his eyes as he began muttering very angrily to himself. Sirius heard, and turned two furious black eyes onto the Slytherin.

"What's that, Derricks?" he demanded, advancing on the fifth year who looked up at him with nothing less than hatred dripping off his face. "Don't tell me that out of everyone here, _you're_ the one complaining!" He made to kick the Slytherin where he knew it would hurt the most, but Professor McGonagall quickly caught him by his arm and jerked him backwards. Sirius opened his mouth to protest, but before he managed to, Peter had sprung forward and proceeded to kick the boy himself.

"Peter Pettigrew!" McGonagall shouted disapprovingly as Vaughn curled up into a ball and started coughing loudly.

"Sorry!" Peter spun around to face her, sounding anything but. His face was red, and for once it wasn't out of fear. "He deserved it, ma'am! Just look what he did to Lily!"

"I didn't do anything…" Vaughn objected weakly, trying to sound convincing when his body was shaking in pain.

"That's rich!" Sirius snapped, continuing to badger the Slytherin even when Professor McGonagall jerked both him and Peter around and marched them several feet away where they wouldn't be able to lash out at their antagonist any longer. She told them both to be quiet and to mind her, but they weren't in any mood to listen. Together, the two boys – who could barely even stand to be in each other's company for the past few weeks – aligned themselves against the Slytherin, shouting out jibes and insults and threats.

Somehow Madam Pomfrey managed to ignore them as she finished her examination and leaned back. Moving delicately, she reached out her hand and touched Lily's chin. The girl flinched, and James looked like he had half a mind to grab her and pull her back into the safety of his arms again. Lily could feel her heart rate picking up as Madam Pomfrey gently turned her face forward, so that everyone could see the bruise forming around her mouth. To make matters even worse, Professor Dumbledore held up his hand, summoning forth more light to the corridor so that no one could mistake the marking for anything else. The unexpected brilliance caught the students all off guard, and Lily wasn't the only one wincing and scrunching her eyes shut.

"Miss Evans," Professor Dumbledore took a small step towards her. "Can you tell me what happened here tonight?" She immediately shook her head. Humiliation was causing her skin to crawl and her stomach to twist nauseatingly. She felt like she was about to throw up, but the last thing she wanted was for everyone there to know that. The last thing she wanted was for them to think she couldn't take care of herself. That she couldn't recover from something like this in a matter of seconds. She _should_ be able to! She needed to convince them she was all right.

Unfortunately for her, they took her refusal to answer as proof that she _wasn't_ all right. Madam Pomfrey glanced over her shoulder at the Headmaster. "It looks like she might have skinned herself on the stone floor. I assume she fell down the stairs. However, the bruise on her face does look like a handprint." She turned even further around to glare at Vaughn suspiciously.

"What makes you think it was me?" the Slytherin huffed furiously, struggling against his bonds like one eager to start a tirade. Professor Dumbledore glanced at him in consideration, but not truly convinced by his words at all. Nevertheless, Vaughn took advantage of it. "There are four other boys here! I didn't do it! Of course they'd back each other up. They're Gryffindors! I'm a Slytherin! They're turning me into a scapegoat and you can't believe them!"

Professor Dumbledore narrowed his eyes and looked back at Lily. "Miss Evans. I need you to tell me what happened." His voice was gentle, but his tone was firm. Upon glancing at him, Lily realized, to her extreme distress, that he wasn't about to let any of them leave that night until he got answers. Tears streamed down her face as she remembered everything Vaughn said to her.

"I couldn't see anything!" she cried out, surprising herself more than anyone else. A look of utter rage twisted across Vaughn's face as he realized she wouldn't be keeping quiet after all. Remus noticed Lily looking at him and quickly sidestepped in-between them, blocking Vaughn out of her line of sight. She heard herself continuing. "It was so dark, I couldn't even see with wand light! Then he took my wand from me… told me not to move… I couldn't even turn my head without him yelling at me."

"It wasn't me!" Vaughn interrupted, looking up at Remus' back rather urgently. "You didn't hear me yelling like that, did you, Lupin?" Lily stiffened, glancing towards Remus in silent dismay. He hadn't heard anyone other than James yelling… otherwise he would have come to her rescue a lot sooner. All eyes landed squarely on the boy, but Remus hardly looked at all fazed by the sudden attention he was receiving. Years spent as a Marauder had taught him to think quickly on his feet.

"I didn't hear it," he admitted, glancing over his shoulder at the Slytherin in extreme distaste. "But the only thing that proves, Derricks, is how you believe my alibi. I was in the tutor room. So keep your mouth shut before you admit to being guilty by process of elimination." Vaughn's face turned white even as Sirius and Peter started back up their hateful taunting again. Professor McGonagall immediately silenced them, a look of frustration etched across her face. Everyone else, however, looked back at Lily, and Professor Dumbledore patiently urged her to go on.

"He got on top of me," she said, her voice shaking terribly. She glanced at Madam Pomfrey. "I fell down the stairs, and before I could get up, he was on top of me. I couldn't scream because he covered my mouth. He kept saying things… like I was beautiful and he wanted to touch me and that…" She swallowed painfully, glancing at James. "That he loved me."

A shadow crossed James's face. It was like nothing she'd ever seen before. It was beyond anger. It was beyond hatred. It was almost frightening. He spun towards Vaughn, both hands gripping his wand as if he were torn between controlling his temper and lashing out like a sudden, unexpected, freak storm. Filch took several steps backwards even as Professor Dumbledore strode forward and placed a hand on the boy's shoulder. Immediately James seemed to deflate, and they all turned back towards Lily.

"Are you sure it was Mr. Derricks?" the Headmaster asked her, and she nodded her head, glancing down at the floor abashedly.

"It had to have been," she said slowly, forcing herself to breathe. It surprised her, to be honest. She'd feared sounding weak and pathetic in front of all her teachers, but now she felt like one unloading a painful burden she'd been carrying for far too long. It had only been a couple minutes, but it felt like it'd been an eternity! She wondered, rather numbly, how heavy that weight would've grown if she _had_ managed to keep quiet that night. Eventually, it might have suffocated her to death. "James suddenly came out of nowhere. He dove on top of us, and it was like a fog lifted, because I could see again. All three of us were on the floor together, so it couldn't possibly have been anyone else."

"No!" Vaughn argued desperately. "Did it ever occur to you that _I_ was the one who dove on top of you, trying to rescue you from _him_?" Everyone glanced from Vaughn back to Lily, waiting for her answer. It was a legitimate question, she realized, much to her dismay. Attacking a student was a serious crime, and the Headmaster wasn't going to punish anyone for it unless he knew without the shadow of a doubt who was guilty. Sirius had gotten away with nearly killing Severus, Lily remembered, her heart pounding in her ears. What if Vaught got away with this as well? What if…? What if James got blamed for it? She glanced desperately towards the troublesome Gryffindor, but he could only shake his head sullenly. It would appear there _were_ crises every now and then which not even he couldn't worm his way out of. Lily's tears blurred her vision as hopeless despair worked its way back into her heart.

"I think," Professor Dumbledore suddenly cut in, speaking with such calm assurance that everyone turned towards him expectantly, sensing that he was more than ready to sort out this mess once and for all, "that it is time we located our incriminating piece of evidence." Lily took a deep breath, wiping the tears away from her eyes, all the while wondering what he could possibly mean. Incriminating evidence? The Headmaster suddenly held up his wand, and while James just stared at it as he would any other, Vaughn caught his breath and fearfully shrank away. Either the Slytherin didn't know Professor Dumbledore half as well as James did, and therefore didn't know that he needn't fear the Headmaster's wrath, or he knew the game had ended, and he wouldn't be getting away with anything. In any event, Lily wasn't the only one who noticed Vaughn's alarm.

"What's the matter, Derricks?" Sirius taunted haughtily. "Feeling guilty?"

"Enough of that, Mr. Black!" Professor McGonagall snapped, ushering both him and Peter even farther down the hall. "Do not make me escort you back to the Gryffindor common room!"

Professor Dumbledore ignored them both. With a simple flick of his wrist, he spoke a single word. _"Accio."_ Within seconds, another wand appeared flying from out of Vaughn's robes. There was no mistaking where it had come from, and when it reached the Headmaster, he took hold of it with a slight smile on his face. "Hmm. Well, Miss Evans, I do believe this is your wand." He handed it back to her reassuringly, and she accepted it with a look of absolute astonishment on her face. Why hadn't she thought of that?

Professor Slughorn turned towards Vaughn irately. "Well, boy, what have you to say for yourself now? Best be honest about it. The more you lie, the more trouble you will find yourself in." Vaughn was stuck. He had no ready explanation as to why Lily's wand had been found in his possession, other than the fact that he had been the one to take it from her, and could only stare at them all sputtering like an idiot.

James grinned, shaking his head in unmistakable relief before turning towards Professor Dumbledore. "Headmaster, now that that's taken care of, might I not help Lily back up to the common room? She's had a pretty rough night." He glanced at her through the corner of his eye, and Lily halfheartedly attempted to smile her appreciation. There wasn't anything she wanted more in the entire world than a chance to crawl into bed – in the girl's side of the tower, where no boy could infiltrate. She could do with some peace right now…

"Absolutely not!" Madam Pomfrey objected, crossing her arms in disapproval. "That girl isn't going anywhere but with me straight to the hospital wing!" Lily forgot all about appreciation as she suppressed a moan. Hadn't she spent enough time in the hospital wing recently? That was the last place she wanted to be trapped in! It wasn't fair!

"Well, we're staying with her!" Remus declared, much to everyone's surprise – with the possible exception of the Headmaster himself. He moved to stand next to Lily and folded his arms challengingly, daring anyone to object. The girl felt her heart swell as James edged close to her other side, backing up his friend. A moment later, Sirius dove around Professor McGonagall with the speed and agility only a teenager like him could manage. She spun around in surprise, looking to grab hold of him again, but he ducked behind her, shoving Peter as he went. By the time she had spun back, trying to catch up with Sirius, _both_ boys were running past her, and she tossed her arms up in frustration. Lily covered her mouth with her hand in astonishment as the two boys scrambled in front of her. They both glanced at Madam Pomfrey.

"We're staying with her, too!"

The head nurse glowered at them. "She doesn't need company right now! She needs a quick healing and then some sleep!" The four boys didn't seem to hear her. Instead, they all turned to face Lily, promising her they wouldn't leave her side. The tears in her eyes were suddenly no longer of despair, but of utter joy. Sometimes it was painfully easy to forget that the loveliest of rainbows more often than not appeared only after the most treacherous of storms.

"I ought to manacle you to the ceiling!" Filch shuffled over to Vaughn and roughly jerked the boy to his feet. "Teach you to touch a girl!" No doubt the caretaker didn't care whatsoever about Lily. He was just grateful to have a reason to torment at least one student that night. Vaughn protested loudly, but Professor Slughorn cut him off, telling him he ought to be ashamed of himself for committing such a crime. In all honesty, Lily was slightly surprised with the Potions Master. Professor Slughorn generally didn't like hostile confrontations, and wasn't a particularly severe man. In fact, even when he had to be strict with students, he was characteristically quite jovial about it. The fact that he hadn't slipped away before now, coupled with the fact that he was nearly shouting at Vaughn his disgust and disapproval, astonished Lily to no end.

"Professor Slughorn, if you and Mr. Filch would be so kind as to escort Mr. Derricks to my office," the Headmaster suggested gravely, and both men eagerly obliged, directing the wretched, miserable boy down the corridor. Once they were far enough away, Professor Dumbledore then regarded Madam Pomfrey. "Allow these boys to at least escort you and Miss Evans to the hospital wing, Poppy. Then, if you still feel they are interfering with her recovery, you may send them to their common room."

"No way!" James objected boldly, which, if Lily didn't know any better, brought a sparkle to the Headmaster's eye. "We promised her we'd stay with her, and that's exactly what we're going to do! I don't care if I have to sleep on one of those lumpy hospital mattresses you all mistake for beds; I'm not leaving her alone!"

Madam Pomfrey scowled, and pushed her way past the boys so that she might delicately take Lily by her shoulders and march her towards the hospital wing. "There's no sense in arguing about it here! What this girl needs is a proper healing, and I won't delay any longer!" It certainly wasn't easy for Lily to walk at that moment – especially at the pace set by her would-be caregiver. The journey to the hospital wing seemed to last forever, and it cost a lot of the girl's remaining energy. Perhaps it was a good thing, then, that she hadn't been allowed to attempt the long and perilous trek up to the Tower. She probably wouldn't have made it…

Upon arriving at their destination, Madam Pomfrey directed Lily towards the same exact bed she'd been confined to during her last stay in the ward. James, Sirius, Remus, and Peter all piled onto the bed next to hers, whispering almost frantically to each other like young conspirators. Lily couldn't understand half of what they were saying, but from what bits and pieces she could grasp, it sounded suspiciously like they were trying to make up for lost time. It had been nearly a month since the four of them had last been together, after all… had been unified, as a team, like the band of Marauders that they truly were. It was like a dream made real, and Lily felt herself smiling in pure relief. Maybe now things would be all right.

When Madam Pomfrey had magically cleaned up Lily's wounds and had seen her under her covers, she attempted to usher the four boys out of the hospital wing. Professor McGonagall arrived on the scene to assist her, assuring the boys that if they did not return with her to the Gryffindor Tower, out of respect for the head nurse's wishes, then she would personally see them all in detention with a reasonable amount of house points deducted.

"We're staying," James had nevertheless insisted, pulling out his wand and aiming it at Remus' head. "If we have to hex each other with curses the likes of which you've never seen before, we're going to stay here with Lily until _she_ tells us that our presences are no longer required." One look at Lily, however, assured both women that they simply weren't going to win this round that easily. Knowing that Vaughn Derricks was in the Headmaster's custody did astonishingly little to ease her state of mind. She felt better protected with her friends there. She didn't want any of them to leave. And so Madam Pomfrey gave in. She wrangled the four boys into four separate beds, and assured them that she'd be in her office, so they wouldn't be unsupervised.

"If you so much as breathe a word to Miss Evans or to each other, I'll have your necks on a platter!" she warned them angrily. "The girl needs her sleep!" Remus promised her they all understood perfectly well, and wouldn't bother Lily. Madam Pomfrey told them she'd be checking up on them in intervals all throughout the night, making sure they kept their word. Shortly after that, the nurse shut off all the lights in the room and swept into her office.

"Hey, Evans!" Sirius whispered as soon as the coast was clear. "How do you feel?" So much for keeping their word. Lily hesitated. How did she feel? So much had happened so quickly, and she'd been left in something reminiscent to absolute shock. She felt relieved. She felt protected. She felt blessed, since it could have been worse, and since Remus, Peter, and Sirius seemed to be all of a sudden on the mend. Did things happen for a reason? Was there such a thing as fate? Lily might not ever be able to forgive Vaughn Derricks for what he had done, but was it strange to feel, at the same time, gratitude, that he had brought the Marauders back together?

_Feel gratitude,_ something she couldn't fathom or identify within herself suggested. _Or feel victimized. Believe it happened for the best, or spend the rest of your life haunted and tormented by thoughts of it. Recover… or drown. _What was it that kept people going after horrors such as this? What was it that had kept Fanny Campbell going after she'd been tortured so brutally by Death Eaters? She could barely move arms now, but still she persisted. How was it possible? And was it possible for Lily to demonstrate such spirited perseverance? Did she have it in her?

Isabelle had once told her to try dealing with her problems instead of allowing herself to wallow in them. Fanny was apparently famous for her line, "If you think I look bad, you should see the other guy." The Campbells were so good at recovering… They could recover from anything. Lily wanted to be strong like that. She had to be strong like that. She was strong like that. She'd survived Charlie Pryce. She'd survived poachers. She'd survived boggarts. She _would_ survive this!

"Better now," she whispered, rolling over to peer through the darkness towards the boys. James was lying on the bed directly next to hers, and as her eyes adjusted, she could see him watching her without once blinking. She smiled softly, and he returned it, but then she felt herself frowning. There was still yet one thing that just didn't make any sense to her whatsoever. "How did you find me?"

His smile faltered for half a second, but then it returned again broadly. "Why, Lily, I've always been able to find you when you needed me! That'll never change!"

"Sirius said something about following a map," she countered immediately, which caused James's eyes to widen. He rolled over in his bed to glare pointedly at Sirius, who swiftly hid his face in his pillow and faked a snore. Remus and Peter were both struggling to contain their amusement, and when James turned back towards Lily, she could see him rolling his eyes.

"Something tells me we're either gonna need to be a lot more careful around you in the future, Evans," he whispered, feigning irritation. "Or just initiate you into our band. Because, honestly, I think you really do know all of our secrets now. The Marauder's Map is something we constructed that lets us know where everyone is in the castle absolutely all the time."

Something like a light switched on inside Lily's head. She gawked at him in amazement. "That's how you're able to get away with absolutely every prank you pull around this place! If you know where everyone is ahead of time, you can slip in and out of every inch of this castle at your very leisure!"

"Convenient, ain't it?" Sirius exclaimed, his voice muffled by his pillow.

"Is there anything you boys can't do?" Lily asked, completely and utterly amazed by their capabilities. They could turn into animals. They could create maps around which they made their mischievous strategies. They were ingenious. All of them. If they wanted to, they could take the world by storm, and there wouldn't be anything at all the world could do about it. It certainly would be a sight to see, there wasn't any doubt about that. A part of Lily – a large part – wanted to see it, and was looking forward to seeing it. Maybe being initiated into their band of Marauders wasn't such a terrible idea. If there _was_ such a thing as fate, then she sensed they were all destined for something incredible… and she found herself wanting to be a part of it.

Her father had… suggested she learn to stand. Maybe… with friends like James, Remus, Sirius, and Peter… she might find help… to get up on her feet.

"There's a bloody ton of stuff we can't do," James presently answered her question, his voice resonating with something… maybe pride… maybe confidence… but, for once, not arrogance. He sounded like he was trying hard not to laugh. "Of course, that's only when we're on our own. When we're together… nothing in the world can even hope to stop us!"

**ooooooo**

**A/N: **Wow, I hope this chapter's convincing. Recovery is the hardest thing to write about, because I've never gone through anything like what Lily has, so I feel like I'm writing blindly. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed it! Please send reviews! They're such an amazing help! Thanks so much!


	79. Expulsion

**ooooooo**

The Slytherin common room had been constructed deep in the very bowels of the castle, and greatly resembled, in many aspects, the very dungeons around which it was found. Dark, even in the middle of the afternoon, it was rather easy for Severus Snape to conceal himself in a small alcove where, with his back turned to the rest of the chamber, so that no one could see his pasty white face, he truly was one with the shadows. It was how he liked it. No one to disturb him. No one to torment or irritate him. It had been a very long year, over the course of which he had mastered so much, that if anyone even attempted to cross him, he would quickly put the offender back in his place. The hour in which he could be treated like common rubbish had long since passed.

Or at least… that had been what he'd believed… until the day Black, Potter, Lupin, and that other sycophantic fool whose name he wouldn't even suffer to acknowledge, had once again thwarted him – nearly taking his life in the process! Who would have ever expected _Lupin_ to be such a beast? No wonder Black and Potter put up with him. Those damnable Gryffindors. Fire coursed through Severus's blood. Very few in this school even dared to meet his gaze anymore. He terrified everyone! Why was it those four seemed to be immune?

At that moment, the door to the Slytherin common room opened, and Severus sensed two others entering. He turned even farther away from them, allowing the darkness to blanket him utterly and completely. It was growing very late, and, up until now, he had been the only one left occupying the place. He did not wish to be bothered, and so he would not allow anyone to see past his camouflage. Growing still, he would wait, listen, garner whatever interesting information there might be – not that he expected there to be any whatsoever – and then, once left alone, he would carry on with his pensive meditations.

"Of course you certainly don't deserve it!"

Severus frowned as he listened to the head of his house furiously marshaling another student into the common room. Professor Slughorn was not one who normally lost his temper, which meant there definitely _was_ interesting information to be found here. If something had upset the Potions Master this much, it couldn't possibly be anything less than out of the ordinary. And so Severus found himself wondering… what had happened?

"If it had been up to me, you'd have been expelled, Mr. Derricks!" Professor Slughorn, now that he had entered the Slytherin common room, was trying very hard to keep his voice down, so that none of his students might overhear. Most of them were already in bed, and it would have been an absolute shame waking them up. Severus sneered, taking some pride in the fact that he could effectively sit in that alcove without anyone noticing. And now he wondered what sort of trouble the Slytherin prefect – for that was the only Derricks Severus had ever heard of – had gotten himself into now. There was no doubt about it in his mind – Derricks was not the brightest Slytherin to have ever come around. The fact that he had been made a prefect in itself was something that still disgusted the sixteen year old.

"But mark my words, boy, you'll wish you _had_ been expelled," Professor Slughorn carried on, much to Severus's amazement. The man was so greatly out of character tonight, he couldn't help but wonder if it was, in fact, the head of Slytherin, or if it wasn't another man altogether who had taken a polyjuice potion. "The Headmaster was right to take your prefect's badge. Because of you, I can almost guarantee Slytherin won't be winning the House Cup. We're going to need a new Beater, too. You're off the Quidditch team! And you will be in my office at six o'clock sharp everyday – weekends not excluded – for detention. If I so much as catch you ever even looking in Lily Evans' direction again, I'll find a way to make you regret it!"

Severus's head snapped around so sharply he was half surprised not to have broken his neck. Slughorn was towering over Vaughn Derricks – despite the fact that Vaughn was both taller and bulkier than the Potions Master. Both of them were red in the face, but Slughorn held in his possession Derricks' wand, and it didn't take a genius to figure out there wasn't much Derricks could do empty handed.

"This," Slughorn said, waving the wand in front of the boy, "you won't be seeing again except for in class. My colleagues and I will be holding it for you until such time as I see fit to give it back. Outside lessons, you are not to touch a wand, do I make myself clear?"

"Yes, sir," Derricks assured him through clenched teeth. Severus, against his better judgment, pushed up to his feet and stepped out of the alcove. Neither of the two noticed him at first, which did slightly irritate him, for he couldn't help but wonder what Derricks could possibly have done to lose so much favor with Slughorn. And to Lily Evans? He felt his stomach twisting at the thought.

The Potions Master looked about ready to continue on with his tirade when he _finally_ noticed the sixth year standing stiffly next to one of the room's green armchairs. His mouth opened, and then closed again, without a word sounding out. Derricks frowned before glancing over his shoulder. Severus couldn't help but sneer derisively at the younger boy, who returned his look with a slightly more miserable expression of his own. The fool. Severus focused on Slughorn. "Good evening, professor. I trust it's been well?" The tone in his voice assured them both that he wasn't, in any sense, mistaking this particular scene in front of him as one from a good, well evening. It was anything but.

Professor Slughorn, however, at the sight of the boy, seemed to deflate. He sighed and shook his head. "Unfortunately, no, Severus. Slytherin has seen better days." Severus lifted his chin, glancing suspiciously at Derricks. What had he done to Lily?

"And Miss Evans?" he inquired, looking back at the Potions Master. Thoughts of _her_ invaded his mind. The one Gryffindor who hadn't ever shown him cruelty. She might have given up on him… as he would have it… and he couldn't blame her for it… But even now… If Derricks had, in any way whatsoever, harmed the girl, nothing would ever be able to protect him!

"That isn't any of your business, Snape!" Derricks bit angrily, nevertheless quite unable to hold Severus's gaze. When he turned it towards the fifth year, Derricks quickly averted his eyes. He knew better than to upset the older Slytherin. Whether or not professors such as Slughorn knew it, most of the students in that house could sense there was something different about Severus. Something frighteningly different. He wasn't putting up with much anymore. Not his parents. Not his peers. Nor anyone who stood against Lily Evans. Why else had he assisted first years into her tutorial against Derricks' wishes?

"That is quite enough out of you, Mr. Derricks," Slughorn spoke in a less heated voice, but still, nevertheless, unusually upset. He focused on Severus. "Lily will recover, I'm sure. Now then, seeing how it _is_ rather late, the two of you had best be getting off to bed with the rest of your peers. Hurry along, Mr. Derricks, and don't think I won't tell the Bloody Baron to keep an eye on the entrance. You won't be sneaking out!"

"Yes, sir," Derricks snapped, before shuffling his way towards the boys' dormitories. Severus watched him go for a moment and looked back at Slughorn. The man seemed tired and positively wretched. He wasn't normally in the least bit aggressive or confrontational! He hated trouble and everything to do with it! Only for Lily Evans, or another one of his personal favorites, would Professor Slughorn willingly make an enemy out of a student. Severus graciously nodded at him, who responded by wishing him goodnight before collapsing onto an armchair.

Severus's face darkened considerably. Maybe it was time he did the good old professor something of a favor. Maybe it was time he did the entire school something of a favor. Once again, he inevitably pictured Lily in his mind. Scowling, he pulled his wand free and, gripping it menacingly in his hand, turned after Derricks. Without another word, he made haste to follow the former prefect through the shadowy depths of a strange and unusual darkness.

**ooooooo**

When Lily awoke the next morning, she was greeted warmly by, not only the four Marauders, but each and every one of her roommates. They had all been understandably worried when she didn't arrive in the Tower for bed the night before, and upon interrogating Professor McGonagall about it, learned what had happened. Now they were in the hospital wing, much to Madam Pomfrey's displeasure, listening to James, Sirius, Remus, and Peter explain to them in more detail what Vaughn Derricks had done and how they had all brought him down several pegs in the ladder, while assuring Lily she wasn't _ever_ going out by herself again.

"The trouble you get yourself into, Lily Evans!" Pippa proclaimed angrily, throwing up her hands. "You can't ever be left alone, can you? What are you going to do next year when you don't have us to take care of you?" Lily shrugged halfheartedly. The truth was, summer was only a semester away. And then her roommates were all going to graduate. It could very well be the loneliest year she'd had in a long time.

"She'll still have us," Remus assured the seventh year, while gesturing to himself, James, Sirius, and Peter. Pippa scoffed at him, but Remus wasn't joking. "I'll have none of that from you! We're always there for Lily! We were there for her last night, after all, weren't we? She won't ever be alone! Not even next year!"

"Yeah!" James, Sirius, and Peter all agreed at once. Lily couldn't keep from smiling. Those four… meant the world to her. If she couldn't have her roommates keeping her company next year, she already knew they would do just as well. They were fantastic, and it was a relief hearing them say she wouldn't be alone. She didn't want to be alone. Ever. And now she wouldn't be.

"I suppose it would be pointless trying to argue," Pippa consented, before reaching two hands towards Lily. "Now, let's get you out of here. I'm sure you've spent enough time in the hospital wing to last you a lifetime."

"I'll say," Lily grinned, grabbing Pippa's hands and allowing herself to be pulled out of bed. Madam Pomfrey, who had been watching the entire affair in extreme irritation, now jumped forward furiously. Protesting at the top of her lungs, loudly declaring that Lily was still too unwell – despite the fact that the girl felt perfectly fine – the head nurse looked just about ready to give herself several more patients to tend to.

Pippa shrieked, jerking Lily out of the way as Madam Pomfrey flew past them. Lily started laughing, and in an instant all her roommates were scattering about and around the ward like a swarm. James, Sirius, Remus, and Peter, all of whom had been huddled together on a single bed, watched the unexpected chaos in surprise. Glancing at each other, momentarily dumbstruck, it took them all of three seconds to decide they wanted in on the fun. Diving off the bed, they started throwing pillows around, laughing loudly before chasing after Pippa and Lily, who were both running out of the hospital wing.

"Lily, you're barefoot!" Mary shouted as she watched the six retreating Gryffindors. Lily heard her cry and glanced down at her feet. She was still dressed in yesterday's clothes, but, sure enough, she wasn't wearing her shoes anymore.

"I've got it!" Sirius yelled, pulling out his wand and aiming it at the redhead's feet. Sparks flew, and within seconds Lily felt something soft and warm covering her feet. Glancing down at them again, she was astonished to see fluffy pink slippers that hardly went with her clothing. Not that it mattered, however, and she heard herself laughing. Together, she, Pippa, and the Marauders all reached the stairs and raced up them as quickly as they could. They didn't stop running until the sound of chaos in the hospital wing had faded far behind them.

Panting, Pippa leaned against the wall and tried catching her breath through loud peals of laughter. "Poor Madam Pomfrey's going to hate us!"

"Well, she was practically holding Lily prisoner," James shot back over exaggeratingly, a look of innocent rebellion crossing his face. "It's only right we got her out of there!"

"What a marvelous adventure!" Sirius agreed, elbowing Lily playfully. "Escape from the head nurse! How do you like your slippers?"

Once again, Lily glanced down at her feet, a smile playing across her lips. She gave the troublemaker a broad grin. "They're lovely. You have a woman's taste, Sirius!" The boy blinked and Pippa burst out laughing. James, Remus, and Peter quickly joined her, scattering only when they recognized the look in their friend's eye, warning them they were about to get tackled. Lily laughed herself as Sirius chased the three other boys around the corridor. A couple of Hufflepuffs appeared out of nowhere, talking amongst themselves as they no doubt headed towards class. Upon sighting the Marauders, however, they quickly changed their minds and turned around to find another route to their destination. Nevertheless, their appearance caught Lily's attention.

She glanced at Pippa questioningly. "Have you been in the Entrance Hall recently?"

"Sure," the older girl nodded, unable to tear her gaze away from the boys. Sirius had effectively shoved Remus to the floor, and was now cautiously walking after James, who was skipping down the corridor backwards with a lopsided grin on his face. "Went down there earlier this morning to find McGonagall at breakfast."

"How many house points does Slytherin have?" Lily asked. Pippa glanced at her with a frown, but then realization struck and she grinned cheerfully.

"None whatsoever!" she declared. "And since Gryffindor's been having so much trouble catching up since we lost all of ours, Hufflepuff's in the lead! At this rate, not even Ravenclaw's going to come in last place! How often does that ever happen?"

Before Lily could respond, Sirius spun towards her almost anxiously. "Evans! Cover her eyes!" Pippa started, glancing at Sirius in surprise. What did he mean, cover her eyes? Lily, however, caught the boy's expression and understood what it meant. Glancing at James, she could see a look of panic crossing his face. It was amusing to behold, and since she'd been contemplating accepting his invitation into the Marauding business, she figured this would be a good place to start. Jumping behind Pippa, she reached around the girl's head and pressed the palms of her hands against her eyes.

Pippa shrieked. "Lily! What are you doing?" She reached up to attempt prying the redhead's hands off her face, but Lily had already braced herself for that, and, laughing, held on as tightly as she could. "Lily! Let go! I can't see anything!" Sirius grinned, turning back towards James, who had both of his hands held up.

"Now wait a minute!" he tried reasoning. "That's not fair!" Sirius didn't listen. Instead, he transformed into a giant, bear-like, shaggy black dog. And as a dog, he quickly tackled James down to the ground. Lily gasped – it was the first time she'd ever seen Sirius transform. He didn't remain a dog for very long, however, since it really was risky transforming inside the castle where just about anyone could discover him like that. Take Pippa, for example. She was squirming fiercely, trying to get Lily off her.

"Sirius!" Lily shrieked, giving the dog just enough time to transform back into a boy before Pippa was finally able to fling her away. Clearly flustered, the girl had to rub her eyes and blink furiously before she could glance around, searching for some kind of clue as to why she'd been left out like that. James and Sirius were rolling around on the floor, trying to get at each other's throats, while Lily just smiled at her sheepishly. Pippa had no idea what she'd missed, and huffed because of it. Meanwhile, Remus and Peter stood watching the whole scene with blank looks of astonishment crossing their faces.

"They've all gone mad," Remus noted.

"WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?" Professor McGonagall had arrived. She was herding with her the rest of Lily's roommates, all whom scrambled past her to get to the sixth year and to Pippa. Remus and Peter immediately took a step back as James and Sirius both froze and glanced up guiltily. Professor McGonagall stormed towards them and grabbed them both by their arms, pulling them roughly to their feet. "Madam Pomfrey and I graciously permitted you to keep Miss Evans company during her stay in the hospital wing, and you repay us by inciting pandemonium in the ward, and _then _by running off with the patient!"

Lily and Pippa both opened their mouths to object – for it _had _been Pippa's fault, not the boys' – but they both stopped short when James glanced at them quickly and ever so subtly shook his head. He and Sirius would both be more than willing to take the blame for this, rather than Pippa, for whatever reason. Lily could only smile and shake her head. Something told her they truly did enjoy getting into trouble and playing heroes. So much the better if they could do both at once.

"All I can say is poor Professor Slughorn!" McGonagall spat fiercely. "He was just relieved from detention duty this evening, but it looks like he's just gained two new charges!" James and Sirius glanced at each other quickly before nodding in acceptance. There was little point in arguing about it now. Peter, however, looked confused.

"Just the two of them?" he asked, scratching his head as he looked at Professor McGonagall uncertainly. After all, James and Sirius hadn't been the only ones involved in snatching Lily out of the head nurse's care.

McGonagall shot him a sharp, hawkish glare. "So be it, Mr. Pettigrew. You and Mr. Lupin may join the two in Professor Slughorn's office at six o'clock tonight, and not a moment later." Peter's face blanched, and Remus glanced at him with a sigh. Why was he not surprised by this?

"Professor McGonagall," Lily couldn't help herself. She took a curious step towards the head of her house, who looked back at her with a scowl that softened every so slightly at the sight of her pink slippers. Sirius really had outdone himself with those. Lily brushed several strands of hair out of her face. "What did you mean? Professor Slughorn was relieved from detention duty? Who was supposed to have detention with him?" She had a sneaking suspicion she already knew the answer to that, but she couldn't even begin to fathom why Professor Slughorn might have been relieved.

McGonagall's expression hardened again, and she straightened her back – as if it hadn't already been straight enough! – gazing down at the girl somberly. This was serious, and everyone standing in the corridor felt it as tension began to rise. Alice, Isabelle, and Pippa all edged closer to Lily as the Transfiguration Professor began to speak. "It might interest you to know, Miss Evans, that Professor Dumbledore did not intend to expel Mr. Derricks." James and Sirius's expressions darkened furiously, but they both managed to hold their tongues, as McGonagall gave them no room to interrupt. "His prefect badge was confiscated, and he was, simply put, placed under house arrest. What with the war outside, the Ministry of Magic does not have time to be placing students on trial for expulsion, and, in any event, expulsion might very well have proven to be a lesser punishment, considering everything Professor Slughorn had in store for the boy."

"You make it sound like he was expelled anyway," Alice observed, staring at Professor McGonagall with a frown. The woman nodded irritably, which further bewildered Lily. She glanced around at her friends, half hoping they knew what was going on and could explain it to her clearly. Her teacher was just taking too long, and she was growing impatient! What fate lay in store for Vaughn? What was happening to him right now? Where was he? And how much trouble was he in?

"Late last night, he requested that the Headmaster send him home," McGonagall informed them, focusing on Lily. The girl had obviously lost whatever good cheer she'd found in the company of her friends. She couldn't understand why she was suddenly feeling such remorse. Any other sensible girl who had suffered what she had wouldn't stand for anything less than such an expulsion. Then again, any other girl wouldn't have asked one James Potter to stop slamming his fist into the boy's face as she had the night before, either. She wasn't like other girls, and had been coming to grips with that lately. Still, something wasn't right about this… It bothered her, and she didn't know why. Vaughn Derricks didn't seem like the kind of person who would choose expulsion over house arrest. So why had he? Clearly, she wasn't the only one puzzled by it, for Professor McGonagall sounded perplexed herself. "From what I can tell, it was all very inexplicable. He didn't say why he wanted to leave. Just that he did. He won't be returning to Hogwarts, Miss Evans. Professor Dumbledore granted him his request."

James scoffed. "What an idiot." The others, Remus, Sirius, Peter, and all her roommates, were quick to agree. They didn't seem baffled… just incredulous and slightly relieved. Lily, however, frowned, biting her lip. Something wasn't right… She looked up at Professor McGonagall, and knew the woman could feel it, too. There was more to Vaughn Derricks' so-called 'request' than met the eye. A lot more. But if Professor Dumbledore himself hadn't been able to work it out, how could any of they? It didn't make any sense whatsoever, and Lily found herself uneasily wondering about it for the rest of the day.

**ooooooo**

**A/N:** Christmas is coming up really, really, really, really soon! I wish you all the happiest of holidays you've ever had! Lots of long reviews make very good presents! LOL! Thanks so much!


	80. Ambush

**ooooooo**

The school year passed quickly after that. Then again, time always moved the swiftest whenever she was happy. There was something almost magical about it. Nothing in the world could have made Lily dread the passing of the days, for she lived to awaken each morning within a castle where students supported Hufflepuff, and even Ravenclaw, rather than either Gryffindor or Slytherin. Where students genuinely believed the two could trounce both. Where Ravenclaws were given an extremely belated Christmas gift – over the holidays, they had suffered from such terrible disappointments, knowing very well they couldn't possibly ever win anything whatsoever at Hogwarts! Not Quidditch… and certainly not the House Cup. Now, however, they were racing against Hufflepuff neck and neck, leaving their two other rivals in the dust as they fought to either earn the Cup themselves, or to guarantee that Hufflepuff earned it, should it be awarded them instead. Lily had never seen the Ravenclaws more excited about anything in her entire life! Had they only known the year would turn out like this… perhaps it would have been easier to convince them not to wallow in such trivial concerns over their Christmas holidays.

In any case, the time she spent at Hogwarts had become time she would not have exchanged for anything else in the world. Any doubts, fears, or concerns she might have had about Vaughn Derricks' so-called expulsion dissipated quickly as she grew caught up in the surge of events that swelled all around her. Twelve weeks of Apparition lessons. The remainder of the Quidditch season. Tutorials. Professor Slughorn's dinner parties – she'd been avoiding them that year, but as the spring term sped towards summer, she found herself attending them more and more often. She always brought friends with her, all of whom were always warmly welcomed by the Potions Master. On more than one occasion, she brought one or two – if not all of the Marauders. Had anyone _else_ invited Peter Pettigrew or Remus Lupin, the professor might very well have been slightly put off, Lily had no doubt, for neither of the two boys boasted his particular favor. But whenever they came with her, they might as well have been royalty themselves, for all the consideration they were granted. Needless to say, they both absolutely loved to receive invitations from her.

James, however, almost seemed to have an obsession for them! In fact, he almost seemed to have an obsession with attending Slug Club parties in general. Lily didn't catch it at first, but the boy often seemed to find some way or other to slip in undetected – especially once he realized how frequently she'd been attending them herself lately. Once Vaughn Derricks had left Hogwarts, something changed between the two. Had it been the year before, she would have been discouraged by James's constant presence. Had it been the term before, right after she'd first discovered his feelings for her, it would have bothered her even more! And even after he began shaping up, if he had followed her to those dinner parties, she would have found herself wondering… why…? His words from the proceeding summer often returned to her in answer to that…

_"Lily, wait! I love you!"_

There had been something different… at least when she remembered how he'd spoken them back then. He'd spoken them… desperately… heart-breakingly… so differently from how Vaughn Derricks had… When _he_ had spoken them… when _he _had told Lily that he loved her… she'd thought it would kill her. Remembering James… If she had to listen to someone speaking those words to her… there wasn't any question in her mind that she'd rather listen to James Potter than to Vaughn Derricks. So where did that leave her?

She once asked herself if it was fair to James… being so close to him so often… knowing how he felt about her when she had no idea how she felt about him… Every time she saw him at one of Professor Slughorn's parties, she knew who he was there for… and she found, much to her surprise, that it did not upset her the way she would have expected it to. In fact, it did not upset her at all. Whenever she sat down to eat, surrounded by other students from every house, in the midst of party decorations and such fine, beautiful, elegant things that were only to be found in the most luxurious of dining rooms, with music playing in the background and guests of honor capturing everyone else's attention, if she so happened to look up and see _him_ there watching her, she would smile. She didn't know how she felt about him except that… she wanted to be with him.

When Gryffindor had played their first Quidditch match against Slytherin, she had been the first one off the stands and onto the field to congratulate James when their team caught the Golden Snitch and won. When lessons started and the Marauders were tardy, she found herself every so often glancing towards the classroom door, waiting for James. Not for each of her four classmates… but for James. There was something painfully elusive about it… She didn't understand it, but whenever he was near she could sense him, and found herself staring at him whenever he was not gazing at her.

They never addressed the issue with each other; not because they didn't wish to, or were too ashamed to, but because whenever they were keeping company with each other, there were so many other things to distract them. James was hardly ever without Sirius, Remus, and Peter, as Lily was hardly ever without Alice, Isabelle, Pippa, and her other roommates. And whenever she was able to slip away from her friends to spend time with the Marauders, she found herself being drawn into whatever mischief they were up to. She was much, _much_ more likely to aid the boys on adventures they underwent with Sir Cadogan – one of the castle's craziest portraits – or in the kitchens with the house elves, or perhaps in the very corridors themselves – for not even she could argue against irking Peeves the Poltergeist! – then she was to confess to anyone the insecurities she often felt concerning her relationship with James. She'd rather just take what they had for what it was… a friendship. When they were together, she enjoyed every second of it so much that she never even considered the time when they would have to be apart. But when they _were_ apart, she wondered… doubted… feared… and hesitated… What did it mean? There were so many questions she couldn't answer… so many answers she couldn't grasp… Only when they were together did such concerns desert her, leaving her with absolutely nothing in her heart, mind, and soul but perfect, peaceful bliss. Utter happiness.

No one around her seemed to notice. She had grown so used to hiding her thoughts and emotions behind impenetrable masks and pretenses. The adventures she went on with the Marauders, though many, were far between, and she still continued to put such effort into both her tutorials and personal studies that she was hardly ever missed. No one noticed, and she spoke to no one about it, preferring to, instead, hold it captive in her heart – hold it secret. It had become a secret. She longed to be in James's company. She feared what it meant when they were apart… but when they were together, it felt as though everything in the world was as it should be.

Too often it felt like an elusive dream she could never quite remember. The semester slipped away like sand sifting through a sieve. She couldn't hold onto it, but didn't care, for she knew it would last forever. For the rest of her life. She would stay at Hogwarts with her friends, learning magic, tutoring first years, occasionally second and third years, attending Professor Slughorn's dinner parties, and, best of all, spending her days with the Marauders… with James. It made no sense… maybe it didn't have to… When he rescued her, she'd wanted him to hold her forever. When they spent the night in the hospital wing, she'd wanted to be a part of his gang of Marauders. Somewhere along the line, she'd begun to just want to be with him. To always be with him. She took so much for granted… but was never happier.

With James at her side, she'd cheered for Hufflepuff as they held their Quidditch rematch against Slytherin. And when they won, when Slytherin was eliminated from the tournament, she had shouted out in triumph at the top of her lungs with James right beside her, celebrating just as vociferously. There was no better time to be alive. So much had changed… and Lily felt that she had finally recovered. Recovered from her parents. Recovered from Charlie Pryce. Regulus. Severus. Sirius. Even from her gift. The war outside was still raging, but for the first time, instead of allowing it to torment her, Lily found herself feeling grateful that she was where she was, safe and far from danger. It was wrong to not take advantage of the happiness offered to her there. And so she felt happy. She savored it. She flourished within it. The only problem was…

She wasn't ready for it to end.

**ooooooo**

It came as quite a shock to Lily, sitting in the Great Hall during the year's last feast, with the black and yellow banners spread out in loud declaration of Hufflepuff's success, that the day had actually arrived. It wasn't supposed to…

She sat at the Gryffindor table, surrounded by her roommates, as she attempted to wrap her mind around something she'd been trying all year long to forget. Her final exams had been taken. The Hogwarts Express would be leaving for London in the morning. And come September… she would be a seventh year. She had been attending Hogwarts for six whole years now. She could still remember the very first day she had arrived at the castle. She'd been so terrified of so many things… the train ride had been horrible. The trek to the castle had been just as bad. The Sorting Ceremony… Her first ascent into the Gryffindor Tower… Back then she had fully expected her stay to be the greatest nightmare ever – hellish and eternal. She'd feared it would never end, and that it would never get better. But now… everything was different. Hogwarts was her home. Her last year had arrived. Her last… last…? How was it even possible? They had studied the passage of time in Astronomy class, but even now it was difficult to grasp. That so many years could pass away in the blinking of an eye…

But what was worse… was that, while she still had an entire year left of school, her roommates did not. Her roommates had finished. This was the last time – the very last time – she would ever sit down at that particular table with them all surrounding her. And then… Isabelle would continue her education elsewhere, to become a Healer. Alice would become an Auror. And as for everyone else… they, too, would continue living their lives out in the world where they would not have the protection that she had within the castle's boundaries. When would they ever all be together like this again? When would they ever see each other again? When would they…? It was enough to bring tears to Lily's eyes.

"This is the day we've waited for… for seven years," Isabelle whispered quietly. "Tomorrow we get to begin the rest of our lives." She didn't sound excited. She might have been a fearless Campbell, but how could she anticipate something like this? The war was raging all around them, and it wasn't something to look forward to. By leaving Hogwarts, they would all be walking headfirst into danger. Especially Alice.

"Are we ever going to be together again?" Lily asked, staring at the food set before her which she couldn't bear to eat. Her friends all mumbled their answers – none of which actually answered anything at all. They were just a lot of maybes, and hope so's, and someday's.

"How about Alice's wedding?" Mary asked, her face suddenly lighting up as inspiration struck. And she wasn't the only one. Lily could see each and every one of her roommates all jerking upright in surprise and sudden anticipation. They had completely forgotten about Alice and Frank's upcoming marriage, and, upon glancing at the girl hopefully, were slightly surprised to think that they hadn't been enduring constant reminders since the date had been set. And what was more, when Mary made her brilliant suggestion, it completely and utterly failed to brighten the expression of the one person it should have pleased the most! But Alice, rather then happily agreeing, looked at them all guiltily before glancing down at the table.

"Actually," she said, her voice weak and trembling. "I've been… meaning to tell you… Frank's mum suggested we have a smaller ceremony. A, um…" she looked up at her friends, all of whom were watching her in increasing, foreshadowed disappointment. "A private ceremony, you know? With just family. I mean, what with the war and everything… we can't really afford to have something grand, can we? I'm sorry."

"You're getting married, and we're not invited?" Morgan asked dejectedly, and Alice could do naught but nod her head. It was sensible, Lily thought, not to draw too much attention to one's family in times like these. Sensible… and completely unfair. Alice deserved something spectacular! And they all deserved another chance to be together! This couldn't be it! It just couldn't!

"I don't want to be by myself next year," Lily heard herself whispering. Everyone looked at her then, their expressions bleak and despondent. What were they supposed to do? How were they supposed to get by day after day without each other? They had spent so many years living in that dormitory room, where they weren't ever alone. Where they could gossip and comfort each other and stay up late on Halloween nights telling ghost stories – particularly about the infamous Chamber of Secrets… They used to have so much fun together. And now they wouldn't. They couldn't. They were being torn apart… because… well… just because that was the way the world was, wasn't it? It wouldn't have children staying children forever. It wouldn't have friends remaining in each other's confidence for all time. People were brought together, and then they were taken in different directions… because that was life. And life would find Lily by herself. She would have to face it by herself. As did everyone.

The journey home aboard the Hogwarts Express was painstaking. Lily wished with all her heart and soul that it would never end. She had taken so much for granted that when everything fell apart she clung to it that much tighter. She didn't want to let go. She didn't want to disembark only to find herself without Alice, Isabelle, Pippa, Mary, Charlotte, Morgan, Faith, or Harriet. She didn't know how she would ever survive.

The train ride ended, and the nine girls all gathered together on the familiar magical platform. This was it… Lily could feel her heart pounding heavily in her chest as she embraced each of her friends one by one. They all had tears in their eyes, for they couldn't bear to say goodbye.

"Isabelle!" Fanny, all of a sudden and without warning, appeared next to the train, a large smile planted broadly on her face. She pushed past everyone in her way as she raced towards the group, eager to greet her sister and congratulate her and all her friends. At least, Lily thought, there were some people who weren't upset by her roommates' graduations.

"Fanny!" Pippa shrieked, always ecstatic to see the woman herself. Since she and Isabelle were practically sisters anyway, Pippa often seemed to consider Fanny her sister too. And so, at that moment, she shoved Isabelle out of the way and embraced the woman tightly. It was a sight not even Lily could help but smile at.

"Cheers!" Fanny beamed moments later, pulling smoothly away from Pippa and patting everyone else on the back. "What a lovely year it's been!" Lily couldn't even begin to imagine how the woman always remained so optimistic. When the two spotted each other, however, and Fanny interpreted the look on Lily's face, her vivacious expression softened considerably. She approached the sixteen year old calmly. "Wotcher, Lily." And that was all it took.

Lily felt herself starting to cry harder. It felt like everyone on the platform was staring at her – which actually wasn't that bad, since most of the younger students were, for their own protection, remaining at the castle for their summer holiday. Nevertheless, it still felt like too much, and she couldn't take it, nor could she help it. Her closest friends were all leaving her, and, after that, who knew what would happen to them? It didn't seem right! It didn't seem real… "They're all leaving…"

"Yes, but you can't feel left behind, Lily," Fanny told her, reaching out to her and pulling her into a comforting embrace. "Your next two terms will be your last, and you'll miss so much if you take the time to feel left behind. Trust me. They're ready to set out into the world today. Now it's your time to get ready so that you can set out on your own journey tomorrow."

"By myself?" Lily asked forlornly, looking up at her old Defense teacher through her tears. Fanny was smiling.

"You won't be by yourself," she promised. "But even if you were, I think you'd be amazed by what you can do on your own. Trust yourself, Lily. You've made it through six years of school. You'll make it through one more." She pulled away from the girl and turned towards her younger sister. "And you, Izzy, are destined to become the greatest Healer the world has ever seen!" Lily felt herself gaping, and saw that everyone else was as well. Isabelle's face had flushed crimson.

"I made it seven whole years without any one of them ever hearing that dumb old nickname!" she yelled at Fanny. "Not even Pippa! How could you?" Fanny started laughing, and her laughter was infectious. With her there, the walk through the barrier and into the actual station itself wasn't half as torturous as Lily originally feared it would be.

The place was crowded, and not just because of the few Hogwarts students. There seemed to be muggles by the hundreds, all of whom were hastening towards their various destinations. Lily knew the time was coming faster and faster and faster… when she and her friends would all have to say goodbye one last time. Thinking about it hurt so much…

She could see the Fletchers and Carla waiting for her as they always did. They hadn't spotted her yet, and Lily didn't want them to. She wasn't ready for the summer holiday. She wasn't ready for all this to end. The only thing she wanted… was for time to stop. Fanny had her friends all laughing. She was wondering how the muggles would react if she levitated all their belongings so they didn't have to drag anything. She described the expressions she imagined they'd wear, but at the same time reminded her audience that they were adults now, and out of school, so such jokes were technically no longer appropriate. "Personally," Fanny nevertheless confessed to them. "We might grow older, but we're never to grow up. Growing up is about the most depressing thing that can ever happen-"

She was suddenly interrupted by a loud, brilliant flash of green light. It sounded slightly reminiscent to a crash of thunder, and was so unexpected that nearly everyone in the entire station froze in absolute shock. Lily herself could sense the magic sizzling in the air around her, but didn't know quite what to make of it, since they were no longer on platform nine and three-quarters. Who on earth would risk exposing magic to so many muggles?

Moments later, people began to scream. There was another brilliant green flash, followed by more screaming and sudden chaos. Muggles, witches, and wizards alike began to frantically scramble in every imaginable direction. Lily didn't even have a chance to comprehend the situation or to react to it in anyway whatsoever before someone in a hurry crashed into her and sent her sprawling to the ground.

"Lily!" Alice shouted, but was barely audible over the deafening shrieks of terrified citizens. Lily felt her head spinning as she carefully got to her knees. Supporting her weight with one hand solidly fixed on the ground, she wrapped her arm around her stomach and looked up, trying to catch her bearings. What was going on? It looked like she was caught in the middle of one ugly, ugly riot.

Someone was shouting her name. She blinked profusely, trying to pinpoint exactly where the shout had come from. Unfortunately, it was like being in the midst of a raging hurricane! The mad torrent of people rushing in every direction had pushed her friends away from her. No matter where she looked, the only people she could see were frightened strangers trying to find their way out. There wasn't a single person she recognized. What was happening?

Lily slowly pushed to her feet. Someone tripped over her trunk, which busted it open and sent her belongings flying everywhere. Lily ignored that as she hastened to help the stranger to his feet, frantically apologizing all the while. The stranger responded by shoving her back to the ground before continuing on his way. Lily winced, trying not to allow the aching pain in her body to get the best of her. She needed to find a way out, like everyone else.

There were more flashes of green light, followed by still more screams and flashes of crimson light. As Lily once again struggled to regain her footing, sparks shot over her head, crashing into an elderly man she'd never met before. Within half a second, the man was on the ground… He didn't move again, and Lily's eyes widened in full-fledged terror the moment she realized why. "FANNY!"

She jumped to her feet, grabbing her wand and holding it tightly as she started running, screaming for the eldest Campbell sister. Fanny was the only one she knew of who had battled Death Eaters before. She was the only one who stood half a chance against them! Lily didn't know where she thought she was going, but instinct bade her to flee, and so she ran. Reason, however, told her to find Fanny, and so she twisted around in tight circles, breathing heavily as she urgently searched for a familiar face. Meanwhile, another bone chilling thought crossed her mind… Where had the Fletchers gone in the midst of all this? She had seen them all just seconds before the whole thing started! Where were they now? "CARLA!"

Jets of blindingly bright light flew all around her. Though she seemed fortunate enough to keep out of their way, many were not, and more and more people began collapsing onto the ground. Somewhere she heard one clear shout that made coherent sense. "They've barricaded the way out! We're trapped!" Lily swallowed hard, looking around in terror. The riot had turned into an all-out massacre. If they truly were all locked within the station, the muggles would all quickly be slaughtered! Already so many of them seemed to be littering the ground… They didn't stand a chance!

"Just breathe," Lily whispered to herself, turning around to double back. She needed to find Carla and her guardians! However, she barely managed to take even a single step before nearly crashed into yet another figure. But this time the figure didn't throw her out of his way. Instead, she felt a bony hand grabbing her shoulder, fingers digging into it so painfully that she winced, protesting with a very weak cry. Looking up, she found herself facing a huge black robed, hooded, masked man. Her eyes widened in shock even as she desperately reached up and struggled with all her might to pry his fingers from her shoulder. She had to escape! "Let go!"

She heard the man scoffing. Instead of releasing her, he moved his hand from her shoulder to her wrist and turned around. Lily screamed as he started dragging her through the rioting crowd. There were hundreds of people all around her, and none of them seemed to care whatsoever about her plight! Ahead of her, she could see a small band of men dressed exactly as her captor. These men weren't the ones responsible for all the commotion. Instead, they seemed to be ignoring it completely as they hustled together the first sign of Hogwarts students Lily had seen since this all began. Like her, they were all gripping their wands tightly, as if hoping that in so doing they'd be safe from harm. But they, also like her, seemed too scared to fight back as their captors dragged them together.

That was the common factor, Lily realized in horrified dismay. She had been recognized as a witch by the wand she held! But she had also been deemed harmless, as she wasn't making any use of it! They were taking her, and these other children, prisoner. One of them Lily recognized as a second year she'd been tutoring… The poor little boy looked absolutely panic-stricken! Why wasn't he still at the castle? He would have been safe there! This wouldn't be happening to him! She'd managed to convince Albus Dumbledore to allow students shelter all year long. Why didn't parents take advantage of that? Why must children suffer like this?

_You can't let this happen! Fight back!_

Lily hadn't brandished her wand in such a long time… As long as she could remember. Fighting terrified her! Even now she could feel the blood rushing to her head at the mere thought of lashing out a magical hex. She felt so dizzy… her legs were shaking… but she needed to fight. If she was ever going to fight… she needed to now…

Lily held up her wand, aiming at the group of masked men in front of her. _"Impedimenta!" _Immediately two Death Eaters were propelled backwards as if something had been crashed into their heads. Her particular captor stopped short in surprise, glancing at her furiously, but before he could lift his wand against her, she pointed her own directly at his masked face. _"Stupefy!" _

The man collapsed, unconscious, and Lily struggled to untangle herself from him. Glancing over her shoulder, she saw the remaining Death Eaters turning their attention towards her. She couldn't see their expressions beneath their masks, but she nevertheless perceived their wrath. Her heart started pounding so quickly she feared hyperventilation. They were going to kill her!

"LILY!" Fanny appeared out of nowhere, brandishing her wand like one would a whip. Jumping between the Death Eaters and the sixteen year old, she lashed out with a mighty blast of magical power that sent them all flying backwards – and in the process, released all their captive students. The children started running once more for their very lives, and Fanny turned urgently towards Lily. "You have to get out of here! The Fletchers are waiting for you by platform eight! Death Eaters don't take muggle prisoners, Lily, so you have to get to them and get them out of here now!"

"I heard someone say they barricaded all the exits!" Lily objected, struggling to keep from hysterics. She couldn't very well get out if they'd all been locked in!

"Think, Lily!" Fanny shouted over all the pandemonium. "Barricades can only stop muggles! Now _go_!" Lily didn't need to be told again. While Fanny raced to help the more frightened students, she bolted through the crowd towards platform eight. There was blood on the walls. There were bodies on the ground. Several grown witches and wizards had Apparated to the station, and were now battling the masked Death Eaters alongside Fanny Campbell. Lily had no idea how much good they would do now… she could only run, and run, and run, fighting the terrible desire to clench her eyes shut, to cover her ears, to roll up into a tiny little ball until the nightmare ended. Why was this happening?

"LILY!"

She stopped short, jerking her head around until she caught sight of the man who had shouted out her name. Mr. Fletcher! He was still alive! Huddled behind a large cluster of luggage carts, the man stood with his wife and daughter, both of whom looked positively out of their minds in terror. Lily bit her lip, tears of relief forming in her eyes. They were all okay! She started towards them, desperate to reach them and find a way to safety. How was she ever going to explain this…? At least Petunia wasn't there…

At that moment, without so much as a warning, each and every single one of the station's lights shut off. Several people shrieked as complete and utter darkness wrapped around them. Lily stopped short once again, catching her breath in terror. A coldness the likes of which she'd never felt before washed over her body – for a moment, she half feared she'd turned completely into ice. Holding up her wand, she whispered a single word. _"Lumos." _Immediately the tip of her wand lit up, and she found herself staring straight at an eerie, wraithlike figure cloaked in a black shroud with its hood covering its face. Her heart fluttered and then skipped several beats. Quite unable to move, she found herself literally helpless as the ghostly specter hovered before her. It was all she could do not to drop her wand. Sweat was dripping down her face. She couldn't breathe. She couldn't breathe, and she feared she was going to die.

**ooooooo**

**A/N:** Seems like a good place to stop. This chapter's already longer than average, so I figure I'd better cut it off here for now. I'll get the next one up as soon as possible. Please send me a review! Thanks so much! You're all such a help!


	81. Unforeseeable Discoveries

**ooooooo**

The world felt like it had stopped spinning. Lily had spent so much time over the past two days wishing with all her heart that time would come to a standstill, and now it had. Perhaps not under the circumstances she would have liked, but what was she to do? There was a wraith towering menacingly before her! It had somehow managed to darken the room considerably while turning it into a bloody freezer!

In the distance, she thought she could hear Carla's whimpering turn into frightened shrieks. Terrified shrieks. Her heart jumped at the sound, particularly when she realized how arduously she needed to strain her ears in order to perceive it! Aside from the sounds of riotous battle – most of which had actually ceased with the wraith's arrival – there was something else… Something that was coming from the creature itself… Deep rattling breaths… The sound of an entire world getting sucked in… to a void… a void of complete and utter darkness. There was nothing she could hear with more clarity than that, and it threatened to consume her.

Stumbling backwards, Lily dropped her wand as she lost her balance. Landing heavily on the ground, she once again felt increasingly suffocated; she couldn't breathe at all. Her wand was still illuminated, lying on the ground at her side, but now seemed to be glowing brighter and brighter and brighter with each passing second! Even before she'd started attending Hogwarts, Petunia had once pointed out that it was unusual for her to cause lights to shine in the midst of stormy power outs, as she had actually done on occasion. Right now, her wand had started to glow with an inexplicable brilliance that was quite unnatural for a simple illumination spell. It alone was enough to nearly light up the entire vicinity!

The wraith immediately swooped past her, gliding once more towards the shadows. Lily felt as though a blanket of icy water had been thrown on top of her, and her stiffened body began to shake. It was a struggle for her just to turn around so she might see where the monster had gone! But it was too late… Muggles were once again scrambling around in every direction, screaming and shrieking and crying loudly as they took advantage of the light created by Lily's wand to see again. She presently reached for it, but the moment her fingers grazed its surface, the light dimmed considerably. It had regressed its way back to its regular luminance; it was now nothing more than a standard, narrow beam of light.

Carla was sobbing. She sounded almost like a shrieking five year old throwing a tantrum – only it was worse, because hers were the cries of one who had lost all hope. The Fletchers were both trying to soothe her, but there was panic in their voices as well, and panic itself was never a fair remedy for anything. Lily set her jaw; she _needed_ to reach them! Tightening her grip on her wand, she started crawling forward, ignoring the chaos that continued to ensue all throughout the station. "Carla?"

"Lily!" Through the shadows, Mr. Fletcher seemed both white and ethereal; his terrified expression was terrifying in itself. Carla was lying on the floor in her mother's arms, both of whom had tears soaking their own petrified faces. If Lily thought _she'd_ been having trouble breathing, she couldn't even imagine what _they_ were going through! Mr. Fletcher reached two trembling hands out towards her and caught her shoulders. "What is it? What's happening?"

"Stay calm!" Lily whispered in a terrified breath. Who was she to be giving such a command? She was quite possibly the most frightened person there! Seeing Carla, however, lying helplessly on the ground, like one suffering from a brutal, ruthless fit or something, seemed to strike a chord within her very soul. What good was it… being a witch? What good was it… having magic… if she couldn't use it to protect those she loved? Magic existed. She had once tried so hard to deny that… But it wasn't something you could just wish away! It was real, and this war was real, and if she was going to survive it, if her family was going to survive it, then it was up to her to do something about it! Carla Fletcher, lying helplessly on the ground, had a right to be so frightened. But she, Lily Evans, did not. She had a right – a _need_ – to be strong. To take responsibility and, for once in her life, to act like a hero. She'd handled Charlie Pryce, she'd handled poachers and boggarts and Vaughn Derricks… She could handle this!

"Carla!" She leaned over her adopted sister and dear, dear friend. "I need you to get up!" Together with the Fletchers' assistance, she was somehow able to help the girl stand. Carla, however, was practically convulsing, and couldn't remain on her feet by herself. Both her parents and Lily supported her, while the young Gryffindor glanced around through the shadowy darkness for a way out.

"Lily!"

She heard James. Hope spilling into her heart and soul, she untangled herself from her foster family and took several guarded steps forward, holding up her wand. James? James… James… James… James… "JAMES!" She could see him running towards her… messy haired… eye glasses… wand held confidently in his hand… A smile crossed his face, and it was all she could do not to jump up and down laughing at the top of her lungs. She would be safe now! Scrambling towards him, Lily leapt into his arms, tears of relief running down her face. She felt his powerful arms enfolding around her, holding her tightly and securely. His embrace was so different from any other she'd ever experienced before. She couldn't even begin to describe the warmth it gave her, completely and utterly banishing in its wake all lingering remnants of the wraithlike creature's savage chill. James was here now… Everything would be okay…

"We have to get out of here now!" he suddenly whispered to her, remembering himself and the situation they were in. Lily glanced up at him, but before she could so much as even open her mouth in response, James had tightened his hold on her and turned. Pressure the likes of which she doubted very much she'd ever grow comfortable with tried squeezing the very life out of her, and the next thing she knew, she was standing outside in the warm night air. James had… he had Apparated them both straight into the station's car park!

"Are you all right?" James asked, pulling far enough away from her to look at her without releasing her shoulders. She didn't move; she could barely breathe! They were… they were standing… outside? It was brighter in the car park than it was inside the station, and it wasn't half as crowded nor half as loud. The few men and women who had managed to get this far to safety were no longer wasting their energy screaming or shouting, but concentrating solely on running for their lives. Lily, however, felt as though she'd been frozen solid. James stared at her in concern. "Lily! Are you hurt?"

She looked up at him, panic starting to gnaw at her innards. "James! My family's still in there!" His eyes widened in horrified understanding, and he glanced over his shoulder to look back at the station. The entire building seemed eerily quiet from the outside, and dark enough to discourage anyone from drawing close. Were it not for the stray individuals making their escape, Lily would have suspected the place to be entirely abandoned! Who would have guessed an all-out massacre was occurring within its confines?

James looked back at her sheepishly. "I see. You stay here, Lily, and I'll go get them." He attempted to detach himself from her so that he might Apparate himself back into the station… back into harm's way… but Lily caught and held him fast.

"No!" she objected loudly. "They're my family! I'm coming with you!" She might have been willing to jeopardize the boy, but not without jeopardizing herself as well! The Fletchers were her responsibility now, and she would accept all the help she could get, but she absolutely _refused_ to stand back and wait!

"Do you really think you can Apparate more than just yourself?" James demanded heatedly. It might have been true that she'd received her license to do so, but the Ministry of Magic did intend to create an age limit before too long, prohibiting even sixth years from taking the exam necessary to receive their licenses unless they were already seventeen. There was a reason for it. Apparition was extremely difficult, and, in all honesty, Lily had never attempted it before with passengers. James had managed it just fine, but he was also a hell of a lot better at working under extreme pressure like this than she was. Lily felt herself hesitating, and she stared up at him in open dismay.

His hand was suddenly, out of nowhere, stroking the side of her face. A chill ran down Lily's spine, and it had nothing to do with the Death Eaters. James was smiling at her now, rather comfortingly, and the touch of his caress caused her heart to constrict in unexpected pleasure. She caught her breath… only to watch, frozen solid, as he just as suddenly tore away from her and spun on his heel. Without a word he disappeared, with a cracking snap echoing out into the darkness. Lily wrapped her arms around herself, feeling otherwise completely paralyzed. What on Earth just happened?

Something painfully bright suddenly lit up the entire night sky. Moving mechanically, Lily lifted her head up to see, without so much as giving it even a second thought. She wished she had, a moment later. She wished she'd told herself not to. Not to look. Not to keep her eyes open. Not to simply stand there in complete and utter uselessness. There was an emerald skull hovering in the darkened sky above her. Its 'tongue' had slithered its way forth from its very jaw; a coiling serpent with both a treacherous face and a protruding tongue of its own. The Dark Mark. Lily had seen it once before, but never had it looked quite this ominous. A part of her feared it was actually alive, and so she stared up at it in terror. The Dark Mark… He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named's personal symbol… She could barely breathe at the sight of it. It almost seemed to be glittering… sparkling… shining… in glorious triumph.

**ooooooo**

Apparating in and out of the station four bloody times had clearly exhausted James – as talented as he was, he hadn't been able to do it with more than one passenger at a time, and it understandably took an awful lot out of him. Nevertheless, he continued to persevere, sitting behind the very wheel of the Fletchers' car as he attempted to drive them home.

They hadn't been particularly fastidious about who sat where when they'd first piled into the vehicle. Carla was hunched over in the backseat, obviously more than just a little shaken by the night's events. Lily was starting to wonder if she hadn't been hit by a stray curse while her parents both frantically tried tending to her. The desperation in the car was astronomical, and the fact that a sixteen year old wizard who'd never lived in a muggle society was presently driving their car seemed to be the very least of their concerns. Just as long as they made it as far away from the train station as quickly as they possibly could, nothing else mattered.

Lily sat up front next to James, but had twisted around so that she, too, could face Carla while offering her whatever words of comfort came to mind. Occasionally, however, she would face forward to better offer their getaway driver frantic directions. They hadn't killed anyone yet, but it was all James Potter could do not to rank among the lunatics out there. "Have you ever driven a car before?"

"Do I _look_ like I've ever driven a car before?" he demanded, jerking the wheel abruptly to keep from crossing over the line. Several horns honked at him, and he angrily spat out vulgar swears. "This isn't quite like riding a broomstick!" He glanced up at the rearview mirror, staring angrily at Mr. Fletcher's reflection. "You muggles are bloody crazy!"

"Keep your eyes on the road!" Lily shouted, and James immediately obliged. She took several deep, deep breaths before glancing at the ignition. What she saw there caused her heart to jump! She'd been so preoccupied helping Carla into the vehicle that she'd failed to observe James's methods of starting the engine. His wand had been jammed into the keyhole! The car was running without its key! "James! Your wand!"

"What?" the boy demanded without so much as turning his head. "I _have_ to use magic on this thing, Lily! I don't know how to drive a car! I'm just steering!"

"We're going to die…" Mrs. Fletcher whispered in terror. Her words had Lily spinning back around to face the family in the backseat forcefully. Her own parents had died in a car crash… She absolutely refused to share their fate!

"We are _not _going to die!" she assured them confidently, nevertheless through clenched teeth. James wouldn't… he wouldn't fail her! He'd get them through this! He'd get them safely home! "We didn't make it out of that station just so we could die like this! Do you understand? We're going to be just fine!" She saw James glancing at her appreciatively and turned towards him angrily. "Keep your eyes on the bloody road!" He swerved, frantically struggling to keep the car in the center of the lane.

"Lily, what's going on?" Mr. Fletcher demanded, his voice feebly struggling to sound composed. He was the farthest thing from it! "What happened back there?" She met his gaze, and knew he wouldn't stand for any lies. Not that she would have been able to come up with any convincing stories anyway. And even with James there, she didn't think he knew about her need for one. It would have to be the truth, then, as much as she'd wished her family didn't need to know.

"I…" she hesitated, glancing at James. She could tell he was listening intently, but at the same time he was hunched over the steering wheel, completely focused on navigating through the darkness. Lily took a deep breath before looking back at the Fletchers. "I really don't know how to put this lightly. Um… the wizarding world… well it's… it's experiencing a bit of dissention in its ranks." _There,_ she thought, mildly satisfied. _If that's not putting it lightly, I don't know what is!_

"Dissention?" Mr. Fletcher asked, his face completely blank. "Dissention…? What do you mean, dissention?" He sounded so confused.

Lily swallowed painfully. Here goes nothing… "We're kind of… we're… well we're… um…"

"We're in the middle of a war!" James pitched in helpfully, without turning his head. Mrs. Fletcher whimpered slightly, clutching her daughter tightly, while Mr. Fletcher stared at the teenagers sitting up front in growing dismay.

"A war?" he asked, his voice small and unusually high. He shook his head, as if trying to clear his thoughts, and focused on Lily. "There's a war going on and you didn't think to mention it to me?"

"I didn't know how to!" she protested frantically. The last thing she wanted was for them to grow angry with her! It wasn't her fault! One way or the other, the war would still be raging; she had absolutely nothing to do with it! "Coming home every summer… It's always been my chance to escape from it! Because the war has never affected the muggle world before, at least as far as I know! This wasn't supposed to happen!"

"Believe me, you're not the only ones in a boat like this," James added swiftly, stealing the girl's spotlight – not that she particularly minded. Both Fletchers turned towards him, though he kept his eyes fixed squarely on the road. "Professor Dumbledore's letting students remain at Hogwarts all year long now, since it's pretty much the safest place to be. But there is an extremely large population of muggle-born witches and wizards who got on that train today, despite the protection they've been offered." Lily immediately remembered the small little second year boy she'd seen captured by a Death Eater before Fanny's timely rescue. It made sense… he must have been muggle-born… "I'm willing to wager none of their parents knew about the war, either," James went on offhandedly. "Kids get too scared to mention it to anyone. It's hard having to break news like that to a grown-up. It's hard for children to see how their parents – parents they've always seen as invincible and all-powerful – react to something like that. They shouldn't have to, and so they're born with instinct enough to know better then to mention it. Unfortunately, if those Death Eaters realize the only kids they've managed to nab are mudbloods…" He shook his head, scowling. Throughout his entire speech, Lily had been staring at him in open fascination. Had he always been so insightful?

His last sentence, however, reminded her of the direness of their current situation. Muggle-born witches and wizards… didn't stand a chance! Her expression twisted in abject despair. "How many do you think were taken?"

He hesitated, glancing at her in concern. Behind them, Mr. Fletcher was tossing out questions that went unanswered, like what Death Eaters and mudbloods were. The traffic was starting to thicken, which made driving that much more difficult and terrifying – seeing as how James didn't know what the word "breaks" meant. Nevertheless, he somehow managed to navigate his way through the mess, no doubt thanks to the wand he'd jammed in the keyhole. Magic was going to get them through this if nothing else on the planet did! James took a deep breath. "I imagine more than one. But it could have been a lot worse. They were only able to get their hands on kids who didn't fight back, and a large chunk of them fought as if their lives depended on it. Fanny Campbell managed to summon a bit of help – I don't think those thickheaded Death Eaters expected anyone from the Order of the Phoenix to be there. And then there's the Dementor…"

Lily immediately pictured the wraithlike specter that had darkened the station, freezing the entire place with its awful presence. Merely thinking about it was enough to terrify her all over again. She'd believed it would kill her… She'd never expected it to soar right past her… Of course she'd read and learned all about the Dementors of Azkaban, but when one came across such a fiend… All she'd felt in its presence had been fear. Everything she knew about the monster had completely abandoned her. She hadn't even recognized it! In the end, you could learn everything there was to possibly know about the world and its demons, but that didn't prepare you for it. Nothing could prepare you for it. Nothing… except experience.

Mr. Fletcher must have perceived the terrible change that had come over his best friend's daughter, and understood it better to be quiet at that moment. She couldn't bear to talk. Not about what had happened… and especially not about the Dementor. Who would have thought it had been on their side… and not the Death Eaters'?

Unexpectedly, a new thought crossed Lily's mind, and she jerked forward in alarm. James glanced at her quickly before returning his eyes to the road, and she felt her heart tightening. "James, what about _your_ family? Where are your parents? Are they all right? Aren't they going to be worried about you?"

"Whoa!" James didn't look at all fazed by her sudden outburst; just slightly amused. "One question at a time, Lil! Of course my parents are all right! They met me on the platform! But I told them I'd be helping Sirius get settled into his new house, right here in London. You know his Uncle Alphard left him some money, don't you? And that's what our plans were!" James's expression darkened slightly. "I know mum and dad both Apparated home before the ambush, but I got separated from Sirius. I'm sure Peter's fine. If it got too bad, he'd be sensible enough to turn into a rat. Remus, too. Probably got his folks out of there _real_ fast. But Sirius…" He shook his head for a moment, breathed deeply, and then started nodding. "He'll be just swell. I'm sure we can count on that."

"Aye," Lily agreed, staring at him dazedly. How was James able to keep his head like this? Here he was, driving a muggle car for the first time in his entire life, directly after having escaped from an army of Death Eaters, having exhausted himself helping an entire family to escape as well, helping Lily break the news to that family of one terrible war, analyzing it all the while, and, at the same time, construing exactly why it was his friends all absolutely _had_ to be safe! How on Earth was he able to stay so composed? It didn't seem right, fair, or possible!

Shortly after that, he turned onto the road on which the Fletchers' lived. Pulling into their driveway – goodness knows how he'd managed to locate the right house – he ripped his wand out of the keyhole. There followed a small flash of white light which instantly revealed the lack of vandalism done to the vehicle. Magic certainly did work wonders, there wasn't any doubt about that!

Immediately after, James leapt from the car, and Lily hastened to follow his lead. Opening the backdoors, they both assisted the Fletchers' outside – Carla still seemed unresponsive and thoroughly terrified. Helping her up to the front steps of the house was unquestionably a trial in itself! While Mr. Fletcher fumbled with the key, working to unlock the door, Lily glanced over towards James and mouthed the words 'thank you.' He deserved so much more gratitude than anyone in the entire world could ever possibly give him, least of all her. How did you repay someone adequately enough for saving your life as often as he'd saved hers?

James, however, merely nodded his head in acknowledgment before following the Fletchers inside. The lights were all turned on – a welcome reprieve from the darkness they'd all been enduring – and Petunia was on the stairs, heading down to meet them. One look at her guardians' expressions, however, stopped her short, and when she caught sight of James, a scowl twisted furiously across her face. What was _he_ doing here? She no doubt remembered him from the proceeding summer, and if she held a grudge against him – which Lily was fairly certain that she did – it had only had an entire year to develop and grow into outright abhorrence.

"Carla, sweetie," Mrs. Fletcher was standing in front of the girl, gripping her tightly by her shoulders, as her husband locked the door. James casually sidled next to him, holding up his wand and magically reinforcing the man's lock. Mrs. Fletcher, however, hardly seemed to notice. "It's okay. You're home. You're safe. There's no reason to be afraid anymore."

James glanced at Lily. "I'm just going to go install a bit of security around your house. What with everything that's happened at the station, we're well within our rights to use a bit of defensive magic. The Ministry won't care." Lily nodded, and James started towards the backdoor. As soon as he was out of sight, Petunia hastened the rest of the way down the staircase, staring after him.

"What the bloody hell's going on?" she demanded, spinning back around to watch as her sister and guardians helped Carla into the parlor, where they then laid her down to rest on the sofa. Mr. Fletcher glanced over his shoulder at the girl.

"That's what I'm trying to find out myself," he confessed, looking back at Lily. "What's this about a war?" Petunia's face blanched at the word, and Lily quickly felt James's absence. She backed away from them slightly before collapsing onto an armchair. Mrs. Fletcher was sitting on the floor beside her daughter, and everyone was staring at the sixteen year old Gryffindor, awaiting an explanation. She swallowed.

"There's a… um… a… a man," she began slowly, feeling increasingly isolated. Where was James? "He… well, I think Professor Slughorn said his name's Tom Riddle. But he calls himself Voldemort…" Lily knew that speaking his name out loud was considered taboo, but she'd heard James say it, and she'd heard Sirius say it, and nothing bad had happened to either one of them. "Everyone else calls him You-Know-Who or He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, or some other such thing." There were all staring at her as if they'd never seen her before. She could well imagine this was a pretty decent shock; she still remembered the first time she'd ever heard about it. Six years ago… Had this war truly been raging for over six years? Wars like that… were epic… horrifically so. "It's actually really quite dumb. I don't even know what they're fighting over! Power, I guess… But You-Know-Who is like… well, he's like a Nazi, I guess! He and his followers… Death Eaters, they're called… are trying to wipe out everyone they consider to be inferior to them. And that… that includes me."

Mr. Fletcher opened his mouth to say something, but no sound came out. Mrs. Fletcher was sputtering loudly while Carla continued to shake on the sofa. Petunia was listening with her arms wrapped tightly around her, growing increasingly frightened herself. They all seemed to be quite speechless. Mr. Fletcher, however, was the first to recover, and he asked the question she reckoned someone eventually would. "What makes you inferior?"

"I'm muggle-born," she told him as calmly as she could. Her voice somehow managed to remain surprisingly steady and composed… It was, however, a far cry from how she actually felt at that particular moment. "I'm a witch and my parents weren't. Some people would call me a mudblood, because I'm a mixed breed." She saw Petunia's expression slowly changing into something unidentifiable. If Lily didn't know any better, she'd say her sister looked concerned. Concerned about _her!_

James suddenly appeared in the parlor, looking quite at ease. Ignoring Petunia completely, he sauntered towards Lily and conjured up a wooden chair with a wave of his wand. Sitting on it backwards, he rested his arms along the surface of its back, while focusing on the girl. "The doors to this place now have charms on 'em. I can do the windows, too, if you like. Anyone who tries forcing his way in will set off an alarm and give the bastard a right, good hex. I've also put up a barrier that'll keep blokes from Apparating in. Now, don't get me wrong or anything. The place still isn't half as secure as Hogwarts, but it should do for now."

"Thank you," Lily whispered, grateful for his presence. With him there… facing her family suddenly didn't seem quite so hard. She wasn't doing it alone. As long as she wasn't alone… she could do anything. Presently, she glanced at the girl lying on the sofa. "What are we going to do about Carla?" That caught everyone's attention, and when James turned his eyes towards the muggle girl, Lily could sense the anxiety tearing her guardians into little pieces.

"Do you know if she got hexed?" he asked, frowning as he squinted at her from across the room. Mrs. Fletcher looked positively frantic, like she'd been asked a question that made no sense whatsoever. James sighed, rolling his eyes. "When did she get like this? Do you remember what happened?"

"It was… it was…" Mrs. Fletcher shook her head desperately. No doubt she remembered everything that'd happened, but hadn't the faintest idea how to describe it. "Happened… when… when the lights went out!" Lily glanced at James, and saw clear relief crossing his face. It actually made her feel an awful lot better to see such an expression on him, though she couldn't quite understand why. It didn't make much sense to her, but if James was relieved by something Mrs. Fletcher had said, she found herself relieved as well. That was how much she'd grown to trust him.

"Must have been the Dementor," he stated calmly. Mrs. Fletcher clearly had no idea what he was talking about, so James turned towards Lily. "The Dementor was actually, astonishingly enough, on our side tonight. You can never be sure, with those things. I saw it itching to suck out the soul of one of the Death Eaters before I found you, so I know it, at least, is still working for the Ministry." He glanced at the Fletchers. "You'll never see a Dementor. Muggles can't. Non-magic folk, I mean. We've got criminal wizards of our own, you know, like every society does, I suppose, and the Dementors are prison guards."

"From Azkaban," Lily said, taking a deep breath. James nodded, but Petunia looked thoroughly disgusted.

"Azkaban?" she asked skeptically. She still often found it troubling to accept the teensy little fact that her sister attended a magical boarding school. Going from that to a magical prison no doubt seemed altogether too far-fetched for the girl. "You have to be joking."

James glanced at her resentfully. "Joking?" He got to his feet. After everything he had gone through that night, Lily was utterly amazed that a few petty, ignorant words spoken by _Petunia_, of all people, were enough to set him off. Apparently he'd been holding a grudge against her as well. "Take a look at your foster sister, Evans!" Petunia's face blanched, and she immediately obeyed, staring at Carla as she hadn't ever before. James started shouting. "DO YOU SEE HOW THEY AFFECTED HER? I DON'T RUDDY JOKE ABOUT THINGS LIKE THAT!" He must have recognized the terror etched across Petunia's face, and the shock etched on the Fletchers'. He sighed, running a hand through his messy hair before concentrating once again on Lily. She was the only one present who didn't look particularly frightened of him, and she was the only one present who stood half a chance at calming him. "You know how terrible Azkaban is, don't you?"

She nodded blankly. "Because of the Dementors."

"Like I was saying," he went on. "You'd expect them all to be working for Voldemort. Can't imagine why some of them aren't. Lucky for you, though. If it had been on Voldemort's side, it might have kissed her. But as it is, I think she's just painfully sensitive to the bloody thing. Doesn't surprise me, really. She _is _just a muggle girl, after all." He turned towards Petunia with a scowl reminiscent to the ones he often shot at Slytherins. "Why don't you go get some chocolate? That and sleep will do Carla the most good." Petunia obviously dared not refuse, and sprinted out of the parlor towards the kitchen.

Mrs. Fletcher was sitting up hopefully. "She'll recover, then? She didn't get her…" she shook her head, looking slightly befuddled. "She didn't get her soul sucked out, did she?"

"No," Lily cut in quickly, garnering the room's attention. She took a deep breath and forced herself to smile grimly. "No, of course not. It takes more time than the Dementor had…" or so she'd been taught at school… "And we would have seen it happen…" well… _she'd_ have seen it happen… Like James said, muggles couldn't see Dementors themselves… "It's supposedly really hard to watch… so I think I would have recognized it, at least. Everything will be fine again tomorrow, I'm sure." She hoped…

James was staring at her now, once again appreciatively. She didn't know quite what she was doing, but she _was_ somehow managing to attain more and more of his respect and admiration. Taking another deep breath, she got to her feet and focused as calmly as she could on her guardians. "When Petunia gets back with that chocolate, feed it to Carla. It's a good remedy. James…" She glanced at the boy, who immediately snapped to attention. "Can I have a word?" He cocked his head, staring at her in confusion, but didn't hesitate whatsoever in offering his consent. Taking his hand, she quickly led him out of the parlor.

The house seemed so much bigger than she'd ever truly discerned before. The front hall and the staircase leading up to the landing above. The kitchen and dining room opposite the parlor, where she could hear Petunia rummaging around for chocolate. The tiny little corridor that wound its way into the back, where the door led outside into the yard where she knew Carla's dog to be sleeping. And that was just the ground floor. Lily led James up the stairs towards the landing. She didn't stop until they rounded a corner and were out of sight. Improper as it was to be in the company of a boy without supervision, Lily couldn't allow anyone in her family to see her like this.

"Lil?" James asked, staring at her in concern. She turned towards him then, large tears of despair welling up in her eyes. She couldn't hold them back any longer, and wasn't even sure that she wanted to try! When he realized she hadn't brought him all the way up there just to talk, his expression softened considerably. And as she began to cry uncontrollably, he calmly pulled her into his arms, helping her to the ground. They might have sat there, together, like that, for an eternity; she certainly didn't know! But as she wept, he held her. He comforted her and kept her safe. And it was then that she realized… out of everyone in the entire world… James Potter was the only one in whose embrace she would readily lose herself.

**ooooooo**

**A/N:** Now this really _is _an incredibly long chapter! So everyone better send me incredibly long reviews! I appreciate it so much! Thanks!


	82. Finally Whole

**ooooooo**

Morning had arrived. Nothing else in the entire world could have surprised Lily more, for she certainly didn't remember going to bed! Sure enough, however, she could hear the sounds of birds chirping outside her window, and traffic in the streets, which were enough to confirm the coming of a new day. Ever so slowly, and carefully at that, for fear that it might be the strange, elusive sort of dream that slipped away as dreams were often known to do, which would only pit her back in the horrifying, nightmarish reality she'd faced the night before, Lily opened her eyes. There was something calm and still about the ambiance of the room around her. A gentle beam of sunlight was pouring past the window's curtain, and the bed on which she lied, beneath a thick, warm coverlet, though comfortable, felt oddly strange. This wasn't her room!

Lily jerked upright in astonishment! Where was she? Definitely not at Hogwarts, but where did that leave her then? She wracked her memory, even as she caught sight of her reflection in a looking glass that hung over a large dresser. She was still dressed in the clothes she'd worn on the train. She remembered leading James up the stairs the night before, where she then proceeded to cry in his arms. But after that… nothing. Had she fallen asleep? And whose room was she in?

Feeling strangely alert and conscious of her surroundings, Lily climbed out of bed. The sandals she'd been wearing were both resting neatly on the floor beside her, and she slipped her feet into them before approaching one of the two closed doors – she presumed one of them might be a closet. However, the door she opened led out into a hallway which, strangely enough, she actually recognized! Lily blinked. She was still in the Fletchers' house… Glancing over her shoulder, back into the room in which she'd just awoken, Lily felt a knot twist in her stomach. If she was still in the Fletchers' house… then that room… could only belong to Petunia. What had she been doing in Petunia's bedroom?

Lily leapt out into the hallway, slamming her sister's door shut as she went. As a child, she'd occasionally been allowed to venture inside Petunia's room, but that had been before she'd left for Hogwarts. And since they'd moved in with the Fletchers', Lily couldn't think of a time when she'd ever even seen the door to the place open, much less anything that lay on the other side. This was bad…

Scrambling around the landing towards the stairs, Lily quickly made her descent while wondering whether or not anyone else was awake. Petunia would probably be furious! And the Fletchers… And Carla… Lily bit her lip, tiptoeing her way towards the parlor. How was Carla? Had her parents managed to move her upstairs? Had she recovered at all? Had _they_? It was painfully silent in the house, leaving her with the conclusion that everyone was still asleep. The last thing she wanted was to wake them. The clock on the wall revealed it was already past eight, but after a night like the one they'd had… It seemed calmer now… more peaceful… Lily didn't want to risk ruining it.

Upon entering the parlor, she discovered Carla sleeping on the sofa. Her mother was at her side, sitting on the floor but resting her head in her arms on the cushion. She, too, slept, as did Petunia, who looked frightfully uncomfortable lying as she was on an armchair. Then again, after a night like the one they'd had, anyone would be able to sleep soundly on just about anything. And since Lily had apparently taken over her sister's bedroom, this was pretty much the only choice Petunia'd been given.

Sighing quietly, Lily turned around and walked back into the front hall. Had James left? There didn't seem to be any sign of him, and what with everyone else in the house still asleep, she just about felt like the loneliest person in the world. Somehow, they'd made it. They'd managed to survive an ambush at the train station. And now they were all back home again, ready to start the summer. It seemed too unreal. Maybe she _had _actually dreamt it. Or maybe the world was ending. Maybe Lily was doomed to roam the Fletchers' house for all eternity, while they all got to sleep peacefully in the parlor!

No… She shook off the idea. After all, glancing out the window she could see traffic and some neighbors – all of whom seemed to think it a beautiful morning. This proved it then, Lily thought as she ambled towards the kitchen. No matter how great and terrible the storm might have been, things always looked better and brighter when the sun rose.

Upon entering the kitchen, the first thing that managed to capture Lily's attention was the enormous trunk which she'd abandoned at the station. She stopped short, staring at it in flummoxed amazement – how on Earth had it gotten here? "What…?" She shook her head, rushing towards it and feeling it with her hands – making sure it wasn't some kind of a twisted, unexpected illusion. Things were getting stranger and stranger by the second that morning, and she didn't know what to make of it.

"That right there, your friend was kind enough to retrieve."

Lily jumped, turning her head in time to catch sight of Mr. Fletcher appearing from the dining room. He, too, was still dressed in the clothing he'd worn the night before, and, from the dark circles under his eyes, she could tell he'd not slept at all. So much for her being alone in the world… Righting herself, Lily felt another wave of sorrow course through her veins as she contemplated what he must be thinking right now. "He shouldn't have," she whispered, for she dared not speak any louder. What if she woke the others?

"He did mention some of your belongings would be unsuitable for…" Mr. Fletcher blinked, running his hand through his hair, clearly at a loss. "What's the word…? Muggles? They would be unsuitable for muggles to find." That was true. Lily could well imagine the Ministry of Magic would be working nonstop for hours – if they hadn't been already – trying to cover up the reality behind the massacre at the train station. Tears pooled in her eyes just thinking about it. How many people had died? How many children had been taken? If they really were all muggle-born, how would their parents react? They'd be heartbroken. Lily shivered, feeling terribly cold, and sat down on her trunk while rubbing her arms together.

"He's a good lad, that James Potter," Mr. Fletcher acknowledged, walking over to a stool by the counter on which he sat, looking at her all the while. "Met him when I was at Hogwarts, I did. He seemed really concerned about you then. I must admit, I was surprised when you turned him out last summer. He's a good lad."

"Aye," Lily agreed numbly, thinking about James. He'd changed so much. She supposed everyone did during their teenage years. Children changed… They grew up… According to Fanny, it was a depressing reality. But with James… Lily considered it a blessing. She smiled, just thinking about him. He'd saved her and her family. He'd comforted her. And, as if that weren't enough, he'd risked going back to King's Cross Station in order to recover her abandoned belongings! Who else but him? "I reckon he is."

"They're saying on the news it was an extreme electrical short circuit type of thing," Mr. Fletcher informed her after a moment. He wasn't a very technologically minded person, and probably had no idea what a short circuit actually was. His expression bared confusion, which he then waved aside as he disregarded the whole affair. "In any case, they're blaming it on terrorists. I know I'll be glad when all this tension finally eases up a bit."

The wizarding world wasn't the only one dealing with its fair share of friction, Lily thought. What with the Soviet Union, and communism, the States recovering from their jaunt in Vietnam, the Berlin Wall! Muggles had it rough, too. It wasn't fair that they should be pulled into a magical struggle between good and evil! Lily had neighbors who'd fought in the Second World War. A part of her couldn't help but wonder how the Ministry of Magic had handled the bombings over London back then. Professor Dumbledore had certainly been alive. Maybe they'd ignored it. Let the muggles deal with their own problems. Hadn't she been taught that in History of Magic? Two worlds divided… And whenever they crossed over as they had the night before, chaos ensued. Instead of chasing after Death Eaters and working to rescue kidnapped children, the Ministry of Magic had concentrated on cover stories that involved short circuitry. History proved muggles and wizards couldn't live alongside each other. Muggles feared magic. At least… enough of them feared it to justify mass murder – for no matter how pointless witch burnings might have been, muggles were still guilty through their intentions. Lily couldn't help but wonder… how much of this mess might have been avoided… if only muggles, witches, and wizards could accept each other. "I'm sorry."

A sad, tragic smile crossed Mr. Fletcher's face. "Your parents used to love everything that had anything whatsoever to do with magic." Lily glanced up at him in astonishment; out of everything she'd expected him to say… this hadn't even been on the list! Her parents… Mr. Fletcher's eyes seemed unusually moist when he looked at her. "It was all… wondrous and spectacular in their minds. I could picture a school. I could picture trains and towns and market places. Some of the things they used to describe… I could picture them all. I suppose all worlds have their conflicts… but if your parents were aware of them, they never acknowledged them. If there's one thing I'm grateful for… It's that they didn't have to see this. I can't even imagine how they'd react to it."

"They would have," Lily swallowed hard, remembering words her father had said when Professor Flitwick first brought them to Diagon Alley. Real beauty could never be appreciated without certain flaws. "They would have handled it." They probably would have been braver, too, than she'd ever been. She smiled forlornly. "They were really strong, weren't they?" If all muggles could be as her parents were… and if all witches and wizards could be… well… appreciative in return… there wouldn't be any such word as "mudblood."

"Lily," Mr. Fletcher got to his feet again and walked up to her, kneeling before her so they were eyelevel. Concern was etched on his face, and she found it difficult to meet his gaze. "Do you mean to return to Hogwarts? If it's dangerous, we don't have to stay here, and you certainly don't have to-"

Lily shook her head, having already anticipated such a plea. "There's no safer place in the world than Hogwarts. Our Headmaster apparently terrifies He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named. The school is not a battleground, and I don't suppose it ever will be. It has protection of its own. I should take advantage of it… for as long as I'm able." Every war had its share of refugees… terrified families that fled… to the States, perhaps. But as long as there was Hogwarts… Lily didn't want the Fletchers to move… Not because of her… Not because of a war that involved her kind instead of theirs.

Mr. Fletcher still looked concerned. "I suppose… only students are allowed to take shelter there. It wouldn't be very secure if anyone's family could just waltz right in, no?" He wanted to send Carla and Petunia. He wanted to know that they had the protection she did. But he was right. Lily could only imagine what the castle would be like if witches and wizards like… like… like the _Blacks_ were granted refuge from the war there. According to Sirius, they weren't even Death Eaters, but they were still bad enough. No… She doubted even Professor Dumbledore would allow it.

"I'm sorry," she apologized again, wondering why it was she felt so guilty. Mr. Fletcher nodded before rising to his feet again. He walked over to the sink and poured himself a glass of water. Lily sighed, glancing at the floor before getting up herself. "Did James leave?"

Mr. Fletcher nodded, his back to her as he drank from his glass. "Just once, though. Late last night to get your trunk." Lily blinked, staring at her guardian blankly. _Just once…?_ The man turned towards her then, a small hint of a smile crossing his face. "If you're wondering, last I checked, he was out back with the dog."

Lily's eyes widened. Unless he'd Apparated away, he was still there! He hadn't left her! Without a word, she bolted from the kitchen. A sleepy-eyed Petunia was standing in the parlor's open doorframe, but Lily ignored her completely as she scrambled towards the back of the house. She barely even paused to throw open the backdoor, but plowed right through it as eagerly as rain hailed from the skies after a painfully long drought. It'd been said that in times of such baked famine, the heavens longed to be rid of the water they contained just as much as the earth longed for it to be poured out over the land. Nothing could have described how she felt more accurately than that… when her eyes finally caught sight of James Potter… standing in the Fletchers' lawn whilst tossing an old ball for the dog to chase.

She stopped short, breathless, as he turned to look at her. A smile immediately crossed his face – not one of Mr. Fletcher's weak, halfhearted smiles, mind you, but a full, broad, joyous one. One that lit up his entire face! Lily didn't know why… it certainly didn't seem particularly appropriate after the preceding night's horrific events… but she found herself smiling as well. Smiling… grinning… beaming… glowing… She couldn't stop herself. James was standing right there! And she found herself running again.

He turned towards her then – completely ignoring the dog that had waddled its way back with the ball in its mouth as it wagged its tail. James's attention was solely fixed on her. When they reached each other, they threw their arms around each other, and he picked her up and spun her around. She heard herself laughing. When he placed her back down again, he leaned back to better peer into her eyes, but she wasn't for that. Jumping up, she pressed her mouth against his and kissed him. The world stood still then, and every fear, pain, and ounce of despair she'd been suffering fled from her, straight into exile.

When they pulled apart from each other, James was in a daze. The expression he wore made Lily laugh, and she pressed against him again, her arms wrapped tightly around his neck. She rested her head against his shoulder, and he began to rock slowly back and forth. She prayed for that moment to last forever. "What was that? A 'thank you'?" James asked her then, without pulling away. If anything, he only held her closer. Lily smiled, closing her eyes. It was a beautiful morning, it was… and it had absolutely nothing to do whatsoever with the weather.

"I can't believe you're still here," she admitted softly, afraid that if she spoke louder than a whisper, the whole world might fall apart. It seemed to do that lately… whenever she felt too happy. "I would have thought you'd gone."

"You fell asleep last night, crying," James reminded her, just as softly. Lily couldn't believe that… She generally hid her emotions fairly well. If she'd been told a year ago that she'd be crying in a young man's arms, she'd have scoffed. If she'd been told that young man would be James Potter, she would have laughed in open derision. But there it was! "I wasn't about to leave you alone like that," he continued. "Had to make sure you'd be okay."

"I'm okay now," she assured him, before pulling far enough away to meet his gaze. "I fell asleep… What did you do? Put me to bed?" It's what she suspected… How else would she have gotten into Petunia's? And, sure enough, James smiled at her sheepishly while rolling his eyes towards the sky in slight embarrassment.

"I might have put you in your sister's room," he confessed, and Lily had to struggle not to laugh. He pretended, for half a second, to be offended by that, but then he just smiled and shook his head. "You have to understand, I didn't want to wake you! I don't know which room's yours, so I just guessed! When I went back downstairs, I told those folks you'd been fighting pretty hard all night and just wore out. Of course, your sister asked which room you were in, and when I told her, she deduced it was hers and quickly turned into a right old bat. She's quite charming, by the way." Lily shook her head, smiling, and he sighed. "I told her to piss off and not wake you. Apparently she listened."

"What about you?" she asked, gazing into his eyes. "You went back to the train station. Haven't you slept at all? Aren't you exhausted?" The knowing look on his face assured her he had expected such concern and greatly welcomed it. His eyes were sparkling brightly.

"Do you have any idea how much endurance it took to first become an Animagus?" he cheerfully inquired, not at all surprised when she shook her head. "I'm used to it. And trust me, Apparition isn't _nearly _as grueling as Transfiguring yourself into an animal. Otherwise, I suspect more people would be able to do it. I'm fine."

There was so much about James Potter that continued to surprise her. She stared at him as if she'd never seen him before, but found him nevertheless quite mesmerizing. "And you stayed here all night long?"

"I already told you," he said, reaching his hand up to brush some loose strands of crimson hair out of her face. "I couldn't just leave you the way you were last night. You were in tears!" He pressed his forehead against hers, and Lily wondered if she wasn't about to start crying all over again. Her heart was swelling… as if it were about to burst. How could anything so incredible possibly ache like this?

"Don't leave," she pleaded, once again resting her head on his shoulder. His parents were probably both scared out of their minds if he truly hadn't been home to assure them he was okay. And she knew James had plans with Sirius, to help him move into his own place now that he was finally free of his own wretched family. No doubt James also needed to go verify Remus and Peter's safety as well, just as she needed to contact all of her friends… But at that particular moment, none of those things seemed even half as important as this… "Please don't. I didn't know what I was doing when you weren't with me!"

"You did amazingly," he quickly assured her, though she wasn't quite sure to what he was referring. Nevertheless, hearing such an assurance lightened her heart considerably. "And I won't leave you." His voice… He'd been waiting an entire year for this moment! Perhaps he'd been waiting for even longer than that. Since he told her he loved her… How long had he kept that secret?

It didn't matter anymore. They were together now… It amazed Lily that anything could possibly feel so painstakingly wonderful.

**ooooooo**

An hour must have past, at least. Lily, however, felt as though it had been much, much longer than that. An eternity, perhaps? She'd not have minded. Sitting in the grass next to James, with a cute, cuddly, large dog before them, and with the wind blowing through the leaves of a tree, it felt astonishingly like paradise. What more did one need in life? She would have spent the rest of it just like that, happy and blissful, without ever speaking a word. What was there to say?

Unfortunately, however, eternity was cut short when Petunia opened the door and intruded on them. One glance was all it took for Lily to interpret the disgust and bitter resent written on her sister's face. The girl was not pleased. She was not impressed. And she might very well be willing to do anything at all to throw James out of her life forever. "Carla's awake. I thought you might like to know."

Lily caught her breath in dismay, looking at James. He was on his feet within seconds, and he reached a hand out to help her up – which she accepted without a word. She had no idea what to expect from her foster sister, and, quite frankly, found herself feeling apprehensive. How were people to recover from Dementors? The terrible fiends were enough to drive fully fledged witches and wizards mental, so what could they do to inexperienced teenaged muggle girls? The thought terrified her!

James, however, stayed close to her side, as he'd promised, and with him there Lily managed to bring herself to follow Petunia back inside the house. Would Carla be angry with her? Would Carla forgive her? She _was_ the witch, after all! If she hadn't been returning home from school, they never would have been there! And this wouldn't have happened.

When the three teenagers entered the parlor, Carla was sitting upright on the sofa with her mother. She looked paler than normal, but other than that, Lily was pleased to say she appeared to have recovered marvelously. Mr. Fletcher was also there, standing slightly apart, behind an armchair with his arms crossed. He was hardly given any mind, though; when the two girls saw each other, no one else in the room seemed worthy of their attention. Their eyes were glued to each other, and Carla proved capable of smiling. "You have to make up your mind, Lily." She nodded towards James, which caused the redhead to blush considerably.

"I think I have," she replied while moving away from the boy for the first time in… well… in either an hour or an eternity. Sitting down on Carla's other side, she gently pulled the girl into a comforting embrace. "How do you feel? Not too bad, I suppose, if you're feeling witty." Not that she could blame the girl. A year ago, Lily had accused James of being a terrible, selfish person. Now, however… he felt like her everything.

"All I can say is… at least the world doesn't feel like it's been drained of all that's holy," Carla gave her answer slowly, pulling away from the witch while staring at the floor with a haunted expression spread across her face. Lily felt her heart constrict, weighing heavily in her chest. What if Carla started experiencing flashbacks? She hadn't meant to remind the girl of such horrors! Why'd she even open her mouth? "What was it?" Carla returned her gaze to her dearest friend, and was now staring at her inquisitively. "I don't remember."

"It was…" Lily hesitated. She'd already explained all this last night! She didn't particularly want to go through it again, and so she found herself looking to James for assistance. The boy was quick to offer it.

"Don't ask," he advised her calmly. Carla frowned, clearly unsatisfied, but James remained thoroughly insistent. "Just think of it as a bad nightmare. It'll go away, and in no time you'll be completely yourself again, living in a world that's filled with good things to keep you happy." He glanced at Lily, and she looked back at him with a smile. The world was filled with good things… He was without a doubt such a one. The best one! And she didn't ever want to lose him.

**ooooooo**

**A/N: **I hope you all keep sending me long reviews, because they sustain me more than you'll ever know. Thanks so much!


	83. The Potter Mansion

**ooooooo**

Naturally Lily suspected she couldn't spend an entire summer at James's side. Eventually he _would_ have to go home, at least for his parents' sakes. And he _would _have to rendezvous with Sirius; possibly even Remus and Peter, just as she needed to contact all of her friends to confirm their safety. Two months for one holiday seemed like an infinitely long time, but Lily told herself not to take it all for granted again. Two months… actually wasn't… and anything, if not everything in the entire world, could change when it reached its end. She didn't want to be caught off guard, nor did she want to dread the thought of returning to Hogwarts… James wouldn't be there with her every second of the day, and she didn't want to think about how she'd manage without him. Both Alice and Isabelle had survived… and their beaus hadn't even been with them at the castle! She wished they hadn't graduated… Maybe they could have helped her through this…

When nightfall came that first summer day, Lily found herself once again sitting outside in the dusky twilight with James beside her. Carla, having spent an entire afternoon recovering from the attack, was now up on her feet throwing a ball around for her dog, laughing and smiling while they played together. Lily wagered the Fletchers' were both probably at a window somewhere watching them, but heavens only knew where Petunia was. Her sister had not been in a pleasant state at all, and simply could not suffer James's presence any longer. Personally, Lily couldn't say that she'd lose much sleep over a little detail like that. If Petunia forced them all to endure a man like Vernon Dursley, then she could easily endure James Potter! It was only fair. In any case, the evening seemed to sparkle, it was so peaceful. She couldn't imagine that, elsewhere in the country, a savage war was raging. How could it be? When everything here was so quiet and still?

"I'll go home tonight," James presently whispered, looking at her while taking her hand in his. She glanced at him in surprise. Of course she'd just been contemplating it, but she hadn't truly expected him to leave so soon! He smiled at the look of protest she was wearing, and held her hand up to his lips. "I'll stay until you go to sleep. And I'll be back before you wake up. How's that sound?"

She sighed, quietly, wanting nothing more than to surrender to him. Edging towards him, she rested against his chest and took extreme comfort in the arm he then proceeded to wrap around her. "Can I go with you?" The words were out of her mouth before she'd even thought about them, but, by the way James continued holding her without so much as even a surprised start, she suspected they didn't astonish him half as much as they did her. In fact, she thought she could interpret from his quiet chuckle that he'd already considered it himself. She glanced up at him abashedly, but he was smiling.

"Do you want to?" he asked, much to her delight. She should have known he'd not have a problem with it! He loved her after all! She nodded, pulling away from him and sitting up straight. Anticipation had rushed to her face; she'd get to see James's house! She'd get to meet James's folks! And, most importantly, she'd get to remain in James's company. She was positively beaming.

"How would we get there?" she asked then, pleased to see the augmenting shimmer of excitement glowing in James's own eyes. She couldn't very well picture herself Apparating the entire way, and the Fletchers' fireplace wasn't exactly part of the Floo Network. There were many methods of traveling in a wizarding community, but her own experience was limited, and there wasn't anyway in the world she was about to mount a broomstick. Nevertheless, seeing excitement in his eyes like that… It didn't make a difference how they got there! They were going together.

"There's a portkey behind an old pub in town that'll carry us straight to the gatehouse," he casually explained to her, though much to her astonishment. She found herself staring at him numbly. _Gatehouse…? _Of course she'd heard that James came from a rather affluent family, but a _gatehouse?_ If he'd observed her growing perplexity, he paid it no mind, but went right on talking as if there wasn't anything at all unusual about his words. "It's a bit of a walk to the manor, but I don't see anything wrong with a romantic stroll beneath the stars." He winked at her and she smiled feebly, quite suddenly in a daze. How much property did his parents have? "Let's go," he suggested presently, jumping to his feet and holding out his hands for her. She looked up at him uncertainly. Was she actually going to run off with him like this? How would the Fletchers react? They'd just learned about the war, after all. They mightn't be too comfortable with the idea of her gallivanting around, no matter how safe she felt with James.

They'd work something out, Lily decided a moment later. She grinned widely, taking his hands while allowing him to pull her back up to her feet. Together they glanced towards Carla, who had perceived the sudden change overcoming them and returned their looks in open curiosity. Lily smiled at her sheepishly as James called out. "Lily and I are going to go see my folks! They're probably wondering where I've been. It's been an entire night and day, you know." Carla opened her mouth to respond, but before she could, James pulled Lily close to him and turned. Pressure immediately began to squeeze the life out of her, but holding onto James… it wasn't quite so bad. Just being with him was enough. She didn't know where they were going or what was in store for them… James's house… James's parents… James's life… she didn't know what that meant! She didn't know what to expect. But she wanted it… she wanted to be with him. She'd go anywhere with him! Anywhere… at all… without even blinking her eyes.

In a flash, they appeared within an empty bedroom. Lily blinked. The entire place seemed to be made out of nothing but warped wood. There weren't any pictures on any of the walls, and the single window was covered in so much dust and grime that one could barely see through it. The bed looked like it was made out of straw, and Lily definitely saw a roach crawling over it. She pulled away from James, staring at her surroundings in slight disgust. "Who lives here?"

James was watching her with an amused smile on his face. "No one lives here. Does this place look habitable?" Lily glanced at him in confusion. How could no one live here? It was a bedroom! He shook his head, running a hand through his hair as he chuckled. "I've heard this story so many times I swore I'd never repeat it." That definitely caught her attention. "My family's not exactly what you'd call an ancient, noble family, Lil. Not like Sirius's, anyway. My parents met in the pub downstairs. My mum actually worked here as a young woman, and this is where she _used _to live. Back in the… well… back in the day, conditions like this were a lot more common. Luckily, theirs is a rags-to-riches tale that'd have you dancing!" He smiled cheerfully, but it wasn't one Lily returned. She was staring at him, slightly openmouthed. _Conditions like this…? _The room didn't even have pictures on the walls! There were bugs in a straw mattress!

"James…" She shook her head and thought she could see his face flushing. She'd only met his mother once, six long years ago in Diagon Alley, when she'd gone in to acquire her very first wand. Not that she could remember an awful lot about the woman, but she surely couldn't picture her in a place like this! "How long ago was that?"

He hesitated, for once in his life lacking a bit of that confidence he was so famous for at school. Instead of answering, he grabbed her hand and pulled her towards an old gray door that might once have been white before its paint began peeling off. "Mum convinced the pub's owner, Mr. Hinkley, not to do anything at all to the place." He opened the door, and Lily found herself standing at the top of an extremely steep, narrow staircase that looked slightly dangerous. The ceiling was altogether too low, and the railing looked like it was ready to collapse. "She's paying him rent, even though we don't make much use of it, other than as a place we can Apparate to whenever we're in town. Like I said, we've got a portkey out back that takes us home, so if mum's got business at the Ministry or something, she can go to and from via this place." James started down the stairs, and Lily listened to them creaking ominously. She bit her lip, waiting for the boy to look back up at her with a reassuring smile. "Come on!"

Ducking her head so as to not bang it on the ceiling, Lily ever so cautiously followed him down. There was a door standing shut at the foot of those rackety old stairs, but James failed to acknowledge it. Instead, he started towards a small, twisting corridor that wound its way back around beneath the room from whence they'd come. Shortly after that, they arrived at another door, which found more favor with James than did the first. He pushed it open and led Lily outside into a tiny courtyard that wasn't even half as impressive as the Leaky Cauldron's. Considering the shabbiness of _that _particular place, Lily found her present setting to be a pathetic one indeed. Nevertheless, it was apparently part of an important route for the Potter family, and so she said nothing.

James was presently making his way around an old doll that had quite thoughtlessly been abandoned in a puddle. Following his lead, Lily knelt down across from him next to it. She knew it was the portkey, of course. The magical device that would instantly transport them to James's home. Naturally it looked like an unattractive piece of junk. The doll was missing an eye, covered in mud, and dressed in rags. Despite its remote, isolated location, here in this drab courtyard, there was always the possibility that a muggle might stumble upon it. The last thing any of them needed was for the stray man to touch it and find himself suddenly standing on the other side of the country! Regardless, Lily felt a hint of distress at seeing such a toy in such a condition. What little girl had lost her doll so the Potters could use it as a portkey?

James glanced up at her, a sheepish smile playing across his face. "My parents met because of this doll. She'd be serving drinks in the pub, and he'd be watching her from afar. I think he loved her before he ever even met her. But he didn't know she was a witch, and so he never talked to her. Didn't want to drag her into that. But when he realized it was her birthday once, he thought he'd get her a present. Couldn't help himself, I suppose. He went out and bought this doll. But on the way back, his carriage ran off the road. The doll broke, and he was seriously injured. My mum saw through the window and raced outside. No one else dared go near the carriage, but she climbed right into it, even though it was a wreck in pieces. Used her magic to heal my dad without anyone else seeing. He was the happiest man in the world, after that. They never did fix the doll. Mum wanted it as it was to remind her…" He shook his head, rolling his eyes. "And now it's a portkey. Every time mum and dad travel to or from London, they see it. And, believe me, it's a story they love repeating." He sighed, having heard it himself more times than he could count. Lily couldn't help but smile.

"It's romantic," she told him, gazing at the doll contently. If only everyone in the world had a story like that to tell… "A carriage, huh? That must have been an extremely long time ago." She glanced up at him and once again saw his face flush. He shook his head and shrugged, reaching quickly for the doll. Amused, she held out her own hand and grazed her fingers against its tiny arm. Within seconds she was jerked forward, head over heels, as the portkey pulled her in… and in… and down. The world seemed to explode in a burst of savage wind and brilliant light. Lily shrieked, grinning broadly as she searched for a glimpse of her companion. James was watching her, laughing, as the portkey dragged them through a streaming nebula of colors. The journey, however, lasted for only a few brief seconds, and then Lily felt herself landing heavily against solid ground, with such force that knocked the wind right out of her. She groaned as James crawled over to her.

"Sorry," he breathed, pulling her up to her feet. Disoriented, she held onto him tightly as the world all around her spun precariously. She could see… trees… and hills… and a tiny little hut through the darkness that had been constructed next to an enormous brick archway. There was a pebble stone drive that ran through the said arch, and an intricate wrought iron gate that appeared more decorative than anything else. Actually, it was quite beautifully crafted, and Lily found herself staring at it as she caught her breath. James was still holding her. "You all right?" She glanced at him and nodded. Together, they approached the gate while leaving behind the portkey. Standing back, Lily waited for James to pull it open, smiling slightly when a man came running out of the hut shouting at the top of his lungs.

"WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU'VE BEEN, BOYO? YOUR MUM'S HAD ME OUT HERE FOR THE LAST TWENTY-FOUR FORESAKEN HOURS KEEPING A WATCH OUT FOR YOU! HOW DARE YOU GIVE HER SUCH A FRIGHT? KNOWING WHAT'S BEEN GOING ON AND SUCH?"

James was grimacing slightly as the elderly watchman shook fists at him. Reaching for Lily's wrist, he jerked her through the gate and quickly slammed it shut, locking the man outside. "Thanks, Geoffrey! We all appreciate your hard work and dedication! The portkey is right there behind you, if you'd be so kind as to see to it for me. I'll talk to you later!" He spun on his heel, tucking Lily's arm graciously into his own.

"NOW JUST WAIT ONE MOMENT!"

James scrunched up his face slightly before sighing and turning back around, guiding Lily with him, who was quickly growing more and more fascinated and amused. She never would have expected to see James getting in trouble with the hired help! This was incredible! The watchman, Geoffrey, was presently ambling towards the gate. He peered through it to look directly at Lily in open curiosity. "Who's this pretty young lassie, then?" She felt color rushing to her cheeks.

James, however, merely smiled. "This is Lily Evans, Geoffrey. She's a guest of mine." A guest who felt increasingly awkward. Lily had never been in a place like this before! She wasn't used to standing on one side of a gate while being introduced to watchmen who stood on the other. She didn't know quite how to behave, nor what was expected of her. Had she known she might be standing here two years ago, when James had prepared Alice for her appointment with Mrs. Longbottom, she might have asked to listen in on their discussion! As it was, she felt absolutely at a loss.

Without releasing James's arm, she awkwardly attempted a curtsy, bobbing her head as she did so. "How do you do?" Geoffrey immediately burst out laughing, much to her mortification. James, too, was grinning in clear amusement, though trying hard not to laugh himself. Lily had no idea how to respond, and so she squirmed uncomfortably until they finished.

"Smart move, boyo," Geoffrey finally allowed, wiping tears from his eyes as he looked back at James. "You'll not be getting any lashings this time, not with a charming little lass like her along." He shook his head in clear amusement, walking back towards the hut which Lily could only assume to be the gatehouse James had earlier mentioned.

"That's not why I brought her!" he shouted after the man, kicking the gate with his foot. "And don't forget about the portkey!" Geoffrey started laughing again, but James didn't wait for him to respond. Scowling, he spun back around and started leading Lily down the drive. It was definitely a long one, just as he had warned her, and it twisted and coiled like a winding river beneath the stars and moon. Lily thought it a beautiful night, and, holding onto James's arm, she quickly managed to recover from her previous embarrassment.

"Is this really all your land?" she asked him as they came to a stone bridge which crossed over a narrow river. Of course she knew it had to be – otherwise he wouldn't have been on such familiar terms with the watchman. Sirius must have absolutely loved spending his first free summer here, after living so long within the wretched confines of the Black Family household. This place seemed to offer the very epitome of freedom!

James had nodded, glancing up at the sky as he inhaled deeply. Exhaling, he looked back at her with a smile, which she returned. Why did it seem so utterly impossible to keep from beaming? "Yeah. My parents might not have started out well-to-do, but they've more than made up for that. You'll see." Crossing the bridge, they then came to a wide avenue of oak trees. It got darker there, but James seemed to know exactly where he was going. "We're almost there."

And, sure enough, they soon came to a rise over which Lily immediately caught sight of the grandest house she'd ever laid eyes on. While nowhere near as large as Hogwarts, it could still easily have boasted possession of more than ten thousand square feet of floor space. Constructed out of limestone, it had a terra cotta, red tiled roof, balconies, arched balustrades, and more windows than she could count. Three floors tall, it seemed utterly absurd that any family should live there… unless, of course, it had dozens of members or something, which the Potter family didn't. James was an only child!

"This is one of your pranks, isn't it?" Lily whispered, unable to tear her gaze away from the mansion. How'd he pull it off? It must have taken months of preparation, what with the portkey doll and the watchman… and everything James had told her… she was impressed. The only problem was… James wasn't jumping up and down shouting out: "I fooled you!" Nor did he look like he was about to.

"No, this is home," he assured her, starting down the rise towards the enormous park spread out before the place, guiding her along as he went. She felt like she couldn't breathe. This was… actually… where he lived? He was laughing quietly. "The Blacks live in Number Twelve, Grimmauld Place in London. Sirius's used to those bloody, horrid row houses that feel congested and confining. When he saw this manor for the first time, his head spun around, too."

"But I thought you weren't as wealthy as they were," she protested, feeling increasingly overwhelmed. Golden lights were pouring forth from every window, and spotlights built into the ground were shining up at it, illuminating it in a splendor of radiance. She'd never seen anything more spectacular.

"Funny thing is we're not," James admitted as they reached the park. Standing in front of a large marble staircase leading up to the front doors, Lily felt her heart pounding painfully. She didn't know why she felt so intimidated. It was only a house! It was only James's house! "But, then again, we're also not nearly as influential. The thing you got to know about the Blacks, Lil, and other families like them, is that they're not looking for estates like this one. That's too much like a muggle. Wizarding families, especially Slytherins, would much rather have power than property. My family's got all of this, sure, but, compared to the Blacks, we're just mere commoners. Nothing special about us whatsoever."

"How do you buy power?" Lily asked, walking up the stairs next to James. She scrunched up her face and looked at him. "I mean, aside from bribery and stuff. Are there legal shares or something?"

James shrugged. "Don't know about that. The best way to go is to make regular and incredibly generous financial donations to different organizations, departments, charities, you name it. People grow accustomed to support like that, but then they start fearing they'll lose it if they do even the slightest thing wrong. And then, next thing the benefactor knows, he's got sycophants lining up to please him. He can do and get away with just about whatever it is he wants, because he's the one providing them with all the money." James's scowled. Clearly such behavior disgusted him. "My parents don't care about that sort of thing, and so we can afford a place like this. Now, try to imagine the kind of house our friends, the good old Blacks, would be living in if they didn't squander their money the way they do, but actually used it for their own comfort, like this." Lily didn't want to. It was too unfathomable. They'd probably be able afford Buckingham Palace!

They'd arrived at the huge front doors. James pulled his arm away from her hastily as he gripped his wand and flicked his wrist. The door swung open, and James spun on his heel to face her again. He was grinning broadly. "Welcome, Lily Evans, to my humble abode." He bowed gallantly at the waist, one arm bent behind his back and the other extending past his chest towards the mansion's entrance. Lily swallowed hard before stepping inside. The entrance foyer was enormous! The floor was covered by a beautiful Persian rug. There were marble arches in every direction leading into different rooms while supporting the upper floor landing that wrapped around the entire place. A red carpet blanketed the marble stairs, and the ceiling was ornately carved, painted, and decorated. A wooden table stood like a centerpiece in the middle of the room, on which there rested a vase of flowers. There were iron coat racks by the walls, and an incandescent chandelier that actually seemed to glitter. Walking in, Lily could do naught but slowly spin around, too astonished to breathe.

"You… grew up in this house?"

Before James could respond, for he was having some slight difficulty pulling the heavy door shut, a third figure arrived in the foyer. When Lily perceived him, she jerked around in surprise. He was a tall, gray-haired man dressed in elegant black robes, wearing a kindly face and cheerful eyes. Once again, she found herself gawking as he nodded at her and faced James. "Good evening, sir." The boy glanced at the man and a large smile crept across his face.

"How are you, Edmund?" he asked amiably as he strolled towards Lily and took her hand in his. She glanced at him quickly before looking back at the stranger. Another servant, perhaps? Just how much help did the Potters have? She'd always assumed wizarding families possessed merely house-elves…

"Quite all right, sir," the man assured James with a pleasant smile of his own. "I must say I am pleased to find you home at last. You have had your mother particularly worried."

"Yeah, that's what Geoffrey said," James acknowledged, glancing at Lily. "This is our butler, Edmund." He looked back at the servant. "Edmund, this is my friend, Lily Evans." He leaned towards the man almost conspiratorially. "We're not going to be staying here for very long. I have to take Lily back home before her guardians start to panic."

"No you don't," Lily whispered, once again staring at the foyer which apparently truly did belong to James's family. It was beautiful… Who wouldn't want to spend the rest of their lives in a place like this?

"I shouldn't have to remind you, sir," Edmund interrupted, speaking in a very calm, refined voice that nevertheless resonated with disapproval. "Mrs. Potter does not endorse the trouble you get yourself into. You might soon be turning seventeen, but even as an adult, sir, I fear your mother will lose sleep worrying about the only son she has Apparating from one end of the countryside to the other. Particularly in the midst of a war."

James seemed mildly offended. "I wouldn't be Apparating from one end of the country to the other! I'd just be going to and from London! Oh!" He obviously just remembered something extremely important. "And I've also got to find Sirius and help him settle into his new place. His Uncle Alphard's helping him out, you know, and they're expecting me." He smiled innocently.

"Very good, sir," Edmund nodded his head, though there was definitely an underlining tone of displeasure. Lily didn't miss it, and she certainly didn't believe James had. "Of course, your mother mightn't agree." First the boy had been yelled at by the watchman. And now he was getting lectured by the butler. Lily couldn't help but smile at the thought. It certainly did the Potters credit, knowing that not even their hired help felt hesitant to correct their mischievous young master.

"Is she home?" James asked presently, glancing towards the magnificent staircase. Lily thought she could suddenly sense anxiety building up inside him, and therefore felt it rising within herself as well.

"She is indeed, sir," Edmund bowed his head, extending his arm out towards the stairs. "In the drawing room. And I do believe Miss Geraldine carried up a potion for Mr. Potter not twenty minutes ago."

James leapt at that, his eyes widening in what Lily could only describe as shock. He stared at Edmund in unanticipated enthusiasm, and, for a long second, his guest had no way of knowing whether or not this was a good or bad thing. But then James was grinning widely. "He's awake?" Once again Edmund bowed his head. Immediately James charged towards the stairs, awkwardly dragging Lily along with him before releasing her hand. Stopping short, he spun back around to face her in restless dismay. "Lily! I have to go see my dad! Why don't…? Why don't…?" He glanced sharply at Edmund. "Could you?"

A smile was planted on the butler's face. "Certainly."

"Thank you!" James looked back at Lily. "I'm sorry. I didn't know he'd be awake." She stared back at him, too shocked to know what else to do. Too shocked to respond at all. What was she supposed to say? She didn't even know what she was supposed to feel. Should she be offended? Here she was, standing in the foyer of Britain's most spectacular mansion – at least as far as she was concerned – and her escort was running off on her! He didn't even wait for her to overcome her shock before he raced up the stairs and disappeared out of sight, leaving her alone to fend for herself.

**ooooooo**

**A/N: **I certainly hope nobody's thinking 'well James Potter can't possibly have a house like that!' In my story, he does. And if you're all wondering why Harry doesn't know about it, you're just going to have to wait and read it through to the end! HA! I'm sorry… Please send me more reviews… Thanks so much


	84. Painful Decisions

**ooooooo**

She'd been stranded.

Standing in the middle of one magnificent foyer, Lily definitely felt James's absence. She glanced awkwardly at Edmund, who hadn't moved an inch but to clasp his hands together behind his back. She felt completely at a loss of what to do. With James gone… "I'm sorry… I…" She shook her head slightly, overwhelmed. She still hadn't quite recovered from the shock of discovering a place like this, and to learn that it was James's… Fortunately enough, however, Edmund remained both helpful and quite agreeable.

"Please," he said. "Allow me to show you to the tea room." _Tea room…?_ Lily blinked, watching numbly as the butler turned and made his way underneath a large marble archway. There was an enormous hall there which stretched towards several open doors that led into several different rooms. Lily still hadn't quite grown used to the size of the mere foyer! She wasn't sure whether or not she was ready to venture any deeper into the mansion. She'd never been in a place like this before! Unless you counted Hogwarts… But Hogwarts was just a school! This was someone's home! When Edmund paused, however, and turned back around to courteously wait for her, she felt she had no choice but to follow. Taking a deep breath, she started forward.

"You will have to excuse Master James," the butler presently assured her as he escorted her through the sizable hall and then to the right. There was a tall, narrow door there, which he leisurely set about opening. Lily, however, found herself hardly paying attention, as her eyes were quickly scanning their surroundings. There were several portraits and tapestries hanging high up on the walls, each of which rivaled those found at Hogwarts! She caught her breath, watching as they moved and amused each other. This place… "His father has not been well as of late." Lily started, staring back at Edmund in surprise as he held the door open and gestured for her to walk in. She obliged, and found herself standing in a fairly decent sized room which was constructed completely out of marble, boasted a large fireplace, and was furnished with several chairs and tables – all of which were clothed with white fabric. Edmund held out a chair for her, and she took a seat, frowning uncertainly.

"James sometimes talks about his parents," she said, glancing up at the butler while he conjured together an entire china tea set. "He makes it sound as if they're both perfectly fine. He told me his father met him on the platform after he got off the train!" If his father was sick… he wouldn't have been able to Apparate anywhere, would he? The way James reacted when Edmund mentioned Mr. Potter's consciousness… made Lily wonder what was actually going on here. Had he lied to her?

Edmund presently faltered, a look of grief momentarily crossing his face before he once again managed to check his emotions. Remaining outwardly detached, he proceeded to pour Lily some tea. With a wave of his wand, he conjured more refreshments, and then took a step backwards. Glancing at him, Lily realized he wasn't about to volunteer information. If James hadn't been particularly honest with her, it was because this was an incredibly personal, private circumstance he wasn't quite ready to share. She bit her lip, wondering why he agreed to bring her here if he was going to abandon her like this. He had said… he hadn't expected his father to be awake. The way he responded to the whole thing… led Lily to the conclusion that his father must've often been unconscious, and he'd simply grown so accustomed to the fact that he'd supposed no harm would be done by her presence. So… did that make James's father a sickly invalid or something? How long had it been so?

Unable to bite her tongue, Lily glanced at the butler apprehensively. "Do you know if he'll be recovering soon?"

Edmund regarded her carefully for a moment, but then seemed to remember she was a highly esteemed friend of James's. "What afflicts Mr. Potter is, quite unfortunately, not something men recover from. Time is an enemy to all, miss." He was dying, then. Lily swallowed painfully, glancing back down at her tea in silent dismay.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, somehow knowing that he'd be able to hear her regardless. Thoughts immediately plagued her of her own father, and she felt tears prickling her eyes. Maybe that was why James had lied to her… Wiping those tears away as quickly as she could, she tried to smile cheerfully. This good man certainly didn't need a front row seat to her own troubles as well! "This is a beautiful house!"

"That it is, miss," Edmund smiled, obviously pleased. He bowed his head to her favorably, before righting himself again to await either further instructions or further liberties he might take on her behalf. She sighed deeply, picking up her cup of tea. She wondered dimly if she might not use it to foretell the future. Then again… what future did she hope to see? A future where James was as fatherless as she was? She shuddered at the thought.

And then Edmund was turning… Lily glanced up sharply as the butler once again opened the door that led out into the hallway beyond. He glanced back at her with another slight bow and a smile. "I will return presently, miss. Please excuse me." And with that he was gone, shutting the door and abandoning her there. At that moment, more so than any other, she truly did feel alone. Sitting erectly in her chair, she placed the teacup back down on the table, suddenly not feeling particularly hungry or thirsty. How long would she be stuck here while James visited with his father?

_Hopefully a long time! _A voice in the back of her head was scolding her now. _The longer you're stuck here, the longer James gets to be with his dad! _The boy had been away from home for so long… first at school… and then at her place… all because he hadn't wanted to leave her there by herself! Because of her… Granted, if everything at the train station had gone the way it was supposed to, without Death Eaters lying in wait, James still wouldn't have gone anywhere with his mum due to the plans he had to be with Sirius in London. But this was different… There _had _been Death Eaters lying in wait at King's Cross Station, and they _had _terrorized countless people – both wizards and muggles alike! After something like that, James should have gone straight home! He should have been with his family! Edmund had said… that his mother had lost sleep. Mrs. Potter had lost sleep, worried about her son's whereabouts, so that Lily might sleep without a care in the world. Something wasn't right about that.

_And now I'm sitting here, in his beautiful house, while the Fletchers back at home do what…? Stew in their own fears and uncertainties? _All because she couldn't bear to be without him… Lily sighed, slowly getting to her feet. Time had stopped that afternoon. She'd spent it with James. She'd do it again, too, if she could… But just because time had stopped… for a moment… didn't mean that it wouldn't start back up again. It had to. Lily wasn't the only person in the world who cared about James. His father was apparently dying… There was a war raging outside, and it did his mother great concern to think of him running around without adequate protection – for no matter how heroic James Potter might have been, he was still just a teenager, and his mother would always be his mother. Lily had been behaving selfishly and immaturely. She loved James… But there were some things that had to come before desire.

Swallowing hard, she abandoned her tea and started towards the door. Pulling it open, she peered back out into the hall. It was enormous. It was resplendent. It was starting to smear. Lily realized the tears in her eyes were distorting her vision. She quickly wiped them away. What was she thinking? If it weren't for James, she might never have made it out of that train station! If it weren't for James, she'd never have been able to face up to her family! Why in heaven's name did she want to leave him?

_Stop it! _She shook her head, stepping out of the tea room and into the hall. Of course she didn't want to leave him! How could she? But she was intruding into his life right now! If his father was dying… She immediately thought of her own father. Learn to stand, right? She shouldn't be here. She'd see James again at Hogwarts, wouldn't she? She could wait two months for that. It was a great deal more reasonable than forcing Mr. and Mrs. Potter to wait an entire year. She started towards the foyer.

"You must be Lily."

The voice wasn't entirely foreign to her, but six years was indeed a long time and Lily didn't quite recognize it straight away. Having approached the front door, she stopped short like a caught deer and slowly turned around. Mrs. Potter was standing on the grand staircase with Edmund behind her. She was clearly an elderly woman, her white hair pulled back to reveal a wizened old face that nevertheless sang of kindness. She wore an elegant blue dress robe, but still must have been very cold, for she had a shawl wrapped tightly around her shoulders.

"Mrs. Potter," Lily had no idea how to treat such a woman, and so she found herself taking several steps forward to curtsey once again. It proved to be a much easier feat to accomplish without hanging onto James, and at least this time she wasn't met with laughter. Amusement, however, she found she couldn't escape.

"Come, come, my dear," Mrs. Potter descended the rest of the stairs and took Lily's hand, which she then shook firmly. "That's hardly necessary! Unless, of course, you're this formal with all of your friends' mothers. And are you?" Lily immediately pictured Sirius's mum, and considered how she'd treated that particular woman in the past.

Smiling despite herself, she was safely and honestly able to say, "No, I suppose not." Then again, Mrs. Black was a raving lunatic, wasn't she? And none of her other friends had proven this wealthy. Still, she silently resolved to be more casual. Where was the sense in her pretending to be regal if the Potters didn't care for it? She had to remember… this was James's family! And James certainly didn't stem from royalty! Nevertheless, she felt her face flushing… "It is a pleasure to meet you again." That last word felt more than a little strange to say. There was hardly any resemblance whatsoever between this woman and the witch she'd met in Mr. Ollivander's wand shop six years ago. She couldn't even tell whether or not Mrs. Potter recognized _her_! But what else was she supposed to say? She couldn't very well act like she hadn't once been a terrified eleven year old who not only feared magic, but was overwhelmed by it as well. That was who she had been! Such a long time ago…

Mrs. Potter, however, was smiling understandingly. "You've grown up some, my dear. You've become a beautiful young woman." Lily felt her face flushing worse than ever before. Fortunately enough Mrs. Potter didn't comment on it, but gestured back towards the tea room. "I certainly hope you're not leaving already! Edmund tells me you've only just arrived, and I must admit I wouldn't terribly mind hearing about James's more recent antics from a reliable source." She glanced at Lily thoughtfully. "I trust you're reliable?" Lily nodded, feeling something cold twisting her stomach around into knots. Of course this would complicate things… She wanted to leave before James returned! If she saw him again, she knew he'd only just argue and try working together some elaborate and convincing excuse as to why they should remain in each other's company for the entire summer. But at the same time… she didn't want to appear rude by running out on his mother!

Mrs. Potter was speaking again. "James is with his father right now. I wouldn't interrupt them for anything, but mark me!" She was trying so hard to appear like a gracious hostess who could cheerfully entertain her guests without complaint. "That boy is in more trouble than he realizes. As soon as he steps foot outside that room!" She feigned a huff, before once again smiling. She turned towards the hall that led back to the tea room, and, fully expecting Lily to follow her, made for it. Lily, however, remained fixed in place. She'd worn a mask herself so often in her life that… she thought she could see right through Mrs. Potter's. It was as Geoffrey and Edmund both said… The woman had been spending her days and nights in fear. Fear for James. Fear for her husband. Fear of the war. The very last thing she needed was a sixteen year old girl on her hands.

"Mrs. Potter!" she called after the woman, who spun back around in clear surprise, for Lily had not moved. Her throat felt like it was on fire… "I… I shouldn't stay. I probably shouldn't even have come. It was irresponsible, and I need to get back home." She glanced at Edmund, but the butler looked almost indifferent. Once again, she found herself wondering where the house-elves were.

"Nonsense!" Mrs. Potter protested, looking stricken. She probably hadn't ever expected the word 'irresponsible' to come out of the mouth of one of James's friends. It caught her quite off guard. "I haven't even had a chance to ask after your father!" Lily flinched, staring down at her feet while blinking several times. Of course if Mrs. Potter remembered meeting her in Diagon Alley, she'd also remember meeting her father. There wasn't any feasible way in the entire world, no, not even the wizarding one, that she could possibly know…

"Please," she said after a bit, glancing back up at the aging witch. "Tell James he can write me and that I'll see him in school." The words hurt so much to say, and she thought she could make out concern on Mrs. Potter's face. She ignored it, wiping whatever tears there were from her eyes. "And tell him I said time is very precious. He shouldn't take for granted how much of it he has left with his father." The woman looked like she was about to step towards the girl… her mask having fallen apart completely. Now, she almost appeared to be eighty years older, and tired to boot. Lily couldn't stay there anymore. James needed to be here with his parents… and not with her.

Without another word, she swept around and attempted to open the door. Embarrassingly enough, it felt jammed shut and was altogether too heavy for her to move. No wonder James had had so much trouble closing it… Trying not to groan, she glanced helplessly over her shoulder at Edmund, who granted her his assistance without delay. Unlike her, he was able to pull it open with a single hand and a sympathetic smile. "You are welcome to stay, miss."

Lily glanced up at him appreciatively. "Thank you." But she knew she couldn't accept his invitation. Starting down the steps, she didn't stop until she was standing quite by herself in the grand park spread out before the mansion. How had she gotten there? Ten, fifteen minutes ago, she'd been blissfully keeping company with James. She'd give anything to go back to that. His absence stung more than she'd have thought possible. Didn't she owe him more than this? After everything he'd done for her?

_He needs to be with his father. _If he didn't run after her, he'd probably just go out looking for Sirius or something. But then again… maybe he would listen to the message she'd left with his mother. If there was even the slightest chance of that… Lily knew what it felt like… losing one's parents. She'd lost both of hers, after all, and she hadn't even been given a chance to say goodbye! There was nothing else in the world she regretted more. She couldn't distract James from what truly mattered. She wouldn't! Nor would she allow him to live with the same regret that she did… not if she could help it.

Following the road which wound its way back to the gate, Lily found herself walking beneath the stars completely alone. Twenty-four hours ago, she'd also been completely alone, facing chaos and death and destruction at King's Cross Station. It already felt like something out of a different, distant life. James had been there… He had been there to save her. Now she felt like she was leaving him behind. It wasn't as if she didn't expect to see him again. They both had an entire year ahead of them at Hogwarts! This didn't have to end…

Why was it, then, she wondered grimly, that she felt as though not even he himself could save her from this?

**ooooooo**

The journey back home seemed so much quicker than had been the journey away. Perhaps she'd merely begun to walk faster along the drive… perhaps without James there to entertain her with romantic tales of his parents' youth, it didn't feel quite as important for her to tarry. All she knew was that it ended in the blink of an eye. Geoffrey helped her through the gate, and then granted her access to the poignant portkey. Tears had filled her eyes when she saw the doll… A part of her refused to touch it. There was something magical about it… magical about venturing through a cloud of such wind and breathtaking, colorful splendor… that she didn't want to do it alone. Not without James…

_James is where he needs to be. _Now… she needed to go where she needed to be. Touching the doll, she arrived safely back in London. From there, her house was only a stretch away. Closing her eyes, concentrating on home, she turned and allowed the wretched pressure to get away with crushing her to death. James wasn't there for her to cling to anymore… She told herself she didn't need him for this. She told herself she didn't need him at all. But… she was hardly convinced.

The Fletchers' yard was empty when she Apparated into it. Not even the dog was present… Carla must have allowed him back inside the house. It felt fitting, she thought, in a strange, depressing way, that no one should be there to welcome her. She felt alone in the world. Was this what love did to you? Was this how Alice and Isabelle had felt at Hogwarts without their boys? She wondered, slowly making her way towards the backdoor. Lost completely and utterly in her own dejected thoughts, she barely noticed when, upon entering the house, she was descended upon by her entire family.

Her guardians both looked angry enough, and Carla appeared from the front hall only to sit on the floor with the dog, her arms wrapped around its neck in obvious discomfort. They, however, quickly became nothing more than a bit of the background when Petunia arrived. Lily didn't need Divination in order to foretell a coming tirade. Her sister was white with fury! Her skin was pulled taut, and her body was shaking.

"WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN?" she shouted before either of her two guardians could get a word in. Lily blinked; teenagers, she knew, often got lectures from their caretakers. But how many of them could boast getting lectures from their older sisters? At least when it came to sneaking out with a boy? Petunia was positively livid.

"I saw James home," Lily answered steadily, working to keep her voice calm and well-mannered. The last thing she wanted was to get in a row with her sister. Not now. Not after… If she was going to get through this, she knew she would have to stay composed… if that was at all possible. She glanced at her guardians. "After everything he did for us last night and this morning, it was the very least I could do." A part of her wondered if that included running out on him. She had told him not to leave her… and he'd obeyed. Was this how she was to thank him, then?

"The very least you could do?" Petunia demanded, scoffing angrily. Lily glanced at her uncomfortably. "That boy is bad news! You said it yourself! He…" She hesitated, no doubt wracking her memories for cruel, hurtful words spoken the summer before, her arms held up in frustration, her fingers bent like claws. "He doesn't love anyone but himself! I have half a mind to accuse him of stalking!"

"Stalking?" Lily knew something about stalkers, and James certainly wasn't one! All thoughts of remaining calm and keeping from the grips of fury were abruptly thrust aside as a sense of defensiveness coursed through her body from her head to her toes. "Don't you _dare_ talk about James as if you know something about him, Petunia, because you don't! He's done more for me than you ever have in your entire life!"

"Has he?" Petunia laughed derisively. "If you'd have listened to me from the start, you wouldn't be attending Hogwarts, and you wouldn't be caught up in this war! But we can't do anything about that now, can we? Which means you should be extra careful! Not gallivanting around the city to see strange boys home – particularly boys that can quite apparently take care of themselves! He doesn't need you!"

"Are you suggesting that I stay here?" Lily demanded furiously, ignoring the Fletchers completely as they tried to separate the two sisters while pleading with them to stop. She no longer wanted to stop. Petunia was scratching at her heart now, and she wouldn't take it! She'd just left James… It hurt enough without her coming home to this. "Safe and sound, like a prisoner in my own home? Yes, there might be a war going on, but that doesn't mean I should hide like a frightened little girl! I'm still going to live my life!" If she didn't… if she wasn't brave enough to step outside her house… He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named and everyone like him will have won.

"THAT'S ENOUGH!" Mr. Fletcher shouted, finally able to catch their attention. They both stared at him in astonishment, for they had never seen him that red-faced before. If steam were to suddenly come blowing out from his ears, Lily would have thought it fitting. He stood angrily between the two girls and caught them both by their shoulders, pushing them towards each other. "Lily, your sister is right. You left without a word, and considering everything this family has been through today and last night, I definitely would have expected more from you. It wasn't fair and it wasn't in any way whatsoever acceptable." She glared at him, but didn't say a word. They didn't understand…

"Petunia," Mr. Fletcher turned to look at her sister. "Despite that, Lily does have a point. We owe James Potter more than we can possibly pay him." Hearing those words spoken out loud bit into Lily's soul. They owed him… and she had left. She was trying so hard not to be selfish that… it seemed to hurt everyone. "And just because the wizarding world is at war doesn't mean we have to put our lives on hold." He glanced back and forth between the both of them. "I'm tired of this. I'm tired of having to play mediator. The two of you are sisters. You need to start acting like it."

"No," Lily was weary and she was in pain. She had just left James… and Petunia was insulting him. She felt impatient and fed up. After everything she'd been through… she couldn't hold it together any longer. "I've tried to be her sister for six years. But as long as I'm a witch, she's just going to keep on hating me." Petunia's eyes darkened considerably – Lily wouldn't have thought it possible. "Can't say I'm not used to it. People in the wizarding world hate me because my family's of muggles. I guess it doesn't matter; here or there, someone will always despise me." She jerked away from Mr. Fletcher and stormed towards the front of the house. She didn't know where she was going, but, with tears in her eyes, she knew she couldn't stay in their company. Only Carla would disturb her if she went to her room, and since Carla was the only friend she had at the moment… she decided to take shelter there.

Before she could, however, the house's doorbell rang. Lily stopped short in the middle of rounding towards the stairs. Glancing over her shoulder, she looked at it in surprise. Who was calling? The Fletchers, Petunia, Carla, and the dog had all followed her into the hall, and were glancing around at each other in confusion. They certainly hadn't been expecting anyone.

Half expecting, even half hoping, that it was James on the other side, Lily immediately disregarded all thoughts she had had of retreating. If he had come for her… Heart swelling, she leapt towards the door and jerked it open… only to find herself standing face to face with Isabelle Campbell. Disappointment proved to be astonishingly brief as both joy and relief swiftly took its place. Lily cried out in loud delight as she wrapped her arms around her friend.

"Isabelle! You're safe!" She felt slightly guilty about not having verified this sooner. James had distracted her so… utterly and completely that she'd lost all sight of her priorities. Perhaps, then, it would be better this way. Isabelle might be safe… but she still had a dozen other friends who might not be… who might instead need her help… desperately. "How are you?"

"I've seen better days," Isabelle admitted, much to her friend's dismay. Back inside the house, the Fletchers and Petunia were all peering outside in open curiosity, but they went ignored. The two witches… their attention lay fixed entirely on each other. Isabelle's eyes, though dry, were still puffier than normal, and Lily knew she probably wasn't hiding her own turmoil as effectively as she'd done in the past. They had both recently suffered far too much. Masks were, unfortunately, growing harder and harder to wear. Isabelle was breathing deeply. "We're all alright. Fanny. Me. My parents. The others are fine, too, as far as I can tell. But still more people were injured. St. Mungo's Hospital is in desperate need of help, Lily. We're understaffed, and more and more patients are being brought in by the hour. We just can't keep up anymore."

Isabelle was already talking like one who'd been working at the hospital for years on end, and Lily didn't think she'd officially even started yet! Nevertheless, she definitely and without a doubt heard the meaning behind her dear friend's words. This wasn't your normal, everyday, regular, friendly house call. This was a desperate call for help. He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named was still winning the war… and something needed to be done. Everyone who could needed to help. Now was not the time for her to be wallowing in loneliness, guilt, or sorrow. "I don't know how much help I can be, Isabelle. I'm not a Healer. But let me come with you, and I'll do whatever I can." A grateful smile crossed her friend's face. Already she looked years younger… like a weight had been lifted off her shoulders. But… before she could say anything at all in response, Petunia was up in arms all over again, and Mr. Fletcher looked decidedly displeased.

"What, are you going to walk out on us all over again?"

"Lily, I think this is something we need to talk about, first."

But Lily was through talking. Caught up in the midst of a great and mighty tempest that might have had her out at sea, drowning in waters that no girl, witch or muggle, could possibly brave, she needed to find something to keep her afloat. Something… that she wouldn't find with James… and couldn't find with her family… Glancing over her shoulder, she looked directly at Mr. Fletcher. "I'm sorry. But I have to go. I just… I have to do this." She hesitated for a moment, but then went right on anyway. "If James comes here looking for me… please don't tell him where I've gone."

"And where is it exactly that you're going?" Carla asked, walking past Petunia. Lily met her gaze ruefully. If there was one person here that she didn't want to leave behind… it was definitely the youngest Fletcher. But she needed to do this. Especially since it was Isabelle asking.

"St. Mungo's Hospital," she said quietly. "For witches and wizards. If I can do anything to help them… It's where I have to be right now."

"Wait-!" Mr. Fletcher shook his head, taking a step towards her, but Lily quickly backed away. Grabbing Isabelle's hand, she turned around and hastened towards the road. It had grown so dark out… The moon was grand that night, and the stars were all resplendent, but that didn't change the fact that nothing in the world seemed quite as bright anymore. Had she changed so much in such a short amount of time that she didn't even recognize herself? With James at her side, she hadn't been half as concerned about her other friends' welfares as she should have been. And now… she felt like she was running away from home… headfirst into madness. So much had happened in the past twenty-four hours… ever since getting off that train. Had that done this to her? She felt so lost… Nothing felt right anymore. Nothing felt real. Where was she?

"Lily…?" Isabelle was staring at her in confusion… almost as if she didn't know her. And Lily couldn't blame her for that. After all… she wasn't so sure of herself either. "I don't understand. What's going on?"

Lily shook her head, tears forming in her eyes for the thousandth time. "I don't know."

**ooooooo**

**A/N: **Please don't be too harsh on Lily. She's just a teenaged girl, and only a day has passed since she stepped off that train. Considering the speed at which everything's been going on lately… I'd probably be a lot worse off myself in her shoes. Anyway, definitely keep those reviews coming! I do appreciate them. Thanks so much!


	85. Lost

**ooooooo**

It was not the first time Lily had stepped foot inside St. Mungo's Hospital for Magical Maladies and Injuries, and it certainly had not changed for the better. Dressed in lime green robes that were starting to look tattered and worn, the Healers were all, as Isabelle had forewarned, outnumbered by their patients five to one, and the result was sheer, positive madness. There was not a single person throughout the entire building sitting still – even guests and visitors were obliged to lend a hand wherever they could, trying their absolute best to keep patients as comfortable as possible. Comfort, however, was unfortunately quickly becoming one of the hospital's greatest shortages – they were running out of room for beds, and in some of the wards they were removing beds altogether! There just simply wasn't enough space for them; not with such a terribly high number of patients getting packed inside. They needed to make due with the floor, and it became yet another responsibility for Healers, visitors, and volunteers alike to ensure that everything remained as clean and sanitary as possible – an extremely difficult task, considering what a mess it all was.

Patients needed to be fed and watered. Bandages needed to be constantly changed. Stretchers needed to be on hand twenty-four, seven, and something had to be done with all the waste. It was near chaos. The smells were abominable – there was a mixture between sanitation, blood, burnt flesh, rotted flesh, potions, medicines, occasionally vomit… It was disgusting! And the sight of it all was just as terrible. There was never a moment's silence. If staff members and Healers weren't shouting out instructions, if angry patients weren't shrieking for help, or just shrieking in pain, there were always tears. Countless tears… and not nearly enough time to dry them all.

Fortunately for Lily, her exposure to these conditions was somewhat limited. While she did, on occasion, venture out into the wards, she spent most of her time, amazingly enough, with Poppy Pomfrey in the laboratory where she brewed an infinite number of tonics and potions. Like her, the Hogwarts head nurse had agreed to volunteer her services to the hospital over the summer holiday. While generally acknowledged as an accomplished Healer, Madam Pomfrey was still not recognized as one of St. Mungo's, and therefore not permitted to assist the hospital in their operations anymore than any other ordinary volunteer. It was a policy she understood herself all too well, for in her own territory back at the castle, she would not have trusted anyone else with her patients either. Mistakes were just too difficult to fix these days, and caution, though inconvenient, was the only strategy they could afford.

And so Madam Pomfrey was placed in charge of mixing the potions. While all the St. Mungo's Healers worked to Heal, the nurse and several of her personally hand chosen assistants spent both their days and nights constantly concocting. Everything was in short supply, and they did not have time to waste. They hardly slept. They hardly ate. They worked themselves to near exhaustion, and Lily was among them. She had, after all, received an Outstanding on her Potions O.W.L., and when Isabelle had informed the nurse of her presence, Madam Pomfrey immediately requested her assistance. Lily had a fulltime job before she'd even been at the hospital five whole minutes. But that… that was how it went in the midst of war.

The laboratory was a wing very few outsiders knew about. Security had grown horrifically tight, for the Ministry obviously feared some kind of an attack. If the Death Eaters were to destroy the magical hospital… witches and wizards would have to rely solely on the muggles… and that would be a mighty victory for the Dark Lord indeed. Besides, there were also numerous patients at the hospital bearing tattoos of the Dark Mark on their arms. Healers were obliged to treat them before sending them all straight off to Azkaban… Prisoners of war… There wasn't a doubt in anyone's mind that captive, wounded Death Eaters received better care than decent folk captured by He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named ever did. No one wanted to share a hospital with them, but Healers in general treated everyone carried through their doors. It was risky business, to be sure… and asking for trouble. The Ministry eagerly sought to change it – no matter how difficult it was to modify such policies. Aurors were stationed at every entrance and on every floor to keep the facility secure, and no one, absolutely no one, without Madam Pomfrey or one of the other Healer's express permission, was allowed access to the laboratory where potions were brewed and stored.

Lily, however, was one of the few that boasted such permission, and wore a badge with a crossed bone and magical wand – the emblem of St. Mungo's – to prove it. She spent most of her time under Madam Pomfrey's supervision, brewing potions that were occasionally rather simple, and occasionally more complicated than anything she'd ever experienced before, somehow nevertheless managing to meet every satisfaction. It was hard work, and it offered very little compensation. Never in Lily's entire life had she ever labored so excessively! Sixteen year olds were not meant to toil like that, and she had no doubts in her mind whatsoever that, had the world not been in the midst of a war as it was, she would never have been permitted to exhaust herself so. Particularly with Madam Pomfrey in command. But there was indeed a war raging, and the hospital was understaffed and overworked. Lily was trusted with responsibilities she never would have been granted at any other time, because St. Mungo's was not the hospital wing at a school. It was a hospital where people either lived or died… by the hundreds, or so it seemed. She was not a student anymore. She was a volunteer, and no one cared to shelter volunteers. They worked until they dropped, and then they were sent home before they became patients themselves. Lily, however, had no intention of being sent home early.

Working at the hospital quickly felt like the most important thing she had ever done before. It kept her hands busy and her mind occupied. She did not have time to yearn for James. Nor did she have time to dread her next encounter with the Fletchers. She found herself concentrating solely on the responsibilities she had been given – to save lives. And even if she hadn't concerns about her own private one, she still would have chosen to remain, for as long as possible, at St. Mungo's simply because her heart told her there was no other place to be. If Madam Pomfrey sent her home… who would she be able to help?

No one in the entire world, however, had that kind of endurance. She doubted that even James, who'd effectively trained himself as a Marauder to keep awake and active while everyone else chose to sleep, had stamina enough to make it through two months of this. Most volunteers failed to last even a week, and Lily brewed more than one potion meant to revitalize Healers and Trainee Healers, like Isabelle, who made a career out of it. She herself held on. She didn't stop. She didn't give up. She couldn't bring herself to. She watched volunteers come and go. She watched patients come and go. Even Isabelle was sent home with other trainees to rest and recover every night and on weekends. But Lily never went. She slept while waiting for the completion of those potions that took longer to brew. She ate whenever the hospital's kitchen sent up food to the laboratory. She was constantly required to wash her hands all the way up to her elbows, and often splashed water onto her face as well. She changed aprons with every potion, and wore her hair in a tight braid wrapped up onto the back of her head. It was a terrible, terrible way to spend the last summer she had as an underage witch… but she wouldn't have wanted to spend it any other way! Not even with James… no matter how much she had thought the contrary… that she'd never survive without him… This was where she found herself. This was where she needed to stay.

Of course, she knew she'd be deceiving herself if she thought it hadn't taken its toll on her. Every scream she heard was a dagger stabbing her in the ears. She found it increasingly difficult to carry the potions out to the patients with comforting smiles on her face and words of encouragement ready on her tongue. Fatigue clawed at her daily, and she found herself covertly brewing rejuvenation potions of her own to drink when no one was looking. Were Madam Pomfrey to discover her resorting to such ends, she'd have the girl sent home in the blink of an eye!

"There is no better treatment to fatigue than actual rest!" the nurse loved to say. "With Healers, it's one thing! But with volunteers, sleep is essential. I'll not have anyone replacing it with a measly potion! Sleep for a day or two, or even a week, and then come back!" Lily couldn't bear to sleep on the job for 'a day or two.' The hospital needed all the help it could get! She felt too stubborn to leave! They needed her… And so she drank rejuvenation potions whenever she could to revitalize herself, all the while praying not to be discovered. She could only imagine how Madam Pomfrey would react were she to find out that, not only a hospital volunteer, but one of her own _students_,had been so blithely disregarding such crucial, indisputable advice. Getting sent home would probably be the very least of her concerns. But she couldn't… It was a risk she felt she had to take.

When she'd first left home with Isabelle, she had been lost and so painfully confused. She thought she loved James, and knew without a doubt he deserved better than to be stranded by a girl who had begged him not to leave her side. She hadn't thought she could live without him. And then she had had that argument with Petunia. She had left behind the Fletchers with barely even a word. It wasn't like her! She honestly didn't recognize herself, and couldn't even begin to comprehend why. What was changing? And how could it change so fast? If her answers lay on this strange new road she was traversing, she wouldn't find them by being sent back. She wouldn't find them by returning to the Fletchers. She had to keep working. She had to keep helping. She had to stay! There would be plenty of time for her to rest at Hogwarts. Right now, she had to keep up on her feet, for, as Virgil said to Dante, the way is long, and difficult the road. Her world was changing, and if she was ever going to find out where she fit in all of it…

The first time she drank a rejuvenation potion, she swore it was only to fend off exhaustion for a little while longer. But the longer she worked at the hospital, the more determined she became to remain there, and to keep fighting to help ease the patients' pain. She hadn't spent nearly as much time as she would have liked marauding with the Marauders the preceding spring, but she had definitely spent enough of it to quickly become proficient at brewing such a potion at least once a day without garnering suspicion. It kept her strong. It kept her conscious. But it didn't keep her from feeling guilty. Madam Pomfrey wasn't a fool. After awhile, she had begun asking after Lily's health, wondering how it was the girl managed to keep up without collapsing from utter exhaustion. The redhead didn't like deceiving her, and self-reproach wracked every fiber of her being. What help would she be to anyone, some tiny little bit of reason within her mind often asked, if she worked herself to her grave? For that was what rejuvenation potions often did when used irresponsibly. She had learned as much at school. Healers were well trained professionals who took their rounds very seriously. Volunteers – especially eager volunteers – hadn't as much of a conception as to what was appropriate. Human bodies required sleep. There were consequences to those who didn't respect that.

Lily did continue to sleep whenever there was occasion, but her sleeping patterns had grown increasingly irregular. The thought of sleeping eight hours straight became laughable, particularly after her nightmares returned. Nightmares not so much of He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named anymore as of death… The images her unconscious mind came up with in reflection of the injuries she'd seen in the hospital were twisted and terrifying. She couldn't help but wonder what kind of person imagined such things – even if only in their subconscious. She grew to fear sleep. It failed to matter what oaths she might have made the first time she drank a rejuvenation potion, promising herself never to again. When those nightmares started back up, haunting her relentlessly, she found herself quite unable to resist drinking another brew. Madam Pomfrey, although extremely curious as to where her fortitude was springing up from, had no way of knowing what she was really up to, and Lily meant to keep it that way.

She brewed potions… and brewed potions… and brewed potions… occasionally carrying them out to the patients in the wards. She was not allowed to venture anywhere near the Death Eater prisoners, and was strongly discouraged from approaching patients whose conditions might endanger her herself. But aside from them, she never once hesitated to jump to the aid of witches and wizards who needed her. She helped those who could not hold their own cups to drink. More than once, she found herself spoon feeding men whose hands had been wrapped tightly in bandages. She grew accustomed to fighting those obstinate patients who feared dependency. She warded off the advances made by more than one male patient whose befuddled condition left him lecherous and willful. She comforted those upset. She encouraged those afraid. She calmed those enraged. Everyday, it grew harder to do so… but everyday, she did it. Those were tasks no rejuvenation potion could make easy, and they were every bit as taxing in themselves. She found herself building up more and more of the strength necessary to cope with them, or else she might have collapsed and fallen to pieces long ago.

**ooooooo**

August was approaching, and still Lily remained at the hospital. It seemed utterly and completely ridiculous that she'd managed to stay for so long when everyone else her age failed to last even half of that. People had been whispering about it, and Lily had no doubt that some of them knew about the potions she took. It was the only explanation that made any sense whatsoever, and Madam Pomfrey was obviously not happy about it.

"Lily!" she called out to the girl one morning, waving her forward from her cauldron. Apprehensively, the redhead approached her, both suspecting and dreading the inevitable. The nurse was wearing an expression that boded ill for volunteers like her. "Lily, you've done more than your fair share of work at the hospital, and I'm sending you home this afternoon."

"No," Lily heard herself arguing, without even a second's hesitation. Madam Pomfrey frowned in loud disapproval, which was heard by each and every one of her other assistants. None of them had been working in the laboratory for even half as long as Lily, and none of them could help but admire her, despite her youth and apparent foolishness. When she started arguing against their supervisor, they all found themselves paying close attention. "I want to stay and help for as long as I can. We're always short on potions here, and I'm not going to just leave when there's still something I can do."

"Miss Evans," Madam Pomfrey had obviously grown dangerously impatient. She couldn't prove that Lily was drinking rejuvenation potions, but if she suspected it, she wasn't about to let it continue. She would sooner dismiss the girl solely on a matter of principle then allow her to stay and jeopardize her health. "You have been here since the start of summer. It is nearing August now, and you will return home to rest and ready yourself for school. Am I making myself clear?"

"Yes," Lily assured her. "But I'm still not ready to leave. I'm too committed." School, she found, no longer felt half as important as it once did. Lives were at stake here! Could she just walk away from that? For her education? She hadn't even started her summer homework yet. What would the point be if they were all going to get conquered anyway by He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named? If she wasn't obsessed with one thing, it was something else, and she couldn't leave!

"I've made the necessary arrangements for the Knight Bus to pick you up after lunch," Madam Pomfrey went on, ignoring her last objection. "You will be boarding it, and it will see you safely home. I don't want you returning here again, Miss Evans. You are not an of-age witch yet, and are therefore not committed to anything but your house at Hogwarts." She glared at the girl with an expression that clearly brooked no argument, and Lily knew better than to cause a scene trying. Not in the middle of a hospital laboratory like some screaming five year old. Her time had come… altogether too soon…

It didn't seem right.

Frustrated, Lily nodded to the woman and excused herself from the laboratory, claiming that she needed to use the loo. In truth, she just wanted to get away from her supervisor before anyone saw the tears forming in her eyes. She needed to clear her head! How was it fair that they could turn people away when they clearly so desperately still needed help? Shouldn't it be her choice to stay or go? She had tried so hard to do so much and go so far… that being asked to quit was like being asked to stop breathing. When she first arrived at the hospital… she had wanted to… to… to find out who she was… and who she was becoming. The truth, however, was that she didn't have anymore of an idea than she did when she first stepped foot outside the Fletchers' house. She felt alone… and uncertain… and desperate to do more… to be more.

_What have I become?_

She found herself passing alongside the fourth floor's Spell Damage wards when she saw him. As per usual, the place was filled to the brim with witches and wizards, either visitors, staff, patients, or volunteers. It was loud and painfully hectic, what with crystal bubbles floating around above all their heads offering whatever light they could like irritating fireflies, and ancient Healers in their portraits shouting out unwanted advice to any and all who would listen as if their opinions still held weight in the magical world, and through it all, there were always strangers. So many strangers. Crying. Shrieking. Talking. Living. Dying. In the midst of pandemonium like that, one never would have expected there to be anything at all capable of standing out. Yet Lily… Through it all, she caught sight of someone she immediately recognized.

He was standing by a window, staring outside at the muggle world which lay beyond. Vaughn Derricks. The expelled Slytherin ex-prefect who had attacked her last January. He was the very last person she'd ever expected to see again, and yet there he was… a stalker who didn't even realize his victim was standing there watching him. The irony tasted sour, and sent so many emotions rushing through her that her head began to spin. Instinct told her to run. Told her to hide. Told her to get away before he turned around and caught sight of her himself through that crowd. She had no idea what he would do to her if they were ever alone again.

But there was something else… something bitter that wondered why she should be afraid of him. She wasn't the same girl she'd been back in January when he had targeted her. No. That girl had been someone else entirely. Someone from a different life. Someone who'd known who she was. Lily felt like an empty shell compared to that girl. She'd walked out on James. She'd walked out on the Fletchers. She was being forced to walk out on the hospital. Her body had physically been strained past the breaking point, and was only still functioning via the magic in a potion she'd not been permitted to drink. What could Vaughn Derricks do to her? What could anyone do to her? After everything she'd been through? She didn't know who she was anymore. This was precisely why she hadn't wanted to be a witch six years ago when she first realized there was magic within her. She'd been terrified that it would cause her to change… that she wouldn't be Lily Evans anymore. The transformation hadn't come as soon as she'd expected… so she'd thought she'd escaped such a fate. But now… now… She had gone down a road of self-discovery… and she had lost her way.

She walked through the crowd towards Vaughn Derricks, past caring what might happen if he still sought to do her injury. And as she approached him, she found herself wondering what had brought him to St. Mungo's. He was standing on his feet and didn't seem to be in any pain, so whatever it was must have had to do with someone else. Maybe a parent. Maybe a sibling. Did he have any brothers? Did he have any… sisters?

The boy must have sensed her coming, for he spun around sharply to look at her. She stopped short, waiting for a reaction that took several seconds to form on his astonished face. When his initial shock was past, he stumbled backwards, letting loose a twisted exclamation as he crashed against the window frame. "Evans!" He had known her… as if from a different time and a different world. But Lily… she found herself quite unable to deny that he looked different, too.

"I never thought I'd see you again," she told him quietly, which obviously thunderstruck him. Out of everything that could possibly have been said by a victim to her stalker, such were not the words, nor the tone, that he'd been expecting. There was almost something about it that was… forgiving. He stared at her, growing quickly numb as she went on. "You haven't been injured, have you?" He didn't look like it… but, then again, one could never be too sure.

"What are you doing here?" he suddenly demanded, ignoring her question completely as he looked her up and down, staring at some parts of her longer than others. A wave of anger coursed through her veins, and she told herself to take some relief in the knowledge that she still knew enough about herself to feel offended.

"Don't look at me like that," she spat harshly, and he immediately obliged, glancing towards the window almost as if in diffidence. She was _not _about to let him intimidate her, and she would made that perfectly clear to him. She was not that girl. "I've been volunteering here. But apparently they don't want my help anymore."

A nasty smile crossed his face, and met her gaze almost hungrily. "Some places are like that. They don't recognize good help when they see it. Either that or you're more pathetic than anyone ever realized."

"So they can take the boy out of Slytherin, but not Slytherin out of the boy." Lily shook her head with a sigh. "We're in a hospital, Vaughn. I thought you might at least try to be decent. And maybe at most appreciate some company." His expression melted into confusion, and he stared at her as if he'd finally realized she'd changed. "Why are you here?"

"My father's being taken to Azkaban as we speak," he told her monotonically, like one who'd been slipped veritaserum, the strongest truth serum in the entire world. "I wasn't allowed to see him, but I thought I'd try anyway. I know he was here, but I didn't quite make it in time. He's gone now." He stared at her for a moment, and then turned away angrily, gazing back out through the window as if it were a portal that might reunite him with his family. "That should satisfy you, shouldn't it?"

"Satisfy me?" Lily shook her head, though she knew he wouldn't see her staring through the window like that. The muggle world outside looked peaceful from above. Muggles… They were the lucky ones. Vaughn glanced over his shoulder at her, and she found that, despite everything, she wasn't satisfied. "Is your father a Death Eater?"

"No," Vaughn shot the word at her, sarcasm dripping from his lips. "No, he was arrested for flying a broomstick in circles around Big Ben." He stared back out the window. "It doesn't really matter anymore. Prisoners don't stay sane in Azkaban. Not if the Dementors can help it." Most wizards that went bad were Slytherins. Vaughn had stalked her through the corridors of Hogwarts. She couldn't help but wonder if she wasn't talking to a Death Eater that very moment. His father was one. His father was being taken to Azkaban! But, then again, she should know… not all sons took after their fathers…

"I'm sorry," she said, and her words caused Vaughn to actually flinch. He half turned around to face at her, but then thought better of it. She took a deep breath. "The war… It damages everything, doesn't it? It doesn't matter who's on what side. People still get hurt, don't they? I'm sorry you didn't get to say goodbye to your father." Maybe she was naïve… but at that moment, she didn't care.

"I wasn't actually going to hurt you," he told her quite suddenly, catching her completely by surprise. He didn't look at her and she didn't move. For a moment, they were both perfectly silent. "I won't apologize after everything I've been through. I was just trying to have some fun, you know, and, to be perfectly frank, you were the sport." She shifted her weight, but didn't interrupt. "When I went home, my father wanted to throw me out. The things he said to me… well… the things he shouted, really… were the sort of things that give children nightmares. I didn't come here to say goodbye to him, Evans. I came here to tell him it serves him right." He finally met her gaze, and his expression was angry and very, very bitter. "The war doesn't 'damage people,' as you so nicely put it. It gives them exactly what they deserve."

Lily shook her head. "You're so wrong about that. I've been working in this hospital since summer began, and some of the things I've seen here… You can't tell me these people deserve it. I'll never believe that."

"That's not my problem," he snapped. They glared at each other for several long, infinite moments, before he finally spun on his heel. "If I were you, Evans, I'd keep an eye on Severus Snape. He's not out looking for sport." Lily blinked, not at all sure what to make of that particular statement, but before she could ask, Vaughn was off and disappearing into the crowd. Confused, she immediately set after him, but he proved astonishingly evasive. In a building of that size and congestion, catching up with anyone, much less a slippery git like him, was simply out of the question, and she soon found herself giving up on the chase, letting him go. Alone yet again, she stood in the midst of pure mayhem, wondering what in the world Severus Snape had to do with anything.

**ooooooo**

**A/N: **Happy New Year, everyone! I can't believe it's already 2007… Anyway, please keep reviewing! I appreciate it so, so much!


	86. The Prodigal Daughter

**ooooooo**

The Knight Bus was waiting on a curb outside the hospital by the time Madam Pomfrey managed to escort Lily there. It was an enormous purple triple-decker, and by no means whatsoever an inconspicuous sight. Everything about it spoke of the extraordinary, and Lily could well imagine that, were muggles able to glimpse past the vehicle's magical barriers, they'd be staring at it with their mouths agape, too astonished to even begin wondering what to make of the sight. Lily herself had learned about the Knight Bus at school, and knew that with just a single wave of one's wand, one could flag the bus down from just about anywhere to be picked up when stranded. The only two catches were, understandably, that there was a fare, like any other means of public transportation, and that both the origin and the destination had to be on land. These two points, however, were absolutely the farthest things from Lily's mind as she stood on the sidewalk next to Madam Pomfrey, surrounded by conveniently oblivious muggles going about their daily business, while they stared up at the bus.

A part of her was slowly starting to accept the fact that it had come to this. Over the long course of the past month, she had all but abandoned reason, depriving her body of sleep – as sleep continued to frighten her – while working herself to her grave. She hadn't realized it, but she had lost quite a bit of weight in the process, and looked, to those who knew her, frailer than she'd ever been at school. Her heart might have been in the right place, Madam Pomfrey couldn't deny, but, for whatever reason, Lily had not been thinking in her proper senses since arriving at the hospital. She was not thinking like the clear, levelheaded, reasonable, responsible student she was known to be at the castle. She was behaving like someone entirely different. Someone… who had lost her way. It was fitting, then, that she would be carried home by the magical world's emergency transport for stranded witches and wizards. Maybe Lily could find her way back.

"Miss Evans, I am sorry to be sending you back home when you so clearly want to stay and help," the head nurse presently said to the girl, looking down at her sympathetically. Lily, however, did not meet her gaze. Instead, she continued to stare forlornly at the purple bus. "But you have to understand the position we're all in here."

"I don't understand," Lily calmly admitted, without turning her head. "As long as I'm still standing, and still able to make proper potions… does it really matter whether or not I've rested? As long as I can still get the job done?" She didn't want to leave yet. She knew Madam Pomfrey wasn't giving her a choice in the matter, and that a woman like her probably wasn't going to change her mind… but there still wasn't a part of her that would give up so easily. If she could just… make the head nurse see…

Little did she know, that was precisely what Madam Pomfrey wanted _her _to do. "Miss Evans," she sighed, shaking her head in near despondency. "We, as in me and the entire staff at St. Mungo's, have not grown desperate enough for such an extreme act of service to be warranted. Now…" She held out a vial to the girl, who took it expressionlessly. When she tried to open it, however, Madam Pomfrey harrumphed. "There's a charm on the cap, girl. You can't open it until you get home. And when you do get home, I want you to drink it directly."

"What is it?" Lily asked, glancing up at the woman for the first time in cold apprehension. As far as she knew, the nurse didn't go around handing out tonics to every volunteer she sent away. Then again, as far as she'd known, the nurse didn't arrange transportation for those volunteers either, and certainly didn't escort them out of the building! Lily felt like she was either getting special treatment… or being treated like a child… and there wasn't anything in the entire world more irritating than that.

"I'm sure you'll recognize it when you get home," Madam Pomfrey assured her offhandedly. "Now hurry up. The Knight Bus won't wait for you forever." Which, Lily thought unhappily, would definitely be a shame, wouldn't it? Before she could be hustled anywhere closer to the bus, however, a very different woman poked her head outside. A woman Lily nevertheless recognized within seconds. Minerva McGonagall? What was she doing there?

"The driver is asking that you not tarry, Poppy," the woman spoke crisply before staring down at Lily. "I hear you've been causing quite the stir, Miss Evans. I can honestly say your guardians are not at all pleased with us. Climb aboard this instant." It was not quite the welcome Lily had been anticipating. Her guardians? Had the Fletchers managed to contact the wizarding world in search of her? Were they that upset? She'd only been… helping out as best she could at the hospital… Was that really so bad? And why was Professor McGonagall there? Was she to be treated like a child, then? Had she truly been acting like one? To deserve that? With a slightly scrunched up face, Lily climbed onto the bus, trying to summon forth the reason she'd cast aside, trying to see from everyone else's point of view. She was still just sixteen years old… She reckoned that adults would sill consider her to be a child, then… which meant that they were the ones responsible for her. So did that merit an escort like Professor McGonagall?

"Don't forget!" Madam Pomfrey called after her. "You're to drink that as soon as you get home, Miss Evans! You've been a great help – more so than I daresay you realize. You deserve plenty of rest." If the nurse had more to say, Lily didn't hear it, for Professor McGonagall was drawing her deeper inside the bus. There was a brown-haired driver sitting in front of the wheel, and a conductor lying sprawled out in an armchair, fast asleep. No one seemed to mind, however, that he was doing so on the job, but then again, there weren't very many passengers to begin with. Most witches and wizards had their own means of transportation – the Knight Bus was, after all, truly meant for the stranded, and the stranded alone. Reservations could certainly be made, but they weren't, in any sense of the word, popular.

Professor McGonagall presently directed Lily towards two empty armchairs that were a good distance away from the two other current passengers. Gesturing for the girl to take a seat, she then proceeded to ease herself into one as well. "I must say, Miss Evans, I was not exactly pleased when Madam Pomfrey sent word to me that you required some accompaniment to get yourself home."

"I don't-!"

"Furthermore," the woman stepped right over her, much to Lily's indignation. "Never, in my entire career, have I had such a lengthy correspondence with a muggle. Particularly in the midst of a summer holiday. When Mr. Fletcher wrote to tell me that you had run off twice in a single night, I was absolutely astounded!"

Lily frowned, more than just a tad confused. "How did-?"

"We do provide parents and guardians with the means to contact us when necessary, Miss Evans," Professor McGonagall assured her brusquely. "Particularly now that we're offering students the option of remaining at the castle for the entirety of their summer. It is a school, after all, where we are entrusted with the care of men and women's children. Now imagine my surprise when Mr. Fletcher wrote that your first flight was in the company of one James Potter! I thought it absolutely had to be a joke." She stared at Lily harshly, and the girl felt her face color. "And then! To hear from Madam Pomfrey that you…" She hesitated, a scowl planted firmly across her face, and Lily recognized that moment as an ample opportunity to jump right in.

"Everything was happening at once!" she tried to explain. Instead of an explanation, however, it felt suspiciously rather like an excuse. "And I couldn't keep up with it!" The ambush at the train station… James… James's house… James's dying father… her decision to leave… her argument with Petunia… Isabelle's call for help… She'd been in way over her head, drowning in the midst of a fully-fledged storm. How were explanations supposed to be given in such painful settings?

"So instead of trying to catch your breath," Professor McGonagall shrewdly observed, staring down at her in clear disapproval. "You thought you'd just continue running until keeping up with it all became simple? Well, I hate to be the one to tell you this, Miss Evans, but it is never simple. Things always happen at once. They always happen faster than you can blink your eye. But that does not justify straining yourself until all the problems in your life go away. Now, Madam Pomfrey suspects you've been abusing your body with a rejuvenation potion. Is there any truth to that?"

Lily hesitated. Madam Pomfrey suspected it… but couldn't prove anything. Then again, she hadn't been doing anything illegal. It wasn't against the law to drink rejuvenation potions. What more could be done to her now? She'd already been sent away from the hospital, and was about to be taken home. What was there to be gained by lying? "I was handling it just fine…"

"Mmm," Professor McGonagall regarded her coolly as she stared at her feet. "That you were, Miss Evans." Her voice sounded softer now, and Lily dared look up in surprise. "The fact that your body still seems to be functioning… Most young witches that abuse such potions don't last a month before their systems all start breaking down. Madam Pomfrey suspected what you were about, but the mere fact that your body was indeed handling it so well greatly confused her. Only the best and most experienced Healers have proven capable of lasting as you have. It is extremely curious."

Lily frowned, staring up at her in dismay. "Then why am I here? I should be back at the hospital!"

"Don't be stupid!" Professor McGonagall waved that remark aside impatiently. "You've taken a serious risk, Miss Evans, and I certainly don't think it's a coincidence that you, of all people, have such energy reserves to draw from. It is not something that should be exposed to the general public." Was she referring to Lily's gift? The girl swallowed hard, wondering what would've happened if she'd, as her teacher obviously feared, demonstrated the power that she had that night last winter when Sirius had played his rather ruthless little prank on Severus. Alice had said that, after Lily collapsed, something had pulsated out of her body. Something… warm enough to melt snow… something comforting… and brilliant. Everyone in the castle had felt it… and Lily had ended up in the hospital wing. There were Death Eaters at St. Mungo's… Word might have gotten out about her… He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named might have heard about her… No wonder Professor McGonagall had suffered the inconvenience of coming all the way out here to see her home!

"Fortunately, rejuvenation potions aren't addictive," the woman went on presently. "Or else you would be in serious trouble." Lily flinched, wondering just how much trouble she was actually in right now. But, at that moment, before she could bring herself to ask, someone new clambered his way onto the bus, apologizing for making everyone wait. And immediately after that…

BANG!

Nothing in the world could have prepared her for that. Lily was thrown back against her chair as the bus shot down the street like a speeding bullet. She thought she could feel her stomach jumping into her throat, and that was a sensation she definitely could have done without. Where were the seatbelts? She glanced around frantically, but there wasn't any sign whatsoever of a belt or buckle. To top it off, Professor McGonagall hardly seemed to be at all fazed as the bus jerked its way through London. Entire buildings seemed to jump aside for its passage, and, within moments, it came to such an abrupt stop that Lily was thrown violently forward. She landed on her hands and knees, and found herself uncomfortably eager to throw up.

"Careful, Lily," Professor McGonagall was instantly at her side, helping her back up to her feet. She groaned as she shakily stood up, and, upon glancing out through a window, let loose another as she realized they were already parked outside the Fletchers' house. She glanced up at her teacher miserably, and thought she detected a small, sympathetic smile breaking past the woman's outward displeasure. "It appears we've arrived." Altogether too soon!

As Lily was shepherded off the bus, she caught sight of Professor McGonagall handing the driver a fistful of coins – since the conductor was still asleep. She felt her face burning with humiliation; not only was she being chaperoned, but she was also turning into a right old imposition! She should be paying for her own fare! But she didn't have any money… "I'll pay you back," she heard herself declare as Professor McGonagall stepped onto the ground after her. There was another furiously thunderous BANG, and the Knight Bus was off, speeding away into the distance.

"Don't be ridiculous," Professor McGonagall retorted. "It wasn't at all that expensive." She gestured towards the house, and Lily took a moment to stare at it in absolute dread. She wasn't ready… She wasn't ready! She wasn't ready! How could she face her guardians after what she'd done? How could she face Carla? How could she face… Petunia? Professor McGonagall sighed and started ushering her forward. "I think you've held this moment off long enough, Miss Evans. Besides, if Madam Pomfrey's given you what I suspect she has, I'll have to do some explaining to the Fletchers myself, so don't think you'll be facing them alone." Lily glanced up at the woman in astonishment, and now there wasn't any doubt about it whatsoever in her mind. Professor McGonagall was indeed sympathetic. There was something unexpectedly comforting about that…

Before the two of them had managed to make it even halfway across the drive up to the house, they were spotted from inside. Within heartbeats the front door was thrown open and Carla Fletcher came careening outside, positively beaming and shouting joyously, like one who had finally discovered her lost family at long last. "LILY! YOU'RE HOME!" She practically shoved Professor McGonagall aside as she embraced her adopted sister. "When you said you were gonna be working at a hospital, you didn't say you'd be gone for so long! You have no idea how much we've missed you!"

Lily blinked, returning the girl's embrace. Again, it wasn't quite the welcome she'd been expecting, but it definitely didn't call for complaint. Together, the two turned to watch as Mr. and Mrs. Fletcher both came running outside after their daughter. Temporarily casting aside whatever angers or fears or misgivings they might have had, both guardians grabbed Lily and nearly squeezed the life right out of her as relief bid them never to let go. "Where've you been?" "We've missed you!" "Why didn't you write?" "I'm so glad you're home!" There were tears coursing down Mrs. Fletcher's face, and when they finally pulled away from the girl, asking her more questions than she could reasonably comprehend, she felt as though someone had hit her pointblank with a stunning spell.

"You're not angry?" she asked them, hesitantly, reluctantly, timidly, nervously… They both stared at her knowingly.

"Of course we're angry," Mrs. Fletcher assured her through tears and quiet laughter. "We're furious! How could you leave us like that? Do you have any idea what it did to us?" She breathed heavily, wiping her eyes with her hands, and Lily was left to feel shame the likes of which she'd never before experienced. What exactly had she put her guardians through?

"I reckoned it was because of that James character," Carla whispered softly into her ear, sidling up beside her. "He did come looking for you, you know, shortly after you left with Isabelle, and I told him right off for upsetting you, and would have slapped him hard across the face, too… But dad came in before I could…" Lily stared at her friend in astonishment; this wasn't James's fault! She'd have to thank Mr. Fletcher later for discouraging his daughter from dispensing violence on the boy.

"But you're safe now," Mr. Fletcher once again pulled his charge into his loving arms. "That's all that matters… Anger can wait. Lily, are you okay?" The concern in his voice was more than she'd hoped for. Relief… was such a powerful emotion. It could send anger like the kind she'd expected to find greeting her here soaring right out the window. They loved her… They truly did… She had no doubt a lecture would soon be coming… but right now, they were too busy reveling in that pure relief… assuring them that their adopted daughter was home at last.

"Unfortunately, that remains to be seen," Professor McGonagall cut in, much to the Fletchers' surprise. They all turned to stare at her as if she were some kind of alien intruding on their privacy. Of course they knew who she was. They'd met her years ago at Lily's parents' funeral. And apparently they'd been corresponding with her for weeks, so it wasn't that she was a stranger to them, that they stared at her so. Lily could see the concern forming on their faces; what had she meant, 'that remains to be seen'? Professor McGonagall wasted no time whatsoever in explaining. "Miss Evans here took an extremely disapproved measure to remain as useful at the hospital as she possibly could for as long as she possibly could. While admirable, she has not had adequate rest, I can well imagine, since she last left Hogwarts." The Fletchers' expressions all turned to shock, and they stared back at Lily in open dismay. The girl quite suddenly felt eager to crawl underneath a bed or something. Professor McGonagall gestured towards the house. "Perhaps we can finish this conversation inside?"

"Of… of course," Mr. Fletcher stuttered, before waving her towards the front door. As if expecting her to collapse, his wife clutched Lily's arm and, with Carla at her side, guided her after the professor. Lily desperately wished they'd give her some room, but, all things considered, thought it might be better not to push them away. No doubt they already felt left out enough as it was. Slowly, they made their way inside, and then Professor McGonagall strode into the parlor, suggesting, as she went, that Lily take a seat on the sofa.

"Now, Miss Evans," the woman went on, once Lily had obeyed and was sitting sandwiched between Carla and Mrs. Fletcher. "I'd like you to drink the tonic Madam Pomfrey has provided you with." Lily hesitated, staring numbly down at the vial she still grasped in her hands. Reluctance tasted like dry, heavy lead on her tongue, but, with anxiety twisting her gut around, she nevertheless managed to pull off the cap.

"What is that?" Carla asked, leaning forward in open curiosity. Mr. and Mrs. Fletcher both, too, wore expressions of furrowed bafflement. But Lily, on the other hand, had spent enough time in Professor Slughorn's sixth-year Potions class to know exactly what it was, despite the fact that it outwardly appeared no different from water. Madam Pomfrey had said she'd recognize it, hadn't she? Her body quickly begin to shake; out of all the sleeping potions she'd ever concocted for herself, she'd never even once considered drinking something this terribly potent before. It was foolhardy to the extreme, and she had half a mind to throw it on the floor!

"I'm not drinking that!" Jumping to her feet, Lily stared at Professor McGonagall in complete and utter horror. "Draught of the Living Death? Isn't that a little bit extreme?" The Fletchers' eyes all immediately opened wide in outright terror, and they glanced wildly around at each other in shock. Had they heard correctly? Living Death? Did that mean what they feared it might?

Professor McGonagall, however, glanced at them shortly. "Try to keep from panicking. It is nothing more than an extremely powerful sleeping potion." Once again relief spread across their faces, and they all took a second to breathe as the woman turned her attention back towards Lily. "Miss Evans, if it seems extreme to you, perhaps you should take into account that the rejuvenation potions you've been drinking were also quite extreme. Now I would strongly advise you to show some responsibility for a change, and once again act like the mature young woman I know you to be. Drink it!"

Tears formed in Lily's eyes. One reason why she'd not been sleeping… aside from the fact that she'd not had any time for it… was because she feared it… Nightmares… never ceased to torment her. Was it so hard to understand that she dared not close her eyes for fear of them? She glanced frantically from Mr. Fletcher to Mrs. Fletcher… and then looked at Carla… before finally facing Professor McGonagall once more. "I can't sleep. I don't want to."

"Why don't you want to?" Professor McGonagall demanded. "Nothing here is to be gained by your consciousness! You might not feel it if you're still under the influence of the last rejuvenation potion you've taken, but I can guarantee you that your body is terribly exhausted."

Carla slowly edged her way around Lily, staring at her in growing comprehension. "You don't still have nightmares, do you?" She remembered them all too well from the preceding summer. They had plagued her adopted sister so torturously every single night, without end, and the expression Lily wore on her face now was more than enough to assure them all that they certainly did continue to do so, worse now than ever before. Professor McGonagall's countenance softened considerably, and she took a deep breath.

"You should know, Lily," she spoke in an astonishingly gentle voice, and the girl met her gaze unhappily. "That this particular draught will put you into such a deep sleep you should have no fear of dreaming whatsoever. Your body requires it. Drink the potion."

She knew they were right. And she should have known this would be coming. She held the vial up to her lips, before once again hesitating. She glanced fearfully at Professor McGonagall. "It… it can last indefinitely… What if I don't ever wake up again?" She could sense Carla and Mrs. Fletcher's agitation. Obviously she wasn't the only one afraid. But then again… at least this way she'd probably escape that lecture…

Professor McGonagall offered her a comforting smile. "I will personally wake you up myself, Miss Evans, when the time comes."

"Thank you," Lily whispered, shoving the tip of the vial into her mouth. She drank, and immediately her head began to swim. Mr. Fletcher caught her as she stumbled, and carefully helped her onto the sofa. "Maybe… when I wake up… I'll be rested… enough to… to go back to St. Mungo's… to volunteer again?" She started blinking furiously as the world around her chose that particular moment to dance. Or was she dreaming? Maybe she'd been dreaming all along, and was only now, finally, starting to rouse. Where was she? Who was she?

Before she had all the answers riddled out, however, darkness wrapped around her like a monstrous cape, devouring her in its ragged folds.

**ooooooo**

**A/N:** Makes you wonder how she'll ever become Head Girl, don't it? Please keep reviewing. As always, I appreciate your thoughts!


	87. A Sister's Farewell

**ooooooo**

_"Lily, when a phoenix dies they're immediately reborn. It doesn't matter how painful or how long or how arduous that death is. When they're reborn, it all goes away. They don't feel it anymore. They might not even remember it! They can live again. It's like they've been set free, and are, at long last, completely whole. Completely healed. … You might not be a phoenix or anything, Lily, but we still want to know that you'll be able to live again! That you'll be able to heal! … You're safe with us, Lily. And you know that it's good when it's dark, right? Because when it's dark and you lose your way… all you have to do is look up and see the stars shining to find your way home again."_

_"But they don't shine every night…"_

_"I know. But then… didn't your father tell you once that real beauty couldn't be appreciated without certain flaws? … If all you can see in the world are its flaws… you just have to look extra hard to find the beauty."_

_"Lily."_

_"Daddy?"_

_"Learn to stand."_

_"Lily…"_

_"Lily…!"_

"LILY!"

Who was shouting? It sounded almost like someone had blared a decidedly loud tuba directly in her ears, which certainly wasn't the most pleasant sensation in the world, to be sure. Lily winced, blinking her eyes open only to find herself forcibly being dragged into a world of streaming lights, colors, sounds, and sensations. After the comforting, peaceful quiet of absolute darkness in a void that was known as sleep, waking up was something quite like coming to life. No wonder phoenixes were so often attributed with fire. Being reborn… required something of an explosion, didn't it?

She felt herself yawning. She felt herself stretching. She heard herself saying something… It was probably something foolish that made absolutely no sense whatsoever. "Is it morning already?" She was lying in her bed at the Fletchers' house. There were people all around her. How long had she been asleep?

"I should say so, Miss Evans!" Professor McGonagall's voice was, as ever, clipped and concise. "The effects of the draught wore off fifteen minutes ago. I certainly hope you don't intend to sleep all day, seeing as how there are places you have to be." Lily was lying on her side… Why… why was she lying on her side? She knew that those who drank the Living Death draught slept so soundly they might as well have been in a coma or something. They definitely didn't sleep on their sides! By all rights, at that moment she should have been lying sprawled out on her back! When had she rolled over?

Easing herself upright, Lily sat under her covers and took in her surroundings. Carla was lying on her own bed, watching with a small, content smile crossing her face. The Fletchers were both standing hand in hand by the window, looking on almost anxiously – for it wasn't exactly what you would call easy tending to the unconscious for however much time had past, and they were most eager for her to awaken once again. As for Professor McGonagall… She was presently righting herself, as she'd previously been sitting beside the girl attempting to rouse her. She looked slightly impatient. "You were so dead set against sleeping, I honestly expected you to be up on your feet again within moments. But, alas, it would appear you've grown lazy."

"Have not," Lily objected, surprised by the sound of her voice. Hoarse and gravelly, there wasn't any doubt she'd been sleeping for ages. She carefully began climbing out of bed. "I was dreaming…" Carla started at that, sitting up in concern, even as the Fletchers both opened their mouths to speak. Lily, however, cut right over them. "I was in Hogsmeade, and Remus was lecturing to me about birds and stars." She hesitated, a frown crossing her face. That didn't sound right… There had to be something else… something more to it… If only she could remember properly…

"Well," Professor McGonagall briskly clapped her hands together and Lily immediately gave her her full attention. "You're awake now, so I would advise you get yourself properly dressed and start your goodbyes. If we don't leave presently, you're going to miss the train." Lily's eyes widened in astonishment. The train? As in… the Hogwarts Express? Was it the start of term already? Was she seventeen already? Was Alice already married to Frank? Had she truly missed so much?

"What day is it?" she demanded, glancing from her teacher to her guardians to Carla. Carla was shaking her head in obvious amusement, and Lily could only wonder what she must have looked like right at that moment. Half out of bed, dressed in her nightgown, her long hair probably completely unkempt! No doubt she was fit for the stage!

"The first of September," Mrs. Fletcher confirmed, unable to control herself any longer. She pushed past Professor McGonagall and ran straight up to the girl. "But never mind all that! Lily, how do you feel? Rested? Healthy? Are you hungry? I can whip up some eggs if you like!" Lily smiled and, without bothering to answer any of the woman's questions, proceeded to wrap her arms around her in a tight bear hug. The truth was she felt perfectly fine. Actually, she'd never felt better in her entire life!

"No, that's alright," she said, pulling away from her guardian, who looked back at her in pleasant surprise. Carla and Mr. Fletcher were both beaming, and Professor McGonagall, too, wore an expression of approval. Lily glanced towards her closet. "I still have to pack…" If it was already the first of September then it was exactly as the head of Gryffindor had said. She needed to hurry or she'd get left behind. The prospect of riding the Knight Bus all the way to school did not appeal to her whatsoever.

"Pack!" Mr. Fletcher, however, sounded slightly appalled. "Lily, you never even unpacked! Your trunk is still sitting downstairs in the kitchen! Where you were so kind as to leave it before running away – which is still something we need to talk about. Just because you've been lying here asleep for the past few weeks doesn't mean you're off the hook, young lady!" Lily felt her face flush considerably in abashment. Now that she thought about it, looking back, it probably wouldn't have hurt any to at least find a payphone somewhere outside the hospital and ring the Fletcher's. It was still London, after all. Had she honestly been so inconsiderate?

Falling back onto her bed, she glanced from Mr. Fletcher to Mrs. Fletcher and then back again. "I'm sorry. There's no excuse to the way I behaved, and I'm ready-"

"Not right now!" Mr. Fletcher interrupted, causing her to start. She stared at him in astonishment as he gestured almost frantically towards Professor McGonagall. "Minerva's right. You have to get to school!" _Minerva?_ Lily blinked, wondering just how much time her professor had spent under the Fletchers' roof, that they were on a first name basis. Professor McGonagall had told her, right after stepping off the Knight Bus, that she'd have some explaining to do herself for the Fletchers. It made the girl wonder what they'd all talked about. Mr. Fletcher, however, allowed her very little time to contemplate before he went on again, hardly stopping to catch his breath. "That's the most important thing. Your parents would be utterly horrified if they thought we'd hindered you in anyway whatsoever from reaching Hogwarts on time! Now! Get yourself dressed and we'll make you a packed lunch! Come on, dear!" He grabbed his wife's arm and they both hustled out of the room together. Lily stared after them in shock.

"I've been asleep for several weeks now," she stated slowly, looking back at Carla and Professor McGonagall. It was indeed rather difficult wrapping her mind around a little detail like that, and the way the Fletchers were responding to it… "Is that it, then? That's the best good morning they could come up with?"

"Aw," Carla scoffed at her good-naturedly. "Do you feel cheated, Lily? It's only fair, isn't you? You leave with hardly a word, and then fall asleep the moment you come back." The smile on her face assured Lily that she'd been forgiven, so she rolled her eyes and tossed a pillow at the girl – who caught it with a squeal. It must have been a relatively simple matter, Lily thought, to find everything so neatly falling into perspective when a loved one slept for as long and as soundly as she had, while offering no sign as to when, or even if, she'd ever wake up again. After all, she knew without a doubt in her mind that she would have forgiven the Marauders for absolutely anything in a heartbeat, even way back when they'd all been nuisances causing cruel and unjustifiable havoc for the mere 'fun' of it, had any one of them ever slipped into a coma for some unknown reason. It didn't make any sense whatsoever, but that's the way it was. That was family.

"They feel it imperative you return to school," Professor McGonagall cut in, holding up a wand Lily immediately recognized as her own. She found herself staring at it in awe. "I've taken the liberty of collecting your schoolbooks and other essentials you'll find necessary for your last year at Hogwarts, Miss Evans. They've already been sent to the castle, and before you say anything, the Fletchers have already compensated me for my efforts. Now if you don't mind…" She flicked her wrist, and magic streamed forth from Lily's wand. It transfigured her nightgown into a proper, clean set of school clothes, which definitely saved quite a bit of time Lily would otherwise have needed in order to change. Leave it to an Animagus to accomplish something like that!

"Thank you," she said abruptly as the woman handed her back her wand. Holding it delicately in her hands, a part of Lily felt almost as if she'd never seen it before. It was so strange and new to her… and yet, at the same time, comfortingly familiar. How long, exactly, had she been asleep, again?

Professor McGonagall seemed to ignore her gratitude completely as she stepped through the door and followed the Fletchers out into the hall. The strangest thing about this whole affair was that Lily had that particular woman walking through her house. Magic was once again slipping its way into her muggle life, and for the first time, Lily found herself contemplating the possibility that she truly was becoming a fulltime witch. She hadn't expected it, and was surprised, as well as pleasantly relieved, to say it didn't distress her one bit. She glanced sideways at Carla, who merely shrugged, and together they leapt out of the room.

Making their way down to the front hall, they barely paused to listen as Professor McGonagall, standing by the door, told Lily once again to hurry up with her goodbyes, before racing into the kitchen where they narrowly escaped a headlong collision into Mr. Fletcher, who was in the process of dragging the girl's trunk outside. Diving out of the way, the two girls then proceeded to locate Mrs. Fletcher standing beside the counter where she was putting together a sandwich. Carla's dog sat beside her, his tail wagging ferociously as he eyed the food hopefully. And then there was Petunia… standing in a corner with her arms crossed tightly. Lily stopped short when she saw the older girl, apprehension suddenly flooding into her gut. "Hey…" Petunia harrumphed her response before turning her head to look away. Lily bit her lip uncomfortably. _Petunia…_

"There we go!" Mrs. Fletcher dropped the sandwich into a brown paper bag before looking back towards Lily. "You eat that on the train, you hear me?" The girl nodded as she accepted the bag and embraced her guardian one last time.

"I'm so sorry for all the trouble I've caused," she assured the woman, looking up at her regretfully. She'd wasted an entire summer that she could have spent at her makeshift family's sides. Had she only taken the advice she'd left for James…! Now, it would be an entire year before she'd get to see the Fletchers again! Unless, of course, she went home for Christmas – a custom which she'd failed time and time again to exercise… ever since her parents' deaths.

"It doesn't matter now," Mrs. Fletcher whispered to her, fondly brushing a loose strand of crimson hair behind Lily's ear. "You're going back to Hogwarts. It's a better place for you than here. And it's a _much _better place for you than that wretched hospital!" Lily could see the tears forming in her guardian's eyes, and it honestly felt strange not to be the one crying herself. Normally… that had always been her role… crying. "You're growing up, Lily. You're leaving the nest, and it's sometimes difficult to accept that. But you're seventeen now. In the magical world, that makes you an adult. You certainly don't have to answer to us anymore, but at least at Hogwarts…"

At least at Hogwarts, they knew Lily would be well taken care of. So then that was why they both seemed so eager to get her there. After all, the sooner she was at school, the sooner she'd be unable to freely Apparate across the country as she so chose, overworking herself at hospitals in the midst of a war as she struggled to identify herself. At least at Hogwarts she'd be safe. Lily couldn't blame Mrs. Fletcher for feeling that way. After everything she'd done, it was only what she deserved. Besides, there were other reasons for her to return to school. More so than the Fletchers' house, more so than St. Mungo's, she felt she belonged there. And then… there was James.

"Thank you," Lily whispered, gazing up at Mrs. Fletcher happily. She couldn't keep herself from smiling. Just… just thinking about James… did her a world of good. Wrapping her arm around Mrs. Fletcher's shoulder, the two of them strolled out to the front hall with Carla at their side, where they found Mr. Fletcher and Professor McGonagall both waiting. It only took Lily a few short seconds to say goodbye to her adopted father, but before she'd so much as even glanced in Carla's direction, Petunia came storming out of the kitchen.

"So that's it, then?" she demanded savagely, surprising everyone. Lily felt her heart plummeting towards her stomach as she, the Fletchers, and Professor McGonagall all faced her furious sister. "You're going to up and leave again? Just like that? Without giving any one of us even the slightest say in the matter?"

"What's there to say?" Carla jumped in irritably before Lily had the chance. "She's going to school, Petunia. She does this every year." The youngest Fletcher remembered all too well the argument that had broken out the night Lily left with Isabelle for St. Mungo's. She'd been too diffident to interfere back then, but at that particular moment, she wouldn't stand for Petunia's constant complaining. Her father had been right, after all. The two girls were, in fact, sisters. Why couldn't they behave as such?

"Every year?" Petunia glowered angrily at the girl before scowling almost hatefully at Lily. "You said you wanted _out_! You told me, at mum and dad's funeral, that you _WANTED OUT!"_ She was practically throwing a tantrum now. Her arms were wildly being tossed about. There were tears of rage in her eyes. Instead of finding everything suddenly in perspective, Petunia had had an entire month to wallow in her augmenting bitterness. Things hadn't gotten better for her peace of mind as they had for the Fletchers. No. They had grown unequivocally worse, and Lily could only stare at her in horror. "You never wanted to go to that school, Lily! You hated everything about it! You told me that you were only going to stay long enough to find a way to rid yourself completely of that abnormality our parents loved so much!" Lily flinched, unable to look away from her sister long enough to see the offense spreading across Professor McGonagall's face. Petunia started bouncing on her feet as angry fervor carried her away. _"WERE YOU JUST LYING TO ME?"_

"No, of course not!" Lily took a step towards Petunia, but stopped short when her sister scrambled backwards. Pain twisted across both of their faces. "What did you expect from me? I was eleven years old! I barely knew anything at all!"

"Well, at least back then you knew how magic had ruined us!" Petunia shrieked accusingly. "Have you forgotten that, Lily? We were never a family! Not even when mum and dad were still alive! They cared more about magic than they did for their own children and it ripped us apart!"

"You're wrong!" Lily felt a wave of cold fury streaming through her. "How _dare_ you talk about mum and dad like that?" Petunia blinked, taking another step backwards as her sister advanced like a tidal wave. "They loved us more than you could ever possibly understand! And you know what, Petunia? I'd like to see you just try raising children of your own with even half that much devotion! They loved us so much that there wasn't any room whatsoever for magic in their hearts to do anything at all but continually bless us!" How else had she inherited such a gift from them? A gift… That's what it was. Not a curse. A blessing.

"I don't want you going back to that school," Petunia looked positively ashen. She had never heard such a defense made for her parents before, and it must have had quite the affect on her. Her voice, though still forceful, had lost much of its volume, and she couldn't meet Lily's gaze for anything. "This will be… the third time you've walked out on us… YOU KEEP LEAVING!" Her hands tightened into fists, and her entire body was shaking. "How long will it be before you completely forget us? This life must seem so horribly drab compared to the one you've got with her!" She nodded disgustedly at Professor McGonagall. "That's why mum and dad loved magic in the first place, right? Because they couldn't bear the tedium that decent folk live with! They'd rather have magic and marvels and… and… and even ruddy Dementors from Azkaban!" Lily's eyes clenched shut. She could sense it… Her sister was in so much pain. The same that she'd been in… for so very long… "After something like that, how can you possibly come back to something like this? Isn't that how it always turns out? You'll leave, and one of these days you won't come back. You'll decide to stay in a world where the rest of us can't follow! Who chooses to live a life without magic after experiencing it firsthand? It's a better life, isn't it? A grander life? The next thing you know, you'll be thinking yourself superior, and hating the very thought of… what's it…? Muggles…?" Petunia looked like she was having trouble breathing, and after an outburst like that, Lily couldn't blame her. She couldn't remember when she'd ever been so astonished!

_Probably when I first saw James's mansion… _Lily took an extremely deep breath before walking towards her sister. This time, Petunia allowed her to approach, as she was currently too preoccupied wiping tears from her eyes. A part of Lily was extremely surprised she didn't seem to have any of her own to contend with, but it wasn't something she was going to complain about. Instead, she reached out for her sister, and gripped her tightly by her arms. "You're right, Petunia. It's not fair that there should be magic in a world where only witches and wizards have access to it. And it's wrong that our world's divided. But I can't change the fact that I'm a witch." She tried to get Petunia to look at her, but Petunia refused. "Magic resides in our souls. If I don't stay a witch, I'd just be slowly suffocating myself to death. There's no way out of it. And I don't want out anymore.

"I've been at a loss all summer," she went on, wishing Petunia would just look at her. "Trying to figure myself out. I still can't say that I have… but I know there aren't any answers for me here. I have to go back to Hogwarts, and you need to understand that. You can't stop me."

"Yes I can," her sister whispered furiously. "I'll find a way."

Lily sighed, briefly closing her eyes before finally meeting Petunia's challenging gaze. She was serious, then… about stopping her. That, more than anything else, saddened the redhead considerably. "Maybe one day you'll figure it out for yourself. I'm happiest when I'm at Hogwarts, Petunia, and you need to find the place where you're happiest. When was the last time you've ever felt that?" The expression that twisted its way across her sister's face was answer enough in itself, and it broke Lily's heart. She let go of Petunia and stumbled backwards. Glancing at the Fletchers, all of whom looked as somber as she'd ever seen them, Lily found no help. She and Petunia… were on their own… and she had to leave. Turning, she picked up the handle to her trunk and started towards Professor McGonagall before shooting her sister one last heartfelt gaze. "I want you to be happy, Petunia. I wish you'd just… stop resenting mum and dad… and magic… and just… and just stop resenting! Because that's why you're never happy!"

"SHUT UP!" Petunia held her hands up to her ears before spinning towards the stairs. She made for them frantically, and Lily felt her heart jolt.

"Petunia, wait!" Amazingly enough, the girl actually listened, but Lily didn't waste any of her time whatsoever feeling at all relieved. Petunia might have stopped short on the stairs, but she undoubtedly wasn't about to turn back around. Lily had never in her life felt more like she was about to lose someone. "One of these days, you _will _find out who you are! I believe that! You're not meant to be bitter, and I know you'll be happy!" Petunia looked back at her sharply, but Lily was already stepping even farther away. "I'm so sorry I have to go. You'll always be my sister, and there isn't anything that can change that. I love you." She glanced at Carla. "Goodbye." And, with that, she turned, Apparating away as quickly as she possibly could, feeling thoroughly determined to reach platform nine and three-quarters so she could return to school at last. At that moment, there was nowhere else on Earth she would rather be, and that included St. Mungo's.

The train had yet to leave the station, and though most of the younger students had opted to remain at the castle over their holiday, it still felt as though the platform was teeming with witches and wizards. Lily was glad; the last thing she wanted was to find herself once again in the spotlight. Not after something like that. Wasn't she ever even allowed breaks between crises anymore?

"I'm impressed."

Lily jumped, glancing around to see Professor McGonagall standing once again at her side. The woman was staring down at her critically, and Lily was left with the unmistakable impression that there was a difference between this and her more regular stares. It was almost as if… the woman had something very important on her mind, and Lily was directly involved in it. What precisely was going on here?

"After your recent display at the hospital, Miss Evans, I must admit I certainly had my doubts," Professor McGonagall told her curtly, to her extreme bewilderment. Doubts about what? "The last thing Hogwarts needs is an insecure Head Girl whose desire to single-handedly save the world outweighs her common sense to the point of self-destruct!" Lily felt her face flush, and she stared down at her feet in shame. But then… her eyes opened painfully wide and she stared up at Professor McGonagall in absolute shock. Had she just…? Had she just…? _Head Girl? _The woman's stern countenance softened considerably at the look on Lily's face. She even went so far as to smile. "The Headmaster, however, seems to believe you are the most qualified seventh year for the position."

"Me?" Lily felt her head start to spin. Head Girl? She glanced apprehensively at the train. Head Girls were supposed to meet with the prefects onboard, and explain their responsibilities to them! But Lily hadn't been a prefect! She didn't know the first thing about their responsibilities or their duties or anything about them whatsoever, and certainly didn't have time to learn now! What was expected of Head Girls? She couldn't even begin to answer a simple question like that!

"Yes, and, as of now, I would have to agree with him," Professor McGonagall nevertheless continued, shaking her head as if in sympathetic amusement. "After the way you handled yourself back there… I don't think there's ever been a moment when I've felt prouder of you." Lily felt like she'd been slapped in the face.

"But I-!"

The train's whistle blew, and Professor McGonagall urged her to grab her trunk and get onboard. Lily was left with no choice but to obey. As they worked their way forward, the Transfiguration teacher persisted. "We normally warn students ahead of time when they're made into Heads, but seeing as how you were asleep, this is the first opportunity I've had to mention it! I did tell Professor Dumbledore I didn't quite approve, and he suggested we wait and see how you felt upon waking. Should you choose not to accept the position, Miss Evans, it would be the first time in Hogwarts' history that no Head Girl has been appointed by the start of term."

That did not make Lily feel any better. She clenched her eyes shut as a young man helped her pull her luggage aboard the train. "But, professor!"

The woman glanced over her shoulder at the girl behind her. "Come, come, Miss Evans. There is a compartment at the front of the train reserved for the two chosen Heads. Since the school's new prefects all opted to remain at the castle over the summer, we have the entire journey to discuss this without interruptions. Follow me." And with that said, she started down the corridor, past all the compartments, until she reached the front. Lily, finding it difficult to breathe and impossible to swallow, followed like one heading towards her own execution. She'd just woken up! She'd just endured a terrible row with her sister! It was too soon for something like this! Professor McGonagall had no right whatsoever to land it on her head without so much as even a warning, or at least a courteous inquiry as to what her thoughts and feelings on the matter might be! It wasn't fair!

"Here we are," the woman said, abruptly stopping short in front of a closed compartment. Lily shifted her weight awkwardly, watching as Professor McGonagall worked to open the door. She'd said it was reserved solely for the two chosen Heads. She found herself wondering, if she was to be the Head Girl, then who was to be the Head Boy? The Ravenclaw, Ian Aldwen, perhaps? Or maybe even Severus Snape. He was an absolute genius when it came to Potions – not to mention Defense Against the Dark Arts! If he was even half as good in all his other classes as he was in those two, it wouldn't surprise her to find him waiting within. No. It wouldn't surprise her one bit.

"After you," Professor McGonagall held the door open so Lily might drag her luggage inside. She didn't fail to oblige the woman, but, then again, nor did she fail to flaunt her reluctance. She wasn't Head Girl material! There had definitely been some kind of a mistake! Headmaster Dumbledore was wrong! Everything about it was positively absurd-!

Lily stopped short as her mind and body both quite suddenly froze completely solid – like a bloody marble statue – as she caught sight of the boy sitting hunched over by the window. Her knees started buckling, and she half expected herself to collapse as he casually turned his head around to look at her and the professor behind her.

James Potter.

James Potter was sitting right there… where only the Head Boy was allowed to sit… James…

Their gazes met.

**ooooooo**

**A/N:** Finally! I thought their summer would never end! It's definitely the longest summer they've had yet! Please review. I appreciate it so, so, so, so much! Thanks a million!


	88. Seventh Years

**ooooooo**

The surprise on James's face did not linger. In fact, it barely even lasted a moment longer than the single second at which it had appeared, and then he was on his feet helping Lily drag her trunk the rest of the way inside while greeting Professor McGonagall with more genuine courtesy sounding in his voice than either women had ever heard before. But… there was something else with it, and when Lily met his gaze again, she thought she could make out traces of sorrow in his generally vivacious hazel eyes.

"Thank you, Mr. Potter," Professor McGonagall clipped, closing the compartment's door while gesturing for Lily to take a seat across from her as James stored her luggage. The train's whistle blew one final time before it began to pull its way forth from the station, launching what would be Lily's final year at Hogwarts. Once upon a time, this very same journey aboard the Express had terrified her. Now, however, she paid it very little mind as her attention was fixed wholly on James, who sat beside her across from Professor McGonagall as the woman began to speak. "Now then. Miss Evans has expressed a rather fervent desire to decline her position as Head Girl. Do you, Mr. Potter, under the circumstances, feel the same?"

Lily glanced from her teacher to James in confusion. _Under the circumstances? _What circumstances?

James ran a hand through his hair, much in the same manner as he'd used to, back when he was a fulltime troublemaker. Now, however, there was something halfhearted about the attempt, as if he was trying to release something he'd been hanging onto his entire life. But it was a long fall, and just about anyone would be hesitant to let go. At least he was making an effort. "No," he told her. "After everything I've done to Hogwarts, you're going to need me as Head Boy to put it back together before I'm gone forever!" He shot the woman a playful grin that nevertheless guarded… well… that guarded something.

Professor McGonagall, however, looked less than enthused. "That smile is not infectious, Mr. Potter. After everything you've 'done to Hogwarts,' as you so astutely put it, I have half a mind to turn the clock forward until you _are_ gone forever."

"Yeah, that's what I thought," James leaned back in his seat, crossing his arms and stretching out his legs. His voice was dripping with smug content – which Lily found she could see right through. "You're probably all anxiously awaiting it, aren't you? But, mark my words, professor, you're going to miss me next year when I'm not around to liven and brighten your days." His smile caused Professor McGonagall to close her eyes tightly in irritation. Whose bright idea was it to make James Potter, of all people, Head Boy of the school? Lily bit her lip as he presently turned his attention once again towards her. She could still barely wrap her head around the notion that he was right there, sitting so close beside her. She'd waited so long for this moment, and… and she didn't even know what to say! She hadn't even managed a decent hello!

Carla's words suddenly resounded forcefully in her mind. _"He did come looking for you, you know… I told him right off for upsetting you, and would have slapped him hard across the face, too…" _What a sight that must have been. Lily hoped James wasn't too much at a loss because of it. After leaving him like that… she could well imagine Carla's greeting might have been slightly overwhelming.

"Why don't you want to be Head Girl?" he asked her, cutting into her thoughts, and Lily felt tongues of fire burning her face apart. Of course she'd be more than willing to accept the position now! She'd just… she'd just been caught off guard by the offer! That was all, wasn't it? "I mean, let's face it. You've always been at your best when there are younger students who need looking after. Isn't that why you tutor second and third years in your exclusively first year tutorials?" Professor McGonagall raised an eyebrow at that remark, even though Lily found it rather hard to believe she'd not already known about that tiny little detail.

Regret on Petunia's behalf, and apprehension concerning whatever future responsibilities she'd be given, all seemed to trickle their way out of mind as she pictured the eleven and twelve year olds who'd been living in a world not suited for children. A world being slowly torn apart by demons who called themselves Death Eaters. She could picture little Albert and his mouse, Peanut. She'd first become a tutor because of him, and he was entering his fourth year at Hogwarts! It was… slightly inconceivable. Time moved so quickly, didn't it? "I wouldn't mind being Head Girl," she said, meeting Professor McGonagall's gaze. It was rather easy sensing James's approval, and she thought she could see her teacher's satisfaction as well. "The offer was a bit sudden. But," she smiled. "I think I'd like to give it a shot." It couldn't be too hard, could it? Not after everything she'd been through. Especially now, since James was there and she wouldn't be doing it alone.

"Very well," Professor McGonagall nodded, regarding them both critically, but at the same time, confidently. She clearly had faith in their abilities, which was more than Lily could have reasonably hoped for after a summer like the one she'd just experienced. "You will both have jurisdiction over the prefects, and therefore will be expected to meet with them regularly to see that they are, in fact, doing their jobs – which we will discuss directly." And discuss they did. Professor McGonagall spent a fairly large portion of the train ride up to the castle explaining to them the differences between Heads and prefects, and all the obligations that were required of them. Disciplining children. Taking rounds. Representing the school should it ever, for any reason whatsoever, gain the general public's attention – which, to Lily's relief and James's apparent disappointment, Professor McGonagall assured them probably wouldn't happen in the midst of a war. "Reporters are by far more interested in what's going on out there than they are in here.

"Now then," she had the air of someone drawing her conclusion. "Tonight after the banquet, I expect you to see to the prefects." She nodded at James before glancing at Lily. "And you to give the first years their tour of the castle. Understand?" She eyed them both, waiting for their inevitable confirmations. Once they were given, she asked, "Do either of you have any further questions?" They both shook their heads. Professor McGonagall's entire speech had been very much to the point and well rehearsed – it was extremely obvious she'd given it many times before. How long, exactly, had she been teaching at Hogwarts? In any event, whatever qualms or uncertainties Lily might have felt, she knew she'd get them all sorted out later. Right now… she just wanted a long overdue chance to be with James. Alone.

"Very good," Professor McGonagall considered them both knowingly before focusing on the boy. "This is your last year, Mr. Potter. You are in a greater position of authority now than you've ever been in before. I do not want to see you abusing that authority. I do not want to see you shaming yourself or the name of Godric Gryffindor simply because old habits die hard. I trust you understand." She did not wait for him to respond before she relentlessly drove right on. "And I am truly sorry for your loss." Lily blinked, glancing at James in surprise, but he had turned his gaze back towards the window. It was clear he did not appreciate the change in conversation, and Professor McGonagall chose to humor him by getting to her feet with a sigh. She eyed both students one last time, sympathetically, before excusing herself, promising to be available should they ever need her. And, with that, she promptly left the compartment, abandoning Lily and James to each other's care. After all, they were both adults now, and certainly didn't need her supervision.

Lily waited until she knew for certain the compartment's door had shut, and then she turned in her seat to face James. He was still staring out the window, unusually silent, which verified her unwelcome suspicion that now was not the best moment to be excited about their seclusion. "What's wrong?" she heard herself asking before she had ample time to think twice about it.

He shifted uneasily before looking back at her. Whatever mask he'd been wearing was gone now, and she found herself staring at one extremely exhausted young man. Was that the face she had worn a month ago? If anyone needed a powerful sleeping potion… Nevertheless, he managed to smile mirthlessly. "I tried writing you. You told my mum that I could before you left, and I wrote…" he took a deep breath, shaking his head. "I wrote several letters. My owl would be gone… for days. I've never seen a more dejected bird in my life than when it came back with those letters undelivered."

"James…" Guilt was, easily, one of the most painful emotions in the world. Lily had completely forgotten about her offer to correspond with him over the holiday. She'd been… too busy for even something simple like that. "You have every right to be angry at me. I've spent… years on end criticizing you for your behavior. I never once expected to be at fault myself. But… I've been thoughtless this summer. And not just to you." Professor McGonagall had been wrong to warn James against shaming himself, when it was clearly Lily herself at risk of doing so.

"Your sister…" James hesitated. "Your real sister… not that nasty prick, but… Carla… She said I did something to upset you." The way he was staring at her… Lily knew exactly what he wanted. He wanted her to say it wasn't true, and that, at least, was something good she could do for his peace of mind.

She smiled softly. "Unfortunately that nasty prick is my real sister." James scoffed and turned his head, but when Lily reached for his hand, he looked back at her sharply. "Carla didn't know what she was talking about, James. That night… it hurt to go. It hurt so much I couldn't hide it. But I couldn't talk about it, either. I went to volunteer at St. Mungo's… and they just… didn't understand."

"_I _don't understand!" James interjected, looking hurt and confused. "I've been asking myself all summer what I could possibly have done wrong this time! Was it leaving you alone with Edmund-?"

"James!" Lily stared at him in astonishment. "You didn't do anything wrong!" Had he spent the entire summer thinking that he had? "Weren't you just listening to me? I'm the one who messed up! Not you!"

"I don't…" James got to his feet and started pacing. There wasn't a whole lot of space for him to do so in a tiny compartment like that, but he was just too restless to sit still. Running his hands through his hair, he glanced at her sporadically before looking away again, like a child playing peek-a-boo. It was almost as if looking at her caused him physical pain. "That's too much, Lily. I don't… I can't…" She'd never seen him at such a loss for words. Finally he stopped and stared at her hopelessly. "You're not the one who makes mistakes!"

"What is this?" she asked, unable to keep from smiling despite the painful situation. After all, who could fail to appreciate the irony? "The great and mighty James Potter feeling remorse for a wrong that he, amazingly enough, did not commit?" His expression darkened at the light tone in her voice, but she was not intimidated in the least. Instead, she looked up at him earnestly. "If you believe I'm incapable of making mistakes, I'll be disappointing you for the rest of my life."

Denial was creeping its way across James's face. He sat down rather abruptly on the seat across from her. "You've always been… so perfect…" They were the words every girl longed to hear. Beauty and perfection… Who wanted to be anything less for a most beloved? And yet… it was always too much to expect. Too much to hope for. Too much to achieve.

"Is that why you said you loved me?" she asked him, her voice soft and hurt. James looked up at her in surprise, noting her turmoil. Apprehension immediately mixed in with his denial, and Lily shook her head in disbelief. "I don't suppose you could bring yourself to love a girl who's not your equal. Because I'm not one of the Titans, James! Not like you and Sirius."

"THEN WHY DID YOU LEAVE?" he demanded furiously, on his feet once again as he rapidly exploded. Lily, however, immediately stood up to face him – she'd spent an entire month at St. Mungo's Hospital, occasionally forcing angry patients to drink the tonics they didn't want. After something like that, she wasn't about to allow his anger frighten her.

"I told your mother why I left," she reminded him through clenched teeth. "Did she not pass along the message?"

He shook his head, his expression still radiating with denial. "'Spend time with your father, James! Spend time with your father, James!' That's the only thing she ever tells me anymore! How am I supposed to believe her when she said you left with the same advice?"

"Because it's good advice!" Lily shouted at him. How thick could you possibly get? "And I hope you took it!"

"I spent plenty of time with my father," he assured her dangerously. "Without you or mum's interference."

"He was dying," Lily insisted, shaking her head. "My parents died so suddenly I never got the chance to say goodbye. I never got the chance to tell them I loved them. It ended so fast that… that I've spent every single day of my life since then regretting how I didn't get more time with them. How could I stay there distracting you when I know what it feels like to live with that regret?"

"You think I'm going to regret not spending more time with him?" James asked incredulously. He scoffed. "Let me explain it to you, Lily. My father was bedridden. It hurt him just to talk, so conversation was pretty much one-sided. He was extremely sick. Every time I left the room, I left knowing he might go before I got back. Kind of like how you went before I was able to get back to you." Lily flinched, closing her eyes miserably. "You regret not getting to say goodbye to your parents, but I promise you that's easier than saying it half a dozen times everyday! The longer I was away from home, the more I had to talk about when I got back, which made goodbyes fewer and everything easier. He wanted to meet you, by the way." Lily caught her breath as he glowered at her. "I'd told him about you, and when I said you were visiting, he wanted an introduction. But you'd left, and it's too late now."

For the first time all day, tears formed in her eyes, and she sat down numbly. "James, I…" She shook her head, covering her mouth. It wasn't supposed to be like this. James's father had died, and she was supposed to be comforting him, not fighting with him! She was supposed to be stronger than this. Not reduced to tears. The mistake she had made was greater than she'd ever realized. She'd left him… when he needed her most. "I'm so sorry!"

James stared at her uncomfortably. He never liked seeing her cry, and despite everything… she had never looked more beautiful to him than when she had first stepped foot inside that compartment with Professor McGonagall. He'd spent more than enough time over the past few years mourning the loss of his father. As terrible as it was… knowing that it was over now… knowing that his father wasn't fighting or in anymore pain… had been something of a relief. It felt like a relief, and he didn't know if that made him a terrible person or not, but he was more concerned for his mother now than he was for his father. But Lily… how could she understand when her own parents…?

He hated seeing her cry.

"Look at us," he sighed, sitting down next to her and staring at the floor between his knees. "We're supposed to be the Heads of Hogwarts. Representatives. Doesn't say much for the school, now does it?" He smiled bitterly, and Lily found herself wiping her eyes. They both looked at each other, completely at a loss for words.

Sometimes, however, words weren't necessary. Lily leaned in towards him and pressed her mouth against his. Terrified as she was that he'd refuse her, it felt as though every star in the darkening sky outside lit up when he kissed her back.

**ooooooo**

"LILY!"

She should not have feared being left alone that year simply because her roommates had all graduated. Word had spread far and wide of her plight, and therefore, at the start-of-term feast, more students ran up to her with smiles and greetings than anyone else in the castle. It was something that the first years sitting at her table watched in absolute astonishment. Not only was she clearly the most popular girl in school, but out of every Gryffindor, Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw, and yes, even Slytherin, that offered her a hello, there was not a single one among them whose name she failed to remember. No doubt the poor eleven year olds were all wondering whether or not they, too, would one day need to learn so many names themselves. It seemed utterly impossible.

Presently, it was a Ravenclaw fourth year that had called out to her from across the table. Lily waved with a large grin when she saw the girl, who wasted no time whatsoever in asking hopefully, "Who's going to win the House Cup this year?" Several heads turned at that particular question, including all four of the Marauders'.

"Sorry, Bridget! I can't say this year!" Lily tried not to laugh as Sirius jumped to his feet and loudly declared for all to hear that Gryffindor was sure to win. Keeping up with everything that was going on around her proved to be a challenging feat, indeed, but it was certainly effective at obstructing loneliness – Lily was anything but that.

Unfortunately, it was also effective at keeping her from James. If his fellow Marauders knew anything whatsoever about a blossoming romance between the two, they made no mention of it – which was evidence in itself that they were all none the wiser. If they had known, they would have been cracking jokes about it all night – especially Sirius Black. Instead, they spent the evening promising James that they weren't about to mind him anymore than they'd minded Remus back during their fifth year.

"We've got much better things to do than listen to one scrawny Head Boy, mate," Sirius calmly assured him, taking a drink from his goblet. He sighed blissfully. "This is really good butterbeer!" Lily had no idea how he'd gotten a goblet full of butterbeer, and certainly didn't want to find out.

"Now just wait one minute!" James objected, obviously feeling a lot better than he had on the train. "Let's try not to ignore the opportunities that have been so conveniently presented to us here." Sirius stared at him skeptically, but nevertheless put down his goblet and paid attention. This was Prongs, after all, and he could make even detention interesting. It was all in the attitude. "We can still be Marauders! We just have to use our powers for good instead of evil! Like Robin Hood and his merry men!"

"Oh, no," Remus whispered, recognizing trouble when he saw it. Sirius's eyes were widening at the sudden avenue of possibilities stretched so neatly before them.

"We can dump our old names and take up new ones!" he exclaimed enthusiastically. "Prongs, you're obviously Robin, because you're the Head Boy. We can't just ignore something like that. And I get to be Little John!"

"Yeah!" James looked thoroughly pleased with himself. "And Moony has to be Friar Tuck, right?" Remus' face flushed, but Sirius agreed.

"Sorry, mate," he said sympathetically, for who wanted to be a friar? "But you're always the neutral one, aren't you?" He turned towards Peter thoughtfully. "I guess… does that make you Will Scarlet?" Lily could barely remember when she'd last seen the boy look so proud of himself. There was nothing wrong with being Will Scarlet! It was certainly a lot better than being labeled a friar, now wasn't it? Peter glanced at Remus triumphantly, who chose that particular moment to move the conversation right along.

"I guess we should find someone to play Maid Marian, then, shouldn't we?"

Sirius visibly perked up, but before anyone could say anything further, James coughed loudly. Lily stared at him in bewilderment, all the while wondering whether or not she should claim the part. She couldn't imagine any other girl getting chosen – not with those four. But just the mere possibility that someone else might… Lily thought she could already feel her face turning green with envy. If James Potter was going to be Robin Hood, no one else in the entire world could be Maid Marian except for her!

"You all right, mate?" Sirius was staring at James almost as if he'd just realized the boy had leprosy or something.

"Of course I am!" James replied with a tiny laugh. He glanced at Lily for but a heartbeat before looking back at his best friend. "On second thought, I think we should stay true to ourselves and forget the whole Robin Hood thing. Marauders are Marauders for life. We can't let anything change that, right?" Remus was very quick to agree – he'd much rather be Moony than Friar Tuck. Peter followed suit as well, but Sirius hesitated, staring at James suspiciously. What was he up to?

"Hey, Lily!" A fourth year Hufflepuff named Lydia chose that moment to walk past her tutor. "Did you have a good summer?"

"I kept busy, Lydia, thank you!" Lily replied with a smile. Keeping busy was definitely putting a lighter spin on the truth, but what exactly was she supposed to say? She looked back at the Marauders. "James, do you mind if I have a quick word with you for a minute?" All four boys turned to stare at her, and while Remus and Peter both looked baffled, Sirius looked wary, and James apprehensive. Something strange was definitely going on here. James Potter, A.K.A. Prongs, was keeping an enormous secret from his best friends! How often did that happen? Lily bit her lip; better make this convincing, then. "Don't look at me like that, Sirius Black! Its purely business! Head Girl to Head Boy! If I have to be partnered with _him,_ I just want to get a few things straight before I partner myself with the rest of you!" She turned towards Remus and Peter very quickly. "No offense, guys."

They both immediately held up their hands. "None taken!" Sirius scoffed and James grinned while climbing to his feet.

"All right, Evans," he said while Lily followed his lead. Several heads had turned and, within seconds, it felt like everyone in Gryffindor was watching them in the same curiosity Sirius felt. It was mildly disconcerting, but James hardly seemed to notice. "Better make it quick, though." Lily nodded and, together, they started towards the Entrance Hall. It was a painfully long walk – the Gryffindor table was the farthest from the doors. Before long, they had even the staff's attention, and when Lily glanced at the High Table from the corner of her eye, she thought she could see Professor Dumbledore watching them both with a smile on his face. She tried to keep herself from blushing.

If she wasn't walking with James, it wouldn't be nearly this attention worthy, and she wouldn't be in the spotlight. It was his fault! Then again, if she'd been walking with anyone but James, she would not have felt even half as protected as she did at that moment. James was with her… He was the reason everyone was watching, but he also kept her from feeling stage fright. That made no sense whatsoever.

In any case, once they were both standing in the Entrance Hall, James swept a furtive glance around the room before drawing the redhead towards a corner and smiling at her broadly. "Reckon I should have warned you about that. Good form, though, Lily, I'm very impressed!"

"Impressed?" she stared at him in utter disbelief. "James, they don't know about us!"

"No," he agreed innocently enough, nodding in perfect composure. "I daresay they don't." He observed her look of incredulity, and gently took hold of her shoulders. "I would have told them, but I didn't know if there was even an 'us' to begin with!"

"Well, there is an 'us,' James," she pointed out exasperatedly. "I admit we had a bumpy train ride, and we're both experiencing family difficulties, to say the least, but there is most definitely an 'us'!"

James had been nodding throughout her entire spiel. "I couldn't agree with you more! But that doesn't change the fact that I haven't told anyone yet."

"Okay," Lily took a deep breath, looking up at the boy as calmly as she could. "So… when are we going to tell them?" The sly look on his face was more than enough to answer the question. Lily knew exactly what he was thinking, and she shook her head frantically. "James, we have to tell them! We can't keep this a secret!"

"Why not?" he demanded, a pout crossing his lips. He had never struck Lily as the pouting type before, and she had half a mind to whack him across the face.

"Is this a game to you?" she asked him sternly. "Or are you just embarrassed to be seen with me?

He looked horrified by the mere suggestion of such a thing. "Of course not! I've wanted to be seen with you for two years! But now that we actually are together, do you really want everyone thinking you're just some kind of trophy that I've won?"

"Trophy?"

"'James Potter always gets what he wants!'" He scowled in disgust, and Lily got the impression that he'd been thinking about this for an excruciatingly long time. "'He's a rich, spoiled git who Lily Evans absolutely detests!' That's what everyone says, isn't it?"

She stared at him in shock. "No! Everyone loves you-!"

"Everyone loves you, Lily," he corrected her abruptly. "Sure, I might be popular and all that. But that doesn't mean I don't know what everyone really thinks. I was a jerk our fifth year, and you're one of the very few who's forgiven me, Lil. I always get my way. Maybe that's true. I don't know. But I don't want everyone else thinking the only reason we're together is because I finally won you the way I win everything. You're more important to me than that."

It took Lily a moment to shake off the flattery in that remark. But once she had, she stared at him forcefully. "I don't care what everyone thinks! I am not about to have some kind of secret affair! I've read a lot of books, James Potter, and let me tell you something about affairs. They never work out! Lying to your friends can get extremely difficult and painful and it's additional stress we don't need in our lives right now."

"We've got the perfect cover," he assured her stubbornly. "Head Boy. Head Girl. If we have to slip away to tend to our mutual responsibilities, who's going to question it? Come on, Lil. It'll be romantic!"

"I want to be with you every second of the day," she shot back, just as stubbornly. "Not only when we're out on rounds!" She took a deep breath, eyeing him thoughtfully. "Who cares if I'm your trophy? You had to work really hard to win me over from the giant squid!" James laughed at the thoroughly disgusted face she suddenly made. Had she truly said she'd sooner go out with that thing in the lake back on that horrible day after their O.W.L.s? The thought was enough to make her shudder.

"Maybe I did," he acknowledged, stroking her face with his hand. "But… you might find this hard to believe, but when you said… Do you remember the first time I went to your house?" Lily's face paled as the memories came rushing back. Of course she remembered… She doubted very much she'd ever forget. It had been… the first time he'd ever said he loved her. And she had… The answer she'd given… She could see the pain in his eyes. "I've been living with those words echoing in my mind. With friends like me, who needs Voldemort, right?"

"That was a long time ago, James-!"

"I know," he assured her. "But it happened. And it's real. When I took you to see my house, you left. And I get why you did, but it still… I always feel like I'm losing you."

"You won't lose me," she told him quickly, hating every word that came from his mouth. "All that's behind us. I don't care if the entire world is watching. I can honestly say it won't bother me."

"It will bother me," he confessed, staring at her shoulder rather then her eyes. "I've never felt this way about anything before. It's… it's weird. It's not who I am. But when we're together, it feels like… I don't know. If you were to promise not to laugh, I'd tell you it feels like I'm dreaming the whole thing. And that if Sirius finds out, I'd wake up, and you'd be gone again." Lily couldn't help it. She started laughing and James sighed, shaking his head. "See? I'm turning into one of those idiots people play jokes on."

"It's not that!" she told him quickly, swallowing her laughter while trying very hard not to choke on it. "It's just… You're acting like me!"

He shrugged. "Are you surprised? I'm in love with you."

"James!" she pulled him into her arms, grinning like a fool. Had they just experienced some sort of role reversal? God help them, if they had. "All right. How long do you want to keep this a secret?"

Pulling slightly away from her, he smiled sheepishly. "How long is forever?"

"James," she sighed her annoyance before taking a deep breath and shaking her head. "It doesn't go past Christmas. That's the best you're going to get. Now let's get back to the food before Sirius gets even more suspicious." This was going to be one of those extremely long, interesting terms, she could tell already.

**ooooooo**

**A/N: **I still can't believe it's January… Classes start on Monday. I don't know how often I'll get to update now, but I'll try as much as possible. I hope everyone sticks with me. I appreciate all the reviews I've been getting. Don't know what I'd do without them. Thanks so much!


	89. The End of the Tour

**ooooooo**

Slipping back into her seat at the Gryffindor table was one of the hardest things Lily had ever done in her life. Going back to normal… pretending that nothing had changed… that everything was exactly the way it should be when, in reality, it wasn't even close… She wanted to be with James! The way it should be… They should be together now, in each other's arms, regardless of public opinion. Not sitting on opposite sides of the table, glancing at each other furtively while Sirius rambled on and on about how he intended to make their seventh year their most fabulous year yet.

"Do you remember our first day here?" he asked, leaning towards James conspiratorially. "We made hell for McGonagall while waiting to be sorted. Everyone started arguing about…" He hesitated, his face scrunching up as he struggled to remember. What had they been arguing about? Six years was an incredibly long time ago… And it had passed in the blinking of an eye!

"What houses they wanted to be put in," Remus supplied helpfully. "They were arguing about Gryffindor and Slytherin. Which one was better."

"Right!" Sirius's face beamed proudly as he reminisced. "I reckon if we can make an entrance like that, we should be able to make an exit that students will remember for all time! Grandparents telling grandkids, that sort of thing. We've got to make our finale the biggest, best, and brightest Hogwarts has ever known! Interested?" He eyed James in particular, for the Head Boy hadn't been acting like himself all night, and he was growing slightly wary of the fact. The way he probably saw it, James Potter was up to something, and he didn't appreciate being kept in the dark about it. Lily could only imagine what the boy might say should he discover the truth, and learn exactly what it was on James's mind right now.

After the feast was over, she set about gathering as many first years as she could while James called for the fifth year prefects to meet with him in one of the ground floor's unused classrooms – the castle was full of them, and since the prefects hadn't been able to meet on the train, it was both an ideal time and location. Lily greatly wished she could join him there – it felt like they had been apart for an eternity, and neither the train ride nor their short fling in the Entrance Hall had sated her desire to be close to him. Didn't he realize how difficult-?

Shaking her head, Lily took a deep breath and told herself to get over it. James had waited years for her to come around. It was her turn now to be patient. Refusing to let it distract her from the first years, Lily initiated the tour of the castle. The group was one of the largest she had ever dealt with before – and that was without a majority of the Slytherins, who had, for the most part, opted to remain with their House rather than with their year. Lily couldn't say she was particularly surprised, but it still managed to disappoint her.

"Watch out for that one," an older, sixth year Slytherin had said to the first years when she'd gone to fetch them for the tour. "She's a mudblood, she is. Head Girl and reigning queen of the castle. It's a disgrace, if you ask me, and you'd do very well not to mix up with the likes of her." For the most part, she found the first years eyeing her guardedly, as if not sure what to make of her or what to believe. Some, however, were completely set in their ways, and were it not for the experience she had had with Regulus three years ago, she would have despaired, thinking them all completely beyond help. As it was, however, she supposed there was some truth to the phrase: Rome wasn't built in a day.

"If you don't want to get lost on your way to class tomorrow, I'd recommend you all come and take a tour of the castle," she heard herself suggesting, keeping her eyes fixed firmly on the first years rather than the sixth year, who was watching her in open disgust. She didn't understand; what had she done to earn his disdain? She couldn't help being muggle-born! It wasn't fair, and the more she was exposed to it, the harder it was to bear. Why must it be so difficult?

"You should go with her." The voice had been new and rather unexpected. Turning their heads, the first years all found themselves looking at Brenda – one of the three Slytherins Lily had tutored the preceding year. Though she wasn't sitting with them, she was close enough to take part in their conversation. "She's offering you a service. Take advantage of it." Though it wasn't quite how Lily would have liked to view herself, Brenda did manage to convince a small band of first years to take the tour. The sixth year clearly wasn't happy about it, despite the pathetic number, and he wasn't the only one. As Lily led the first years away from the table, she heard several of the older Slytherins gripe, taunt, jeer, and complain. How many of those students had she tutored in the past? Perhaps not that many, but even still, why couldn't there be at least a tiny little hint of gratitude in the few that she had? This world… was starting to infuriate her.

Nevertheless, she soon found herself adequately sidetracked by the incredible number of Gryffindor, Ravenclaw, and Hufflepuff first years waiting for the tour to start. None of them seemed particularly troubled by the lack of Slytherins – each of the three houses alone had enough first years in them to single-handedly outnumber those few Slytherins present two-to-one. Such statistics understandably and considerably encouraged them; Lily was alone in her disheartenment. But, with a group that size, she had no time to waste on such dismal emotions. She needed to get straight to work memorizing names and faces as quickly as she could – which, even then, didn't take half as long as the tour itself. Hogwarts was an enormous castle!

Needless to say, it had grown incredibly late by the time her tour was over. James had already ended his conference with the prefects, for three of them – from Gryffindor, Hufflepuff, and Ravenclaw – appeared to relieve Lily of her charges, while explaining that James had bid them show the first years to their particular common rooms. However, neither of the two Slytherin prefects met her anywhere, and she couldn't decide whether it was because they wanted to punish her or the first years who had accepted her invitation. Either way, she soon found herself standing in the Entrance Hall with five first years who didn't necessarily like her, and with no way of getting them to their proper places. While she knew their common room was somewhere in the dungeons, she wasn't exactly sure of its precise location, and the mere thought of hunting it down didn't appeal to her whatsoever.

Of course, Peeves certainly didn't help matters. Since most everyone else had gone to bed, Lily suspected there wasn't much in the way of entertainment for the poltergeist. School meant nothing to him, except as a time when more students than anyone knew what to do with were available for target practice. However, many of those students had chosen to remain at the castle for their entire summer holiday, so it was to him as if school had never ended. Instead, it was just the same old story, and the only fun he could presently find was in the company of Lily and the first year Slytherins. Soaring high over their heads, he had no qualms whatsoever about gloating cheerfully.

"Poor little firsties! Poor little firsties! Nobody likes these itty-bitty firsties!"

"Doesn't it ever shove off?" a small little girl named Tanya asked, staring at the poltergeist in genuine disgust. Lily, while shepherding the children into the Great Hall, glanced from her to Peeves.

"I really don't think it's in his nature." She left the door open, knowing full well that, unfortunately, trying to hinder the nuisance by closing and locking a door would do more harm than good. "Peeves doesn't listen to anyone but the Bloody Baron – who, fortunately for you, just so happens to be Slytherin's House Ghost." The first years had all met the Bloody Baron at the feast, but none of them seemed even slightly encouraged by the fact. What good was it having the only ghost Peeves minded as their own distinct ghost when the poltergeist still continued to harass them?

They could all hear Peeves outside the Great Hall, taunting and laughing and screeching as he soared around a suit of armor. For whatever reason, he didn't follow them to the Slytherin table, and for that Lily was grateful as she sat down with a sigh. "I don't know about you, but my feet are starting to hurt." The first years glowered at her, unappreciative of her attempt at friendliness. The sixth year in their house had warned them not to mix with her, and they'd not listened. Look where it got them! While all the other first years were probably climbing into bed, they were stuck in the Great Hall for who knew how long! It was hardly fair, and Lily had to agree with them. What had any of them done to deserve such treatment? And how was she going to solve this? Because if she couldn't, the possibility of connecting with these students, the possibility of helping them, of teaching them, would be undoubtedly gone forever. What kind of incompetent tour guide couldn't even help them get to their common room?

Suddenly, and without even the slightest hint of a warning, Peeves let loose a strangled cry, choking on his cackling taunts and laughter. The first years all turned their heads sharply, and Lily jumped to her feet, racing from the table towards the door. What was going on? Maybe… the Marauders? If anyone knew where the Slytherin common room was, it would definitely be them. And who else could make Peeves swallow a jibe like this?

Incredibly enough, however, it wasn't James or Sirius or Remus or even Peter she found standing in the Entrance Hall, watching almost impassively as Peeves wrapped his hands around his throat. Looking positively horrified and frantic, he opened his mouth wide and attempted to shriek – but no sound came out. He had been struck completely silent, and the prospect truly terrified him. His tormentor, none other than Severus Snape, presently turned towards Lily while ignoring the poltergeist's desperate gestures for him to remove the hex.

She felt her body freezing in place. When was the last time she'd been so close to him? When was the last time they'd said a word to each other? She remembered the warning Vaughn Derricks had given her at St. Mungo's Hospital.

_"If I were you, Evans, I'd keep an eye on Severus Snape. He's not out looking for sport." _What did that mean? Severus was walking towards her, and with each step she felt a chill running down her spine. It wasn't the same sort she felt whenever she saw James. It almost… frightened? She'd never seen anyone look so intense before, and it was almost as if this Severus wasn't the same Severus she'd grown up with for the past six years. There was something irrefutably different… But… what?

He was walking past her now, and into the Great Hall. The five first years had all gotten up from their seats, and were now watching him warily. If they'd noticed him at the feast, they'd noticed he wasn't someone to cross. Following him towards the tiny group, Lily thought she could see apprehension in their eyes. There was no mistaking Severus for anyone but another Slytherin. But wouldn't it be better for them to stay with Lily – even if she was a Gryffindor? She could read it on their faces. Forget blood and house loyalty. They preferred her company over Severus Snape's, and that was that!

"I will show you to our common room," the seventh year Slytherin told them succinctly, with very little inflection in his voice. He sounded about as soulless and empty as bottomless chasm. "Follow me." And with that he turned around sharply, stopping short only upon realizing how closely behind Lily had trailed him. He stared at her pointedly, but Lily, to her horror, found that she was quite unable to move her legs. It was as if she'd been rooted to the spot.

"It's been awhile, Severus," she heard herself talking, though reason tried assuring her that conversation was the absolute last thing he wanted right now. Why couldn't she ever listen to reason? It was as if her body had a mind of its own, and that mind was her heart… She stood where she didn't want to stand, and spoke when she didn't want to speak, because, in her life, logic had never been stronger than feeling. "How've you been?"

Nothing could have startled the first years more than this. They gaped, staring at the two older students in surprise. What was this? A Gryffindor asking after the welfare of a Slytherin? Who'd ever heard of such a thing? Granted, she'd been cordial enough with them, but they'd only assumed it was because she had to be, since she'd been guiding them on a tour of the castle. But… there was something… extremely different about this…

Severus narrowed his eyes, regarding her coolly. And then… he jerked his head, nodding to her curtly before stepping around her. Without a word, he walked out of the Great Hall, obviously expecting the first years to all follow. And follow they did, albeit reluctantly. Some of them even looked up at Lily despondently, as if asking her not to leave them alone with this intimidating older boy. Something about him… made even the sixth year who had ordered them not to mix with a mudblood like her seem jolly and pleasant. Half-blood that he was, Severus seemed more daunting than any of the other Slytherins in the entire castle combined! And so… she found herself walking after him. "Aren't you going to answer me?"

The thought that even she would consider pursuing him with such idle inquiries seemed to quite astonish Severus. Once upon a time, he had known a passionate girl whose temper had often got the best of her. But in recent years… Lily had proven... almost vulnerable… possibly even weak. He wouldn't have expected this from her. Not anymore. He thought she'd given up on him. After all, hadn't everyone else? Stopping short, he looked back at her and saw something extremely unusual in her brilliantly green eyes. There was… a regality in them. Maybe those whispers he'd heard of her reign weren't completely wrong at all. She almost did look like a queen. Nevertheless, such an idea made him scoff. "And what would you have me say?"

"What would I-?" she stared at him for a moment, and then exhaled in clear exasperation. The first years all glanced back and forth between the two in extreme interest as Lily shook her head. "I suppose the truth is too much to ask for. It was just a question, Severus. Can't you answer that?"

"Perhaps," he acknowledged coldly, wondering how far she'd persist. A lot had changed over the summer, and it interested him to find out exactly how much. "But after what you said to me on the train, year before last…" About leaving his life completely…

Lily's eyes widened as she recollected the goodbye she'd said to him. "And you're going to hold me to that for the rest of our lives?" She crossed her arms resentfully; the anger that now flushed her face replaced all the discomfort she'd been feeling moments ago. "That's not fair. Why do you get to come and go in my life if I can't in yours?" He raised an eyebrow at that remark, and waited for her to elaborate. "It's my fault they aren't in their common rooms." She gestured towards the first years, who were all hanging on tightly to her every word – this would earn them back whatever points they might have lost with the rest of their house, there wasn't any doubt about that. Lily, however, didn't particularly care. "They went on my tour of the castle, and now your house's prefects are pretending to have forgotten them. Why try to make my life easier? Why aren't you ignoring them like everyone else?"

"Perhaps it is because I do not want Hufflepuff winning the House Cup this year," he offered, watching her closely. "I'd rather not see Slytherin losing points on the very first night simply because Filch caught this lot out after curfew."

"Nice try, but we both know they won't get punished tonight," Lily retorted, sensing the challenge in Severus's words. Why did it all of a sudden feel like she was being put to the test? And why… _why _did she feel so compelled to keep from failing? "I have permission to keep them out as late as I want tonight, giving them this tour. If anyone was risking house points, it was you coming to fetch them. You're not a prefect."

A smile twisted its way across his face. It was… humorless. "I stayed at the castle over the summer. To be perfectly honest, it was rather dull. If for nothing else, I'm glad the term is beginning. Does that answer your question?" The first years all looked from him to Lily, eager for her response. Responding, however, was somewhat difficult. She hadn't actually expected him to answer!

_"He's not out looking for sport." _That's what Vaughn Derricks had said… So then… why did it feel like he was? "I… suppose…"

His smile twisted. And it looked twisted. "Now how was your summer?"

She wanted to flinch, but forced herself not to. Her summer had, for the most part, been absolutely miserable. Something about the way he asked made her feel… almost as if he knew. As if he was deliberately digging into the wounds she'd suffered over the holiday. But if he'd stayed at the castle… She hadn't even seen him once since the last term ended. He couldn't possibly know how much his question stung! Nevertheless, she somehow managed to keep herself composed. "My summer? It felt like it would never end and ended all too soon." She shrugged. "As if that makes any sense."

"Not everything makes sense," he observed civilly, turning from her. He glanced at the first years. "With me." They no longer hesitated, but followed the seventh year as he led them away from the Great Hall and towards the dungeons, leaving behind a flabbergasted Gryffindor who had no idea what to make of this strange encounter. There would be gossip spreading like wildfire in the morning – unless the first years were warned not to breathe a word of it to anyone, which was a definite possibility. If they were smart, they'd take heed of the warning. Severus probably wouldn't thank them for gossip. He seemed to prefer anonymity, didn't he? But then, who could blame him? After everything the Marauders had put him through… and Lily felt that they weren't even half the story! There was so much to Severus Snape she knew nothing about. Why had he stayed at Hogwarts over the summer? He was probably the only seventh year to have done so. Most of the older, more advanced students felt confident enough to spend their holiday at home, and someone of his caliber… Not everything makes sense. It was what he had said, and there was truth to it.

She turned and started towards the marble staircase. Peeves, who had angrily watched the entire exchange in absolute silence, now floated in front of her and gestured for her to undo the hex. Fumbling for her wand, Lily silently obliged as she took the steps slowly. Not that anyone in their right minds would ever actually prefer a taunting, bellowing poltergeist over a silent one, but it gave her hands something to do and her mind something to focus on. She thought she needed that right now.

Once Peeves had his voice back, he shrieked angrily at the top of his lungs before diving after the Slytherins. Lily could only imagine what Severus might do to a poltergeist dumb enough to test his patience twice in ten minutes. She certainly had no intentions of helping him get out of another such mess – she'd rather just climb into bed. She wasn't exactly tired; she'd only just woken up that morning from an entire month of sleep! Still… there was something comforting about the notion of lying under warm covers in a darkened room. Maybe she'd push the bed up to the window and gaze out at the stars. The stars were always so radiant out here in the country…

As she climbed up the stairs towards the tower, she thought about her roommates. Isabelle was at St. Mungo's, training to be a Healer. Alice was training to be an Auror. All the other girls had plans, too, and Lily hoped to god they'd keep safe. There was a war raging out there; she'd never be able to forget that. And while she was safe here at the castle, and in her large, practically abandoned room way up in the Gryffindor Tower, they were all out there… where they might get hurt… or killed…

She was going to miss them so much. James was probably counting his blessings, knowing that, with them all gone, it would be so much easier to keep their little secret. She knew how difficult it was keeping anything from those girls; they just knew her too well. She couldn't keep a relationship hidden from them. Then again… James seemed to believe they could keep it secret from Sirius, Remus, and Peter, so… maybe anything was possible. She'd be willing to risk it, if she could just have her roommates back! She missed them already! Why did they have to leave? Why did they have to be a year ahead of her? Why? Why? Why?

The Fat Lady was trying to sleep when Lily reached her portrait. It took the girl considerable patience to wait for her to wake up, grumble, and swing open so she might enter; she'd gotten the password from the Gryffindor prefect who had gathered the first years after the tour ended earlier. Now, she found herself climbing towards the common room, wondering if anyone else was still awake.

And, sure enough, James was sitting at a table with Remus, struggling to keep up in a game of wizard's chess. Surprisingly, he seemed to be holding his own – a miraculous feat, considering Remus was as good at chess as James was at Quidditch. However, the moment they both perceived Lily's presence, the game was irrefutably over. Jumping up, they stared at her as if she were an oasis in the midst of a terrible, scorching desert. Lily rolled her eyes; first Severus's scorn, and now this. Men!

"Night, Remus," she waved a hand at the boy before shooting James a look that she hoped conveyed to him a similar farewell. If he wanted to keep their relationship secret, she could do little more than nod before heading immediately towards the stairs. Pretend to be tired. Just get to bed. It was only the first day, and already things felt like they were spiraling out of control!

"Good night!" Both boys were calling after her, and she sensed that, were it not for the alarm on the enchanted stairs, they'd both be following her up as well. Like shadows. She shook her head, wishing for just one of them to be her shadow, as she made it to her room and stepped inside. What she found waiting for her there, however, was, in a single word, astounding. There were four other beds that shouldn't have been there! Four! And sleeping in them were… two of the fifth years, and two of the sixth years! For half a second, she thought that she'd stepped through the wrong threshold, until reason caught up with her and silently assured her fifth and sixth years don't normally share rooms. They were there… because it was, in fact, her room, and they knew her friends had all graduated. They didn't want her to be sleeping in a room by herself. She couldn't believe it. They shouldn't have…

And yet, it didn't even once occur to her either to wake them or send them away. Instead, she found herself grinning widely as she climbed into her own bed. Unable to sleep, she lied there well into the night, beaming happily. Why had she ever doubted the beauty of this world? She wasn't alone. She wouldn't ever be alone. That there were fifteen and sixteen year olds willing to do something like this for her… when she hadn't even suggested it!… did her heart much good. She was glad to be back at school.

**ooooooo**

**A/N: **I, on the other hand, am looking forward to my next vacation! My sister, some friends, and I are headed off to New Mexico this weekend! So I probably won't get a chance to update. Sorry. Anyway, school's turning out to be a bit more time-consuming this semester. But I'll still try working on the story whenever I can, don't you worry about that! Please keep sending those reviews I love so much! Thanks!


	90. A Yellow Blossom

**ooooooo**

In her entire life, Lily could not remember a time when she had ever seen such a wrinkled, foul smelling, stiff, and disgusting pile of unused clothing. Surely it couldn't belong to her!

But there wasn't any denying it. She had run away from home so quickly last summer, first with James, and then with Isabelle to help out at the hospital, that she hadn't had any chance whatsoever to unpack. These clothes hadn't seen the light of day since June! And now, two months later, she was anticipating her first day of classes, unable to imagine herself garbed in a uniform pulled out of this particular trunk – which appeared to have Apparated straight out of the home of a caveman! She grimaced, "What a way to start the new term."

Her roommates, Phyllis and Cora – the two fifth years – and Daphne and Hilda – the two sixth years – were all sitting on their individual beds, watching in obvious interest. Who would ever have thought that the illustrious Lily Evans could be such a slob? "Bloody hell! Is there any special reason why-?"

"No reason!" Lily interrupted Hilda quickly. The last thing she wanted was to confess how atrociously irresponsible she'd been last summer, and the last thing she needed was to have talk that the school's Head Girl was in such obvious disarray. She wasn't normally like this! "Just bad luck, I reckon." The girls glanced at each other in bemusement.

"I think I have a spare uniform your size," Daphne offered, getting to her feet and bouncing towards the foot of her bed. As she started rummaging through her own trunk, Lily started pulling skirts, shirts, socks, and sweaters out of hers. She proceeded to dump them all onto the floor.

"Thank you." She glanced up at Daphne gratefully as the sixth year presented her with an outfit she could borrow for the day. Now, all she needed was to find her brush… At the back of her mind, she could vaguely recall her trunk popping open at the train station during the Death Eaters' reprehensible ambush. According to Mr. Fletcher, James had been the one to recover it, but only now did she find herself wondering how efficiently he might have thrown back into it the belongings that had spilled out onto the floor. Where was her brush?

"Perhaps it wasn't just bad luck," she admitted, glancing back up at her new roommates, all of whom were still watching with wide, glittering eyes. So they found this amusing, did they? She huffed, reaching for her wand while glaring at her trunk in bitter resent. It wasn't just bad luck. It was extremely bad luck. _"Accio!"_ Within seconds, her brush was flying towards her, and she caught it triumphantly. Nevertheless, she swallowed what might have been a victorious exclamation, and turned towards the pile of clothing she'd deposited on the ground. _"Scourgify!" _It didn't take long at all for pink soap bubbles to form all over her laundry. Water appeared out of nowhere, thoroughly rinsing the clothes and creating yet another mess on the floor. Lily glanced at her roommates with a sheepish smile. "I'll clean that up later!" It was one of the nice things about being a witch… but it still didn't prevent the four other girls from staring at her as if she were some sort of fraud, and not at all the Lily Evans they had come to know after five, six years at the castle. Her smile diminished. Did everyone expect absolute perfection from her? She was really starting to miss Isabelle… "What's the matter?"

"Nothing!" they all quickly assured her before jumping to their feet to get ready for the day themselves. And, within seconds, Hilda had them all talking about something else entirely. "I don't think any one of you can possibly imagine how wonderful it feels knowing I never have to take another History of Magic class again in my entire life!" She sighed blissfully, spinning around in circles like one in the grips of ecstasy. "I hated that class!"

Phyllis and Cora both glared at her sourly. Neither one of them could boast such excellent fortune, and Phyllis even went so far as to remind the older girl, "As wonderful as that is for you, _we _still have to get past our O.W.L.s!"

"Don't worry," Daphne quickly encouraged her as she plopped down on her bed to begin braiding her hair. "You're sharing a room with the brightest student Hogwarts' has ever known." Both fifth years glanced at Lily hopefully, and she felt her face redden.

"I don't know about that…"

"Well," Cora picked up her satchel and, while holding her schedule in one hand, set about making sure all the correct books were packed up inside it. "Any help you'd be willing to offer, I know I'd appreciate, Lily. Whoever came up with the rules at this school wasn't terribly bright, now was he? I don't know if I can handle being a prefect while preparing myself for those bloody tests."

"I understand," Lily assured the girl. She herself had to worry about the upcoming N.E.W.T.s, after all, which were otherwise known as the Nastily Exhausting Wizarding Tests. Passing those was absolutely imperative for each and every student's future – who in their right minds would hire a group of failures? Lily still had yet to figure out what career she meant to pursue after Hogwarts, but whatever it would be, she knew she'd have to score well on her final, final examinations. That being said, she also had responsibilities as the school's Head Girl. A part of her wanted to snap at Cora that she had no right whatsoever to be complaining. Instead, however, she settled with: "Just try not to worry about it too much. You aren't a prefect for nothing, Cora. You'll do fine." The girl smiled, greatly comforted.

"Besides!" Hilda collapsed onto Cora's bed beside the prefect. "You're one of the very, very few with the best fortune Hogwarts has to offer! You get to answer to the school's Head Boy! James Potter! Who could ask for more?" Lily glanced up at the two girls sharply; Hilda's eyes were sparkling mischievously, and Cora looked slightly taken with the idea herself. Of course, it wasn't any secret that the boy was incredibly popular, but Lily hadn't anticipated he might also be sought after. An unfamiliar, extremely uncomfortable jet of panic shot through her.

"Actually," she said quickly, glancing down at her hands; why were they shaking like that? She clenched her teeth and forced herself to be still. "The male prefects answer to Potter. Cora, you and the other girls answer to me." Her roommates stared at her blankly, but she shut them out by shutting her eyes. James wanted to keep their relationship a secret! It was supposed to be a secret! _Well, congratulations. There's no way you could possibly have been more obvious, Lily Evans! _She winced slightly in self-disdain. How on earth was she going to fix this?

"I'm sorry," she said, looking sincerely at Cora. They'd been so considerate, dragging their beds into her room so she wouldn't have to be alone during her last year at the castle. This unexpected, ungracious attitude of hers was no way whatsoever to repay them for their kindness. "But James Potter is a bloody, selfish, git." Those words hurt… they physically hurt her to say! She felt her stomach twisting painfully. How could such a detestable sentence leave her mouth? This was all his fault, anyway! After all, she wasn't the prat who wanted to keep their feelings for each other hidden from the rest of the world! "He's careless and inconsiderate and a troublemaker and, believe me when I say a score of other things. He's bad news."

"How could I forget?" Hilda smirked before leaning towards Cora conspiratorially. "Lily Evans isn't ever this bloody ungenerous. James Potter is the only person in the entire world who can anger her so! And now they get to be partners, heading the entire school! No doubt she doesn't want to hear his name anymore than she has to!" Cora grinned; the situation certainly did spell out irony. Except that… Hilda couldn't be anymore wrong. Lily loved James. His name was the one name she wanted to hear more than any other. But certainly not from the lips of attracted girls!

"Can we change the subject?" she demanded, trying not to let her frustration seep through. Unfortunately, she couldn't quite manage it, and her roommates all seemed to find it terribly amusing.

"Certainly!" Hilda allowed, getting back to her feet and walking over to the dorm room's looking glass. She stared at her reflection for a moment before turning back around and sauntering over to her own bed. "Has anyone met the new Defense Against the Dark Arts professor?"

Lily stared at her in quiet shock. New? "What do you mean? What happened to Professor Crimson?" This was her seventh year attending Hogwarts, and if there was actually a new Defense Professor, that would make him her seventh as well! If things kept going on like this, people would start to wonder… was the position cursed? After all, what were the odds?

Hilda scoffed; "You haven't heard?" Lily shook her head, which only made the sixth year that much more amused. "Well, apparently the man was terribly incompetent."

"Hilda!" Lily stared at the girl in extreme disapproval; Professor Crimson might not have been the most graceful, elegant man to have walked the face of the earth, but that didn't give her the right to ridicule him. The tone in her voice reminded Lily painfully of James back when he'd been such a monster. Hilda, however, merely shrugged her response with a smirk.

"The sad thing is, I think that's actually why he was asked to leave," Daphne cut in, glancing from Hilda to Lily apologetically. The two girls met each other's gazes, and Lily felt her indignation melt into pity for the man so few of the students respected. "He only covered about two thirds of the required material, and more students tested poorly in Defense Against the Dark Arts than ever before. In times like these, that's just unacceptable, you know."

Lily sighed, and nodded her head. There was some truth to that.

"His replacement's named Beverly Willow," Hilda informed the Head Girl. "I haven't actually had a chance to meet her, but she supposedly works with…" Here, for the first time, she hesitated while looking slightly unsure of herself. "I'm not quite certain how to put it… muggle… law enforcement?" She glanced questioningly at Lily for the briefest of seconds, but then plowed right on ahead without so much as waiting for even a confirmation. "In any case, her job has always been to prevent muggles from getting involved with magical crime. You know. She's supposed to throw them red herrings and stuff like that to keep them off the scent."

Phyllis was frowning; "But the war… That sounds like an extremely important job! What's she doing here?"

"After what happened at King's Cross Station, the Aurors have pretty much completely taken over all interrelations between wizards and muggles," Daphne explained. "The Ministry of Magic has temporarily removed Willow and others like her from their offices. I guess they fear she'd just get in their way or something. She's not an Auror. She doesn't have the authority to be assisting Aurors. She'd probably just become a hindrance."

"Well that's certainly the brightest thing I've ever heard," Lily couldn't help but scowl in open disdain. "I'm willing to wager Professor Willow knows a thing or two about working alongside muggles. The Ministry should be grateful for any assistance she might be able to give them, not throw her out into the streets!"

"It's only temporary," Daphne objected.

"Humph," Cora crossed her arms. "The Ministry of Magic is exactly like every single other government in the world. Made up of arrogant, haughty pricks who think they know what's best for everyone."

"They promised her she'd get her job back as soon as things started settling down," Daphne insisted, defending the Ministry, albeit halfheartedly. "The Aurors ought to be out fighting Death Eaters, not trying to supervise the muggle police force. They'll be begging Professor Willow to go back before the term ends."

"Of course, she won't," Hilda confidently foresaw. "She'll stay right here at Hogwarts, hopefully teaching us more in one week than Professor Crimson did in one year." Phyllis had to bite back her laughter when the four girls noticed the disapproval Lily once again shot the sixth year.

"I think that's enough taunting Professor Crimson, Hilda," she told the girl sternly. "He might not have been the best teacher, but he certainly doesn't deserve that!"

Hilda swallowed her smile, but she didn't look in anyway whatsoever remorseful or abashed. "Absolutely." Lily regarded her for a moment longer, but then she turned and made her way out of the dorm room and down the stairs, ready for breakfast.

**ooooooo**

The Great Hall was, as always, teeming with life and energy. Whatever trials the students who had gone home might have faced over the summer were quickly put behind them as they became reacquainted with their friends and classmates. Even the Slytherins seemed to be behaving amiably enough among their own kind, despite the fact that they had completely neglected their first years the night before. Lily found herself peering through the lot of them, searching for one face in particular… but there wasn't any sign of Severus.

Not quite able to understand why she felt so disappointed, she eased her way onto the Gryffindor table's bench and reached for a biscuit that had magically appeared on the plate in front of her. Almost immediately, she found the majority of her house's attention directed towards herself. While Phyllis and Cora were both sitting on one end of the table with the rest of their year, and while Daphne and Hilda were both sitting on the other end with theirs, Lily seemed to have somehow ended up right in the middle, and everyone wanted to talk to her. Just like the night before. Just like everyday. The worst thing was, having found herself in such a position, she almost completely missed a certain young man's highly anticipated entrance.

When James Potter arrived in the Great Hall with Sirius, Remus, and Peter at his sides, Lily nearly jumped to her feet in delight. If it wasn't just her, the entire room seemed to brighten by his appearance alone. She knew it was going to be the start of a glorious day! The only problem was…

"Morning, Evans!" James immediately urged aside the third and fourth years sitting across from the Head Girl so that he and his pack might claim such desirable seats. He winked at her impishly, but then allowed whatever it was Sirius had been talking about to retake his full attention. He still wished to hide their relationship, which meant he had to appear more interested in Sirius's description of a winged boar which would ideally redefine the phrase: "when pigs fly," than he was in her. She sighed… At this rate, she wouldn't get a chance to be with James until pigs did indeed fly! Hopefully, however, now that Sirius had the idea in his head, the wait wouldn't be quite as long as it seemed. She'd grown tired of waiting.

Classes began after breakfast. Lily found that not much had changed over the summer. Professor McGonagall was still as strict as ever, expecting nothing less from her students than absolute proficiency – they were, after all, taking the school's most advanced Transfiguration course! However, since three of the Marauders were Animagi, even Peter was able to keep up – once again to their professor's suspicion. Lily honestly couldn't tell whether or not she glanced secretly towards James more often than her teacher did warily; something just wasn't properly adding up for her, and McGonagall was determined to find out why.

Potions class also seemed to be the same as ever; Professor Slughorn promised to be as warm hearted, cheerful, and backslapping as in years gone by. For no sooner had Lily stepped foot inside the dungeon classroom than the man was in front of her, congratulating her on her newest position as Head Girl while sincerely expressing his only regret: that this would prove to be her last year, and that he would miss her in the years that followed. Truth be told, Lily wasn't entirely sure the feeling was mutual; she liked Professor Slughorn. He was a good man, a good teacher, and a good friend… But there was only so much flattery a girl could take, and he had long since overstepped his bounds, straight into the category of sycophancy. Fortunately, James chose that hour to offer some originality. When Professor Slughorn began urging her, as he always did every year, towards the table at which Severus sat, the Head Boy quickly stepped in their way.

"Actually, professor," he said boldly, and quite confidently at that, while glancing at Lily with yet another one of his subtle winks. "Miss Evans already agreed to be my partner this term!"

"She did?" Professor Slughorn stared at James in open amazement, even as Sirius spun towards his friend with a similar look etched upon his own face – but with a hint of betrayal mixed in on the side, as well.

"She did?" Neither Remus nor Peter were taking this extremely advanced Potions class. If James meant to be paired off with Lily, that left some Slytherin to be paired with Sirius. In the worst case scenario, that meant Severus Snape… which consequently would mean world war three.

So James wanted to hide their relationship, did he? Lily glowered at him with the most convincing expression of disdain that she could possibly muster up. "Nice try, Potter, but I think I'd rather work with Severus." A look of shock crossed James's face, which immediately sent remorse streaming through her guts. Another second of that, and she would have changed her mind frantically!

But then he managed to catch on, and swiftly forced himself to shrug while smiling sheepishly. "Well, I reckon it doesn't hurt a bloke to try. Your loss, Evans." And with that, he turned almost gleefully back towards Sirius. Nevertheless, over the course of the following hour, Lily often sensed him looking at her. More then once she returned his gaze, smiling apologetically. Ultimately, she knew it was for the best. Hogwarts was a safer place with her at Severus's side than it would have been with Sirius at his side. There just wasn't any doubt about that. However…

Almost as often as she sensed James looking her way, she glanced up to find Severus looking his way. The rivalry between the Slytherin and Gryffindor's Quidditch Champion was indescribable. Some would even go so far as to call it hatred. Lily was fairly confident she could detect triumph emanating from her Potions partner. Triumph… perhaps that she had chosen to work with him over James? She couldn't tell, and that only heightened the confusion she had felt earlier that morning at breakfast when she had been laden with disappointment at Severus's absence. What was the matter with her?

After they were dismissed from Potions, they were given a study break, and then lunch. To avoid even further attention from the fans she seemed to have somehow gained in her own house, Lily quickly and quietly made her way over to the Hufflepuff table, where she abruptly sat down next to Mallory, Nathalie, and their friends. They were all naturally welcoming, considering how much they apparently loved her, at least according to James. Besides, they all believed they owed her their preceding year's House Cup victory, no matter how much of that victory they'd managed completely on their own. In any event, it was extremely refreshing to place herself in their company, for as grateful as she was to Phyllis, Cora, Daphne, and Hilda for rooming with her, they had yet to grow as close to her as she'd been with Alice, Isabelle, Pippa, and all the rest. It was refreshing to have a meal with friends who had been part of her circle the year before, when they'd all still been together. She continually felt their absence, and missed them immensely.

After lunch ended, she made her way towards the Defense room. Professor Crimson was gone, and a woman by the name of Beverly Willow was to take his place. Lily tried assuring herself that she had no reason to worry; any witch who could work alongside muggle law enforcers was not likely bound to be a Death Eater. Or a poacher. Or anything else that might mean to do her harm.

In reality, the woman was tall, lean, and had a powerful, confident presence. Her dark auburn hair was cropped short, and her robes were a chestnut brown. Everything about her screamed intelligence and headstrong stubbornness. No doubt she wouldn't think twice about interfering with whatever plans the Aurors might have for her muggle coworkers if she thought she could, in any way, do a better job protecting their distinctive communities. Perhaps that was why the Ministry of Magic hadn't wanted her around. In any case, Professor Willow was much more proficient at lecturing than Professor Crimson had been – though it was too early to tell whether or not the same could be said for her actual teaching – and she quickly earned her students' respect. Including Lily's, and even James' and Sirius's. All in all, considering it was to be her last year at Hogwarts, there were worse ways that it could have begun.

That evening, she excused herself from dinner earlier than any of her friends, and began strolling her way out of the castle and towards the gardens. It was a bit early to begin her nightly rounds as Head Girl, and since there was still a bit of daylight left, she'd grown eager for a chance to be out among the flowers and fountains and marble benches that never ceased to enchant; the colors of the various petals were bright and their fragrances invigorating. Several birds fluttered through the branches of the larger bushes, chirping merrily, and the more romantic, poetic side of the Gryffindor seventh year wondered if they weren't welcoming her back home. How hard it would be to leave this place at the end of the year…

"You look like you were made for a magical garden."

Two arms wrapped around her waist and gently eased her back up against the chest of a handsome young man. Lily glanced up and smiled at the sight of James's face. Her heart was beating so conspicuously she thought he might hear it, and she didn't know whether or not she minded. All she truly knew, for sure, was that when he bent down to kiss her, the thrill that spread throughout her entire body and left her lips tingling was exhilarating. It was definitely well worth the wait.

"What are you doing out here?" she asked him playfully as he pulled away, only to step next to her and take her hand in his.

"Well," he said as they began walking through the garden, side by side. "The truth is, I, being the Marauder that I am, Head Boy or not, am clearly up to no good, as I have solemnly sworn to be on numerous occasions throughout my life."

Lily giggled, only to feel her face flushing at the sound. Is this what James was reducing her to? A lovesick, giggling girl? She bit her lip forcefully before glaring at the Quidditch star. "I guess as Head Girl I should turn you in before you manage to cause any real havoc."

"Touché," he looked at her with a smirk. "I really should consider being more careful about what I admit around you, Lil. That's the second hit you've made today."

_Second_? Oh. He meant during Potions this morning, when she'd clearly snubbed him in favor of a Slytherin. And not just any Slytherin, for that matter… but Severus Snape! "You're the one who wants to keep us secret, James. I've had to do more than just partner up with Severus to accomplish that, believe me." She glanced up at him with a frown. "Apparently, you've got more admirers and more kinds of admirers than even you realize."

He glanced at her, returning the frown. "What, do you mean like other girls?" He stopped short as a look of utter revulsion crossed his face. "Please tell me you're not talking about that Hilda! I heard she's one of the four lassies rooming with you now…" Lily nodded, in answer to both his questions.

"We can't keep this a secret if other girls are going to start chasing you," she stated firmly. "There are some things not even I'm willing to share, I hope you know."

His smile returned immediately. "Oh yeah? Well that's good to hear." That look on his face was infectious. Lily found herself slowly returning it. "And, just so you know, I'd sooner take Snape himself out to lunch than go on a date with Hilda what's-her-name."

"You!" she lightly hit his arm in mock disapproval, while knowing full well that her smile would give her away. "You're just as callous as she is!"

"Which is why the two of us fit so perfectly together," he replied with a carefree shrug. "We balance each other out!" Reaching his hand out towards a flower bush, he plucked free a resplendent yellow blossom and proceeded to tuck it gently behind Lily's ear. Having done so, his deep, hazel eyes swept over her admiringly, and the next thing they knew, he was kissing her once again.

**ooooooo**

**A/N: **All right. I'll admit it. I've been exceedingly busy, and when I've not been busy, I've been exceedingly distracted. I'm so, so, so, so, so, so sorry! That being said, I hope everyone had a wonderful Valentine's Day! Oh yeah. Don't forget to review! Thanks!


	91. Complications

**ooooooo**

By the time the sun had set, reducing the gardens to a mere shadowy wilderness, Lily and James both suspected it was about time to venture back inside, though against her better judgment. How long would it be until they had another chance to enjoy each other's company in such blissful solitude? Returning to the castle now felt painfully like taking a willing step out of a magical dream from which she truly did not want to wake. How long had she agreed with James to keep up this subterfuge?

Parting from him, she forced her legs to carry her all the way to the tutor room, where she planned on diving right into a potions lesson with the first years. There were definitely a lot of them waiting for her, but not as many of the older students. No doubt they'd start coming in later in the term, when professors started handing out papers and exams. She'd be busy this year, of that she had no doubt. But then… maybe that would prove to be a good thing. After all, hadn't James been more or less accurate back on the train the day before, when he'd claimed she was always at her best when there were younger students to be taken care of? At least it would give her something with which to distract herself from any of the lovesickness she was bound to feel in those trying times when her relationship with James was under wraps.

Having already learned each of the first years' names during the tour of the castle the night before, Lily began the tutorial by inquiring after their first day. Several of them appeared justifiably overwhelmed and exhausted; experience told her that they were no doubt muggle-born, still endeavoring to fully grasp the groundbreaking news that magic did in fact exist. Others, however, were wearing harder expressions… expressions that were much too grown-up for their young faces. Experience told her that they were the ones who had grown up in the magical world… they were the ones plagued by thoughts – possibly even memories – of the war raging outside. How long would it be, Lily wondered sorrowfully, before the currently awestruck muggle-born students became as haunted or as worried as their more enlightened peers.

Amazingly enough, however, and much to her relief, the horrors of the war hadn't yet managed to break them all. There were some students, including a delightfully bright and charming young Hufflepuff named Esther, who still possessed enough spirit to hold their own at just about anything. And as Lily began to conjure up some cauldrons with which they might practice brewing the simplest of potions, the young girl demonstrated her carefree, happy-go-lucky nature by making one astounding observation.

"I love that flower. Who gave it to you?"

Lily's face flushed furiously, and she instinctively fingered a certain yellow blossom that a certain, strapping young man had tucked decoratively behind her ear. How could she possibly have forgotten its presence there? She was not the kind of girl who normally walked around with flowers in her hair, and the two second years who actually were present knew that for a fact! As soon as Esther pointed it out, they both started interrogating her with questions they'd no doubt silently been asking themselves ever since she stepped foot inside the room.

"A boy?"

"What's his name?"

"Is he in Gryffindor with you?"

"How long has this been going on?"

Lily had been a tutor now for three whole years, going on her fourth, and she had never, in all that time, felt as lost or as flustered as she did at that exact moment. Where was James when she needed him? Shifting uncomfortably on her feet, she stared at the small cauldron she'd conjured on the table in front of her. "I have no idea what you're talking about."

"She does!" Esther insisted triumphantly. "Just look at her face! She's blushing!" The taunt brought even more color to Lily's cheeks, and she handed the first year the cauldron quickly before moving down the line. She didn't stop until every student in the room had one to work with, but even then, it felt like every eye was fixed on her, waiting for a confession. The girls especially seemed eager for gossip, despite their previous fatigue.

"If you must know," she finally humored them, walking back to the front of the room where she then proceeded to sit on top of a table. "I happened upon several fairies in the garden this evening, and _they _favored me with this flower." Esther's eyes widened and her smile broadened, and the others all immediately wore like expressions. Having regained her composure, Lily managed to grin herself, incredibly pleased with the little fairytale she'd somehow thought up.

"You're not serious," one boy, whose name was Phillip, quickly charged. The tone in which she had spoken clearly suggested as much, but when Lily shot him an unfathomable smile – the likes of which she had been well taught by James Potter – he hesitated, as if unsure of his claim. "Are you?" She didn't answer, but continued smiling at him roguishly.

"She might be," one of the second years acknowledged wondrously, having never heard of Lily blatantly lying before – not that this was the kind of lie anyone would lose any sleep over. It was more of a mystery, really… and one that had quickly captured all their imaginations. "I mean, if anyone at this school had even the slightest chance of winning a fairy's favor, it'd be Lily Evans in a bloody heartbeat."

"Fairies?" Esther asked, incredulous. In a place like Hogwarts, it was definitely possible… but then again, so was anything, and that included some boy having finally won her heart after seven years. Lily didn't seem like the type who would be without a beau – at least not to the young Hufflepuff. Before she could answer her, however, the door to the tutor room swung open. Sliding quickly off the table, the Head Girl turned around in surprise – for she certainly wasn't used to interruptions – only to find herself staring at none other than the latest Defense Against the Dark Arts professor, Beverly Willow.

Lily frowned; what in the world? "Can I help you?" It was difficult keeping the surprise out of her voice; in the past, she'd always been left alone to tutor as she saw fit. In fact, she'd always been encouraged by Professors McGonagall and Slughorn – and even the Headmaster on occasion – to tutor exactly as she saw fit! No one had ever bothered her before. So… what was Professor Willow doing here?

The woman regarded the first years for a moment, and then turned towards Lily with, much to her bewilderment, an open smile. "Forgive me, Miss Evans. I don't mean to interrupt, but I must say I've only heard the best things about you. Would you mind terribly if I sat in and watched? This is my first term teaching, and I daresay I could learn a thing or two from a bit of observation."

Lily raised an eyebrow. First of all, teachers weren't supposed to admit their own inexperience when standing in a roomful of students. It was obviously asking for trouble, and an intelligent woman like Professor Willow ought to have known that. In fact, if Lily wasn't completely mistaken, the woman _did _know that; she could see it in her eyes. Something else was going on… "Of course you can. Please, make yourself comfortable." She didn't need to be told twice. Moving swiftly and with daunting grace, Professor Willow claimed a chair off to the side, and resumed her scrutiny of the redheaded seventh year. Fun and games were clearly over; not even Esther dared risking talk of flowers, boys, and fairies. Lily hesitated; "I was just about to start going over the basic ingredients for popular potions." Professor Willow signaled for her to continue, and Lily found herself doing as she was bidden.

The tutorial seemed to last well into the night; never before had the Head Girl been so conscious of the sand slowly trickling its way down from the top of the hourglass to the bottom. All because of one professor's unwelcome presence! There was something significant about it… For the entire session, Lily couldn't help but feel as though her entire future depended upon Professor Willow's assessment, and that, more than anything, left her anxious and disconcerted. What had started out as a promising, pleasant evening quickly crumbled into one of ill ease, from which the first years were all eager to escape. And they weren't the only ones!

As Lily wished them all goodnight, after having first helped familiarize them with the most common of ingredients, and then cleaning up the resulting mess, she waited apprehensively for Professor Willow to rise as well. _Just stay calm. Not every Defense Professor that takes a particular interest in you is going to be another Charlie Pryce._ And yet… she didn't feel quite as candid as Fanny Campbell always had. Lily found herself forcefully biting back a forlorn sigh; why couldn't it be Fanny standing right there?

Within moments after dismissing the first years, most of them were gone – which had to be a record. In the time it took Lily to blink her eyes, only Esther remained, standing beside her at the door. Presently, she looked up at the Head Girl with a reassuring smile; "Fairies?" The word had barely been spoken in above a whisper, for fear that Professor Willow might overhear. It was enough, however, to do the Gryffindor some very real good, while reminding her just how distinctive a house Hufflepuff was in its own right.

She grinned, nodding her head assertively as she leaned forward as if to share with the first year an amazing secret no one else in the world was privy to. "Yes, fairies! They're actually quite charming, and you'd do well to keep an eye out for them." Esther beamed, like the star she was named for, and bounded from the room merrily. Lily watched her go, grateful to her, before turning back towards Professor Willow, who was now on her feet, watching her thoughtfully with crossed arms. "Did you get what you needed?"

"No," the woman told her rather bluntly, which struck Lily hard in the face. Not knowing quite how to respond to that, she stared at her numbly. Professor Willow was smiling again, pleasantly enough, but also… with a hint of something… some kind of knowledge that made Lily feel as though she was one step behind and unable to catch up. What was going on? "You seem to be at ease with the younger students, Miss Evans, but even still, I wasn't quite able to get a clear picture of just how well you tutor them. I understand my presence, or any other professor's, can seem intimidating, and for that I apologize. Perhaps after a few more sessions, you'll be more comfortable and able to relax. Then I'll be able to get what I need, as you so aptly put it."

Lily stared at the woman in open shock. What was she talking about? "I thought you said you just wanted to make observations because you've never taught before…"

Professor Willow acknowledged her with a nod. "I was hoping that, with such an explanation, you wouldn't feel quite as much pressure. Though clearly you're more perceptive than I realized; the entire time, you looked as though the pressure might snap you in half."

A wave of indignation heated Lily's face. "Excuse me. But I heard you worked with muggle law enforcement. What gives you the authority to come in here and start an inspection?" She should have known right away that this wasn't about Professor Willow's lack of experience teaching to a bunch of eleven year olds. The woman could just as easily have observed any one of the other, more qualified professors. Such as Professor McGonagall. But instead… this! Lily couldn't help but resent her for this. Who did she think she was?

"I think it would surprise you how involved I was in social work with my previous occupation," Professor Willow presently informed her, with the first hint of impatience. "Small children, particularly from muggle families, do have a tendency to expose their magical potential in front of the entire populace before they ever even set foot within Hogwarts! Part of my responsibilities included distracting muggles while the Ministry worked to clean up the mess. I dealt with teachers as often as with anyone else. Now, I do not have to explain myself to you, Miss Evans. But you can rest assured that I have every authority in the world to start an inspection. Good night." She didn't even bother to wait for a response before she swept from the room and disappeared down the hall. Perhaps bringing up her previous occupation hadn't been the brightest idea…

Lily swallowed painfully, walking stiffly back into the room where she then practically collapsed into a chair. What just happened? She was to be inspected? After three years, they chose to inspect her now? And if Professor Willow didn't like what she saw, what then? Was she to be shamed, completely and utterly forbidden from tutoring any of the first years ever again? Is that what the future held in store for her? What then?

**ooooooo**

"These tutorials aren't even official!"

Night had descended swiftly upon the castle, blanketing both it and its grounds in absolute darkness. Lily ought to have already performed her rounds so that she could be in bed by this late hour, but she hadn't even left the tutor room yet! How could she? One minute, everything had been perfectly fine, and the next… Enter Beverly Willow! Now, she was in the midst of an angry, rambling complaint, looking to James for reassurance. The boy had immediately sought her out when she hadn't shown up in the Gryffindor Tower by curfew, and having done so, he sat with her in the dark, unlit room, hanging onto her every word.

"I don't get paid for it," she observed heatedly. "I don't get extra credit for it. Sure, all the other teachers seem to take it for granted, but I don't have to be a tutor! It certainly isn't one of the first years' God given rights! Why should it matter to Professor Willow whether or not I'm qualified or capable? This isn't her school! She hasn't even been here one week, and I've been tutoring for three years! What gives her the right?"

This had to have been the most resent she'd ever felt towards anyone in the entire world, aside from the two leading Marauders. For when had she ever been up in such arms without either James or Sirius on the receiving end of her frustrations? Personally, the Quidditch champion was grateful for a bit of change in the scenery. "Try not to worry about it, Lil. I mean, you're definitely right about one thing. This isn't just your fourth year tutoring; it's your last! McGonagall is not about to just stand passively aside and let Willow throw you out. And this might prove more reassuring… Neither am I!"

Those were the only words she'd wanted from him. Immediately, she felt herself calming down, and she smiled through the darkness while squeezing his hand gratefully. "Thank you." It was slightly overwhelming, realizing just how much tutoring meant to her. It had so quickly become such an integral part of her life… and she didn't want to lose it. The thought that she had James on her side was indeed a comforting one; she knew she could trust him with just about anything. And that included her future as the first years' tutor.

They sat together in absolute silence for several minutes; she leaned against his side, and he wrapped his arm around her shoulder. It was peaceful, and Lily knew she could have fallen asleep like that… but she didn't want to sleep. She wanted to savor the moment.

Unfortunately, the moment ended rather abruptly. For it was then that something outside the window lit up the sky in a brilliant golden light. It didn't make a sound; it was merely a resplendent flash – like lightning without a hint of thunder. Nevertheless, it was enough to bring James to his feet in alarm. "That wasn't supposed to happen yet."

Lily blinked. Knowing James as well as she did, she figured a sentence like that didn't bode particularly well. So much for the Head Boy not stirring up trouble this term! She got up after him, and would have made for the window, but James tightened his grip on her hand, holding her back. She stared at him in confusion. "What's going on?"

Through the shadows, she could definitely see him smiling abashedly. "When I came looking for you, I don't suppose I happened to mention the teensy little fact that we, as in the Marauders, are kind of in the middle of a welcome-back-to-school presentation that we plan on presenting tomorrow morning, did I?"

A small smile played at the corners of her lips. A welcome-back-to-school presentation, was it? That didn't sound too, too terrible. Knowing their history, it could have been a lot worse, and so she replied with a simple, "No. No you didn't."

"Right," he grimaced, running a hand through his typically unkempt black hair. When he perceived her scoffing at him, he put on a scowl. "Hey, it's not like I deliberately mess it up anymore! I tried keeping it neat, but I gotta tell you, it has a mind of its own!" Lily laughed, but at that moment, they both heard footsteps running from outside the tutor room. Footsteps that were definitely headed in their direction.

"Bloody hell…" James dove towards one of the room's many tables upon which he had dumped a schoolbag and his invisibility cloak. Lily had still been upset at the time, so she hadn't given any of his belongings much notice… but now she found herself wondering what possible use he might have for a schoolbag after hours.

"Here!" he said, turning back towards her at an impossible speed while holding out his invisibility cloak. "Put this on!" Instead of waiting for her to oblige, however, he set about wrapping it around her himself, and not a moment too soon! For at the exact second that he had it covering her entire body from head to toe, the door to the tutor room burst open, allowing the three remaining Marauders to spill inside.

"Prongs, have you gone bloody mental?" Sirius hissed through clenched teeth, rushing towards his partner-in-crime while Remus and Peter both kept watch by the door. James had turned on his heel to face his friend, who looked positively livid, and Lily found herself backing away, wrapping the cloak tightly around herself.

"I could ask you the same thing!" James didn't sound any happier than Sirius had. "What do you think you're doing, summoning the giant squid out of the lake already? That wasn't supposed to happen for another hour and a half!" Lily's eyes widened in absolute shock; it was all she could do not to throw off James's cloak and demand an immediate explanation. The giant squid? What in the world were they on about?

"What difference does it make?" Sirius shot back. "Timing's not everything, Prongs. It'll still be there in the morning. But here's a better question. What are you doing in the tutor room?"

"I'm stationed here, Padfoot! Don't you ever listen?"

"No. I don't listen. Ever. It's only by mere coincidence that I happened to find you here." Sirius was seething with sarcasm, and Lily briefly wondered how the two of them had actually managed to survive six years, going on seven, in each other's company. Clearly, there was dissension in the ranks.

"You want to know why I'm here?" James demanded, trying to keep his voice down low so that no one outside might chance overhearing. "I'm here because this room happens to be very strategically placed-!"

"You're here because it reminds you of Lily Evans, you infatuated, infatuated man!"

Lily had to wince on James's behalf, but then she found herself grinning widely and trying hard not to laugh. Sirius wasn't too far off the mark, but little did he know… Her amusement, however, was cut extremely short as Remus glanced over his shoulder in obvious apprehension.

"If you two are done bickering, it looks like we might have company!"

Lily caught her breath as she watched Sirius spin towards the door. Peter was shutting it as quietly as he possibly could – which was actually extremely quiet! He'd grown into an impressively subtle young man, and it was impossible to doubt any longer that he indeed warranted the title: Marauder. Presently, he turned to look back at James, as did Remus, and then Sirius, who immediately whispered: "You want to get your cloak out, Prongs?"

Lily could not see James's face, for she was standing quite a ways behind him. But she could well imagine, with great ease, the look that must have crossed his face, for when he answered his friend, his tone brought to mind a deer having been cornered by a hunter – which was in a way kind of fitting, all things considered. "My cloak?"

Sirius rolled his eyes, urgency making him impatient and frustrated. "Yes, Prongs, your cloak! The cloak we all wore down here! The cloak we've all worn every single night since day one! That cloak! Where is it?"

Well. It was wrapped around Lily Evans' minute figure, for James clearly feared what his friends' reactions might be were they to discover him keeping company with her well after curfew. He glanced around the room in unmistakable helplessness. "That's… actually a rather good question, mate."

Remus' jaw dropped, Peter's face turned slightly green, and Sirius grabbed his "chum's" arm rather savagely. "What do you mean that's a good question? Prongs, where is your invisibility cloak!"

James forced his way out of Sirius's vice-like grip. "I don't know. You don't see it anywhere, do you?" His three compatriots immediately glanced around as if hoping they might. Lily already knew their efforts were in vain, for the only way they could possibly discover the cloak was if they happened to discover her, and that was something she knew James would never let happen. Truth be told, it felt disturbingly satisfying… After all the lies she'd told that day – particularly to the first years regarding the flower she even now wore tucked behind her ear – it was satisfying to watch James in a fix of his own. Maybe now she could convince him to tell everyone the truth! That was… if they weren't caught by Mr. Filch first… or whoever it was tracking them down outside… and then expelled!

"How do you lose an invisibility cloak?" Peter whispered frantically, having realized that such a missing item was not likely to be found by him, of all people. Nevertheless, Sirius, as furious as he'd become, found the question legitimate, and rounded on James demanding an answer.

"Well…" the boy shrugged. "I suppose it has a tendency of turning invisible." Lily bit her lip to keep from making any sounds whatsoever of the amusement coursing through her.

"Get down!" Remus hissed, and all three boys responded with such reflexes, diving behind tables and chairs, that Lily realized this couldn't possibly be an uncommon situation for them. She herself stood slightly dazed, her heart having jumped to her throat as the door once again flew open. Mr. Filch came marching inside, and it took her several long seconds to remember that she was safely hidden from sight by James's infamous cloak. The man couldn't see her, even with the lantern he held in his hand! Not that the lantern did him much good anyway…

It was dark in the tutor room… and seemed to be growing more so by the second. It no longer qualified as ordinary, for Lily could sense the magic triggering it. Invisibility cloaks were hardly necessary for four marauding seventh years when their only opponent happened to be an old, cranky caretaker sporting a useless lantern! Nevertheless, he was eyeing the room suspiciously, and took another wary step forward. "I know you're in here…"

Something chirped and, a moment later, scuttled across the floor. Lily blinked even as Mr. Filch jumped a mile high in surprise while letting loose a terrible curse. "Rats!" He huffed. "We'll just see about that! I'm going to get myself a second cat!" And with that, he swept out of the room, slamming the door shut behind him as he went.

For several seconds, no one moved… But once they were certain the coast was clear, the thick, unnatural darkness waned, leaving them standing in a room merely of shadows. Sirius seemed to have gotten over his utter wrath, and was now nodding his head in approval. "That's it, Wormtail. Lead him away." He glanced at James. "We gotta give that kid more credit."

"No, we gotta go after him and make sure he doesn't get stepped on," Remus replied, hastening towards the door. Without waiting for a reply, he glanced carefully outside before slipping through the threshold. Seconds later, and he was gone.

"Go!" James urged Sirius forward, pushing him to the door which he then held widely open. "Finish what we started, Padfoot. I'll find the cloak!"

"Yeah, you better find it!" Sirius warned him harshly before starting after Remus. James watched him go and then eased the door shut, turning around and leaning his back against it. He seemed to be catching his breath.

"That was a close one…"

Lily pulled off the cloak, hardly able to suppress her laughter. "And here I was hoping you'd all get caught and thrown into detention." She made her way up to him and returned the troublesome garment, which he took almost reluctantly. "Don't you think it would be easier if we just told them the truth?"

He answered with a question of his own; "Don't you think it would just complicate things?"

She scoffed. "You're planning to summon the giant squid out the lake-"

"Actually, Sirius already summoned it."

"And you're worried about complications?" she fixed her eyes on him with a look of skepticism, but her expression softened considerably when he met her gaze. The thought of being open about their relationship with the other Marauders truly made him uncomfortable! She sighed, taking his hand in hers. "Okay. You win." As always. "Go do whatever it is you have to do to that squid." If someone had told her a year ago she'd be speaking sentences like that…

James was smiling thoughtfully. "Do you have any idea how much I hate that fat old fish?" He raised her hand to his lips and kissed it quickly. "Love you!" And then he was gone, running out the door as he swept the cloak around his shoulders so that he appeared to be nothing more than a head floating down the corridor.

**ooooooo**

**A/N: **Wasn't that a quick update? I thought so, anyway… Please review! I appreciate it so much!


	92. Resolutions

**ooooooo**

There wasn't any doubt whatsoever about it; the giant squid had unquestionably become the talk of the season. Waking up only to find, upon glancing out a window, the colossal sea creature pulling its way towards the apex of the castle, where there appeared to be residual traces of some kind of magic it found just too enticing to resist, was definitely a sight that students had never before even dreamt of ever seeing. After an initial panic, followed closely by restored order and extreme amusement, all that was left was for the unprecedented incident to go down in history as the greatest prank the Marauders had ever pulled – with the possible exception of the Dark Mark fiasco, which they actually had had absolutely nothing to do with, but were nevertheless still blamed for anyway by a majority of the students old enough to remember. Even now, after nearly two whole years, whispers often still recounted the tale of four students brazen enough to make mockery of the Death Eaters' symbol. It worried Lily immensely, for the Marauders she knew actually were brazen enough to do such a thing; neither James nor Sirius had any respect whatsoever for the Dark Lord and would willingly make a mockery out of him any day of the week, had they only the opportunity. But… such impertinence was bound to have consequences… and that alarmed her. If anything were to happen to James…

In any event, over the course of the next few days, Lily found herself, not for the first time, left with the once irksome task of familiarizing the first years with the legends surrounding the school's infamous pranksters. Every single night, or so it seemed, the eleven year olds would come up with some new questions regarding the Marauders that they hadn't yet asked, and they looked to her for answers. Unfortunately, what with Professor Willow's continued presence at her tutorials, Lily was unable to answer them as she would have liked; now that she was practically a Marauder herself, she felt she would have greatly enjoyed sharing with her charges stories of Prongs, Padfoot, Moony, and Wormtail's daring adventures and incredible, extraordinary exploits. But with the professor always there, she was forced to bite her tongue; the woman seemed to have taken a considerable amount of interest in the four young rascals, and Lily wasn't about to do or say anything whatsoever that might jeopardize the secrecy of their identities.

"These pranks," Professor Willow asked her one evening, as the first years were all getting settled into their seats for another hour of tutorials. "How long have they been transpiring?"

Suspecting, perhaps more out of distrust than for any particular, logical reason, that the woman meant only to determine their ages and thus narrow down her search, if she was indeed looking to discover and expose them, Lily answered her merely with a shrug. "Haven't kept track. It's not as if their antics have shaped the course of history or anything, to earn their own personal chronicle." Professor Willow narrowed her eyes suspiciously, perhaps guessing that the girl knew more than she was letting on. But, by then, Lily had already turned her attention towards the first years. "Which brings us to everyone's favorite: History of Magic, chapter one! Let's see if I can't make this subject a little bit more bearable."

As the first few weeks of classes stretched on, Lily found it incomprehensibly difficult to continue bouncing her way back and forth between her roles as tutor and student. Lessons with Professor Willow were quickly reminding her of the distaste she'd always used to have for Defense Against the Dark Arts. While she had, in the past few years, managed to reconcile her strong sense of passivity with her occasional need to defend herself, managing even to go so far as to score an Outstanding on her Defense O.W.L., the past few days under Professor Willow's direction were exhaustive and, to her personally, rather confusing.

They weren't so much lessons as they were opportunities to train. Students were expected to already know and understand the theories behind Defense Against the Dark Arts; stepping into the school's most advanced course was primarily for practicing and perfecting practical skills. As it had been with Charlie Pryce, Professor Willow made them duel while focusing on counter curses, countercharms, shield charms, impediment charms, and every other kind of charm that might possibly one day save their lives. Fortunately, she was nowhere near as relentless as Pryce had been; she did allow her students to rest whenever they felt the need, and sometimes even granted them permission to sit out for entire lessons, so long as they participated more often than not. She did not single her students out as Pryce had with Lily and Remus, humiliating and degrading them, but encouraged them and assisted them wherever she could. As much as Lily didn't want to admit it, Professor Willow knew a thing or two about education…

"She's a good teacher," Remus insisted during one rare occasion when he and Lily were alone together, studying in the library. "She gives good lectures to the younger students. She doesn't overload them with homework. She doesn't try to scare anyone. She's just… you know… preparing us…" He shrugged, fixing Lily with an inquisitive look; it wasn't any secret that she felt torn over the professor. Considering her reputation as a kind and extremely generous young woman, it didn't seem to follow that she could so unjustly dislike Beverly Willow, and Remus wanted an explanation for it.

Lily sighed. "It's just… I don't know, Remus. If she had been as incompetent as some of our late professors, her little inspections into my tutorials would only have been offensive. But now… I know she knows what she's doing, but I haven't got a clue." Did she feel threatened? There were plenty of competent teachers at Hogwarts; just look at Professor McGonagall! But Professor McGonagall minded her own business, and had never once interfered with Lily's tutorials. Why did Professor Willow have to act any differently?

"Have you talked to anyone?" Remus asked, shoving his homework aside as he focused on his friend's dilemma more completely. "McGonagall might know what's going on."

"I already asked her," Lily replied with a huff as she recollected the fruitless, time wasting interview. "She basically just told me to ignore the whole thing. Professor Willow's observations won't affect my tutorials in any way, and therefore shouldn't concern me." She scoffed mirthlessly. "As if that makes me feel any better." If anything, it only made her feel that much more painfully confused, and Remus empathized.

"You're both good at what you do," he observed gently. "No one can deny that…" He hesitated, considering her thoughtfully, and she glanced at him with a frown. That expression… she knew it all too well. He had recognized something, but was reluctant to put it in words, as if he feared overstepping his bounds.

"What?" she demanded, dreading his response, but also slightly desperate for it. She wanted to know… Whatever he thought on the matter, she wanted to know!

"Lily…" he leaned towards her, lowering his strained voice. Though there was hardly anyone else in the library at that hour, he knew their conversation was a delicate one, and not to be overheard. "You aren't hoping to prove anything, are you? She already knows you're a good tutor. You don't have to prove it!"

Lily felt her face flush slightly. That was, without a doubt, at the heart of the matter. Inspections were like tests. They were meant to ascertain whether or not someone or something – in this case, her herself – adequately met some set of predetermined standards. If Lily fell short… well… She didn't want to fall short!

Remus sighed, her silence, and the expression she wore on her face, providing him with an ample enough answer. "It's not a competition, Lil. McGonagall said it wouldn't affect your tutorials."

"And?" she asked him impatiently. The mere fact that there was an unwelcome guest sitting in on her tutorials in the first place already affected them. How could she be herself when Professor Willow's presence made her feel so self-conscious? She couldn't even show her interest in the Marauders for fear that the woman would further interrogate her on the matter of their identities! "You do know she's out to discover a certain secret you lot are keeping, don't you?"

A small wisp of a smile crossed Remus' face before he banished it quickly from sight. "Naturally." He glanced around to make sure that no one else was listening before looking back at her with a glimmer in his eyes. "She's basically the new kid on the block. Prongs said all the other teachers, except Filch, have basically given up trying to figure us out. But Willow's fresh and, having worked with the police, accustomed to running her own little investigations. She'll learn better, though, sooner or later. The Marauders just can't be outsmarted!" That definitely sounded like something James would say.

"So you're not worried?" she asked him enviously, and he shook his head.

"There are other things to worry about," he rationalized, reaching across the table to take her hand, which he squeezed encouragingly. "Instead of distressing yourself over one teacher who will probably be gone the moment the Ministry decides to give her back her job, worry about… worry about Prongs. When that squid was climbing up the side of the castle, I heard him say something about you never choosing it over him again." Lily's face flushed considerably as she recalled the words she'd spat at James after their O.W.L.s the year before last. _"I wouldn't go out with you if it was a choice between you and the giant squid!"_ No wonder he claimed to hate the creature… She smiled sheepishly; she couldn't help herself.

Before Remus could comment on it, however, something else entirely must have captured his attention, for he stiffened, and the hand that was still holding hers tightened significantly. Lily frowned, glancing over her shoulder to see one Severus Snape standing quite openly in the restricted section of the library. Those books were only meant for students studying advanced Defense Against the Dark Arts, as he was, and as Lily and Remus both were. But it seemed strange… Professor Willow hadn't assigned them any book work… unless she had a different lesson plan for her Slytherin-Hufflepuff class than she did for her Gryffindor-Ravenclaw one… Lily immediately turned back towards her companion; "What's he doing?"

Remus shook his head while not taking his wide, anxious eyes off the Slytherin. It was no secret – at least not to them – that Severus knew about his "furry little problem," as Lily had heard James call it. The Slytherin might have been killed the night Sirius had sent him past the Whomping Willow and onward towards the Shrieking Shack; a thought which clearly still haunted and tormented Remus like nothing else in the world. To make matters worse… Severus loathed the Marauders. He blamed them all for that one night, though Sirius had acted alone. What he might do with such information someday in the future… when he wouldn't have to answer to Professor Dumbledore for it… was just about anyone's guess. As long as Remus remained at Hogwarts, he would be safe… but they were all graduating that spring… leaving safety far behind.

And Lily had been intimidated by Professor Willow. Self-criticism tugged at her heartstrings. Enough was enough!

Getting to her feet, Lily found herself starting towards the restricted books. From the corner of her eye, she could see the librarian glance sharply in her direction. From behind, she could hear Remus whispering an urgent protest. But there were advantages to being the school's Head Girl – the librarian did not hinder her – and there were some places that even a Marauder like Remus himself feared to go – he did not hasten after her to drag her back. Instead, he watched uneasily as she came to a pause next to Severus and delicately pulled one of the restricted books off the shelf.

It was an extremely old tome; thick, heavy, and with a wooden cover. There was no title on it; merely an emblem the likes of which she did not recognize. Taking it as an opening, she turned towards Severus with a frown. "Any idea what this means?"

His body seemed to freeze at the sound of her voice, but he quickly recovered. Having ignored her approach completely, he now obliged her only by glancing at the book in her hands, while failing to meet her gaze. "It represents an ancient Roman mystery religion. A dark wizard took advantage of the local muggles and won their reverence." He spoke briskly and with such an air of authority that Lily didn't doubt him for a second. Feeling her blood run cold, she placed the book back on the shelf quickly while resisting the urge to shudder.

"What's a book like that doing here?"

He must have heard the barely audible tremor in her voice, which she herself resented – why did she have to sound so weak? Nevertheless, it brought him to regard her with his deep, nearly bottomless black eyes… eyes that seemed to have seen so much. Lily tilted her head slightly as she stared into them; how was it that there could possibly be such expression in such emotionless black eyes?

A heartbeat later and he had turned away, staring instead at the shelves of books directly before him. "That book is here for research. I cannot say whether you have had History today or not, but the old ghost has assigned an extensive report on any magical topic predating 1400 C.E. If you like, such ancient cults fit the criteria."

Lily had, in fact, already been aware of Professor Binns' assignment, which was due by midterm. She herself planned on researching the initial causes of division that began to separate witches and wizards from the muggles who had, once upon a time, considered them friends. Perhaps looking into some old mystery religions where devious, manipulate wizards had posed as deities would provide her with some additional angles to her topic. "Are you still taking History of Magic, Severus?"

"Out of all the subjects taught at Hogwarts, it is one of the most important," he acknowledged without looking at her again, though his attention on the restricted books seemed to have more or less tapered off. "Charms, Transfiguration, even Potions are all entertaining enough, I suppose, while History seems to be dull and irrelevant… at least to those foolish enough not to mind it. The past has a power of its own." So much could be learned from it…

"What are you doing your report on?" Lily asked him, genuinely curious. If he was browsing around through the restricted section of the library, it wasn't likely to be a conventional topic for a History class. These books were meant to enhance one's knowledge of the Dark Arts, for the best defense came through understanding. Understanding was, after all, one of the most effective medicines with which to treat fear and terror.

Severus's answer, however, was not one she had been expecting. "That remains to be seen." He didn't know yet. She stared at him for a long minute, considering those words with a slightly unsettling knot in her stomach. He was looking for inspiration in the restricted section…?

"Why?" she heard herself asking before she could stop herself, or even clarify what it was she actually wanted to know. And for the second time, she found herself staring into those dark, impenetrable eyes…

"You should leave," he told her coldly, after another long, uncomfortable silence.

"Severus-"

"Now." He glanced over his shoulder, and when Lily followed his gaze, she found herself staring at an extremely uneasy Remus. The boy was practically squirming in his seat, waiting for her return, which was enough for Severus to scowl bitterly. "He's more suited to be in your company, anyway."

"That's not for you to judge," she told him quickly, and with a bit more hostility than she'd intended. He looked back at her in surprise, only to find that she was now wearing a scowl reminiscent to his own. "I'm sick and tired of people telling me who I should or shouldn't keep company with! You and James are a lot alike in that way!" Though the Quidditch champion might not have been guilty for such a crime in the past few months, he had definitely committed it before, and Lily didn't think it would hurt Severus to know that. Without waiting to see his response, however, she did as he had bid her and spun on her heel to return to Remus. The boy knew her well enough to recognize that it was time to leave. Getting to his feet, they stormed their way out of the library at each other's sides.

**ooooooo**

The headache was unbearable.

Allowing her dueling partner, the Ravenclaw, Ian Aldwen, to assist her to her feet, Lily stumbled towards the chairs that lined the sides of the classroom. It was one thing to earn an Outstanding on an O.W.L. examination for Defense Against the Dark Arts when one only needed to cast certain spells and counterjinxes in front of an examiner, and another thing entirely to use them in a fight, when one actually had to respond to an intelligent antagonist. Thinking clearly… anticipating moves… countering them… It was unsurprisingly more difficult, and proved without question that excellence on an exam did not automatically make one fit for battle. Lily hated that class. She had hated it from the start, and had absolutely _despised_ it during Charlie Pryce's year. Now, she was starting to remember why, and the memories were painful.

Groaning, she collapsed onto a chair. There were several other students sitting on the sidelines as well, catching their breaths before they dared start back up their training, and they all watched her until they were confident she was safely seated. Afterwards, they refocused their attention once again on those who remained out there dueling. A headache, after all, was just a headache. Nothing special. And Lily had quickly assured Ian that that was all it was.

James, however, was looking at her in extreme concern. She thought she could sense him, and quickly scanned the room until she saw him standing several meters away, next to Sirius, who was hanging upside down in the air by some kind of invisible force, thrashing about wildly as he attempted to get at his dueling partner, who had also somehow managed to confiscate his wand. That sight alone was nearly enough to cure her of her headache completely, and she granted James a reassuring smile. She'd be perfectly, one hundred percent back to normal in just a matter of minutes – not that he looked at all convinced or any less worried.

"Mr. Eddington! Are you ready to continue?" Professor Willow shouted across the room at one of the Ravenclaws, who glanced up at her in surprise before nodding his head. "Good! Pair up with Mr. Aldwen!" The boy, Wilber Eddington, nodded again and pushed up to his feet. Ian, apologizing one last time for hurting Lily – though he hadn't actually been responsible, the headache having come out of nowhere – turned to meet up with his newest partner. Lily watched him go, but then directed her attention back towards James, who had been forced by Sirius to resume their duel. The two seemed to be evenly matched; how the former had managed to hit the latter with that particular spell remained quite a mystery to the girl. Unless it had been just plain old luck…

She missed him. She felt like she hadn't seen him all day, for while they had had plenty of classes together, they hadn't had a chance to be really together. A part of her resented his need for secrecy, though not a large part. There didn't seem to be much room in their relationship for any kind of resent whatsoever. She just wished… that he wasn't dueling Sirius right now, but sitting next to her instead.

"Are you all right, Miss Evans?"

The voice came from her left, and she jumped when she heard it. Looking up, she saw Professor Willow towering over her, with a look of concern etched across her face. How had she managed to make it so close without capturing the girl's attention? _Obviously because you're love struck, Lily Evans, and can't keep your eyes off James Potter for even a second! _Her face flushed, and she hoped that Professor Willow would mistake it for proof that she had physically exerted herself. "Yes, I think so. I just have a headache, is all."

"Drink some water," her teacher advised, summoning up a goblet for the girl to take before turning back to the others, in order to resume her supervision. For several seconds, Lily found herself unable to look anywhere else but at the woman's back. It was stiff and straight and powerful and confident. She couldn't just keep on resenting Professor Willow. There were enough problems in the world already, particularly in Remus' case, and what with the war… She certainly didn't need to add more to them by making such a big deal out of a few inspections, whatever they were for. As far as she could tell, Professor Willow was a good woman who looked after those in her immediate care. It was… cold of Lily to treat her with anything less than respect.

At that moment, the exact moment of her resolution, something cold wrapped around her wrist, hidden beneath the folds of her right sleeve. Frowning, Lily set down the goblet Professor Willow had given her and pulled it back… only to find herself staring at a delicate, silver chained bracelet from which multiple pebble-sized charms were dangling. There was a bell, a butterfly, a flower, a star, a crescent moon, and a seashell, all in silver, and then several tiny little hearts, all in gold.

Immediately, Lily's headache was gone, and she glanced up at James in astonishment. He, however, was too busy fending off a rather frustrated Sirius to notice; the boy had thrown down his wand in favor of tackling him to the floor. Professor Willow instantly ran towards them and jerked Sirius back to his feet, yelling at him that Defense Against the Dark Arts did not in anyway whatsoever include wrestling matches.

"Oh yeah?" Sirius challenged audaciously, and also quite stupidly. "Well, I was always taught that Defense Against the Dark Arts constituted resistance of any kind, magical or otherwise! Too many Defense teachers, if you ask me… I'm getting mixed signals here!"

Lily had no idea how Professor Willow responded to that particular outburst, for at that moment, her gaze had finally locked onto James's. Grinning broadly, she glanced down at her wrist before looking back up at him, offering him silent thanks for the bracelet. He winked at her with a smile of his own, but was then forced to return his attention back to his best friend, who had casually wrapped an arm around his shoulder.

"James just wasn't giving me an opening! I can't believe you'd expect me to take that lying down! What if he had been a Death Eater? If you ask me, punching him in the face when he least expects it is a hundred times better than just allowing him to kill me! Yeah?" Professor Willow was glaring at him in obvious exasperation, but how was she to answer?

"Let's try to keep complete and utter chaos in my classroom down to a bare minimum, Mr. Black," she told him through clenched teeth, and Sirius positively beamed.

"Bare minimum? I think I can live with that!"

Lily wasn't the only one laughing; the Ravenclaws were as well, and James and Remus. It looked like it was shaping out to be yet another ordinary day at an extraordinary school after all, and she wouldn't have traded it for the world.

**ooooooo**

**A/N: **I absolutely had to get this chapter written. You see, I'm procrastinating right now. I'm tired of doing nonstop homework. I am sick and tired of it. A little break every now and then would definitely be nice. You know what else would be nice? Reviews. Lots of reviews. LOL! I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Thanks so much!


	93. Charisma

**ooooooo**

"I wish I could give you something," Lily whispered from where she sat leaning against James's shoulder high up in the astronomy tower. It was too early for there to be any stargazers about, but the sun was setting in the west, and the sky was such a resplendent crimson that she wouldn't have wanted to be anywhere else – especially since James was at her side. Glancing down at her wrist, she fingered the dainty little charms on her bracelet. "I'd like to think I'm good at conjuring up various odds and ends myself, but I can't imagine what sort of trinkets you'd admire."

"Nah," James shrugged while giving her shoulders a quick squeeze with the arm he'd wrapped around her. "You don't need to do that, Lil. You've given me so much already that I'll be paying you back for the rest of my life." She glanced at him with such a frown that he quickly elaborated. "You remember what a prat I used to be?"

"James-" she interjected, not wanting to dwell on the kind of person he'd been in the past. She'd forgiven him already, and wanted all that to be put as far behind them as possible. But James… he wouldn't let it go.

"No, just listen," he insisted, turning towards her earnestly as if forgetting all about the radiant sky they'd gone up there to appreciate in the first place. "I've never seen you reject anyone, Lily, except me. But by doing that, in a way, however inadvertently it might have been, you actually helped me… the same way you help everyone." Lily's face flushed a remarkable crimson, the shade of which nearly matched the sky. This was quickly shaping into one of those awkwardly embarrassing, one-sided conversations which she often found absolutely and astonishingly horrifying.

"Well, you don't have to spoil me," she told him softly, staring at the charms on the bracelet, for she couldn't bear to look at him. "Unless you're trying to turn me into a selfish, greedy, avaricious female." James laughed at that.

"Impossible!" He glanced at her and saw the slight smile on her lips. Laughing again, he leaned forward to kiss her forehead, and she felt herself tingling with pleasure. The way he made her feel… she was spoiled enough already, and as long as he remained with her, nothing in the entire world could possibly change that. He sighed, completely and utterly at ease. "And here I thought I'd never find anything even remotely as enjoyable as flying."

Flying. On broomsticks. In the air. Chasing after Quaffles. Lily glanced up at him with a discontented frown. "Quidditch is going to keep you extremely busy, isn't it?" They both had classes. They both had homework. Lily tutored, and she could definitely foresee future invitations to various Slug Club social gatherings. Once Quidditch started back up again, she wondered when she and James would ever have opportunities to sneak away and be together. Of course, they could always use their Head Boy Head Girl mutual responsibilities trump card to avoid arousing their friends' suspicion, but if they played that card too often… their friends might recognize it for what it was.

"Busier, I reckon," he acknowledged quietly. "At least more so than I've been lately, though I'm not sure I'd go so far as to call it 'extremely'. Don't worry about it."

Don't worry about it? Didn't he? Already, it felt incredibly rare for them to be together and Lily hated the mere prospect of it becoming even more so. Why couldn't they just tell everyone? She was growing weary of the unending, constant ploy. "There's only so much hiding I can do, James. I want to be seen with you, you know?" He pulled away from her uncomfortably, and got to his feet. Walking over to the edge of the tower, he stared out across the lake and the forest and the rest of the school's grounds. He knew how she felt just as she knew how he did. They couldn't have it both ways, and the struggle was… deciding who got to be the selfless one… and who got to be selfish.

At last he turned to her, and there was a hint of a smile on his face. She recognized that look; he was planning something. Feeling a rush of anticipation, Lily accepted the hand he held out to her and nearly jumped to her feet. Without a word, he led her down from the astronomy tower; as soon as they stepped off the stairs, he broke into a run, urging Lily to keep up – and how could she not? At each other's sides, they hastened through the upper corridors of the castle, pausing only when they had to take shelter behind whatever happened to be nearby so they wouldn't be seen. Once, however, when they reached the bottom of yet another set of stairs, they weren't quite quick enough. Turning round the corner, they found themselves face to face with none other than Albus Dumbledore himself.

"Professor!" Lily gasped in shock as James quickly dropped her hand and jumped a good two feet away. For a long, long moment, the old wizard regarded them both with his famous twinkling eyes, and Lily found herself quite unable to breathe. How could they have been so careless, that the first man to discover them would be none other than the Headmaster of the entire school? Her knees threatened to buckle.

"We were just…" James faltered as the man's gaze fell on him. The boy could deceive just about anyone he so pleased – including himself, on occasion – but when it came to Professor Dumbledore… he was practically as transparent as any other student. Nevertheless, he quickly managed to come up with a surprisingly impulsive justification – even for him… "We were just looking for you!"

Lily's eyes bulged even as the Headmaster's lit up in pure delight. _That_ was the best he could do? She stared at him in absolute horror as Professor Dumbledore answered in what sounded suspiciously like amusement. "And here I am, though entirely by coincidence! How convenient." Convenient indeed! "How can I be of service, Mr. Potter?"

"Er…" For someone who was no doubt thinking faster than he could ride a broomstick, James almost seemed to be at a complete loss. His mouth was opening and closing, but there weren't any words coming out. At least not for another good ten seconds, by which time, he managed to once again gain control of himself. And then, he said, like one reciting an oration: "As representatives of this fine establishment and its student population, Miss Evans and I believe it's one of our various duties to inform you of possible future social events we think might heighten the morale around here. You know that, with the war outside, there are by far too many long faces that simply do not flatter Hogwarts whatsoever! They ought to be brightened and relieved." He nodded forcefully for emphasis, to the Headmaster's obvious amusement, and to Lily's consternation. What in Merlin's beard was he on about?

"I couldn't agree with you more, Mr. Potter," Professor Dumbledore assured him, his eyes twinkling brighter than ever. At that moment, he fixed them on Lily, and had she only known what was coming next, she never would have returned his gaze. "I am, of course, eager to hear any and all suggestions you two might have formulated. Please, Miss Evans, do share them with me."

"What?" She felt all the color draining from her face. Looking desperately at James, she silently pleaded for assistance, but he seemed equally as mortified that the Headmaster would even consider directing his attention towards her. Meeting her gaze, he at least had the decency of looking apologetic, but there wasn't anything he could do. Forcing herself to turn her head back towards Professor Dumbledore, she hastened to search her memories for some kind of clue as to what "social events" might raise the students' spirits. Only one thing happened to come to mind. "We could…" She hesitated, swallowing painfully as she made a quick modification. "I think it would be a pleasure for us to arrange a Halloween masquerade." This time, it was James's turn to drop his jaw in astonishment. She wanted to arrange a _what_?

Professor Dumbledore's gaze flicked from her to her accomplice and back again, almost pensively under all that outward show of humor. His smile, however, never once faltered. "There is no doubt whatsoever that a masquerade would prove itself most diverting, Miss Evans, although I do fear masquerades, on occasion, have a habit of mesmerizing their guests with an intensity average balls fail to compete with. Particularly in our world."

"If you don't think it's a good idea, sir, than I would never even dream of pressing the issue!" Lily quickly assured him, while glancing at James in agitation. It was high time for them to be gone! The absolute last thing she'd ever wanted was an improvised interview with the Headmaster, particularly on such short notice, and the sooner she got away from him, the sooner she felt she'd be able to breathe again. However… a certain young somehow seemed to be of a completely different mind.

"Now just wait a minute!" James interrupted, sounding, to Lily's horror, considerably indignant. That wasn't a good sign. She turned her head sharply to stare at him in utter disbelief – what did he think he was doing? "This isn't just some random proposal we came up with on the spur of the moment, right off the top of our heads!"

"No?" Professor Dumbledore asked lightly, and Lily wasn't sure whether or not she wanted to laugh or rip out her hair. They obviously weren't fooling anyone, and why James felt the need to make it seem convincing was beyond her. Unless… He wasn't actually taken with the idea, was he? Was he?

"No!" he presently insisted. "We've gone over it, and we've given it plenty of thought!" He crossed his arms, staring at the Headmaster almost challengingly. "I mean, it's basically just a ball, right? But with some extremely extravagant costumes and masks fit for the day of the dead. We can get the Heads of the Houses to all supervise, and make sure no one shows up in anything inappropriate, and we can get the younger kids to bed at a reasonable hour. What's the worse that could happen?"

"Never underestimate the power of a single mask, Mr. Potter," Professor Dumbledore evenly instructed him, much to his perplexity. "It isn't unheard of for them to lay claim to one's identity. Even in sheer frivolity, they can have unforeseen effects." Lily shivered, wondering where this sudden onslaught of nerves had struck her from. For a long moment, none of them spoke, but regarded each other intently. How had they all come here? And where would they go to next?

"Do you honestly think anything like that could happen here?" James asked quite suddenly, with such condescension in his manner that he completely spoiled the eeriness of the moment – not that Lily was complaining. "I mean, with you, Professor McGonagall, Professor Willow, and all the other teachers there to keep order, I reckon those masks would have to be extremely nefarious to get the best of us. We can take them!"

Professor Dumbledore chuckled, nodding his head in what Lily could only surmise to be agreement. He fixed his twinkling eyes on her, though he did continue addressing the boy. "Your confidence is most convincing, Mr. Potter. I wonder which of the two of you came up with such a fantastic remedy for a castle filled with troubled hearts and ill ease. I hope he did not impose it upon you, Miss Evans." She looked up at him stiffly, for though the idea had without a doubt been her own, she hadn't had any intention of advocating it this far.

James, however, once again looked indignant. "I would never dream of imposing anything on her!" Nevertheless, he found himself hesitating, and when both Lily and Professor Dumbledore glanced at him curiously, he shrugged. "Well, I guess I did when I asked her for the first dance, which she agreed to, by the way!" He grinned broadly and triumphantly, causing Professor Dumbledore's eyebrow to rise. Meanwhile, Lily's face went red.

"I did not!" she objected loudly, which wiped the smile right off James's face while making him wince. There wasn't any doubt about it; they made an extremely convincing pair. "In fact, the reason I agreed to a masquerade, James Potter, was solely because I know you won't be able to find me and ruin my day!" The truth was, at a masquerade, they'd be able to dance the whole night through. If they wore the right masks, no one would recognize them. No one would know. That thought sent waves of anticipation coursing through her heart and soul.

"You never know, Lily," he told her sweetly. "You just might find yourself dancing with some tall, dark, and mysteriously masked man, who will sweep you off your feet, dazzle and enchant you, ultimately winning your heart, and at the end of the night, you'll realize that it's none other than yours truly!" He swept low into an astonishingly gallant bow that had Lily blushing profusely. That he could flirt with her while standing directly in front of the Headmaster, not seeming in the least bit fazed, and while throwing at her a mass of overused clichés, was shocking in the most extreme. How did he think he could get away with it? This was supposed to be a school, and they were supposed to be adults! Whatever happened to propriety?

She turned away from him abruptly and smiled apologetically at Professor Dumbledore, whose eyes could now have almost passed for glitter. "You'll have to excuse him, sir. He represents the school's male population."

At that, the Headmaster actually did laugh, while James wore an exaggerated pout. The two glanced at each other, and Professor Dumbledore's clapped the Gryffindor's shoulder. "I fear she's stricken our gender a rather severe blow, Mr. Potter, and we are quite unable to retaliate."

"I wouldn't go so far as to say unable," James argued, fixing Lily with an amused smirk that caused her blood to kindle with anticipation. "Just too gentlemanly." She scoffed at that, crossing her arms in disbelief, but he didn't allow her any time to retaliate herself. Instead, he looked quite eagerly up at the Headmaster. "So when do you reckon would be a good time to schedule that masquerade, sir?"

He eyed them both for another minute, and then sighed his consent. "Allow me to consult Professor Slughorn, Mr. Potter. I'm quite certain that he'd be more than willing to assist you both in making whatever arrangements might be necessary." That was, if he wasn't too put off by the fantastic notion that there could possibly be a party of any sort thrown in the castle that wasn't specifically designed for his personal favorites.

"Excellent!" James beamed enthusiastically. He obviously wasn't particularly worried about Professor Slughorn's possible displeasure, and not even Lily could deny that, with her on his side, the Potions Master probably wasn't going to be altogether too difficult to win over. They'd have their masquerade set up in no time whatsoever! Since they'd basically thought it up in no time whatsoever, it seemed almost fitting.

"I'm glad to have won your approval, Mr. Potter," Professor Dumbledore told him with a smile. "Now if you'll be so kind as to excuse me, I was on my way to the Owlery when we ran into each other." James nodded, backing out of the old wizard's way as he inclined his head to each of them in turn. "Mr. Potter. Miss Evans." He started past them and was well on his way up the corridor when he suddenly stopped and looked back, regarding them both one last time, as if having just remembered something. Lily steeled herself, having no idea what to expect and wanting nothing more than a chance to be alone with James again – so that she could assure him how he would definitely have the first dance with her. Despite Professor Dumbledore's lingering presence, she felt herself smiling. It promised to be a night she would remember…

"I'm glad to see the two of you are finally getting along." The Headmaster's words were so unexpected that Lily nearly jumped, staring on him in astonishment. Next to her, James frowned at the wizard warily; did he suspect something? His eyes were still twinkling; "I have heard an ancient proverb, Mr. Potter, that you might find appreciable, though I am sorry to say its origin presently escapes me. 'If you love something, set it free. If it comes back to you, love it forever.'" He paused, as if considering his next words, and Lily found herself gazing at James longingly. There was meaning to what he had said, and that struck a cord within her heart. "There was more to it, I believe, but the rest escapes me as well. I can't imagine it was of much significance. Well, I must be on my way." And with that, he was gone, disappearing down the length of the hall.

"Huh," James glanced at Lily, looking mildly startled. "Well… that was certainly unexpected." He reached for her hand and gave it an affectionate squeeze, which she returned with a smile. "You reckon he's figured it out?" How could he not have? Albus Dumbledore was a reputable genius, and they were just two seventeen year old Hogwarts students.

"James…" she chose to change the subject, staring at him in slight worry. "We just… we just convinced Professor Dumbledore to let us hold a masquerade here at the school." They had only wanted to protect their secret! Now they were stuck with the not so simple task of organizing and hosting a spectacle the likes of which Lily certainly hadn't ever seen in her lifetime. "What are we going to do?"

He turned towards her with carefree laughter in his eyes. "We'll figure it out tomorrow. Tonight, I just want to be seen with you." She stared at him questioningly; if that was the case, why had they gone through so much trouble in their futile attempt to ward off arousing Professor Dumbledore's suspicions? James grinned; "Come on! You have a tutorial later tonight, so we've only got about an hour and a half left. Let's not waste it!"

**ooooooo**

An hour and a half later, when Lily walked through the door of the tutor room, where Professor Willow and some early arriving first years were settling into their seats, she knew her face was flushed from pure exhilaration. Professor Dumbledore might have guessed they were a couple, but he certainly hadn't guessed where they'd be headed after their unexpected interview.

They'd gone to Hogsmeade! They'd gone to the castle's neighboring, quite magical, village where she had always felt the safest and surest about herself! A part of her still couldn't believe she'd done so. Hogsmeade had been out of bounds for over an entire year now, thanks to the war and the Death Eaters, and had they been caught, Lily felt fairly certain it would have been the first time in Hogwarts' history where both the Head Boy and the Head Girl were expelled in the same night for committing the same crime. James, however, has assured her quite confidently that that would never happen. At most, they'd both get a detention, but there wasn't any possible way Professor McGonagall would just kick them out. After all, no matter what she said or how impartial she behaved, she did have her own favorites, and the two leading Gryffindors were definitely, without a doubt, among them. Or so he said.

Not that it had particularly mattered to her whatsoever once they had stepped foot within the village. Because Hogsmeade was where Professor Flitwick believed her parents had once showered her with such love, because it was where he believed they had once attracted old, old magic, pouring it into her very being, which eventually helped her develop her gift, it had always felt like home. Arriving there with James, having tea there with James, walking its streets with James… Not even the bracelet he had conjured up for her in Defense Against the Dark Arts could compete with this! She had no doubt she would remember it well into the future.

How was she supposed to recover from that and concentrate on tutorials? She had collapsed onto a chair behind the table at the front of the room – a teacher's desk which she couldn't remember ever sitting in before – and she knew she was boasting starry eyes. Having been unable to manage even a proper greeting for the first years, she wasn't surprised that they were all glancing at each other in bemusement. Even Professor Willow had her eyebrow raised; "Good evening, Miss Evens."

"I don't think 'good' quite describes it," she sighed blissfully and without thinking, right as a certain eleven year old Hufflepuff pranced into the room. Esther. She heard Lily's words, took one look at Lily's face, and brightened herself considerably.

"First a yellow flower in your hair, and now you're daydreaming," she beamed up at the seventh year quite happily. "By God, Lily Evans, I think you really are in love!" All the other first years gasped. Professor Willow sighed and rolled her eyes. Lily herself felt her already flushed face darken into an all-out, full-blown blush.

"I don't know what you're talking about," she heard herself objecting, while quickly considering possible red herrings with which she might throw them off the trail. She couldn't very well explain to them how she'd snuck out through a secret passageway and into Hogsmeade, now could she? Not with Professor Willow sitting right there! Had she already used the fairies in the garden excuse? Why must she be so poor at thinking up such stories? She'd already fended off Professor Dumbledore once that night, and now had a masquerade that needed organizing to prove it! Wait a minute…

The first years were all talking at once, vying for her attention as they again sought to discover which of the boys could claim so much of her quite obvious favor. Lily found herself smiling, even as she glanced at Professor Willow. Officially, the tutorial hadn't yet begun, and wouldn't for another two or three minutes. Nevertheless, the older witch was watching her expectantly, obviously waiting to see how she planned on regaining control of the situation. Well, wouldn't she be in for a surprise?

"I'm afraid you're mistaken, Esther," Lily spoke over all the first years, who immediately grew silent while awaiting further explanation. Esther herself was staring at the Gryffindor which astonishingly bright eyes, and had crossed her arms almost challengingly. Lily paused, more for effect than for anything else, and then dove right in. "I'm not sure how many of you are acquainted with James Potter, but he and I, as representatives of the school, spoke with the Headmaster earlier this evening, who has most graciously allowed us to arrange a Halloween masquerade." Out of everything her students might have expected, out of everything Professor Willow had expected, this most certainly wasn't it! Lily watched with a smile as their expressions all went momentarily blank, and then as they lit up in understanding and pure, open astonishment. Holding up her hand to temporarily stem an inevitable onslaught of questions, Lily continued; "Let me tell you, I don't know the first thing about arranging masquerades. I imagine Professor Slughorn will agree to help, but James and I want this to be more of a student organized Halloween celebration. So, I'm going to need all the help you lot can give me."

She could not delay the looming tidal wave of excitement for a second longer. Holding a genuine, conventional tutorial that night would no doubt be absolutely out of the question. As students continued wandering into the classroom, they were met with their fellow classmates' show of utter pandemonium, which would break out anew every time an explanation was given to the newcomers. Perhaps, Lily thought, it would have been better to wait until they had all arrived before sharing with them the news.

The hour flew by quickly. Very little school related work had been accomplished, but the task she and James had come up with to raise student morale had without a doubt been successful – and it wasn't even October yet! She could hardly wait…

By the time all the first years had skipped their way out of the tutor room, Lily was left, not for the first time, alone with Professor Willow. The woman had slowly risen to her feet, gathering together her belongings, and was now turning to face the young Gryffindor, who smiled at her ruefully. "I'm sorry about all that commotion, professor. It wasn't exactly a constructive tutorial. I hope I didn't waste any of your time." She had resolved to be more generous with the woman, and she wasn't about to go back on that! Much to her amazement, her efforts were not in vain.

"Quite on the contrary, Miss Evans," Professor Willow offered her a placating smile of her own. "I was pleased with this tutorial. There's never been a doubt in my mind how capable a teacher you are, but tonight I was given the rare opportunity to witness your remarkable charisma. I must say I'm impressed." Lily felt her jaw slacken and her face go blank. _What?_ Professor Willow had walked past her and was now headed for the door. Before she passed through it, however, she glanced one last time at the redhead. "That's all, Miss Evans. I don't believe I need to attend anymore of your tutorials. They have indeed been most informative, and for that, I thank you."

Lily opened her mouth to reply, but no sound came out. She was quite at a loss, and by the time she had even slightly recovered, Professor Willow was gone.

**ooooooo**

**A/N: **Just so you know, I have absolutely no idea where that ancient proverb of Professor Dumbledore's came from! I know I certainly didn't write it, and the credit must go somewhere, but, you see, I read it off an old magnet my mom has on her refrigerator, which pretty much declared it Anonymous. The whole thing went something like, "If you love something, set it free. If it comes back to you, love it forever. If it doesn't, it was never meant to be." I have no idea who wrote it. I do not want any credit for it. But I do kind of like it… Anyway, let's have some reviews! Thank you!


	94. The Greatest Defense

**ooooooo**

If James Potter had ever been right about anything whatsoever in his entire life, than it was definitely that Lily Evans never felt happier than when there were younger students around for her to look after. She loved being their tutor. She loved having opportunities to treat them all with the same favor Professor Slughorn had always treated her – though with perhaps less sycophancy. And she absolutely loved spending the next few weeks with them, organizing a masquerade that already had all the older students talking in excitement.

Somehow, she had managed to turn all the preparations into one massive first year magical project. They practiced their transfiguration to create costumes, masks, and decorations. They practiced their charms to give those decorations a bit of magical flare and originality. And while they worked, they even went so far as to hold scholarly discussions concerning magical history! Their enthusiasm was contagious, particularly Esther's – whom Lily, despite herself, had grown to favor – and before long, they'd captured the entire school's attention. Students who were in their fourth year, who had been tutored by Lily back when she'd first begun tutoring, often wandered their way over towards the roped off section of the corridor Professor Slughorn had reserved solely for them. And though such spectators completely understood that the project was meant for the first years, they occasionally did offer their own small contributions, in order to ensure the masquerade's success. Much to Lily's amusement, they weren't the only ones…

"I suppose yeh can't have bats swarmin' around at yer masquerade," Hagrid observed one night, as he watched the first years sitting out in the hall working on their decorations. "But if yeh want pumpkins, I got plenty of those, and large ones, too."

"That's wonderful!" Lily told him with such sincerity that he scratched the back of his head in embarrassment. "We can make jack-o'-lanterns out of them. It'll be so much fun!" She knew a few simple severing charms that might cut into a pumpkin! How hard could it be?

Well… the truth was… it could actually be very, very hard. When the carving day finally arrived, the whole project turned into something of a disaster. The first years weren't all exactly what one would call artistic, and even those who were needed time to practice working with the unfamiliar spell. It certainly didn't help matters that, when dealing with those particular plants and those particular eleven year olds, the best way to relieve pent up frustration turned out to be flinging squashy pumpkin innards at each other. More magic was used cleaning up the mess in the corridor than it was for actual pumpkin carving. Nevertheless, a few decent jack-o'-lanterns somehow managed to survive, and, before long, the students were all transporting their decorations down from the upstairs corridor to the Great Hall below, where the masquerade was to be held.

The rest of September and all of October seemed to have flown by faster than James on the back of a broomstick. Whatever his intentions had been that day, when he and Lily had first introduced the idea both to themselves and to the Headmaster, their efforts to divert the younger students' attention away from the war outside proved to be remarkably successful. Lily had never seen the school more unified, for even Slytherin youngsters had managed to swallow their pride long enough to enjoy participating in all the festivities. At that rate, social divisions might have been completely torn down, had it only lasted longer, and when the day of the masquerade finally came, Lily found herself feeling extreme regret; it couldn't end so soon!

She was standing with the first years in the Great Hall, supervising them as they finished hanging up all the decorations they'd worked so hard on. There were pumpkins, banners, and cheerful skulls wearing colorful masks of their own as they either centered tables or floated through the air. There were candelabras, glittering cobwebs, and real black cats out on the prowl. None of it appeared even remotely sinister, which definitely disappointed a fair few of the students, but Lily meant for it to be a masquerade. A ball. Not some kind of haunted house within a haunted castle. And so the spectacle was more colorful, vibrant, and dazzling than it was eerie and bone-chilling – a fact that the Slytherins who wanted to attend would just have to deal with.

"You don't have to go as a rat, you know!"

Sirius Black's voice resounded through the Great Hall, and Lily, having finished suspending the last pumpkin in the air, turned around to watch as the four Marauders slowly ambled their way towards her, while carrying what appeared to be masks in their hands. She couldn't help but smile at the sight, for she'd grown so fond of them! The masquerade had been such a wonderful idea in such a myriad of ways, but the opportunity it had presented in the weeks leading up to it for both her and James to be together contributed vastly to its appeal. After all, out of all the students who came to witness the first years putting it together up in that corridor outside the tutor room, James had been among the most frequent. He claimed to have as much right to be there as anyone else, since, as Head Boy, it had been as much his idea to throw the masquerade as it had been Lily's, and he wanted involvement! Naturally, no one even considered denying him that, and his presence proved to be quite refreshing. Lily couldn't even begin to count the number of times she'd shared with him a secret glance, a secret smile, or secret words of affection none of the first years could possibly comprehend or appreciate… with the possible exception of Esther. Lily found that she also couldn't count the number of times she'd seen that particular first year watching her with a knowing smile of her own.

Presently, while lightly tapping her wand against the palm of her hand, she started towards the four boys with a definite bounce in her step, pausing only for a second to admire the smell of freshly baked pumpkin pies – which a house-elf had sent up for the first years to snack on while finishing their work. Pumpkin pie. Pumpkins. What a mess they had made! Smiling, she then continued to cross the remaining distance between herself and the Marauders, who were all indeed carrying their masks in hand. Peter, in particular, seemed uncomfortable with his, for it definitely resembled the head of a rat, and who wanted to be a rat to a masquerade?

Amazingly enough, however, it was none other than Sirius Black himself who appeared to have taken an active interest in the poor boy's plight, genuinely attempting to offer him some reconciliation. "There's plenty of time for you to transfigure that into something else! Think about it, Wormtail. For one night, you could turn yourself into a full-blown dragon! A _dragon_! I mean, it's not like Moony's going as a bloody you-know-what, so why should you?"

Upon meeting Lily's gaze, Remus grinned and waved the mask he had designed in front of her. Much to her delight, it looked like a papier-mâché lion – no doubt for Gryffindor. "That's fantastic," she assured him with a smile. "But you're not supposed to show anyone your masks! Otherwise, everyone will know who you are!" His smile turned playfully rueful.

Meanwhile, Peter was still grumbling to Sirius. "I know, but you and Prongs are both going as… well… er… you know…" He nodded towards the mask his friend was holding, and when Lily glanced at it, she found herself staring at the distinctive face of a black dog. Why wasn't she surprised? Presently, Sirius rolled his eyes and assured Peter that he didn't have to do everything they did, and, sensing that he had a fairly decent grasp on the situation, Lily walked around them to find James holding up his own mask, obviously engrossed in it as he diligently worked to give it some final touchups with the wand he held in hand.

"A stag?" she asked, crossing her arms as he turned towards her with a charmingly crooked smile. "Isn't that a bit obvious, Prongs?" Considering how he didn't want Sirius, Remus, and Peter finding out about their relationship anymore than he wanted anyone else to, she never would have dreamt he'd even think about producing a mask that would make him so easy to identify. But then… maybe she wasn't giving him enough credit. He was, after all, an extremely devious young Marauder, was he not?

"It's just a mask, Lily," he told her now, sure enough, with an edge in his voice she easily recognized and identified. He was trying to be subtle. "It's a mask wearing its own disguise." He winked, which immediately caught Sirius's attention. Having finally given up on Peter and abandoning him to Remus, the young troublemaker pushed his way towards them while eyeing his friend suspiciously.

"You're up to it again," he suddenly accused, catching Lily quite off guard as James rolled his eyes.

"Up to what?" he asked, sighing in mock resignation as he dropped his arms to his sides, banging his mask against his leg. Peter and Remus both turned towards them almost warily, and Lily found herself glancing between them all in confusion. There was real, if not a lot, of heavy tension hanging in the air between them.

And to prove it, Sirius scowled. "Up to your neck in something big, but without us!" He jerked his head towards the other two Marauders, more than irritated. "What are you planning, Prongs? And since when have we ever left each other out?" They were supposed to be best friends. Nothing was supposed to come between them. Sirius could tell when his partner in crime wasn't being entirely honest, having spent so much time with him dodging detention, and now he was offended. Discomfort crept its way into Lily's stomach, tying it up into several painful knots; that she was very likely the cause of their disagreement stung considerably.

"You're just imagining things, mate," James assured his friend, trying to sound casual and carefree, but not doing a very remarkable job of it. Sirius noticed and his scowl darkened, but before he could respond in anyway, Lily knew she had to somehow intervene. It was the night of the masquerade, and if the four Marauders weren't in accord because of her…

Turning towards Sirius and catching his arm, she offered him an impish smile that clearly caught them all off guard. "James is in love!" Their jaws dropped. All of them. They stared at her in absolute shock – particularly James himself, who didn't look like he would have been able to respond even to someone trying to kick him in the shin. Such was their astonishment, Lily found herself suddenly struggling not to break out into peals of laughter.

"Ahem." Remus was the first to recover, and he shook his head while staring at the girl as if hoping he hadn't heard properly. "He's what?"

"You mean… with you, right?" Peter glanced back and forth between James and Lily, frowning in considerable confusion. Ever since they were kids, James had only ever been infatuated with Lily! It didn't seem right or natural that, after someone like her, he could possibly have been attracted by anyone else. After all, who in the world could measure up? In Peter's mind, the answer was no one. She would have to be nothing short of an absolute Veela! However, he certainly couldn't find the words to assert that, and so just blinked when Lily shook her head.

"Of course not! He told me yesterday that she's a sixth year, when I saw him drawing her on an old spare bit of parchment. I can tell you she has darker hair, but since James can't draw to save his life, that's about it." Sirius, Remus, and Peter all turned their heads to gawk at the boy in question, whose face was redder than Lily had ever seen it before. She smiled at him apologetically before continuing. "He wouldn't even tell me her name or what house she's in. I think he's afraid I might actually know her."

"She's making it up!" He finally found his voice, but using it made him sound unusually desperate, which certainly didn't help his cause. Remus bit his lip, while Sirius and Peter continued staring at him, dumbfounded, as if he had a second nose growing out of the middle of his forehead or something. They didn't believe him. They didn't believe him, and that made him squirm uncomfortably. "Well, she is! Would I have kept something like that a secret?"

Slowly, a wry smile made its way across Sirius' face. A smile that almost, _almost_, made James cringe. "If I were you, I would have, mate. Knowing how we're all likely to take such information." He started laughing. It was evil laughter, Lily decided, and almost infectious. She couldn't keep from grinning, and, slowly, neither could Remus.

"Thanks, Lil," James grumbled, glancing at her with what passed as defeat. "I knew I could trust you with that." The smile forming on Remus' face immediately dissolved, and he was frowning again, staring back and forth between the two rather suspiciously. Sirius, however, didn't notice, and neither did Peter. They both advanced on James hungrily.

"What's her name?"

"You actually gave up on Lily?"

"Is she pretty? Funny? Does she hate your guts?"

"I don't believe it!"

James stared at them both in open dread. No wonder he felt so adamantly about keeping his relationship with Lily secret. Moving quickly, he shoved his mask over his head and spun around, taking off towards the Great Hall's wide entrance as fast as he could. Sirius immediately dashed after him, followed closely by Peter, who did not want to get left behind. Remus, however, hesitated, fixing Lily with quite a penetrating stare.

"You wouldn't have told us," he finally observed, speaking softly, but not so much so that she failed to hear… that she failed to freeze in wary apprehension. She met his gaze, and the two of them studied each other with such intensity that several of the first years stopped what they were doing to turn and watch. Therefore, when Remus next spoke, his voice hardly qualified as even a whisper, so that no one else could overhear. "If he was in love with another girl, and didn't want us to know, you'd respect that. I know you, Lil. You're helping him hide something from us."

"You're right," she whispered, for there wasn't anything else she could have said. Not to Remus. Not to such a close friend. He called her bluff, and she didn't have the stomach to lie to him anymore than she already had. "But it's James's secret. And like you said, I can't just tell it to you. You should wait until he's ready." Her answer must have satisfied the boy, for he smiled, nodded, took her hand, and gave it a reassuring squeeze. He understood secrets. He understood them all too well.

"You're a remarkable woman, Lily," he told her quietly before letting her hand go and making his way out of the Great Hall in pursuit of his friends.

**ooooooo**

It was almost over… And after tonight, it would be.

The Great Hall had been decorated. The masquerade was only an hour away. Now, all the students were in their own particular common rooms, making their own final, individual preparations. Costumes. Masks. Make-up. Hair. Several black cats were presently perched on tables and chairs, some sleeping, some licking their paws and wiping their heads, others simply keeping watch, their yellowish green eyes reflecting a bit of the light. They were Lily's only companions as she stood in the middle of it all, wishing that it wasn't about to end. Wishing that they had yet another month of preparations to plow through. That tomorrow, the first years would still just be first years, instead of resuming their roles and identities as Slytherins, Ravenclaws, Hufflepuffs, and Gryffindors. It wasn't fair that it had to be otherwise.

"You should be proud of yourself."

The voice was sudden, unexpected, and startling. Lily jumped, her breath catching in her throat, before she turned around to discover Professor Willow walking towards her with her hands clasped behind her back. She was wearing such an empathetic smile that the girl seriously doubted she'd be able to hide the troubles plaguing her every thought. "Your students worked very hard for this, Miss Evans. They worked hard for you. I daresay if they're capable of finding common ground for an event such as a mere masquerade, they'd be capable of finding it for just about anything they so pleased, should they choose to, which ought to be a great comfort."

Lily smiled softly, acknowledging her professor's sympathy, though it did precious little to remedy her present, aching state of mind. "James said that this masquerade was meant to divert our attention away from the war. It was meant to heighten our morale and make everyone happy again, even if for just a moment. But after tonight, everything will go back to the way it was. Tomorrow, what will we have to look forward to?" Just more of this endless war. More sorrow. More pain. Death and meaningless destruction, as was the nature of any war. Lily didn't want it. She didn't. And she would do… absolutely anything… to make it stop.

Professor Willow sighed, gently, and started to pace, now with her arms crossed before her. "Let me see. Tomorrow? Well, tomorrow is Sunday. I suppose you will take the opportunity to sleep in after spending an entire night at a masquerade. Then, you will complete whatever homework you have left to finish before classes on Monday, while enjoying a perfectly fine afternoon." She paused, and fixed her gaze on Lily, noting the young Gryffindor's less than amused expression. "I have spent years of my life assisting the London police, Miss Evans. You would never survive with such a hopeless attitude. Whether there is war or peace, crime continues to thrive, which is all I've ever had to look forward to. But I cannot afford to have that slow me down, and I daresay neither can you."

The woman was an extremely talented Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher. Since the conclusion of her last inspection, she had gone on to teach her classes with a resolve as strong as Fanny Campbell's, and Lily had grown to admire her greatly. But it was only then, at that exact moment, that she actually felt grateful towards her. Truly grateful… as she had towards Isabelle's older sister. "I suppose there's some logic to that. If you don't have a positive attitude, you must have a negative one. And if you have a negative one, eventually you'll end up in despair. But there are other factors, professor, and it isn't that easy." At least it wasn't for her.

What was it Remus once said? Not this year. Not last year. But the year before… _"When the day ever comes that you don't overreact, then I'll be worried. Professor Dumbledore says it's one of your greatest strengths." _One of her greatest strengths? Because she cared so much? She cared so much it sometimes hurt… and if she were to stop worrying, even for a moment… would that be wrong? Even if it was, people shouldn't have to live like that. Professor Willow wasn't entirely mistaken. But… it was so hard to understand!

"Whoever said it should be easy?" Professor Willow presently demanded, already knowing what the answer would be. No one. No one in the entire would ever dare make such a claim, for nothing, not even in the magical world, could be described as such. Lily glanced down, unable to respond – not that her professor would give her much of an opportunity to do so anyway. "Miss Evans, let me share with you what is, in my mind, perhaps the greatest defense we have against the Dark Arts." She paused, and Lily found herself slowly looking up despite everything, her curiosity getting the best of her. Professor Willow's expression softened and she offered the girl an encouraging smile. "Fortitude. Living life one day at a time, so as to not slip into despair, can easily turn a woman careless. Perhaps even indifferent. It takes great strength to make it through each day without losing one's compassion, but those who possess enough fortitude to manage it can recover from even the darkest of nightmares, and still be strong and as kindhearted as they ever were."

Like Fanny… Lily had always known Fanny could recover from anything. It was a gift of hers that she'd always envied. "I wish I had fortitude like that." Every time she'd ever been faced with catastrophe, she'd always responded with what felt like such weakness. She despaired, and recovery always seemed to take so long… to take so much… That didn't make her strong. It made it dependent… on people like James… and all her other friends. She'd always been so dependent… on everyone.

"_Learn to stand."_

"Professor Willow…?"

"Miss Evans?"

Hesitantly, Lily raised her eyes and met her teacher's gaze. The woman was waiting for her expectantly and patiently, with a kindness about her that the girl would never have detected way back in September. "How do I get strength like that?"

For a moment, Professor Willow didn't speak. Instead, she regarded her student carefully, as if weighing potential replies, for it couldn't possibly have been an easy question to answer. "Well. You start by attending the masquerade you worked so hard on and spent so much time organizing. Then, you enjoy the rest of your weekend, and on Monday, if you still so desire, we can resume this conversation after class."

"Really?" Lily asked, tilting her head in genuine surprise; she certainly hadn't expected a suggestion like that.

But Professor Willow nodded her assurance. "Sometimes even tutors require tutoring, Miss Evans. Now away with you! The masquerade will be commencing in less than an hour, and you have yet to get yourself dressed."

**ooooooo**

**A/N: **I actually meant to have the masquerade in this chapter, but I think I got a little bit carried away… Oh well. Next chapter, then. And don't you dare forget those reviews! Thanks so much!


	95. The Masquerade

**ooooooo**

_Please let this night last forever…_

Standing alone high up in the Gryffindor Tower, Lily gazed somberly at her reflection in the dorm room's looking glass, trying in vain to ignore the butterflies fluttering around in her stomach. The night had come so quickly, and after a month and a half of preparations, the thought that it would so swiftly end continued to discourage her. No matter what Professor Willow said, after tonight… the school would be right back where it started, facing a bleak and violent future. Would that it never ended…

And yet, at the same time, memories of the last ball she'd attended – and, in fact, the only ball she'd ever attended – ceaselessly plagued and tormented her. She'd been wounded that night, years ago… wounded and scarred mercilessly by a man she had hoped never to see again. Those scars had yet to heal, for she had lost someone… someone dear to her… and, every once in awhile, now and then, she still achingly felt his absence… and that she had failed him. Ballrooms were without a doubt spectacular settings, but they foreshadowed darkness. Even Professor Dumbledore had misgivings about them, for had he not hesitated last September when she first brought one up? And had it not taken every ounce of persuasion James possessed in order to convince him? They were dangerous… dangerous to end and dangerous to begin… without that fortitude Professor Willow so ardently admired.

But then… how could Lily not wish to go? For the first time, she would be seen with James by the entire school! Granted, no one would know either one of them, but it didn't matter. None of it mattered when she was by his side, for his presence alone made any danger seem miniscule. He was the light that so often revealed looming shadows to be nothing more than mild rabbits, and in times of darkness, Lily knew better than to let such a light diminish.

The masquerade would be starting soon. Her roommates were already downstairs, waiting in the Entrance Hall for admission. While Hilda had been adamant about staying in the Tower until Lily was ready, so that they all might walk in together, she had somehow managed to convince them all to go on ahead. At the time, she hadn't even been dressed yet, and claimed that there were still a few other extremely pressing matters she needed to attend to before she could even consider making an appearance at the ball. Not that that had been true, or anything… The truth was she would not allow any them to see either her gown or her mask, for fear that they would make her identity known. To have an evening alone with James, without interruption or discovery, neither of them could afford taking such a risk; not even with their roommates.

Since their departure, Lily had magically darkened her hair so that it looked more auburn than crimson, before curling it and tying it behind her head, where it spilled gracefully down her back. Then, she had donned a baroque gown of rich blue damask. Its square neckline and the cuffs of two sleeves which barely passed her elbows were all trimmed with delicate lace. Now, all that remained was for her to cover her face in a mask she had magically sculpted into being.

_"Never underestimate the power of a single mask, Mr. Potter." _Professor Dumbledore's warning echoed in her mind as she stared down at it in her hands. It resembled a butterfly, dappled with bright cyan, purple, and a hint of gold. Its two lower wings would cover her cheeks, while its two upper wings would cover her forehead, leaving only her jaw exposed. Lily personally thought it was an exquisite piece of work, and could not see how it might possess a power of any kind, that the Headmaster should be concerned with it. Was it not just a disguise? So that she and James could be together?

James…

He had told her to meet him outside in the garden ten minutes after the ball began, which would hopefully give him enough time to slip away from Sirius, Remus, and Peter, undetected. Then, he'd change his mask, possibly even his costume, before spending an entirely blissful evening in her sole companionship. Whatever her reservations, Lily would not have missed such an opportunity for the world. Glancing at an hourglass, she estimated the time, and put on her mask.

Upon leaving the Gryffindor Tower, however, and making her way past the Fat Lady's portrait, Lily found herself stepping into a completely different castle. It was still Hogwarts, but… it was not the Hogwarts she remembered. The corridors were all spilling with beings the likes of which she had never seen before: half man, half beast, or half fairy, or goblin. As she made her way towards the Entrance Hall, there were figures shaped like people, but wearing faces that were positively inhuman. Satyrs, ghouls, pumpkin heads, vampires, skulls, pixies, grindylows, leprechauns, peacocks, cats, eagles, badgers, snakes, jesters, dragons… She was in a world entirely by herself. Isolated. The weight of the mask she wore suddenly felt heavy… and confining… but she could not bring herself to take it off. Instead, fascination swept over her, and she was strangely compelled to carry on into the heart of it… to discover more of this unfamiliar, captivating realm.

There were so many faces… She knew – or at least a part of her knew – that, behind them, she had friends. Friends, acquaintances, possibly even teachers. But now they were just nameless faces… no more recognizable than she knew her own to be. There was great magic at work here… and as she wandered, she listened to the music echoing from the Great Hall, and to the laughter, the conversations, and even the footsteps, that all seemed to link together, combining to form one incomprehensible chain of clamor. She couldn't understand any of it, but nor could she turn away from it. And the next thing she knew, she was standing in the middle of the Great Hall, surrounded by color, and by dancers, and smiles, and glitter.

It was exhilarating. She could feel her breath taking leave of her, and her heart beating steadily in her breast. She felt herself spinning, trying to take it all in, but there was so much of it she might have drowned. Had she not been wearing a mask of her own, everyone else would know just how flushed her cheeks were, and she wondered if she was the only one… She was surrounded by hundreds of other guests, but she felt completely alone. Alone, but also free. There was freedom in the unknown.

A splash of black caught her attention.

Swirling 'round to face it fully, Lily was met by a reaper. Or a phantom. Or perhaps even a dementor. She couldn't tell. Dressed in a black robe, his hood was pulled over his face so that she couldn't even see his eyes. Freezing, she watched in astonishment as it began gliding towards her. Time seemed to slow down… The world around her, with all its mysterious creatures laughing and spinning and dancing, grew almost distorted, as if a haze had fallen over them. The reaper was before her now, hovering like a demon without wings. She gazed up at him, her eyes searching, perhaps imploringly, for a hint of humanity behind that black shroud completely veiling his face. But she found nothing. How had he managed to come so far without attracting unwelcome attention?

He held his hand out to her. His black, gloved hand. Lily tore her green eyes away from his shrouded, spectral head and glanced down at it uncertainly. There was a freedom in the unknown… but did she want it?

Taking a small step forward, she accepted the proffered hand, and allowed the reaper's other arm to wrap around her waist. Resting her arm on top of his, she looked back up at his face, but once again failed to see through whatever darkness obscured it. By some twist of fate, the music then proceeded to soften, and she found herself being led through the room in slow, graceful circles. The world around her spun. The floor seemed to fall away, and she found herself floating as she danced. Everything between them seemed to come alive, and his very touch felt stimulating. But even then, she couldn't look away from where she knew his eyes ought to have been. She was trying to find them… trying to see past whatever mask he wore…

Whatever mask…

_"Never underestimate the power of a single mask, Mr. Potter…"_

_"I do fear masquerades, on occasion, have a habit of mesmerizing their guests with an intensity average balls fail to compete with…"_

_"It isn't unheard of for them to lay claim to one's identity…"_

_"Particularly in our world…"_

_"Even in sheer frivolity, they can have unforeseen effects…"_

Lily blinked.

Why…?

She blinked again, and turned her head.

Why her…?

She was surrounded by other students. Students she might easily recognize if she just took a moment to actually look at them… and see past their masks. They were just masks!

Out of everyone here, why must she be the one to get carried away?

Where was James?

A moment of panic swept through her. Where was James? She tried turning around to search the crowd for him, a task which proved quite difficult, what with her standing in the arms of another man. She looked back up at him sharply, and he immediately released her, as if sensing her distress. Taking a step back, he appeared to regard her for a second longer, but she made no sign of returning to him. Instead, she just stared with such an expression that, even with a mask on her face, she knew he couldn't mistake her meaning.

He did not speak a word. Instead, he just bowed to her at the waist – a sight which she never would have expected to see. In fact, such a display proved astonishing enough to attract several of the other dancers' attention as well, for they all turned to look. A reaper… bowing to an ordinary girl… Who had ever heard of such a thing? She certainly didn't know what to make of it, and so steeled herself while wondering just how it was that she could at once so despise the mask she wore and also be so grateful towards it for sheltering her thoughts and feelings.

The reaper began righting himself, and Lily realized she couldn't face him any longer. Turning, she began to run, forcing her way through the crowd. She had to get outside. She had to get to the garden. She had to do it now before James grew discouraged. Besides, she was suddenly desperate to breathe, and to relieve herself of that suffocating, intolerable mask! How could she have gotten so carried away?

At that moment, without warning, the nightmares she used to suffer so terribly invaded her thoughts. Nightmares about He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named. She didn't know what he looked like, so her unconscious mind drew on images of such phantoms as the reaper she had only just broken away from. How could she not have seen that? And what did it mean?

Growing more angry and disgusted with herself than frightened or upset, Lily pushed open one of the castle Entrance Hall's side doors and stepped outside into the night. Cold air rushed towards her and enveloped her – a refreshment, to be sure. Pulling off her mask, Lily hastened the rest of the way towards the gardens, ignoring the many other trysting couples who were just as ready to ignore her. Before long, she arrived at the marble bench where she had promised to wait for James, but found that he wasn't there. No matter. She'd just as soon sit out there in absolute solitude waiting for him than she would do anything else. After what she'd done, she certainly didn't deserve anything else! Especially not…

A new wave of fury coursed through her; it was like nothing she had ever felt before. Such anger! She'd only ever felt it towards James or Sirius back when they were younger, acting like complete sadists. Never had she felt it towards herself. Not like this. She couldn't just sit still! James deserved better!

Jumping back to her feet, she began pacing around the marble bench, her face red, but her knuckles white as she clutched her mask so tightly in her hands. She was seething. She hated balls. She felt like screaming. She wanted to cry.

"Lily?" James suddenly appeared running towards the bench, sounding breathless and even apologetic. She glanced at him sharply in surprise; what did he have to apologize for? He hadn't done anything wrong! But then, apparently he had. "I'm so sorry! I know I said ten minutes, but I just couldn't shake Padfoot! I – Lily?" She was staring at him, but not really seeing. He was decked in burgundy dressrobes, wearing the mischievous face of a horned imp. After all, he couldn't go as a stag – the other Marauders were expecting that. Nevertheless, Lily hardly seemed to have noticed, but was wearing an expression on her decidedly unmasked face that immediately worried the Quidditch champion. He took a step towards her and gently reached for her arms. "What's the matter?"

What's the matter? Aside from the fact that she felt like a traitor? That she'd already been downcast enough before ever stepping foot inside the Great Hall, and certainly didn't need anything else contributing to her foul mood? "Professor Dumbledore was right," she said at last, blinking fiercely as she struggled to focus on James. "It was a bad idea to hold a masquerade." Looking past the impish mask covering his face, she could clearly see in his hazel eyes how terribly her words stung. And that was too much. Frustrated with her own insensitivity, she tried turning away, but James refused to allow her to do so.

Gripping her arms all the more firmly, he instead pulled her closer. "Lily…" Despite everything, his voice was coated with compassion, and filled with concern. He knew her better than to presume a wait had upset her, and so could only imagine that something must have gone wrong. "What happened?"

"I don't know!" she exclaimed, using all the strength she could muster to shove away from him. She found herself backing towards the bushes, leaving him alone by the bench in a pool of lamplight from which she seemed to be retreating. "I don't! I was in the Great Hall. I was dancing with someone. I don't know who it was or why I agreed to it, but it was like I had completely forgotten myself! I don't want to go back in there!"

Her words were so forceful – frantic, but decided – that James was rendered speechless for a good half minute. The imp remained roguishly gleeful, but she could see his set jaw and his sharp eyes. The distance that separated them seemed to lengthen, and Lily despaired ever crossing it again. A part of her didn't want to; she was so disgusted with herself that she dreaded infecting anyone else – especially James, who had only just managed to mature into the handsome young man she loved so much.

"Is it Regulus?" he asked suddenly, and with such acuity that Lily actually gasped. Taking that for a confirmation, he started towards her, crossing the distance that had a moment ago seemed so impassable with just a few short steps. Unable to shrink away due to the brush behind her, she could only turn her head and tightly close her eyes. _Regulus… _"When you first suggested throwing a masquerade, I was surprised. Regulus was expelled the night of the last ball we went to. I didn't think you'd ever want to attend one again."

"Professor Dumbledore asked for a social event," she whispered, still unable to look up at him. "I was just trying to cover you, you know? But at the time, I wasn't able to think fast enough to make anything sound convincing, aside from a ball. I guess that, by turning it into a masquerade, I was just trying to guarantee a way for me to hide from it. I only realized we'd be able to dance together when you first said so, and that made it seem worth while. But… I don't think I'm ready for it. Whoever it was I danced with… I think a part of me expected it to be Regulus… or at least wanted it to be."

"He saved your life," James noted calmly. He didn't sound at all angry, and that, more than anything, assured her it was safe to look up at him. Their gazes met. "You were the first person to teach him compassion, and you were the first person he probably ever truly cared about. I can't imagine how strong a bond like that is. Forget life debts, Lily; you showed him where to find his heart. His soul."

"I should have been able to protect myself," she replied, self-criticism trying to rip and tear her apart. "If I had only been able to, he wouldn't have been expelled!"

James shook his head. "You were only fourteen years old-"

"He was only twelve!"

"And he's a Black." The finality in those four words was more than Lily could possibly compete with, and she stared at him despairingly. Slowly, he reached up his hand and removed his mask, tossing it to the ground. Now able to see his face, his real face, and his look of consolation, she felt her heart breaking. Or… perhaps it wasn't her heart. Perhaps it was merely whatever barrier she'd erected around it… to keep it safe.

"I miss him," she admitted, her voice soft and startlingly fragile. "It might not be so bad if I just knew where he was… and that he's okay. I'd ask Sirius, but…" She shook her head. Why hadn't she asked Sirius…? She didn't know how to explain… that she couldn't…

James, however, already knew. "I get it. It'd be like me asking what's-her-name, Petunia, about you." There were some things you just couldn't ask an older sibling; if it wasn't your business, or if you knew it would hurt them as much as it hurt you. Lily knew all too well how Sirius felt about his younger brother. She didn't want to open up his wounds just to satisfy her own. In the long run, even if he did answer her, it wouldn't make a difference. Her wounds wouldn't heal, because Regulus would still be too far away, going through some awful sort of nightmare she couldn't even begin to comprehend.

"You'll see him again."

James's words were so unexpected that she stared up at him in shock. _She'd… what…?_ A smile crossed his face; that all-too-familiar, overconfident, cocky grin the entire school was, by now, well acquainted with. "You get stronger everyday, Lil. Hogwarts will only be able to hold you back for so long, and then you'll be out in the world, doing for everyone what you do for those first years. I reckon you'll find Regulus out there, somewhere, in all that chaos, and if you let me, I'll help you." He winked. "Just so I can witness how the fair Mrs. Black reacts."

Lily couldn't help but smile as tears of relief sparkled in her eyes. "I love you." The words were out of her mouth before she could stop them, and before she could stop herself, her body was pressed against his, and their arms were wrapped around each other. They kissed, and time, for a moment, stood completely still.

**ooooooo**

**A/N: **Well, you'll have to tell me what you think. I know some of you were really looking forward to this chapter, and so I hope it didn't disappoint. Please review… Thanks!


	96. The Rebel Marauder

**ooooooo**

November had come, and Lily knew without a doubt that both the Quidditch season and the winter season would be sure to follow. It was hard to believe that two months had already gone by, and harder still to take in the carefree lightness of heart which seemed to have gripped a majority of the students since the Halloween masquerade. Against all odds, morale had been sufficiently raised, and though they no longer had anything to look forward to, it would take something near catastrophic before they were all let down again. That much, at least, had gone according to plan, and did Lily a great, great deal of good.

After their tryst in the garden, neither she nor James had returned to the Great Hall, for they couldn't even suffer the idea of covering their faces with anymore masks. Instead, they abandoned them by the bench and proceeded to walk hand in hand through the night, for once unafraid of discovery. It was therefore ironic when they were, in fact, _not_ discovered, and chose to keep it that way – by Lily's own suggestion! After having made such a heartfelt, painful confession, the mere thought of facing the world's astonishment proved too much for her. Already it was hard enough just trying to face up to her roommates; she certainly didn't need to add an entire castle to the mix!

"Lily Evans, what could possibly have you looking so depressed?" Hilda had demanded the morning after, when the Head Girl failed to show her enthusiasm as the younger girls all cheerfully prattled on about the wondrous event. "I didn't see you at the masquerade last night. Don't tell me you were up here the whole time doing whatever it was you had to do, and didn't even get a single dance in!"

Phyllis immediately whirled around towards the two in clear surprise. "Now that you mention it, I didn't see her either." When Daphne and Cora both made the same observation, they all stared at Lily expectantly, who then found herself inadvertently looking away. That, however, proved to be a mistake, for it confirmed their rising suspicions, and utterly horrified the fifth year. "You didn't go! But Lily, you were the one who asked for it to be held in the first place! You were the one who organized it! You put so much work into it! You've been looking forward to it for the past month now! How could you not have gone?"

It was in times like those that Lily missed her real roommates the most. Alice. Isabelle and Pippa. All the rest. She might have been able to answer them, had they been the ones asking, but Phyllis…? Lily cared a great deal about the girl, as she did everyone, but that didn't mean she could just share with her the thoughts and memories that continued to plague her so! Some secrets weren't meant to be revealed… When it came to Regulus, the only person she'd ever talked to was… well… James. Last night, she had confessed to him feelings that, for so long, she'd kept hidden from even herself! It astonished her how much she trusted him. She trusted him… with more than just her life. She trusted him with her heart as well, and even with her soul.

"I went," she heard herself assuring her roommates. "But I didn't stay for long. One of…" She hesitated, for even after two months of hiding her relationship with a certain young Quidditch star, lying still proved difficult. "One of the first years… needed my help." It was the best she could do under the circumstances, but even then, a more convincing excuse would not have been found, for she could justify her reluctance to elaborate by claiming that the matter was confidential. Unwilling to stay in their company any longer after that, she made a quick retreat and stumbled downstairs to the Great Hall.

At such an hour on a Sunday morning, particularly after such a long night, there were only a few students, and even less teachers, occupying the room, which had been quickly reverted back to its proper, normal setting, leaving not even a trace of the masquerade behind. Lily didn't know whether to feel grateful or saddened by that; the night had ended so quickly. More so than even she had expected! Sitting down at the Gryffindor table, where there were only two fourth years – Albert and Ada – to keep her company, she reached for a warm cup of tea, hoping it might help rejuvenate her fallen spirits. Fortunately, her two companions were very quick on the uptake, and instead of questioning her about the masquerade, they asked after the first years. Of course, she was all too eager to oblige them, relating her students' progress with a teacher's pride. Never in her life had she ever felt more appreciative of either Gryffindor's perception and kind consideration towards her privacy.

Shortly thereafter, however, their conversation came to a close by the untimely arrival of three certain Marauders. Sirius, Remus, and Peter. Lily had long since grown accustomed to spotting them in a crowd, particularly when James wasn't present, and since the Great Hall was currently as empty as she'd ever seen it, she perceived them the moment they walked in. Habit bade her excuse herself from the table, for when James wasn't with his three best friends, he was almost certainly available to keep company with her, and she was never one to miss out on such opportunities.

Getting to her feet, she glanced subtly towards the troublemakers; Remus and Peter were both sitting on her side of the table across from Sirius, and they were huddling over something the Black had pulled from his bag. It hadn't even been twelve hours since the masquerade's end, and they were already up to something! Their stamina was simply remarkable!

Walking past the short stretch of table that they'd claimed, Lily's absolute determination to find and be with James, even if just for a moment, was rudely interrupted when she distinctly heard Peter whispering, "I solemnly swear that I am up to no good." Well, that couldn't be good. Stopping short, she spun around to face the three boys in such obvious suspicion that Sirius, being the only one facing her direction and therefore the only one to notice her at all, reached across the table to whack Peter's head in open irritation.

"Ow!" The boy recoiled sharply, falling backwards. Had Lily not scrambled forward to steady him, with Remus' immediate assistance, he probably would have landed hard on his back, sprawled out across the floor. "Thanks," he grumbled grudgingly before glaring at Sirius – who had by that point covered up, as best as he could with just two arms, what looked to Lily like a rather large bit of parchment. "What was that for?"

"What do you think, Wormtail?" his assailant demanded, rolling his eyes. "Just look at who came to your rescue, clumsy oaf!" At that remark, Peter's face turned an astonishingly brilliant shade of red, and he immediately looked away as if hoping no one had noticed. Unfortunately, they all had, and Sirius smirked before turning his attention towards the girl with an air of mock formality. "And what can we do for you, Miss Evans?"

"What is that?" she asked him, nodding at the parchment he was trying so pathetically to conceal. Instead of answering her, however, Sirius met her gaze head-on, no doubt more than ready and willing to prove himself a match for her. Forgetting his momentary humiliation, Peter glanced between the two before looking at Remus with obvious apprehension – a sentiment that seemed to be shared by the other boy. Lily sighed, pushing her way in-between them and taking a seat directly across from her one antagonist. "It's not as if I don't already know all your secrets, Mr. Padfoot. James told me last year I might as well be a Marauder myself, remember? What is it you're up to?"

Sirius hesitated, studying her carefully as he weighed his options; for a good, long second, she feared he wouldn't answer her question, and found herself holding her breath. She didn't know why this seemed so important, but the prospect of being denied clearly disgruntled her. Sirius must have noticed, for he exhaled decisively. "All right, all right. To hell with it. This here's the Marauder's Map!" He shoved it forward, and Lily was confronted with a detailed floor plan of the entire castle. To her complete and utter astonishment, it seemed to pinpoint the exact location of everyone in the building – herself included, marked precisely where she sat in the Great Hall, between Remus and Peter with Sirius across from them.

"I remember you telling me about this last year," she whispered as she leaned over the map and slowly traced the path from the Great Hall to the Gryffindor common room. "But after several months without once seeing it for myself, I was starting to think it didn't exist, and that you lot had lied to me." Professor Sinistra's name suddenly moved, and when Lily glanced towards the High Table, she could see the Astronomer taking her leave. As far as teachers went, that left only Professor Vector, and he didn't seem at all concerned with the ongoing actions of any of the present students whatsoever. With such a lack of supervision, it was no wonder Sirius felt confident enough to pull out such a prized possession in such a public place. "You know, you could get in serious trouble for owning this."

"Serious trouble?" Sirius laughed. "That's my kind of trouble, Evans! It's not something to worry about." He winked at Peter, who had been shrinking in on himself, but, with such encouragement, managed to relax. With the right support from the right person, he could bring himself to pass as a Marauder easily, which had to have done at least something for his self-esteem – a fact which, despite everything, brought Lily immense comfort. He could still become the man he had been growing into, before James turned out to be such a jerk during their fifth year. Now, if only Sirius could be more consistent with his support, Peter would be fine – instead of constantly enduring his own friends' ridicule. There was still hope for him. If he just didn't give up, Lily knew he'd eventually find his own strength and independence. He just needed more time.

"I suppose by now you don't worry about much of anything," she observed, rolling her eyes as Sirius gave her a cocky grin. After all, he was a powerful wizard – particularly for a seventh year – and even if his parents hadn't disowned him, they no longer had any claim over him, since he was legally an adult. He hadn't been expelled yet, and by now not even the threat of detention deterred him. Hadn't he already faced every kind of punishment there was to be had? There just wasn't anything he couldn't handle, and Lily was more than ready to wager every single one of Gryffindor's house points that the thought of being discovered with the map hadn't even crossed his mind. "So what are you doing with it?" she asked, knowing full well a rebuke would have been pointless. "Who are you looking for?"

"James, actually."

Lily blinked, staring at the boy in open confusion while wondering if she'd heard correctly. Glancing down at the map, she quickly located the tiny figure that represented the Quidditch champion; he was several floors up, standing in the Owlery. A large part of her ached terribly to get up and run; to go see him. That, however, was definitely out of the question now. These three were up to something. It involved James. And if she sought him out, they'd be the first to know. Forcing what she hoped was merely a casual look of interest onto her face, she caught Sirius's gaze. "James?"

A slow, crooked smile twisted his mouth, and his eyes lit up almost dangerously. "Who else?" Turning round on the bench, he reached for his bag and pulled something out, which he hid from sight beneath the table. Looking back at Lily, he seemed quite unable to hide his delight, and she braced herself for something she feared might yank a response out of her. "We couldn't find him at the masquerade last night, so we did a bit of investigating." She bit her tongue so tightly it stung. Sirius didn't notice, though he was staring right at her. "We were with him when he first arrived, so we know he attended, but after he gave us the slip, there wasn't any sign of him whatsoever. Now, if _I_ wanted to ditch my friends, I would definitely have to switch masks, and instead of keeping two, knowing how easily the second might be discovered, I would have relied on transfiguration. It's no secret James is an expert in that field. So, we went around subtly trying to untransfigure everyone's masks."

And that was just more than she could feasibly take. "You did what?" While untransfiguration only affected transfigured objects, a fair majority of the masks worn by the students had been created through transfiguration. If these three Marauders had gone around reversing the process, they would have ruined everything their peers had worked so hard on. "Sirius Black, I don't believe-!"

"Easy, Evans!" he stared at her in slight offense. "What do you take me for? I said we did it subtly, didn't I? Hardly anyone noticed! We just wanted to see if an antler would pop out or something!" He shook his head, as if disgusted with her. He even gave a small shudder. "Honestly. A guy can't do anything right where you're concerned. Anyway," he brightened up again, his attention span as wild as a child's. "When it was clear he wasn't in the Great Hall, we made our way outside. Lots of couples were in the garden, and we remembered what you said about there being a sixth year who'd caught his fancy."

"Thought you'd barge in on them, did you?" Lily asked, sounding slightly harsher than she'd intended. Apparently, turning James into some made-up girl's secret admirer had been an extremely bad idea, which she now regretted. "Find out for yourself who she is while spoiling the rest of his evening?"

"Yeah, well, he shouldn't have ditched us," Sirius replied with a mere shrug, clearly failing to see the point. "In any case, he proved more evasive than even I gave him credit for. It's like he's turning into a rebel Marauder trying to outmaneuver us, and he's bloody good at it, too. All we were able to find was this." He revealed what he had been hiding beneath the table; to Lily's pure astonishment, it was the mask James had originally worn to the masquerade the night before. It was the stag. "It'd been transfigured into some kind of… imp, I guess. 'Bout describes him, if you ask me. He left it by that bench you like so much… with this." He held up yet another mask for her to see, and she recognized it immediately as her own. Impulse shrieked at her to grab it, to snatch it away from the nosy little git, but she somehow managed to restrain herself. If she let them know it belonged to her… the game would most definitely be over.

"We don't know whose it is yet," Remus said quietly, drawing Lily's attention away from the butterfly in Sirius's hands. "But Padfoot's determined. It's kind of like Cinderella, if you ask me." He smiled sheepishly, which eased a bit of the tension forming in her back.

"Except that the prince already knows her," Peter commented dryly, staring at the tabletop without blinking. "And that if we find her, she definitely won't be getting a happy ending so much as a torturous one, thanks to us." He noticed his friends all staring at him, and blushed embarrassedly before looking away again. For a moment, no one spoke.

"You know, it is like Cinderella," Sirius said at last, finally breaking the uncomfortable silence. Lily looked back at him skeptically, and he shrugged. "Well, the prince was destined to find his princess, right? He had the shoe, and we've got the mask. We'll find her before the week's out. And that, Evans, is what we had set about doing when you so thoughtfully interrupted…" He trailed off, a look of horror suddenly crossing his face. "You're not gonna snitch on us now, are you? If James finds out what we're up to, he'll blow a fuse or something!"

"And it would be well within his rights," she snapped ungraciously. "You're needier than a dog, Sirius Black! Which I suppose explains how you came across the name Padfoot!" He could not have fixed her with a more shocked expression had she slapped him across the face – which she actually had done before, and therefore knew without the slightest doubt. "You lot are all seventeen now! I think it's wonderful you're such great friends, but school isn't going to last forever. Do you really want to be stuck as Marauders for the rest of your lives, or don't you want your own identities? Can't you give James a bit of room to figure out who he really is? Instead of holding him back?"

"We're not holding him back," Sirius objected quickly, though he did have the decency of looking slightly perplexed by her admonition. "We're just… trying to catch up."

Lily shook her head, growing more and more frustrated. "By proving you can outsmart him? That is the most-!" She stopped short as Remus lightly placed his hand on top of hers. Looking at him, she could see the reconciliation in his eyes.

"More like… by discovering how he does it." He smiled softly, and gave a little shrug of his own. "So that we don't get left behind."

**ooooooo**

"They think you're forgetting them."

Sunday was drawing to a close, and Lily found herself once again cautiously dodging students and teachers alike as she followed James towards the astronomy tower. She had been thinking about her conversation with the other three Marauders ever since it ended, with her excusing herself from the table in considerable confusion. She simply had no idea what to do with those boys – particularly Sirius! She couldn't blame him for being inquisitive; he'd always been that way. Nor could she blame him for holding onto the past. Seven years was a long time. They hadn't ever expected it to end, and now that it was… Some people just didn't like change, and though she had no doubt in her mind that those four would always be the best of friends, at the end of the year, things would still change… and never be the same again.

But Sirius had expected it to last longer than it was. After all, they still had the rest of November, all of December, and the entire spring term before graduation! It was an eternity, really, but James wasn't cooperating, and Sirius found that time was slipping through his fingers. Lily couldn't blame him for any of it, and was even slightly surprised the realization hadn't struck her before. "They aren't ready to grow up and graduate yet, are they? Sirius is already living on his own. With a family like his, he never got the chance to have a real childhood. Since he's found it at Hogwarts, he doesn't want to let go." She swallowed painfully. If that was what he was going through now, she could only imagine what it must be like for Regulus… "Peter still needs to develop a bit more of a backbone, and that won't be any easier for him out in the real world. And Remus!" She stopped short as James pulled her behind a statue and held a finger to her lips.

Footsteps… She could suddenly hear two sets of them – having grown quite adept in the past few weeks at keeping an ear out for passerby's. There were voices as well. In the moments that followed, she was able to make them out. "Weren't you told to avoid that bathroom at all costs?"

"'Course I was! Lily Evans told us when we had our tour, first night here. But I didn't think she was being quite _that _serious!"

"So how come you didn't use it before today?"

"Because I didn't have to before today!"

Their voices died off in the distance, and James cocked his head, looking at Lily questioningly. "Moaning Myrtle?"

"Who else?" she replied as they started back on their way again. Somehow, it didn't surprise her that James was familiar with the distraught ghost haunting the girls' second floor bathroom, and rather than dwelling on it, she dove right on back to their former topic of conversation. "But Remus!"

"Yeah, Remus probably wouldn't mind staying at school for the rest of his life," James acknowledged as they quickly reached the foot of the stairs leading up to the tower. Instead of starting up them, however, he paused and turned around to look Lily straight in the eye. "I'm not going to forget them. Ever. And they know that. We've been through so much together we're practically family now. Four brothers, yeah? Nothing can ever change that, even if I do become some sort of rebel Marauder, squaring myself up against them." He smiled, as if such an idea had some sort of appeal, and reached for her hands, giving them both a comforting squeeze. "They're my best friends, Lil. I don't want you to take this the wrong way or anything, but not even you can stand between us."

She sighed, staring at him with a resigned smile. "I wish you would tell them that. Whoever this sixth year is who's somehow managed to strike your fancy, I think they really feel threatened by her." James grinned, shaking his head in disbelief.

"I still can't believe you told them that. Now come on, let's go!" He turned rather eagerly towards the stairs, dropping her hands so he could take them two at a time. Having never in her life seen him quite so impatient to reach, of all places, the astronomy tower before, Lily followed in extreme perplexity. What was he up to? Before she could catch up, however, or even reach the top of the winding stone steps, he came scrambling back down and halted in front of her.

"James?" she asked, taking in his flushed face and bright eyes – both of which were sure signs of his growing excitement. This was definitely no ordinary trip to the astronomy tower.

"You trust me, don't you?" he asked her almost breathlessly. A moment ago, he had been holding a rather serious conversation with her concerning his three best friends. Now, however, he looked like Quidditch had come two weeks early. Quite astonished, Lily found that she could only nod her head in wordless confusion; but that was enough for James. He grinned, practically bouncing on his feet as he pulled forth from his back pocket what looked suspiciously like a blindfold. Lily frowned, looking up at him speechlessly. What in the world could he possibly mean by this?

"I have a surprise for you," he told her, taking a deep breath as he attempted to settle back down. Meeting her gaze, he mustered up all the solemnity he had left. "But you're going to have to trust me. All right?" Trust him? Hadn't she already determined how much she trusted him with everything she owned? But what was this? What surprise could possibly require her to be blindfolded? Her stomach tightened – not necessarily in a bad way – and she nodded her head with such sincerity shining in her eyes that James could be left with no doubt. He smiled, reaching forward to tie the bandana around her head. "Can you see anything?"

She hesitated, looking both left and right, but found nothing except darkness. It was somewhat surprising how crippled that made her feel, and had it been anyone else but James, she would have ripped it off immediately. "No, I can't…" She trailed off in surprise as an arm wrapped around her waist, followed by another arm behind her knees. She was lifted up off the ground as if she weighed no more than a child, which caused her to gasp. "James!" Flinging her arms around his neck, she held on tightly as he turned and started carrying her the rest of the way up the stairs. "What are you doing?"

"Just wait," he told her calmly, though with a hint of laughter in his voice. When they came out on top of the tower, she felt the cold November air rushing towards her, and so pressed herself closer to his body. He stopped for a moment, making sure she had a strong, solid grip on him, and then let go of her back in order to stretch out his arm. Making a rather awkward motion in which he seemed to step over something, he then proceeded to ease her down onto what felt suspiciously like a bar. "You ready?"

"James?" Breathing suddenly became distressingly difficult as realization struck her. "James, no! This is a bad idea!" He was leaning against her, one arm holding her secure, the other reaching over her, towards the front of the broomstick. The next thing she knew, he was kissing the side of her neck while pushing up off the ground. Within seconds, she sensed absolutely nothing but air beneath her feet, and so she screamed, completely and utterly terrified of flying. "James, stop it!"

"You're all right," he told her, whispering gently into her ear. "I've got you. You're okay. I'm not going to let you go. You're perfectly safe. Now just breathe." She found herself struggling to obey as her body began to shake. It hadn't seemed like a blustery day at all until then, but now the wind was strong and nipped at her face pitilessly. James, however, seemed to relish every moment of it. "How could I not share this world with you, Lily? It's my passion. Where I belong. I feel safer in the sky than anywhere else, and I swear to you, you don't have to be afraid. You don't have to be afraid of anything."

**ooooooo**

**A/N:** I'm now beginning to understand just how troublesome a guy James Potter actually is. He's taking a life of his own, and won't do what I tell him! I had absolutely no intention of writing this last scene, and yet… here it is! I mean, come on! Oh well… Anyway, I hope you all review! Getting close to 1000… Thanks so much!


	97. What's Next?

**ooooooo**

She felt like she was sitting on a Ferris Wheel, for her feet were dangling and there was absolutely nothing but empty space separating her from the ground that was God only knew how far away. But unlike Ferris Wheels – which were generally safe and always, absolutely always, fixed to land – broomsticks could be wild, untamed, and unpredictable, not to mention, unlike gondolas, horrifyingly easy to fall off of. How could Lily possibly not be afraid?

Trying to at least keep from panicking, she pressed herself tightly against James's body, burying her face into his shoulder while trying not to strangle him. Nevertheless, she felt uncomfortably like a drowning woman inadvertently pulling her would-be rescuer beneath the surface, and heard herself apologizing. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry." She was shaking, she was struggling to breathe, and it was all she could do not to scream.

"I've got you," James assured her once again, slowly guiding the broomstick forward. Despite being blindfolded, she could sense them advancing towards wide open airspace, leaving the safety of the castle far behind. It felt rather like leaving the shoreline for a chance to embark on a voyage across the deep blue sea and onward towards the horizon. Oh, why couldn't the sky have as much appeal as the horizon? And why couldn't she feel less like a helpless child? What must James think of her?

"I'm sorry."

"You don't have to apologize," he told her comfortingly, pulling the broomstick up and then easing it back down again, so that it rocked smoothly and almost soothingly. "Just… try concentrating on something else. Don't think about how far a drop it is to the ground. Think about… every student you've ever tutored. Tell me their names." It was such a strange request, and so unexpected that Lily actually did, briefly, forget about the immediate danger her life was in. Taking a deep breath – one that threatened to choke her – she complied by listing every name she could possibly think of under those particular circumstances. Albert. Ada. Esther. Philip. The list went on, and with James lightly easing the broom up and down, up and down, she soon found herself convinced that they were both in a rocking chair, with her on his lap, safely on the ground. It was a pleasant lie, in any case.

"That's it," James whispered encouragingly, resting his chin on her shoulder. "Just keep yourself relaxed, and you'll be fine. I won't let you go." She smiled slightly at that, and resumed listing more and more names. This was her fourth year tutoring, and she was amazed by how many students she knew. Soon, she found herself more or less completely at ease. Though the wind was still biting, she'd grown used to it, and even felt a moment's pleasure tingling through her body as James stroked her hair with his hand.

Before long, she fell silent and a hush proceeded to wrap around them. With the blindfold on, she couldn't see a thing, but honestly didn't need to. All she needed was to know that James was there, and she could lose herself to the present, possibly even falling asleep in the safety of his arms. He had her… She knew he'd protect her… The rest of the world could float away, leaving them alone together in absolute seclusion, and she wouldn't have been able to ask for more.

"Now all you need to do is take off the blindfold."

What? Lily tensed as her earlier fears and anxieties swiftly returned, much like a torrential wave of freezing water crashing over her head. It was one thing to surrender herself so completely to James's care when she was so completely stripped of all visual awareness, but if her sight was returned to her, would anything in the entire world be able to distract her from the terror of their surroundings? "I can't…"

"You're doing so well," he assured her gently – and she could hear the praise in his voice. "I couldn't be prouder of you, Lil. You've come so far, and you're almost there. You just need to go a little bit farther, and take off the blindfold. You'll be amazed by how liberating it feels." Liberating? Who did he take her for? The moment that blindfold came off, she'd be a nervous wreck again! As if she wasn't already… This was such a bad idea in so many ways!

"I'm not you…"

"You don't have to be," he laughed softly, pressing his lips against the side of her face. "Because you've got me right here. Listen, sometimes people can be so afraid of the world, they never once stop to really look at it. We all know life's crazy, there isn't anything secret about that. It's like a game of Quidditch. If you stop or slow down for even a moment, you're gonna get hit square in the face by a Bludger. But we're in the sky now, and nowhere near the Quidditch field. Everything's so different from way up here, you just… you don't know what you're missing, Lil! Trust me. A little bit of fear is worth this."

He sounded so sincere, she couldn't help but feel a wave of curiosity. The world was bound to look different from above, and it would be something she'd never seen before. How much like a child she was, afraid to step out into the unknown! But she'd been on a broomstick before, and it had terrified her. The fact that she'd come even this far already seemed too much like a miracle. What did he want from her? She wasn't that strong!

And yet… maybe she could be. Learn to stand, right? Perhaps it would be more appropriate now to say: learn to spread your wings and fly. It wasn't as if she had to do it alone. And as terrifying as it was… nothing truly worth while ever came easily. If she could do this, maybe… maybe she could do anything. James believed in her. That had to be enough.

Biting her lip to keep from whimpering, she checked her hold on James before letting her left hand go to pull off the blindfold. Immediately, she clenched her eyes shut, throwing her arm back around James's neck as she tightly squeezed the cloth in her hand. And then… slowly… while breathing very, very hard… she opened one eye after the other.

For a moment, she couldn't see anything other than the folds of James's dark blue sweater; she was just too close to him. But, as safe as she felt pressed up against him, she knew she was no better off than when she'd been wearing the blindfold. Slowly, she turned, reaching one arm down to clutch the stick of the broom in front of her, and as she did so, she couldn't help but gasp in astonishment. The sky was indeed vast – more so than she would have ever thought possible – and it arched around them like a giant dome. Hogwarts itself was so far away, it looked no bigger than a magical dollhouse. The country around it, the lake, and the trees of the Forbidden Forest all took on a slightly golden hue as the sun set in the west, but it was something about the sun in particular that caught her immediate attention.

Glancing towards it, she found herself not just staring at one ball of light, but at three. A golden halo had formed in a full circle around the star, and on either side of it, there were two more, as if it had somehow multiplied. As beautiful and spectacular as it was, however, its brilliance was nearly blinding, and she was forced to look away long before she otherwise would have. "What magic is this?"

James was smiling at her. Glancing at him, she found that it did make a difference with the blindfold. She would much rather be able to see him than to not. "You mean the sundogs? Come on, Lil, why do you think we take Astronomy? Or Herbology, even? Nature has its own magic. Sometimes, you just have to come up here to see it." Sundogs weren't truly magical… They resulted more from physics than anything else; light bouncing off of atmospheric ice crystals. Still… she never would have expected to see them like this. On a broomstick with James hundreds of feet in the sky? Maybe he'd planned it or something… if that was even remotely possible.

"It's so different," she whispered, looking back down at the earth below her. "It's so still… You wouldn't think there's anything wrong at all, would you?" Somewhere, she knew there to be an ongoing war, but from her present vantage point, all she could see was pure harmony. It rather looked like a painting; a magical landscape. It was pure wonder.

"There's more freedom in the sky than anywhere else," James acknowledged, letting go of the broomstick completely to wrap his arms around her waist. "It's the farthest you can get away from the world. You shouldn't be so afraid of flying, Lil. It's the best refuge you'll ever find." She opened her mouth to answer him, but no words came. After all, what words were there to say? She'd entered a dream, having escaped from a nightmare, and now she didn't want to wake.

**ooooooo**

Having seen the world from above, it proved astonishingly difficult to return to the world below. Though she never would have thought it possible, having spent so much of her life terrified of flying, she found herself more than just a little reluctant to step back down onto the stone floor of the astronomy tower when she and James finally returned to the castle. This would mean that she'd be obliged to carry on the existence she had before, stuck in a realm where, as James had so deftly put it, it was all too easy getting hit in the face by a passing Bludger. The world had seemed so peaceful when she'd been looking over it from the sky. The story, however, changed drastically the moment they landed. Thoughts of the war were bad enough, but there was also homework, and tutoring, and N.E.W.T.s, and friends, and secrets they didn't particularly want to reveal. It was just too much, and Lily found herself turning towards James wistfully. "Is that it, then?"

He tossed the broomstick almost carelessly to the ground before taking her hands in his, smiling at her tenderly. "Is that it?" He shook his head. "I reckon if that was it, we'd all be mighty depressed, yeah? Well, not on my watch. You're a Marauder now, Lil, and the most important thing you gotta know about Marauders is that we take everything we can get outta life and we shape it so that it's ours. You don't ask that question." He cupped her face in his hands, kissing her forehead before once again staring intently into her eyes. "From now on, there's only one question I ever want to hear you ask, Lily Evans. 'What's next?'"

In all her life, she could honestly say she had never heard a more thrilling, remarkable question than that, and was thoroughly amazed by how uplifting two simple words could be. "All right then, James Potter. What's next?"

His eyes twinkled mischievously. "We find out how to get the Marauder's Map away from Sirius. Personally, I didn't think he used it all that much without me, but if he starts seeing us together, I don't know how long I'll be able to convince him we're just performing our various duties as Heads. It could get sticky."

"Yes, it very well could!" She grabbed his hands forcefully, memories of the conversation she'd had with Sirius earlier that morning rushing back to her. "Don't you dare forget what we talked about! They're your friends, James! Marauders aren't supposed to be at odds with each other." They were supposed to be a team… and she didn't want to see that jeopardized. Ever.

"Are we back to that again?" James just smiled, shaking his head in slight amusement – much to her annoyance. How could he be so genuine one moment, and then so bloody flippant the next? She knew he didn't take her words lightly, but he didn't even seem the slightest bit worried. It was as if he already knew everything would work out exactly the way he hoped it would, as it always did. After all, if he could get her, of all people, onto a broomstick, what couldn't he do? Reconciling himself with Sirius wouldn't be a problem – even if he did somehow manage to confiscate the map and stow it away somewhere they'd never find it. "I told you, Lil. We're Marauders. Always have been. Always will be. Until the day we die."

And so they returned to the Gryffindor common room, resisting every urge to take each other's hand along the way. The other three Marauders were waiting for them, sure enough, as were several younger girls who wanted Lily's help with Herbology – sometimes distinguishing between leafs and stems could be, in a word, impossible. Of course, she was very quick to oblige, and after casting James one last look, proceeded to greet both Remus and Peter before following the girls over to a table where they were in the process of studying. She was thus left with no idea whatsoever as to how James managed to explain their timely arrival to his friends, but, upon peering in their general direction every once in awhile, saw that they all seemed more or less satisfied – including Sirius. James knew what he was doing; there wasn't anything to worry about… yet.

But even as she climbed into bed several hours later, she couldn't help but wonder how he intended on separating them from the map. Or how he intended on preventing them from discovering the owner of the butterfly mask they'd found lying in the garden next to his own. Or even how he intended on reconciling with them, so that they no longer felt cheated of his friendship. That was without a doubt the most important thing; Lily would sooner tell them all the big secret than she would just sit back and watch as their bonds slowly came undone.

_They won't,_ she told herself resolutely as she began to fall asleep. _I won't let that happen… _She'd flown. She'd been on the back of a broomstick, and she'd actually flown. James might have been the one to get her on it, and he might even have been the one driving – if that word was at all applicable – but _she_ had managed to stick with it. After all, wasn't she the one who took off the blindfold? She had made it, and she could continue making it for the rest of her life. She could find strength enough within herself to rival James's, just as she knew Peter could, along with everyone else.

With that attitude lingering in her heart, mind, and soul, she awoke the next morning confidently and set off towards class without a care in the world. What's next? The question James had given her was motivation to anticipate the unknown – to look forward to something she had yet to identify. According to Professor Willow, such an attitude was as much a survival skill as anything else. She thought back to the interview she'd had with the woman Saturday evening, shortly before the masquerade.

_"…This masquerade was meant to divert our attention away from the war. It was meant to heighten our morale and make everyone happy again, even if for just a moment. But after tonight, everything will go back to the way it was. Tomorrow, what will have to look forward to?"_

Professor Willow had told her that those will lived in such despair often failed to survive – whether literally or just emotionally was anyone's guess. According to her, it was better to take things slowly, one day at a time, while refusing to allow the weight of the world a chance to crush you… slowly… until you bled… But James… He would have her looking forward to whatever splendors came next – no doubt going so far as to creating her own in times when splendor proved too long in coming. Which life was preferable? Professor Willow's? Or James's?

_I suppose it depends on who you are,_ Lily reasoned, as she went from Transfiguration to Potions and finally on to Defense Against the Dark Arts. Either way, she knew she would have to get a hold of that fortitude Professor Willow had spoken of… that strength which she believed empowered both men and women to recover from just about any predicament one might find oneself in. Did it truly exist? And could Lily possibly find it within herself?

"All right, that's enough for today!" Professor Willow interrupted her class's hour of training when the hour had at last reached its end. Lily, who had chosen to sit out on the sidelines that afternoon, engrossed as deeply she was in thought, glanced up to watch as her fellow seventh year Gryffindors and Ravenclaws lowered their wands and proceeded to drink whatever fluids they'd brought with them as they gathered up their belongings and fled from the classroom. The Marauders, however, didn't seem to be at all in much of a hurry, and instead took their time packing up. Likewise, Lily pulled her bag very slowly towards herself, making no sign whatsoever of rising to her feet.

"It's our last year, mate!" Sirius presently reminded James as he effortlessly slipped his bag over his shoulder. "We can't just leave without giving our teachers and everyone else on the Hogwarts staff a hearty, proper, and long goodbye, now can we?"

James was wearing a strange, almost pensive smile as he considered his best friend's words. In all honesty, Lily wasn't entirely sure she wanted to know what kinds of thoughts were taking hold of his mind, but she certainly didn't doubt it would mean trouble. "I reckon we're going to need the map… We should definitely part with Filch, first!" He grinned impishly, ignoring Remus' look of utter confusion – didn't it make more sense to "part with Filch" last? After all, Filch was their greatest adversary, and if they angered him so soon in the school year, he'd spend the rest of it looking to get even, wouldn't he?

But before the boy could question him, however, James had caught sight of Lily. Wearing a slightly quizzical frown, he took a step towards her. "You all right?" Crossing the rest of the distance that separated them, he reached down and offered her a hand – which she only accepted after making a show of hesitation. Then, she allowed him to pull her to her feet and granted him a reassuring smile.

"It's nothing," she explained quietly, gripping his hand for a second longer than what might have been appropriate. "I just need to talk with Professor Willow for a few minutes." James glanced quickly at the Defense teacher, who was standing with her arms crossed, waiting pointedly for the boys to leave. Glancing back at Lily, his confusion seemed to have heightened and Lily felt her face flush. "I mean it. It's nothing. Go on." She nodded towards the other three Marauders, and when James glanced over his shoulder, he could see them all staring back in what appeared to be open astonishment. Grinning sheepishly, he folded his arms behind his head and sauntered his way towards them as casually as he could.

"You know, I've been thinking," he said before any of them could make any kind of question or exclamation whatsoever. "Whoever decided the Head Boy gets to work with the Head Girl certainly doesn't deserve a goodbye from us!"

Peter scratched his head in confusion while James lowered one arm around his shoulder and slung his other around Sirius's. Leading them towards the door with Remus following close behind – though while glancing back at Lily with narrowed eyes – the Quidditch champion appeared to be quite at ease, and Peter just couldn't work it out. "I thought you fancied a sixth year now?"

"And your point?" he asked dispassionately as the four left the room. Lily shook her head with an upwards sigh of incredulity before glancing at Professor Willow, who had quietly arrived beside her.

"If those boys, upon graduation, are half as much trouble for the Death Eaters as they are for Hogwarts in general, You-Know-Who won't stand a chance," she dryly observed, much to Lily's amusement. After all, it might very well be true… The Marauders could do absolutely anything they set their minds to, and, what with the Ministry of Magic and the Order of the Phoenix already out there, it was very likely the bad guys wouldn't even see them coming! Well… at least… one could hope.

"I'm assuming you're still here in order for us to complete our conversation," Professor Willow presently discerned, turning to face the girl more fully. Lily nodded. "Very well, Miss Evans. Please come with me, and we'll speak in my office." She gestured towards the door, and the seventh year made her way out. In under five minutes, the two reached their destination, and Lily found herself taking her seat in a sturdy chair across from Professor Willow's desk.

"You asked me about fortitude," the woman began promptly and without preamble, much to the girl's discomfiture. Perhaps this had been a mistake… and she'd been better off with James…

_Too late now,_ she told herself sternly. _Besides, you need to be stronger!_ It was just that… she didn't know what to expect from this interview, and wondered whether or not fortitude was even something that could be taught by words alone. Hesitantly, she glanced up and met Professor Willow's gaze. "Sometimes I think I have it… I feel really strong and sure of myself, but then it just… I don't know… abandons me or something, and then, all of a sudden, I'm every bit as lost and helpless as ever. I guess it's just me relapsing, but…" She paused, wondering how best to put it. "I need to know how to keep it constant."

Professor Willow nodded, her expression filled with understanding. "That, Miss Evans, takes an inordinate amount of discipline, and is unique for every individual. Fortitude is indeed the kind of strength it takes for us to keep fighting, even in the face of hopelessness and grim defeat. It keeps us from surrendering, even when surrender seems to be the only option we have left. It is not something I can just give to you, and even if I could, it would ultimately be up to you not to lose it. Keeping it constant, Miss Evans, is entirely your responsibility."

_Figures._

"Now, as I've said," she went on gently, like one trying to cajole a child out from hiding. "Everyone finds it differently. Fortitude comes in so many ways, I certainly can't list them all. Religion. Science. Magic. Mostly, it stems from a belief in something, along with a purpose. If you have a purpose that you truly, truly believe in, Miss Evans, I daresay you'll find a bit of fortitude."

She was making it sound so easy. But then… maybe it was. Maybe Lily was just looking too hard… while underestimating herself. She knew she had it in her somewhere… After all, hadn't she used it once to defeat a boggart in the Shrieking Shack? There had been other times, as well… There had been other horrors she'd managed to recover from. Professor Dumbledore believed she had a gift. Maybe she needed to focus more on that gift… and instead of trying to hide it so that the world would never see… maybe she needed to use it… to turn it into a source of strength she could draw on whenever she was afraid or angry and unsure of herself. Was that possible?

However, before she could give it any further contemplation, there was a knock on Professor Willow's door. The older witch glanced up at it with a frown; clearly she wasn't expecting company. "Enter!" The door immediately swung open, and Lily turned in her seat to watch as Professor McGonagall, of all people, marched inside with a large scroll held unraveled in her hands.

"Beverly, I meant to-" She stopped short, catching sight of Lily. "Am I interrupting?" There was something about the way her eyes flashed from the girl to her Defense professor and back again… something about the way her lips pursed… and the way her brow furrowed… that made it perfectly obvious she was not at all pleased with the sight in front of her. That, more than anything else, proved disconcerting enough for Lily to jump to her feet.

"Of course not, ma'am," she said quickly, looking back at Professor Willow. "Thank you for meeting with me. I'll keep in mind everything you said-!"

"Miss Evans, you certainly don't have to leave," Professor Willow was slowly getting up herself, shaking her head in bemusement. "Why, we've hardly even started…"

Lily hesitated, considering the woman a moment more before looking back at Professor McGonagall – whom she'd known a heck of a lot longer and was much, much more familiar with. Why did she now seem so wary? What did she know that Lily didn't? What was going on? "I actually need to speak with Professor Slughorn. I was planning to after dinner, but now Ja- Potter wants to hold a meeting with the prefects, and it would just be better if I went." She exhaled deeply, fixing Professor Willow with one last glance. "But I am grateful. Thank you."

"Of course," Professor Willow nodded, her eyes sharpening as she focused on Professor McGonagall. "Anytime." Lily glanced at her Transfiguration teacher, who was meeting the other woman's stare evenly. The tension in the room seemed to have escalated considerably… It didn't make any sense whatsoever, and Lily found herself hastening towards the door in extreme discomfort.

**ooooooo**

**A/N:** Please review! I appreciate it so much!


	98. The Map's Confiscation

**ooooooo**

What had happened?

She just couldn't stop asking herself that one simple question, for no matter what answer she came up with, she still remained thoroughly unsatisfied. It was no secret Professor McGonagall tended to disapprove of Hogwarts Defense Against the Arts teachers, which might have explained any tension between her and Professor Willow had she been tense upon entering the office. But something else must have upset her, for the tension only arose after she caught sight of Lily. What was it about Professor Willow that Professor McGonagall didn't want exposed to the school's Head Girl?

It hadn't been all that long ago when Lily herself resented the Defense Professor for her unwelcome tutorial inspections. When she had complained about the woman to Professor McGonagall, she hadn't seen any signs of immediate dislike. Though… she had been told to ignore the woman. Professor Willow's inspections were not supposed to affect her in anyway whatsoever, and so she should put them completely from her mind. But that didn't make much sense… If Professor Willow was inspecting her, then of course the inspections would affect her somehow! Wouldn't they? So even then, way back in September, Professor McGonagall hadn't wanted her associating with the strange woman. But why?

She had hoped to find the Marauders after leaving Professor Willow's office, for if anyone could help her work through this latest riddle, she knew without a doubt it'd be them. But… she couldn't find them anyway. She returned to the Gryffindor Tower. She went to dinner. She checked the library. She even did her required rounds as Head Girl through the castle corridors! But the boys proved to be completely unavailable. No James. No Remus. She could only imagine what they had in store for Mr. Filch, smiling slightly in spite of herself. Her boys were definitely up to no good, but since they'd grown up so much these past few months, it didn't bother her as much as it had their fifth year. Mischief once again meant amusement instead of persecution.

And so she found herself walking to that night's tutorial session. It was the first one they'd had since the masquerade and, what with her own inner conflicts, Lily hadn't the slightest idea what ground she meant to cover. It definitely tasted bitter; they'd had so much fun making all those preparations! And they really had learned a great deal! Going back to regular tutorials like this… it felt slightly reminiscent to the first day back to class after a long, eventful, memorable holiday. A holiday no one would have wanted to end…

_Now, would you just stop for one moment?_

She could almost hear James's voice in her head. She mustn't allow herself to think that way! She was supposed to be asking "what next?" She was supposed to be anticipating an unknown future. She was supposed to be excited about something that yet to make itself visible. What business did she have feeling so discouraged? So what if the masquerade really was over? That only meant she now had the time to come up with something that was equally entertaining! And that wouldn't remind her of Regulus…

Satisfied, she arrived outside the tutor room and pushed the door open only to find, upon entering, four enormous suits of armor standing intermingled among the desks. Her heart leapt in her throat as she stopped short in astonishment. Naturally, the image quickly brought to mind one she had witnessed a long time ago, back in her second year. James and Sirius had attempted charming the silver clad, armed knights out of a desire to, as Peter had so aptly put it, lead their own troops. Of course, that had only ended up in extreme, though highly entertaining failure with Peeves floating around overhead laughing in unparalleled delight.

Several of the first years – the usual bunch of early arrivers – were huddled in the far corner, watching the suits of armor warily. A couple of them actually had their wands out, but whatever spell they'd tried using had clearly had no effect. And now the knights were turning towards Lily, immediately giving her their full attention. Stunned, she had little if not next to no idea of how to handle a situation like this. "What's going on?"

"They just walked in here a few minutes ago," one boy replied, sounding remarkably calm for an eleven year old. "We tried sneaking past them, but they wouldn't let us! And we tried immobilizing them, but none of our spells are working!" The knights were walking towards her… Why were they walking towards her? She hadn't done anything to them!

_"All right then, James Potter. What's next?"_

She had asked that question the day before, and James had said something about getting the Marauder's Map away from Sirius. He couldn't have meant this, could he? He knew better than to try tampering with the castle's suits of armor! He knew firsthand how uncontrollable they could be! Unless… well… there was always the possibility that he might be trying to do it over again. If he hadn't been able to succeed with whatever prank he'd attempted as a twelve year old, maybe he thought he'd be able to do it now, as a seventeen year old. It wasn't too farfetched… She'd certainly heard of him trying stranger things.

Nevertheless, it was better to be safe than sorry. Lily held up her wand, determined to take complete control of the situation. _"Finite Incantatem!"_

Nothing happened. Her eyes widened in astonishment as the suits of armor kept coming towards her. "Well, it doesn't look like my spells are working either…" She smiled sheepishly, not knowing what to do. That spell had stopped them last time, hadn't it? It didn't make any sense! Why hadn't it worked now? The suits of armor were upon her, and they quickly surrounded her – not menacingly or anything, but almost like an armed escort. She glanced past them and focused on the first years. "I think it's safe to say tutorial's gonna be canceled tonight. I'll see you tomorrow once I figure this whole thing out!"

"But Lily, we've got a Potions' practical tomorrow!"

She glanced from the knight in front of her to the eleven year old Ravenclaw who had spoken. The poor girl did look considerably tentative and in no position whatsoever to be denied her tutorial. But at that moment, one of the knights reached out with his iron gauntlet and gently urged Lily towards the door. She glared at him harshly; "Give me a moment!" Much to her astonishment, the knight appeared to obey! Blinking, still not quite sure what to make of this, she looked back at the first years. "All right. Stay here and wait for me to get back. We'll not cancel the tutorial; just postpone it." The first years all sighed in relief; forget the four suits of armor! They just wanted to make sure they'd be well prepared for Professor Slughorn! Go figure.

Once again, the knight gestured for Lily to leave the room. Humoring him – she assumed it was a him, anyway – she stepped out into the corridor, where two more suits of armor had appeared. They both immediately bowed at the waist, which basically confirmed that this was James's doing. They had history with these knights, after all, and she'd seen him bow to her like that more than once. What was he up to?

They motioned for her to accompany them, and so she did. Together, they started towards the stairs, and made their way down until they reached the Entrance Hall, where dozens upon dozens of other suits of armor were marching outside. Several students who hadn't yet gone to their dorms stood nearby, as did several of the staff members, watching in absolute shock. None of them knew what to make of it, and instead of trying to reverse the spell, Professor Flitwick stood off to the side, commenting on how impressive it all was. Taking in the sight that had unraveled before her, Lily found herself wondering where Professor McGonagall and Professor Willow were, even as she wondered what monstrous, demonic fiend had possessed the castle caretaker.

"SOMEONE PUT A STOP TO THIS!" Filch was tightly clutching what appeared to be an old scrap of parchment in his hands, and, what with his contorted face and convulsing limbs, there was no mistaking his uncontested, seething outrage. "WHY ARE YOU ALL JUST STANDING THERE? DO SOMETHING!"

"What would you suggest, Mr. Filch?" Professor Flitwick calmly asked, jumping up and down in order to see past everyone else. Finally, he just scurried around them all and walked up to the bent, old, angry crab. "As I was saying, those suits of armor are all older than I am. No doubt they're even older than Albus! The magic enchanting them is, in a word, remarkable, and only a fool would go around trying to manipulate them – even in an attempt to correct what you have only assumed to be a student's prank."

"IT _IS_ A STUDENT'S PRANK!" Filch ranted furiously, throwing out his arms to shove the parchment he was holding directly in front of the tiny, little Charms professor. By that time, the knights who had escorted Lily to the scene abandoned her, proceeding to join their fellows in what was shaping up to be quite the parade out of Hogwarts. No one seemed to have noticed her arrival there, however, as they were all to intent on the procession and how the caretaker was handling it, which was probably for the best. She could only imagine what questions they might have asked, particularly Filch himself, had they suspected she knew something about all this. She would have been guilty until proven innocent! "LOOK AT THIS PARCHMENT! ONE OF THEM SUITS DROPPED IT AT ME FEET!"

Lily had seen the man angry before, but not like this. He was shaking, and he was so furious it was almost quite frightening. Nevertheless, Professor Flitwick somehow managed to keep more or less composed as he took the parchment in his hands and started to read. "Messrs. Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs heartily bid Argus Filch farewell. Though spring is still months away, time remains painfully elusive for even the brightest of wizards. Mr. Moony would like to assure Mr. Filch that there will be plenty of opportunities for him to finally unmask the Marauders as they plan out their goodbyes for the rest of the teachers. Mr. Padfoot, however, would like to wager every single one of his house's points that Mr. Filch will prove unsuccessful. Mr. Wormtail trusts that Mr. Filch will not feel too, too terribly heartbroken when his greatest and worthiest of antagonists leave Hogwarts forever. And Mr. Prongs ardently hopes that Mr. Filch isn't too fond of the giant squid in the lake, for the Hogwarts Suits of Armor most definitely mean war. Good heavens." Professor Flitwick glanced up from the parchment with a look of wonder spread across his face. "They seem to have it in for that poor squid, now don't they?"

_No, just James,_ Lily thought, struggling to suppress a groan. She was suddenly extremely grateful it had been the squid she had chosen over him that day at the lake and not some other poor student. She would never have guessed he'd be able to hold a grudge for so long against some animal that lived underwater.

"I DON'T CARE ABOUT THE SQUID!" Filch shouted, throwing his fists into the air. "IT'S THOSE BLOODY MARAUDERS! SOMETHING HAS TO BE DONE ABOUT THOSE MARAUDERS!" Lily found it comforting to know that most of the first years were all upstairs taking refuge in the tutor room, where they wouldn't be subjugated to a tirade quite like this.

"Now really, Mr. Filch," Professor Flitwick must have agreed with her, for, despite his height, he still somehow managed to talk down to the caretaker in disapproval. "There's no reason for such an outburst. The Marauders are just students – who are apparently graduating this year, or else they wouldn't be gracing you with such a goodbye. As I've said, it would be next to impossible manipulating those old suits, so I daresay they're just taking advantage of a good situation."

"A GOOD SITUATION?" Filch was fuming in such red-faced anger that Lily half expected steam to come blasting out of his ears. And, she had to admit, he had a point. What was Professor Flitwick doing? Taking the Marauders' sides? It didn't matter whether or not they were capable of enchanting the suits of armor; they had still most definitely had something to do with this processional, and it looked like the giant squid was going to pay for it.

At that point, four laughing boys somehow managed to sneak past the knights and into the Entrance Hall from the world outside. Unlike everyone else in the castle, they didn't seem to be the least bit fazed by the scene unfolding before them, but rather looked like they were just coming in from something that had been even more spectacular – as if that was even possible. And as they made their way towards the marble staircase, talking amongst themselves in affable, excited companionship, one of them seemed to notice Professor Flitwick and Mr. Filch from the corner of his eye. James. He stopped short and glanced at the two older men in open amusement. "Those suits of armor are heading straight towards the lake. Some of them are already wading into the water. Did you know?" Sirius, Remus, and Peter, all of whom had paused shortly after James had, looking back at him almost curiously, now burst out into peals of laughter. Lily couldn't help but smile herself as Filch nearly charged, no doubt ready and willing to wring James's neck.

The boy scurried away from him, turning round to follow his three best friends – all of whom were racing towards the stairs. However, he never managed to catch up to them. Instead, having noticed Lily, he grinned and changed directions without a moment's hesitation. Grabbing her hand, he dashed towards the corridor that would eventually lead them down towards the dungeons, practically dragging her along with him. It was without a doubt the riskiest move he'd ever made, for in such a public, open setting, any number of students – including the other Marauders – could have seen them running off together. It was therefore to her extreme amazement when she glanced over her shoulder and saw that absolutely no one seemed to have noticed their retreat. For at that moment, Professor Dumbledore himself had arrived, walking calmly down the staircase that Sirius, Remus, and Peter had been scrambling towards. Effectively cut off, the three boys slowly backed up, looking trapped and guilty.

"Don't worry about them," James whispered in her ear as they rounded a corner that completely blocked out the Entrance Hall and everyone else present there. "They don't have nearly enough evidence to pin this one on us. We didn't even enchant those suits of armor! Those three'll be just fine, I promise." They came to the set of stairs that spiraled down to the dungeons, which James took immediately. If he hadn't completely forgotten how the dungeons were Slytherin territories, he didn't seem the least bit concerned. It was as if the only thing that mattered to him at that precise moment entailed him getting away unseen with Lily at his side.

"I don't understand," she exclaimed, struggling to keep up with him without tripping on the uneven steps. "You didn't enchant those suits of armor? They looked pretty enchanted to me!" Upon finally reaching the bottom of the stairs, James located a small alcove in the stone wall which seemed to consume every ray of light that came its way. He ducked into it, gently pulling Lily in after him.

"You know that gallery upstairs that's next to the trophy room?" he asked, already knowing full well that she knew every inch of the castle that wasn't blatantly concealed from the public, having led so many tours in the past few years. It barely even took her half a second to register which gallery he spoke of and where it was located. Generally speaking, there were enough suits of armor in there to fill three classrooms! Despite the alcove's impenetrable darkness, Lily thought she might have seen a smile cross James's face. "We might have congregated there after dinner… and we might have rallied those knights to arms with a few well versed speeches Remus might have composed this afternoon… You should hear them, Lil! They're really quite inspirational. Remus outdid himself. I don't know if he wrote them down or not, but they worked much better than that charm Padfoot and I botched up as kids, way back in our second year. You remember that?" Lily nodded, though she knew James couldn't see the gesture. "Anyway, I think those knights have gotten bored just standing around for the past few hundred years. I guess they wanted to get in a bit of exercise or something, so they cooperated."

"And the knights that ambushed me in the tutor room?" Lily playfully demanded, though quite unable to feel anything whatsoever but extreme, complete, and utter awe. Who else but the Marauders could convince a legion of metal suits, helmets, swords, and shields to go to battle after all this time? It seemed so absurd. "Are the other Marauders aware you had me escorted to the scene of the crime?"

James scoffed. "Of course not! We told them to wait fifteen minutes, so that we could get a head start to our position outside. Naturally, I let the others get ahead, and then went back to explain to those worthy knights how this was all to be done in the service of a fair maiden." Lily was suddenly very grateful for the darkness; James's words were causing her cheeks to flush. "I wanted to assure you that that giant squid won't ever bother again, Lil!"

Bother her? Lily shook her head, rolling her eyes. "You have a really bad memory, James Potter. That squid didn't do anything to me. You were being a git, and so I merely chose it over you. If I had known back then you'd end up waging war against it, I would have given you some other name." She hesitated for a moment, and then grinned mischievously. "Sirius's, perhaps."

For a moment, she thought James was going to choke on his astonishment. "Well, it's a bloody good thing you didn't! I would have killed Padfoot!" They fell silent for a moment, as several younger Slytherins pounded their way downstairs and headed towards their common room – wherever that was – without once noticing the couple hidden in the obscured little niche. Lily rather liked it that way; she and James had to stoop down low and press together just to fit in the alcove, and nothing felt better then being so close to him. He was whispering contemplatively in her ear, not really speaking to her, but thinking out loud. "I don't reckon they'll actually slay the beast. They at least know me and Sirius well enough to know we're just pranksters, but they're also kind of… well… chivalrous… being knights and all. If they think the honor of my Lady's at stake…" He trailed off, suddenly sounding unsure of himself. If this whole thing got out of hand, that squid really could be in trouble!

"Professor Flitwick didn't sound too terribly concerned," Lily assured him quietly, smiling at his unexpected uncertainty. "In fact, I think he found the whole thing amusing. And Professor Dumbledore got there right as we left, so I suppose he'll clean up your miss for you."

"Good," James breathed a sigh of relief, and for the next few moments a comfortable silence fell between them. At the back of her mind, Lily thought about the first years waiting for her upstairs; they had a practical exam in Potions tomorrow, and she really ought to get back to them. Unfortunately, being so close to James that she could practically inhale him allowed her no motivation whatsoever to squeeze her way out of that alcove. She might have spent the rest of the night right there in that extremely comfortable position. James, however, suddenly leaned forward and snogged her on the lips. Stunned, she stared through the darkness at him in amazement. It was almost as if a light had turned on, for she could now most definitely see the smile on his face.

"Tonight, Lil, was an absolute, unquestionable, unequivocal success! Not only did we rally the troops we weren't able to as second years; we gave Filch a goodbye he won't ever forget! And, I got rid of the Marauder's Map without arousing Sirius's suspicion! You know, the map's enchanted in more ways than one. If it should ever happen to fall into the hands of some bloke with no sense of humor, it'll pretty much react towards said bloke exactly the same way we would. We meant to bid Filch farewell, and the map did it for us! But what's more; I told Sirius we had to use the Marauder's Map and not just enchant some other bit of useless parchment. I mean, we've basically memorized it. After all, how could we not? We made it, yeah? So, we're leaving this year. What good'll the map do us once we're out of Hogwarts? Filch doesn't destroy stuff like that. He stores it away in his own little cache of confiscated, dangerous, magical material. So we reckon that it'll be found someday by Hogwarts' future troublemakers. Of course, it's enchanted to react the way we would, and we'd do absolutely everything in our power to assist future troublemakers. They'll figure out how to work it, how to use it, and how to keep our legend alive, possibly until the end of time! Sirius couldn't just say no to something like that! The map is out of our hands now. They won't use it to discover us, and they don't suspect a thing!"

Lily stared at him, quite speechless. How on earth was she supposed to respond to an outburst like that? James was a genius. Somehow, he'd managed to out-maraud the Marauders! It was unbelievable! It was unthinkable! It was the most astonishing thing she'd ever heard before! "I… You… I…" She shook her head, lacking the words to express her incredulity. It was actually quite humiliating. "You did it…" James beamed, obviously quite proud of himself.

At this rate, they'd never be found out. The map wasn't an issue anymore… and they'd had two months' worth of practice concealing their relationship. Now, it was only a matter of time until they both felt ready to tell the world of the love they shared.

**ooooooo**

Lily had no idea how she'd managed to break away from James after that, but eventually she found herself back in the tutor room, assisting the first years in their studies. The rest of the night had swept by quite like a dream, from which she felt she'd only awake when she was back in the arms of a certain young Quidditch champion. Even when she'd climbed into bed, falling asleep literally, and dreaming, for once, of pleasant things, the universe itself felt surreal, as if she was set apart from it, watching instead of living. To live, she had to be with him…

The next morning, she woke up as she always did, dressed, and gathered her schoolbooks into her bag before setting off to breakfast downstairs. Her roommates all accompanied her, and she spent a good portion of the meal listening to them jabber on about the Marauders' latest strike, about the suits of armor marching out of the castle and into the lake, about Filch's supposed reaction, and about how Professor Dumbledore's timely arrival had managed to ward off any real catastrophe. Lily certainly didn't mind listening to all that gossip, but after awhile, she just wished to _be_ with the Marauders. Mere stories that happened to revolve around them no longer satisfied her. What were such words compared to James's actual presence? She had to be with him!

Since they were not, however, presently in the Great Hall that morning, her only consolation was brought by the arrival of several of the students' owls. Mail was coming, and there wasn't anything in the world that could distract a roomful of teenagers quite like news from home. Indeed, when one of the owls swept low over the Gryffindor table and dropped an envelop directly in front of Lily herself, all thoughts of James quickly fled her mind. Frowning, having not expected any mail, she picked it up and turned it around to see the sender's handwriting. It was…

_Petunia?_

Why in the world had her sister sent her mail? What could she possibly have to say after their last heartbreaking conversation? Petunia hated her! Didn't she?

Unable to breathe and unable to answer any of her friends' questions, she tore open the envelop, pulled out the folded sheet of paper, and began to read.

**ooooooo**

**A/N:** What a way to end the chapter! Sorry it took me so long to update. I had midterms this week, and I've been so busy studying! After all that, I'm definitely looking forward to your reviews, so please send some! Thank you so much!


	99. Never Give Up

**ooooooo**

_"Dearest Lily,_

_"I have the most wonderful news! News that I absolutely cannot bear to conceal from you. Vernon has asked me to marry him! I wish I could describe to you in words the joy I feel. We've set a date for the first week of December, and though I know all too well just how soon that day will come, after a life like ours, there's nothing I want more than just a fast, simple, normal wedding. Only family is to be invited. And then I shall be living in a household of my own, where I will be happier than I have ever been before._

_"Please come home, Lily. The Fletchers are all close enough to both of us to be considered family, but in truth… you, Lily, are the only family I have left. You've always been my little sister. I can't imagine spending the rest of my life without you. I need you to come. I need you to be in my wedding. I need you to be a part of my future. Forget magic, Lily. Be my sister again, so that I don't have to do this alone._

_"I do love you. We can be close again, as we were when we were children. Before mum and dad died. We used to dream of having normal lives, don't you remember? Well, now we can. I've been holding onto that for so long, Lily. Don't let our dream wither away into nothing! Be a part of it. Come home. Come home and stay where you belong. We'll be together. You'll be safe. And though it might not be as glamorous a life as you've grown used to, I promise you you'll be happy. And that's the only wedding present I could ever ask for._

_"Please, Lily. Do this for me. Don't ruin my wedding day, but make it the happiest day of my life. Make it the first of many. For the rest of our lives, be more than just my sister. Be my best friend. Only you can, Lily._

_"Love, Petunia."_

Hilda was staring at her. Phyllis and Cora were both staring at her. Daphne was staring at her. In fact, everyone who was present at the Gryffindor table seemed to have noticed her look of complete and utter disbelief slowly melting into shock, and they were all staring at her. They were curious. They were concerned. They wanted to know the contents of that mysterious letter, having quite forgotten all about the Marauders and yesterday's spectacular parade, courtesy of the Hogwarts suits of armor. It did not take long at all for one of the fifth years – Cora's best friend – to try leaning over Lily's shoulder to get a better view of the penned writing. They couldn't see it!

Panic made her head spin. Jumping to her feet, she folded the letter quickly and clutched it to her chest. What was she supposed to do? Her friends all looked stunned, and several began to ask whether or not she was okay. It wasn't so unusual for students to get word from home that something terrible had occurred – after all, there was a war going on out there. Oftentimes, mail delivery could be the worst part of the day, and by the way she was reacting right now, she knew without a doubt that absolutely none of her friends would ever guess she'd received word of her sister's engagement. They couldn't find out. Not like this. Not until she knew… What was she going to do? Where was James?

"Excuse me," she whispered, scrambling from the table. Several faces turned to watch as she hastened towards the Entrance Hall, but she couldn't look at any of them. Petunia wanted her to go home. Petunia wanted them to be close again. But… had they ever truly been close? And would this truly change anything between them? Was there still hope? After all this time?

_"I'll find a way."_

That's what Petunia had said when Lily swore there was no way to keep her from returning to Hogwarts. Hogwarts was her home. Hogwarts was where she needed to be. It wasn't that the magical world was "glamorous," because, in all honesty, there was nothing glamorous whatsoever about a world at war. It was terrifying, horrible, and dangerous. Lily would have given anything to live the life Petunia was offering, where the two of them were friends, where she was safe, and where everyone was happy. But that wasn't possible. She couldn't renounce the magic that was inside her. She couldn't just pretend she wasn't a witch! Hadn't she told Petunia what would happen if she tried? The magic was a part of her. Without it… she feared she'd suffocate…

She couldn't have this argument again. It had hurt too much the first time. What was she supposed to do? Petunia was her sister! She was getting married! Married… to Vernon Dursley. An obese man who was several years older than her and who worked at a… at a firm that made drills. Drills. Lily knew she couldn't judge him, for she barely knew him, but there was something about him that just made him seem like a very unpleasant sort of fellow. And he was to be her brother-in-law!

_It doesn't matter who she's marrying! As long as she's happy… _She deserved to be happy, having been miserable for by far too long. But… even if she wasn't, at this point, Lily had absolutely no say in the matter whatsoever. She and Petunia were practically estranged, and even if Vernon Dursley turned out to be Jack the bloody Ripper, Lily had no more of a right to try tearing them apart than her sister did trying to tear her apart from James! The fact was they were the last two left in their family. Without each other, in a way, they'd be alone. Lily had James and Petunia had Vernon, but it didn't matter. They'd still be alone. They'd be alone, and nothing could change that. Nothing… except for…

_"Be my sister again, so that I don't have to do this alone."_

Was that too much to ask? All Petunia wanted was the rest of her family. Maybe she'd forgiven Lily for whatever crime she'd once thought had been committed against her. Yes, she must have. That's why she'd sent such an invitation. She was holding out her hand, and all Lily needed to do was reach out and clasp it. And, after that, never let it go. They could be together.

Petunia… The last time Lily had seen her, she'd been in so much pain. She had fought against her like a wounded animal. Like a wounded animal that was slowly bleeding to death, barely holding on. But even then, all she had wanted was for Lily to be with her. All she had wanted was for them to recover. To be sisters again. And Lily… She had chosen magic over her own family. She had done this to Petunia. She didn't deserve to be called "dearest" by anyone! It wasn't fair.

Strength. Fortitude. The ability to keep striving… to keep living… It comes from a purpose… What purpose? Love? How could Lily say she loved anyone when she couldn't even claim her sister's friendship? Tears prickled in her eyes, but she refused to let them fall. Who did she think she was? Petunia believed she'd abandoned her. Petunia believed that, even now, she was gradually forgetting all about her home. Her real home. Not Hogwarts, but with the Fletchers outside London. Petunia half-expected the day to come when Lily would choose the magical world over her family utterly and completely. And yet… she had still managed to write this letter… calling Lily home… giving her one last chance to prove how important family was to her… to prove that nothing would ever come between them.

But if Lily went home…

What about James? Could she abandon him for the sake of Petunia? Or… for his sake… must she abandon Petunia? He had done so much! He had come so far! He had changed himself… bettered himself… and a part of Lily suspected he'd done it all for her. She knew how much he loved her… and she knew how terribly she loved him. Could they live without each other? Of course they could… He was strong, and she…

Bloody hell. She wasn't good at this. How many poor decisions had she made last summer, thinking – hoping – that she was in the right? How many mistakes had she made that she could never take back? She had risked her life at St. Mungo's! She had hurt James… His father had died, and she would never meet him. He was gone… and nothing she could do would ever change that. Or fix it. She'd been a miserable wreck, and if she wasn't careful, it would happen all over again. Petunia was her sister! Hadn't James praised her for refusing to give up on people? And for always giving them the chance they deserved? Apparently, she helped everyone. Why then, for the love of god, couldn't she help her own sister? Petunia…

She had been walking down one of the castle's many corridors. Stumbling to a halt, she proceeded to lean against the side of the wall, and then to slowly slip to the floor. Unfolding Petunia's letter, she read it and reread it and reread it again, memorizing it while trying harder than ever not to cry. Her tears stung like acid and she didn't want them burning her face, though she knew it would serve her right. After so many years, how could she not have… how could she not…? What was she supposed to do?

_Learn from your mistakes. Do it right this time. Get someone's advice._ She couldn't think straight. Petunia… or Hogwarts? How could she make such a decision on her own? The mere thought of staying at school already made her feel guilty. She couldn't chose magic over her own family, could she? But what about James? The mere thought of leaving school made her feel just as guilty as staying! Whatever she did, she'd be in the wrong. There had to be… another way. There just had to be! Perhaps Professor Dumbledore… could think of something…

Jumping to her feet, Lily wiped her eyes and started towards the stairs. It was so hard to think… Why, when she was finally starting to be truly happy, did something like this have to happen? Vernon Dursley… Why did he have to go and propose to Petunia? Why? It wasn't _fair_!

She could hear the sound of voices long before she arrived outside Professor McGonagall's office door. Someone was shouting. What time was it? Classes didn't begin for another half an hour, but if Professor McGonagall had gotten into an argument this early in the morning, it didn't matter if classes begun now or in five hours. She'd be out for blood, and her students would all be miserable. They'd probably be given an overload of homework, and points would probably be deducted from every house. Lily, however, couldn't help but wonder if that would make even the slightest bit of difference to her after today.

The door to Professor McGonagall's office was closed, and she found herself hesitant to knock. Was that… was that Professor Willow?

"Minerva, I gave the Headmaster my word she-!"

"I suggest you think very hard about presuming what I-!"

"I don't make presumptions, Minerva!"

"Professor Dumbledore agreed to your so-called 'inspections' on the sole provision that Miss Evans never found out-!"

"And she never did!"

"And she never will!" Professor McGonagall had never sounded, in all the time that she had taught at Hogwarts, so severe. "Understand, Beverly Willow. When Albus Dumbledore chooses a word, he chooses it with great care. And when he says 'never,' he means never." Lily, having stiffened at the sound of her name, now began to quiver. What was going on? Why her? Why now? She glanced down at the folded letter in her hands, and felt a sudden urge to just scream and shout and throw an angry, furious, frustrated tantrum. Why? Why? Why?

"You cannot think to shelter her forever? She is a legal adult-!"

"She is still a child!"

"She will be graduating this spring!"

"And until then, you are not to put any ideas in her head!"

"I am her teacher! She asked me for guidance! I certainly didn't impose it upon her!"

"How fortunate for you, Beverly. If you had, it would have been your last act as a professor at this school."

"I don't answer to you, Minerva! And at the end of the year, I won't even answer to the Headmaster! Miss Evans will have graduated, and you will no longer have the authority or even the power to dictate her life. If she chooses to accept what I intend to offer her, it will be quite out of your hands, and the best for everyone."

_Her choice?_ Didn't she have enough choices already? There were… too many… She couldn't sift through them all. She couldn't even keep up with them all. What was she doing here? She felt like she was drowning…

Pushing the door to the office open, she barged inside without so much as even a knock. Professor Willow and Professor McGonagall – both of whom were standing on either side of a very large desk that was littered in student essays – jumped in surprise. Professor Willow whirled around to face the girl even as Professor McGonagall hastened around her desk in growing alarm. "For the love of god, Miss Evans! What are you doing here?"

Hadn't she just asked herself that question? Lily shook her head, trembling quite visibly as she stared at both women angrily. What right did they have? Talking about her behind her back? Manipulating her? Did they think she hadn't heard? Did they think they could hide this from her? Maybe she should go home after all just to spite them! How dare they?

"Miss Evans?" Professor Willow stepped towards her in concern, but stopped short when Lily flinched, backing away. "Miss Evans, what's the matter? Are you all right?" She shot the woman a glare that could not have been mistaken for anything other than pure, disgusted scorn. She wasn't thick, after all, and it was insulting to think that her Defense Professor hoped to divert her attention with a mere inquiry after her health!

"'What's the matter?'" she asked furiously through gritted teeth. "Shouldn't I be asking you that question?" Professor Willow opened her mouth to respond, but Lily overrode her, turning to Professor McGonagall. She didn't want to hear their excuses. The only thing she wanted… at that particular instant… was to go home… "I need to speak to Professor Dumbledore. It's urgent. May I please have the password to get up to his office?" Professor McGonagall pursed her lips in a fashion that indicated her extreme displeasure.

"I am afraid Professor Dumbledore is unavailable, Miss Evans," she informed the girl, having the decency to sound at least slightly apologetic. "The Minister of Magic requested a consultation. Even as we speak, he is on his way to London." Lily turned her head, unable to face either women. She had half a mind to run right out of the office; there were plenty of other teachers she could go to for advice, weren't there? Professor Flitwick. Professor Slughorn. She'd spent a great deal of her summer holiday with Madam Pomfrey, hadn't she? Anyone of them would be glad to offer their help!

But… they certainly weren't Albus Dumbledore. They weren't even Professor McGonagall!

"Miss Evans, is there some way in which either I or Minerva may be of assistance?" Professor Willow asked her cajolingly, as if she were five years old. So much for her being an adult, then. She shot the woman another bitter glare.

"Stay away from me. And when Professor Dumbledore gets back, tell him I would like very much to see him." With that, she spun on her heel and shot out of the office. However, she didn't even make it halfway down the corridor before she heard her two professors' argument picking back up again, louder and fiercer than before. She wouldn't have expected such behavior from Professor McGonagall, and could only imagine that she must strongly, strongly dislike Professor Willow. And it was all because of her. Their disagreement was over her. Those tutorial inspections… They had had something to do with something Professor Willow wanted for Lily after her graduation. And Professor McGonagall had assured her they wouldn't affect her only because neither she nor Professor Dumbledore wanted them to affect her. All of this was because of her.

Professor Willow had tried teaching her strength… had tried teaching her fortitude… But for what? A means to gain her trust? The only Defense Against the Dark Arts professor Lily had ever trusted was Fanny Campbell, and at this rate, she would be the only Defense Professor Lily ever trusted, period! But… she would be damned before she let herself fall victim to another Charlie Pryce!

Charlie Pryce? There wasn't any time for this! She had to figure out what to do about Petunia! Petunia…? Or James…? Magic…? Or family…?

But what about Professor Willow? What did she want with her? What was this all about?

Masquerades…

Black robed reapers…

Dancing in circles…

Spinning…

Completely out of control…

She couldn't stand…

She was falling…

Lily collapsed onto the ground in the middle of the corridor. She curled up, now no longer able to keep from crying. At any moment, there would be any number of students pouring through those halls like a bloody tidal wave, and yet she couldn't bring herself to move. If only she had James's invisibility cloak… She wanted to hide under it. She wanted to hide from the world. Tears of anger and frustration poured down her face, and as she attempted to dry them, her hands quickly became soaking wet. If she was seen like this… it would be awful… but she didn't have the will to move. She had nowhere to go. If she chose Petunia, would she ever see James again? But if she chose James… would Petunia ever forgive her? Hadn't she already made her choice? Why was it being thrown back in her face like this? And what had happened to the resolve she'd possessed on the first of September, when she'd chosen magic?

It was easier when Petunia hated her. It was easier when Petunia said she'd never speak to her again. But in that letter… she'd called Lily "dearest." In that letter… she'd invited Lily home. It's what she wanted. It's what she had always wanted. To be loved by her sister. To just… To just _have _a sister! Who wasn't adopted… Petunia was offering her that. And she was offering it in a way Lily just couldn't refuse. She didn't want to…

"Lily?"

The girl looked up weakly and, through her tears, she could see James. He was in the corridor before her, standing in front of Sirius and Peter. Remus had pushed his way through to stand beside the bespectacled boy, and all four of them were staring at her in something that was reminiscent to absolute horror. She could only imagine what they must be thinking, seeing her like this. It was all she could do to not start moaning like Myrtle.

James was at her side in a heartbeat. Falling to his knees, he practically scooped her up into his arms, and she responded by throwing her own around his neck. "I can't do it anymore, James! Petunia's getting married. She wants me to go back home permanently! The teachers are trying to use me for something, and Professor Dumbledore's not here to help! I'm just one person! I can't-! I can't-!" She shook her head, burying her face in his chest. How had it come to this? "I don't want to leave you, James! I love you so much!"

_I love you so much!_

She groaned, closing her eyes miserably while pressing even closer to her protector. She didn't want to look at Remus. She didn't want to look at Sirius or Peter. Was it possible they hadn't heard her? No. She could feel James stiffen. She could feel his body shift as he glanced over his shoulder towards his friends. She could feel him… She could feel his heart beat.

"It's okay," he told her, stroking her hair rather soothingly with his hand. "You aren't alone. You don't have to cry. I love you, too." He gently kissed the top of her head. "Just say the word, Lily. I'll see to it myself, personally, that neither your sister nor any one of the teachers ever bothers you again. I'll do whatever you want. Just don't cry…"

"But I want her to love me!" Lily objected pitifully. "She's the only family I have left, and I don't understand why so many complete strangers start caring about me when she, of all people, doesn't! Look!" She pulled far enough away from James to hold up Petunia's folded letter between them. But, as she did so, she couldn't fail to notice the sudden, unexpected privacy they were both sharing. "Where did…? Where did…?"

"Moony and Wormtail doubled back, and Padfoot went on ahead to stand guard and make sure no one bothers us," James told her quietly, taking the letter from her hands and unfolding it to read. Lily stared at him silently for several long, long minutes, watching his brow furrow, his eyes narrow, and his mouth twist in disgust. She imagined he was picturing Vernon Dursley, having met him the summer before their sixth year. She imagined him picturing the man as her brother-in-law, and understood his loathing. But there was more to it. There was also Petunia's unspoken ultimatum… that Lily must forsake her magic… or be disowned.

At last, James looked up from the letter and caught Lily's tearful gaze. He looked, at once, indignant and compassionate. Angry and sympathetic. "She might have done very well in Slytherin. Lily… she's not being honest. You must know that. Even if she thinks she is herself, she's just… deluding herself. 'I can't imagine spending the rest of my life without you… I need you to be a part of my future… Don't let our dream wither away into nothing…'" He shook his head, thoroughly disgusted. "Lily… She's pinning this all on you! She's making you responsible for it, as if she's not to blame."

Lily trembled. "It doesn't matter who's to blame. She wants to put it behind us." That's why she had sent the letter, wasn't it? The truth was… that's why Lily _wished_ she had sent the letter. The truth was… "I would do anything for her. I want to, James. I want to see her smile again. I can't even remember the last time I heard her laugh!"

"Of course that's what you would want," James told her, smiling fondly – though quite humorlessly. "She's your sister, and you love her." She looked away from him, her heart constricting as he reached for her shoulders and pulled her close to him. He wrapped his arms around her. "I remember what you told me. You told me I didn't know how to love. I put down my friends to make myself look cool and popular, when I should have tried to elevate them. Petunia is demanding you to put yourself down – because that's exactly what you'd be doing if you gave in to her and sacrificed your magic. The fact that you're willing to… That's love by your own definition. Your sister… She's not returning it, Lily. She's not even trying to. She expects your complete and utter devotion without once even considering how she might just accept you for who you are. It's not right, and you can't just… pretend that it's okay."

"I know," Lily whispered, crying silently into his shoulder. "That's why it's so hard." What more could she do for Petunia? Hadn't she made every effort? Hadn't she tried whenever she was home to put an end to this horrific mess? She loved her sister! But the truth was… if Petunia loved her back, she wouldn't care about the magic. Lily had tried everything. But that letter… it proved that all her efforts were for naught. "You said I never gave up on anyone…"

"So don't give up," James tenderly encouraged her. "Never give up. I mean, it's not like you won't ever see her again, Lil. We've all still got years and years and years and years and years ahead of us! There'll be plenty of time for you two to recover. You'll see. One day, the three of us will all look back on this and laugh that we could ever have been so bloody pig-headed! Petunia in particular. And then… she'll make us something extremely good to eat, and we'll all live happily ever after! Sans Vernon Dursley, of course." He chuckled quietly, but when Lily didn't, he sighed and held her as closely as he could. "Just don't give up. Don't give up, and don't give in."

**ooooooo**

**A/N:** Now that was one tough chapter to write, so I'm expecting a lot of reviews! Thanks so much!


	100. Surprise

**ooooooo**

It had grown quiet. A hush had fallen over both James and Lily as they sat in the middle of that castle corridor clutching each other tightly, as if they were two anchors fastening each other to this turbulent world that so often brought such pain. James was still holding Petunia's letter, and for that, Lily was grateful. She didn't want it back, and she never wanted to see it again. That her sister could even think about asking… made her stomach squeeze, tighten, and constrict while turning into several angry knots. It hurt and so she cried, but with James there, it slowly became more bearable. As he held her… she felt herself slowly starting to heal… and it brought her some peace.

A sudden explosion down the hall, however, proceeded to interrupt her newfound tranquility. The entire place seemed to shake, and though Lily was already on the ground, she still would have been thrown had James not been there to steady her. She stared up at him in horror. "What was that?"

He didn't have time to answer her, or even to speculate, really, for at that precise instant, Sirius came running down the hall, practically grinning from ear to ear, with his wand held securely in his fist. When he saw James and Lily, he stopped short a moment and just stared at them wondrously; what a sight they made! Sitting on the floor with their arms around each other! Prongs, who was smitten with a sixth year! And Lily, who had long since declared her undying hatred for the bloke! It really made no sense whatsoever to the Black, and so he started running in place, gesturing wildly for them to get up. "Come on! Come on! Come on! Confetti's not going to delay those two witches for very long!"

"Professor Willow," Lily whispered, staring up at Sirius in horror while James climbed to his feet. Of course, both she and Professor McGonagall would be headed this way to get to their individual classrooms. It was, after all, almost time for lessons to begin, and if they didn't hurry, they'd all be late. Lily couldn't believe… it felt like only a minute had gone by! She didn't want to see those women! After the confrontation they had had, to be seen again in a condition such as this would have easily been devastating.

James, however, was already a step ahead of her and quickly pulled her to her feet. "It's gonna be all right, Lil. This is merely something that we like to call a tactical retreat. We do it all the time, really, and the only thing you gotta remember is pretty much to just run." Sirius was already off, bolting down the corridor as fast as was humanly possible. Lily stared after him in wide-eyed shock before glancing at James, who could only shrug. Sirius was not the kind of guy who normally ever fled like that. Normally, he was the one who needed to be reminded that it was time to flee. "I reckon… Considering the magnitude of that explosion, he must have really, really overdone it. Wouldn't surprise me any if McGonagall's buried alive in paper and ribbons. Come on, we have to go!"

Lily's legs were still shaking considerably from the shock she'd been put through by Petunia's letter and the argument between her professors, but she somehow managed to nod. James wrapped an arm around her waist and, together, they hastened after Sirius. Turning a sharp corner, they came upon Remus and Peter, who were both looking more or less agitated, particularly the latter. Having just been warned by Sirius – of all people! – to get out of there as quickly as they could, they definitely felt they were cutting something or other rather close, and yet… they were still there, waiting for James and Lily.

"Prongs!" Remus took several steps towards the pair the moment he caught sight of them, his brow furrowed in obvious contemplation. "I…" He glanced at Lily, but… she turned her head away, trying to catch her breath. What must he think of her now? They should have told everyone back on the first day of September! They shouldn't have kept it secret! How were they supposed to explain all this? Remus looked back at James, who seemed to be daring his friend to say anything whatsoever. What right did he have? He, who was quite possibly attempting to keep the greatest secret Hogwarts had ever known from the rest of the student population? He, who had lied to his best friends – his only friends! – over the course of their entire first year? Who was he to judge them?

Remus, however, must have been asking himself the very same questions, for he quite suddenly glanced over his shoulder to stare down the corridor before looking back at them urgently. "I heard it from a fairly reliable source, who just went zipping thataway, that we ought to be on the run right now?" Lily started, snapping her head up sharply to look at Remus in surprise. He smiled at her sympathetically and, for the first time, she found herself capable of smiling back. He wasn't angry!

"Yeah," James jerked his head in acknowledgment while holding up a hand he had meant to run quickly through his hair; a hand that was, however, still grasping Petunia's letter. He glanced down at it in disgust. This was all _her_ fault! It was too bloody early in the morning to already be on the run like this! Behind him, he thought he could hear two very angry, very familiar voices. Willow and McGonagall. They were coming! "Bloody hell. Someone ought to teach Padfoot a bit of subtlety!" Remus laughed harshly; like that would ever happen!

"We should go," Lily whispered frantically. What did they think were they doing, waiting around like this? Did they actually enjoy such close encounters? She couldn't… she just couldn't be there when the professors arrived!

"Come on," James urged her down the corridor after Sirius, with both Remus and Peter at their sides. A couple of the portraits they passed were laughing quite cheerfully as friends from other paintings dropped in to visit. Lily wished she could just hop into a painting; what wonderful places she could find to hide. Eventually, they came to a set of stairs that led down into a sizable stream of students walking from the Great Hall to class. Sirius seemed to be waiting for them there, sitting perched up on the balustrade at the foot of the stairs. When he saw his friends finally catching up, another wide grin crept across his face.

"Well now!" He jumped off the balustrade and casually sauntered the rest of the way over to them. He seemed so smug Lily felt her cheeks start to burn. "If it ain't Mr. and Mrs. Prongs! I reckon, first of all, you two'll be playing hooky trying to work this one out, and then, after that, congratulations will be in fine order."

_Trying to work this one out…? _

James raised an eyebrow. Lily blinked. They both looked at each other, but neither one of them knew quite what to say. The way Sirius had chosen his words… There wasn't anything they needed to work out! Was there?

"Lily, you don't actually love Prongs, do you?" Peter whispered, taking a step towards the girl without meaning to attract anyone else's attention. It didn't take him particularly long to realize how completely and utterly he'd failed, however, for James, Sirius, and Remus all immediately turned to stare at him. Flustered, he shrank backwards in dismay. "I mean… I just… er… I thought you… I… uh… just friends?" His face turned as beat red as Lily felt her own was. They were all looking at her now, expectantly, and what was she supposed to say?

"I guess there's really no point in hiding it any longer," she finally allowed, sighing as she stared at the floor. It had originally been James's idea to keep their relationship hidden, so… was it really her place to make such a statement? Shouldn't it be James's call? There might have been a chance for them to deny everything, if she had only been in a state of mind to think up a creative, convincing excuse! But… after a morning like that… between Petunia, Professor McGonagall, and Professor Willow, she was just too tired… too tired and too upset. And yet, at the same time, why did it all feel like she was slowly waking up from a wearisome, placid dream… and into a new consciousness that was ever on the move, alive, and so exhilarating? Like when she'd been on James's broomstick, and had finally, finally, removed that blindfold?

_What's next?_

"No point in hiding it?" Sirius was staring at her in what appeared to be extreme amusement. "You've been hiding it, Evans? For how long, if I might ask?"

"Forget it, Padfoot," Remus growled, cutting in before anyone else had a chance to speak. "That isn't any of your business. You're asking questions not even Prongs has the answers to yet!" James coughed, falling back a step in what was obviously a mixture of astonishment and a tiny hint of guilt. Catching himself, he glanced back at his friends with a rather sheepish smile.

"All that running," he said, shaking his head while attempting to sound as typically laid-back as possible. "Knocks the wind right outta you! I think I need to get back into shape, yeah?"

"Prongs…?" Sirius was staring at the boy suspiciously, and not without reason. The look on James's face did not, in anyway whatsoever, speak of ignorance. And while wearing an expression like that, Lily doubted very much he'd be able to convince even a first or second year that he'd been oblivious to her feelings all this time. He was about to get caught, and Sirius would no doubt be the captor. "You…? You didn't know about this, did you?"

"How could he?" Peter demanded, looking anxiously back and forth from Sirius to James. "He's been sweet on a sixth year. If he'd known Lily… you know… then he would've… by now, surely!" The boy scratched his head, apparently confused by his own logic. Confused… or just embarrassed by it all.

But Remus was nodding. "He's got a point, you know." The three of them looked thoroughly stumped, and so they all turned towards James and Lily for explanations. It was slightly incredible. Somehow, the two of them had managed to weave together such a web of detailed deceit that not even the infamous Marauders could see through to the truth that was standing right before their eyes.

James sighed, shaking his head. Though he wasn't exactly what one would call well acquainted with confessions, especially when it seemed he had a chance to talk his way out of one, these were his friends. Maybe it was time to come clean, and so he gently pulled Lily in front of him, wrapping his arms around her waist while resting his head upon her shoulder. "The truth is, there never was a sixth year."

"What?" Sirius and Peter both blinked, but Remus, having already figured that much out, opened his eyes wide in dawning realization. "No way…"

Everyone turned to stare at the boy, who then started stuttering in absolute shock. Slowly, he managed to hold up a trembling finger, which he pointed at Lily. "You said…" He gasped, moving the finger towards James's head. "YOU!" By that time, the hall had grown more or less completely empty, the other students having all gathered in their individual classrooms. It was nevertheless difficult for the five eldest Gryffindors to notice the quiet – and utterly impossible for them to notice a certain unlovable cat watching them silently from a distant windowsill.

"Easy there, Moony," James presently suggested, while releasing Lily and gently stepping in front of her. If Remus was reacting like this, he could only imagine how Sirius would take the news. "If you're reckoning what I think you're reckoning, then you're absolutely right, but you need to take a breath!" Remus' arm fell to his side and he swallowed a mouthful of air, looking back and forth between the two in open wonder.

Sirius glanced sideways at Peter, looking rather sour and extremely put out. "You ever feel like you're being completely and utterly and rather unfairly neglected by your best mates, Wormtail?" Peter shot him a glare that spoke louder than words, not that he particularly noticed or anything. For, by that time, he had hopped towards Remus and was bouncing on the balls of his feet with a pout on his face. "Out with it, then! What do you know that we don't, Moony?"

"Lily and I have been seeing each other since the start of the term," James spoke up before Remus could answer, and the response was immediate.

"WHAT?"

Lily half expected to see both Sirius and Peter fly through the roof. Their jaws had literally dropped open, causing their faces to look twisted in extreme shock, as they stumbled away from their ringleader. Sirius backed into the balustrade he'd been perched on several minutes ago, and Peter reached his arm out to steady himself on a nearby wall. Neither one of them seemed anymore capable of speaking than Remus himself.

Lily stepped forward, reaching for James's hand while standing at his side. "It's true. We've been keeping it a secret. I… I really don't know what to say…" Was it acceptable? Was it even understandable? The three of them just stood there gawking at her, as if someone had hexed those expressions permanently onto their faces. Why didn't they say anything?

"You know?" James was scoffing at them, as if he'd just remembered something highly entertaining. "You three are all incredibly gullible. I reckon Marauders just don't make good detectives, now do they?" Sirius bristled at that remark, and was about to retaliate when someone beat him to the punch.

"I might have known you'd be the ones out of class!"

Filch!

"RUN!"

"Run?" Lily stared at Sirius, wondering if he hadn't lost his mind. The caretaker had seen them! It was too late to run! They'd only just get into more trouble! But Sirius was already gone, and Peter too. Remus had somehow managed to make a break for the corridor beyond Filch, from whence the man had just arrived, without getting caught, and even now James was urging her to follow him back up the stairs. Of course, she didn't hesitate to oblige him, but she just couldn't understand what he thought they could get away with. "What are we doing? Where are we going?"

"Don't worry, Lil, it's not a problem!" James assured her as they scrambled up the stairs and sprinted hand in hand down the corridor back towards Professor McGonagall's office. "After six years of Marauding, I would think we'd all be more than capable of fending off a certain old goat like that! All we gotta do is find Peeves and pay him to try flinging the High Table out of the Great Hall! After something like that, Filch won't care about us until it's too late to prosecute!"

And so they continued to run without pause and without once looking back.

**ooooooo**

They wouldn't stop staring at her.

It was lunchtime, and a majority of the students attending Hogwarts had gathered in the Great Hall, ready to eat. The Marauders were no exceptions, but despite their readiness, Lily was left with the distinct impression that none of them would be eating anything anytime soon. She and James had completely skipped their morning classes, and after flying from Filch, they had taken extreme care not to be found again by their interrogators. But the morning was over now. James and Lily were sitting side by side, across the table from Sirius, Remus, and Peter, none of whom seemed willing to stop staring at her. It would have been better had they been yelling and screaming and shouting out in rage at having been so maliciously duped by their friends. But they weren't. Instead, they just kept right on staring.

"All right, that is bloody well enough!" James suddenly protested, and loudly at that, managing to attract quite a bit of attention. Several of the younger Gryffindors turned their heads to stare, but none of the Marauders seemed to notice. Lily sank slightly in on herself while glancing at James, who seemed thoroughly fed up. "Throw something like Remus' furry little problem in our faces, and we're all just fine and dandy!" It was Remus' turn to sink in on himself, his face reddening considerably. "But find out I've become the happiest man in the entire world, and suddenly _I'm_ the one who's got a greater problem than even his?" He jerked his head towards Remus, who had, by that point, slid almost entirely beneath the table. "How is that fair?"

"You don't seem particularly happy to me, mate," Sirius grumbled, fiddling with his wand while refusing to look James in the eye. "You seem more or less… slightly upset."

"Upset doesn't even cover half of it, mate," he retorted, stretching his legs out underneath the table to kick Sirius's shin. The boy jumped, looking terribly offended, but James wasn't through yet. "It was my idea to keep it a secret, all right? Lily had nothing to do with that. She wanted to tell you straight away. The least you could do is stop scowling at her!"

"I'm not scowling at anyone!" Sirius objected, pointing his wand at James. "And even if I was, it'd be your fault! At least Remus doesn't go around laughing at people behind their backs, savoring in their gullibility just because they don't know something he does!" The poor boy in question looked utterly horrified that Sirius would even suggest something like that while sitting in the middle of the Great Hall. "You have an awful lot of nerve, James Potter! I've got half a mind to slip you a bit of Veritaserum and see what else you've been lying to us about!"

James leaned forward cockily. "It wouldn't do you any good, mate! I'm not _stupid_ enough to get slipped Veritaserum! Unlike some people." Sirius scowled furiously and lunged across the table. However, he didn't even make it halfway before Peter dove onto his back and pinned him down. Everyone else jumped to their feet in shock, backing away from the two as Sirius squirmed and wiggled beneath Peter's weight.

"Get off me!"

"Get off him, Peter," James said calmly, gripping his own wand tightly in his hand. The boy looked up at him in horror, gulped, and slid off. By then, several teachers had arrived and were all demanding explanations as Sirius slowly righted himself back on the bench. For a moment, he didn't move. And then…

He grabbed a handful of chocolate pudding and chucked it straight at James's face. James immediately tossed out his wand arm, and the pudding changed directions. The next thing any of them knew, Professor Willow, who had appeared frighteningly close to Lily, was standing with chocolate spread out over the front of her robes. Sirius froze. James froze. The Gryffindors all gasped while Remus and Peter's mouths dropped open. The Hufflepuffs, Ravenclaws, and Slytherins all clambered to their feet, practically climbing over each other to see what had happened, and Lily found herself edging away from the Defense Professor, smiling despite everything.

"What is the meaning of this?" Professor Willow shrieked, turning furiously from Sirius to James, both of whom looked absolutely stunned. What had _she _been doing there? "You are supposed to be Head Boy, James Potter! And you, Sirius Black, are reputed to be his best friend! And yet here you are, looking for a fight! I would never have believed it. I demand an explanation!"

"We weren't fighting!" Sirius objected, glancing from Professor Willow to Professor Flitwick to Professor Slughorn, all of whom had gathered around the Gryffindor table in utter astonishment. Then, he glanced at James, who looked back at him in alarm. If they weren't fighting, how on earth were they to explain what they had been doing? Lily caught her breath, waiting just as expectantly as everyone else, but while also desperately trying to come up with a way to help.

"You weren't fighting?" The look on Professor Willow's face clearly assured them she wasn't fooled. "Then why is there chocolate pudding covering my robes?"

"Magical Baseball," James immediately replied, nodding his head soberly. The professor's eye twitched as he turned towards his blank faced peers. "My paper for Muggle Studies is all about muggle sports. Baseball's a game where one bloke chucks a ball at another, and to avoid getting hit smack-dab in the face, the other has to swing a bat, just like a Quidditch Beater. Then, he runs around the field to score points!"

"He runs around a field?" Hilda asked, standing farther down the table where she looked particularly unimpressed. "That certainly does sound like a challenge, now doesn't it?"

James ignored her completely, which only seemed to irritate her. "The thing is, in Magical Baseball, you have to use a levitation spell to send whatever you choose to substitute the ball with – in this case, chocolate pudding – flying straight out of the park in order to score your homerun!" He grinned at Professor Willow innocently, and though such a grin might have won over Professor Flitwick or Professor Slughorn, it seemed to have no effect whatsoever on her.

"You are quick on your feet, Mr. Potter. There's no doubt about that. But I've spent a great deal of time among muggles, and I can assure you with absolute certainty that even they punish students thoughtless enough to attempt playing Baseball indoors." James's smile vanished at her calculating words. "Furthermore, we all saw Mr. Pettigrew dive on top of Mr. Black to prevent him from starting an actual fistfight. Perhaps you mean to convince me that you merely wanted to practice a boxing match?"

"They're practicing their improvisational skills for a talent show, professor!" The words were out of Lily's mouth before she knew quite what she was saying. And then… everyone was staring at her. Again. It wouldn't have been so bad, had she not been confronting Professor Willow. As it was, she found herself unable to meet her antagonist's eyes.

Professor Willow and Professor McGonagall had been arguing…

Furiously…

About her…

She didn't know what to make of it, and that had distressed her. After all, she didn't exactly have a particularly good history with Defense Against the Arts Professors, now did she? And she had never seen Professor McGonagall – who had, last summer, personally taken such good care of her – ever so furious. It didn't add up. She had no reason to trust Professor Willow, and therefore couldn't just let the woman discipline James like this!

Besides… word in the corridors was that Peeves actually hadtried throwing the High Table out of the Great Hall sometime earlier that morning. After everything they'd been through since daybreak, what with the confetti and the caretaker, it really would be a shame if they got detention merely for fighting with each other.

Professor Willow was staring at her now in open confusion. "Talent show…? Miss Evans, I've not heard anything about a talent show?"

"No you haven't," Lily acknowledged, staring at her feet. She wished… she wished she could be having this conversation with anyone else. Professor Slughorn. Or even the Headmaster! The Headmaster… "That's why I wanted to see Professor Dumbledore this morning. The first years all had a lot of fun preparing for the masquerade, and now that it's over, I've been trying to come up with other activities they can help organize if they so choose. I was hoping to get Professor Dumbledore's approval." Though she wasn't able to look up at the woman, James was, and he most definitely saw a flash of curious skepticism cross Professor Willow's face. She didn't seem to believe the girl, who continued. "I asked James and Sirius to try a little bit of improvisation for me. They weren't actually fighting. They didn't mean for the pudding to go flying through the air like that. I guess they got carried away, and if you need to punish someone, I reckon it was as much my fault as it was theirs."

Sirius's mouth dropped open. James blinked, and then grabbed Lily's arm, pulling her backwards. Before he could say anything, however, Professor Slughorn threw back his head and laughed. Everyone started, turning towards him in surprise as he wiped a tear of amusement from his eye. "Now, now, Miss Evans, there's no need to punish anyone!" Relief immediately surged through her body, and she couldn't help but smile at the man so brightly that none could mistake the favor she bestowed on him. James glanced at Professor Willow, and saw her lips purse in such a way that immediately brought to mind a sour, resentful old bat as she, too, regarded the Potions master. What was going on?

"When Professor Dumbledore returns from his meeting, I shall personally make your request known to him!" Slughorn assured the girl, and she thanked him profusely.

Meanwhile, Sirius ducked under the Gryffindor table and came to stand beside James, whom he had no qualms whatsoever about elbowing as he whispered: "Listen to me, mate. That girl is one of a kind. If you don't marry her, you're never going to find anyone else." James stared at his friend in surprise, who smirked before elbowing him again while joining in Professor Slughorn's laughter.

**ooooooo**

**A/N:** A hundred chapters… Wow! Now that's a milestone! You all better review! I mean, seriously! A hundred chapters! This is such an incredible feeling. Thanks, everyone!


	101. Naïveté and Hope

**ooooooo**

A wildfire had started blazing throughout the castle's corridors. Wherever Lily turned, it seemed that word of her relationship with James had spread rapidly in a fiery conflagration. Nothing could compare with it. Not even talk of the upcoming talent! They'd had every reason to hide their affair, she was very quick to realize, for Remus, Sirius, and Peter weren't the only ones awed and overwhelmed by the stunning and quite unexpected revelation.

"They're seeing each other."

"It's so romantic!"

"Kept it secret."

"He's never had to work for anything in his entire life 'till he fell in love with her. You remember how much she hated him?"

"Figures."

"Why am I not surprised?"

"He always gets what he wants."

"Not even Black knew! Or Lupin! Or that other one!"

"It's like something you'd see in a movie! Or read about in a book!"

"Charming."

"Beautiful."

"Ironic."

"Hilarious!"

There were so many different reactions to the news that Lily couldn't keep up with them all. Back in September, she might have grown confused by the implications of such diversity, which would only have made it that much more difficult to solidify her relationship with James. The fact that he'd urged her to keep it secret only went to show considerable foresight on his part; they had had peace for over two months to learn who they were as a couple without anyone else's opinions bearing down on them. As embarrassing as it was hearing all that gossip, it had very little effect on her, and she was able to endure it with relatively good humor.

As far as the talent show went, Professor Slughorn was more than happy to oblige her in anyway that he possibly could. Of course, she had originally meant for it to be a project the first years could work on as they had the masquerade, but she quickly discovered they were by far more suited to actually perform in it than they were to work up schedules and make other necessary but oftentimes frustrating arrangements that could otherwise be done by an adult. Tutorials would no doubt quickly become periods in which students could practice and perfect their various acts when they weren't preparing for classes and exams, and Lily was definitely looking forward to that. The sooner they were all distracted by something, by anything, like this talent show for example, the sooner she and James would be out of the spotlight.

Shortly after recovering from the shock of having both her love discovered and a self-inflicted social event dropped on top of her, she found herself standing high up in the Owlery where she answered her sister's letter.

_"Dear Petunia,_

_"I would love to attend your wedding. I want to be a part of your life, and if you truly love Vernon, I wouldn't miss your day for anything. More than anyone else I know, you deserve to be happy, and I wish that for you. But I cannot and will not forget magic. I am a witch now, Petunia. You have to understand that it is just who I am and nothing will ever change that. Besides, even if I were to abandon it, I could never abandon James. I am sorry._

_"With all my love,_

_"Lily."_

It amazed her how much lighter she felt after watching James's owl, whom she had borrowed, soar away with the sealed envelop in tow. It was almost as if she had been washed clean of the dirt, soot, and grime that had been weighing her down, and was now revitalized. She knew Petunia would not be satisfied with such a response. The girl might even be resentful. Or hateful. But Lily had written those words from her heart, and there was such honesty in them that she felt guiltless, sincere, and genuine. Despite everything, she did not regret that letter, and could not imagine ever regretting it later in her life. Being true to herself… was there anything more she could do for Petunia without feeling fraudulent? No. The rest would now be up to the future Mrs. Dursley.

"How do you feel?" James had asked her later that night, when she returned to the Gryffindor common room where everyone seemed to be watching and listening from the edge of their seats. She couldn't help but wonder how soon it would be before either one of them regained even a bit of their privacy; the thought of fame was not at all appealing.

"I feel like my problems are all solved," she assured him, though more for her eavesdroppers' sakes than for his own. The truth was she still had one more problem to puzzle over, and one that was several times more intimidating than any of her previous ones at that. It involved two certain and unique professors, both of whom seemed to have taken quite a bit of interest in her life while trying not to appear overtly conspicuous about it.

Professor Willow and Professor McGonagall. In the days that followed their astonishing argument, Lily went to great lengths and took considerable pains to avoid them both. She almost wished James hadn't surrendered the Marauder's Map, for she could certainly have made use of it in the hallways where Professor Willow seemed to have taken root. It was hard enough getting out of the woman's classroom without being asked to wait a moment after for some kind of unwanted explanation. At least she had James to help supply her with excuses as to why she could not whenever she was asked.

"I have to admit, Lil, I don't understand why you're avoiding her," he told her once after one such escape. Professor Willow had sounded, and had even looked, so pathetically concerned about the girl's quite obvious relapse into open resent that she had implored Lily to give her five minutes after class so they could "just talk." Now, as they made their way down the school corridor, James regarded her with similar concern. "She's not a bad guy. Otherwise, Dumbledore wouldn't have hired her. Don't you want to know what's going on with her and McGonagall?"

"Of course I do," she said sharply, knowing how strange it must seem to him that she could possibly hold a grudge against a teacher. "But at the same time, I'd rather not. Obviously, unless I completely misunderstood the nature of their argument, Professor Willow has some kind of use for me, and instead of venturing into a web of intrigue, a part of me would rather just have nothing to do with it." It was a childish hope that if she ignored everything, it would all go away, but apparently she wasn't the only one nurturing it. "Thank god it's just her on my back. I don't know what I'd do if Professor McGonagall was looking to dish out explanations as well."

James smiled. "If it were McGonagall, you'd get an explanation whether you liked it or not." Which was probably true. The woman certainly did have more authority than anyone else at Hogwarts, with the obvious exception of Professor Dumbledore. But in this case, she seemed to have forgotten there had ever even been an argument, much less one that Lily had overheard. "Still, there's something fishy about it, and I'm naturally inquisitive. What use could Willow possibly have for you that McGonagall wouldn't approve of?"

"It has something to do with my tutoring," she noted, unable to keep from pondering James's painfully legitimate question. "Otherwise, she wouldn't have made all those inspections. But what really gets me is that there's no reason whatsoever for Professor McGonagall to criticize my teaching. I mean, she's a teacher herself! It doesn't make any sense." And something told her it wasn't going to until she got the definite answers she was hesitant to demand.

**ooooooo**

Word came from Carla that Petunia had not responded well to her letter at all. In fact, the older girl was once again refusing to even acknowledge her sister's mere existence, and certainly didn't want her attending her wedding if she was going to prove so stubborn. It was almost a shame that Petunia wasn't a witch. She might have been able to come up with a Howler that likes of which not even Mrs. Black would have been able to compete with. But then, she'd have no one to send it to if she truly meant to flat-out ignore the girl as much as Carla said she did. It hardly surprised Lily; in fact, she had almost been expecting it.

"So what?" Sirius asked as he, Remus, and Peter all sat by her side in the stands down at the Quidditch field, where they watched James and the rest of his team mounting their broomsticks for their first official practice of the season. "I've been disowned from my family. Personally, I don't think it's all that bad. I got friends who matter more to me than those bloody halfwits ever will." He shot both Remus and Peter a lopsided grin, and though Peter did seem appreciative, Remus just shook his head with a sigh.

"There's really no comparison, Padfoot," he told his friend in resigned disapproval. "Lily wants to be close to Petunia. It's not like you rejecting your family. It's more like…" He trailed off, paling considerably as he realized how terrible his words must sound. All three boys turned towards the girl, who quickly made it a point to follow James's bold, graceful, and astonishingly aerodynamic maneuvers upon the back of his broomstick with her eyes. They all knew what Remus had been about to say. Unlike Sirius, Lily wasn't rejecting anyone. She was herself the one being rejected.

Quietly, Remus reached for her hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. She looked up at him and recognized both the sympathy and the regret in his eyes. "I'm so sorry." They gazed at each other for a long time, words silently passing between them that neither Sirius nor Peter could possibly understand. More than likely, not even James himself would have been able to comprehend how much they shared, had he been there as well, instead of out in the sky. As it was, Lily could not deny the fact that she was indeed being rejected. She was a witch, and Petunia just couldn't stand that. But at the same time, Remus was also being rejected… After all, he was a werewolf, and a majority of the population inhabiting the entire globe couldn't stand that! Neither one of them could help what they were and, unlike the other three Marauders, they knew all too well the bitter taste of intolerance.

Lily smiled softly, squeezing his hand back. "It's okay. I've been holding on to a hope that my sister and I could somehow make it through everything despite everything for so long… I think it's time I let go. I mean, why suffer through it? Petunia needs time to figure out who she is, and that's a journey she'll have to make on her own."

"Do you think she can?" Peter asked, his interest in their conversation suddenly spiking considerably. Of course, there was more to his question than one might have, at first, realized. There was a lot more, and when Lily turned towards him, she recognized a hint of… desperation? …in his eyes. How sad it was that no one could go through life without suffering one's own internal conflicts. They were talking about Petunia… and yet so much of their conversation had absolutely nothing to do with her at all. It brought a heartfelt, heart wrenching smile to Lily's lips.

"Of course she can, Peter. She'll discover who she is, and she'll be proud of herself, and she won't remember why in the world she ever felt so bitter. I'll find her then, with her husband, and maybe she'll be a mom, and I'll be an aunt!" It was difficult not to brighten at such a prospect and, sure enough, Lily felt her face shining. "We'll be older and wiser, and we'll look back on these times in disbelief. James said it before; we'll have happy endings." Her. Petunia. Remus. Peter. Even James and Sirius, though no one would have ever doubted that much for them. It was the best they could possibly hope for. After all, without that, was life even worth living?

**ooooooo**

The first week of December came and then went, and Lily could not stop thinking about Petunia. Though Carla assured her she'd send pictures, what she really wanted was to be there herself. She wanted to see her sister in a white wedding gown. She wanted to see her sister walk down the aisle. She wanted to hear the toasts, not to mention the vows. Pictures – especially muggle pictures – just weren't enough to capture the beauty or the wonder of such a ceremony. They weren't nearly enough.

Classes had never been more difficult. What with N.E.W.T.s approaching, Lily was on overload, and James was spending more and more time at the Quidditch field getting in as much playing time as he could before they all left Hogwarts forever. The talent show was around the corner, and some of the acts she saw practiced during tutorials were – for a group of eleven year olds – quite impressive. One girl meant to sing _"You Charmed the Heart Right Out of Me," _which she claimed to have been taught by Celestina Warbeck herself. Life was definitely full of surprises.

Nevertheless, it wasn't talent shows or famous musicians Lily felt concerned with when she entered Potions that Thursday. It was instead her sister, and the wedding she was missing out on. James had promised her that one day they'd get married, and then it'd be Petunia's turn to get left out. Though it was meant as a joke and not normally the kind she would have appreciated, there was something about the way he said they'd get married that made Lily smile, however softly. Did she want to? With him? Maybe. It was definitely something to think about.

Her mind was in an absolute jumble, and she didn't at first notice that James and Sirius were sitting together side by side at one of the tables, exactly as they'd always been during the start of the term. Since the school discovered exactly how close the Head Boy and the Head Girl truly were, Sirius had sportingly agreed to pair up with one of the Slytherins, Baker, so that the young couple could brew their own potions together. It must have been an extremely painful sacrifice for them both, but the class had an odd number of students, so Baker had been working by himself up until then anyway, and when Lily hinted that she wanted to work with James, Professor Slughorn arranged it to be so without even once blinking his eyes. It was rather kind of him, but now, out of nowhere, Sirius was back in his old chair, and neither he nor James looked particularly happy about it.

"What's going on?" she asked, standing next to Sirius who looked up at her dully.

"Your beau's irritation is infectious."

By then, James had gotten to his feet. Irritation didn't even come close to describing the look on his face. Sirius's remark had most definitely been understated, and everyone who heard it knew it without a doubt. Lily frowned, quickly casting her gaze across the room in search of Professor Slughorn, who stood in the back corner next to Severus, for once completely unaware of both the girl and his other students as he leaned over the Slytherin's unrolled parchment and jotted down a few notes. Severus looked slightly affronted, not to mention slightly disgusted, and yet… when he caught sight of Lily looking at him, the corner of his mouth twitched in what might have been satisfaction.

James was at her side now, pulling on her arm. She glanced at him in confusion, suddenly regretting how she'd mulled so terribly over Petunia's wedding that she'd arrived to class later than everyone else. "James?"

"Slughorn's assigning us all different potions to brew for the end of the term," he explained to her in a hushed voice that wasn't quite able to quench his distaste. "Of course, he thought it'd be easier for me and Padfoot to get the job done satisfactorily if we were partners, probably since we're both Gryffindors who hate Slytherins and they're all Slytherins who hate Gryffindors. But you he wants working with Snape." Lily couldn't help but flinch at the severity in James's voice when he spoke that name. No wonder his foul mood was rubbing off on Sirius.

Before she could respond, however, Professor Slughorn had looked up, had seen her, and was now ambling his way back towards the front of the classroom in all his usual cheerfulness. "Lily! Good afternoon, dear girl!" James rolled his eyes with a scoff and Lily felt her face flush. But as luck would have it, their teacher didn't notice. "Now that we're all here, it's time to get started! Lily, you'll be working with Severus this time. I think he's closer to your level than Mr. Potter." James bristled visibly, but quickly recovered while glaring at Severus in absolute hate.

"You're right, professor, Snape's good at potions," he spat, crossing his arms in a forced display of cocky arrogance. "I reckon everyone has to have hobby, but he's still nowhere near good enough for Lily. So, in that case, she should just work by herself." Professor Slughorn stared at the boy with a furrowed brow, possibly wondering whether or not he'd heard correctly. Was he complimenting Lily? Or insulting Severus? Both students were his clear favorites, which made it rather difficult for him to either agree with or criticize the boy's remark. Meanwhile, Sirius had regained some of his good humor and was now trying not to chuckle, having already failed to keep a smirk off his face. Lily, however, could not believe what she'd just heard.

Of course, wishing that James and Severus could ever be friends would have been, without a doubt, asking for a miracle, but she had still hoped they might outgrow open hostility. Was he still so antagonistic towards the boy? She stared at him in shock. "Bite your tongue! It's just a bloody potion." He met her gaze, but did not look at all chastened. Instead, he slid his hand into hers and gave it a small squeeze, mouthing the words "Be careful." No one else noticed, however, for their attention was back on Professor Slughorn.

"I don't think anyone should be working alone on this assignment, Mr. Potter, regardless of their obvious proficiency. In fact, I'd rather have groups of three than groups of one." He gestured towards the pair of Slytherins Baker had joined, since the class did have an odd number of students. And then, he took hold of Lily's shoulder and gently steered her towards the back corner of the room where Severus was sitting, seemingly intent on his cauldron. She immediately felt the absence of James's hand in hers, and glanced back at him over her shoulder. From where he stood, he was watching unhappily and Sirius too, from where he sat, looked once again disgruntled.

"Here we are," Professor Slughorn said, cheerful as always, while pulling out a chair for Lily to sit down in. She took it without a word, glancing at Severus, who did not look back. Instead, he leaned over his book and scribbled something in the margin. By then, their teacher was at the front of the room lecturing to them all about the very complicated potions he wanted brewed. With a wave of his wand, a stack of papers lying on his desk rose up into the air and soared towards the students. They were sets of instructions, each describing a different potion, and the one that fell on Lily and Severus's table was for Felix Felicis – which gave its consumers astonishingly good luck. At first, she couldn't believe what she was seeing; that potion was not at all easy to brew. No wonder Professor Slughorn wanted her to work with Severus; if James got a hold of even an ounce of Felix Felicis, overconfidence would without a doubt go to his head, and the results could be disastrous.

Shortly after that, they were told to begin. Lily started sorting through the ingredients immediately, glancing at Severus from the corner of her eye. She had barely seen him since the night of the masquerade, and when they had worked together in class, he'd seemed even more reserved than usual, as if something were distracting him… or tormenting him. When Lily had started working with James, leaving him alone to fend for himself, a part of her had suspected he'd felt relief – though she couldn't even begin to fathom why. Was he hiding something from her as well? Like Professor Willow? She'd tried not to think about it, for there would always be aspects to the boy she couldn't know or comprehend. He was an enigma. And he was obviously more comfortable… more at ease… more relaxed… when she was not close to him.

Now, however, he kept looking at James. James, whose back was turned as he tensely worked on his own potion, sitting beside Sirius, who appeared no less rigid. They both must have felt Severus's look, and Lily was half amazed they did nothing about it. She found that she couldn't fault James for his cruel remark any longer, for he now actually seemed to be behaving. Instead, she looked at Severus. "How've you been? I feel like I haven't seen you in awhile."

He started, glancing at her slowly with his dark, arcane eyes. He seemed quite loath to speak, though the rest of the dungeon classroom was filled with conversation and he therefore would not have likely been overheard by anyone else. "You've been preoccupied." It was not an unreasonable observation.

"A lot's happened," she acknowledged, helpless to keep from picturing Petunia in a wedding dress. "My sister's getting married this week." She doubted very much a comment like that would interest the Slytherin whatsoever. Not only were Petunia and Vernon both muggles, but such personal exchanges had never seemed terribly appealing to him. And yet… he wasn't completely ignoring her.

"To a muggle?" His voice was barely audible and incredibly dry. He looked away from her then and tossed an ingredient into the cauldron. "I hope he never learns of magic. Such knowledge will no doubt turn him into a heartless troll." He sounded bitter… like one speaking from experience. Lily frowned.

"Why do you-?"

He looked back at her sharply, and there was anger in his eyes. She nearly choked on her question, and could not finish asking it. He looked more than just angry. He looked hurt. "There are reasons why some prefer the schism between our two worlds that so many fail to understand. Muggles can't be trusted to handle the concept of magic. They'd burn us alive. They brought Slytherin's hate, and the hate of so many others, upon themselves."

Lily immediately pictured her own two parents. "I think it would surprise you how many muggles find our world fascinating-"

"I've yet to meet one," he told her coldly. "And even if there was one, there'd be two more condemning it." Like Petunia. Lily felt her heart sink at the implications of such an assertion. Petunia wouldn't always be so embittered, would she? She was supposed to find acceptance, perhaps not now, but later. She was supposed to heal, so that they could someday be sisters again. Right? Severus must have seen the confusion, and the pain, in her eyes, for he turned away and focused once more on the cauldron. "I'm sorry. But I'm through with naïveté."

"There's a difference between naïveté and hope," she reminded him earnestly. "Don't you dare ever forget that, Severus."

**ooooooo**

He watched her rejoin Potter at the end of the hour. After waving goodbye to him, she took the bloody Gryffindor's hand and made her way out of the dungeon with Black following close behind. The other Slytherins went with them as well, already thinking about their next lesson and the rest of their afternoon. They were so oblivious… except for her.

She knew what he meant. She had almost believed him. There were muggles out there every bit as unforgiving as the darkest of wizards. But she saw the good in everyone. Instead of judging their kind by their faults and shortcomings, she saw through them to their strengths and virtues. Hell, she might even be able to find something about the Dark Lord himself worth pitying. She wasn't like anyone Severus had ever encountered before in his life.

Potter didn't deserve her. That lowlife scum didn't even come close. But then… who did? The important thing was that he wouldn't rip her apart for being what she was, like any common muggle would. She wouldn't suffer Severus's own mother's fate. And she… she would be safer with Potter… happier… than with anyone so attracted to the Dark Arts… like him.

Was there a difference between naïveté and hope?

He couldn't answer that. He didn't have the authority. After all, he had forsworn naïveté long ago… and when in his life had he ever experienced any hope?

**ooooooo**

**A/N:** I am so sorry for the delay! My family's computer died over vacation, and since school started back up again, I've been busy. Anyway… I've been working on this story for over a year now! That's almost as great a milestone as breaking a hundred chapters! I'm looking forward to all your reviews. They make my day. They seriously do. You're the best! Thanks!


	102. Secrets Revealed

**ooooooo**

The crescent moon and the stars overhead almost seemed to sparkle that morning, around two-twenty, when they were all supposed to be in bed. Rather than sleeping, however, Lily and the Marauders had ventured down to the Quidditch field outside, where Sirius, Remus, and Peter proceeded to play magical snow baseball. While one would scoop snow up with a levitation spell, another would intercept it with the same spell and send it flying in the other direction, where the third would have to seize it and hit the "batter" with it before he could make his way around the designated bases. They alternated positions, of course, to keep from growing bored, and seemed to be having the time of their lives.

James and Lily, on the other hand, were sitting on the ground quite some distance away, watching with their arms wrapped around each other. The field was buried under several feet of snow, and Lily knew she would have been freezing cold and soaking wet if it weren't for the picnic blanket she had charmed to repel it all. And in James's embrace, she felt quite sheltered from the late December weather – possibly even more so than she did inside the school's very corridors, drafty as they were. It was wonderful, and she couldn't help but laugh at Sirius as Peter somehow managed to hit him square in the back with a huge chunk of snow that sent him hard onto his hands and knees. The three boys were all stripped of their coats and even their scarves and gloves. How on earth they managed to keep warm was beyond her, but the nice thing about living at Hogwarts was that even if they did get sick, she knew over half a dozen potions that would heal them in under a single night. The only thing they needed to worry about was keeping up their endurance. After all, it was awfully cold outside.

"I think you four missed your shot," she said presently, peering up at James with a teasing smile. "Instead of stand-up comedy, you should have introduced them to muggle sports gone magical. I know all the muggle-borns would have found that incredibly interesting." She was, of course, referring to the talent show that had been held four nights ago, in celebration of the end of the term. It had been, in every sense of the word, a success; students were already planning to hold another one the following year. The only thing that seemed to have disappointed anyone was that Lily herself had refused to perform, claiming that she'd been by far too busy arranging the whole event to prepare for any sort of act whatsoever. The truth was, she stood in the spotlight far too often enough as it was already to desire even more attention by getting up on stage. She preferred anonymity, and sometimes found herself wondering why, if that was the case, she was dating the infamous James Potter, who was grinning at her now in extreme amusement.

"Meanwhile," he mocked, "athletes from the muggle community straddle their closet broomsticks and hop around trying to pitch a football through an upright hula-hoop, cheering for wizard sports gone muggle!"

"Right," Lily laughed. Like that would ever happen. A shout came from across the field, and she looked 'round to see Peter and Remus sprawled out on top of Sirius, whose face was now completely buried in the snow. Despite the darkness, she could make them out clearly and both boys seemed awed and elated to find themselves at such an advantage over their more mischievous friend. "Is it really a good idea for them to be shouting like that? Someone could hear." Though the holidays had started, most of the students had opted to remain at Hogwarts where they knew they'd be safe from the war. Curfew was without a doubt still in place, and they would without a doubt be punished should someone catch them out of bed. A part of Lily feared Professor McGonagall might start wondering why she slept in until noon these days when she never had over vacation in the past.

"Nah," James shook his head. "We're too far away for anyone at the castle to hear. I reckon we only have to worry about Hagrid, and he's probably in the forest right now. Besides, even if Filch or McGonagall or anyone else suspected we were out of bed, the Quidditch field's the last place they'd look for us, assuming we're up to no good somewhere inside the castle." It was almost as if he could read her mind… and she smiled at the thought. It made her feel bound to him.

"James," she said after awhile, once Sirius was back on his feet playing magical baseball again, as if nothing else had gone wrong.

"Hmm?"

"Can I tell you a secret? One that… that not very many people know about?" There was something hesitant in the way she asked which seemed to catch his full attention. He looked down at her with a frown, sensing that something wasn't right – once again like someone capable of reading her very thoughts. And they weren't necessarily pleasant thoughts, either…

She'd considered telling him so many times over the past few weeks, but even now, a part of her feared doing so. She didn't have to convince anyone she was an overly kind, compassionate young woman, for absolutely no one at the castle had failed to figure that out on their own. But… to the extent which she would suggest… would he believe her? Or would he laugh in her face while trying to assure her she was just exaggerating? Well, there was really only one way to find out, and she'd come so far already, having captured his attention, that backing out now wasn't exactly an option anymore.

"What secret?" he asked her, furrowing his brow contemplatively. No doubt he was trying to recall some kind of hint or some kind of rumor he might have overheard somewhere that might explain to him what she was talking about. "You can trust me with it." The assurance seemed to be more cajoling than anything else; he'd say just about anything to get her to talk. But she knew he wouldn't divulge her words to anyone – not even Sirius if she asked. Trusting him had never been the real issue, for she trusted him completely with all her heart.

"Do you remember back when we were thirteen?" she asked him quietly then, while staring out across the field so she didn't have to meet his perplexed gaze. "And Charlie Pryce had his poachers abduct me and Remus?"

"Like hell I'd ever forget that," he grumbled sourly, clearly not likely where this conversation was headed. Not liking it at all. He had been born a mischief-maker. He liked and greatly preferred things to be light and comical. The night Lily and Remus had been kidnapped, and that other night a year later, when the school had held that ball and Pryce had reappeared, ultimately resulting in Regulus's expulsion, had been two of the darkest nights James had ever experienced. He did not like to be reminded of them anymore than Lily herself did, and knew that whatever might follow now would not be at all entertaining.

"Did you ever wonder why he picked me?" she whispered forlornly, the answer to that question occasionally still plaguing her thoughts and dreams. It was rather easy to sense his gaze boring into her, and knew without a doubt what he was thinking. He wanted to know, but was more than willing to wait for her own readiness, understanding just how significant a conversation they were having. She took a deep breath. "The day my parents died, I was devastated. So devastated I lost control of my powers."

"That's understandable," he gently assured her. "You were only eleven years old."

"And apparently, I almost died myself," she said abruptly, sliding away from him in order to better wrap her arms around her legs. She closed her eyes, fighting back the tears she knew a magically charmed blanket wouldn't be able to keep from freezing to her lashes. "I lost consciousness, and when I woke, I was here in the hospital wing. The Headmaster was there, too, and Professor McGonagall. Since then, over the years, I've learned that my parents weren't exactly what you'd call ordinary muggles. They were fascinated by magic. They believed in it, and they searched for it, and they often discovered it, only to have the Ministry of Magic constantly adjusting their memories. But their persistence must have helped them develop some kind of small immunity to the Ministry's charms, and they eventually attracted a kind of magic that not even us witches and wizards often get to wield. An old, wild magic. My parents had it in them, and they apparently passed it on to me." She risked looking at him then, and under any other circumstances she probably would have been amused by the agape expression on his face. He looked positively stunned! "It gets better, believe me," she told him sourly, before continuing:

"Professor Dumbledore says I have a power inside me that is built entirely upon love. He calls it a gift. But for the longest time, I saw it as a curse, sometimes because it put my life in danger. Apparently, You-Know-Who doesn't believe such a power truly exists. He can't comprehend it. I guess he's never experienced that kind of love before." Upon consideration, it was almost heart wrenching… "But Professor Dumbledore believes in it, and the two of them argued about it. I heard it was quite the debate. Professor Dumbledore couldn't convince You-Know-Who of it, but nothing You-Know-Who said ever deterred him whatsoever."

James managed a tight, forced smile. "That probably frustrates the hell out of him."

He was taking her seriously. He wasn't questioning a word of it. Feeling considerably heartened, Lily smiled herself… though it was a rather bleak smile. "Pryce found out about both the argument and my gift. He learned it from Professor McGonagall. I remember him saying something about giving her a truth serum and then adjusting her memory so she wouldn't turn him in. But he assumed, since I have this power, that I might interest You-Know-Who a great deal. Depending on how impressive I am, I might either prove Professor Dumbledore right or wrong."

"NO!" James physically recoiled at those words, and faced her fully in obvious horror. "He's not after you, is he? He isn't going to hurt you?" The thought was a frightening one which made Lily flinch, but she shook her head.

"He doesn't know about me. No one knows about me except for Dumbledore, McGonagall, Fanny Campbell, possibly Madam Pomfrey and Professor Flitwick, and a few other members of the Order of the Phoenix, all of whom Dumbledore trusts. And Remus."

"_Remus_ knows?"

"He doesn't know all of it," she quickly assured the astonished boy, whose gaze had swept back out towards his snowball fighting friends. "And he understands even less. Just what the poachers said, and I'm pretty sure Professor Dumbledore made certain they wouldn't be able to speak about it to anyone else. And, thanks to Regulus, Pryce isn't exactly in a position to be telling anyone either. The secret's safe, and as long as it stays so, I'm of no more interest to You-Know-Who than any other common, muggle born witch."

"Yeah, well… that's not much of a comfort either," James grumbled, and Lily certainly couldn't disagree. The Dark Lord killed those who didn't interest him – especially if they were common, muggle born witches. Either way, she still wasn't safe from harm, and that clearly upset her companion. "It seems like that's a rather long list of people in the know. Any one of them might slip up and, however inadvertently, let the secret out. Isn't it kind of dodgy, telling even me about all this?"

Lily's face flushed, and yet she still somehow managed to look at him once again. "I wanted you to know. It feels… right, somehow… Now I have someone I can confide in." That brought a real smile to his face… and a pleased one at that! But it faded rapidly behind a countenance of utmost solemnity. He reached for her hands and stared at her with a set jaw and focused, determined hazel eyes.

"I won't let anything happen to you, Lil," he promised her then. "Even if Voldemort does find out about your power or your gift or whatever it is, I won't let him or Dumbledore or anyone else use you to settle their own bloody disagreements. I'll protect you… from all of it."

Lily smiled, wishing she could describe to him in words how much love she felt for him… and how much gratitude… and how much… how much…

But at that moment, Sirius, Remus, and Peter all appeared in front of them as if by Apparating – which they all knew to be quite impossible on Hogwarts grounds. Lily and James just hadn't seen them approaching, and now they were all floating snowballs in the air before them! Within seconds, those snowballs were attacking James, who let out a startled shout before grabbing his wand and magically hanging them all upside down in the air by their ankles.

"Hey!" Sirius shouted, but before he could retaliate, James had disarmed him, and quickly proceeded to do the same to Remus and Peter. "Bloody hell do you think you're doing, Prongs?"

"Promising my girlfriend not to let morons like you three attack her!" he quickly shot back, though a smile was tugging on the corners of his lips. He got to his feet and helped Lily up after him before wiping his hands together in brutal satisfaction. "Well, I think our work here is done. Good thing, too, 'cause I'm exhausted and cold and just about ready to hop into bed. I think it's high time we started back up towards the castle, don't you agree, Lil?"

"Prongs…" Sirius was glaring at his friend warningly, and Lily couldn't help but chuckle at the sight. He'd make a rather good Christmas decoration, she thought in amusement while gathering up her blanket and taking James's hand.

"Let's go!" she said cheerfully, and together, the two turned their backs on their friends and started towards the edge of the field, leaving them all helplessly dangling upside down.

"Prongs!" Sirius shouted after them furiously. "Don't you dare leave us here like this!"

"Seriously, Padfoot," Remus reprimanded quietly. "That's not gonna help. It'll just encourage him."

"PRONGS!"

"Oh, man…" Peter whined miserably. "I can feel the blood rushing to my head!"

Lily smiled, looking sideways at James. They were quite a long way off now, and she felt it was safe to whisper an objection on their behalves. "We can't just abandon them there, you know. They'll freeze to death."

"Yeah, I know," he admitted, sounding almost regretful. Casually pointing his wand over his shoulder, he proceeded to let them all down. Seconds later, Sirius, Remus, and Peter were all sprawled out on the ground, groaning in large heaps upon the snow.

**ooooooo**

The next term began in what felt like the blink of an eye. Though Professor Willow had, in all that time, ceased insisting that Lily hear her out, and had even offered her a welcome amount of disinterest – quite possibly in an attempt to wear down her guard – she continued to avoid the woman and took to spending a great deal of her time in the Quidditch stands, where she didn't have to worry about unexpected encounters in the corridors. It never particularly matter to her who was practicing; she could do her homework when Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw, or Slytherin were in the air, and she could attempt to encourage Sirius to do his when Gryffindor had the field. In such times, she was by far too distracted watching James practice to do any herself, but enjoyed the opportunities to be with Remus and Peter, whom she had, up until then, seen very little of.

Spring was steadily approaching, but Lily found herself too caught up in the present to truly notice. Sometimes she remembered this would be her last year at Hogwarts, and that after it ended, she would no longer have the security and safety it offered its students. She would be out in the world, where there were Death Eaters and dangers the likes of which she had yet to comprehend, and she would be starting a career, possibly a family, and the life of an actual adult. But it wasn't yet, and she told herself that constantly. Not yet. Not yet. Not yet. She savored her tutorials. She studied hard for her N.E.W.T.s. She let Remus and Sirius teach her how to properly – and safely – place trick steps into the staircases. And she fell more and more in love with James. He inspired so much in her; when she was with him, she felt fearless, and confident, and strong. It hardly made sense, for though they spent as much time together as they possibly could, instead of feeling reliant on him, she felt more independent than she ever had before. Somehow, he was empowering her, and as a result, even when she was alone, she felt capable of taking on the entire world.

It was in May that Professor Dumbledore sent word to Lily that he would like to see her in his office. She had just been finishing dinner when her roommate, Cora, one of the Gryffindor prefects, told her that she had seen him upstairs, and that he had asked her to deliver his message for him. Lily frowned, glancing at James in wonder before thanking the girl.

"I'll walk with you," James suggested, and together they made their way out of the Great Hall, contemplating all the while what the Headmaster could possibly want to talk about. Lily supposed it must have something to do with the rest of her life, for graduation was only weeks away and she, having refused to accept career advice, had little idea as to where she would be headed next. The time of "not yet" was swiftly drawing to an end.

"Speaking of which," James said as they climbed up several flights of stairs – carefully avoiding the trick steps Lily had cleverly inserted. "What do you want to do over the summer? I mean, forget the rest of your life for a moment," as if she hadn't been doing that already, "how do you want to spend your first few months out in the real world? On vacation? I suppose your parents used to take you around to see all the wonders of the world, yeah? So how about something tropical? I could get us to a nice beach somewhere across the puddle without even breaking a sweat!"

Lily smiled. "I don't think so, James." She had other plans in mind…

They reached the stone gargoyle shortly after that, which seemed to either recognize them or had been waiting for them, as it immediately jumped to the side. Lily wondered whether or not that meant James was welcome to go the rest of the way up with her, and glanced at him uncertainly. "Do you want to…?"

He considered for a moment, but then shook his head. "God knows I've already spent more than my fair share of time up there. It'd be nice to make it through the rest of the year without having to pay a call on that old goat." Despite his words, he was smiling fondly of the professor. After all, the fact that he and his friends hadn't been expelled yet proved beyond the shadow of a doubt just how much a sense of humor Dumbledore had; he was okay in the Marauders' book.

Lily nodded. "Suit yourself." And then she stepped onto the stone stairs that rose up towards the Head's office, all the while wondering whether or not Sirius had ever tried putting in a trick step there.

The oak doors leading into the room must have both been left open, for long before Lily could see into the fascinating, magical little place, she could hear the recognizable voices of two women stiffly debating what she immediately suspected to be her. Professor McGonagall and Professor Willow. But instead of feeling at all distressed by this, she found herself biting back a sigh of disbelieving resignation. _Well,_ she told herself, _there's no time like the present, I guess._ Maybe it was time for her to get some answers, and now she could at least anticipate having the Headmaster's supervision to keep both of her troublesome teachers in check.

And, sure enough, he was there as well, sitting at his desk while passively witnessing Professor McGonagall and Professor Willow's obvious rivalry flare up. When he saw Lily standing in the door, however, he cleared his throat and got to his feet, which immediately silenced the two older women. "Miss Evans, please come in and sit down." He gestured to the armchair across from his desk, and Lily took it gracefully while glancing towards the golden perch upon which the phoenix, Fawkes, now stood. Despite everything, she couldn't help but smile at the magnificent creature, whose presence alone was enough to encourage her.

"I trust this term has been going well for you?" Professor Dumbledore asked pleasantly, sitting back down himself, and Lily assured him just how much it was. She couldn't think of a year throughout which she had ever been happier. Meanwhile, Professor McGonagall and Professor Willow conjured up their own chairs to sit down side by side on Lily's right. She assumed they were trying to keep from crowding her, but couldn't help but wonder whether or not they shouldn't be standing in opposite corners.

"Have you any idea what it is you mean to do upon graduation?" Dumbledore asked her then, which confirmed her suspicions as to the subject of this meeting. "You have a great deal of potential in several fields, Miss Evans, and I cannot imagine anyone anywhere turning you down for another without careful deliberation. Talent like yours should be put to good use, and not neglected." Once upon a time, she would have wished for nothing more than a way out of the wizarding world. Now, however, she found that she actually _wanted_ her magic to flourish, and it was a good feeling.

"I admit I haven't exactly given it as much thought as I should have," she told him ruefully. "But, in all fairness, I haven't once stopped desiring to tutor. I think I'd like to teach." A small hint of a smile crossed Professor Willow's face, but Professor Dumbledore didn't share it. He seemed to be taking this interview quite soberly, and nodded as if having already expected her answer.

"I believe you spent some time volunteering at St. Mungo's Hospital last summer," he reminded her, and Lily felt her face flush as she remembered all the excruciatingly poor judgments she had made there. Glancing at Professor McGonagall from the corner of her eye, she knew by the woman's face that she wasn't the only one remembering them, either.

"I was irresponsible, sir." The confession was more for the Head of her House than for the Head of her school's sake. "Of course I'd be more than willing to volunteer my services at the hospital whenever they need an extra pair of hands, but I don't think I'd be as happy there as I would be teaching." She loved children. She loved them more than she would have ever thought possible. And they, at least, could be sheltered from the war, which would in turn shelter her from it, for she couldn't bear to see so many living in such unendurable agony as she had at the hospital. It hurt so much.

"Miss Evans, if I'm not mistaken," Professor Willow suddenly said, leaning forward with an earnestly pensive expression on her face. Everyone in the room, including some of the portraits of former Headmasters, turned to look at her, and Lily couldn't help but catch her breath. Was this it? "You wish to teach. But, if it were at all possible, you'd do what you could to assist the rest of us in our struggle against the Death Eaters?"

Lily blinked, wondering where in the world this conversation was headed. She glanced at Professor Dumbledore, who returned her gaze patiently, and then she glanced at Professor McGonagall, who seemed slightly more hawkish than usual as she herself glared at Professor Willow in extreme dislike. "I… well, of course-!"

Professor Willow straightened back up again with a satisfied smile. "Miss Evans, the committee in which I worked before arriving at Hogwarts deals primarily with muggle relations. Since the attack on King's Cross Station last summer, the Ministry of Magic has noticed a definite increase in the number of assaults directed against the muggle population. We have, for some time now, been looking for capable witches and wizards to intermingle throughout their society in order to better protect them from those who might wish to do them harm. You yourself, Miss Evans, will not be asked to physically fight, but merely to teach in a muggle school. Should it be attacked, all we ask is that you sound an alarm we will have set into the building before taking whatever precautions might be necessary for you to keep yourself safe." The expression on her face was one of reassurance. "You will be well paid and provided with everything you might require. A home. Food." The list went on, but Lily could only stare at her blankly, trying, nearly in vain, to process everything she'd just been told. So much information…

"Of course, Miss Evans," Professor McGonagall quickly cut in, not to be outdone by her adversary. "No one here is trying to suggest you do anything you might not want to. What Professor Willow is asking for is by no means a small request, and if you do not feel up to it, she will understand completely."

So this was what they had been arguing about… Professor Willow believed she had what it took to offer muggle children helpless to protect themselves against malicious Death Eaters additional security in their schools. After all, she was muggle-born, and she could easily pass as a tutor in their society without drawing unwanted attention to herself. But… Professor McGonagall better understood her nature. In the past, she had always demonstrated extreme sensitivity to all things violent. Did she truly have the fortitude necessary to stand defiantly between a group of schoolchildren and their would-be killers? They were, after all, only schoolchildren… and… maybe she was being underestimated. "I…"

"This is not a decision you need to make right now, Miss Evans," Professor Dumbledore assured her quietly, drawing all attention back to himself. "In fact, I would prefer it if you did not. And I would like a word with you concerning the matter alone." He looked pointedly at both Professor Willow and Professor McGonagall, and as the two women rose to their feet and silently – if not agitatedly – started towards the door, Lily found herself staring at her feet. She did not have long to lose herself to her thoughts, however, for the Headmaster immediately began to speak as soon as the door closed behind Professor McGonagall. "Lily, I am more than prepared to offer you a permanent position as a tutor here at Hogwarts. Do not feel as though you are not welcome to stay for as long as you so choose." She looked back up at him sharply. She didn't have to leave? "I must stress to you the danger Professor Willow would have you placed in. Death Eaters resent those they believe to be blood traitors as much as they resent muggle-born witches and muggles themselves. Not only are you from a muggle family, Lily, but if you take any measures whatsoever to protect a school filled with muggle children, they will also consider you a blood traitor. They would kill you without hesitation."

At Hogwarts, she would be under Dumbledore's protection. At Hogwarts she would be safe. But… was safety truly so important? That she should hide from the world itself?

"I must also remind you of your gift," he continued, speaking as calmly and objectively as ever, but Lily could see the concern in his eyes. He wanted to remind her…? No. He wanted to protect her. She didn't need reminding. She thought about it everyday! Surely, he knew that. "By accepting Professor Willow's offer, you could be exposed to any number of Death Eaters at any imaginable time. Should they discover your gift, if they do not kill you, they might instead draw you to Voldemort himself. Do you understand?"

She understood every word. "What use is my gift if I stay here and withhold it? What good can it do anyone if I keep it hidden? I don't want to be afraid of it, sir. I want there to be a reason for why I have it, and maybe I can find an actual purpose for it with Professor Willow." She couldn't tell whether or not her bold assertion heightened his concern or earned his genuine respect. Nevertheless, he smiled bleakly.

"In that case, you may go. But give it some more thought before you decide one way or the other, Lily. I do not want to see any harm come to you."

She smiled back at him. "You don't have to worry about me, sir. I've got the Marauders' protection."

**ooooooo**

**A/N: **What a long chapter… Wow. Lily's almost out of Hogwarts. This last year's been rather long, hasn't it? Anyway, keep sending in those reviews! I appreciate them so much. Thanks!


	103. Leaving School

**ooooooo**

Hogwarts stood tall and proud at the top of a cliff overlooking a lake that was, on that warm, yet overcast day in June, reflecting upon its rippled surface the beautiful countryside extending all around it. The castle's numerous circular towers were each massive and commanding. Its turrets and fortifications exposed its tremendous might. Even without its magical wards and protections, no army would ever have been able to take it, and with the knowledge that Professor Dumbledore himself reigned within those heavy, solid, stone walls, it was no wonder those grounds were beyond the Dark Lord's reach. And yet, it did not strike those fortunate enough to gaze upon it as an impenetrable fortress whatsoever. Rather, it was a castle constructed by four friends who hoped to encourage and inspire knowledge, creativity, and general harmony within their students.

There seemed to be court yards and gardens wherever one looked. They softened the castle's otherwise hard, foreboding exterior, so that it almost looked gentle and welcoming. There were lawns and flowerbeds. There were trees that marked the edge of a forest filled to its canopy with magic. The Quidditch field, though currently abandoned, nevertheless promised both competition and entertainment. The six poles with their crowning hoops, three on either end of the field, stretched ever upwards while waiting patiently for another season to come. Another season… but without James Potter.

Had seven years truly passed? Lily was loath to believe it as she wandered around the castle's grounds with her camera in hand. Walking from the astronomy tower all the way down to the dungeons, and from the Quidditch field all the way to the greenhouses, she snapped as many pictures as she could. If she would be leaving in a matter of hours, she did not want to leave anything whatsoever behind. And if it had been at all possible, she would even have snuck into the Headmaster's office for a quick shot of Fawkes! There was so much… so much she didn't want to forget… so much she didn't want to lose… There were just so many memories.

As she journeyed from one to the next, she remained constantly aware of those who trailed after her. James, Sirius, Remus, and Peter were all clearly caught up in their own affairs, as they themselves struggled to come to gripes with the heartbreaking realization that, tomorrow, they would be leaving, possibly forever, the home that had brought them all together in the first place. If Hogwarts was anything at all, it was their home, and saying goodbye was never an easy task. At least Lily had the advantage of already surviving a year without her original roommates – and closest friends – to assure her that she could make it on her own. But those four… shadowing her as she took her photographs… how difficult was it for them? Knowing that their lives were all about to irrefutably, irreversibly change, for better or for worse? She'd read plenty of books in the past with such themes, and could well imagine them promising to remain friends forever, no matter what, through thick and thin. Of course, knowing the Marauders, their promises more than likely weren't as cliché as all that. They were probably back there guaranteeing each other they'd all cause as much havoc in the real world as they had here at school… and that they'd do it together… They'd take it all by storm, and no one, not even Lord Voldemort himself – Lily was slowly training herself to say his name like James said it – would stand in their way.

A light rain began to fall. Thankfully, it felt clean and refreshing – unlike how it often did in the city – and Lily glanced up at the cloudy sky with a smile on her face. While it might not be a bright, warm, and sunny afternoon, the day nevertheless offered her more closure than she could ever have possibly asked for. This was it, then. She would be getting on the train soon, and she would leave. For good. More and more students were opting to remain at the castle for the entirety of the summer, where they would be protected, but she would not be counted among them. Instead, she would be going to London, with Beverly Willow, to accept a position as a tutor in a muggle high school. She would be paid by the Ministry of Magic, and should any of the Dark Lord's Death Eaters even think about hurting those kids, she would do whatever was necessary to stop them. And once the war ended…

Once the war ended, she would move on from there. Possibly to become an actual teacher… or to focus completely on her family. She wanted a family. More than anything. Petunia was living with Vernon Dursley in Little Whinging, and Lily knew she was not welcome there. She also knew that, as much as she loved Carla and the Fletchers, she could not stay with them either, anymore than she could stay at Hogwarts. She had never felt more independent. It was time she made her own home. Her own life. Her own, personal family. She thought of her parents… and wanted more than anything what they had had.

As the rain began to pour, Lily slipped her camera into her satchel and glanced over her shoulder. The boys were several meters away, sauntering along casually with their hands in their pockets. Sirius was smirking at something or other coming out of James's mouth, but there were forlorn and rather lost expressions on Remus and Peter's faces. What the future held in store for them seemed a little less certain than it did for James and Sirius, and even for Lily herself. Would they make it out there? Was it even possible? None of them seemed to notice whatsoever the change in the weather.

Lily smiled, trudging her way back over to them. At first, they didn't seem to notice her either, and she heard James say something about hanging a large portrait up somewhere in the castle, featuring a certain group of certain animals. "And who are you going to get to paint that portrait, Mr. Potter?" she demanded lightly, drawing their attention to herself as she finally reached them.

"You could always photograph it, Lily," Peter mildly suggested, but Remus was astonishingly quick to tell him off for such a remark.

"No way, Wormtail. I'm not exactly comfortable with the notion of anyone standing in front of me with a camera when I'm… when I'm a you-know-what…" Peter's face immediately flushed in clear embarrassment, and he quickly brushed his hair back with both his hands, as if to appear flustered only by the rain and nothing more. It was, however, a futile attempt.

"So this is it, then," Sirius suddenly observed, glancing back towards the castle with a rather doleful sigh. "Here we are, talking about throwing our picture up on a wall somewhere… commemorating the years we spent here, the trouble we caused, and all the fun we had. By this time tomorrow, we'll be where? In London? We'll get our N.E.W.T. results in a few weeks, and after that… what's next?" It was a good, legitimate question, after all.

"I don't want to leave," Remus whispered, which was no surprise. None of them had ever suspected that he would, for the world certainly did not look kindly upon his kind.

"It's just another one of our adventures, Moony," James gently encouraged him, though the boy refused to meet his gaze. That, however, was not something the Quidditch champion would tolerate lightly. "Hey!" He whacked his friend's arm, which got him to jump and look up in offense. "Don't stare at your feet! Otherwise, you'll walk headfirst into a brick wall!" The two boys glared at each other, but James wasn't about to back down. "That's it. Keep your chin up. Keep your sense of humor. And you'll survive everything."

"Yeah!" Sirius agreed, whacking Remus' other arm. "All those pricks at the Ministry aren't any different whatsoever from Filch. You know how much Filch hates kids, right? All you gotta do is keep that head of yours and outsmart them! Once a Marauder, always a Marauder, right? We'll help you. All of us. And foiling the Ministry will be just like foiling our favorite caretaker. No sweat whatsoever!"

"We'll always be together?" Peter asked hesitantly, as if it was too good to be true, and he didn't quite believe it.

"Well, why not?" James demanded, at last satisfied with the slight smile forming on Remus' face. He abruptly turned towards Sirius. "By the way, I really don't think we should do the whole portrait thing anymore. The way you put it… commemorating our stay at Hogwarts? I don't like that. We're legends, right? There shouldn't be any sign whatsoever that we actually ever attended, or that we actually ever left. Got it?"

Sirius smirked. "Got it."

James nodded. "Brilliant!" He turned towards Lily and grabbed her satchel from her shoulder, tossing it towards the Black before she could object. "Carry this, would you, mate?"

"Hey!"

Ignoring the pointed objection, James turned towards his girl and bowed ever so slightly at the waist. "You'll have to forgive us, Lily. I'm afraid we've been most discourteous. Making you stand out here in the rain like this when we should be inside feasting with the rest of the school in the Great Hall. And here we're supposed to be gentlemen!" Lily rolled her eyes, but before she could say anything, James hopped around and glanced at her over his shoulder. "Want a ride?" She grinned before rushing forward to jump onto his back, laughing as he caught her legs.

"He's not a gentleman, he's a horse," Sirius muttered, shaking his head when James started running up the slope back towards the castle. Peter laughed loudly, but his amusement died almost immediately when his friend shoved Lily's satchel into his unsuspecting arms.

**ooooooo**

It felt like everyone wanted to say goodbye, and all at once. Since so many of the castle's population would be staying behind over the summer, there wasn't much more of an opportunity for them to get to do so, either. Unfortunately, it would either be now… or it might very well be never. Her students… Her teachers… Her peers… Even her roommate, Hilda, the closest thing she had to a rival, came over to get one final word in, which was actually congratulations on finally taming James Potter. Who would have ever thought such a thing could be possible?

The Great Hall was decorated with banners of scarlet and gold, signifying Gryffindor's victory over Slytherin, Hufflepuff, and Ravenclaw – not only had they won the House Cup, but James had led his team to the Quidditch one as well. He would not have had it any other way their last year at Hogwarts. It was definitely a time for celebration, meaning that while Lily said goodbye to those who would miss her, the Marauders all threw food, drank, and sang merrily at the top of their lungs, enjoying the spotlight one last time.

"Hogwarts certainly won't be the same without them," Professor Slughorn genially announced, before looking down at Lily with a fond smile. "I think I shall greatly miss having you in my class, my dear. Not to mention at my dinner parties." She returned his smile, thinking about the Slug Club and how much she had always favored the Potions Master. "I still wish, greatly, that you had been put into Slytherin."

"If I had been put into Slytherin, I daresay the school would not have survived between me and the Marauders," she replied with a laugh, and he laughed as well. She surprised him, then, by getting up and hugging him. Later, when he finally left her side, she thought she saw him wiping tears from his eyes.

Next, she found herself facing Professor Flitwick, who craned his neck to look up at her with a bright, beaming, warm gaze. "Look at you, Miss Evans! What a beautiful, powerful young lady you've become. I hardly recognize you as the timid little eleven year old you once were, discovering magic for the first time." Lily felt her face flush as she remembered how terrified she'd always used to be. Maybe seven years truly had gone by, for those days seemed like an eternity ago.

"Did I ever thank you?" she asked him quietly, sitting backwards on the Gryffindor table's bench so that she was closer to his eyelevel. "You introduced me to magic. You reminded me of the time I spent with my parents in Hogsmeade. I feel like I owe you so much."

Professor Flitwick smiled knowingly. "And you can repay me by continuing to thrive so at Charms. You give my field such a wonderful name, Miss Evans, and I appreciate it." She laughed quietly, wishing now more than ever that her time there was not drawing to such a quick and imminent end. "Your parents would be very proud of you right now. I hope you understand just how much." The thought of them brought fresh tears to her eyes, but they were not tears of sorrow, and she did not shed them. Instead, she nodded resolutely with a smile. Of course she wished her parents could see her now, but as Nearly Headless Nick floated into the room and started towards their table, she found herself suddenly confident that, in fact, they could. And that they did. And that, wherever they were, they were both smiling down at her while holding each other affectionately in their arms.

**ooooooo**

If the world was ever to stop turning, and if time was ever to stand still, Lily would not have wanted it to be then. By midnight the rain had passed, the clouds had cleared, and the sky was brightly decorated with its quilt of radiating stars. Lying on her back on a certain marble bench in a certain part of the garden, she stared up at them in absolute, peaceful tranquility, happier than she had ever been before. And yet… she still did not want any of it to slow down. She looked forward to tomorrow even as she feared it for its ambiguity, because she knew, as impossibly happy as she was today, the future would only see her even more so.

She sat up and glanced across the garden's little courtyard, where James was using his wand to magically carve their initials into the base of an angelic statue. From where he sat behind it, Lily suspected one would really have to search in order to find the inscription, which certainly didn't bother her. Besides, if it was ever at all appreciated, it would only give the discoverer more of a mystery to try solving, or more of a story to try telling.

"I want to marry you."

James glanced up at her sharply… wondrously… with what appeared to be glitter sparkling like starlight in his eyes. "You what?"

"I want to marry you," she repeated, slipping off the bench and walking towards him. He didn't move, but stared up at her from behind the statue, on his knees, with his wand pointed at the ground. "I love you, James." She stepped around the statue, and he turned, following her with his gaze. "I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I don't want us to leave and go on some wild summer vacation to some beach on the other side of the world or some other such thing because… I want us to get married. Right away."

He was staring at her in astonishment. "You'll have me?" His question was spoken in barely more than a breathless whisper. For the first time, James Potter could not believe what was right in front of him. She smiled.

"I won't have anyone else."

He was on his feet in a heartbeat, and had her in his arms in less time than that. How could she wish for time to stop? It was the future that she wanted, when she would finally be known as Mrs. Potter.

**ooooooo**

The Hogwarts Express would be leaving in a matter of ten minutes, and most of the students returning to London were already on board. That included all four Marauders, who were no doubt huddled in a compartment somewhere listening in awe to James as he shared with them news of his engagement. Lily, however, having already stored her trunk in the same compartment as theirs, hastened back off the train, and now stood in the presence of one Professor McGonagall. The woman looked characteristically somber, but Lily knew her well enough to sense her extreme dismay.

"Miss Evans, are you absolutely certain you want to do this? Teaching at a muggle school with Death Eaters on the prowl? Forgive me, but you've never been a combatant. You detest it!"

Lily truly appreciated the woman's concern. It was more than touching, for it also gave her a strength she never would have expected to possess even a few short months ago. "I promise you I'll be fine, professor. As long as the Death Eaters don't attack, there's really nothing to worry about, and even on the off-chance that they do, I just have to sound an alarm and help will come. I'm not afraid to do that to protect children who can't protect themselves." Professor McGonagall sighed, and Lily knew she wasn't at all reassured. It was a dangerous world out there, and she would be venturing into it on an extremely dangerous road.

"The rumor was that you'd replace me, Miss Evans," she said after a moment, her voice unusually soft. "And I must admit I half expected it. I was not very pleased with Beverly Willow and won't be thanking her anytime soon." Lily stared up at her understandingly, but didn't know what to say. Fortunately, her professor wasn't done yet. "You did brilliantly. It was quite an honor to teach you, Miss Evans, and should you ever, _ever_ need anything, anything at all, I am only an owl away."

Not for the first time, tears prickled in Lily's eyes. Here was the woman who had not only taught her for seven years, but who had… who had assured her she'd be safe at Hogwarts despite the war… who had attended her parents' funeral with her… who had always trusted her… and encouraged her… even towards rescuing Sirius from his mother… and who had saved her from herself the previous summer… and who had attempted to shield her from a certain Defense Against the Dark Arts professor, whom she did not trust with the girl's future… Professor McGonagall… had become nearly as much of a guardian to Lily as the Fletchers all were themselves… and she realized how difficult it would be to leave her behind.

"I'm going to miss you!" she rushed forward and embraced the woman, who stiffened considerably at first before returning the gesture. But at that moment, the train's whistle blew, and they both knew how punctual it always was.

"Well, then I suppose you'd best be off," Professor McGonagall exclaimed, pulling back while glancing at the train. "You've a remarkable future ahead of you, and I surely won't be the one to stand in your way."

"Thank you," Lily whispered, slowly starting back towards the train, which she then boarded with a backwards glance. Seven years it had been. Seven long, incredible years. She was… quite amazed to have finished school already.

**ooooooo**

**A/N:** This chapter… I was beginning to think it wouldn't ever come. Please review. As always, I appreciate it so very much.


	104. After Hogwarts

**ooooooo**

"I know it won't look like much, but all things considered, it's the best I can afford." As Lily unlocked and then held open the door to her recently acquired flat, she glanced over her shoulder to peer apprehensively at James and Sirius. They were both standing in front of Remus and Peter, dressed in regular street clothes rather than their old school robes – which definitely made for an unusual sight in itself – and had smirks across their faces that did very little to conceal their amusement.

But she wasn't trying to be amusing! This was an extremely, extremely momentous occasion for her, and there they both were, trying hard not to laugh at what had to have been an absurd amount of humility on her part. The truth was she had rented the place over a week ago, and yet… none of them, not even her fiancé, had been allowed inside. She hadn't even told them where it was located, for fear that they might Apparate in when her back was turned or something. They were Marauders, after all…

It wouldn't have been so difficult if she didn't feel so eager to please them. While she wasn't particularly worried about the opinions of Remus and Peter, both of whom actually came from relatively normal families, Sirius had grown up inside a manor and James, even now, lived in a mansion fit for royalty! Lily, on the other hand, was an orphan with next to no assets whatsoever, and while the Ministry of Magic was prepared to advance her enough money to afford a home like this for the work she would do at some muggle high school come September, she was still just a girl living out on her own for the very first time, and knew all too well that this little flat of hers could not come even close to competing with what James and Sirius were no doubt used to.

Presently, they both ducked inside while commenting on how it was about time they received their invitations – an attitude which nearly caused her to groan. Men! How little they understood! Peter followed close behind his two friends, but Remus grabbed the door's handle and gestured for her to enter next. She smiled weakly before obliging, and then found herself standing in what was the first home she could truly call her own and no one else's. There was something nice about the thought of that… something liberating… But at the same time, it made her feel remarkably old. Though her birthday had come and gone, she was still only eighteen! An eighteen year old… living entirely on her own…

_Stop it, Lily Evans! If Sirius can do it, you can do it!_ Besides, she wasn't completely by herself. The Fletchers had all already visited, and promised to do so again at the drop of a button should she wish them to. Beverly Willow had also been a relatively frequent guest, claiming that a certain professor at Hogwarts had threatened her with a multitude of hexes should anything whatsoever trouble the girl. Besides, in a few more weeks, Lily would be married! She would never again be so wholly and completely alone as she had occasionally felt in the past.

"Wow, look at this place," Sirius whistled as he glanced around the flat. Directly before him was the parlor. A door on the far side of the room led out onto a balcony with an intricate, wrought iron railing that overlooked the London street below. The floor was wooden, but Lily had covered it with a rug, and had the room furnished with an armchair and two wooden seats that fit under a relatively large tea table. To their right, they could see into her tiled kitchen, which had several drawers and cupboards, a stove, an oven, a fridge, and a microwave. And, to their left, they could see into a small hallway, beyond which she knew to be her bedroom and a bathroom. "It's very… muggle…"

Lily tried not to moan as James whacked the back of his friend's head. "I told you it wasn't much! But I'm living in the middle of London, Sirius! I can't very well have moving staircases and secret passageways, now can I? People would notice!"

"She's got a point, mate," Remus pointed out, but Sirius wasn't convinced.

"So?" he demanded. "I'm not talking about anything particularly grand, you know. All the place needs is a little touch up! To prove you're a witch to your magical guests, and to raise the eyebrows of your muggle ones. Let's see…" He walked towards the kitchen, perfectly oblivious to the look of horror on Lily's face as he pulled out his wand. "Oh! Why not add a cauldron right here?" He immediately conjured one up for her. "And this shelf will do nicely for all your potion ingredients." He conjured those up as well before looking back at the young woman with a lopsided grin. "Consider it my housewarming gift to you, Lil."

Shaking her head, she ran a hand through her crimson hair in resignation. "Oh, why not? I didn't realize you were an interior decorator, Sirius, but I'm more than willing to take the advise of a clear professional." Peter laughed. Remus grinned. And Sirius rolled his eyes.

"If you don't appreciate a housewarming gift, you certainly aren't getting a wedding present! And that goes for you, too, Prongs!"

James, however, wasn't listening. He had wandered towards the hallway, and as his friends and bride-to-be all turned to watch him, he seemed to notice the door to the bedroom. Lily felt her stomach tie itself up in several knots as he stood there almost hesitantly; she had never felt more guilty for excluding him from all this moving as she did just then. Granted, he would be spending a great deal of his time for the next several years not under his own roof, but under the command of Bartemius Crouch, training to be an Auror. Lily still didn't know exactly what that meant… She'd be having late dinners, early breakfasts, and James's company mostly at night. After all, the wizarding world was at war… Aurors were not among the lucky few who had weekends off these days. Still, that didn't change the fact he'd be living here, too. She should have consulted him before now. He might not even like the place, and what would she do then?

At that moment, he turned away from the hall and faced Lily with a grave expression that made her clenched stomach tighten considerably more. "All right, Lil. You installed all the magical wards and security alarms Willow taught us, yeah?"

"Of course."

"And the school? Where's it located?"

Lily blinked. What did that have to do with anything? She had brought him here to see the flat! She had brought him here to determine how much he hated it! Not to question her about the bloody high school. "It's a few miles from here. But the bus stop is just down the road-" It suddenly occurred to her what was truly bothering him, and that brought a slight smile to her lips. "Don't worry, James. I'll keep my wand handy. No one will hurt me."

"What about this building's other flats?" he nevertheless went on to ask, not in the least bit reassured. To make matters worse, Lily could sense that Sirius, Remus, and Peter were all watching her carefully as well, every bit as worried about her. "You're not the only tenant here, are you? Have you checked at all into your new neighbors?"

She stared at him. "I'm working at a muggle high school on behalf of the Ministry of Magic, James. Beverly Willow herself helped me find this flat, and I'm being paid in advance just so I can afford it. Do you think they'd drop me in the middle of the slums? This is one of London's safer neighborhoods. Besides, it's like what Sirius said. These flats are muggle! I doubt very much the guy living upstairs is a Death Eater."

James nodded, looking more or less satisfied. "Good. Well then." He wiped his hands together and glanced around the room, taking it all in as if for the first time. "I have to admit, it is kind of small. And I'll have to get used to living in the city instead of the country, but I imagine that'll only be an adventure in itself, yeah? Besides, it's twenty times better than what my folks had to deal with when they first tied the knot." He grinned brightly at his fiancée. "You've been here for a week, Lil. There aren't any problems with the place I should know about, are they?"

She shrugged. "That's the nice thing about magic, isn't it? There's absolutely nothing that can't be fixed. I can even block out all the street noise! I honestly don't think there's anything really to complain about."

The smile James still wore on his face was enough to lift her heart to the very heavens themselves. "Then it's perfect."

**ooooooo**

"I still can't believe you're getting married!"

The first week of August had come. Her wedding was scheduled for that Sunday. It was… just days away… already. Lily felt like she was holding her breath, waiting for a celebration that would change her life forever. The anticipation was almost nauseating, and yet she had never looked forward to anything as much as she looked forward to this. To James.

The other Marauders had taken him out for his bachelor's party, and she could only imagine the kinds of mischief they were presently getting themselves into. Remus had privately assured her they wouldn't get in over their heads or anything, but that was hardly a comfort. What would happen if the wedding got canceled due to her would-be husband's incarceration? She desperately hoped that, wherever they were right now, they were _not_ sneaking around the Ministry of Magic, leaving behind trick steps or other such magical booby traps.

She herself was presently sitting in one of the Leaky Cauldron's private parlor rooms with friends she hadn't seen in over a year. Alice Longbottom. Isabelle Campbell. Pippa. Mary. Charlotte, Morgan, Faith, Harriet. And Carla was there as well, tentatively tasting a cauldron cake Morgan had tried baking in imitation of the ones sold on the Hogwarts Express. Lily neglected to tell her foster sister that poor Morgan couldn't cook, as much as she wished she could, for it was, after all, one of the few times the witch could convince someone to eat her food, and Carla, not knowing what cauldron cakes were supposed to taste like, was by far too polite to criticize anything from the magical world. So, for the first time, Morgan was granted something slightly akin to a compliment, and Lily hoped that might do her some good.

"And to James Potter, of all people!" Alice presently exclaimed, shaking her head with an incredulous expression on her face. "I wouldn't have thought it possible in my wildest dreams." She shot the only muggle present a sideways glance. "And how's your lot taking the news?"

Carla nearly dropped her fork at the question, but caught herself and smiled nervously. "I can't say they were exactly thrilled with the idea. I mean, we're all still kind of young, aren't we?" She glanced apologetically at her foster sister, who just rolled her eyes. The Fletchers still considered her a child, and what with Petunia also moving out, they were, like typical parents, having a slightly difficult time letting go. "But it's Lily choice, and I think they prefer James over Vernon."

Pippa laughed so hard she nearly died at such a comment. "James? They prefer James?" She glanced quickly at Lily, seeking a confirmation. "Vernon's the man who snatched your sister, yeah? How can any parent possibly prefer the infamous James Potter for their daughter over an ugly, fat man who keeps his nose out of other people's business?"

"I wouldn't go so far as to say he does that," Carla quietly corrected her, but wasn't heard over Pippa's continued laughter.

"This is James Potter we're talking about, right? The one who rides around on broomsticks like some sort of bloody maniac! Sure, he's very good at it, but he also likes to string people up by their ankles!" Noticing the frown on Lily's face, Pippa sighed and took a deep breath. "Though I will say this much for him; he's matured quite a bit. And I know he'll be happy with you, Lil. He'll probably worship the very ground on which you tread until the day he dies."

Like one catching sight of a burning building, Isabelle jumped to her feet. She'd been acting strangely ever since her arrival at the inn, but at that moment, she looked positively incensed. Her brow was furrowed, her cheeks were flushed, her lips pursed… Lily, along with everyone else in the room, stared at her in astonishment; what in the world was the matter? Instead of explaining, however, Isabelle turned and marched furiously out of the room, throwing up her arms as she went in a show of her extreme displeasure.

"Isabelle!" Lily was on her own feet in a heartbeat. She caught sight of Alice and Pippa exchanging rather baffled looks, but neither one of them got up. Aside from Carla, who didn't exactly know what to make of her friend's unexpected behavior, all Lily's companions appeared to be by far too tense to make any sort of chase whatsoever, and so she found herself going on her own. In the end, however, it would probably be better this way. They were all smart enough to guess Isabelle must have been experiencing her own sort of difficulty accepting Sunday's wedding. If she was going to object to it, Lily wanted to address the matter now, in private. It would be less embarrassing than being interrupted in the middle of the actual service, now wouldn't it?

As far as business went, the Leaky Cauldron had seen better days. Diagon Alley had grown increasingly dangerous over the past several months, and most tended to avoid it as often as they could. That night, many of the guests were sitting in a drunken stupor as they tried escaping their various lots in life, even if only for a few hours, and Isabelle, sitting down by the bar, appeared eager to join them. When Lily caught sight of her, the knots she'd felt in her stomach the day she first presented her flat to James unhappily returned. Knees slightly shaking, she slowly made her way over towards her friend. "Come on, Is. What's this all about, then?"

Isabelle glanced over her shoulder to see the girl standing behind her. "'Until the day he dies.' That's what Pip said. 'We're all still kind of young.' That's what Carla said. And you ask what this is about? What do you think you're playing at, Evans? Getting married to James Potter? You must be bleeding mental." Her words made Lily flinch, but she had already had this argument with the Fletchers, and was in no mood whatsoever to have it again.

"James is going to become an Auror, Isabelle. I am going to be stationed in a muggle school to protect muggle children from monsters fighting in a war that has absolutely nothing whatsoever to do with them. Either one of us could end up in harm's way at any moment, and we could be killed." Her words were not spoken lightly. They never were. She could feel her body beginning to shake. "We love each other. He changed… he became a better person… and he says he did it for me. And when I'm with him, I feel like I'm changing everyday for the better myself. I love him, Isabelle, and it isn't that sort of empty, shallow love that tear to pieces every teenager's credibility. So why shouldn't we be together and make every moment we have count? No one criticized Alice for marrying Frank when she did."

Isabelle got to her feet again and faced Lily completely. "Alice is an Auror! This has absolutely nothing to do with love or with making every moment count, because anyone, regardless of age, can accomplish that much! What this is about, Lily, is that you are getting married this Sunday! Do you understand what that means? You are going to be bound to Potter for the rest of your life, and considering the fact that he'll probably be an Auror until forced into retirement, it's not going to come down to love. It'll come down to strength and perseverance. Do you have any idea what it's like to expect someone you love home at a certain hour, and then to find yourself waiting up long past that hour for his return, because he hasn't come home? Frank and Alice get to fight side by side. They train together. They live together. They'll probably even die together. But while Potter's out there fighting in a war against the darkest of evils, you'll be at home, staring out your window wondering where he is or if he's okay. Wondering if you'll ever see him again. Wondering if you'll ever hear his voice. Or his laughter. Or feel his touch. And when he does come home, there'll be things he'll not want to tell you. He'd sooner lie to you altogether than admit he's been through Hell and back. And believe me, you'll know he's lying. You'll know it, and that will hurt you more than you can possibly imagine, whether or not he's trying to protect you. Forget the fact that married couples need to trust and respect each other, and stay loyal and true to each other, and put up with each other even when they're in foul moods, which is not in the least bit easy to do. His very career will burn you out faster than you can blink an eye. Do you think you're ready for all that, Lily? You're just eighteen."

"What do you want me to say?" Lily asked, considerably hurt by her dear friend's biting words. She knew Isabelle wasn't overreacting. Her sister was a member of Professor Dumbledore's Order of the Phoenix. Fanny Campbell fought… and risked her life… and had already suffered tremendous injuries. Isabelle was no doubt speaking from experience. Not to mention from observation. How much pain did she see working at St. Mungo's Hospital? Pain that did not just result from bodily harm, but also from sheer trauma? She knew what she was talking about, and only a fool would fail to heed her words. Lily did not want to be considered a fool by anyone… most especially not by herself.

"Don't do it," Isabelle warned her, tears sparkling in her eyes. "Don't you marry him. Tell me you won't. It's okay to love him. I'm glad you love him. But the day might come when you can't bear it anymore, and if you're bound to him, how are you going to handle it? Through divorce?" She shook her head. "We both know that would break your heart."

It was past dark outside, and the Leaky Cauldron's bar was so dimly lit the shadows almost felt alive. Lily sensed them reaching out to her; thin tendrils of smoke closing in around her. She shook her head slowly. "I'm stronger than you realize, Isabelle. I might only be eighteen, but I'm not irresponsible. I know my limitations, and I know you're not completely wrong. There's not much on Earth that's more difficult than marriage. But… there's also not much that's more rewarding than it, either."

She and James meant to have a quiet, muggle wedding. They hoped to attract as little attention to themselves as possible, in order to keep from being targeted by Death Eaters. Therefore, she'd been memorizing her vows, and thought of them at that moment. "If I don't marry James on Sunday… then who will wait up for him when he doesn't come home? And when he's been through Hell and back, who will be there to remind him about Heaven? And, God forbid, if he ever does gets hurt, who will tend to him? Don't you tell me those responsibilities will burn me out, Isabelle Campbell, because it's James. This isn't some kind of burden to me. It's an honor. I'd suffer absolutely anything without hesitation to care for him, because I really do love him that much."

Isabelle shook her head. "Those words are so easy to say. How do you know you're not just deluding yourself?"

Because she and James were luckier than most. The summer between their fifth and sixth years at school, he had been arrogant, selfish, and downright horrible. He had had the audacity to come to her house and declare his love for her. And after what he had done to Severus that day after their O.W.L.s? She had loathed him. She might have even hated him. And yet… here they were today. The summer between their sixth and seventh years at school, she had walked out on him. She had disappointed his father, who had wanted to meet her before his death, but who had been unable to. She had assured James's mother that he could write to her, but then she had disappeared, going to work at St. Mungo's Hospital. She had never received even a single one of his letters. Instead, she'd been a bloody fool, and he had every reason to detest her for it. And yet… here they were today. If they could forgive each other for such… crimes… what _couldn't_ they forgive each other for? There was nothing she could think of. They loved each other. They were ready for this. She believed that… more than she believed in anything else.

How did she know she wasn't just deluding herself? "Because… I believe in a power that's stronger and older than anything you can imagine. Not even Voldemort himself knows what it is." Isabelle winced quite visibly at the sound his name. "But James and I… we can feel it… and it won't be defeated by anything."

**ooooooo**

"How was the bachelor's party?"

It was well past midnight, but Lily knew she and James weren't the only ones awake. Hand in hand, they casually strolled their way down the city sidewalks, heading back towards Lily's flat. James wanted to personally see her home, safe and sound, before regrouping with his friends at Sirius's place, where he was staying until the wedding. It was beautiful outside. Life in the city was so different from life in the country, but like James had said, it was an adventure just being there. It was new. Exciting. And beautiful.

"Unconventional, really," James presently admitted. "Even for us. There wasn't any drinking. There wasn't any toasting. Padfoot and I both transformed. Wormtail would have, too, but he's pretty much terrified of all the city's natural rats. I don't think he wanted to get bullied. So anyway, Padfoot and I transformed and ran around London. Moony and Wormtail tried to catch us, and we made a scene the likes of which all those lucky muggles who saw us will not likely ever forget!"

"James!" Lily stared at him in shock. "What if someone recognized Remus and Peter, and then figured out who you and Sirius were? Unregistered Animagi! You'd be arrested!"

"Nah," James shook his head, clearly unconcerned. "The Ministry of Magic isn't about to arrest two able bodies willing to fight in the war against Voldemort just because they happen to be unregistered. That would be really thick of them, wouldn't it? Besides, we didn't stand still long enough for anyone to grab a camera and take a picture, though I'm fairly certain they all wanted one. I mean, how often do you see a stag prancing around London's streets in the company of an extraordinarily large black dog? No pictures. No proof. No problem."

Lily sighed, rolling her eyes, and then pressed closer to James. "You're going to frustrate, exasperate, and completely infuriate the bad guys, aren't you?"

"That's the plan," he said with a quiet laugh. "But you can't forget I'm also going to outsmart, outwit, and outmaneuver them, ultimately bringing about their inevitable downfall. But that's not something we should be boasting about right here, right now, after dark, in the middle of London."

"I suppose not," Lily acknowledged, glancing up at him in slight concern. "We're getting married on Sunday…" _Tell me you love me as much as I love you…_

He stopped short, bringing her to a stop as well, and looked down at her with a frown. Clearly he'd heard the edge in her voice, and didn't know what to make of it. "Lily…?"

"Isabelle doesn't want us getting married," she admitted softly, taking in the confusion and the irritation that immediately lit his eyes at her words. "She thinks I won't be able to handle living my life with the constant fear that one day you won't come home to me. That, as an Auror, you'll be living a hellish existence, dragging me into it, and that I'll just… I don't know… fall to pieces."

He exhaled softly, reaching his hand up to gently caress her face, while his other hand tightened around hers. "Lily… if the day ever comes that you start falling apart, I will pick you up and carry you as far away from this place as I possibly can. We'll leave. And we won't come back until you're ready to. And if you don't want to, well… then we'll never come back."

"But what about the war?" she asked, still feeling slightly weak-kneed. "What about Remus? And Sirius? And Peter? We can't just… abandon them!"

"Well, then obviously we'll just have to take them with us," he told her with a sly, almost wicked grin. "Considering Remus' furry little problem, he won't have any qualms about leaving England. And Peter certainly won't need much convincing. Once we've got them, Sirius will hesitate for all of ten seconds before realizing just how dull life will get without us. He won't stand to be left behind. Then, we'll retire somewhere in the country, where no one will ever find us. All you have to do is say the word, Lily. I'm yours to command."

She loved him so much… it left her body aching. Was that normal? "Well, I'm not broken just yet, James. Isabelle thinks our life here is going to be like Hell. Let's prove her wrong. Let's make it hellish for the Death Eaters instead. Let's end this war, so that we don't have to find peace by running away."

**ooooooo**

**A/N:** This chapter took forever! I hope it turned out okay… Please review. I appreciate it so much!


	105. Her Wedding Day

**ooooooo**

"I don't understand! I didn't send out that many invitations. This was just supposed to be a small wedding." Small. Quiet. Worth very little, if any, attention whatsoever. Lily had only sent out invitations to her closest friends. The Fletcher's. The Longbottom's. The Campbell's. Her other roommates. A few of her old professors. Granted, she had given James a small pile to hand out as he pleased as well, but this was absurd!

"Lily," Alice, who was to be her Matron of Honor, was standing before her now in the bride's room of a small church, calmly speaking confident words of reassurance. "You invited Fanny Campbell, Frank, and me, not to mention the infamous James Potter himself. This old place might be muggle, but it's sure as hell protected. No one got through those doors without an invitation."

"But… the _entire_ _sanctuary_?" How could this have happened?

"It's a small sanctuary, Lil!" Alice smiled sympathetically, taking her friend's hands in her own and giving them both a tight squeeze. "This church we're in isn't exactly St. Paul's Cathedral, now is it? Your wedding might not be private like mine was, but it still counts as small. Trust me. You just lost track of your guest list, that's it. Nothing to worry about."

The sanctuary was full of guests. If was completely full. Overflowing! Lily turned away from her friend and slowly began to pace around the small chamber that had been reserved entirely for her. It was a comfortable room to be sure, and no one bothered her there. Maybe she shouldn't leave. Ever. It was getting rather difficult to breathe. "I feel like my head's spinning, Alice." She realized then that her best friend was struggling very hard not to laugh.

"It's all right, Lily! I felt the same way at my wedding. You're okay." She crossed the distance that now separated them and gently caught her elbow. "Listen to me. It's a beautiful day outside. The world's still spinning, and by this time tomorrow, you're going to be married to the man you love." She guided Lily towards the mirror, and they both found themselves staring at the reflection of a bride dressed in a beautiful white satin gown. Its sleeves were short, barely even sleeves at all, and left her shoulders completely exposed. Its bodice was shaped perfectly to fit her body. Its full skirt flowed to the floor in gentle ripples. Her hair had been curled and was covered by a long white veil. Her face had been made up. Around her neck, she wore a diamond necklace that Mrs. Potter had given her, and around her wrist, she wore what was even more precious to her: the simple charm bracelet James had secretly conjured up for her last year in school. She looked… beautiful.

"Forget your guests," Alice urged her with a smile. "It's not about them today. It's only about you and James. He's waiting for you. He loves you. And that's all that matters."

_James…_ She hadn't seen him once that morning, and could only imagine what his expression would be when she finally did enter the sanctuary. He hadn't seen this dress yet… If he had ever attended a wedding before in his life, it would have been a magical wedding. Which meant the bride would have been wearing fancy dress robes. Not a gown quite like this. Taking deep breaths, she found herself smiling. But the smile quickly faded as she turned back towards her companion in a near panic. "But they're mostly all witches and wizards! Crowding into a muggle church! Surely the minister will notice something isn't quite ordinary about all this. Someone will say something or do something that will scream out 'magic!'"

Alice shook her head. "Even if that happens, Lil, there are plenty of wizards here, including Albus Dumbledore, who are all perfectly qualified to cover it up again with a single flick of the wrist. Now would you stop worrying about crowd control and take your bouquet?" She picked up an arrangement of blue and white flowers, handing them to the young bride with an encouraging smile. "You'll be brilliant out there. You'll see. Just keep breathing."

Lily held the bouquet in front of her, taking deep breaths as Alice suggested. But at that moment, another thought occurred to her, and she stared at her best friend in outright horror. "Did you say Professor Dumbledore was here?" Had she sent him an invitation as well? This time, Alice couldn't keep from laughing, and, without once replying, she guided Lily towards the door. It was time.

**ooooooo**

She could hear the music playing from outside the sanctuary. Her bridesmaids were all clustered around her, and she could hear them whispering to each other in pure excitement. To them, this was the wedding of the century – though Carla did admit how much she'd wished for it to be magical. She'd already attended Petunia's wedding, and now wanted to experience one in the world of witches and wizards. Lily didn't particularly blame her, but this, at least, would be safe. She hoped.

Mr. Fletcher was standing at her side. He was dressed in a tuxedo and there had been tears in his eyes when he first saw Alice escorting his charge out of the bride's room. He told her how beautiful she looked, and how much he wished her parents could see her… how much he wished her sister could see her… But Petunia hadn't come. She and Vernon had both been sent invitations, but no one had seen them arrive, and no one had heard from them at all. Lily wasn't particularly surprised, and though it stung, she couldn't let that ruin her day. Instead, she thanked her guardian for everything, and quickly kissed him on the cheek.

At that moment, Remus and Peter both appeared outside the sanctuary. They looked slightly breathless, having ushered all the guests to their seats, but were nevertheless handsome in their tuxedos. Now, they went on to silence Lily's bridesmaids – all her old roommates, including Isabelle, who no longer showed any outward, visible sign of disapproval. She wasn't about to ruin this day for her dearest friend, and for that, Lily was exceedingly grateful.

The music was swelling around her, and she took Mr. Fletcher's arm to steady herself. It was normal to feel nervous, she reminded herself. Every bride got this way before her wedding. It didn't mean anything. She'd be fine.

Remus glanced over his shoulder and around the other girls, looking for Lily. When he caught sight of her, he grinned and elbowed Peter, who immediately turned his head as well. The boy then stared at her with the widest eyes she'd ever seen before, and she didn't know whether or not that was a good thing. Truth be told, he looked slightly shocked. But at that moment, Alice walked up to them and hissed something in their ears. Remus winced. Peter reddened. And the next thing Lily knew, they were both marching into the sanctuary. Her bridesmaids all followed. Carla. Isabelle. Pippa. Mary. Morgan.

This was it. It was happening. She was getting married!

Alice walked up to her with a smile. "Here goes nothing." She winked before turning on the balls of her feet. Here goes nothing? Easy for her to say! Lily fidgeted slightly, looking down at her dress and then looking up at her escort. By that point, Alice had already started into the sanctuary, and when Mr. Fletcher caught his foster daughter looking to him as if for assistance, and gestured towards the open door.

"Shall we?"

She couldn't breathe. She felt like she'd been holding her breath for so long… that now she might either drown… or finally make her way past the surface, where she might taste the air again at long last. _Let it be that._ "Yes." Mr. Fletcher stepped towards the sanctuary, and she went with him. The room was filled to the brim, just as Alice had told her. There were her friends. There were the families of her friends. There was Professor Slughorn. And Professor Flitwick. And Professor McGonagall. And Professor Dumbledore. They were all standing in the crowd, watching her as everyone watched her, with quiet gasps and whispers of how beautiful she looked.

She had been in the spotlight before, but never like this. The music was reaching its climax as she walked down the aisle. There seemed to be flowers everywhere, and the fragrance was at once pleasant and overwhelming. A large arch of roses had been set up over the altar, on either side of which stood her bridesmaids and Remus and Peter. In front of the altar, however, stood the minister, stood Alice, stood Sirius, and…

And stood James.

Lily's heart skipped several beats when she saw him. He too was dressed in a fancy, probably expensive, tuxedo, but his black hair looked completely uncombed. It was as if… he had just hopped off a broomstick. That would be just like him, and she smiled at the thought. Of course, once she started smiling, she couldn't very well stop, and the next thing she knew, a wide grin had spread its way across her face. Her fears and nerves and anxieties all drained away, and she was suddenly overcome by such remarkable exhilaration that she herself wanted nothing more than to lift off the ground and soar.

She could see Mrs. Fletcher. She could see Mrs. Potter. She could see all her other guests. But she could not take her eyes off James. And the way he returned her gaze… He almost looked like one staring into the face an angel… or a goddess… and Lily felt her face flushing beneath all that make-up. The way he was looking at her… Was it possible to feel such joy?

They arrived in front of the altar. Mr. Fletcher paused so that Lily could hand her flowers to Alice, and then led her the rest of the way forward. Where James was. Everyone else's attention turned towards the minister, but Lily could not keep from looking at her fiancé. She couldn't. And apparently the feeling was mutual, for a moment later, he looked down at her as well. He looked… awed… as if he could not believe this day had come.

"Dearly beloved," the minister began, and still Lily could not tear her gaze away from the man she was marrying. Had he always been this handsome? "We are gathered together here in the sight of God, and in the face of this congregation, to join together this man and this woman in holy matrimony; which is an honorable estate, instituted by God in the time of man's innocence, signifying unto us the mystical union that is betwixt Christ and his Church…"

What was he saying? Should she be paying attention right now? This was the only chance she'd get to wed, so she probably shouldn't mess it up and make a fool of herself in front of everyone. But… James was smiling at her. Her heart was pumping blood that felt warm and tormenting, though also surprisingly pleasurable, through her entire body.

"But first I am required to ask anyone present who knows a reason why these persons may not lawfully marry, you must declare it now."

It was all James could do not to roll his eyes. This was the one aspect of a muggle wedding which he could not in the least bit comprehend. Why willingly ask for someone in the crowd to come running forward with wild shouts of protest spilling from his lips? Why ask for someone to try ruining the happiest day of his life? Sirius had earlier sworn that if anyone were to even think about doing so, he'd hex their mouths shut, but still… the question itself was utterly ridiculous.

The minister went on. "The vows you are about to take are to be made in the name of God, who is judge of all and who knows all the secrets of our hearts: therefore if either of you knows a reason why you may not lawfully marry, you must declare it now." Carla was right. They should have had a magical wedding. Lily and James exchanged looks, and knew they were both tired of being asked to renounce their dedication towards each other before it became a lifelong commitment. Didn't anyone realize they'd been committed to each other for so much longer than the few short weeks that had led up to this day? Neither one of them spoke a word, and the minister smiled softly as he turned towards the bridegroom.

"James Potter, will you take Lily Evans to be your wife? Will you love her, comfort her, honor and protect her, and, forsaking all others, be faithful to her as long as you both shall live?" He glanced from the minister to Lily, his eyes sparkling, and nodded.

"I will."

She felt her face beaming. Who would have thought that a muggle ceremony could be so magical? She could feel it all around her.

"Lily Evans, will you take James Potter to be your husband? Will you love him, comfort him, honor and protect him, and, forsaking all others, be faithful to him as long as you both shall live?"

"I will," she assured him, while her mind shouted out her real answer: _yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesYES!_

Yes.

The minister looked up, as if addressing the entire congregation, though he already knew where the answer would come from. "Who gives this woman to be married to this man?"

Lily glanced at Mr. Fletcher, who looked teary-eyed once again as he replied; "I do." Turning slightly towards his foster daughter, he released her arm, took up her hand, and presented it to the minister. Her heart started pounding as the man then stepped backwards to join Sirius. The minister offered her hand to James, but when she looked towards him, he did not return her gaze. He could not. After all, he was much too preoccupied staring at her hand, which he gently gathered into both of his. His touch… made her quiver.

He stepped forward, facing her completely, slowly, finally looking up at her. He opened his mouth, but it took him a moment to speak… And then… "I, James Potter, take you, Lily Evans, to be my wife, to have and to hold from this day forward; for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love, cherish, and worship till death do us part. This is my solemn vow."

She blinked through the tears forming in her own eyes. "I, Lily Evans, take you, James Potter, to be my husband, to have and to hold from this day forward; for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love, cherish, and obey till death do us part. This is my solemn vow."

The minister kept smiling. Nodding at Sirius, he waited for the Best Man to step forward and place two golden rings on his prayer book, which he then held up high. "Heavenly Father, by your blessing, let these rings be to James Potter and Lily Evans a symbol of unending love and faithfulness, to remind them of the vow and covenant which they have made this day, through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen." He lowered the prayer book before nodding at James.

Wordlessly, the young man reached forward and picked up the smaller of the two rings. Turning towards Lily, he held up her hand and carefully slipped it onto her finger. "I give you this ring as a sign of our marriage. With my body I honor you, all that I am I give to you, and all that I have I share with you, within the love of God, Father, Son, and Holy Spirit." He released her hand.

Light was shining through the stained glass windows of the church. It washed over her as she took the remaining ring from the minister's prayer book and slipped it onto James's finger. It almost seemed to be glowing. "I give you this ring as a sign of our marriage. With my body I honor you, all that I am I give to you, and all that I have I share with you, within the love of God, Father, Son, and Holy Spirit."

The minister held up his arms. "Forasmuch as James Potter and Lily Evans have consented together in holy matrimony, and have witnessed the same before God and this congregation, I pronounce you man and wife together, in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost. Amen." He glanced at James, who looked back at him with an anticipative smile. After all, he knew what was coming. "You may kiss the bride."

The smile on James's face turned sly, and when he glanced at Lily, the two of them pressed together without hesitation. His hands slipped around her waist as their lips met.

"That which God has joined together, let not man divide."

They were one now. Even if time were to come to a complete and utter stop, then and there, at that precise moment, all would be well, for they were one, and that would never change.

**ooooooo**

**A/N: **Please send in your reviews! I'm looking forward to them! And… I'm sorry this chapter's kind of short…


	106. Together

**Disclaimer:** I love Shakespeare, but don't own any of his works anymore than I own Harry Potter – which belongs solely to J.K. Rowling. Nevertheless, enjoy!

**ooooooo**

Needless to say, time did not come to a complete and utter stop at that precise moment, but carried on as it always did, whether for the good or the bad. It swept forward like a raging river, crashing over rocks and around bends and past all other obstacles without once slowing down in need of recovery. It was unstoppable. And as it surged and sprayed along its relentless channel, it swelled with a power, a might, that spoke of indescribable euphoria. Nothing, not even the strongest dam, could hinder its formidable current.

That was how the world felt after the wedding ceremony. There was the reception. There were toasts and all the dancing. Cakes, gifts, and flowers. Pictures being taken. Sirius, trying to wheedle his way into every single shot. There was confetti. There was wine. There was the carriage. It almost felt like there was chaos, but something about that chaos left everyone feeling complete and utter jubilation.

There was Italy! – and a cheap honeymoon it was not. Fancy dinners. Incredible tours – some of which were muggle, and some of which were magical. Not to mention there was also, by far, the best part… going to bed every night and waking up every morning to pure rapture in James's arms! Life had become like a rhapsody, and though there was some peace and some quiet, it did not once slow down or grow at all wearisome. Never had Lily felt such vivaciousness, such fervor, and she would not have traded it for anything. The world, like a river, had carried her to her husband, and now it swept them together towards a future unlike any other. She looked forward to it most eagerly.

"This place is filled with magic," James told her one blistering afternoon as they stood high up on Palatine Hill, gazing out over the magnificent Roman Forum. Though it was for the most part just a great, big ruin, enough structures had survived over all those centuries to assure them both that once it had been a city without equal. "Magic the likes of which we'll never get to replicate." He chuckled his amusement. "No offense, Lil, but muggles… they're not too bright. Rome wasn't built in a day? Says who?" Says muggles. Lily didn't even bother giving that a response as they began their trek down the hill, towards the forum.

"Did you know Remus is named after one of Rome's two founders?" she asked instead, speaking rather casually. "Both of whom were raised by a she-wolf?"

"And now he's a werewolf," James shook his head, taking his wife's hand in his own. He almost seemed to be making no distinction whatsoever between the Remus of the past and the Remus of the present. "I wonder if there's something he's not telling us."

"Don't even suggest it," Lily warned him quickly, unwilling to even joke about such a thing. "The Remus who helped build this city was killed by his twin brother, Romulus." Not that their Remus had a twin brother, but the mere thought that anything might happen to him – especially at the hands of someone so closely related – was enough to sober her right up. James noticed and immediately modified the subject of their conversation.

"_Romulus_? Wait a minute…" He looked at her in disgruntlement. "Are you trying to tell me Rome's named after a bloke who committed fratricide?" This was supposed to be a respectable city! And yet it seemed to have a rather questionable origin.

Lily could only shrug her shoulders. "I suppose so."

It was enough for him to shake his head in shocked disbelief. "Muggles! The more I learn about them, the more outrageous they sound. I mean, what with the Coliseum and the Catacombs and everything else they say about this place, I can't help but wonder if there's not some kind of Italian obsession with blood and decay."

"Italian obsession?" Lily stared at him in slight, very slight, amusement. "We're English, James. Who are you to talk? Haven't you ever heard of the Tower of London? Bloody Mary? Richard III?" Considering their country's own history, they weren't exactly in a position to be judging Italy, now were they?

"Hey!" James nevertheless cut in defensively. "When Englishmen want entertainment, they go to the Globe Theatre where they watch some of the finest plays ever written in both the muggle world and the magical one performed by some of the finest actors who ever lived. On the other hand, when those bloody Italians want entertainment, they go to the Coliseum where they watch lions and tigers and bears rip men apart limb from limb. There's really no comparison."

Lily scoffed. He wasn't about to win this one! She wouldn't let him. "And what do you do for entertainment, James Potter? Hop on a broomstick and play Quidditch? That's often just as bad. Bludgers break arms. Falls could even kill." It didn't matter if you were muggle or magical. When it came to sports, humans in general were extremely careless with their lives.

James, however, didn't even wait to take a breath before retorting. "Well, if you're so adamantly opposed, Lily Potter" – they both paused a moment to savor the touch of elation that passed through their veins at the sound of her new name – "I reckon we'll have to find some other ways to amuse ourselves that aren't quite so brutal."

Her eyes glittered as she waited for an example. "Got something in mind?"

He thought for a moment. "Something magical… and beneficial to mankind… We'll move away from destructiveness… Unless, of course, you want to try something that's both beneficial _and_ destructive – since that seems to be human nature…" He snapped his fingers as an idea came to him. "We could tear down the Berlin Wall!"

She stared at him in fascination. Wasn't he the one who called muggles outrageous? Didn't he have any idea what he sounded like? But then, at that precise moment, before she could so much as even comment on his latest, implausible scheme, inspiration of her own struck quite gleefully. "Oh! We could find a sphinx somewhere that's willing to rampage. Of course, Remus would be the only one clever and witty enough to solve its riddle, and then the world'll be so terribly grateful to him for stopping the sphinx that they'll practically worship him whether he's a werewolf or not!" Say goodbye to persecution!

James's obnoxious smile took up his entire face. "We could become adventurers! We'd go exploring the Bermuda Triangle. Or the rainforests. We'd discover El Dorado! Or Atlantis!"

Lily beamed as their brainstorming continued. "We could go to the States and commandeer a ship that would take us all the way to the moon! Imagine what we might discover there!"

"We could prove the existence of aliens!" he declared passionately.

"And why not?" she asked, her own enthusiasm growing with every passing second. "We've got ghosts and vampires and witches and wizards, now haven't we? Aliens could be next."

James nodded, incredibly pleased with himself. "And we could identify those idiotic unidentified flying objects. Ha! U.F.O.'s…" His smirk suddenly melted as excitement once again took its place. "Or even better! We could make our own! All we'd need are a few china saucers and a good levitation spell!"

"While we're at it," Lily fantasized, "we could use that very levitation spell on a big old red sleigh, grab a Time-Turner, and convince the world there actually _is_ a Santa Claus!" A few intermittent turns and the magical hourglass would grant them more than enough time to visit every house in the world in just one night.

James laughed in delight. "Let's extend our honeymoon, Mrs. Potter!" Once again, Lily couldn't help but grin at the sound of her name. "There's so much to do! So many options! And we got to get it all done before September!" After all, they both had jobs to return home to, not to mention friends and family. Vacations and honeymoons could only last for so long, which was why they both wanted to make it as memorable as possible. And if that meant proving to the world there actually were aliens and flying reindeer, than why not?

And so passed their honeymoon. They spent most of it laughing and playing, forgetting entirely about the war and all the various responsibilities they'd soon be facing as they dreamed together of a future filled with happiness.

"Hey," James whispered one night, as they lay in bed. "If we ever had kids, what would you name them?" They had just gotten married and already he wanted to talk about children?

"We're too young to have kids, James," she reminded him, trying not to laugh, for he sounded slightly serious. And serious he was. Rolling off his back, he faced her in curiosity.

"I know that. I don't even want kids!" He didn't sound entirely convincing – a fact which Lily chose not to point out at that exact moment. "But if we ever decided to… let's come up with a name now instead of when you get pregnant! Then we'll have one less thing to worry about."

"All right," she agreed teasingly, smiling like an imp through the darkness. "Whether it's a boy or girl, we'll call it Jamie!"

He shoved his pillow at her. "I don't think so!"

She scoffed. "Well then, what do you suggest? It was your idea!"

"I know…" he said quietly, suddenly hesitant. Lily frowned, staring at him in astonishment. Was this her husband, at a loss for words? "I thought… well… If it's a boy, he's going to be your son, yeah? So… he should have a name fit for royalty."

Lily found herself laughing at such a prospect. "Oh I see! You mean to flatter me, don't you, James? But you want him to have a princely name because you still think you're a prince yourself." His days of arrogance and conceit had long since faded into memory, and he had grown into one of the kindest men she'd ever met. And yet… she felt self-conscious when he complimented her like thus… and so she sometimes tried to turn his words around and make it seem like everything was all about him. He must have understood why, for he always handled himself remarkably well.

"Doesn't matter what I am. You're my Queen, Lil." He spoke cheerfully, refusing to let her escape the spotlight he so enjoyed watching her stand in. She sighed, giving up, and genuinely considered his inquiry. Though they weren't about to have children anytime soon, it certainly couldn't hurt to come up with names in advance, now could it?

"All right, then," she said after several long minutes of thoughtful contemplation. "How about Henry?" It sounded like a good, strong, Kingly name, and was certainly better than Jamie. Her husband, on the other hand, seemed slightly dubious. He raised an eyebrow, looking more or less averse to the idea.

"After Henry VIII?"

Lily rolled her eyes, slightly exasperated. "No, James, not after Henry VIII. After Henry V. Honestly! Don't you ever read Shakespeare? His was only the most inspiring speech ever given by a king. England was at war, facing grim defeat, and yet he someone managed to lead his men to victory. Henry V." It was without a doubt one of the finest historical pieces Shakespeare had ever written, but James still didn't look quite convinced.

"Sounds impressive, Lil," he acknowledged uneasily. "But when I think of King Henry, it's Henry VIII that comes to mind. How many wives did that bloke have? And didn't he kill one?" There wasn't anyway in hell he'd name his son after a man who divorced one wife, beheaded another, and married several others. He just had too much respect for marriage – and especially for Lily – to even consider it. But as flattering as that was… the name 'Henry' was starting to grow on the woman.

"But we're talking about your son, James Potter," she quickly pointed out, trying to find the words that might change his mind. "_Yours_. And who are you? You're Prongs, yeah? Only the most infamous Marauder to have ever walked the halls of Hogwarts! So if we're going to name our son after a King, let's not be obvious about it. Just like you weren't obvious about your secret identity. Now, I never met Henry V, but Shakespeare often enough identified him as Harry. How's that sound?" She liked the name 'Henry,' but James didn't. Marriage was all about compromise, and she found herself suddenly and unexpectedly hopeful that he might agree.

"Harry Potter…" James slowly tried it out, considering it with great care. "Well…I can't deny it does have a nice ring to it. You said he led his people to victory against all odds?"

She nodded exuberantly. "They were outnumbered five-to-one, or something like that. King Henry told his men that if any of them were afraid and didn't want to fight, he'd actually pay them to leave. He wouldn't die next to a man afraid to die next to him. 'And gentlemen in England now a-bed shall think themselves accursed they were not here, and hold their manhoods cheap whiles any speaks that fought with us upon Saint Crispin's Day.' Of course they won the battle, and shortly after that Henry got the girl." James grinned. He definitely liked the sound of that!

"Harry Potter it is, then!" he proclaimed decidedly before swiftly moving on yet again. "But what if we get a little girl? What would we name her?"

Lily took a deep breath as she thought about the question. And as she thought, she couldn't help but picture a little girl lying asleep in her arms. She'd be a happy girl. She'd never be left alone, as her mother had been. She'd know magic, and would never be caught off guard by its unexpected existence, as her mother had been. She'd always laugh. She'd never suffer needless pain. Life would be an adventure. And a joyous one, at that. The Potters would be among the happiest families in the entire world! "King Henry V married Catherine of Valois, a French princess. So if we have a daughter, we'll name her that."

"Catherine Potter?" James frowned, testing it out on his tongue as he'd tested the name 'Harry.' "I don't know about that, Lil. I think we should have a son."

"Don't worry about it, James," she replied, reaching for his hand. Their fingers interwove effortlessly together, as if their hands had been designed for each other. "We're not going to have children for a long, long time. But when that time comes, we'll have several. Up to a dozen! And by then, the name Catherine will have grown on you."

She could see him smiling sheepishly. "Something tells me we're going to have a lot of these sleepless nights trying to come up with twelve names for both genders." He released her hand and caught her waist, pulling her body close to his. She eased up against him with a sigh. "Twelve children… Bloody hell. I reckon it's a good thing we can count on Padfoot, Moony, and Wormtail to baby-sit, yeah?"

She smiled, closing her eyes. "Yeah."

**ooooooo**

Eventually, the newlyweds found themselves back in England, their honeymoon having sadly reached its end. James moved into the flat with Lily, where they spent most of their time sitting together out on the balcony, watching the muggles go about their daily business. Lily explained much about their kind to her companion, who needed to understand their ways if he was ever going to be their neighbor. Fortunately, it wasn't as difficult to do so as it might have been, for he had taken Muggle Studies back at school. He already had a relatively good grasp of their society, and for that, Lily was grateful. She'd much rather enjoy his presence than spend her time trying to explain to him the concept of a police box. Time was as precious as it was unstoppable, and she knew the ride she and James had been on over the past few weeks would soon reach its end.

August was almost over. James would officially begin his training as an Auror, having delayed so long already on his wife's behalf. Lily could not stop thinking about the warning Isabelle had given her. Soon, he would be throwing himself into harm's way, and she would not be there beside him. She would be here, at home, waiting for him to return to her… while fearing the day he might not. It was a terrifying prospect she did not at all look forward to, and her one consolation was that he had promised to leave England and take her somewhere far, far away should it ever grow too difficult a burden for her to bear. A part of her knew, and acknowledged, how disgraceful it would be for them to just pack up and run away… She could never ask that of him… But at the same time, it brought her comfort to know he'd be ready and willing to steal a U.S. spacecraft someday and fly her to the moon, where they'd encounter aliens and flying saucers, and possibly even travel with them across the universe.

Anything would be better than receiving word that her husband, her James, her unstoppable, invincible James Potter, Prongs, the great and legendary Marauder, had fallen in battle against the Death Eaters. She'd sooner die herself…

"We have to go to Diagon Alley," James told her presently, as they sat out on their balcony – _their_ balcony – drinking tea. Lily glanced at him in surprise, and he shrugged. "I reckon there's not much to do there these days, but we ought to go to Gringotts and open up a joint account. Mum's been nagging me about it all summer. Said we should have done so before heading off to Rome. You know how it is with her. She thinks saving's important."

"Well, it is," Lily said with a shrug. Her parents had never been big savers, spending most of their money on various road trips. When they died, she and Petunia had been left with next to nothing. That was a mistake she knew she didn't want to repeat. And yet… at the same time… the thought of going to Diagon Alley worried her. It was a dangerous, dangerous place. "We should go sooner rather than later. Get it done and over with."

"As you wish," James agreed, jumping to his feet. The Leaky Cauldron wasn't at all that far from their flat; they could cross the distance in under twenty minutes. And so, hand in hand, they set off, walking down the busy city streets on a warm, beautiful afternoon. It was difficult not comparing London with Rome; both cities were so magnificent, and yet, so different. Lily found that she wanted to see more. She wanted to see Venice. She wanted to see Greece. She wanted to see France and Spain and New York and Egypt and the rest of the world. She could imagine the dragons in Romania. The leprechauns in Ireland. She wanted to see it all. Everything. But at the same time, as she walked beside her husband, she genuinely felt that, out of all those places, only England could ever be home to her. England. With James. This was where she belonged.

They arrived shortly enough at the Leaky Cauldron. Passing through it, they made their way into Diagon Alley. It was as Lily had thought it would be… practically abandoned. More stores had been shut down and boarded up. More windows had been broken, more signs thrown to the ground, and more damage done, all around. Had this place been left to rot for a thousand years, it might have looked something like the Roman Forum. Lily shivered in dismay.

The few other people who actually were present in that forsaken alley traveled in tightly knit packs. They avoided making eye contact with anyone they did not know or recognize, and went about their business as quickly as they could. Lily had always felt safe with James, but she began to wonder whether or not they should have invited Sirius, Remus, and Peter along as well. After three weeks in Rome, it would have done them all good to spend an afternoon together, wouldn't it?

Gringotts Wizarding Bank soon appeared before them. Big, white, and imposing, it was precisely as Lily remembered it. Even now, there was a goblin standing calmly by the doors, ever watchful. The bank was one of the safest places to be in outside Hogwarts – at least for those honest folk who didn't try stealing anything – but that fact alone made it dangerous. If it wasn't already, it would no doubt sooner or later become one of Voldemort's targets. Lily knew without a doubt she didn't want to be there the day that it did.

Inside the bank, the main hall was lit as radiantly as ever by several large chandeliers. The long counter behind which hundreds of goblins sat and worked was made of the finest polished wood, and by the sight of the economic center of the magical world, one would never have guessed that anything at all was amiss. War or no war, those goblins kept their bank overly clean and efficient, so that no matter how troubled the times were, witches and wizards alike could trust them with their money.

All in all, the task set before them to open a joint account proved surprisingly simple… at least to Lily. She had very little experience in that bank, as opposed to James himself, who actually recognized and called by name the goblin that serviced them. Apparently, his mother had already helped him open a private account, and he had inherited more than enough money from his father to last him well into the future. All Lily had to do was sign a few papers and purchase her key to a vault that was now hers as much as her husband's. It took them about ten minutes, and that, Lily knew, was not something to be taken for granted. Gringotts was easily the finest bank in all of London!

"And the most reliable at that!" James promised her as they boldly made their way back towards the building's front entrance. "Word is some of those vaults are protected by full-blown dragons!" He didn't get any further in his praise than that, however, for as they stepped through the two enormous bronze doors that led back out into the streets, they were met by utter chaos.

As empty and abandoned as Diagon Alley had appeared fifteen minutes ago, it was now overflowing with witches and wizards. Where did they all come from? Most were fleeing as if for their very lives, yelling, and throwing curses as they went. Others seemed to be looking for places to hide. A fire had broken out in one of the buildings, and heavy black smoke was rising towards the sky, effectively blocking out the sun. And it did not take Lily long at all to realize why.

Death Eaters. Who else would dress in black, hooded robes with white masks covering most of their faces? Masks… shaped like skulls? They were there in that alley, cursing everyone standing in their way. Green light… She could see it flashing from their wands… People were falling… landing on the ground… and failing to get back up again. It immediately brought to mind the incident at the train station the year before last. Death Eaters had ambushed them there, too. Only this time… it was worse. She immediately felt sick, and longed for a toilet to throw up in.

"Lily!" James was clutching her hand tightly. She glanced at him in dismay, recognizing the look on his face. "Go back inside the bank. Stay there, and do not come out for anything."

"James-!"

He turned towards her quickly with a hardened expression. "Don't follow me. I'll be right back. I promise." He leaned forward and kissed her. She immediately pressed against him, hoping against hope that if she could just keep him there for one more minute, he might not leave her at all. But it was in vain, for he pulled away and let go of her hand. "I love you."

Tears stung in her eyes. "Be careful."

He nodded his head even as he grabbed his wand and turned away from her. The next thing she knew, she was standing almost entirely by herself, with only a single goblin at her side waiting anxiously by the doors of the bank, as he seemed unwilling to abandon his post. The world had gone mad, and James… her beloved James… was charging headfirst into the midst of it.

**ooooooo**

**A/N:** This chapter I enjoyed writing very much, even though I should be doing homework right now. I'm sorry I didn't write more than a paragraph about the wedding reception. Obviously, I wanted to get straight to the honeymoon. Anyway, I'm looking forward to all your reviews! Don't neglect to send me one. Thanks so much!


	107. Lord Voldemort

**ooooooo**

The fire that had been burning one of the buildings in Diagon Alley suddenly erupted. Lily shrieked as the force of the blast sent her, along with dozens of others, flying to the ground. She landed on solid marble, covering her face in her arms as she feebly sought to protect her head. Dust fell on top of her like a sheet of heavy rain. Against the roar of those angry flames, she couldn't even hear herself coughing. "James…"

Cautiously, she glanced up and peered over her shoulder. The explosion didn't seem to have had any effect on the Death Eaters; they were all still on their feet, grabbing witches and wizards off the ground to get a look at their faces before tossing them aside like pieces of trash. They must have been looking for someone…

Lily shivered; despite the heat emanating from the flames, she felt painfully cold and slightly numb. James was out there, somewhere. As she slowly sat up, she found herself looking for him, but it was just too dark now to identify anyone. Even as desperate men and women turned towards the bank and scrambled as quickly for it as they could, she could not distinguish them from anyone else. Wherever James was at that moment, she wouldn't find him. For all she knew, he could be…

A wave of nausea passed through her and her stomach tightened. She couldn't think of that right now. She had to get inside the bank. Twisting back around, she pushed onto her feet and crossed the threshold of the supposedly impenetrable edifice, sliding to the right as soon as she was once again safely inside. Several of the goblins had abandoned their work and were now standing together behind the enormous counter where they seemed to be discussing something rather important. That they weren't yet panicking brought Lily some comfort, as she slid to the ground and wrapped her arms around her bent knees, but not much. She certainly wasn't an expert on goblins. Maybe they _were_ panicking, and she just didn't know it, having no idea how such creatures would express such terror.

The first wave of witches and wizards arrived at that moment, spilling into the bank after Lily as quickly as they could. There weren't very many of them. There weren't very many of them at all, and even less were able to follow. But for those that did, as soon as they found shelter inside the bank, they seemed capable of breathing again, and breathed almost joyously. They believed themselves to be perfectly safe, and some even fell into each others arms while laughing in utter relief. The Death Eaters couldn't touch them here, and that was that.

Several goblins seemed to have noticed the refugees, and the looks on their faces were clearly of extreme displeasure. As Lily fought to catch her breath, two of them started towards the doors with the obvious intention of closing them. Possibly even locking them. At first, Lily couldn't believe it. She had to see them literally pushing the doors shut before she fully grasped the implications of their actions. "NO!"

She jumped to her feet and attempted to shove one goblin away, grabbing the door's handle and holding it ajar. Staring down at the two creatures in disgust, she shook her head and gestured towards the alley. "There are still people out there!" _James_… "If you close these doors, how will they get in?" The bank was gigantic. There was more than enough space for everyone in the entire alley, and then some! Locking them outside in the company of Death Eaters was just unacceptable!

"Mrs. Potter," the goblin she had shoved aside spoke calmly enough, though his expression didn't even try to hide his annoyance. "If we do not close these doors, how do you suggest we prevent the Death Eaters from entering themselves?"

Good question. Lily stared down at him in dismay as the other goblin, who had by that time pushed shut the other door, took her by the wrist and urged her out of away. Without another word, the first goblin grabbed the door and shut it, locking them both. That was it, then… James had promised he'd be right back, but now, even if he was, he wouldn't be able to get inside. Nor would anybody else. They were trapped out there. She was trapped in here.

"Lily?"

One of the refugees that actually had managed to make it in now stepped towards her, pulling down the hood of the crimson cloak that had, until now, concealed her face. Her voice, however, had been easily recognizable, and Lily knew who she was even before she turned her head to look. "Alice?" Her best friend. Her Matron of Honor. Auror, and Frank Longbottom's wife. She'd been here in Diagon Alley all this time, and neither Lily nor James had known. "Alice, what are you doing here?" The two women rushed towards each other and embraced tightly. It was, however, not at all difficult for Lily to perceive how faint her friend felt, or how she winced at even the slightest touch – not to mention such a fierce hug. Alice was hurt, and Lily pulled away from her immediately at the realization. "Are you all right? What happened?"

Alice was pale. Paler than Lily had ever seen her, and though she somehow managed to smile weakly, there was no joy whatsoever on her face. In fact, she only looked that much worse for it. She looked… haunted. "I'm afraid I can't go into that much detail about it, Lil. Top secret, and all that. I'm sorry." She glanced around the hall, as if expecting to see someone. Whoever it was, however, must not have been there, for she looked back at her friend with a surprised frown on her face. "Where's James?"

Lily swallowed painfully. "He went outside. Alice, he went outside! The doors are shut now; he's stuck out there!" She must have been close to hysterics, for the young Auror caught her shoulders and proceeded to shush her, steady her, and comfort her.

"It's all right," she quietly assured her friend, though Lily couldn't particularly see how. "Frank's out there too, no doubt causing as much trouble for the Death Eaters as he possibly can, in which case, James's sure to find him. They'll watch each other's backs, and everything will be just fine. I promise. Keep it together, Lil." Easier said than done. Nevertheless, Lily found herself able to breathe again, and even smiled as she pictured James and Frank thwarting the plans of every Death Eater thick enough to get in their way. All the while, Alice nodded encouragingly. "That's it. You see? Nothing to worry about."

"Comforting words, to be sure," one goblin said, approaching them stiffly as the others all shepherded the remaining refugees away from the two bronze doors. "However, we would advise you both to accompany us down to the vaults. In the unlikely event You-Know-Who or his followers actually do manage to break into Gringotts, it might easily take them years to discover us down in those caverns, so long as we get enough of a head start." Alice nodded and was about to oblige the teller, but Lily pulled back, a look of disdain darkening her face considerably.

"Of course," she spat, her voice heavy with resent. "Lead us down into safety, while God only knows how many other innocent witches and wizards are left out there to the mercy of the Death Eaters!" The goblin glanced at the locked doors, his own expression characteristically grim. He looked back at Lily, but did not answer her, choosing instead only to wait expectantly. There was no need for redundancy. If any of them were to survive, they could not afford to open those two doors, and, considering it was _their_ bank, Lily would just have to accept that. It wasn't fair.

After a moment of silence, the goblin turned to Alice, whom he no doubt hoped would prove more reasonable. "Try not to fall too far behind. If you get lost, it might easily take even us years to find you." And with that, he turned around and hastened after his colleagues, who were already disappearing down one cavern with the other witches and wizards. Lily, however, just couldn't follow them. She couldn't. James was still outside, along with dozens of others, and if she disappeared down that cave, she'd spend the rest of her life believing herself to have abandoned them all.

"Lily, you heard the goblin," Alice gently urged her towards the door leading down into the vaults. "I understand how you feel, believe me. Frank's out there, too. But we won't be any good to anyone if we're dead." _So that makes it okay to run and hide?_ Alice was limping. Lily noticed that as the woman guided her after the goblins. She was hurt… badly. Lily couldn't see how – there weren't any outward signs of injury – but that didn't change the fact Alice was all too likely incapable of fighting no matter how much she wanted to… in which case, running and hiding was the only sensible thing to do. But… Lily herself wasn't hurt. She had no excuse. James was out there, quite possibly alone and in more danger than he'd ever been in before, and she just… she couldn't leave him!

A goblin was standing at the entrance to the cavern, waiting for Lily and Alice to catch up. By the time they did, however, something big and heavy rammed itself against the bank's front doors. The entire building shook; the crystal chandeliers rattled together and piles upon piles of parchment flew from the long countertop to the floor, making quite a mess. Lily herself stumbled backwards, while Alice practically fell forward into the cavern. Both women glanced over their shoulders towards the front doors, neither of which looked even half as sturdy as they had moments ago. A second ram seemed to batter against them, with even more weight than the first had had. It was thundering outside, and at the same time, an earthquake meant to tear all of England apart!

"Lily!" Alice was screaming for her, trying to scramble out of the cavern and back into the bank's entrance hall. The goblin, however, was doing everything in his power to hinder her, even as he shouted at Lily to hurry. To the young woman's astonishment, it appeared he believed the bank was about to fall. This was exactly what she had prayed would never happen. She shouldn't be here right now. None of them should be here. Shaking fiercely, she reached for her wand and held it tightly in her trembling hand. She had to… She had to get into the cavern… Reach safety… Hide…

No.

The word crossed her mind with surprising resolve. No. She couldn't. Whatever it was slamming into the doors slammed into them a third time. The lights flickered for a moment, and when they steadied, they were no longer even half as bright as they had been. Shadows blanketed the entire chamber, which, amazingly, helped to ease the pain throbbing through her head. The world was slowly being ripped apart, and yet she found the thought of hiding strangely absurd. She was a Potter now. James was out there somewhere, and she had made a vow never to leave him; never to forsake him. She had sworn she would love and protect him for the rest of her life. She was wearing a ring on her finger now as a symbol… of unending love and faithfulness… She had to find him.

Throwing out her arm, she shrieked a quick spell that slammed shut the door separating her from the cavern twisting down into the vaults. Alice screamed, but once the door was shut, her cries could no longer be heard. _"Colloportus!" _The door should have squelched as it locked shut, but Lily was as unable to hear that as she was unable to hear Alice, for the front doors had been assaulted once again. If she could hear anything, she could hear them cracking… breaking… The Death Eaters were almost inside.

_Get behind the counter. _Lily immediately turned and dove towards it. If the Death Eaters were at all intelligent, they'd guess where the goblins had gone, and would be quick to choose one or more of the dozens of doors leading into the dozens of caverns leading down to the hundreds of vaults where they would hunt for their prey. If Lily could just conceal herself behind the counter at which the bank tellers worked long enough for the Death Eaters to preoccupy themselves with the many cavern entrances, she might be able to slip past them and back out into the alley, where she might then be able to find James. That was all that mattered.

Once again, a great force crashed against the bank's front doors, and this time, it successfully tore them both of their hinges. Lily tried desperately not to shriek as she ducked behind the counter and sat there as still as she possibly could. What followed, however, was not what she had expected…

What had she expected? Mad, cackling laughter, to be sure. Voices. Cocky, arrogant voices gleefully praising themselves for actually making it inside. She had expected to hear them walk in. To hear them question how best to proceed. To hear… well… to hear something! But… everything was silent. Now that the doors were open, it was as if all the pandemonium, all the thundering chaos, had ended. Everything was still. There was not a whisper. Not a word. Nothing. Next to that, Lily feared her heartbeat must have been clearly audible, and she cringed where she sat, covering her mouth with one hand while clutching her wand even tighter with her other. She knew someone was standing on the other side of that counter. Someone had to have blown open those doors. But… what was he doing?

As quietly and as subtly as she possibly could, she edged towards the end of the counter and slowly, carefully, peered around it. Paper and bits of parchment littered the floor, and it was all she could do to keep from touching them, moving them, making them crinkle loudly. She was not a spy, and dreaded capture, but something compelled her to look. There was a huge cloud of dust settling back towards the ground, and through it, a single man robed in black leisurely made his way inside.

She couldn't see his face, but the chill that suddenly ran down her spine was more than enough to assure her this particular man was not to be reckoned with. He was dangerous. He was evil. He was terrifying. She turned away from him quickly, cowering behind the counter where she struggled not to cry. He was completely by himself; if James were here, he'd fight the man face to face and no doubt have a fair chance at winning. But then again, hadn't this man, alone, dealt such damage to two doors that were supposed to be impenetrable? His invasion had brought to the forefront of Lily's mind terrible, frightening thoughts of the bloody apocalypse, and he had managed it alone! She couldn't make it past him! Even if he went all the way down into the vaults, deep underground, a part of her still feared he'd sense her escape, and would somehow manage to cut her off. No doubt he'd then take great delight in torturing her… killing her… She whimpered at the thought, terrified it would come to pass. Where was James?

"You might as well come out, my dear, I know you're there."

His voice was soft, but sinister. It was like a cruel whisper being hissed into both ears, and though Lily knew he was standing on the other side of the room, she could have sworn he was close enough to be speaking inside her very head. She couldn't breathe… anymore than she could resist his summons. Slowly, she got to her feet and turned to face him – though she did manage to keep the counter safely between them.

He was approaching her now… gracefully. He was surprisingly graceful. He seemed to almost glide towards her, having no need to walk. And as he came, he reached his arms up and carefully lowered his hood. Lily, having a rather pressing need for oxygen, breathed heavily, practically gasping, as he revealed a nightmarish face that would haunt anyone's darkest dreams.

At first, she thought it simply had to be a mask. His skin was as white as chalk, and almost looked like chalk. His face was taut, resembling a skull, and he had no nose. Just slits… His eyes, blood red, looked like slits as well, and though she might easily have imagined such a perverse being twisting and writhing in hellish agony, _this_ being actually appeared to savor every single ounce of his perversion. It wasn't natural. It wasn't natural in the least, and when she realized it was no mask, she wanted nothing more than to cry. This was no Death Eater. Intuition told her that much. This… demon… was something much, much worse.

"I'm looking for Alice Longbottom," he told her suddenly, his voice brisk and malicious. She flinched, staring down at the counter's surface so that she might not look at his horrible face any longer. "You know through which door the goblins led her, and it will not benefit you to attempt deterring me." He waited for her response.

He was looking for Alice. Why? Why, why, why was he looking for Alice? Lily knew the girl had been hurt, but not how. Had she… Had she actually been stupid enough to gain this man's personal attention? It didn't seem feasible! And yet… here he was… searching for her. Alice… was in danger! Lily's best friend – her Matron of Honor – was in terrible danger! She couldn't let anything… She had to protect her!

"Don't be foolish," the black robed man warned her quietly. Dangerously. It was as if he could see into her thoughts, and when Lily looked up at him, he had taken another step towards her, his gaze focused as intently upon her as any predator's would be upon its latest quarry. He meant to kill her. Her only use to him was as a means to speed up his search for Alice, but he certainly didn't need her. She could help him or defy him, but either way, he would kill her. She found herself backing away as he stepped around the edge of the counter and continued towards her. "You can't protect her. Trying will get you nowhere, except, perhaps…" he smiled wryly. "Hell. Or the closest thing to it. Torture. Misery. Despair."

Her hand was shaking furiously, but she nevertheless held up her wand. "Don't come any closer." He regarded her for a moment, and then, with a single flick of his wrist along with a word muttered under his breath, her wand flew out of her hand and towards the other side of the room. She watched it land uselessly several meters away before looking back at her antagonist in horror. He was laughing quietly at her in cold amusement.

**ooooooo**

The fire had finally been put out, and most of the Death Eaters had gone. Clearly, their purpose had been to find someone, but their search didn't seem to be going all that well, and for that, James was grateful. Diagon Alley was practically abandoned. All the witches and wizards who had not taken refuge within Gringotts – and who had not been killed – were gone now, having fled for their lives, so there was very little reason for the Death Eaters to remain themselves. Their ranks might have outnumbered the Ministry of Magic, but even now they weren't powerful or confident enough to openly make camp in such a public place as Diagon Alley. The Aurors would know precisely where they were, and Death Eaters survived mostly through secrecy. No one knew where they were based, and so they could not be ambushed as they so often ambushed their enemies. And so they left Diagon Alley as they always did, and James was glad the fight was nearing its end… He was terribly, terribly worried about Lily.

"Potter!"

Coughing, wiping soot off his face, James turned in time to see a slightly older man scrambling towards him while dodging both rubble and fallen bodies. It was sickening, and he couldn't help but thank God Lily was safe inside that bank. "Longbottom? That you?" Sure enough, the man appeared at his side a moment later, breathing heavily as he pressed his hand against the back of his head. James blinked, staring at him in sudden concern. He was hurt. "What happened?"

Frank had lowered his hand and was staring at it now in slight surprise. There was… blood all over it. He looked up at James, trembling. "You tell me, mate. What happens when you get in the way of the Dark Lord?"

"Typically, you die," James retorted while rushing forward to help the Auror sit on the ground. Frank's eyes were dilated; he had a concussion, and James could only hope it wasn't too severe. Had Voldemort done this to him? If that was the case, Frank Longbottom was possibly the most fortunate man on the planet, not to have been killed. "It looks like you're going to make it out of this forsaken alley with just a headache, Longbottom. I'm almost jealous. Whatever you did, you're gonna be a hero by this time tomorrow, eh?"

"Right," Frank laughed weakly, closing his eyes as he tried to catch his breath. "Me. A hero. That's rich." Kneeling next to him, James gently pushed him forward to get a better view of the back of his head. It was bleeding, but could've definitely been worse. Holding up his wand, he began to treat the wound as best he could.

"What happened?" he asked as he worked, knowing enough to at least try keeping his friend awake and alert until he was certain the danger had truly passed. "You upset Voldemort? How?" More importantly, when? James knew there some questions he shouldn't ask, but if this was a recent accomplishment, the bastard might still be lurking somewhere nearby, waiting for a chance to pounce. Logic, however, assured him that couldn't be so, unless Voldemort was an absolute idiot. After all, why would he give anyone a chance to heal Frank when the man was clearly vulnerable? Not to mention relatively alone?

"I reckon it'll be in the newspapers," Frank presently answered his question. "You can read about it, then, I'm sure. It'll be more interesting. I'm a fighter, mate, not a storyteller." Looking at the back of his head, James couldn't read the expression on his face, but intuition assured him there were other reasons why Frank didn't want to explain it. More than likely, it had been horrifying. Not the sort of thing folks generally chose to talk about.

"Glad to hear it," he nevertheless assured his friend, forcing his voice to sound light and merry. "I'd rather treat a wounded soldier than a whining bard. Can't stand the complaining. There." He pushed away from Frank, allowing him to sit back up again. His head was no longer bleeding, but he still looked weak, and possibly even sick. The fact that he'd managed to keep up on his feet until now was truly impressive. "All better. Who would've guessed I'd ever pass for a Healer?"

Frank glanced at him while tentatively fingering the back of his head. "I don't know, mate. I reckon after this I'll head over to St. Mungo's and get it examined or something. Just in case you're not as exceptional at everything as people claim." Well, if he was making jokes, he certainly couldn't be too terribly injured. James took some comfort in that.

"Where's Alice?"

Frank shook his head, looking down in concern. "Dunno. We split up, see? Voldemort sent his men after her and came after me himself. Thinks he either knocked me dead or at least unconscious when he gave me this." He pointed to the back of his head. "Then he left me with a few more of his men and went after Alice himself. Lucky me, those Death Eaters aren't very vigilant when they think their prisoner's asleep. I just hope Alice is as fortunate."

"Yeah, me too," James breathed, scanning their surroundings with a bit of healthy alarm. Voldemort was here, then. Here, somewhere in Diagon Alley, looking for Frank's wife. The odds were certainly not in Alice's favor. But even as he worried for her sake, his thoughts returned to Lily. She, too, was here somewhere, hopefully underground hiding in one of Gringotts' well protected vaults. Not even that, however, could be certain… and if he wanted to protect her, he had to assume she wasn't completely safe from harm.

"Potter, listen to me," Frank suddenly grabbed James's arm, for the first time looking slightly panicked. "I can't leave Alice here. I have to find her. But it's important the Ministry understands what's going on. I need you to get out. Contact Mad-Eye Moody, and tell him Voldemort's trying to recruit renegade Dementors. He has to be stopped."

"Renegade Dementors?" James stared at the Auror in confusion. He'd never heard of such a thing…

"Listen to me," Frank was growing desperate. The younger man's inquiry after his wife had clearly upset him, and now they were both just sitting there wasting time. Something needed to be done, and now! "Our planet's population is easily five times greater than half the population will ever realize. In a world this big, do you really think every Dementor works at Azkaban? The Ministry does, but they're wrong. There are others out there, and Voldemort's definitely gaining their attention. We have to stop them from allying with the Death Eaters. If we don't, and the chaps at Azkaban hear about it, they'll become that much easier for Voldemort to control. We'll all be as good as dead."

"Bloody hell…" James chewed on that bit of information, not in the least bit happy. Renegade Dementors. There certainly couldn't be a lot of them, but even one or two strays would be more than enough to influence the guards of Azkaban. The prisoners would all then break out. Everyone would panic. The Ministry would find itself in a huge mess. And Voldemort would have yet another advantage over them all. "All right, Longbottom. We'll tell them together. Tomorrow, I think. Or tonight if you're really anxious. Right now, however, we both have to find our wives."

Frank blinked, frowning at James in confusion. "Lily?"

"She's in the bank," he replied grimly, following his friend's gaze as he turned towards Gringotts. It was several blocks away from where they sat, but did not, at least to James, look even half as formidable as it was said to be. "I'm worried about her. She's not exactly great at coping with helplessness."

"Right," Frank nodded, struggling to get up. Lily might be in trouble. Alice was definitely in trouble. The two of them couldn't afford to sit around here like bumps on a log. James reached forward to help the man, and once they were both on their feet, they started towards the bank.

They scarcely made it five feet, however, when every single burning lantern that had not yet been broken suddenly went out. Both men stopped short in surprise. It was still relatively early in the afternoon, and so the lanterns weren't even necessary, but James noticed an immediate difference. Forget the smoke billowing around in the sky; darkness had not shrouded the alley until that exact moment. And with it came a sudden chill the likes of which he had not experienced since the night those bloody Death Eaters had ambushed them all at King's Cross Station. "Well… speak of the devil."

"They're here…" Frank whispered, his voice dripping with terror. "The Death Eaters all fled… and now they've arrived."

**ooooooo**

The chandeliers had, along with several other lanterns and torches, resplendently brightened the bank's entire great hall as effectively as could possibly be desired for as long as any witch or wizard could reasonably remember. Now, however, they had gone out, and Lily found herself standing stiffly enveloped by a darkness more impenetrable than the bank was itself. A cold sweat dampened her entire body, and she knew Voldemort could hear her shivering.

_Voldemort…?_ There was no denying who the monster was watching her through that darkness. It couldn't possibly have been anyone else, now could it? And he was amused. The fallen papers on the floor surrounding her began to crinkle, softly at first, and then loudly, as if someone were deliberately crumpling them to bits. The noise quickly became maddening, and it was coming from every direction. Lily nearly panicked as she stumbled even farther away from him, clutching the sides of her head in terror.

"There are many doors leading down to various caverns, each of which twist and turn in a rather intricate maze," he whispered, his voice nevertheless somehow carrying over the crinkling, cackling papers that seemed to be following her. "Tell me through which door dear Mrs. Longbottom has fled, and you will receive mercy."

"No…" Lily cried softly, shaking her head. She couldn't see him. She glanced to her left, then to her right. His voice had come from every direction, but there was no sign of him. Not a shadow. Not a silhouette. Nothing. Nothing but absolute, unfathomable darkness. She had never felt more blind in her life. "I won't tell you anything."

_"Lumos."_

A flash of blue light illuminated half of his face. Half of his twisted, demonic, serpentine face. He did not look impatient or angry, but neither did he look amused. His expression was merely cold. Callous. Pitiless. This man – if he could even be called a man – didn't even know the meaning of the word 'mercy.' He would certainly never show her any.

"No matter." His voice almost _felt_ like cold fingers crawling into her brain. "Whether you choose to speak or not, you will still prove useful to me." Turning, he swept his arm out towards the battered, broken doorways leading into Gringotts. The blue light of his wand could no longer be seen reflecting off his face, but flowed across the room like a stream of dazzling, devilish energy. And into that beam of light, there swept yet another cloaked figure… Unlike the first, however, this one actually did hover above the ground, and glided towards her while taking deep, rattling breaths of its own.

Voldemort looked back at her, and smiled cruelly at the printed terror spread across her face. She shook her head, as if hoping to deny the unmistakable presence of the unmistakable fiend, but it did her no good. "A Dementor. I've promised it more food than Azkaban could ever offer it. In exchange, all it need do is serve me faithfully. I have waited long for this day. For our bargain to be sealed." He turned away from her then, concentrating solely on the Dementor. It was as if he had forgotten completely about Alice, but Lily somehow knew that wasn't the case. Dementors… They could sense the happiness of any human, and would no doubt have very little trouble tracking the Auror all the way down into the vaults. Lily was now completely unnecessary. "Enjoy her."

It was the first command Voldemort had ever given such a creature, and if this was to be the nature of all his future commands, the Dementor would never have any qualms whatsoever about obeying him.

He lowered his arm, and the light of his wand went out. Once again, Lily found herself trapped in a dark, pitch-black void the likes of which must have made up Hell itself. The rattling breaths of the Dementor drew closer while the temperature of her surroundings seemed to drop below zero. She had never in her life felt so cold, and the next thing she knew, she was screaming in despair.

**ooooooo**

**A/N:** This chapter turned out longer than I expected it to, so I'm sorry about the cliff-hanger. Anyway, I definitely can't wait to read your reviews! Thanks so much!


	108. First Defiance

**ooooooo**

The bank had been farther away from where James had treated Frank Longbottom's injury than either of the two had at first realized. That there were Dementors in the alley, there was no doubt, but their power was great enough to be felt by the two men several blocks away. They were cold, menacing, ruthless… and utterly terrifying. Hope seemed to be draining out of James's body, more and more so the longer he ran forward. It was not wise to defy a Dementor, and anyone else would have fled for his life. Not even the Death Eaters had risked staying behind, and they were potentially about to align themselves with the treacherous creatures! But James couldn't. He couldn't go… until Lily was at his side.

"Over here!" Frank grabbed the younger man's arm and propelled him around a bend that led into a rather suspicious looking street James recognized immediately as Knockturn Alley. It was almost directly across from Gringotts, and though it was not often frequented by respectable wizards and other upstanding citizens, it presently offered the two men a relatively secure vantage point. Pressing up against the side of a dusty brick wall, they were able to peer around the corner and spy on two cloaked figures levitating over the marble steps that led into the bank.

"I see two," James whispered, keeping his eye fixed on the beasts even as Frank turned away and slid to the ground, weak and growing more disoriented by the second. Clearly, the treatment he'd been given was by no means adequate; he needed a qualified Healer and he needed one fast. On the other hand, what he absolutely did not need was a confrontation with a Dementor. He'd be killed in two seconds flat… or worse. This time, James would be on his own. He didn't even have Sirius, Remus, or Peter to watch his back! It'd be completely up to him.

"Only two?" Frank asked, wincing as he forced himself to turn back towards the bank. James noticed and immediately knelt down to assist him. Positioning one of Frank's arms over his shoulders, he hoisted him up while trying to keep him as steady as possible. Together, they directed their attention back towards the Dementors guarding the bank, and to James's dismay, Frank proved to be even more concerned by the scene in front of them than he'd expected. "The intelligence… Alice and I… procured… said that… there were three…" He lifted his finger, pointing. "Look… the doors…"

James shook his head. Gringotts' two front doors had been torn off their hinges, and from what he could tell, the inside was blanketed in darkness… more so than the rest of Diagon Alley, in any case, and considering the heavy, black smoke from the explosion that even now continued to block out the sun, that was truly saying something. Lily was in there. The bank which James had intended to be her shelter through all this madness had become a part of the madness itself. Its walls would no longer protect her. Regret and self-disgust crawled through his guts as he realized just what he had abandoned her to. "Lil…"

The Dementors looked restless. They were floating in circles around each other, periodically glancing inside the bank. Something was going on in there, and they almost appeared envious. James was no expert on Dementors, but something must have been distracting them, or else they would have likely discovered the two young wizards by now. They were preoccupied, which gave James a slight advantage… not to mention a slight plan. "I have to get past them."

"How?" Frank asked as his junior pulled him deeper into Knockturn Alley, and thus farther out of sight. Slowly, the two sank to the ground, and James helped position him there with his back leaning up against the wall. "Have you… mastered the… Patronus?" He was sounding weaker by the second. James stared at him in dismay.

"Haven't you got some kind of potion or other that'll help you keep on your feet? You look tired, mate." There had to be something more he could do for the man. There was no way in hell he'd be the one to tell Alice Frank had died, especially not on _his_ watch. Frank had to make it. They all had to make it.

"Already took it," Frank smiled humorlessly. "It's what… helped me run this far…" He took a deep breath, closing his eyes. "Don't worry about me… I just… need some rest. If you're… going to fight… you'll have to leave me behind. Sorry."

"Yeah, just as well," James forced his voice to keep calm. The last time he'd been this close to a dying man, it had been his father… No. Those memories were coming from the Dementors. They had absolutely nothing to do with Frank Longbottom's current condition. James would not give up on him. Not for the entire world would he give up on him. He squeezed his friend's hand. "I have a plan. It's not exactly legal, mate, so I think I'd be more comfortable with you here anyway. The last thing I need is you testifying against me, all right? Now, I have to go find Lily – and Alice, too. I'll tell her you're waiting for her."

"Bloody hell," Frank groaned, clutching his head with his right hand. "This will land me right in your debt. Not a good thought."

James grinned. "It is to me! And don't you think for a second I won't be back to collect!" Feeling slightly better about leaving his friend – whom he had felt slightly obligated to since discovering his injury – he got to his feet and turned back towards Gringotts. Something wasn't right there. Aside from the fact there were Dementors and quite possibly an evil warlord, something more was wrong. Lily? She had been left in the care of some of the world's most influential goblins, who would hopefully have her safely tucked away in one of the vaults underground. Voldemort would no doubt be much more interested in them than in her, and they weren't even his target! Alice was… Reason dictated Lily was safe. She wasn't even on Voldemort's radar. He couldn't possibly know… he couldn't possibly be concerned with her. She was safe. She had to be safe.

But still… something was terribly wrong.

**ooooooo**

_"Enjoy her…"_

The words echoed in Lily's mind, over and over and over again, as she turned on her heel and ran. There was nowhere to go. She couldn't see anything, not even her own two hands if she had dared take the time to look, and she knew that she would never be allowed to escape, but neither could she just stand there and wait for the Dementor to claim as its own. No. She had to at least try to get away from it. Gringotts was a very sensible, very straightforward building, rather simple in its design – at least until you got underground. Unlike Hogwarts, one could almost guess this main hall's layout, if one were at all familiar with banks in general, and so she found herself racing blindly towards the other end of the room, keeping next to the long counter behind which she'd attempted to hide.

The Dementor presently swooped over its surface directly behind her; if she hadn't moved, it would have been upon her by now. She might not be able to see, but she could feel it. She could feel it… the same way people could feel when others entered a room, even if on tiptoe. Its presence bore her down and brought tears to her eyes, while at the same time drawing from her the only hope she had left. There was no escape. She could run all she liked, but in the end, she'd only be amusing it. And then it would join Voldemort. It would torment thousands of others, all of whom would share in her fate as nothing more than an empty, soulless shell. There would be no heaven. No freedom. Not even pain – which could at least remind them they were still alive. Still human. At that point, Lily would have welcomed physical pain. It couldn't possibly be worse than the freezing cold that worked to numb her body until she couldn't feel anything at all.

The Dementor was closing in on her. She screamed, as if hoping to draw on the energy it took to produce such a cry, and abruptly turned towards the counter. With all the strength she had left, she leaned over it and pushed up off the ground. The Dementor swung its arm out in an attempt to grab her, but its kind were blind, and she somehow managed to roll herself across the counter's surface without it once touching her.

There were stacks of paper, record books, and ink bottles, not to mention a burnt-out lamp. Lily's body brushed against all of them as she reeled away from her assailant, and the next thing she knew, she was falling. There was nothing beneath her. Nothing… until she landed hard on the ground, with books, ink bottles, and lamps alike all landing on top of her. For a moment, pure shock left her in a daze, but when the moment past, pain tore its way through her arms and legs, sharp, strong, and cruel. It paralyzed her, and when the Dementor followed her over the counter, she could only whimper as it started its descent.

_"You look beautiful tonight, Miss Evans…"_

She could hear Charlie Pryce's voice as he pressed a handful of cloth against her mouth and nose. Cloth… soaked in chloroform. She could picture him in her mind as he later plunged a knife brutally into another man's back. _"Crucio."_He was torturing Regulus. She could see him lying on the dusty floor, writhing in pure agony. She screamed.

_"Dad, wait! I want to say goodbye-"_

She could see herself in the hospital wing. Regulus had killed a man, and was now being taken away from her. She had never seen him look more frightened in her entire life. Bloody hell, he was a Black! She had never seen him look frightened, period! But there he was, terrified as his mother threw him out into the corridor. _"Absolutely not! How _dare _you Regulus? You think I don't know what she is? I won't have you disgracing this family anymore than you already have, you ungrateful little brat!"_

"REGULUS!" She thrashed out, propelling herself away from the Dementor. It was causing this. It was forcing her to relive painful, terrifying events she'd tried so hard to forget. But even as they came to her, something inside her, something _deep_ inside her, began to stir.

She was on her hands and knees now, but just barely. She wanted nothing more than to collapse, to lie there in her misery and let it end. But… it wasn't ending. Voldemort had told the Dementor to enjoy her, and it wasn't about to let this torment cease. It didn't even try to kiss her. Instead, it seemed to be savoring her anguish.

_"Carla, your mother's next door. Go home now."_

_"Daddy, what happened?"_ Carla…

_"GO HOME!"_

_"Mr. Fletcher, what's going on?"_ Petunia…

_"There's been an accident. We have to go to the hospital."_

_Mom… Dad…_Something inside her was stirring. It felt warm. Lily gasped when she first perceived that warmth, but it was not hope she felt. It was terror. From the back of her mind, she remembered the Dementor wasn't the only monster in that bank. He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, Voldemort himself, was there as well, watching through the darkness, no doubt in great delight. Voldemort… Aside from Albus Dumbledore, he was a man without equal. Lily meant absolutely nothing to him, but as more and more warmth spread throughout her entire body, completely and utterly against her will, she remembered exactly why it was he used to terrify her so.

_"Pray, remind me again why the Dark Lord would be interested in her?"_

_"Only because she is the very answer to a timeless question that has plagued thousands of people both in the wizarding world _and _muggle one, including the Dark Lord and Albus Dumbledore himself! Which is more powerful? Love or hate?"_

_"Apparently, Dumbledore believes that the girl has it in her blood to prove _him_ right, irrefutably. Now tell me that _that _would not interest the Dark Lord!"_

"Stop…" Lily whispered, desperation stifling the warmth right out of her body, until there was none left whatsoever. She'd much rather lose her soul to the Dementor than allow Voldemort to discover her secret. What might he do if he realized? Professor Dumbledore once said that if Voldemort ever heard tell of her gift, he'd want to witness it, to see for himself that it was real, that it existed. But how could he? How would he draw it out of her? What would motivate her to access it?

_James…_ He'd go after James. Or Remus. Or anyone else he might suspect she cared about. He'd hurt them. He'd torture them. Possibly even kill them! And right in front of her, too. He would make her watch. Hadn't she first demonstrated such power upon witnessing her father's death?

_"WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH YOU?" _Petunia had screamed at her. She had been in… so much agony. _"HAVEN'T YOU HEARD A WORD THAT'S BEEN SAID? DAD'S IN THERE RIGHT NOW AND HE'S DYING AND YOU'RE JUST STANDING THERE LIKE AN ABSOLUTE FOUR YEAR OLD!"_

_Daddy…_ His body had been broken. Mangled. Practically torn apart by something as simple as a car.

Warmth was slowly returning. She couldn't keep it out for long. Not long at all.

_"YOU'RE A WITCH!" Petunia… "FOR ONCE IN YOUR LIFE, PROVE TO ME THAT BEING A WITCH IS A GOOD THING! WHY DON'T YOU DO SOMETHING?"_

The darkness surrounding her began to lighten. Lily glanced over her shoulder, and could actually see the Dementor hovering above her. Its fingers were long, grey, and decaying; they were reaching out towards her, but could not touch her. Its hood fortunately continued to conceal its face, but something told her that wouldn't last for very long. It hungered… It hungered for her. She had very, very little left to offer it. Happiness. Hope. Everything was being taken from her, and she was left only with painful memories of loss. She'd lost her parents. She'd lost Regulus. She had even lost her sister, who hated her and who never wanted to see her again. Loss. It was all she could think about. It was all she could feel. That and extreme, excruciating loneliness. What more could the Dementor possibly want?

_"DADDY!" Don't die, daddy… Petunia would rather have you than me… "I love you too much."_

_"Lily."_

_"Daddy?"_

_"Learn to stand."_

Warmth turned to heat. Her body began to tingle. Something began to pound in her ears. Something… like a heart. Something… familiar. She couldn't stop it.

She loved them. Her father. Her mother. Regulus. Petunia. She loved them all. They were gone now. Her parents for good, and Regulus quite possibly for good as well. James promised she'd find him again, and that one day Petunia would forgive her, but at that moment, all Lily knew was loss. Such terrible, aching loss that hurt so much she couldn't breathe. But still she loved them. And that was why it hurt. She understood… And she couldn't stop. To try would be to deny it… and if she denied it, she'd only be helping the Dementor. She'd only be helping Voldemort. She would never help him. She wouldn't let him win. She wouldn't. She wouldn't! _SHE WOULDN'T!_

Light poured out of her. It poured out of her like a whirlwind, and the entire room lit up in such brilliance it might have blinded an ordinary man. Lily gasped as her body began to overflow with ecstasy… and all the while, she thought she could hear something shrieking in complete and utter fury.

**ooooooo**

James transformed. His body shifted and then changed, and within seconds reformed in the shape of an enormous stag. He knew it was illegal. Lily warned him he should register himself as an Animagus, and then convince Sirius and Peter to do likewise. If they were ever caught…

But now wasn't exactly the best time to be considering such options. Frank was practically unconscious much farther down the alley, and couldn't possibly have witnessed his transformation. As long as no one had seen, no one would know, and, if he had any luck whatsoever – which he knew he did, having had seven wonderful years of experience with it – than those bloody Dementors wouldn't be the slightest bit interested in a wild animal. They fed on humans, after all. If he could just slip past them, he'd catch whoever was inside that bank completely off guard. And maybe then he'd find out what happened to his wife.

_I'm coming, Lily…_

He abandoned Knockturn Alley, leaping into Diagon, and galloped straight towards the bank, moving all but as fast as a broomstick. Back at school, none of the other Marauders had ever been able to match his speed; stags practically flew through forests, and were graceful to the extreme.

The Dementors didn't seem to notice him – or if they did, they certainly didn't seem to care. Idiots. They weren't so frightening now, were they?

Something inside the bank flashed brilliantly. It was unlike anything James had ever seen before, and he stopped short in astonishment. The two Dementors both visibly recoiled, and shortly after that, a third appeared sweeping out of the bank whilst shrieking as if in physical agony. Reunited with its fellows, it actually then proceeded to take flight! It left the bank, and disappeared in the opposite direction, followed closely behind by the other two. James blinked, watching them go in bewilderment. What the… bloody hell… was that?

**ooooooo**

Lily blinked.

She was lying on her back, staring up at the ceiling of Gringotts, cold, but not freezing, sore, but not in agony. She immediately pictured James in her mind and could see his face clearly, which made her smile. She could… smile…

The Dementor was gone, then. It had left. She was staring up at a ceiling that was sparkling with light. The chandeliers… They were resplendent… More so than she remembered.

Movement. It was coming from her right. Feet stepping over paper, causing them to shuffle… crinkle… She could hear him walking towards her. Him? Voldemort… The Dementor had gone, but Voldemort remained, and was carefully approaching her. She tensed, not quite as petrified as she'd been before, but nevertheless still quite afraid. She turned her head, saw him, and sat up weakly, pushing away from him as quickly as she could. Before long, however, she reached the corner where the long counter ran into the bank's side wall. Cowering there, she watched like a helpless rabbit as Voldemort knelt down in front of her.

His waxy, perverse face was perfectly calm, though his eyes, bloody as they were, regarded her in extreme interest. She cringed, closing her eyes tightly as he reached his arm forward and caressed her face with a large, strong hand. He didn't speak, but once he realized that, despite what she'd done to the Dementor, he himself could touch her, he grabbed her neck while roughly taking hold of one of her own arms. He rose, pulling her up with him, and savagely pinned her back against the wall.

She couldn't fight him. She didn't have any strength left. She was… so tired… In the past, whenever she'd drawn on such reserves, she'd always been left unconscious. What she wouldn't give to be unconscious now…

"Who are you?" Voldemort asked, leaning forward so that he spoke directly in her ear. "What is your name?" He ran the hand he had around her neck down, across her shoulder, and grabbed her other arm, so that he didn't accidentally strangle her, and so that he didn't hinder her if she chose to answer him. And answer him she couldn't help but do; she felt so weak, so tired, having used up all her resistance against the Dementor. Voldemort's strength of will proved too much for her; she squirmed miserably against his hold, she looked anywhere and everywhere but at his face, and yet she could not keep herself silent.

"Lily Potter…" Her voice was barely more than a whimper. Voldemort's face was so close to her own as he studied her, as his mind probed into hers, and she was left feeling more exposed than she had ever been before in her life. He abruptly released one of her arms and caught her chin in his hand, forcing her to look at him. Before she realized what was happening, her eyes locked onto his… red… snakelike slits… she found herself trapped by them, and could neither blink nor look away.

"Do you realize what you've done, Lily Potter?" he whispered, his eyes boring mercilessly into hers. She trembled as memories of both her parents, and then of James, swam to the forefront of her mind. Why did they come like this? She was not summoning them, nor were they particularly appropriate in such a situation. Still Voldemort addressed her. "Without the use of a wand, you were able to effectively shield yourself from the Dementor, which is surely unprecedented, if not impossible. How did you do it?"

She couldn't look away from him. His eyes… His eyes… red… slits… snake… mom… dad… James… She cried out in horror as she realized what he was doing. Legilimency. He wanted to read her mind!

"You care greatly for your family," he noted callously, his face hardly more than a fragment away from her own. His words terrified her, and she struggled to break free from him, but could not. "Where did you find the power to produce a shield as effective as a Patronus Charm? And without a wand?" He wanted to know. He was insistent. Once again, Lily found herself subjugated to memories of her parents. Her parents… were looking for her. She was lost somewhere, and they were searching… always searching… desperate to find her.

Voldemort hissed, his expression twisting in impatience. "You cannot resist me for long, Mrs. Potter, and mark me; if I am forced to tear my way through your pathetic defenses, you will be the one to suffer for it. What are you hiding from me?"

Could it be less obvious than she feared? Her gift stemmed from the ones she loved, and they were all there at the front of her mind. They were all practically staring at Voldemort in his face! He had complete access to them. But he did not understand… The world's greatest Legilimens, and he did not understand. He expected something else, he was looking for something else, and so he assumed that even now she was resisting him. Thoughts of her loved ones were merely shields meant to keep him out. First, she had chased away a Dementor. Now, she was defying the Dark Lord. If he had not been interested in her before, he was most definitely interested in her now.

"James…"

**ooooooo**

He tossed his head, and sprang towards the bank. He leapt up the marble steps and dove inside, astonished by both the brilliance of the hall's chandeliers and by the jumble of records blanketing the floor. It would no doubt take the goblins ages to clean up and sort through that mess. But first… they'd need a certain someone to be taken care of for them.

James grunted, looking both left and right until he caught sight of a large, black robed, hairless figure pinning a young woman up against a wall. That woman… Lily… she was staring at him over her assailant's shoulder, and looked utterly terrified. A wave of concern, combined with a flood of anger and fury, smashed into him with an overwhelming force he had not expected. The bastard had no right to be holding Lily like that! None! None whatsoever! He'd kill him.

**ooooooo**

James… If she wasn't completely hallucinating, he was there… A great, big, powerful stag… standing in the foyer of a bank… who else could it be? She whispered his name a second time, and Voldemort, frowning, glanced over his shoulder, following her gaze. Whatever he'd been expecting, she doubted very much that it was this.

Immediately, he dropped her, and she collapsed. Gasping for breath, she looked up from the floor to watch as James, thoroughly enraged, lowered his head and charged forward, quick as lightning. The many tines branching out from his two antlers suddenly looked sharp and rather dangerous. Voldemort was not fool enough to meet a fully grown, angry stag head-on. Instead, he moved swiftly out of the way, his speed surprisingly more than a match for James's. Lily shrieked, curling into a ball as he came plowing to a stop directly in front of her. His antlers were merely inches above her head.

"Potter?" Voldemort held up his long, black wand as James turned deftly around. He was pounding his right hoof against the floor, lowering his head again threateningly. But this time, his enemy was ready, and when he attacked, the Dark Lord flicked his wrist. Lily shrieked again as James was propelled across the room. His body crashed violently against a wall, and he tumbled to the floor in a large heap. For a moment, he was too stunned to move, but then he thrashed his four legs about, and weakly attempted to get back up.

Terrified, shaking, and dripping with sweat, Lily watched as Voldemort slowly approached the stag. He seemed quite at his leisure, and she could only imagine what he might do next. James was struggling… his eyes were wide and rolled in several directions as he tossed his head warningly… but unless he could get to his feet, he would be no trouble to Voldemort whatsoever. It was as if… some magical force was holding him down.

_My wand…_ Breathing heavily, Lily glanced around the hall in a frantic search for her sole means of defense. It was lying in the middle of the floor directly behind her antagonist; he had just stepped over it without a care in the world. If she could get to it…

"How should I kill you?" Voldemort was taunting him now. There wasn't any time! "Quickly, for your wife's sake? Or slowly, for mine?" _No…_

Lily screamed, scrambling towards the vulgar, snakelike monster so recklessly it seemed to amuse him. He turned his wand on her, and she felt as though a solid wall had materialized directly in front of her. Her head spun painfully and, as disorientation weighed her down, she found herself on the floor again. But even then, she forced herself forward, crawling weakly on her stomach towards Voldemort's feet. She could sense him watching her, and wondered what kind of sick pleasure it must have brought him to see her prostrated like this. Shaking, she reached her arm out, stretching it as far as she could, and caught the hem of his robe in her hand.

He knelt down, but what with her lying flat on her stomach, even then he continued to tower over her. She winced as he caught a fistful of her hair, tangling it with his wand and fingers while forcing her head up. With his other hand, he gently took her wrist. "You'll have to kiss it now, my dear," he whispered, gazing at the hem she still clung to. Letting go, he stood back up and waited expectantly. Lily felt humiliation burn through her cheeks, but she found that when she tried, she couldn't let go of his robe. "Kiss it," he urged her, and the command echoed persistently in her mind. She could see her wand lying behind him… so close… but still out of reach. She crawled towards it, which only brought her closer to the Dark Lord. "Good," he encouraged her, mistaking her intentions. "Good."

With all the strength she had left, she pulled. She pulled on the hem of his robe, counting on an extremely basic muggle law of motion. For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. Voldemort was dragged towards her, even as she was pulled past him. With her free hand, she grabbed her wand and rolled towards James. "Get up!"

But he was already on his feet. Whatever had kept him pinned to the floor had lifted the moment Voldemort lost his balance. The Dark Lord was steadying himself against the counter, and glanced over his shoulder furiously in time to see James rise up on his hind legs while lashing out savagely with his forelegs. His two hooves landed against Voldemort's back, crushing him against the surface of the counter as James pushed down with all his might. For the past few years, he had spent one night a month in the company of a fully-fledged, often aggressive, werewolf. He knew perfectly well how to play rough, and against ordinary men, he knew perfectly well how to kill. By all rights, Voldemort should have been dead, his body bent, broken, and trampled. Unfortunately, he was by no means an ordinary man, and was at that moment probably more angry than injured.

"JAMES!" Lily screamed, and he immediately pushed off the Dark Lord, turning towards her without a moment's hesitation. If they were to ever escape, it would have to be now, before Voldemort recovered. He shot towards his wife, who flung her arms around his neck, pulling herself onto his back while thanking God for adrenaline.

"NO!" Voldemort shouted furiously, pushing off the counter himself as he turned to stop them. But he was no longer quick enough to match the stag, who had already lunged past the broken doors, down the marble stairs, and into the alley.

**ooooooo**

**A/N:** These chapters always turn out so long! I hope this one wasn't disappointing. Let me know! Thanks.


	109. Occupations

**ooooooo**

How had they done it? How had they managed to escape? Apparition inside the Gringotts Wizarding Bank was as likely as Apparition inside Hogwarts. Not at all possible. Voldemort would have had to follow them outside before he could cut off their escape, but by then, Lily had slid off James's back, James had transfigured himself back into a man, and the two had Apparated themselves out of Diagon Alley and straight to St. Mungo's Hospital. It was extremely unlikely that the Dark Lord would follow them there, even if he could guess where they had gone, and so they must be safe. Lily could scarcely believe it as she leaned on her husband, who held her up with one strong arm around her waist, and followed him through a rather crowded ward where there surprisingly just so happened to be an empty bed. Nothing in her entire life had ever looked more inviting.

"Too fast…" she nevertheless whispered as James helped her sit down on it. The mattress was lumpy – and certainly not one of Hogwarts' four-posters – but she sank into it gratefully even as she complained. "Everything's happening so quickly… Has it even been five minutes?" Five minutes ago… no… five seconds ago, mere heartbeats ago, she had been in the same room as the monstrous wizard responsible for all the pain and terror her world was forced to endure. They had faced each other… spoken to each other… He had practically handed her over to a Dementor on a bloody silver platter! She had been seconds away from losing her soul, and if it weren't for her gift, she'd be…

Horror was replaced with indignation. How _dare_ he? Who did he think he was, that he might decide the fates of so many? He wasn't a god! There shouldn't be creatures like Dementors in the world, but the fact of their existence didn't give anyone the right to manipulate them so that enemies might be drained completely of their souls – and that went both ways! Voldemort didn't have the right, and the Ministry of Magic didn't have the right. Lily most definitely had a bone to pick with them over that particular issue!

A Healer in lime green robes presently rushed towards James, who was busy trying to comfort Lily with words of encouragement. They were safe. Voldemort wouldn't dare come after them as long as they were at St. Mungo's – though the same had been said once about Gringotts. She shook her head, red with impatience. She didn't need a hospital. She didn't feel at all hurt. What she felt… was slight urgency. "No one can escape that fast. He's right behind us. We have to keep running."

James glanced at the Healer, who looked back at him in concern. She recognized the expression they both shared, having seen it before, and realized abruptly she wasn't going anywhere. Neither one of them would permit it. "I'm fine, James, really. It's just…" she shook her head, frantically trying to keep control of herself. "It all happened so fast." They couldn't possibly have escaped. Voldemort was supposed to be the most powerful wizard in the world, and who were they? Two ordinary, inexperienced newlyweds, one of whom just happened to be an Animagus. They weren't anything special. Voldemort shouldn't have had any trouble with them whatsoever. They shouldn't have been able to escape him. They should be at his mercy. It didn't make any sense! How was this… possible?

James glanced at the Healer once again. "Listen to me very carefully. I left a man named Frank Longbottom in Knockturn Alley. He's extremely hurt. Find one of the hospital's security guards and tell him what's happened. Longbottom's an Auror. They'll need him back, so make sure you hurry. Then, find Isabelle Campbell. She's a Healer here and knows Lily very well." James… He was always so good at taking command. The thought of that alone brought his wife considerable comfort as the Healer bobbed her head and scurried away to carry out his requests. He had control of the situation… She didn't have to be so afraid. As long as they were together.

He looked back at her now with a small smile, and took her hands in his, giving them both a tight squeeze. "Are you okay?"

She didn't answer him right away. Something about all this didn't add up, which she continued to find disconcerting. She needed to focus… concentrate… think this whole thing through. "Maybe it wasn't _him_. Maybe it was just another ordinary Death Eater. We shouldn't have been able to escape _him_. He would've killed us. It was just a Death Eater. Just a regular, ordinary, everyday Death Eater." She glanced at James almost desperately. "That's it, right? Tell me that's it."

The smile he was wearing infuriated her, though she couldn't determine the exact reason why. He just looked so… so… cocky, and smug, and arrogant, and… and, well, James! "I hate to say it, Lil, but that was most definitely _him_, and you most definitely showed him a thing or two." Her eyes widened. No. That couldn't be it. But… James thought it was. "I think folks overestimate the bloke. He's certainly no Albus Dumbledore, in any case. We got the best of him, love, and that's all there is to it."

"But-!"

"No 'buts,' Lil," James told her quietly, so that no one else would hear as he pulled her close and held her tightly in his arms. "What happened today's proof. There's nothing special about Voldemort. He's just a wizard. He's just human. Or rather…" He took a moment to consider his words, for he knew how important they were to Lily. "He's not even that." Remember his face… Neither one of them would ever forget it. "He's less than human. He's less than us. Inferior in every way. Don't let him scare you. He's not frightening. He's disgusting. I won't deny that. He's revolting. But you can't let him intimidate you, Lil. He's not worth it. You've survived worse, yeah?"

"Please don't remind me," she begged, burying her face in his chest. He felt so warm… Despite the heat her gift had generated, a bit of cold had remained from the Dementor, but now… in James's arms, it was banished entirely. For the first time, she felt truly safe. "It's not what I expected. I thought he wouldn't let us go."

"Which is precisely what I mean," James patiently persisted. "He didn't _let_ us go. He didn't have a choice."

"He didn't understand…" she whispered, barely audible even to him. If anyone else overheard her… But she couldn't keep quiet about it. She had to confide in someone. She had to take that chance. "He didn't realize. How could he not have realized? He's supposed to be a mind reader. He saw it, James. He saw me use my gift. That's what repelled the Dementor. I didn't want him to see it, but I couldn't help myself. I can't control how I feel. He should have discovered it. I expected him to. But he didn't recognize it for what it was. He thinks that… I don't know… that I'm extremely powerful. Capable of producing a wandless Patronus while still having it in me to resist his Legilimency. But I've never used Occlumency in my life! A great and power Legilimens, and he wasn't even able to correctly interpret the facts that were sitting right in front of him!" She couldn't help herself. She started to laugh.

"Lily?" James tensed, pulling back in astonishment as he sought to get a better look. She was… laughing! And she laughed even harder when she saw the look on his face. He must have thought her mad! Several patients and Healers all turned to stare at her, but she didn't seem to notice.

"Why is everything so absurd?" she demanded after several minutes, once she had caught her breath and settled back down again. There were tears in her eyes, but they were tears of pure relief more than tears of despair.

James shook his head and shrugged. Why was everything so absurd? Well, for one thing, it certainly kept life interesting. Lily had spent the last several years terrified of what would happen should Voldemort ever discover her secret. Dumbledore had gone to great lengths to protect her from the bastard, which hadn't encouraged her whatsoever. His determination to shelter her everyday of her life had left her convinced that she was in someway dependant upon that. She had grown to believe that because everyone seemed so adamant about protecting her, she must have needed their particular protection. She wasn't capable of fighting Voldemort alone. She needed their assistance. The fact that Dumbledore himself – or any other qualified member of the Order of the Phoenix – had not swept in to save the day changed absolutely everything. The world looked different to her now. She had not been rescued from Voldemort. In fact, when James had arrived to save her, he had been the one who had ended up in danger, and it had been her interference that saved _him!_ She did that herself. She did it all herself. And now the realization of that was catching up with her. No wonder everything felt absurd.

"Lily…" he chuckled himself, shaking his head in slight amusement. "You were brilliant back there. Absolutely brilliant." She stared at him in disbelief, but before she could so much as even think of a reply, he kissed her, and kissed her until he was utterly confident she'd make a full recovery.

**ooooooo**

In the days that followed, the wizarding world found itself in a small uproar. Of course, the Daily Prophet had a field day with all the reports it received concerning the invasion of Diagon Alley and Gringotts Wizarding Bank. By all rights, He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named should have gained absolute control over the entire economy with that conquest, but for some unknown reason he had abandoned it, allowing both the goblins and the Ministry of Magic to retake it and strengthen its defenses. But why? The Dark Lord had a reason for everything, hundreds insisted, and therefore must have had a plan. Some sort of conspiracy must have been in the works. But no one could guess what it was. Perhaps they had Frank and Alice Longbottom to thank for the wizard's failure, both of whom had been on the front lines, both of whom had survived, and both of whom continuously insisted that the Ministry of Magic, not to mention witches and wizards everywhere, were unspeakably lucky. By all rights, they should not have won. Voldemort should have. There must have been some kind of miracle.

"You're a miracle now, Lily," James often reminded her, once they left St. Mungo's and returned to their London flat, where they resumed the innumerable preparations they had yet to make before the start of September – which seemed to be only mere hours away. "Everything about you is a miracle. Voldemort doesn't stand a chance!"

"Please don't let him hear you say that," she would routinely reply, grateful only for the anonymity with which she had been able to escape. The goblins that worked at Gringotts – or at least some of them – must have realized she had had something to do with Voldemort's failure. The timing of the whole affair had been too congruent. She had not taken shelter in the vaults, but she could not possibly have escaped without first confronting either the Dark Lord or his minions. Reason dictated she must have had something or other to do with it all. Fortunately, those goblins weren't talking. If there had been any rumors whatsoever about Lily Potter's involvement, the Daily Prophet would have heard them, and she would have known no peace whatsoever until they got a story out of her. As it was, for the time being at least, she remained in complete obscurity, and wouldn't trade that for anything.

"We're targets now," she once reminded James. "I mean, we must be, right? Voldemort won't just let us get away with what we've done. But maybe our silence will buy us some more time. He's got to take care of the people who publicly humiliate him first, doesn't he?" She wasn't exactly an expert on evil, sadistic, wizard psychology, but it made sense. All things considered, Voldemort had to have been an extremely busy man, and would surely concentrate on killing those who openly threatened his regime before killing those who fought merely for survival.

Then again… he did suspect Lily possessed a strength unlike most witches. She had caught his attention… Who knew how long it would be before he came after her again? He knew her name. He probably had an eye out for her. She had to be extremely careful, and James did, too. He could consider her the world's greatest miracle all he liked, but if Voldemort were to ever hear tell of such a thing, she'd be in more danger than she had ever been in before in her entire life.

"We ought to at least tell Dumbledore what happened," James once suggested, much to her surprise. Until that moment, she had yet to even consider the idea, and now found herself slightly adverse to it. "He'd want to know you tapped into your gift, and in Voldemort's presence too, no less. You know him. He likes to keep on top of things like that."

"No," she shook her head adamantly. "I'm not a child anymore. My gift is my responsibility, so it's up to me to keep it secret. Let Professor Dumbledore forget I even have it." As if that would ever happen… "I'm sure Voldemort's suspicious of me enough as it is already. The last thing I need is for him to discover I'm under his greatest enemy's particular protection. I don't want him growing more interested." From now on, she'd have to look after herself. She couldn't spend the rest of her life dependent on _anyone_ aside from James, whom she felt was a part of her now, anyway. Dumbledore mustn't know. He mustn't ever again know. And the more James tried to change her mind, the more stubborn she became. She had to take responsibility for herself. That was the woman she was becoming. After all, if she couldn't handle it, no one could, and that included Albus Dumbledore.

Despite all that, however, their complete and utter obscurity did not extend far enough to exclude Frank and Alice Longbottom; for though they might have kindly kept the truth behind Voldemort's failure hidden from the authorities, they certainly were not about to keep from seeking it out themselves. Once discharged from St. Mungo's Hospital, their first stop had been a certain flat on a certain street in London.

"You left me lying in Knockturn Alley so you could face not only a handful of Dementors, but Voldemort himself!" Frank exclaimed indignantly once he and his wife were seated at a table inside and served some tea.

"And _you_!" Alice nearly shrieked, glaring at Lily accusatorily. "You shut the door in my face! Those goblins practically dragged me all the way down to those bloody, good-for-nothing vaults! I don't know what the hell you were thinking, but I could have helped you! Now, it's no secret between us who all was inside the bank. But what I don't understand is how you got out, Mrs. Potter, and I'm not leaving here until you tell me exactly what happened, do you hear me?" They were both so cross, but at the same time, not quite angry, it almost seemed comical. Lily herself couldn't help but glance at her husband with a smile, who returned it knowingly. They should have definitely seen this one coming.

"Sorry, mate," James said at last, casually leaning back in his chair as if their topic of conversation were no more significant than one concerning Quidditch. "Didn't I tell you my plan to rescue Lily wasn't quite legal? I'm afraid I can't go into much detail." He glanced at Alice, who looked utterly shocked by such a confession. "Hey, try to put things in proportion, would you? I wasn't exactly the ideal student back at Hogwarts, and I'm not about to become the ideal citizen out here in the real world. I'll probably bend a few rules time and again, but mark my words, it'll be the bad guys who suffer for it." Once a Marauder, always a Marauder. "And I won't have you pressing my wife for answers, Alice Longbottom. Not if you know what's good for you."

The woman sighed, shaking her head in resignation. "I wouldn't dream of it, Potter." Lily could tell that neither she nor Frank were at all satisfied with James's response, but what more could they do? Some things were just too private… too painful… The important thing was that their friends appeared no worse for wear. They'd both recovered. They'd all recovered. Voldemort had lost, and there was nothing more to it. They could go on with their lives… and go on with their lives, they did.

September arrived in the blink of an eye, and Lily found herself in the company of one Beverly Willow, riding a bus towards a certain muggle high school while James proceeded to the Ministry of Magic, where his training would ensue. She was to be a tutor, keeping watch over her students should any Death Eaters choose to attack. He was to be an Auror, fighting on the front lines in order to bring those Death Eaters to justice. Neither one of them took their new occupations for granted. There would be danger – more for James than for Lily, but danger nonetheless. Lives were at stake, but life itself went on. Time seemed to be moving faster than it ever had before. Maybe that was because of what happened at the bank… Lily didn't know. What she knew was that she had defied Voldemort, she had escaped Voldemort, and he had not yet caught up with her.

She had been thirteen years old when Charlie Pryce first kidnapped her. After that, she had never expected to see him again. But, a year later, he had found her, and since then continued to haunt her without end. He was dead now, and she knew she was free of him, but this time… this time, it was Voldemort. A solitary unicorn could stop a group of selfish, avaricious poachers right in their tracks, but intuition told her no creature in the world – not even something as pure as a unicorn – could sway a monster impervious to Dementors. Voldemort would kill a unicorn without blinking an eye. He was that much worse than Pryce, and this time, Lily would not count on Dumbledore's protection. She would face him again, at any moment, and the longer it took him to catch up with her, the faster time itself seemed to travel. She was holding her breath, hanging on tightly, just waiting for him, but at the same time, she refused to slow down. Life was carrying her forward, and she would experience as much of it as she could. If her guard was lowered, so be it. She was a Potter, now. She refused to let fear defeat her – especially when she had a job to do.

The high school was a large three-story building with an enormous parking lot. Compared to Hogwarts, there was absolutely nothing spectacular about the place, but the students who trudged their way through the front doors, aside from the fact that they weren't decked in school robes, looked no different from the students Lily herself had grown up with. Magical or muggle, there wasn't any denying that teenagers were teenagers, and she knew she would protect them if she had to die trying. If Voldemort sent his Death Eaters here, she vowed he'd regret it, and she had faith in that. After all, having survived Gringotts, what couldn't she survive?

On that first day of school, which was so different – and yet so similar – to Hogwarts, Beverly Willow led her inside and directly towards an administration office. Though, as a law enforcer, she was presently on duty, she dressed no differently from any other muggle, and few would have recognized her for what she was. Lily herself wore a long-sleeved blue shirt with a long, violet skirt that had, hidden in its folds, a pocket where she kept her wand.

"If you look at the walls, up towards the ceiling, you'll notice there are several alarms throughout the building, each of which go off whenever smoke is detected," Willow quietly informed her as they walked up a flight of stairs. "The committee with which I work has set into them a second alarm that is highly sensitive to magic. If you direct a spell, any spell, towards one, it will send a signal promptly to our offices, and we will send in whoever is available to assist, myself included." She paused for a moment, staring at Lily quite somberly. "I want you to rest assured that, no matter what happens, I will be the first one here should you need anything."

"Hopefully it won't come to that," Lily replied. Yes, she would do anything to protect these students, but, first and foremost, she wanted to be a teacher. In the past few days, since Gringotts, a part of her had forgotten that… But now that she was here, surrounded by adolescents – most of whom probably didn't care about school in the slightest – she found herself quickly succumbing to an excitement the likes of which she couldn't describe. She would be tutoring again! And tutoring was tutoring, whether for witches and wizards or for muggles. She wanted to get started right away! She wanted to get started right now!

Willow grinned, and led her inside the administration office, where a plump, elderly female secretary greeted them both with a large smile of her own. "Why, good morning, Beverly! We weren't expecting you!" She had a very pleasant face, which seemed to soften even more when she noticed Lily. "Oh, but you must be Mrs. Potter! You we actually were expecting. I'm Eileen Robinson. Welcome!" She rose to her feet and reached across her desk to shake Lily's hand.

"I thought I'd see her to work since it's her first day," Willow explained cheerfully, perfectly at ease in muggle society. Lily herself hadn't been in a public school since her childhood, and couldn't deny there was something surreal, almost fantastic, about it that left even her, a muggle-born, considerably off guard. "You'll find she's an extremely capable young woman, but I'd still feel terrible if she got lost. Is Professor Moore in?" Professor Moore, Lily had already been told, was the headmaster here – though not quite up to Professor Dumbledore's standards. This man cared more about finances and athletics and such than he did about his students or their actual education. Willow wasn't exactly what you might call fond of him.

"No," Mrs. Robinson shook her head while taking a deep breath; apparently the feeling was shared. "And when he does get in, I'm afraid he'll be booked 'till noon." She glanced at Lily apologetically. "You'll just have to excuse him, my dear. In my day, there used to be a thing called common courtesy, but men seemed to have forgotten all about that." Before anyone could respond, however – and fortunately, too – the door to the office opened and a man who seemed to be in his early thirties poked his head in.

"I hate to interrupt, Eileen, but when are we going to get the new lab equipment Moore's promised us?" He noticed Willow and immediately walked the rest of the way into the office, a large grin crossing his face. Lily saw it and realized Willow was returning it before their attention was all drawn back to the secretary.

"Doesn't look like for another two weeks," she said, clucking her tongue. "I'm sorry, Milo. But on the bright side, we've got you a lab assistant. This is Lily Potter." She gestured towards the woman, who smiled in slight self-consciousness. Petunia had given her science books and math books for Christmas in the past, and she knew enough about the two subjects to feel fairly competent… especially since chemistry wasn't all that different from potions… but science was still a long ways away from magic, and teaching it would not be the same thing whatsoever. "She'll be rotating from class to class, assisting wherever she can, and tutoring after school. Beverly's promised us that this girl is more than capable of making up for your equipment. Lily, this is Milo Clarke. He's one of our science teachers."

"I'm very pleased to meet you," she said, turning to take the man's hand, which he shook most eagerly.

"Likewise." His smile, she decided, was extremely pleasant, and reminded her almost immediately of Remus. "I must say, if Beverly brought you to us, we're going to have to shape up around here. She only suffers the best, and I certainly wouldn't want the best to be disappointed by our little school." He was speaking to her, but Lily sensed his attention was directed entirely towards Willow. She was almost certain he winked at the woman!

"I'll inform you when the order's in," Mrs. Robinson told the man, who nodded gratefully.

"Thank you." He looked back at Willow. "It was very nice seeing you again, Beverly. And you." He nodded at Lily before stepping back out of the office and disappearing down the hall. Once he was gone, Willow exhaled deeply, as if she'd been holding her breath, and turned back towards the secretary with a smile that looked, to Lily, completely out of character for her. Her cheeks were flushed and she looked slightly starry-eyed.

"Well. I think that's that. Please tell Professor Moore we stopped by, and I'll just give Lily a quick tour before the bell rings." She hastened out of the office before Mrs. Robinson could reply, and Lily, after offering the secretary a quick goodbye, followed in extreme amusement.

**ooooooo**

The sitting room of the house in which he occupied had not been cleaned in several weeks. Though it was by no means disorderly – he remained an extremely organized wizard – there were layers of dust on the windows, and he himself had not taken the time to bathe, which certainly didn't help matters. The room itself was barely lit; only a candle at the center of the table illuminated the great tomes he'd been so eager to translate these past few days.

There was so much he had yet to learn… yet to discover… seven years at Hogwarts had barely scratched the surface, and there was no time to take even the slightest break – especially these days, what with the war… He had to know. The more he knew, he was certain the more control he'd possess. He needed that. He wouldn't spend another second of his life enduring humiliation. These books… hidden between their covers, there were secrets the likes of which could teach him more than any professor would ever dare. He'd be better for it. He'd be better. Superior. And after everything _he'd_ been through, that certainly wasn't too much to ask for.

There was someone else in the house.

Severus stiffened, the weight of another presence bearing down on him stiflingly. It was almost enough to suffocate. Such a presence… did not belong to a kind, compassionate soul. More Death Eaters, then? No. It was by far too overwhelming to belong to a lackey, though he had yet to be called upon by anyone of true importance. Perhaps it was a Death Eater of higher rank…?

No.

As calmly as he could, Severus closed the book and rose from his chair. Turning, he kept his gaze fixed on the floor as he swept down to one knee and bowed his head. A moment passed in absolute silence, though he knew he was not mistaken. Without rising, or once glancing upwards, he spoke. "So you finally thought to come for me yourself?" He had not expected it. Surely he wasn't significant enough. It seemed… so improbable.

"I have." His voice came from out of the shadows, soft, but dangerous. A predator lying in wait to strike, ready, but calculating. "And I must say, Severus, you cost a number of my faithful followers the opportunity to earn extreme favor. I've heard tell of you from many of your old schoolmates. They seem to find you… unnerving. I've even heard whispers among our very own fellow Slytherins that describe you as one never to cross. I reward those capable of recruiting such men to my ranks."

Sycophantic lackeys. Every last one of them. They cared not for their master's aspirations, but merely sought after rewards and more rewards. Power. Luxury. Voldemort's followers were not as faithful as he presumed. At least not those low ranking buffoons Severus had chanced upon. As far as the more prominent Death Eaters were concerned, he could not say, having never encountered them before. "My pardon," he presently sneered. "Send a few more back to me, my lord. Now that I understand their plight, I'll be sure to let them persuade me."

He laughed. His laughter was so cold. Bone-chilling, really, but Severus himself felt more scorn than fear. Such scorn… was not directed towards the Dark Lord, but towards the world itself. At this point, he could care less about his own life. Were Voldemort to strike him dead at that precise second, he doubted very much it would cause him any grief. Death was the fate of all. The submission he showed the wizard before him now was only prudent; it would be a waste of effort for everyone involved to get himself tortured – though he would freely choose torture over humiliation. Neither, however, was necessary, and so he submitted. It was a sign of his absolute, total indifference to this world. It could burn in Hell, for all he cared.

"I don't normally suffer such wit, my friend," the Dark Lord informed him. "To disrespect my Death Eaters is to disrespect me, I suppose. Though I am curious." He stepped forward, walking past Severus and towards the table at which he'd been working. "Ah. An interesting choice of reading material. It surprises me, Severus, that you have not actively sought to enlist. You've made no effort whatsoever to find a place in this world, but engross yourself in the darkest arts. Why do you turn away my people? Why not join them?"

"What difference would it make?" he asked, unable to keep the scorn out of his voice. "They mean nothing to me, and I daresay I mean nothing to you. Every single one of your men have promised me wonders the likes of which I cannot imagine, so long as I give to you my allegiance and utter devotion. They are presumptuous enough to have me believe you actually desire my presence. But I am presumptuous enough to believe you have more than enough followers to care whether or not one more lives or dies. If you truly do want _me_ to serve you, you would have to convince me of it first, my lord."

Voldemort seemed to consider his words. "You're no fool, I see. Most ask for power. Rewards. Meaningless, empty satisfactions that make them feel more significant. But you… you just want to know where you belong. A half-blood, I see." Severus tensed, realizing the famous Legilimens was probing around in his head. That wouldn't do. The more he perceived, the more he interpreted, the more he'd have to later humiliate him with. Unacceptable. "I appreciate the difficulties you endure, Severus. It is right and proper for a young half-blood to feel inadequate." Anger, complete and utter fury, suddenly broiled Severus's blood, but he said nothing and sensed Voldemort sneering. "You will have to pardon my words, of course. But I can help you. If you stay the course you have chosen, this wandering towards enlightenment, without a guide or friend, and worse, without a purpose, you will remain lost and confused for the rest of a miserable life. I can purify you. I can give you the answers you crave. I can teach you. You don't have to be humiliated, Severus. Ever again."

Tempting words, to be sure… worthy of consideration. "All these things, I know you can do, my lord. But would you?"

"If not for you, then for no one."

"Why?" It made no sense. And Severus knew better than to blindly trust an evil wizard who cared only for himself. There needed to be… a reason.

"How many other half-bloods do you know that have been sorted into Slytherin – a house whose founder rejected all those less than pure? There is a place for you with me, Severus. And I will show it to you upon my word. All you need to do is stretch out your arm for me to take."

**ooooooo**

**A/N:** Convinced? Let me know what you think! I really appreciate it.


	110. Obstinacy

**ooooooo**

By the time Lily returned to her flat, it was well after five o'clock, for though tutorial sessions would only last about an hour after the final bell rang, several students stayed even longer than that, meeting with their clubs and sport teams for the very first time that term. Most of them didn't seem terribly eager to part with their friends, and so they found themselves catching up and hanging around the building for far longer than what was probably normal. Lily herself had not been particularly keen on leaving them all there unprotected, and so remained for as long as she could, exploring the grounds in genuine interest while striking up conversations with whomever she happened to pass, teacher, student, and janitor alike. Everyone there seemed polite enough, though a few had regarded her with raised eyebrows. She assumed there was something about herself, perhaps her clothing – she knew that muggles and witches didn't always share the same fashion sense, though she hadn't thought she looked altogether too outlandish by their standards when she dressed that morning – that caused them to stare in such a way.

In any event, by the time she got home, her feet were both slightly sore and she was starving. James wasn't back yet – not that she'd expected him, but it was slightly depressing to return to an empty flat at the end of a long day's work. This was what Isabelle had warned her about before her wedding… this loneliness. She sighed, pulling her wand from her pocket so that she might start magically whipping up a bowl of soup, all the while contemplating the possibility of buying a pet. A regular old cat or dog didn't seem quite practical for a flat in the middle of the city, but perhaps if she dared return to Diagon Alley, she could find a suitable companion at the Magical Menagerie…

No. She wasn't going back to Diagon Alley. That was absolutely out of the question.

A knock on the door broke into her musings, and she jerked around in sudden, irrational alarm. She'd told James she'd be perfectly fine by herself that evening, though it was, in fact, the first time she'd truly been alone since that day at the bank. He'd been so protective of her… He promised to arrange a cab or something – with him, you never knew, particularly since he had no experience whatsoever with cabs of any kind – to see her to the Ministry of Magic, where she could wait for him in the company of witches and wizards who boasted the greatest security – aside from Gringotts – that London had to offer. But Lily hadn't accepted. She absolutely refused to be the cause of additional trouble to anyone, and certainly didn't want to get in the way. Besides, she had to take care of herself. She wouldn't depend on anyone else. So here she was, standing quite alone in the middle of her flat, staring at a door behind which anyone in the entire world could be waiting.

There was another knock, and this time, a voice to go with it. "Lily! Are you in there? It's me, Peter!" She felt herself breathing a sigh of relief even as she sprang forward, unlocked, and pulled open the door. Sure enough, a certain bulky young man was waiting for her on the other side, smiling awkwardly at the sight of her. "Oh. Hi. You're here." His face flushed and she rolled her eyes, immediately stepping out to pull him into a hug, which he was quick to return. It felt like they hadn't seen each other in years.

"Let's not stand out here like gits," she said after a moment, as they drew apart. "Come inside." She backed up to hold the door open, and Peter walked in almost hesitantly, glancing around as if hoping, but not actually expecting, to find James. "How are you?" she asked him as soon as the door was shut and locked once again. "It's been… so long, hasn't it?"

"Suppose so," he agreed, turning back towards her with a shrug. "Since the wedding. How was Rome?" He wasn't growing any more at ease, Lily noticed. Once upon a time, the two of them had snuck into Hogsmeade together, and had once even fought a boggart together. But then… as if overnight… he'd grown so distant. She wished there was something more she could do to change that.

"You should have seen it, Peter," she nevertheless smiled reminiscently, wrapping her arms around herself as she pictured the ancient city in her mind. "It was so old… and the magic there is not like anywhere else. I took some pictures. Do you want to see?" Without even waiting for a response, she leapt towards the kitchen and pulled out from behind an idle cauldron one of several photo albums she'd made in the past few weeks. What with her graduation, her wedding, and everything else that had been going on, she had more than enough pictures to fill them all. "I was going to make a night of presenting them to you, Sirius, and Remus, but I think you can get away with a sneak preview if you don't tell anyone."

"My lips are sealed," Peter promised, entering the kitchen quietly behind her. That he could walk so silently never ceased to amaze her, but it wasn't worth commenting about. She grabbed a stool and sat before the kitchen counter, gesturing for him to sit beside her, which he did. Then, without further ado, she opened the book and began going through the photos, one by one. It was truly fascinating how absolutely none of them ever looked quite the same as they did before, and the way they seemed to stimulate her memories nearly had her convinced she'd only been there yesterday. If only that were true… then she might never have met…

Her back stiffened, and whatever account she'd been describing at that instant came to a trembling stop as her voice itself faltered. Peter, she suddenly realized, hadn't been paying the least bit attention to her pictures, for he noticed something was wrong far sooner than he should have. Within a second, he'd reached for her hand, and when she glanced at his face, he was staring back at her in concern. "What's wrong?"

"Did James send you here?" she asked him softly, for the first time wondering why he had decided to drop by when he did. He must have known her husband was out training to be an Auror, and therefore wouldn't be available for a visit, so she'd assumed he'd wanted to see her. Now, however, she found herself wondering if there wasn't something more to it. "To look after me?"

Whatever Peter might have expected from her after his inquiry, it obviously wasn't that. The expression he wore, the frown, the confusion on his face, the furrowed brow, all hinted towards complete ignorance. James must not have told him, then, the truth behind Diagon Alley… and his next words confirmed that. "Why? Why would… you need looking after?" They stared intently at each other for a long minute, and then Lily decided she didn't want to go through her photo album anymore. Those pictures were more precious to her than any of her others, and the last thing she wanted was to contaminate them with thoughts of the Dark Lord. She shut the book and, as gently as her faint hands would allow, put it back in its place.

"Look at me, I'm such a terrible hostess," she smiled uneasily, getting to her feet. While she might not have been a hostess – and certainly didn't want her friend feeling less like a member of her family and more like a strange guest in her flat – she nevertheless greatly desired a way to keep herself busy so she might not look overly anxious. "I have a bowl of soup. Do you want some?" Once again, she didn't give him the chance to reply, but immediately set about the task of conjuring up a second bowl. "And what about that interview you had? Did you get the job?"

"I did," he acknowledged, turning around in his stool to watch her work. He must have sensed something wasn't right, for he was regarding her with two narrowed, suspicious eyes. "But it's not anything grand. Mostly, I just run errands for the editors. Menial stuff, really." He was assisting at the Daily Prophet. "You'd think with a bloody war going on, they'd have so much to report they wouldn't want a ready and willing aide serving tea, but I reckon it won't do much good complaining." His face paled as Lily placed the bowl of soup in front of him. "You won't tell Prongs or Padfoot, will you? They think I'm working my way up with Rita Skeeter."

It was all she could do not to laugh, feeling better already. "I won't speak a word. And you're lucky, Peter. Those two plan on making the news, so I doubt they'll find it necessary to read the Daily Prophet ever again." And even if they did, they probably wouldn't give the article's author a second thought. "Don't feel so bad. A job's a job. There's a war on out there, and the unemployment rate in the wizarding world is astronomical. How's Remus doing?"

Peter stared down at the bowl of soup, looking slightly shamefaced. He wasn't exactly in a position to be complaining, and he knew it, too. "Moony's got it bad, Lil. You don't just a hire a werewolf, even in the best of times. Padfoot tried to get him in for training, but they won't let him be an Auror. They don't trust him. He's still staying at Padfoot's, and he's miserable about it." Which was completely understandable. Remus didn't ask to be a werewolf, now did he? It wasn't fair. He didn't deserve to be treated like an animal.

"Lily, what's wrong?"

The question had absolutely nothing to do with Remus, that much was obvious. There was definite concern in Peter's voice, and she stared at him apprehensively. She wasn't one to just shut a photo album seconds after opening it before rapidly changing the subject. Not without a reason. He knew something troubling was on her mind, and she found herself asking again: "Are you sure James didn't send you here?" He shook his head, staring at her in growing perplexity.

At that moment, the door unlocked itself, and the couple both jumped up in time to watch it swing open. Seconds later, the flat was swarming with energetic young men; James, Sirius, and Remus had arrived, and they seemed to be discussing something highly amusing despite talking all at the same time. How typical. Nevertheless, Lily grinned in sheer exhilaration, for she hadn't seen two of them in several weeks and had already begun to miss the third.

"Hey, look!" Sirius exclaimed as James shut and locked the door behind them. "Lily found Wormtail! We tried your flat, mate, but you weren't there!" Peter shrugged helplessly while Lily ran forward to embrace her husband. He caught her deftly in his arms and, as they kissed, she noticed he'd worked up a bit of a sweat. He smelled like it, too. She pulled away from him with a good-natured frown.

"Don't they have locker-rooms at the Ministry? Showers?" When James smiled sheepishly, she nodded towards the bedroom. "Go get in ours, then." Neither Sirius nor Remus nor even Peter could contain their laughter at the look of pure astonishment that fell across James's face.

"Um. Honey." He was trying so hard to keep himself composed, when she could tell he'd like nothing better than a go against his three friends. Indignation was struggling to take his astonishment's place. "We do have guests. I can't just abandon you to these blokes. They're rather shady characters, if you ask me. Not at all suitable to be left unsupervised in your company."

"Go get in the shower, James," she told him resolutely before glaring at Sirius. "And I'd stop laughing, mate, unless you want a dog bath." He shut his mouth instantly, which only made Remus laugh that much harder. Lily, noticing, smiled at him even as she stepped around her husband and walked over to give him a hug. "You're in a good mood." He held her tightly, lifting her completely off her feet before setting her back down.

"Oh, it's so good to see you!" he grinned boyishly. "You've been back from Rome for how long now, and you never called! I thought you'd forgotten about us."

"Nah," James interrupted, feeling slightly left out and absolutely dead set against taking a shower. "Sirius and Peter, maybe, but we couldn't stop wondering whether or not you had an older brother in some past life who went by the name-!"

"James!" Lily glared at her husband in stark disapproval. Jokes about Romulus and Remus were simply not funny, and definitely not appropriate. "Go take a shower." He sighed, but this time obeyed. Turning, he made his way into the bedroom and disapproved through another door. Lily watched him go, and then glanced sideways at Sirius. "I'd hug you, too, mate, but James isn't the only one who needs a shower. I guess the training's really intense, yeah? They worked you hard today?"

Sirius nodded, a bright glint shining in his eyes. "Yeah. They're not about to let any bloody shrimps become Aurors. I thought I was going to die five times before lunch." They could hear the shower start to run, and Sirius rubbed his hands together anticipatively. "Perfect." He took a step towards Lily, a malicious smile crossing his face. "Now, Lily Potter, you've given your husband a hug, you've given Moony a hug, and I daresay you've even given Wormtail a hug. I don't care that I'm dripping with sweat. I want one, too. I'm going to get one. And there's nothing Prongs can do to rescue you." Lily's mouth dropped open as Sirius lunged towards her, and it was all she could do to dive out of the way.

"Padfoot!" Remus shouted in complete astonishment as Sirius grabbed his arm and swung him around so that nothing stood between him and the woman. Before he could tackle her, however, she produced her wand and held it up straight at his head.

"Come any closer, and you'll be sprouting flowers from your hair," she threatened him lightly, which stopped him dead in his tracks. "See if I need James to rescue me, Sirius Black. I'm a Potter myself, now."

He whistled, clearly impressed. "I can see that. Maybe you should come train to be an Auror, Lil. That bloody drill sergeant we've got making us run miles upon miles for whatever reason won't stand a chance against your lovely charm."

She smiled. "Keep your distance and I'll offer you some tea." He pouted. He pouted, and if Lily didn't know any better, she'd say he'd transfigured his eyes to make them look as big, brown, and puppy-doggish as humanly possible. She sighed, almost painfully, and lowered her wand. "All right, all right!" He beamed, jumped towards her, and scooped her up in his arms, whirling her around while laughing maniacally. It was all she could do not to shriek.

"Ooh, Remus isn't the only one who missed you, Lily Potter!" he declared as he placed her back down on her feet. "You can't ever leave the country again. Not without us."

She exhaled deeply, shaking her head as she turned back towards the kitchen. "All right, boys. Let's see about getting you all something to drink." They spent the next ten minutes at the table in the parlor sipping their tea while Sirius and Remus questioned her about the high school. She was tutoring ordinary muggles now, and they both wanted to hear absolutely everything about her first day. Though she couldn't deny the lack of enthusiasm she'd seen in a majority of the students – and even the blatant disrespect she'd seen in more than one – she assured them wholeheartedly it was an experience she wouldn't trade for any other.

"The strangest thing about it is that I think Beverly Willow fancies one of the science teachers. And I think he fancies her back." Lily shrugged as Sirius, Remus, and Peter all gawked at her. Beverly Willow? Was it even possible for a woman like that to fancy anyone at all?

Shortly thereafter, the door to the bathroom opened and closed, and they all glanced around to see James, dressed in blue jeans and a black shirt, rejoining them with dripping wet hair. His glasses were still slightly steamy, and Lily wondered how he could see through them. "Happy now?"

She smiled innocently. "As a matter of fact, I am. Now we can have dinner." And so they did. It wasn't anything fancy, not at all like what they were used to back at Hogwarts, but just some pasta she was able to whip up surprisingly quickly with a few waves of her wand. She didn't even have to make all that much of it, for she and Peter still had soup left, so James, Sirius, and Remus were the only ones who needed to be fed – and they weren't at all difficult to please. In fact, they barely touched their food throughout the entire course, finding themselves by far too engaged in their conversation to take a bite of anything. There wasn't any doubt in Lily's mind whatsoever; James had missed his friends as well.

Night was quickly descending upon the city, and before any of them realized, it was approaching eight o'clock. Half their food remained uneaten on the table, and though it was a mess she would later have to clean up, it was still too early for her to feel impatience with these men. They were basically a part of the family themselves, and eventually she'd have them clean up after themselves, but at that moment she was prepared to be guilty of a bit of disarray. This was her home now. And this would be her life now. Evenings spent with the Marauders. She might never live like Petunia, with every millimeter of her flat nice, clean, and tidy, but as she glanced around the table, watching the people who kept her company, James, Remus, Sirius, and Peter, she knew full well she could have done worse. Her heart felt more than just content… It felt happy. Joyous. And simply right. This was paradise.

Of course, little havens such as her own could not go on ignoring the rest of the world for very long, and the rest of the world was currently in the grips of a most terrible war. That unpleasant fact returned to her rather abruptly when the old clock on her mantle struck eight, and the four men all turned to stare at it in silent surprise. A weight seemed to have come over them, and Lily noticed the change in the atmosphere immediately. "What's wrong?" The bell was still chiming out the hour, and Sirius shot James a look of absolute shock.

"It hasn't been that long, has it? It wasn't even six o'clock when we arrived!" Something told Lily there was more to his words than just a mere astonishment at the swift passage of time. What was going on?

"We better go," Remus suggested quietly, getting to his feet. Lily rose with him, sensing his urgency, but unable to catch his gaze. They had just been talking lightheartedly and laughing quite cheerfully up until a few short seconds ago, but now it was as if they were completely different people, taking life itself by far too seriously. Were such unexpected transformations truly possible?

"Wait," she heard herself plead as Sirius got up and followed Remus towards the door. James himself was standing as well, though he didn't seem to be in as much of a hurry. "What's going on?" Were they leaving? Without so much as an explanation? She turned towards her husband in augmenting alarm. "Please."

"I meant to tell you, Lily," he confessed in a quiet voice so unlike his own. "But Padfoot's right. When we first arrived, we had over two hours, and that's an eternity. Didn't realize how quickly eternity sometimes ends." They'd lost track of time. It wasn't surprising, really. There was so much they'd all wanted to catch up on that evening, and what with dinner, they'd had plenty to occupy their thoughts. Sometimes it was so easy to fall distracted. But there was somewhere they needed to be right now… somewhere important… and she could tell by the look on James's face he feared her reaction.

"Where are you going?"

"It's nothing you need to worry about, Lily," Sirius stepped forward when James hesitated, and she turned to look at him rather skeptically. It was so easy to recognize his expression, having seen him wear it so often back at school whenever he meant to avoid some teacher's discipline. "We're not walking headfirst into danger, or anything. In fact, this'll be a good thing in the long run. I myself am extremely excited, and I think I can safely say Moony is, too." He glanced at Remus sideways as if seeking a confirmation, but his friend was staring at the floor, so he looked back at Lily with a sheepish smile. "He's got a job now, you know."

"Padfoot, why don't you go wait outside while I talk to Lily?" James glared at the man in obvious disapproval, and though Sirius looked more than just slightly affronted by the command, for once in his life, he didn't rebel. The situation must have been dire, then, indeed. More so than she'd at first realized.

"I reckon I'll go, too," Peter thought aloud, pushing out of his chair and hastening after the Black. He glanced at Lily even as he rushed by, and if she didn't know any better, she'd say the look on his face was apologetic. Left alone with James and Remus once the door shut behind him, she found herself wondering what could possibly be a good thing, and yet so worrisome it had her four closest friends reduced to such a state as this.

"Lily, I haven't been able to find a job," Remus suddenly broke the silence, glancing up at her and finally meeting her gaze. His eyes both looked so deep, slightly hurt, and yet still hopeful. "I can't spend the rest of my life depending on Padfoot, no matter what he says to the contrary. We can't be roommates forever. Professor Dumbledore's offered me the opportunity to work for the Order of the Phoenix. I'm meeting with them tonight. We all are, actually. Padfoot, Wormtail, and Prongs, too." Lily stared at him before flashing her gaze towards James, who had interrupted.

"I swear we were going to tell you before now. We thought we had plenty of time. We didn't mean to lose track-"

"That's what all this fuss is about?" she found herself trying hard not to openly scoff at them. Of course, she'd expected this day would come sooner or later. After all, wasn't the Order of the Phoenix the best bet that had in this war against Voldemort? Led by Albus Dumbledore himself, its members were organized, highly efficient, and knew exactly what they were up against. According to the rumors, they were even more prepared for battle than the entire Ministry of Magic and all its Aurors combined! Lily had almost been counting down the days until the Marauders took it to their heads to enlist. She didn't understand what the problem was. "Honestly, you two! Is it that you enjoy going around trying to frighten me? I thought something might have been terribly wrong, but you-"

"Lily," James interrupted her, unusually quiet and hesitant. She glanced at him, noting the tentative look on his face. It was as if he meant to handle something inexplicably fragile. "I need to make sure you understand… you're not coming with us. You're going to stay here."

It was as if he had slapped her across the face. "What?" Accompanying them had never actually crossed her mind, but that was only because she'd assumed it both obvious and reasonable that she'd go wherever her husband went in this war. He might be an Auror, and she might just be a tutor keeping a sharp lookout for Death Eaters, but they were both prepared to fight, and possibly even die, in order to save lives. If he were to ever join the Order of the Phoenix, wasn't it perfectly natural for her to do the same? She was determined to follow him always, no matter where he went, so how could he tell her to stay here like this? "No."

James glanced at Remus, who looked back at him in concern. And it was then that she understood. They'd been in such a good mood all evening because they were truly excited about joining the Order. But they must have agreed beforehand not to allow her to do likewise. The change that had so swiftly come over them resulted merely from their reluctance to inform Lily of the situation. They must have foreseen her reaction, and knew her well enough to know how much she resented being told what not to do, or whom not to help.

"Lil," James took a step towards her and caught her hands in his. "Voldemort and Dumbledore are terrible enemies. Many people reckon the war itself is between them. There is no organization more dangerous to join than the Order of the Phoenix. If Voldemort could, he'd kill every single member in the blink of an eye, and I'm not being overdramatic here. If you join, he'll find you, and I can't let that happen." He was only trying to keep her safe. Lily recognized that, and loved him all the more for it. Since the bank, they both suspected Voldemort had his eyes out for her, and she certainly didn't want to be discovered, either. But… she'd already determined how completely and utterly pointless, meaningless, it would be to run and hide. She couldn't live that way – and especially not when James's life was on the line.

"I'm not afraid of him," she insisted. "We stay together, James. Didn't we make such a great team? If you join, I'm going to join, and we'll be that much stronger for it, yeah?"

He smiled and shook his head, bringing her hands to his lips and kissing them. "You're the bravest person in the world, Lil. But I'm not. I can't stand the thought of Voldemort ever so much as laying his eyes on you. Please, for my sake. Stay here and don't get caught up in the Order. I'll be back before morning." He swiftly bent down to kiss her on the forehead, and then turned, grabbing his black leather jacket from off the coat rack while motioning for Remus to follow him outside. Shocked, completely stunned, Lily could only stand there watching silently as the door was pulled shut.

And then she glowered. This was all because of her cursed gift! Professor Dumbledore surely needed all the help he could get, and she knew she was more than capable of offering her fair share! She'd long since accepted the fact that, as an Auror, there would be some adventures, some dangers, even some horrors James would have to face without her. But the Order of the Phoenix as well? No. Absolutely not. That was out of the question. She wasn't helpless. She could take care of herself. And if Voldemort really would hunt down and kill every last single member, she meant to be there to protect her husband.

Without a moment to lose, she spun on her heel and ran towards the bedroom. James's invisibility cloak was tucked away in the bottom drawer of their dresser, to be used only in the case of an emergency. Though this might not have actually qualified as such, she still considered it to be an urgent situation in which drastic measures simply had to be taken.

Cloak in hand, she ran back to the flat's entrance and hastened outside. Turning, she shut the door, locked it, and glanced subtly around to make sure there was no one else nearby. Smiling confidently, she swept the cloak around her shoulders and covered her whole head, so that she completely disappeared into thin air. Then, she ran down the hall, practically flew down the stairs, and shoved her way out through the front doors of the entire building, where she caught up with the Marauders and pursued them through the darkness.

**ooooooo**

**A/N:** I didn't mean to stop here, but it just seemed like such a good place. I do appreciate all your reviews. I'll get the next chapter up as soon as possible.


	111. The Order of the Phoenix

**ooooooo**

Though it was well after dark, the city streets were all as brightly illuminant as ever, and there were more than enough men and women out and about for it to still easily be mistaken for late afternoon. The corporate world continued to expand, tourists continued to explore, restaurants remained open, and performances at the West End were underway. There were so many people… so many thousands… living from the slums to Buckingham Palace, and they were all in danger. Every last single one of them. Even the royal family. As far as Lily knew, they were all muggles themselves, and so Voldemort wouldn't hesitate to take even their lives. How could James even consider joining the Order of the Phoenix without her? They needed all the help they could get, and she would not, she simply refused, to withhold any assistance she might be able to provide them.

It had not been at all difficult catching up with the men after they left her in her flat, for though Sirius and Remus both seemed anxious to start towards their destination, Peter was not in any hurry, and James himself had seemed considerably disheartened. "That was wrong of us. We just… We just up and left her back there with barely even a word. I mean, I'm her husband! This is exactly the sort of thing we're supposed to have long discussions about, and I didn't give her any warning!" Lily couldn't help but appreciate the genuine remorse he felt for pretty much abandoning her, but it still didn't convince her to turn back around and do as she'd been told. If it was the last thing she did, she'd join the Order of the Phoenix with her husband!

They were walking down a relatively busy sidewalk away from the school at which Lily had taught that day. The hardest part was trying to keep herself completely cloaked and therefore invisible without getting in anyone's way. The Marauders had certainly had it easy back at Hogwarts, sneaking around the corridors at night when they were dark and completely deserted. She had to be extremely careful, tailing them as closely behind as she dared without giving herself away – once, Remus had glanced over his shoulder with a frown, as if he had actually expected to find someone watching from the shadows.

They continued down the street for what felt like ages until they reached the port where several piers stretched out towards the river. Buoys floated in the water and she could see boats of every size, from yachts to cruise ships. Alongside one pier, there was docked an old barge that looked just about ready to fall apart and sink to the bottom of the Thames. Lily doubted very much it would last even a day out at sea, and yet it was the boat that James seemed to be headed towards.

This part of the city proved to be much more isolated than anywhere else, and was abnormally quiet to boot. It caused Lily to shiver as she followed her husband and his friends deeper into darkness. Maybe she should have stayed home after all… The idea of stepping foot onto such a dicey looking vessel did not appeal to her in any way. What if it capsized? She was an extremely capable swimmer, yes, having been taught years ago by her father – in the ocean, no less – and knew she'd survive the Thames, but that was hardly the point. Besides… this couldn't possibly be where the Order of the Phoenix was stationed. The Marauders must be up to something completely different, possibly even dangerous – if they weren't walking straight into a trap, that was.

"OY!" Sirius suddenly bellowed at the top of his lungs, which made Lily wince. Was he bloody mental? There could be Death Eaters just waiting-! "PERMISSION TO COME ABOARD?"

"Padfoot!" James hissed, elbowing him in annoyance, but not in the least bit alarmed. Lily took some comfort in that as she edged her way forward, closer and closer to the barge. She knew the man had extremely good instincts, and if he didn't suspect a trap, there wasn't any reason in the world that she should. Remus, however, also had good instincts, and the moment he started looking around again, she knew she'd ventured too close.

A light appeared through the shadows, and Lily recognized it immediately as wand light. Someone was coming up from what must have been the cargo hold, and as he took shape upon the deck, she caught her breath in shock and apprehension. He wasn't like anyone she had ever encountered before in her entire life, and though he was by no means anywhere near as frightening as Lord Voldemort himself was, she still would never choose to meet him alone at night in a darkened alley. His face… looked like it had been bent and broken multiple times. It was brutally scarred and he was missing a large piece of his nose. His eyes, however… they were what took clear precedence over the rest of his features, for while one of them looked no different than any other, the second was huge. Horrifically huge. For a moment, she swore it focused entirely on her, but then it was on the move again, almost frantically, darting in every imaginable direction without pause. It couldn't possibly be normal, and Lily found herself praying to God that it was merely some strange trick of the light – though she wasn't fool enough to believe it actually was.

Presently, the man shuffled his way towards the side of the boat – he seemed to be moving with something of a limp. Holding his wand out, he regarded the four men very carefully, but seemed more or less satisfied. "Permission granted. And be quick about it! You weren't followed, were you?"

"Us? Followed?" Sirius let out a sharp bark of laughter as he approached the barge and gracefully vaulted into it. "Give us some credit, Mad-Eye. We're not completely incompetent." Peter, however, was in the process of climbing into the barge as his friend spoke, and must have slipped on a wet stretch of the rail, for he found himself awkwardly clutching it as tightly as he could, as if he were giving it a bear hug. Mad-Eye, if that was truly his name, scoffed at the sight even as he grabbed the younger man and dragged him the rest of the way onboard.

"I can see that."

Once again, as Lily crept her way even closer to the barge, she was left with the rather disconcerting notion that he was looking right at her, and that he continued to do so as James and Remus both followed their friends over the rail. He actually even began to chuckle quietly to himself, which baffled the men and petrified the woman. How could he know she was there? She was wearing an invisibility cloak! Unless… _Mad-Eye…?_

It occurred to her then, for she had been by far too attentive to her husband to consider any lesser detail inhabiting the back of mind that wasn't strictly relevant to the situation at hand, that the only 'Mad-Eye' she'd ever heard of was in fact the dubbed name of one Alastor Moody. James and Sirius had both spoken of him before as one of the greatest Aurors the Ministry of Magic had ever known. He was reputedly an incredible wizard and the nightmare of most Death Eaters. Looking at his face, Lily found that such a claim wasn't at all hard to believe.

"Something funny there, Mad-Eye?" James presently asked, almost suspiciously as the man turned and started clunking his way towards the steep steps that must have led below deck. Sirius, Remus, and Peter all glanced from one to the other, and though Sirius looked eager to join the rest of the Order, the latter two both shared expressions of caution. One could never be too careful around strangers, even if they were famous Aurors, especially in times like these.

"You'll have to answer that question for yourself, Potter," the man replied enigmatically as he reached the stairs and started a rather slow, inelegant descent. It must have been difficult for him, and despite everything, Lily found herself tempted to spring forward to offer him her assistance. But she forced herself to refrain, for it was still too early to make her presence known – that was, if it wasn't known already.

"Crazy old pillock, if you ask me," Peter grumbled, which earned a hearty laugh from Sirius. The two started after the man, and James would have followed as well, but held back when he saw Remus hesitate. The man had turned his head once again, and was glancing around the pier in clear consternation. Upon noticing, Lily had half a mind to run for cover. It was sometimes rather difficult to remember that, despite the vast experience he had with the invisibility cloak, Remus still wasn't able to penetrate its enchanted folds.

"Moony?" James asked with a frown, which presently shook the man out of his state of perplexity. The two stared at each other, and almost seemed to share in a silent conversation in which Remus expressed considerable concern while James tried to reassure him. Reassurance, however, did not come easily, for something didn't exactly sit right with either one of them. "Come on. I'm sure it's nothing." James nevertheless placed his hand on Remus' shoulder and urged him towards the stairs.

Once they had descended and were out of sight, Lily hastened towards the edge of the dock. Climbing onboard might be dangerous, especially when shrouded in a cloak. Peter had certainly found the task difficult, and the last thing she needed right now was to be discovered lying in a graceless heap on the deck of a barge she technically had no right to be on in the first place.

There wasn't much space between the dock and the barge, yet she could still see the water as she leaned forward towards the rail. Crawling onto it, she swung her legs up and rolled over. Twisting her body upright, she managed to find herself sitting on the boat's surprisingly wet railing. Hopping down to her feet, she waited for her body to get a feel for the motion of the boat in the water while adjusting her husband's cloak to ensure its continued usefulness. Then, she started after James, Moody, and the other Marauders once again.

The steps leading down into the cargo hold were not only steeper than Lily had at first realized, but also wet, narrow, and ridiculously long. She couldn't make out the bottom whatsoever, and found herself wondering if they weren't without end. Surely no barge – or any boat, for that matter – could stretch so far underwater and remain afloat, particularly on a river like the Thames. It was inconceivable!

Or rather, it was magical. If there were a few spells out there capable of placing larger dimensions inside smaller ones, she wouldn't have been particularly surprised.

Eventually, she did find herself standing at the foot of the stairs. The cargo hold was dark and near freezing. Several large boxes were stacked in every direction, and there was a crane to her left, but no sign of the Marauders. For a bone chilling moment, she feared they'd gotten too far ahead and that she'd lost them, in which case they could literally be anywhere. But then…

There were voices coming from behind the stack of boxes to her right. Turning, she strained her ears to hear even as she crept forward. It was definitely Moody… He had a very distinctive voice, she was coming to realize, very gruff and very hard, but easy to place. It sounded like he was introducing James, Remus, Sirius, and Peter to a large group of others, which was only to be expected, considering their purpose there. Slipping in-between two rather large stacks of cardboard boxes, Lily carefully navigated her way through a slight labyrinth, struggling as hard as she could not to bump into or knock down anything. Moments later, she found herself peering through to the other side, where she beheld more men and women than she could easily count assembled around an enormous wooden table not unlike those found at Hogwarts. Moody was currently settling down among them, presenting the Marauders almost dismissively even as he waved them forward, urging them to take a seat themselves. "We haven't got all night, you know."

If this was the Order of the Phoenix, they did seem like a rather sociable lot, more so than Lily might have pictured. Most of them weren't paying Moody even the slightest attention, but instead whispered amongst themselves while laughing quietly. James and Sirius both fell in immediately, but Peter looked awkward and uncomfortable, and Remus even more so. Professor Dumbledore might accept him with wide open arms despite what he was, but did that acceptance truly extend to all the members present here tonight? As far as occupations went, this was Remus' last chance. If it didn't work out… he'd have to resort to a life of secrecy amongst the muggles, which, though bearable, certainly wasn't fair.

"I've been meaning to ask you, Potter, how's married life?" Moody suddenly demanded, his raucous voice carrying over the rest of the hold. For some reason, the inquiry caught everyone's attention, and their eyes all immediately landed, not on James, but on the Auror. It was almost as if something he'd said – or quite possibly something in the way he'd said it – had alerted them to some kind of problem no one else – not even James himself – could identify.

In any event, he clearly hadn't been anticipating such a question. Glancing around the table in awkward, unsettled confusion, he seemed to be at quite a loss for words, if that were even possible. Sirius was smirking, clearly amused, but Remus, like James, glanced around at the rest of the Order before focusing on Moody with narrowed eyes. What was he on about? James presently shook his head. "Well, it's… its'…" It's really not the sort of thing one normally discussed with Alastor Moody. That much seemed obvious, even to Lily.

"I saw a few of your wedding pictures, of course," Moody went on, as if such trivialities were of the utmost importance to him – which seemed unlikely. "Those two," he jerked his head towards a pair of women sitting on the far end of the table. Lily, her heart skipping a beat in pleasant surprise, immediately recognized them as Alice Longbottom and Fanny Campbell, two of her closest friends. Moody continued; "They wouldn't stop prattling on about the whole affair for so much as a minute last time we gathered. Indescribably irritating, it was." James eyed Alice and Fanny, both of whom flushed and glanced at each other with guiltily. Despite the heavy attentiveness that seemed to have fallen over the rest of their companions, they couldn't keep from smiling at the memory.

"You should consider yourself fortunate," James informed the Auror once he'd recovered. Clearly, he hadn't quite yet forgiven himself for walking out on his wife, and therefore seemed considerably uncomfortable discussing her, but nevertheless forced himself to manage. "I doubt anyone else has seen our wedding pictures. Lily's been doing a truckload of scrapbooking lately, and hasn't let very many of them out of her sight."

"I daresay it's a good thing she did, though," Moody lightly observed, much to James's consternation. The rest of the cargo hold and everyone in it seemed to fade into the background as the two men regarded each other. They all seemed to be holding their breaths, watching unblinkingly as they waited for the rest of the scene to play itself out.

"I'm not sure I understand."

"Which wouldn't surprise me any. Constant vigilance, Potter! If I hadn't recognized your wife from Campbell and Longbottom's pictures of her, she'd be waking up right about now with a splitting headache!"

So he _had_ seen her, then. He'd seen her straight through the invisibility cloak. There must have been a heck of a lot more to that abnormally sized eyeball of his than met the eye, no pun intended.

James was on his feet. While Sirius, Remus, and Peter – not to mention a majority of the other Order members – were all left staring at the Auror in incomprehension, James bolted away from the table and towards a large open pathway that wound through the stacks of boxes which Lily hadn't noticed before now.

"Potter," Moody called after him quite brusquely while scratching the side of his head. James paused, glancing back in clear disgruntlement. Though it wasn't exactly in his nature to ever grow angry with his wife, Lily immediately recognized the look on his face. Frustration. Impatience. Disapproval to the extreme. If they got through this one without raised voices, it would no doubt be something of a miracle. "She's over there." The Auror directed him towards the stack of boxes behind which his wife was presently concealed.

"Lily?" he turned, advancing several steps towards her while the rest of the room looked on in open amazement. Fanny and Alice were both wearing half smiles, as if they expected the whole thing to be nothing more than a rather foolhardy joke, while Remus, Sirius, and Peter all sat quite stunned, scarcely able to believe what they were beholding.

_Stay calm._ Lily took a deep breath and made her way out of the cardboard labyrinth, pulling off her husband's invisibility cloak as she did so. No one spoke. James was staring at her, and she stared back at him blankly. Keeping herself as calm and composed as was feasibly possible was the only thing that mattered right now, and so she forced herself to remain absolutely expressionless. After all, she didn't want to go and accidentally trigger an explosion…

He wouldn't stop staring at her. It was almost as if he couldn't. Across his face there ran a myriad of expressions, more than making up for her lack of one. Frustration. Surprise. Exasperation. Admiration. And then… resignation. He sighed, covering his face in his hands even as he shook his head. "Well, all right, then. I suppose, since I've never been able to win an argument against you, I shouldn't be particularly surprised, should I?" He sighed a second time, and then smiled, holding an arm out for her. A grin played its way across her own face, and she crossed the distance that separated them and pressed against her husband as he wrapped an arm around her shoulder. Glancing around the hold, he said quite proudly, "In case you're all wondering, this is my beautiful wife, Lily. Don't cross her. I think it's obvious you wouldn't stand a chance."

"Lily…" Fanny and Alice were both on their feet and eagerly rushed towards the young woman, flying past Moody before he could get a word in edgewise. And as they dragged her away from her husband so they could properly welcome her themselves, they bombarded her with more questions than she could reasonably keep up with. What was she doing there? How had she liked Rome? How had her first day tutoring gone? Did she really intend to join the Order of the Phoenix?

"Ladies!" Moody barked, interrupting them with all the exasperation on his face that Lily had expected to confront in her husband. "These meetings are not places for social conversations! I'll not have anymore talk of weddings or foreign cities or-!"

"You're worse than McGonagall," Fanny told him quite bluntly, which left him sputtering, slightly aghast. Looking at him now, Lily couldn't imagine how she'd ever found him even the slightest bit intimidating. He was quite like Hagrid, she decided. Rough on the outside, but nevertheless downright lovable – so long as you weren't dumb enough to actually say as much to his face.

"All right then, let's humor him," Fanny presently suggested, taking Lily by the shoulders and steering her towards the table. At their approach, the men all jumped to their feet, and one of them even went so far as to remove a rather obnoxious looking hat from his silver haired head. "That's Elphias Doge," Fanny told her, nodding at the man as they both sat down. Alice returned to Frank's side, who waved at Lily the moment she noticed him. "And over there's Emmeline Vance. Sturgis Podmore. Marlene McKinnon. Dedalus Diggle. You know the Prewetts, and that's Edgar Bones."

Emmeline Vance was an older woman who looked exceedingly well off to Lily. Sturgis Podmore she thought she recognized from Hogwarts. He had thick blonde hair and was about two or three years older than her. Marlene looked like she was Fanny's age, possibly a bit younger. Dedalus was grinning almost maniacally. Gideon and Fabian Prewett both nodded civilly while expressing their pleasure at seeing her again. And Edgar leaned over the table – risking quite a mess, as there were several goblets in front of him – so that he could shake her hand. All this time, Lily met each of them with a kind smile of her own and a friendly "how do you do?" while James, who had seated himself down next to her, turned towards Remus, who sat next to him, and proceeded to whisper very rapidly into his ear. The man answered, and the next thing Lily knew – at least from the corner of her eye – the two of them were holding an argument quietly beneath their breaths. No one else, however, seemed to notice or care, and she sensed they didn't want to be interrupted.

"So, the famous Order of the Phoenix has its headquarters on a boat?" she therefore asked, trying not to let James and Remus distract her. Besides, it was a question she'd been meaning to ask since their arrival at the port. It seemed like such an unlikely setting, though that might easily have been the point. After all, who would think to look there? From the outside, this tiny little barge didn't seem nearly big enough to contain fifteen plus men and women, and they were all below deck in the cargo hold!

"Actually, the Order doesn't exactly have what you'd call a permanent base," Emmeline informed her as the group gradually split up its attention and engaged in mingled conversations. Clearly, they were still waiting to officially begin, and Lily wondered who else might show up before they did so. "We meet sporadically throughout London. This war's lasted several years now, and Dumbledore still hasn't found a place he feels is safe enough for the Order to call home. You-Know-Who's everywhere, or so it seems, and we have to keep one step ahead of him."

"Dumbledore!"

"Albus!"

Without so much as a warning, several members of the Order all either once again got to their feet or directed their attention towards the wide path that wound its was through the boxes back to the stairs. Following their lead, Lily turned her head and found herself staring at her old professor. He was still dressed in the decorative blue robes he wore every year to the start of term feast, which had been earlier that night, and from behind his half-moon spectacles, his eyes looked tired. So incredibly tired.

"It appears I've arrived late," he observed, shaking Moody's hand by way of greeting as he sat down in an empty chair at the head of the table. He'd had a long day, Lily surmised, and she couldn't help but wonder what he'd been up to before the Hogwarts Express arrived outside the castle grounds.

"Now, now, Dumbledore," Elphias presently addressed his leader in a wheezy, yet amiable voice. "You know these meetings never truly start until you arrive."

"Isn't that the truth?" Moody barked, positively irate. "And I can testify to it, too! I've never, in my whole career, seen such a group of undisciplined, disorganized, social fools who'd rather gossip amongst themselves than discuss anything of real importance!" Fanny and Marlene were both quick to reply, retorting that Moody had no idea what he was talking about. They were all behaving like schoolchildren, but Professor Dumbledore, Lily noticed upon glancing back at him, hardly seemed to mind. In fact, he was reclining in his chair while patiently watching the obnoxious scene before him with that twinkle of his gradually returning to his eye.

"There's no real, significant gravity about this place," James suddenly whispered quietly into Lily's ear, having torn himself away from whatever he'd been arguing about with Remus. "Remember, there was for a moment back when Mad-Eye was asking about our wedding. Everyone felt it and thought something was wrong. They gave him their complete attention. But now, things are looking up again. We're all still celebrating the Longbottoms' victory over Voldemort, who has yet to strike back, and the Order wants to savor that for as long as they can." Their morale was high. It was better to keep it thus, and so they argued amongst themselves as if they were all brothers and sisters suffering from an extreme case sibling rivalry. That's how close these people were.

They were family. So unlike the Death Eaters…

"Lily!"

She had been looking at her husband, smiling as they fondly gazed into each other's eyes, when Professor Dumbledore's sharp voice rang out over the rest of the Order. Her body tensed, and she whirled back around to find the old wizard sitting erectly in his chair, staring at her in genuine surprise. "Merlin's beard, girl, what are you doing here?"

And she'd been worried about James's reaction. The Order of the Phoenix was Professor Dumbledore's personal organization, and if he didn't want her jeopardizing herself or making herself known to Voldemort, and therefore refused to accept her into the fold, sneaking out of the house under an invisibility cloak wouldn't be enough to convince him to change his mind. In the end, this was what it came down to. She breathed deeply, glancing around the table only to find, much to her surprise, that everyone there waited for her with gentle looks of encouragement. She'd won their favor, she realized then. Not many women had spunk enough to attempt what she'd done that night, and they were more than willing to welcome her should Professor Dumbledore himself agree. And so she looked back at him boldly. "I'm here to join the Order of the Phoenix with them." She jerked her thumb towards James, Remus, Sirius, and Peter. "I want to help."

"Good luck trying to stop her, sir," James added, holding up the invisibility cloak that had presently been lying in his lap. "She found this when I told her to stay home. I reckon she's as resourceful as anyone else here tonight." Lily glanced at her husband appreciatively, and he winked at her.

"I'm willing to vouch for her!" Alice cut in, before the professor could respond. "She's got an inordinate amount of courage, sir, and we could all gain from that heart of hers."

"No argument from me," Frank agreed, while very likely thinking about Diagon Alley. "Besides, she and Potter are a team. From what I've seen, they're more effective together."

"I can testify to that!" Sirius yipped.

"Lily Evans Potter!" Fanny proclaimed, throwing up her goblet so enthusiastically its contents spilled out onto the table. "The Tamer of both Slytherins and outrageous Quidditch champions! We couldn't ask for more!" And neither could Lily. As each and every one of the present witches and wizards shot out a sentence or two in her favor – with Remus and Professor Dumbledore himself as the only exceptions – she found that they were all voting her in, and, like it or not, their leader would be hard-pressed to just ignore that.

He stood up from his chair, a movement which silenced the hold. Stepping away from the table, he held out an arm towards the woman in question. "Lily, if you'd be so kind, I'd like to have a word with you in private."

For the second time that night, she found herself pleasantly surprised by the consideration shown to her from those she'd expected the most opposition. Glancing at James, who nodded encouragingly with that confident smile of his, she climbed to her feet and followed the great wizard away from the table, through the winding path that led back towards the stairs, and straight up to a big old wooden door she hadn't noticed until now, which was marked only with the word 'Cabin.' Taking its iron knob in hand, Professor Dumbledore pulled it open and gestured for Lily to walk inside. She did so, and found herself heading blindly into a thick shroud of impenetrable darkness.

**ooooooo**

**A/N:** I can't remember whether or not J.K.R. ever mentioned where the original Order of the Phoenix had its headquarters. Not at Number Twelve, Grimmauld Place, that's for sure. So I just did the best I could and made this up. If anyone's wondering, I got the idea of it being larger on the inside from that magical tent Harry stayed in at the Quidditch World Cup. Anyway, don't forget to send me a review. Thanks so much!


	112. The Road Less Traveled By

**Disclaimer:** I'm not exactly what you'd call a poet. "The Road Not Taken" was written by Robert Frost, and doesn't belong to me.

**ooooooo**

_"Lumos." _The light that danced from the tip of Professor Dumbledore's wand was resplendent and so warm it swiftly chased away the remaining chill in the air, which Lily hadn't even noticed until it faded from her veins. She found herself standing in a large cabin fit for a prince. It had a cot in the corner, a roll-top desk, and even a small refrigerator sitting on top a wooden dresser. By all rights, a room such as this should never have been built into a regular old, everyday barge; it simply didn't have a place there. More magic was at work here, and no one could deny it had its advantages.

"Once upon a time, Lily," Professor Dumbledore began as he sat on the cot, gesturing for her to take the chair by the desk. "You were an eleven year old girl demanding to be sent home so you might live the rest of your life without spells and charms." He held up a hand to silence her before she could object. "Since then, you've grown considerably. Instead of desiring a muggle's existence, you now seek to put the very gift you once despised to practical use, so that it might not go to waste. You told me you thought you'd be able to find such a use by working for Beverly Willow amongst muggle teenagers. You seemed fairly adamant, as I do recall, so why is it you now wish to join the Order of the Phoenix?"

Lily hesitated, her mouth open to respond, but lacking the words with which to speak. She had not expected such an inquiry, and now found herself at quite a loss. Why was it she wished to join the Order? She wanted to be with James. She loved him, she wanted to protect him, and there was something about the Order of the Phoenix that made it absolutely incomparable to the Ministry of Magic. Being an Auror was one thing… but pledging one's loyalty to Albus Dumbledore, to fight against Voldemort not because he was a criminal disturbing the peace and mass murdering, but because he was evil, demonic, and had to be stopped for the sake of all that was holy… It was more than a job. It was more than a duty. It was a responsibility. A calling. A purpose. And if James was going to commit himself to that, Lily would, too.

"I still wish to work at the high school," she said after a long moment, her voice quiet and calm… almost still. "Beverly's right. We need to protect as many as we can, especially muggles. They can't protect themselves. But I still remember how helpless I felt back at school, when children were taken from their families, and there wasn't anything I could do to help find them. How is it enough for me to just concentrate on one task when there are so many others I can help you with? It feels like everyone's asking me to be satisfied with the use of just one hand when I know I'm capable of using both. I'm not a cripple."

"No," Professor Dumbledore agreed, smiling in open admiration. "And your heart has a voice of its own." His eyes sparkled brightly, more so than she'd seen them in years, which was touching despite the color she felt rising to her cheeks. Was it truly her heart speaking? Was that why she felt so honest? So true? "The Order of the Phoenix is, at its core, an army. We are soldiers, Lily. And when we fight, sometimes we win. I'm sure you understand the implications."

Winning… meant defeating your enemies. Possibly even killing them. Lily felt her stomach twist in extreme discomfort, but that wasn't enough to slow her down. "Isn't it true that, sometimes, your best offense is a good defense? James is a remarkable Chaser, but the team still needs a Keeper, right?"

"A reasonable analogy," Professor Dumbledore nodded his head. "Quite a good one, in fact." He considered her, his expression soft and appreciative. Like James, he wanted nothing more than to protect her, but unlike James, he also seemed wise enough to truly understand what it meant for her to be a woman. "Unfortunately, there aren't as many witches or wizards in the world today as there used to be who have a true taste for muggle literature. But maybe you'd appreciate this. 'Two roads diverged in a yellow wood.'"

A small smile crept across Lily's face. "'And sorry I could not travel both… I shall be telling this with a sigh somewhere ages and ages hence: two roads diverged in a wood and I… I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference.'"

"It is not up to me to decide which road you take, Lily," Professor Dumbledore allowed, leaning forward with his hands clasped in front of him. He sounded so earnest, so sincere. "I would never dream of keeping you from the road not taken. You have such courage, such spirit and strength. But… it would be negligent of me not to warn you of what lies ahead. Voldemort knows your name. According to my sources, he has ordered his followers to keep a sharp lookout for you, though they are not permitted to touch you or go anywhere near you until he has decided how he wishes to handle you. James, however, does not have that protection. Voldemort would either have him killed or taken prisoner. But he does not care which."

Needless to say, his words came as a considerable shock. Lily sat staring at him, wide-eyed and unblinking, too stunned to even contemplate a reply. Where was this coming from?

"I do not know what transpired between you and Voldemort in Diagon Alley last week," the professor continued. "And I can imagine that, since you opted not to inform me of the situation, you do not seek my confidence, and therefore my words must be most unwelcoming." That was an understatement. It didn't matter whether or not she'd confided in him; his words were petrifying! And yet…

"That doesn't change anything. It's not an excuse for me to run and hide." No one else was responsible for her. That's why she hadn't gone straight to Dumbledore after the incident at Gringotts. She'd already decided which road she'd take, and she couldn't go back now. She wanted to join the Order of the Phoenix. She was determined. And if it were James, she knew he'd be as defiant as ever. 'Bring it on!' That's what he would say, wasn't it? "I will tell you this, though, professor. Voldemort doesn't know the first thing about love. He can't even recognize it. I have this gift. And if you truly believe love is more powerful than hate, all I ask is that you have faith in my ability to fight him with it. Let me fight."

There was more than just a twinkle in his eyes now. If Lily didn't know any better, she'd say… there was complete and utter joy… relief… but mostly pride. He was proud of her. "As you wish. And I daresay you have even more courage than Godric Gryffindor himself, Lily. Of course I have faith in you."

**ooooooo**

When they walked out of the cabin and made their way back over to the table at which the rest of the Order of the Phoenix sat waiting, they found Mad-Eye Moody holding his companions captivated by some dark tale he had of an evil wizard he'd brought to justice years ago, before the start of the war. It was slightly depressing, Lily thought as she took her seat next to James and pressed herself against him when he wrapped his arm around her, that there had been evil wizards before Voldemort, and would undoubtedly still be evil wizards after Voldemort. Would it never end?

_"Of course I have faith in you." _Professor Dumbledore's words returned to her, and she couldn't deny they brought her comfort. There was someone who believed in her. James had wanted her to stay at home where she'd be safe, but Professor Dumbledore believed in her. She couldn't let him down. She had to stay strong. Yes, there would always be evil in the world… but she could face it. She could take the harder road, and she could best its obstacles, and in the end, it would make all the difference. That was what she needed to believe in. That despite everything, everything would be all right, and completely worthwhile.

"Remus," Professor Dumbledore did not join them at the table, but remained standing as he addressed the younger man. All eyes immediately turned towards him, and his face paled at the attention. At that moment, Peter himself would have had a hard time looking more anxious. Lily wished he'd turn to her now, so that she could offer him the same kind of encouraging smile James had offered her, but if there was one person whose gaze Remus seemed to be avoiding, it was, surprisingly enough, her own. The professor continued; "I would like a word with you. And you as well, Fanny." If the woman was at all startled by the invitation, she didn't show it on her face as she climbed to her feet. Slinging an arm around Remus' shoulder, much to his disconcertion, she guided him after Professor Dumbledore, who by that time had started back towards the cabin.

"So you two were in there for awhile," Sirius presently noted, leaning across the table to better engage Lily in conversation as the rest of the group went on to discuss Moody's latest story. Many of them were informing the Auror of how they'd have handled the wizard if they'd been in his shoes back then, but Lily didn't particularly care to hear. She'd much rather focus on her husband's best friend. "What did you talk about?"

"He wanted to make certain I was sure about joining the Order," she replied with an elusive shrug. "He wanted to make certain beyond the shadow of a doubt, and I convinced him." She smiled at her husband quite smugly. "We're in this together now, James. I'm officially part of the Order."

"Yeah, apparently we are, too," Sirius frowned, cutting into Lily's declaration before James had a chance to respond himself. "Wasn't much of an initiation, now was it?" He sounded disappointed, as if he'd been hoping for a ceremony or something – which was, knowing him, altogether too likely. After all, he still loved time spent in the spotlight just as much as he ever had. He must have gotten his hopes up, which Mad-Eye Moody, upon noticing, inevitably took advantage of.

"Would you have us slice open your hand, Black?" he demanded gruffly, once again catching everyone's attention. Sirius looked up at him sharply and, impressively enough, did not flinch at the mad glint in either one of the man's two eyes. "Force you to make some kind of blood oath? Or an Unbreakable Vow, perhaps? Ha!" He shook his head in clear distaste. "If it's an initiation you're looking for, you picked the wrong organization, boy. We don't bind ourselves together with such useless, pathetic drivel. Our binds are ten times deeper and one hundred times stronger than that!"

"Right," Sirius nodded, not in the least bit fazed. "And you do realize you've bound yourself to, oh, how did you put it?" He made a slight show of painfully struggling to remember whatever it was the Auror might have earlier stated. "Something along the lines of the most 'undisciplined, disorganized, social fools' that you've ever seen before in your 'whole career'?" Several members of the Order, along with Peter, snickered heartily at the young man's jibe. "That's impressive, Mad-Eye. Really."

Moody did not seem particularly amused, though he couldn't help but look slightly appreciative. "You're an insolent one, Black."

"Thank you," Sirius smirked. "I'll take that as a compliment." And now Moody _was_ amused. Chuckling, he shook his head and took a large gulp of whatever it was filling his own personal drinking flask.

Lily took that time to turn towards James, and spoke to him quickly under her breath. "What were you and Remus arguing about before?" He hadn't been able to look at her… When Professor Dumbledore asked him and Fanny to both accompany him back to the cabin, Remus had absolutely refused to meet her gaze. And while she had no reason to believe James might have had anything to do with that, intuition was telling her otherwise. Something was clearly upsetting her friend… and she had to know what it was.

James glanced at her, his hazel eyes hard behind his glasses. He looked rather irritated, she thought, which she supposed was only to be expected if they'd been arguing with each other. "Basically, he still stands by our earlier decision. It doesn't matter how brave or strong you are, Voldemort has his eyes on the Order of the Phoenix, and if you get involved in it, he'll have an easier time finding you. You said Remus knows something about your gift, Lil, and he wants to protect you from Voldemort just as much as I do."

_Remus…_ Lily shook her head in exasperation. "Well, he's going to have to deal with it, isn't he?" It was all she could do to keep her voice down so that none but James could overhear. "Voldemort's already after both of us, and joining the Order won't make much of a difference, now will it?" Professor Dumbledore said that Voldemort wanted her to be watched. Not harmed, but… watched. Studied? Was that it, then? Studied, and then eventually probed and dissected? And what about James? Caught or killed, Professor Dumbledore said. She might lose him…

But that was only if they lost. They weren't going to lose. They couldn't afford to. Nothing would happen to them. If they were careful, if they were smart and resourceful and clever, they could win. They'd already survived one go against the Dark Lord. Surely they could survive more. They could beat him. Professor Dumbledore had faith in her, and now she needed to have faith in herself. She was without a doubt part of the war now. She was in over her head. She knew how to swim, but if she panicked, she'd drown. And if James panicked, he might very well pull her down with him. Remus, too. They couldn't panic. They were in this together, and they'd get out of it together, too, but only if they didn't panic.

"What do you reckon Dumbledore's talking about with Remus and Fanny?" Peter suddenly asked, turning towards them almost nervously. Remus had been gone for awhile now, and the poor man was growing to miss his friend's comforting presence. But there was more to it than that… there was also something else… Lily could feel it, too. A weight was falling over them. Distress… She might have been irritated by Remus' overprotection, but that didn't mean she loved him any less. She was anxious to see him again, for a sense of dread was troubling her heart.

"What _do_ you reckon they're talking about?" she asked, glancing at her husband, whose expression remained closed. And though, for a moment, she thought she had caught a glimpse of regret in his eyes, he turned away too quickly for her to be certain. He knew something… or at least suspected it, and it wasn't something he was altogether pleased with. Frowning, Lily turned her head, hastily taking in the rest of the Order's members. Sirius had turned his attention towards the Longbottoms, and something about his conversation with Frank seemed greatly amusing to Alice. Moody was barking at Edgar, who seemed entirely at ease with the Auror. Dedalus and Elphias were both holding up their goblets as if toasting each other. Sturgis was laughing with Emmeline and Marlene, and the Prewett brothers were setting up a game of Wizard's Chess. None of them seemed the least bit aware of the weight that had fallen so unexpectedly on Lily's shoulders, and so she very much doubted they could explain it to her. She looked back at her husband. "James!"

"It's what he is, isn't it?" Peter asked quietly, which caught both his friends' attention. Lily immediately jerked her head around while James raised his eyes to regard the man as impassively as he could. Peter was swallowing painfully, but nevertheless persisted. "Dumbledore's… he's going to… he wants Remus to… Oh, Prongs, what does he want Remus to do?"

James hesitated, but only for the briefest of moments. Then, he somberly took Lily's hand in his own and clasped it tightly before replying. "I reckon he wants Remus to be his ambassador. And Fanny'll be something of a bodyguard." They would be heading into the wild… searching for werewolves… It was all Lily could do not to cry out in astonishment. He couldn't be serious, could he?

Technically speaking, Remus was still a teenager, and therefore wouldn't likely qualify as the alpha male among those who had embraced their more bestial natures, for though they were only animals once a month, they were nevertheless still persecuted, hunted, and despised, even though they counted as ordinary men and women, same as anyone else, whenever the moon was less than full. It was not at all surprising that some of them chose to abandon society altogether and live instead as packs where they might find some semblances of freedom. Sometimes, despite everything, Lily was actually quite surprised Remus hadn't joined them, for he, too, had suffered their persecution. After all, she wasn't the only one those poachers had been after so many years ago. The Order of the Phoenix must have considered itself extremely fortunate to have him both ready and willing to at least try garnering support from the rest of his kind, but the fact remained that even among witches, wizards, and muggles, adults tended not to listen to eighteen year old boys. Remus would still be seen as a pup, wouldn't he? What influence could he possibly have?

"Is that really wise?" she heard herself ask, turning in her seat to stare in the direction of the cabin within which Professor Dumbledore, Remus, and Fanny were meeting. "I mean, what if the other werewolves don't agree with him?"

"They won't hurt him," James quietly assured her. "They've got enough persecutors; I doubt very much they'd turn against each other. If they don't agree with him, they'd probably just laugh at him and send him home. Fanny would be in more danger, but she can take care of herself. Of course, there might also be Death Eaters about, trying to recruit as well, in which case the two of them will need to watch each other's backs, but they're more than capable of that, yeah? They'll be fine." Dumbledore wouldn't recklessly throw away their lives. If they were careful, Lily had nothing to worry about.

"But what about Greyback?" Peter suddenly asked, his blatant fear amplifying a voice that would otherwise have been extremely difficult to hear. "What if Remus is caught by Greyback?"

"Greyback?" Lily asked, glancing from one man to the other in concern. Of course she recognized the name; Fenrir Greyback was as notorious as Alastor Moody. He was the creature responsible for the monstrous reputations werewolves continued to possess despite the more enlightened, modern times they lived in. Even as a man, Greyback terrorized those who crossed him, and the mere mention of his name chilled Lily to the bones. "But he wouldn't hurt Remus, would he?" She glanced at James, whose expression seemed to have darkened. "Would he?"

"Dunno," he replied with a turbulent shrug. "It's not like he hasn't already." Lily caught her breath, once again struck speechless. Did he mean…? Fenrir Greyback? She knew Remus had to have been bitten by someone to be a werewolf himself, but by _Fenrir Greyback?_ Somehow, that was worse. It hadn't been an accident, then. Remus was what he was today, not to mention feared and despised, because a sick, twisted, fiendish man – if he could even be called a man – had deliberately chosen to bite him.

"Greyback's aligned with You-Know-Who, isn't he?" Peter whispered, clearly upset. "If Remus starts campaigning for the Order, won't he be defying his… his…"

"Greyback's trying to build an army, Wormtail, not a pack," James retorted, looking more than just a bit miffed. "I doubt he even remembers Moony's name. His victims are just victims to him. Nothing special. Moony's campaign for the Order of the Phoenix might frustrate the git, but I doubt he'll take it personally. In the end, Greyback's just another Death Eater, and Moony's smart enough to keep a low enough profile around him, especially with Fanny's assistance. Try not to worry about it."

Easier said than done, Lily thought, and the more she watched her husband, the more she realized it worried him just as much as it worried Peter. He didn't look and hadn't sounded half as confident as he typically did, and was obviously afraid for his friend. Before she could call him on that, however, their conversation was rudely interrupted by a rather inquisitive Mad-Eye Moody. "What's all that whispering about, Potter? Keeping secrets are we?" Sirius glanced up sharply, as if surprised and slightly offended he'd been left out.

"I think you're paranoid, Mad-Eye," James casually informed him, holding up his goblet and taking a large drink out of it. "What have we got to keep secrets about? We're only discussing Death Eaters."

"Fascinating topic," Fabian dryly noted as he lost his rook to his brother's brutal bishop. At that moment, the door to the cabin opened and closed, and everyone turned around to watch as Professor Dumbledore led Fanny and Remus back to the table. Fanny herself didn't look the least bit fazed – it was, after all, just another assignment for her – but Remus' face was slightly paler than normal and he still seemed dead-set against looking Lily in the eye.

_Oh, Remus…_

Professor Dumbledore presently went on to address the entire group over some matter concerning strategies that ought to be taken in the coming weeks, but Lily found herself hardly able to grant him or anyone else, aside from Remus, even the slightest bit of her attention. She couldn't look away from the man who had been like a brother to her from the day they met. The look on his face… that expression… She knew it. She recognized it. She had worn it. Once upon a time, she had been an eleven year old girl whose life had changed drastically overnight when she discovered for the first time she was a witch. She had been forced, not against her will, but close enough, to enter a world she'd rather discount… to join others like herself she'd rather ignore… She'd been terrified that time spent at Hogwarts would affect her… would change her into something hideous. And she could tell that Remus, her brave, strong, incredible Remus, was feeling the same way, and was now just as terrified as she'd been so many years ago, as he prepared to face the same challenge.

Things had ended well for her. She'd grown to accept herself. She'd grown to love magic. And more importantly, she'd found a family. She'd found James. She knew who she was. She knew where she belonged. And if there was a God, she prayed He'd be as kind to Remus as He'd been to her. After all, no one else in the entire world deserved such happiness half as much as her would-be brother did.

**ooooooo**

When the meeting ended, the Order of the Phoenix disbanded, all going their separate ways but for Lily, James, Sirius, Remus, and Peter, who left together. They left the barge. They left the dock. They plunged back into the city, which seemed darker now and much lonelier, but not asleep. Never asleep. Most of the conversation was supplied by Sirius, who was not at all oblivious to the burden his friends were carrying, but who wanted to lighten it as much as he could for as long as he could. "We should write Dumbledore a theme song, mates. Something to sing as we march into battle, yeah?"

Peter played along readily, and James did too, for a bit, but Remus seemed lost in a world entirely his own. Lily glanced at her husband in concern before slipping away from him to go to her dear friend's side. The man didn't seem to notice her, and might easily have been ignoring her, but he didn't resist when she took his arm in hers and eased him away from the rest of the pack. They walked in silence for several minutes, trailing behind the others, but then she looked at him firmly, absolutely refusing to let this be how they parted. "Why are you avoiding me?"

He paused, standing still on the sidewalk as he stared at the cement beneath his feet. She waited for him, and eventually he found his voice, though it sounded unspeakably hurt. "'Tamer of Slytherins'… That's what Fanny called you. You never listen, Lily. First Regulus… And… and then you protect the Hufflepuffs from Vaughn Derricks. Sirius from his mum. Now you've joined the Order of the Phoenix. It won't end well. It's never ended well. Sometimes I just-" He cut off, unable to finish. It was then that Lily realized… there were tears in his eyes. That's why he couldn't look at her. He was trying not to… not to let her see him cry.

"You're worried about what the poachers said," she reckoned, no longer capable of feeling indignation on any level. His tears won her sympathy. "You're worried Voldemort will find me. But what about you, Remus? Don't you think I'm just as worried something will happen to you if you leave with Fanny? Are you truly willing to let my fear keep you in London?" A part of her sincerely hoped he'd say yes, and she therefore found that… when it came to the people you loved, it was surprisingly easy to become a hypocrite.

"I'm selfish, Lily," he suddenly confessed, without answering her questions. He looked at her, tears welling in his eyes, but refusing to fall. "You're strong and independent; I know that just as well as anyone. But if I lose you, James, Sirius, and Peter, who will I have left? That's my curse, you know? Wolves get packs, but werewolves get nothing. I don't want to have nothing, Lil. I don't want that to be my lot in life. You can't possibly understand how much your reckless compassion terrifies me, because no matter where you go or what you face, people always fall in love with you, and they're always there to comfort you when you need them. But after you, I've got nothing. I can't lose you, Lily. I can't."

What words could possibly console him? Trying not to cry herself, for she understood him all too well, more so than he knew, she wrapped her arms around him and held him tightly. "You haven't lost us yet, Remus. You haven't lost us and you're not going to. I promise you, you're not." He would be leaving with Fanny in the morning… right after breakfast. She had no idea when they'd next be together, and it was so much to bear. "I love you, you know. You were always there for me when Petunia wasn't, and I don't think I would have made it without you. So, let me just say that since I owe you so much, I won't let anything happen to me. I promise."

How long had they been standing there? Long enough for James, Sirius, and Peter to grow impatient. They yelled back at the two from far ahead, urging them to get a move on. It was late, and they needed to take shelter in their flats. They all had work to do in the morning, and should not be dawdling as they were.

_'Two roads diverged in a wood, and I- I took the road less traveled by…'_

And so did Remus. And so did they all. Where that road might lead them and what difference it might make, Lily had no idea… but she prayed it was the right one. She prayed it would bring them hope and peace. She prayed it would bring them happiness.

**ooooooo**

**A/N:** Please review. Thanks so much.


	113. Confrontations

**ooooooo**

With Remus gone, it was as if the world itself had changed. Days passed after that first meeting, and then weeks, and then months. More meetings exactly like it came and went, sometimes with more members, sometimes with less, sometimes on the river, sometimes in the country, but never in the same place more than once or twice. When Christmas came, and neither Remus nor Fanny had returned to the city, their absences were felt most painfully. James had Lily, Sirius, and Peter pack their bags and Apparate to his mother's manor, where they needn't fear exposing themselves to any muggle, and could therefore celebrate as they always had back at school, with their wands out and magic in the air all around. But even then, with Remus gone, Lily couldn't shake the pit in her stomach, the emptiness that constantly reminded her she was safe while others – people she loved – were so very far away, in a world of danger, and she couldn't help him.

He kept in touch. Shortly after every full moon, he wrote brief letters – generally a sentence or two long – assuring his friends that he was still alive; Fanny typically signed her name as well. But they never came with a return address, and the owl that delivered them always took to flight before they could scribble down any sort of response whatsoever. James in particular was peeved by such isolative behavior, and once went so far as to stun the bird before it could leave. However, when he handed it a letter for Remus, it proceeded to bite his hand in rage and utterly refused to accept the envelope.

"He's just trying to be careful, mate," Sirius once stated, trying to console his friend. Remus wasn't snubbing them; he was being cautious. The less they corresponded, the less likely it would be that any of them were discovered. Enemies came in all shapes and sizes, after all, and if they were to ever intercept a letter, they'd no doubt find a way to use it to their advantage. Remus just didn't want that to happen. James, however, was not consoled, and often argued that, as his friend, he had a right – a duty – to send the bloody git as much encouragement as was possible since he couldn't be at his side to aid him. They were a team after all, weren't they? Moony, Prongs, Padfoot, and a Wormtail. For once, James didn't seem to mind sitting on the sidelines while Remus did what he needed to do, but even on the sidelines, he wanted Remus to know his friends were still rooting for him.

February arrived, and with it came the end of James's training. In the best of times, becoming an Auror was no small feat, but in the worst of times, when the Ministry of Magic was both outnumbered and outmatched by the bad guys, they required as great an army as they could muster. They were lucky to have James and Sirius, and immediately took advantage of them. Without any warning whatsoever, they'd be temporarily deployed, and Lily would find herself completely on her own for days at a time. It was just as bad as Isabelle had warned her; with Remus, Sirius, and especially James all gone off to fight the good fight, the loneliness she felt plagued her heart and soul.

Attacks in the city were growing worse daily. Even the muggles were beginning to notice; London seemed to be under siege. First, there would be terrible fires breaking out in schools, churches, hotels, and several flats. Then, bodies would be discovered lying in alleys, all too often lacking any sign of a cause of death. Such mysteries continued to baffle the police, and whenever Beverly Willow came to see her at the school, Lily could tell the only thing that kept her sane anymore was a certain individual by the name of Milo Clarke. Leave it to a science teaching muggle to bring peace to an overworked, overwrought law enforcing witch.

Things were bad. Times were hard. Defeat seemed imminent, but if there was one commendable thing about the Ministry of Magic, it was their persistence. The Aurors weren't about to quit, and so the fight continued. It always continued. Despite the daily sense of evil closing in around her, Lily woke up each morning determined to remain strong and optimistic. She went to school where she assisted teachers and tutored those who cared enough about their grades to seek her out, and she kept watch as they tried making sense of that which appeared to be inexplicable chaos.

It was without a doubt one of London's bleakest winters. The streets were wet and thick with fog, the trees were bare, and it was extremely cold. Attempting to keep warm in a black pea coat, Lily would walk to the bus stop everyday with a large mug of hot chocolate she'd magically charmed to prevent shivering. It was certainly convenient, for no muggle would ever think to ask her about such an ordinary old drink. Magic was a blessing, particularly when it could be used so openly without raising suspicion, and suspicion, in times like those, always seemed so prevalent. Lily herself soon came to feel it, much to her revulsion, more and more often as she stepped off the bus each morning to head into school.

It was just that there was a man who always stood in the parking lot, in the same exact position, whenever she arrived. He wore a heavy black overcoat, a beaver hat, and had a thick moustache, all of which made him look slightly out-of-date and quite frightening. That he never seemed to move, but was always looking right at her, intimidated, so much so that even when she hastened inside the building and searched for him through a window, only to find that he had gone, she could feel no relief. None. Professor Dumbledore's words often returned to her, that the Dark Lord had ordered his followers to look for her, to keep an eye on her, but not to go anywhere near her. So long as Voldemort remained unsure of how to handle her, she'd be quite safe, but it nevertheless alarmed her that she'd finally been found.

She couldn't tell James. If he knew there was a Death Eater waiting for her at the school every morning, he'd want something to be done about it, but if the wizard was apprehended, Lily feared there would be others to take his place. She feared Voldemort might come to a decision faster, knowing that one of his own had been arrested on her behalf. What she needed was time… as much of it as she could garner… to think this through and figure it out. Unfortunately, she hadn't counted on the muggles, many of whom had also noticed his almost predatory attendance, and who certainly did not appreciate it.

Hopping off the bus one day, she made her way down the street and into the school parking lot with her mug of hot chocolate in one hand, and her wand – which was concealed in her long white skirt's pocket – grasped tightly in the other. The Death Eater was the first person she looked for, by habit now, but this time, when she caught sight of him, she found that he wasn't alone. Two students were with him, both of whom she recognized from Milo Clarke's science class. Seniors, they were hardly a year younger than she was – if even that – and more often than not, they acted as though they owned all of England. Still, seeing them in the company of a Death Eater stopped her heart, and when they both bowed at the waist to the man, she knew something absolutely and irrefutably dreadful had happened.

They righted themselves and turned away, hastening towards the school, and Lily watched as the man quickly tucked a wand into his coat. He'd done something to them… He must have cursed them! She didn't care for a moment how utterly ridiculous those two gits were, they were still defenseless young muggles who couldn't possibly stand a chance against a fully-grown Death Eater twice their size!

_He won't dare hurt you,_ she angrily reminded herself, pulling out her own wand. He wouldn't hurt her and he didn't have a weapon anymore. Whatever he'd done to those two boys, she'd make him reverse it. Logic was screaming at her to wait. She could easily contact Beverly Willow, who'd no doubt have a way of helping those boys, but what if they couldn't wait that long? Besides, she'd put up long enough with his surveillance. She'd been stalked before, and wouldn't let that happen to her again.

As quickly as she could, she ducked behind an old yellow jeep. From there, she watched the Death Eater turn towards the intersection through which she arrived each morning. She couldn't make out his expression and wondered if he knew he'd missed her. She didn't have much time. If she truly meant to do this, she needed to surprise him…

There wasn't anyone looking. Parked vehicles rarely warranted much attention, especially plain old jeeps, and even if she was seen, memories could be modified. Feeling particularly reckless, she Apparated directly behind the Death Eater, who heard the pop of her appearance and spun around in surprise. He was huge – not like Hagrid, or anything, but tall and terribly muscular. She hadn't realized from such a distance just how small she was in comparison, but nevertheless remained well collected as she pressed her wand evenly into his gut. "Arms out."

He recognized her immediately, and a smile slid across his face as he sportingly extended his arms, not up in the air or behind his head or anything like that, but out subtly by his sides, where she could still see them without worrying about drawing anyone else's attention. He seemed pleasantly surprised, even amused, by the situation he'd found himself in, but not at all concerned. And that angered her. "Who are you? What did you do to those kids?"

"Those 'kids'?" he scoffed, his voice cold and positively malicious. "They came to pick a fight, my dear." She flinched inadvertently at the mocking endearment. "So they aren't quite innocent, now are they? I only taught them to listen with respect to their elders. Nothing more." He glanced down at her wand. "I hope you aren't serious about this. It could very well lead to some needless discomforts."

"Who are you?" she asked again, her voice as cold as it was outside. "And what do you want?" As long as she didn't panic… As long as she kept control of the situation…

"I am Travers," he replied carelessly, as if completely unafraid of what she might do with such information. He was still smiling, which led her to believe this was the most fun he'd had in weeks – a frightfully unsettling notion, to be sure. "And rest assured, Lily Potter, if there was something I wanted, I would have taken it by now."

"I want you to leave," she told him stiffly. "You're not to ever come back to this school-"

"How generous," he interrupted, his smile twisting into a nasty sneer. "You mean to let me go. And here I was expecting an arrest. Possibly even a trip to Azkaban. You're no Auror then. I wonder at his interest in you." He was trying to gain the upper hand… or maybe he already had it… She was completely inexperienced at this sort of thing, and could only assume he was not. She had to stay calm!

"Don't interrupt me," she told him in as dangerous a voice as she could muster – which, all things considered, wasn't as impressive as she would have liked. "You're not to return here. Tell your allies they're not to ever step foot here. I won't be so generous next time. I won't be spied on. I won't be followed. And I will definitely not have these students cursed." Enough was enough. Too long she'd been a victim. If they wanted a fight, she'd give them one, and then there'd be hell to pay. "Now, before you leave, tell me exactly what curse you put on them so I can remove it." If she could… Back in the day, James and Sirius had cursed more than their fair share of students, many of whom she'd been quick to assist. But typically harmless hexes like theirs were a far cry from the more monstrous curses exercised by Death Eaters.

"Such authority you speak with," Travers looked her up and down, as if truly examining her for the first time. "A filthy blood traitor you are…" His gaze lingered on her breasts. "And yet you could have all the authority in the world right at your fingertips. Accompany me to the Dark Lord, my dear, and he might overlook your treachery." She felt her cheeks burning. How dare he? Her hands were starting to shake, and the next thing she knew, he was on the move.

It happened so quickly. He caught her wrist and forced it aside, consequently positioning her wand away from him, and then backhanded her across the face. Her mug went flying, hot chocolate spilling across the pavement. By some miracle, however, she managed to keep to her feet, and before he could strike again, she lashed out at him with all the strength she had, kicking him furiously between the legs. He let go of her as he fell, incidentally ramming his head against the side of a car with enough force to leave a sizable dent. Despite everything, Lily couldn't help but wince on his behalf, and before she truly stopped to think about what she was doing, she aimed her wand at him. _"Episkey." _The cut that had formed behind his ear immediately healed, and he looked up at her from the ground in genuine surprise. Genuine surprise that she, a moment later, shared.

And then he was gone, having twisted his body around in order to Apparate. The bell rang, signaling the start of class. She was going to be late, she realized, for she definitely needed to call for help.

**ooooooo**

"He said his name was Travers," she told Beverly Willow not ten minutes later, standing still in the school's parking lot. "I saw him hex two students. I don't know what he did to them, he wouldn't tell me, and we got into a bit of a fight, and then he ran away." It wasn't exactly the whole truth, but what more could she say? That the great Lord Voldemort was sending men to spy on her? She hadn't even told James that yet, and certainly wasn't about to tell the witch standing before her now, no matter how skeptical she looked.

"Wait a minute, wait a minute," she was shaking her head with narrowed eyes and a furrowed brow. "You got into a fight with a Death Eater? Here? Without making a scene? And he ran away?" It sounded completely absurd, Lily didn't deny that, but her face hadn't bruised itself, and as far as Willow was concerned, the younger woman had no reason in the world to either lie or withhold information. It was strange, yes. But clearly not impossible.

"What I don't understand is why the alarms you installed didn't detect his use of magic," she cleverly attempted to change the focus of their hasty discussion, and the tactic proved successful. "You said they were highly sensitive. Shouldn't you have been here right away?"

Willow shook her head. "Unfortunately, if they were that sensitive, we wouldn't need you here at all, Lily. But the fact remains, we're trying to protect an entire city. We've got alarms and undercover agents in as many buildings as we're able to, so you can imagine we're stretched rather thin. We can't afford to investigate every ounce of magic our most sensitive alarms detect, so we must rely on our agents to judge situations and trigger the alarms when they deem it necessary. Because you're so young, Lily, I'd personally prefer it if you triggered them at even the slightest disturbance from now on, rather than attempt to take on a Death Eater by yourself." That being said, the older witch held up her wand and delicately eased the pain still throbbing in Lily's face. "There. The bruise is gone. Does it still hurt?"

"No."

"Good. Now let's find those two students and see about lifting whatever curse it was they were hit with."

As it turned out, the curse in question proved to be the Imperius. One of the three most unforgivable. Willow was able to lift it with little difficulty, and then went on to modify the memories of all those who witnessed her do so, but she was clearly upset by it. The possibility that muggles were being controlled completely against their will now, too, was too terrible to contemplate, and yet it could not be ignored. Travers, whoever he really was, had just become an extremely wanted man.

"Do you think he'll try it again?" Willow asked as she prepared to leave for the Ministry. "Do you think he'll return?"

Yes. Absolutely. Without a doubt. Lily sighed, covering her face in her hands as she considered all the possible implications of such a prospect. "Well, that's why I'm here, isn't it? So that if he does, you'll know to come stop him." Those were the words Willow wanted to hear, if the answer had to be yes. But Lily herself could not so easily be comforted. Voldemort knew where she was now. He not only knew her name, but he knew where she was, and he'd know how recklessly she'd behaved to protect two teenaged muggle delinquents. He might even find out how she'd gone so far as to heal a Death Eater's injury. A Death Eater's! He was learning more and more about her, and now that the moment had past, she wondered at her own stupidity. Confronting a Death Eater… She didn't know who she thought she was, but she wasn't James Potter! She shouldn't be taking risks like that!

And yet… when she thought about those two boys, despite their behavior, when she thought about them under that monster's control, she knew… she knew she'd do it again in a heartbeat. She would jump to the protection of all those incapable of protecting themselves, despite what it meant for her, because she could protect herself. She could. That was who she'd become, after all, and that was what she believed in.

**ooooooo**

The Death Eater did not return to the school after that, nor did any of his compatriots. As far as Lily could tell, she was left in peace, though she did not for a moment believe that that was the end of it. Perhaps Voldemort was biding his time, still considering what was to be done with her, or perhaps he was just too busy to care. According to innumerable accounts she heard at Order meetings, the dark wizard was struggling to recover whatever respect he'd lost from the renegade Dementors that day in Diagon Alley. He was also orchestrating the attacks on London even as he solidified his influence in Scotland, Ireland, and Belgium. He wanted the rest of Europe, too, and with ambition like that, a curiosity like Lily Potter could no doubt wait.

And so February slipped into March, April, May… Spring came, and the start of a new summer was approaching. Remus continued to write after each and every full moon, James and Sirius continued to hunt down Aurors – Lily had told her husband what she'd told Beverly Willow. A Death Eater named Travers had been cursing students, but nothing more. She didn't know whether there was much he could do about it anyway – and Peter continued to work for the Daily Prophet. Despite everything, life fell into a bit of routine, and she grew comfortable with it. Happy, even, when she was with James. She was growing older. She felt that she was growing stronger. And she was not afraid of tomorrow.

**ooooooo**

He couldn't sleep. By all rights, he ought to have been fast asleep, having had very little opportunity to do so lately, but the moon was full that night, and he couldn't stop thinking about Moony. Somewhere, the werewolf was out and about, and instead of running through forbidden forests, barking, howling, and having loads of fun with his three best friends, Sirius was stuck here in London, alone in his flat, contemplating a life spent under the direction of one Bartemius Crouch. That stiff was just about every bit as bad as his own bloody father, and as much as he loved working with Prongs and Mad-Eye Moody, these days he found himself feeling more and more often the urge to quit the whole Auror business altogether. And why not? He hadn't exactly run away from home, happily escaping one hypocrite, just so he could start working for another. Barty Crouch reminded him too much of his own father. Too much for comfort. Couldn't he just go and work fulltime with the Order of the Phoenix? That would be so much better. And maybe then he could even go after Moony and remind the stupid git exactly how friends were supposed to keep in touch! Two sentences a month hardly qualified as adequate correspondence, caution or no…

Something was moving on his table. Something small. It was spinning, like an extremely fast top, and the next thing he knew, it was both whistling and emitting a bright red glow. His Sneakoscope… one of the Dark Detectors he'd had for years in his possession. Someone was in his flat – or at least headed towards his flat – and it was someone he couldn't trust. Bloody hell. It was two o'clock in the morning! Not exactly the best time for a cup of tea, now was it?

Jumping up from the threadbare sofa he'd been reclining on, Sirius calmly gripped his wand and glanced about the room, peering through the darkness in search of disturbances. Everything was quiet – aside from his whistling Sneakoscope, of course – and all seemed still. He never would have guessed that anything might be wrong or out of the ordinary. Of course his flat had wards, but they were magical wards, and not at all the most powerful. They wouldn't keep out _muggle_ burglars, which hadn't exactly bothered him before, considering the tiny little fact that he didn't have anything of muggle value to begin with.

The knob to his flat's front door began rattling as someone or something attempted to force it open. He held his breath, slipping soundlessly from the parlor into the kitchen – which he hardly ever frequented, preferring to eat with Prongs, Lily, and Wormtail – where he then waited patiently until the door was finally thrown open. It wasn't nearly as loud as he'd expected… had he been sound asleep in his bed, as he ought to have been at that late hour, he might not have woken. There was an intruder in his flat, and he might never have known, if he even survived…

The intruder had a tall, sturdy build, and was obviously masculine, but not quite so much as Sirius himself. He was cloaked and hooded entirely in black, which made him slightly difficult to see through the impenetrable darkness, but not impossible. He was presently creeping towards the table upon which the Sneakoscope spun, and seemed to tense because of it, which proved only that he had good instincts, for at that moment, Sirius stepped out of the kitchen and held up his wand. _"Expelliarmus."_

The intruder's wand flew from his hand straight to the young Auror, who caught it deftly even as he readied himself for further resistance. Death Eaters, after all, didn't go down without fights, even when wandless. However, things were never quite what they appeared, as Sirius was soon to discover. This particular Death Eater was not one he'd been expecting, not in a million years. For, as he turned around to face his captor, he reached up his hands to lower his hood, and through the darkness, Sirius recognized his own face, if slightly younger and gaunter.

He nearly doubled over, at once coughing and choking in pure astonishment. "Regulus?" He hadn't seen his brother once since running away from home, and certainly hadn't expected to ever see him again – or at least not for several more years. What the devil was he doing here? Out of all the thousands of flats in London, why this one?

The sixteen year old smiled sheepishly at his older brother. "Expecting someone else, mate? Glad to see you're keeping so vigilant. I suppose I could've easily been some nasty Death Eater looking to slit your throat, and that would've been a great tragedy, no? But since I mean you no harm, perhaps you might lower that wand?" When Sirius made no effort to do so, Regulus sighed and walked over to the sofa, upon which he promptly sat down. "Not pleased to see me then. Can't say I'm surprised."

"What are you doing here?" Sirius demanded coldly, not at _all_ pleased to see the boy. He'd been disowned, for crying out loud! He didn't want to have anything more to do with his family! They could rot in Hell, for all he cared, so long as they left him alone! "You know I'm an Auror now, don't you? You want into Azkaban, is that it?" The mere mention of that wretched place was more than enough to wipe that haughty smile off Regulus' face.

"No," he admitted, glancing down at his feet. "That's not what I want. Hear me out, Sirius. If there's one thing dad ever said that made any sense at all to me, it's that family should stick by each other."

"Family?" It was all Sirius could do not to laugh in his face. Who the hell did he think he was, marching in here and lecturing to him about family? "The Blacks might be many things, Reg, but we aren't family. Not bloody likely. I'll stick by my friends, thank you very much."

"You're lucky," Regulus whispered, leaning forward to cover his face in his hands. "Haven't got friends, myself… At least not like Potter." He started laughing, very quietly, but nevertheless hysterically. "James Potter! Won the heart of Lily Evans." There was bitterness in his voice, and Sirius pounced on it.

"Don't you dare speak her name! Have you any idea what you put her through? James is ten hundred thousand times better than you'll ever be, and he's never broken her heart, and I daresay he never will."

"Good," Regulus retorted. "She deserves that. But I'm not here to reminisce. I need help, and I didn't know where else to go." He jumped back to his feet, but made no move to approach his brother, who had tightened his hold on his wand, clearly skeptical and distrustful. "Listen to me, Sirius. I can't do this anymore."

"Do what?"

_"This!"_ He stomped his foot for emphasis. "Serving the Lestranges. Serving You-Know-Who. D'you know what I'm supposed to be doing right now?" He sounded at once furious, indignant, and desperate – possibly even scared. No, definitely scared. He started pacing around the room, throwing up his arms. "I'm supposed to be gathering key ingredients for good old cousin Rodolphus! It's some spell he's trying to invent. Inventing dark magic, can you believe it? I don't even know whether or not the Dark Lord's aware of it. He's just experimenting, much to Bella's delight. He wants to mix in fingers. The fingers of _children_, Sirius! God only knows why, but he wants me to fetch them. To Hell with that! I won't do it!"

Sirius couldn't help himself, he was too shocked. His arm fell to his side, completely limp, his wand aimed harmlessly at the floor. He'd always known the Lestranges were sick and completely demented, but this was something else. They were… every bit as evil as Voldemort himself. And what was more… "You're panicking." His brother was panicking. Regulus had always been an idiot, but when he panicked… Bloody hell, he'd murdered Charlie Pryce when he was only twelve years old out of panic. What might he do now?

"I need to get off this island," he stopped pacing and once again faced his brother. "I need to get to Germany."

"Germany?"

"Yeah. I reckon the Lestranges will be furious when they realize I'm not coming back. They'll tell You-Know-Who, and I'll have every Death Eater hunting me down."

"And you think you'll be safe in Germany? Just how bloody thick are you?"

"Grindelwald was in Germany, wasn't he?"

"The wizard Dumbledore's famous for beating?"

"Yeah. Back in 1945. There might be something in Germany he left behind. Some kind of magic. A spell or, or, or a ritual. Or even a book! That's what'll keep me safe, Sirius. I'd have a bargaining chip. You-Know-Who would be interested in Grindelwald's legacy, don't you think?"

"I think that's the dumbest thing I've heard in my entire life!"

"Well, if not that, than something else. A weapon. Something that can slay immortals."

"You think you'll find a way to kill Voldemort? Not even Dumbledore can do that, and considering he's the one who defeated Grindelwald in the first place, don't you think he'd know if Grindelwald did?"

"It's the only plan I've got, Sirius."

"Well then, you're as good as dead, little brother."

"I'm not asking for a lot here! Just help me out of England."

"I'll help you straight to Azkaban."

"Which will be You-Know-Who's in a matter of weeks. I'll be his prisoner, not the Ministry of Magic's. I can only get out now. This is my one chance. You have got to help me."

"I'm an Auror now, Reg. You're asking me to commit treason."

"Like you've never broken the rules before."

"And if we get caught, what'll happen to me?"

"It would be an adventure, now wouldn't it? You've been working for Barty Crouch too long, Sirius. Surely you're just dying for a bit of real excitement, aren't you? Please, help me. I've never asked you for anything."

Sirius hesitated. It was true, he had been thinking about quitting the Ministry, and for that very reason. Barty Crouch. He just could not stand the prick. But still… this was… this was crossing the line. He hadn't really crossed the line since Hogwarts. It sounded… Oh, hell, it sounded more than just slightly appealing. The only problem was this was Regulus Black. It wasn't Prongs. It wasn't Moony. It wasn't even Wormtail. It was his good-for-nothing little brother. "Regulus… Take my advice. Give up. Don't try reasoning with Voldemort, and definitely don't try fighting him. You're just sixteen. Find Dumbledore and ask him for protection. Anyway, I'm sure he'd be more willing to listen to you than I am."

"No," Regulus shook his head resolutely. "My future's in Germany. There's something there, I know it, and don't ask me how. Some clue the rest of the world's ignoring. I'll find it. I know I will. I have to, 'cause I promised Lily."

"What?" Sirius stared at him blankly. Surely he hadn't heard right… had he? What the hell was his brother on about?

Regulus had frozen the instant those words came spilling from his mouth. He looked every bit as stunned as his brother felt – possibly even more so. "I…" And then he was panicking again. "No. Just forget it. I don't need you. I'll figure this out on my own, like I always do. Give me my wand." He leapt towards Sirius, grabbed his arm, and took back his stolen property with very little difficulty. Sirius let him… because he was still just too stunned to resist.

"Promise? You promised Lily? What did you promise her? What did you-? Regulus, what-? Regulus!"

Regulus wasn't listening to him. Now that he had his wand, he turned back towards the door and fled.

"Regulus, wait!" Sirius rushed after him, as quickly as he could. "Don't be an idiot, Reg, tell me the truth! What's going on?"

No answer. Regulus was gone, and when Sirius followed him out into the darkened hall, there wasn't even a trace of him. It was as if he hadn't even been there. He was gone… utterly and completely… which left the man feeling a strange sense of foreboding right in his gut – one he never would have expected to feel towards another Black, particularly his own little brother. Regulus was gone… What if they never saw each other again?

The thought was, incredibly enough, almost more than Sirius could bear.

Idiot. Regulus was such an idiot.

And yet… there was a part of Sirius… a surprisingly large part… that didn't want his little brother to die.

**ooooooo**

**A/N:** Not something I'd originally planned on writing, but here it is. Tell me what you think. Thanks so much!


	114. Wrong with the World

**ooooooo**

When James arrived home one night late in May, he did so completely alone. Lily, who'd been sitting at the tea table coming up with practice exercises for her physics students, and Peter, who'd been sitting across from her reading the Daily Prophet, both glanced up to welcome the man, as they did every night, but found themselves instead hesitating at the look on his face. It was dark, hard, his jaw was set rigidly, and as he shut the door behind him, he ran one hand through his thick mat of black hair in pure agitation.

Fear, of course, was Lily's initial response. "What's wrong?" She jumped to her feet, dropping the pencil she'd been writing with, and hastened towards her husband. He never came home alone. Where was Sirius? Why did he look so upset? Had there been an attack? Had Sirius been…? Granted, there was a war going on, and Death Eaters weren't exactly the most merciful of antagonists, but she still liked to believe they'd all make it through this alive. The possibility that something had happened to Sirius left her near terror, but as she reached James, he calmly wrapped an arm around her shoulders.

"Nothing's wrong, Lil," he spoke as reassuringly as he could, but his voice remained heavy with tension. Releasing his wife, he made for the kitchen where he then proceeded to splash water from the sink across his face. Lily watched in concern, glancing at Peter for a moment before looking back. How could he say nothing was wrong? _Something_ had to be.

"Why isn't Sirius here?" she asked as Peter dropped the newspaper and clambered to his feet, walking over to stand beside her in concern. James's words were not entirely convincing, after all, and neither of the two felt at all confident in them. If there truly was nothing wrong, Sirius would've been there. Of that, there was no doubt.

James presently glanced up at them with a sigh, looking more exhausted than Lily had ever seen him before. Righting himself, he faced them almost reluctantly. "Padfoot handed in his resignation today. He's not an Auror anymore." The joke wasn't funny, and when he laughed, he didn't look at all amused. "We went through all that training, and for what? You should have seen the look on Crouch's face, though. That, I will admit, was absolutely priceless."

"What do you mean he resigned?" Lily asked, relieved he was okay and much more curious than concerned by such a display of erratic behavior. As much as she hated to admit it, she wasn't as surprised as she ought to have been that Sirius would quit. Sure, being an Auror had its thrills, but the position still fell under the direct control of the Ministry of Magic, and Lily had heard him complain about Bartemius Crouch often enough to know his patience was wearing thin. Sirius Black had been a rebel all his life, defying his parents and even his teachers, and he still had a lot of growing up to do before that changed. He'd be a vigilante before any of them knew it, fighting the good fight on his own terms rather than the Ministry's.

"He told Crouch he's got to take time to look into some kind of family crisis, if you can believe that," James scoffed, leaving the kitchen so he might fall into the parlor's armchair. Lily and Peter both followed him, sinking back into their own seats by the tea table while listening to the man in considerable interest. "Of course, the Black family's bloody infamous, so we all wanted to know what the crisis was, but Padfoot wouldn't say. Crouch promised to give him all the backing he might need if Death Eaters were involved, which seemed the most likely explanation, since Padfoot hates his family, but he said he could do much better without. Of course, that offended the old bloke, who suggested Padfoot get his allegiances straightened out, which offended both of us, and fortunately Mad-Eye was there to assure Crouch that if Padfoot was a Death Eater he wouldn't be so quick to resign. Voldemort loves having Aurors under his influence, and I think that's the only thing that kept him from prison. You don't just quit being an Auror in the middle of a bloody war with no reason."

"I don't understand," Lily shook her head slightly, more confused now than ever. "What family crisis was he talking about?" Considering the fact that Sirius really did hate his family, it would have had to have been something completely disastrous, which of course worried her deeply. Despite the mutual abhorrence she and Mrs. Black seemed to share towards each other, a family crisis might easily involve Regulus. James, however, did not look particularly enlightened, and was clearly exasperated because of that.

"I don't even know!" he exclaimed crossly, shaking his head with an angry scowl on his face. "After Crouch dismissed us, I ask him as we made our way out, and he wouldn't tell me! Suggested I mind my own business. Where does he get off telling me that, after everything we've been through? Bloody hell. Padfoot and I haven't rowed like that in an extremely long time." Which explained his absence. There wasn't anyway in the world Sirius would humble himself enough to have dinner with a man he'd argued with – even if that man was James Potter, his best friend. Unfortunately, that still didn't explain the family crisis…

James couldn't sit still. He jumped to his feet and started pacing the room while Lily and Peter once again exchanged glances. First, they'd lost Remus to the Order of the Phoenix. Now, Sirius was missing due to some emergency within the "noble and most ancient house of Black." Their numbers were starting to dwindle…

"I spoke to Padfoot this morning," Peter whispered after a few more minutes, earning a look of surprise from his two friends. He hesitated, but when James stopped pacing and turned to face him altogether, he had no choice but to go on. "He… he looked like he hadn't slept a wink all night. When I asked him if anything was wrong, he might have… well he actually said that…"

"Spit it out, Wormtail," James commanded impatiently, which almost seemed to completely mortify the other, less than confident, young man.

"He said Regulus was in trouble."

"What?" Lily shot to her feet so abruptly the room dipped precariously for a moment in her head. It felt rather dizzying. Regulus was in trouble? What sort of trouble? And how much? She hadn't seen him in years, and yet she still felt the overwhelming compulsion to help him in whatever way that she could. She was stronger now… She might have failed him once, but she hadn't failed Sirius, and she wouldn't fail him again. James had promised her she'd find him someday. Could that day possibly be near at hand?

"He's going after his brother," Peter explained, looking extremely reluctant. "He told me not to tell you, Prongs… Said he couldn't drag you, or Lil, or anyone, really, into his brother's mess. But especially not you two. I reckon he thinks you've both already done enough for him, and it's his family, and he hates them all, and he's got this last bit of business to sort through, and he wants to do it quickly, and get it done, and if it's going to be a mess, that isn't anyone else's problem…" He was rambling now and couldn't quite stop himself. Lily glanced at James, whose face was turning red. Peter was sweating miserably under that angry stare and finally just threw up his arms, too overwhelmed to continue. "But I didn't realize he meant to quit his job. I thought… he'd just be gone for a few hours. Everything would be back to normal by tomorrow afternoon…"

"Well that's Padfoot for you, isn't it?" James grumbled, collapsing back down on his armchair. "He hates authority. He's ashamed of his family. Instead of dealing with them both, he decided to deal with one while using it to get rid of the other." When it became clear the man did not mean to tirade any longer, Peter sighed and leaned forward in his seat, staring at the floor between his feet. Lily glanced between them both, feeling tremendous discontent. What were they just sitting around here for?

"We should help them," she asserted, wondering why they weren't already marching out through the door. Peter looked up at her in horror, for if they went after Sirius, how would he explain breaking his friend's confidence? Lily, however, hardly cared about that. "I don't know what kind of trouble Regulus is in, but it must be awful for Sirius to get involved. We have to find them!"

"They could be anywhere in England," James whispered, sounding, for once in his life, too daunted to spring into action. "We haven't got a Marauder's Map for the entire island. I don't even know where to begin." Propelling himself to his feet, he hastened towards the balcony, and opened the door to step out onto it. Lily followed him in a heartbeat, crossing from one realm straight into another. It had been an utterly gorgeous afternoon, with a bright blue sky and a warm breeze, and it promised to be just as beautiful that night. Stars, however, were never visible from the city streets, and so they couldn't depend upon their guiding light as they'd been able to at Hogwarts. Sirius and Regulus could be anywhere in the world by now… and they had no way of knowing where to look.

"I'm sorry, Lil," James finally broke the silence after several long minutes had passed during which they'd both gazed out over the city and all the muggles going about their lives in the streets below, no doubt suffering their own fears and pains and uncertainties. After all, was that not the way of the world? Lily had yet to be convinced, for her father once said real beauty could only be seen past certain flaws, but sometimes… in a world like this… it was just so hard to see anything past all the terror and destruction that came with a war against evil… much less real beauty. And so she sometimes doubted herself… worse, she sometimes doubted her father.

"I'm sorry," James repeated, turning towards her while reaching for her hand, which he squeezed in regret. "I wish I could fly to Padfoot's aid and help rescue Regulus. But I think this time… it's up to them." This time, it was Sirius's fight… and his alone. At this point, there wasn't anything they could do. Lily nodded, trying to hold back her tears. She wanted to see Regulus. She missed him so much. It wasn't fair that she couldn't see him when she got to see his brother everyday. It wasn't fair. There was something wrong with the world.

**ooooooo**

It was certainly bleak the next day. Clouds had blown in, and Lily was forced to race inside the school building beneath a red and yellow umbrella. Despite the rain, it was warm enough to discourage jackets, and so she wore a short sleeved white top with her wand tucked away in a hidden pocket she'd magically placed into her brown jeans, so that no muggle would notice. Another spell kept her dry, and it could only have been the disquiet in her green eyes that kept Milo Clarke from complaining about her fascinating ability to stay warm in the winter and dry in the rain as she walked into the science laboratory that morning.

Even now, she still felt troubled about allowing Sirius to run off on his own after Regulus. She feared they'd both need help, and where would she be? Here. At the high school. Tutoring muggles. James had sent word to the Order of the Phoenix that should they happen to discover Regulus's whereabouts, he needed to be told right away, but other than that, there wasn't anything more they could do. Wherever the Black brothers were, they were alone.

Milo was watching her in obvious concern. So were some of the students. She wasn't her usual self that morning, and people were beginning to notice. Once upon a time, she'd been able to mask her expressions so that no one would ever know if something was wrong, but that didn't seem to be the case anymore. Muggles were often much more empathetic than some witches and wizards gave them credit for, and Lily admired that, but she still didn't offer anything in the way of an explanation, and if they asked, she told them merely that a friend of hers was going through a difficult time at the moment, but that it was nothing. What more could she say?

And so the morning went on. The sky eventually began to clear, and by noon it was as blue as it had been the day before. Lily rotated from Milo's chemistry class to Dr. Edmund Shaw's physics class. Dr. Shaw was an older man who always wore a neatly pressed suit to school and thoroughly enjoyed explaining complicated concepts to his students. It was a comfort listening to him talk science, for it did require a bit of concentration and therefore managed to distract her from thoughts of her personal life. Science had always been able to do that, ever since Petunia had given her those few books on the subject for Christmas one year ever so long ago. She knew she'd be eternally grateful for that…

There was an explosion – or something that sounded rather like one – from somewhere outside down the corridor. Several girls shrieked while Lily jumped to her feet in surprise. What the bloody hell was that? Dr. Shaw was already on his way to the door, gesturing for the students to remain both calm and seated. They didn't know what it was yet, and so there was no reason to panic. The moment he opened the door, however, heavy smoke billowed in from the corridor. A moment later, the smoke detectors went off.

"Form a line!" Dr. Shaw shouted over the din while terrified students scrambled to their feet. Lily half expected there to be a stampede, but the teenagers proved surprisingly cooperative. They'd had fire drills in the past, after all, and seemed to understand the need for order.

The smoke was so thick it instantly proved not only suffocating, but blinding. The fact that there wasn't any sign of a blazing fire whatsoever, nor unbearable heat, bothered Lily greatly as she followed the muggles' example and dropped to the floor. Breathing became much easier down where the smoke wasn't as heavy, and she could once again see. Students were crawling as quickly as they could towards the nearest exit, which wasn't at all that far away, just down the corridor and around the corner, next to a set of stairs that led up to the second floor. Despite its proximity, however, there were dozens of students in the corridor, all from different classrooms, and they were not only terrified, but on their hands and knees, which slowed everyone down. The smoke, however, began abating the closer they got to their destination, and before long, they were all climbing back to their feet in order to run. But when Lily joined them, as she rounded the corner, she nearly ran into one young man's back.

Everyone before her had stopped. People were coughing and whispering and shouting out questions, for no one in the back knew what was going on, but no one in the front bothered to answer. Dr. Shaw began pushing his way forward, trying to take as much control over the situation as he could, and Lily found herself following quickly in his wake. It didn't take long at all for the two of them to break through the crowd, and when they did, what they saw through the thin tendrils of smoke nearly stopped her heart.

There were five black robed figures standing between the students and the exit. Masks shaped like skulls covered their faces, and when they stepped forward ever so slightly, the terrified muggles all had sense enough to step back. They didn't know what to make of it. First there was a fire in the school, and now this… For all they knew, these phantomlike men might have been demons sent from Hell, and it was all they could do not to turn around and race right back into the heavy cloud of smoke that would just as assuredly kill them as any weapon. Unless they dared to resist the men before them now, they were trapped, and helpless.

"Please…" Dr. Shaw stepped towards the Death Eaters, for though he couldn't possibly recognize them for what they were, Lily could and most definitely did. "We have to get outside. The building's on fire."

One of the Death Eaters reached inside his robes and slowly began drawing a wand. No… Lily's eyes widened and watered from the smoke; she had to do something!

"Dr. Shaw, get back!" She ran forward and grabbed the old man's arm even as she reached for her own wand. When the Death Eater saw her, he hesitated, but by then, the others all had their own wands out and held up high, poised to strike. Aside from the hesitator, they moved like a frightening unit, and all at once. Lily screamed, pulling Dr. Shaw away from them with all the strength she had. "RUN! GO BACK! GO BACK NOW!"

_"Avada Kedavra."_

Several voices all speaking at once. Green light flashing through the corridor. Time itself seemed to falter as the bodies of four teenagers dropped to the floor. Lily spun her head around to watch them fall. She heard herself screaming. She heard others begin to scream. Her body felt cold… completely numb… she hadn't been fast enough… children were dead…

Roles reversed. Instead of pulling Dr. Shaw back into the crowd, Dr. Shaw was pulling her. Dragging her. She couldn't fight him. Her wand was hanging uselessly in her hand, and it was a miracle she didn't drop it altogether. There was another round of killing curses. More students were falling, but Dr. Shaw didn't slow down. Even when Lily breathed in a mouthful of smoke and realized, as she started coughing, that she needed to fight back, he didn't slow down, but continued to drag her with him.

Stop… She tried to tell him to stop… but every time she opened her mouth, she just breathed in more smoke, and soon grew too oxygen deprived to struggle. She couldn't breathe… God, she couldn't breathe! She couldn't see and she couldn't breathe! _James…_

Dr. Shaw suddenly stopped, and she could hear him coughing. The next thing she knew, a handkerchief was pressed over her face, and though she understood it would hopefully filter out at least some of the smoke, it nevertheless summoned up an old memory of hers that was as equally terrifying as this present situation.

Charlie Pryce… covering her mouth with a piece of cloth soaked in chloroform…

A burst of unexpected strength came to her, and she thrashed her body around with enough force to send both her and Dr. Shaw to the ground. Students were running all around them, inadvertently kicking them both as they passed, some even tripping over them. Lily's hold on her wand tightened as she squirmed away from Dr. Shaw and crawled towards the side of the nearest wall. Pressing up against it, she coughed and coughed and coughed. While no longer suffocating down on the floor, she still felt completely useless as students stampeded frantically away from the Death Eaters. They were coming down the stairs from the second and third floors. There seemed to be so many of them, never ending, and the Death Eaters were slaughtering as many as they could. Lily just couldn't stop coughing long enough to fight them.

_I have to do something…_

Covering her mouth with her hand, Lily held up her wand. _Evanesco… _She knew enough nonverbal magic to perform a simple Vanishing Spell without speaking aloud. And, sure enough, within a heartbeat, the smoke dissipated, and she could breathe again. Fortunately, none of the students stopped to question this unexpected blessing, but ran all the more swiftly down the corridor. The Death Eaters, on the other hand, stopped short in surprise, glancing at each other almost suspiciously.

The smoke detectors were all still blaring their alarms, and Lily glanced up at the ceiling, looking for the nearest one. When she found it flashing an angry white light, she aimed her wand and blasted golden sparks in its direction. If it could detect magic as well as it could detect smoke, Beverly Willow would hear the alarm and help would come.

Help would come. Help was on its way.

"MRS. POTTER!"

Lily turned her head in time to watch one Death Eater stepping towards her. Despite the skull he wore on his face, she recognized both his voice and his build. Travers. It couldn't possibly have been anyone else. His companions were following him, all five of them… There were five of them, and she was only just one witch. She couldn't possibly hope to fight them. But she couldn't just sit here either, and so she aimed her wand at the closest one. _"Impedimenta!" _Then she was on her feet and running down the corridor as quickly as she could.

"AFTER HER!" Travers shouted at the top of his lungs, though Lily didn't dare look back to see whether or not they obeyed. "THE DARK LORD WANTS HER ALIVE!" Bloody hell… They were here for her, then! And, sure enough, bolts of red light started flashing by, narrowly missing her as they bounced off walls and struck down other people. At least they were only stunned, rather than killed. That was her one real consolation as she reached the end of the corridor and followed the rest of the student population into the school's main entrance hall. Students, teachers, and other staff workers were all pouring in from every side of the building, reminding her painfully of lambs heading for the slaughter. Death Eaters were herding them all straight to the center of the building, where they'd no doubt be murdered in the most horrific ways imaginable.

She glanced frantically around the entrance hall, searching left and right for a way out. There were windows, yes, but they were thick and hard to break, almost impossible to shatter, and all other entrances were obviously guarded by Death Eaters. She needed to find another way…

Pushing through the crowd, she hastened towards the windows and once again held up her wand. _"Reducto!" _ Glass shattered and the entire wall blew apart. Lily held up her arms to shield her face as several muggles all screamed and whirled around to see what happened. It did not take them long at all to notice the gigantic hole that had been put into the side of the building. By some miracle, even now they didn't question its origin, but raced towards it as quickly as they could. And as more and more and more of them made their escape, fleeing for their lives, running as quickly as they could, Lily almost started laughing in pure relief. Last night, she had wanted to go after Sirius and Regulus… but if she had, if she hadn't been here today, where would these people be right now? They would have had no one to protect them, that was for sure.

"OVER THERE!"

Red sparks literally flew directly over her shoulder, missing the back of her head by a few millimeters. Lily jumped aside, spinning around to see two Death Eaters charge towards her. There were several boys in their path, all of whom they shoved roughly, savagely aside in their attempt to catch up with the woman. Her heart was pounding painfully, and she scrambled to her right, pushing past students as gently as she could in comparison to the bad guys. She had to get away from them without actually running away. Until help arrived, she couldn't just flee. Evading capture was one thing, but fleeing altogether… she just couldn't do it. She couldn't even think about it.

There was another stairwell to her right, and it looked more or less deserted. A few straggling teenagers were still on the way down, but apart from them, it had been quitted. Lily immediately raced towards it, and was halfway there when she heard several audible pops cracking throughout the entrance hall. Pausing long enough to glance over her shoulder, she watched in amazement as Beverly Willow, Mad-Eye Moody, James, and countless others Apparated in, their wands held up high, ready for battle.

Lily had no time to call out to her husband. An arm was on its way around her waist, but before it got a solid hold on her, she twisted herself around and sent her elbow plowing into its owner's stomach. The Death Eater in question doubled over, and it was all she could do to slip away from him before his weight drove her to the floor. Breathing heavily, she scurried forward as quickly as she could, but his hand nevertheless managed to snatch her ankle. She fell, shrieking, but the sound of her cry was no different from anyone else's. There were still dozens of muggles in the building, and the Aurors could only help so many.

The Death Eater was slowly getting up, pulling her back towards him. She glanced over her shoulder and tried kicking his face, but he seized her other ankle with such a powerful grasp she could hardly fight him at all. A grin was crossing his face, for he definitely had her, and they both knew it. "Easy there, darling. You're mine, now."

Bracing herself, she pointed her wand at his head. _"Impedimenta!"_ The blast that followed sent him careening away from her, and she took the opportunity to get to her feet immediately, racing towards the stairs as fast as her two legs would carry her. Upon reaching them, she didn't hesitate to start climbing, for as much as she longed to call out to her husband, she couldn't afford letting anymore Death Eaters catch up to her. Next time one of them got a hold on her, she might not be so lucky…

The upstairs corridor was filled with smoke, just as the ones downstairs had been. Sweating, gasping for breath, Lily quickly waved her wand. _"Evanesco."_ Within seconds, the smoke cleared, but the corridor itself remained darker than she'd ever seen it before. The lights had either been turned off or burnt out, she didn't particularly care which, but the effect made it look frighteningly eerie. Schools, she decided then and there, were quite sinister when shrouded by shadows. No matter. It would only make her all the more difficult for Death Eaters to find, should they follow her up here, and with that comfort in mind, she started down the corridor, jogging past several empty classrooms.

There was suddenly a hopelessly bright, dazzling flash of emerald-green light. She stopped short, nearly falling over backwards, and cried out while once again shielding her face with her arms. Gradually, the light began to dim, and when she could finally see again, she found that the corridor had been illuminated by multiple green orbs hovering in the air around her. The glow they emitted was definitely sickening and, feeling slightly nauseas, she began turning around. She couldn't help herself. Something was terribly wrong.

There was a cloaked figure standing at the top of the stairs she'd just ascended a few seconds ago. Had it even been a minute? He was lowering his black hood, and despite everything, she was not entirely surprised by who it was emerging.

The Dark Lord, Voldemort. He had come for her at last.

**ooooooo**

**A/N:** Sorry for the drop-off. I'm looking forward to getting a lot of reviews! Please? Thanks so much!


	115. Nightmare

**ooooooo**

"Milo!"

The battle was more or less over, as all the Death Eaters who hadn't fled at the mere sight of Mad-Eye Moody were now too busy struggling to break free of the magical ropes binding them down to put up much more of a fight. They should consider themselves lucky, James thought as he turned to watch Beverly Willow fall to the side of a stunned muggle. Bartemius Crouch had given his Aurors permission to kill Death Eaters, and to even use Unforgivable Curses on them, but Mad-Eye had yet to do so, and since James himself would rather die than ever confess to his wife that he'd resorted to torture, he fought the urge to incapacitate his enemies that way. Therefore, Death Eaters arrested by either one of them were without a doubt most fortunate, for there were dozens of other Aurors in the world who'd take extreme delight in exacting such ruthless justice – if it could even be called that.

_"Rennervate!"_ Willow was quick to revive the stunned muggle, who must have been that science teacher Lily was always talking about, James deduced. Milo Clarke, the man who'd somehow managed to capture a certain law-enforcing witch's heart. She was near tears – which certainly wasn't something you saw everyday – as the man sat up and wrapped his arms around her. "I'm so glad you're all right!"

"What's happening?" he asked, trying to control his breathing when his body seemed to want to hyperventilate. He was a muggle after all, and James doubted very much he'd been told about magic. This would either strengthen or destroy any hopes Willow might have of a future with him. "Beverly, what is it? Some kind of… weapon?" He had pulled away from her and was now staring at the wand she held. "I was hit by one… couldn't move…"

She started helping him to his feet. "Actually, these are… um… these are…"

"Potter!" Mad-Eye grabbed James's arm and directed him towards one of several corridors leading out of the school's main entrance hall, effectively distracting him from Willow and Clarke's complicated reunion. "You see that smoke billowing in? That's typical for these kinds of attacks. Smoke frightens muggles. Fill a corridor with it, and they'll run for their lives, expecting the entire place to be on fire. But fire's not even necessary. Smoke blinds, suffocates, and instigates panic. Once the Death Eaters conjure it up, a great majority of the present muggles won't stand a chance in Hell." The corridors were all thick with smoke, but the entrance hall wasn't… which would make it an appealing destination for a frightened muggle.

"They force everyone to run this way, trap them, and then start slaughtering," James guessed, feeling thoroughly disgusted. The thought that Mad-Eye considered such a tactic "typical" could only mean this wasn't the first time it'd happened, and that by now the Death Eaters must have killed hundreds. How in the world was the Ministry of Magic capable of covering it all up? And did they even have the right to do so?

"Now look at that corridor," Mad-Eye presently suggested, pointing in the opposite direction. James obeyed, and to his astonishment, he found that there wasn't any smoke billowing in from it at all. "Looks like a Vanishing Spell. And I'm willing to reckon you've already noticed the colossal hole puncturing the wall over there. That wife of yours does some real nice work, Potter. She's probably saved more lives today than we have all month."

"Well, she's not here," James noticed, glancing around the entrance hall. There were several bodies littering the floor, either dead or stunned, and while half the present Aurors rounded up the prisoners, the other half assisted the remaining muggles, all of whom looked thoroughly petrified, but he could not find any sign of his wife anywhere among them. "She's got to be outside right, helping her students find shelter or something?"

"All right, Potter, you're still new at this," Mad-Eye grumbled, looking slightly disappointed. "Which is why I'm walking through it. Death Eaters kill muggles. No exceptions. So the question you've got to ask yourself is why are there stunned muggles lying on the floor? Who was it they wanted to catch alive?"

_Lily…_ James stared at his ally in dawning realization and then in fully-fledged terror. The Death Eaters… Had they come here for his wife? While it wasn't completely unthinkable, for Lily had confronted Voldemort last summer and lived to tell about it, a part of him, however foolishly, had truly hoped that if the bastard hadn't gone after her by now, he wouldn't go after her at all. It had been months! If Voldemort was the least bit interested in her, surely his patience wouldn't have lasted this long. James had thought… maybe he'd forgotten about her, despite witnessing her gift. He'd hoped… but that wasn't important right now. Lily could be in danger!

Turning, he practically flew towards the apprehended Death Eaters, all of whom were standing together, their arms tied behind their backs and their wands confiscated by the Aurors guarding them. Gripping his own wand tighter than he ever had before, he aimed it at the closest one's head. "Why here? Why'd you come here? There must be hundreds of other schools in England. Did you do it, killing all those people, just to find Lily Potter?" He was all but yelling, his chest heaving, his face no doubt reddening, and everyone turned to stare at him. The other Death Eaters, the remaining muggles, the Aurors, all of them. For a moment, no one answered, and he was running out of patience. "If you don't talk, I swear you'll live to regret it." He didn't require Unforgivable Curses to bully around those he didn't like. Some of his more ingenious hexes practically came to life when he was angry, and at that moment, he was beyond angry.

The Death Eater in front of him sneered, no doubt guessing who he was. "Yes, we came for the witch. But she's more of a prize than a target. This school was marked for destruction months ago, and would have been, too, had we not discovered her here. But while her presence has given those disgusting muggle abominations time to contaminate London far past their due, make no mistake, that time was spent devising how best to play with her."

James took a furious step towards the man, but Mad-Eye Moody, who had followed him, grabbed his arm and forcefully pulled him back. "You're efforts would be better utilized searching for your wife, Potter, not striking down incompetent prisoners. With me." James shoved the old Auror off him, but then nodded. They didn't have much time. He could curse the Death Eater later if need be, and he'd look forward to it. Turning, he followed Mad-Eye heatedly as the man started limping his way back towards Beverly Willow.

**ooooooo**

The green orbs hovering in the air cast a sickly, almost yellowish glow throughout the darkened corridor, illuminating it in a nightmarish way. Lily quivered, forcing herself to take deep breaths as the monstrous wizard started towards her, ever so slowly. She couldn't fight him. She couldn't fight him and running would be absolutely pointless. That much was apparent in his cruel red eyes, and how he seemed to enjoy her vulnerability. She backed away from him, shaking her head, for though she couldn't deny his presence here right now, she still found herself wishing this day had never come.

_Stay calm._ It didn't make a difference in the world what the bloody hell she wished. She'd known all along this would happen sooner or later, and the fact was it could have been much, much later if she'd only accepted Professor Dumbledore's protection. Instead, she'd insisted she was strong enough to take care of herself, and she absolutely had to believe that now, more than ever before, if she was going to survive this. She had to stay calm.

_"I think folks overestimate that bloke. He's certainly no Albus Dumbledore…"_ James. She could hear him… in her head… words he'd spoken months ago… words of comfort after the incident in Gringotts… _"There's nothing special about Voldemort. He's just a wizard. He's just human. Or rather… he's not even that… less than human… less than us… Inferior… Don't let him scare you… not frightening… disgusting… can't let him intimidate… not worth it… you've survived worse…" _Maybe she had. But right now, she was face to face with a murderer, and whether or not he was frightening, he was still dangerous.

"James…" she whispered her husband's name, drawing strength from it, and held up her wand as steadily as she could while the dark wizard glided gracefully forward. He paused, tilting his head slightly as he peered at her. He was in her head again… she could see James clearly in her mind, smirking in that confident, smug way of his, and she knew he could see it as well. He was in her head, and there was nothing she could do about it.

"He gives you such strength," Voldemort quietly observed as he continued his examination. "Courage. What a wreck you'd be without him." Lily's heart fluttered and it was all she could do not to throw up. The way he'd said that, as if he found it an appealing notion, sickened her every bit as much as the green orbs floating by the ceiling – if not even more so. What a wreck she'd be… Bloody hell, if she lost James, she wouldn't be able to bear it! Voldemort sneered. "How like a woman caught in love's wretched snare."

Nausea was instantly swept aside by a sudden, unexpected wave of incense. "You shouldn't talk about things you don't understand." The words were out of her mouth before she had time to even think about them, which shocked her every bit as much as it surprised him. Granted, she'd been known to rebuke certain gits in the past, like James, Sirius, and Regulus, but this was absurd! It would get her killed! Or maybe not…

Voldemort was staring at her as if he'd never seen her before, smiling slightly in what was either amusement or approval. "Very good. I must admit it's been quite some time since I've been challenged, girl. It's rather refreshing. So you think I don't understand love? It's dependency, is it not?" He spoke that word, dependency, as if it was a poison… and as if that fact simply couldn't be refuted… and yet, at the same time, he seemed to be waiting for her to do just that; he wanted her to refute it. Merlin's beard… Had she gotten herself into some kind of moral debate with the darkest wizard the world had ever known? She opened her mouth, but shock prevented her from answering.

His smile was twisting its way back into a sneer, for he must have taken her silence as defeat, and he held up his wand, poised to strike. Did he mean to kill her? Torture her? Or worse… stun her and carry her away to God only knew where? The Death Eaters had obviously wanted her alive, for whatever reason, so she had to assume he wasn't done with her yet. Still, the thought of capture…

She'd rather die than be his prisoner. She'd been a prisoner far too often in the past, and dreaded more than anything that sense of helplessness. She had to keep him talking. "There's nothing wrong with dependency."

"No?" he raised a brow, his wand still held at the ready, but without firing off any hexes. It was difficult for her to take her eyes off it, for she feared the moment she let down her guard, he'd attack. He was so much more powerful than her, and she feared floundering. She didn't know if she could hold on, and wasn't even sure what she was holding on _to_, but if she slipped, she knew he'd win.

"Well…" her voice was shaking. "That's just part of the relationship… you depend on someone… but you still have to be as strong as you can… because that someone will depend on you, too. It's all mutual. You can stand your ground so much easier when someone's holding you up, and you've got reason to, you've got purpose, 'cause you're holding them up as well. I don't suppose you'd understand that, though." _Oh, God…_ There were Aurors downstairs. Mad-Eye Moody. Beverly Willow. James. James. She needed him. Where was he?

"I haven't any use for such trifles," Voldemort calmly assured her. "I have surpassed them. Children may require friends to lean on and support, Lily, but there comes a time when every child must grow up. Adults understand the world for what it truly is. Harsh and without shelter. To put your faith in another is to ask for betrayal, and once betrayed, the purpose you might have found in supporting him is torn away from you, leaving you lost and with nothing but pain. The only way to survive is on your own, and because it is so difficult, power is required."

"Has that happened to you?" Lily asked, unable to believe what she was hearing. His words… they were spoken as if from experience… and if he'd ever felt that way… betrayed, lost, hurt… for a single moment, she might have actually felt sympathy for him…

It must have shown on her face, however, or he must have discerned it from her thoughts, for the mocking laughter that ensued reminded her so terribly of a demon she wanted to cover her ears. "No, my dear. It has never happened to me. I have never allowed it to. But perhaps now you can fully appreciate how much I do understand. There is nothing in the entire world beyond my comprehension. Once I would have greatly liked to impart my knowledge upon Dumbledore's students, for there is so much I could have taught them. But alas, he wouldn't have it." He was smiling at her as if in anticipation, his face pure evil. "Perhaps I'll teach you. You speak of love so eloquently, it would no doubt break Dumbledore's heart for you to learn the truth he still refuses to accept, and I must admit that sounds most tempting."

"No," Lily backed away from him, shaking fiercely. Killing her… torturing her… kidnapping her… such possibilities were all bad enough, but using her to get to Professor Dumbledore? That had to be crossing a line! And if he could do it, if he could force her to surpass what he considered mere trifles, as he'd done himself, it might do more damage to the Headmaster than he realized, because Albus Dumbledore seemed to have so much faith in her gift. What if she wasn't strong enough? What if she failed him? What if she broke?

"Since the day we first met, I have been carefully weighing my options, considering how best to use you, Lily," Voldemort told her almost gently. "Witches capable of fending off Dementors without the aid of their wands are hard to come by, and should not be carelessly cast aside. I promise you, my dear, you have a purpose now, and it is not to support your loved ones. But do feel free to argue, for though I have every intention of convincing you, I'm not in any rush."

**ooooooo**

"You!" Mad-Eye Moody had reached Beverly Willow's side and presently made a grab for her companion's arm, much to the man's astonishment. It was by no means an easy task for muggles to accept the existence of magic – particularly when the magical world was undergoing a horrific war – and the last thing this poor bloke needed on top of it all was a confrontation with a wizard who not only seemed to have a face carved from out of a tree, but who also possessed an eyeball that might as well have been sent straight from Hell. Fortunately for Willow, Milo Clarke had yet to pass out – which was generally a good sign. "You were stunned, weren't you? You must have been close to Lily Potter, or else they wouldn't have aimed in your direction. Did you see her? She's about this tall, with red hair-"

"I know Lily," Clarke assured the man, sounding breathless and extremely confused. He cocked his head, furrowing his brow while squinting at the Auror. "What in God's name do they want with her? She can't possibly be a threat to anyone-!"

"That's a good question," James impatiently interrupted, wishing Mad-Eye hadn't stopped him from blasting that Death Eater with a well laid curse. Anxiety was making his blood boil, and where the hell was Padfoot now that he needed a good friend and strong ally? "Maybe when we find out where she is, we can ask the damn bastard harassing her, don't you think?" She was in so much danger… He swore he'd always protect her, but to do that, he had to find her. He just had to!

Clarke bit his lip, obviously distressed, but nevertheless glanced around the entrance hall cooperatively. "I saw the man who… who stunned? …who stunned me. He was standing there, by the collapsed wall." He pointed towards the enormous hole Lily had blasted into the side of the building. "I didn't see her, but from the angle, she must have been behind me." He turned. "There."

James, Mad-Eye, and Willow all glanced around to see a staircase. An empty staircase upon which there was no smoke descending from above. If Lily had climbed up there, she might have easily cast another Vanishing Spell to get rid of the blinding, suffocating substance, in which case, they'd have a trail to follow. Wherever she'd gone, there wouldn't be any smoke. They could find her now, and James would not be prevailed upon to waste anymore time. Without missing a single beat, he took off towards the stairs, paying no attention whatsoever to the older Auror calling after him.

**ooooooo**

"Stay away from me." She was trembling, she couldn't keep her wand steady, she sounded desperate, and Voldemort, shaking his head, was looming towards her with his own wand aimed calmly at her chest. She was outmatched, yes, there wasn't any denying that, but she'd stubbornly put so much effort into insisting how capable she was of defending herself, she couldn't just submit to him now. She had to think of something!

_"Stupefy."_

The entire corridor filled up with a blinding red light that completely drowned out the green of the hovering orbs. Lily screamed, twisting away from him even as a single word came crashing through her mind. _Protego._

The red light faltered, and then extinguished, and when Lily glanced over her shoulder, slightly shocked to find herself still on her feet, she saw Voldemort advancing. He looked neither impressed nor fazed by her use of nonverbal magic, but only all the more determined, and if she could use it, she had no doubts that he could as well.

Someone was running up the stairs. Voldemort stopped short, glancing over his shoulder, which gave her survival instincts time to kick in and drive her legs forward. There was a bend in the corridor not far from there, which led straight towards the school's two floor library – and an emergency exit downstairs. If she could reach it, she might be able to find some semblance of safety, but she had to run as quickly as her legs would carry her, and she couldn't look back for even a moment.

**ooooooo**

"Lily!" James skipped over the last two steps and dove headfirst into the corridor, where he found himself standing practically face to face with the bloody Dark Lord. His heart froze, but anger, along with the unsettling thirst for blood he'd been suffering since his confrontation with the Death Eater tied up in the entrance hall, both prompted him to aim his wand. _"REDUCTO!" _If a spell like that could blast a hole the size of a whale into the wall of a school building, surely it could blast off a few body limbs. Voldemort, however, proved astonishingly fast. In a whirl of his black robes, he disappeared, the green orbs hovering high up by the ceiling blinking out one by one.

_"Lumos."_ Mad-Eye Moody arrived at James's back, extending out his wand to get a clear view of the corridor, but Voldemort was gone. Beverly Willow, who had also been following the young Auror, took several cautious steps forward, sensing, as they all did, evil's unmistakable presence. Voldemort was gone… but he hadn't left the school, and there still wasn't any sign of Lily.

"Beverly?" The muggle, Milo Clarke, poked his head into the corridor from the stairs. Either he had no idea what sort of danger he was in, or he cared too deeply about the witch to mind, which was definitely something James could understand and appreciate. But at that particular moment, he didn't have time to stick around and support the man when Willow and Mad-Eye both ordered him to fall back. He had to find Lily, and so he flew down the corridor calling out her name at the top of his lungs.

**ooooooo**

Stopping short was by no means an easy task when one was sprinting down a hallway as quickly as she was, and when she reached the library's two large doors, she practically crashed into them. Her lungs were on fire and her calves were starting to burn, and for a moment she couldn't move as she gasped for breath.

"LILY!"

That was James. She looked up sharply and glanced over her shoulder, too astonished to feel much in the way of either hope or fear. Of course, she'd known he was in the same building as her, along with Mad-Eye, Willow, and several others, but she hadn't truly expected help to arrive. Not this time. "JAMES!" He rounded the corner and caught sight of her. For a moment, she couldn't breathe as tears of pure relief filled her eyes. He started running towards her, and she would have gone to him, but her knees were shaking and she found herself leaning against the library doors, too exhausted to run anymore.

A classroom door between the two suddenly crashed open and Lily screamed as dozens of desks and chairs flew out into the corridor. Faster than lightning, they piled up on top of each other, forming two stacks that seemed to weave together. From floor to ceiling, wall to wall, they barricaded the corridor, effectively cutting James off. _"Reducto!"_ She could hear him shouting out the spell, but it did nothing. He tried again, but once again, the barricade held strong. "Lily!"

She couldn't believe what she was seeing. Chairs and tables didn't make solid walls, but the way they'd been stacked together, there wasn't enough room for James to crawl through. Mustering all the strength she had left, she pushed away from the library doors, determined to reach him, but before she could take even two steps, Voldemort appeared in her path, as if stepping right out of the shadows themselves. He glanced at her, his red, snakelike eyes taking her in almost hungrily.

"Lily, run!" James shouted, and she obeyed, spinning back around towards the library doors, which she pulled open frantically. Slipping through, she didn't even bother trying to lock them behind her, for she knew what a waste of time that'd be. Locked doors would never deter the Dark Lord. She'd do much better to just flee, and so she bolted towards the first bookshelf that caught her eye. Scurrying into the aisle, she looked around desperately for a way out of this horrific nightmare.

**ooooooo**

**A/N:** Again, sorry for the drop-off. I was planning on finishing it, but it was starting to look really long, so you'll have to wait for the next chapter. In the meantime, let me know what you think! I always love getting reviews.


	116. Second Defiance

**ooooooo**

Voldemort had followed Lily into the library, walking at a leisurely pace either to taunt James or to truly relish the hunt. It was infuriating, and he banged his fist savagely against one of the desks obstructing him. Why the hell was this happening?

Mad-Eye Moody, Beverly Willow, and Milo Clarke all came barreling around the corner, and when the scientist saw the barricade, he had to reach out his arm to steady himself against the wall. James ignored him and even ignored Mad-Eye when the Auror asked if there was another way to get through. Throwing off his jacket, he knelt down onto the floor and glanced underneath the bottom row of desks. Chairs were lying on their sides, their legs pointing at him like javelins. He couldn't get by and had never, in his entire life, wished he could turn into a rat the way Wormtail could more than he did at that moment.

"Potter!" Mad-Eye grabbed his shoulder and pulled him back to his feet. "Don't be daft, boy. This barricade's not meant to slow us down, it's meant to stop us completely, and there's no getting past it unless you're willing to get yourself crushed or impaled, understand?"

"That's the library," Clarke stated, gaining more of James's attention than Mad-Eye could ever hope to in a situation like this. The scientist was quick, there wasn't any doubt about that, and before the young Auror could so much as even formulate the words to ask, he was taking off back down the corridor. "There's another way in downstairs!"

**ooooooo **

The school's library was enormous and without a doubt fit for a university. The ceiling was high, and therefore most of the smoke had drifted upwards. The second floor was filled with rows upon rows of enormous bookshelves, but even then it was only about half as large as the floor below. It had the look of a long, wide balcony – or rather just a landing, for that was where the stairs had been built. If Lily could get to them, maybe she could find a way out of this place. She was at present leaning her back against the edge of a shelf on the far side of an aisle not far from the balcony rail. She could sense Voldemort's presence, for it was more stifling than the lingering wisps of smoke and it left her head spinning and her stomach churning.

"Are we playing hide and seek, now, Lily?" he called out to her, though thankfully from the other side of the room. She caught her breath, turning slowly to glance down the aisle. She couldn't see him, and so she carefully moved to hide behind the next shelf. "It is a childish game, as I'm sure you aware," Voldemort continued. "But you are yet a child. You cannot hide from me, my dear, and in time, I shall have the pleasure of personally assisting you towards enlightenment."

Lily closed her eyes, refusing to let his words frighten her – though frighten her they most definitely did. Where was James?

**ooooooo**

It did not take long at all to run back down the stairs to the school's entrance hall. By that time, however, the other Aurors, as well as their prisoners, were all gone, for the muggle authorities had arrived – there were sirens flashing outside and men dressed in heavy protective gear, firefighters, making their way into the building – and no one in the magical community could afford being seen by them. James, Mad-Eye, Willow, and, strangely enough, Clarke as well, were all on their own now, and must have made an odd sight indeed for the present muggles as they ran down the entrance hall towards yet another corridor blanketed by heavy smoke.

"Hey, hey you four!" One of the firefighters started towards them, and three more followed. There were still handfuls of muggle teenagers lying about hurt or stunned on the floor who needed assistance, but as far as the proper authorities were concerned, the criminals responsible for this horrendous attack were still at large and needed to be apprehended as soon as possible. Apparently, the two wizards, the witch, and the science teacher all fit the bill and were now considered suspects. James, however, didn't have time to be answering questions and so blatantly ignored them, choosing to instead wave his wand while muttering the Vanishing Spell to eliminate the smoke in the corridor as quickly as he could.

"Willow, they're in your jurisdiction!" Mad-Eye shouted over his shoulder, and fortunately enough the woman took her cue. She was worried about Lily as well, and wanted to help the younger woman, but leading a group of firefighters straight to their deaths was hardly advisable. Her job was to keep such men away from magical danger, and under no circumstances was she to allow personal matters such as this to distract her. Grabbing Clarke's arm, she pulled away from the corridor and hastened back towards the firemen, producing her badge as she went.

Meanwhile, James found himself heading straight towards another bend in the corridor, next to which there were two large double doors leading into what could only have been the library. He'd found it, and unless Voldemort had already captured Lily – God forbid – the two of them would no doubt still be somewhere inside. There was still a chance. There was still hope. _I'm coming, love._

At that moment, there was a loud pop and James was suddenly standing in the presence of yet another Death Eater. And then another. And then another. Bloody hell. All he wanted was to protect his wife! Was that too much to ask? For a split second, he saw red, but then Mad-Eye grabbed his arm and once again held him back before he did something he might later regret. "Where'd you lot come from?"

"The Dark Lord summoned us," the third one said from behind the other two. He held out his arm, pulled back the sleeve, and stared at the dark black mark that branded him as one of Voldemort's. It must have been stinging awfully, for he couldn't help but hiss in pain.

"Put that away!" the first one commanded, grabbing the boy's arm and forcing the sleeve back down. Mad-Eye laughed at the sight even as he tightened his own hold on James's arm, for he could sense the man's restlessness.

"That you, Lestrange? Got yourself a novice, have you?"

"I can see I'm not the only one," the Death Eater noted, letting go of the boy as he turned towards Mad-Eye and held up his wand. The Auror did likewise, shoving James behind him as he squared off against three dangerous enemies. Lestrange… That was the name of Regulus' master, according to Sirius, and if the youngest Black was truly in trouble, reason dictated this particular Death Eater must somehow be involved. Though James hardly appreciated being called a novice, and loathed wasting time out here when Lily was in trouble, he couldn't help but hope that whatever ordeal Padfoot was going through, it would somehow be easier for him now that Lestrange was out of the way.

"This isn't exactly the best time for a fight, Lestrange," Mad-Eye said, trying to sound reasonable. "Too many muggles out and about, and I reckon, either way, you're not going to be able to kill them. Surely not even you would have them discovering magic's existence, now would you? Walk away. I don't say that very often, so you'd best take advantage of it."

"Walk away?" the last Death Eater to speak laughed harshly, and to James's astonishment, she was a woman. Her mask and hood had concealed her gender, and he would never have guessed it. The thought of a female Death Eater was… slightly absurd. Women were supposed to be… But no, that was chauvinistic. Women were just as capable of cruelty as men were, and it only served as a strong reminder just how fortunate he'd been to find Lily. Damn it all, he'd sooner burn in Hell for eternity than lose her like this! The Death Eater continued; "You ask us to walk away when our lord summoned us for the sole purpose of eliminating you? Too many have fled from you, Auror, and they shall be punished! We, however, will not be among them."

"Bellatrix!" Mad-Eye sounded almost delighted. "What a pleasure! Maybe we should have a round, then. There's a cell in Azkaban I've got specifically reserved for you, and I'm eager to show you to it."

"It'll have to be quick, Mad-Eye," she hissed. "Rodolphus and I have important business to attend to with a stray of ours." _Regulus…_ "As flattering as it is, knowing that the Dark Lord depends upon us to accomplish what an army cannot, I was having more fun with the boy."

Hell no. If that boy was Regulus… Regulus was Padfoot's little brother, and despite everything, he had saved Lily's life once. James owed the youngest Black more than he could possibly know, more than he would ever know, and the thought that he would be rewarded for that by torture – if that was what Bellatrix Lestrange meant – well, that was just too much. It wasn't fair. It would break Lily's heart. And that incited a fury in the man no Death Eater had yet encountered. "Whore!" _Levicorpus! _

The Lestranges were both able to parry the nonverbal attack, but their apprentice went up like one whose ankle had been caught in a noose hanging from a tree. Suspended upside down, his robes fell over his head, and while Bellatrix, Rodolphus, and Mad-Eye all stared at him in shock, James charged forward and yet again swung his wand. _"Reducto!"_ The library doors flew off their hinges, much to his satisfaction – sometimes meaningless destruction had its perks – and he raced inside without once looking back.

"STOP HIM!" Bellatrix shrieked, but before her husband could obey, Mad-Eye had leapt forward and was now attacking both Death Eaters as ferociously as he dared to give James time to reach his wife. At that moment, nothing else mattered.

**ooooooo**

Lily couldn't breathe. Though the smoke wasn't at all thick anymore, she nevertheless found herself resisting the urge to cough, which did absolutely nothing to help quench the fear plaguing her heart, mind, and body, for she still had to escape the Dark Lord, and if she coughed, he would find her. She couldn't let him find her. If he found her, he meant to destroy her, not by killing her, but by converting her, warping her into something perverse and demented. Death would be preferable.

Voldemort was walking up and down the aisles. He no longer called out to her or taunted or insulted her, but remained silent as he drew ever closer. But somehow that was worse… it proved how patient he was, and how relentless. She could hear his footsteps, she could hear the swooshing of his robes, and she could almost taste his pleasure. He'd warned her she could fight him, for he wasn't in any hurry, and now she realized he enjoyed it. He enjoyed being dominant, and he enjoyed flaunting his power, hurting those weaker than himself. No doubt he'd have a lot of fun with her… She closed her eyes tightly, praying that would never happen.

She was sitting on her knees, ducked under one of several wooden study carrels that had been positioned between the farthest bookshelf and the balustrade overlooking the library's first floor. She was half tempted to try vaulting over it, but the drop down was just too far. At best she'd twist an ankle, but at worst she'd break her neck. Since she couldn't afford to do either, she did neither, and so she found herself hiding… hiding in a cave, it seemed, with a chair obstructing the mouth, three cramped and very solid walls closing in around her, and a ceiling that was altogether too low and suffocating. The desk was not big enough for her to hide beneath, but until she could get to the stairs…

She was running out of time. The longer she sat here, the closer Voldemort would draw, and if he came close enough, she wouldn't be able to slip past him. As it was, she couldn't help but wonder how she'd managed to evade him this long. It was a library, after all. There were only so many places she could hide, and she happened to be in one of the most obvious spots, cowering like the trapped lamb she'd be if he discovered her there. She had to keep moving. She had to stop acting like the child he saw her as, stop hiding, and find a way out. Otherwise, he'd be adding her to his collection in a matter of minutes, for she surely couldn't continue eluding him much longer.

As quietly as she could, she pushed the chair away from the desk and poked out her head. The area around her seemed secure, but she could no longer hear even the faintest echo of her stalker. Hadn't he been closing in on her? Instinct, primordial in its nature, compelled her to stay put exactly where she was, safe in the cave she'd made herself, for until she ventured outside, it would shelter her from the demons of the world. She knew if she listened to such instinct, it would be the end of her, but she couldn't lightly cast it aside. She was too afraid.

_James…_ All she had to do was find him. Together, she knew they could handle just about anything, including the Dark Lord himself. Tears stung in her eyes, but she obstinately wiped them away even as she crawled out from under the study carrel. She warned herself not to get up, but continued crawling. The stairs were just a few meters away, at the center of the long balustrade. She was almost there. Her muscles were stiff and exhausted, her head felt like it was on fire, and she could barely breathe, but she could see the first step, and as she crawled closer, she could see the second step, and then the third, and then… nothing.

Having fully intended to plunge down the stairs on her hands and knees, it was all she could do to stop herself as she rounded the parapet and found, much to her astonishment, nothing but empty space after the third descending step. Voldemort must have silently blown the rest of the stairs to pieces upon entering the library and, sure enough, when she glanced over the ledge, she could see a wreckage of rubble and debris blanketing the floor far below. Had he thought of everything, then? Despite her precarious situation, she heard herself whimpering. What was she supposed to do now?

"Come away from there, my dear, or you might fall."

The room felt like it was dipping and swaying when Lily turned to discover Voldemort watching her from the nearest bookshelf. He was not smiling anymore. He seemed incapable of smiling. But there were nevertheless unmistakable traces of victory on his face. The cruelty, more than anything else, rather than anger or frustration, assured her she could not escape. "No one is coming to rescue you. I have summoned guards to the doors downstairs, and if you mind me, I will not have them kill your husband when he arrives."

Lily wanted to crawl away from him, but if she did that, she would fall. Instead, she clung to what was left of the stairwell's railing and awkwardly pulled herself to her feet. Unable to let it go, for it was what kept her anchored to reality, she stared at the hand, at the long white fingers with their grisly nails, that he held out to her. She had to accept… What other choice was there?

No! James was stronger than that! He wasn't just an ordinary wizard; he was Prongs, the infamous Marauder! And he had the equally infamous Auror, Mad-Eye Moody, watching his back, and if the two of them couldn't get past a few Death Eaters, no one could! She had to believe in their strength, and she had to wield her own. "I will never mind you." Defiantly, she stepped backwards and allowed herself to fall.

The floor came rushing up at her faster than she'd anticipated, much to her stomach's objection, but it wasn't fast enough. _Wingardium Leviosa._ Swishing and flicking her wrist and wand, Lily held her breath and watched as one of the first floor desks beneath Voldemort's feet hopped off the ground and levitated towards her. Landing in a heap on top of it, growing more and more confident with her nonverbal spells, Lily allowed it to fall back gently to the ground.

Voldemort was standing at the top of the three remaining steps, looking down at her callously even as he raised his wand. Alarm tore through Lily, and she slid off the desk as quickly as she could, but she was tired and on much lower ground. There was nowhere for her to go.

_"Crucio." _

The word had barely been whispered, but it resounded horrifically in her mind. She had heard it once before, in the Shrieking Shack, cast by Charlie Pryce to torture Regulus before her very eyes. At that moment, however, there wasn't anyone else in the library, and the Cruciatus Curse hit her squarely in the back.

She didn't feel herself falling. She didn't feel herself hitting the floor. Pain, the likes of which she'd never experienced in her life, incapacitated her so completely she couldn't breathe or think or even see. It felt like she was on fire, flames burned her flesh, her arms, her legs, her back, her stomach. She wanted to scream, but found herself choking as nails hammered mercilessly through her very bones, shattering them like glass.

Suddenly, it stopped, and she was lying on the library floor again, too weak to so much as even lift her head. Pieces of wood and rubber… chipped paint… decorating the cold tile upon which she felt inexplicably frozen… She couldn't move because it hurt to move and she was tired… so she stared at the destruction that had once been a stairwell and prayed for it to end.

He was walking around her slowly. She could see the hem of his robe as he came into view. Weakly, she reached a trembling hand out towards it, knowing she could pull him down, or at least trip him. But he anticipated her, and before she could catch the black cloth, he pressed his bare foot against her hand and held it down. He didn't try crushing it and it didn't hurt – at least not nearly as much as the Cruciatus Curse had – but his weight kept it fixed in place. She whimpered helplessly as he knelt down beside her, running his fingers through her hair, fingers that felt like crawling spiders. "You are only making this more difficult, and more dangerous, for yourself, Lily."

The library doors crashed open, literally flying off their hinges, and Lily heard someone shrieking. A woman? "STOP HIM!" More shouting followed, along with the unmistakable sounds of battle. Voldemort swept to his feet and walked over her, abandoning her altogether as he went to investigate. Now was her chance. He wasn't looking. She could run and find another place to hide or a window and a way to get out. She had to go!

But she couldn't. Her body ached from the effects of the Cruciatus Curse, and she was too exhausted. By all rights, she thought she should be unconscious. She couldn't move. She couldn't even form a spell in her mind, though she was still holding her wand. Voldemort had left her lying there because he knew there wasn't anything she could do. He would kill whoever dared interrupt him and then he would return for her, confident she'd still be there waiting for him. She closed her eyes, close to despair, for she had lost.

**ooooooo**

Mad-Eye Moody had engaged the Lestranges and their apprentice in battle, and now there was nothing standing between James and the Dark Lord but a few desks and several meters. The staircase that led up to the second floor had been obliterated, and when the young Auror saw it, he felt a craving to wreak the same damage upon Voldemort's very body. The Legilimens must have sensed that, too, for a malicious, if not downright manipulative, smile had crossed his face. "Why, Mr. Potter, it certainly is a pleasure to finally meet you, face to face. After all, it is rather difficult to acquaint oneself with a wild animal, don't you agree?"

"Shut it," James commanded warningly, not in the mood for conversation – particularly conversation that centered on their last encounter. Not only was it irrelevant, but he knew it'd prove foolhardy.

"How about that?" Voldemort nevertheless hissed, walking towards the younger wizard in delight. "The bull has more civility than the man. Do be careful, Mr. Potter. You wouldn't want your charming wife to hear you talk like that." With a wave of his wand, the Dark Lord sent every single desk that separated the two flying out of the way. James immediately braced himself for an attack, but none came. Voldemort didn't seem ready to kill him, but instead turned to gesture at something lying on the floor behind him.

James froze when he recognized Lily. She wasn't moving and from the looks of it, she'd been on the stairwell during its destruction. He swallowed, terror gripping him, as he glanced back at Voldemort. Was she…? Was she…? The thought was too horrible to contemplate, and he wasn't even able to think it much less ask it.

Voldemort sneered at him. "Yes, Mr. Potter. I've had my fun with her, and now she is dying." James felt himself deflating. Lily… dying? It wasn't possible. She couldn't be. Not after all this. He… needed her. "She had such faith in you, too. Hoped you would come and save her. Now that you are here, however, her time has come, and all that is left for you to do is take vengeance. There is such anger in your heart, Mr. Potter. Why not let it out? As your wife dies, why not show her what you're truly capable of? Impress us both."

Anyone else would have known better than to take up the Dark Lord's challenge, but James suddenly saw red again. There was anger in his heart, Voldemort was right about that. Had he ever felt this way before? No… Lily was dying. The love of his life was dying. A part of himself… Voldemort had to suffer. He couldn't get away with this!

James had cursed more than his fair share of students in the past, and though he had quit the habit, he hadn't forgotten how to play dirty. He had learned even more since becoming an Auror, and now, utterly enraged, he gave in to the darkest recesses of his mind and summoned forth a might he had never touched upon before in his entire life, even back when the Marauders were little more than school bullies. He wanted to kill Voldemort. He wanted to tear out Voldemort's throat. And so he held up his wand. _"SECTUMSEMPRA!"_

**ooooooo**

Lily wanted to scream as James engaged the Dark Lord in battle. No Unforgivable Curses had been cast yet, but she knew they wouldn't be long in coming. Voldemort had lied to him. James thought she was dying, and the way it made him react… She'd never seen him like this before. It was terrifying.

Once, a long time ago, anger and pure hatred had driven Sirius to betray Remus' trust by daring Severus Snape to sneak down to the Shrieking Shack on the night of the full moon. Lily hadn't thought it possible to top that, but James… He was making the wolf inside Remus seem docile as a lamb! And Voldemort was encouraging it! Lily couldn't fathom why, but Voldemort wanted James to lose control. He wanted this…

She had to stop it. "James…" So tired… The more she fought, the more she wanted to sleep. "James…" She had to get up. The muscles in her arms were screaming, burning in pain, but she ignored them as she forced them to support her weight. Too heavy… She felt her arms collapsing back under her even before she'd had the chance to push up. She couldn't do it… She had to do it… James was going too far. He wasn't fighting the Dark Arts… He was giving into them… "James! JAMES!"

She screamed.

**ooooooo**

Both men paused when they heard Lily's cry. They had been attacking each other – James ruthlessly and Voldemort ineffectively, as if he wanted the younger man to fight for as long as possible – but when Lily screamed, they both turned to stare at her. Neither knew what to make of the woman, for surely she had been too injured… James had thought she was dying! But now… she was rolling over. She couldn't get up, but she rolled until she could see her husband and with tears in her eyes she looked up at him and met his gaze. "I'm not broken."

She couldn't think of what else to say. Those had been her words one night, long ago, before their wedding. _"Well, I'm not broken just yet, James. Isabelle thinks our life here is going to be like Hell. Let's prove her wrong. Let's make it hellish for the Death Eaters instead. Let's end this war, so that we don't have to find peace by running away." _She didn't know if he would remember that. She didn't even know if it was possible anymore. Voldemort was an extraordinary wizard, and the thought that they could end any war seemed, at that moment, arrogant and naïve. But what else could she do? James needed to stop, now, before he crossed a line, but he wouldn't if he thought she was dead. "I love you."

James stared at her, blinking, but then he looked back at Voldemort. The wizard had not turned his gaze away from Lily, and the young Auror could tell by the hardened expression on the bastard's face that she wasn't meant to speak. She was meant to be playing dead, because he wanted James to believe she was dying, and now his cover had been blown. It was all he could do not to laugh out loud in derision. "You're bloody pathetic, Voldemort! More so than anyone I've ever met before!"

Two fierce red eyes landed sharply on him, and James recognized the same hatred he himself had felt mere moments ago. Insults were bad enough, but Voldemort despised those who dared speak his name, especially to his face. He aimed his wand at the young wizard, but James was already racing down a nearby aisle of books. He was quick on his feet. Quidditch and years of Marauding had made him so. Unfortunately, however, good reflexes were not enough to get him out of this mess, and he didn't have anything in the way of a plan. He needed to improvise and he needed to do it fast.

"Turn around, Potter!" Voldemort was right behind him, and he was shouting in pure rage. "I want to see your face when I kill you!" He'd reached the end of the aisle. Those bookshelves were tall and heavy, and some of them weren't just storing old tomes, but also big boxes of files and occasionally even plants. Inspiration struck.

Setting his jaw and picturing Lily so that she'd be the first thing the Legilimens saw should he happen to peer into the man's mind, James turned. Voldemort was standing in the middle of the aisle, holding up his wand, an angry sneer twisting his distorted face. "You should have learned to respect your superiors, boy."

"That's funny," James quickly retorted, telling himself that Voldemort wasn't any different from any other Slytherin he'd ever faced in his life. "I only respect those who can earn it." And with that he aimed his wand, not at Voldemort, but at the bookshelf to his right. With a wave of his arm, the bookshelf fell, crashing down upon the Dark Lord like a bloody avalanche. James waved his wand a second time, and the second bookshelf collapsed on top of the first. And then, just for good measure…

_"INCENDIO!"_

Fire erupted from the heap. The flames were huge and scorching, as if from an inferno. There wasn't any way in the world a normal wizard could survive, and James prayed to God Voldemort wouldn't either. Jumping back from the conflagration, he turned and sprinted down the length of the library, circled back, and looked for Lily.

The fire was spreading. It was ripping and roaring, louder than thunder, and a very dark, very menacing cloud of smoke was forming around it. When James found his wife, she was sitting up, staring at the firestorm with wide, terrified eyes. She didn't even seem to register the fact that her husband was there. She looked dazed, shocked, and they didn't have time for him to reassure her that everything would be okay. Instead, he picked her up in his arms, holding her as tightly as he could, and made for the library's doors.

"Potter!" Moody was coming, and there were several firefighters with him. They'd make it out now. Of that, James was certain.

**ooooooo**

**A/N: **Sorry for the wait! I had finals and then I had to move out of my dorm. Summer's started, and man am I ready for it. I hope you all liked the chapter and are quick to review. Thanks so much!


	117. North Sea Battle

**ooooooo**

When it came to the number of castles in Europe, Sirius Black was by no means an expert. There had to be hundreds of them, right? And that wasn't even counting the hundreds upon hundreds built by the muggle population throughout history. How in the world was there room for cities like London with so many fortifications dotting so many countrysides? And how in the world was it possible to keep so many of them all hidden? One would think that, even with Unplottable Charms and the sort, someone would sooner or later stumble upon a place like this, wouldn't they?

The castle ruin upon which he presently gazed was enormous and clearly old. It had no ceiling whatsoever, several stone walls had crumbled to the ground, and the walls that did remain were cracked, weatherworn, and slightly covered with moss. There didn't seem to be doors or gates or anything, and absolutely none of the windows boasted glass or panes of any kind. If it had once been under siege, Sirius reckoned the structure hadn't done its job well, for it had clearly taken quite a beating, and certainly had nothing on Hogwarts. It was difficult not to smirk; Voldemort might consider himself all powerful, but at least Dumbledore knew a thing or two about maintenance.

The castle seemed to have been deposited in the middle of nowhere. There wasn't a town, city, village, or even a stretch of road for miles, and in the distance, all one could see only proved to be more and more grassy fields. It looked as though it was the kind of place Death Eaters could gather to perform dark rituals and other evil ceremonies without the fear of raising anyone's suspicions or getting caught. Sirius himself had only managed to find it by following his idiot of an older cousin, Narcissa Malfoy, to Knockturn Alley, where she'd relied on a portkey to transport her here. He'd had to wait fifteen rather long minutes for her to return, and once she had, he quite recklessly took the portkey himself, more than prepared to use it again if he found himself standing the middle of a throng of Death Eaters hopefully too stunned by his unexpected arrival to kill him on sight. As it turned out, however, he had appeared in what must once have been the castle's bailey, and it had been quite abandoned. Not a soul anywhere in sight, and so he'd placed a magical marker behind a loose stone in the nearest wall before taking the portkey back to Knockturn. From there, he'd gone straight to his motorcycle and tracked down the castle from the skies above. Who said he hadn't learned anything from Mad-Eye Moody over the past year?

The truth was, he had no real reason to suspect Regulus might be trapped somewhere in that castle. He had no real reason to suspect Regulus might be trapped at all, considering there was the slight possibility he actually had managed to make it out of the country, but Sirius wouldn't bet either one of their lives on it. He had to find his little brother, and the only lead he'd stumbled across since quitting the Ministry had led him straight here. He still remembered the conversation he'd overheard between dear cousin Bellatrix and his own father, who'd been discussing Regulus right under everyone's noses through the Floo Network. Apparently, Regulus was missing, but it wasn't something Mr. Black's wife should concern herself with. Bellatrix planned on recruiting Lucius Malfoy to help her search for the boy, and then everything would be worked out with very little fuss. Somehow, Sirius truly, truly doubted that. He'd kept himself very busy over the last few hours, and certainly didn't plan on compensating for that by making anything less than a bloody upheaval. No doubt his mother would hate him for this…

Fortunately – at least depending upon one's perspective, as Sirius wouldn't necessarily mind a fight – there weren't too many Death Eaters hanging about the castle. After all, it didn't seem particularly prudent to be doing so in the middle of the afternoon, where they might sooner or later be spotted by some hapless passerby, despite the castle's remote setting, such as Sirius himself, who would prove more than willing to testify against them before Bartemius Crouch. And wouldn't that be quite satisfying? Personally, Sirius could hardly wait to do so, but first he needed to see whether or not the Lestranges had managed to recruit Malfoy, and then he needed to see whether or not they'd managed to capture Regulus. If they had, and if Narcissa Malfoy had journeyed all the way up here to see her husband, then this was no doubt where the stupid little git was being held, and Sirius would have to rescue him. Bloody, bloody hell.

Using seven years of experience as a Marauder, the young wizard crept up the winding stairs of a slowly crumbling tower. Before he made it even halfway up, he stopped at a small arched window and peered outside into the bailey below. There were two Death Eaters standing together down there… dressed in their black robes and wearing those morbid masks over their faces. It was a rather crisp afternoon, and Sirius himself dressed in jeans and his black leather jacket. Muggle clothes. If they caught him, they'd just as soon kill him on the spot for a crime like that, and would never believe him if he claimed to be a Death Eater himself. Risky business it was, but he liked it better that way.

At that moment, one of the two Death Eaters doubled over, grasping his arm as if in extreme pain. A third came running into the bailey, and Sirius knew right away it was Bellatrix. Despite her mask, he'd recognize his damnable cousin just about anywhere, and when she held out her arm, pulling back her sleeve to reveal something about it to the other two, he realized he'd caught his breath in alarm, for only then was he able to release it. The Dark Mark. They were being summoned. And, sure enough, a split second later the three had Apparated off to God only knew where.

Gripping his wand tightly, for he had no idea what to expect now, he made his way back down the stairs and out into the bailey. The two Death Eaters Bellatrix had joined could easily have been Malfoy and Rodolphus, but somehow Sirius didn't picture either one of them doubling over in pain just because a mark on his arm had started burning, and besides, even from a distance he hadn't looked tall enough. Of course, that meant one of the two must still be around, and Sirius wasn't about to underestimate either one of them. Damn, did he hate his family. The noble and most ancient house of Black. He might as well have been royalty, and yet here he was, a disowned heir, ready to once again defy the lot of them. What a day.

Bellatrix had entered the bailey from an arched threshold half concealed by an overgrown shrub, so Sirius slowly made his way in that direction. Keeping an eye out for more Death Eaters, he found himself glancing down a darkened stairwell that almost seemed to spiral its way towards the gates of Hell – which actually sounded slightly cliché. Sirius rolled his eyes at the thought, reciting for himself the conversation he'd be having right about now if the other Marauders were here. Prongs would no doubt be more than ready and willing to plunge headfirst down those steps despite the Death Eaters merely because they did look so paranormal; a black chasm beckoning all to enter, and who were they to ignore such an invitation? They didn't want to be seen as snubs, after all, now did they? Of course, Wormtail wouldn't be so quick to agree. He'd say he was hungry or something, and that they shouldn't go exploring on empty stomachs, the clever little git. Half the time, his bids to go to the kitchen had actually worked. Back at Hogwarts, they'd spent just as much time scavenging food amongst the castle's house-elves as they had anywhere else, for no one could deny how much young men loved to eat. Those had been good times. And as for Moony… he'd probably just point out how illogical they were all being. A staircase was just a staircase, after all, and if it wasn't lit, that only meant there weren't any lanterns about, and certainly not that they were staring Hell in its face. And then he'd no doubt tell Sirius to grow up for even suggesting it.

_Hold on, Regulus…_ Sirius slowly began his descent. It grew extremely cold astonishingly fast, and he felt wisps of cobwebs caressing his face as he went by – which pretty much explained why a bold, imposing woman like Bellatrix would think to wear a mask. Picking up his pace, he hastened down the spiraling stairs while trying not to grow too dizzy. Eventually, he caught sight of the bottom, which opened up into a massive underground chamber lit by several black candelabras – each of which held red candles that appeared to be dripping blood rather than wax. Pressing his back against the staircase wall, Sirius peered into the room as covertly as he could. There was a Death Eater in there… Lucius Malfoy… The wealthy, highly respected wizard had removed his mask, lowered his hood, and was now walking around an enormous, intricate black altar that looked like it had been carved out of obsidian or onyx or some other such rock.

Chains had been set into the sides of the altar, halfway between the ground and the smooth surface of its flat top, and they presently shackled the wrists of a teenaged boy. Regulus. He was lying on his back, shirtless, and he looked like he was freezing. His black hair was, for some reason, wet, and so was the rag that had been stuffed into his mouth. He was shivering and Sirius, who knew his brother fairly well – or at least thought he did – hoped it wasn't because he was scared. It seemed somehow wrong that anything should ever scare a Black, but then again, he had to admit absolutely nothing about any of this seemed right to begin with. Regulus looked like he was about to be sacrificed to some pagan deity, and that was not going to happen if his brother had anything to do with it.

Pushing off the wall he'd pressed himself against, Sirius charged into the dimly lit chamber. Malfoy immediately whirled around to face him, but he wasn't quite quick enough. _"Stupefy!"_ Red sparks from Sirius's wand hit the Death Eater squarely in the chest and he went down, his head barely missing the side of the altar. Regulus jerked, pulling himself up only as far as the chains holding down his arms would allow. When he saw his brother, he shouted something against his gag, but only a Legilimens would have known what he was trying to say. Sirius ignored him, walking up to the altar and blasting off the first shackle. "You're a hard git to find, did you know that, little brother? I've been tracking so many bloody cousins in the past twelve hours, you're lucky I haven't choked on my own vomit yet. When I get home, I'm taking a long, long shower, and I never want to hear from you again." He blasted off the other shackle, and Regulus quickly pulled the rag out of his mouth, staring at the wizard with wide, incredulous black eyes.

"Thank you," his voice sounded hoarse, which wasn't particularly surprising, considering what he'd no doubt been put through. Sirius nodded, helping him off the altar, and together they started back towards the stairs. Who knew when Bellatrix and her crew would be back, or when Malfoy would recover? Neither possibility sounded at all welcome right now. They needed to get out of there, and they needed to do it fast.

It was a lot harder, however, to climb up the stairs than it had been to run down them – especially since he had to support his injured brother. Regulus was breathing heavily, and they made rather slow progress, which irritated Sirius beyond all measure. "Listen, mate, if you don't get a move on, I'm going to leave you here. Not about to get captured myself, you understand?"

He must not have, for when he replied, only a single name escaped his lips. "Lily…"

Sirius scoffed while jerking his brother up several more steps. "You're not still infatuated with her, are you? She's got a life, now, and thank god you're not in it."

"No," Regulus shook his head stiffly. "Bella… She and… Rodolphus… and, and, and… oh… the other one… he's the son of someone important, I think… they went to help You-Know-Who at… at the school Lily teaches at. You have to save her."

Alarm coursed through Sirius's veins and for a moment he forgot to breathe. Lily was in trouble! Bloody hell. This was what happened when you forsook your friends for your family! Sirius shouldn't be here right now, he should be with Prongs and the other Aurors, waiting for the signal Lily would surely send demanding backup. And then he'd be there, ready to help, and Voldemort would learn what it meant to cross a Marauder! For a moment he was half tempted to drop Regulus and run, desperate to get to the school, but he somehow restrained himself. Even if he did get there on time, and saved Lily's life himself, she would slap him hard if she ever found out he'd abandoned his brother. If he left Regulus now, he sure as hell would never find him again. The Death Eaters would know he'd be looking, and they'd be sure to store the boy away somewhere so that he'd never be found ever again by anyone– if they didn't kill him outright. And that would be such a waste, wouldn't it? "In case you hadn't noticed, Reg, I'm in the middle of saving _your_ life here."

"Lily's more important."

"Yeah," Sirius agreed without hesitation. "I reckon that's the most intelligent thing you've ever said in your entire life. Doesn't change the fact that I'm getting you out of here if it's the last thing I do." They reached the top of the stairs and hastened out into the bailey – which was thankfully still abandoned. Regulus glanced around the ruin helplessly; it was clear he had absolutely no idea where he was. Catching his breath, Sirius wordlessly urged the boy to the right. They scrambled through several stone archways and down a couple of steps until they made it out of the castle and onto a thick patch of grass. The flying motorcycle was waiting for them at the foot of the outermost tower, and when Regulus saw it, he stopped short with a groan.

"You don't still have that thing, do you? I thought Dumbledore would've confiscated it by now, for sure."

Sirius shoved him towards the bike. "I've graduated, mate. Dumbledore doesn't have any right to it anymore. Besides, I offered him a ride on it once, and though he respectfully declined, I think it amused him enough to let me keep it." Flying motorcycles were absolutely forbidden at Hogwarts, and now that Regulus mentioned it, for Sirius to still have possession of it, he must have had more of the old man's favor than he'd ever realized. "Come on. We have to get out of here." Piling onto the bike, Sirius turned the ignition and within seconds they had taken off and were soaring towards the sky.

**ooooooo**

Night was falling as they flew towards Denmark over the North Sea. Regulus was still quite insistent on getting himself into Germany, and while it might have been quicker for Sirius to drop him off in France or Belgium, he figured Denmark would be safer. And safety, though sometimes dull, was at the moment more important. After all, he wasn't doing all this just so his idiot brother could get himself killed in under an hour. Granted, he wasn't entirely sure why he was doing all this in the first place, but he knew why he wasn't, and there wasn't any debate about that.

"We should have gone to help Lily," Regulus said for the umpteenth time since their escape, which was really starting to irritate the driver. "She might be hurt or in trouble or, or… God, she might be dead."

"Will you shut it, Regulus?" Sirius barked. "I'm not having this conversation again." Prongs would take care of Lily. Voldemort must have sent for backup because he knew he was losing, and if anyone could take care of the Lestranges, it was without a doubt James Potter! Unfortunately, the more Regulus protested on this matter, the more flawed Sirius's logic came to seem, and his concern for his friends amplified. What was he doing? Regulus was right. They needed to go back!

_It's too late to go back,_ he unhappily admitted to himself. They were almost to Denmark. If they stopped to turn around, how long would it be before they got this close to their destination again? If they went back, Regulus might die. Sirius had made his decision, and he had to stick with it, no matter what. _Don't second-guess yourself!_

Land was coming into view. It was difficult to see even with the bike's headlights, but there wasn't any mistaking it for anything else, and so Sirius urged it forward, faster than before. "We're almost there, Reg, so I need you to listen to me very carefully. When we land, you're getting off and you're taking my wand."

"But-!"

"No buts! I can get a new wand back in London easy. You're going to be in a foreign country with no friends or contacts or anything. I'm not leaving you there defenseless, understand? Now…" he took a deep breath, steeling himself for the jibe that would've certainly followed had it been Prongs sitting behind him. "This isn't gonna sound like anything _our_ mum's ever said to us, but… are you warm enough?" He'd given the boy a large Gryffindor blanket, much to his disdain, along with some cauldron cakes and a flask of hot tea, all of which he'd kept stored in one of the bike's several magically hidden compartments. When they touched down in Denmark, he planned on conjuring some more weather appropriate clothes for the kid while hoping he'd be able to find some food that might actually provide him with real sustenance.

"Yes," Regulus presently answered his question, and, amazingly enough, without a trace of scorn for his motherly-like over protectiveness. Nevertheless, Sirius knew he wasn't being one hundred percent honest with him, for he'd always been able to discern the boy's deceptions and meant to call him on that. Before he could, however, he was interrupted by what sounded suspiciously like mad, cackling laughter. It was coming from both behind and slightly above them; when Sirius glanced over his shoulder, through the light of the stars and the moon, he could make out the shape of a figure on a broomstick. It almost reminded him of Prongs, back when they'd raced each other through the skies above Hogwarts. The only difference was that Prongs had never once flown behind the motorcycle, and he certainly didn't cackle like a green faced witch.

Broomsticks were both faster and much more maneuverable than enchanted bikes. That was the sad truth of reality, even in the magical world, and Sirius knew it very well. He faced forward again, gripping the handles tightly as he accelerated. "Looks like we've got company, mate!"

But Regulus was already well aware of that. "It's Bella!" he shouted, clearly terrified. Blacks weren't supposed to be terrified by anyone, and so Sirius scowled. What exactly had that wench done to his brother? "Rodolphus and Malfoy are with her!" Well, wasn't that bloody terrific? Malfoy would no doubt want his hide for daring to stun him, but then again, so did dozens of other old geezers, such as Argus Filch. This game was just starting, and who knew? Maybe those Death Eaters were the ones in over their heads. He wasn't a Marauder for nothing, after all.

"Regulus, there's a second compartment hidden in the bike directly behind you! I've got fireworks in there! See if you can get them out!" Naturally, the boy had trouble finding them, but with Sirius's instructions, it didn't take half as long as it might have. And, sure enough, Regulus found at least a dozen rockets inside, awaiting deployment. Thank God for wizard space.

Bellatrix was quickly gaining on them. Through the darkness, she shrieked; "Thought you could get away from us, did you runt? Were you even aware of the number of times you cried out for Germany as I tortured you?"

"I thought you said they wouldn't think of following us this way!" Regulus yelled at his brother, trying to distract himself from his hateful cousin as he fiddled with their supply of fireworks.

Sirius scoffed. "Look at the time, Reg! It's after midnight! They've probably already searched the English Channel! When you're trying to run away, you're not supposed to tell the bad guys where you mean to go, you stupid little prat!" Not that he could blame him, or anything. He'd never been tortured before. He could easily claim that life with his family was torture enough, and he'd been hit with a few nasty curses since Hogwarts, but none of that bordered on the Cruciatus or whatever else Bellatrix had used against Regulus. He was still just a kid… and as it was, Sirius had to give him credit for not losing his mind.

Lucius Malfoy had caught up with them now, as well. He'd put on his mask since leaving the castle ruin, but the flight on his broomstick made it impossible for him to keep his hood up, and so both it and his long, whitish blonde hair billowed after him, making him quite easy to identify. He held up his wand, wielding it with as much grace and poise as any aristocrat might wield a sword, and there was no mistaking the contempt in the way he set his jaw. Unlike Bellatrix, it definitely wasn't the younger Black he wanted. _"Stupefy!"_

_"Protego!"_ Sirius quickly brandished his own wand, perhaps not with as much flourish as the wealthy Death Eater, but nevertheless effectively enough. "What's the matter, Lucy?" he recklessly shouted out a taunt. "Can't come up with anything more original than what I hit you with earlier?"

Furious, Malfoy veered towards them, as if intending to ram them off the bike, but Sirius was faster. Breaking ever so slightly, he turned to pass behind the wizard before speeding up as quickly as he could. The recoil of a blast pushed them roughly forward even farther, and then he heard the sound of something whizzing through the sky. Regulus had launched one of the rockets from the back of the bike. Glancing over his shoulder, Sirius watched as bright red and gold fireworks erupted in Rodolphus Lestrange's face. He couldn't help but grin. "Direct hit! Way to go, little brother!"

"Look out!" Regulus shouted, and Sirius turned his head in time to see Bellatrix zooming straight towards him. If they were playing Chicken, the look on her face assured him she was crazy enough to win or die trying. But then she aimed her wand.

_"Crucio!"_

Sirius swerved. He swerved so sharply the bike toppled over, and had they been riding on the ground, they'd be eating dirt right about now. It was only from experience that he managed to hang on, for Prongs loved watching him lose control of his bike and often went to great lengths to see it happen. Unfortunately, Regulus didn't have that experience and was therefore propelled off his seat almost immediately. It was all Sirius could do to lean over and grab his ankle before he flew out of reach.

His arm felt like it was being pulled from its socket. He had a good grip on his brother, but if he wasn't careful, he'd be dragged off the motorcycle. The sea's waves were swelling beneath them, dark and looming ominously. Though land was definitely in sight, they were still quite a ways out from the coast, and if the fall didn't kill them, they'd probably drown. Talk about cruel and unusual treatment. "Damn…" Sirius looked up to see Bellatrix casually flying in front of him. Malfoy was behind her – though there wasn't any sign of Rodolphus – and they were both smirking in triumph, for they knew as well as he did that if he tried hexing them, he'd lose his hold on the bike and fall to a rather untimely, bleak demise.

"How noble of you to come running to your dear brother's rescue, young Sirius," Bellatrix laughed gleefully. "Now I have two cousins to play with! And you'll be more fun than the runt, won't you?" Regulus glanced up, and when Sirius looked down at him, he could see the fear in his brother's eyes. This was not how either one of them had pictured their getaway. It was time to get creative, for there wasn't any way in Hell he'd let himself get captured.

"I think it'd interest you to know when I was following Cissa around this afternoon, I saw her snogging Rodolphus!" It was a lie, but for the split second that Bellatrix and Malfoy stared at him in slack faced uncertainty, he knew he had an advantage. Dropping Regulus, who yelled in alarm while plummeting towards the sea, he pushed himself back onto the bike, righting it as he went, and aimed his wand at his brother. _Levicorpus! _If that didn't work…

But it did. Regulus was jerked to a stop, dangling from some invisible force that had snatched his ankle and held in midair. Nevertheless, he thrashed around wildly, helpless and close to panic. "SIRIUS!"

"HANG ON!" Sirius shouted as he drove away from Bellatrix and Malfoy. They were both after him, beyond furious. Regulus could die now, for all they cared. They wanted the eldest Black brother's head. He circled back around towards them, waving his wand as he did. _"Wingardium Leviosa!" _ The rockets that Regulus had not managed to launch immediately sprang up off the bike and soared towards Malfoy. It was dark out. He couldn't see them very well. He didn't know what they were, for though Rodolphus had been hit by fireworks, he certainly wasn't expecting more of the same. All he knew was that there were several relatively large obstacles between him and his quarry. And so he held up his wand. He blasted the first one out of his way. Much to Sirius's delight, the blast set it off and it exploded.

_"Stupefy!"_

_"Protego!"_ Sirius whirled around, instinctively holding out his wand, but the attack hadn't been directed at him. The sky was dazzlingly bright with red and gold fireworks, and through the shimmering, sparkling display, he watched as Bellatrix scooped his limp brother out of the sky. "NO!" His heart stopped… and then he drove the motorcycle forward. "REGULUS!"

Bellatrix was heading towards Denmark. She must have thought it would be easier to lose the younger wizard above land than sea, and she'd no doubt be correct. He had to stop her. If she escaped him, he'd never see his brother again. This couldn't be happening. Regulus…

Brooms were faster than motorcycles. They were smaller, lighter, and more aerodynamic. That was just the way of things, and so he found himself quite unable to catch up. But he wasn't falling behind, either, and so he held up his wand. _"STUPEFY!"_ Bellatrix heard it coming and moved out of the way. She wasn't quite as graceful on a broom as Prongs was, nor was her broom quite as swift, and for that Sirius took heart. _"STUPEFY! STUPEFY!"_ He kept going, and while Bellatrix took precious time to dodge his attacks, he slowly began to gain on her.

Red sparks hit her broom. Of course, they had no effect whatsoever on lifeless objects, but the fact that, while she could avoid getting hit herself, she wasn't quite fast enough to protect her mount gave the wizard an idea. He leaned forward, aiming his wand. _"Incendio!" _It was another direct hit. The broom lit up like a torch.

Bellatrix shrieked, spinning around to quench the flames with her wand, but upon doing so, she dropped Regulus. He slipped off her broom and fell, once again plummeting towards the sea. Sirius pushed down hard on the handles, dipping forward into a dive the likes of which would have undoubtedly impressed even Prongs himself. Unfortunately, impressive as he was, he was by no means his best friend's equal. He wasn't fast enough. Regulus continued to fall. "Damn it! NO!"

He hit the water. There was a splash. And before Sirius could do anything about it whatsoever, Bellatrix was after him again.

_"AVADA KEDAVRA!"_

He pulled the bike up and moved away from her, for she was after blood now, and he couldn't help his brother if she killed him._ Don't worry, Reg. I'd sooner die than leave you here._ He had to fight back!

Turning in his seat, he aimed his wand at the woman. _"STUPEFY!" _Her broom, half incinerated, was nowhere near as fast as it had been, but she still managed to evade his attack. And so the battle went on ruthlessly into the night. Regulus, having been stunned, could not possibly have resurfaced even if he'd survived the fall. The thought was more than Sirius could bear, and so he didn't think of it until Bellatrix was finally thrown from her broken broom.

She was thrown from her broom… but she was a mighty woman. There was never any question about that, for even when falling from a hundred feet up, she still managed to Apparate herself away without so much as splinching a hair on her head. She wouldn't be back. Sirius prayed she wouldn't be back as he turned around to look for his brother. "Regulus?" He had to find him. If it was the last thing he did, he had to find him.

"REGULUS!"

**ooooooo**

**A/N:** I reread Order of the Phoenix and rediscovered a small detail I'm afraid I'd forgotten about. Sirius actually didn't find out about Regulus's desertion until after his death. Sorry about that. I wanted to stay true to the books, but since I've already written so much about the two brothers, I decided to stay consistent with my story. I hope it doesn't bother anyone too, too much. Anyway, please send in a review. Thanks so much!


	118. Unfathomable

**ooooooo**

St. Mungo's Hospital for Magical Maladies and Injuries had not seen tighter security in centuries – which was at once a comforting prospect and an unfortunate one. Witches and wizards who needed immediate attention were finding it more and more difficult to get; not even patients could be trusted by the authorities anymore, and many of them were thus turned away to find care at muggle hospitals, no matter how furiously Healers complained. They were no longer in charge of the hospital itself, which had fallen into the Ministry of Magic's control, but merely of the treatment shown to those fortunate enough to get through the front doors – such as Lily Potter.

The Cruciatus Curse was a painful, very often maddening, weapon in the hands of just about any Death Eater, but when cast by a wizard like Voldemort, any number of horrific complications might ensue – that was, if the unfortunate victim actually managed to survive the onslaught. In the arms of James Potter and shadowed by Alastor Moody, she was allowed into the hospital, no questions asked, and found herself under examination within minutes. She didn't recognize any of the Healers tending her; there wasn't any sign of Isabelle anywhere, nor of Madam Pomfrey. Lily didn't know why she expected the Hogwarts Head Nurse to be in London at this time of year, but nevertheless kept turning her head, hoping she'd appear.

Bartemius Crouch arrived on the scene in short order, determined to question Lily about the attack, but James and Mad-Eye both insisted on making their reports first, so that the woman could recover. Left alone in a room full of strangers, it was all she could do not to scream in frustration. She didn't want such a fuss to be made over her! True, there weren't very many witches out there who could honestly claim to have escaped the great Lord Voldemort, but did that truly warrant her reception of special treatment? She could recover just fine without five Healers, thank you very much! All she wanted was a bit of security, a place where she could hide, and her husband. After what she'd been put through, was that too much to ask?

Eventually, she was put to bed in a ward with several other apparently prominent patients, many of whom seemed to have their own bodyguards! Dressed in a hospital gown, she sat propped up by pillows, away from the windows, where she was given a bed tray and some food. She didn't exactly feel like eating, but managed to nibble a bit on a chocolate bar, remembering words spoken to her by Remus long ago. _"It'll feel worse if you don't eat."_ Why couldn't he be with her now?

"Mrs. Potter?"

Lily turned her head to see Bartemius Crouch approaching her. Though he was her husband's boss, she had never met him before and only recognized him now from having seen pictures of him in the Daily Prophet. He was a dark haired, conscientious man who reminded her more of a politician than a law enforcer. There was something about him, she wasn't sure what, that left her extremely uncomfortable, particularly when she saw absolutely no sign of either James or Mad-Eye.

_Don't be ridiculous,_ she told herself sternly as the man pulled up a chair and sat beside her. _You're just paranoid. _Having barely escaped Voldemort, it seemed more than reasonable for her to feel slightly apprehensive – if not completely terrified – of any strange man, and wasn't something she should be ashamed of, but it was still nevertheless irrational and probably unhealthy. She needed to compose herself. Attitude was everything. She knew from experience that attitude was everything. If she slipped into paranoia and depression, recovery would only grow that much harder, and this time might even become impossible. She couldn't let that happen. She couldn't allow herself to live the rest of her life in fear. She was better than that. "Mr. Crouch."

He offered her a smile, but it wasn't so much a warm, friendly one as it was a worn, depleted one. It made her want to look away. "I'm terribly sorry, but I do have a few questions I need to ask you about today's events, if you don't mind."

"Not at all," she assured him coolly, wondering how much pressure James and Mad-Eye had put on the man to compel him to interrogate her here, where she was more or less comfortable, rather than in some windowless room within the Ministry of Magic. The fact that he was here at all without either of the two Aurors keeping watch did not bode well, and despite everything she wondered if she was in trouble. "Can I see my husband first?"

He took a deep breath, crossed his arms, and leaned forward in his seat. "Actually, Mrs. Potter, there seems to be some confusion as to why there was an attack on that school to begin with. Having spoken to more than one of the apprehended Death Eaters, I understand it was scheduled to occur several months ago, but that your unforeseen presence there persuaded them to delay."

Lily opened her mouth to interrupt, but then hesitated. Crouch observed this and paused, waiting intently for a response which did not quickly come. What was she supposed to say? A part of her had truly believed she was the sole reason the Death Eaters had shown up at the school in the first place, but if they'd meant to destroy it months ago… none of this was her fault. It wasn't her fault! The thought did her heart extreme good and she had to cover her mouth to conceal the small smile taking shape. She doubted very much Bartemius Crouch would have found it appropriate.

Once she'd regained some control over her facial expressions, she took a deep breath and looked at him soberly. "I'm really sorry, Mr. Crouch. I don't know what to say. I didn't ask for this to happen." She shook her head, glanced down at her bed tray, and then closed her eyes. "I would like to see my husband, sir." James… who could talk his way out of just about anything… while saying something that would make her laugh. If they were just together, they could survive absolutely anything.

"I understand," he assured her, trying not to sound too impatient. "And you will, just as soon as we've finished here. But first I need you to corroborate a few things both he and Alastor Moody have told me."

"You've got to be joking."

"Such as why He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named would go so far out of his way to turn what was meant to be a strategic attack into an ambush in order to trap you," Crouch continued, ignoring the incredulous resent spreading across her face. "What is it you have that he wants, Mrs. Potter? If you tell me, I will be that much better equipped to protect you in the future. And that's all I want. To protect you." The sincerity in his voice only managed to convince her how cunning and manipulative an old man he was. He didn't want to just protect her. He was suspicious of her! No doubt he was a Slytherin in his day. Lily wouldn't have been surprised. He knew James and Mad-Eye were hiding a bit of the truth from him, he knew there was more to the day's attack than met the eye, and he knew Voldemort was personally involved, which therefore naturally led him to suspect the worst of her.

"Didn't you ask your prisoners?" she demanded, staring at him angrily. What right did he think he had, coming in here and badgering her like this? "I'd suppose they'd know better than I would. I've no idea what Voldemort wants with me." Much to her satisfaction, he flinched visibly at the name before sitting up straighter, staring at her in obvious discomfort.

"Mrs. Potter-"

"If I've done something wrong, why don't you just come right out and tell me, or arrest me, or do whatever the hell it is you do in the wizarding world. I wouldn't know. I'm muggleborn. In the meantime, there's a psychotic bastard who, for that very reason, should have killed me today, and I would think it more constructive to discuss the matter openly with my husband to figure out what to do _now_." She seethed, knowing perfectly well that her lack of prudence probably wouldn't get her very far, but past caring. She'd been through Hell today, and evidently the nightmare still wasn't over. Now she had to deal with the bloody authorities, and a part of her almost preferred Voldemort. At least she knew what to expect from him.

Crouch sighed, running a hand through his neat, almost perfect, hair. "I've sent guards to protect both the Fletchers and the Dursleys. If at all possible, they are to try relocating both families to a more secure location for the present time. Your husband, however, remains skeptical about your sister's likeliness to cooperate. Of course, we will not force them to go anywhere they do not want to. As for you, Mrs. Potter, the Ministry is prepared to offer you protection as well, but we need to know why He-Who-_Must_-_Not_-Be-Named has chosen to target you."

"Wait a minute," she stared at the man in poorly concealed horror. "You sent guards where?" To the Dursleys? They sent guards to the _Dursleys_? But Petunia… Petunia… Oh god, if Petunia found out about this…

"He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named is not above using a victim's family to get what he wants," Crouch studied her face carefully, assessing her response. She must have looked like she was close to panic, for she certainly felt like panicking. "If all goes well, your family will be sent to the United States. Young Miss Fletcher will have her choice of universities to attend and the Ministry will see to her financial needs. Mr. Fletcher and Mr. Dursley will both be given their choice of occupations, and neither family will come to any harm. While I am afraid that communication between you and any one of them will be temporarily prohibited, you may rest assured that they will be well taken care of. As you will be-"

"When can I see them? I have to say goodbye!" And more than that, she had to explain. It wouldn't be so bad for the Fletchers. If Carla could get into any American university for free, they'd all be thrilled. But the Dursleys… Did Vernon even know about magic? Would Petunia ever forgive her for this? She'd told Lily, she'd begged Lily, multiple times to forsake everything that had anything to do with the wizarding world and, had she listened, she certainly wouldn't be in this mess right now, would she? Petunia would despise her! She needed to at least try explaining…

"Mrs. Potter, I have no way of knowing whether or not He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named has servants even now attempting to spy on you," Crouch informed her rather curtly, hardly caring when she began to tremble. "If you are indeed being watched, and those spies see you with your family, that might very well defeat the purpose of placing them in hiding. They'll just follow the Fletchers or the Dursleys to the States, see where they are living and either kill them or come back for them later. Unfortunately, it is too risky for you to have your farewells."

"No," Lily shook her head furiously. It wasn't fair. Was she cursed or something, that her entire life could be summed up by ordeals? "Why are you doing all this for me? I don't want it! You don't take these kinds of measures for every war victim, do you?"

"Not every war victim has escaped so close an encounter with He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named," Crouch stated coolly, not at all pleased with her obvious ingratitude. "Now, Mrs. Potter, as we have discussed what shall be done for you to keep yourself and your family safe, as you have asked, I must insist that we return to the matter at hand. What can you tell me about-?"

"Barty!"

Lily closed her eyes, at once relieved and aghast to hear the booming voice of one Albus Dumbledore. What must he think of her? Like Petunia, he'd warned her of the danger she'd be in, and she hadn't listened. Embarrassment would have reddened her face, had it not been flushed already. Of course, the worst part about it was that now Crouch would know beyond the shadow of a doubt there was something extraordinarily unusual going on, for Professor Dumbledore didn't show up at St. Mungo's for just anyone. He rose to his feet and met the Hogwarts Headmaster, who was approaching Lily's bed irately. "What is the meaning of this? Mrs. Potter has been through quite enough for today, and your questions have all been answered by her husband and Alastor Moody. I assure you, she knows no more than they."

"Forgive me, Albus, but how can you-?"

"That's enough!"

Lily, Professor Dumbledore, and Crouch all turned their heads to see a young Healer in long, lime green robes striding towards them angrily. Isabelle… She looked positively livid. "This is not the Ministry of Magic, sirs. This is a hospital. There are patients here trying to sleep! Now if you don't mind, do get out!" Crouch glared at her furiously, but when Professor Dumbledore insisted, he put his hat on his head and marched out of the ward, bidding Lily good day. The Headmaster followed him swiftly, which assured the young witch their argument was far from over. If anyone could convince the Auror to leave her alone, it would doubtless be him, and for that she was grateful, but then again… who would it be to convince him not to follow Crouch's example and question her himself? She didn't want to be questioned by anyone. She didn't want to think about what happened. Voldemort was after her… Crouch didn't trust her… Her family was to be sent to the States – if Petunia would have it, that was – and she couldn't say goodbye to them… All this was happening at once, and she just wanted to be left alone!

Isabelle was walking towards her now, and she sat on the bed, pulling the woman into a quick, sympathetic hug. "I'm so sorry about all that. I would've gotten to you sooner, Lil, I swear I would've, but I've been running in circles for the past six months like a chicken with its head cut off, and I only just heard about what happened when I saw James downstairs. Are you okay? Of course you're okay. You're the strongest witch in the world, after all, beating You-Know-Who like that."

"You saw James?" Lily asked, pushing Isabelle an arms length away while gripping her shoulders tightly. She hadn't seen her husband once since arriving here, and that was starting to truly infuriate her.

Isabelle jerked her head up and down. "He told me to assure you Crouch isn't as suspicious of you as you probably expect." She paused for a moment, thinking very intently about something, and Lily knew right away James had given her a very complicated, very detailed message to send, and could only wonder where he was right now, that he couldn't deliver it himself. Where was he, anyway? Downstairs? What floor was she on? "Crouch is just upset about Sirius quitting. He resigned yesterday and didn't say why, exactly. Just that it had something to do with his family. And then there was the attack today, and given the relationship you have with the Black brothers, Lil, Crouch is trying to figure out whether or not two and two equals four. Yeah?" She nodded her head, looking slightly unsure of herself, while Lily took an extremely deep breath, feeling incredibly confused.

"I don't understand how the two events could possibly be related," she objected forlornly, pressing a hand against her head. Sirius… Where was he right now? And where was Regulus? Why was this all happening to her? She wanted it to stop. She wanted… she wanted… "Isabelle," she whispered. "I need to see James. And I need to get out of here. I can't bear this place."

"It would be against medical advice for you to leave," Isabelle solemnly informed her. "But legally, you're an adult now, Lil, and you're married to a Potter. James is from an extremely respectable family, you know. I'd like to see anyone try to keep you here against your will, and that includes Barty Crouch." She took Lily's hands in her own, giving them both a comforting squeeze, and then she smiled reassuringly. "Let me go find your husband."

**ooooooo**

Lily had very little doubt in her mind that Professor Dumbledore would be more than a bit miffed upon returning to the ward only to discover her missing, for she expected he meant to speak with her himself, but that still didn't hinder her from dressing back in her clothes and slipping out of the hospital at James's side, with a little assistance from Isabelle and even, surprisingly, Mad-Eye Moody. Considering he wasn't just an Auror, but also a member of Professor Dumbledore's Order, he was treading in very deep water to help her out, and Lily wondered very much how'd she be able to repay him.

Peter was waiting for them outside, standing in front of the Knight Bus. At the sight of it, she was nearly overwhelmed by déjà vu, but after the moment passed, she allowed James and his friend to help her aboard. There weren't any other passengers whatsoever, and once her husband paid the conductor quite a bit more than just two Galleons for the three of them, the driver set out quite a bit more smoothly than he ever had before in the bus's long history. Lily wasn't entirely sure what to make of that, but she didn't complain as Peter used his wand to replace one of the armchairs with a bed for her to lie on. "Thank you."

"Are you sure we should really be doing this?" Peter demanded worriedly, glancing at James as he sat down in the armchair next to his wife. "I don't like the sound of Crouch's attitude. Won't he just grow more suspicious by the two of you running away?" Apparently, James hadn't just spoken to Isabelle after his own interrogation. He'd managed to contact his friend as well, and set up this whole getaway. Lily was grateful for that, and yet at the same time she wished she could have seen him sooner. But even now, he barely seemed capable of looking her in the eye, and chose to instead concentrate on Peter.

"As far as the Ministry's concerned, Crouch is all but leading the war against Voldemort. He's more than likely gonna become the next Minister of Magic, if Dumbledore doesn't beat him to the post. Yes, he thinks there's something off about Sirius's resignation and today's attack. Too close for comfort and so he assumes there's a connection when there's not. And he knows we're hiding something." Peter frowned, for if his friends were hiding something, not even he knew what it was, but he didn't say anything and allowed James to continue. "However, Lily just survived a face-to-face encounter with Voldemort, and if the rest of the world finds out about that, she's gonna be a hero. You work for the Daily Prophet now, Wormtail, remember? They'd have a field day, finding out Crouch is pestering her without substantial evidence to do so, and he's perfectly aware of that. He won't jeopardize his standing just because we're not sharing all the facts with him. He knows we're not Death Eaters, and he'll just have to be satisfied with that. Now, Dumbledore, on the other hand…" James took a deep breath, let it out, and then shook his head, smiling uncomfortably. "Well… at least he can't put us in detention anymore."

"James, where are we going?" Lily cut in, staring at her husband miserably; he wouldn't meet her gaze, and she didn't know why. "I have to see my family. The Fletchers… Petunia!"

"No." His eyes flicked up towards hers for a second, and then he was burying his face in his hands, as if he were unspeakably exhausted. "It was actually Mad-Eye's idea to protect your family, not Crouch's. They'd be safer if you didn't see them for awhile, Lil."

"Safer?" She couldn't believe what she was hearing. Not from James. Not from him. Not after this. "You don't really think I'm being followed, do you? James, she's my sister. She deserves an explanation. And after everything the Fletchers have done for me? I've placed them all in danger, and now the Ministry wants them to pack up, leave their home, and possibly never come back, and you're telling me I can't even say goodbye?" She hadn't been able to say goodbye to Regulus, either. And when would she see him again? "James?" He didn't answer her. His hands were still covering his face; she wondered if he'd even heard her.

At that moment, the Knight Bus came to a rather abrupt stop outside a large brick wall where there was a finely crafted iron gate built into an archway. Lily, recognizing it almost immediately as the entrance to her mother-in-law's incredible mansion, started in surprise. They couldn't possibly have arrived already… but then again, this was the Knight Bus, after all. The conductor pulled open the doors, but when James moved to help her up, she shot him such a glare that he backed away quickly while apologizing. She got to her feet herself, and made her way off the bus without accepting any assistance whatsoever. All the while, she prayed to whomever was listening that Petunia would not hate her for this.

Geoffrey, the elderly watchman guarding the entrance to James's childhood home, stood in front of the gate with a wand gripped tightly in his hand. When he recognized Lily, however, and then saw the two wizards descending from the bus behind her, a wide smile broke across his face. "Well, it's about time you lot visited! Where've you…" He trailed off as the Knight Bus made its quick departure, for it wasn't at all difficult interpreting the looks on their faces. He focused on James. "What's happened, boyo?"

James shook his head, trudging towards the gate. "Terribly sorry, Geoffrey, but we can't discuss that here. If Sirius happens to show up, let him in, but absolutely no one else is welcome without my permission."

"Yes sir," Geoffrey's voice shook slightly as James opened the gate and allowed both Lily and Peter through. It shut behind them and Lily, despite her anger, felt safe for the first time in several hours.

**ooooooo**

The Potter's mansion was everything she remembered it to be, and possibly even more so. Fit for royalty. Now why couldn't the Fletchers and the Dursleys all move here? Wouldn't that be more sensible? True, it would be placing the entire family all together under one roof, which would likely be more convenient for Voldemort, but still… one look at this place might even grant them all Petunia's favor! Right? But it was too late for that. By now, the Ministry would already have its agents at their homes, and they might even already be God only knew where overseas. The thought nearly brought tears to her eyes.

She was presently standing in an exceedingly large bathroom, having just taken an exceedingly long, hot bath in a tub that reminded her painfully of the swimming pool she'd washed in as Head Girl back at Hogwarts. Wrapped in a Gryffindor towel, she stared at her reflection in an ornate looking glass, having wiped off the steam from its surface. Thanks to the Healers at St. Mungo's, there wasn't a scratch or bruise anywhere on her body, and no one would've ever guessed she'd been tortured that day. Her eyes were as green as she'd ever seen them, shaped like almonds as they'd always been, and yet she barely recognized them. She barely recognized herself. Twice now, she'd managed to escape the great Lord Voldemort, but this time, such a thought did not make her feel powerful. She couldn't stop wondering… what would this mean for her family?

Sighing, she made her way out of the bathroom and into the darkened chamber she and her husband would be sharing. It was well after midnight, and were it not for the glow leaking in from the bathroom chandelier, there would've been no illumination whatsoever. James was sitting hunched over on a queen-sized bed, staring bleakly at the doors that led out to the balcony. Unlike their flat in London, this balcony didn't overlook a city street, but a beautiful garden they couldn't exactly appreciate after dark. He had barely spoken a word to her. In fact, he'd barely even spoken to his own mother! Sure, he'd explained why they'd come, and he'd made further arrangements, but aside from such business, he'd been abnormally distant and almost cold towards everyone.

He was upset about the fight. When Voldemort lied to him, and said that she was dying, he had succumbed to the kind of rage, the kind of hate, that empowered the Dark Arts. He might have lost himself to that and Lily could sense how overwrought it left him. He was afraid… terrified, perhaps… and not entirely of Voldemort.

_"Well… That's just part of the relationship… you depend on someone… but you still have to be as strong as you can… because that someone will depend on you, too…"_

Her words, spoken to the Dark Lord, describing both dependency and love, returned to her now as she stared at her husband's back. He had given her strength that day, more so than he would ever realize. She had had such faith in him… and were it not for that, she would have surrendered to Voldemort; at the top of those ruined stairs back in the school's library, she would have surrendered… Had it not been for James, she wouldn't be here right now gazing at him. Where would she be? In Voldemort's possession…

But she wasn't. She was here. With James. And it was time to prove to herself that she had the right idea about love. Making her way onto the bed, she crawled up to her husband and wrapped her arms around his shoulders, resting her head against his back. "Everything's all right, now."

"No," he shook his head. "We've already lost this war. The Ministry's suspicious of just about everyone, and they're turning people away from the bloody hospital. We live in fear now, every last one of us. We might still be fighting Voldemort, but he's shaped the world to his own liking and I reckon he's pleased with it. He's going to win."

"No," Lily whispered directly in his ear. "You're wrong, James Potter. The only world he'd be pleased with is a world he might understand. But as long as there're people like us left alive, this world will remain unfathomable in his eyes. So he's not going to win." He turned almost painfully to face her in distress and she smiled at him, pressing her hand tenderly against his cheek. "I love you." They kissed. She whispered the words again, and the towel slid from around her body.

**ooooooo**

**A/N:** Please keep reviewing! Thanks so much!


	119. To Fight

**ooooooo**

"I sent an owl to Professor Dumbledore," James spoke cheerfully enough the following morning as he, Lily, Peter, and Mrs. Potter all gathered for breakfast in a small, private family room located off the larger, more extravagant dining room used for dinner parties, back when guests were often invited to spend their evenings there. Unfortunately, these days parties of any kind were hardly advisable, for one could never tell who was to be trusted and therefore only a fool would permit others into the safety of his or her home. Family and friends close enough to be considered family were alone reliable enough to be allowed in, for a great deal more than just a familiar face – which could easily be duplicated by certain potions – was necessary in order for a Death Eater to pass as a loved one. In any case, the dining room was not often frequented by Mrs. Potter or by anyone anymore, aside from the servants who kept it clean.

The breakfast room, on the other hand, which was much more appealing to begin with, was octagonal in its design and boasted several large windows that looked out on an enormous far-off fountain even now spraying water towards the sky. It was a beautiful morning to be sure, bright, clear, crisp, and tranquil, reminding Lily more and more of paradise. She felt far from the war now, farther than she ever had even at Hogwarts, and therefore James's proclamation as he summoned bacon and eggs to his plate was not in the least bit welcome. "I didn't say much, in case the owl's intercepted, but he'll know where we are now, and how to get in touch. I had to apologize for running off on him. Mad-Eye promised to make the report, but after what happened, I reckon he's going to want to hear about it from us as well."

Lily stared pensively down at her food. She hadn't been able to confess any of her encounter with Voldemort to Bartemius Crouch. What could she possibly say to Professor Dumbledore? That he had been right all along? That she couldn't take care of herself? Voldemort was after her now, and he'd probably not wait another year to try claiming her again. The Ministry of Magic wanted to see her family sent somewhere safe. Was that to be her fate as well? The last thing in the world she wanted was to go into hiding. It was okay for muggles, but for a witch who could wield magic of her own and fight back… it was the final admission to helplessness. She wasn't helpless. She didn't want to indefinitely put her life on hold just because there were madmen in the world. She wanted to be free from that.

"And until then, what is it you intend to do, James?" Mrs. Potter presently asked her son, her voice soft and frail with age. She looked weaker than Lily had ever seen her before, and though she remained completely dignified, there were traces of sorrow, loneliness, and fatigue lining her face. She missed her husband greatly, that much was certain, and every time she looked at her daughter-in-law, her expression almost seemed to whisper 'hold him and never lose him.'

"I have to go back to work," James told his mother regretfully, which didn't particularly surprise Lily at all. He was an Auror, he still worked for Crouch, and he wasn't about to hide anymore than she wished to hide herself. After what had happened at the school yesterday, Voldemort would likely be up in arms, and with Sirius off looking to help his brother, that left only one Marauder to assist the Ministry, when the Ministry could likely have used all four of them. "The war's not over yet, mum, and I'm no deserter. We're going to win this." He glanced at Lily, who nodded with a slight smile. That was the attitude she needed from him. They weren't beaten and they never would be.

Mrs. Potter's forced smile, however, assured them she didn't quite share their confidence. "You only just arrived last night, James. I had hoped you'd stay longer." She understood why he couldn't. She was proud of her son, and would support him through it all without ever trying to hinder him, but she was still a mother and had every right and reason to express her dismay. It was a cruelty… that she had to live in a world where her child fought every single day of his life to combat darkness, hatred, and the purest evil. Lily recognized that, and found herself praying that should she ever have children herself, they wouldn't have to struggle so. _Let this war end so that my children don't have to suffer the consequences…_

"Lily will stay," James told his mother and when Lily started at that, he turned to her quickly in consolation. "Just for a little while, till we know what to expect." Anything could happen, and no matter what attitude they took, they had to be careful. He faced Peter. "You'll stay with her, won't you, Wormtail?"

The man nodded. "You don't even have to ask." There were many things in the world capable of daunting such a wizard as Peter Pettigrew, but this seemed to be one thing he could consent to with absolute conviction. There had been no hesitation whatsoever in his response and for that, James smiled.

"Good man."

They finished breakfast in short order. Mrs. Potter had her butler, Edmund, retrieve a broomstick for James to fly upon back to London while he bid his wife farewell. Parting never came easily for the two, but after yesterday it was even more difficult than normal. Lily wanted to go with him and fight at his side, as Alice did with Frank, but when she confessed as much, James wouldn't have it. Besides, he didn't want Crouch hassling her, and so he kissed her goodbye before mounting the broomstick and taking off. She watched him go and continued to stare up at the sky with Peter and Mrs. Potter both at her sides long after he disappeared completely from sight. A part of her didn't want to move an inch until he returned, but since that was hardly a rational option, she spent the rest of the morning touring both the mansion and its grounds with Peter. Neither one of them had been to visit since Christmas, and it proved diverting to reacquaint themselves with the place without a guide to show them from room to room, for Mrs. Potter had opted not to accompany them.

"Can you imagine living in a house like this?" Lily asked as they wandered into a vast, darkened ballroom. "I can almost picture James flying around on a broomstick in here. Sounds like something he would've done, don't you think?"

"Yeah," Peter nodded, walking in large circles as he took in the balconies, the windows, the painting of shooting stars that, even in the silence, continued to fly across the ceiling. It was spectacular. "Don't know why he'd want to, though. He's got plenty of space to play Quidditch outside."

"Why should he, though, when he could get in trouble for flying in the house?" Lily drawled, smiling as she then ran forward and spun around and around as fast as she could, throwing out her arms. She didn't want to stop. She didn't want to slow down. Voldemort's intrusion into her life was ruining everything, but if she kept spinning, she might lose him, if only for a few seconds of uncontrollably dizzying ecstasy. This place was beautiful. This house… this room… there were so many memories here. Memories that weren't hers, but James's parents'. Once upon a time, there had been no Voldemort. Witches and wizards had gathered here to dance and socialize without thoughts of Death Eaters or Dark Marks or war. Did he realize how many lives he was overturning by his brutal incursion? He was selfish, cruel, and detestable. He wasn't even human. One day someone would stop him, but between now and then, she wouldn't let herself be terrorized.

"Lily, what are you doing?" Peter asked, rushing forward to catch and steady her as she nearly fell, having grown particularly dizzy from so much spinning. She almost started laughing while a part of her wanted to sob, for she was confused, impatient, and despite the time she had spent last night with James, and despite the optimism she was struggling so hard to cling to, she was still reeling from a horrific attack where she had actually witnessed muggle teenagers losing their lives. As brave as she wanted to be, for both herself and her husband, innocent people were dying, and it wasn't okay. The Fletchers were leaving. Hopefully, the Dursleys were as well. Her parents were gone. Remus, Sirius, and Regulus were off god knows where, and James had returned to London. She wanted to be strong. But she didn't know what to do.

What would her parents do? She missed them so much… and could only wonder how they'd react if they were still alive and discovered Voldemort's plans for her. They loved magic. They loved adventure. They must have known some of it had to be evil. They must have known students who attended Hogwarts took Defense Against the Dark Arts for a reason. So if they were here now, what would they do?

Something. They'd do _something_. Lily had no idea what that might entail, but she certainly wouldn't have found them exploring a big old house while waiting for news to come. They'd be out on the road going somewhere to find whatever it was they were looking for. It was time she did as well, and so she met Peter's worried gaze, her own green eyes bright with determination. "I want to fight."

**ooooooo**

"Lily, you aren't thinking clearly!" Peter objected as the witch made her way out of the ballroom and started towards the mansion's foyer. "It hasn't even been twenty-four hours since the attack! You need to rest and recover and regroup and stuff!" She wasn't a fighter. She had never been a fighter. Charlie Pryce had tried turning her into one once, and she'd sworn never to let him succeed. He'd said she'd never survive in this world if she couldn't defend herself, and she'd wanted to believe him wrong. Especially after everything he'd put her through. She'd wanted so much to defy him… but the truth was, she couldn't afford to anymore. Pryce… despite everything, he'd been right about one thing. She had to know how to take care of herself.

"I could try resting, recovering, and regrouping for the next month, Peter, and it wouldn't make any difference," she told him as she grabbed her wand and, with a flick of her wrist, had the two large front doors swing open. She started down the stairs with Peter hastening after her, and together they made their way into the park spread out before them. "The fact is the school I've been working at has been torn apart, my family's in hiding, and I'm now officially one of Voldemort's targets. This war has got to end, and honestly! What's the point of being a witch and having magical powers if I can't use them to beat the bad guy? My parents would be appalled, Tolkien would be appalled-"

"Who?"

"-Every muggle who cares the least bit about magic would be appalled!" She stopped and faced Peter, unable to check her sense of urgency. "We live in a world where we're able to fly on broomsticks. Broomsticks! With a mouthful of Polyjuice Potion, we can turn into someone else entirely. We've got Invisibility Cloaks, Time Turners, talking hats, talking mirrors, phoenixes, dragons, unicorns, ghosts – Professor Dumbledore himself is partnered with a man who created the bloody Philosopher's Stone. So why can't anyone find a way to stop one psychotic wizard?"

"Because the psychotic wizard in question is in fact a wizard and therefore has magic, too!" Peter well nearly shouted, as frantic as he'd ever been. "And he's good at it, Lily! No one can beat him!"

"There has to be a way!"

"No!" Peter shook his head, walking up to her and reaching for her hands. "You have to listen to me. You're tired and upset. I can even understand you're angry. But you have to be sensible. Even if there is a way to beat him, do you know what it is? Do you know how? Where would you even begin to start looking? If it was so easy, don't you think Dumbledore would have figured it out by now?"

Lily took several deep breaths, forcing herself to grow calm. She was paying only slight attention to Peter's adamant protests, while for the most part she concentrated on everything she'd ever been taught by Charlie Pryce. She had to distinguish the good advice he'd given his students from the philosophies that had been, for lack of a better word, completely bogus. Resistance was good. Resourcefulness was good. Breaking away from the conventional, predictable tactics Voldemort would see coming was definitely good. On the other hand, caring only about protecting oneself when there were others in danger as well… she could never do that, and she would never do that. Pryce had been such a selfish, self-centered old git who had absolutely no sense of chivalry, and for that he'd been wrong.

"Are you even listening to me?" Peter demanded, looking slightly hurt when he saw her eyes snap back into focus, realizing he'd been mostly ignored. His shoulders slumped and he shook his head. "Can't you at least wait for Prongs to get back? He wouldn't want you to take off without a word like this. And neither would his mum."

Lily frowned, tilting her head slightly as she began to perceive exactly how this must all appear to the young wizard. "Easy there, Peter. I wasn't thinking about leaving just yet. I only came out here to practice a few spells where I won't break anything." Smiling, she patted her rather overwhelmed friend on the shoulder before turning around to make her way towards the lawn. Before she'd managed to take five steps, however, the doors to the mansion behind her opened a second time and she heard voices that had her looking back in astonishment. It was Professor Dumbledore! Together, he, Mrs. Potter, and Edmund were walking down the mansion's front steps, apparently discussing Barty Crouch. Though Lily could barely hear them, as Professor Dumbledore was speaking very quietly to the attentive old witch, she was able to pick up the name, if nothing else.

James had said Professor Dumbledore would know where to find her and how to get in touch. She hadn't realized he'd be coming to call so soon, but wasn't the least bit sorry to see him. If anyone could help her now, it would doubtless be the old wizard. She started towards him eagerly with Peter at her side, but as he saw them approach, he called out to them before either one could get a word in.

"Peter. Lily. It does me good to see you both are well," he focused primarily on the woman. "Your mother-in-law has graciously set aside a room for us to converse in, if you are willing." She hadn't exactly been open to a conversation with Crouch, after all, and maybe that was what Professor Dumbledore and Mrs. Potter had been discussing moments ago. They certainly didn't want to upset her as Crouch had done, but at the same time, Lily knew they thought it imperative to get her testimony.

"Yes sir, of course," she nodded her head, brushing her hair behind her ears as she hastened towards the mansion's front doors. "Lead the way, Edmund!" The butler, Mrs. Potter, and Professor Dumbledore all exchanged glances, clearly caught off guard by her unexpected enthusiasm, though she didn't notice until she'd reached the top of the stairs and looked back to find that none of them had moved an inch. "Well, come on then!"

"Sir, she's not acting herself!" Peter boldly interrupted, much to everyone's surprise. Professor Dumbledore turned attentively towards the young wizard, who took heart by that and forced himself to go on. "She wants to fight! She thinks she can end this war all by herself! Tell her it's not possible! Tell her she's wrong!"

Frowning, Professor Dumbledore looked back at the witch, who had crossed her arms and was now glaring down at Peter in poorly concealed impatience. "Lily?" She wasn't meant to be a warrior. Was that it? With a gift like hers, was she not supposed to want to fight at all? She had no way of knowing what thoughts were passing through the old wizard's head – she certainly wasn't a Legilimens! – but she recognized the concern in his eyes and hoped that he, of all people, didn't think she had to remain exactly the same, unchanging, her whole entire life simply because of one gift she had never asked for to begin with.

"I'm tired of not doing anything," she acknowledged, walking back down the stairs. "I'm tired of waiting for this war to come to me. My family's being put in hiding, and there's nothing I can do for them. I can't even say goodbye. For how long? How long does this war have to last? I've had enough of it, professor. I must learn how to fight, because something has got to be done, and it's time I took a stand!"

_"Learn to stand."_

Her father would be proud of her. For a moment, she thought she could feel him at her side, daring Professor Dumbledore to refuse.

Much to her astonishment, however, the old wizard did not refuse, but actually nodded his head in acquiescence. "Very well." Peter's eyes bulged and he looked like he wanted to object but couldn't find the words to do so. "I had a feeling this day would come eventually. You have a gift, Lily, that is true. A gift I would not have Voldemort ever discovering, for your sake. But peace is not the absence of war and to uphold it, unfortunately, those who would devastate it must be fought. I understand, especially after yesterday, and if you truly want this, Lily, I will see to it you are trained to assist."

Lily sighed, pleased with his response. This was right, she knew it was. She was making the right choice. "And what about my family, sir? Have you heard anything?" The Fletchers… Carla… not to mention Petunia. She wanted to know they were safe. As much as it pained her, if there was even the slightest possibility Voldemort would target them, she would thank the Ministry for their protection, even if she wasn't allowed to say goodbye. She'd just have to fight that much harder to end this stupid war that much sooner, so she could see them again in a world finally lit with the peace Professor Dumbledore spoke of.

"The Fletchers have gone to America," he presently confirmed for her, though his voice seemed thick with remorse, and she was soon to realize why. "I'm afraid it's for the best that you do not know exactly where it is they shall live. As for the Dursleys… Petunia has blatantly refused to accept the Ministry's protection. She insists on remaining in Little Whinging and, as it happens, the Ministry is not in the habit of forcing muggles to comply. They feel that by offering your sister their services, they have completed their duty to its full extent and there is nothing more to be said about it."

Lily couldn't say she was particularly surprised, but fear nevertheless managed to take hold of her. If the Dursleys remained out in the open like that, wouldn't they be in extreme danger? Something had to be done for them-

"I do have a few friends who might be willing to keep an eye on them," Professor Dumbledore quickly assured her, as though he'd read her mind. Lily met his gaze in surprise, but instead of holding it, he turned away meditatively. "Now, there's always Arabella. I could easily get her a house in Little Whinging. Or even Yvonne. Your sister will be quite safe, Lily, if _I_ have anything to say about it." He looked back at her and there was such compassion in his light blue eyes she could honestly think of no one in the entire world less like Lord Voldemort – whose red, snakelike eyes had been so cruel. If there was anyone at all who could combat such evil, it was without question Albus Dumbledore. She could take comfort in his assurances, for he wouldn't let her down.

"Thank you," she said with a nod, all the while praying that Petunia would _never_ find herself looking into the eyes of a monster.

**ooooooo**

The sun was bigger than normal, rounder, whiter, and oddly distorted – it almost seemed to be rippling. That was weird…

It was cold… cold and abysmally dark… he felt like he was floating in some kind of void. The only way out was up, and though his gaze was presently fixed on the surface above him, he was by far too tired to reach for it. Too tired… he was hardly even aware of it, or of anything for that matter, but the rippling white sun itself.

He couldn't breathe. His body was numb. He was just floating… waiting for something to end, but what? Everything seemed so dark. Where was he? How long had he been here? It seemed like such a strange place to be waiting… underwater like this…

Underwater? That wasn't right. It felt like he'd been drowning for hours. Had the sun been up for that long? It didn't make any sense. Something about it didn't make any sense whatsoever, but he was too tired to try puzzling it out.

Darkness… That's what it was, the darkness. It was pouring out of him, like water pouring out of a bucket, but in every direction. The mark on his arm burned terribly, which reminded him for a split second of the magic he had been taught by his watchers for the past several years – magic so ugly it defied the very laws of nature, laws that should never be questioned. Wasn't normal, even in his world. Wasn't right, but foul, demented. He couldn't breathe, there was water in his lungs, but the magic kept his heart pumping. Had he cast the spell necessary to generate such darkness? It was possible to do so without a wand and even without words, but would he have dared? Even to survive? As if this could be considered survival. He had no control whatsoever. He had no power to do anything but wait, either for the spell to lose effect, in which case he would die, or for someone to come to his rescue, but who was there to rescue him?

_Sirius… please help me, brother…_

The mark on his arm stopped burning as quickly as it had begun, but with such relief came even more emptiness, and he found himself forgetting everything yet again as he sank deeper and deeper into oblivion.

**ooooooo**

**A/N:** I don't know much about the Dark Arts myself, but I figure there's probably a spell out there like that. Yeah? Anyway, I hate to disappoint everyone, but Lily's not pregnant yet. She just spent a night with her husband, that's all. Sorry… I know, I can't wait for Harry to be born either, but patience is a virtue. In the meantime, please send in a review! Thanks so much!


	120. The Celebration

**ooooooo**

Night had fallen, and the bar at the Leaky Cauldron was crawling with shadows that only managed to contribute to the demoralization of all the wretched souls looking for consolation in a drink. The inn had definitely seen finer days and the fact that it was still open at all seemed practically miraculous – at least if one would go so far as to consider the joint a blessing to begin with, much less one that wizards couldn't do without. In any case, as James Potter stepped over the building's threshold he found himself sighing wistfully. What he wouldn't give to see this place restored to its former glory. The war had definitely taken a toll on the world, and the Leaky Cauldron was proof of that. He couldn't wait for it to end. He never thought he'd actually think this, but he couldn't wait for a bit of peace. No trouble. No danger. No adventures. Just peace.

Sirius had already arrived at the inn, and was sitting on a stool at the bar drinking something that more than likely wasn't pumpkin juice. He was hunched over, his back looked painfully rigid, and his dark, tousled hair had fallen in his face. It didn't take a genius to realize something was horrifically wrong, and considering how Peter had said the man had gone looking to save his little brother, James thought he had a fairly good idea what that something was. Slipping onto the stool beside his friend, he paid the barman for a drink, steeled himself, and looked at Sirius.

The wizard must have noticed him there, but completely failed to acknowledge him. He didn't look up, he didn't even turn his head. When he had secretly contacted James at the Ministry not even an hour ago, he had sounded frighteningly urgent, but now it was as if… well… it was as if someone had died. Regulus? If that was the case, and James suspected it was, this night was going to be an unimaginably long one. Sirius would have to grieve, despite the fact that he'd spent his entire life pretending to despise his brother – and such bloody pride could encumber grief far more effectively than anything else in the entire world. And then they'd have to figure out how to go about telling Lily… James's heart tightened painfully at the thought. He'd promised her that, someday, somewhere, somehow, she'd find him again; she cared so much about him… it wasn't fair.

"All right there, Padfoot?" he asked at last, breaking the heavy silence between them as the barman shoved a mug his way, which he promptly ignored. Sirius was stirring, and something in James's gut warned him he'd best be sober for this. When he caught his friend's gaze, even in the room's poor lighting he could see how red his eyes were. Forget the Leaky Cauldron, _Sirius_ was the one who had seen finer days!

"Never better," he nevertheless stated, as if James couldn't tell he was lying through his teeth. "Read your name in the paper, mate." He tapped the copy of the Daily Prophet resting on the counter next to him. "Gotta hand it to you, beating Voldemort like that." He spoke the Dark Lord's name a bit too loudly, and several other witches and wizards glanced at him in open terror, not that he paid them even the slightest bit of attention. "Glad Lily's safe. I admit, I was really worried about her. Really worried. You've no idea."

James smiled grimly, nodding his head. "I do. I'll let you in on a secret, Padfoot. I was terrified yesterday. I've never been more so in my entire life. For a moment there, I thought I'd lost her." And the thought had nearly driven him insane. How much worse did Sirius feel, having actually lost his brother? The man had closed his eyes, thoughts, memories, fears, and guilt all clearly tormenting him and without stop. James had no idea how to help him.

"Forget about it, Prongs," Sirius finally advised, his voice barely more than a choked whisper. "At least you didn't fail her. And that's the most important thing."

James leaned towards his friend, catching him by his shoulders, and forced him around to face him fully. "Padfoot… what happened?" Sirius didn't seem capable of looking him in the eye anymore, but reached for his drink. James, however, grabbed it first and shoved it out of the way. "Tell me what happened!" Not the wisest move in the world. Sirius's face seemed to darken considerably and he made to get up in pure, righteous anger… only to fall back down in obvious despondency. He buried his face in his hands.

James waited. He waited in absolute silence until his friend pushed his hair back out of his eyes and looked at him as if truly seeing him for the first time. "I went to rescue Regulus. The stupid little twerp had gone and gotten himself way in over his head, and our dear cousins tortured him for it. Got him out. Tried flying him to Denmark. Ended up fighting said cousins and Lucius Malfoy. Beat them, but… Bellatrix stunned Reg… and he fell into the sea. I searched for him… for so long, Prongs. I looked everywhere! He didn't make it to the coast. He was stunned, he couldn't Apparate out. He couldn't swim. I couldn't find his body, but he couldn't have survived. I said I wouldn't leave him… I promised… But I looked all night and well into the morning, and I had to go before the Death Eaters came back. I left him there. Prongs, I left him there!" He was all but shouting, and the bar's other denizens once again turned to glare at him in blatant displeasure.

"Easy there, Padfoot," James whispered, gripping his friend's shoulders again and holding him as steadily as was possible. "You did everything you could. You went for him, mate. You defended him. Out of everyone in your family, you're the one who tried. That's got to mean something, and Regulus would thank you for it." Well, at least one could hope he would. James didn't exactly know the kid, so he couldn't speak on the matter with any kind of authority whatsoever, but if he'd been in Regulus's place, Sirius's efforts and intentions would've been more than enough for him. He'd have been grateful, despite everything.

"He's gone," Sirius whispered, his voice having once again fallen painfully quiet. "I could've had a brother…" James blinked while his heart felt like something was pinching it, but he didn't interrupt. "Regulus and I… we were a team… for just a moment… we were… we were… for a moment… we weren't just relatives, we were family. And we could've… if I hadn't… I could've had a brother, Prongs!" He leaned forward emphatically as if to ensure James heard and understood its importance, but he nearly slipped off the stool. James quickly caught and steadied him, the pang in his stomach unsettling him more than he'd care to admit.

"But… you do have a brother, Padfoot. You've got three of them." They'd always counted more than blood, even from the very beginning. They were the only family that'd ever mattered. Wasn't that the way of it?

Sirius laughed scornfully and shook his head. "You're not my brother, Prongs. You, Moony, Wormtail, you're all just friends. The only… the only brother I've got, or could've ever had, is dead… somewhere in the North Sea."

James wondered whether or not someone had dumped a bucketful of ice-cold water over his head, he couldn't think of a time when he'd ever felt more frozen. Sirius shrugged away from him and turned back to his drink, but he didn't take a sip. He just stared at it, too numb to do anything. For a moment, that was all either one of them could do.

And then James sighed, grabbing his own drink and taking a large gulp. After pushing it away again, he looked back at Sirius and patted him on the shoulder. "Here for you, mate. Always." They might not have been brothers… but they were best friends, and James would see him through this no matter what.

**ooooooo**

True to his word, Professor Dumbledore saw to it that Lily would be trained to fight as she had never been before. While she remained at the Potter's mansion where she was told to rest for just a few days longer, the Headmaster contacted Dorcas Meadowes, a witch of considerable repute, and asked that she assist the younger woman, for once Lily had confessed much of what had happened back at the school with Voldemort, no one could deny how imperative it was that she learned to protect herself.

_"He doesn't know about my gift,"_ she had assured the professor. _"But I argued with him about love, and I guess he wants me to admit he's right. I know there are ways to force people to obey, but it's as if he wants to convince me."_

Professor Dumbledore had smiled at her, shaking his head. He had looked tired throughout the entire interview, but at that particular moment, Lily had half expected him to keel over. _"It's an old argument between us, I'm afraid. He wouldn't admit it, but I daresay it is I he wishes, possibly even yearns, to convince."_

_"But if he can't even convince me, he'll never be able to convince you,"_ Lily had acknowledged with a sigh. Voldemort wouldn't likely give up on her, then. She might as well have been practice for his argument with Professor Dumbledore, and he wasn't about to lose at practice. She was most definitely a target now, and it was a blessing that Dorcas Meadowes proved eager to assist her in her preparations for a fight that would assuredly come whether or not she was placed in hiding.

"Someone once said it's more dangerous to run and hide from an enemy, as you must turn your back to do so, than it is to face him and fight," she cheerfully explained when she finally arrived at the mansion to begin her lessons.

All this time James had not returned home, but he did send an owl bearing words of comfort everyday, promising Lily she was always on his mind and that he would fly to her the instant he could escape his duties as an Auror, as a member of the Order, and as a friend. He chose not to elaborate on that last line, though Lily could guess he was referring to Sirius, which meant it had something to do with Regulus. Everyday she prayed to whoever or whatever was listening that the three of them were all safe and sound, and that they would find their way back to her sooner rather than later. In the meantime, she would train herself to fight under Dorcas's direction with Peter, Mrs. Potter, and occasionally even a few of the servants chipping in.

Before long, she found herself in better shape than she would've ever hoped to be back at Hogwarts. Not only could she cast powerful offensive and defensive spells, but she had honed her other abilities as well. Her Charms, her Transfigurations, and especially her Potions were all in their prime, and she had finally managed to get up off the ground on the back of a broomstick completely by herself. She was stronger, faster, and much bolder – having battled numerous boggarts since Dorcas's arrival – and she was even given a few short lessons in hand-to-hand combat.

"Every now and then I find myself in a situation where the other guy's managed to disarm me," the older witch stated rather offhandedly. "And it does help to have a mean right hook, let me tell you." Not that she needed to, or anything. Lily knew from personal experience that it paid to know how to defend oneself when magic wasn't available.

And so she trained herself from sunrise to sunset, resting only to eat, sleep, bathe, and read James's letters, which she was very quickly beginning to find agonizingly insufficient compared to his actual presence. She missed him greatly and took to asking Dorcas when she'd be ready to go to London so she could see him again. As it happened, Professor Dumbledore didn't want her leaving the mansion until she was fully prepared to meet whatever threats might be waiting for her outside the safety of Mrs. Potter's land. In that sense, she was hiding every bit as much as she'd hoped not to, which was extremely frustrating and for that she was eager to leave. "I appreciate all you're doing for me, Dorcas, I really do, but I want to sleep in my own bed at my own flat back in London with my husband, you know?"

The woman had smiled, nodding her head in understanding. "Yes, I can well imagine. When the Order of the Phoenix has its next meeting, we'll go together. How's that sound?"

It sounded perfect.

**ooooooo**

Something wasn't right. Though the sky remained clear and the sea strangely calm, something rather unsettling continued to harass the typically stout and stalwart crew. They'd certainly had enough fishing for one day and were eager to call it quits, that was for sure. Unable to put a finger on why that was, exactly, or on what was bothering them all, they found themselves going about their various tasks quite apprehensively – it was as if they half expected a monster to breech the surface of the water and possibly even destroy their boat. If they didn't know any better, they'd say there was something foul and evil adrift in the sea.

It was time to pull in the nets, but as they worked to operate their equipment, they couldn't shake the mounting nausea that plagued them so. Whatever they were about to drag onboard, it couldn't be natural, and more than one of the fishermen had half a mind to cut the nets loose and just leave them there in the water for some other vessel to deal with. It was bad. Possibly even horrific. It was…

It was just a boy!

As one of the nets swooped over the deck, suspended by its crane, several of the fishermen gathered around to stare at the catch in astonishment. Of course, they always found fish entangled in their nets that weren't meant to be caught, but this had to be the first time they'd managed to find a human body! The poor kid was still just a teenager…

"Someone get the radio! Call the coast!" one man shouted even as he sprang forward to free the body. "They might have a missing report on file or something to tell us where he belongs!" As several men ran to obey, several more inched forward to watch as the boy was eased onto the wet floor. Oddly enough, he didn't look like the average drowned corpse… in fact… he didn't look like a corpse at all. It was as if he'd only been underwater for a few minutes… but that wasn't possible. He wasn't from their boat, and there weren't any other boats around for miles. It didn't seem likely that he'd swum out here, but then… where'd he come from?

He suddenly moved.

The fishermen all froze, watching with wide eyes and slack-jaws as the boy who should have been dead pathetically wriggled and writhed, moaned, and weakly opened his eyes. He looked up at them and immediately tried to speak. His voice, however, was barely audible, and only the man who'd helped him from the net could hear the single word he managed to utter. "Serious…?" And then he was unconscious again, helpless and frail, no doubt freezing and near death – since he hadn't been dead already. He didn't even have a shirt on. His arms, his chest, his back, even his face, had been cut up by the net, and he needed immediate attention.

"Let's get a blanket and the first aid kit over here!" the same man shouted, looking up at the crew quite urgently. "And someone turn us around! We've got to get back to Esbjerg! The kid needs a hospital!" As his orders were carried out, the youngest fisherman edged forward, watching as his elder looked after the boy.

"Jakob… Jakob, he should be dead!"

"You don't have to tell me that!" the man barked as he was finally provided with the blanket and first aid kit. It definitely wasn't much, but it would have to do until they got back to port. "He's one lucky bastard."

"That's not luck, Jakob, it's wrong! Can't you feel it? All day, it's been in the air… what's that?" he nearly squealed, pointing at the boy's arm. Jakob frowned, leaning forward to find a black tattoo of a skull with a snake protruding from its jaws. It was utterly hideous, and he couldn't imagine why anyone would want a thing like that branded permanently on his arm. The younger fisherman was shaking. "I'm telling you, Jakob, this is wrong!"

"Well, what would you have me do?" he demanded angrily, looking up at the horrified man with a scowl on his face. "I can't just throw him back in the water, now can I?" They seemed to be a superstitious lot, but it was 1979 for crying out loud! They didn't burn suspicious characters at the damn stake anymore! Whoever this kid was, he clearly needed help, and Jakob fully intended on helping him. There was nothing else for it, and so they made their way back to Denmark.

**ooooooo**

"James! JAMES! REMUS!" Lily could not contain her excitement as she scrambled forward and literally plowed into the arms of both men at once. She felt like she hadn't seen either of them in ages and so she grinned ecstatically as they lifted her off her feet, quite obviously as pleased to see her as she was to see them. How long had it been? James, since he left her at his mother's mansion, and Remus since that very first Order meeting last September. A part of her was actually surprised to see him there at all, but joyfully so.

They were standing outside the Green Dragon, an inn where the Order of the Phoenix was to hold that night's meeting. Peter and Dorcas had both arrived there with Lily, and were presently trying not to laugh out loud merrily at the sight of her in the arms of both her husband and one of her husband's best friends. She could well imagine they looked quite ridiculous, but really didn't care about that. "I've missed you two so much! Where've you been?"

As they pulled apart, she got her first real look at Remus, who had never in his life appeared so scant or feeble. He was thin, he looked malnourished, and the circles under his eyes were darker than she'd ever seen before. Worry poured through her veins and must have shown on her face, for he smiled sheepishly and caught her hands, giving them both a squeeze. "It's all right, Lil. James and Sirius have already made a fuss about my appearance, and I can promise you, I look much worse than I actually am. I promise."

She turned her head to see Sirius, who had arrived outside the inn with James and Remus, greeting Peter. When he sensed the witch's gaze, however, he looked back at her, and she could see such depth in his gray eyes that for a moment she feared getting lost in them. "Sirius… how are you? Where's Regulus?" She had so many questions, she couldn't sort through them all. Questions for Sirius. Questions for Remus. Questions for James. She even had questions for the youngest Black, but he wasn't anywhere to be seen.

"He's in Denmark!" Sirius answered her a bit too quickly, much to her disconcertion, and she heard James choking on what might have been a gasp or an exclamation of some sort. Incredulity? She turned towards him quickly, but he just ran an awkward hand through his hair looking baffled. Before she could ask what the matter was, Sirius continued. "Or at least that's where I last saw him. He… he said something about going to Germany. I don't know what he's looking for, or when he's coming back, or even if he's coming back, and I frankly don't care, but the Death Eaters can't hurt him anymore. He's out of their reach now, for good, and you should take comfort in that, Lil."

"Okay," she couldn't hide her disappointment, but with Remus' unexpected arrival, there was just so much on her mind she couldn't dwell on the odd sort of behavior Sirius presently displayed. She turned back towards the wizard who even now continued to tightly grip her hands– as if fearing he might lose her should he dare let go. "What about Fanny? Did she come back with you?"

"Fanny?" Remus smirked, shaking his head as if in amusement. "She's something else, Lil, you have no idea. Yeah, she came back, but she's not coming to the meeting tonight. She headed straight to St. Mungo's to make sure her sister's not overworking herself, and I think the two of them are gonna have dinner with their folks."

Lily beamed, completely and utterly satisfied with his response – at least more so than she'd been with Sirius'. "That's wonderful!" Everyone was all right, then! But, when she turned towards her husband, she saw that he was still staring at Sirius with narrowed eyes and a frown. She blinked, and then went up to him, wrapping her arms around him in concern. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," he said, like Sirius, a bit too quickly. He wasn't being honest with her, she could tell that right away, but before she could call him on it, he pulled her into a tight embrace. "I'm so proud of you, Lil. Peter's been sending owls to find me in London, and he's told me all about the training you've been doing with Meadowes over there. It's incredible."

"Two weeks is hardly enough time to do anything," she replied, breathing him in happily. Something was on his mind that he didn't wish to share with her, but at that moment, she was just so glad to be in his arms again that it didn't really upset her as much as it probably should have. "But I guess if you spend it all doing absolutely nothing but Defense Against the Dark Arts, you really can learn a lot." He agreed, pressing her up against him and just holding her blissfully. Who cared about attending some Order of the Phoenix meeting? They were together again!

"So…" she nevertheless heard Peter addressing Remus and Sirius. "The three of you have been…? What have you been…? What's been going on…?" Of course he didn't mind spending time with Lily, but he still must've felt at least slightly left out, knowing his three fellow Marauders had probably been having a great time in the city despite his absence.

Remus, however, replied in a manner that quickly brought Lily to question whether or not he even remembered what it meant to have a great time in the first place. "Fanny and I got back yesterday night. She made for the hospital immediately, and I went to Sirius's flat."

"James and I made him dinner," Sirius added. "A big one, mind you."

"And after they… well… you remember… those… those…" Remus sounded quite embarrassed, so Sirius cut in again.

"Those 'after the full moon checkups' we put him through at school…" Peter nodded, glancing back and forth between the two.

"Well, after that, we spent the day sleeping," Remus concluded, his face considerably flushed. Lily frowned, pulled away from James, and turned to stare at him in bemusement, but he wouldn't look at her. What checkups were they talking about? She glanced back at her husband, who mouthed the word, 'later,' as it obviously wasn't a topic Remus wanted to discuss, and she'd do well to remember that.

"Mad-Eye informed us of tonight's meeting right before dinner," Sirius carried on the explanation. "And so here we are! At the Green Dragon Inn! Ready to discuss how best to eliminate every single last Death Eater known to man!" He sounded a bit too eager for blood, and when Lily turned to look at him, there was something about his fathomless eyes that worried her. What was going on?

"Well then," Dorcas interrupted, apparently failing to notice anything out of the ordinary. "Why don't we head inside? I reckon it'll be safer to talk in there anyway, no?" Remus rushed forward to grab the door to the inn and held it open for the woman, who beamed at him as she walked by. Peter and Sirius both followed close behind her while James and Lily trailed hand in hand after them. In all honesty, a part of her had actually wanted to remain outside, where she might have a few moments to spend with her husband away from the watchful eyes of Dorcas and the other Marauders. There was just so much she wanted to say to him, but now that would have to wait… for upon entering the Green Dragon, they found that they hadn't been the first members of the Order to arrive. In fact, they were among the last. Professor Dumbledore must have reserved the entire common room before hand, for there was not a single witch or wizard out of place. And yet at the same time, strangely enough, absolutely none of them seemed even remotely prepared for a typical meeting.

The fire in the hearth was blazing warmly. There was music streaming from the back of the room. Alice and Frank Longbottom, Marlene McKinnon and Edgar Bones, and even Emmeline Vance and Mad-Eye Moody – astonishingly enough – were all dancing to the extreme delight of their companions, most of whom were raising their glasses in celebration. It wasn't like any of the meetings Lily had ever attended before in her entire life, and so she took in the sight of it in absolute amazement. "What's going on?"

"It's the Longbottoms!" Sturgis Podmore loudly proclaimed, having spotted the newcomers. "They went up to that castle you reported two weeks ago, Black, to apprehend a few Death Eaters, and inadvertently came face-to-face with You-Know-Who!" Lily's heart skipped a beat, but when she scanned the crowd for the dancing couple, she saw that they were both laughing, which was more than enough to comfort her. "To make a long story short, they managed to show him a thing or two before making their rather snappy getaway!"

"So you're celebrating?" Sirius asked with something of a frown.

"And why shouldn't we?" Mad-Eye Moody gruffly demanded as he led Emmeline into a shockingly graceful spin. The fact that he would dance at all with that wooden leg of his only went to show how extraordinarily jubilant everyone there was that the Longbottoms had managed such a victory. "It's good for the morale, Black! There's not much to celebrate these days, but thwarting Voldemort is definitely something worth toasting!"

"But that's not fair," James objected, sounding slightly put out. "Lily and I bested the bloody bloke, and we didn't get thrown a party like this."

Remus grinned, slipping his arm through Lily's and drawing her away from her husband. "Well, if you're gonna complain about it, mate, I'm just gonna steal your wife and have the next dance." Neither Sirius nor Peter could help but laugh at the affronted look that crossed James's face as Remus guided the woman out onto the makeshift dance floor and gallantly led her into a spin. It felt so good to be with him again after all this time that Lily knew she must have been grinning obnoxiously, but no one seemed to mind. Not even James, who was watching her now with a smile of his own that was lit with admiration.

At that moment, there was a loud crash and Lily jumped in surprise, only to turn her head in time to spot Rubeus Hagrid bounding into the common room. "I've got it, Professor Dumbledore, sir!" he shouted, holding up a large camera in his extremely large hand, which he proceeded to wave around in pure excitement. "I've got it!"

Professor Dumbledore appeared as if from out of nowhere, and he was wearing a smile that seemed to brighten his twinkling eyes. He looked quite a bit happier than Lily had seen him in a long time. "Thank you, Hagrid. I do believe such an occasion calls for a picture, everyone."

"You heard the man!" Mad-Eye good-naturedly shouted at the large group. "Let's line up, then! Faster! Faster!" Everyone hastened to obey while James caught Lily's hand and pulled her to his side with a huge grin. She beamed up at him and the next thing any of them knew, they were kissing quite passionately and Mad-Eye well nearly shrieked at the sight of it. "What the ruddy hell do you think you're doing, Potter? This is to be a group picture! It's not for you and your wife to be making a spectacle of yourselves in front of everyone!" Nevertheless, everyone was laughing, clapping, and cheering, and when the picture was finally taken, not even Mad-Eye Moody himself would have cared whether they were in each other's arms or sitting on either side of Peter, which was where they eventually found themselves. In the end, it turned out to be one of the most wondrous nights they could remember ever having spent in such company, and nothing in the entire world could have spoiled it for any of them.

**ooooooo**

**A/N:** I hope this chapter wasn't too confusing. There's a lot of time passing by in it, which can be rather frustrating to write sometimes… Please let me know what you think. Reviews are, as always, definitely welcome. Thanks so much.


	121. Ramsgate

**ooooooo**

Moaning, trying to ignore the queasiness in his stomach, he opened his eyes. His head felt like it was spinning, especially when he happened to look straight into an unnecessarily bright ceiling light. Harsh, blaring, ugly, it had absolutely nothing on the chandeliers of Hogwarts or the floating crystal bubbles of St. Mungo's. Bloody hell… What was that smell? Why did the bed sheets feel so stiff? He knew he shouldn't be complaining, for he ought to have been grateful just to be alive, but… a part of him began to wonder whether that was actually the case. Had he died? After all, this wasn't exactly the Ministry of Magic! It reminded him more of… well… a nightmare or something, but since he was definitely conscious, he inadvertently pictured Hell in his mind.

He appeared to be in an empty hospital ward. There were a few other beds, all of which were neatly made, and several white curtains that could be drawn for privacy. And there was that smell again! He grimaced; what _was_ that? It smelled awful. Where exactly was he?

Shoving off the heavy, stiff white sheets that had been blanketing him, he slid to the floor, half expecting to crumble and collapse onto the hard white tiles. Why did everything have to be white? His legs felt flimsy, his knees threatened to buckle, and it was all he could do steady himself. Bloody hell. He just realized… not only was he covered in bandages, but he was dressed in a white, polka dotted hospital gown! If Bellatrix Lestrange were to see him now, or even Sirius-!

Sirius…

Concern poured through his body, positively drenching him in near panic; where was Sirius? Where was his brother? Had he managed to survive? Bellatrix Lestrange was no fairy princess, to be sure, and with both Rodolphus and Malfoy backing her up… What if Sirius hadn't been able to manage? What if he was dead? Or worse? What if he'd been captured?

He needed to get out of here. This place, this unrecognizable, foreign, possibly even alien place seemed to be closing in around him – and that bloody smell was suffocating. He needed to get out!

_I'm not strong enough to do this… I'm not like you Sirius!_ He should be dead. He should be dead or in the hands of his cousins. But he wasn't. He was in this miserable excuse of a hospital – for what else could it have been? – and with his luck, it was probably run by muggles. Why else would it be so… so… so… well, so peculiar? It was almost downright creepy, and he had spent the last several years of his life among Death Eaters, so that was really saying something. Bloody muggles.

"Oh! You're awake! You shouldn't be out of bed!"

Regulus turned his head to see a woman – definitely a muggle, as she wasn't wearing professional robes of any kind, but merely an ordinary dress that was, if he did say so himself, hardly flattering. She had entered the ward from two large, swinging double doors that appeared to lead out into a hallway, and she quickly stuck her head back through them. "Doctor!"

Doctor. Not a Healer. Muggle. Not a wizard. He could outsmart these blokes, he was sure of it, but he still wished he had a wand. What good was he without magic?

The woman looked back at him and her face taut with concern. "Easy there, son. You need your rest." She took a step towards him but hesitated when he scurried away from her. He felt, to his own displeasure, a lot weaker than he would've liked and quickly realized he probably wasn't a match for these people after all. His one advantage appeared to be that the woman didn't want to intimidate him – he must have looked terribly skittish or something.

The doors behind her presently swung open and a large man dressed in a white coat with a stethoscope hanging round his neck – not that Regulus knew what a stethoscope was or anything – walked into the room. He had gray hair, wore wire-rimmed glasses, and when he saw the boy up on his feet, his brow furrowed. "You should be in bed, son." He stepped forward to stand beside the woman, who must have been a nurse, and held out his hands peaceably. "My name is Dr. Denys Henriksen. This is a hospital in Esbjerg. You aren't in any danger."

Muggles. They were treating him like a frightened animal that needed cajoling. Regulus scowled; "Esbjerg?"

"Yes," Dr. Henriksen nodded. "You were found by some fishermen in the North Sea. Do you remember what happened?"

"No." Best to stick with blatant lies, for now. He couldn't exactly tell the man he'd fallen off his brother's flying motorcycle, now could he?

"All right," the doctor spoke gently and patiently while taking another step towards the boy, who noticed and scooted even farther backwards. A kind exterior wasn't about to fool him! Granted, he knew next to nothing about muggles aside from what he'd been taught by his pureblood fanatical relatives, which probably meant the stories he'd heard were all tainted with bias hatred, but he still wasn't about to trust his life with a man who actually went to work in a place that smelled like this! Fortunately, Dr. Henriksen noticed his obvious distrust and didn't attempt to draw any closer. "Can you tell me your name? Where you're from? If there's anyone we can contact for you?"

"No," Regulus shook his head fiercely, wishing more than ever he had his wand. He couldn't answer those questions either, for if they tried contacting anyone in his family, he'd be as good as dead. For all he knew, if he'd been found in the water by a bunch of muggle fishermen, the wizarding community already thought he was dead, in which case he was finally free of his bloody parents, the Death Eaters, and even He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named. He was free… free… Forget Germany, forget everything! He could go where he wanted and do whatever he pleased, and no one would be the wiser! He could make it. He wouldn't be found. He wouldn't be tortured. He wouldn't be killed. This was his chance.

But then… what about Lily?

Dr. Henriksen seemed slightly taken aback. "No? Nothing? Not even your name?"

He had to get out of here. He'd promised Lily he'd find a way to get rid of the Dark Lord, and though she hadn't believed him, he wouldn't be able to live with himself if he quit at the first opportunity to do so. He owed her more than that, and so he had to get to Germany. Esbjerg was a port in Denmark. He'd made it this far and there was a chance no one knew he was alive. Otherwise, wouldn't Bella have come for him by now? He'd made it this far. He could make it all the way.

Closing his eyes, concentrating on a certain technique he'd been illegally taught by his cousins – as he was still just a minor – he turned on his heel and Disapparated, leaving behind two astonished muggles who wouldn't dare speak of this to anyone if they knew what was good for them. After all, muggles were supposedly stupid. They never believed in magic, even when it was staring them right in the face, and Regulus doubted very much Dr. Henriksen would want his colleagues questioning whether or not he'd lost his mind.

**ooooooo**

There was nothing in the world quite as relaxing as an afternoon spent lying on a soft towel with your feet burrowing in the sand, feeling the sun warming your face and tanning your body while listening to the sound of gentle waves and, more to the point, people actually laughing for a change. Normally, when Lily sat out on a beach like this – not that she'd been to a beach since her childhood, long before Hogwarts – she found herself burnt to a crisp, but now that she was a witch, she was able to put a charm on her sunscreen to make it by far more effective so she could enjoy this unexpected holiday to its absolute fullest.

Several members of the Order of the Phoenix had been sent to Ramsgate the night before last to investigate a lead Professor Dumbledore had on some Death Eaters causing mayhem within the Royal Harbor. Having successfully managed to find and apprehend them all, Mad-Eye Moody had sent word to Barty Crouch requesting assistance to bring them in, and then he'd relieved his team from active duty, ordering them all to spend a day at the Main Sands. Lily had almost kissed him for that command.

She'd been going on missions with James now for over a month, fighting alongside him, the other Marauders, and the rest of the Order to bring down as many Death Eaters as possible. Since it was July she wouldn't have been tutoring anyway, as the schools in England were all closed for the summer, but even if it had still been January or February, she wouldn't have wanted to be anywhere else doing anything else but this. Before she could start teaching again, she wanted peace, and now that she'd had more or less sufficient training, Professor Dumbledore was willing to keep his promise by allowing her to fight. As long as she was able to keep her wits about her no one, not even James or Remus, would stand in her way.

It was a beautiful, absolutely gorgeous day, and if there was a spell out there that could stop time, she wished she knew of it. The beach might not have been some tropical paradise down in the Caribbean, but she liked it well enough. They needed to catch bad guys in places like this more often.

"I gotta tell you, Lily, there's nothing worse than muggle currency. It makes my head spin!" Fanny Campbell complained as she sat down on her own towel next to the younger witch, having just returned from the beach café with two large cups of lemonade, one of which she extended out to her friend. Lily sat up and accepted it with a smile, rolling her eyes pleasantly as she took a sip through the straw.

"I could've gone, Fanny. It's easy for me." She'd actually offered to go with the woman and keep her company as she stood in line, but at the time Fanny had refused to even consider it.

"One of us had to stay here and keep an eye on them," she reminded her while nodding towards the men. James, Sirius, and Sturgis Podmore were all up to their necks in the water – which astonished Lily, as it was freezing cold – while Remus and Peter, both of whom were dressed in shorts and a T-shirt, tossed around a large beach ball they'd managed to pick up somewhere. They all seemed to be having such a great time and it was good to see the four Marauders back together again. "Of course, had I known you'd be lying over here with your eyes closed," Fanny continued with a bit of a drawl. "I would've had you get up and come with me in a heartbeat, no questions asked."

"I'm sorry," Lily replied, though she couldn't bring herself to actually sound sorry at all. She took another sip of her lemonade, which felt pleasantly cool on her tongue, and eased her way back down onto the towel. "They're actually behaving themselves, you know? I'm kind of starting to think they didn't bring their wands. Who would've thought they could entertain themselves without magic? It's almost gotten boring to watch." Almost. With James, nothing could ever be completely boring, especially with a man there like Sturgis Podmore who didn't know exactly what he was up against. Sure, he might remember a little bit about the Marauders from his stay at Hogwarts, but he had graduated at least a year before they gained real notoriety. And even then, Lily doubted very much he was at all aware of their true identities.

"Did you hear about the Longbottoms?" Fanny asked, which caught Lily's immediate attention. She sat up quickly and looked at her friend, whose expression thankfully remained more or less laid-back. They weren't hurt, then, otherwise she'd be somber. "I got a copy of an article cut from the Daily Prophet by Isabelle this morning, right after I woke up. Turns out Frank and Alice did their job a bit too well last night."

Their 'job' had been to cause something of a diversion back up north so the Death Eaters here in Ramsgate would assume they were far from the eyes of the Order of the Phoenix and would therefore go about their business as usual. Then, when they least expected it, Mad-Eye and his team would strike and take them down. A simple but effective plan that had done its job well, apparently for both them and the Longbottoms. "What do you mean?"

"Well, we wanted the bad guys to think the Order was still up north, and they bought it," Fanny casually informed her. "So much so that Voldemort himself made a personal appearance."

"No!"

"Yes," Fanny grinned. "I have to say, Isabelle used to brag about those two going down in history as the pair who ultimately defeated the bastard, and I'm starting to think she might be right about that. Of course, she was only thinking about how romantic it would be, what with the two of them so much in love, but at the last count, Frank and Alice Longbottom have escaped Voldemort three times unharmed, and that's a record. No one else has accomplished that – with the possible exception of Dumbledore. I've no idea how many times _he's_ had a go against the freak. But the Longbottoms! If they're not careful, they're gonna be celebrities, and all I can say is thank god that won't go to their heads."

Lily smiled weakly before glancing out to sea. James had climbed onto Sirius's back and was now attempting to dunk him beneath the surface while Sturgis splashed them both. They were all laughing hysterically and she couldn't help but wonder how they managed to keep from swallowing mouthfuls of water. "I wish they were here now." She knew Alice would enjoy lying on a beach like this very much, and it would have done Lily's heart much ease to see that both were indeed safe and sound. "He's gonna be after them, isn't he? He's gonna want to kill them."

Fanny shrugged. "No doubt he's wanted to kill them ever since he first laid eyes on them. Enjoys it, he does. But if he knows what's good for him, he'll back off. Bide his time and wait a bit. A bloke's more likely to make a fool of himself when he charges in out of spite looking for vengeance, especially when it's expected. But yeah, I reckon he'll be after them eventually. Just like the rest of us."

Lily caught her breath. Was that why he hadn't gone after her yet? Was he waiting for her to let her guard down? It had been over a month since the attack on the school and a part of her had, foolishly perhaps, started to hope Voldemort had lost interest in her. Well, now he had the Longbottoms to contend with, but that certainly wasn't a tolerable alternative. She didn't want anything to happen to Alice, after all, just so she could be safe "Look at us. Lying on a beach with drinks in our hands, bathing in the sun while we talk about the war." She laughed, but it was mirthless, ironic laughter that left her with a pit in her stomach.

Fanny glanced at her and seemed to really take her in. "You're right." Lily turned her head in concern, for there was a great deal more weight to those two words than she would've expected from her friend. "I'm sorry, Lil."

"For what?" she asked, having sincerely not expected an apology. She wasn't owed one and didn't even want one. After all, it wasn't as if they had much else to talk about. She wasn't a schoolgirl anymore. These days, the only gossip available to her kind revolved around the war, and that was just the world they lived in.

Fanny stared at her as if half amazed half brokenhearted that she even had to ask. "I remember when you were fourteen years old, Lily. Any mention of the war seemed to tear you to pieces, you just couldn't bear it. You asked me how I could, and I prayed you would never have to learn, because if you did, that would only mean the war still hasn't ended yet." Lily blinked and turned her head. "I'm sorry that war is something a girl can grow accustomed to. I'm sorry that you're capable of lying here with your drink, discussing it while we get a tan, when we should be discussing trivial things, like which Quidditch team will win the next Cup. Isabelle shouldn't be a Healer, you know, she should be on her broomstick actually playing the game, and I'm sorry for that, too."

"It's not your fault," Lily whispered, staring at the sand that covered her feet.

"I know," Fanny acknowledged, though she didn't sound all that sure. "It's not anyone's fault but Voldemort's. I really… I really can't wait until someone kills him."

Kills him…

Lily didn't wince or look up or react in any way at all to Fanny's brutal, unforgiving remark. Her face remained perfectly composed, for she wasn't as surprised by it as she might have been a year ago. Fanny was a warrior, there was no doubt about that. They both were. But there was a difference between beating your enemy and killing him outright. There was a huge difference. Lily didn't want to wish death on anyone, but it was growing more and more difficult for her to repress the same desire Fanny had just let out. Did she want Voldemort to die? Was there really any other way to stop him? He wasn't technically a man anymore, at least according to James, Mad-Eye, and half the Order of the Phoenix, so was it acceptable to kill him? Azkaban would never hold him, that was for sure. The mere notion of trying to lock him up at all seemed rather absurd, to be perfectly honest. So where did that leave them?

"Professor Dumbledore will figure it out," she stated hopefully, for if anyone could truly understand her dilemma, it would be him, and if anyone could truly do anything about it that might satisfy them all, it would be him. Because… well… if not him, than who?

**ooooooo**

**A/N: **I'm sorry for the short chapter, but I'm going on vacation tomorrow – sort of – and I won't be able to update for about a week, so I thought I'd squeeze a quick one in. I hope to have a lot of reviews waiting for me when I get back! Thanks so much!


	122. Hybrid

**ooooooo**

The cliffs towered above them several hundred feet both to the left and right, blocking out completely the light of the moon. Were it not for their wands, they would have been blind as they attempted navigating their way up the rocky, uneven trail that coiled deeper and deeper inland.

The coast was behind them, and the tide was in. Three weeks had passed since the wondrous, peaceful day they'd spent at Ramsgate, and the cove that might have reminded them of it was presently flooded with water. Had the tide been low, it would have been quite the climb to get up to the fissure they now explored, but at present it would have been completely impossible. Fortunately, they'd been able to Apparate there, and all they had to do now was keep an eye out for that cave they'd been sent to find by Mad-Eye Moody, while trying not to stumble, fall, and twist an ankle. Wandlight or no, visibility at two-thirty in the morning was horrifically inadequate for this type of mission, and they had to be careful.

Shivering, for there was a salty chill in the air, Lily wrapped the blue cloak she wore over her jeans and sweater tightly around her shoulders. Holding her wand as close to her body as she possibly could without inhibiting the light it cast, she rubbed her arm with her free hand, stepped over a protruding rock, and hastened after Fanny. Behind her, she could hear James breathing steadily as his feet trudged over the gravelly sand. Occasionally, his body would brush against hers, and she took comfort by his close proximity. They were strong together; nothing would hurt them.

After James came Sirius, though at a much greater distance than what separated the former from his wife, and bringing up the rear was Sturgis Podmore. Five altogether, they had been dispatched by the Order of the Phoenix to prevent a gross mutation that might easily spell disaster, if they weren't already too late. Something was in that cave that shouldn't be; something that Voldemort himself had deposited. Lily didn't know the specifics, but according to Professor Dumbledore, it had something to do with the plant nutrition in the subsoil. She wasn't an Herbologist or anything, but somehow Voldemort had contaminated it so that whatever grew in the darkest depths of the cave would be… well… they weren't quite sure what. They had little idea what Voldemort was planning, but Professor Dumbledore seemed to think that if Britain's vegetation could be turned against them, it probably wouldn't bode very well. It was likely already too late for the plant that grew here. They needed to kill it. That was what they had been charged with while the Headmaster took it upon himself to stop Voldemort before he could experiment with anything else.

They didn't know what the plant was. They didn't even know if there was just one. Professor Dumbledore hadn't been to the cave himself, otherwise he would have taken care of the problem then. He and Mad-Eye Moody learned of the experiment only when they spoke to an imprisoned Death Eater hoping to shorten his stay at Azkaban. Truth be told, they weren't even sure whether or not the Death Eater's story was at all valid; there might not even _be_ a mutated plant! Prisoners at that particular jail were known for slipping into insanity, and stories told by lunatics were not to be trusted. In this case, however, Professor Dumbledore had been thoroughly convinced and that was good enough for Lily, if not for everyone.

_"What if it's a trap?"_ Peter had nervously asked yesterday when the Order of the Phoenix met to discuss this latest development. _"What if the guy allowed himself to get caught just so he could send us all right where he wants us?" _It had definitely been a point they needed to consider, but Mad-Eye made it perfectly clear that that was a risk they just had to take. And so five were asked to volunteer. Sirius and Fanny had immediately stepped forward, and when James followed, Lily hastened after him. All the rest continued to think about Peter's observation, but right as Remus glanced back up from the floor with a look of resolution upon his face, Sturgis had stepped forward, agreeing to go.

Of course, James and Sirius hadn't exactly been what one would call thrilled with their new team. James tried convincing Lily to switch with Remus while Sirius tried convincing Sturgis to switch with Peter. The Marauders could get the job done with Fanny's assistance; they believed that wholeheartedly, and then Lily wouldn't be in danger. Mad-Eye Moody, however, had barked at them to give it a rest. _"That's the team, you gits, and if you don't like it, you can all stay in London while a new team goes to kill the bloody shrub!"_ It would have been utterly foolish to try arguing with that.

And so they had traveled to the coastline, Apparated down into the fissure, and were now seeking out the entrance to the cave. Lily, who had never been on a mission quite like this before – having, surprisingly enough, grown used to apprehending Death Eaters – wasn't entirely sure what to expect. There didn't seem to be any sign whatsoever of enemies, which was a comfort most definitely, but when placed in comparison to what might be lurking in the shadows, she almost would have preferred it the other way around.

"I bet it's Devil's Snare," Sturgis suddenly broke the silence from behind. Lily paused, causing James to step into her back, and considered the plant she knew to be capable of killing men and women. How much deadlier would it be if Voldemort had mutated it into something… abnormal? Her heart thumped and she took a deep breath before starting forward again. The uneven ground beneath her feet seemed to have cracked years ago and she found herself taking great care as she decided where to step.

"So what if it is?" Sirius demanded in response to their companion as he pursued. "Devil Snare's easy. You just burn it to death." He sounded confident and actually rather cocky. Lily doubted very much it would be as easy as he claimed, but as long as they kept a firm grasp on their wands, she hoped they'd at least be able to fend it off should it attempt wrapping its deadly vines around their bodies. There would be a way to kill it, and as long as it didn't kill them first, if necessary, they'd dig it up from its taproots in order to finish their job.

"I almost hope it's a Devil's Snare," Sturgis continued as they found themselves at the edge of a short, maybe three feet drop. Fanny had already hopped down and James quickly maneuvered his way in front of Lily so that he could go first and then assist her as she followed. "My uncle's an Herbologist, and if he found out I'm looking to kill a plant, he'd probably have my head. But if it's a Devil's Snare, that's okay. They do kill people, after all."

"Thank you very much for that little reminder, Podmore," James grumbled a bit icily – like Sirius, he still resented Remus' absence, and even despite that, he didn't want to think about a killing plant with his wife standing right there next to him. No matter how capable she'd proven herself in the past few months, she remained the most precious thing in his life and he did not want anything to happen to her. Nor did she want anything to happen to him.

"Look!" Fanny paused, pointing her finger forward. Glancing at her for a brief moment, Lily turned to obey and then found herself squinting through the darkness. It was at first quite difficult to see, but once spotted, it stood out so ominously she caught her breath in horror. The mouth of the cave… it looked precisely like that… a dark, wide strip that could at any moment slam shut, swallowing whole whatever was inside. Maybe that was why Fanny could hardly contain her excitement. "Come on! We're almost there!" She scrambled forward and Sirius hastened after her.

"You don't reckon there're Death Eaters inside, do you?" Sturgis asked as he, James, and Lily followed their two more zealous partners. "'Cause if it is Devil's Snare, it wouldn't be able to distinguish between us and them, would it? So it would be pretty thick of anyone to hang out there, yeah?"

"S'pose," James shrugged, sounding indifferent. "But, like Peter said, it could be a trap, in which case there won't be a plant of any kind, but probably an army." In which case, they'd have to get the hell out of there as quickly as possible. Lily clasped her wand tightly even as she reached for her husband's hand and gave it a warm squeeze. He glanced at her and for a moment they just stared at each other, steeling themselves for whatever might be waiting for them in the darkest depths of that cave.

It did not take long after that to climb the rest of the way. The fissure had coiled sharply to the right, and so the wide mouth had formed in the side of the cliff wall. The entrance proved to be much lower than it had seemed, and so Lily ducked her head to keep from banging it.

"Watch your step," Fanny advised, for the ground almost immediately began slanting downwards and there was little to hang onto. James gripped Lily's hand and then reached for her other arm, spinning her towards him. Holding her steady, he guided her down the steep slope one step at a time, sideways for better balance.

Eventually the ground leveled out again, but by then the mouth of the cave was high above them and barely visible even when they held up their wands. "Damn," Fanny whispered, and when everyone glanced at her in concern, she quickly explained: "I reckon Voldemort's put some wards in place around here. I can't Disapparate." Lily swallowed and looked back up towards the mouth. Something told her the climb out of here was going to be tricky, but first they needed to accomplish what they'd come to do.

"Let's just get this over with," she suggested, aiming her wand at the cave's gravelly floor. Red sparks shot from the tip of it and began to dance around in place; magical breadcrumbs. That was how they planned on finding their way back out of this place. Turning, Lily glanced around the cavern they were in. "Come on," she said, heading towards the back where she could make out a tunnel that seemed to burrow deeper into the cliff side. The others followed her, and as they started down the tunnel, they periodically left behind sphere shaped sparks to mark their trail.

As far as caves and tunnels went, the place gradually grew to be quite massive. Before long, they were able to spread out and walk more or less side by side. Lily found herself unable to see the ceiling when she looked up at it and couldn't help but wonder if there were bats spying on her as they hung upside down. Something was dripping ahead of them and James asked about the probability of an underground lake.

"Don't count on it," Fanny advised. "Plants need water, yeah, but not so much that they drown. Devil's Snare likes it damp, not wet."

As the tunnel continued to grow larger, the group continued to spread out. Lily found it increasingly difficult to see Sturgis and Sirius, both of whom had wandered so far to their left they were little more than the yellow light that glowed from their wands. "I think there's another passageway over here!" Sirius yelled as he rushed towards it. "Yep! There is!"

"We'll check it out!" Sturgis called over towards Fanny, and before anyone could object, he and Sirius plunged headfirst into the darkness.

"Oh, that's just great!" Fanny scowled, for though it wasn't a surprise they'd have to split up, she'd hoped it would not prove necessary. "All right, let's go." They continued forward, and after awhile the ground grew soft. Pausing, Lily aimed her wandlight downwards and found herself staring at white sand. That seemed… odd. Her feet were sinking into it, though not deeply, and she bent down to pick a fistful of it up. It felt very light and easily slipped off her hand and through her fingers.

"This isn't normal," she whispered, standing up quickly as an unpleasant chill ran down her spine. "Especially not so deep inside a cave like this." Fanny and James both looked at it suspiciously, no doubt guessing this was what Voldemort had deposited. They must be getting close.

Walking through that sand proved to be rather like wading through shallow water. Whenever they took a step forward, a cloud of it would rise up around their knees, but it didn't bury any more than their ankles. Since their feet slipped right through it, it didn't crunch or make even the slightest sound. Lily couldn't help but detest it and found herself continuously glancing back over her shoulder to gaze at the trail of red sparks that stretched behind them until the tunnel itself curved right.

They found themselves once again gazing into what was a surprisingly small passageway, considering the size that the tunnel had been a moment ago. The strange white sand continued blanketing the floor ahead of them, but when Fanny took another step forward, she immediately sank to her knees. Lily gasped and James pulled her into his arms, but Fanny quickly assured them she was perfectly fine.

"Maybe," James allowed. "But if it gets deeper the farther in we go, we'll eventually be up to our necks. Fanny, I think you should take Lily back."

"Absolutely not," the woman objected even before Lily had opened her mouth. "The only reason I let Black and Podmore go on their own was because they'll stick together. We're not to go off by ourselves, James Potter. If you want Lily to go back, we're all going back."

"Right," Lily agreed firmly. "Besides, we have a job to do, and if we're not going the right way, what's the point of all this sand?" She gestured at the ground angrily, and when James looked down at it, she could see the uneasiness in his eyes. He wasn't afraid of facing this evil alone, but he must have realized he'd been outvoted. What could he do? Tie them up and leave them here? He couldn't force them to go back, and forcing them to stay would be completely useless. He sighed, shaking his head in defeat, and gestured for them to continue.

The sand didn't get any deeper as the tunnel continued bending in all directions. They progressed slowly, keeping watch for other passageways, but there didn't seem to be any. The sand, however, was turning into a bit of a distraction, so if there had been something smaller than a passage, like a crack or a miniscule cavity, they paid it little attention. So much sand had found its way into Lily's shoes, and even her socks, that the pressure on her feet was nearly maddening.

"This sand is definitely not normal," Fanny complained, halting when it grew too much for her patience. She lifted her foot up and pulled off her shoe. "I'm surprised it's got nutrients in it at all. You would think it'd smother the bloody plant." Dropping her shoe, she pulled off her other one, and then removed her socks. Lily felt a moment's envy when she saw them resting on the surface of the sand – how come they didn't sink as well?

"I don't think that's a good idea," James told the older woman uncomfortably, but she just shrugged and started down the tunnel once again. Sure enough, it looked much, much easier for her to walk, and so James and Lily both reluctantly followed her example. Completely barefoot, they hastened after their fearless leader. "I don't care what Campbell or Podmore might think, Lil, if you cut your feet on anything, I'm turning into a stag and carrying you out of here." Lily grimly nodded her acknowledgment.

The tunnel coiled one final time and then opened into a large, cavernous chamber. As Fanny, James, and Lily stepped into it, they opened their mouths in wonder. The white sand was gleaming and they could see it stretched out in every direction. It did not, however, illuminate the rest of the chamber, which would have remained a hundred percent black were it not for their wands. Stalagmites rose up from the ground, which seemed unusual, and as Lily walked towards one, as her wandlight brightened more of the chamber, she was suddenly able to make out what appeared to be a web of vines. And what was worse, entangled in those vines was the dead body of a decomposing man.

Lily caught her breath, too shocked to move or speak a word. There wasn't a smell… She couldn't smell anything, and for some reason, that fact seemed the most bizarre. James and Fanny were both making their way deeper into the chamber as well, and they didn't seem to realize anything was wrong. They couldn't smell it! Slowly, Lily lifted her head and aimed her wand upwards. She could not make out the ceiling, but this time… it was merely because of the giant Devil's Snare that seemed to be covering every single inch of it.

"James!"

He and Fanny both paused to look at her, and when they saw her staring at the ceiling, they followed her gaze. Devil's Snare hated both heat and light, and so even as they took in the sight of it, it crept away from them. Lily had half a mind to burn it to a crisp, but something cautioned her to wait. There wasn't just evil in this place… there was an abomination which she was extremely hesitant to anger.

"That's not Devil's Snare," Fanny whispered, and both Lily and James glanced at her in shock. She was squinting at the vines as if she couldn't believe what she was seeing. "Or rather, it is, but it's the wrong color. It should be greener, but those vines are definitely red." They had looked black to Lily, but when she glanced back at the web of vines unraveling from the corpse it had been restraining, she was able to detect a definite tint that was a bit more reddish than green.

"So what is it?" James asked, but Fanny could only shrug her shoulders.

"Probably a hybrid," she told him. "But if it's not, I wouldn't know where to begin guessing. Clearly, it doesn't like our wandlight, so that's something." She raised her wand towards one of the vines and spoke experimentally. _"Incendio." _Fire rose out of her wand and struck the vine. It recoiled sharply, and then the entire plant began to shake. Lily fell back a step, disoriented by the sight, and the next thing she knew the whole cavern was shaking. It was possible the plant was trying to rock it, as if furious and taking its anger out on the earth itself. Lily screamed as she was thrown to the ground; sand rose like wisps of smoky fog all around her, getting into her clothes, her mouth, her eyes, her hair…

"Lily!" James sprang towards her, but at that moment, two vines descended rapidly from the ceiling. One shot outward in a horizontal path like a rope meant to warn people not to pass. The other wrapped around the man's waist and propelled him backwards away from his wife. He landed hard on the ground, and so much sand billowed into the air around him that Lily couldn't see whether or not he'd been injured.

Meanwhile, five vines had turned on Fanny. It was as if they weren't just vines from some plant, but actually conscious and aware of the situation. Normally, it reacted to touch alone, but these vines appeared to be much more monstrous. Fanny fought them back with a powerful severing charm, no doubt hoping it wouldn't anger them as much as fire had, but in the end it did no good. The vines were above her and therefore capable of surrounding her. Within seconds, one had caught hold of her neck. It squeezed, and when Fanny turned her wand on it, another tendril grabbed her wrist and pulled, forcing her only weapon towards the ceiling. She gasped for breath as a third tendril violently yanked it from her hand. The light stemming from its tip lasted only long enough for Lily to see the vines pluck Fanny up off the ground, and then it went dark. Her own wandlight didn't shine far enough to illuminate her friend, and neither did James's.

"Fanny!" she shrieked and immediately pushed up off the ground. Too late did she notice the vine that had stealthily crept down the side of the stalagmite, stretching towards her beneath the sand's surface and carefully looping around her legs. Before she knew what was happening, it had squeezed and jerked her back down. She shrieked and then froze, knowing perfectly well that Devil's Snare took its time to kill only when its victims relaxed. Normally, all it took were a few flames to deter the plant, but not this one. Voldemort must have done something to make it fire repellant – in which case, she had no idea how to fight it. She needed time to think!

Somehow, James had managed to stun the vine and was now climbing up it after Fanny. Whether or not it noticed, it did nothing to stop him. Instead, its tendrils descended from the ceiling and reached towards the chamber's entrance where they promptly wove together and formed something of a wall that sealed them all inside. When Lily saw that, she couldn't help but scream. "We're trapped!"

James had climbed to the top of the vine and was now attempting to grapple his way towards Fanny. The moment she came into sight, he aimed his wand at the tendril wrapped around her neck. _"Sectumsempra!"_ The tendril immediately snapped and Fanny gasped for breath, her stomach heaving in and out. However, another vine moved in and wrapped around her chest, constricting it so she couldn't breath. Meanwhile, three more went after James. Two caught each of his arms and the third pinned his legs together. They tore him away from the ceiling and yet remained high up off the ground. If they chose to drop him…

"NO!" Lily screamed. She had to do something! It was Devil's Snare strong enough to resist fire, no doubt due to the incredibly dark elements Voldemort had put in the soil… this sand… She stared down at it in revulsion, but what could she do about a possibly hybrid, mutated plant feeding on and empowered by such evil?

The vines had James and Fanny. She couldn't just sit there! Trying not to whimper, she glanced at the stalagmite where the vine that wrapped around her legs could still be seen. With a wave of her wand, she severed it, and then hastened to pull herself free. As she got to her feet, she saw several vines turning as if to look at her like snakes ready to strike.

One flew towards her. She sidestepped it and dove towards the stalagmite. As it pursued her, she swung around the rock and then turned, somehow managing to catch it in her hands. Before she could even think about what to do next, however, two tendrils wrapped around each of her ankles, jerking them backwards. She fell forward, slamming her head painfully against the side of the stalagmite.

"Lily!"

Her husband's terrified voice was the last thing she heard before slipping into darkness.

**ooooooo**

**A/N:** I know, I know. Me and my cliffhangers. Please review.


	123. Invasion

**ooooooo**

The passageway they'd discovered proved to be much longer and narrower than either would've ever expected. It felt quite oppressive, and Sirius knew he'd be glad to see the end of it. The rocky floor and the rocky walls and the rocky ceiling almost seemed eager to swallow him whole, but why should they bother? Wasn't he willingly making his way down its throat? He was just about ready to blast his way out, and Podmore certainly wasn't helping.

"How much farther do you think it goes?" he asked, and though it was a reasonable question, just as all the others had been, Sirius had long since grown sick and tired of reason. He would have much rather been in Prongs' company, listening to the man make jokes and other entertaining observations, than with this old bloke and his inane inquiries. Was it too much to ask for a laugh? Or something else that might at least lighten the mood, if not the cave itself? That was all he wanted!

Unfortunately, Prongs wouldn't be prevailed upon to leave his wife in a place like this, not that Sirius could blame him. Lily wasn't just his treasure, but all of theirs. Everyone loved her, and if Sirius had been the only Marauder present, he wouldn't have considered leaving her side either. And so he was stuck with Podmore. "Hopefully, not much," he replied, keeping a steady grip on his wand. "Maybe we'll find a light at the end, yeah?"

Podmore laughed uneasily. "Yeah… Right…" He wasn't amused. Rolling his eyes, Sirius kept forward.

When they reached the end of the tunnel, there was no light to welcome them, but merely another wide open cavern that had been turned into a makeshift dungeon. There were prisoners there. Prisoners who all recoiled in terror when they perceived the light from Sirius and Podmore's wands. Eight of them in total, they had either been tied up against various stalagmites from their shoulders down to their feet, or locked into very small cages made out of barbed wire, their wrists bound tightly behind their backs. In addition, every single one of them had a blindfold covering their eyes and a rag stuffed in their mouths.

Sirius stopped short as a memory slammed to the forefront of his mind. Regulus… chained on top of an obsidian altar… He caught his breath, grimaced, and rubbed his head like one trying to ease a migraine. The pain of losing his brother still felt raw, no matter what he told Prongs, Moony, and Wormtail, and it wasn't healing, either, because he knew that, eventually, he'd have to tell Lily the truth. He couldn't bear the thought of telling her the truth. What if she hated him? Of course, he knew her better than that, but sometimes he hated himself for failing Regulus and, again, he no longer put much stock in reason. Regulus had died. He had left him, abandoned him, to drown in the North Sea, and Lily would blame him for that.

"Bloody hell…" Podmore sprang forward, severing the ropes that bound a prisoner to one of the stalagmites. Catching the man as he fell, Podmore helped him remove his gag and blindfold. "Are you all right? Listen to me, I'm not a Death Eater. My name is Sturgis Podmore. This is Sirius Black. We're friends. Here to help." As he eased the man onto the ground, he glanced up at his savior with large, haunted eyes. He still seemed fearful, skeptical, and suspicious, but did not retaliate or try to run when Podmore left him to help the others. "Why are you just standing there, Black? Do something, would you?"

They were here to kill a plant, and instead they'd found a room full of captives. Maybe he should turn around and walk away. Maybe they'd be better off without him. He could kill Devil's Snare all right, but when it came to rescues, that's where he fell short… Sirius's legs shook, but he forced himself to steel himself, and made his way towards one sharply barbed cage. It was so small the exhausted woman trapped inside couldn't help but lean against the wire. Her sleeves were torn. Her dress was torn. Barbs were piercing her skin. To make matters worse, those barbs looked rusty… which could definitely mean Tetanus. There wasn't any doubt about it, Voldemort was barbaric! This woman needed to get to St. Mungo's Hospital – or any hospital, for that matter – and she needed to immediately.

Using his wand, Sirius tore the cage apart and then severed the rope binding her wrists. Pulling off her blindfold and helping remove her gag, he was caught completely off guard when she jumped forward and wrapped her arms around his neck. She started to cry. "Thank you! Oh, God, thank you!"

"We have to get out of here!" one liberated man shouted before Sirius could react to her in anyway at all. "You-Know-Who might be coming! He's feeding us one by one to some monster plant he says he's training! I don't even know what that means, it doesn't make any sense, but I don't want to die!"

"You're not going to die," Podmore assured him quickly, glancing at Sirius in concern. "We better hurry." However, there wasn't anything more Sirius could do, as the woman clutching him so tightly wasn't about to let go. Sighing in resignation, he picked her up – not entirely surprised by her light weight – and waited for Podmore to free the other prisoners.

"What about James, Lily, and Fanny?" he asked once that task had been accomplished. They still had a job to do, after all, and something about this didn't feel quite right. Maybe it was just the memory of failing Regulus that tormented him so, but he was worried. Desperately worried.

Podmore, however, merely shook his head. "This dungeon's a dead-end, Black. It doesn't lead anywhere else. We need to get these people to safety. That's our priority now. Campbell's smart. Potter's strong. And Lily's quick on her feet. They'll be just fine killing it without us." Sirius nodded, hoping he was right, but as he carried the sobbing woman back down the way they'd come, he couldn't shake the unsettling notion that something was terribly wrong.

**ooooooo**

When Lily woke up, she was immediately greeted by a dull, throbbing ache that filled her entire head, and naturally responded to it with a groan. What happened? Where was she? What time was it? So many questions… Why couldn't she see anything?

She couldn't see anything because something had been wrapped around her head and pressed so firmly against her eyes that she couldn't even blink. The plant was blindfolding her. Whimpering as she grew more and more aware of the pressure of its vines, she found that her legs had been pinned together and her arms pulled out to her sides. She was lying on her back, held securely to what felt suspiciously like a soft hammock. There were vines twisting around her waist, her chest, her shoulders, even her neck, and they felt like snakes exploring her body. Her whimper seemed to have excited them and while she remained both fastened to the mesh of vines and sufficiently blindfolded, most of the tendrils holding her down began unraveling merely so they could wrap her up again in a different way. This plant was definitely not ordinary Devil's Snare, Lily thought miserably. Devil's Snare would have killed her by now. This plant, however, seemed to be enjoying her.

"James?" she called out fearfully. "JAMES?"

She was met with nothing more than the rustling of vines. One tendril slid lightly over her mouth and she pulled away from it in horror. She was already blind and helpless enough. The thought of being silenced in addition to that was too much to bear. She had to free herself. She couldn't die this way!

Wiggling and squirming, she desperately struggled to loosen the plant's hold on her, but as she did so, the vines gradually began to tighten. They'd kill her if she didn't stop, she knew that, but the pressure had yet to even start hurting and so she refused to give in.

The mesh of vines she had been forced upon began to swing. It definitely felt like a hammock. She fought to break free of it, determined to struggle only until the vines began to squeeze painfully. She knew perfectly well such resistance was completely pointless, but she was frustrated. She had no idea whether or not James and Fanny were still alive, she didn't know how much longer she'd be alive herself, and she just didn't know what else to do! It was enough to bring tears to her eyes.

The vines weren't getting any tighter. They had her safely secured and must have known she wasn't going anywhere, for they didn't even try keeping her still. It was almost as if the damn plant didn't mind her thrashing about as violently as she could, so long as she didn't actually break herself free, and at that particular moment, she wasn't anywhere close to accomplishing that. The fact of the matter was she was closer to exhausting herself.

Lying still, feeling defeated, she fought back her tears as her makeshift hammock continued to swing back and forth. In a sick, perverse way, it almost felt relaxing, and the vines slowly began to loosen.

There was a tendril in her hair. She caught her breath as it wove into her crimson locks and hissed when it tugged. Another tendril crept its way up her sleeve, for the vines that had wrapped around her arm were now loose enough for it to slip under. It was at once soft and sticky, having suddenly begun to ooze what smelled like very strong sap. Unfortunately, it wasn't the only vine to do so.

With a small, disgusted cry, Lily clenched her eyes shut as tightly as she could against the sap seeping out of the vine that blindfolded her. The smell alone was enough to stifle her and she feared vomiting as the syrupy substance passed through her clothes and onto her body.

She started struggling again. Somehow, she actually managed to sit up, but an angry tendril quickly swooped in front of her and pushed her back down. Entangled once more, she shrieked as more and more sap oozed out of the vines. Could it get any worse than this?

That must be why she hadn't been able to smell the corpse she'd found upon walking into this forsaken chamber. If the plant covered its victims with sap, maybe it somehow negated the smell of decomposition…

_That's it,_ she told herself, breathing in and out to keep from panicking. _Think. Just keep thinking._ It didn't matter what she thought about or how completely absurd or irrelevant her thoughts were, she just needed to concentrate. Whatever she concentrated on, she could do so logically, reasonably. _Don't panic. Don't go mad down here._ There had to be a way out, but to find it, she couldn't let her fear paralyze her.

It was a Devil's Snare hybrid. Devil's Snare… Instead of killing it, fire had only managed to anger it to the point of brutal retaliation. And yet… when she, James, and Fanny had first entered the chamber, it had drawn itself away from their wandlight. It still preferred the dark. Fire might mean war, but light, simple, mere light, was enough to discomfort it.

She didn't know where her wand was. She couldn't see a bloody thing past her blindfold. But… she was not about to just sit here and wait for the plant to grow bored with her and so put her out of her misery. Magic was the only hope she had left and while she still had hope, she would not give up.

According to Petunia, as a child, she'd been able to light up rooms during thunderstorms – when the power was out. In the past, she'd been able to brighten street lamps and chandeliers, and could light a candle without either a match or a wand. She knew she had the power, and so she summoned every ounce of it she possessed. _"LUMOS!"_

Even through the blindfold, she could perceive the burst of light that filled the entire chamber from far below. The plant recoiled, quickly unraveling from around her, and the next thing she knew, she was dropping… cold air rushed past her and she screamed, but she shouldn't have worried. The white sand blanketing the distant floor was both soft enough and deep enough to break her fall. Though she landed upon it heavily, causing wisps of it to billow up around her, and found herself momentarily stunned, she was not hurt.

Her wand was lying in the sand not at all far from where she lay. Crawling towards it, Lily did her absolute best to ignore the long vines that were already creeping down the walls and stalagmites, rustling menacingly as they approached her in spite of her wandlight. She was almost to it, she could almost reach it…

It was almost as if the vines had eyes and knew what she was trying to do. They started rustling louder and the sound was quite sinister. Her heart pounded as she stretched out her hand to grab her wand.

A single vine curled around her ankle and gave it a gentle tug. Her body slid through the sand quite easily, much to her dismay, and the wand she had just barely managed to touch slipped through her fingers. "No!" She stretched towards it as far as she could and once again found it almost within her reach…

The vine smoothly pulled her back. The rest of the plant rustled in what now almost sounded like delight. She glanced over her shoulder to watch as the tendril slowly crept around her ankle in a second, and then third, loop. After that, it promptly stretched towards her other foot. She tried kicking it away and then tried crushing it, but it merely ducked under the surface of the sand. Within seconds, it resurfaced and made a clean loop around her ankle. Helpless to stop it, she watched as it pulled her feet together and wrapped around them both.

"No, no, no!" She turned back towards her wand and reached for it desperately. However, it was just too far away… and the vine began pulling on her ankles, dragging her backwards through the sand even as it began climbing up her legs. Before she knew it, it was up to her knees…

_"ACCIO!"_

The word flew out of her mouth purely by instinct, and though she never would have expected it to actually work, it somehow did. Her wand flew to her hand and, without questioning it, she spun around to aim the light at the vine. It recoiled, unraveled from her legs, and started quivering. As quickly as she could, she scrambled away from it, but the plant seemed to be growing used to the light. It had before, after all, for though it might not like brilliance of any kind, it could endure it if it must, and it clearly wanted her back in its grasp.

What was she supposed to do now? Vines were drawing towards her from every direction and her wandlight no longer fazed them. She couldn't understand why they were taking their time. Could a plant really enjoy stalking its prey?

A tendril leapt towards her and wrapped around her waist, jerking her onto the ground. She shrieked as another one snatched her wrist, holding it up for a third to twist around her wand. It was going to try taking it from her! Lily screamed, clutching her last means of protection as tightly as she could and refusing to let go. When the vine tried yanking it from her, she held it fast.

Her legs were once again completely covered by the vines and her left arm had been pinned to her side. More and more tendrils descended towards her, wrapping mercilessly around her waist and her shoulders. She screamed as another pressed itself against her eyes, blindfolding her yet again. She was lifted off the ground and carried towards the ceiling. She struggled as hard as she could, but the only thing she seemed capable of was holding onto her wand. The vine continued pulling it, but fortunately to no avail. Nevertheless, it almost seemed to be working patiently with her.

She was placed quite gently back onto the hammock she had so recently managed to escape and several vines wrapped around her, fixing her body to it securely. She felt her wand slipping and the vines all rustled triumphantly, for she wouldn't be able to fight much longer. Despair was threatening to overwhelm her…

NO! She had to think! These vines hated light, but could suffer it. They fed on whatever dark substance Voldemort had put in the sand. They were empowered by it. What could repel that? What could deprive them of it – and possibly even shrivel them up and kill them? There had to be something! Her wand was slipping! She didn't have anymore time! This was her last chance!

_James… I love you…_

She'd married him. They had married and thoughts of her wedding day filled her mind. The happiness she'd felt then… it was like nothing else in the world. Even now, it brought a smile to her lips.

Tightening her fingers around her wand, she summoned forth that happiness and yelled as loudly as she could: _"EXPECTO PATRONUM!" _See if Voldemort ever accused her of driving away Dementors without the aid of a Patronus again! She was unable to see it happen, but the chamber definitely lit up brighter than it had before. Against such radiance – and not to mention such an embodiment of goodness – the plant was overwhelmed. It shrank back and released the woman, who once again found herself falling. She hit the ground hard, but wasn't hurt anymore than she had been the first time. Glancing upwards, she found herself staring at a large, dazzlingly bright, silver unicorn that immediately brought to mind the majestic creature she had encountered all those years ago in the Forbidden Forest. The creature that had saved her life…

Just thinking about that night and her rescue from those poachers and all the purity she had felt from that beast empowered the Patronus she had summoned more so than before. It wasn't just a silver light and it was not fire… but something much stronger and unforeseen.

_"EXPECTO PATRONUM!"_

_"EXPECTO PATRONUM!"_

Lily turned her head in time to see two more silvery animals fly from the tips of two other wands. James and Fanny… They were untangling themselves from the vines that had, until now, been restraining them and, amazingly enough, they looked no worse for wear. Lily's heart skipped a beat as she ran to her husband and jumped into his arms. "James! I couldn't see you! Why didn't you answer me?"

"I was gagged," he replied, holding her tightly in his arms. "Lily, how long has it been since I last told you you're incredible?" It didn't matter. Their joy was enough, and when they turned to watch their Patroni fight off the plant and its vines, her unicorn and his stag proved to be twice as bright as Fanny's lioness. After all, they were stronger together and not even a monstrous, hybrid Devil's Snare could do much against them now.

**ooooooo**

In the end, fire was what killed the plant. With three Patroni present to starve it of the darkness that empowered it, flames were more than enough to incinerate it. Unable to resist, unable to retaliate, it became nothing more than an ordinary, overgrown organism they snuffed from existence.

"Good riddance," Fanny spat without even an ounce of remorse as they began following their trail back out of the cave. Despite everything, for in most cases Lily would have regretted such horrible devastation even against Devil's Snare, she couldn't help but agree with her friend. The plant had been a mutated, hybrid monster, far from normal even in the wizarding world. It was better off dead.

Eventually, as they trekked their way back to the mouth of the cave, they astonishingly came across Sirius, Remus, and a rather nervous Peter Pettigrew. Apparently, Sirius and Sturgis Podmore had managed to make it out of the cave several hours ago with a roomful of prisoners. They'd traveled all the way to St. Mungo's Hospital, but when the rest of the team failed to follow, or to even send word, the three Marauders felt it their duty to form a rescue party while Sturgis made his report to Mad-Eye Moody.

"You're a bit late," James told them all in amusement. "Lily saved the day by herself." They could only guess that Voldemort had been training the plant to torment his victims for as long as it possibly could. According to James, Fanny had nearly been killed, but the vines spared her once she lost consciousness. Upon waking, she and James had tried brainstorming a way out of the mess they'd found themselves in while praying that Lily hadn't been killed hitting her head on that stalagmite. However, it seemed that the vines didn't appreciate their conversation, and so had gagged them both. When Lily finally woke up, they had been unable to speak a word or make even the slightest sound.

"Well, it's all in a day's work now!" Fanny said cheerfully as they struggled to climb back out of the cave. Upon making it into the fissure, Lily could have danced for joy to be free of the place. She wanted to go home. She wanted to spend a night with her husband and then possibly go to sleep.

Unfortunately, that wasn't an option. There were several broomsticks waiting outside, and they each flew one – yes, even her – straight to St. Mungo's Hospital. Lily's head needed to be examined – it fortunately wasn't bleeding, but there was definitely a large bruise – and she, James, and Fanny needed to be washed clean of the sap they'd been soaked in. For all they knew, it could be poisonous…

Much to their relief, it wasn't, and they were all going to be perfectly fine. After several hours spent at St. Mungo's, they were free to go. Later, Mad-Eye Moody and Professor Dumbledore met with them and Sturgis Podmore in an empty room at the Leaky Cauldron, where they gave their report and asked about the Headmaster's own undertaking against the Dark Lord. Professor Dumbledore, however, enigmatic as always, merely shook his head and assured them not to give overgrown plants another thought. They were finally dismissed.

Since they were already in London, James decided he and his wife might as well make use of the flat neither one of them had seen in over two months. Apparently he was still making payments on it, so it was still theirs though they no longer lived within it. Lily didn't mind for she often still missed the place, and as they lied down on the bed, she gazed at her husband with a smile. "Hi there." He pulled her into his arms and they kissed each other passionately.

**ooooooo**

"Lily!"

She was roused from sleep by the urgent whisperings of her husband. Moaning, she opened her eyes and glanced up to see him leaning over her with a look of alarm spread clearly across his face. "Get up!"

Wrapping the bed sheets around her body, she sat up quickly in concern. What was going on? James had pulled on a pair of black jeans and was now stealthily making his way towards the bedroom door. Turning her head with a frown, Lily noticed the small Sneakoscope spinning on the top of their dresser. Its whistle was barely audible, but it had managed to wake the man up and that meant there were enemies nearby. What a day…

Getting out of bed, she threw on the first bits of clothing that came to hand – namely, jeans and a white t-shirt. Grabbing her wand, she stood behind her husband and steeled herself, waiting for him to throw open the door. When he did so, sparks of red light immediately flew into the room, fortunately missing them both. James charged out into the parlor, and Lily heard something crash as a full-blown fight ensued.

It wasn't enough that they'd survived their encounter with a nasty Devil's Snare, now they had to beat back whoever it was invading their home! Couldn't the bad guys at least give them a night to sleep and recover before barging in on them like this?

A figure robed entirely in black, masked by a white skull, plowed his way into the room. That wasn't a good sign… He'd gotten past James… Lily caught her breath and then aimed her wand. _"Stupefy!"_

_"Protego!"_

Another Death Eater appeared in the doorway. There were still sounds of a scuffle outside, so she knew her husband wasn't dead yet, but they were clearly outnumbered. She knew James could hold off several enemies at a time, but if they were overflowing into the bedroom…

Three more were forcing their way in, driving their associates farther inside. Lily backed away, swallowing painfully as they advanced. "Give up, girl," one commanded her with a cruel smirk. "You can't win."

Even as he spoke, another waved his wand. _"Expelliarmus!"_

She frantically held out her arm to deflect the attack, but wasn't nearly quick enough. Magic proved to be much slipperier than vines and her wand flew from her grasp before she could say 'Protego.' To her horror, the Death Eater caught it expertly.

"James!" she shouted, backing against the wall. "JAMES!"

They were leering at her maliciously. One was shaking his head in cold amusement while another took a step forward. "She's mine."

**ooooooo**

**A/N:** Sorry, couldn't help myself. Please review…


	124. The Dungeon

**ooooooo**

No, no, no, no! She hadn't survived an all-out war against Devil's Snare just so she could be overwhelmed by a band of Death Eaters! It was dark in the room, and as they were all robed in black, their white masks almost seemed to be floating in the air. Floating skulls… grinning, leering skulls staring down at her ravenously. The man stepping towards her now, in particular, reminded her of a greedy fox that had cornered its prey.

There was a lamp on the dresser to her left. Turning frantically, she made a grab for it, but the Death Eater anticipated her.

_"Reducto."_

The lamp blew to pieces and Lily jumped away with a startled cry. She could hear them laughing at her and when she looked back at her assailant, he was grinning ear to ear. "Easy there, princess. You don't want us hurting you, now do you?" He charged, bearing down on her rapidly, and it was all she could do to spin away from him along the side of the wall. But even then, she wasn't fast enough. He turned to tackle her, knocking her onto the bed, and beneath such weight, she could barely move.

"JA-!"

His hand pressed firmly against her mouth, smothering her cry. She instinctively bit down as hard as she could, but tasted leather. He was wearing gloves and they clearly served as adequate protection even against teeth. Catching her slight waist in his free arm, he dragged her effortlessly off the bed and pressed her back against his chest. "That's it."

Screaming against the palm of an oppressive hand that felt almost the size of her entire face, she kicked her legs and flailed her arms, thrashing about as wildly as she could. If only he hadn't been wearing gloves… she would have dug her nails into the back of his bloody hand!

"Tie her down, Mulciber!"

"What, and spoil the sport?" he asked sweetly, chuckling as he lifted her off her feet and half carried, half shoved her towards the door. The other Death Eaters quickly stood aside, either to let him through or to avoid her kicking feet. Frustrated, she threw her arms over the back of her head and reached for his face, determined to find a patch of flesh she could nail – maybe his eyes or even his throat if she could reach that far.

"All right, all right," he said suddenly, turning back around and forcing her down onto the bed. She screamed as he climbed on next to her and pressed his knee sharply into her back. The next thing she knew, he was grappling with her arms.

"Stop it!" she screamed, squirming furiously as he forced her wrists together. "Get off! Leave me alone!"

_"Incarcerous."_

The rope that proceeded to fasten her arms behind her back bit painfully into her skin. She hissed as he rolled her over and caught her chin in his hand, squeezing tightly. "I won't ask you to behave again." Forcing her mouth open, he produced a rag and quickly stuffed it in all the way towards her throat. For a moment, she feared choking on it. Trembling, she desperately tried spitting it out. "Ah, ah, ah," Mulciber shook his head in mock disapproval, reaching for another, longer piece of cloth from his robes. "Sssshhhh," he breathed, pressing it firmly against her mouth while tying its ends together behind her head. She couldn't spit the rag out now no matter how hard she tried.

"All right, I daresay he's got her," one Death Eater observed as Mulciber sat back to relish in the sight of his work. She glared up at him angrily as he stroked the side of her face with the back of his hand. "Come on, we better help get the other one." They could still hear the sounds of battle from out in the parlor and Lily prayed to God James didn't get hurt. Maybe he could beat them… or escape to find help… but that was probably just wishful thinking.

"You're a pretty little thing, I'll give you that," Mulciber stated, sliding off her while roughly grabbing her waist. Hoisting her off the bed, he slung her over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes and started towards the door. Refusing to let him just carry her off like this, she wriggled around desperately and managed to roll right off him. He turned quickly to catch her as she fell, his face darkening considerably, and the next thing she knew, he had slammed her back painfully against the floor. She winced as he leaned over her, grabbing the sides of her head angrily in his hands. "Do that again and I'll break your legs, princess. I can heal bones in the blink of an eye, so trust me when I say you'll be all patched up and in perfect condition for the Dark Lord's pleasure. Do you understand?"

Oh god… It was all she could do not to throw up as she nodded frantically, growing more and more terrified by the second. He'd do it… she knew if she didn't behave herself, he'd carry out that threat… she could see it in his eyes… broken bones hurt like hell, but in the wizarding world, they were easily mended… he wouldn't hesitate to do it and she couldn't afford to test his patience with her…

Leaning back, he regarded her for a long moment, releasing her head as he considered what to do next. Miserable, Lily forced herself to keep still, praying that he wouldn't just break her legs for the hell of it. He smiled, and when she met his gaze fearfully, he threw back his arm and slapped her hard across the face. It stung painfully and, for a moment, she found herself lying in a daze.

He stood up, dragging her with him, and slung her over his shoulder a second time. Her face landed against his back and there was nothing she would have liked better to do than just scream at the top of her lungs in angry frustration. This couldn't be happening. Not now. Not like this.

"Your flat's been under watch for several months now, princess," Mulciber told her casually as he carried her out of the room. "You shouldn't have come here. I reckon Mr. Potter thought we'd have given up on the place when it seemed clear you'd abandoned it, but no. We're cleverer than that, aren't we?" She looked up as they entered the parlor and found that James had lasted a hell of a lot longer than she had. He had ducked behind an overturned table and was ruthlessly blasting whoever got too close. Mulciber, however, didn't pay him even the slightest bit of attention, but turned towards the flat's front door. Lily screamed frantically against her gag as he forced it open with a single wave of his wand.

"NO!" James shouted, diving out from behind the table and rushing towards his wife quite recklessly. "LILY!"

She screamed as one Death Eater charged forward and slammed a fist into his gut. He doubled over, gasping for breath as yet another stepped towards him, holding out his wand. _"Stupefy." _The last thing Lily saw before Mulciber started down the stairs outside her flat were several Death Eaters closing in around her husband as he fell to the ground.

_This can't be happening! This can't be happening!_ She closed her eyes, fighting back tears as Mulciber bounded as quickly as he could down to the ground floor. There weren't any other souls in sight and a part of her wondered why no one had come to investigate what must have sounded like a struggle. Had Mulciber put a charm on the building, making its walls soundproof or something? It seemed likely and no doubt saved many lives… After all, the only other tenants residing in this place were unfortunately muggles, and none of them would stand a chance against enemies like these bastards.

Instead of using the front doors that led out to the busy London street, Mulciber hastened towards the back of the building. There wasn't anything more than an empty alleyway in that direction and to Lily's horror, it wasn't even lit by a single streetlight. Whimpering, she started to shake as her captor jerked her off his shoulder and placed her squarely back on her feet. Turning her head, she found herself staring at an enormous, barely visible black carriage. Its windows appeared to be draped with dark curtains and it was drawn by two black winged horses. The coachman waiting by the door turned to regard her quite heartlessly, for he, too, was a Death Eater.

"Glad to see you're on time," Mulciber brusquely greeted the man as he urged his captive forward. "Look what I found. She's a real treat, isn't she?" The coachman smiled, staring at her appreciatively before turning to unlock the carriage door.

"What about her husband?" he asked in a gruff voice. "He wasn't any trouble, was he?" Lily looked from him to Mulciber in concern. If James had truly been overpowered, why wasn't he here as well?

"None," her captor grinned. "I reckon the others are upstairs having a bit of fun with him, even as we speak." Lily's heart stopped in terror. _James…_ "He's their responsibility, anyhow. Let's just worry about getting our package to where she belongs." _No…_ She shook her head, screaming when the coachman pulled open the door. Her cries were of course stifled by the gag, but she kept at it anyway, unable to contain herself. "All right, princess," Mulciber seized her waist and lifted her up. "Into the carriage."

If they put her in that thing, she feared never coming out. It didn't have any light to speak of inside it; the windows were all completely covered by black curtains. It brought to mind a fathomless void that would suck her in like a black hole. Trembling, she tried pulling away, fighting her captor with all the strength she had left. She no longer cared whether or not he broke her legs, she couldn't bear the thought of riding that hearse!

Mulciber's grip on her waist tightened considerably. "Girls. They make such good pets, don't they?" She shrieked furiously at him, but as the coachman stepped forward to assist, her cry turned back to one of fear. Together, the two wizards manhandled her into the carriage and she was helpless to stop them. Landing hard on her knees with her chest pitched over the black velvet seat, she turned her head to stare out in terror. Both men were leering in at her cruelly. "Time to go, princess. The Dark Lord awaits." Mulciber laughed as the coachman slammed the door shut and locked it. She was immediately bathed in darkness and this time she didn't have a wand to illuminate anything.

_No!_ Pushing up off the ground, she propelled herself towards the door, body slamming it with all that she had. It did no good… She tried again, but got nowhere. Tears formed in her eyes as she slid back down, curling into a tiny ball on the floor. Was this actually happening? It didn't seem real and yet she knew it wasn't a dream.

_All right, keep calm,_ she told herself as the carriage suddenly jerked forward. She could feel it turning around… she listened to the wheels spin… and the horses' hooves as they started trotting. Not too long ago, she'd been at the mercy of a ruthless Devil's Snare, and she'd made it out of that alive, so why not this? She had to trust there was a way out and that she'd find it as long as she kept calm.

But James… They might be torturing him…Oh god, if they were torturing him, if they were killing him, if she lost him… how could she live if she lost him? The mere thought of such a life broke her heart and despair was quick to set in.

No. She had to fight that. Biting down hard on the rag set in her mouth, she began wrestling with the rope that bound her wrists. She seriously doubted it would possess knots of any kind whatsoever, considering it had been conjured by magic, but she hoped that maybe, if she really worked at it, she could loosen it a bit and slide her hands through.

The carriage suddenly tilted backwards, causing Lily to lose her balance. She fell first against the velvety seat and then landed sideways on the floor. The winged horses had apparently taken off, soaring gracefully towards the sky while dragging the carriage along with them. She had no idea where they were going but hoped, as she lay there on the floor, that they would never reach their destination.

**ooooooo**

"You're Occlumency has improved tremendously, Severus. I am pleased."

The Dark Lord's voice was mercilessly calculating as he regarded the young man knelt before him with reptilian eyes that, in the shadows, appeared almost black rather than red. Severus knew better than to meet his gaze for longer than was necessary and so he turned his sights on the crackling flames that burned in the hearth. Fire was supposed to be orange, he knew, but these were accented with a greener sheen. He could feel their heat on his face and despised them. "Thank you, my Lord."

"I would have you go to Hogsmeade," his master told him, leaning forward in his chair. Despite the shadows and the darkness that seemed to stretch across each and every inch of the library whenever the man was near, firelight or no, Severus thought he could make out the cold, unfeeling sneer that twisted across his face. "I would have your eyes fixed on that wretched school."

"As you wish, my Lord." Hogwarts was the last place in the world he wished to return to and he was sure Voldemort knew it, for the Dark Lord spent more time in his head than in anyone else's, teaching him Occlumency. To order him to Hogsmeade like this tasted of cruelty, but Severus understood. Albus Dumbledore might not wield Legilimency as Voldemort did, considering it an invasion of man's privacy, but he might still recognize a Death Eater when he saw one. If anybody could spy on that old goat, it would have to be an Occlumens and it would have to be in Hogsmeade. It was not a cruelty, but a necessity. Severus had done unspeakable things in the past year all for the sake of necessity, but Voldemort rewarded him for the trouble. He rewarded him… with the knowledge that could be found in this library and others like it.

"You have served me well in the past, Severus," the Dark Lord praised him. "It has been a good year with you at our side." His flattery alone could win him just about anything in the world he might desire, Severus had discovered that a long time ago. "Go to Hogsmeade. Learn all that you can. I will send for you in due time." Severus bowed his head, but before he could respond, there came a knock at the door. He knew Voldemort was expecting someone, though not who, and he almost pitied the wretched soul when he recognized the sound of anticipation in his master's voice. "Yes?"

The door opened and a robed, masked Death Eater stepped into the room. "The carriage has been sighted, my Lord. They will be arriving soon." As subtly as he could, Severus glanced up at the Dark Lord and there was no mistaking the glint in his eyes.

"I have prepared quarters for the girl," he spoke with such cruelty that each of his two followers knew without a doubt that, whoever this guest of his was, she wasn't coming here by choice. "Nagini will show you where." He held out his arm and from the shadows there came a snake twelve feet long and then some. Without pause, it slithered out of the library and disappeared from sight. The Death Eater made haste to follow, for he knew better than to try his master's patience.

Returning his attention to the man kneeling before him, who quickly averted his gaze, Voldemort smiled in amusement. "You will go now, Severus. You are dismissed." After all, he had other, more entertaining matters at hand and, despite everything, the younger wizard couldn't help but feel slightly relieved he wouldn't be there to participate. Crawling forward, he kissed the hem of his master's robes, backed away and got to his feet. Turning, he strode out of the library, noticing the large black carriage descending from the sky as he swiftly passed an arched window.

**ooooooo**

It felt like they had been flying for hours, which was more than enough time for Lily to give up trying to slip her wrists free from the rope that bound them. She had tried everything; the curtains draping the windows extended all the way to the floor and would not move when she tried kicking them aside to get to the glass. The glass itself refused to break, either because it was charmed not to or because the curtains themselves offered more than enough protection. She had no idea how long she had braced herself against the seat, kicking into those bloody curtains with the hope that she might break a window, but her efforts were all in vain. There wasn't anyway out of that carriage.

And what would she have done if there had been? She had no idea how high up these particular winged horses could fly, and while she knew they wouldn't climb to an altitude that would kill them all, she could bet a fall would still end her life. Until they landed, there really wasn't anything she could do and that helplessness brought tears to her eyes.

Eventually, they began a sharp descent. Lily, who had been lying on the velvet seat, rolled onto the floor before she could brace herself and landed hard. Her body had been aching enough as it was already, for she had slammed herself multiple times against the carriage door, and now it protested angrily. She was likely covered in bruises and couldn't bring herself to move an inch. She wished James was there…

The carriage landed seconds after that with an angry thud and Lily was thrown roughly forward and then back. She bit down on the rag in her mouth trying hard not to scream. The horses were slowing down, the wheels were rolling to a stop, they had clearly arrived. Scared, dripping with sweat, breathing heavily through her gag, she wriggled away from the door and curled herself into a ball.

The carriage jerked to a halt and she heard the men outside jump off the coachbox. They were talking, laughing, and their footsteps were growing louder. They were right outside… the key was turning in the lock… the door opened… she looked up at it in alarm and found herself staring at two smiling Death Eaters. Mulciber and the coachman. They both looked so amused as they reached their bodies inside and made several grabs for her. She pressed herself against the far side of the carriage and kicked their hands away as violently as she could.

"There's no sense in making this difficult, princess," Mulciber told her with a nasty smirk. "We're on an island in the middle of nowhere that doesn't have a single boat for you to row away on. Our master's made it Unplottable and there's no Disapparating here, so why fight this?" Lily glared at him spitefully, which must have been answer enough, for he shook his head and climbed all the way in. She shrank away from him, lashing out with her feet, but he caught them both expertly and started backing out, dragging her with him. She screamed frantically against her gag, but with her wrists tied behind her back there wasn't anything for her to grab onto. Mulciber was able to pull her out as easily as he might slice butter.

They had landed on a cobblestone drive that stretched before an enormous manor that was absolutely covered in dead ivy. Only a few of the windows appeared to be lit and coming down from a grand staircase that must have been the front porch was yet another Death Eater. Lily's heart sank. It was freezing cold in that place; she was barefoot and a thin white t-shirt did very little to protect her from the icy wind. In the distance, she could hear the sound of ocean waves crashing against rocks, which reinforced the warning Mulciber had given her. She was on an island… If it was Unplottable, it was likely a small island… There wasn't anywhere for her to run…

"The Dark Lord sends his greetings, Mrs. Potter," the newly arrived Death Eater informed her with a smile. She turned to look at him in horror as Mulciber wrapped his arms around her waist, holding her with uncomfortable intimacy. Meanwhile, the coachman slammed the carriage door shut and got back up onto the box to drive it away. "He asks that you be shown to your quarters."

Quarters? So she wasn't to be murdered, then. She was to be kept. Mulciber's words echoed in her memory… _"Girls. They make such good pets…"_ Biting the rag in her mouth, she struggled desperately against her captor, trying hard to throw him off, but he just laughed at her.

Something hissed – a sound that chilled her to the bone as it lingered in the air. Freezing, she turned her head to see an impossibly long snake slithering over the cobblestone straight towards her. Opening its mouth, she caught sight of its venomous fangs and immediately screamed, backing up against her captor as she tried scrambling away from the reptile. What was it doing here? Where had it come from? Why was she the only one afraid of it? It looked like it was big enough to crush a man and they were all just standing there!

"Easy, Princess," Mulciber laughed. "It's only Nagini. She won't hurt you… That is, as long as you behave yourself." Lily whimpered in terror as the snake circled around them and started back towards the manor. The other Death Eater gestured for them to follow it and Mulciber shoved her forward. They made their way up the grand staircase and the second Death Eater stepped forward to pull open a wooden door that must have been several inches thick. Its surface was covered from top to bottom in sharp, angry iron protrusions that brought to mind a dungeon. "Come on," Mulciber pushed her inside.

If possible, it was even colder in here than it had been out there. The floor was made of marble and felt like ice against her feet. It was also eerily dark, for while there were several windows letting in moonlight through their heavy curtains, the chandeliers themselves remained unlit. Columns carved to look like reptilian monsters supported a landing that wrapped around the room above them, which could be reached by a large marble staircase covered by a black carpet. Nagini, however, ignored that completely, choosing to instead slither towards another door that had been built into the far right corner.

Lily hesitated, terrified by what might be waiting for her there, and tried turning away. Mulciber, however, kept the back of her waist firmly in the crook of his arm and steered her forward. The door was held open to them by the other Death Eater and as Nagini glided down the stairs, Lily was forced to follow. They were narrow, cold, and uneven, spiraling deep into the ground, and had Mulciber not held up a lighted wand, she felt for sure she would have stumbled, possibly breaking her neck in the fall.

At the bottom of the stairs, they came to a wide, rather extensive chamber that had an uncomfortably low ceiling – had her wrists not been tied, she would have been able to reach up and touch it. The floor was littered with rope, chains and manacles, and there were multiple cages and prison cells in every direction. When she recognized a rack, she nearly tried bolting, but by then Nagini had made a sharp turn to the right and Mulciber shoved her after it. She found that there was a lot more to the dungeon behind the spiral staircase, and though there weren't any other prisoners, or even the remains of other prisoners, the sight of the torture implements hanging on the wall left her sick with revulsion.

When Mulciber saw her looking at them, he chuckled in amusement. "The Cruciatus Curse might be an effective weapon, princess, but some of us find it more pleasurable to get our hands dirty." She bit down hard on the rag to keep from whimpering as the other wizard stepped towards the snake. Nagini was circling a wooden trapdoor, hissing softly, and the wizard bent down to pull it open, revealing several iron bars set into the stone floor. It was a pit, maybe four feet deep, with straw covering the bottom. Padlocked shut, Lily knew immediately there wouldn't be any escaping it, just as there hadn't been any escaping that bloody carriage.

"It looks like there are cracks in the wood," Mulciber observed, examining the trapdoor as his colleague pulled open the iron bars. "Marvelous." Lily's heart skipped a beat as he leered down at her pitilessly. "We won't have to worry about you suffocating, then." She shook her head frantically, kicking him as hard as she could right in the shin. For the first time that night, she managed to catch him off guard as his leg buckled under him and so she shook him off and scrambled desperately away. He cursed, making a grab for her, but she slipped through his fingers.

The other Death Eater glanced up in surprise as she bolted towards the stairs, but it was Nagini who cut her off. She didn't see the snake slithering past her, but when it twisted back around, rising up in front of her with its jaw unhinged, she fell back screaming. Mulciber grabbed her furiously and dragged her to the pit, shoving her inside before she could so much as catch her breath. Unlike the cave filled with Devil's Snare, the floor to this pit did not offer a soft landing, despite the straw. Fortunately she didn't hit her head, but she was still left in a slight daze by the fall.

Mulciber slammed shut the iron bars above her head while the other Death Eater proceeded to work with the padlock. "Shouldn't we untie her first? Or remove the gag?" Slowly righting herself, she looked up at them fearfully. Somehow, the pit seemed smaller from down here; were she to try standing, she'd be bent at the waist.

Mulciber considered her for a moment and then shook his head. "No. Leave her tied up. It makes her prettier." Lily tried yelling at him, tried screaming at him, not to do this to her, but the gag smothered her cries mercilessly and as she sat there, completely helpless to stop it, her captors pulled the trapdoor back over the bars and set it down firmly, shutting her in as if the place were a tomb.

**ooooooo**

**A/N:** Oops. Sorry about the cliffhanger. Again. Please review, I appreciate it a lot.


	125. The Challenge

**Warning:** This is a darker chapter. Brace yourselves.

**ooooooo**

As morning broke, the sky took on a pinkish hue that promised a warm, clear afternoon that once upon a time would have warranted a tea party or a stroll through the park or an hour spent in the garden. These days, however, such simple pleasures seemed lost to the world and forgotten by its people. Standing on a balcony that overlooked a large, spraying fountain, the Potter's butler could not be troubled by wistful thoughts of the past, for he was much too preoccupied with the heart wrenching tasks set before him in the present.

He had never before truly thought of himself as part of the family, for he was just a hired employee, but in the past few hours he found himself realizing just how much the Potters meant to him. Maybe he had been a part of the family and just too stubborn to admit it, for it nearly brought tears to his eyes when his gaze fell upon the letter he had so recently taken to write.

_"To Master Potter,_

_"I regret to inform you your mother has fallen grievously ill. It is impossible to predict when, or even if, she will make a recovery, as she refuses to send for a Healer. What with the war rampant outside our walls, she has proven loath to draw anyone at all away from St. Mungo's Hospital, including your father's own Healer, Sam Beckett. The hospital's need, she claims, is by far greater than her own, and you know she is a stubborn woman. She asks only that you and mistress Lily come to her side, for she desires to see you both again._

_"Your obedient servant, Edmund."_

Closing the letter in its envelope, the butler turned towards the owl perched upon the balcony railing. Its large, golden eyes were fixed on him expectantly and so he handed it the parchment. "There you go, old chap." The owl took it in its hooked beak, throwing out its wings as it prepared for flight. "Take care you see it delivered to Master James and no one else. It's a matter of urgency, so be quick about it."

The owl was fast and bright; it didn't need to be told twice. Taking off from the balcony, it soared towards the pinkish sky without so much as ruffling its feathers in indignation that the wizard would even think to command it to make haste. Somehow, Edmund thought it knew how dire the situation was. Mrs. Potter was ill; she needed to see her children. James and Lily. They were all she had left.

**ooooooo**

Though there were cracks in the wood, they were very small and allowed through no light whatsoever. Lily could not see a thing and her eyes seemed unwilling to adjust to the darkness; she might as well have been blindfolded! Having spent so much time biting down on the rag stuffed in her mouth, trying to keep calm, her jaw had started aching and her wrists felt like they were on fire, tied as tightly as they were. Her body felt sore from top to bottom, the straw she had been dumped on could not have been sharper or scratchier, something smelled like mildew, and she couldn't stop thinking about James. Where was he? Had he been hurt? Had he been killed? All in all, she had never in her whole life felt more miserable.

People had come and gone from the dungeon. She had heard them walking around above her, talking and laughing to themselves – though she had been unable to make out their words. Terrified that they were coming for her, she had cowered in a corner, but when she heard them leaving and realized she was to remain even longer in this lightless, godforsaken pit, an even deeper despair crept into her heart. She couldn't bear it here! The thought of living in such an oubliette nearly drove her mad; she would have done anything to get out.

Finally, after what seemed like hours, maybe even days – though she knew it hadn't been that long, for the thought of food still made her nauseas rather than hungry – the trapdoor above her was pulled open. "Hello, princess." She glanced up expecting to see Mulciber, but her eyes met with such a blinding light that she clenched them shut and quickly looked away. A key twisted in a lock and when she could finally look up again, she saw that the iron bars had been removed and that there were three shadowy figures aiming their brilliantly lit wands right at her, which successfully made her feel exposed and vulnerable. Nevertheless, just about anything would have been better than another moment stuck in that pit and so she cooperated when one man jumped in to grab her.

"Good girl," Mulciber cooed as the Death Eater hoisted her up. She bit the rag hard, trying not to whimper as she felt more hands groping her body, pulling her to her feet. She stood unsteadily, it felt like the room was spinning, and as the one Death Eater climbed out of the pit, making room for another to shut the iron bars and trapdoor back in their places, she forced herself to breathe in and out as she desperately sought some kind of strength that would see her through this nightmare. "Come," Mulciber presently whispered in her ear. "The Dark Lord awaits."

Pulling her in front of him, he gripped her shoulder and her upper arm, steering her towards the stairs. The other two Death Eaters followed closely behind and Lily prayed they'd prove incompetent, stumbling on their robes so she could get away. Unfortunately, she had no such luck.

The light coming from her captors' wands rippled around the dungeon, casting more shadows than illumination. Fearing there might be monsters much worse than twelve foot long snakes lurking about, Lily turned her head frantically in every direction while praying not to discover one. Unfortunately, in so doing, her gaze fell upon the body of a man lying perfectly still behind the bars of a prison cell. His arms were tied behind his back, and by the way his muscles were pulled so taut, she could tell his bonds were a hell of a lot tighter than hers were. _James…_ He looked unconscious, but his body remained stiff, rigid, and for a moment she feared he'd been killed.

NO!

Shrieking against her gag, she rushed towards the cell. That was James! She had to help him! She had to make sure he was alive and well! She had to see him, touch him, prove he was really there! James!

Mulciber's fingers dug painfully into her skin, holding her back before she'd gone two feet. She struggled with a renewed fervor, shaking him off as she tried to reach her husband. He yelled while bearing down on her rapidly – his weight nearly crushed her as he caught her round the waist. She screamed, begging him to let her see James, but her smothered words sounded more like incomprehensible sobs than anything else. As if she weighed nothing at all, Mulciber lifted her off her feet and started carrying her towards the stairs. She fought him angrily, but he barely seemed to notice and for the second time since all this began, he forced her away from the man she loved.

It wasn't fair! Were they trying to tease her, allowing her nothing more than a quick glimpse of her husband like that? She despised them for it, squirming and kicking furiously as her captor climbed up the stairs. "Easy, princess," Mulciber chuckled, pausing to set her back down on her feet. "You'll hurt yourself."

She tore away from him and plunged back down the stairs, picturing James in her mind lying unconscious on that mercilessly hard floor. As she rounded one of the spiraling staircase's bends, however, she came face to face with one of the other two Death Eaters. She screamed, falling back so quickly she landed hard on the rising ground. Terrified, she looked up at the Death Eater blocking her path – he was like a wall, smiling down at her cruelly as he shook his head. "Having fun, sweetheart?"

Mulciber calmly descended down the steps behind her. Before she could turn to face him, or even climb back to her feet, he grabbed a fistful of her hair and started back up again, dragging her with him. She screamed as pain burned through her scalp and scrambled awkwardly to get back to her feet. Mulciber, however, was walking too quickly and with his arm at his side; she couldn't keep up, she couldn't push up, she couldn't even turn around to face forward, and with her arms tied behind her back there wasn't anything she could do to stop him.

By the time they reached the top of the stairs and were back out in the manor's dark, foreboding entrance hall, tears were stinging in Lily's eyes. She sat helplessly on the ice-cold marble floor, watching as one of the Death Eaters shut and locked the door to the dungeon, sealing James off from her possibly forever. She just didn't know anymore; was there any hope left to her at all?

"Let's go," Mulciber pressed his men onward, picking his captive up off the ground and setting her on her feet. As he steered her towards the grand, black-carpeted staircase, she glanced back over her shoulder to gaze for as long as she could at the door separating her from her husband. _James…_

As it turned out, the manor was much larger than it had appeared to be last night. The second floor landing wrapped around the entrance hall and had doors on either side leading to both an east and west wing. There were, however, also doors leading deeper into the back and it was though one of them that Lily was shoved. She found herself standing in a long, windowless corridor that stretched on into absolute darkness. Large, wooden doors stood stoically at even intervals and the more they walked by, the more she wondered whether or not this corridor was unending. Sometimes it was easy to remember why she used to hate magic so utterly and completely as a child.

"Here," one of the other Death Eaters stopped suddenly outside a shut door, pointing at it decisively. Mulciber paused, looking back before forcing Lily around to face it. She trembled, staring at the hard, dark brown wood in horror, somehow sensing what lay beyond its threshold. "This is the one," the Death Eater said, knocking on the door while smiling down at the girl. "You should feel honored, Mrs. Potter."

"Enter."

The voice was high and cold, thick with cruelty and malice. Lily recognized it immediately and shrank back as the Death Eater pushed open the door. _Bloody hell…_ Mulciber forced her inside, quite unmindful of her obvious reluctance, and once they were standing in an enormous room that had no windows to speak of, but torches burning alongside the walls with their greenish tinted flames, an astonishingly high, vaulted ceiling, and no furniture whatsoever but for a large, skeletal throne at the end, upon which sat Lord Voldemort himself, the Death Eater shoved her roughly to the black tiled floor.

She groaned, but immediately set about getting back to her feet. She wasn't about to kneel before that psychotic bastard! Mulciber, however, saw what she was attempting and quickly stepped forward, grabbing her arm and shoving her a second time with so much force that she landed facedown and in a slight daze.

"Now, Mulciber," Voldemort chided softly, rising to his feet. "Is that anyway to treat such a beautiful young guest?" Lily cringed at the sound of amusement in his voice. He was walking towards her; she sat up quickly in alarm, but his eyes were fixed on the men behind her. "I wish to conduct this interview alone. You will leave our company now until I have further use of you." Lily glanced over her shoulder in time to see the three Death Eaters bow at their waists, turning to proceed back out into the corridor behind them. Shutting the door as they left, they abandoned her to their leader. She looked back at him quickly; he had started walking in a large circle around her and she dared not try getting to her feet again.

"How quiet you are, Lily," he said at last, mocking her with a hint of laughter following his words. "Have you nothing to say?" She glared at him, biting down on the rag in her mouth while digging her fingernails into the palms of her hands. He paused for a moment behind her and she could feel his cold red eyes boring into her back. "I must admit when that fool, Albus Dumbledore, robbed me of some very rare, valuable minerals I have been experimenting with, I was highly discouraged, and when I further learned that certain followers of his Order had butchered a plant I myself had spent months creating, I was angrier than I'd been in years. But then it was reported you and your husband had taken shelter in a flat you must not have realized had fallen into my control. And believe me, Lily, having you in my hands has proven to be compensation enough for the loss of my Devil's Snare."

Did he know she was the one responsible for killing it? Did he plan on punishing her for that? Or was he still set on using her as practice for his argument against Professor Dumbledore? She couldn't bear to look at him anymore, contemplating all that he might do to her, and so sat staring wretchedly at the floor. In a strange way, she was grateful for the rag in her mouth, for it relieved her of an arduous duty she'd otherwise have to talk back to that monster. Of course, what with her luck, the moment she started feeling thus, Voldemort snapped his fingers and the gag fell from her face while the rope binding her wrists disappeared. "Get up."

She fingered the patches of skin that damn rope had rubbed completely raw and looked back at him resentfully. "I want to see my husband." Her voice sounded hoarse, as she had been screaming a lot lately and yet unable to speak. Voldemort sneered at her and she knew it wasn't entirely because he was amused by her plight. Getting to her feet, brushing her hair out of her face, she repeated her demand. "Let me see my husband!"

He crossed his arms and she knew what his answer would be long before he even opened his mouth. "Why does it not surprise me that your first inquiries are after good Mr. Potter? You shall see him again, my dear, all in good time, but for the moment you are my honored guest and must not concern yourself with any undue apprehension." He was baiting her; she recognized it in the cruelty of his voice and the glint in his demonic eyes. He was luring her into a trap she could not fathom and she didn't know how to stop it. She couldn't just give up on her husband!

"The last time we met, you told James I was dead," she reminded the Dark Lord through gritted teeth. "It's a sick, despicable way to manipulate someone into losing control and I will not have you using a similar tactic against me." Voldemort regarded her intently as if her every word held him captivated, which would have been unsettling enough to subdue just about anyone into submission. Cowed, Lily took a step back and stared at her feet. "If James is dead, I want to know," she whispered. "I can't trust anything you say, so let me see him. Let me see for myself he's really alive." Talking back to Voldemort was as arduous as she had feared it would be and before she could determine whether or not she had the endurance to fight him, she had to wait for his response.

"Do you think it that simple?" he asked in such good humor that she bit her lip trying not to flinch. She felt like a lamb being led to the slaughterhouse, but she couldn't yet predict which weapon he would use to cut her down. "And if I were to allow you a moment with your beloved husband, would that really be enough? I regret to inform you, Lily, my men did not handle him with as much care as they did you and for as long as he remains unconscious in my dungeons, a steady pulse is hardly evidence enough to confirm his wellbeing."

She shook her head, almost afraid to ask. "I don't understand." He wasn't making any sense! All she wanted was to determine whether or not James was still alive! Whether or not he'd recover! Whether or not she still had something to fight for! Why did it sound like she'd already lost?

"I have in my stores a number of potions the likes of which not even you, my dear, can possibly imagine," he informed her with honey in his voice. "But among them, there are also a few simple, rather common brews more suitable for day to day employment. One in particular I think you'll appreciate, my dear." Lily caught her breath in horror as the next two words slipped through his lips. "Polyjuice Potion." The implications of such a statement left her in shock; as Voldemort slowly started towards her, she could only stare back, shaking her head as if in denial. "Do you still wish to see your husband now? Why don't I prove to you just how generous I can be?"

He held out his arm, gesturing towards something behind her. Without a word, her legs started turning her around as if by their own free will and she found herself staring at the chamber's large, wooden door as it reopened. Through the shadows there entered a man dressed in black jeans and a tunic. James. Lily would have called out to him, but immediately after he stepped into the room there came yet another who might have been his identical twin. And then there came another, and then another, and so on until she was facing six James's altogether.

It was absurd! Six James Potters? Talk about Argus Filch's greatest nightmare! They continued into the room, forming a large circle around both the woman and her tormentor, who stared at them all in approval. "Five of them are followers of mine who drank the Polyjuice. One is your husband caught in the grips of an Imperius Curse. Or perhaps I'm lying to you. After all, I wouldn't want you to forget about that wretched soul you saw down in the dungeons. Perhaps he is the real James Potter and all six of these are frauds."

They were all standing perfectly still, their backs straight, rigid, and their eyes fixed on her expectantly. Looking from one to the next, she realized Voldemort must have had this all planned out from the start. No doubt he had been eagerly anticipating it, knowing full well she'd ask after her husband sooner or later. It left her sick with revulsion and tears in her eyes. "Why are you doing this?" Her voice sounded close to breaking.

"To teach you," he replied evenly. "It is folly to depend on others, my dear. Just look around. You can't even tell the difference between your husband and my disciples. Where is the strength in love now?" It was that bloody argument again. He meant to triumph over her so he could use her against Professor Dumbledore and the sense of helplessness and frustration that followed nearly overwhelmed her.

"You're mistaken if you think any Death Eater could impersonate James Potter," she said, looking back at the Dark Lord with growing hatred. "Take him off the Imperius Curse. Let them all defend themselves and I'll tell you which one is my husband."

"Oh, they're all quite capable of defending themselves," Voldemort assured her, smiling in cruel amusement. She knew that by playing along she was, in a way, giving into him and that pleased him greatly. "The curse is not to keep him silent, my dear, it's to ensure he behaves himself. Besides, I thought you said you couldn't trust me? Even if I were to lift the curse, would you take my word for it?" A bitter taste was creeping into Lily's throat and she wanted to scream at him. He walked towards her, pulling from his robes a wand that she immediately recognized as her own. "Here," he held it out to her. "I'll even let you use magic, if you think it will help. Does that not make me generous?"

Grabbing her wand, she turned away from him quickly, refusing to answer. He didn't know the first thing about generosity, but that wasn't what he wanted to hear. Contemplating what to do next, she half considered making a run for it. She had a weapon now and though she knew she'd be lucky just to make it to the door, maybe the real James would try helping her if he saw she was in trouble.

Not likely. The Imperius Curse was by no means easy to throw off – at least she assumed it wasn't, or else more wizards would be capable of it – and even is she did run, would her punishment upon capture be great enough to snap James out of it? And even if it was, what good would it do? They'd still be prisoners here, playing mind games with Voldemort for the rest of their lives.

"If you think that by standing there looking thoughtful, you can delay long enough for the potion to lose effect, you are deluding yourself," he told her presently, sounding not in the least bit impatient. She looked back at him in alarm, for there was something in his tone that worried her. "Observe." He smirked, drawing his own wand from his robes and aiming it at one of the six James Potters. _"Crucio."_ Lily shrieked, turning her head to watch the man fall to the ground, writhing and screaming in clear agony. _"Crucio."_ Voldemort turned his wand towards another James, who collapsed as well, in every bit as much pain as the first.

No, no, no, no, no! Panic struck hard and mercilessly. Before her very eyes, Voldemort went around the circle, torturing each of the six men – all of whom so greatly resembled her husband that she felt the pain of witnessing this brutality six times over, though she knew at least five of them were Death Eaters and wouldn't hesitate to use such a curse themselves to get what they wanted. Why did it feel like the room was spinning?

"STOP IT!" she screamed, facing the Dark Lord desperately. "STOP IT! LEAVE THEM ALONE!" He looked at her in such a way that she choked on her words, backing up in terror.

"No."

That one word resonated with finality and malice. Lily covered her mouth with both hands, almost forgetting about her wand as tears poured down her face. How was it possible that anyone could be so heartless? "But… they're your men…" Five of them, maybe all of them, were Death Eaters. They'd sworn their allegiance to him and this was how they were rewarded? All because he enjoyed making her squirm?

"I'll tell you what I will do, Lily," he walked towards her and began circling around her while gesturing at the six distorted figures writhing about on the floor. "I will lift the curse off one of them. The rest can suffer here until lunch, which you will be joining me for, but one I think I'll spare. Choose wisely, my dear. Long-term exposure to the Cruciatus Curse is quite maddening, and I wouldn't want your husband's insanity to be on your shoulders. Now which one shall receive my mercy?"

She could barely see through her tears. She was shaking so badly she didn't think she could walk. It would have been less painful getting cursed herself, why did he have to make her decide? What if she chose wrong? She couldn't do it! She didn't even know where to begin! Looking around the room, she was hardly able to perceive anything other than their cries of torment. "James…"

Collapsing to her knees, she slid over the black tiled floor and sat beside the first man she came to. He was covered in sweat, writhing about like a fish out of water, gasping and screaming in extreme pain. Nauseas, Lily reached tentatively for his hand while brushing hair out of his face. He looked up at her with James's eyes, but she didn't think he could actually see her.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, pulling away from him in order to crawl to the next man. When she touched his face, he swallowed his screams and grabbed her desperately by the wrist. She recoiled, for he had startled her and her wrist was still sore from the rope. Terrified and in pain, the man tightened his already viselike grip and pulled her towards him as if she were a lifeline that could relieve him of his torture.

"No!" She had to fight to get his hand off and then she scooted away from him in shock. "I'm so sorry!" Tears poured down her face as she watched his arms flailing after her, weakly but frantically. How long did it take Polyjuice Potion to wear off? She couldn't remember, but it hadn't even been ten minutes – had it? – and she doubted that was enough time.

Shaken, she crawled towards the next man, who had rolled onto his back and was presently convulsing. To Lily's horror, there was blood dripping from his mouth and he obviously couldn't breathe. "Take it off him…" She turned towards Voldemort in panic. "TAKE IT OFF HIM!"

"Why?" the Dark Lord asked, his gaze falling mercilessly onto the man lying at her side. "Is that dear Mr. Potter?"

"It doesn't matter!" she yelled at him. "He bit his tongue! He's choking!"

"Unfortunately, it does matter," Voldemort spoke with his first hint of impatience. His red eyes turned from her back to the dying wizard and they seemed to penetrate right through him. Legilimency… That's how he could tell them apart… "For your peace of mind, Lily, that is not your husband. Let him drown in his own blood for all I care. Stop wasting time."

Lily stared up at him in disgust before turning back to the man lying next to her. What did it matter whether or not he was a Death Eater? He didn't deserve this. Tightening her grip on her wand, she forced the man's mouth open as wide as she could. She wasn't a Healer or anything, but there had to be something she could do!

The blood felt warm on her hands. She would have to clear as much of it away as possible so she could see the tongue, which needed to be repaired. For a witch, that shouldn't be too hard…

_"Avada Kedavra."_

Lily screamed as a blast of green light shot into the man's chest. His convulsions immediately ceased and his head drooped to its side against the floor.

Covering her mouth, she slid away from the body while trying not to vomit. Looking up at Voldemort, she saw him twirl his wand around his fingers before tucking it back into his robes. "I thought I told you not to waste time, my dear. The man wasn't your husband and helping him would have gotten you nowhere. Consider it a favor. I'm still rooting for you, you know." The mockery in his voice felt like a dagger twisting around in her already weak stomach.

_Just give up… Admit defeat and let him win._ Maybe he'd send her broken to Professor Dumbledore as payment for what they'd done to the damn Devil's Snare. She'd be lost, but at least she'd still be alive and something told her that was what Voldemort wanted.

_But… what about James…? I'm supposed to love him and protect him… forsaking everyone else… for as long as I live… I will…_

Breathing deeply in and out, she crawled towards the next writhing man, wondering whether or not she'd died and gone to Hell. Like her, he was gasping for breath, in so much pain he couldn't even scream anymore. His glasses were falling off his face and she quickly straightened them, moving more and more mechanically with each and every passing second.

Something on his hand flashed gold, despite the poor lighting. Lily frowned, glancing down at it in surprise.

It was…

James's wedding ring…

**ooooooo**

**A/N:** I am so sorry for the wait! My family had company for the weekend and then our computer died. Hopefully it won't take me as long to post the next chapter. In the meantime, you all know how much I love reviews! Thanks so much!


	126. Third Defiance

**ooooooo**

A year ago, standing in a well lit church sanctuary, surrounded by her family and friends, she had slipped a simple golden band onto her husband's finger as a symbol of unending love and faithfulness. Now, sitting on the floor of a darkened chamber, surrounded by writhing, gasping men, in a completely different, nightmarish world, James's wedding ring had not changed. It looked no different than it had when the minister had blessed it, and when Lily glanced down at her own ring, she saw that it was the same as well. Their rings… their love… had not changed after all this time.

"James…" she breathed his name softer than a whisper, reaching for his hand and holding it tightly. There was no physical, possible way of telling the difference between a man and an imposter who had swallowed Polyjuice Potion, but when Lily turned to gaze upon his face, she was not looking for a physical sign. She had never seen him this way before. He was covered in sweat, shaking, convulsing, gasping for breath, his hazel eyes, which had turned unblinking, unseeing, towards her, were bright with unshed tears. He was unrecognizable… but she knew she hadn't spent so much of her life with any of the others. This was the man she had married… This was the man she talked to, laughed with, fought with, and slept beside. This was James. She could feel it.

Turning, she looked up at Voldemort who continued to watch her intently. "Take the curse off him… please…" Her voice was breaking and she feared the wizard would murder her husband as he had that Death Eater, but what more could she do? It was impossible to stop the Killing Curse… and even though she was sliding as subtly as she could between the two, she doubted very much Voldemort would miss if he decided to take James's life.

There was something cold and treacherous about his face as he slowly pulled his wand back out of his robes. He hated her and he hated James just as much as he hated everyone else in the world and if he could peer into her mind to see how she had identified her husband the way he could peer into his mind to ascertain the accuracy of her assessment, how might he react to the gross oversight he had made concerning their wedding rings? He wouldn't be happy about it, there wasn't any denying that much. "If I am to lift the curse, Lily, you must move out of the way."

She stared at him distrustfully, but as she had no other choice, she slid to James's side, squeezing his hand tightly. She wanted to reassure him somehow, to promise him that everything would be okay and they'd both make it out of this together, but when Voldemort held out his wand an ominous feeling crept into her gut.

_"Avada Kedavra."_

She screamed in terror the likes of which she had never felt before in her life, but the Dark Lord had swiftly turned his arm towards another of his followers. The curse that had been aimed at her husband struck a tortured Death Eater, who died in a flash of horrific green light. Voldemort looked mercilessly at a third man and killed him as well. It was as if he had decided to rampage. He slew each and every one of his followers until none of them remained and then he looked back at Lily and James.

She was shaking, convulsing almost as much as her husband was. The cruelty she had seen here… she feared it would drive her mad! If they did find a way out of this nightmare, how was she ever going to recover?

"I see Polyjuice Potion is not as effective as I had grown to believe," Voldemort calmly stated as if he had just done something as natural and as ordinary as washing his hands. With another wave of his wand, he lifted the curse off James, who immediately fell still while breathing deeply in and out. Had the gesture been anything more severe, Lily would not have been able to react in time to save him, even if she had known how. She looked down at him in a daze, but when his eyes flickered towards her and truly saw her for the first time, she felt a bit of strength returning to her. Heartened, she squeezed his hand again and he squeezed back.

"Very well," Voldemort turned towards the chamber's wooden door and held out his wand. It immediately flew open and when Lily looked up at it, she saw Mulciber standing in the threshold. At his master's signal, the Death Eater walked farther into the room, surveying the circle of bodies that littered the floor quite impassively, as if he didn't care that one day he might share in their fate. Bowing to the Dark Lord, Mulciber awaited his instructions. "Our servants will be providing lunch in three hours' time. I have not finished with Potter yet, but his wife ought to be given a bath and I would have her dressed in something less _muggle_." He glanced at her white t-shirt and blue jeans as if they were indecent and offensive.

"Don't come near me," she whispered, clutching her husband's hand desperately as Mulciber looked at her in delight. The significance of Voldemort's instructions alarmed her considerably – would there ever be an end to the torture and degradation he seemed to be planning for her? The worst of it, however, wouldn't be the bath or the change of clothes or even the food. It would be the thought of James kept here at the mercy of the Dark Lord, who would no doubt hurt him in ways she didn't even want to consider.

"Lily…" he spoke her name in a pained, breathless whisper even as he rolled onto his side, reaching his free hand towards her wand hand. She looked down at him, trying to fight back the tears that blurred her vision as he looked up at her with something in his eyes that wasn't defeat. Holding both his hands in both of hers, she wondered how he was capable of such valor when he was being mind controlled and tortured. He was the strongest person she knew, more so than even Professor Dumbledore, and he spoke now with a trembling, yet resolute voice. "Love… you…"

"All right, princess, let's go," Mulciber started towards her and she looked up at him in open terror. No… she didn't want to… she tried telling him, but the words were caught in her throat. Voldemort's good humor seemed to have returned and he watched with crossed arms and a smirk as Mulciber bent down and pried Lily's hands away from James'.

"NO!" she screamed as a hatefully familiar arm wrapped around her waist and pulled her off the ground. "JAMES! NO! LET GO OF ME!" She was weak and exhausted, not to mention still in quite a bit of shock, so her struggles were as ineffectual as they'd been when her wrists were tied. Screaming, it was all she could do not to fall completely limp in the Death Eater's arms, for she was close to collapsing. James was falling farther and farther behind… what if she never saw him again?

He looked up at her… and to her astonishment…

He held up her wand.

Glancing down at her hands, Lily saw that she wasn't armed. Her wand must have slipped from her grasp and into James's when Mulciber had torn them apart. A second oversight. Voldemort wasn't a god and his followers weren't even close to being invincible; they kept making mistakes.

_"REDUCTO!" _James aimed the wand at the Dark Lord, who was thrown across the room by the blast. Mulciber stopped short, looking back in absolute shock, which gave Lily ample time to squirm around and dig her fingernails into the flesh of his face beneath the mask he still wore. Shrieking, he jerked away from her and she was able to spin out of his grasp. Turning, she found herself face to face with James, who had gotten to his feet and crossed the distance between them. Grabbing her hand, he held her wand towards Mulciber. _"Stupefy." _The man was lying unconscious on the floor before Lily could even blink her eyes. Without a moment's hesitation, James bolted towards the door, pulling her along with him.

"POTTER!" Voldemort was on his feet, utterly enraged, but by the time he had his wand in hand, James had blasted open the door and he and his wife were running down the corridor as fast as they could.

It was longer than she remembered it being. Any moment now, Voldemort would appear behind them and then they'd be sitting ducks, for there was absolutely nothing here to hide behind. James must have anticipated that as well, for he stopped short outside another door. _"Alohomora." _He pushed it open and dragged Lily inside, locking it shut behind them. Looking around, they found themselves standing in a smaller room that was lined with bookshelves and boasted an old sofa and several armchairs. There was a large fireplace with an elaborate, if not morbid, mantel to their left and several windows straight ahead, letting in plenty of light. Lily had to blink her eyes several times to adjust to it, but James didn't seem to mind.

They ran towards one of the windows and glanced outside; beyond the manor's large drive, the island stretched on towards the sea, which they could make out quite clearly in the distance. Lily remembered Mulciber saying there was no way off, no way to reach safety, and couldn't help but despair at the thought. How were they going to get out of here?

The door behind them flew off its hinges. Looking back, they saw Voldemort standing in the threshold with an expression of fury twisted across his face. He held up his wand and attacked, sending the green sparks of the Killing Curse flying towards them both. Lily screamed as James pulled her to the floor. They immediately scrambled behind one of the armchairs.

Voldemort strode towards them. He had tried killing them! The argument was clearly over and the game no longer pleasurable, for he was ready to end it. They didn't have much time. They were going to die. Lily glanced at James, but there was such angry defiance on his face that she realized it would take more than just the Cruciatus Curse to slow him down. Unless… What if he'd been tortured for so long he was already suffering from a bit of that insanity Voldemort had mentioned earlier? What if it wasn't really James fighting back right now?

_Don't think that way,_ she scolded herself as the man aimed her wand at the armchair they had found shelter behind.

_"Wingardium Leviosa."_ The chair rose up off the ground and flew towards Voldemort, knocking him off his feet and pinning him against the floor. A second passed and then it flew back at them with a hell of a lot more speed and fury. James shoved Lily to the floor while thrusting out his arm quite fiercely. He swung it around towards the window and the chair abruptly changed directions. It broke through the glass, taking a large chunk of the wall out with it and dove to the ground far below.

Lily turned her head and saw Voldemort already rising to his feet. His wand was outstretched towards James. _"Avada Kedavra." _He dove out of the way with reflexes that came from both Quidditch and extreme training. How he could move like that, after everything he'd been through in the last twenty-four hours, astonished Lily more than anything else in the world. Where did he get such reserves? Voldemort seemed to be wondering the same thing, for he glared at James in obvious, frustrated impatience. "Will you just _die_?"

"Not a chance," James replied, throwing out his arm for a nonverbal attack Voldemort was easily able deflect. This fight didn't seem to be going anywhere fast, least of all in their favor. Eventually, James was going to tire and then they'd be dead. She needed to help him, but what could she do without her wand? They should have picked up Mulciber's…

From the corner of her eye, she caught sight of the mantel to Voldemort's left. On top of it, there were three black candlesticks with red waxed, unlit candles. Scrambling to her feet, she rushed towards them frantically. James saw where she was going and immediately moved to the other side of the room, drawing the Dark Lord's attention away from the fireplace.

"C'mon, Moldy-wart! Can't you do better than that?"

Grabbing two of the candlesticks off the mantel, Lily turned to watch Voldemort lash out at James. It wasn't the Killing Curse, but it threw him well across the room. Her eyes widening, Lily yanked the candles out of the candlesticks and ran towards Voldemort. Holding them both in her right hand, she tossed back her arm and was about to club him when he spun around and grabbed her wrist. His grip was strong and painful, but Lily bit back a cry and lunged forward, punching him with all the strength she had in the face, right where his flat, snakelike nose was. He stumbled backwards, dropping her wrist, and stared at her in astonishment. Taking another step towards him before he could move to retaliate, she gripped the candlesticks in both hands and swung them like a baseball bat, striking him hard across the face. It was enough to send him to the floor.

James was on his feet again and he ran towards the two no doubt moving completely on adrenaline. Vaulting over Voldemort, he grabbed Lily and drove her towards the window. It was barely more than a hole in the wall now, but the sill was still intact and he climbed onto it without a moment's hesitation. Rising to his feet, he was more outside than inside, holding onto something spread across the manor's outer wall. It was only then that Lily remembered the dead ivy covering the entire front of the house from top to bottom. The place was practically buried in vines!

"Lily!" James shouted, holding out his hand. She took it quickly and used it to climb up after him. There was barely enough room for them both on that slowly crumbling windowsill, and James was already half outside hanging onto a vine! A vine that wasn't all that strong… His weight was pulling it away from the wall it clung to, as well as from the other smaller ivy strands woven in around it. These vines were not like Devil's Snare. They might snap loose at any moment, and though the ground wasn't as far down as Lily had originally feared, a fall would still hurt like hell. Glancing over her shoulder, she saw that Voldemort was still on the ground, shaking his head while catching his breath. He'd recover soon… They didn't have much time.

Pressing herself against James, wrapping one arm awkwardly around his neck while grabbing a fistful of ivy, she swung her feet off the windowsill… and that was all it took. The strands of ivy broke apart and the two of them started to fall. Lily screamed, inadvertently tightening her one arm around James while grabbing frantically at the ivy with her other hand. He was doing the same thing, but with both hands and though the vines mostly slipped through their fingers, they weren't falling quite as quickly as they might have been. Gradually, their descent began to slow until James managed to grab hold of a vine that somehow supported their weight. Lily reached for a different vine and held onto that, looking back up at the window fearfully. Any moment now, Voldemort might appear through it.

"Let go of the vine, Lily!" James told her through gritted teeth. She looked at him sharply and he nodded his head. "On the count of three. One…" He dropped a single hand from the vine he was holding and wrapped it around her waist. "Two…" She closed her eyes tightly. "Three!" Letting go, they fell the rest of the way to the ground, landing hard on their feet before falling on their butts. Lily groaned as a sharp pain ran up her spine. She didn't know how much more of this she could take, she was so tired.

"Now what?" she asked as James pulled her to her feet. He seemed to have an endless supply of endurance, which she found herself greatly envying. They had to get out of here, but something told her that was going to be the hardest part. "Mulciber said there's no way off the island."

"Mulciber?" James asked as he led her alongside the manor wall, away from the window and towards the front of the house. Voldemort would have to lean out extremely far to get a good shot at them now, and Lily hoped that if he did so, the windowsill would collapse with him on top of it. Maybe he wouldn't survive the fall…

"He's the Death Eater you stunned back there," she explained as they came to several large, dying bushes that might once have been lovely accents to the manor, back when they were still lush green and thriving, but were now, however, just a mass of protruding sticks that looked like giant, demonic claws. Passing between them and the house, Lily allowed herself to feel temporarily sheltered so she could catch her breath. "Are you okay?" she asked, glancing up at her husband in concern. All this time and she hadn't yet had a chance to do so.

"We're going to make it out of this," he told her, reaching out his hand to grab one of the larger, sturdier branches of the enormous bush they were hiding behind. Using Lily's wand, he snapped it off cleanly and placed it on the ground. Frowning, she watched him walk around it in confusion; what did he think he was doing? Before she could ask, however, he glanced up at her with a nervous smile. "I reckon if I can transfigure myself into a stag, this should be easy." She opened her mouth in astonishment, but couldn't think of what to say. James gave her wand a quick wave, aiming it at the stick, and before their very eyes it transformed into a broom.

"Bloody hell!" Lily looked up from it and stared at her husband in complete disbelief. He was grinning triumphantly, as if he had just single-handedly won the Quidditch World Cup. Was there anything he couldn't do? Maybe they'd find their way off this forsaken rock after all. "Let's get out of here!" James had spent seven years as a Marauder back at Hogwarts, getting in and out of trouble every single night while learning how to think on his feet and, more importantly, how to act while in considerable danger. Obviously, it had paid off quite favorably.

"Hold on," James waved her back, kneeling beside the broom while shaking his head with a sigh. "It's a bit crude and still needs Levitation and Cushioning Charms."

"Well, hurry up!" She caught her breath, knowing words were quite unnecessary as he was already working on it. Why did flying broomsticks need to be so complicated?

Footsteps… Several pairs of footsteps… all running towards them from the front of the house! Lily turned her head in alarm, unable to see clearly through the thankfully dense branches of the giant bushes she and her husband were hiding behind, but she doubted very much those were rescuers coming to save them. Oh God, James wasn't done yet! He was whispering urgently under his breath, but those spells weren't done yet!

"They're in the bushes, there." Voldemort. Lily covered her mouth, trying to keep calm, but a few large, dead shrubs weren't going to offer much protection for very long. "Get in there and drag them out. I want to hear them both screaming." Three men were already on the move, cautiously making their way forward. They expected James to defend his position and so they took care as they bent and snapped branches out of their way.

"Come on, princess!" That was Mulciber. He must have woken up. "You know there's no sense in making this difficult! You're not going anywhere!"

"James?" she looked at her husband in alarm and breathed a sigh of relief when she saw him climbing back to his feet.

"Up!" The broom immediately leapt to his hand and he mounted it like the expert that he was, gesturing for Lily to join him. She obeyed, swinging her leg over behind him while wrapping her arms tightly around his waist.

"What the-?"

Turning her head, Lily saw Mulciber staring at them through the branches, his mask unable to disguise his clear bewilderment. "HEY!"

_"Reducto!" _James aimed Lily's wand at the branches directly overhead and they immediately blasted apart. Pushing up off the ground, he steered the newly developed broom towards the sky and they took off like a flying comet. Lily couldn't help but scream at the unexpected burst of speed – just how fast were they going? Surely no Cleansweep could match this!

"Hang on!" James shouted, suddenly swinging to the left. Green sparks shot into the sky and had he not turned, they would have been hit. Voldemort and his Death Eaters were trying to curse them from the ground. Lily buried her face in James's back as he zigzagged through the sky, spinning up and down, flying away from the island as quickly as he could while not getting struck. "Yeah! Beat that!" He almost seemed to be enjoying himself. Lily couldn't say she was surprised. They were escaping on the back of a broomstick, for crying out loud! And a relatively decent broomstick, at that. Oh, all right, an impossibly good one. James had outdone himself.

They were off the island now. Below them, the ocean was glistening beneath a bright, golden sun.

**ooooooo**

It seemed like such a beautiful summer afternoon. Through the emerald leaves of the trees high above them, the sky was a deep blue. A crystal-clear brook twisted its way through the forest glade's grassy floor and the water had felt most refreshing when Lily stepped into it, washing herself clean. Voldemort wouldn't find them here. An enchanting place like this… seemed to be on the other side of the universe from that horrific island, which meant they were well out of his reach. They had made it. They were safe.

After rinsing themselves off, they had sat down on the soft grass and saw to each other's wounds as best they could with just one wand. James promised he'd buy another for himself as soon as they made it back to London, but Lily found herself wondering if that would ever happen. They were lost. He had admitted it earlier, he had no idea where they were. Directions were easy as the sun rose in the east and fell in the west, but James didn't know whether or not going east would lead them to Britain or Germany, or if going west would lead them home or to the United States. They might need to go north or south! One way or the other, they could end up anywhere in the entire world. Literally.

If they stayed where they were, though, Lily wasn't entirely sure she'd mind. The glade they'd taken shelter in for a bit of rest seemed ever so peaceful and after the night she'd been put through, there wasn't anything at all she wanted more than peace – especially with James at her side. They'd found a haven and she could not bear to leave it. At least not yet.

Walking up and down the edge of the tree line, she picked berries she recognized from Herbology. They were edible and had numerous healing properties, making her feel better than she had in days. After eating a few, she dropped them on the tunic James had taken off some time ago – she had cleaned it with her wand – and proceeded to carry them over to where he was lying on his back, staring up at the sky. "Here. Try these. I promise you, they're tasty." He glanced at her offering and sat up with a smile.

"Look at us! Surviving in the wild!" He plopped a handful into his mouth all at once. "Tarzan and Jane! That'll be us! I mean, we've already got the whole vine thing down, yeah? We'll be modern-day legends." He laughed, running a hand through his hair while Lily smiled.

"How long do you think it'll be before Voldemort catches up with us?" she asked after a moment, for neither one of them truly felt as lighthearted as their words might have implied. They had barely escaped disaster, after all, no doubt embarrassing Voldemort in the process, and he wanted to kill them for it. Even her.

James sighed, shaking his head. "Once we get back home, we'll take greater care. I'll never let that happen again, Lil. I promise." Because if he did, they'd both be killed, and that just wasn't an option. "I love you. And I'm so sorry you were put through that."

"It's over now," she whispered, allowing him to pull her into his arms. "I love you too, James."

An owl hooted above them. There was something familiar about that sound. Looking up, they found themselves staring at a large bird holding an envelope in its beak. It was a bird they both knew. After all, it belonged to them.

"I don't believe it," Lily gaped as James jumped to his feet. They were saved! The owl could lead them straight back home!

"How in the blazes did you find us, old chap?" James demanded as the owl flew to his arm. Taking the letter in his hand, he struggled to open it and then began to read.

**ooooooo**

**A/N:** What a ride that's been… I hope you all enjoyed it and please don't forget to review. Thanks so much!


	127. The Interview

**NOTE:** A lot of this chapter is merely speculation. I have no idea whether or not this is how things will play out in the last book – which, incidentally, will be coming to bookstores in a matter of weeks! Oh, I can hardly wait! Anyway, please remember this was written before Deathly Hallows and don't be too harsh with me. Enjoy!

**ooooooo**

_"To Master Potter,_

_"I regret to inform you your mother has fallen grievously ill. It is impossible to predict when, or even if, she will make a recovery, as she refuses to send for a Healer. What with the war rampant outside our walls, she has proven loath to draw anyone at all away from St. Mungo's Hospital, including your father's own Healer, Sam Beckett. The hospital's need, she claims, is by far greater than her own, and you know she is a stubborn woman. She asks only that you and mistress Lily come to her side, for she desires to see you both again._

_"Your obedient servant, Edmund."_

Lily could no longer count the number of times she had read that letter. James only needed to read it once and then he was on the back of the broomstick, urging her to get on behind him while ordering the owl to lead them home. They both knew it was bound to be a long flight, especially since their guide couldn't fly half as fast as they could, and the witch was quickly overwrought with impatience. Ever since they'd gone into that cave filled with hybrid Devil's Snare, it had just been one ordeal after the next with no end in sight and she hated it.

It had been around three in the afternoon when they finally reached the Potter's mansion, though now it was well after dusk. Outside, the world looked gray and drab, so unlike the forest glade they had taken shelter in. Standing at a window with her arms wrapped around her, Lily found herself wishing that owl had never discovered them. She found herself wishing she and James had remained in those woods always and forever. Maybe that was unfair, but she was tired of this war-besieged world where respectable women sacrificed their own health to keep Healers at the hospital, where loved ones died and families found themselves torn apart. She thought of her own family. The Fletchers were somewhere in the States, far out of reach, and Petunia wouldn't see her anymore. Now James's mother was dying and in a matter of hours, the two of them were going to be alone. Completely.

She had spent quite a bit of time at Mrs. Potter's bedside before excusing herself from the room, allowing James the chance to be with her alone. They had spoken only of good things: where they planned on living and what they planned on doing in fifteen years, how many children they wanted to have and what names they'd consider giving a son or a daughter. If there was anything Mrs. Potter regretted, she said it was that she would not live long enough to see her grandchildren. _"Now, be sure not to make the same mistake your father and I did, James. Don't wait too long to have a baby. Parents don't have as much fun as grandparents do and you won't want to miss that."_

Lily had thought old age wouldn't necessarily be what kept them from grandparenthood. After all, a car crash had killed her own mum and dad years ago; anything at all could happen in this terribly cruel world and if they even survived the war, she knew that would be a miracle in itself. Voldemort was after her and James now, and when he decided to kill someone, he generally succeeded. Of course, she didn't mention that to Mrs. Potter, it would have been by far too depressing. In fact, she hadn't mentioned it to anyone at all. No one knew where she and James had been last night, this morning. No one knew they had been forced from their home, tortured, and nearly killed. It just… didn't seem right to talk about. Mrs. Potter was lying on her deathbed and ought to be spared that torment. She deserved a peaceful rest for she had had such a long, amazing life.

_ "I remember when your father first bought this house, James. I was so used to simplicity it quite overwhelmed me. How was I supposed to manage an estate? I certainly don't know how muggles do it without magic, but it was an adventure and your father and I, we did so love adventures… Oh, how I miss those days. You know, I would give just about anything for one more. Just one. But it'll come soon. I can almost see him. Right there next to you. You look so much like your father, James."_

There were tears in her eyes. Lily quickly wiped them away, shaking slightly as the door opened behind her. She hadn't spoken a word to anyone since leaving James with his mum and she wasn't entirely sure she was ready to now, so she remained at the window staring out into the darkening world, hoping that whoever it was would leave her be. She was so tired… she hadn't slept and she often couldn't stop picturing this morning's events in her mind's eye.

_"Crucio." _

_"He bit his tongue! He's choking!"_

_"Avada Kedavra."_

Voldemort would kill his own Death Eaters to torment her. That Death Eater had looked so much like James… all of them had. She wished it never happened. She wished Mrs. Potter would never learn of it. She wished she could sleep, for she was exhausted, but she feared the nightmares she might have if she tried. In a mere twenty-four hours so much had happened, the world had changed, and she hadn't even taken a shower yet. According to Edmund, Mrs. Potter had lost her vision hours ago, but still she spoke of seeing her husband right there next to James. Was that magic?

"Lily?"

She turned her head sharply; Remus! He was standing in the doorway, gazing in at her with such sympathy on his face. Behind him, she caught sight of Sirius and Peter. They were all there, three of the four great Marauders, rallying to her side because her husband still remained with his mum. She couldn't stop the tears now, for though they didn't know it, the mere sight of them proved to her beyond the shadow of a doubt she was back where she belonged, away from Voldemort, away from his cruelty, away from his followers, and back where she was loved and safe and truly at home. She was with her family again and when they saw her crying, they ran to her and held her tightly in their arms.

**ooooooo**

It had started to rain. The day had been one of the finest Hogsmeade had ever seen, but now that the gloriously golden sun had set and the silver moon had been blotted out by thick, billowing dark clouds, it seemed so much drearier and almost ominous. Dressed in his good old thick purple cloak, Albus Dumbledore paused outside the Hog's Head and glanced up at its gruesome, rather unseemly sign. The severed head of a pig… how fitting. It was a cold, wet night and he was about to walk into a shady, disreputable pub that smelled like goats even from way out here. Smiling, he shook his head in amusement. If that wasn't foreshadowing, he didn't know what was. Hopefully, there would be a lot more of it coming along down the road soon, otherwise this was going to be a wasted visit – not that he would ever dare say such a thing in his brother's range of hearing.

Aberforth was standing at the bar, serving several clients who had taken shelter there from the rain. Many were wearing wet cloaks with their hoods drawn over their heads, covering their faces, but Dumbledore was quick to lower his. No one would ever accuse him of conforming to any place's idea of fashion, least of all this one's. Making his way across the filthy stone floor and past the warped wooden tables with their dripping candle stubs, he handed his brother a fistful of Sickles. "Still collecting bezoars, I see."

Aberforth grunted, but Dumbledore thought he could see some traces of amusement beneath that mask of irritability. "Not quite. Here to see the Seer? Thought she said you'd be comin', but then…" He shrugged. "She wasn't exactly makin' a whole lot of sense. Couldn't be sure." He glanced down at the Sickles Dumbledore had paid him with and seemed to count them, though his mathematical skills were questionable. "You're not actually thinking of hiring her, are you?"

Dumbledore sighed, shaking his head. "Her great-great-grandmother had the gift, Aberforth. The very least I can do is meet with her. Besides, interviewing ambitious young teachers is a rather important part of my job, and I've conducted some very questionable ones in the past, to be sure. Mind you, at least this is for Divination and not Defense Against the Dark Arts. Quite a breath of fresh air."

"You don't say?" Aberforth pocketed the money before looking back up at him and meeting his gaze. "Well. She's upstairs waiting for you. Room Five, I reckon – though lacking an Inner Eye of my own, I can't really say for sure, now can I? Could be anywhere." He chuckled at his own joke before turning his attention back to his customers. Dumbledore watched him for a moment and then made his way towards the narrow and steep, uneven stairs built in the corner of the bar. After climbing them, he was obliged to make a sharp right turn before finding himself in a short hallway that had an uncomfortably low ceiling. Room Five was also on the right, directly above Aberforth's bar. Knocking lightly on the door, Dumbledore noticed a large beetle crawling along the torn, considerably stained, dirty carpet. Why his brother felt the need to go so far as to live in such filth, he still didn't-

"Is that you, Headmaster?"

The voice that called out to him was trembling as if in fear – and not the kind of fear that came merely from nerves. Frowning, Dumbledore let himself in while quickly glancing around the room, hoping not to find anything out of place or in disarray. Had Aberforth been negligent? Had someone else been here without permission? "Sibyll?" He found her sitting at a round table that was as bent and misshapen as the ones downstairs, gazing into a large, milky crystal ball with an expression of outright terror on her face, the cause of which, however, managed to elude him. She was a slight woman, Sibyll Trelawney, dressed in gaudy robes, a sequined shawl, positively adorned in all kinds of jewelry while wearing glasses that made her eyes pop out – a style which he personally found fashionable and even chic – but there was no sign of what frightened her so.

"Quick!" She suddenly leapt to her feet, knocking over the chair she'd been occupying while pointing a quivering finger straight at him. "You must close the door, Headmaster! As I have been crystal gazing, I have foreseen shadows, so many shadows! Men who have become mere specters, closing in around us even as we speak! Their numbers grow day to day and they mean to strike us down! They must be shut out, Headmaster, shut out!"

Allowing the door to swing shut behind him, Dumbledore regarded her in well concealed fascination. So this was how great-great-granddaughters of very gifted Seers behaved, now was it? Disrespectfully, but with such heart and such passion. It was a shame those two latter qualities didn't outweigh the first. "Shut out, indeed, Sibyll, goodness knows we don't want Death Eaters in our midst. May I come in?"

"It is as I have foreseen," she whispered frantically, her arms shaking at her sides. "If only you knew, Headmaster, if only you knew. Why fate would have you enter this room and right my chair while sitting across from me merely to hold an interview, I might not yet understand, but I'll not question it. Come in, come in!"

"Ah," Dumbledore smiled as he reached for his wand and magically lifted up the chair she had knocked over, placing it back on its feet. "The power of suggestion. It is an admirable skill, Sibyll, favored particularly by muggles, I do believe." He took the seat across from her, watching in amusement as she sank as gracefully as she could back down. "Sherry?"

**ooooooo**

It had started to pour. Outside, the wind was howling and the rain was pounding against the windowpanes. Lily wondered where this unexpected storm had come from; the weather had been so perfect earlier in the afternoon. Sitting at Mrs. Potter's bedside, holding her hand though she had fallen asleep five, ten minutes ago, Lily stared blankly at the pale blue curtains that hid the world beyond their gentle folds. She had barely spoken a word to Peter, Sirius, and even Remus, for she didn't know what to say. Hopefully they'd have more to talk about now that she'd switched places with James, who needed a break from the awful task of tending to a dying mother. It was just so hard…

**ooooooo**

"You must understand, Sibyll, that Divination has never been considered an exact science. Unfortunate as it is, each year fewer and fewer students show even the slightest potential for the subject. It is quickly becoming a lost art."

"Lost art, indeed!" Trelawney sputtered, pouring herself another glass of sherry. She was a stubborn woman to be sure and had no sense of subtly whatsoever. The interview was over, having ended the moment Dumbledore sat down, but if she even realized that, she chose not to acknowledge it. Instead, she carried on with her highly enthusiastic performance, unconvincing as it was, as if the decision had already been made in her favor. "You forget, professor, the scry that indicated this year's resurgence. More first year students shall enter into your prestigious school this year possessed of the Inner Eye than there have been in decades! So you see now why I am here to offer my services? I would not have come, but fate deems it necessary that _I_ guide them, that _I_ teach them how to develop and hone their gifts; and I know neither one of us would be so presumptuous as to question anything fate has deemed necessary, Headmaster."

"No, of course not," Dumbledore calmly allowed. "Though I must say I can't help but question why fate brought you here tonight instead of in two years time. After all, your services will be of fairly little use to the first years. They aren't permitted to take Divination."

**ooooooo**

Aberforth hated this place. Was it any wonder why he always looked so grumpy? While it certainly made a nice, convenient cover that had served his brother well in the past, he couldn't help but think Dumbledore took it for granted. He took a lot of things for granted, really; that was one of his problems. Thinking back, Aberforth pictured the group of Death Eaters that had once stayed here years ago – Nott, Rosier, Mulciber, Dolohov… and even their leader. Voldemort had been served a drink or two at that bar, back before he'd been labeled public enemy number one. And even then, Aberforth had been disgusted by such filth.

At least there was always Hagrid. Hagrid helped make it bearable. They could sit down on a quiet evening and talk about goats, dragons, goats, goblins, acromantulas, dragons, goats, and so on whilst getting drunk. Good old Hagrid! Aberforth didn't know what he would have done without the bloke and while it wasn't exactly what one would call a best friendship, for he wasn't entirely sure whether or not Hagrid even knew who he really was, it was still companionship and they both needed that. Especially on nights like this.

It was pouring and the entire bar felt damp. As Aberforth reached under the counter for some more bottles of firewhiskey, he caught sight of one man climbing to his feet up off the stool he'd been settled on. Cloaked in heavy black material with a hood covering his face, he fit right in at the Hog's Head and yet was a stranger to these parts. Aberforth did not know him. Frowning, he watched the man sweep towards the staircase. That was odd. He hadn't purchased a room key. Having only just arrived at the pub around dinnertime, he hadn't shown even the slightest interest in anything other than a warm drink and therefore had no business whatsoever up those stairs.

"Excuse me!" Aberforth started after him, but before he managed to take even two steps, another man hidden beneath a dark green robe dumped a fistful of Galleons onto the counter next to him. He paused, staring intently at the money. Nothing, absolutely nothing, in the Hog's Head was worth that much. He might not have been Albus Dumbledore, but he was still a Dumbledore, and he could recognize the Imperius Curse when he saw it.

"Why don't you give me some of that firewhiskey?" the green robed man asked, though it wasn't a question so much as it was a demand.

**ooooooo**

Mrs. Potter's hand squeezed Lily's, though she remained fast asleep, and Lily, who had been sitting stooped in her chair, sat upright in sudden concern. Whispering the woman's name, she leaned over the bed to feel her brow. Somehow, it felt different, colder, and almost…

Tears blurring her vision, Lily sat back and slowly checked for a pulse. She couldn't find one. Clenching her eyes shut, feeling a weight in her stomach that physically hurt, she covered her mouth to keep from crying out. To cry, to scream, to make too much noise of any kind she thought would have been offensive. She needed to be reverent… Mrs. Potter was at peace…

Reverent…? Peace…? The two words meant something, but not to her. Not then. Not after what she'd been through. Unable to hold back her tears, she found herself sobbing again, but this time, Remus, Sirius, and Peter were elsewhere trying to comfort James and she found herself completely alone.

**ooooooo**

"I am surprised, Headmaster, that a wizard of your caliber has not a finer appreciation for the gifts and talents destined to be fostered in the very students we both know, even without the Inner Eye, to be the future of our society!"

Dumbledore sighed, finally growing weary with the conversation. "Sibyll, it is no secret that Hogwarts' latest Divination Professor retired last term and that the post has yet to be claimed. I do believe my students have grown to accept the fact that the course will be discontinued. The start of term is just a few days away and it would be most inconvenient for my Deputy Headmistress to modify schedules for anyone to take Divination now."

"Inconvenient!" Trelawney gasped, sounding horrified and indignant. "You would deprive your students of their education merely for the sake of convenience?"

"Not at all, Sibyll," Dumbledore assured her, while neglecting to point out that Divination hardly counted as an education. He rose to his feet, eager to be on his way. "But I hold my professors to considerably high standards and will not add to their number merely for the sake of Divination unless the applicant enjoys greater experience, greater accomplishment. You must forgive me. I wish I could give you a more favorable response, but I do not believe what you have to offer meets the needs my students."

Sibyll Trelawney stared up at him in shock. For a moment, she looked quite speechless: her thin, fragile body had grown rigid, her mouth sagged open, and her eyes lost their focus. Dumbledore could only suppose he had been too harsh with her and so sighed softly, shaking his head. "I am sorry. But there is nothing more I can do for you." He sensed she was a good woman. She had a lot of heart, a lot of spirit, and she meant well, but she did not possess her great-great-grandmother's gift. At best, she was merely fooling herself, and at worst, she was an outright fraud, but either way, she could not teach at Hogwarts. And so Dumbledore turned to leave.

**ooooooo**

Aberforth poured the green robed man his firewhiskey, but not without first slipping in a few drops of a simple Sleeping Draught he just so happened to have up his sleeve – literally. He moved subtly and with the ease of a trained professional, though Albus had always been the more disciplined of the two. His brother could have slipped Voldemort himself an entire vial full of Veritaserum with the Dark Lord being none the wiser… All right, so that was a bit of an exaggeration, but the point was Aberforth didn't feel the need to complain about how dulled the green robed man's senses were, what with him already being half-drunk and mind controlled. He wasn't his brother and therefore took his blessings as they came.

The man gulped down his beverage without once noting the additional ingredient and within seconds was pitched forward over the countertop, sleeping like a baby. Considering how he'd been cursed to prevent Aberforth from following the strange black robed guest upstairs, there seemed to be little choice but to leave him there, for now, in order to figure out what the ruddy hell was going on in his pub.

**ooooooo**

_"THE ONE WITH THE POWER TO VANQUISH THE DARK LORD APPROACHES…"_

Dumbledore paused at the door, slowly turning back around to face the rather obnoxious witch. Only… she wasn't acting obnoxiously anymore. Her eyes had rolled backwards, her voice had grown hoarse, harsh, and stiff, quite unlike her previously dulcet manner, and what he had first taken to be shock and speechlessness now reeked of something much, much more intimidating. She was in a trance. She was in a trance and her words could only have been shaping themselves into one thing.

_"BORN TO THOSE WHO HAVE THRICE DEFIED HIM…"_

This was a prophecy. Sibyll Trelawney had indeed inherited her great-great-grandmother's Sight and she was now making him a prophecy.

_"BORN AS THE SEVENTH MONTH DIES…"_

**ooooooo**

"You there!" Aberforth shouted as he reached the top of the stairs and turned into the hallway, only to discover the black robed stranger kneeling beside the door to Room Five, listening in through the keyhole. "What do you think you're doing?" The stranger recoiled, jumping to his feet in surprise. Whirling around to face the barman, he began sputtering out senseless jabber.

Room Five; that was the room in which Dumbledore just so happened to be meeting with the witch, the Seer. Aberforth had no idea why anyone would care to eavesdrop on that particular interview, but this bloke had gone to great lengths to do so, having unforgivably cursed a man to distract the barkeep so he could sneak upstairs. For whatever reason, he was clearly a spy and that made him an enemy.

**ooooooo**

_"AND THE DARK LORD WILL MARK HIM AS HIS EQUAL, BUT HE WILL HAVE POWER THE DARK LORD KNOWS NOT…"_

Dumbledore could barely believe what he was hearing. In fact, he could barely breathe, he was holding his breath. Outside, the rain was growing heavier, sharper, and angrier, while in the corridor behind him there came the sound of what might have been a scuffle. A storm was brewing, the likes of which Britain had not seen since 1945.

_"AND EITHER MUST DIE AT THE HAND OF THE OTHER FOR NEITHER CAN LIVE WHILE THE OTHER SURVIVES…"_

It was coming. The climactic arrival of some unknown, unborn savior.

_"THE ONE WITH THE POWER TO VANQUISH THE DARK LORD WILL BE BORN AS THE SEVENTH MONTH DIES…"_

Trelawney's head dropped to her chest right as the door to the room nearly flew off its hinges. Only then did Dumbledore realize how far he had walked towards her while listening to her prophecy, for he was not hit as it crashed open and when he spun back around, the hallway beyond it, as well as the two intruders standing there, all seemed so impossibly far away.

"Sorry to interrupt you, Professor," Aberforth growled, gripping a black robed wizard tightly by the arm. "This one's so eager to spy on you he got careless. Reckon he hoped to be back at his master's feet within the hour with an interesting story to tell. You know how kids are these days. Can't get 'em to do a good day's work and yet they still wanna get a bloody reward."

"You're one to talk!" the stranger angrily shot back, shoving Aberforth off him. "Have you any idea what a dump this place is? When was the last time you bothered to clean it, old man? Room and board ought to be free!"

"Severus?" Dumbledore's throat constricted as he placed the young man's voice. It always pained him to learn of his own students surrendering their very lives, their souls, to Voldemort for the mere sake of whatever powers and rewards he promised them, as it meant that he himself had failed in his duty as their teacher to guide them towards truth and greatness – real greatness and not what Tom Riddle mistook for it. He had failed Severus Snape and here were the consequences.

"Good heavens!" Trelawney seemed to have decided that was the moment to reawaken in the physical realm. She glanced up and took in her surroundings with considerable surprise written on her face. "The Inner Eye certainly does attract its fair share of attention, Headmaster, wouldn't you agree?"

"I wasn't spying," Severus adamantly declared, lowering his hood and fixing Dumbledore with an empty, wretched stare that brought to mind some deep, dark abyss. "Yes, I should not have wandered upstairs and for that I apologize. Now, I heard a strange sound coming from this room and I feared something might have been wrong. Before barging in to offer my services, however, I stopped to listen merely to verify whether or not my suspicions were accurate. It would not have done to interrupt had everything been well." There was no penetrating that abyss. Dumbledore could perceive neither truth nor deception in his empty, soulless eyes.

"You want us to believe your intentions were good ones?" Aberforth demanded, charging towards him and pushing him roughly backwards. "You gotta pay to get upstairs so unless you happen to have a good explanation for being here in the first place, why should we believe you?"

"I told you!" Severus shoved the man away from him before producing a mighty, fierce looking wand. "I came the wrong way-!"

"There's only one set of stairs here! How could you come the wrong way? Are you mental?"

"I will not stand to be insulted!"

"Yeah? What're you gonna do about it? Run crying to your boss?"

"Gentlemen!" Trelawney rose to her feet and swept towards them, more composed than Dumbledore had ever seen her. "The aura about this room has grown fraught with malice. Do not succumb to it, whatever you do, do not succumb to it!" Aberforth and Severus both regarded her blankly before turning back towards each other.

"I want you out of the Hog's Head, right now," Aberforth spat mercilessly, to which Severus nodded his agreement.

"I wouldn't stay another moment in this godforsaken barn to save my life!"

They continued shouting at each other even as Aberforth sprang forward and roughly herded the man out of the room and back down the hall. Trelawney followed them to the door, all the while calling after them words of hope and peace underlined by disaster should they submit to such ill will. Outside, the rain was splattering ominously and Dumbledore could barely think as he sank wearily back down in his chair.

The one with the power to vanquish the Dark Lord? Born as the seventh month dies? The seventh month was July. It was August now and almost September. They would have to wait another year… and then what? Years and years more for the child to grow up? Was Voldemort truly to reign for so long? And even once the child had grown, that didn't necessarily mean it would triumph. Either must die at the hand of the other… Voldemort might still win.

This couldn't be… He had only come to interview an applicant for a measly little job at his school! Why must there always be a twist when one least expected it? Prophecies usually had ways of coming true despite the fact that if _ignored_ they might not. Voldemort would never ignore a prophecy like this, which meant Dumbledore could not either. It would come to pass… and he could foresee the future himself enough to know it would only get worse. Much, much worse. And a thought like that left him cold and trembling with fear.

**ooooooo**

"Lily?"

The door to Mrs. Potter's bedroom was gently, quietly held open and James peered in with Sirius, Remus, and Peter all at his back. She looked up at them, having been hunched over with her head buried in her arms, and there were tears streaming down her forlorn face. "She's gone. She's gone, James. She's gone."

The night was growing darker with every painful heartbeat. Hope seemed lost to the world and as James walked weakly into the room, falling to his knees before his mother's bed, it seemed like heaven, the universe, and all of creation had forgotten them, leaving them behind in a realm of sorrow and despair.

**ooooooo**

**A/N:** Sorry about the delay. This chapter wasn't exactly easy to write and I kind of got a little sidetracked with other things this week. Anyway, so there you have it. I hope it's tolerable. Let me know. Send reviews. Thanks so much!


	128. Turmoil

**ooooooo**

When the rain stopped, it was early the next morning. The grandfather clock in the tea room held its hand shortly after five, but despite the hour, no one in the mansion, not even the servants, could bring themselves to sleep. They hadn't slept all night and though it was predominantly silent, lights were still lit and magic underway. There was much to be done in preparation for Mrs. Potter's funeral and though the task was a solemn, painful one, it would not be neglected. James and Lily fortunately had enough friends and enough help to see to that. At five after five in the morning, however, Sirius Black found himself sprawled out on the floor in a corner of the tea room, twirling his wand in his fingers while occasionally blasting a china cup off the table.

"Well," Remus appeared in the doorway just in time to witness such an act of destruction. "I suppose that's one way of letting it out." He walked into the room, producing his own wand to repair the damage. After all, they didn't want Edmund, or any of the servants, accusing them of vandalism so soon after… well, so soon after Mrs. Potter's passing.

Sirius watched him hardly moving a muscle, but once the man got out of the way, he held up his wand again and blew apart the entire tea set. Remus jumped, staring at the mess in astonishment while Sirius put his wand away. "Leave it, Moony. I'll fix it in the morning." His voice was hoarse and barely recognizable. When Remus heard it, he turned to look at him with such sympathy on his face that Sirius scoffed. "Don't you start that with me, mate. I'm fine."

Remus shook his head. "First of all, it's already morning." He sank slowly to the floor, scooting to his friend's side. "And second of all, she was more of a mother to you than Walburga Black could ever hope to be."

"First of all, it's still dark out. So how can it be morning? Second of all, she never even once fit my definition of family." The stubborn bitterness was palpable in Sirius's voice. He was angry. Understandably so, but Remus still flinched.

"Your definition of family seems to be changing," he noticed quietly, unable to meet his best friend's gaze, though Sirius wasn't even looking at him. "Prongs told me about Regulus. Was he really the only brother you could've ever had? Is you're mum really the only mum you could ever have?" They weren't questions he ever thought he'd have to ask, but the closed expression that came over Sirius's face left him with little other choice. What was happening to Sirius? What was happening to Padfoot?

"We're not kids anymore," he reminded his friend coldly. "So excuse me for facing reality. I'm not a Potter. I'm sorry James is grieving, I'm sorry about what happened, but she wasn't my mother, Moony." His mother was a hag he wished had died instead of Mrs. Potter. He hated his mum, but he was done pretending. At least… that's what he told himself. Judging by the look on Remus' face, however, he could see he had yet to sound truly convincing. "Stop it."

"Stop what?" Remus asked innocently, to which Sirius jumped up in fury.

"Stop thinking you understand! Stop thinking you know things better than me!" He started pacing around the room, wishing there was something to drink but unable to spot anything other than tea. Tea wasn't strong enough, it wasn't nearly strong enough! "My entire family either follows or supports the darkest, evilest wizard this world has ever seen, Moony! Yours doesn't. It's true, you can choose your friends, but you can't choose your family. I'm glad I can choose my friends. Best thing that's ever happened to me. But I have to draw a line between that and blood. Trust me." Regulus had tried crossing over that line… his brother had tried becoming a friend… and look where it had gotten him… "It's less painful this way and that's something we've all got to accept."

"You know that's not true," Remus gently told him, pulling his knees up and wrapping his arms around them. "Blood's got nothing to do with it. We're your family and if you didn't think so, you would've told Lily about Regulus. She still thinks he's alive somewhere in Germany, 'cause even though she's not blood related, she's still family and you know how much it'll hurt her. So stop lying to yourself, Padfoot."

Sirius had paused and now turned to look at his friend with such fury on his face and such pain breaking his heart that he was actually shaking. "You think you know everything, don't you?" Before Remus could answer, he stormed out of the tea room and didn't stop until he had walked out of the house. Transforming into a great black dog, he ran as quickly as he could as far as his four legs would carry him.

**ooooooo**

Mrs. Potter was buried next to her husband. September had come and the world itself felt colder than ice. More witches and wizards came to the funeral than Lily had expected, including the Longbottoms, several of her old teachers, and Albus Dumbledore himself. The old man somehow seemed frailer than he had before, as if he had caught some kind of illness and when he offered James his condolences, there was a dismal emptiness in his eyes where once there had been a sparkle. He was tired. He was losing hope. It was clear something had happened to greatly discourage him, but when Lily asked about it, all he said was that the days seemed to be growing longer, so much longer. And so they were.

The days that followed seemed to stretch on forever. Sirius remained at the mansion, though he barely ever spoke a word – especially to Remus. Peter, however, soon returned to London, for he had to work to keep his job, as did James. Neither the newspaper nor the war could be put on hold and so it was often just the three of them: Lily, Remus, and Sirius. The tension did not waver and it quickly grew to be lonelier than the witch could take. Sitting at a desk in the library, she wrote a letter – quite possibly the longest she had ever dared attempt – and gave it to her husband's owl with strict instructions that it was to be taken to the post office of a town called Little Whinging. She had written a return address on the envelope so her sister could mail any response she might choose to write to one of her old roommates, Mary, who came from a muggle family and knew how to handle mail without magic. It might take longer, but Lily hoped Petunia would appreciate the gesture.

October came, however, before any letters did, so it seemed the gesture had been wasted. Lily tried not to let that surprise or hurt her, but then… when one so desperately hoped for something, it was difficult not to let disappointment take its toll. At least there was Sirius. When she confessed to him how much she missed her sister and how much she wanted them to be family again, such understanding had poured into his eyes… and he seemed physically unable to keep from pulling her into his arms.

Eventually, she stopped thinking about the letter and of course that was when the reply finally came. The message Petunia sent her via Mary proved astonishingly short, but at the same time, Lily could not have asked for more. _"There is a small café in London… Vernon will be at work… I told him I had some shopping to do…" _They were going to meet for lunch. Vernon might not know about it – he might never know about it – but Lily was going to meet Petunia for lunch! When she read those words, she nearly broke into tears.

"You can't go by yourself, though," James warned her later that night when she shared the news with him, Sirius, and Remus. "That would just be asking for trouble."

"Why?" Remus asked with a frown, for James and Lily had yet to tell anyone of their most recent escape from the Dark Lord. Even after all this time, not even the Order of the Phoenix knew. They didn't know why they were keeping it secret, but somehow it was just… too hard to speak of out loud. For the moment, Voldemort's Death Eaters couldn't break their way onto the Potter's property, for though it wasn't Hogwarts or Gringotts, it was still well protected and had many escape routes. So why make a fuss about it before they absolutely had to?

"I wouldn't go by myself," Lily assured him, ignoring Remus' inquiry. She turned towards Sirius. "You'd come with me, wouldn't you? You could be my dog. Petunia would never guess!" Slowly, a small smile crept its way onto his face as he considered all the possibilities that came with such a disguise.

"I could make Petunia hate me! She's not a dog person, is she? I could jump on her!"

"Careful, Padfoot, or we'll conjure up a leash," James threatened his friend jokingly, but not without slight sincerity. He knew just as well as Remus how difficult things had been for all of them lately, but this wasn't exactly the time for fun and games. It was Lily's relationship with her sister on the line and that had to be taken seriously.

The date Petunia had set for their get-together happened to be the following Thursday and Lily waited for it to come like a child waiting for a birthday – though without the confidence that it would be positively spectacular. In fact, the closer the day came, the more terrified Lily grew. She and her sister were not on the best of terms and every single time they saw each other, it always ended in something akin to heartbreak. Why should this time be any different? As much as Lily wanted to see her sister, what if nothing changed? Was it worth going through that kind of misery? And what if they were seen by Death Eaters? James had a point, after all. It was just like asking for trouble.

"You have to go," he nevertheless informed her when Thursday finally arrived. "Because you know you'll regret it if you don't. You've been waiting for this chance, Lil, and it's finally here." He kissed her warmly, for luck and encouragement, before leading her, Sirius, and Remus off his land and into the city. They traveled by portkey and once in London, they parted company. James and Remus were to meet with Peter for lunch while Sirius, already in the form of a dog, trotted alongside Lily to the café Petunia had selected.

She was already there waiting for them when they arrived, sitting at a table in the patio reading a newspaper as she sipped her tea. She didn't notice them at first and so Lily found herself hesitating, glancing down at Sirius in concern. He whined quietly, pushing next to her before using his weight to nudge her forward. He understood better than anyone what it was like having a strained relationship with a sibling, but it was clear he didn't want her backing out now. Being the large animal that he was, it was easy for Lily to pet him without bending over and she did so gratefully before stepping towards Petunia's table. Sirius didn't follow her. Instead, he wandered over to a corner where he plopped down with his head held high, keeping a sharp lookout for any signs of trouble.

"Petunia?" When Lily spoke her sister's name, the woman looked up at her sharply with a blank, emotionless mask covering whatever it was she truly felt at the sight of the witch. She didn't stand up, she didn't speak, and she didn't invite Lily to sit down, but since they were here for lunch, Lily did so anyway. "How are you? How's Vernon? It feels like it's been so long-!"

"Maybe to you," Petunia snapped, which caused Lily to flinch. "I'm going to make one thing perfectly clear. I do not want you writing letters to me. I do not want you sending freaks to my house telling me I've got to go into hiding because you were stupid enough to anger enemies that have nothing to do with my world." Lily stared at Petunia in shock before her gaze dropped down to the table. "Vernon knows about magic now and he feels exactly the same way I do about it. We can't be associated with each other, so don't you dare write me a letter he might pick up and read."

"I tried to be subtle," Lily protested, looking back up at her sister with a mix of emotions rushing through her. Hope. Fear. Longing. Confusion. "The letter got to and from your house without magic, right?"

"That's not the point, Lily, and you know it," Petunia coldly reminded her. The point was it had been written by a witch who openly discussed magic in every paragraph. If that letter had fallen into Vernon's hands instead of his wife's, he would have pitched a fit. "He hates the very idea of magic. We want absolutely nothing to do with it. I've worked hard to get where I am and if anything spoils that… I just want an ordinary life with an ordinary family!" To Lily's astonishment, tears were forming in her sister's eyes. "What are the chances that an ordinary woman will give birth to a witch or a wizard? Especially when that woman's sister is a witch?"

Lily's jaw all but dropped. "Petunia!" Her eyes widened, her face paled, and for a moment she couldn't breathe. "Are you…? Are you…?"

"Yes," Petunia whispered, staring numbly at the table. "I just found out. Vernon doesn't know yet. I'm not sure how to tell him." She looked back up at her sister. "I never even considered it before. What if I'm the mother of a freak?"

In an ordinary family, the right thing to say would have been congratulations, but clearly the Dursleys weren't as 'ordinary' as they would have liked to believe. Lily sighed. "There's usually no way of knowing whether or not a child will be a witch or wizard until after its birth. But whether it is or not, once it's born, you'll love it unconditionally, Petunia. You and Vernon both. It makes a difference being parents. You'll see. And if you want, James and I'll help you. We'll help you every step of the way."

"You'll get us pulled into that war," Petunia shot back, wiping her eyes. "I don't know if I can love a… a… a magical child." She whispered those words, which clearly caused her pain. Lily instinctively reached across the table and gripped her sister's hand, squeezing it encouragingly. "I don't even know if I want it… if I want to take that risk… I couldn't cope…"

Lily felt tears forming in her own eyes, but she smiled through them while drawing her chair all the way next to Petunia's. "No one will ever be closer to you than the baby growing inside you. It's a part of you right now and you are going to love it. What's magic got to do with anything? You're going to be a mum!"

"But what if that's too much for me to handle?" Petunia demanded, overwrought. Lily shook her head, now gripping both of her sister's hands. "And what about Vernon? He certainly didn't ask for this! Marrying into a family with a witch in it? Having magical offspring? What if he leaves? I can't do it on my own!"

"You won't have to," Lily promised. "Cause you've got me."

**ooooooo**

"Now, let me see if I understand this," James implored later that night, sinking wearily onto the sofa next to Lily. It was just the two of them, for Remus had disappeared into the library and Sirius had opted to stay in London for a chance to speak to Mad-Eye Moody. "Your sister's pregnant?" He glanced at Lily, who nodded while staring straight ahead. "And the possibility that her kid might be magical terrifies her?" Again, Lily nodded. "So she didn't flat-out reject your offer to help, but doesn't want Vernon, who also knows about and detests our world, to ever hear of it?" He shook his head with a sigh. "You should have told her unimaginative, fearful, intolerant, judgmental pricks don't have magic flowing through their veins anyway, so she's got nothing to worry about."

"James!" she looked at him disparagingly, but he was probably right. She didn't think for a moment Petunia would give birth to a witch or a wizard, but still… there was always the possibility and what would happen if she did after they convinced her not to worry about it? She might fall apart. "At least this way Petunia and I might…"

"Might what?" James demanded. "Lily, she's repulsed by us, that hasn't changed. Some people just aren't cut out to be mothers. Take the ugly broad who raised Sirius for example! I know how much you want to believe in maternal instinct, but children get abused and abandoned all the time. What makes you think Petunia will ever learn to love her kid when she can't even grow to accept you? The only chance her baby's got is normalcy because if it's not normal, she'll probably dump it on our laps, but if it is normal, she's not gonna want to have anything to do with you ever again. She's a coward, Lily, using you to fix her problem and that's all there is to it."

Tears stung in Lily's eyes. "I know. But I promised her she wouldn't have to do this on her own. And I can't give up on her, no matter what." She had to keep hoping… Maybe someday Petunia would realize it wasn't about what one could or couldn't do, but about what one could or couldn't be. If she could just see how much she was loved, despite everything…

"She's only going to disappoint you, Lily," James warned her with so much concern in his voice. They glanced at each other and she could see the worry in his eyes. "Her kid'll be as muggle as they come and when she sees that, she'll turn her back on you." Lily nodded.

"Then I'll forgive her," she said simply, for there were worse things and by far greater evils in the world and if she could strive to heal one broken woman, even if that woman's heart was beyond repair, her efforts would not be in vain. Leaning into her husband, she sighed as he wrapped a warm, protective arm around her and closed her eyes. "Because that's why we have families to begin with, right?" He kissed the top of her head, knowing full well he'd never win that debate, but loving her all the more for it. She was still everything he wanted to be, everything he wished he could be, and so he held her for as long as he could, praying that nothing, not even family, would ever harm her.

**ooooooo**

The mark on his arm burned; it scorched! It felt like his entire limb had been plunged into a cauldron filled with boiling, sizzling water, but he refused to wince or moan or make even the slightest complaint as he stood outside the door to his master's latest throne room, waiting to be admitted. The pain was bearable and he would endure it rather than come across as weak to anyone who might be watching.

_"Go to Hogsmeade. Learn all that you can. I will send for you in due time." _Those had been his orders and he had obeyed them. It had been over a month since that witch had made her prophecy, but he had remained in Hogsmeade at the Three Broomsticks because it would have been folly to flee to the Dark Lord's side before he was called to do so. Besides, if the one with the power to vanquish the Dark Lord was to be born as the seventh month died, the seventh month being July, it had not yet been conceived, in which case there was nothing that could be done about it whatsoever. The barman working at the Hog's Head guessed Severus would return to his master's feet within the hour, but Severus had not. He had waited – several weeks, in fact, and no one had come to arrest him. Dumbledore's eyes had been searching for him, perhaps, and maybe even watching him, but nothing more was done. When he had faced the venerable Headmaster in the room that night, Dumbledore had not been able to detect deception. Severus' Occlumency had definitely improved and that alone must have won his freedom.

Prophecies… they had to be handled with extreme care. Severus knew that and he expected Dumbledore to know it even if most others did not. _Oedipus Rex_, an ancient play written by Sophocles, was the perfect example. Half the time, prophecies came true merely because men were stupid enough to try testing fate. Then again, many others came true because men were too stupid to pay them even the slightest bit of attention. Fate, if there actually was such a thing, seemed more proficient at deception and trickery than the greatest swindler or even the supreme god of mischief. When dealing with it, one had to be careful and so Severus remained free when he ought to have been facing Azkaban. Men found themselves thrown in that forsaken place for lesser crimes than eavesdropping on Professor Dumbledore, but he was a tool now, he was fate's tool, waiting to be used.

The door to his master's throne room opened itself and a cruel voice resounded from within. "Enter, Severus."

It was time. He stepped through the threshold and found himself standing in a large darkened chamber filled with the fumes of an unrecognizable potion bubbling in an enormous cauldron Voldemort had positioned directly before his throne. Having finished stirring it, he turned towards Severus and waited expectantly.

Lowering his eyes, the young wizard stepped towards his master, knelt onto the floor, crawled the rest of the way forward and kissed the hem of his robe before backing up again submissively. "Master… I have done as you asked. I went to Hogsmeade and while I was there, I discovered information I cannot withhold from you." He could sense Voldemort's eyes on him, but dared not meet his gaze. That was enough with formalities. "A prophecy was made to Albus Dumbledore by a witch named Sibyll Trelawney during their interview in the Hog's Head. She now holds the Divination post at Hogwarts, though she seems to be a fraud. I regret to say I failed to hear the prophecy in its entirety, but I do know this much." Voldemort's interest was growing, Severus sensed, which could either be a blessing or a curse. "'The one with the power to vanquish the Dark Lord approaches… born to those who have thrice defied him, born as the seventh month dies…'" It was best to leave it at that. After all, he had heard nothing more and it would not do to appear overly concerned by it, for Voldemort loathed to have followers doubting his might. Spies did well to deliver their intelligence and then forget they ever knew it, or else their loyalties might be questioned.

All was silent but for the sizzling potion brewing in the cauldron behind the Dark Lord. Its fumes were suffocating and Severus wondered if there might be creatures, possibly Lethifolds or Dementors, watching him through the fog. Even if there were, however, they could not have been more threatening than their master, who coldly, hatefully regarded the young wizard with such contempt that Severus half expected the Cruciatus. "Why were you unable to hear the rest of it?" His voice was soft, but deadlier than an angry serpent's hiss.

"The distraction I set up for the barman proved ineffective and he discovered me listening outside the door," Severus confessed, knowing better than to test Voldemort's patience – or worse, getting caught lying. "I tried fending him off, but he wouldn't have it. Clearly he's more intelligent than he would have the world believe and he supports Dumbledore at that. He made my presence known, but by then it was too late. The prophecy had been delivered and would not be repeated." Voldemort was drawing his wand. He was displeased and he was making a show of drawing his wand. Severus knew where this would lead and took a deep breath, staring at the polished floor. "It might please you to know the look on Dumbledore's face was one of horror; horror that had absolutely nothing to do with me. Whatever was said by the end of that prophecy, it had the old man frightened, not hopeful. Not the least bit hopeful."

"I can well imagine," Voldemort acknowledged, caressing his wand. "The first sentence implies there will only be one with the power to stop me. One who, incidentally, has not even been born yet, meaning Dumbledore himself is at my mercy and now he knows it. This war will end and I will reign supreme, threatened only by a child."

"I have speculated, my Lord," Severus offered, more than prepared to reveal his own conjectures in a strategic bid to avoid torture. "The prophecy details this child's birth quite specifically and if it is to be expected at the end of July, it must be conceived in the next few weeks. Now, forgive me, my Lord, but have not the Longbottoms tried your patience? Three times? If Alice Longbottom were to conceive, it could be possible hers is the child foretold."

"It could be," Voldemort allowed, however clearly unconvinced. He started to pace, walking around his cauldron and then around Severus and then back around the cauldron in a large figure eight. Several minutes passed in which not a word was spoken until the Dark Lord finally drew whatever conclusions he found satisfactory. "The child will have to be born. I would much rather kill its mother sometime before July, perhaps even tonight, but that would give fate the opportunity to pick a different fetus. Once the child is born, however, it will be set in stone. Undeniable. Unchangeable. The one and _only_ threat to my sovereignty. Then I will kill it." He smiled cruelly. "Perhaps I'll make the mother watch."

He made it sound so simple, so easy, but Severus knew prophecies never unraveled the way men expected them to. Planning around them happened to be extremely ill advisable; surely Voldemort knew that?

"Lily Potter…" He spoke her name then with almost a caress in his voice. Severus frowned; what did _she_ have to do with anything? "How it would devastate her to lose her baby." The prospect seemed to excite the Dark Lord while summoning to Severus's mind multiple, unbidden thoughts and memories that were hardly welcome. It took every ounce of discipline he possessed to keep from recoiling and he made haste to suppress what felt astonishingly like indignation. Fortunately, his Occlumency had improved tremendously and Voldemort failed to notice. "Yes, it is true the Longbottoms have slipped three times through my fingers, but as far as blatant defiance goes, the Potters have proven themselves without equal." Somehow, Severus found that easy to believe.

"But have they-?"

"Three times? Yes." The hostility in Voldemort's voice chilled Severus to the bone. When did all this happen? Damn James Potter for bringing his wife to the Dark Lord's attention! He was supposed to keep her safe! "She will have to be watched," Voldemort continued. "Alice, too, for caution's sake, as well as every other pregnant female. We must bide our time, Severus, until the seventh month dies and then we will see about this child. I might just have the lot exterminated. After all, it is always better to be thorough and I could make a nice display out of the mangled bodies of our enemies' children, featuring Alice and Lily's." He chuckled quietly to himself, which left Severus numb with shock and filled with turmoil.

**ooooooo**

**A/N:** For those of you out there who like Snape… well… I do, too. For those of you who don't… I'm taking on bets! Just kidding. I don't know what's going to happen in Deathly Hallows, I don't know who's side Snape's on, so I'm just pretending here. Hoping and pretending. Let me know what you think! Thanks so much!


	129. At the Fountain

**ooooooo**

Lily and James Potter, at some point in the recent past, had defied the great Lord Voldemort three times, managing to antagonize him more so than even the Longbottoms and, aside from Albus Dumbledore, Severus had not thought that even remotely possible. How could they? Yes, he remembered hearing about the battle fought at the school where Lily had apparently been teaching, but that hardly constituted as three victories. What else had Potter done to jeopardize his wife and how could the damage now best be controlled?

This could be considered treason… James Potter was an Auror, no doubt a member of Dumbledore's secret Order, and Lily could be trusted to support her husband through thick and thin. He didn't even know why he cared so much. Potter was an arrogant fool who deserved every torment plaguing him, there wasn't any doubt in his mind about that, but Lily…

He'd grown so far away from her he barely remembered the sound of her voice. She was unreachable now and he hadn't thought of her in months; he never thought of her when he could help it. He had realized long ago that any association with him whatsoever would only stain her. She would be blemished by him and to prevent that he chose to forget her as best as he could. He had trusted with Potter that which he had not trusted with himself and now Voldemort was set on targeting her child because Potter had, unsurprisingly, proven himself incompetent. And she would pay for it…

No. She would not. Because Voldemort only cared about that damn prophecy. The one with the power to vanquish him would be born as the seventh month dies. The end of July. The child would have to be conceived around the end of October, the start of November for the mother to carry it nine months in her womb. Therefore, if Lily did not get pregnant in the next few weeks, her child would not be born in time to fulfill Trelawney's prophecy. It would have to be Longbottom's or someone else's.

This could definitely be considered treason. Helping to protect a woman who openly opposed the Dark Lord? He must be out of his mind! For his own sake, he would have to make it look bad, nay, unforgivable. How could he prevent Lily Potter from finding herself with child? And how could he make it look like he was serving his master's interests instead of his own? Or even better, how could he accomplish it without anyone, least of all his master, ever even suspecting his involvement? What the Dark Lord didn't know surely wouldn't hurt him. If Severus could spare Lily the pain of watching her kid die without Voldemort realizing what he'd done, he might get away with it. Lily would have many other opportunities to start a family with her James Potter if that's what she wanted, but _only_ as long as it didn't start in July of 1980.

He tried reasoning with himself as he gathered together certain ingredients from his own personal stores on Spinner's End. He tried telling himself she wasn't worth the risk as he grinded those ingredients into a powder with his mortar and pestle. Potter had managed to keep her alive this long, surely he could protect a tiny brat as well. He did try to convince himself, but the only conclusion he continuously drew was that Voldemort would not be after her child if he had not reported that damn prophecy. That made him directly responsible.

Dipping his wand into the powder, Severus muttered a quick incantation before hastening to his desk, where he located some spare parchment. Pouring the powder onto that parchment, he carefully folded it, charmed it, and slipped it into an envelope, which he then magically sealed shut. It would not open for anyone other than its intended recipient. All he needed now was an owl that could not be traced back to him, which he could certainly find with relative ease, and with any luck, that would be enough.

Why was he doing this? Who was she to him that, for her sake, he would defy the very man to whom he had sworn his allegiance? He couldn't even be sure she'd get pregnant and have a kid in the first place! All this might be for nothing. But… along with her husband, she had defied Voldemort three times, which was half the prophecy right there. He had to assume she might fulfill the rest of it, because it was too long a shot hoping that Trelawney had spoken of Alice Longbottom.

Lily… He had never been kind to her, though she had always been to him. He had called her mudblood once and constantly admonished her for the very innocence that endeared her so to everyone, but she never let that shake her. Unlike so many others, she remained true to herself and if she really had defied Voldemort three times, then she was a hell of a lot stronger than Severus would have ever thought possible. He had sworn his allegiance to the Dark Lord… but he had grown up with Lily and the scales that measured whatever honor he had left found themselves tipping in her favor. She might not understand why anyone would do this to her – and if Potter ever learned the truth of it, he'd no doubt be out for blood – but Severus had to believe this was for the best. It was the only way he could think of helping her.

**ooooooo**

It was the first time Lily had not truly celebrated Halloween in as long as she could remember, for though the servants had decorated the house with pumpkins and spider webs and such, while the table had been set with a feast the likes of which would have given even Hogwarts a run for its money, the atmosphere just wasn't one of festivity and her heart wasn't in it. Gathering for dinner in the large, extravagant dining room with her husband, Remus, Sirius, Peter, the Longbottoms, Isabelle, Pippa, and Sturgis Podmore, one might easily have mistaken it for a celebration, but only until perceiving the unusual solemnity lingering in the air around them.

Fanny and Dorcas Meadowes, both of whom had been invited to dinner along with everyone else present and accounted for, had sent word that they could not attend, for Edgar Bones, along with most of his family, had been found dead in his home with the Dark Mark hovering in the sky overhead. The war had definitely taken a turn for the worse and Lily couldn't imagine that it would ever end. It wasn't fair. A part of her didn't blame Petunia for desiring a muggle offspring, for it almost seemed cruel to bring a magical child into this world of violence and destruction.

"We shouldn't be here," Sirius eventually noted, breaking the silence that had been predominant for the last ten minutes. All eyes turned towards him and watched as he fiddled with his fork. "We should be out looking for those bloody Death Eaters. I mean, it's not like any of us have an appetite now anyway, so why are we just sitting here?" He glanced at James as if he were to blame for all the restlessness stirring in his heart. He truly hated being stuck in places where he could be of no real use to the Order, especially when he felt they were in need of his assistance, and his closest friends could all recognize how empty and worthless he considered himself here. Something had been troubling him for months now, ever since last May when he'd gone after his brother, and Lily could not for the life of her understand why.

"Dorcas told us not to come," Alice reminded the pent-up young wizard. "She and Fanny already have half the Order with them, as well as several Aurors from the Ministry making their investigation. They don't want anymore help." Sirius scoffed; he had known Edgar Bones and it seemed like a very poor excuse not to go and hunt down the man's murderers. He needed to get out of this house!

"Come on," James abruptly pushed to his feet, glancing around the table at his surprised guests with a set jaw. "There doesn't seem to be any point in eating, so let's go for a walk outside. And make sure you bring a coin." Alice, Isabelle, and Pippa all glanced at Lily in confusion, but she could only shrug, having absolutely no idea where her husband was going with this. Make sure you bring a coin? That was just like him. He could march his troops just about anywhere, up against just about anyone and he could do it merely by generating a bit of curiosity.

Once the ten of them had all gotten to their feet, they made their way out of the dining room. Without even realizing it, they clustered into three small groups made up of girls, Marauders, and Frank and Sturgis, but at the same time they walked together into the mansion's foyer and then outside. It was a beautiful night, but the moon was waxing and Remus continuously glanced up at it in apprehension. He was wary of it, Lily knew, wishing desperately there was a way she could ease his fear, as well as Sirius's frustration, Petunia's despair, and while she was at it, the rest of the world's tumultuous commotion. Her Patronus had taken the form of a unicorn and oh, what she wouldn't give for there to be a unicorn here right now, or a phoenix or some other kind of magnificent creature that could lighten the load on everyone's shoulders.

They walked for several long minutes around the house and across the lawn, following James's lead. None of them were in too great a hurry, for once they got to wherever it was they were going, did whatever it was they had gone to do, and returned back to the mansion, they'd be right back to where they had started, which wasn't exactly high on their priorities. Better that they take their time and make the most of whatever distraction James had up his sleeve.

Eventually, they came to the giant fountain that sprayed water so high into the sky that, when standing directly before it, the moon itself was blocked out. The roaring splashes reminded Lily of a gushing waterfall and she smiled as Alice, Isabelle, and Pippa started talking loudly to hear each other over the noise. They were clearly excited to be where they were, for the fountain was extraordinarily beautiful – especially when James lit it up with his wand, so that every drop glistened like a small diamond – and not even the Ministry of Magic's Fountain of Magical Brethren could compare with its simple grace – at least according to Remus, who happened to be biased. As a werewolf, he sympathized with the centaurs, goblins, and house-elves that might not approve of how the fountain depicted their kind as subordinate to witches and wizards. There was something unassuming, purer, and more cleansing about this fountain here before them on the Potter's land that managed to soothe even Sirius's nerves. Maybe Lily's wish had come true after all.

The large pool into which the water sprayed was contained by a marble rim thick enough for a bloke to lie down and go to sleep upon. There were a few red leafs covering it, but Pippa brushed them aside while Isabelle reached over and felt the cold water with her hand. Alice leaned into Frank, who wrapped an arm around her shoulders while Sturgis kicked off his boots. Peter stood staring up at what resembled a geyser with awe on his face while James and Remus both pulled coins out of their pockets and glanced at their friends. When Lily met her husband's gaze, his hazel eyes somehow seemed more vibrant than usual; more hopeful. "My mum used to tell me stories of how your dreams will come true if you toss a coin into the fountain."

"That's a muggle superstition," Pippa argued, rolling her eyes as she climbed onto the marble rim and sat down with her feet in the water.

"Yeah, but it's still fun and the one at the Ministry helps out the hospital," Isabelle reasoned, only to get splashed in the face by her old roommate. "Hey!"

"You better watch it, Pippa," Sturgis reprimanded while swinging his legs over the side of the rim and sitting down next to her. "There might be a giant squid in that fountain waiting to pull you under."

"Don't you think there could be magic in this fountain?" Alice demanded, slipping her hand into Frank's while producing her own coin. She looked up at him with a smile before glancing into the crystal-clear pool. "I don't know what our world's coming to, but the Ministry just loves to modernize everything it touches and I daresay before long we're not gonna be much different from corporate muggles. I mean, were there Departments for absolutely whatever you can think of in the days of Godric Gryffindor, Salazar Slytherin, Rowena Ravenclaw, and Helga Hufflepuff? Or were there fountains into which you tossed a coin to make a wish? I'm willing to trust a bit of old magic with my greatest dreams." Lily smiled as her dear friend tossed her coin into the water. "I wish to raise the kindest, bravest children our world has ever seen!"

Frank groaned, pulling his wife away from the fountain. "Can't I take you anywhere without listening to your subtle little hints?" Alice wanted to start a family. Frank didn't know if he was ready to yet. Lily hugged herself while Sturgis chuckled, shaking his head in amusement.

"All right," he said, digging a coin out of his pocket. He flipped it before flicking it into the pool. "I wish the Irish will win the next Cup." He glanced at Isabelle with a smug smile, who merely rolled her eyes before reaching across Pippa and giving him hearty shove.

"What a waste of a wish!"

Peter was the next to follow suit. "I wish to get a column in the _Daily_ _Prophet_ before that Skeeter woman does!"

"Well, if we're all gonna make one," Pippa grumbled, wiping her hands. "I wish…" she found a coin and threw it forward. "Someone'll give me twenty black cats."

Sturgis frowned. "Whatever for?"

"So that if _I_ ever get ambushed by Death Eaters at my house, they'll all likely end up with extremely bad luck."

"I wish I could find a regular job," Remus declared, tossing his coin into the water. He glanced up at James, who nodded encouragingly. He deserved one.

Five coins so far. Lily could count their distorted images resting at the bottom of the pool beneath the bubbling, rippling surface. If she could make a wish, any wish in the world, what would it be? Something that fate and fate alone had control over, for anything else might be too difficult for the fountain's magic. "I wish Petunia gives birth to a muggle child." She felt several eyes land on her, but met none of them as she concentrated on tossing her coin. Her dream was to start over again with her sister, but above all else, she wanted to ensure Petunia's happiness.

"I wish I could find an antidote to that bloody poison we've been having so much trouble with recently," Isabelle decided.

"I wish I could be the first man to ever fly a broomstick all the way to the moon!" The funny thing was, James didn't sound like he was joking, which of course instigated a completely new conversation concerning the probability of something like that ever actually happening. Frank and Sturgis were already laughing while Isabelle and Pippa stubbornly insisted there were just too many factors getting in the way. They nevertheless seemed to be enjoying themselves and Lily turned to watch them all with a quiet sigh. As hard as it was, as painful as it was, they had grown so accustomed to coping with whatever the war sent their way that, even after a night like this one, they could still bring themselves to carry on. Except… Sirius wasn't with them.

Frowning, Lily glanced around in search of him. He obviously hadn't wanted to be there, he hadn't made a wish, and now he had wandered off! Something was truly upsetting him and it hurt her to think so. Once upon a time, he had been James's partner in crime, a Marauder, the ever troublesome, disruptive Padfoot, so full of energy and spirit, eager to get the best of everyone. What happened to him, that he would now distance himself from those who cared the most about him? She had to know, she needed answers, and so when she finally spotted him sneaking away from the fountain and back towards the mansion, she slipped after him as quickly and stealthily as she could. If any of the others saw her go, they didn't follow or call out to stop her. They must have understood why she was leaving.

"Sirius!" As soon as she was far enough away from the fountain, she ran to catch up with the man and reached for his arm. However, he hardly reacted, slowing his pace slightly, but other than that, continuing forward as if she wasn't there. "Sirius, where are you going?" She tried to stop him by pulling on his arm, but he shook her off. Irritated, she ran in front of him and blocked his path. "Would you just talk to me?"

He stared at her for a moment and then scoffed. "Great. First James, then Remus, now you. I can hardly wait for a heart-to-heart with Peter." He brushed past her. "There's nothing the matter with me, Lily. I just don't understand why we're all standing around a fountain making some bloody useless wishes when Bones and his entire family have been killed. We ought to be out there doing something!"

Lily hastened after him, recognizing the grief that had until now been hidden beneath terrible frustration. The fountain had done more than just calm his nerves, it had set free an anguish he had been trying so hard to confine down where no one could see it. She recognized it… because she had felt it herself before. "We all want to be out there doing something, Sirius, but we were told explicitly not to come. It's terrible what happened, no one's denying that, but we can't lose hope, which is why we've got to make it a point to keep wishing and dreaming, or else this war will drive us mad."

"If it hasn't already," Sirius acknowledged, picking his pace back up as he grew more and more uncomfortable with the conversation. Lily, however, managed to stay with him.

"Why won't you just to talk to me?" she demanded. "I feel like I owe you, Sirius. You understand what I'm going through with Petunia better than anyone and you're always there for me, so why won't you let me return the favor?" Sirius stopped short so abruptly that she all but flew past him. Pausing, she looked back at him in extreme concern; mentioning her sister's name seemed to have struck him quite violently.

"I'm always there for you 'cause you still have Petunia to deal with," he told her with sweat glistening his brow. His dark eyes bored so intently, so coldly, into hers that she felt uncomfortably exposed to him. "But I don't need you to return the favor anymore 'cause Regulus is gone now. He's gone. He's not coming back. That part of my life is over." Lily flinched, staring up at him in shock. Her mouth suddenly felt dry and she wasn't entirely sure she could feel her legs.

"What are you talking about?" Regulus was in Germany. Sirius had told her he'd gone to Denmark hoping to get to Germany and that he was now out of harm's way. The Death Eater's couldn't reach him. That's what Sirius had said! Wasn't it?

He was staring at her now with an expression twisted in remorse. Clearly, he hadn't meant to make that confession and now seemed quite speechless. Lily, however, understood all too well why his eyes were suddenly bright with unshed tears. Her shoulders sagged. "You mean he…?"

"Lily…" He stepped towards her, but she backed away from him, looking everywhere and anywhere but at his face. The darkness of the night felt claustrophobic and she could hardly breathe.

"He's dead?" she whispered, her voice breaking. She hadn't seen Regulus in years, but the thought that she might find him again someday had always kept him close. Now he felt like nothing more than an idea she'd once had that had been blotched out, a dream that had never existed and now never would. Did she even know a boy named Regulus Black, or had that been in her imagination? Where was he? Who was he? Sirius had known… but he had lied to her.

"I tried to save him," he explained quickly, horrified by the pain he could see on her face. This wasn't how he'd meant for her to find out! "I tried flying him to Denmark on my motorcycle. But we were ambushed by Death Eaters. Regulus fell into the North Sea when Bellatrix Lestrange managed to stun him. I couldn't get him out of the water, Lily, and he couldn't move. I tried, but… he drowned." She could barely hear what he was saying. She could barely understand his words. So this was why Sirius Black had been acting so miserable all this time. He was mourning the loss of Mrs. Potter and he was mourning the loss of his little brother. "He did good, though, Lily. That was the day your school got attacked. He knew you were in danger and he kept telling me I shouldn't bother with him. You were more important. He was always thinking about you, even to the very end. You're the best thing that ever happened to him."

But he's dead… Shaking, Lily turned back around and stared up at the mansion in which she now lived, in which she now made her home. She started towards it, wondering how she'd gotten here. She had made a difference in Regulus's life… but what difference did that make in hers? And how could she talk about not losing hope when-?

Out of nowhere, an owl swooped down in front of her, as silent as a phantom. It interrupted her thoughts, it interrupted her grief, her uncertainties, it interrupted absolutely everything as it appeared from the darkened sky, dropping an envelope from its beak before taking back off again, flapping its enormous wings without so much as a whoosh. "HEY!" Sirius shouted, picking up a rock from the ground and throwing it after the discourteous bird as Lily, breathless, stared down at the envelope that had landed neatly in her hands. It was addressed to her. What…? She wasn't expecting any mail and though the handwriting did look vaguely familiar, she didn't recognize it.

A part of her wanted absolutely nothing to do with mail; she had just found out Regulus was dead! Besides, who made deliveries with owls that didn't stick around for responses? She was not in the mood for mysteries. It might have been Halloween, but this year tricks were definitely not treats. Not in the least.

Nevertheless, it might be important, sent by a friend in the utmost urgency and pertaining to something that had to do with the war – or even with Edgar Bones' murder. Sirius, who had been chasing after the owl while trying to hex it with his wand, seemed to have given up and was now walking back towards her as frustrated as ever. She turned away from him, making her way up to the side of the mansion while opening the envelope and pulling out a folded piece of parchment. She didn't know what to make of it; Sirius was calling after her, but she ignored him. How could he have lied to her like that? Her mind was still reeling and she didn't think she could bear to look at him any longer without reducing herself to tears.

Distractions were good things. That was why they had all followed James out to the fountain where they made wishes to cheer themselves up. Distractions eased the pain and so Lily let her guard down, unfolding the parchment while taking several deep breaths to regain as much control over her emotions as she could.

There wasn't any writing on that parchment. She was barely able to register that before it spurted out a powder that blew directly towards her face like a cloud of thick, greenish brown dust. And before she knew what was happening, it landed in her mouth, her nose, and even her eyes, causing them to burn as if they were on fire. She stopped short, dropping the parchment while gasping for breath. It fluttered to the ground, but the powder remained hanging in the air before her and she could not help but inhale.

"Lily!"

She thought she heard Sirius shouting her name, but she couldn't be sure. He sounded so far away and she couldn't see or smell anything aside from that horrible, bitter powder. It was in her mouth… it was down her throat… she started choking even as she swooned.

"LILY!" Sirius caught her as she fell, gently easing her onto the ground while wiping as much of that powder off her face as was possible. She wasn't breathing and she wasn't answering him. "No, no, no, no, no, no, no!" Terror was clawing at his throat like a demon set on killing him. This could _not_ be happening! Not after everything he'd been through. Not to Lily. Not like this. Damn it. "NO!"

**ooooooo**

**A/N:** Sorry, I'm not quite sure I know what I'm doing. Sometimes when I write, my characters start doing things as if by their own free will, which generally leads to consequences I've got to figure out how to deal with, and though it might get a little messy, you'll just have to trust me when I say it should all come together and work out in the end. Meanwhile, please send a review. I appreciate it. Thanks!


	130. Not Quite Déjà vu

**ooooooo**

Her body had grown stiff and began to writhe, as if she had been struck by the Cruciatus. In fact, it was exactly as if she'd been struck by the Cruciatus. She started gasping for breath, but seemed unable to exhale. She was just breathing in and in and in. Suffocating. Her eyes rolled back into her head, fluttering, and none of it subsided even when Sirius got all the greenish brown powder off her face and watched it dissipate into the air. Within seconds, all of it was gone, taken by the wind and sky. He didn't know what it was and now no one ever would. Lily might be dying and there was no way to examine the powder – poison, more like – and find a cure.

"Oh god, oh god…" Sirius had never felt more helpless in his entire life. Kneeling beside the bravest, most beautiful woman he'd ever met, watching her convulse, tears slowly began sliding down his face. She was starting to burn up. First a seizure and now a fever. She was starting to sweat. What could he do? "Lily? Lily, can you hear me?" Dumb question. He had to get her inside the house. Or to St. Mungo's. Or to Hogwarts! Dumbledore would know how to handle this, but Sirius needed help.

Help? There were people _here_ to help him. He wasn't thinking clearly. Lily was lying before him, possibly dying, and he had begun to panic. "Damn it." He tried scooping her up in his arms, but with her body thrashing about the way it was, it proved difficult. "James!" He glanced over his shoulder, finally getting a solid hold on Lily, and rose to his feet. "JAMES!" They were just too far away. The fountain was just too loud. No one could hear him and he couldn't reach for his wand while carrying Lily. Frustrated, he turned back towards the mansion and made for the front doors as quickly as possible.

Somehow the butler, Edmund, anticipated their arrival. He stood waiting for them on the porch and his expression immediately twisted into utter horror when he perceived Lily's condition. There wasn't any time to explain; Sirius shoved past him with only a single command. "Get James. He's at the fountain making wishes." Wishes. Damn, bloody wishes. Sirius had wanted to go and hunt down the bloody Death Eating murderers that killed Edgar Bones, but no! There were already enough members of the Order on the job and the Ministry of Magic's investigators didn't want anyone else getting in the way. So James had decided to spend the rest of the night tossing a few coins into a bloody fountain while making meaningless wishes that would never, even in a million years, come true. And look where it had gotten them. If they had just listened to Sirius, if they had just gone hunting for Death Eaters, that owl would never have found Lily and she wouldn't be in this mess! It was James's fault! All of it was James's fault!

Having entered the mansion, Sirius proceeded to climb up the red carpeted marble stairs two at a time. As always, the resplendent foyer behind him seemed to be glittering and it angered him that this place should be so bright and lit up when the most precious person in the entire world was sick in his arms. Turning at the top of the stairs, Sirius hastened towards Lily's bedroom while shouting for the rest of the staff to come to his aid. A couple servants poked their heads out from several different chambers and when they saw Lily, they immediately made hot pursuit.

There wasn't any time for questions. Sirius reached her bedroom door, kicked it open, and rushed inside. In his arms, Lily started whimpering. Either she was dreaming or she was still conscious, in which case, he couldn't even begin to imagine how terrified she was. This was just getting worse by the second. He didn't have words to comfort her. That always came from James and Remus. What could he say? That everything would be all right and she'd be just fine? It was already too late for that.

Placing her as gently as he could on the bed, Sirius leaned over her and gazed intently at her face. He had never seen anyone covered in so much sweat, she was positively drenched, and her eyes seemed incapable of finding him. Horrified, he brushed her hair out of her face and bent down to kiss her forehead. "I'll be back as soon as I can, Lily." Getting back to his feet, he turned around to see three maids waiting by the door. They had already been through something similar to this with Mrs. Potter and though that had been two months ago, they clearly hadn't forgotten. Wands were in their hands, as well as wet rags and bottles of potions and the moment Sirius got out of their way, they started forward. "Take care of her," he whispered, watching them for as short a second as he could manage before turning to fly out of the room.

He ran as fast as he could, passing James on the stairs. At first, the two failed to notice each other, but when Sirius saw Edmund, Remus, Peter, the Longbottoms, Isabelle, Pippa, and Podmore standing in the foyer before him, looking lost, confused, and surprisingly powerless for a group of witches and wizards, he froze and looked back. James, who had made it to the landing, did the same and immediately asked: "What happened?" Edmund hadn't been able to tell him anything at all about Lily's illness other than the fact that it appeared quite serious.

"There was an owl," Sirius recounted as quickly as he could, shrugging his shoulders. "It delivered some kind of envelope to Lily and when she opened it, it sprayed a powder I reckon poisoned her. She's in your room, mate. I'm going after the bird." James stared at him a moment longer and then turned to race down the hall without another word. Sirius looked back at the group standing below him. "Isabelle, you're a Healer, aren't you? Get up there and help!" She looked flustered; how could this have happened when, just ten minutes ago, they had all been standing around a fountain making the best of an already unpleasant evening? It wasn't fair!

"Come on, Isabelle," Pippa took her friend's arm and guided her up the stairs, past Sirius. There wasn't any time to watch their procession, he had to go now. The owl had too much of a head start.

"Sirius?" Remus asked desperately as his friend took off towards the front doors. Something more had to be said or done. There were too many people in that house and none of them knew enough to have any clue as to how to help. But it was Lily. Bloody hell, it was Lily! They didn't want to just stand there uselessly when her life was at stake.

Sirius sighed, pausing at the door to glance back at them and take command. "Peter, get outside and see if you can find that envelope. There might be a letter or a note or something that can help us figure out how this happened and why." Peter's face blanched, much to Sirius's disgust. "Don't worry. I doubt very much any of that powder's left." He saw it dissipate into the air. It was gone. No chance to use it to find an antidote. Whoever was responsible for this knew what he was doing. It had been meant to poison Lily and no one else. "The rest of you…" That meant Remus, Longbottom, Alice, and Podmore. "Find a broom and catch up with me. We have to find that owl before it disappears for good." He didn't wait for their assent. When things got this bad, it was often surprising how well friends could cooperate. Sirius shoved his way out the front door and leapt from the porch, racing towards the motorcycle that sat waiting for him in the Potter's drive.

**ooooooo**

Something was wrong. Desperately wrong. It was all wrong! Lily had no idea where she was. She thought she had fainted. Her vision had been overwhelmed by sparkling flashes of golden light. Her head was killing her. She thought she could remember Sirius carrying her in his arms, she thought she could hear him calling out her name, but it was all so far away, like a dream she could barely remember slipping completely from her mind.

Where was she? In what world had she found herself? Magic was surrounding her; she could feel it vibrating everywhere she looked. She was at the center; it was radiating from her the way light radiated from the sun. Old magic. She had felt enough of it in her life to recognize it by now. This was her gift, no doubt triggered the moment she inhaled that powdery substance. But what was it doing to her?

Old magic… her gift… it was all so very wild. She had no control over it whatsoever and might as well have been hanging onto a lifesaver in the middle of an ocean during a monstrous hurricane. She told herself she wasn't frightened; the old magic had never hurt her before. But then again… it had also never been triggered this way before. Professor Dumbledore seemed to think love was the sole ignition, but this time it seemed to be caused by poison. She didn't understand. Where was it taking her? Where was…? Where…? "James?"

**ooooooo**

Isabelle, Pippa, and the three maids had managed to sedate Lily enough to keep her muscles from convulsing, but nothing they administered seemed able to break her fever. She was having difficulty breathing and it was impossible to say whether or not she was unconscious or awake, dreaming or hallucinating. Between her gasps for breath, she could be heard muttering absolute nonsense while begging to see James. And up until five minutes ago, he had been right there at her side the entire time. Presently, however, he was standing out in the hallway, staring at the envelope and blank sheet of paper Peter had discovered hours ago lying in the grass outside.

"Who would do this?" Remus asked forlornly, having recently returned with Sirius from their unsuccessful search for the owl that had delivered this disaster. They were the only ones to have come back; the Longbottoms had gone to find Alastor Moody while Podmore sought out assistance from St. Mungo's. For the moment, all James had were his three best friends to support him while the women inside his bedroom tended to Lily. That, however, likely wouldn't be enough, for Remus, who loved the young witch like he would a sister, was starting to panic. "Lily never hurt anyone in her entire life! This is wrong!"

"It'll be okay," Peter said, no doubt trying to comfort himself as much as Remus. "Lily's strong, yeah? Strong enough to beat anything. She's been through worse than this, hasn't she?"

"Isabelle said she's never seen anything like it," James informed them, his voice grim and his expression cold. He was standing so rigidly that Sirius fully expected him to start shaking at any moment. "And without a sample of that powder, she can't even determine what's happening to her or what'll happen next, much less which potions are safe to give her. The wrong one might further exasperate her condition. She can't make an antidote and actually said she's tempted to take Lily to a muggle hospital. If magic can't help her, maybe there's a scientific method that'll clean out her system."

"But?" Sirius asked, for there was definitely a 'but' somewhere in there.

"But," James continued. "That powder had magical properties. It's magic doing this to her and no doctor can fix that. The good news is Isabelle doesn't seem to think Lily's life's in any immediate danger, so she's gonna try isolating a trace of the magic that's apparently causing all this and see if she can find something that'll eliminate it. The bad news is there's no telling how long that'll take. Could be days. She wanted to say weeks, but I told her that wasn't acceptable."

"It could very well take weeks," Remus objected. "She's got nothing to work with! There's no way of identifying that powder. It can't be replicated. Scientists can isolate proteins and stuff, but isolating magic…" He shook his head. "I don't even know where one would begin trying to do that! It's just too complicated!"

Scared and well past furious, James barged towards Remus and shoved him up against the wall. "I am _not_ waiting weeks for her to get better!" The thought of waiting more than a few mere hours struck him as absurd and intolerable. He didn't have the patience. He didn't have the strength. Losing his mum and dad to illnesses after their hard, long, and painful struggles against time and old age had stripped him of the endurance necessary to sit at a loved one's bedside as they lay dying. He wouldn't go through that again; not with Lily.

"Stop it, Prongs," Sirius pulled James away from Remus. If they all started panicking and turning aggressively against each other, they would never make it through this. "Look, Isabelle's doing the best she can and we'll have help from both St. Mungo's and the Order of the Phoenix before you know it. Right now, we have to figure out who sent that bloody envelope." He snatched it from James's hand and glanced at Lily's name. "Anyone recognize this handwriting?"

Remus and Peter both shook their heads, but James, looking sullen and disgruntled, actually nodded. "Now that you mention it, yeah. I do. Couldn't tell you whose it is, though. Can't remember where I've seen it before."

"That's fine," Sirius replied, much to all of their confusion. "Cause if you've seen it before, that means whoever did it is someone we've met, which narrows down the search."

"It sounds like we've got to buckle down and rack our brains," Remus noted quietly, not at all eager to be slammed up against the wall by his best friend again. "Make a list of everyone we know, fight, work with, went to school with, and so on, until one of them stands out in your mind as having that kind of handwriting." It sounded like busywork that would ultimately get them nowhere. Then again, it was better than doing nothing, which was basically the only other option they had. James groaned, but the truth was he really needed to concentrate on something, anything, or else his restlessness would lead up to some kind of eruption that would doubtlessly leave this entire house in shambles.

**ooooooo**

She was standing in the Great Hall. At least, it looked like the Great Hall, the one back at Hogwarts, but it wasn't how she would have normally pictured it. The entire place was in shambles, the house tables were all missing, and the domed ceiling mimicked a remarkable, dazzling reddish-golden sky the likes of which she had never seen before in all the time she had spent at the castle.

The old, wild magic was still resonating all around her while a sensation that wasn't quite déjà vu swept through her bones. She knew she shouldn't be here. It was wrong for her to be here. It was like a nightmare. "I'm dreaming," she told herself and her voice echoed like rippling water. If the magic was trying to show her something, she had no idea what it was and it left her feeling incomplete, as if she was missing an integral part of her very soul. If she couldn't find it again, if she lost it, the world itself would fall apart and her heart would ache as it did now for the rest of her life. Was this an omen?

It had to be. Something terrible was coming. Something very terrible and it would be here very soon. Already shadows were appearing from out of the corners of the hall and as Lily turned in a small, rapid circle gazing around at them, she realized they had to be the shadows of men and wondered if they could see her.

She had to find a way out of this place. She had to find a way home. She wanted to see James again, and Petunia, and Sirius, and Remus, and everyone else. There had to be a way out. An exit or something. All this was so surreal… If she was dreaming, she had to wake up and she had to do it now.

**ooooooo**

Exhaustion was what finally got the best of James Potter. Hours upon hours had gone by. Halloween ended and November arrived and though it was as if no time had passed at all, eventually he just couldn't keep his eyes open. Falling asleep at the table where he'd been making a list of every living soul he knew, most of whom had handwriting he certainly couldn't bring to mind or match with that which marked the accursed envelope, he began dreaming of burnt orange skies.

When he awoke the next day, Lily had made no improvement whatsoever and Isabelle was no closer to isolating the harmful magic than she had been when she originally started. Sturgis Podmore returned from St. Mungo's with a bagful of supplies the young Healer might require, but the hospital itself could spare nothing else. Nor could the Order of the Phoenix, according to Alice, for the murder of Edgar Bones and his entire family was currently taking precedence. No help was coming and unless they decided to take Lily to Hogwarts, where she could be treated by Madam Pomfrey and possibly even Albus Dumbledore himself, there wasn't anything more anyone else could do for her aside from what was already being done.

It frustrated James to no end. He hated how helpless all this made him feel. Time seemed to have crawled to a standstill and yet the world continued moving forward, continued carrying on. It seemed wrong to him that all its millions of inhabitants weren't just dropping whatever it was they were doing for Lily's sake, to come running to her aid. She was the center of James's universe and if she was in pain, why weren't more people here to help? They should care. St. Mungo's. The Order of the Phoenix. Hell, even the Ministry of Magic! Some bastard had managed to poison Lily and she was so important they all ought to be working together now to save her life. And, at the same time, they needed to be hunting down whoever was responsible. James dearly wanted to kill him for this.

"It's strange," Isabelle said later in the afternoon when she miserably sat down to rest. She had been working all through the night, hadn't slept, and hadn't eaten. Pippa started threatening to knock her out with a sleeping potion if she didn't take a break. "She's breathing easier now and seems more relaxed, but aside from that, there's neither improvement nor deterioration. I don't think it's that we're on the right track. She's still got a fever and she seems to be hallucinating, but it just feels like the poison's not going to kill her. I guess it's really too early to tell, but at the moment, she's still not in any life threatening danger."

"Will she wake up, then?" Peter asked timidly, looking frightened and uneasy. "The poison will pass through her system, right? And she'll get better all on her own?"

"It's impossible to say," Isabelle sighed, covering her face in her hands. "Again, it's magic doing this to her. It could very well last indefinitely, until either I figure how to fight it or until someone hands me the antidote." She glanced at James. "Listen, I think you need to consider the possibility that someone's deliberately trying to incapacitate her, not to kill her, but to make her vulnerable. Or to make you vulnerable. We _are_ in the middle of a war, after all, and so you've both got enemies."

She didn't even know the half of it. Frustrated and impatient, terrified and furious, James found himself venting all his emotions by brandishing his wand and blasting apart every bloody windowpane that room had to offer. He kept picturing Voldemort in his mind, Voldemort taunting and tormenting and always targeting Lily like some kind of obsessed, belligerent demon. Had he done this? It did seem like the perfect way of ensuring her cooperation and even her safety should he decide to attack their home and take her prisoner again. She'd be helpless to defend herself, helpless to stop him. James didn't know how long he could keep on protecting her; he had to be running out of lives. What was he supposed to do now?

Several minutes passed in which Isabelle, Sirius, Remus, and Peter nervously waited for James to calm down. Before long, Edmund would have to come in and repair the windows, for winter was fast approaching and it was cold outside, but at that exact moment they were more than willing to overlook the inconvenient destruction of what used to shelter them from a rather icy draft as James caught his breath. And then Sirius looked back at Isabelle. "Are you implying we should expect Death Eaters to show up here? Trying to kidnap Lily?"

Isabelle shrugged. "Lily is a good friend of mine and if it were up to me, I wouldn't jeopardize her safety by merely praying the bad guys won't take advantage of this. I suggest you boys start getting a move on the defensive. We can try sneaking her into Hogwarts, but if whoever did this is expecting that, we could easily be ambushed. Or, we could also try to really fortify this place so no one can get in at all. And that might be the better option, because traveling with a woman in Lily's condition is inadvisable to begin with, especially if someone's planning an ambush."

James ran a hand through his hair, nodding bleakly. "Bloody hell, Campbell. You're not half bad. Should have stuck with Quidditch. You would have made a fine captain for just about any team in the entire world." She was without a doubt Fanny Campbell's little sister and for that, they were all extremely grateful, especially James. "All right. We'll hold the fort. And if there are any Death Eaters hoping to get in here, including Voldemort himself, we'll just have to convince them it'd be easier breaking into Hogwarts."

Sirius smirked. "Shouldn't be too hard."

**ooooooo**

**A/N:** I am so sorry for the delay! I promise, I'm not blocked or anything, I'm just running on empty, if that makes any sense at all. Send me reviews, and just so you know, longer ones help keep me focused. Thanks so much!


	131. Isolation

**ooooooo**

The next week was one of the longest James and the other Marauders had ever experienced in their lives. It took that much time for Isabelle to isolate and contain the magic causing Lily's illness, but even then it wasn't enough. Tests needed to be run to determine the best and most efficient method of battling the poison and those were what really slowed the Healer down. She was just one woman with Pippa and three servants assisting her and the truth of the matter was she had only been a Healer for about two years. When it came to research, she was nowhere near as experienced as she would've liked to have been.

During all that time, the Marauders worked to fortify James's land. They shut themselves in so tightly it was doubtful even Albus Dumbledore himself would have been able to find a way through their defenses. Nothing could get in and nothing could get out. Edmund assured them the cook had enough food to last them all several more weeks, possibly even months if they truly resorted to magic, which meant it wouldn't be a question of survival. It would more likely be a question of sanity.

They found themselves temporarily cut off from the rest of the world. Peter couldn't go to work for the _Daily Prophet_ and owls couldn't come to deliver copies of the _Daily Prophet_. The Longbottoms were unable to send word of Alice's unexpected pregnancy and James was unable to send word of Lily's illness to her sister. He knew Petunia had been expecting to meet with her again on the second Thursday of November, but that day came and went faster than any of them had thought possible – especially since time had seemed to slow down. Its passage made no sense to James whatsoever, but Lily was still sick and Petunia had no way of knowing that.

"I don't know how we're going to explain this one to her," he said forlornly as he sat out on a balcony with Sirius, drinking a cold beer. "They never had much of a relationship to begin with, but at least now Petunia's willing to give Lily a chance, and so what happens? This!" He shook his head, frustration bubbling up inside him. Not for the first time, he glanced around the balcony, looking for something he could take it all out on by way of senseless destruction. "Of course, Petunia's gonna think Lily forgot about her or something and then they'll be back to square one with even less of a chance of ever reconciling. I don't understand. Lily deserves better than that."

Sirius nodded. He didn't need to be told. Even if they hadn't already had this conversation before at least three times, he would still have already known. Lily and Petunia. Him and Regulus. Broken relationships that fate itself seemed to have cursed. Maybe they were all cursed. And if they didn't deserve it, then maybe they were victims, in which case fate itself was a sadistic, monstrous fiend even worse than Voldemort, because fate had control over all of them and determined how all their hands were dealt. That was, if you believed in that sort of thing. "You reckon it'll work out in the end?" Sirius asked, glancing sideways at his best friend. "You reckon it all happens for a reason? And we're all suffering now because it's part of some great, complicated plan that'll eventually bring about Voldemort's downfall?"

James scoffed, shaking his head. "Bloody hell, Padfoot. That sounds like something Moony would ask. Who're you mistaking me for? Albus Dumbledore?" He laughed, but there wasn't any amusement at all in his laughter. It was just too hard, too coarse. "I'll tell you one thing, though. If it is some kind of a plan, I've got a bone to pick with the bloody strategist."

"But I don't believe in it," Sirius whispered, staring blankly out towards the horizon. James glanced at him in surprise, getting the distinct impression he was trying very hard to convince himself of that. And not for the first time, they both realized they'd been stuck in this forsaken place for far too long. It seemed to be messing with their minds. "I guess using magic's got consequences, yeah? Even muggles are capable of great evil. So if we're gonna expose ourselves to greater powers, we've gotta expect greater pains. It might not work out in the end. In fact, it probably won't." He'd lost Regulus. Why should he expect this to turn out any differently? "What'll you do if Campbell can't find a way to fight it? What if Lily never recovers?"

James slammed his drink down on the balcony's wide marble railing. "She'll recover."

"But what if-?"

"She'll recover!" He'd already spent way too much time contemplating the worst. He loved Lily more than life itself. They'd been through everything together and when they were at each other's side they could take on the very world. Poachers. Devil's Snare. Voldemort. None of it had ever been able to beat them and the possibility that a mere sickness could accomplish what nothing else had tormented James to no end. It wasn't supposed to be like this. "I… I can't start doubting that, Padfoot. She has to recover. If I doubt that for even a second, it'll feel like I'm giving up. So don't ask me."

Sirius should have known better than to question him in the first place. What was happening? There had once been a time when he had possessed such spirit and zeal and confidence and enthusiasm. The world itself could have been literally falling to pieces and he and James would have been looking for the bright side even as it crumbled beneath their feet. Adolescence… He always thought he was immortal. He didn't know whether or not he still had that anymore. If anything were to happen to Lily… if anything were to happen to James… or to Remus and even Peter… would he be able to carry on? Or would he just give up, as exhausted as he was? Regulus was dead. If he lost his friends as well, what would be left for him to fight for?

He needed someone… and they all needed a miracle.

**ooooooo**

She didn't know when she had started running or when her surroundings had melted from the Great Hall into an enormous, menacing network of murky, spectral passages. She was in a maze, a maze of tall, impossibly thick green hedges and the reddish-golden sky of a dream from long ago presently turned dark and cold. Barefoot, wearing only a white sundress that seemed rather out of season, she just couldn't bring herself to stop running. It was awful how wrong this place felt. It brought tears to her emerald eyes. There wasn't anyway out! She had been searching now for hours, but it was as if she had been deposited in a world full of dead ends, a world meant solely to trap and imprison for all eternity. It was closing in around her and it would not let her leave.

Coming to a T-junction, Lily turned left and ran down the path faster than her legs could manage. She stumbled, falling to her hands and knees. It hurt to breathe, her lungs were on fire. That had to be real, then, for nothing else was. She shouldn't be capable of experiencing physical sensations because this was all just a dream. So somewhere, she must have been lying in a bed with lungs that were burning. Why couldn't she wake up to that? Why would the wild magic that seemed so attracted to her take advantage of this? What was it trying to reveal?

As she climbed back to her feet, a flash of golden light suddenly caught her attention. It was coming from up ahead, down another passageway that intersected with this one. She found herself creeping towards it, anxiety slowly working to claw at and tear apart her stomach. After what felt like days, weeks, maybe even years, she reached the corner and carefully glanced around it, only to discover what must have been the center of that confounded maze.

A large cup was there, like a trophy with two handles. It was glowing through the darkness, set on a pedestal in the middle of the clearing. Lily hesitated, alarmed by some ominous weight that unexpectedly bore down on her. It was wrong. All of it was so impossibly wrong!

She turned away from the cup, fully prepared to walk headfirst back into the maze, but instead she ended up standing somewhere completely different. She wasn't outside anymore, but in a large, rectangular room that had to have been an amphitheater. Rows of stone benches encircled her, ascending upwards towards the very high, unlit ceiling. Meanwhile, directly in front of her, there was a raised dais upon which a tall stone archway stood. It had a fluttering black veil dangling from it and together they looked older, more ancient, and more mystifying than anything she'd ever seen before, even at Hogwarts. It was like a secret, a closely kept secret guarding something that shouldn't exist in the first place. Even in the magical world, its presence defied the very laws of nature and yet Lily could not take her eyes off it.

**ooooooo**

"What you see here is a bottle literally containing the essence of the magic poisoning Lily." It was the last week of November and Isabelle Campbell was currently in the process of briefing James, Sirius, Remus, Peter, Pippa, Edmund, and the rest of the staff trapped in the stronghold that had once merely been the Potters' home. They were in the kitchen, minus three maids who continued to sit with and watch over Lily. Isabelle was standing behind an island counter, holding up a crystal bottle that actually didn't appear to be containing anything at all. Once she was certain her audience had had a good, clear, long look at it, she placed it back on the countertop and picked up a blue bottle. "And this is a sample of the only potion I've been able to come up with that seems capable of resisting and even combating said poison."

"About time, too," Sirius said, clapping his hands. Nearly a month had passed and it had been spent waiting for an invasion that never came while the young Healer struggled to produce what she was now finally presenting to them. Sirius still couldn't say how they'd managed to keep from going mad; the tension was heavier than ten tons of bricks. But now it was ending… Now, at long last, they were going to beat it. They could get on with the rest of their lives.

"There's just one thing," Isabelle said, suddenly fidgeting on the balls of her feet. She glanced down at the counter, refusing to meet any of the gazes that now stared at her in unwelcome alarm. "I don't know how it'll react in a human body system. All the tests I've run so far have lacked the most important factor that has to be worked with. If I give Lily this potion and it aggravates her condition, there won't be any coming back from that, which is a risk I can't afford to take."

"Bloody hell," Remus grumbled, but Isabelle wasn't through yet. She glared at him impatiently before continuing with her lecture.

"There's nothing more I can do. I've tried absolutely everything in my power, which is why it's taken so bloody long. If this doesn't do the trick, well, that'll just be the final straw. You'll have to take her to St. Mungo's or to Dumbledore." She smiled humorlessly, her eyes full of sorrow and regret. "I really wanted to believe nothing could stop us. That we could do it all on our own." She sighed and placed the blue bottle back on the counter next to the crystal one. "Okay. So this is the plan. I'll drink the bloody poison's essence and allow myself to get sick. Tomorrow morning, after it's had time to take full effect, one of you will have to give me the antidote and pray that it works. If it does, we'll give the rest to Lily and call it a day. If it doesn't, I recommend Madam Pomfrey."

The objections began immediately.

"No bloody way!"

"Why's it gotta be you?"

"We need you, Isabelle! What if it doesn't work?"

"Then we'll have two patients instead of just one!"

"Forget it!"

"You're our Healer. We can't afford to lose you! Let me take it instead."

Isabelle sighed, rolling her eyes. "That's enough! I'm a Healer and muggles aren't the only ones who pay attention to Hippocrates. I'm not running experiments on any of you. 'First, do no harm.' If you don't like it, tough luck." There were a few more objections, but they were feeble and halfhearted, mostly from Pippa, Remus, and Peter. James, however, having thus far been silent, crossed his arms and leaned against the counter, staring directly into Isabelle's eyes.

"Are you sure about this, Campbell?" he asked, his voice frighteningly somber, steady and composed. "You've already given up several weeks of your life to tend to Lily. We all have. But are you really willing to give up the rest of it? Because that's what this could mean." Isabelle met his gaze and they stared at each other for several long minutes. It was as if their eyes themselves were conversing; Isabelle had already thought about this, she had weighed their options and it was the only thing left for her to do. She was ready for it and when James was satisfied that she meant it, he took a deep breath and unfolded his arms. "Your mind's really made up, then. But I can't let you do it." And before she could so much as open her mouth to respond, he reached across the counter and snatched up the crystal bottle. Sirius jerked sharply as Remus, Peter, and Pippa all gasped. James pulled the cap off the bottle.

"No!" Isabelle shrieked. "James Potter, don't you dare!" She attempted diving across the counter, reaching her arm out to stop him, but by then he had already put the top in his mouth and was swallowing. Lily was his wife. She was his love and his responsibility. If any of them were going to further sacrifice themselves on her behalf, it would be him. There just wasn't any questioning that.

"Oh, you stupid, arrogant, son of a-!" Isabelle was stopped short as James fell forward, collapsing against the counter and landing practically on top of her. It felt like burning tongues of fire were tearing down his throat, stretching towards his lungs and ripping them apart. Sirius, Remus, and Peter were instantly at his side, supporting his weight while Edmund hastened to conjure up a stretcher. The poison was astonishingly fast. Sirius couldn't remember whether or not it had worked this quickly against Lily. Already James was beginning to writhe, sweat, and gasp for breath.

"He's choking!" Pippa cried, tears forming in her eyes. Remus glanced at her over his shoulder and when he recognized the state of terror that was rapidly overcoming her, he broke away from James and guided her to the back of the room where she would be more or less out of the way.

"This is just like you, James Potter!" Sirius bellowed as he and Peter helped the wizard lie down on the stretcher. "Always have to go and play the hero, don't you? And what if it gets you killed?" He kept picturing Regulus in his mind. Wasn't it enough having already lost one brother? Why did everyone have to be so noble around here? Why did James have to go and do a stupid thing like this? "I've got half a mind to hex you right here and now! How'd you like to wake up with toenails the size of your feet?" Unfortunately, James seemed unable to hear him. His eyes were fluttering and he was already calling out Lily's name as if he could see her standing above him.

**ooooooo**

Never, in her entire life, had she ever gazed up at such a large statue. Carved out of gray stone, she wondered how long its construction had taken the sculptor, even with the magical aid of a wand. As far as she could tell, it was supposed to be a wizard dressed in flowing robes with a beard that almost fell all the way to his feet. Whoever he was, his mouth was open widely, forming an immense black hole. Slightly unsettled by this, Lily glanced over her shoulder and stared down a rather extensive chamber lined with stone pillars upon which angry stone serpents appeared to be slithering up to a ceiling she could not perceive. It was so dark and yet there was also a green cast to the place, as if it were filled with greenish mist. _Where am I?_

Something was moving in the shadows behind her. Something big. Colossal. Something absolutely monstrous. Catching her breath, Lily slowly turned around… only to come face to face with a giant snake that was likely proportional to the statue towering at the end of the chamber. She screamed as its yellow eyes caught her gaze…

Suddenly, she was lying in the bed of a well lit room that might as well have been on a completely different planet, so strange was it compared to all the bizarre, unrecognizable realms she had so recently been traveling. Great Halls, mazes, amphitheaters, serpentine chambers, and they weren't even the half of it. Once she had sworn she had been standing in the middle of a life-sized chessboard! And now she was lying in a bed, gasping for breath. How did that happen?

"Lily?"

She heard a voice and thought it sounded familiar, but couldn't place it. She glanced around the room, searching for it desperately, but everything was so out of focus. "Who's there?" Was this what it looked like when James took off his glasses? She heard herself screaming, but didn't know why. She was scared. She wanted to wake up, but returning to normalcy all of a sudden frightened her. She reached out for the old magic that continued to vibrate around her, she sought out its encompassing hold. There were secrets it still needed to tell her, worlds she still needed to see.

"Lily! Hold on! Just hold on!"

The voice continued to call out to her, but it quickly faded. She was slipping from the room again as the magic carried her away. Barefoot, wearing just a white sundress, she found herself standing in an office that she thought she recognized but knew she had never seen before. After all, offices decorated like this were hard to forget. The desk was covered by a lacy tablecloth. Flower vases rested on doilies. The walls were adorned with ornamental plates, each of which was decorated by mewing kittens. The predominant color seemed to be pink and somehow, out of everything she'd seen so far, this place was easily the most alien. Somehow it made her feel as if the world had been turned upside down. Boundaries had been crossed here. Sanctuaries infested. This too, as twisted as it was, felt wrong. Sickening.

How long would the magic keep her here? The room's stone walls looked familiar under all those kittens. The fireplace looked familiar. The window looked familiar. When had she been here before and who had sullied it in such a manner? She racked her brain but couldn't come up with any answers. Like everything else, it remained a mystery well beyond her understanding.

Something gleamed on the lace covering a small table near the desk. Lily glanced at it, immediately recognizing blood. There wasn't a lot of it, but as she stepped forward, catching her breath, thoroughly disgusted, she saw there was enough to spell out a single sentence. 'I must not tell lies.'

**ooooooo**

"Is she awake?" Remus demanded, watching Isabelle and Pippa lean over Lily while he, Sirius, and Peter set down the stretcher on which James was resting. For a moment there, Lily appeared to have burst to life, more so than she ever had all month. It took them quite by surprise and Remus found himself hoping to god she was about to make some kind of miraculous recovery, answering all his prayers. "Isabelle, tell me she's awake!"

"She's not," Isabelle glanced up at Remus apologetically. Whatever had happened, whatever had caused Lily to act up like that, it had only been temporary and she honestly had no idea what to make of it. "Come on. Let's get James on the bed." She started towards the men, meaning to help them move James off the stretcher, but before she managed to take two steps, Lily suddenly vomited.

"Bloody hell!" Peter stared at her in shock while Isabelle and Sirius both sprang forward to roll her off her back. "What's wrong with her?" It was the first time Lily had thrown up since all this started. Either she was somehow recovering or the poison was finally taking its toll. Sheer, icy terror crawled down Remus' spine as Isabelle started issuing forth more and more and more commands. The patients needed to be moved out of this room. The mess had to be cleaned up. There was just so much work to do that for the first time, and quite possibly for the only time, ever in his entire life, Remus wished there was a full moon outside. The pain that hurt him so and the fear that paralyzed him could both be doused by the primeval, bestial instincts of a certain wolf and for the first time, as he stared around helplessly at those he loved, that was what he wanted.

**ooooooo**

She didn't know why the blood caused her to feel so nauseas, nor could she say why her stomach felt so weak. It was just a dream. She kept telling herself it was just a dream that made no sense whatsoever. None. But then… why were there tears in her eyes?

She was no longer in that foul, wretched little office, but she remained on the ground with her arms wrapped tightly around her knees, trying not to think about what she had seen. Meanwhile, the old magic continued vibrating all around her and when she next looked up, she found herself staring at the Dark Mark, which hovered ominously in the sky above a castle she immediately recognized. Hogwarts.

**ooooooo**

"What language is that?" Peter asked as he and Sirius trudged through the snow towards Remus, who was standing stiffly with his head bowed as if in prayer, chanting words neither of them could translate. They knew he was dismantling many of the magical fortifications they had worked so hard to develop for their defense against an invasion that never actually came. It was almost dawn now. Isabelle would soon be administering the antidote to James and then, one way or the other, all the wards and protective spells that kept them in and the world at bay would have to be lowered. After all, even if the antidote worked, they couldn't stay sheltered like this for the rest of their lives and if the antidote didn't work, Isabelle continued to insist they seek more professional help elsewhere: at either St. Mungo's or Hogwarts.

In response to Peter's inquiry, Sirius shrugged. "Latin. Greek. I don't know, it might not even be human." They reached Remus' side and silently waited with all the patience they had left for him to finish the task at hand. While his head remained bowed, theirs fell back and their eyes strayed to the heavens where thousands of bright stars were beginning to fade as the planet ever so slowly turned towards the sun. It was freezing, but that had never discouraged them from venturing outside and it didn't discourage them now. In fact, there was something truly revitalizing about the cold. It was like a promise, assuring them they were still awake and alive and that Voldemort hadn't yet gained control over the seasons.

"It's just so hard to believe in a few hours we're not gonna be completely isolated anymore," Remus said, breaking a silence Sirius and Peter had actually failed to notice. It seemed the wizard had finally stopped chanting, had finally finished his spell, and was now at fellowship with two of his closest friends. "I'm almost sorry. I mean, if Lily hadn't been sick, I… I think I might've preferred it this way." The five of them, four Marauders and one beautiful young woman, cut off from the world in a haven where they could be together, free to be carefree, as they had always been at Hogwarts.

"It'll be weird, won't it?" Peter asked, staring at his feet while forlornly kicking aside some snow. "What are we gonna tell everyone? I mean, the _Daily Prophet's_ gonna wanna know what we've been doing and if I know the editor, he'll be pressuring me for a scoop. If I still have my job, that is." After a month of absence, not even that much was certain anymore.

Remus chuckled dryly. "Don't worry, mate. You could always come work with me."

"Or me," Sirius offered. "I don't have a job either." If the war ended and the Order of the Phoenix disbanded, the three of them would no doubt find themselves out on the streets. For some reason, such a prospect almost made Sirius laugh. "How the hell did we get here?" It was a question none of them wanted or even really knew how to answer. The absurdity of it all…

As morning broke and the sun rose towards the sky, they continued standing where they had found Remus and spoke of trivial things, all the while plagued by thoughts, hopes, and fears about what the next few hours might bring. So much was distracting them, practically torturing them, that they somehow missed Pippa as she blithely flew down the mansion's front steps and raced towards them with a triumphant smile lighting her face. "We did it! It's working! The antidote's actually working! Come on! Black! Pettigrew! It's working! Remus, come on! You're not gonna want to miss this!"

**ooooooo**

**A/N:** Please review. Thanks!


	132. Recoveries

**ooooooo**

"Let me get this straight!" Sirius demanded as he, Remus, and Peter chased Pippa up the mansion steps and out of the freezing cold. No one stood waiting to greet them in the foyer, or anywhere else for that matter, not even Edmund, which could only mean one thing. The entire staff was watching Isabelle tend to the Potters and somehow the three healthy Marauders had been forgotten about. "Campbell went ahead and gave James the antidote without us? What the bloody hell is that about?"

At least Pippa had the decency to wince as she urgently climbed up the stairs towards the landing. "We couldn't wait! Isabelle said it was time and we were just so eager to see if it would work, you know? It's not my fault you weren't there!" Sirius scoffed, shaking his head impatiently and shoving his way past the witch. She followed as quickly as she could with Remus at her side and Peter on her heels.

Sure enough, the hallway proved to be quite crowded outside the guestroom James and Lily had been moved to when the four finally arrived. Edmund and the rest of the staff were just as eager to see the young couple on their feet again as any of them and it took some doing on the Marauders' part to push past them. "Out of the way!" Sirius bellowed as he fought to get inside, all the while cursing those narrow corridors. Robes rustled, servants apologized, and seconds later the door that shut them out flew open just for the small group's admittance.

Compared to other rooms in the house, this particular one wasn't all that big, but there was still more than enough space for two luxurious beds. James was lying in one, awake but incredibly tense. His arms were crossed, there was a scowl on his face, and when he saw Sirius, he immediately sat up only to be pushed back down by the irritated Healer sitting on a stool next to him. "Are you completely deaf, James Potter?" she demanded over his protests, ignoring the four newcomers as they spilled in around the bed. "Lie down! Your body's recuperating from powerful magic and you can't rush it!"

"I'm not rushing anything!" James spat back, flashing two sharp eyes at her in clear frustration. "Look at me! I'm strong enough to argue! Your antidote worked, Campbell, so stop badgering me and give it to Lil!" He glanced around at Sirius, Remus, and Peter, looking for support. "Would you believe she actually wants to wait another hour or two or maybe even twenty-four before treating her just to make sure there won't be any other unexpected complications further down the road? She's out of her mind!"

Insulted, Isabelle jumped to her feet and started pacing around, throwing up her arms in unbridled anger. "Just because some of us aren't impulsive-!"

"Impulsive!" James laughed at that, pushing himself upright with a look on his face that could have easily killed. "It's almost been an entire month, Isabelle Campbell! I'm starting to think you don't want her to get better! You keep stalling!"

"There is such a thing as caution, you know!"

And so the argument continued. Sirius, Remus, Peter, and Pippa found themselves looking back and forth between the two as they shouted ruthlessly at each other, both completely adamant that they were justified in their opposing stances. James was impatient and wanted to put this whole ordeal behind him. Isabelle was fastidious and would rather take extra care to ensure her charge's recovery. All that mattered was Lily's health, but other than that, the two seemed quite unable to agree on anything.

"You know what your problem is?" James asked scathingly. "You don't have the resolve necessary to even make decisions, much less carry them out! No risk, no reward! Hasn't anyone ever told you that?"

"Oh, please!" Isabelle sneered. "I was gonna take that poison myself, James Potter, but you didn't want to jeopardize me, remember? Wasn't it because I'm the Healer and you need me in charge? Well then, you'll do as I say when I say it until I'm satisfied with your improvement!" She sounded completely resolute. The two of them were just so stubborn it wouldn't have surprised any of the onlookers whatsoever if they were to suddenly declare war against each other. Remus, Peter, and Pippa couldn't help but thank god James's wand wasn't anywhere in sight, otherwise the war might have already started. Sirius, on the other hand, was already fully prepared to take his best friend's side.

"That's enough, Campbell," he said, cutting into the argument much to Isabelle's disgust and James's pleasure. For the first time in almost a month, the black haired bespectacled wizard lit up his face in a wide, triumphant grin… or rather a smug and cocky smirk. He could always count on Sirius and now the scales would inevitably tip in his favor. "James has got a point. No risk, no reward. You won't believe the number of things we've been able to accomplish following that particular philosophy."

Remus nodded his agreement, which, in all honesty, Isabelle found quite astonishing, for while Sirius's interference could well be expected, Remus Lupin was supposed to be the sensible one! But there he was, standing firmly with James and Sirius. "Look, Isabelle, there's nothing wrong with being cautious, but at some point you do have to take action. I mean, if you're always afraid there's gonna be some new, dangerous and unforeseen complication, you're always gonna find another reason to wait. Well, we've waited. Now it's time to act."

There were tears in Isabelle's eyes. She hadn't been a Healer for very long and she had never worked a case like this. She was so deeply involved and there wasn't anyone at all present with true expertise for her to consult. The truth was Remus had it right. She was terrified. And if she made even one mistake… if anything happened to Lily… "It's not worth the risk. Not yet. Where's the harm in waiting just a few more hours?"

"Waiting for what?" James demanded angrily. "Waiting for me to keel over and die? Thanks for the vote of confidence, but that's not gonna happen." Unfortunately, Isabelle didn't seem so sure and continued to hesitate, which was really quite maddening. "Look at me, Campbell! I think I'd know if something had gone wrong with that antidote." She glanced at him and he jerked his head up and down. "Trust me. And let me make it simple. I'm Lily's husband and I'm telling you to heal her. So do it!"

"I'll do it!" Sirius had definitely had enough of Isabelle's reluctance and so decided it was time to take matters into his own hands. After all, in situations like these you had to lead, follow, or get out of the way and when the Healer failed at all three, someone needed to step up. Sirius was ready. He pulled out his wand and aimed it at the witch. _"Accio potion!" _Isabelle squeaked, but that didn't stop a certain blue bottle from flying out of her robes and straight to the young wizard. He caught it expertly, much to James's delight, and immediately started towards Lily's bed.

"Wait!" Isabelle objected plaintively, but Remus quickly stepped in front of her and, placing his hand on her shoulder, at once stopped her and reassured her. Together, they turned to watch as Sirius pulled off the bottle cap, knelt down beside the bed, bent over the patient, and carefully forced the rest of the potion into her mouth.

**ooooooo**

Once again, she found herself standing in a ruined, shambled Great Hall beneath a blackened, stormy sky. Vaguely, she remembered it from long ago. The sky had been red-gold then and everything had felt so terribly, terribly wrong. Now, however, it was worse. The wild magic wasn't just vibrating around her anymore… it was shaking vehemently while something that sounded like a thousand wind chimes resonated loudly in her ears. She was struck by an incredible sense of urgency – could magic be stressed that way? Could magic perceive such things?

The shadows were growing thicker, coming closer, extremely ominous. Lily found herself turning in small, frantic circles, wishing for some way to fend them off, but there were just too many surrounding her and she didn't even have a wand. Somewhere behind her, a jet of green light flashed through the darkness and, like a bolt of lightning, it illuminated the entire hall. She spun around, horrified, only to see a jet of red light whizzing past her. The next thing she knew, the entire room was filled with dangerous, possibly lethal, green and red sparks, all of which were flying in every possible direction as if locked in combat. There was a battle going on and it was only by some miracle that Lily was not struck down herself.

But there was so much pressure. The wild magic was shaking, as if the air itself could quake like the ground beneath her feet. The sound of banging chimes was clearly meant to deafen her. The hall itself was growing brighter and brighter and brighter, outshining the colorful sparks until Lily couldn't see them at all. And then… the world itself seemed to explode.

She found herself hovering in a silvery void. It was quieter there, but she could still hear the whimsical chimes ringing somewhere in the distance, almost like running water; a river or cascade. It also felt better there. For the first time in what must have been years, she wasn't running, nothing was stalking her, and the wild magic seemed quite at ease. It was a part of her, a gift and a blessing, triggered not by the poison she suddenly realized, but by heartache.

"_Why won't you just talk to me?"_

"'_Cause Regulus is gone now. He's gone. He's not coming back. That part of my life is over."_

"_You mean he…?"_

"_Lily…"_

"_He's dead?"_

"_I tried to save him… He did good, though, Lily… He was always thinking about you, even to the very end. You're the best thing that ever happened to him."_

Regulus was dead… The very thought was almost more than she could bear. How was it possible that he had died? She never even had the chance to tell him goodbye or that she was so proud of him for overcoming his parents' fanatical bigotry. After all this time… Sirius had at long last found a brother – and not just a friend like James, Remus, and Peter, but a real, honest-to-god brother who understood what life was like in the Black family. How could he endure having such a wonderful blessing so quickly, suddenly, and so mercilessly ripped away from him again? How could he bear going back to the solitude and isolation he had lived in, despite his friends, since his mother disowned him? It wasn't fair…

She didn't understand why the world had to be so full of misery and loss. The Death Eaters were growing more in number everyday and Voldemort was clearly winning the war. What hope was there now? Deep down, a part of her wanted nothing more than to just collapse, to give up, to let it end here before anyone else she cared about got hurt… or worse. It just seemed that the more she loved, the more she lost, and the more she ached, so wouldn't it be better not to love at all? That was the question her heart had been asking when she had opened a certain envelope, unfolded a certain scrap of parchment, and inhaled the poison that reduced her to this. And in response to that question, the wild magic inside her, the gift she had possessed since childhood, had sprung to life.

She had no idea what it was trying to show her. She just couldn't figure it out. Everything she had seen, every place she had been, all of it had felt so wrong. There was evil and malice and pain and anguish, such anguish, everywhere she looked, like an omen of despair. Was that all she had to anticipate? Could there be anything else?

Hovering in the silvery void before her, a magnificent creature suddenly took shape. Powerful, regal, with his head held high and crowned by fearsome antlers that branched towards the heavens, Lily recognized it as quickly as she would have her own reflection. She knew him… but the strangest thing of all was that she also knew he wasn't James.

"You're beautiful," she nevertheless told him and it was true. Emotion welled up inside her and she felt it overflowing. It made her want to cry, but only out of joy. Somehow this was the result, though nothing she had seen thus far seemed even remotely capable of adding up to it. There weren't any answers, there wasn't some kind of miraculous revelation, she understood absolutely none of it, but that didn't change the way her heart suddenly felt.

"_Lily…?"_

She wanted to cross the distance that separated her from the stag, but she was hovering in a void and there was no ground on which she could tread. From somewhere far away, she thought she could hear a voice calling out her name, but she paid it very little attention. The stag was slowly starting to dissipate, like smoke taken up by the wind.

"_Lily…? Can you hear me? Please wake up!"_

She wanted to run after the stag, to reach out for him and hold him in her arms, never letting go. But then he was gone; she would have to wait for him. But it was okay. Somehow, she knew she'd see him again.

The void itself then began dissipating; she almost felt like a collapsing star. Everything was so bright as it all imploded and she closed her eyes tightly against the brilliance. Seconds later, she was falling backwards, her hair billowing up around her face. It was finally time for her to awaken. She was going home at last.

"Lily!" It was Sirius calling out to her. She couldn't see him, but she recognized his voice and perceived him at her side.

"Is it working? How long's it gonna take?" Peter was asking, farther away from her but still nearby.

"Come on, Lily." That was James. He was whispering his words of encouragement, but she could still somehow hear them over everything else. "Come on." He was waiting. How long had she left him waiting?

With an aching heart yearning for home, she opened her eyes and found herself in a strange bed surrounded by the people she loved. Sirius was kneeling directly beside her. Remus and Isabelle were standing behind him. Peter and Pippa were at the foot of her bed. And James… Her eyes sought him out quickly and found him sitting up on a different bed parallel with her own. Sirius, Remus, and Isabelle divided them, but he was still there watching over her. He was always watching over her. She smiled. "Well, it's about time."

**ooooooo**

Hours later as the sun was setting, Lily and James, both of whom had regained enough of their strength to stand up and walk again, ambled out along the drive with Sirius, Remus, and Peter. Isabelle had long since gone to bed, placating Pippa who had ordered her to rest, and now it was just the five of them. Four Marauders with the witch they would have all sacrificed their lives for.

There was just so much Lily wanted to say. She wanted to thank them for not giving up on her. She wanted to assure Sirius she understood why he had lied to her about Regulus. She wanted to ask James if he had had any strange dreams himself after taking the poison – which she incidentally thought he was mad for doing. But all this she kept inside. Most of their walk was spent in silence. They had told her nearly an entire month had gone by, which didn't really surprise her because it had actually felt like so much longer. But while to her, the world had never seemed more real, more solid, she could sense that, to them, it all very suddenly felt like a dream. She had been ill for so long that when she recovered in the blink of an eye, it overwhelmed them. They didn't want to speak, for it was as if they were battling shock and needed time to get their bearings.

An entire month had passed. How had the war progressed? How was Petunia? She had so many questions… but like everything else, they would have to wait probably at least until morning. She could get on with her life then, because for now, she needed to adjust to being back in this world again. One step at a time. Amazingly, she found that she really wasn't in much of a hurry.

**ooooooo**

November ended several days later. Hardly anyone noticed. The world was, unsurprisingly, just too preoccupied to truly care. The war had grown steadily worse and many Death Eaters now traveled about freely, unconcerned by the threat of Aurors, Ministries, and Orders. They did not bother with the stealth they were famous for half as much as they used to and their numbers grew to include more than just wizards. Much more. Rumor had it Lethifolds – Living Shrouds – had come from the tropics, Inferi – walking corpses – had been spotted around London, and giants had been busy wreaking havoc throughout Britain.

If that wasn't bad enough, the situation was made worse by too many little things. Everyone was curious about Lily's illness. The _Daily Prophet_ got its scoop from Peter, but the editors desired more than just a brief, impartial relation of the facts and so sent others looking for interviews to get inside Lily's head. The Ministry also sent investigators to press her for leads; whoever had attacked her was still at large, dangerous, and more than likely capable of trying it again. Everyone seemed eager to protect her – especially those closest to her. James hardly ever let her out of his sight anymore and when he did, he did so only if he knew someone he absolutely and completely trusted was there to guard her in his stead. She hated feeling like she had a bodyguard, though if it happened to be a Marauder, she couldn't deny the company was more than welcome. After all, up until the end of that nightmarish dream, she had felt so painfully alone.

They stayed together, first at the incredible house the Longbottoms owned. Alice, a month pregnant, was already baby proofing the place, much to Augusta Longbottom's dismay. In spite of everything, the young witch seemed happier than she'd been since her wedding day and Lily didn't blame her. She was gonna be a mum!

Later, they moved to stay with the Campbells. Isabelle's treatment of Lily had earned her a great deal of renown at St. Mungo's, which seemed to please her a little, but then again, not that much. Something was clearly upsetting her and when Lily asked about it, the young Healer confessed she felt ashamed. "I wasn't ready for it, Lil. Treating you, fighting that poison… it was just too much pressure. I think I almost cracked."

"It's okay," Lily assured her, filled with compassion and forgiveness. She held her friend in her arms and took care of her with the same dedication that she herself had been taken care of so recently in the past. "None of that matters anymore. We won that fight, you and me. It's behind us now." Even if they hadn't been ready for it, they had still survived it and that was the most important thing.

Unfortunately, forgiving someone proved astonishingly easier than seeking forgiveness from someone. Lily's ailment had prevented her not only from meeting with Petunia, but also from sending Petunia some kind of explanation for her absence, and so one of the first things she did upon recovering was hastily scribble down a few words to mail to her sister, hoping she would find it somewhere in her heart to accept the apology. As it turned out, however, Petunia proved understanding. Just a little bit too understanding.

"_The world you live in is dangerous, Lily,"_ she wrote back at the start of December. _"I've tried pleading with you, I've tried reasoning with you, but if you insist on jeopardizing your life for the sake of magic, you had best stay away from me and mine. I don't want my family pulled into your war." _That was it. Their relationship had been on the mend, but now it was lost and Lily had no idea how to find it again. It upset her, but Petunia had every right to push her away. It would have been cruel to try blaming her for any of this and besides… it was true the Dursleys would all be much, much safer if they distanced themselves from the Potters.

"I keep thinking something terrible is gonna happen," Lily whispered late one night as James held her in his arms. Having already told him all about her dream, she already knew he had no idea what to make of it, but sometimes it still helped just to talk. "I can't lose hope. I think that's what the magic wanted to tell me. But… people don't just lose hope unless something terrible keeps on happening to them, right? That really scares me." She didn't want to lose anyone else. Not after all this…

But James, seemingly unconcerned, simply pulled her close, tightening his arms around her, and kissed her forehead. "You're the bravest woman I know, Lil. Now save the terrible things that'll happen in the future for the future." He smiled playfully. "I've already got plans for tonight."

**ooooooo**

**A/N:** All right, it looks like things are back on track. Finally. That took just a little bit longer than I thought it would and I really hope it all made sense. That being said, I'd love to get some reviews! Thanks so much!


	133. Big News

**ooooooo**

In spite of Lily's fears that something truly terrible was darkening the horizon, when life threw its next curveball at her, it was not from out of some vile, treacherous nightmare, but from out of some wondrous mystery that must have been sent from Heaven. It was going to change everything! Absolutely everything. She knew that and while it undeniably and quite understandably frightened her on many different levels, she found that it also made her heart ten thousand times lighter than it had been since her honeymoon in Italy! Wars, poisons, Death Eaters, Dark Lords… so much evil had woven so neatly, so intricately, and so firmly into her life that she only now realized just how much of her life she had put on hold. She had practically given the Order of the Phoenix and its struggle against Voldemort permission to swallow her whole, completely and utterly. She wasn't a tutor anymore, she wasn't a daughter, she wasn't even really a sister. For so long her life had been defined by this fight between good and evil that a very large part of her had actually forgotten to take moments in her day to breathe and to really live. Now, with the future suddenly staring her in the face, she found that the changes she would inevitably have to make were good, desirable ones and she simply couldn't wait.

Initially, it had been hard to wrap her mind around. She had been feeling lousy, sick, cramped, and thoroughly miserable, mostly because she had nothing to blame. She hadn't been on her period since her poisoning and eventually grew to wonder if the poison didn't have something to do with it. Crawling straight to Isabelle, she angrily demanded answers and that was when they both found out. She was pregnant.

"Are you sure?" she had asked, sitting stiffly on the stool in Isabelle's otherwise empty kitchen – she and James were still both hiding out at the Campbell's. It was generally a very crowded place, for Isabelle didn't own a mansion, but at that moment it felt as if they were the only two living creatures in the entire world, which put Lily in the spotlight. "I mean, completely sure? One hundred and ten percent sure? Because if you're not, this isn't the kind of thing you just tell James one day and then say five hours later, 'So sorry. We were mistaken.'"

Isabelle laughed, for while Lily was sitting there trying not to panic, she was already anticipating the joy that would shortly follow. For Healers, there was always too much death in the midst of a war. Pregnancies had the potential to truly make up for it. "No mistake, Lily Potter. I'm completely sure. There's a child growing inside you and from what I can tell, you can expect to be a mother towards the end of August."

Lily stared at her with her mouth agape. At first she had just been pregnant. But now Isabelle was throwing around words like 'child,' and 'mother.' She was going to have a baby! In nine months, she was actually going to be someone's mum! And James was going to be a dad! The shock was overwhelming, but then she looked down at her stomach, pressed her hands against it, and imagined what was in there. She pictured it growing, developing, and in that moment she knew, beyond the shadow of a doubt, Isabelle was right and there had been no mistake. Somehow, she was a completely different person about to start a completely new life, which left her head spinning and her ears ringing to be sure, but at the same time, the lousy, sick, and thoroughly miserable wretchedness that had led her to Isabelle in the first place was gone, as if it never even existed, and forgotten about from top to bottom.

Tears suddenly began pouring down her face. Isabelle laughed, but Lily had never felt more inclined to cry in her entire life. "I don't believe it!" she proclaimed through her sobs. Of course, she and James had discussed children in the past – they even knew what names they both liked! But having children now, in the middle of a war… Yes, Petunia was pregnant, and Alice was pregnant, and there were probably thousands of other young women pregnant across the globe, but for her to be as well… She wasn't ready! "We don't even have a house! I mean, we have a mansion, but that's James's parents' house, not ours! We don't have a house! We don't have a nursery! We don't have blankets or diapers or food or toys or cribs or… Oh my god, that's where the list ends… I don't even know what else babies need!" She covered her mouth, sobbing hysterically, which was all it took to attract James's attention.

As Isabelle tried to calm the witch down, assuring her she still had nine months of preparation, James flew into the kitchen with his wand held high, clearly expecting the worst. Upon sighting Lily, however, he dropped it and sprang to her side, pulling her into his arms. "Hey…" he spoke soothingly. "Lily, what's that matter?" She tried to catch her breath, burying her face in her husband's shoulder. How must this look to him? There she was, bawling her eyes out, and Isabelle was still just standing there with a smile that lit up her entire face!

"James!" she wailed. "You're gonna be a father!"

He froze. Then, very stiffly, he pulled away from her, staring at her as she sat on that stool, looking back up at him with two very bright, very wet green eyes. He frowned, ran a hand through his hair, turned in a full circle, and then faced her again. "Are you serious?" She nodded, her face contorting as she began fighting back her tears. Slowly, a smile undid James's frown and then he was grinning almost as brightly as Isabelle. "Oh my god." He laughed and started pacing around the kitchen, suddenly bursting with energy the likes of which he hadn't felt since school. "I'm gonna be a father! Lily, there's gonna be three of us! We're gonna have a real family!"

She nodded her head, still crying, but somehow managing to smile through her tears. She looked up at him and found herself laughing as well. "I know!" He pulled her to her feet before picking her up in his arms, spinning around while whooping at the top of his lungs.

The news, of course, traveled across England like wildfire and though no one could possibly have been more excited by it than Sirius Black, who had been waiting for just such a miracle since his brother's death, everyone was in the mood to celebrate. Everyone, that was, except for Mad-Eye Moody. He had already been trying to make up for Alice Longbottom at the Ministry, as she wasn't permitted to fight while with child, and now James was asking for leave to take care of his wife as well! "At this rate, we're not gonna have any Aurors left at all to battle those damn Death Eaters! They're all too busy starting families!" He huffed and Lily turned to glare at him with sharp, piercing eyes. Half a second later, he averted his gaze and stared at the floor. "Congratulations, Mrs. Potter."

The days that followed were quite possibly the most disorganized Lily could ever remember having. It seemed like she, James, Sirius, Remus, and Peter had completely forgotten that gestation periods for humans happened to be nine full months. They were like children eagerly awaiting Christmas. So much had to be done and they wanted to rush through it all as quickly as they could because then, somehow, the moment might arrive in thirty-eight minutes instead of thirty-eight weeks. Excitement was driving all of them and so they paid very little attention when Isabelle, Frank, and Alice suggested they take a break.

"First of all," Lily said as they sat around a table with quills, ink, and parchment, ready to take notes. "We need to buy a house."

"WHAT?" That suggestion was easily the last one any of them had been expecting, and they all glanced around at each other in confusion before looking back at her. James adjusted his glasses. "Lily, we already have a house."

"No," she shook her head, holding up a finger. "That house is your parents' house and it's too big and it's way, way too expensive. How do you expect to baby proof even one room of the place? And before you even think about trying to answer that question, you might want to contemplate how well children do in environments like that to begin with. In case you've forgotten, you were once a very arrogant, conceited, spoiled brat and I'm not raising that kind of child."

James, Sirius, and Peter all stared at her in astonishment, as if they could hardly recognize her or believe what she was saying. Remus, however, just looked at her husband with the kind of smile that said 'you're in trouble and I find it absolutely hilarious.' "She's got a point there, mate."

And so the planning continued. In all honesty, it proved a bit more chaotic than truly productive. Lily came up with hundreds of small little errands she needed the men to run while she read up on motherhood. She went through every single book she could find not just once, but twice, and by the time Christmas arrived, she was ordering Remus to quiz her as if they were still in school and had some kind of fierce exam looming over their heads. Meanwhile, James continuously struggled to pamper her, but for the first time, he could never tell exactly what she wanted. "I could make out a bath for you."

She glanced up at him from her notes. "You could make out a bath for me? James, I haven't even begun gaining weight yet! I think I can still manage making out my own bath if I ever wanted one. Which I don't. What I want is for you to scavenge around your parents' place looking for a bassinet and anything else you didn't break as a kid that we might possibly be able to reuse!" Of course, when he finally did collect the desired furniture and presented it all to her, she had shaken her head in displeasure. "No, no, no, no! None of this stuff is gonna work!" She marched away, deciding it was time to contact Alice and Pippa for a shopping date.

Remus glanced at James and patted him on the shoulder. "It's just hormones, mate. And if you think she's bad now, wait until the second trimester." James groaned, wondering if Alice was giving Frank as much trouble. A part of him would have almost preferred battling Death Eater to this! Remus, however, was still smiling quite cheerfully. "Look on the bright side. At least then she won't be getting morning sickness anymore."

"Moony. Please don't make me hex you."

Fortunately for James, it wasn't always like that. When he told Lily he had found a house in Hogsmeade for just the two of them and their baby, she had looked at him with such devotion in her eyes that he had actually blushed. Him! James Potter! Blushing! And whenever he saw her hugging her stomach, he not only pictured the child he helped create, but he also sensed the sheer, unreserved, unfathomable love she felt for them both. Despite everything, hormones included, she had never been happier, she had never been more alive and complete, and when he saw her like that, he would go to her and kiss her, feeling on top of the world, and she would laugh and dream about the future with such renewed hope that he couldn't imagine a time when they had ever known anything less. All those times with Voldemort and Death Eaters and fear and terror might as well have been part of a completely different life that had absolutely nothing to do with theirs, for theirs was one of peace and complete perfection.

"You look beautiful," he told her, for she was positively glowing. Pleased, she let him pick her up and carry her through the front door of their new home in Hogsmeade. It was a small house with a kitchen and parlor downstairs and a few bedrooms upstairs. They baby proofed it while furnishing it and invited Remus, Sirius, and Peter to stay with them for awhile. Peter, however, had to decline the offer, for he still worked at the _Daily Prophet_ and had to stay in London to keep his job. James started working for Professor Dumbledore, guarding the school in case the Death Eaters got it into their thick skulls to try invading. Meanwhile, Remus and Sirius remained with Lily, eager to help her in anyway that they could. Unfortunately for them, it was completely impossible to predict what might happen next in the magical world, especially with a pregnant witch on their hands.

"What lullabies do you know?" she asked Remus one afternoon as they stood outside Honeydukes Sweetshop waiting for Sirius to convince Ambrosius Flume, the owner, to invent a kind of sweet that wasn't really technically a sweet so that Lily wouldn't feel guilty about eating it in bulk. She was craving stranger and stranger things these days, but at the same time, she also wanted candy. Junk food. All this, however, immediately slipped Remus' mind as her question sprang its ambush. He froze, glanced at her, and prayed he hadn't heard right, but she just stared back at him as if it were the most important question in the world. "Come on, Remus. What lullabies do you know?"

He shook his head. "None. I don't know any. I can't sing."

"You can't sing?" she asked, suddenly crestfallen. "But that's bad! You're a part of our family, too, Remus, and you'll be babysitting, and if the baby starts to cry, you'll have to be able to sing something!" His face blanched.

"You actually want _me_ babysitting?"

She scoffed impatiently. "Well of course I want you babysitting! Who else do you think I'd trust with my own child? Sirius Black?"

"What's that now?" Sirius asked, finally walking out of Honeydukes with a large box in his arms. He glanced from the witch to the wizard, having heard his name but nothing else. "You talking about me?"

"No," Lily said sharply, grabbing the box out of Sirius's arms. "There'd better be something chocolaty in here."

Remus, however, failed to recognize the change in conversation. He glanced at Sirius, slightly flattered, but also slightly indignant. "She wants me singing lullabies to the baby!"

Sirius's face lit up. "Ooh! Can I?" He turned towards the witch enthusiastically. "I know a good one! Perfect for James' kid! It goes like this: '_Hush little baby, don't shed a tear! Your papa's gonna become a great big deer!_'" Remus covered his mouth in alarm while Lily nearly dropped the box of sweets.

"Are you out of your bloody mind?" she shrieked before he could start another verse. "Don't sing that, Sirius Black! We're in public!" Up until that moment, she had completely forgotten James, Sirius, and Peter were all still unregistered Animagi. Criminals! "Oh my god, how are we gonna explain that to the baby? I mean, it won't be a baby forever! Are we gonna hide that secret, or are we gonna tell it? And if we tell it, what if the baby gets older and lets it slip? What if someone finds out? You could go to jail!" She glared at Sirius reproachfully, as if he were to blame for all of it. "You had better tell James Potter to get himself registered or else!" Despite the fact that they were both Gryffindors, neither Sirius nor Remus could summon up the courage to ask her what, exactly, she meant by that.

Fortunately for James, the ultimatum eventually slipped her mind as her thoughts and attention shifted elsewhere. Several days passed and Sirius found it was his turn to get ambushed. While Remus snuck out to the Shrieking Shack to determine whether or not it was still a suitable refuge for werewolves – considering how quickly the next full moon was approaching – Lily made her way up to the one companion she had left, who was standing outside by his motorcycle, upgrading the charms that made it fly so well.

"Hey there, Lil!" he smiled when he saw her coming and waved his hand while twirling his wand expertly around his fingers. "You all right?"

"No," she told him quite bluntly, walking around the bike and staring down at it with a look on her face that, if Sirius didn't know any better, almost resembled admiration. But that didn't make any sense; she had never shown an interest in his bike before. "The truth is I'm extremely, extremely bored." She met his gaze and rubbed her hands together. "I've been doing this whole pregnancy thing for the past few weeks now and I… I need a break from it."

Sirius nodded, slightly apprehensive. The tone in her voice sounded just a little too much like James's when he was setting up a trap, which most assuredly was not a comforting thought. "Well, Campbell did say we were rushing things a bit. And even the Longbottoms suggested not letting our excitement get us carried away. If you need a break, you need a break, Lil."

She smiled, relaxing a bit while looking strangely relieved. "Oh good. I was hoping you'd say that, Sirius. I've been wanting to ride this bike for days and I just didn't know how to ask you."

Sirius froze. "You what?"

She blinked and suddenly the tension she had so recently lost came bouncing right back. "I told you, I need a break from my pregnancy. I'm not an old hag, Sirius Black. If I say I need a break from my pregnancy, I need a break from responsibility, and if I need a break from responsibility, I've got to do something that I, Lily Evans Potter, would never even consider doing on a regular basis, and that means something crazy, and that means flying this damn motorcycle!"

"But… but…" Sirius found himself sputtering, completely and utterly cowed by this mighty, fearsome woman he was fairly certain he had never met before. Where the hell was Voldemort? He wouldn't stand a chance against this pregnant, hormonal… he'd best not finish that sentence in case she'd somehow learned Legilimency when no one was looking. "I know you need a break, Lil, but you can't just change the fact that you're pregnant and flying around on a motorcycle way up in the sky just doesn't sound like its safe for the baby…"

"What are you talking about?" Lily demanded furiously. "I'm not breakable, Sirius, and my baby's certainly not made out of glass! I think we can survive a go on your bleeding motorcycle! Besides, knowing James, this kid is gonna be flying up on a broomstick before it can even walk, so it might as well get used to it! Now show me how the damn thing starts!" There just wasn't any point in arguing with that.

"It's not fair," Sirius protested a few nights later when he and Remus were sitting in the kitchen, banned from the parlor where they knew Lily and James were cuddling on the sofa. "He goes off to work, which he's got every right to, since we all know – or rather assume – married couples shouldn't spend every waking moment in close proximity to each other, but he leaves us with her and we get the fury Hell hath not while he comes home to _this_!" He swept his hand towards the parlor while Remus nodded grimly. Somehow, it didn't seem right.

At that moment, there was a knock on the front door. The two men glanced up at it sharply and then were on their feet springing towards it while James and Lily turned their heads to watch. "Who is it?" Sirius demanded, pulling free his wand while shoving all his weight up against the door. Generally, Death Eaters didn't knock, as a rule, but these days, when it came to safety, it was better not to take unnecessary risks.

"Professor Dumbledore." The voice that sounded from the other side was instantly recognized by all four of them, but even then, Sirius was reluctant to open the door.

"Oh yeah?" he challenged. "How do I know you're not really someone else in disguise? What's the password to get into your office?" If there hadn't been a door separating them, Sirius felt certain he would have seen the old man smiling and shaking his head, a hint of the old sparkle returning to his eyes, if only for a moment.

"First of all, Mr. Black," he promptly replied. "It is common knowledge that, to determine if the wizard standing outside your door is in fact an imposter, you must ask a question you actually know the answer to. Second of all, as a member of the Order of the Phoenix, you know what the proper security question is and now I should be suspicious of you for asking about my office password instead of that to begin with. Thirdly, even should you prove not to be a Death Eater, you must know I still would not have given you that password, what with your particular history at my school. Now, may I come in?"

Sirius glanced around at his friends and saw that they were all, even Lily, struggling to keep their amusement at bay. He nodded slowly, breathless and slightly rattled. "Yeah. I reckon that's him. It's gotta be." Together, James and Lily rose to their feet and started towards the door while Sirius pulled it open and stepped aside for the old wizard to enter. "Fancy seeing you here, professor! Can't say we were expecting company."

Professor Dumbledore smiled as Lily invited him in and James shut the door behind him. "I suppose it was ill mannered of me to drop in on you like this, but then again I also fear it was ill mannered of me not to do so before now." He turned towards Lily and placed his hands on her shoulders while glancing at James. "The two of you have been living in Hogsmeade for several weeks now." He looked back at Lily, who found herself wondering if the serene expression on his face was truly a mask covering up something else. She could almost see under it. "And I do believe congratulations are in order."

"Thank you," Lily said appreciatively as they all ambled into the parlor. She and James sat back down on the sofa while Professor Dumbledore conjured up a chair for himself. Sirius took the vacant armchair while Remus conjured up a few drinks – plus pumpkin juice for Lily. When he handed it to her, she smiled and thanked him as well before returning her attention to the Headmaster. "How is everyone? Professor McGonagall? Professor Flitwick? Professor Slughorn? I feel like I haven't seen them in ages." And she hadn't, really, since leaving Hogwarts.

Professor Dumbledore took a small sip of his drink. "Filius Flitwick is as cheerful and optimistic as I've ever seen him, Lily. He is very adept at putting on a brave front for the students. And Professor McGonagall remains her usual self as well. Some things are very difficult to change." He put down his cup. "Horace, however, has retired. He left the school." Lily's eyes widened in astonishment. "I do believe he is on the run, whether or not there is anyone chasing him." He smiled again upon perceiving the concern expressed on her face. "I daresay he'll be all right, though. You should know by now he's a resourceful fellow, to be sure. Incidentally, finding a replacement has almost been as difficult as finding a replacement for the Defense Against the Dark Arts post."

Sirius chuckled, apparently quite amused by something the Headmaster had just said. "And how is this year's Defense professor faring, sir? You considering letting him stay on next year, just to spite that bloody old curse?"

Professor Dumbledore sighed. "Unfortunately, it isn't always my decision. If a staff member actually wants to leave, as was the case with last year's Defense professor, it is out of my hands. Now, to be fair, as Headmaster I shouldn't really be having this particular conversation. Imagine how my professors would feel if they were to ever learn I spoke so prematurely of their dismissal?"

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Who cares? If they did any research into the job before accepting it, they would've realized ahead of time it was cursed."

"How 'bout it, Sirius?" Remus cut in, noting the irritation that was slowly crossing Lily's face and eager to prevent an admonishment in front of the Headmaster. "You already know the job's cursed. In fact, I do believe you used that to your advantage back at school. So, would you ever consider teaching Defense Against the Dark Arts?"

Sirius grinned mischievously. "In a bloody heartbeat!" It was James's turn to roll his eyes while Professor Dumbledore shook his head in slight amusement.

"Perhaps the question that ought to be asked here is whether or not I would ever dare invite Mr. Black back into my school. I can well imagine a fairly large portion of my staff and then some would adamantly object to the arrangement."

"Yeah," James agreed, grinning at Sirius – who looked slightly affronted. "No offense, mate, but if Peeves, Filch, and McGonagall somehow kept themselves from killing you, I'm sure you'd end up killing someone yourself, and then you'd be out. A bloke like you would never be able to break a curse like that."

Sirius shrugged. "Who said anything about breaking it? I think it'd be entertaining just to go on the ride."

It was a pleasant change, having company. Gradually, the conversation turned back to Lily, as conversations these days inevitably did. Professor Dumbledore asked when the baby was due and she told him in August. He asked whether or not they desired a son or daughter and while Lily admitted she wanted a boy, James said either would be perfect. Professor Dumbledore himself expressed a hope they had a girl, but when they asked why, his answer sounded – at least to Lily – slightly rehearsed. "I trust your child will be attending Hogwarts. Imagine seven years with James Potter's son."

"I know," Remus agreed swiftly. "That would almost be as bad as Sirius here actually managing to break the curse on the Defense post and then staying at Hogwarts for the rest of his life. Just imagine the chaos." They all did and it brought smiles to all their faces. The future had never looked brighter, nor more exciting. It was good, desirable, and Lily was once again looking forward to it like a little girl eagerly awaiting her birthday.

**ooooooo**

**A/N:** Sorry if I overdid it with this one. I don't have all that much experience with pregnant women… Anyway, if it seemed at all exaggerated, just blame it on the fact that it's a magical pregnancy and such pregnancies are bound to be different from muggle ones. That being said, please review! Thanks so much!


	134. Gellert Grindelwald

**A/N:** Finally, Deathly Hallows has been released and I've had the pleasure of reading it! That being said, Here I Stand is extremely inconsistent with the book… Oh well. Too late to change that now and I've been working on this fanfiction for so long I just don't really care. But I still hope you'll keep reading!

**ALERT:** Despite those inconsistencies, since I _have_ read the book, I will be taking some minor details into account. **Expect Spoilers! **I don't think they'll ruin the book or anything, but this chapter in particular, starting with its very first paragraph, is filled with them. **Consider yourself warned!**

**ooooooo**

For the Greater Good. Those were the words Regulus had seen carved over the entrance to this terrible, treacherous fortress when he had first been led inside. It was hard to fathom why they were there. After all, wasn't it slightly obvious that places like these were built for the greater good? It wouldn't do for criminals, killers and torturers, to be walking about free, now would it? If there was a prison anywhere in the entire world that might have warranted such a proclamation, it would've been back home in Britain, where there were, or where there at least used to be, Dementors guarding the cells of Azkaban, but not here. Subjugating witches and wizards to such fiends, not matter what their crimes, was considered by many to be a fate worse than death and the only thing that might have eased their troubled minds could very well have been that exact notion: that it was all for the greater good.

Curious, but also desperate for conversation, he glanced at the stiff-necked guard, who had only grudgingly agreed to sign him in, and asked after those four strange words of welcome. Met with a look of poorly concealed disgust and a rough gesture towards the opposite side of the room, Regulus swallowed painfully and turned his head to peer through the shadows at the far wall. Nurmengard Prison's foyer was not at all well lit, but somehow he still managed to make out the cement plaque embedded there and ambled towards it thoughtfully.

A large triangular symbol with a circle in the middle and a line running down it decorated the plaque, but Regulus paid that very little attention. Instead, his eyes were drawn to the words below it: Founded by Gellert Grindelwald. And that explained that. This fortress had been constructed for the mighty Grindelwald's prisoners, which told the young traveler several things. One, Grindelwald had needed to justify his atrocious actions, telling not just himself, but also the very world, that it was all for the greater good. That made him at least slightly better than the Dark Lord, who felt no shame for any of his crimes and therefore didn't need such rationalizations. Grindelwald, on some level, must have known he was a monster and he must have cared. Maybe now, sitting up in that highest tower, locked away and left to rot where no one thought of him or even remembered him, maybe he had grown to regret. This visit just might not be a waste of time after all.

"Evans!" the guard barked at him, eager to be rid of him, and Regulus turned away from the plaque, more determined than ever not to leave until he had the answers he had come for. Relinquishing the wand he had managed to buy from a wizard named Gregorovitch, Regulus followed the guard towards the stairs. They started climbing and continued to climb for what felt like hours. It didn't bother Regulus, though, for he had struggled against much greater obstacles just to get here and that seemed to disappoint the guard tremendously.

When at last they reached the uppermost tower, they walked around the landing towards a narrow door the guard proceeded to pound on. There wasn't a handle, Regulus noticed, and there wasn't a lock. The guard pulled out his own wand and flicked his wrist, muttering something in his own language. The door did not move or change in anyway whatsoever, but Regulus understood. It was like the barrier at King's Cross back in London. It divided platforms nine and ten, leading to nine and three-quarters. To enter Gellert Grindelwald's prison cell, he would have to walk right through the door.

The guard went first and Regulus followed. He heard someone barking as he stepped inside a dark, musty room lit only by a slit in the wall that might have served as a window. The guard was talking in German, no doubt announcing Regulus's presence to the shrunken prisoner who in no way resembled the formidable wizard he had been in 1945. He was huddled on a hard bed beneath a thin, ragged blanket, staring up at them with weary eyes. His hair was as long and as white as old Dumbledore's, but not nearly as thick or as healthy. He seemed so tired, though he couldn't possibly have had more to do up here than sleep, and Regulus half thought he looked ready to die. So this was what became of Dark Lords. What in the world would Voldemort think of it?

"All right, Evans," the guard turned to him at present with a sneer. "I will be waiting outside." Regulus expected him to say he only had five minutes or something like that, but the guard merely stepped back out through the seemingly solid door and left the boy with the prisoner. Regulus took a deep breath, glancing down at Grindelwald thoughtfully. Once upon a time, an interview such as this would have seemed absurd. He could lie about his age and his identity, but the truth of the matter was he was still just a teenager and he was towering above the second greatest dark wizard of the century! How was he supposed to start?

Fortunately, he didn't have to. Grindelwald regarded him for a moment and then offered him an amused, toothless smile. "Phineas Nigellus Black. That's who you look like, boy. I only met the man once myself and I rather liked him, but alas, that was years ago. I heard he died. A shame, really. You're related to him, I trust?"

Regulus hesitated, slightly astounded by such a greeting. It certainly wasn't what he had expected and if he confirmed it, that would be the end of his alias – which he really needed to thank Lily for. "Yes. He was my great-great grandfather. My name is Regulus Black, but I… prefer to go by James Evans." He was supposed to be dead. The rest of the world thought he was dead. It was definitely a convenience he couldn't afford to waste and so he had decided upon the most unassuming muggle name he could think of.

"Of course you do," Grindelwald sounded as amused as he looked. "I was told my regime ended in '45. But if a boy who has gone into hiding, such as yourself, prefers a muggle name, then I am not so sure. I hated muggles, you see. In my day, no respectable wizard would have ever preferred the name James Evans over Regulus Black. But if you are hiding from today's Dark Lord with that name, it must be because he favors muggles, no? If apprehended, you would be safer with it than with a wizard one. And if society considers a blood-traitor the darkest of all wizards, it stands to reason that society hates muggles as well." He laughed. "It appears I won after all."

Regulus wasn't entirely sure he followed. Somehow, the logic seemed flawed. "No. No, he hates muggles, same as you. But he doesn't have the control you had… at least not yet. Wizard names stand out, but muggle names don't. I'm just trying to be inconspicuous."

"Bah!" Grindelwald waved a hand at him impatiently. "No sense of humor. If Albus had become the villain of the day, then witches and wizards would pretend to be mudbloods and muggle-lovers, but the man's name is Voldemort, is it not?" Regulus flinched. "I know this. But is it too much to ask for an opportunity to laugh at another's stupidity? Do not prefer a muggle's name, boy. The guard standing outside that door might support your great Voldemort and though he may not have the power I did, his supporters will no doubt feel little compunction torturing a wizard named James Evans. Do not trust anyone and choose a different name."

"Thanks, I'll… take that under consideration," Regulus said clumsily. "That's… really not why I came." Grindelwald nodded expectantly, waiting for the boy to continue, but once again, he didn't know exactly where to start. "You see… the Dark Lord wants to gain immortality. He claims he already has. And I was wondering… if you know of anyway to stop him." Grindelwald raised an eyebrow, so Regulus was quick to explain. "I was a Death Eater. I was one of his followers. Look." He pulled back his sleeve to reveal the Dark Mark upon his arm, which Grindelwald glanced at in genuine interest. "But as it turns out, the Dark Lord isn't worth serving. That's why I went into hiding. Once a Death Eater, always a Death Eater. If they find me, they'll kill me."

"Unless you kill Voldemort first," Grindelwald predicted. He shook his head, laughing quietly to himself. Somehow, the fact that a teenager had come to ask him for help did more than just amuse him. It seemed to revitalize him, even empower him. "How old are you, boy? Seventeen? Eighteen? What makes you think that you're possibly significant enough for Voldemort or any of his faithful followers to care so much that they would hunt you all the way down here? They already think you're dead. Isn't that enough?"

Regulus frowned. "Did I… did I mention that…?" No. He hadn't said a word about it. Grindelwald smiled again and there was something truly unsettling about that mysterious, toothless grin of his. Stomach tightening, Regulus knew the wizard wouldn't like anything more than to gain absolute control over this interview. It would be a delight, a special treat to him if he proved superior to the boy. And then he might not be at all cooperative… "That's not important. I didn't come here to talk about that. I came here because once you were even more powerful than he is now and you must have some idea how to kill him!"

Grindelwald's smile turned into a mirthless smirk. "My boy, you're flattering me. If I knew how to kill Voldemort, don't you think I would have already been interrogated by wizards older and far cleverer than you?" There was a challenge to that question and Regulus sensed it.

"No," he said boldly and even arrogantly. "No, because as powerful as you were, you never made it to Britain. And as powerful as the Dark Lord is, he's hardly left Britain. The truth is I didn't even know you were still alive until I got here. I came looking for books and other clues you might have left behind after your fall and I'm willing to reckon there are a lot of wizards back home who don't realize you're just sitting here with a massive load of knowledge that could save their lives. And as for all the wizards over here, they don't give a damn because it's not their problem yet. So I'll ask you again. Do you know how I can kill Voldemort?"

Grindelwald hesitated, studying Regulus carefully and that, more than anything else, assured the boy there was definitely something… something secret… something the old wizard wouldn't tell just anyone… that could help him. "I never was a teacher myself," he said at last, managing to catch Regulus completely off guard. "Didn't have the patience for hotheaded, stupid little boys who loved to argue. I've heard wonderful things about Albus, though. And I do know he brought about my downfall. Why not try asking him for advice?"

"He doesn't know anything," Regulus replied, trying to keep his frustration at bay. Once again, Grindelwald raised his eyebrow, leaving Regulus with the distinct impression he should not have said that. "What I mean is, Dumble… _Professor_ Dumbledore is already fighting as hard as he can. He's got his own resistance separate from the Ministry of Magic and everything. It's not like he's just sitting up in his office ignoring the situation. If he could defeat the Dark Lord, I'm sure he would have by now. I… really don't think he can help me." Regulus frowned, his attention suddenly drawn to the familiarity with which the man had spoken of Hogwarts' famous Headmaster. "You're on a first name basis with him?"

"But of course," Grindelwald nodded while clearly considering all that Regulus had said. "Do you think I could have been defeated by just any old wizard? No. Not with the power I possessed. It shames me to say it, but the fact that I was so vulnerable to Albus was because he knew me. Listen to me, boy. A man like Voldemort can be trusted to have any number of secrets. Discovering those secrets is the key to unlocking his greatest weaknesses, which can be used to bring about his downfall."

Regulus was barely able to suppress a groan. "You know, I was kind of hoping you'd have something a little bit more substantial than advice. Don't you have a hidden book or weapon or something?" The word 'weapon' darkened Grindelwald's eyes. Not for the first time, Regulus sensed both that he had said something wrong and that the wizard was holding out on him. For a moment, neither one of them spoke. Up until now, Grindelwald had proven himself frail and slightly pathetic, no matter how wise or outspoken. But now… there was a power in him, a might that, even if not magical, made him intimidating – and frightening. Regulus took an inadvertent step backwards.

"Voldemort is not the only wizard with secrets, boy," Grindelwald said at last, his voice harsh and almost spiteful. "I will not share with you mine. They are known by Albus and that is more than enough. Now, if you would like my assistance getting the best of Voldemort, that would be my pleasure. I don't get much company up here and it would certainly present a welcome challenge. The choice is yours."

It wasn't really much of a choice. Regulus owed Lily… he knew she wanted to see the end of this bloody war and so he'd do anything to finish it… for her sake. "But I don't know his secrets! And after betraying him the way I did, I reckon I'd have to have a death wish going back there to uncover some now!"

Grindelwald sighed. "Ah… death wishes. Now there's a subject I could discuss for hours at a time." Again, Regulus tried not to groan, but he was given no time to interrupt. "You say Voldemort seeks immortality? There is your answer. Immortality is not as difficult to be gained as you might expect, boy, but then again, neither is it ever as it's defined in the glossary of your textbooks." Regulus squinted at the man; what the bloody hell was he talking about? Grindelwald observed his confusion and almost seemed disappointed by it. "Well. I can see you're no Albus Dumbledore. Makes this less enjoyable." Regulus felt certain that was an insult, but what could he say? It was true…

"The Philosopher's Stone," Grindelwald continued. "It grants immortality, but only for so long as it remains intact. I do not believe Voldemort would trust his life on such a thing. Dependency is highly inconvenient, you know, especially considering the stone's infamy. As I said, he would prefer keeping the secret of his success secret. Of course, there might be another way, but considering he has already claimed to possess immortality, I do not suspect it."

"What?" Regulus asked, but Grindelwald shook his head.

"It is not something you should concern yourself with," he informed the boy. "Only trust that as long as Albus remains undefeated, Voldemort will stand little chance against him." Grindelwald scoffed and even though Voldemort wasn't there to witness it, Regulus still felt grateful there was someone else aside from him suffering the old wizard's derision. "He is a fool. He has no vision. What would Voldemort do with control over the rest of the world? He would poison it, no doubt. Like Nero, he would watch it burn to the ground."

"As opposed to you," Regulus interrupted, finally spotting a breach through which he could regain some control over their conversation. "I suppose you actually believe all those atrocities you committed really were for the greater good. Is it comforting? Say what you like about the Dark Lord. At least he's not deluding himself."

"Well, well, well," Grindelwald sounded pleasantly surprised. "I see your aspirations to defeat Voldemort don't entirely stem from the selfish desire to save your own life after all. There's righteous anger in your eyes, boy. You betrayed him for a nobler cause. What was it?"

"Absolutely none of your business," Regulus shot back impatiently. There just wasn't any fazing the man. It was infuriating! "Is there another way for Voldemort to gain immortality or isn't there?"

"Oh, there is," Grindelwald calmly assured him. "And, conveniently, it is the one method that truly fits his M.O. Dark magic. Murder. I think he'd enjoy it." He paused as if for dramatic effect and continued only when Regulus opened his mouth to urge him on. "I suppose Albus never allowed his professors to teach about Horcruxes. He doesn't approve of them, you know. But perhaps you've come across the term since joining Voldemort's ranks?"

Regulus shook his head. "I don't recognize the word."

"I thought as much," Grindelwald said. "Would Voldemort want a boy like you aware of such things? I was your age once myself and the ambition I had even then…" He shook his head. "Never underestimate a teenager. I'd be a hypocrite if I did. Voldemort would not trust anyone with a secret like this. Horcruxes. Basically, one must rip out a piece of one's soul by committing a terrible act of evil. Murder. Then, one places the fragmented soul in an object that is referred to as a Horcrux. Simple, no?" He chuckled humorlessly. "If ever fatally injured, the fragment of the soul inhabiting the Horcrux will preserve his life. I wouldn't recommend it, though. It distorts a man. Try building a master race with such wizards. It would never work." He shook his head disdainfully.

Regulus curled his lip. "So if I can find the Horcrux and destroy it, the Dark Lord would be mortal? Possibly even vulnerable?"

"Oh yes," Grindelwald promised. "But finding it's the real trick. Now I've never had the pleasure of making Voldemort's acquaintance myself, so I don't know his thought patterns, but generally wizards who create Horcruxes place a great deal of their trust in whatever object they choose to shelter their soul. It ought to be small and easy to hide. It might also be unique. After all, you wouldn't want to use something you might accidentally mix up with something else, now would you? An heirloom might be a good choice." Regulus blinked; an heirloom? "Bear in mind that even after you discover the Horcrux, it will still likely be protected. Voldemort won't carry it on his person – that would entirely defeat the purpose of ripping apart his soul to begin with. Instead, he would hide it somewhere no one could ever find it, and if they did, there would be powerful magic in place to prevent them from stealing it."

"Powerful magic?" Regulus asked, suddenly feeling quite sick. It couldn't be… could it? It was impossible… wasn't it? "You mean like a magical potion that'll poison anyone who drinks it?" It was such a random example that Grindelwald immediately deduced there must have been some kind of meaning behind it. He noted the shock on Regulus's face and understood.

"It would seem you know more of his secrets than you thought," he said, to which Regulus could only nod his head.

"It happened a few years ago," he explained. "Shortly after I first became a Death Eater. You know, the Dark Lord always tests his followers and that's all I thought it was. I mean, it didn't make any sense at all. What else could it be? He wanted me to find someone disposable, unimportant, but capable and worthy of assisting him. I gave him Kreacher, my family's house-elf. It seemed fitting at the time. In my family, house-elves look forward to losing their heads anyway, so what harm would it do? Better than giving him a mudblood." He thought about Lily… "But then, after I got home, after I sent Kreacher to what was most assuredly his death, I… I couldn't…" He shook his head, running a hand through his hair. Oddly enough, Grindelwald continued to watch him carefully, hanging onto every word as if nothing Regulus had said up until this point interested him at all. "I hated myself for sacrificing Kreacher. So I called him back. He came, half dead, and it took every ounce of potion knowledge I had to revive him." That was something else he needed to thank Lily for. "I asked him what happened and he said the Dark Lord had led him into a cave where they crossed an underground lake filled with Inferi. There was an island at the center with a pedestal on it holding up a basin filled with a potion Kreacher didn't recognize. The Dark Lord placed a locket in that basin and asked Kreacher to retrieve it. But he couldn't. Nothing he did got it out. So the Dark Lord told him to drink the potion. Kreacher obeyed and that potion left him in a state of complete and utter agony. I've never seen a more wretched soul in my entire life!"

"And you still thought it was just a test?" Grindelwald asked, rolling his eyes.

"Well, he had to do _something_ with Kreacher!" Regulus snapped. "He asked for an assistant, not a victim. It would've been stranger for him to kill the elf outright, wouldn't it? As it stands, I wasn't supposed to call Kreacher back and I wasn't ever supposed to find out where he went or what happened to him. Do you think…?" Regulus hesitated. "Do you think it's too convenient? For that to have happened to me when I'm the one who'd eventually end up looking for it?" It stunk very much of fate, which Regulus had never really believed in.

Grindelwald shrugged his two bony shoulders. "Convenience. Fate. Questioning such things is ill advisable, boy. It only leads to doubt and hesitation. Confusion. Rather, assume everything is a trap in which you have been caught. Consider whether you want to escape it, whether it is safe to escape it, and then find your way out."

Regulus made a face. "All right, I think you made more sense when you called the Dark Lord a blood-traitor." Surprisingly, that actually made Grindelwald laugh.

"So you do have a sense of humor," his approval of Regulus seemed to heighten. "That's good, boy. Now listen: compared to Voldemort, you are young and inexperienced. He could put you in a cage with the door left wide open and trust that you would not leave it, because you wouldn't know any better. But you've grown smarter. You know about his Horcrux. You know where it is and how it's protected. The question now is do you want to step out of your cage? Will you attempt to destroy that Horcrux? And is it safe for you to do so?"

"Of course it's not safe," Regulus stared at the man, wondering just how senile he was. But then again… senile was exactly how some people described Dumbledore. "If the Dark Lord found out I was a threat to that Horcrux, he'd hunt me down and kill me personally, wouldn't he? That'd be worse than if my cousin Bella ever found out I didn't die that night." He shivered at the thought. "But I've got to do it. I promised-!" He immediately shut his mouth, but it was too late. Grindelwald was already smiling at him in dawning realization.

"You promised?" he asked, clearly amused. "A girl, I take it, by the way you're blushing. How incredibly heroic of you. Maybe, by defeating Voldemort, you'll have proven your love for her and so she'll accept your hand in marriage."

Regulus did not find that at all funny. "She's already married and I haven't seen her since I was twelve. But she taught me more than all of our professors put together and I'll bet if she were here right now, she'd teach you a thing or two." Grindelwald scoffed, but Regulus wasn't joking. "She really understands things, you know? The greater good. Now there's a subject she could discuss for hours at a time and make you look and even feel like a fool. Trust me. I've been there. I know. She's not naïve. She's gone through hell more times than I can count, but it doesn't tarnish her and I'd swear to god there's something different about her from other witches. It's like she's got some kind of power or purity the rest of us don't and the Dark Lord knows it. He sent my cousin Bella and some of the others to her school – she's a teacher, last I heard – and I'll do whatever it takes to keep him away from her!"

"So that's it, then," Grindelwald looked satisfied and Regulus detested him for it. He hadn't meant to say any of that: it all spilled out so suddenly! What kind of power did men like Grindelwald and Dumbledore possess, that they could compel their juniors and their inferiors to make such confessions? Regulus didn't have any control whatsoever over this conversation and it was infuriating! No wonder Grindelwald looked satisfied. "Listen to me, boy," he said presently. "If you are determined to fight Voldemort to protect this witch, you must do it properly. Outwit him. Assume everything is a trap and then find a way to set that trap against him. You are younger than he is, but that in itself is an advantage. Younger wizards are ever so much more creative. And let me offer up one last suggestion." He paused, making absolutely certain he had Regulus's undivided attention. "Do only what you think this witch of yours would approve of. That way, Voldemort won't ever see it coming."

Regulus blinked, not for the first time confounded by the man huddled on the bed before him. "You know… I was expelled from school before my history class really got around to covering you… but I think I still had enough of an education to picture you as a, oh, I don't know… a right old bastard. But… you've been really helpful."

Grindelwald chuckled. "I suppose I have. Call me sentimental if you like. Despite our arguments and quarrels, despite our battle, I'd rather see Albus defeat Voldemort. Maybe I'm just jealous Voldemort has the freedom to fight while I'm stuck up here."

"Well…" Regulus didn't really know what to say, so he stuck with a quick "Thanks, I guess." He turned to go, wondering what he was going to do about that Horcrux.

"Before you leave," Grindelwald called after him and Regulus paused to look back over his shoulder. The old wizard was sitting up straighter now and the blanket that had been wrapped around his shoulders slid all the way down to the bed. A strange expression crossed his face and if Regulus didn't know any better, he would've pegged it as a mixture between longing and hope. "Would you consider granting me one favor?" Regulus hesitated, knowing better than to make deals with dark wizards, but it couldn't hurt to just consider… he owed the man something, after all, and so nodded his head. Grindelwald actually looked relieved by that simple gesture. "If you see Albus… tell him I would greatly like to speak with him again, even if just one last time. There is much I have to answer for."

Out of every request Grindelwald could possibly have made, Regulus would never have anticipated this. He swallowed, doubting very much he would ever cross paths with his old Headmaster again, but still hesitant to leave this forsaken place without somehow reassuring the tired old wizard imprisoned within it. "If I see him… I promise I'll tell." Grindelwald nodded serenely, though he must have known it would never happen. He was a smart man – a genius, really. He had known the world thought Regulus was dead and so surely he must also know Regulus wouldn't risk such a convenience by delivering that message.

And yet, even when he turned back around and stepped through that seemingly solid door, leaving behind the old wizard in that shadowy cell, Grindelwald took comfort in the deception. Wrapping the thin, tattered blanket back around his shoulders, he found himself hoping that Albus would come while whispering ever so quietly four words of pure, uncontested gratitude. "Thank you, Regulus Black." Then all was silent.

**ooooooo**

**A/N:** So yeah, there were spoilers in there, but I hope they weren't too bad. Again, I don't think I'll have a whole lot more. As far as all the other characters are concerned, I think I'll stick to the plans I made over a year ago. Why don't you all review and let me know what you think? I'd greatly, greatly appreciate it. By the way, my mum recently had surgery, which is why it's been taking me so long to update. Sorry about that…


	135. Breaking In

**ooooooo**

"Oh my god," Lily froze, standing in the middle of her darkened bedroom with hands that were still wet from the bathroom sink. It was three-twenty in the morning, freezing cold, and she could swear there was something fluttering around in her stomach. She glanced down at it, somehow sensing it wasn't just gas and half expecting to see it start wiggling like jell-o. "James…"

He moaned, rolling over on the bed while burying his face in the pillow. She knew he'd get up eventually, his hand was already stretching towards the bedside table where he had left his wand, but he wasn't at all happy about it. Lately, she'd been in the habit of waking him every single night for something or other – important something or others – and he, being the lazy bum that he was, had started to object. Apparently, they both needed a full night's sleep, every night, more so now than ever before, and if she didn't start learning to suppress her body's cravings, sleep deprivation would soon take its toll. Lily, however, wasn't particularly inclined to care about _his_ fatigue. After all, it would only get worse once the baby was born and he needed practice. Besides, wasn't he the one who had spent hours upon hours wandering the school corridors after dark back at Hogwarts? So what if he had worn himself out breaking the rules way back then? She needed him _now_! "James, get up. The baby's kicking." And that did the trick.

"What?" His head shot up and he glanced urgently over his shoulder in search of her. "Really?" She nodded, though it was doubtful he could see through the darkness. Nevertheless, he immediately started scrambling towards her and in his eagerness, not even tangled bed sheets could get in his way. "Padfoot!" he shouted at the top of his lungs. "Moony! Get in here! The baby's kicking!" From somewhere down the hall there came an audible crash and Lily wondered which of the two had fallen out of bed.

"Come here, come here!" James wrapped his arms around her and pulled, practically dragging her off her feet. He had her sit down and the next thing she knew, his hands were pressed up against her stomach. He started laughing when he felt the baby kick. "It's really in there," he said excitedly as the door flew open. Sirius and Remus sprang inside, looked around wildly, and dashed forward. Quite suddenly, Lily was in the middle of one giant group hug, which almost brought tears to her eyes. She had the most amazing family…

"Oh my god, it's really in there," Sirius repeated his best friend's observation, squeezing past James and Remus to rest his head against Lily's stomach as if it were a pillow. "You were just getting fat before, Lily, but now we've got proof! There really is a tiny little guy stuffed up in there moving around all on his own and-!" Lily smacked the back of his head, appalled that he would dare call her fat, and he tumbled away from her like a wounded puppy. His big, soulful black eyes, however, had very little effect on her. "Lily…"

"Don't call me fat," she snapped, pointing a finger at him before turning on her husband as well. "And what do you mean 'it's really in there'? Of course it's really in there! Are you just realizing this now?" The baby kicked again and she gasped, for though it didn't hurt, when she looked back down at her stomach, she could almost see through it and into her uterus, where a child was growing. "Oh my god, it's really in there!" It wasn't just a fetus, it was her baby!

"I'll be right back!" James dove towards the window, forced it open, and leaned outside. With a flick of his wrist, sparks shot out from the tip of his wand and moments later the entire village was illuminated by fireworks. When James slid back into the room and saw his three companions staring at him, he offered them a lopsided grin. "Hey, we're celebrating here!"

"But it's three-twenty-five in the morning!" Remus objected.

"So?" Sirius demanded, taking James's side without a single reservation. "Come on, Moony, remember all the fun we used to have at three-twenty-five back at school? It's never too early to celebrate and we should be sharing this incredible miracle of life with as many people as we can! I say fireworks aren't nearly enough!" Remus glanced desperately at Lily, for her word was law these days and so she was the last chance the fair people of Hogsmeade had for a restful night's sleep. Smiling, she just shook her head.

"Fireworks sound good to me!"

**ooooooo**

The following weeks went by very slowly for Lily and her Marauders and after awhile things became incredibly routine. She found herself slowing down; as she gained more weight, she spent more time on the couch with her legs propped up. She spent much of that time making charts, eating, and corresponding with Alice, who was about a month ahead of her. Gradually, her temper began to mellow and she even found herself trying to make up for her past irritability by mixing potions in the parlor to help James, Sirius, and Remus relax – she didn't dare take any such potions herself unless James came home with a note from Madam Pomfrey assuring her it would be all right for the baby.

June came and with it, a steely determination to see her sister again. Lily was seven months pregnant, which meant Petunia was almost due – if not due already – and if she was going to be an aunt, she wanted to be a real aunt! She didn't want to be the relative no one ever spoke of or dared to mention and she would not allow her estrangement to be over a stupid war that could end any day now. "Asking me to give up my wand would be like asking her to give up her vacuum cleaner! But that's not important. What's important is that we talk face-to-face again. She's my sister and it's time she accepts that. Except…" Lily glanced at James nervously. "I still think it'd be best if we found a way to keep it between us. Me and Petunia. Vernon would just complicate things. He doesn't like magic, Petunia doesn't want to upset him, so we're gonna need a distraction."

"Right," James nodded. "Well that's why you've got me, Padfoot, Moony, and we'll even call in Wormtail. For you and Petunia, the Marauders will go back into business!"

As it turned out, Peter was more than willing to meet them in Little Whinging for a go against that particular family of muggles. Having steadily become a respected reporter for the _Daily Prophet_, he unfortunately enjoyed less and less time to build his own personal life and so loved finding excuses to get away for a few hours. He always expressed such regret for not being a bigger part in Lily's pregnancy whenever he saw her and therefore was willing to do whatever they asked of him to make up for his notable absence. "If you want me to knock on the door and hold an interview with the man right there on his front step, just say the word and I'll get out my Quick-Quotes Quill!"

Sirius scoffed. "You can't do that, mate! Though I will admit it'd be absolutely hilarious to see the look on that bloke's face if you did…" Peter beamed while James interrupted, explaining the real plan. Yes, they would have to use magic, but not much, for they couldn't afford to get caught. After all, they'd need an extremely good excuse at the resulting trial for committing such an offense and even then, how would they explain it to Petunia? Fortunately, the four mischievous wizards had a great deal of experience breaking the rules and none of them were at all worried.

"The only thing you need to do, Lily, is stick close to Moony," James assured her from the relative safety of Arabella Figg's driveway. "He'll know when the time's right and since he's the least threatening out of the lot of us, he'll be one getting you inside the house."

"_I'm _the least threatening?" Remus demanded, sounding offended, to which James merely shrugged.

"Well, no one can compete with us, mate," he said by way of apology while gesturing between himself and Sirius. "And Wormtail here has always been a kind of thug willing to do whatever we tell him. You… you're just the prefect trying to get us all to behave. So yeah, least threatening." Peter looked utterly delighted while Remus stared at his friend in shocked disbelief.

"But… but I'm a you-know-what!" he complained. James grinned, shaking his head.

"No one would ever guess it, mate."

"_You_ guessed it!"

"I never thought I'd be the one to say this," Sirius said, thoroughly amused. "But would you two behave yourselves? We're here for a reason, you know." Lily was quick to agree, though Peter almost seemed sorry for the argument to end. If only he had known back at school that Remus was the least threatening…

Striding swiftly to the side of Mrs. Figg's house, where people could generally be trusted not to look – who would want to look at that crazy old woman's house anyway? – they set about their various tasks. James threw on his invisibility cloak because Vernon Dursley had seen him once before and therefore might not only recognize him, but might also possibly know from where – which would definitely make this visit a lot more interesting. Meanwhile, Sirius transfigured himself into a large black dog and only grudgingly allowed Peter to slip on a leash and collar. The three of them took off down Privet Drive while Lily and Remus snuck into the backyard of house number four.

It was a simple plan, really. Peter pretended to be out walking Sirius and, together, they paused on the Dursley's nice, finely cut lawn, where the dog eagerly proceeded to sniff the grass as if hoping to soil the best patch he could find. Occasionally a car would drive by and, looking up, he would wag his tail furiously, bark several times, and then return to the more important matter at hand. Meanwhile, James stood by watching beneath his invisibility cloak, ready to call Remus via their two-way mirror and let him know the moment it was safe to enter the house. Astonishingly enough, however, the first sign of life to come from that despicable old place was not in the form of a grumpy, possessive, fat man looking to protect his yard from a strange, trespassing dog, but was in fact another dog barking feverishly while clawing at the front door, trying to get outside.

Peter gulped, glancing in James's direction nervously. No one had said anything about there being another dog. Sirius was staring at the door with his hackles raised, not in the least bit intimidated, but still slighted that the Dursleys should have another four legged creature on their property today of all days.

"Don't worry about it, Wormtail!" James whispered through his cloak. "You're a thug, remember? A thug! And Padfoot, you're the largest dog Privet Drive's ever seen and you've taken down werewolves! Just stick to the plan! It's infallible!" Peter wasn't quite as sure, but James's words still brought him comfort and so he composed himself while Sirius went back to scoping out the lawn. There came an angry shout from inside the house and seconds later the front door flew open. A large bulldog charged towards the street while an incredibly beefy, enormous man stormed out after it.

"Moony!" James hissed into the mirror while Sirius threw himself at the bulldog, having quite clearly forgotten all about his cumbersome leash. Peter yelped, unable to hold his friend back and therefore getting mercilessly dragged forward. "Undesirable Number One has left the building!" He couldn't help but grin cockily as he watched the bulldog skid backwards, suddenly wary of this bigger, louder, and much more menacing trespasser. Vernon hesitated as well, his face red, his moustache twitching, and his hands, clenched into fists, held up by his shoulders in a stance surprisingly reminiscent of an angry bear.

"What the ruddy hell do you think you're doing on my property?" he demanded furiously, staring down at Peter as if he had just seen the man crawl out of the garbage. Not quite twice Peter's size, he was still much larger than the young reporter, who had to remind himself not only of Sirius's comforting presence, but also of the fact that Vernon was only a muggle, a defenseless, ignorant muggle who could not, on his meanest day, intimidate a full-grown wizard.

"What's it look like I'm doing?" he asked, gripping Sirius's leash tightly. Meanwhile, Sirius continued to growl at the bulldog, who snarled back at him from around Vernon's ankles. James shook his head in amazement: the plan was already working better than he would have thought possible, especially considering the bloody bulldog's unforeseen attendance.

In the back of the house, however, things weren't running quite as smoothly. With a flick of his wrist, Remus had whispered the spell _"Alohomora," _and led Lily through the door into an impeccably spotless kitchen. There was no one else in sight, so they had tiptoed into the hallway, where they could hear female voices coming from the living room. Apparently, Petunia had company and whoever her guest was, Lily took an immediate dislike to her. With a boisterous voice, she was criticizing Peter's inability to control what she called his "overgrown mutt," and then she went on to say a string of such rude things that Lily would have liked nothing better than to slap her face. Before she could collect herself, however, the strange woman's voice grew even louder and the floor vibrated as her feet stomped heavily towards the hallway.

"Let me get you something, Petunia," she practically bellowed and Lily shot Remus a look of panic. They couldn't be found like this. What were they going to do?

He caught her wrist and dragged her towards the staircase; only then did she notice the tiny little door built into its side. Trying not to groan, for she was pregnant and a cupboard beneath the stairs could not possibly be large enough to fit both her and Remus, she sportingly waved her wand to open the door. Cramming their way inside, they somehow managed to shut the door not a moment too soon. The female visitor was in the hall, audibly wondering what the devil was taking Vernon so long. Remus waited until the kitchen door slammed shut and then forced his way back out of the cupboard. He glared resentfully after the woman, holding up his wand and murmuring another spell. _"Colloportus."_ Whoever she was, she was now locked in the kitchen. He glanced at Lily. "Go. I'll keep watch."

"Thank you," she whispered and hastened towards the living room. Since it was impossible to determine how much time she had left, considering how Peter and Sirius would only be able to distract Vernon for so long, she knew she couldn't waste a moment of it, she couldn't hesitate. Barging into the living room, she located a very pregnant Petunia sprawled out on the sofa. When the woman saw her, however, she let out a horrified little shriek, springing upright in alarm.

"Lily! What are…? Marge!"

"Petunia!" Lily raised a harsh finger up to her lips. "Ssh! I've got a lot to say to you and not much time to say it in unless you want your guest and your husband discovering me here!" Petunia gulped, her face as pale as a ghost's, but she nevertheless nodded, her eyes falling towards Lily's bulging stomach. "Yes. As you can see, I'm pregnant. Just like you. Petunia, I know you're scared of magic and the fact that my world's at war would understandably frighten just about anyone. But we're both gonna be mothers soon and we're sisters, for crying out loud! This war, sooner or later, is inevitably gonna end and then where will we be? You're my family. I want that to mean something. Look!" She grabbed her purse and fished out several vials, which she dropped on the table in front of Petunia's sofa. "These are potions I made. I've got calming draughts, draughts of peace, sleeping draughts… This," she pointed at one of the vials, "this reduces swelling and this one will satisfy any craving you might ever have! All these potions work and they don't have any lasting side effects, they won't hurt your baby, and I know you're further along than I am, so I don't know whether or not they'll do you any good, but the point I'm trying to make here is magic is only as bad as the witch who practices it. You have to start trusting _me,_ Petunia! _Me_! Not my magic. Just me. Then we can start over again and be a family! You have no idea how much I want that and I know you want it too, no matter how much you deny it, because no matter what you say or do, I can see it in your eyes, because no matter how alienated we've been, we still know each other better than we think we do!"

"What?" Petunia asked, her voice stretched so thin Lily could barely hear her. "You think you know me?" She climbed awkwardly to her feet. "You broke into my house! You actually broke into my house! My house and then you try bribing with… with… with _that_ when you know I hate everything that has anything whatsoever to do with _that_!"

"I broke into your house because it's the only way I could think to get you to talk to me," Lily replied steadily, having already anticipated this response. "I don't dare call you on the phone in case your husband answers. I don't dare write you letters in case your husband picks up the mail. There is no safe way for me to contact you and what with you being pregnant, Iknow from experience Vernon won't just leave you on your own, if he's any kind of gentleman, so how else am I supposed to deliver this message? Besides, I _wanted_ to deliver it in person. I want you to see firsthand just how important you are to me! I don't think you realize how much I care about you, Petunia, and I have to say it. You're my sister. I love you. You're important to me. I know our problems can't be solved overnight and I don't think they should be. But this has got to be where we start. These potions are gifts. They're each labeled twice. The real label is covered by a fake so you can store it somewhere in the kitchen, passing it off as a regular, everyday ingredient. Vernon doesn't have to know anything until you're ready to tell him, whenever that may be. Just promise you'll consider it!"

Petunia seemed speechless. There very well might not have been words to describe the chaos she felt raging furiously within her and Lily knew she didn't have time to try soothing her. Vernon was still outside arguing with Peter, no doubt threatening to call the police, to which Peter was supposed to smugly reply, "Then why don't you? By the time they get out here, my dog will have done his business and we'll be back at our house. You don't have any evidence against us!" Sooner or later, Vernon was either going to win or give up, by which time Lily needed to be gone, for Petunia's sake.

"Listen to me," she said quietly, backing up towards the hallway. "You take care of yourself. You take care of Vernon and you take care of that baby of yours. I don't know what I'd do living in a world without you, knowing we won't ever have the chance to really become sisters again. I need you, Petunia, so you take care." There wasn't anymore time for her to linger. Marge, whoever she was, might have been locked in the kitchen, but Lily was still surprised they hadn't heard her call out for assistance yet. Turning, she hastened out of the living room and ran towards Remus, whose wand was aimed squarely at the kitchen door. "C'mon, we've gotta go!" He glanced at her and then jerked his head towards the cupboard beneath the stairs and as much as she would have liked to argue, she didn't. For the second time in under ten minutes, they hid themselves inside that uncomfortably small, poor excuse of a closet and prayed that no one would ever find them there.

At that moment, the door to the kitchen practically flew off its hinges and Marge, Petunia's guest, stumbled out into the hallway while letting loose a particularly uncouth stream of curse words. Evidently, Remus hadn't just locked the door… he had also charmed it with something of a sound barrier so that, no matter how hard Marge pounded on it, no one could hear the noise from anywhere else in the house. Now, however, he had lifted the charm and Marge, quite flustered and more than likely terribly frustrated, stormed back towards the living room where, hopefully, she would pretend nothing strange had happened to her – some muggles had a surprising knack for being blind that way.

Once the coast was clear, Lily and Remus practically fell back out of the cupboard and made a mad dash for the kitchen. They probably could have just as easily Disapparated, but they had resolved to use as little magic as possible in this excursion and they had already used more than their fair share keeping Marge shut up in that kitchen. Fortunately, however, it didn't take them much longer than a minute to cross through the room to the back door and as soon as they were outside, they took shelter behind a bush while Remus used the two-way mirror to contact James. "Mission accomplished. Withdraw! Withdraw! Withdraw!"

Back in the front of the house, James whispered "Affirmative," as quietly as he could beneath his invisibility cloak without once taking his eyes off the scene before him. As far as distractions went, Peter was really outdoing himself, going on about how he was new to the neighborhood and how this was a wonderful welcome and how Vernon should learn to be more hospitable.

"My dog Padfoot here doesn't just go on any old lawn! He's very picky. You should be honored!"

"He's a dog! He'll go anywhere! Why don't you take him to the nearest fire hydrant?"

That remark clearly offended Sirius. He looked up at Vernon in such revulsion that even a fat, stupid old muggle like him could recognize the expression. Before he could comment on the oddity of such an expressive animal, however, the bulldog took advantage of his nemesis's inattention. It shot forward, barking furiously, and would have attacked had Sirius not leapt away, effectively pulling the leash out of Peter's hands. Free at last, Sirius bolted across the lawn, easily outdistancing the bulldog who attempted to follow in hot pursuit.

Vernon yelled furiously, turning on Peter. "Get that ruddy animal under control! NOW!" Peter winced, losing a great deal of his confidence now that Sirius wasn't standing between them. Who ever said muggles were completely helpless? This one was the size of a bloody mountain!

Taking a step backwards, Peter bumped into James, who immediately leaned in. "Time to go, mate," he whispered. Relief poured over the young reporter like a deluge and it was all he could do not to shout out "Thank god" at the top of his lungs.

Instead, he called out "Padfoot!" and shuffled around Lily's brother-in-law. Sirius, who continued to evade the bulldog as cheerfully as an eight year old kid playing tag, literally leapt over his pursuer and trotted towards his friend with a wagging tail. Peter gave him a thumbs up before tossing his thumb over his shoulder, pointing at the street. "Let's go, mate. This place isn't worth our time." Sirius barked once before bounding down the road, much to Vernon's astonishment. Dogs couldn't understand people like that, could they? Peter hastened after the animal, all the while wondering if he could outrun the vicious bulldog.

Fortunately, James was a step ahead of him. Back at Hogwarts, he had had plenty of practice kicking Argus Filch's cat from beneath his invisibility cloak and he decided that now would be the perfect time to put that practice to practical use. He kicked that dog like he would an extra large football and though the attack did not hurt the big, sturdy animal, it still yelped and scrambled back towards the house, where it could find more adequate protection from its extra large masters. James grinned, shaking his head in amusement as Vernon cried out in horrified astonishment. What had happened to his dog?

Satisfied that this little outing had been deemed a success, James took off down Privet Drive and did not stop until he and Peter had made it back to Mrs. Figg's house, where Sirius, Lily, and Remus were already waiting for them.

**ooooooo**

**A/N:** Sorry, but I just had to throw in something like this. We all know how the story ends, so I really wanted to make sure the five of them had at least one last adventure together. Please review. I really appreciate it.


	136. The Seventh Month Dies

**ooooooo**

_"Dearest Lily,_

_"I've given so much thought to everything you said the day you barged uninvited into my home and you're absolutely right. We can't solve our problems overnight; that would be too difficult. But that doesn't mean we can't start trying. Honestly, the last few months have been harder than I'd like to admit, mostly because of Marge. She's Vernon's sister and she's been helping us out a lot recently, trying to take care of me whenever Vernon has to work. I don't want to sound ungrateful, but Marge Dursley really is a horrid woman. Because she's Vernon's sister, I have to be polite to her, but she treats other human beings worse than she does her dog. She's nosy, rude, inconsiderate, and terribly blunt. She must have been the kind of girl who made other girls cry on the school playground and while I suppose there are worse things, ever since she showed up at my house, it hasn't been my house! She takes command wherever she goes. Now that Dudley's been born, he was born on the 23__rd__ of June, by the way, Marge is supposed to be leaving and I'm really looking forward to her departure._

_"I don't mean to dwell so much on that woman, but I can't get my thoughts down and you need to understand. The entire time she's been here, I've been longing for different company and it wasn't until that day, after you left, that I realized the company I really wanted was actually yours. If it was a choice between you and Marge, Lily, I think I've finally realized how quickly I'd choose you over her. Can you believe it?_

_"But you can't just keep teleporting yourself into my house or whatever it was you did that day. I know you were careful, but some lines can't be crossed and that was just rude of you. I would like very much for us to correspond with each other, but nothing more. It's all still very complicated, Lily, and anything else would be too fast. Vernon can't find out yet. Is that all right?_

_"I am trying very hard to keep from writing about Dudley. You have no idea how beautiful he is, but I can't write about him in this letter. If we are going to try mending our relationship, we have to do it properly. I'll start over completely in my next letter and then you'll receive pages upon pages devoted entirely to him, I'm sure. But this letter… it's meant to open a door and I don't want any part of my future, our future, catching a glimpse of our past. Let's start over again, Lily. I want to tell you all about my baby and I want to hear all about yours._

_"Love, Petunia."_

In the days that followed, Lily reread that letter more times than anyone could count. She carried it with her wherever she went and talked about it with whoever cared to listen. It meant as much to her as did the child growing inside her womb and she held off writing her sister a response only because she could not think of words adequate enough to express how overjoyed she was. Petunia was willing to start over again. If they could do it this time… if they could truly sort out their relationship… everything they had been through up until now would be worth it.

Of course, correspondence through muggle post offices proved astonishingly sluggish. Petunia was insistent that they keep magical interaction to a minimum, though she did thank Lily for the potions, all of which, ironically, had worked "like magic." Lily was fairly certain the pun had been intended and when she showed James that particular line, he was extremely amused, not to mention pleased that Petunia apparently had a sense of humor after all. But despite her gratitude and growing tolerance, she still wanted to go about this healing process slowly and therefore preferred a more roundabout method of sending and receiving mail. Lily tried not to complain, but it was painfully obvious to the present Marauders that she had very little patience in that matter.

On the 30th of July, they received word from Frank Longbottom that, in the early hours of the morning, Alice had given birth to a baby boy named Neville. Lily had been ecstatic when she heard the news. Petunia was her sister again, she had a handsome nephew named Dudley, and now her best friend was recovering from labor with a newborn son of her own! The world had never looked more beautiful and Lily, dreaming about her own progeny, demanded that they all go straight to St. Mungo's to be with the happy family.

That, however, proved unnecessary. Right as they were preparing to step through the fireplace to the hospital via the Floo Network, there came a knock on the front door. Lily shot James a pained look; she was tired of interruptions and delays. She was so sick of waiting. They couldn't just ignore whoever it was calling, however, so she stood miserably by the mantel watching as her husband approached the door. "Who is it?"

"Professor Dumbledore," came the reply.

"Ooh, ooh!" Sirius sprang forward excitedly, pushing James out of the way. "Do you really expect us to believe that? You'll have to be more convincing! What's the password to get into your office?" It was the exact same question he had asked the last time Professor Dumbledore had called, which could only lead his friends to one conclusion. Sirius must have actually wanted there to be a Death Eater outside, because only a Death Eater would have been dumb enough to try answering such a question, and they had already been through this with the real Headmaster once before. Sirius should've known he'd only be repeating history by asking it a second time.

Now, however, was clearly not the time for repeats or jokes or anything of the sort, as Professor Dumbledore was quick to make clear. "I take comfort in the knowledge that you are not an imposter yourself, Mr. Black, but as we have already had this conversation, perhaps Mr. Potter would be kind enough to shelter a weary traveler as a personal favor to me?" James glared at Sirius before shoving him aside and opening the door.

Sure enough, Professor Dumbledore was standing right there on their front step beside a hunchbacked figure hidden beneath a thick brown cloak. Lily frowned at the sight; who would wear a cloak like that in the middle of a summer afternoon? James and Remus must have been wondering the same thing, for while the former hurriedly invited them in, the latter conjured up a chair, a table, and a tray serving both water and lemonade.

The cloaked figure hastened inside the house, but Professor Dumbledore hesitated before following suit. He seemed to be looking over his shoulder and if Lily didn't know any better, she would have asked why the empty space beside him was vibrating. Something extremely weird was going on and she couldn't put her finger on it. James was ushering the stranger towards the table and drinks, asking if he could take that cloak, but the stranger told him to wait in a voice they all actually recognized. Frank Longbottom!

Professor Dumbledore entered the house, closing the door behind him. To Lily's horror, he was holding his wand like one expecting trouble and she wasn't the first to notice. James, Sirius, and Remus were already pulling out theirs, following their teacher's lead while Frank finally pulled off his cloak, tossing it to the floor. There was a collective gasp as everyone in the house watched him straighten up – he was holding a baby in his arms!

"What's he doing here?" Lily demanded, scrambling forward to get a better look. "He should still be at St. Mungo's with his mum!" Even as she said this, however, Professor Dumbledore held out his wand and gave it a quick flick, as if tapping something invisible. Fractions of a second later, Alice appeared, first her head, then her shoulders, waste, legs, and feet. Lily's jaw dropped, recognizing what could only have been the removal of a Disillusionment Charm. For whatever reason, Professor Dumbledore had snuck the family out of the hospital and had clearly gone to great lengths to make sure they were properly disguised.

"Lily!" Alice looked drained, which was understandable, really. She should've still been in recovery! Trying not to panic, Lily rushed towards her friend while James, Sirius, and Remus crowded around Frank and Neville. "Lily," Alice said again, accepting the redhead's assistance towards the sofa. "I'm a mum!"

"Congratulations," Lily forced a smile as she helped the exhausted witch lie down. "But what on earth are you doing here, Alice?" She glanced up at Professor Dumbledore, whose expression was frighteningly grave. A part of her didn't want to hear the answer, but another part felt certain she already knew. After all, it really wasn't that hard to figure out. Either Frank and Alice were wanted by Death Eaters, or else Neville was, but either way they were all now officially on the run.

"St. Mungo's is no longer safe for them," Professor Dumbledore explained quietly while Frank allowed James to take and hold his son. "Death Eaters have infiltrated the hospital and while the Ministry of Magic is hard at work trying to identify and apprehend them, we must ensure Neville's safety. I cannot stress this enough." So the Death Eaters were after the child, then. Professor Dumbledore glanced at James. "I apologize for intruding, especially like this, but you are the only members of the Order currently available. Voldemort has his followers wreaking havoc all over Britain, more so now than ever before, and Alastor can spare no one to protect the boy. I suspect Voldemort believes it will be easier taking him with us sufficiently distracted and we cannot allow this at any cost."

"I still don't understand," Alice moaned, tears of fear and fatigue spilling down her cheeks. "You haven't told us… What could he possibly want with Neville? What makes Neville so important?"

"Ssh," Frank sat down on the floor next to the sofa, clasping his wife's hands in his own. He was clearly every bit as frightened as she was, but then again, he wasn't the one trying to recover from several hours of labor, so it was his role to be strong and encouraging. "There's nothing to be afraid of, Alice. We're safe with the Potters and you need to rest now." He glanced at Lily. "She really needs a bed."

"Right," Lily nodded, feeling stupid. Why had she thought the sofa would be adequate for something like this? "She can have ours. It's upstairs. Let me show you…" She struggled to get back onto her feet, but Remus quickly stepped forward and placed a restraining hand on her shoulder.

"You sit," he commanded before turning back towards Frank. "I'll show you where the room is." Lily couldn't help but sigh in relief as she settled back into her chair. Silently, she watched Frank pick his wife up into his arms and follow Remus to the stairs. Meanwhile, James passed Neville along to Sirius, who started making faces at the baby while Professor Dumbledore walked towards the window. Something dreadful was happening and Lily sensed the Longbottoms' were somehow at the center of it. How could everything be going so wondrously, so perfectly, one second and then so terribly the next? She had had such a nice break from the war, why must it plow so abruptly back into her life?

"So Voldemort wants the kid?" James asked, watching his old Headmaster quite somberly as the man tapped his wand up against the windowpane. "Does that mean he'll come here if he finds out we're sheltering them?" Professor Dumbledore turned back around to face the younger wizard, but he didn't need to answer. His expression told them all they needed to know.

"Oh my god," Lily whispered, suddenly beginning to shake. For the first time since Professor Dumbledore had arrived here at her house with the Longbottoms', for the first time since December, really, she pictured Voldemort in her head. She pictured him vividly and she heard his laughter and his taunts echoing in her ears. _"Perhaps I'll teach you…"_ _"…and in time, I shall have the pleasure of personally assisting you towards enlightenment…" "…believe me, Lily, having you in my hands has proven to be compensation enough for the loss of my Devil's Snare…"_ He had tortured and then killed his own followers merely to torment her and even if he did come here looking for Neville Longbottom, she couldn't pretend or hope that her presence wouldn't attract his attention as well.

Fear the likes of which she hadn't felt since her captivity suddenly overwhelmed her. Hadn't Voldemort taken great pleasure in terrorizing her? What might he do if he discovered her with child? What might he do to her baby? She couldn't let anything happen to her baby! "James…" Her voice cracked as the three wizards remaining in the room turned to look at her. They were all plainly worried, but additional understanding shadowed her husband's eyes and when she slowly struggled to get back onto her feet, he hastened to assist her. "If he comes here…"

"It's okay," he whispered soothingly, wrapping an arm around her shoulders. "We've already beaten him three times, Lil. What's to stop us from beating him three more?" Unfortunately, that was not as encouraging as he would have liked. The mere thought of ever facing that particular wizard again was more than Lily could bear! Maternal instincts were kicking in; if Voldemort showed up at her house, her child would very likely be in even greater danger than her and she couldn't cope with that. To make matters worse, Professor Dumbledore had heard James's overconfident remark.

"What did you say?" he asked sharply. Lily and James both glanced at him while Sirius, rocking the baby, looked back and forth between them all in extreme concern. Footsteps sounded on the stairs; Remus and Frank were on their way back down, having put Alice to bed. Professor Dumbledore, however, paid them very little attention as his piercingly blue eyes regarded the Potters. "James! How many times did you say you've beaten Voldemort?" There was an urgency in his voice that Lily had never heard before. What did it matter how many times they'd beaten Voldemort? It still wasn't enough! He always came back…

James, however, knew better than to question Professor Dumbledore's trepidations. While Sirius carefully handed Frank back his baby, James added up the number of times he and Lily had encountered the Dark Lord. "I said… yeah, we've definitely beaten him three times. Well, we didn't really _beat_ him, but we've escaped him. Why?"

"That's the number of times Alice and I have escaped him," Frank stated, glancing from Professor Dumbledore to James to Lily to Neville. Then he looked back at Lily, eyed her stomach, and faced Professor Dumbledore again. "You said Voldemort's after my son. Is that because we've escaped him so often?"

The Headmaster looked distracted, unsure of himself, confused and concerned, but he nevertheless managed to offer Frank a single nod of confirmation. "I believe that's part of it."

"Part of it?" Frank demanded, his panic steadily incrementing now that Alice was tucked in bed. "You mean to tell me there's more to it?"

"Wait a minute, what do you mean you've escaped Voldemort three times?" Sirius suddenly demanded, glaring at James irately. "You fought him at Lily's school. But that's just once!" James shook his head guiltily.

"But if Voldemort's going after Neville because Frank and Alice have angered him so much, does that mean he's gonna be after Lily's baby now, too?" Remus asked Professor Dumbledore while James attempted to explain.

"You remember the day Voldemort attacked Gringotts and Frank and Alice both got credit for driving him out? The truth was they escaped him first, before he showed up in Diagon Alley. He was tracking them and found Lily instead, in the bank. But we got away, right Longbottom?" They all glanced at Frank, who nodded. "And then there was the fight at Lily's school and _then_ we were kind of, um, well, abducted the night we destroyed that Devil's Snare. But we escaped. See? Three times."

"You were _abducted_?" Remus shrieked while Sirius's jaw dropped. James shifted his weight uncomfortably as they all gawked at him. "You were abducted and you didn't tell us?"

"It was just really bad timing, mate. We escaped only to find out my mum was sick, dying, and I couldn't…" James trailed off, looking back at Professor Dumbledore. "But what does any of that have to do with our children?"

"Yeah," Frank agreed, turning his head. "I'd like to know that, too. Few hours ago, I was the happiest man in the world. Now I'm the most frightened. Why?"

Professor Dumbledore hesitated. At that moment, he truly looked his age, every bit as tired as Lily was scared and then some. "There's been a prophecy," he said at last, sitting down in the chair Remus had so recently conjured. "It spoke of a child, a boy, born at the end of July to parents who have thrice defied the Dark Lord. I believe Voldemort has been made aware of it and will most assuredly want that child dead." Frank stood stunned, holding his son protectively even as James breathed an inadvertent sigh of relief.

"Well, Lily's not due until the end of August," he reminded them all. "The prophecy couldn't have been talking about our kid. Besides, for all we know, we could be having a daughter." He sounded hopeful, but when Frank stared at him unappreciatively, he had the decency to avert his eyes. "Sorry, mate."

"Prophecies don't come true, though, do they?" Lily asked, her voice a frightened, timid whisper. Even though she wasn't due for another month, July wasn't over yet. And even if she had absolutely nothing to do with it whatsoever, she still felt certain Voldemort would take great delight in killing her baby if he got even half the chance. They were in danger. But over what? "You can't tell me you actually believe in prophecies?"

Professor Dumbledore sighed. "I'm afraid the Department of Mysteries for the Ministry of Magic has an entire hall devoted to prophecies, Lily. The real trick lies in the correct interpretation. Unfortunately, the one I speak of was relatively straightforward. A child will be born who has the power to defeat Voldemort." James, Sirius, and Remus all turned to gawk at Frank and Neville. Lily, however, remained focused only on the Headmaster, who was rubbing his left temple. "Perhaps, if Voldemort ignored the prophecy, it would not come to pass. But you must understand… he will not ignore it." And it was as simple as that.

Lily turned away from her companions and walked towards the window. Outside, the village of Hogsmeade looked exactly the same as it had every single day she had lived there, aside from when it was buried under a heavy blanket of snow. At that moment, she would have given just about anything for a bit of snow… anything at all to lessen the sudden, feverish, demonic heat attempting to suffocate her. She wasn't due for another month. She wasn't going to give birth in the next thirty-six hours. Fate wasn't that cruel. Hadn't it already put her through enough as it was? This wasn't her destiny. It wouldn't be her child's destiny. But then… why was she trying so hard not to panic?

"He doesn't know we're here, does he?" Frank asked, though Lily was hardly paying attention and therefore barely registered his words at all.

"I do not believe so," Professor Dumbledore assured him. "We left the hospital quietly and sooner than anyone would have expected. We were not seen. We were careful. Hopefully we remain a step ahead of him."

"Just a step?" Frank sounded worried and no one could blame him. After that, however, Lily withdrew so deeply into her own thoughts that she no longer heard anything the others said. How could prophecies be real? Just take a course in Divination at Hogwarts! Yes, the wizarding world was full of theories regarding that particular branch of magic and since it was indeed magic, a young, relatively inexperienced witch like her shouldn't just scoff while questioning the Department of Mysteries, but… but how could anyone believe a Seer who claimed that a baby like Neville Longbottom had the power to defeat Voldemort? He was just a baby! Everything she knew about prophecies and foresight and prescience struck her as so absurd it was almost laughable. Except… no one was laughing.

Eventually, Professor Dumbledore took his leave. There was much he needed to attend to. The Order of the Phoenix had been stretched so painfully thin in the past few hours that they would likely welcome his leadership. The infiltrators at St. Mungo's Hospital were as yet unidentified and absolutely had to be discovered. Perhaps most importantly of all, however, something had to be done for the Longbottoms. They couldn't just stay with the Potters indefinitely, it wasn't safe enough. And so he left Frank, James, Sirius, and Remus with strict instructions to keep watch over Neville, Alice, and Lily as he stepped out into the streets of Hogsmeade, preparing to Disapparate. None of them knew when they would see him next and all they could do now was wait.

Hours passed and it steadily grew dark outside. Alice awoke and wandered back downstairs, where she sat with Frank, Lily, and the baby. Despite all their fears and uncertainties, Neville was undeniably adorable and Alice, who had heard nothing of prophecies, could not take her eyes off him. It was perfectly clear she had fallen in love and Sirius seemed to take great pleasure in reminding Frank he now had competition. After awhile, the two found themselves so caught up on their son that it hardly seemed important anymore how there might even now be Death Eaters tracking them down.

"Right, so we've got to put up with evil, conniving, murdering bastards. What else is new?"

They were both Gryffindors to the very core and refused to let fear overwhelm them. Nothing could spoil this day – their son had been born! They were confident in their ability to protect him and were just as eager to prove it. As long as they both lived, nothing would ever happen to their baby and as far as Frank was concerned, though he had yet to tell Alice, if this prophecy really was about Neville, he should be honored to have the task of raising the one with the power to defeat Voldemort. Lily wished she knew where such reserves of courage and tenacity sprang from.

Outside, the stars were shining brightly overhead. It was almost midnight. July 31, 1980… Gradually, her eyes closed and she found herself drifting off into sleep. She thought she could still hear James, Frank, and Sirius talking quietly to each other, occasionally laughing, as they dealt with the hands fate seemed to have given them. But then they were gone and Lily was left alone, hanging in a silvery void she felt certain she had seen before.

Something was taking shape directly in front of her. She couldn't make it out, it was the same color as the rest of the world surrounding them, but it was definitely there. For a split second, she saw her own green eyes as if apart from her body, and then she squinted them, focusing again on the creature that now approached her. It was a silver stag, majestic and regal, mighty and familiar. She knew him on sight, she had been waiting for him, and had always known he'd be with her. He was a part of her, after all, and she loved him even more than she loved herself.

"This really is prescience," she whispered, realizing that, no matter what fate had in store for them, her baby would grow up to be brave, even valiant. Like Henry V, Prince Harry, who led his men into battle against a force they could not hope to match, unafraid to die beside his brothers, and yet somehow managing to triumph. It was a rare gift, that kind of valor, and her son would possess it. Neville, too. They both would. She could see it now, already, though it had yet to come to pass. Voldemort would never understand.

"LILY!"

She awoke suddenly, gasping for breath. Never since she had started undergoing Braxton Hicks contractions had she felt one this painful. Only… there was something different about it. It wasn't a normal contraction. "James!"

He was on his knees in front of her, staring down at the sofa's cushion. Following his gaze, Lily realized why she felt so wet.

**ooooooo**

**A/N:** Tell me what you think. Thanks!


	137. Harry Potter

**Warning:** More Deathly Hallows spoilers.

**ooooooo**

Her face contorting into pain, Lily waited the contraction out and then, gasping for breath, got to her feet. Surprisingly, she was not half as afraid as she would have expected, considering she was a month early and now qualified for Professor Dumbledore's little prophecy. The pain would be excruciating, she knew that, but at the same time she continuously pictured the silver stag she had seen in her dream, she could literally feel him inside her, and she was warmed by him. This pain would not hurt as much as the Cruciatus. This pain would bring her son into the world; it would, by comparison, be a joy to endure.

"All right," she said in a trembling voice, glancing around the room at Sirius, Remus, Frank, Alice, and Neville while James supported her. Amazingly, _he_ was the one trying not to panic. After years of Marauding, years of fighting Death Eaters, an entire lifetime of getting into and out of trouble, here he was, suddenly trying not to panic. Lily smiled. "The baby's coming." She was met with shock.

"Already?" Remus finally asked, his voice cracking. "Are you sure?"

"No," Sirius said, his face pale and his eyes wide. "No, they're not sure. They can't be sure. How can you be sure?" He crossed his arms and glared at Lily as if daring her to respond.

"My water broke," she said, leaning against James. Despite the fear she could sense emanating from him, he supported her with care. He was shaking, he was panting, he was starting to sweat, but he somehow managed to hold her up, to keep her on her feet, and she knew he would give her whatever she asked him for in a heartbeat. At that moment, the only one she really needed to worry about was Sirius. "I've read a lot about this and I promise you it means the baby's coming. Prematurely, yes, but at this point there's no stopping it."

"Sure there is!" Sirius objected, grabbing his wand while Frank and Alice got to their feet. "We're all wizards and witches, here! We can figure out a way to push that baby back up into your womb and fix your water within seconds, I'm sure of it!"

"Fix her water?" Alice shrieked, quickly handing Frank the baby. "Are you crazy?" She rounded on Sirius. "Are you stupid?" She grabbed his wand, threw it across the room, and then slapped him hard across the face. He yelped like a wounded dog while she started breathing deeply, her shoulders rising and falling while her eyes pierced every wizard in the room. "I'm going to make one thing perfectly clear. Lily Evans Potter is about to have her baby. Technically, she should be at St. Mungo's. Hell, any hospital, even a muggle one, would be better than this dump! But there are Death Eaters everywhere, particularly at St. Mungo's, which means it's up to us to help her deliver this baby. If you can't handle it, get out now."

"Listen to her," Frank advised before lowering his head to whisper into his son's ear. "That's your mummy, Neville, and she's always right."

Alice shot him a look before turning towards Remus. "Get to the upstairs bathroom and cast an Extension Charm. We're going to need a lot of space." He hesitated, looking queasy and upset, but then he jerked his head and took off as quickly as he could, knocking over a table and lamp in the process. Alice shook her head and hastened to assist Lily. "Come on, let's get you sitting down." She gestured towards the chair Remus had conjured hours ago and Lily shuffled towards it. Once she was off her feet, Alice raised her wand. _"Wingardium Leviosa."_ The chair rose about a foot off the ground and together, she and James steered it towards the stairs. Sirius, however, held back with Frank and Neville, looking slightly green.

"You know, it's taken me a long time to figure this whole pregnancy thing out," he said at last, glancing at the older wizard in poorly concealed apprehension. "And I procrastinate. I don't know the first thing about labor and delivery. I thought I still had an entire month to get ready for it."

"Well," Frank replied a little uneasily. "The experience is still fresh in my mind, so… Lily's cervix needs to dilate, which could take hours, until-"

"Hold on," Sirius held up his hands, clearly lost and hopelessly confused. This wasn't exactly taught at Hogwarts, now was it? "Her what needs to what, now?"

Frank sighed, holding out Neville whom Sirius stared at uncertainly. Only when Frank insisted did he take the child, who immediately started crying. Frank smiled, much to Sirius's horror. "Be grateful. He might drown out the sound of Lily screaming. Now you sit down somewhere and don't let anything happen to my son. Can you handle that?" Sirius glanced down at the crying, screaming baby and shook his head, but when he looked back up, Frank was already scrambling towards the stairs.

**ooooooo**

Regulus gasped for breath as he Apparated to Grimmauld Place. It was either very late or extremely early, he didn't have a watch, but either way, shadows loomed in every direction and he almost expected to see dear Bella or another of her kind stepping out to greet him. Thankfully, they didn't. It was already painfully surreal just being back in London, he certainly didn't need to find himself back inside that particular nightmare. He still remembered how they tortured him, which always sent chills down his spine. Sirius had saved more than just his life that day… he had saved his sanity as well. But if he was discovered now, his brother, who thought he was dead, wouldn't know to find and rescue him again. If he was discovered now… He couldn't afford to be discovered.

Starting up the stone steps to his parents' house – had he really grown up here? – he pulled out his wand while steeling himself. The twisted, silver serpent door knocker regarded him derisively, which didn't surprise him much. He was as bad as Sirius now, and unless Bella and Rodolphus had opted to spare his parents the humiliation of knowing both their children had betrayed them by keeping it secret, his name had likely been blasted off the family tapestry. He should never have come here; it was too dangerous. He had a job to do for the sake of the entire world and he was risking it for… for what? For Kreacher? For Lily?

_"Do only what you think this witch of yours would approve of."_

That had been Grindelwald's advice, advice Regulus had been trying to follow for years, no matter how unsuccessfully. She meant everything to him and she didn't even know… more than likely, she would never know. He wondered how many other wizards loved her. Sirius did… and Potter, definitely. Potter was the lucky one, no doubt about that.

Stop. He told himself to stop. He was getting sidetracked. The important thing right now was finding Kreacher and convincing the elf to help him without alerting his parents. His parents were Kreacher's real masters, especially his mother, and if they found out he was alive… Regulus swallowed painfully, tapping his wand against the door. He heard the metallic clicks that assured him it was unlocking. A chain clattered and the door flew open, allowing him entry.

It was exactly like stepping into the past. His house had not been changed once in his entire life. The gas lamps on the walls slowly illuminated themselves while the severed heads of his family's late house-elves kept silent watch over the ancient hallway. It was, to say the least, a disturbing place to find himself – he couldn't possibly have grown up here! – but at least it remained quiet. No one came to investigate the murkily lit hall, which hopefully meant his parents were both fast asleep.

As quietly as he could, he crept down the stairs to the basement kitchen and paused outside the door to Kreacher's cupboard. This was important. If he wasn't careful, the house-elf might inadvertently alert the entire street of his presence and then there would definitely be trouble. Gently pressing his face against the door, Regulus spoke only loud enough to be heard by whatever lived inside. "Kreacher, it's me. I need you to be quiet. Very quiet. That's an order." He opened the door and peered in. Tangled in a mess of dirty blankets, the bald, wrinkly, decrepit, smelly old house-elf that had served him since infancy now stared up at him with huge, round eyes that had never looked wider. His mouth was moving frantically and Regulus could hear astonished mumbling, but was unable to make out a word of it. Evidently, Kreacher had been told his youngest master was dead.

"Don't be afraid," Regulus said quickly and the house-elf was forced to compose himself. But then, Kreacher made a face contorted with agony and fell to the ground, clearly about to punish himself. Alarm shot through him like a dagger through the heart; house-elves took their punishments seriously and Kreacher was no exception. He'd wake the entire house up. "No, no, no, don't! Stop moving!" Kreacher froze, his head a fraction from the ground. Regulus sighed, wiping his brow with the back of his hand. "Kreacher, I need your help."

**ooooooo**

The contractions were getting worse and Lily couldn't help but cry and scream in pain as they continuously beleaguered her. Downstairs, Neville's sobs were just as loud and though Remus had long since gone to help Sirius placate him, they were met with very little success. Frank had to cast a charm over the entire house to keep all the noise from spilling out onto the streets of Hogsmeade, for those who heard might guess what it meant and with countless Death Eaters looking for the Longbottoms, no one could be trusted. Meanwhile, James stood by his wife in an extra large bathroom where she was propped up on a cushioned bench. Her clothes had been transfigured into a loose-fitting gown and she was presently staring at the bathtub Alice had filled with warm water. "Are you sure this is a good idea?" she asked uneasily as the pain gradually diminished.

Alice paused and looked at her in concern. Shaking slightly, from exhaustion and anxiety, the witch first had to think about the question and then the answer. Frank had been endlessly badgering her to go back to the bedroom and try sleeping again, for she had just undergone labor herself twenty-four hours ago and shouldn't be working this hard, but she stubbornly refused. She kept stressing how much Lily needed her help and she wouldn't rest until she collapsed, no matter what anyone said. "Yes," she was eventually able to say. "Apparently muggles sometimes do it this way. I'm not entirely sure why, but would you rather do it on your bed?"

"NO!" Lily all but shouted with such pain in her voice that James gripped her hand again as he always did when she had contractions. They were coming quicker now and Frank had already expressed a bit of jealousy by how fast Lily's cervix was dilating. Apparently, the baby was in a hurry to get out. It wouldn't wait another month and at this rate, it wasn't even going to wait until sunrise.

"Don't worry," Alice said soothingly as she motioned for James and Frank to help her get Lily into the tub. "A very large percentage of our bodies is made up of water. I'm sure the baby won't mind. Besides, it's not like we're gonna drown it or anything." She laughed humorlessly, confident she had read about water births somewhere, but still slightly concerned. She wasn't a Healer, after all, and coaching a friend through labor was very, very different from going through labor oneself. Truth be told, she had no idea what she was doing.

"All right," Lily said, allowing James, Frank, and Alice to half guide, half carry from the bench to the tub. She had had a few baths in the past few months, so climbing in and easing herself down wasn't extremely difficult. "Okay, okay, oh, wow." She glanced up at her husband, whose hair had never looked messier and whose glasses were on crooked. "You look as bad as I do."

"What are you talking about?" he asked, forcing a smile. "You look beautiful." She gasped as another contraction started, but somehow the water made a difference; it did not hurt as much. With a few waves of her wand, Alice extended the bathtub just as Remus had extended the room and then James was climbing into the water himself, clothes and all. He knelt in front of Lily while Alice sat next to her, holding her hand.

Downstairs, Neville was still screaming and neither Sirius nor Remus knew what to do. They had discussed using magic to quiet him, but since Alice hadn't been particularly fond of the idea Sirius had thought up to delay Lily's baby's birth, they decided not to. Since it was obvious Neville was crying because Lily was screaming, they had also discussed stealing James's invisibility cloak and taking the boy for a walk outside, but Remus hadn't liked that idea, either. Alice might think they were kidnapping and until they calmed Neville down, someone in the village would wonder why he was hearing a baby he couldn't see crying. And so they were stuck standing in the parlor together, staring down at a screaming monster they had left in the bassinet James had bought months ago.

"What're we gonna do?" Sirius demanded loudly in pure exasperation. Upstairs, Lily was screaming and the baby was screaming and Sirius was getting a headache. "Don't they ever stop? Hasn't he worn himself out yet? Moony, make him stop!"

"I don't know how to!" Remus moaned, gripping his wand so tightly his right hand had turned white. "I'm not ready to baby-sit, Padfoot! Lily gave me a list of thirteen lullabies to teach myself and I haven't even learned one yet! Hey!" He stared at Sirius accusatorially. "You! You're the only one outta all of us who's ever had a little brother! What did you do when he used to cry?"

Sirius made a face. "Oh, well, let's see. Regulus was two years younger than me. When he started crying, I started screaming, and then, when we were older, I'm the one who made him start crying and to shut him up, I smacked him upside the head. But since that never worked, I generally ended up with a spanking, because my parents _always_ favored Regulus, and then I was the one crying. You think that would work with Neville?" Remus gulped, but at that moment, Frank came pounding down the stairs. Both wizards looked up at him hopefully, praying this ordeal would soon be over.

"Sirius, James and Lily want to talk to you," he said as he caught his breath and it was only then that they realized she had stopped screaming. Frank shook his head when he saw their eyes widening. "Sorry, the baby hasn't been born yet. They just want to ask you a question." Sirius and Remus both grunted, clearly disappointed, but then they looked back at Neville, who was still crying, and a smile lit Sirius's face.

He thwacked Remus' arm almost gleefully. "They want me upstairs! Have fun with the demon spawn, mate!" And with that he bounded away, hardly daring to wait for either Remus or Frank to register his words. Once they did, they both turned after him irately – particularly Frank, who didn't appreciate what Sirius had called his son – but since they couldn't exactly leave the boy alone, they weren't able to pursue.

"Bloody git," Remus grumbled while Frank turned around to look at him indignantly. "You reckon there's any chance Alice is feeling particularly nasty up there right now? I mean… extremely nasty? _Demonically_ nasty?"

"It would certainly serve Black right, wouldn't it?" Frank agreed, walking over to the bassinet and gently scooping up his son. He plopped down on the sofa, rocking the baby back and forth while cooing gently into his ear. Remus watched miserably, wondering why any parent would ever trust idiots like him and Sirius to look after an infant.

Meanwhile, upstairs, Lily was waiting for the next contraction. Despite what Frank and Alice both said, she kept wondering why it had to take so long. She was ready to have her son, she was so ready for it. She wanted to hold him and kiss him and sing to him more than ever before; was he really a month premature? All of a sudden, the very thought of carrying him for four more weeks just seemed like far too long; she couldn't do it. She wanted to see him and feed him, she wanted to comfort him when he cried and watch him as he slept. A part of her almost wanted the next contraction because it actually ached thinking about how much she loved her presently unborn child.

Of course, the contraction did eventually come, right as Sirius walked into the bathroom, and despite the relief she found half submerged in water, the pain was still mind-numbing. She couldn't think of anything else, she heard herself screaming, she squeezed Alice's hand, but for a short while, she was alone in an empty universe that actually seemed to be trying to compress her as tightly as possible until she suffocated.

Once the contraction ended, she found herself sitting up in the water with James close beside her. They both glanced at Sirius, who was staring at her with a dropped jaw. His face looked green again and she thought he was going to throw up. Inexplicably worried, Lily reached frantically for James's hand. "What's wrong? Is something wrong?" She looked at Alice. "Tell me nothing's wrong!"

"Nothing's wrong," Alice assured her quickly, glaring at Sirius. "I know I already asked you this, mate, but are you crazy?"

"I think I'm gonna be," he replied, walking up to the bathtub and kneeling down next to it while trying not to look at Alice. "Frank said you wanted to ask me something?" He focused on James, who glasses were speckled with drops of water.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!" James nodded exuberantly, trying to smile but really too distracted by his wife to manage. She was panting now, staring at her reflection in the mirror, but when she saw James gazing at her, she nodded towards Sirius, urging him on. "Right!" He looked at his best friend. "The thing is there's a war going on outside and anything could happen to us before Voldemort ultimately loses." He noticed Sirius and Alice's expressions. "Okay, thinking positively here, people! Anyway, our baby's gonna need…!" He trailed off as Lily started screaming again.

**ooooooo**

_"Lumos,"_ Regulus whispered as Kreacher Apparated him inside a dark, wet cave that he had only seen up until now in his imagination. A part of him hadn't truly believed the place even existed, though he knew the house-elf would never lie to him. And as the creature wobbled over to a particular segment of the cave's far wall, Regulus took a deep breath, pulling a dagger out of his robe. It was difficult to collect himself; he could feel the evil pouring out of the smooth black rocks that surrounded them.

"Here, Master Regulus," Kreacher croaked, tapping the wall with the palm of his hand. Watching in horrified fascination, he started quietly objecting as Regulus took the dagger and sliced open the palm of his own hand. Pain shot up his arm, but Regulus ignored it. From what the house-elf had told him, he knew it was only going to get worse. He needed to start hardening himself or he would never have the courage to do what he had already resolved must be done.

_Courage?_ He was turning into Sirius. Good god! Nevertheless, he pressed his hand up against the wall where Kreacher had indicated. Almost immediately, the silver outline of an enormous archway appeared in the wall and the rock inexplicably vanished. Kreacher backed away from it in blatant terror, pulling lightly on Regulus's robes in a futile attempt to urge his master to safety. They shouldn't be here. If the Dark Lord found out…

Regulus stared silently down the passageway, holding up his wand so he could see, and then he plunged headfirst into darkness. Surprisingly, he didn't feel the least bit cold. Kreacher was shivering behind him, but Regulus was starting to sweat. Eventually, they found themselves approaching a greenish light that was reflecting off the water of a large, underground lake. It immediately brought death to mind. The color reminded him of the Killing Curse, but everything else in the cave was so black, so impossibly black and impenetrably dark, that it might easily have been part of the road to Hell. Unconsciously, Regulus wondered if that was where he was headed.

"Kreacher," he said, looking down at the house-elf. Through such darkness, his servant had never appeared more deformed or more hideous, but Regulus knew him well enough to know he was terrified. "Show me where to go." The elf could not disobey, but as he led the young wizard around the lake, he repeated the word "bad" over and over and over again. Regulus couldn't help but agree.

Eventually, Kreacher paused and snapped his fingers, wielding his elfin magic with surprising ease for something in his condition. Within seconds, a coppery green chain appeared in his hands, stretching from the water. Pulling on it, Kreacher dragged up a small, ghostly boat from beneath the surface. Like the chain and the light shining from the middle of the lake, the boat had a greenish glow to it that reflected off Kreacher's face. "Bad, bad, bad," he muttered as Regulus climbed in. "Bad, bad, bad," he muttered as he climbed in himself.

**ooooooo**

"That would be the baby's head," Alice said, presently sitting in the magically enlarged tub herself, along with the Potters. None of them felt at all crowded; it was almost like sitting in a giant pool. Alice was in front of Lily, James was next to her, and Sirius was on the other side. It was a good thing they were there, too. Lily held onto them tightly, bracing herself for an onslaught of pain. It struck her mercilessly and she screamed.

"Is this when she starts pushing?" Sirius asked, wincing as she literally crushed his left hand with her left hand; how did mothers keep from killing their children out of pure spite? How had the human population not died out yet? Who actually chose to go through this agony? It wasn't until he noticed Alice, James, and even Lily glaring at him that he realized more than one of those questions had been asked out loud.

"Are you crazy?" Alice screamed at him right as Lily started crying herself.

"Yes!" James shouted, turning towards his wife. "This _is_ when you start pushing, Lily! Push!"

"Breathing helps, too!" Alice said quickly, looking up at her best friend. "Come on, Lily, breathe in and out." She demonstrated and Lily did her best to obey, but the pain made it incredibly difficult to concentrate even on something as simple as that. She couldn't… she couldn't… she had to tell them, but the words weren't coming… It hurt more than she could bear.

**ooooooo**

The island was every bit as small as Kreacher had described and the green light, which emanated from an emerald liquid filling a stone basin that sat atop a large pedestal, was almost blinding. Regulus could hardly bear looking at it, but what other choice did he have? The Horcrux was there, in that basin, beneath that potion. If he could just scoop it out, he would have in his hands the key to the Dark Lord's defeat! The only problem was… he knew he couldn't just scoop it out. He knew… that would be too easy.

_Lily…_ He thought about her then and all she had taught him. She was a woman now and he wondered how different she must look, how different she must sound, and how beautiful she must be. He missed her… so much his heart ached. He would never see her again. It was almost more than he could bear. No one, not even Sirius, had ever shown him the kind of compassion she had. No one had ever trusted him as she had trusted him and that, more than anything else, had won his heart. If she were here now, what could he possibly say to her, or give her, that would be enough?

"Master," Kreacher moaned from the boat that had carried them all the way out here. "Master…"

Regulus fingered the locket he had brought with him from Germany. He doubted very much it looked anything at all like the Horcrux waiting to be stolen, but then, that wasn't important. What _was_ important had been stuffed inside the locket: a letter he had written and memorized several hours ago.

_"To the Dark Lord,_

_"I know I will be dead long before you read this but I want you to know that it was I who discovered your secret. I have stolen the real Horcrux and intend to destroy it as soon as I can. I face death in the hope that when you meet your match, you will be mortal once more._

_"R.A.B."_

He couldn't change what was about to happen, but at least this way, he'd be the one with the last laugh instead of Voldemort. No matter what happened now, he would be satisfied. Imagine Voldemort's surprise. Imagine his fury! Regulus had no reason to fear it and so chose to savor it instead. "Kreacher. Come here."

The house-elf obeyed and Regulus gave him his final instructions. Switch the lockets when the basin was emptied. Leave. Tell no one. Destroy the real locket. Destroy it completely. Kreacher nodded his head with every command, compelled to obey, but there were tears in his eyes. He knew what was about to happen; Voldemort had done it to him years ago. But Kreacher was devoted to Regulus – if anyone after Lily had ever come close to trusting him, it was the house-elf. Regulus could not betray that trust. Not like this.

_I'm doing this for you, Lily. I hope you find everything you want. I hope you find peace._

Conjuring a goblet with his wand, wondering if it would be the last spell he ever performed, he dipped it into the basin and filled it up completely with the emerald potion.

"No master," Kreacher begged, tears pouring down his face. "No master, please! Kreacher begs you! Listen to Kreacher. Kreacher knows."

"Kreacher," Regulus interrupted, his hands already starting to shake. "If I can't finish this potion on my own, I order you to force the rest of it down my throat." Kreacher let out a horrible, anguished sob, but he could not disobey. Even if he punished himself, he could not disobey. Regulus could barely breathe as fear, terror, panic, suddenly gripped his heart. How could he go through with this? He didn't want to! "Kreacher… It'll be okay."

"No, no!" the house-elf wailed.

"It'll be okay," Regulus said again, wishing Sirius were here. After all, his brother was the courageous one, his brother was a Gryffindor. Never in his life had he ever wanted to be like Sirius more than he did now. "It'll be okay," he whispered a third time. Then, he held up the goblet and drank.

**ooooooo**

Lily screamed.

It was impossible to push, it was impossible to breathe, she couldn't hear anything, everything around her was just a blur. What if she died? What if she died giving birth because she wasn't in a hospital, she was a month early, and she was sitting in a bathtub surrounded by people she loved? What if she died and her son had to grow up without his mother? What if he was the boy that damn prophecy had spoken of? What if he had to grow up without his mother and then face Voldemort and God only knew what other unspeakable horrors?

"SIRIUS!" she screamed, much to everyone's surprise. They glanced around at each other, shocked, and then Sirius leaned forward, squeezing her hand as gently as he could, considering how crushed and shattered it felt.

"It's all right, Lily!" he shouted, as if doubting her ability to hear him. "I'm here! What do you need? Can I get you anything?"

"PLEASE!" she screamed, crying as she fought so hard to keep pushing. "BE… HARRY'S… GODFATHER!" It could only be him. After all, Remus had asked her and James several months ago not to even consider choosing a werewolf for the job and since Sirius was James's best friend, it only seemed right. Besides, after everything that had happened, after everything he had lost, Sirius needed a godson more than anyone else ever had.

She didn't hear him respond. She didn't see him react. The pain was excruciating and she couldn't stop screaming. She had to push. She had to breathe. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe. _PUSH!_ She screamed as her son fell from out of her body and into Alice's awaiting hands.

**ooooooo**

Bodies were climbing out of the lake… Inferi… they were crawling onto the island… Kreacher was wailing, but he could do nothing to save his beloved master. All that was left was for him to obey, which he did while sobbing.

Regulus had never felt anything like it. The pain was unimaginable, unnatural, dark and evil. He had screamed earlier, he had protested when Kreacher forced the rest of the potion down his mouth, but now, for some reason, he was at ease. Maybe it was because of Lily. There had always been something different about her, something special and beautiful. Picturing her now, Regulus was able to relax.

_"I face death in the hope that when you meet your match, you will be mortal once more."_

For the first time, Regulus truly believed it was possible. Voldemort would meet his match one day and for Lily's sake, he prayed it would be soon.

A hand latched onto his ankle. Kreacher screamed, but Regulus did not bother to resist as the hand dragged him mercilessly into the lake. For the first time… he not only believed, but also somehow knew… everything would be okay.

**ooooooo**

Lily gasped as the pain suddenly left her, as her vision cleared, and as the world reappeared around her. She could breathe again and people were laughing. Laughter… it was a wonderful sound to wake up to and she had never felt more like she was awakening in her entire life. Something miraculous had happened… and it took her a moment to remember.

"Here, Lily," James whispered, placing her whole world into her arms. She started crying as she gazed down at the most beautiful face she had ever seen. "Here's your son. Harry James Potter."

Harry James Potter. She started crying and laughing as he gazed up at her, his crystal blue eyes more precious than diamonds.

**ooooooo**

**A/N:** Long chapters demand long reviews! Thanks so much!


	138. Uncovered Secret

**A/N: **Since everyone's asking, yes, Harry's eyes are green, but newborn babies' eyes are blue. They'll turn green later.

**ooooooo**

July 31, 1980 turned out to be one of the most beautiful days the village of Hogsmeade had ever seen. Once the sun rose, the world blossomed into a dazzling portrait of vibrant colors and light. Lily could not bear to stay inside; she wanted to show her son everything. Absolutely everything. And so, once she had slept a few hours for James's peace of mind, she dressed Harry up in tiny, adorable clothes, held him close, and donned the family's invisibility cloak.

"Listen up!" James gathered Sirius, Remus, Frank, and Alice around him, all of whom looked tired and yet as happy as he'd ever seen them before, particularly the Longbottoms. Two births in two days… It was unbelievable. "Lily and I are taking Harry out into the world for the very first time. Now, no one outside this house knows he's been born yet and I'd appreciate it if it stayed that way. So if anyone comes to visit, Lily's upstairs feeling sick. Sirius. Remus. Keep Frank, Alice, and Neville out of sight and don't let any guests in. Understand?"

"You can count on me!" Sirius proclaimed quite enthusiastically. He still couldn't believe they had made _him_, of all people, Harry's godfather. When Lily had gone to sleep that morning, James had allowed him to hold the baby, and Sirius hadn't been able to look away. Unlike Neville, Harry already felt like family to him – he was family! But for Sirius to feel that, when he had been so recently pushing all his friends – friends he had once seen as brothers – farther and farther away, ever since Regulus's death… it was truly a miracle. He could hold that little boy in his arms for the rest of his life and it would be enough… Hell, he could only imagine how James and Lily felt. Harry was their son, after all.

_"Muffliato,"_ James whispered as he led Lily outside. He already knew he'd look strange if he associated with his wife in anyway at all while she was under the cloak – it wasn't large enough to cover them both with their baby – but at least he could prevent the rest of the community from overhearing their whispers and any sounds Harry might make. He had already cried earlier that morning and James had reluctantly awoken Lily so she could feed him. Now they were all awake and explored Hogsmeade with such renewed fascination they might have been thirteen years old again, exploring the magical village for the very first time.

They didn't stay out for long, however. Lily grew tired much faster than she would have cared to admit and, more to the point, Harry fell asleep. Beneath that invisibility cloak, she had been holding him so close as she walked that, before she knew it, he had closed his eyes, trusting her to keep him safe as all babies trusted their mothers. Lily didn't know why, but that touched her more so than anything else had up until now and she was the one who started crying, much to James's consternation. Trying to comfort her without realizing she was already comforted, he led her back to the house while praying no one would see, stare, and question.

As they walked up the path to their front door, Remus suddenly burst outside, having clearly been waiting for them, and he ran towards his best friend with a look of distress on his face. "Funny story, mate. I know you said 'no guests' and everything, but then Dumbledore came back." Lily stifled a sob and both James and Remus looked in her direction. Remus frowned before turning on his fellow wizard. "Is she crying? Why is she crying? What did you do?" James opened his mouth to object, but before he could, Remus stepped towards Lily, sought her out, and took her in his arms, leading her towards the house. "Come on, Lily, it's all right, you don't need to cry."

"It's not that," she assured him, her voice trembling as they past through the door and stepped inside. James followed quickly, closing the door behind them while Remus helped Lily pull off the cloak. She held out Harry, who was fast asleep. "Look at him. He feels safe enough with me to sleep, even when we're out in the great, big, unknown world." She started crying again, holding her son close to her heart. It was only then that she noticed Frank, Sirius, and, sure enough, Professor Dumbledore, standing in the hall with them while listening intently.

Frank nodded his head, elbowing James. "Not to worry, mate. She just gave birth. It's hormones."

"Lily…" Professor Dumbledore was staring at Harry as if he had never seen a baby before in his entire life. And then he shook his head, as if waking from some kind of trance. "You should not have gone outside. Come in and sit down." James and his friends all started, taking that as their cue to jump forward and help Lily into the parlor. Alice was there, sitting on the sofa while gazing lovingly at Neville, whom she held in her arms, and as Remus urged the younger witch to join her, Sirius almost greedily took Harry into his. Meanwhile, Professor Dumbledore stood before them all, concern and disapproval vying for the greatest portion of his countenance. Lily wiped her eyes as James sat next to her; for some reason, they both felt like schoolchildren again, facing their Headmaster's wrath.

"If this is about that prophecy thing, sir, the least you could do is give them credit for being cautious enough to use their invisibility cloak," Sirius cut into the silence, quick to speak on behalf of his friends – the parents of his godson. Professor Dumbledore glanced at him, but his gaze inevitably fell to the child in his arms. Before he could respond, however, Alice glanced sharply at her husband.

"What prophecy?"

Frank sighed, but there was no way to avoid answering. She had a right to know, after all. She was Neville's mother. "Apparently, there's been a prophecy that foretells the birth of a boy who has enough power to defeat Voldemort. That's why he's after Neville. The boy in the prophecy has to be born at the end of July to parents who have escaped Voldemort three times. Like us and apparently like James and Lily."

Alice frowned, glancing at Neville in surprise before turning towards the other witch. "You've escaped Voldemort three times?" Lily nodded weakly, staring at her feet. Why must these conversations always circle back around to that particular detail? She didn't like to think about it and didn't want it to ruin the most beautiful, perfect day she had ever seen. It wasn't fair. But unfortunately, that wasn't relevant. None of this could be ignored; it was by far too crucial.

"I'm afraid our situation has long since grown past the need for mere caution, Mr. Black," Professor Dumbledore said wearily, turning apologetically towards James. "If Voldemort learns that your son was born prematurely, he will take it as a sign that fate has intervened to fulfill its prophecy. He will target your family. It is folly to rely on such an old invisibility cloak." He smiled humorlessly. "You've had it since your first year at Hogwarts, James. I understand how important it must be to you. But it will start losing its power soon. It will grow opaque and-"

"No it won't," James interrupted, looking slightly insulted. He stood up abruptly and grabbed the cloak from Remus, holding it in his arms as if no other garment in the entire world could be half as precious. He glared at Professor Dumbledore. "Pardon me, sir, but this cloak has literally been in my family for generations, more generations than I can count, and it has never let any of us down; not when it really mattered." The old wizard frowned, but James wasn't done yet. "I'd trust this old cloak with my family any day of the week! It'd be folly relying on anything else! Here, take a look if you don't believe me!" He thrust it out towards the Headmaster, who stared down at it hesitantly, but also in curious amazement. Slowly, almost tenderly, he took it in his hands while James gave a proud smirk. "You tell me. Does it look like its losing power and growing opaque?"

Professor Dumbledore took a deep breath, turning the cloak over in his trembling hands. "Can it be?" He stared at it intently, as if falling into another trance. After a few minutes, he returned it to James, looking quite ashen. "I apologize. It seems you would know better than I."

"Thank you," James said, wrapping his arms up in the cloak so that they were both invisible. Professor Dumbledore gazed at it for a moment longer and appeared to have great difficulty looking away, just as Lily was having great difficulty looking away from Harry, who still slept contentedly in Sirius's arms. No one spoke; it seemed they all had something to think about. Such silent thoughts, however, could not last, for there was a reason Professor Dumbledore had returned to Hogsmeade and it now involved two newborn babies instead of one.

"Might I see Harry?" he asked, turning to Sirius, who only gave him up reluctantly. Lily glanced at the old wizard attentively, unblinking as he held her son and caressed his face. Smiling softly, he then turned and placed the child carefully in her arms. "You are very fortunate, my dear. A month premature and yet he appears to be as healthy as can be desired. How do you feel?"

Lily smiled gratefully, her tears returning. "Better than I've ever felt in my entire life." A burst of excitement suddenly erupted within her and she glanced around the room at her constantly growing family. "We have to tell people. Petunia! I have to write her. And Peter. He'll want to know too." She made to get up, but James caught her arm while Sirius and Remus both leapt in front of her.

"Wow, easy there, Lil," James urged her back down and smiled uncomfortably when she looked at him with pain-filled eyes. "We can't just tell anyone. If word gets out, we'll have Death Eaters on our doorstep in a bloody heartbeat. Can you wait just a few more weeks before sharing the big news?" If the world thought Harry was born in August, it just might save him from Voldemort. But Lily shook her head, frowning.

"Do you have any idea how quickly babies grow?" she demanded, looking down at Harry who seemed so small and fragile. How much bigger would he be in just a week? And how much more beautiful? She smiled blissfully, imagining what color his eyes would be and what shape they would have in just a few months' time, but then remembered what she was supposed to be talking about. She looked back up at James quickly. "No one would believe us if we tried convincing them that a one month old baby is actually a day old. And then they'd ask themselves why we'd lie about something like that. It would look suspicious."

"You never know," James objected, feeling slightly thick. "How much do you think Voldemort knows about babies?" Surely there couldn't be that much of a size difference… It was just a month, after all! "I mean… he doesn't exactly strike me as the fatherly type…" He glanced at Sirius and Remus, looking for help.

"If it would make you feel any better," Sirius put in quickly. "I've already told Peter. We talked via the…" He trailed off, glancing at Professor Dumbledore nervously. "Via the… twowaymirror. _Ahem_!" He faked a cough, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand while his old Headmaster raised an eyebrow. "Anyway, that's one less person you need to tell, Lily. Who's that leave? Petunia?" He forced out a laugh. "Aw, if it's just Petunia, you don't have to tell her right away! She's the one who wants to take this whole reconciliation thing slowly, isn't she? Make her wait. No big deal." James groaned, shaking his head while Lily glared at her son's godfather.

"Yes, maybe I'll do that," she said through gritted teeth. "Seriously, though, I want to protect Harry as much as any of you, but is this really the kind of information you can hide from Voldemort? Like it or not, I'm not going to just hide him in the attic and pretend he doesn't exist." She was looking at her husband, but from the corner of her eye, she thought she saw Professor Dumbledore turn his head. "Sooner or later, he's gonna need a birth certificate. He's gonna need check-ups at the hospital. We have to buy more baby clothes and baby food and bottles and diapers and everything else we might need. Voldemort will figure it out, even if no one tells him. We have to give him that much credit. So instead of wasting our time trying to convince the world I'm still pregnant, let's strategize how best to protect him."

"Yeah, but I still don't think keeping it secret, at least for now, would hurt any," James objected. When Lily glared at him, he held up his hands peaceably. "Trust me, I wanna boast about my son every bit as much as you do, Lil, but we've gotta be smart about this. That's why you wore the invisibility cloak out there, remember?"

"I guess that means I can't boast about Neville either, huh," Alice gently rocked her baby while gazing forlornly at her husband.

"Oh, no, you can," Remus assured her, clearly trying to be helpful. He nodded earnestly when the rest of the room all turned to stare at him. "Voldemort already knows you were due in July. It would only look suspicious if you _didn't_ boast…" He trailed off when he saw the envy on Lily's face. Harry was her son; she was proud of him! She didn't want to hide him from her friends and family. Remus took a deep breath, shrugged his shoulders, and then crossed his arms awkwardly. "Or, you know, you could pretend Neville was late. Then we could say both kids were born in August. Whatever works."

"Could we hide out at Hogwarts?" Frank asked, glancing hopefully at Professor Dumbledore. The castle was, after all, the one place Voldemort had never been able to penetrate and with the one wizard he feared above everyone else protecting it, they would all be safe there.

Professor Dumbledore, however, shook his head. "If you do recall, Lily, as a sixth year, you suggested we turn Hogwarts into a haven for the younger students. Though they are on their summer holiday, many of them remain at the castle and any one of them might, accidentally or intentionally, let certain information slip. I think it would be best, for the moment, if the Longbottoms left with me. I know of a suitable hiding place where Neville should be safe. In the meantime, Lily, stay inside where no one can see you and wait to speak of Harry's birth, for his own protection."

"Can't I just…?" she glanced around the room imploringly, but as her friends were all shaking their heads, she sighed in disgust. "Fine." In that case, she'd have more time to bond with her son, just the two of them. And, if necessary, at least she could still count on Sirius and Remus to baby-sit so she could spend an evening with James.

"Frank, Alice, if you would…" Professor Dumbledore gestured towards the door. Getting to their feet, Alice handed Frank the baby and gave Lily a large embrace, careful not to crush Harry in the process. They both started crying as they said goodbye, and Lily thanked her for coaching her through her labor. Alice was one of the best friends she could have ever asked for and it seemed cruel they couldn't stick together when they had already been through so much. What more would they have to go through before they could raise their children in peace?

After the men shook hands, Frank put on his traveling cloak and hunched over while Professor Dumbledore placed another Disillusionment Charm on Alice. They started towards the door, but before he opened it, Professor Dumbledore glanced quickly back over his shoulder. "James!" His blue eyes scanned the parlor until they locked onto the invisibility cloak that had since been casually draped over the sofa.

"Yes, sir?" James asked, frowning slightly as the old wizard stared at the cloak with an expression surprisingly similar to a thirsty man staring at a cup of water. It was almost one of longing. But then he shook his head, glancing at James apologetically.

"That cloak is impressive, my boy," he said quietly. "Keep it close to your family." Without waiting for a response, he opened the door and led the Longbottoms outside, much to the confusion of those who remained.

**ooooooo**

"And where do you think you're going?" Rita Skeeter, a short-haired, blonde reporter who dressed, in Peter's opinion, quite exquisitely, with her magenta robes and jeweled spectacles, presently followed him as he walked out of the office. Despite everything, he couldn't help but grin. His column was gaining more and more of the editor's attention and his main rival, Rita, was starting to get alarmed. Wouldn't Padfoot be impressed?

He paused, glancing over his shoulder. "Skeeter, if I didn't know any better, I'd say you were spying on me. What's wrong? Can't get a good scoop by yourself?"

"Oh, I have my ways," she assured him, crossing her arms while sticking out her waist. She looked him up and down, shaking her head in dislike. "I'm just surprised by how enthusiastic you seem after having missed out on the-"

"Look, Skeeter, I'd love to talk," Peter interrupted, waving his hand dismissively, much to her astonishment. "But suffice it to say I've got something more important to attend to! A friend of mine just had her-" He stopped short, choking on his last word. Rita sneered, but Peter had known her long enough to recognize even her subtle nosiness. She was interested. "Anyway, I've got to go. See you tomorrow, Skeeter!" And with that, he took off towards the stairs.

It was a fine day outside and Peter enjoyed it immensely, picturing Harry in his beautiful mother's arms. Padfoot had said they were both fine; even though they were a month ahead of schedule, they were as healthy as could be. Therefore, celebrations were in order and Peter all but skipped to the nearest supermarket. Despite his considerable lack of experience dealing with muggles, Prongs had shown him how to transfigure Galleons into pounds and suggested always giving the cashier as much as he had, so he wouldn't come up short. Then, it would be the cashier's job to work out the difference. "I promise you, mate, it always works."

After finding and purchasing a pre-made chocolate cake, Peter walked out into the busy car park and glanced around for someplace relatively isolated where he could Apparate to Hogsmeade. Wouldn't Lily be surprised? He couldn't wait to see her. Why did he have to be the only employed Marauder? Sure, Prongs was still an Auror, but he was also Harry's dad, which made a difference. Peter wouldn't get to spend half as much time with the baby as Padfoot and Moony!

Walking around to the back of the supermarket, where there was only an empty alleyway and no one else at hand, Peter prepared to Disapparate. He still wasn't quite as good at it, or nearly as confident, as Prongs and Padfoot were; what if he splinched? It always took him a few moments to collect himself and gather the necessary deliberation.

_"Stupefy!"_

Peter barely had time to turn his head and observe an enormous, moustached wizard seemingly step out of thin air – a Disillusionment Charm? – and aim his wand. The attack struck him down swiftly and the last thing he saw before slipping into unconsciousness was the wizard pressing his finger against his forearm…

**ooooooo**

When Peter awoke, he was hanging in the air, upside down, his arms bound tightly to his sides by a thick, prickly rope. He moaned inadvertently, his head throbbing painfully. Where was he? A forest, it seemed. The trees were large and the ground was covered by shrubs, roots, and dead leaves. In the distance, he could hear the mighty current of what had to be a very large river, but that quickly faded into the background when he noticed the Death Eater who had attacked him sitting on a stump, eating the chocolate cake he had so recently purchased for the Potters. "Hey, what's the big idea?"

The Death Eater looked up at him and snarled derisively. Peter gulped; he needed to remind himself Prongs and Padfoot weren't here to save his skin. Maybe badgering the man wasn't such a good idea. "He's awake, my Lord." Peter's blood turned to ice. Suddenly inexplicably cold, he watched helplessly as a black robed, pale faced, snakelike wizard approached them through the trees.

"Ah, yes, at last," he said in a high, clear voice that stopped Peter's heart from beating. There was no doubt whatsoever in his mind who it was standing before him now and if he didn't die of fright, that would truly be saying something. What did he want? "Forgive me for not reviving you earlier, Mr. Pettigrew, but I am a busy man who made good use of his time while waiting for you to recover." He smiled cruelly and suddenly Peter's heart was beating again, much faster than normal. "I happen to be a fan of yours," he continued maliciously. "Of course, I plan on owning the _Daily Prophet_ and could certainly use a reporter such as yourself, but that is aside the point."

"What do you want?" Peter squealed, his voice much whinier, much more pathetic, than Padfoot's ever would have been. He could see amusement on the gluttonous Death Eater's face and even on Voldemort's.

"I have heard from a very reliable source, Mr. Pettigrew, that you are a good friend of James Potter's," he drawled, walking in a slow, predatory circle around Peter's upside down, suspended body. "I was hoping to discuss him with you. As a reporter, I'm sure you understand. I need to research and you can help me."

"Now?" Peter asked weakly, which apparently warranted a laugh.

"Actually, I meant to conduct this interview months ago," Voldemort told him, twirling a wand in his fingers. "The source I spoke of earlier, I'm sure you know him, Severus Snape? He referred me to you, implying you'd be the easiest of Potter's friends to get a hold of. Being the busy man that I am, however, I sent Travers here to fetch you. Unfortunately for him, you have proven yourself rather elusive. I trust you follow the Ministry's security guidelines to a T?" Peter nodded. He didn't know why, he just couldn't help it and Voldemort didn't seem at all surprised. "I thought so. But you let your guard down today, didn't you? Walking into an empty alleyway? Failing to Disapparate as quickly as you could? Tut-tut-tut."

Peter felt his face turning red. Not only was he scared and humiliated, but blood was rushing to his brain and he felt like his head was about to explode. "Please… I can't tell you anything… I don't know anything… please let me go!"

Voldemort sighed, shaking his head as if in disappointment. "Really, Mr. Pettigrew, how trite. I believe I mentioned just how busy I am, today in particular. You know, a very special boy was born to the Longbottoms yesterday and I have yet to offer my congratulations. And clearly you had plans for this afternoon yourself!" He gestured towards the half eaten cake his Death Eater, Travers, was still devouring. "Now, the sooner you cooperate with me, my friend, the sooner we can both be on our way."

"But I don't know-!"

_"Crucio."_

The pain was like nothing Peter had ever experienced before. He could hear himself screaming as his body writhed; it felt like he was being burnt alive! And when it finally ended, all he could do was gasp and cry and pray it never happened again.

"There now, Peter," Voldemort spoke very gently, almost compassionately, if he had known about compassion. "What can you tell me about James Potter so that I need not curse you a second time?"

"Anything!" Peter wailed, despising himself. Maybe it wasn't as bad as he thought. Maybe the Dark Lord wouldn't ask him to betray anyone's trust. Maybe he was just looking for a confirmation or something… Why wasn't he asking anything? Voldemort remained silent, regarding him patiently as if waiting for him to offer up the information. He couldn't… how could he? But that curse… it had been like the worst of both fire and ice mixing together to torture him and it had been unbearable! He lost his nerve. "He's a father! His son was born early this morning! His name's Harry!"

"Really?" Voldemort whispered, taking a step closer to him. He held up his wand, _"Crucio,"_ and Peter screamed even before the curse hit him. A few seconds later, the dark wizard lifted it and said: "I thought my dear Lily was not to give birth until August. Do you think it wise, perhaps courageous, to lie to me, Peter?"

"It's not a lie!" he cried, utterly petrified and nearly broken, if not broken already. "That's why… that's why I bought the cake! It was to celebrate! Yes, Harry's a month early, but that… but that happens sometimes! Premature babies…"

Voldemort considered him for a moment and then seemed satisfied. He glanced at the Death Eater sitting on the tree stump, who looked back up at him attentively. "Travers, find Severus and ask him to investigate this for me. I must visit the Longbottoms, but if our friend here speaks the truth, it will mean I was right all along about this whole affair."

"Yes, my Lord," Travers dumped the cake onto the ground, bent down to his knees, kissed his master's robes, stood back up, and Disapparated.

Once they were alone, Voldemort glanced back at Peter, who had since been reduced to a crying, sniveling, upside down wimp. He smiled triumphantly. "I do not believe you are lying, which I suppose places me in your debt." He chuckled coldly, a sound that would no doubt haunt Peter for the rest of his life – if he even survived this, that was. "I shall let you go now, Peter, until such time that I have decided how best to repay you for your services." It was not meant to be reassuring and Peter was not at all comforted.

Voldemort waved his wand quite carelessly and the younger wizard fell in a heap on the ground, the ropes that restrained him dissipating like smoke. He flinched as the Dark Lord then proceeded to step away from him and a split second later, he had vanished from the spot altogether.

**ooooooo**

**A/N:** Please review. I appreciate it.


	139. Poetic Justice

**ooooooo**

It seemed quieter, almost empty, in the house now that the Longbottoms had gone. Lily found that she truly missed their company, especially Alice's, and even though her attention was centered completely on her son, she longed for another female presence, another mature male, and another baby for Harry to be friends with. The fact that she was stuck inside the house, forbidden to write to Petunia, Isabelle, and all her other friends, certainly didn't help. She hated this war.

July was ending. Standing beside a window, holding Harry in her arms – he was so precious, she couldn't bear letting him out of her sight – she gazed outside, watching the sky darken over Hogsmeade as the sun dipped down below the mountains. The village seemed so peaceful. James had, thankfully, bought a house quite far from the Hog's Head, so even after nightfall, it was rare seeing anyone of real disrepute from her window. Lily loved living there; somehow, she felt closer to her parents and, more importantly, it was where she had first begun to accept who she was. Hogsmeade… she could easily spend the rest of her life there and could honestly think of no better place to raise Harry. But then the entire world changed.

A loud pop tore through the village street like a small explosion. Lily screamed while James, Sirius, and Remus all shot towards various windows on that side of the house, grabbing their wands as they glanced outside. Someone had Apparated into Hogsmeade, a short, heavyset man who immediately collapsed onto the ground, bleeding profusely.

"He splinched!" Lily gasped, breaking for the kitchen. The sudden, graceless motion upset Harry, who immediately started to cry, but there wasn't time to soothe him. Outside, there was a man missing body parts! She had to find her Essence of Dittany bottles and whatever else she had on hand to help the poor wizard!

"That's Wormtail!" Remus shouted from the parlor. Lily froze, her heart literally stopping even as three pairs of footsteps pounded towards the door. Harry continued to cry, but at that moment, the only thing she heard were Remus' words echoing in her mind. Wormtail? _He_ was the poor wizard who had splinched outside her house? It couldn't be… He was her friend! If he was terribly hurt… she had to help him!

Grabbing every potion bottle she could think of, Lily raced out of the kitchen and towards the front door James, Sirius, and Remus had left wide open in their haste to get outside. She followed them as fast as she could into the street where several other witches and wizards had gathered around to help. Many of them glanced up at her and Harry, clearly astonished, but she heard nothing any of them said as she awkwardly forced her way through. "Peter!"

He was groaning, in extreme agony, while James and Sirius lifted him onto a stretcher someone had conjured. His shirt had been torn open, revealing a massive chest wound and though Remus was already trying to siphon away some of the blood with his wand, it wasn't helping. A witch standing across from James suggested taking him to the Three Broomsticks. "I heard Rosmerta say a Healer's staying there! Maybe he can help!"

"I have dittany!" Lily exclaimed, holding out the bottles she carried in her right arm. As James, Sirius, and Remus all turned to face her in unbridled horror, however, each of her potions slipped from her grasp and spilled onto the ground. She automatically backed away from them, switching Harry to her now free arm as she looked down at them in dismay. Why was she so clumsy?

"Here, let me," an older, middle-aged wizard bent down and scooped up the potion bottles. Upon righting himself, he glanced at Harry before offering Lily a weak smile. "Congratulations, Mrs. Potter." She stared at him for a moment, whispered her thanks, and then turned back to Peter. His body was starting to twitch, he was losing too much blood, he needed help! Why had he Apparated here? He was never very good at Apparition. He should have known better!

"Remus!" James shouted as Sirius levitated the stretcher. Several other wizards stepped forward to help direct it towards the Three Broomsticks, including the man who had taken Lily's potions, but before she could even attempt to follow, Remus stepped in front of her and caught her arm.

"It's okay, Lily," he gently assured her, steering her back towards her house. She had started shaking uncontrollably and Harry was still crying, so she couldn't resist him at all. In her mind, she kept picturing Peter, dear Peter, bleeding, possibly dying, and she hated herself for not being able to help.

Everyone was looking at her. She could feel dozens of sets of eyes glancing back and forth between her and Peter before ultimately resting on her. She was a mother! That was a newborn baby in her arms! When had she given birth? Lily felt tears welling up in her eyes as Remus guided her into the house. He shut the door behind him, locked it, and then took Harry, urging her to lie down. "It's gonna be all right, Lily," he promised her as she collapsed on the sofa. "If there's a Healer at the Three Broomsticks, Peter'll be good as new in no time at all! James'll make sure of it!" Neither one of them, however, dared to address the other, equally pressing, issue. Lily had been seen outside with Harry by a number of witnesses. There was no hiding the fact that she had given birth now. She was such a fool and she could understand why her son was crying.

**ooooooo**

Word of Harry's birth swept through Hogsmeade like wildfire. It followed James all the way to the Three Broomsticks, where he and Sirius set Peter's stretcher onto an empty table while Madam Rosmerta ran upstairs to fetch the Healer – an old, white-haired wizard who wore a thick, lime green cloak despite the summer heat. He was, however, quick on his feet and thanked the man who offered him several bottles of different potions that would definitely help put his patient back together.

It was serious business and rarely did anyone ever see James Potter quite that upset. His back was rigid, his expression grave, and no one even considered asking him about his son. It clearly wasn't the time.

One wizard, however, cloaked in black, hidden by the shadow of an enormous hood, could not have cared less about Peter Pettigrew's injuries. He had been ordered to investigate this Harry Potter, whose birth had him so infuriated he could hardly keep from shaking. The only thing that kept him from lunging for the father's neck, demanding an explanation, was the appreciation he had for his enemies' hatred of him. Potter and Black would both willingly, possibly even eagerly, turn their wands on him and, without hesitation, blast him into oblivion before he could so much as open his mouth if he made his presence known. And even if he dared confront them, dared fight them, and dared defeat them, he would then have to face every other witch and wizard standing in the Three Broomsticks, most of whom were not Death Eaters. No. For now, it was best that he lie low.

Turning, Severus Snape left the village pub as silently and inconspicuously as he had entered. The sun had set long ago and he found it easy to blend in with the growing shadows, all the while cursing beneath his breath. How could Lily have given birth? How was it possible? The Dark Lord was supposed to go after the Longbottoms; _they_ meant nothing! But now there was no denying Harry's existence. Too many people had seen him. Severus couldn't lie about it, no matter how gifted he was at Occlumency. The Dark Lord always knew… The damn prophecy foretold a child's birth, He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named said it meant Lily, and clearly he was right. After all, what were the chances that she, a woman who had, along with her husband, already defied the Dark Lord three times, would give birth to a son prematurely so that he could enter the world as the seventh month died? It was too coincidental. Far too coincidental.

"Damn it!" He hated this place and for the first time in years, he found it difficult controlling his fury. He wanted nothing more than to take his wand and blast the entire street to smithereens. Restraining himself was suffocating. It was his fault. He knew it was his fault. Wasn't he the one who prided himself on understanding the nature of fate and prophecies? Wasn't he the one who silently criticized the Dark Lord for believing it simple to interpret and manipulate them? And wasn't he the one who then sent Lily a poison that would incapacitate her long enough to prevent her from conceiving a child that would be born in July? How arrogant, how hypocritical, how stupid did that make him? She might never have gotten pregnant if he hadn't tried helping her! And if he hadn't tried helping her, she would not have given birth a month early, practically confirming the Dark Lord's suspicions regarding her son. It was all his fault!

His knuckles were white and the wand he held tightly in his hand shook uncontrollably. The world felt like it was spinning, but he was too angry to feel dizzy. There was a weight in his chest, it felt like a monster, constantly growing larger as it either crushed or devoured his inner organs. The rage he felt was like nothing Hogsmeade had ever seen before. Darkness radiated out of him, out of his wand, and proceeded to spread away from him in every possible direction, no doubt setting off Sneakoscopes throughout the village. If Dumbledore or Moody were anywhere nearby, they'd sense that darkness, for it was a form of magic itself, and they'd know where to find him, but it didn't matter. Nothing mattered. Protecting Lily was the only thing he had ever truly cared about and now she was in more danger than ever before. Even if the Dark Lord chose not to kill her for whatever reason, if she lost her son, it would break her heart.

Severus kept walking until he was out of Hogsmeade. Too crazed to know, or even care, where he was going, he plowed past trees and over small hills until fatigue finally wore him down. He could barely breathe, his lungs were burning, and through it all, he could hear Lily's voice, see her face, feel her hands, the only girl, the only person, in the entire world who had ever shown him any real consideration.

What had he done?

**ooooooo**

Hours passed and before long it was midnight. July had officially given way to August and neither James nor Sirius had returned from the Three Broomsticks. Word, however, was sent periodically, assuring them that Peter would make a full recovery. Lily wanted to go see him, but Remus told her to stay inside. "James and Sirius won't let anything happen to Wormtail," he promised her. "And think what he's going through. He splinched trying to Apparate here. He must be incredibly embarrassed. Give him some time, Lil. Everything's gonna be all right."

She couldn't see how anything would be all right. Professor Dumbledore would be furious when he found out all of Hogsmeade knew she was a mother. He had told her to stay inside, but how could she when one of her best friends was bleeding in the street? She didn't regret trying to help him, for how could she not? It was Peter! The only thing she regretted was the fear she had no doubt caused everyone. It was doubtful they'd be safe here anymore. They'd have to leave. James was going to be so worried.

Pacing around her bedroom, for Remus had urged her to try getting some sleep while he looked after Harry, Lily wished there was something more she could do. Despite the damage her recklessness had already done, she hated being stuck here. She was tired, exhausted really, but she couldn't sleep and didn't like thinking of herself as useless. She wanted to check up on Peter. How had things gone so wrong?

Returning to the window, Lily fell to her knees and buried her head in her arms, which she rested on the sill. She wondered where the Longbottoms were and if they were having as much trouble as she was. Why did everything seemed to ache so?

Something in the shadows suddenly moved outside. Lily froze, lifting her head only high enough to get a better view. Through the windowpane, she could barely make out the shape of a cloaked man walking towards her house. Death Eater? Wait… He wasn't walking so much as he was stumbling… and zigzagging. He couldn't manage a straight line. Seconds later, he fell to his hands and knees.

Lily sat straight up. The curtain slid back into place, momentarily covering the window and everything that lay beyond. Her heart was pounding in both apprehension and pity. She didn't think the man was drunk, but couldn't imagine why anyone would ever behave this way otherwise. Maybe he was hurt… Carefully holding back the curtain, she glanced down at the stranger just in time to watch him lower his hood and raise his head. He seemed grief-stricken. His expression was twisted, tormented, and though he failed to see her watching him, he almost seemed to be waiting for something in resignation. He just sat there, staring at her house, as if lost and defeated, waiting for the end.

She knew him. It had been difficult to tell at first, through the darkness and at such a distance, but the longer he sat there, the longer she watched him, the more she recognized him. It had been over two years and he had changed considerably, but no, there wasn't any doubt in her mind. It was Severus Snape.

Getting to her feet, grabbing her husband's invisibility cloak off the bed, where she had tossed it upon walking up the stairs, Lily made her way out of the room. Remus was in the parlor standing by the fireplace. He didn't hear her come down and because she had hidden herself in the cloak, he had no way of knowing she was there. He seemed lost in his thoughts, staring into the warm, crackling flames while holding Harry protectively in his arms. Seeing her child made Lily hesitate, but Remus would take care of him and the anguished look on Severus's face would haunt her forever if she didn't go. He needed help…

As quietly as she could, she crept to the front door. Turning the handle, she opened it slowly and, to her relief, it made not a sound. Slipping outside and closing it again, just as quietly, she turned around only to discover an abandoned street.

No, wait…

He was there, on his feet again, stumbling towards the edge of town. Lily's heart reached out to him and though her mind objected, telling her only a fool would follow, she couldn't just ignore the expression he had worn. They had gone to school together! She still remembered their first year, when he had tried befriending her. Of course, she also remembered their fifth year, when he had called her a mudblood, but if she judged him for that, then she would also have to judge James and Sirius for treating him so poorly all those years ago. Severus was a friend… maybe not a good friend or a close friend or even an ally… but she knew him and the expression she had seen on his face… it had been sincere.

**ooooooo**

How was it possible to feel this way? Grief? Remorse? He had been so angry before; how could such fury mutate into something like this? He wasn't the kind of man who gave into such pain, but the more he fought the urge to destroy Hogsmeade from top to bottom, the more he felt like breaking himself. What was the point of it all? If he couldn't even protect Lily, what good was he? His entire life, he had been inadequate. He couldn't compete with Potter. He was a half-blood who had only ever truly excelled in the Dark Arts. Joining He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named had merely been an attempt to find a place where no one would ever dare humiliate him, where he could command the respect he always assumed he deserved. But was Lily the cost?

He couldn't bear it any longer. Torturing muggles and mudbloods had never been his desire. If he had wanted to kill, he would have actively sought out the Dark Lord, but he had waited until the great wizard came to him, promising answers, enlightenment, purification, but not _this_. He never wanted _this_. He should have realized long ago that there could never have been a different outcome. He was at fault because, ironically, he had been the naïve one after all. So what was the point of any of it?

Finding no respite outside her house and losing his nerve waiting for Potter – Potter would have had no problem ending it – Severus once again made his way out of Hogsmeade. This time, he knew where he was going and did not stop until he got there. The Shrieking Shack. The most haunted place in Britain. Who truly believed such garbage? A house that size could not possibly have been more haunted than Hogwarts!

For a moment, Severus could hardly breathe as he stared up at the old, rundown hovel. Haunted or not, the very thought of the place had tormented him for years. He should have died there… Black had sent him after Lupin, a bloody werewolf, who would have killed him had it not been for Potter. Damn Potter. If he only had the strength, the resolve, that Black possessed, he would have let the werewolf slaughter him. How much damage had Potter's weakness, cowardliness, caused? It was his fault, really. If Severus had died that day… he would never have joined the Dark Lord, he would never have overheard that prophecy, and Lily's son would not be in such grave danger.

He couldn't fix this. There wasn't anyway out. Not for the first time, Severus felt trapped, cornered, pathetic, and helpless. But this time, he didn't just want a way out… this time, he wanted it to end.

Poetic justice. That was all he could hope for now.

Pushing past the gate, he made his way up to the shack's front steps, climbed the warped wood, and crossed over to the door. Unsurprisingly, it was boarded shut, no doubt to keep in the werewolf, but he forced entry easily enough and proceeded into the front hall.

It did not take long to find the room he desired. He could see the tiny little gap on the floor that led into the tunnel… the tunnel that stretched all the way from the Whomping Willow back at Hogwarts. This was the room where he would have died all those years ago and this was the room where he would breathe his last tonight.

Crumpling once again to his knees, Severus reached into his robes and fished out a single glass vial. It was dark green, which made the potion inside look black. Potions… once upon a time, they had given him the greatest pleasure in the world, for it was while brewing them that he got to spend time with Lily Evans. Since leaving Hogwarts, in his quest to learn the darkest of arts, he had forgotten all about that. He had tried to forget her… and he had failed.

Pulling the stopper off the vial, he drank the potion quickly, before he could lose his nerve, as he had outside Potter's house. And that was the end of it. There was no antidote. The poison would kill him – perhaps not quickly, but at least it wouldn't hurt. All he had to do now was wait to fall asleep and then he would never wake up. Not painful at all. No reason to be afraid. Did that make him stronger than the Dark Lord?

Lying down, Severus rolled onto his back and stared up at the ceiling. So much dust… so many cobwebs… the last things he would ever see.

There came a sound from the doorway and when Severus turned his head, he watched silently as Lily literally appeared out of thin air, a watery cloak falling to the ground at her feet. She looked even more beautiful than he remembered, like an angel stepping towards him with tears in her eyes. He wanted to tell her not to cry, not on his behalf, but he was too shaken by her unexpected presence to speak at all.

"What have you done, Severus?" she asked softly, kneeling down next to him and gently taking the green vial from his grasp. She poured the remainder of the poison onto her hand, took a moment to examine it, and then threw the vial across the room, looking down at him in horror. "Why? Why would you…?" She covered her mouth, as if to keep from choking on her sobs.

He smiled weakly, his body relaxing considerably. "Lily," he whispered, for he could speak no louder. "You care too much."

She nodded slowly, her tears making her beautiful green eyes glisten brightly. "That's old news, Severus. Apparently, I'm cursed." She reached for his hands and squeezed them both affectionately. "It didn't have to be this way. It _doesn't_ have to be this way."

"Maybe," he said, closing his eyes. "But no one taught me how to hope, Lily." After all, he never would have dreamed she'd be here like this, holding his hands, sitting beside him, comforting him as he died. It was more than he deserved. It was more than he would have ever asked for.

**ooooooo**

**A/N:** I know, I know, this is not what happened in Deathly Hallows, but I've been wanting to write this scene for an extremely long time now. I guess that's why it's called fanfiction. Anyway, please review! I appreciate it.


	140. Atonement

**ooooooo**

_"But no one taught me how to hope…"_

How could one live nearly twenty years without hope? Lily trembled, unable to see through her tears. She had just… she had just stood there, watching him drink that poison. She had let him poison himself! Why hadn't she stopped him? She could have saved him! She _would_ have saved him, had she known… but how could she know he was poisoning himself? It wasn't until he had rolled onto his back and, lying there, stared up at the ceiling, once again waiting in clear resignation, that she had realized something was wrong. The potion hadn't just been a potion, it had been poison! And now he was going to die…

"No," Lily said, wiping her eyes dry with the back of her hand. "No. Forget it. I've already lost too many people, Severus. I'm not letting you die the day after my son's birth!" He couldn't answer her, for the poison was already taking effect and he had fallen unconscious. It was clearly the easy way to go. He didn't seem to be in any pain. He looked like he was just sleeping. Peacefully.

Lily whimpered. She was tired, she missed Harry, and it just… it seemed so hopeless. So very hopeless. Was this how he had felt every single day of his life? This despair? Damn it. Fate couldn't be this cruel! Despite everything she had endured up until now, despite the prophecy that seemed to condemn her son, she still wasn't ready to believe the world was really like this. It was supposed to be better. She had been told that on the darkest nights, the stars shined brightest. She had been told that beauty can't truly be appreciated without flaws. She had always been taught to hope. Why had Severus been so neglected? It wasn't fair!

"No," she said again, her voice unyielding, uncompromising. "My son will not grow up in a world without hope!" Severus had excelled at potions and had always been prepared for everything. If he carried around poisons like this, surely he carried around antidotes as well. Or if not antidotes, then bezoars. Something that might at least help slow down the process.

She leaned over him and reached into his robes, fumbling around for pockets. It didn't take her long to find some, but they had each, unfortunately, been magically extended. There were literally dozens of different potions, bottles, vials, and cases of herbs and plants for her to choose from. How on earth did he ever find the things he needed at a moment's notice? It was, to say the least, extremely frustrating.

"That's it," Lily spat, grabbing her wand impatiently. She aimed at his robes. _"Accio bezoar!"_ A tiny stone immediately shot towards her and she caught it gracefully. Without pausing to catch her breath, she forced open Severus's mouth and shoved it in. Despite being unconscious, he swallowed cooperatively, much to Lily's relief. She relaxed, if only for a second, wiping the sweat off her face and pulling back her hair, but then she noticed the mark on his arm.

Half concealed by a flowing sleeve, there was nevertheless no mistaking it. Lily gasped, horrified, disgusted, not by Severus, but merely by the mark. Voldemort's mark. A black skull with a snake slithering out of its mouth. She had seen it before, hovering in the sky, but to see it now, like this, on Severus's arm… She covered her mouth again, shaking her head. Death Eaters weren't exactly known for committing suicide. What horrors had Severus been put through, that it would come to this? She couldn't even begin to imagine…

_"Mobilicorpus,"_ she said, aiming her wand at him again. Invisible strings seemed to pull his body upright and as Lily sat there, gazing up at him, she tried to understand. They had been in the Slug Club together. They had brewed potions together. All in all, she had spent more time with him back at school than she had with anyone else outside her house. He had helped sneak Slytherin first years into her tutorials when other Slytherins would have objected. Yes, he had called her a mudblood once, but she didn't blame him for that. Back then, compared to James at least, he had always been more of a gentleman. Enigmatic and aloof, maybe, but not cruel. And even if he had been a bit overenthusiastic about the dark arts, by the time they had left school, Severus just seemed… well… independent. He wasn't anyone's servant, so why had he joined Voldemort?

Getting to her feet, Lily walked back over to where she had dropped James's invisibility cloak. Picking it up, she turned towards Severus and carefully wrapped it around him. Without letting go of his arm, for fear she'd lose him, she guided him towards the tunnel that led to Hogwarts. It was certainly awkward trying to get him down and then guiding him through the underground passage… she hit her head several times on the low, rocky ceiling, but eventually they reached the end.

"You better appreciate the trouble I'm going through for you, Severus," she whispered, reaching her left hand inside the cloak and intertwining her fingers with his. Then, with great difficulty, she climbed upwards and stuck her head out through the gap in the Whomping Willow's roots. Thankfully, the tree didn't seem to notice her and she took that time to glance around for the knot she had heard James speak of in the past. Slapping it with her right hand, she didn't even wait for the tree to stop moving before she hauled herself the rest of the way out and pulled Severus up after her.

It seemed like ages had gone by since she had last stood on Hogwarts grounds. Once she checked to make sure the cloak was still covering Severus completely, she paused to get her bearings. It truly was like stepping backwards in time. Nothing had changed. The forest, the lake, she could see them both even through the darkness. But the castle itself… if anything, it had only grown more spectacular. Breathtaking… Harry would attend school here. Gazing up at the Gryffindor Tower, Lily couldn't help but imagine him dressed in his school robes, possibly playing wizard's chess, possibly with Neville. Or maybe he'd be more like his father, wandering around the corridors after hours…

"He's gonna need the cloak back," she whispered, guiding Severus towards the castle's oaken doors, both of which swung open the moment she climbed up the last step, as if they'd been expecting her. The Entrance Hall that lay beyond was dark and eerily silent. Everyone was supposed to be in bed, after all, and if anyone was expecting her at this hour, it must have been Argus Filch. Praying with every fiber of her being not to run into the old caretaker, Lily made for the stairs that would lead up to Professor Dumbledore's office. If anyone could help Severus now, it would undoubtedly be the Headmaster. Not Madam Pomfrey, not even St. Mungo's Hospital, if the hospital had been in reach. Only the Headmaster.

It had been a long time since Lily had climbed those stairs and, as tired as she was already, the muscles in her legs were soon burning. A part of her envied Severus, who was hovering above the ground unconscious. That must feel nice…

"Bloody hell," she grumbled, wishing for a broomstick or anything at all that would make this trek easier. But, since nothing was available, she found herself relying on silent reveries. Harry… Was he okay with Remus? Did he miss her as much as she missed him? How quickly would eleven years pass? Would it be enough time for her to prepare herself for his sudden absence? Right now, at that exact moment, she was not ready to send him off to school for an entire term and couldn't begin to imagine how she'd ever be ready, even after so many years.

Sirius had no idea how lucky he was, being godfather. He'd probably sneak onto school grounds during weekends and go on adventures with Harry and his friends when they should be sleeping or studying, and it'd be all right, because Sirius wasn't a parent, he was the fun godfather. Harry would probably love spending time with him, even after becoming a teenager. Eleven years… It wasn't enough time!

The stone gargoyle came into sight and Lily paused, still holding Severus by the arm. If anyone was to see her, it would look like she was grasping thin air, but that would certainly be better than trying to explain why she was walking around the castle with an unconscious Death Eater. Particularly this Death Eater. If Professor Slughorn was still at the school, she could try making him understand, but he had retired, so that left Professor Dumbledore. And he wasn't here. The stone gargoyle guarding the entrance to his office looked painfully solid. It would not move unless she had the password, which she didn't. Sirius had been trying to wheedle it out of the Headmaster for months now and for the first time, Lily wished he had succeeded. Why must this be so hard?

"Look," she said, glaring at the gargoyle as if it could hear her. "I just gave birth, I'm sleep deprived, I'm not thinking clearly, I'm not using sound judgment, I'm kind of planning this whole thing out as I go along, can't you just give me a break and let me in?" Someone behind her laughed in genuine amusement and when Lily, horrified, spun around, she found herself gazing up at a tall, pearly-white, luminescent ghost. The Gray Lady. Lily knew right away she was the ghost of Ravenclaw Tower, couldn't imagine what she was doing here, but nevertheless felt suddenly humiliated. That the school's most beautiful, quite possibly eldest, and definitely wisest, inhabitant had discovered her like this, had listened to her desperate plea, and found it laughable, easily turned her face pink. "That's not fair," she said sharply. "I wasn't placed in your house, so you can't fault me for not having 'a ready mind' and all that every second of the day!"

"Then I apologize," the Gray Lady assured her, though looking no less amused. "But I did expect better from you, Miss Evans. Many have said you ought to have been placed in my house." That remark didn't surprise Lily whatsoever. She'd been Head Girl, after all, and she'd been a tutor, she had always loved her studies, and according to Annie and Bridget, two of the Ravenclaws she used to teach, she was remarkably good at working out these nasty little riddles that were, apparently, of some importance to their house.

"Ravenclaw, Slytherin," she presently grumbled. "I've even had friends from Hufflepuff tell me I should've been placed with them! Especially after sixth year. It's like everyone expects everything out of me and then, when I finally leave school and put all that house rivalry stuff behind me, you come along and bring it right back up again. Thanks a lot." She glared resentfully at the Gray Lady, whose amusement suddenly faded. "But this isn't about that. This is actually quite important. I need to see the Headmaster. Do you think you could help me?"

The Gray Lady hesitated, tilting her head slightly as if truly considering the Gryffindor's words. And then, to Lily's surprise, she nodded. "Professor Dumbledore is not in his office, Miss Evans, nor even in the castle, but I shall see what I can do. Wait here." And with that, she turned, the epitome of grace, and glided back down the corridor, her flowing cloak and long, beautiful hair trailing after her like a stream of silvery water.

"Well," Lily said to herself once the ghost had disappeared. "What do you know…" The Gray Lady was said to be the most uncooperative ghost in the castle; even other Ravenclaws often had difficulty convincing her they were worthy of her knowledge and guidance. Somehow, without even realizing it, Lily must have said the right thing. But now she had to wait… and she didn't know how long she could afford to do that.

Turning towards Severus, she carefully held back just enough of the invisibility cloak to examine his face and check for a pulse. He was still alive, unconscious, but alive. The poison he had taken was not unknown to Lily. In fact, Isabelle Campbell had shown it to her once. Since it had no known antidote, it had unsurprisingly given St. Mungo's a great deal of difficulty in the past year, particularly the young Healer. She had actually made a wish, that night at James's fountain, shortly before Lily had been poisoned herself, to discover some kind of antidote for it and, miraculously, having gained incredible experience formulating such remedies from Lily's illness, she had met with some success. Because it had yet to be tested properly, however, Isabelle had not made it public, not even to her fellow Healers, and only told Lily because she was her best friend. She had sent the antidote to Professor Dumbledore, asking him to test it, because he was the greatest wizard of the age and Isabelle trusted no one else with the task of perfecting it.

"It's all right, Severus," Lily whispered, easing the cloak back over his face. "Isabelle cured me when I was poisoned by something that had no antidote. She's become a real expert since then. I know this'll work and you'll recover before you know it." He had to. He couldn't die believing the world was as cruel a place as he thought.

Incredibly, it did not take as long for Professor Dumbledore to appear in the corridor as Lily would have expected. She was sitting on the cold, stone floor with her back against the hard, stone wall, her fingers still intertwined with Severus's, who she had pulled to the ground beside her, when the Headmaster turned the corner with his brilliantly lit wand held out before him. Lily got to her feet immediately when she saw the look on his face; he was clearly not happy with her at all. For some reason, though she might have expected it, that greatly upset her. She was just trying to help!

Striding past her, Professor Dumbledore focused on the gargoyle. "Raspberry Jam," he murmured quietly, and the statue leapt aside, revealing the rising staircase that led up to his office. Glancing over his shoulder, he stepped back and gestured for her to go first. She did so without a word, guiding Severus along beside her while staring at her feet. She could sense the aging wizard's piercing gaze following her and wondered if he knew who it was she had under her husband's cloak.

The room beyond the door at the top of the stairs did not look any different from how she remembered it. Filled with magical gadgets and gismos, some of which spun, some of which glowed, and some of which emitted puffs of smoke, even at night, she couldn't help but picture a mad scientist, and then remembered how angry Professor Dumbledore had looked. It was difficult being fascinated by a place when its owner stared at you like that.

"James has been trying to contact me since the entire street saw you and Harry run to Mr. Pettigrew's assistance earlier this evening," he began abruptly, closing the door behind him as he entered. Lily turned around to face him miserably, for the weight in his voice did nothing for her nerves. "Of course, he doubled his efforts when young Peter awoke to tell him that he had been personally questioned by Voldemort."

_"What?"_ Lily gasped, her heart suddenly jumping to her throat. Peter…? Questioned by Voldemort…?

"It happened this afternoon," Professor Dumbledore explained. "He left his office at the _Daily Prophet_ to pay you a visit, was ambushed, and understandably failed to resist Voldemort's quite brutal methods of interrogation. He knows you gave birth, Lily, and has sent one of his Death Eaters to further investigate. Apparently, he's in a rather good mood, for he allowed Peter to live. Of course, the poor man had quite some difficulty Apparating, but he was just as anxious to protect you and your son as the rest of us are, and this is a poor way to thank him for it. Imagine our horror when we returned to your house only to discover you missing? Remus is absolutely beside himself!"

_Remus…_ He was supposed to be watching her, protecting her, as he was watching over Harry. If anything had happened to her, Lily knew he'd blame himself for the rest of his life. It wasn't fair what she had done to him, leaving without a word, without a note. But at the same time, she knew he'd get over it once this was all taken care of. Severus, on the other hand… He was the one who needed the most concern.

"Even as we speak, James and Sirius are searching the village for you," Professor Dumbledore continued. "I myself was looking for Severus Snape when the Gray Lady-"

"Severus Snape?" Lily cut in, staring up at the Headmaster in astonishment. _He_ was the Death Eater who had come to investigate Harry's birth? Turning, she quickly pulled the invisibility cloak off him. "Well, look no farther, 'cause he's right here!" It was one of the few times she had ever seen the old wizard look genuinely surprised. Severus was still hovering above the ground, held up as if by strings like a puppet with no puppet master, and when Professor Dumbledore stepped towards him to get a closer look, his face twisted into shock, sorrow, and even a little bit of fear. Lily, however, wasn't satisfied by that. "I've never heard you speak like this to anyone but me. Maybe Alice doesn't give you as much trouble, but I can't just stand aside when people I care about need my help. Severus drank poison tonight. He's still alive and should be for awhile. That particular poison is the one Isabelle's trying to fight, you know? It works slowly and I managed to get a bezoar down his throat, so he still has plenty of time, but he will die if no one helps him!" She shook her head, glaring at the wizard disappointedly. He seemed unable to look at her or to pull his gaze away from the Death Eater in front of him.

"Severus…" He held out his wand, conjured a bed, and eased the man onto it. As he worked, Lily continued her lecture.

"I can understand why James, Remus, and Sirius might panic if I disappear on them, but I thought you, of all people, would at least wait to hear me out, especially after the Gray Lady told you I was safe up here! I'm not eleven years old anymore! I don't need you to guide me, I don't need you to scold me, what I need is for you to be courteous enough to let me use this gift you say I have to help the people around me! Prophecy or not, you can't expect me to just hide! I was put into Gryffindor! I'm stronger than you think! And if Harry does have the power to defeat Voldemort, how do you think he's gonna learn to use it if his own mother doesn't follow her heart enough to wield the powers that she has to help the people she cares about? You can't be angry with me for doing what I think is right!" She had absolutely no idea where these words were streaming from, but they seemed to have an effect on Professor Dumbledore.

"Forgive me," he said, walking to the window. Upon opening it, he sent out a silvery bird from the tip of his wand – a Patronus, no doubt. Turning back towards the bed he had conjured for Severus, which now stood between him and Lily, he took a deep breath before sighing in what seemed like bereavement. "That was a message for your husband, telling him you're here with me. Now what is it you'd like me to do for Severus?"

"Help him!" Lily begged, wondering why he hadn't already. He had always struck her as so merciful, so forgiving. How could he just stand there while another man died? "I told you, the poison he drank is the same poison Isabelle's combating! She told me she gave you the antidote she needs to have tested. Give it to him. I mean, if it bothers you so much, just think of it as an opportunity to get one more thing off your plate. Run a test. Please. He's gonna die. It's the only chance he's got."

"Lily," Professor Dumbledore still wasn't convinced, though he looked torn and terribly hurt. "Severus Snape is the Death Eater who overheard the prophecy that speaks of your son. He is the reason Voldemort knows. He is the reason Voldemort will come after you. And you want me to save his life?"

Tears filled Lily's eyes. What was she supposed to say? She had no idea what Severus had done, but with that mark on his arm, she had known right away he wasn't up for sainthood. He was a criminal… or was he? "You know something… I know Voldemort. I've fought him. I've escaped him three times. He'd be after me and mine one way or the other, with or without Severus. But Severus… he's been alone and he's been lost and he's had no one to care for him or teach him how to hope his entire life! Is it any wonder why he'd be drawn in by Voldemort? But now… he clearly can't take it anymore. Just look at him. I saw him drink that poison. No one made him. So what's that tell you?"

The pain on Professor Dumbledore's face seemed to augment. There were tears in his eyes, too. Lily could see them through her own, despite the relative darkness that surrounded them. "Very well," he whispered, walking over to his desk. Opening a drawer, he located a small, crystal blue vial that he fingered for a moment, and then picked up, uncorking as he returned to Severus's side. "For your sake, Lily, I hope this works." Moving carefully, he tilted the vial towards his patient's mouth and expertly spilled its contents down his throat.

Lily wringed her hands together, trying to keep her knees from buckling as she waited anxiously for the antidote to take effect.

**ooooooo**

When Severus woke, he was lying on a firm mattress in a room he vaguely remembered from a long, long time ago. A magical laboratory…? No. An office. Albus Dumbledore's office, to be precise. He was back at Hogwarts and his old Headmaster was staring down at him, a look of distaste – or was it mere perplexity? – masking his face. Behind him stood Lily, which startled the young wizard. He could understand waking up at Hogwarts, he hated the place, but to wake up with her there as well… this was no place for an angel.

"How do you feel, Severus?" Dumbledore asked him softly, which made no sense whatsoever. Severus narrowed his eyes, glancing back and forth between the witch and wizard. What was going on?

"They ask such questions in Hell, do they?"

Dumbledore frowned, his brow furrowing even as Lily stepped forward to stand next to him. She was holding that same watery cloak in her arms, hugging it like a security blanket. She was so beautiful, so innocent, Severus found it hard to believe she could possibly be a demon in disguise, but then what did that make her?

"You're not in Hell, Severus," Dumbledore finally stated, his expression softening as he conjured a silver goblet, which he held out for the man while Lily helped him sit up. Her touch felt real enough and caused Severus to shiver. How could this be? "You did not die tonight."

"Impossible." When he did not accept the goblet, Lily took it from the older wizard and urged him to drink. He couldn't fight her and so when she held it to his lips, he allowed the warm, surprisingly pleasant liquid to spill into his mouth. What was this?

"I administered an antidote to save your life," Dumbledore explained as he watched the woman tend to her patient. "It seems the poison you decided to drink has one after all. Lily's old roommate, Isabelle Campbell, recently discovered it. She's quite talented, you know. Of course, as a Death Eater, you've not heard of it. Top secret, I'm afraid. As it stands, however, you are very fortunate, Severus, to have such a friend as Lily. She saved your life."

He was still alive? Then this place… it wasn't Hell? He was actually back at Hogwarts and this wasn't a nightmare? Or even a dream? It was real?

No. He started sputtering, trying to object, as his stomach began to ache. _"Why?"_ he finally demanded, gazing at Lily disconsolately. There were no words to describe the agony, the despair, that filled his black eyes and twisted his face. Try as he might, he could not summon forth the necessary barriers to protect his mind, much less his deepest feelings, from the two standing next to him. The Dark Lord himself praised him for his Occlumency and yet, at that moment, when it mattered most, Occlumency failed him. It was all he could do not to cry, which would have broken him completely. Imagine the humiliation of shedding tears…

"Why?" Lily sounded hurt. "Because… because… I told you! It doesn't have to be this way!"

"This is the only way!" Severus shouted, hating himself for causing her to flinch. But how else could he make her understand? "Lily, you don't… you don't know…" Struggling to find the right words, but at a complete loss, he turned desperately towards Dumbledore. "Haven't you told her? Haven't you told her what I've done?"

"Yes, I have," the Headmaster assured him calmly. "She knows about the prophecy and she knows who told Voldemort. And yet she still seeks to help you. I think you should let her."

"Let her?" It was too much. Severus stared at them both in shock. And then: "What gives you the right? What gives either of you the right? I should die! One less Death Eater in the world… it's no more than I deserve and you should be grateful!"

"Grateful?" Dumbledore seemed surprised by this. "Oh, no, Severus. I would not thank anyone for the death of another, no matter what their crimes. I'd like to think I have more respect than that." He paused and Severus looked away, utterly furious. How dare they?

"Severus, listen to me," Lily cut in and he could not help but meet her gaze. She had… the most beautiful eyes he had ever seen and they were both filled with such compassion. When she spoke, her voice was unimaginably forgiving. "You deserve better," she told him and when he shook his head, she draped her cloak over her elbow, handed Dumbledore back his goblet, and reached for his hand. "Listen to me! Your death won't solve anything. There are other ways. Poison… That's just giving up, Severus. That's letting Voldemort win. If you think you have to make amends… we can help you."

He laughed scornfully. "That's what the poison was for!" he pointed out. "Amends. Poetic justice. Call it what you like. That's what I was trying to do and you stopped me!" It was, for some reason, growing more difficult to hold back those damn tears. What was happening to him? What were they reducing him to? He looked away angrily.

"You seek atonement," Dumbledore whispered, sounding quite taken aback, not that Severus could blame him. A Death Eater wishing to make amends. Whoever heard of such a thing? "Lily, will you wait outside a few moments? I should like very much to speak to Severus alone." Severus looked up sharply, but the Headmaster was already herding a flustered Lily to the door, whispering quietly in her ear. Reassurances, no doubt. Severus didn't want her to go. Despite everything, he didn't want to lose sight of her. He had never really appreciated just how precious she was…

But then she was gone, just like that, and Severus was left alone in a room with Dumbledore. He suddenly found it quite difficult to breathe, for Dumbledore was not at all like the Dark Lord. He was grander than Voldemort, wiser, by far more magnificent… and he made Severus feel like a child again. A lost, defenseless child.

**ooooooo**

**A/N:** I can't believe how many of you thought I'd actually kill off Snape. Was it really that convincing? Should I apologize? Please review…


	141. Snape's Choice

**ooooooo**

Lily could not fathom the length of time that had past since walking out of the Headmaster's office. Had it been hours? Or merely heartbeats? It was so hard keeping track and, what's more, she was too distracted to really try. She had been shepherded away from Severus, whom she hadn't wanted to leave, and now she had to stand out in the hall like a misbehaving little girl. The stone gargoyle seemed to be mocking her. It did not jump back to its place before the stairs, but remained sitting off to the side, as if daring her to go back up when it knew perfectly well Professor Dumbledore did not desire her presence.

_"I will not give up on him,"_ he had promised, whispering in her ear while urging her to the door. For whatever reason, he thought he could reach Severus, possibly even save Severus, if he spoke to him in private. And maybe he could; Lily had no reason to doubt Professor Dumbledore's ministration skills. She knew from experience he could tend to pain and brokenness, but the truth was she felt incredibly left out. She wanted to help, too! And if she couldn't, she at least wanted to return home and pick up Harry. She missed him very much and found it hard to believe how lonely it was, how empty she felt, even devoid, without her son in her arms.

It was he she was thinking of, her beautiful, perfect little boy, when Professor Dumbledore finally rode down his moving staircase to join her in the corridor. He almost looked as tired as she felt, but while thoughts of Harry had brought her heart and soul a bit of peace, he seemed sad; extremely sad, though his eyes were dry. It was as if he had run out of tears. Concerned, Lily hugged her husband's invisibility cloak close to her heart. "How is he?"

For a moment, it seemed the old man did not hear the question. Lily's throat burned as she watched him standing there, like a statue himself, lost in both thought and heartache. But then he glanced at her and in his blue eyes, there was a depth she had not seen before, which seemed impossible, really, for he was Albus Dumbledore. He was already as profound as a man could ever be! How was it that the emotion she saw in him now made the old Headmaster, the Headmaster she had known up until now, seem younger, innocent, and possibly naïve?

"Understandably upset," he finally replied, his voice quiet and frail. "He wanted to bow out gracefully, on his own terms, and thought he had managed it. Waking up only to find himself in the spotlight, so to speak, is rather frustrating, as I'm sure you can imagine. They say the world's a stage… and he rather detests its performance right now." He seemed to be talking to himself rather than to Lily and it was growing difficult to hear his words.

"But will he be all right?" she asked, startling him out of his reverie. Upon glancing at her a second time, he sighed and gestured for her to walk with him. As they started down the hall, the stone gargoyle jumped back into place, blocking the entryway to the office once again. Lily hoped Severus wouldn't feel trapped up there, alone and miserable as he was.

"He reminds me of an old fool I used to know," Professor Dumbledore presently confessed, leading her towards one of the castle's many stairwells. "And maybe still do." It was the sort of offhanded remark that gave Lily the impression he had so much to share, but for some reason chose not to. He didn't speak again until they descended all the way down to the ground floor; it felt strange wandering the castle after dark, especially with the Headmaster, knowing she wouldn't receive detention for being out and about so late. The silence was heavy. Dismal. She followed him into the Great Hall, which was illuminated only by the stars and crescent moon up on the enchanted ceiling. Not for the first time, Lily was struck by how real they seemed; it was actually like being outside beneath a sparkling, spangled sky.

They sat down next to each other, both having been drawn instinctively to the Gryffindor table. And then he spoke again. "In many ways, there is no comparison between Severus and that old fool friend of mine. As you pointed out, Lily, Severus has been alone, lost. But that old fool was never alone. He never felt inadequate. In fact, he was quite arrogant." Lily recognized the bitterness in Professor Dumbledore's voice and tried to imagine who it was he spoke of. "But they both possessed this fascination for magic best left alone. This friend of mine was ruined by it. He felt the same despair Severus feels tonight, although… he could not have killed himself. Death was his enemy, not his way out." How could anyone see death as a way out? It took Lily a moment to remember the despair she had felt herself after her parents had died.

"After something like that," Professor Dumbledore continued, looking up at the stars overhead. "It is… difficult, to say the least, to find absolution. One must work at it for the rest of his life. But I'd like to believe if that old fool could do it, and I'm not even sure that he has, I'm not the right man to judge, but if… if he could, Severus most definitely can."

Those were the words Lily had been waiting to hear. She breathed in deeply, exhaled, and let herself succumb to hope. Maybe… that meant he had a chance. If Professor Dumbledore thought so, anyway, it wouldn't be entirely naïve of her to wish for Severus to find the absolution she fully believed he deserved. He was her friend. She couldn't bear the thought of Voldemort breaking him beyond repair. "Can I see him?" Professor Dumbledore glanced at her, consideration slowly replacing the anguish in his crystal clear blue eyes. To her astonishment, however, he shook his head.

"No. Severus has a lot to think about, Lily, and the choice is his alone." He held up a hand before she could object. "You've done more for him already, my dear, than everyone else in the world put together. Now it is time for you to return home to your family. To Harry."

_Harry…_ She bowed her head, closing her eyes as her tears threatened to spill down her face.

"You have a gift, Lily," he said quietly, for what must have been the hundredth time since she was eleven. "I never told you this, but when you feared magic all those years ago, when you dreaded using it, especially after your parents' deaths, and you wanted to go home, it was not entirely because of Voldemort that I made you stay." She looked up at him sharply, recognizing the gravity in his voice. He wouldn't meet her gaze, but was still staring up at the stars. "You know how hard it is for a witch to rid herself of magic. It must first be fostered until she has the power, the control to suppress it. No child can manage that. At best, she would spend the rest of her life trying to ignore the strange, unexplainable things she might inadvertently cause, particularly when scared, angry, or upset. At worst, however, she'd be driven mad by it, and after what happened at the hospital the day your parents died, I rather feared such would be your fate if you left Hogwarts. In my life, I've seen that kind of madness once before and I could not bear witnessing it again, especially to a girl with a heart like yours. I had to protect you, Lily. And though you have grown to be a beautiful, strong young woman, the compulsion to protect you has only grown as well."

So that was why he had been so upset to find her missing, even after the Grey Lady had assured him she was safe up at the castle. That was why he continuously treated her like a child. It had upset her so much before, but now… it was difficult remaining angry with him. Somehow, his words, and the way he spoke them, tempered her earlier irritation and made her want to comfort him. Him! Albus Dumbledore, the wisest and greatest wizard in the world! No wonder it was oftentimes difficult to remember he was as much a human being as the rest of them. "But… I've embraced it. I love being a witch and I'd never even consider suppressing my magic now. Sometimes I think it'd be easier if I did, with Petunia and all, but that part of my life ended years ago. You can't still think I might go mad…?"

"No," Professor Dumbledore smiled softly, finally looking down at her. She held his gaze in silence, waiting for him to go on. "The prophecy did not just speak of a child with the power to defeat Voldemort, Lily. It spoke of a child who possesses a kind of power he knows nothing about. Can you guess what that might be?" Only one thing came to mind. Lily sighed, averting her eyes. So this gift of hers had a purpose after all… Professor Dumbledore nodded. "The prophecy could be referring to either Harry or Neville, but I strongly believe Voldemort will choose Harry. In which case, he will do everything in his power to kill the boy, and he could succeed. The prophecy said either might die at the hands of the other, but it did not say who. I do not want to see you lose your child, Lily. You already know how devastating it is losing parents. But for a mother… there is nothing worse than losing a son."

Her breaths had grown shallow just listening to him. He didn't mean to frighten her, she knew that, but for the first time she actually pictured Voldemort standing over her baby and Harry helpless to defend himself. If he died… if her son died… she suddenly knew beyond the shadow of a doubt it would drive her mad. Every mother was in danger of that. If she thought she could recover from the loss of her baby boy, then she was deluding herself. "Harry…"

The distance separating them was too great. She couldn't bear it anymore. Trying not to panic, unable to keep from whimpering, she pushed away from the table and threw James's invisibility cloak around her so that her head seemed to be floating, bodiless, in the middle of the room. "I have to go!" She glanced apologetically at Professor Dumbledore, but he was staring down at her missing torso, looking quite stricken. His face paled, but just for a second, and then he was rising to his feet as well.

"I shall accompany you," he whispered, his voice oddly strained. Lily thanked him, never even considering she might decline the offer, and hastened out of the Great Hall, pulling her husband's cloak the rest of the way over her head as she went.

**ooooooo**

James was waiting for them by a window and when he saw Professor Dumbledore walking up the path to his front door, he ran to get there first. Throwing it open without so much as bothering to ask a security question, he met the old man halfway. "I got your message! Is Lily with you?"

Seeing her husband safe and, although concerned, not overly distraught reassured Lily that no harm had befallen her son. Unimaginably relieved, she pulled off his cloak and flew into his awaiting arms. "I'm here!" she gasped, panting for breath. "I'm right here! I'm so sorry for worrying you, but I had to go! It was Severus! He-!"

"I think that's a conversation best suited for indoors," Professor Dumbledore interrupted, urging them both back towards the house. Lily obliged eagerly, for Harry was inside, but James first glanced at the Headmaster rather suspiciously. He knew of only one Severus. The Severus he had gone to school with and the Severus who, according to Peter, was somewhere in the village that very instant investigating Harry's birth for Voldemort. Severus Snape. And that Severus was not, by any definition of the word, a friend.

"Remus? Peter?" While Professor Dumbledore closed the door behind James, Lily ran into the parlor, where both men were sitting on the sofa. Remus was trying to show Peter, who for once looked even paler, weaker, and gaunter than the werewolf, how to hold Harry properly in his arms. Seeing the three of them there, safe and sound, gave Lily more joy than she would have ever thought possible. "Oh, Harry…" She dropped James's cloak on the floor and bounded towards them. Remus was on his feet in a heartbeat, wrapping his arms around her and squeezing her so tightly she half thought she was going to break.

"If you ever scare me like that again!" he threatened, though she wasn't entirely sure what the threat was. "Lily, I think that nearly killed me. What were you thinking?"

"I'm sorry," she apologized, for her only excuse was having followed her heart, doing what she thought was best for Severus, which, upon review, probably wouldn't placate any of the Marauders. "I'm so, so sorry!" How was she going to explain this to them? James and Sirius had been awful to Severus when they were in school. She didn't know exactly where the line was that separated rivalry from all-out hatred, but there wasn't any doubt it was a fine line. The finest, perhaps, and considering how difficult it had been just trying to get Professor Dumbledore to understand, she doubted she could convince any of them that Severus was truly, genuinely repentant.

"Peter," she said instead, easing away from Remus and turning towards the frailer wizard. He stood up weakly, his unbuttoned shirt revealing several bandages wrapped around his chest, and he held out her son. "Professor Dumbledore told me what happened," she whispered, taking Harry while kissing Peter's cheek. He seemed at a loss for words, which she couldn't blame him for, and his hand shook when she took it in her own and gave it a gentle squeeze. "I'm so glad you're all right."

"Lily? Is that you?" Sirius came pounding down the stairs, guiding a large, floating trunk along with his wand. When he saw the young witch, a brilliant grin split across his face. He let the trunk drop on the floor – which literally shook the house – and leapt towards her gleefully, pausing only long enough to hit James's arm. "Told you she'd be okay!" His eyes were all but sparkling when he looked back at her. "Listen, Lily, as godfather to your child, I'm gonna warn you right now that when he gets old enough to walk, we're gonna be sneaking outta the house all the time and if you don't like it, I'm just gonna use stories of tonight against you."

"Not if I have anything to say about it," James grumbled, shoving past his best friend to confront his wife. "Lily, what was it you were going to say about Snape?" The tension in the room heightened considerably. Sirius froze, Remus swallowed, and Peter fell back onto the sofa. Lily, suddenly flustered and apprehensive, hesitated before glancing at Professor Dumbledore for assistance. Having failed to miss the contempt with which James spoke Severus's name, they could both easily imagine how this conversation was likely to end.

"Well, I… It's just that…"

"Severus Snape did indeed come to Hogsmeade with orders to look into Harry's birth," Professor Dumbledore swiftly took over for her, much to her relief, and the four young wizards all turned to face him with more attentiveness than they had ever shown any other Hogwarts teacher. "But he has since given himself up, more fully than any of you can possibly comprehend, and that does include you, Lily." He shot her a look that, to her astonishment, spoke the truth. What was it, exactly, that they had been talking about up in that office, when she had been waiting out in the hall?

"I'm not sure I understand," Sirius spoke very slowly and very carefully while squinting his eyes as if trying to determine whether the old wizard was really Albus Dumbledore or some kind of evil twin. "When you say: 'given himself up,' do you mean he, what, surrendered?"

"Very much so," Professor Dumbledore assured him. Remus gawked, Peter tried stifling a cough, and James turned to stare at Lily in disbelief. Meanwhile, Sirius continued to regard the Headmaster, his expression twisting the way it always did when presented with something particularly disgusting.

"Are you sure we're talking about the same Snape here? Cause the Snape I went to school with-"

"You don't want to finish that sentence," Lily snapped, quickly regaining the spotlight. With all eyes on her, running low on charity, she glared so fiercely at Sirius that he actually took a step backwards. "In case you've forgotten, the Black I went to school with was a mean-spirited bully!"

"Maybe, but that doesn't make me a Death Eater!"

"Enough," Professor Dumbledore spoke quietly and gravely, which managed to silence them both, though Sirius continued to fume. Looking at him now, Lily easily recalled how he practically sent Severus to the Shrieking Shack on the night of a full moon all those years ago, knowing Remus would be there, a werewolf, fully capable of slaughtering him. That was where the line between rivalry and hatred lay. Sirius had definitely crossed it that night. Could such hatred ever be alleviated? It hurt, it hurt terribly, realizing that her son's godfather was so hard, so callous, that he could not forgive a man like Severus Snape.

"So…" Remus hesitated, breaking the silence while glancing apologetically at Sirius. "You're saying Snape just… gave up?" He looked back at the Headmaster, who nodded calmly. "Okay… but where's that leave us?" He met Lily's gaze for just a second and she couldn't help but appreciate his efforts to focus on the bigger picture. "I mean, we have to concentrate on protecting our own. Snape came to Hogsmeade to check up on Harry and let's face it, if he doesn't report back to Voldemort, we're gonna have one angry, suspicious Dark Lord on our hands. Do you reckon we should leave?"

"We're already packed," Sirius stated, pointing at the trunk he had dropped on the floor. "It's got an Extension Charm on it and has all our essentials." He shrugged when he saw Lily staring at him. "I reckoned this would happen. Well, the part about us leaving, anyway. I never would've guessed Snape might…" He trailed off when Lily's eyes flashed warningly. "Look, I threw in some clothes and sentimental stuff – which have been charmed not to break. It's enough to get us back to the mansion." He glanced at Professor Dumbledore inquisitively. "We will be safe there, right?"

"For now, if its defenses are strong enough," he nodded and so the planning and strategizing commenced. As exhausted as Lily was, however, it soon grew difficult paying even the slightest bit of attention and so she sat on the sofa next to Peter, gazing down at Harry with all the love she had ever felt for another human being centered entirely on him.

He was just so small, so impossibly small, soft and clean. Compared to the rest of his body, his head was huge, but that was natural and perfect. Everything about him was perfect. His arms looked squishy, his fingers seemed miniaturized, and his nose! It was hardly more than a stub, it was so tiny! She loved his nose. How could anyone ever so much as consider harming him? What kind of monster would do that? What kind of…?

No. She already knew the answer to those questions. Voldemort… She knew him. She'd seen firsthand just how cruel he was. The only word capable of describing him was evil. He was pure evil and because of that, taking Harry's life might even be more enjoyable to him than taking a grown man's. Especially if he could fathom the pain it would cause Lily to lose her only child. There would be no conquering the next Boggart she came across. How could anyone fight such a paralyzing fear as losing one's son to Voldemort?

**ooooooo**

His arm was burning. It might literally have been on fire. The Dark Mark had never, in all the time he had served Voldemort, hurt so much. It was all but unbearable!

How many hours had past since drinking that poison? He'd lost track. Dumbledore had abandoned him for awhile, but now he sat at his desk as the sun rose outside, watching sympathetically as Severus fought to endure the agony his master used as punishment against those who failed to answer when summoned.

"You should go to him," he said at last, as if he could no longer bear watching the young wizard suffer so. Severus ignored him, turning away to gaze outside the office window. In the distance, the Quidditch field had never looked quite as lonely. "Go to him," Dumbledore insisted. "He will not punish you, I guarantee it. Tell him that when he spared Peter Pettigrew, the man Apparated straight to the Potter's and warned them of your arrival. Upon realizing this, you thought to outsmart us by giving yourself up to me before they captured you. Managing to trick us into believing you were sorry for your crimes, I, sentimental old fool that I am, took pity on you and offered you a job at Hogwarts. If Voldemort believes one of his Death Eaters has infiltrated this castle, he'll be elated. It will no longer matter to him that you temporarily ignored your summons. You were at Hogwarts, where Disapparition is impossible! He will likely reward you."

"No," Severus refused. All this time, he had been indifferent to the Dark Lord. He had served him loyally, faithfully perhaps, but not out of devotion. He had done it all to command respect, to put the humiliation of his past forever behind him, to gain a sense of adequacy. But now… for the first time, the thought of returning to Voldemort filled him with dread. He wouldn't do it!

"Do you still seek death?" Dumbledore demanded. "I can try to protect you, Severus, but if I fail, if he finds you, he will torture, degrade, and then kill you, no doubt slowly, for forsaking him. Surely you know this?"

"Of course I know it," Severus spat, looking back at him. "But how much worse will it be if I do as you ask? Do you think I can keep from him the truth? That, not only am I feeding him false information on your behalf, but am also reporting back to you with very real intelligence against him? Double agents rarely live to be a hundred, old man." He shook his head. "No. I won't play your game."

"Then what will you do?" Dumbledore asked patiently and not without kindness. "You are, I believe, without family, without friends, aside from Lily and myself, of course. Forgive me, but no matter what choice you make, the odds are stacked against you."

The pain grew worse. Severus winced, knowing all too well his situation was about as terrible as one could ever possibly get and the fact that the mission Voldemort had sent him on concerned Trelawney's prophecy certainly didn't help. Bailing out was one thing, but doing so while in possession of knowledge that could ultimately bring about the Dark Lord's downfall was… to say the least, extremely ill advisable. Torture. Degradation. Death. Dumbledore was right, that was precisely what lay in store for him, no matter what choice he made, unless he could somehow convince Voldemort that he was still a faithful servant.

"What you fail to understand," he said, speaking through gritted teeth, as the pain in his arm left him taut and rigid, "is that I don't know… anything, it seems. Not anymore. You ask me to lie to him, pretend to lie to you, in order to overthrow him while pretending to want to help him conquer the entire world! It's too much deception, professor. Just last night, I sought to end my life. If I don't even know who I am, how can I pretend to be what I'm not? How long will it take before I forget – before I lose myself completely?"

"Ah," Dumbledore looked pleasantly surprised by the inquiry. "That, Severus, is part of a lesson I've found rather difficult to incorporate into a curriculum here at Hogwarts. To decide what sort of man you want to be, and then to hold onto the values and principles you have found yourself in pursuit of, particularly in the face of great adversity, is quite possibly the single most difficult task set to mankind. But that is life. Some choose to live while others choose merely to exist. To remember which side you have given your allegiance while trying to convince your enemies that you are, in fact, loyal to them, is to be true to yourself, Severus, while fighting for something that is greater, and there is nothing in the world more noble or admirable. Do this, and no matter how you die, no matter when you die, you will go with honor and with dignity and you will have done nothing of which to be ashamed."

Did he know how much those words appealed to the young wizard? Did he have any idea? All his life, Severus had been searching for his place. Voldemort had promised to help him find answers, but that promise had only led to the murders of weaker beings, to greater turmoil, and, most recently, to this prophecy that condemned the one woman he had ever truly cared for. But what Dumbledore was offering him… a chance to atone… a chance to do something he could be proud of… to have honor and dignity… respect… to be someone good… instead of remaining lost, inadequate, and wretched, as he had always been at school… That was all he'd ever wanted. But if Voldemort couldn't give him that, how could he be sure it'd be any different with this man? "What if you're wrong?"

"Lily believes it," Dumbledore replied, a little too easily. Severus glanced at him sharply, wondering how much he perceived. "Do you think she's wrong?"

When had Lily ever been wrong? "What if I'm not strong enough?"

"Strength," Dumbledore sighed. "The truth, Severus, is that all men fail. The greatest measure of one's strength, however, comes after that. How you cope, how you carry on with your life, matters more than your shortcomings and even more than your triumphs. In the end, Severus, you will never really know whether or not you were strong enough until the moment of your death, because the answer to that question can only be found by living, and sometimes you surprise yourself when you least expect to. Do not let what-if's deter you. They hold you back, they keep you from living, and that, more than anything else, is what will prevent you from discovering the answer for yourself."

"You make it sound simple," Severus complained.

Dumbledore smiled gently. "But life is far from simple, my boy. The choice is yours."

The choice? Severus grimaced as another particularly excruciating burst of pain flowed through his arm. Voldemort was calling for him. Lily was in danger. His soul had never felt more like the rope that was pulled in a tug-of-war match. What choice did Dumbledore think he had?

**ooooooo**

**A/N: **Wow. It really took forever to write this… I'd love some feedback. Please tell me what you think! I appreciate it.


	142. Peter's Choice

**ooooooo**

Peter stayed with the Potters at James's mansion only long enough to make a full recovery. He helped baby-proof the place while Lily and Remus looked after Harry, he helped fortify its defenses, and once everyone was satisfied with its security, he spent as much time as he could with his friends before ultimately telling them he had to leave. "I've got a job to get back to at the _Prophet_," he explained hastily, upon seeing their blank stares. "You have to understand that Skeeter woman would like nothing better than a chance to criticize and humiliate me in front of the editors. We're both fighting for the same column and the longer I stay in hiding, the better her chances are of beating me!"

"But Peter!" Lily protested, holding Harry in her arms. It seemed like she was always carrying the boy and even when she wasn't, she was generally always in the same room as him. Peter got the impression she was afraid of letting him out of her sight, which no one could blame her for, really. Not with Voldemort after him. She was a mother, after all, she was very protective, and the fact that she was still capable of walking, talking, and even arguing always astonished Peter, more so than anything else, for though he and Sirius might both sleep on the other side of the house, where they couldn't hear the baby cry, Lily – as well as James and occasionally even Remus – endured many sleepless nights to care for him. They should all be completely out of energy, particularly her, but not sitting here in this tearoom objecting to his departure. "You can't go! It's not safe!"

"So?" Peter demanded, having nevertheless steeled himself for this very argument. He'd spent hours yesterday preparing and rehearsing when no one else had been around. "I'm not… I mean… how long are we gonna be hiding out here? The rest of our lives? I'm finally making something of myself, Lil! Locking myself up in this place isn't worth throwing my career away." He'd given it a lot of thought… and he knew he'd regret it for the rest of his life, however long that might be, if he gave up and surrendered the column to Skeeter. "I have to go."

"But what about Voldemort?" Lily pleaded desperately, and Peter couldn't help but flinch as a cold wave of fear poured through him mercilessly. "What if he targets you again? I don't want anything to happen to you, Peter!" She was worried about him… Once upon a time, that alone would have been more than enough to make him stay. How could he not love her? How could he not try and grant her every request?

But then he thought about Rita Skeeter, laughing and mocking him for quitting. He was supposed to be a Marauder. He couldn't let that happen. And so he shook his head. "I'm sorry, Lily. But I've got to do this. I can't stop Death Eaters from targeting me, but I can't let that stop me, either…" A part of him, even then, knew what would inevitably come of this, though he dared not admit it. Not yet. Not even to himself. Instead, he turned towards James. "Come on, Prongs. You understand, don't you?"

Of course James understood… or at least he thought he did. Back at school, Peter had never been very bright or popular – despite having popular friends – and he had never been anything special. His job, however, at the _Daily Prophet_, and, no matter what he said, his rivalry with Rita Skeeter, gave him something he never had at Hogwarts. For the first time, he actually liked being Peter Pettigrew. Not Wormtail, but Peter. He was finally growing up and James understood he didn't want to risk that.

"After everything we've been through," he said quietly, much to his wife's dismay. "You deserve this, Wormtail." He smirked. "Just don't forget who taught you everything you know when you trounce Rita Skeeter, get that column of yours, and strike it rich."

"Don't worry!" Peter laughed. "I won't forget." And so he said goodbye, first to James, then to Sirius, then Remus, and finally Lily. She was easily the hardest to part with, for she had always stood up for him, even when they were eleven years old and she warned him not to end up living in other people's shadows for the rest of his life. Now that he was finally taking her advice, she wanted him to stay where he'd be safe and he was sorely tempted to obey. But this… this was more important.

Holding Harry one last time before he left, Peter noticed the green flecks appearing in his baby blue eyes. Before long, they'd both turn a solid emerald, just like his mother's. "Kid's gonna look like you, Lily," he dolefully predicted. "Take care of him." It was obviously an unnecessary request. Peter already knew she'd protect the boy with her life, as would James, Sirius, and Remus. He had plenty of bodyguards. No matter what might happen, no matter what choice Peter might make in the future, ultimately, it wouldn't make much of a difference. The best were protecting Harry. No matter what, he had to believe nothing ill would ever befall the precious child.

**ooooooo**

Needless to say, Rita Skeeter was not pleased when Peter returned to work. Their rivalry immediately picked right back up where they had left it and they each worked harder than ever before to get the best scoops possible, much to their editors' pleasure. It was, therefore, something of a shock when Peter's boss, Barnabas Cuffe, called him into his office one afternoon and promptly dismissed him.

"What?" Peter asked, his voice all but breaking in mortification. "Why?" If he couldn't work for the _Daily Prophet_, what would he have left? The Order of the Phoenix? His friends? Yes, they were important, but for the first time, he had been making something of himself, he had been someone, all on his own, without Prongs and Padfoot, and he couldn't go back to the way it had been at school. He just couldn't!

"The _Prophet _is undergoing a few changes in management," Cuffe explained almost cruelly. "Your articles, Mr. Pettigrew, though good, well written, and insightful, unfortunately seem a bit too sympathetic with Albus Dumbledore's cause. My superiors don't approve."

His superiors? Was he talking about the Ministry of Magic?

No. Peter suddenly realized, with terrible, heart-stopping, mind-numbing clarity, exactly who Cuffe meant by 'his superiors.' The _Daily Prophet_ was in Voldemort's control now. It had only been a matter of time. After all, the Dark Lord was taking over everything else. Why shouldn't he take over the media, too? Breathing deeply, more surprised by the fact that he'd actually been prepared for this than by the fact that he might have needed such preparation at all, Peter began. "Mr. Cuffe… I can't… I need this job. I want the opportunity to write my own column." He couldn't lose to Skeeter! "If that means… writing whatever you tell me to write, however you tell me to write it, I will."

To his surprise, Mr. Cuffe smiled, leaning back triumphantly in his chair. "Very well, Mr. Pettigrew. I'm convinced. But before I give you anything, much less your own column, I require the proper authorization, which you must obtain for me." He gestured to an old, rolled-up edition of the _Prophet_, which lay inconspicuously on the corner of his desk. "Take it." Peter hesitated, not wanting to admit he was afraid, but having known all along this day would come.

The newspaper was a portkey. The moment Peter picked it up, it carried him away from the office and deposited him in the middle of a grassy field where an entire herd of cattle had been slaughtered. The smell was atrocious. There were flies and ants everywhere. Peter thought he was going to be sick… and then he sensed Voldemort.

The Dark Lord was looming behind him. Spinning around, Peter stumbled and somehow found himself on the ground, staring up at the sinister, powerful wizard that towered over him. "Please! Please don't hurt me!" To his astonishment, and slight relief, Voldemort responded with a laugh.

"Hurt you?" he asked, his voice high and cruel. "Why, Mr. Pettigrew, I wouldn't dream of it. I'm in your debt, remember? I asked Cuffe to send you here, to me, so that I might offer you my thanks."

His heart was pounding, he was sweating, shaking, and he could barely breathe. He had forgotten just how impressive the Dark Lord's presence was. No one could match him. Not Dumbledore. Not Prongs, not Padfoot. And especially not Harry. To believe otherwise was foolhardy. He could see that now, there was no beating Voldemort, there was nothing he could do but tremble. "Please… all I want is to keep my job… I'll… I'll write whatever you tell me to… just let me keep my job…"

"Oh, but Peter…" Voldemort purred. "I've got much better plans for you. It won't take long for Dumbledore to recognize the Imperius Curse on Barnabas Cuffe. If you write on behalf of the Dark Lord, Dumbledore will know. You must go to him and warn him of my sway over the _Prophet_. He will thank you for it."

Peter frowned. "I don't… I don't understand…" What did Voldemort want from him?

"I need your assistance, Peter. I need someone close to the Order of the Phoenix. Reinforce their trust in you, gather intelligence against them, report to me, and I will reward you beyond your wildest dreams."

Before Peter could so much as fully process what was being asked of him, his vision clouded over. For several seconds, he could see nothing, but then there was a mirror in front of him, and in that mirror he saw himself standing proudly with his wand in hand, with Lily and Rita both praising him, as well as hundreds of others, while James and Sirius stood off to the side, isolated, their faces twisted, green with envy, but their shoulders slumped in defeat. After all, they could not compete with Peter Pettigrew! Like it or not, they were the ones now lost in the background.

"See what I can do for you?" Voldemort asked enticingly, as the apparition dissolved around him. Suddenly back in the field blanketed by dead cattle, Peter involuntarily found himself longing, truly longing, for the reflection he had seen in that mirror. "Only you can help me. I have other spies, yes, but you… you are closer to Dumbledore than any of them. Severus Snape may have a job at Hogwarts now, but you, Peter, you are actually a member of the Order of the Phoenix!"

Snape? Peter frowned. "No… Snape doesn't work for you anymore… He really has joined Dumble…" What was he doing? Ratting on Snape? But Lily seemed to truly believe the bloody Slytherin was, in fact, a good guy, and though she had never really gone into very much detail explaining why or how that could possibly be, was Peter actually betraying her trust already?

"Peter," Voldemort sounded amused. "Peter, Peter, Peter." He shook his head. "Would I have ordered Travers to send Snape to Hogsmeade directly in front of you if I hadn't wanted you to warn the Potters of his arrival? I knew they'd ambush him and I knew he'd convince them of his remorse. It was all very much a part of my plan, dear boy."

_That's funny,_ Peter couldn't help but think. _Snape was found by Lily. He wasn't ambushed. And he certainly didn't convince Prongs or Padfoot of anything… _It sounded like Voldemort was trying to convince himself… that was, if he hadn't done so already.

"You have their trust, Peter," the Dark Lord continued. "And they don't deserve it, do they? Do they appreciate you? Do they even miss you when you're absent? You've worked so hard to gain respect and proper recognition while they're all offered admiration on silver platters. It's your turn to stand in the spotlight, Peter. There is no one who can help me. No one but you. And those capable of helping the Dark Lord have always been and always will be envied, feared, and admired by those lesser men incapable of doing so themselves."

"No," Peter shook his head. "You just want me to betray Lily. This isn't about me, it's about killing her son. Well, I won't… I won't let you do anything to hurt her!" Voldemort was wrong. Even if his friends didn't appreciate him, he knew Lily did, and when he was absent, she missed him. She deserved to be happy! He couldn't… he couldn't…

Voldemort sneered, waved his wand, and suddenly Peter's vision clouded over again. The next thing he knew, he was standing in a cemetery. Lily was there, kneeling before the graves of… of… of James… and Harry. She was crying and Peter, terrified that this was real and not just some horrible, evil trick, ran to her side at once. "Lily!"

"He didn't kill me," she whispered, trembling as he pulled her into his arms. "But he killed them…" She broke into sobs, heartbroken, as the world fell apart, literally crumbling to pieces around them. Peter closed his eyes tightly, terrified, and opened them only when he felt solid ground beneath his feet again. Lily was still close, but she had pulled out of his embrace to look around; they were standing in London, dressed in the most expensive, ornate velvet robes Peter had ever seen. Lily herself looked beautiful, radiant, more so than usual, but there were still tears in her eyes and she was clearly afraid of the sight before her. London was a mess; everything even remotely muggle had been torn apart, books were getting burned, and the bodies of hundreds of children, babies, had been dumped callously into dried-up fountains.

"Don't you see?" Voldemort's voice resounded evenly around him. "I will not kill dear, sweet Lily, not when there is so much left for me to teach her. Dumbledore still refuses to accept the superiority of my kind of magic and I must, I _must_ prove him wrong, Peter. I won't be satisfied until I do. Lily is the perfect specimen. When she, of all people, can be made to understand, not even Dumbledore will have the audacity to pretend love is more powerful than my magic. And then, Peter, she will be rewarded and content." He laughed. "Of course, her enlightenment might take years. As I said, she is the perfect specimen. She will fight it, Peter, undoubtedly, and if you care so much about her, you will be there to support her. Understand, I am going to win this war. I will kill her son, her husband, Dumbledore, and everyone else who defies me. But if you win my favor, boy, I will entrust you with her care."

It occurred to Peter that Voldemort might be wrong. Dumbledore seemed to believe Harry had the power to actually defeat him, in which case, as a member of the Order of the Phoenix, as a Marauder, and as the Potters' friend, he was obliged to do whatever it took to protect the boy. But at the same time… he was afraid. He didn't want Voldemort to kill him, he really didn't want Voldemort to torture him, he feared this devastating premonition of London in ruins – it felt so real – and he… he couldn't bear the thought Lily succumbing to the Dark Lord. The thing was… he didn't have the faith or the confidence to truly believe a passing thought, a naïve hope, that Voldemort might be wrong. How could Voldemort possibly be wrong? Everything he said, all this, would undeniably come to pass. Wouldn't a wise man rather live in the service of a monster than die by his hand?

"You're a Gryffindor, Peter," Voldemort reminded him as the vision ended, bringing him back to the field of slaughtered cattle. "Now is the time for you to be brave and do what is right. For Lily's sake, sacrifice yourself, give yourself up to me, spy for me, and I will spare your life, reward you, and grant you the authority to protect the girl. She's a mudblood, after all. I won't have my followers harming her physically, but there are other ways of tormenting such witches. Do you have the courage, Peter, to survive long enough to defend her when she has no one else?"

Tears filled Peter's eyes and he nodded, somehow feeling broken, as if something had snapped inside him, leaving a large, gaping wound wide open for something rotten and evil to find entry, to infect him, to mutate him into something he didn't want to be. "No one will know?"

"Of course not," Voldemort cooed. "The best spies are the secret ones. No one will ever suspect, not even among my own Death Eaters."

Peter kept nodding, unable to look anywhere but at the ground. "Then I will. I'll spy for you. But please… please don't ask me to do anything else."

Voldemort sneered. "You will have to address me properly, boy, and conduct yourself in a manner befitting a servant."

"Yes…" Peter closed his eyes tightly against his tears, bowing his head. "Yes, my Lord…" He felt sick. What was this doing to him?

"Good," Voldemort sounded pleased. "Now hold out your arm, Wormtail."

Wormtail? How did he… how did he know about that? He shouldn't… he shouldn't get to call him that. Only his friends could… only Lily and the other Marauders… except that… he didn't deserve them anymore. Voldemort was taking away everything. He'd left the safety of James's mansion because he hadn't wanted to be Wormtail anymore. He'd wanted to be Peter Pettigrew. But now… Voldemort was poisoning him, corrupting him, reducing him to something despicable. He couldn't fight it. Wormtail wasn't a name to be proud of anymore… it was a title proclaiming his disgrace.

Feeling terrible, Peter held out his arm, which Voldemort promptly marked with his sign of darkness.

**ooooooo**

And so he began to spy on the Order of the Phoenix. As Voldemort predicted, no one suspected him, especially after he warned Albus Dumbledore about the curse that had been placed on Barnabas Cuffe. Voldemort, having won the _Daily Prophet_, allowed his enemies to take it back so that his newest servant would have a higher seat at Dumbledore's table. It was surprisingly similar to a game of chess, which Peter had only ever been good at when Remus was sitting next to him, whispering strategies into his ear.

But then, as the weeks went by, Peter found himself struggling more and more often to keep from blowing his cover. It took all the skills he possessed, all the deception he could stomach, to keep the world from working out his new allegiance. Ironically, much of that was taught to him by his closest friends. James. Sirius. Even Remus. He hated betraying them, but what other choice did he have? As long as they weren't hurt… it didn't matter… How much of a difference could he make, anyway?

It felt like years were passing slowly and he was aging with them. No one noticed, which didn't surprise him. Lily was the only one who would've questioned that, with concern in her emerald eyes, but she remained with Harry, tucked away safely in her husband's mansion. Peter avoided that place as if it were a leper's house; he didn't think he'd be able to bear looking at any of them.

Occasionally, Voldemort would summon him to a large gathering, where he would wear a skull over his face so that no one recognized him. At these gatherings, Voldemort would address him only as Wormtail, assuring him that Snape – the only Death Eater who might have remembered the name from school – was teaching Potions at Hogwarts. His real identity remained a secret, but then… Peter often wondered if that identity wasn't lost or disappearing, fading away for the rest of his miserable life.

Voldemort never failed to target him at such gatherings. He tortured those who either angered or disappointed him, directly in front of Peter, so that he could watch up close. More than once he killed prisoners, and after awhile, he even forced Peter to do so himself. All to prove his loyalty.

Peter knew what was happening. Voldemort wanted to destroy him, to snuff all the honor, all the strength, all the Gryffindor, he had left within him right out of existence. And the worst part about it was that he happened to be succeeding in his endeavors. Peter wasn't a boy anymore. He wasn't even a man. More often than not, he felt like a soulless wretch, condemned to damnation, broken beyond repair. He hated himself… This wasn't how he'd pictured it… This wasn't what he'd wanted… How had it come so far? How had it gotten so out of hand?

"The time has come, Wormtail," Voldemort finally announced, as they met privately one afternoon in a different, but no less decaying field. "I have waited ever so patiently for this, my friend. Potter and his son must die. You are to visit them in their mansion and when the time is right, you will slip back outside, lower all their defenses, and open the gates so that my men can commence an attack. Do you understand?"

"Yes, my Lord," Peter said weakly. A long, long time ago, he barely remembered asking, _begging_ his master not to make him do anything other than spy. Spying was enough. But now… here they both were, completely disregarding that promise, for Peter no longer possessed the nerve to object. Had Voldemort known he would fall so far? Had his investment truly paid off so well? It didn't matter. Peter wasn't entirely sure he cared anymore. "But won't they suspect me?"

"No," Voldemort said without hesitation. "Trust me, Wormtail. My men have their orders. They know exactly what to do. You're the last person any of your friends will ever suspect." He chuckled maliciously and Peter felt his blood run cold.

**ooooooo**

**A/N:** Look, I know we all hate Peter, but I seriously doubt he could become such a reprehensible traitor overnight. He was a Gryffindor, too, remember? I really think someone went through a great deal of trouble to start him down that path of deterioration, which is what I wanted this chapter to portray. Please review. I appreciate it.


	143. Conflagration

**ooooooo**

In the months following Peter's departure, Harry grew more than even Lily would have thought possible. Maybe because he'd been born a month prematurely, he had to grow quickly to make up for it, none of them knew, but they watched in open fascination. Lily kept careful track of his height and weight and whenever any of them noticed anything new, such as solid green eyes, rather than baby blue, teeth, and wisps of black hair, James ran for the camera.

Caring for Harry unsurprisingly became a fulltime job for all of them. They took turns bathing him, massaging him, changing his diapers, and soothing him whenever he cried. Despite being locked up in James's mansion, again, and enjoying very little contact with the outside world, the only complaint any of them ever really made was that Peter himself wasn't there to take part in the first year of Harry's life. Lily in particular missed him, wrote to him often, and always sent him pictures. That he never wrote back and never seemed to so much as even acknowledge her letters greatly concerned her; she knew he wasn't just working for the _Daily Prophet_ anymore, but was really stepping up for the Order of the Phoenix as well, and she prayed everyday he wasn't overdoing it. Harry needed all four Marauders in his life, not just three.

Remus, who remained their greatest link to civilization, for he spent two, sometimes three, maybe even four days away from the mansion every month when there was a full moon, continuously tried telling Lily not to worry so much about Peter. Apparently, he recognized the Imperius Curse on his editor, got Professor Dumbledore to rescue the man, and now had his own column, much to Rita Skeeter's dismay. He had a good thing going for him and though that kept him away from his friends, they should be happy for him. Of course, Lily told Remus that wasn't good enough; when he came back to the mansion after the next full moon, he had to bring Peter with him, whether the columnist liked it or not.

It was just that he was missing so much! Remus got to read to Harry and had even finally learned several lullabies. Sirius got to play with him and bounce him on his knees. James cared for him when he bumped his head. They all celebrated when he started to crawl. Lily had more happy, unforgettable memories now than she'd ever had before and Peter wasn't a part of any of them. It just didn't seem right.

Before long, July of 1981 had all but appeared on their front doorstep. Petunia, who Lily still kept in touch with, sent word of Dudley's first birthday, while Harry's and Neville's were just weeks away. It was hard to believe eleven months had come and gone so quickly – Lily's pregnancy certainly hadn't felt this fast!

"Looks like we're gonna have to come up with presents the same way we did for Christmas," James noticed, for though Harry was really too young to know it was his birthday, his family still had every intention of celebrating it – they really did love celebrations – which, of course, meant either making their gifts or handing Remus a shopping list.

"I'm already working on mine!" Sirius said cheerfully, holding up what looked astonishingly like a miniature broomstick. Lily's jaw dropped, but James laughed in delight. Sirius himself was beaming with pride. "It'll only rise about two feet off the ground and yeah, I know he'll have to be carefully, carefully supervised, but Moony and I can do that, and if he can fly a broomstick before he can walk, he'll be playing Quidditch like a pro in no time at all! He might even be better than Prongs!"

"We could start our own team!" James suddenly declared, jumping to his feet in excitement. He turned to Lily, grinning in that way of his that promised he was either cooking up something really harebrained or truly genius. "You and me, we could be coaches, Lil! And we'll need six more children, all within seven years of Harry, so that when they get to Hogwarts, they'll make up the entire Gryffindor team!"

Lily smiled at him as sweetly as she could. "Dream on, James Potter."

Meanwhile, Remus, who was attempting to feed Harry lunch, could be heard grumbling about how there wasn't anything in the entire world he could think of that might come even remotely close to competing with a toy broomstick for the kid's birthday. "Stupid Padfoot, with all his brilliant ideas, outshining the rest of us…" He shook his head, huffing, while the rest of the family laughed in amusement.

As promised, after the next full moon, Remus returned to the mansion with none other than Peter Pettigrew. Lily nearly screamed when she glanced out the window and saw the two of them walking up the drive. Running past Edmund, the butler, she threw open the front door, jumped down the porch's marble steps, and dove into Peter's arms. "Where've you been, Wormtail? I've missed you so much!" He didn't answer right away, but when Lily took a closer look, he seemed quite flushed and extremely self-conscious. The past year had not been kind to him. He had lost some weight, his face was wrinkled, his colorless hair was wispy, and it looked like he had a bald spot. This was not the Peter Pettigrew she had said goodbye to last August, who had set out so hopefully, so ambitiously, and even boldly. Something was wrong. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah," he nodded a bit too quickly for her liking and was definitely forcing that smile. "I'm sorry I've been so out of touch, Lily, it's just really rough out there, with the war and all." He waved as James and Sirius came out to greet him, with little Harry sitting up on his father's shoulders. "Long time, no see!" He pushed past Lily to meet his friends halfway and, feeling slightly discarded, she turned to watch him go.

"I know he seems distant," Remus said, wrapping an arm around her waist and pulling her close to him. "But he's a columnist for the _Prophet_ now and he's got nothing to write about that doesn't somehow pertain to the war. Voldemort's tearing the island apart looking for the Longbottoms and I'm sure he's eager to find a way through our defenses so he can get to Harry, too. Peter feels guilty about not being here for you, which I'm sure is because he doesn't want to give Voldemort any bright ideas about using him against you and now that he's finally here…" Remus sighed, looking down at her with a bit of anguish in his eyes. "You understand how overwhelming it must be, don't you?"

"Yeah," Lily took a deep breath. "I do." She turned, this time to get a closer look at Remus. "How 'bout you? Are you okay?" He averted his eyes and she half expected him to brush her aside as well. But then he nodded.

"I will be," he assured her quietly. "I can't remember very much of the transformation. I didn't go to the Shrieking Shack. I probably should have, but there were Death Eaters hanging around last month, looking to cause trouble I'm sure, and I didn't want to risk them setting me loose on Hogsmeade. So I found a large forest and…" He shook his head, narrowing his eyes pensively. Lily could tell he was struggling very hard to remember, but only half successfully. "I think there were others… You know, back at school, when Prongs, Padfoot, and Wormtail transformed with me, I always woke up the next morning feeling… really good about myself. It wasn't like that this time."

Lily frowned, taking his hand and squeezing it tightly. Not too far away, James, Sirius, and Peter were all laughing, holding Harry between them, but for once Lily's attention was fixed entirely on someone else. "Do you have any idea who they were?" Remus shook his head, clearly more than just a bit uncomfortable; he looked ill.

"None," he whispered. "But whoever they were… I don't want to ever see 'em again." He shuddered, which Lily took as her cue to pull him towards the house and his friends. She couldn't bear to imagine what it must be like for him, not just living the kind of life he had to live, but also having to live it with such company. In all likeliness, those other werewolves hadn't been friends… after all, how many werewolves appreciated those among their kind trying to survive in a world of bigoted wizards? Remus was definitely in the minority, whether as a man or as a wolf. It must be so hard for him.

After leading Peter into the mansion and reminding him where his room was, the group returned to the parlor where they played with Harry while filling their old friend in on everything he had missed over the past year. Though he did look interested, Lily couldn't help but notice how something seemed to be distracting him and no matter what she said or how she tried to move him, he would not look her in the eye. Remus was right, he did seem distant, but there was something more to it… something terrible. Lily didn't know what it was, but as Remus was too preoccupied with his own dilemma, no one else seemed to notice.

Evening came and shortly after dinner, Peter asked to go to bed, claiming to be terribly exhausted. Remus pleaded the same and, after entrusting Harry to Sirius, Lily and James went outside for a long walk. It definitely felt refreshing, even after she voiced all her thoughts concerning the two men. James listened intently and, as usual, told her not to worry. All any of them could do now for Peter and Remus was try and make them feel at home, safe, and at peace while they were here, instead of constantly reminding them of the world that lay beyond their walls. They needed respite, he said, and would come around soon enough. Hoping he was right, Lily allowed him to guide her back to the house, where they checked in on Harry – whom Sirius had put down to bed – before crawling into bed themselves.

**ooooooo**

At two-thirty in the morning, Lily awoke as she always did to double-check on Harry. He could sleep through the night now, but having long since been in the habit, she couldn't fight the compulsion to at least poke her nose in. His nursery was right across the hall and it didn't take her long at all to navigate her way through the darkness. With practiced ease, she even managed to do so without waking James. Soundlessly pulling open the door, she stepped out of her room and took a moment to look around.

All seemed well, but at the same time, it was inordinately quiet. She didn't know why that bothered her, it was always quiet at that hour, and yet… something about it felt off. She wasn't particularly surprised, in all honesty, for something had definitely been off ever since Remus and Peter's return. And yet, at the same time, it left her deeply, deeply unsettled, unable to put a finger on it. Hastening into the nursery, Lily struggled not to let it get the best of her.

Harry, in his red pajamas, presently slept on his back with his arms lying up by his head, resting on a pillow. Tucked snugly in his crib, under a warm blue blanket, he looked so peaceful, so still, and so beautiful that, for a moment, nothing else in the entire world seemed to matter. Whatever disturbances Lily might have been perceiving… they temporarily lost their precedence as she paused, wrapping her arms around her stomach, watching her sleeping child in absolute content.

A flash of red light outside Harry's nursery window, as well as distant yelling, suddenly interrupted her reveries. Dodging the cradle, she shot towards the window, opened it, and stuck her head outside. To her astonishment, the old butler, Edmund, was squaring off against at least eight, maybe nine, black robed, masked Death Eaters. Suddenly, there came a second flash of light, only this one was green, and the next thing Lily knew, Edmund was falling to the ground. She screamed, horrified, and several of the Death Eaters glanced up at her, their white masks glinting mercilessly in the starlight.

Abruptly, one among their number turned and vanished completely from sight. Lily's knees buckled and she almost collapsed, so great was her horror. This couldn't be happening! They had defenses set up! Witches and wizards couldn't just show up here like this, and they certainly couldn't Disapparate like that! Not on her husband's property. James had made sure of it.

Sliding back into the nursery as the remaining Death Eaters turned their wands against her, Lily shut the window, locked it, and spun around just in time to witness a shadow rippling between her and Harry. No… It wasn't a shadow… It was a cape. The bloody Death Eater had Apparated directly into the nursery and now turned to regard her smugly. "Boo."

"JAMES!" she screamed, reaching for the wand she already knew she wouldn't find. She had left it on her bedside table, never in her wildest dreams imagining she'd need it, and dressed in a simple, thin white nightgown, she had nothing with which to defend her son. The Death Eater laughed when he assessed that much.

"Come now, princess, did you really think you'd be safe from us?" he asked maliciously and though Lily could not see his face, she could easily place his voice. Mulciber. The Death Eater who had taken such pleasure kidnapping her last year. Catching her breath, heart pounding in terror, she could only watch as he turned towards Harry's crib. "For your sake, I'll make this quick."

"NO!" She launched herself towards him, making a grab for his wand. He grunted, but being twice her size gave him every advantage. Turning into her, he wrapped an arm around her waist and easily hoisted her to his other side, extending his wand-arm away from her so that, no matter how far she stretched, she couldn't reach it. She screamed, struggling against him, trying to claw him with her nails, but unable to find an open patch of skin. Mulciber laughed, aiming his wand at Harry.

_"Expelliarmus!"_

James had appeared in the doorframe, dressed only in a pair of sweatpants, but brandishing his wand in fury. "Let her go, you bastard!"

Suddenly unarmed, Mulciber quickly stepped away from the crib, but failed to release Lily. Instead, he seemed to count his losses and spun on his heel. Immediately, the universe all but imploded; Lily found herself beleaguered by the unwelcome feel of forced Disapparition crushing, squashing, and suffocating her. Moments later, she was standing outside the mansion, in the company of several extremely hostile wizards, all of whom seemed inexplicably shocked by her capture.

"Mulciber, what are you doing?" the nearest one hissed as two others stepped forward to tear her out of the man's grasp. Instead of freeing her, however, they each took one of her arms and held her fast. "She's to be handled with care, remember? The Dark Lord doesn't want us Apparating with her. What if she'd splinched?" Voldemort still wanted her alive? Lily had thought… after escaping him last year… A knot formed in her stomach and she wasted no more time just standing there.

"Let go of me!" she shrieked, thrashing about in a desperate attempt to shake off her captors. Unfortunately, it was already too late for that. They both had exceedingly powerful grips and were able to hold her between themselves with incredible ease.

"I had no choice," Mulciber glared angrily at his prosecutor. "She screamed, Potter showed up before I could get the job done, and now I don't have a wand."

"In other words, you failed," a Death Eater standing to Lily's left growled in a voice that chilled her to the bone. He was larger than even Mulciber, but gangly, boasting long, matted hair and whiskers.

"No, Greyback," Mulciber objected, to Lily's astonishment. Fenrir Greyback… wasn't he the werewolf who bit Remus all those years ago? Her body shook feverishly as Mulciber stepped towards her and roughly grabbed her hair, forcing her head around towards the beast. "I got us a prize, see? With her safe in our hands, we can tear this place apart and have as much fun as we please with all those left inside." A smile slowly crossed Greyback's face; his teeth appeared to have been sharpened into fangs.

"Shall I dispose of the child, then?" he asked, rubbing his hands together in keen anticipation. "I think I'd greatly enjoy shredding him to pieces, tasting his blood…" Lily whimpered as he licked his lips, a sound that made several Death Eaters chuckle appreciatively.

"Let's see if we can't slaughter the rest of her family first, Greyback," Mulciber suggested cruelly, delighted by Lily's fear. "If there's time, would you not prefer having an audience? You could kill the boy in front of his mother."

"NO!" Lily's vision grew blurry as the world swam around her. The Death Eaters were all laughing now, thrilled by Mulciber's proposition. Unwilling to delay any longer, Greyback led all but the two holding her arms, as well as her initial captor, towards the mansion. Fighting to break free, she tried running after them, but was quickly pulled back. "Stop it! Let me go!"

"Can't we tie her up somewhere?" the Death Eater clutching her right arm demanded, giving her a violent shake. "I don't wanna miss the fun." He looked at Mulciber, who regarded Lily in consideration before nodding brusquely, gesturing at something behind her. Without a moment's hesitation, her captors jerked her around and dragged her towards a small copse of oak trees, squeezing her arms tighter and tighter the more she resisted; she could already feel dark, painful, hand-shaped bruises forming on them both. It brought tears to her eyes.

Tossing her forcefully to the ground, so much so that she was left in a momentary daze, one wizard grabbed her hair and yanked her upright. She hissed as he pressed her back up against the trunk of a tall, relatively slender, but solid, unyielding tree. Before she could break away from him, or even climb back to her feet, the other pointed his wand at her. _"Incarcerous."_ Several ropes shot towards her at once. She screamed as they wrapped themselves tightly around her, pinning her arms to her sides while fastening her securely to the tree. A final strand looped around her ankles, both of which were drawn out in front of her.

"I reckon she outta be safe here," one of the Death Eaters said in good-humor, wiping his hands together. He laughed. "At least until we finish the job, no?" He quickly turned back towards the house, all but charging into battle alongside his cohort while Mulciber remained behind, kneeling down beside his prisoner to straighten out her nightdress. It was humiliating, but she couldn't stop him.

"Don't worry, princess," he taunted heartlessly, watching as she struggled in vain against her bindings. He tucked a lock of red hair behind her ear. "I doubt this will take very long and then we'll be back for you." Lily spat at him, as that seemed to be the only way in which she could resist anymore. He froze, wiped the spit stiffly off his face, and proceeded to slap her, hard. She grimaced, her cheek stinging, as he rose to tower over her angrily. "Such manners don't befit a girl in your position, princess. I'd do well to remember that."

Her eyes flashed, fear momentarily replaced by open defiance. "And what happened the last time I was in this position? How brutally did Voldemort torture you after I escaped? It'd be a shame for history to repeat itself." Mulciber hesitated, the briefest hint of trepidation crossing his face as he undoubtedly recalled his past punishment. But then he scoffed, pulling off a leather glove as he reached down and stroked her face and hair with his bare skin.

"You won't escape tonight, princess," he assured her softly, brushing fingers that were intertwined with her red locks against her cheek. She shrank away from him, but he only drew in closer, until she could feel his breath on her face. "I'll make sure of it…"

_"Stupefy!"_

The blast came out of nowhere and hit Mulciber squarely in the back. Lily screamed as he collapsed on top of her, but immediately swallowed her cry as she spotted Sirius pulling off James's invisibility cloak. To her astonishment, he was holding Harry in one of his arms and she almost laughed, overjoyed, at the sight of her son calmly, almost curiously, taking in his surroundings.

With a flick of his wrist, Sirius wordlessly lifted Mulciber's body up off of Lily, so that he was hanging in midair, upside down, as if suspended by the ankle. And for once, she didn't mind him using that particular spell against another person, even if that other person was helpless to fight back. She had never been more relieved to see anyone in her entire life and the moment he cut her free with a simple severing charm, she wrapped an arm around him while trying not to squash her son.

"Are you all right?" he asked, to which she nodded vigorously. They pulled away from each other and Sirius effortlessly handed her the baby. Somehow, he fit perfectly in her arms; she never wanted to let him go again. What if Greyback had actually discovered him? She couldn't help but picture the werewolf carrying out his threat, tearing her son apart before her very eyes, which would have killed her as well. She couldn't bear the thought of losing her only child.

"After that bloke carried you off, Prongs said he could see you all from the window," Sirius told her, picking the invisibility cloak back up off the ground while producing a second wand Lily immediately recognized as her own. He handed it to her, shaking his head in contempt. "The stupid gits were just standing there, talking, which gave us plenty of time to regroup; Wormtail, Moony, and I all came running when we heard you screaming. When we reached the nursery, Prongs gave me his cloak, told me to take care of Harry, as I'm his godfather. The moment I got outside, I saw those Death Eaters coming towards the house and figured I could probably take whoever was left guarding you."

"Thank you," she said, kissing Harry's forehead. Before either of them could say anything else, however, there came an ominous explosion from the house.

"Put this on!" Sirius yelled, throwing the cloak over Lily and Harry. Together, they took off towards what appeared to be a mammoth, colossal bonfire. There was no sign of the building whatsoever beneath that inferno. Stopping short, they could all feel the abnormal heat, which was enough to finally upset Harry. He began crying as the blazing flames transformed themselves into monstrous, fiery beasts: serpents, dragons, chimaeras. They tore apart James's childhood home mercilessly and almost instantaneously.

"Prongs!" Sirius shouted, bolting towards the hell storm. Lily, however, felt frozen solid. That clearly wasn't your typical, everyday house fire. It was cursed… Fiendfyre… She had learned about it in school. Who in their right minds would dare wield Fiendfyre against them? It was folly!

There was a battle raging in front of the burning mansion. Lily hadn't noticed it at first – not with that conflagration drawing her immediate attention – but she gradually became aware of it. Sirius was joining in next to James; Peter was fighting farther to the left, and Remus, unarmed, was grappling furiously against another wandless brute. Several maids and other members of the staff who had made it outside fought as well, balancing out the odds against them, and it seemed clear they had gained the upper hand.

_We're going to win this,_ Lily thought, amazed, despite the Fiendfyre swiftly reducing their house and everything they owned to a pile of ash. And, sure enough, the call to retreat was shortly sounded.

"DISAPPARATE!" Greyback roared, striding from one end of the battle to the other. Remus, who had managed to knock his opponent to the ground, spotted the werewolf for the first time that night. He froze, a look of panic crossing his face, distorting his features, turning him back into the child he had been when Greyback first contaminated him.

"Remus…" Lily stepped towards him in concern, but Harry was screaming now and she dared not carry him any closer to the Fiendfyre, which was luckily drowning out his cries. Cut off from the battle, she could only watch as Death Eaters disappeared, fleeing to god only knew where. Before long, only two remained: Greyback and some other faceless crony who had noticed the younger werewolf.

"LUPIN!" he shouted over the billowing roar of the cursed flames. "THAT GOES FOR YOU, TOO! GET OUT OF HERE!"

Greyback spun around and he wasn't the only one. Peter turned sharply, openmouthed, looking as though he'd been slapped hard across the face. James and Sirius both glanced around, as did all the servants who had fought alongside them. Remus himself was covered in sweat, panting from exertion, and he looked pained, as if someone had dug claws into his chest, ripping out his heart.

"AMYCUS, NO!" Greyback bellowed, lunging towards the Death Eater and socking the back of his head. "YOU IDIOT! HIS FRIENDS MUSN'T KNOW!" He gave Amycus a vicious shove, growling as the man Disapparated. James and Sirius glanced at each other, suddenly looking slack, and Peter had fallen to his knees. Lily could barely breathe, her head was spinning, and her knees were buckling. Something terrible was happening, but Harry was sobbing and she found it difficult to think clearly. Remus…?

Even at that distance, she could still see the look of unbridled hatred suddenly replace the young werewolf's horror. Growling himself, he lunged towards Greyback, crashing against him so vehemently they were both thrown to the ground. Nothing else moved but the demonic monster flames as the two werewolves wrestled in the middle of the drive. Lily had never, in her entire life, seen Remus so wild, so bestial, so clearly out for blood, and would never have thought it possible… not when he was human. Despite that, however, Greyback was the better fighter.

"YOU UNGRATEFUL LITTLE WHELP!" he howled, throwing Remus off him before diving towards his throat, his sharpened teeth bared.

_"STUPEFY!" _James shouted, finally reacting. Red sparks shot out of his wand, flying towards Greyback, but the werewolf perceived them. Tackling Remus to the ground, he rolled them both out of the way before scrambling back to his feet and Disapparating. All that remained of the Death Eaters now was the Fiendfyre, blazing furiously before them, and it seemed to be growing more and more powerful by the second. James looked around at his family's staff, all of whom were glancing back and forth between him and the flames. "GET OUT OF HERE!" he yelled, for as long as that fire burned, this place wasn't safe. He didn't wait to watch them obey, but stormed towards Remus, grabbing him by the front of his shirt and pulling him to his feet. "DID YOU LET THEM IN HERE?"

"NO!" Remus shook his head, shoving James away from him. The anger, the all-encompassing hatred he felt towards Fenrir Greyback clearly had yet to dissipate and he had to take it out on someone. "I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE HELL THEY WERE TALKING ABOUT, BUT I'M NOT ONE OF THEM!"

"BECAUSE IF YOU ARE, I'LL KILL YOU!" James shouted, raising his wand towards the unarmed man's chest.

"LOOK OUT!" Peter shrieked as a fiery dragon swept towards them. They barely had enough time to jump apart before the fire struck right where they'd been standing.

"WE HAVE TO GO!" Sirius ran towards James, grabbed his shoulders, and propelled him towards Lily. She pulled off his cloak and when he saw her standing there with his son in her arms, he bolted towards them as quickly as he could, glancing over his shoulder to glare at Remus one last time in pure, contemptuous disgust.

**ooooooo**

**A/N:** Please review… Thanks!


	144. The Fidelius Charm

**ooooooo**

Absolutely none of them wanted to just leave the Fiendfyre burning in the middle of the countryside, but lacking the power to extinguish it, they had no other choice. After flying up the path that led to the estate's front gates, James hustled everyone off his land, shut the fire in, and placed a charm on the entrance's iron bars that would hopefully keep it from spreading, at least until he could send for help. Meanwhile, Lily turned away from them all, concentrating solely on soothing her baby, who continued to cry hysterically.

"What happened in there?" Sirius asked after several long minutes had past, during which time Peter and Remus had both collapsed onto the grass while James stood staring back the way they'd come. His home was gone… It was finally starting to sink in… What _had_ happened? And how had it happened? And why…? First his parents, now his home… Why was he losing everything? What would he lose next?

"It wasn't Moony's fault!" Peter said abruptly, his voice dripping with fear, anxiety, and desperation. Lily, who had finally managed to calm her son, turned back around in time to see James whip away from the gate. There was fury in his eyes, but Peter was not deterred. "It could have been any of us! It could… it could have been someone on the staff who let them in! That was the werewolf, wasn't it? Fenrir Greyback? They're probably just trying to mess with us and you can't let them, Prongs!"

"Oh, no?" James asked viciously and they all turned to stare at Remus. He was sitting weakly on the ground, covered in sweat, panting, and shaking. He almost looked helpless, vulnerable, but there was still a trace of hatred and even brutality lingering from the brawl he had with Greyback. It was personal between them, they all knew that. Greyback had turned Remus into what he was, so it was hard to imagine they could ever fight alongside each other, but at that moment, at that hour, after what he'd just been through, James wasn't thinking clearly whatsoever. "Just the fact that it _was_ Fenrir Greyback leads me to think differently, Wormtail."

"James!" Lily couldn't believe what she was hearing. James had always, always been the first to defend Remus. How could he so quickly turn against one of his best friends? Harry was starting to whimper; he didn't like the hostility in his family's voices and he particularly didn't like the distress in his mother's. He'd start crying again if they kept this up and as much as Lily wanted to tell James to back off – how could he possibly think Remus had something to do with this? – she had to care for her son, first.

"You trade us in for a new pack, Moony?" James demanded, rounding on the werewolf. "You one of Greyback's subordinates now?"

Remus shook his head, fixing James with the fiercest look any of them had ever seen on his face before, excluding the one he had given his fellow werewolf not fifteen minutes ago. "I was going to kill him, Prongs," he said in a low, dangerous voice. "We were fighting to the death and I was going to kill him. You shouldn't have interfered!"

James scoffed. "Like you could kill anyone. You've practically been living with us all this time and you still need Death Eaters to help you do Voldemort's dirty work! I hate to break it to you, but Greyback was going for your throat. If I hadn't saved your sorry arse, you'd be dead right now!"

"Prongs, listen to what you're saying…" Sirius tried cutting in, as delicately as he could because it was clear James wanted someone to blame for this. "You're not making any sense…" After all, Remus _had_ been living with them for months now, naturally excluding those few days during every cycle when the full moon was out and he sought isolation to transform – which might, on second thought, have been perfect opportunities to conspire with other werewolves… but the point was if Remus had truly desired Harry's death, he would have killed him by now!

"Padfoot's right!" Peter exclaimed, backing Sirius up. "If Moony was working for Greyback, Greyback wouldn't have tried killing him!" Unfortunately, James and Remus weren't paying either one of them the slightest bit of attention.

"Maybe I would've rather died," Remus spat harshly, glowering bitterly at his old friend. Lily's heart skipped a beat at such words and she hastened to Sirius, quickly and silently handing Harry over to him as Remus continued. "Fenrir Greyback ruined my life, Prongs, and he did it, not because he couldn't help himself, but because he wanted to! Maybe I would've rather died at least _trying_ to avenge myself! You shouldn't have stopped him!"

"Well, if that's the way you feel about it, maybe I won't next time!" James shouted, which caused Harry to start bawling again. Sirius immediately carried him away from the group to try and console him, but not even that stopped the boy's father. "In fact, why don't you just go, Moony? Go find Greyback! Fight him to the death! Get yourself killed for all I care!"

"James, stop it," Lily pleaded, but Remus was clambering to his feet and her husband wouldn't look at anyone else. For a moment, the two men just glared at each other. Remus himself was sputtering wordlessly, clearly searching for something to say, but unable to match the cruelty James commanded, which wasn't surprising, for when James set his mind to it, he would always be a bigger bully. He had said it himself once, hadn't he? Of all the Marauders, Remus was the least threatening.

Abruptly, Remus spun on his heel and stormed away from his friends, away from the closed gate. James watched him go indifferently, while Peter trembled on the ground. Sirius turned to watch, but with Harry crying in his arms, there was nothing he could do. Lily, however, could not bear to let him go. Not like this. She ran after him. "Remus, wait!" He was her best friend. He was like a brother to her. Ever since their first day at Hogwarts, he had always been there for her. "James is just angry," she said quietly, once she'd caught up with him and grabbed his arm, pulling him to a stop. "Give him time to calm down. He doesn't mean it."

"Yeah, well," Remus shook her off. "He won't calm down with me around."

"Remus!" She wished there was something she could say to comfort him, to make James see reason, and to fix all this, but the damage had been done. Before she could stop him, he Disapparated, leaving her and the rest of his friends behind in the ever growing darkness.

**ooooooo**

They went first to Hogsmeade, where they broke into Honeydukes and crept down to the hidden tunnel in the sweetshop's cellar. Sneaking into Hogwarts, they didn't stop until they were standing outside the Headmaster's office, where James and Sirius were able to guess Professor Dumbledore's password in under ten minutes. The stone gargoyle jumped aside and when they reached the top of the escalating stairs, instead of barging in through the gleaming oak door, James more courteously chose to bang the griffin shaped brass knocker. "Hey, professor! You awake?" Peter winced and Lily, hidden beneath the invisibility cloak, couldn't help but sympathize. James was yelling loud enough to wake up the entire castle!

Within seconds, the office door opened and Professor Dumbledore, still dressed in his purple robes, as if he could not be bothered to sleep at night, peered out at them in surprise. "Why, James, what are you…?" He noticed the expression, the anger, that continued to distort the younger wizard's face. "What's happened?" Lily pulled off her husband's cloak, revealing both herself and Harry to the Headmaster, whose alarm intensified. "Lily?"

"Death Eaters got past our defenses," James explained quickly as Professor Dumbledore invited them inside. "There was a fight. We drove them off, but not before they set Fiendfyre to the mansion. You might wanna send someone to take care of that." He shook his head in disgust, holding one of the chairs in front of the desk out for Lily to sit. Meanwhile, Professor Dumbledore strode to the golden perch on which his phoenix, Fawkes, sat. After whispering something to the bird, he gestured towards the window and Fawkes sang one of the most eerie, unearthly, and yet beautiful notes Lily had ever heard, before spreading his swanlike wings and leaving the office. James, having frozen at the sound of his voice, now turned to watch him go, a look of calm finally crossing his face. Peter, on the other hand, stood trembling more fiercely than ever.

"Fawkes will see to the Fiendfyre," Professor Dumbledore assured them, even as he glanced around the room with a slight frown. "Where's Remus?"

James groaned, looking miserable as he sank into the chair next to Lily's. "Bloody hell. Remus…" He clenched his eyes shut, running a hand through his messy hair while shaking his head in dismay. "Oh, he's alive!" he said quickly, noticing Professor Dumbledore's concern. "But… Greyback was there… and we had an argument and now… we don't know where he is."

"He Disapparated," Sirius explained. "I've never seen him that angry before."

"Someone needs to find him before he does something stupid," Lily said, gently rubbing Harry's back as he slept against her shoulder. "He said he'd rather die fighting Greyback…" She'd seen what Greyback could do… He tore people apart and as Remus had said, he did it for the mere enjoyment of it, but Remus himself… he was so gentle. How could he possibly hope to compete with the older, more brutal werewolf? He'd get himself killed and no matter what anyone said, Lily didn't want to lose him. She looked at James. "It wasn't his fault! You know that, don't you?" He seemed unable to meet her gaze.

"Why would it be Remus' fault?" Professor Dumbledore asked, glancing from Lily to James in curiosity even as she insisted that it wasn't. Peter had to be right; the Death Eaters were just trying to confuse them and turn them against each other, and if they succeeded, Voldemort would win! Together, the Marauders were unstoppable. Wasn't that what they'd always believed? As long as the Marauders were united, they would take the world by storm and they would easily defeat Voldemort just because there wasn't anything they couldn't do. Everyone always used to say it… if the Marauders caused as much trouble for the Death Eaters as they did for Hogwarts, the Death Eaters wouldn't stand a chance. But now… with Remus gone… they wouldn't be the Marauders anymore. They were missing something vital… and if they couldn't pick the pieces back up again, what would they have left?

"When the Death Eaters fled our land," James said weakly, staring at the floor. "One of them implied Remus was on their side. Greyback really gave it to him for that. Said we weren't supposed to know. Made it seem like Remus is a spy."

"He's not!" Lily and Peter both insisted at the same time. It couldn't be true.

Professor Dumbledore regarded them all for what felt like the longest minute of their lives. The news understandably troubled him, for whether Remus was a spy or not, the Death Eaters had still somehow managed to break onto their land, past their defenses, which meant there weren't very many other places where they would be safe. And their safety was paramount. Harry needed to be protected at all costs, and if anything were ever to happen to Lily… "I believe the time has come for us to take more drastic measures. James, you know of the Fidelius Charm, do you not?"

"Of course."

The Fidelius Charm… Lily knew of it, too. There was no greater way of disappearing. The spell concealed certain secrets inside the very souls of certain witches and wizards, and those secrets could never be uncovered unless their keepers willingly gave them up. If Lily and her family entrusted their lives with a reliable Secret-Keeper, Voldemort would never discover them, no matter what they did or where they went. Ever. Had it really come to this?

"It will undoubtedly take some time to make the necessary preparations without raising Voldemort's suspicions," Professor Dumbledore informed them gravely, making it perfectly clear there weren't any other alternatives. He glanced pointedly at Sirius and Peter. "I would like the two of you to return to Hogsmeade. Here." He handed Sirius a fistful of Galleons. "This should be enough for you to stay the night at the Three Broomsticks. In the morning, you can begin your search for Remus."

"Yeah, as if we'd wait that long," Sirius grumbled, counting his newly acquired gold coins. If Remus really meant to go after Greyback, it was doubtful he'd wait until dawn to do so. "And while we're at it, we'll discover who's really responsible for tonight." Peter swallowed hard, his face pale, but he nodded resolutely.

"Be careful," Lily urged them as she stood to say goodbye. With Harry in her arms, it was difficult embracing them, but she was pleased when Sirius leaned down to kiss the boy lightly on his head. After bidding James farewell, the two Marauders took their leave, but Professor Dumbledore waited several minutes, pacing around his office pensively, before he was satisfied with their departure. During that time, Lily glanced nervously at James, wondering why it was so critical for them to be so completely alone. Surely Peter and Sirius weren't suspects now, too? Why had Professor Dumbledore sent them away?

"I think it'd be best for you to stay at Hagrid's," he told them at last. "When he puts his mind to it, he actually can be rather good at hiding things. Granted, he generally hides them in the forest, and his hut only has the one room, but I should be able to extend it and make a spare." He frowned at James. "You'll have to use your cloak if you want to sneak outside, my boy. Remember, there are still students spending their holidays here and the fewer who know of your presence, the better."

"How long do you reckon it'll take to prepare for the Fidelius Charm?" James asked, for once not entirely put out by the prospect of hiding in such a closed, cramped area. After what happened tonight… the only thing that mattered was protecting his family. For the time being, he was more than willing to try enduring whatever insufferable conditions were necessary to keep his wife and son from harm.

"Without drawing Voldemort's attention?" Professor Dumbledore sighed. "It could take weeks. The Fidelius is not, by any means, a simple spell. I will place restrictions over Hagrid's hut. Unlike the forest, it actually happens to be small enough to shield from even the most wayward of mischief makers." James smiled ironically. "Hopefully, there won't be anyone to bother you but Hagrid and myself. We'll try making it as comfortable as possible and in the meantime, you can consider potential Secret-Keepers. With any luck, we'll find a place for you to hide well before Voldemort discovers how to get through Hogwarts' defenses."

"God forbid," Lily grumbled. If Voldemort could infiltrate Hogwarts, there wasn't anyplace in the entire world where any of them would ever be safe again.

**ooooooo**

He tricked them… Somehow, Peter had actually managed to trick them… But instead of feeling proud by this, he had never felt more wretched in his life.

Moony was his friend! Yes, so was Lily, and so were Prongs and Padfoot, but this was different. He had to betray Lily… When he thought of the plans the Dark Lord had for her, he knew it was the only way, in the long run, to protect her. And as for Prongs and Padfoot… well, they had it coming. But Moony… he had nothing to do with any of that. He wasn't supposed to be involved at all. When the Dark Lord promised Peter that no one would suspect his betrayal, he hadn't known the promise would be kept by framing Moony instead! It wasn't fair! It wasn't right!

_And yet,_ he reminded himself as he silently followed Padfoot into the Three Broomsticks, where they would get some food and butterbeer before setting out on their search. _For all your indignation, Wormtail, you didn't confess. You didn't turn yourself in._ He might have defended Moony, but he hadn't cared enough to tell Prongs the truth. They all thought Moony was a traitor because he allowed them to. He was to blame. _So remember your place!_

Where was his place? Truly?

_WITH THEM!_ It was with them. The Marauders. That's where it had always been and that was where it always would be. He was a Marauder! He was a Marauder! He was a Marauder! He was a…

"All right there, Wormtail?" Sirius asked as they stepped up to the counter where Madam Rosmerta's nightshift employee waited to take their orders.

_Tell him! Tell him you're a Death Eater! Show him the tattoo on your arm! Do it for Moony! You're still a Gryffindor!_

"No," he said quietly, though he couldn't be sure whether he was talking to Padfoot… or to himself. It felt like he was talking to himself… He glanced at one of his best friends and, for the first, time truly understood what it meant that he was no friend to anyone but himself. Sirius Black… They'd known each other since they were eleven years old… and yet he might have been a perfect stranger. "I'm not all right, Padfoot. I know Moony didn't do anything wrong! I just wish I could convince Prongs…"

"Yeah," Sirius nodded understandingly. "I know exactly how you feel."

**ooooooo**

Loneliness… Isolation… Absolute solitude… Aside from the full moon and what it represented, nothing else in the entire world frightened Remus half as much… Werewolves… Filthy half-breeds… They weren't meant to have friends. They were meant to be alone. He'd been denying it for so long now… but if he was so easy for the Death Eaters to frame… and if Prongs, of all people, could be so quick to accuse him… that had to tell him something. The truth was he should have known this day would come a long time ago.

_"James is just angry,"_ Lily had said. _"Give him time to calm down. He doesn't mean it."_ How was that good enough? Remus had never been more hurt in his life. It didn't matter whether or not Prongs had meant what he said. The fact was he had used the one thing Remus hated most about himself as a reason to believe the lies of some random Death Eater. How could anyone recover from that?

Tears stinging in Remus' eyes, there was only one thing left for him. He had to run. He didn't know where he would go, but he couldn't stay here. The pain of standing still was more than he could bear.

**ooooooo**

Once Hagrid's hut had been magically extended and given a spare room for the Potters, it proved to be a rather interesting home. Of course, Lily had always been fond of the half-giant, but living with him soon became something of an adventure in itself. Hagrid was without a doubt the most cheerful fellow they knew and he was absolutely determined to ensure their comfort and wellbeing. Unfortunately, he failed to realize most witches and wizards didn't share his taste in food or pets – some of the creatures he snuck into the hut for Harry to play with ought to have been kept leagues away from children!

To their relief, however, Professor Dumbledore informed Minerva McGonagall of their stay and she often went out of her way to drop by after visiting Hogsmeade in order to provide them with clothes, relatively decent food, and anything they might need for their son. Lily knew within twenty-four hours that her family would forever be in that woman's debt.

Of course, they knew Hagrid meant well and he had grown so fond of Harry that he often spoke of their stay with him as if it was actually a permanent arrangement. Even when Harry cried, kicking and screaming, occasionally in the middle of the night, Hagrid never once complained and always wore a smile on his face, taking their temporary residence for granted.

Lily, on the other hand, took absolutely nothing for granted anymore. Even after Harry started walking and talking for the first time, it was hard for her to hold onto the hope she seemed to have lost the night some Death Eater's Fiendfyre burned down her husband's home. It wasn't any different for James.

After two weeks past, Sirius sent word that he and Peter had found Remus hiding out in some lonely village in the middle of nowhere. _"He's in bad shape, though,"_ Sirius wrote. _"And he doesn't want to see anyone."_

Lily didn't care, she so terribly wanted to make things right between him and James, but everyone she turned to for help insisted that she should stay at Hogwarts where she was safe. Even Severus, who she had once donned her husband's invisibility cloak to visit late at night, assured her it was in her son's best interest that she not go looking for trouble.

Several more weeks past, the school year started, and it wasn't until October that Professor Dumbledore finally decided they were ready to perform the Fidelius Charm. "You'll be staying in my own hometown," he informed them, while sitting down for tea at Hagrid's table. "Godric's Hollow. I've managed to buy a house – which you can repay me for, later," he added, noting the look on James's face. "And there's a portkey already set to transport you all up there. Now, are you absolutely certain there's no way I can convince you to accept me as your Secret-Keeper?" It was the same question he had been asking since August, but James remained fully adamant that Sirius was the only man for the job.

"Sorry, sir," he shook his head, clearly to Professor Dumbledore's disappointment.

"Very well," he sighed, holding his teacup stiffly in his hands. "There's really no point in any further delays. Hagrid, as soon as we've finished our tea, I believe you will have your hut back to yourself." Hagrid had tears in his eyes, as they'd all known he would, and which only grew heavier, pouring down his face and into his thick, overgrown beard, as Lily and James thanked him for his hospitality and hugged him goodbye. After that, they set off for the portkey, which Professor Dumbledore had waiting for them up in his office, along with their intended Secret-Keeper.

"All right!" Sirius grinned as they all filed in and joined him beside the Headmaster's desk, where someone had left an old Transfiguration textbook. "Let's get this show on the road!" Lily, who carried Harry in a special-made backpack so that she had two free hands, frowned as she bumped into something definitely solid and yet invisible while approaching the portkey. Was someone wearing her husband's cloak? And speaking of which:

"Before you go," Professor Dumbledore had suddenly placed a hand on James's shoulder, looking considerably torn and somewhat shamefaced. Lily couldn't think of a time when she'd ever seen him with such a countenance and was seconds away from asking if he was all right when he went on to make his request. "Might I borrow your family's cloak, my boy? I'm still quite amazed by how long you say it's lasted, and in such perfect condition, no less. The Order could certainly use more of its kind and if I can find a way to duplicate it, I believe it could very well be extremely advantageous."

James glanced hesitantly at Sirius, but then he nodded. "Yeah… Yeah, it should be here… somewhere…" He made a show of looking down at the one bag he carried in which he had packed what remained of his possessions, but it seemed to be too much of an effort for him. He met the Headmaster's gaze. "I'll send it by owl once we're settled. How's that sound?"

"Thank you," Professor Dumbledore nodded, handing James a rolled up piece of parchment on which he'd written some final instructions, and then they all said goodbye one last time. After that, James stepped up to the desk and gestured for Lily and Sirius to grab the textbook. The moment they did, they were pulled forward and jerked off the ground. Lily scrunched her eyes shut as she was carried through a whirlwind of swirling colors. Traveling by portkey was always so disorienting.

Fortunately, the journey was quick and Lily felt her feet slamming hard against the ground again. To her relief, Harry started laughing, as if he'd enjoyed it. Unable to suppress a smile at the sound of his mirth, she dropped the textbook and eased the backpack off her shoulders. Once she picked Harry up out of it and was holding him in her arms, she took in her surroundings. They had arrived in what appeared to be a tastefully furnished living room, complete with curtains and armchairs and everything.

"I can't believe he bought that," Peter's unmistakable voice came out of nowhere and Lily immediately turned her head to watch as he pulled off James's invisibility cloak. Apparently, they'd brought along a stowaway, but from the lack of surprise on the other's faces, Lily realized straightaway she was the only one, along with Professor Dumbledore, who'd been kept in the dark.

"What's going on?" she demanded, watching in perplexity as Peter handed James back his cloak. It wasn't that she minded, but the more people who knew where they were, the greater Voldemort's chances would be at finding them.

Sirius, however, was beaming triumphantly. "Last minute change of plans, Lil! No one else knows about it! Not even Dumbledore!" Lily blinked, glancing at James, who just nodded his head smugly. Sirius continued: "I'm not going to be your Secret-Keeper. I mean, come on, isn't it just a little bit obvious? Voldemort's gonna come after me the moment he realizes we're using the Fidelius Charm, 'cause let's face it, he'll figure it out, sooner or later. But it won't do him any good, 'cause Wormtail's gonna be Secret-Keeper, not me! He'll never suspect! He'll never know! It's perfect!"

Lily hesitated, glancing back at James. She wasn't particularly keen on the idea – she hated the whole concept of a 'last minute' change in any carefully constructed plan, much less in Professor Dumbledore's. But then again… her husband was smirking, which basically meant he thought it was a stroke of genius, and if he liked it, how bad could it be? These _were_ the Marauders, after all… and when had any of their plans ever gone wrong?

**ooooooo**

**A/N: **Please review… I can't believe how close it is…


	145. Godric's Hollow

**ooooooo**

Godric's Hollow was without a doubt one of the quaintest little towns Lily had ever seen. Though hardly able to compete with Hogsmeade, at least in her mind, she could definitely see how a man like Professor Dumbledore might have fond memories of the place. Smack-dab in the middle of a wild moor, there was plenty of room for a boy to run around in, practice magic if he was bold enough to do so underage – as James had been – and even play Quidditch! The fact that the village was mostly muggle hardly mattered, for it was so rural that a boy could easily venture far enough away to have such fun undetected. Wizards had been living in Godric's Hollow for over a thousand years – Godric Gryffindor was testament to this – which had to mean a family would be hard-pressed to find a better place to raise their children.

"Lily!" James came flying back into the house the day after the Fidelius Charm had been performed. Sirius and Peter had both long since gone and Lily had spent the rest of that evening and even a bit of the early morning acquainting herself with the place while James went out to explore, taking his invisibility cloak with him. "You'll never believe who I ran into at the post office!" He had gone to borrow an owl to send his cloak back to Hogwarts, for he had promised to let Professor Dumbledore examine it once they had settled in. "Bathilda Bagshot! You know, the author of _A History of Magic_! Did you know she lives here? She wants us to come for tea sometime!"

"James, let's live here!" Lily said abruptly, much to his astonishment. He stared at her blankly for a moment, running a hand through his hair, as if trying to determine whether or not he'd understood her unexpected exclamation. "I know it's not Hogsmeade or anything, but do you reckon Harry'll really want us living in Hogsmeade? Visits won't be as special for him when he turns thirteen and since there aren't any other exclusively magical communities in Britain, I can't think of a better place to raise him! It was good enough for Godric Gryffindor! It was good enough for Professor Dumbledore! Even when the war ends, let's stay here!"

James smiled, clearly amused, before walking over and picking up Harry. "Take a good look around, kiddo! This is our home now."

**ooooooo**

"Here we are!" Sirius said cheerfully as the gas lanterns of his childhood home sensed his arrival and consequently sputtered to life. Once Peter, camouflaged by a handy Disillusionment Charm, had walked into the hallway alongside of him, Sirius slammed the door shut, locked it, and marched farther into the detestable row house. "I've been planning this out since Dumbledore first mentioned using a Fidelius Charm! Risky, yeah, but that's the beauty of it." He led Peter, who couldn't help but glance in revulsion at the wall where the family's late house-elves' severed heads hung, towards the stairs. They started climbing all the way up to the top, while Sirius continued to chat. "Apparently, dad died months ago, so it's just mum. She's a _real_ charmer, let me tell you. But she goes out to shop and stuff everyday with Kreacher, has since I was a kid, which is what they're doing now, I reckon."

They reached the highest landing, where two shut doors stood waiting for them, each bearing a nameplate, one of which read: 'Sirius,' and the other: 'Regulus.' Much to the elder Black's disgust, the bloody sign his younger brother had once placed beneath his nameplate, the one that read: "Do not enter without the express permission of Regulus Arcturus Black," had not been removed. "Mum doesn't come up here, she never did even when Reg and I were small, and now that she's pretty much alone, I don't see Kreacher ever leaving her sight, especially for the sake of my old bedroom." He stormed past his brother's door and barged through his.

Laughing at the sight of all the old posters – mostly of motorcycles and gorgeous muggle women – and Gryffindor banners that his parents had been unable to remove from his bedroom walls – thanks to his Permanent Sticking Charms – Sirius presented Peter with the one haven he had had from his parents, back when he was growing up. "Now I _know_ you won't be bothered up here! Mum must hate this room! I'm kind of surprised she hasn't blasted it to pieces. You stay up here, Wormtail, you keep yourself quiet, and they'll never know they've got company!"

Peter had found the one picture in the room that hadn't been taken by a muggle photographer. It was of him, Sirius, James, and Remus, standing arm in arm outside Hogwarts. By far Sirius's favorite picture, he'd made sure ages ago that it, in particular, would remain hanging on his wall for as long as Number Twelve Grimmauld Place continued to stand. No one would ever remove it.

"I should have a Sneakoscope somewhere," he went on, walking over to his dresser and riffling through it. Sure enough, the old Dark Detector was right where he had left it. Smirking, he tossed it to Peter, who fumbled trying to make the catch. "I used it so my dad would never be able to sneak up on me and it's never failed, Wormtail, so if that thing goes off, you transfigure yourself into a rat and hide somewhere."

"Sure thing," Peter croaked.

"Now, I'll check up on you once a week, to make sure you're safe and well-fed," Sirius promised, grinning. "If you get extra hungry, go ahead and scavenge around. You've got the place all to yourself when my mum goes out and even when she's in, feel free to transform and explore it all from a rodent's perspective. Now, don't worry, my mum's not a Death Eater. She might support 'em, but she's not with 'em. They don't have any reason to show up here whatsoever, but it's still right under their noses, so they'll never suspect. I'm telling you, Wormtail, this is the perfect place to hide!"

"I suppose," Peter agreed, sighing quietly. "I still can't believe I let you talk me into this, Padfoot." Sirius beamed. The plan was flawless. Absolutely nothing could go wrong.

**ooooooo**

"What're you writing?" Lily asked, walking into the dining room where James sat at the table scribbling something out on a fresh piece of parchment. Harry was sitting next to him, up in his high chair, where he didn't seem particularly interested in feeding himself lunch, though he'd been doing so for weeks now.

"A letter to Moony," James presently replied as she took her own seat across from him. "I know no one's supposed to know where we live and we're not supposed to have visitors, but I really miss him." He set the quill down and glanced up at his wife. "You know, it's been three months since the fire and we haven't seen him once in all that time. I just… resented him for so long. Even when I still thought there was a chance he could've been a spy, he was always gonna be Moony, one of my best friends. I told myself it must've been Greyback trying to mess with his head. I thought, 'Moony's a werewolf. He spends a few days every month in isolation because it's too dangerous for him to be around other people. Most of the world hates him. He'll never get to start a career like Wormtail's. It must be so hard… But then there's Greyback. Compared to him, Moony's still a pup. Vulnerable. It must've been easy for Greyback to manipulate him.'"

"Oh, James…" Lily reached for his hand and held it tightly.

"So even if Moony was the spy," he continued. "I only blamed him the night of the fire, 'cause I was so, so angry, so _furious_ by what had happened. But after we got to Hogwarts… After Fawkes…" They could both still hear the musical cry of the phoenix, and it was still spine-tingling. "I thought, even if Moony's the spy, it's only 'cause Greyback's confusing him, messing with him, which makes him as much a victim as the rest of us. We have to help him. Save him." Lily understood all too well where he was coming from. She had felt the exact same way about Severus Snape. "But then, Padfoot and Wormtail found him. Said he was in rough shape, didn't want to see anyone, least of all me. And I resented him for that so much."

He sighed, taking a deep breath before finishing. "I don't know who the spy was, Lil. I don't know how those Death Eaters got past our defenses. But I know it wasn't Moony… and I have to tell him that. I can't wait any longer. He has to know I don't blame him…"

Lily smiled gently, realizing only then how heavy her heart had been up until now, as it suddenly began to lighten significantly. "Would you read me what you've written so far?" James nodded, picked up the parchment and, after quickly glancing at her over the top of it, he obliged.

**ooooooo**

In the days that followed, Peter spent most of his time standing before the picture in Sirius's room of him with his three childhood friends. Wormtail… Moony… Padfoot… Prongs… The four legendary Marauders… He remembered taking that picture. He remembered taking hundreds of others exactly like it. Those had been… the best days of his life. Why couldn't he go back to that? It was as if he had descended into some other nightmarish realm and couldn't, for the life of him, find his way to safety.

He was waiting for the Dark Lord to summon him. Peter knew it could work either way; all he had to do was press the mark on his arm and Voldemort would come to him, but he wasn't brave enough to do even that. He wasn't brave enough…? Some Gryffindor he made. He had no initiative anymore. All he could do was obey… always obey…

"I'm sorry," he whispered to the four laughing boys in Sirius's picture. But what really stung was that the apology was merely experimental. He wanted to see how the words sounded, how it felt to speak them. The truth, however, was that he no longer felt remorse. He felt nothing now… nothing but fear… fear for Lily… fear for Harry… fear for the entire world… but mostly… above all else… fear for just himself.

The mark on his arm began burning on a Monday afternoon. Halloween. Dread filled what was left of Peter's heart, but he could not ignore his master's call. The time had come at last.

**ooooooo**

"James, did you get the candy?" Lily called from the upstairs bedroom as the two of them prepared to celebrate Harry's second Halloween. As early as it yet was in the afternoon, festivities had already begun all throughout Godric's Hollow. The entire village looked orange, what with its innumerable leaves and pumpkins – though when Lily had been out earlier, she had also seen many black spiders decorating shop windows, as well as other colorful trappings that somehow reminded her of how much her parents had loved this particular holiday. It was never too early to start celebrating, the muggles here seemed to understand that, and Lily knew just how embarrassing it'd be to fall behind.

"No!" James yelled from the kitchen, where she knew he was carving sinister jack o'lanterns. Sighing, she picked Harry up off the bed and started downstairs. After pulling the pushchair out of the closet and strapping him in, she put on a black pea coat and dropped a black cashmere cap over her thick, flowing red hair.

"I'm gonna go pick some up!" she shouted, for what was Halloween without tasty treats? There would be kids stopping by later in the evening and she wanted to make absolutely sure they all got something to take home with them. "I've got Harry with me!" As soon as she heard her husband's acknowledgement, she pulled open the front door and set out. Passing by the gate, they strolled down the paved street towards the square, enjoying the beautiful weather while it lasted. The forecast had been predicting rain for the rest of the week and Lily hoped it didn't start tonight. What a way to spoil Halloween.

The sweetshop was across from the post office and it appeared Lily wasn't the only one picking up some last minute candy. The place was jam-packed and fitting Harry's pushchair in the narrow aisles was no easy task. After exchanging greetings with several of her neighbors – everyone was so friendly here – Lily purchased a few bags full of muggle candy – despite James's pleas that they enthrall "the little tykes" with "special goodies" delivered straight from Honeydukes. She couldn't help but roll her eyes at the thought.

The walk back home seemed to take much, much longer than the walk to the square had, for the moment Lily stepped out of the sweetshop, she felt a chill, as if someone was watching her. Glancing around, she could spot nothing, nothing whatsoever, that appeared even remotely out of place. Everyone she saw seemed to be going about their business as usual, pausing only to smile, greet, and chat with their friends. And yet… she could almost feel a pair of eyes fixed on her. It sent chills down her spine.

"Come on, Harry," she said, trying to ignore it. "Why don't we go get you dressed up?" It was just Halloween, she told herself as she rolled Harry's pushchair back towards the house. Halloween was meant to be creepy. That's all it was.

**ooooooo**

Eager to check in on Peter after his first week in hiding, Sirius flew his motorcycle into London, stashed it in a shabby looking, deserted alley under a Disillusionment Charm, and transfigured himself into a great, big, black dog. Trotting down several streets with his tongue lolling out, Sirius made his way to Number Twelve Grimmauld Place. It was Halloween. His mum should be at the Malfoy's with Kreacher, visiting her nieces, Bella and Cissy. Man, did Sirius hate those two broads!

Cautiously turning back into a man, so that he wouldn't be seen by anyone, he crept into his mum's house and glanced around. "Kreacher?" he called out, just to make sure he and Peter were alone. "Mum? It's your favorite, firstborn, disowned offspring! Are you home?" No response. Well, he thought to himself, that was definitely a good sign. Feeling incredibly optimistic, Sirius pranced up the stairs to his old bedroom. "Hey, Wormtail! Great news! We're still ten times smarter than the eaters of death! You'd think they'd have poisoned themselves by now, wouldn't you?"

Barging into the room at the top of the house, he stopped short upon discovering its vacancy. "Wormtail?" He was nowhere to be seen. Frowning, Sirius's gaze swept quickly over all his old belongings. Nothing looked out of place… and nothing looked broken. The Sneakoscope sat motionlessly on top of the dresser.

_"If_ _you get extra hungry, go ahead and scavenge around. You've got the place all to yourself when my mum goes out and even when she's in, feel free to transform and explore it all from a rodent's perspective."_ Remembering the advice he had given Peter only made Sirius groan. Great. If he was out and about, roaming around as a rat, it could take hours finding him in this forsaken place. He'd best get started.

Transfiguring himself back into a dog – because he knew Peter's smell and could track him faster that way – Sirius bounded out of the room and commenced a search.

**ooooooo**

Storming out of his office, where he had just arrived via the Floo Network, Severus marched up the cold, narrow stone steps that led to the Hogwarts Entrance Hall. Students were already pouring into it, heading for the Great Hall where a magnificent Halloween feast was waiting for them. Severus bulldozed his way through – luckily, most of the bloody teenagers were smart enough to get out of his path. He did not have time to be courteous.

Professor Dumbledore had taken his seat at the High Table and was presently chatting with McGonagall. Severus strode towards them without missing a beat and when they saw the expression on his typically indifferent face, they knew immediately something was wrong. "I need to talk to you," he informed the Headmaster, upon reaching him, who had risen to his feet in alarm. "It's urgent, sir." There were traces of sweat on his brow. He knew how disheveled he must look; McGonagall was staring up at him in open concern.

"This way, Severus," Professor Dumbledore gestured to the door directly behind his table, which led into a smaller antechamber, lined with portraits of various witches and wizards and lit by a blazing fire in an enormous fireplace. Once they were both inside, the Headmaster closed the door and turned to his Potions Master expectantly.

"The Dark Lord knows about the Potters," Severus began without preamble. "I just returned from one of his gatherings. He has a spy – the same spy who's been giving the Order so much trouble recently. I still have yet to hear his name or even see his face, but he told the Dark Lord he could give the boy up to him tonight. They both set off immediately, I assume to seek out Black." If they knew where to find Black, if they could coerce him into giving up the Potters, there would be nothing left to stop Voldemort from killing them all. If anything happened to Lily… "But that was hours ago, professor. Even after the Dark Lord left, the rest of us were still expected to carry out our duties. I was only just able to get away."

"Then he could already be at Godric's Hollow," Professor Dumbledore whispered, looking quite shaken. The implications of such a prospect were terrifying. Harry was too young to face Voldemort. He wouldn't stand a chance against the might of the dark wizard. "We must find Sirius. He's still the Potters' Secret-Keeper and without him, even knowing where to find their house won't be enough to save them now."

"If the Dark Lord has already interrogated Black, surely he will kill the man," Severus pointed out. "He's a powerful Legilimens, sir. He will know when Black has confessed the truth and after that, he'll have no reason to keep him alive."

Professor Dumbledore nodded. "Then we must pray Sirius has thus far managed to withstand the torture Voldemort will no doubt inflict upon him. Severus, contact the Order at once and organize a search and rescue. I will join you after speaking to Hagrid. Our only hope is to get to them before Voldemort breaks Sirius and obtains the information he desires."

**ooooooo**

"James, it's getting late," Lily noticed, glancing at the clock on the mantle. Most of the children out collecting candy had already come and gone and Harry, in his adorable little spider costume, was starting to look tired. "I think it's time to put him to bed."

"I'll do it!" he offered enthusiastically, tossing aside the lion mask he'd been wearing up until now. Swinging Harry into his arms, he ran towards the stairs. Lily watched him go, scoffing in disbelief. Somehow, she doubted very much he had any intentions of putting Harry to bed. Rather, he was probably in such a hurry to change him into his pajamas before bringing him back down here. After all, it was as much a treat for him as it was for Harry when the boy got to stay up past his bedtime.

Shaking her head with a sigh, Lily took off the black witch robes she had worn over a sleeveless, knee length, flowing white dress and draped them over the sofa. After checking her hair in the hallway mirror, she tossed aside her pointy hat and went to make two cups of hot chocolate in the kitchen. James returned right as she was finishing, dressed in jeans and a black T-shirt, carrying Harry on his shoulders, who was wearing his blue pajamas. Seeing them, Lily couldn't help but smile, though she did try very hard to sound stern. "You're supposed to be putting him to bed, James! He's tired!"

"He's in his PJ's, he's all set," James objected, pulling Harry off his shoulders and spinning him around the room. To his credit, instead of crying, Harry began to giggle. "You hear that?" James asked his wife with a sly grin. "Just five more minutes!"

"You are a terrible influence on him!" Lily carefully picked up both cups of hot chocolate and chased them to the living room.

**ooooooo**

Something was wrong. Sirius must have searched his mother's house up and down five times and there still wasn't any trace of Peter anywhere. Turning back into a man, he sat on the floor pensively for several minutes. Why was there no sign of Peter? Why was there no sign of a struggle? What the bloody hell was going on?

He couldn't have been discovered. If he had been, there'd be upturned furniture, possibly even blood, but there wasn't. But… he couldn't have just walked out. Why the hell would he? Unless…

Unless he'd been discovered days ago, in which case, Kreacher would've had plenty of time to clean the damn place up, no matter how great a battle there might've been – and considering it was just Peter, Sirius doubted very much the battle had been 'great,' or even 'impressive.'

Damn it. If Peter had been discovered, he was either dead or in Voldemort's hands, which meant James, Lily, and Harry were in danger. He had to get to Godric's Hollow. There might still be time.

Scrambling to his feet, Sirius dashed to the front of the house, threw open the door, and ran as quickly as he could down the street towards the alley where he'd left his motorcycle.

**ooooooo**

Taking off her sandals by the front door, Lily returned to the living room where James sat pitched forward in his armchair, aiming his wand at Harry, who looked back up at him from the floor. Both cups of hot chocolate sat on the coffee table, completely forgotten about as puffs of colorful smoke erupted from the tip of James's wand. Harry started laughing gleefully and was soon making several attempts to catch the smoke in his small hands. Needless to say, he no longer looked at all sleepy.

Lily shook her head. "You do know he'll be up all night now, don't you?"

"So?" James asked with a ready smile, though without turning his gaze away from his son. "It's Halloween! We're all just gonna have to get used to it."

The wind picked up outside. Lily could hear leaves dancing across both grass and pavement. It hadn't started raining yet, but the lights flickered and the room suddenly grew dim. Harry didn't notice, but James looked up with an impish grin. "Uh oh," he said playfully. "There could be ghosts…"

"You've been watching too much television," Lily criticized, despite the teensy little fact that they didn't actually have a television to begin with. Walking farther into the room, she stooped down and gracefully picked up her son, who stopped laughing in surprise. "Sorry, boys, but I have to put my foot down. It's bedtime." How much more difficult would this be when Harry got older? James snapped his fingers in disappointment and Lily, rolling her eyes, turned towards the hall.

The moment she stepped out of the living room, however, there was a blinding flash of light. Harry shrieked even as Lily clenched her eyes shut, instinctively turning her head. She heard the door blasting apart; several huge chunks of blistering wood flew in every direction, spraying the floor, the stairs, and even her back as she spun to shield her screaming child. "JAMES!" Disoriented, she stumbled and within half a second found herself on the floor, barely managing to keep Harry in her arms. Looking over her shoulder, she saw James running towards the hall.

_"Avada Kedavra!" _

Green light filled the entire hallway and even spilled into the living room and kitchen, where it could be seen reflecting off the walls. Lily heard James's yelp even over her own scream. He'd jumped backwards, barely evading the Killing Curse, almost crashing to the floor himself before hastily recovering. "Lily, get out of here! Take Harry and go! It's him!"

Voldemort laughed, a sound that made her blood run cold. It wasn't possible! Peter…

"Go!" James shouted, throwing his own curse at their assailant, which he immediately deflected, shattering the hallway mirror. Lily screamed as broken, fragmented pieces of glass sailed through the air before spilling across the floor. "Run!" She could hear her husband shouting, but couldn't bring herself to move. What was happening? Why? How? "Lily, go! I'll hold him off!"

"Will you?" Voldemort asked, his voice soft and deadly from beneath his black hood. He walked past Lily into the living room, as if he hadn't seen her or else didn't care about her, and she heard several more shouts and deafening crashes, which terrified Harry. His screams turned to wails and Lily, holding him tightly, clambered to her feet. She didn't have her wand… she'd left it in the kitchen, where she'd made hot chocolate… there wasn't enough time to get it… she had to get out of here… she had to protect Harry…

There came a hiss from the house's threshold. Heart hammering, Lily turned towards her only means of escape just in time to see Nagini, Voldemort's massive pet serpent, rising up in front of her, fangs bared, as if about to strike. Effectively trapped inside, she had no choice but to twist back around and scramble up the stairs. She was halfway up when the entire house shook violently enough for her to lose her balance again and fall forward. Clutching Harry tightly with one arm, she grabbed the railing to steady herself, trembling in fear.

A window broke, prompting her to climb the rest of the way up. Harry's nursery was to the far right and since James had left the door open, she could already see inside. Downstairs, she heard a terrible scream, which made her choke on her sobs. "J-j-ames…" Her vision grew so blurry, it became difficult make out any of her surroundings, but she somehow found her way into the nursery, where she carefully placed Harry in his crib.

There were footsteps on the stairs, quiet ones, barely perceptible ones, she wouldn't have heard them at all had her senses not heightened, unless, of course, she was imagining them. Nevertheless, she stumbled to the door, closed it, turned the lock, and leaned her back against it. "Everything's gonna be okay, Harry," she whispered through her tears and slowly the boy grew quiet. Grabbing the bars of his crib, he pulled himself upright and gazed across the room at her with puffy eyes… She forced herself to smile for his sake, but it was a weak, feeble attempt. How could she save him now? Wiping away her tears with the back of her arm, she met her son's gaze. "It'll be okay. I promise, it'll be okay." He had the most beautiful eyes she'd ever seen. Bright green… emerald… almond-shaped… They looked like hers, but there was no question they were meant for him.

The doorknob turned. He was coming! Desperate, Lily pushed all her weight against the door, using her back to keep it shut with everything she had. But in the end, it did no good. The door was forced open so violently she was thrown to the ground, where she landed hard on her hands and knees. Crawling forward, she reached for Harry's crib and used it as support to draw herself back up to her feet. Leaning heavily against it, already too worn, too weak to stand on her own, she turned to face her stalker. "James?"

Voldemort chuckled quietly beneath his hood. "Dead."

It felt like she'd been stabbed. "No…" Her voice shook. "I don't believe you."

"By all means," he said, clearly amused as he entered the room, taking a few steps to the right. He held out his arm, gesturing for her to go through the open door. "See for yourself."

She didn't move, but gazed longingly into the hall. _James…_ He was downstairs, all alone, she had left him… he had died alone and was even now lying down there all by himself. Her James, her husband, the love of her life… she had to go to him, she couldn't just leave him there, and yet… if she went… there would be no one left to stand between this monster and her baby boy. This was where she needed to be… right here… standing here… protecting Harry. "Please… not my son, not Harry, kill me instead!"

"Kill you?" he sneered at her maliciously. "No, my dear, sweet girl. I would never dream of killing you."

**ooooooo**

**A/N: **It's not over yet… please review… I appreciate it!


	146. Here I Stand

**ooooooo**

Ever since her father's death, Lily had been struggling to learn to stand without fear of the world in which she had unwittingly found herself. If she had known at eleven that this was where her life would take her, she would have had so much more to dread than merely becoming the freak Petunia had so often called her. But she had never seen this coming. There was so much she had never seen coming. First there was magic itself… then the war… then her parents' deaths… Charlie Pryce… Regulus… hating James… falling in love with James… leaving school… marrying… teaching… fighting… getting pregnant… prophecies… giving birth… starting a family… and now this…

_"Lily,"_ she could hear her father's voice. _"Learn to stand."_

But she could also hear Professor Dumbledore's. _"I do not want to see you lose your child, Lily. You already know how devastating it is losing parents. But for a mother… there is nothing worse than losing a son." _Voldemort was going to kill Harry, just like he'd killed James, but he wanted her to live. She didn't know why, but he wasn't going to kill her, either because he wanted to see her suffer or because he still intended to use her against Professor Dumbledore, to convince the world that love meant nothing. It didn't matter to her, it didn't make a difference whatsoever why he'd choose to spare her. The fact was if she outlived her family, it would assuredly drive her mad and she was helpless to stop it. She had no wand. She had no weapon. She had no advantage. She had already lost.

NO!

_"Lily," _her father's voice echoed insistently one last time in her ears. _"Learn to stand." _If she couldn't, then absolutely nothing she had seen, done, and undergone up until now would have meant anything at all. After all these years, if there was one thing she had learned, it was how to be brave. No matter what Voldemort took from her, she had to be brave. No wand, no weapon, no advantage, but she could still stand… she could stand here… between him and her son… and if she could do that, for Harry's sake, then all of it, absolutely all of it, since she was eleven years old and terrified of magic, would have been worth it. It all came down to this.

**ooooooo**

_Peter, what have you done? _Flying his motorcycle as fast as it would carry him, Sirius knew it would still take ages to reach Godric's Hollow, which gave him ample time to reflect on what might have happened. And the more he reflected, the more terrified he became. His plan had been flawless. No one would've ever dreamed that Peter could be Secret-Keeper, especially with Sirius himself as the popular choice. No one should've even been looking for Peter, much less at Grimmauld Place. All the git had to do was stay out of sight upstairs, which should've been easy for him, considering he could literally turn himself into a rat. So what went wrong?

He should've seen it before. Remus wasn't the one who'd lowered the defenses at the Potters' mansion, letting in about half a dozen Death Eaters. Greyback and that Amycus Carrow bloke had only suggested it was him in order to throw the rest of the group off the scent. The truth was it must've been Peter. Ever since they were kids, Peter had always liked knowing he had someone to protect him, and now, with the war going the way it was, who could protect him better than Lord Voldemort? No one had discovered the bastard at Grimmauld Place. He had willingly left Grimmauld Place to run to his latest master, betraying them all.

_It's all my fault!_ If only he hadn't convinced James to make Peter their Secret-Keeper… if only he'd followed Dumbledore's plan… if only they'd made Dumbledore himself Secret-Keeper… none of this would be happening. It was all his fault!

There was still time. He was almost there. If he could just get there in time, he knew everything would be all right. After everything they'd already been through, what was one more battle? They'd survive. They had to survive. There was still hope. There was still time. It wasn't over yet. Not tonight. They'd been through much worse than this before. It wasn't as bad as he thought. He was almost there. It was just a little bit farther.

**ooooooo**

"Stand aside, Lily," Voldemort commanded, his voice soft and triumphant. Nothing could stop him now. Potter was dead and the girl defenseless. She could either cooperate with him now or fight, she could either make this easy on herself or hard, but either way, her son would soon join his father, and then… then, he would reign supreme over the entire world, with no one left to threaten him, not even Albus Dumbledore. There was only one with the power to vanquish him and that one was about to be obliterated. His victory was so imminent he could almost taste it.

"Please!" Lily continued to plead with him, tears brightening her green eyes. Cowering before him, but still blocking her son completely from sight, she had never looked more like a little girl, vulnerable and terrified. "Not Harry! Take me instead!" He had every intention of taking her. Despite her helplessness, despite her distress, there was something radiant about her, some kind of energy sizzling in the air around her, that he did not recognize and could not identify. He had never felt anything like it before, which only reinforced his determination to take whatever measures were necessary to turn her against everything she presently believed in, to turn her against Dumbledore, and to win their argument once and for all. Lily would not die tonight and once he eliminated the threat her progeny posed, he would direct his attention on her own personal enlightenment.

"That's enough," he broke into her cries, aimed his wand, and flicked his wrist. The spell immediately and quite carelessly tossed Lily out of the way, as if she were a doll. Plowing heavily against the side wall, she groaned quietly, sinking to the floor, conscious, but clearly dazed. "Stay down," Voldemort advised her pitilessly. "There's a good girl." He turned towards Harry.

**ooooooo**

"This portkey will take you to Godric's Hollow," Professor Dumbledore quickly briefed Hagrid, standing in his hut beside the teakettle he had so recently altered into an unauthorized, magical mode of transportation. "I cannot say what you will find there, chances are you might not find anything at all. But the Potters' Secret-Keeper has been compromised, which puts them in extreme danger. Hagrid, listen to me, for this is very important. Nothing must happen to their son. Harry Potter is the only hope we have left. If you somehow manage to discover him, it can only mean the Fidelius Charm has broken and the worst has come to pass, in which case, you must take him and trust him with no one, absolutely no one, until you hear from me. Do you understand?"

"I understand, professor," Hagrid somberly assured the old, tired wizard. "Yeh can count on me." And without another word, he took the portkey in one of his enormous hands, clutching a pink umbrella tightly in the other. Within half a second he was gone, starting a journey to Dumbledore's hometown. God willing, he'd make it there in time.

**ooooooo**

_"Stay down… There's a good girl…"_

Lily could barely breathe, the wind had been knocked right out of her. She sat on the floor, leaning against the wall, dizzy, dazed, disoriented. The room was spinning, her ears were ringing, and Voldemort, though she could barely see him, was turning towards her son. Harry… precious Harry… she couldn't… she wouldn't… let anything happen to him. She was his mother… and only fools dared separating mothers from their babies.

Drawing on reserves of strength Voldemort had no idea she possessed, Lily pushed up off the wall, clambering back to her feet, and all but dove towards Harry's crib.

_"Avada Kedavra!"_

The words were out of Voldemort's mouth before he realized what was happening. Lily leapt in front of the Killing Curse, screaming as it struck her in the back, as her whole world turned green.

_"Everything's gonna be okay, Harry… It'll be okay… I promise, it'll be okay…"_

And then, everything was gone.

**ooooooo**

"What a waste." Voldemort stared down at Lily's body in disgust. She was lying bent on her side, clearly broken, and yet even then, there was something warm about her. She really would have been the perfect specimen, to prove Dumbledore wrong, and now she was dead. What an inexcusable, disappointing waste. Women. They were all the same.

"Now, Harry Potter," he said, approaching the crib where the child stood, clutching the bars with his small hands, staring up at him with eyes so like his mother's. "Shall I keep you from the orphanage? Take my word for it, boy, you wouldn't like it there. _Avada Kedavra._"

There was a flash of light, pulsating towards the green sparks of the Killing Curse. When they crashed against each other, there was a brilliant eruption and the next thing Voldemort knew, he was crumbling apart, crumbling to pieces, slowly breaking, bit by agonizing bit, until he was reduced to nothing more but a wretched mockery of his former self.

**ooooooo**

In the days, weeks, and even months that followed October 31, 1981, the wizarding world experienced one of the greatest upheavals it had ever known. After the initial celebrations directly following Voldemort's unexpected, unforeseen, extraordinary demise, during which owls flew in broad daylight while stars themselves seemed to fall from the heavens, a manhunt began for all those who had followed, supported, or pledged their allegiances to the despicable wizard. The war, it seemed, had yet to end, for there were those among the Death Eaters who remained faithful to the memory of their ruthless leader, and they were angry, furious by their loss, desperate, and as violent as ever. The Ministry of Magic and even the Order of the Phoenix continued to suffer heavy casualties as they dealt with the horrific aftermath, the most famous of cases being the capture and torture of Frank and Alice Longbottom by a band of Death Eaters, resulting in their eventual, long-term residence at St. Mungo's Hospital. Neville was to be raised by his grandmother.

Needless to say, much of the whole affair remained quite the mystery. Rubeus Hagrid arrived by portkey at Godric's Hollow, moments after the explosion. He had barely managed to pull the sole survivor, the boy who lived, Harry Potter, out of the wreckage when a distraught Sirius Black arrived by flying motorcycle on the scene.

Never in his entire life had Sirius ever felt more lost, more empty, more devoid. James was gone… his best friend, not to mention Lily, both gone, and it was his fault for trusting Peter, all his fault. What was the point? He had nothing left. First his brother and now James and Lily… Peter had betrayed them. Remus still felt betrayed by them. All his friends, in the blink of an eye, gone…

"Give me Harry, Hagrid," he asked the half-giant, who carried in his arms the only family, the only hope, he still possessed. "I'm his godfather, I'll look after him." But Hagrid refused. Apparently, he had come on Albus Dumbledore's orders and was strictly forbidden to part with the child. Sirius argued, pleaded, even begged Hagrid to let him at least hold the boy one last time, but how could he put into words the despair he felt? How could he express it? How could he possibly make Hagrid understand that he was slowly going mad and that the only living soul left with the power to save him now was being so heartlessly kept from him? He couldn't… Hagrid was unable to comprehend his turmoil… and so Sirius lent him his flying motorcycle and watched him take off with Harry in tow, wondering if he would ever see the boy again. "Damn you, Wormtail."

It took him little over twenty-four hours to track Peter Pettigrew down. The bloody rat had nowhere to go and no one to help him, for it was common knowledge among the Death Eaters that Voldemort's spy, whatever his name, whatever his face, must have double-crossed them. After all, why else would the Dark Lord have fallen? They so wanted to blame him for their master's defeat and Peter, fearing for his life, took shelter among muggles.

Sirius would kill him. It wouldn't bring James and Lily back, he knew that, and it wouldn't solve anything, it wouldn't make the world right or better, but he was crazed, slightly demented, and mad with grief. He must have looked like a monster to the muggles who saw him storming down their streets, wand in hand, out for one of his best friend's blood. And Peter was there waiting for him.

Peter had known Sirius would come. Ever since word spread of Voldemort's defeat, he had known the smarter, cleverer, by far more dangerous wizard would work out the truth and after the seven years he had spent with Sirius at Hogwarts, Peter could easily foresee the consequences of his traitorous actions. He had no one left to defend him, so… for the first time… he had to defend himself. He had long since past the point of guilt, remorse, and shame. After all, he'd already betrayed everyone he'd ever cared for and every belief he'd ever held fast to, and there was no more honor left in him. Once upon a time, back at school, Lily had assured him there was nothing he couldn't come back from; no matter what his mistakes were, he could always make amends. But now Lily was dead… and all his hopes died with her. He could never redeem himself, so why should he even bother trying?

Meeting Sirius in the middle of the muggle town's largest, busiest street, Peter immediately took the initiative. "Lily and James, Sirius! How could you?"

He never once saw it coming. Blinded by grief, anger, and hatred, he barely registered the fact that Peter had spoken at all, but then there was an explosion. The entire street blew apart, causing a minor earthquake. Sirius barely managed to take cover, but there were dozens of innocent, muggle bystanders who weren't as lucky. When the dust, smoke, ash, and debris finally settled, he found himself facing an enormous crater with bodies strewn about all over the place, some muggles dead, some muggles injured, and all the rest running for their lives in the midst of a full-blown panic.

For a moment, he literally could not move. Shock had set in and there was no sign of Peter whatsoever, aside from the heap of bloody robes and the one finger he had left behind. By now, the bastard could be anywhere, having no doubt transfigured himself into a rat and taken flight. Who knew how long it'd be before he could catch up with him again? "Damn you, Wormtail." And then he slipped into hysterics. The absurdity of it all, the absolute absurdity…

When one of the Magical Law Enforcement Squads and various members of the Department of Magical Catastrophes arrived on the scene, Sirius could not stop laughing. He couldn't cry… he couldn't scream… he couldn't even rampage… but he had to do something or suffocate, and in his madness, he found himself laughing. He didn't stop laughing until he was locked in Azkaban Prison, without a trial, surrounded by Dementors, and facing his first visitor.

When Remus had heard of James and Lily's deaths, his knees had buckled and he had collapsed to the ground with silent tears rolling down his face. A conversation he had had with Lily over two years ago, back when they had first joined the Order of the Phoenix, returned to him in his grief.

_"I'm selfish, Lily… if I lose you, James, Sirius, and Peter, who will I have left? That's my curse, you know? Wolves get packs, but werewolves get nothing. I don't want to have nothing, Lil. I don't want that to be my lot in life… after you, I've got nothing. I can't lose you, Lily. I can't."_

_"You haven't lost us yet, Remus. You haven't lost us and you're not going to. I promise you, you're not."_

But now he had, and what hurt the most was that he never even got the chance to say goodbye. James had written a letter to him, begging his forgiveness for turning against him the night of the fire. Remus, who had felt so betrayed, so hurt by James's accusations, would now never have the chance to make peace with him, to tell him it was okay, that he forgave him… and it felt like a weight had taken root in his stomach. Why had this happened? It didn't make any sense! Where had they gone wrong?

Determined to find out, he arranged a visit to Azkaban Prison with the help of Professor Dumbledore. Scared, terrified, with a heavy heart made only worse by the Dementors, Remus slowly walked towards his best friend's cell. There, he confronted Sirius, who had finally stopped laughing. "They're saying you were the spy. They're saying James made you Secret-Keeper, and you sold him, Lily, and Harry out to Voldemort. Hell, they're even saying Peter tracked you down and that you killed him, along with countless other muggles!"

"Is that what they're saying?" Sirius asked darkly, in a voice Remus did not recognize.

"Sirius, please!" he begged, wiping tears from his eyes. "Tell me what really happened! Tell me the truth! I can't believe what they're saying! I've been set up by Death Eaters, too, you know! I understand what it feels like to be framed! They're all dead, Sirius! James, Lily, Peter… They're gone, and you're the only friend I have left in the entire world, so please tell me they're all wrong and that you're innocent! I'll believe you, you know I will!"

"I killed them…" Sirius whispered numbly, to which Remus shook his head in denial.

"You didn't. I know you better than that. You couldn't have. You were their best friend."

"I killed them…" Sirius repeated, to Remus' dismay.

"No, you didn't!" he insisted, horrified.

"Yes, I did," the prisoner's voice amplified, suddenly reverberating with hatred – though Remus didn't know, couldn't possibly know, that it was a self-hatred and nothing else. "I killed them. I killed them! I KILLED THEM! I KILLED THEM!" Unable to bear listening to such a mantra any longer, Remus turned and fled, hastening back down the way he had come as quickly as he could. Sirius gasped, suddenly realizing, in a single moment's clarity, exactly what he must have sounded like. Jumping to his feet, he tried running after the only friend he had left, but the Dementors immediately swooped in and slammed the cell door in his face. Nevertheless, he pounded on it vehemently. "No! Remus, no! Wait! Come back! Remus, come back!" But it was too late. He was already too far gone to hear any of Sirius's pleas and he left Azkaban with a fractured heart.

How could he live? Lily… James… Peter… his best friends… all dead… and Sirius, the traitor, locked away for the rest of his life in a hellish prison that often drove its inmates mad… He was alone now, truly alone, trapped in a world that hated him for what he was. He had no one else to turn to and so he found himself running again… into the wild… where maybe he could escape from the countless memories that tortured him… and if he ran far enough… maybe he could prevent himself from ever growing close to anyone else again – including Harry – because all werewolves were cursed… and he didn't want to feel this kind of pain, or inflict it, ever again for as long as he lived.

Meanwhile, little Harry Potter was sent to stay with his aunt and uncle. Once Albus Dumbledore managed to fully grasp what had happened – that Lily had sacrificed her life for Harry's, immersing him in the wild, ancient magic she'd always been gifted with, so that her love, her infinite, unconditional, incalculable love protected him from Voldemort, causing the Killing Curse to rebound – he sent word to Hagrid, telling him to bring the boy to the Dursleys'. By living with his aunt, his only surviving blood relative, Harry would be safe from Voldemort when the wizard rose again – for there was no doubt in Dumbledore's mind that he would rise again. But as long as Harry lived where his mother's blood dwelled, thanks to her sacrifice, he would not be harmed.

Petunia, however, was not pleased. When she awoke on a Wednesday morning and went about her day business as usual caring for Dudley, only to hear Vernon curse as he ran out of the house at half past eight, she was not at all prepared for the surprise awaiting her. A baby boy with an odd, lightning shaped scar on his forehead, a scar that looked painfully new, had been left on their front doorstep. Vernon was, of course, outraged, but when Petunia read the letter that had been addressed to her – not to the Dursleys, but just to her – by Albus Dumbledore, whose name she immediately recognized, words could not describe the cyclone of emotions that welled up from the deepest reaches of her soul.

After all this time… She had always told Lily the magical world was dangerous! She had always told Lily to renounce it and come back home! For so long, she had _hated_ her sister, envied her, and even feared her, but it wasn't supposed to end like this. Now, she had to accept responsibility over little Harry Potter, to keep him alive, the letter said. Harry Potter… the boy whose survival had cost her sister's life… She couldn't help but abhor him for that and she was not the only one.

Standing in his office near the dungeons of an ancient castle, Hogwarts Castle, Severus allowed the darkness to wrap around him. He felt weak, he didn't know much longer he'd be able to support his own weight, he was trembling. How could Black have betrayed his friends? He had always known the man was capable of cruelty, but to turn against Potter? Not even Severus would have ever expected such a thing. And now Lily… whom he would have willingly given his life for… the only person in the world he would have given his life for… she was dead. All because of Harry Potter.

Why hadn't it been the Longbottom brat? It should have been the Longbottoms, not the Potters. When Severus overheard Trelawney's prophecy, he had assumed it meant the Longbottoms, for he hadn't known that Lily and James fit the profile, too. He hadn't wanted this. The Chosen One should not have been Harry, it should have been Neville. It should have been Neville! Damn them both.

The last time he had felt such despair, he had left the Dark Lord, he had joined Professor Dumbledore, and he had sworn to make amends, to try and become a wizard who could die with honor. But the despair he felt now… having failed Lily… it was so much worse.

"You know how and why she died," Dumbledore had told him hours ago, up in his office. "Make sure it was not in vain. Help me protect Lily's son."

He would. He hated the boy, quite possibly more than he had ever hated anyone else – including the boy's father – but what else could he do? The pain was too great… his heart was bleeding in a way no Healer could ever mend… If the Dark Lord returned, and Dumbledore seemed to think he would, Severus would personally see to it that no one, _no one_, hurt the boy Lily had sacrificed herself for. If she believed Harry was worth so much, no matter how he hated him, no matter how he blamed him, he would do whatever was necessary to keep him alive. And maybe that would be enough.

**ooooooo**

When Lily awoke, it took her a moment to recognize where she was. King's Cross Station, right between platforms nine and ten. The place was completely deserted, which, she thought, was something as a blessing, seeing as how she had no clothes. Eventually, however, her white dress appeared and she put it on quickly, all the while wondering what she was doing here and where she was supposed to go now.

"Well, fancy seeing you in a place like this."

Heart stopping, Lily spun around in astonishment. A teenage boy dressed in long, flowing green robes, bearing a striking resemblance to Sirius, was watching her with crossed arms and a smile. She hadn't seen him since he was twelve years old, but she recognized him immediately and nearly whooped for joy. "Regulus!" She ran to him and he caught her, swinging her around before setting her back down. To her surprise, there were actually tears in his eyes.

"I never got a chance to say goodbye," he apologized before she could speak another word. "The night I was expelled… I never got to say goodbye or even thank you. You have the strangest effect on people, Lily. You make them actually want to make something of themselves, something good, and I tried to do that. I really did. And I hope… I hope I was able to give something back to the world. I just wanted you to know."

She smiled, blinking past tears of her own. "I feel like I've always known, Regulus. I've always had faith in you." They embraced again and for several minutes they just stood there, holding onto each other with everything they had. James had always promised she'd find him again, somewhere out in the midst of all the world's chaos… She just hadn't expected it to be like this… but it was better… it was better than not finding him at all. "I'm sorry," she said after a moment, finally pulling back to glance one more time around the empty station. "What are we doing here?"

"Well," Regulus turned, gesturing towards the barrier between platforms nine and ten. "There's a train waiting, Lily. You can catch it if you want to."

She stared at him. "You mean… I can accept my death."

Regulus nodded gravely. "Don't fear it, Lily. It's actually better than it sounds. It's even trying to reassure you!"

"Reassure me?"

He smiled, as if amused. "Well, just look at this place! Not everyone wakes up at King's Cross, you know, especially right off platform nine and three-quarters. You remember what you told me about the first time you boarded the Hogwarts Express?" Lily remembered all too well, back when she feared magic, feared where she was going, and feared what she was becoming. "You were scared then, too, but you still went. Do you regret it?"

"No," she answered honestly. "I don't regret any of it… and I wouldn't change it for the world."

"Exactly!" Regulus looked pleased. "That's why it brought you here. It's trying to show you: you won't regret this, either."

She had absolutely no idea what to make of him and couldn't help but feel slightly exasperated. "What do you mean: 'it'?"

"It," Regulus said mysteriously, with a sly grin, "is something I can't tell you, in case you do decide to go back."

"As a ghost?" The question didn't need to be answered, but he nodded anyway. She hesitated, pondering all that she'd been told, as well as everything she'd been through up 'til now. Every time she'd ever boarded the Hogwarts Express, in spite of her fears, she had left her sister behind, and she knew, deep down, Petunia had yet to recover from that. And what about Harry? What about Remus? Sirius? And even Peter? She glanced over her shoulder, towards the world she'd left behind. "Will they be okay without me?"

"It's hard to say," Regulus admitted, taking her hand and squeezing it comfortingly. "But really, truthfully, the ones you love the most, they won't ever be without you. Your son… you'll get to be with him, closer than you were before."

"Really?" Lily smiled; it was a pleasant thought. She glanced sideways at Regulus. "Have you any idea just how close I already was to him?" Harry… Harry James Potter… Somehow, she'd managed to protect him. Somehow, her gift had been stronger than the darkest magic the world had ever known. Harry was safe now… and he'd grow up to be brave, strong, smart, and resilient… just like his father. She didn't have to fear for him. He was James's son.

"Are you ready?" Regulus asked and she nodded, turning towards the barrier. "James is on the other side. He's waiting for you. And, when you catch the train, it'll carry you to where your parents are."

Lily almost cried and she almost laughed. James… and her mum and dad… She wanted to see them all again, she loved them so, so much… but especially James. Her heart still belonged to him.

"Let's go," she said. Regulus beamed and together, they walked towards platform nine and three-quarters, ready to embark on a brand new journey.

**ooooooo**

**A/N: **I apologize, everyone, for not drawing it out to 150 chapters as so many of you requested. It makes my day just knowing you wanted more, but I really needed to finish it. Please understand, I've been working on it for over a year, and the word count makes it almost as long as the first five Harry Potter books combined. That's pretty hard to do. There were times when I never thought I was going to finish it, but here it is. Thank you all so much for your support. Trust me, I never would've made it here without you. Oh yeah… Don't forget to review, one last time. You have no idea how much I appreciate it.


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